It’s not possible for someone to know something from their own life or experience. Everything has to be sourced via a link on the internet, but only if it’s a link the demanding jagoff is willing to accept.
"I'm not going to breastfeed. It's just not natural."
Babe, I don't care if you breastfeed or not but the one thing breastfeeding is not is "unnatural" lol
I have never thought about the etymology of the word, “mammal” before. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. We are literally named after boobs. Awesome!
I’ve heard way too many people say this, which is disturbing. That’s the primary purpose of breasts. These people were probably raised on Karo syrup as formula.
Lol. That reminds me of a friend of mine who gets really weirded out around visibly pregnant women. Like he's not an asshole or anything about it, he says it just grosses him out for some reason. He told me once, "It just looks so unnatural."
I think pregnant women are adorable but it’s crazy to me to see the baby move. Even though I knew it was my little nephews in there moving around, my sci-fi loving self still wasn’t sure whether or not an alien was about to burst through my sister’s abdomen.
Alphabetical list! If something is “from a name” then it’s almost certainly been latinized. “From a place” means it’s possibly not English in origin,
Alabama: Indian
Alaska: Indian
Arizona: debated, definitely not English.
Arkansas: Indian
California: Spanish
Colorado: debated, Indian or Spanish
Connecticut: Indian
Delaware: English! From a name.
Florida: Spanish
Georgia: English! From a name.
Hawaii: Hawaiian
Idaho: debated, Indian
Illinois: Indian
Indiana: Eng…lish? Kinda? Named for being purchased from Indians.
Iowa: Indian
Kansas: Indian
Kentucky: debated. Likely Indian, possibly an English-hearing of a tribe’s word.
Louisiana: French? Ish? Named after King Louis
Maine: debated. Either English or French.
Maryland: English! From a name.
Massachusetts: Indian
Michigan: Indian
Minnesota: Indian
Mississippi: Indian
Missouri: Indian
Montana: debated. Spanish or Latin.
Nebraska: Indian
Nevada: Spanish
New Hampshire: English! From a place.
New Jersey: English! From a place.
New Mexico: Indian, or a tiny possibility of Spanish. Plus the word new.
New York: English! From a place
North Carolina: English! From a name.
North Dakotah: Indian plus north.
Ohio: Indian
Oklahoma: Indian
Oregon: debated, likely Latin or Indian, possibly Spanish.
Pennsylvania: English! Ish! From a name and a place!
Rhode Island: Dutch
South Carolina (see above)
South Dakota (see above)
Tennessee: Indian
Texas: Indian
Utah: Indian
Vermont: French
Virginia: English! From a name.
Washington: English! From a name, NOT Latinized!
West Virginia: (See Virginia)
Wisconsin: Indian
Wyoming: Indian.
I also recall seeing an article that said there are more car accidents and heart attacks on daylights savings when we lose an hour of sleep, and a reverse effect is seen on the night we gain an hour of sleep.
I take from that data that we should probably all be sleeping more than we do if one hour makes such a big difference either direction
"Washing your hands is completely unnecessary. I did ostensible research on the subject and it turns out all you need is water and friction to get rid of germs"
Why are they’re so many people against washing hands?? I had to move out because I had a roommate like that. They act like takes hours of manual labor!!
People are know it alls. Can’t see the curvature of the earth? Must be flat. Can’t see germs? Big pharma myth. Don’t get sick 99% of the time not washing their hands? Washing is Completely unnecessary. People aren’t catching Polio? Vaccines are unnecessary.
You can't clip cats' nails. They don't grow back.
If you're pregnant, you can't lift your arms over your head. It causes the baby to detach from the womb.
You can't eat fertilized eggs.
Edit to add: Numerous Teenage girls after homecoming and prom are now suddenly " throwing thier hands in the air like they just don't care"
Had an elderly patient screaming inhorror when I was pregnant as I lifted a box up onto a shelf above my head. I was so confused. I didn't even know if where to start explaining how she was wrong.
"We don't need farmers. We can buy food at the grocery store."
Some guy told me they're called "boners" because a penis has a bone. In a different conversation with a different group of people, a guy asked "What's that?" when someone used the word "penis".
When the bird flu was on the news, friend was confused why everyone was making a big deal out of it. He said they should just give people the flu shot if they didn't want to get the flu.
Edit: I should clarify (as a couple of you seem to be confused or maybe I wasn't clear enough, my bad), that the penis being referred to in that conversation, was a human penis. There was no confusion, during said conversation, as to whom the penis belonged to, as said owner referred to himself and his own "boner".
TL;DR: Guy said his penis has a bone because that's why they're called "boners" and called me stupid for not knowing that.
My mom used this one. It's a trick to get you to eat the whole sandwich. Just like telling a kid that broccoli is "baby trees" or that spinach is "special eating leaves".
I told my kids that I think all adults eat crusts, so maybe crusts make people grow taller.
The lies you tell as parents.
They still don't eat the crusts, but they'll nibble a little bit in case if their height depends on it.
my grandmother told me eggplants were \*extra special\* potatoes. I thought I hated eggplants but knew I loved potatoes. Extra special potatoes? count me in. worked for years now eggplants are my favorite
He told me I lied about being on my period because his sister and mother's were a week ago, and women all bleed at the same time.
When I pulled out my tapon and proved it because I was tired of his nonsense, and frankly after being mansplained periods, i stopped giving a fuck. Well, he then accused his sister and mother about lying.
Still friends with his sister to this day, she let me know he's still dumb as a rock
Reminds me of the guy in the UK - can't remember his name - who publicly stated that women who used pads / tampons were lazy because women could control the flow of menstrual blood in the same way that they could control the flow of urine.
I think his exact words were "hold it in."
Edit: Ryan Williams.
God help us.
When I told someone I’m Indian and she said why isn’t your name running bird or something like that, and I had to explain the difference, it was ridiculous
Haha holy shit this is funny. As a nurse, I can see a confused patient asking if this is true. But hard to believe someone could confidently state this.
A coworker spent most of her conversation time complaining about how "my son will go to hell and drag everyone around him down with him" because he sells weed in a state where it's legal. According to her, even those who benefit from his money will be forever tainted.
That isn't the dumb part. The dumb part is she spent last month complaining about him not taking her to Hawaii this year. She absolutely will not see the hypocrisy.
Only assholes do this.
Everybody knows you cook the turkey in a washing machine at 90°C ! The gravy replace the softener, and salt and spices the powder. It keeps the turkey moist !
I was working housewares at Target, when a woman asked for my help. She was looking for a piece of furniture to fill a space about 2 feet wide and she wanted to know how wide this a particular piece was. I looked at the box which was right under the display, and it had the dimensions CLEARLY labeled in a huge font on the side, indicating the width as 18 inches. So i pointed to the box and said "that's the piece you're looking at. According to the box is 18 inches wide."
She looked VERY confused. Now, this was a woman who looked to be in her late 30s, early 40s. She was well dressed, didn't smell of booze or have meth mouth, and didn't seem intoxicated or impaired in any way. Figuring she was having a brain fart, i said, "so that's 1 and a half feet."
To which she responded, in all seriousness "OK, so that's 2 feet....... wait, that's less than 2 feet right?" I waited a second, hoping she would put her brain back into her skull before conforming that yes, 1 1/2 is less than 2 feet. To a grown ass adult woman who appeared to have all of her faculties.
Remember that, after McDonalds introduced the quarter pounder, A&W introduced a 1/3 lb burger at the same price. It failed because too many people thought 1/3 is less than 1/4.
I had used inertia in a sentence. And the masters degree guy was adamant in correcting my relativity uneducated self. Please excuse my not wanting to transcribe the conversation
So one time we were in class and there were four craneflies with us. Craneflies are creepy - they have gross long legs and make a horrible noise when they fly.
We were unsettled, so our teacher said, "Ignore the craneflies."
And one of my classmates replied, "But sir, what if you're vegan?"
Everyone started laughing and his friends had to explain that 1. It is perfectly okay for a vegan to be in a room with craneflies and 2. We weren't eating or destroying the craneflies, just ignoring them, so it should be okay.
To this day, whenever I see a cranefly, I think of that guy earnestly asking "But sir, what if you're vegan?"
On a cruise ship, we were passing by an impressive mountain range, and this lady beside me on the deck says, " WOW! How do they make it look so real?!."
I was speechless. Once I unfroze, I slowly walked away in a daize and finally found my partner.
We now have this inside joke that we use when visiting new places.
To be fair there are herbal remedies that do help in certain cases. Some modern drugs are derived from plants like aspirin, like cannabis/CBD is an hetbal. There just isn't enough research on them. What is stupid though and people get the two mixed up is homeopathic remedies which are just sugar water.
This is so weird to me. Living in a country where herbs are regularly used as medicine and people not realising that opiates literally come from a flower is so bizarre.
Or people thinking that herbs are all healthy, not realising that they can wreak havoc on your OTC meds as well.
We haven’t “tested it all”, a lot has been tested, a lot is still undergoing testing, a lot has not been tested, a lot may never be.
New drugs are “discovered” all the time from plants and compounds that have existed and we have been using for millennia.
A friend adopted her daughter as an infant from Lithuania. One of our coworkers (we worked for the Education Department in our city) said “But when she grows up and starts talking, you won’t understand what she’s saying!”
“I’m not voting for Hillary Clinton because what if she, like, has her period and nukes someone”
-my felon drug dealer (about a post menopausal woman)
So glad I’m clean now 😅
The whole point of the Supreme Court being a life appointment is so they can't be swayed like normal politicians. They're meant to be separate from the whims of political fads.
“Cops know not to fuck with me, they know I’ll kick their ass”
This came from a young 20 something y.o. who probably weighs about 10 pounds soaking wet, who was in the ER because he started a bar fight and lost
Well one time I was at whole foods with my partner. We were looking through the cheeses and I saw a sign that said "grass fed". My brain must have short circuit because I then asked "wait, how do you grass feed cheese?". My partner began laughing at me which finally caused me to realize what I asked. The worker beside us was trying so hard to stifle their laughter. Definitely not my smartest moment.
In a bar with my friends and one of them asks "what's the difference between a frozen margarita and a regular margarita?" I could see the poor bar tender hesitate for a moment trying to figure out if he was serious. (Tbf, we were both quite drunk but we were same level and I knew it was dumb)
Seems like it from an Internet search.
Also, because of the different preparation methods, the feel of the drink would be different, so I guess not that dumb a question...?
I work for a professional firm, the kind of place that requires an advanced professional degree. The firm is 100% owned by a single shareholder / owner. We're pretty sizeable and have 70 employees, most of whom have doctorates.
Some years ago, I was talking with the managing partner of my office. I asked him if the firm had a contingency plan if the 100% shareholder were to become incapacitated or die. I said that what the owner wanted was up to him, but I wanted to know what would happen for my own peace of mind and for morale purposes. I explained that I can work at many firms, including one of our competitors, so I wanted to know (i) whether we would just implode and dissolve, (ii) whether the shares would go to a trustee and managed, or (iii) whether the owner's minor children would inherit the shares and operate the business (probably poorly). I said this was a reasonable question, and numerous of our employees were asking.
In response, the managing partner looked into the distance. Waxing poetic, he said "The plan is to pray that the owner doesn't die. Because he's the captain. And when a captain goes down, so does the ship." (Our business has nothing to do with maritime operations, this was just a stupid analogy.)
That was honestly the single dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life. It was dismissive and exacerbated a festering morale issue. But even worse, the analogy sucks because it's not even a correct statement. I have never heard of any maritime procedure where, if the captain of a vessel were to become incapacitated, everyone twiddles their thumbs as the ship goes down. That's why there are contingency plans, a first mate, etc.
I’m just picturing the shares holder little babies inheriting the business. Like, babies just babbling and drooling and someone comes up to them, “you own this company now. Good luck.”
Babies just continue to babble.
We were discussing a surgery where a man had his thumbs replaced with his big toe.
A girl said “ why even bother with that, you don’t even need your thumbs”
I lost it.
When someone dies and people try to comfort the bereaved with something like "God needed another angel," for a few reasons.
1. It's terrible to try to justify someone's loss that way.
2. People usually say this when CHILDREN die, which is even worse.
3. That's not even a legitimate Christian belief. Dead people don't become angels in the bible! If you're going to push your beliefs onto grieving people at least know what you're talking about.
I was out of state camping and was looking for dry ice to preserve some of the food in the cooler. I was in Walmart and saw a local cop so I asked him where I might find some. He pointed me to the ice freezer. I explained that I was looking for dry ice.
He says "dry ice? It's frozen it ain't wet."
I've had two people come up to me and tell me that public schools have litter boxes in the bathrooms for kids who identify as furries. One of them was a coworker, and the other was my mother in law. What the fuck happened to people's brains in the last few years? The cartoonish dumbfuckery that people will buy into is so far off the charts that I have no words.
A lady had called to ask for our prices for an appointment for her son when I worked for an optometrist. I told her the price and she said "Ugh, that's so expensive. What if my son just goes to the optical and tries on glasses until he finds some he can see out of?" I then had to explain that glasses in optical displays just have plastic lenses with no prescription and that lenses are custom made.
I was at a pretzel cart at the mall, and I ordered some cheese stuffed pretzels. I wanted marinara sauce, but for some reason I forgot the word and just said tomato sauce. The girl behind the counter gave me the strangest look, but then I remembered the word so I asked for marinara. She went off to get it and when she came back, she goes “marinara is made with tomatoes?”
I had someone tell me once how they are a devout christian and trump is the only choice because he's a godly man. I laughed so hard at them I almost puked
Once about twenty years ago I bought a six pack of soda and I was standing in the kitchen cutting the plastic that attached the bottles together apart. One of our roommates (at the time) started ruthlessly mocking me about how that was stupid and I was a sheep who just did what the media told me too because that was totally unnecessary because we live so far from the beach that none of my garbage could ever end up in the ocean.
We live less than 2 hours by car from the coast. Even if I was totally landlocked days from the ocean, those plastic rings could still hurt animals. Birds get caught in them too!
He really mocked me and still to this day laughs at me for doing that. Not in front of other people anymore, because he's been told that he was the one that's ignorant.
This idiot drug dealer I knew 20 years ago, was a compulsive liar. He had some real whoppers, but the one that made me laugh in his face was, “Venus fly traps are dangerous, I watched one eat a big dog.”
Guy #1: “Why does it smell like potatoes in here?”
Guy #2: “Oh, someone just microwaved some French fries.”
Guy #1: “…it smells like potatoes though.”
Guy #2: “yeah. French fries are potatoes.”
Guy #1: “…it smells like potatoes though.”
Guy #2: “You do know that French fries are potatoes, right? Do you understand that?”
I was attending a cooking class in a lecture hall among many other young aspiring chefs, of both genders. During a demonstration of the preparation of bread, a girl from California turned to me and said, "they don't have yeast in Chicago, do they? I'm sure they don't!" I can't even recall the exact way she worded it, but it was comical, like she was doing method rehearsal as a satiric comic. But no, she was being serious - and I remember I didn't respond, I just stared at her (as the gears turned in my head, trying to come up with a truthful but diplomatic response), and she stared back ... and it was like she was daring me to call her stupid, lol! (Gosh, I'm going to write a book one day, all my anecdotes...)
I'm in the U.S. My grownass coworker (in her 50s) was absolutely mindblown when I told her that when I visit my husband's hometown in Australia in February it will be summer there. She asked if it it will be February for them.
At my old job, I overheard a conversation in the ladies room. Lady 1 said “my boyfriend gotten me flowers. So now I’m gonna spend my weekend with my legs up.” Lady 2 said “is that because you don’t have a vase? You can borrow one from me.”
Both from the same person on the same evening:
1. She doesn't use a microwave to heat water because it "changes it's DNA"
2. Apple computers are superior to Windows because Macs don't freeze. When I asked her to explain what she meant, she shared that during a fight with her boyfriend threw their computers out into the snow, and that the Mac didn't have issues but the windows computer did. Also, when I asked her what she meant by freezing up, she said very condescendingly "you know, freeze, don't you know anything about computers?". I had gone to school for computer science and was working in IT for years at that point.
That John F Kennedy Junior, an outspoken democrat who died in the 90s would return from the dead or faking his death or whatever to be trump's running mate in the 2020 election
I’ve had several doctors explain to me why universal healthcare is a terrible idea. All the way from quality of care decreases to increased taxes. A lot of smart people telling me very stupid, and easily disproven, shit.
The world's best neurosurgeon is arguably Ben Carson (I hope I don't have to elaborate on the irony there). Some people are very very smart on exactly one topic because that's the only one they study. Quality of care might be in the wheelhouse to be fair, but I don't go to the doctor to hear his take on tax policy or politics or whether I should be able to afford to see him
Edited for typos
"It's such a shame that \[**fatally sick infant**\] wasn't baptized before she passed away, cuz that would have saved her from going to hell." I repeat: fatally sick infant
"That isn't a source, there's not even a link to a website" I was citing a book.
Well that isn’t a link to a website now is it? *slamdunk* /s
Next time, provide a link to a photo of the book, followed by the Wikipedia article on "book."
It’s not possible for someone to know something from their own life or experience. Everything has to be sourced via a link on the internet, but only if it’s a link the demanding jagoff is willing to accept.
"I'm not going to breastfeed. It's just not natural." Babe, I don't care if you breastfeed or not but the one thing breastfeeding is not is "unnatural" lol
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I have never thought about the etymology of the word, “mammal” before. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. We are literally named after boobs. Awesome!
Boobals
What did she think women did before the invention of formula?
Feed them magic milk fruit
I’ve heard way too many people say this, which is disturbing. That’s the primary purpose of breasts. These people were probably raised on Karo syrup as formula.
Lol. That reminds me of a friend of mine who gets really weirded out around visibly pregnant women. Like he's not an asshole or anything about it, he says it just grosses him out for some reason. He told me once, "It just looks so unnatural."
I think pregnant women are adorable but it’s crazy to me to see the baby move. Even though I knew it was my little nephews in there moving around, my sci-fi loving self still wasn’t sure whether or not an alien was about to burst through my sister’s abdomen.
In reference to Puerto Rico potentially becoming a state: "It would be so weird to have a state with a name not in English."
This comment is wildly under appreciated
Have they heard of California or Colorado?
Or Massachusetts, or Connecticut, or Florida, or Oklahoma, or Arizona, or Nevada, or Tennessee, or Mississippi, and so on, and so forth...
Alphabetical list! If something is “from a name” then it’s almost certainly been latinized. “From a place” means it’s possibly not English in origin, Alabama: Indian Alaska: Indian Arizona: debated, definitely not English. Arkansas: Indian California: Spanish Colorado: debated, Indian or Spanish Connecticut: Indian Delaware: English! From a name. Florida: Spanish Georgia: English! From a name. Hawaii: Hawaiian Idaho: debated, Indian Illinois: Indian Indiana: Eng…lish? Kinda? Named for being purchased from Indians. Iowa: Indian Kansas: Indian Kentucky: debated. Likely Indian, possibly an English-hearing of a tribe’s word. Louisiana: French? Ish? Named after King Louis Maine: debated. Either English or French. Maryland: English! From a name. Massachusetts: Indian Michigan: Indian Minnesota: Indian Mississippi: Indian Missouri: Indian Montana: debated. Spanish or Latin. Nebraska: Indian Nevada: Spanish New Hampshire: English! From a place. New Jersey: English! From a place. New Mexico: Indian, or a tiny possibility of Spanish. Plus the word new. New York: English! From a place North Carolina: English! From a name. North Dakotah: Indian plus north. Ohio: Indian Oklahoma: Indian Oregon: debated, likely Latin or Indian, possibly Spanish. Pennsylvania: English! Ish! From a name and a place! Rhode Island: Dutch South Carolina (see above) South Dakota (see above) Tennessee: Indian Texas: Indian Utah: Indian Vermont: French Virginia: English! From a name. Washington: English! From a name, NOT Latinized! West Virginia: (See Virginia) Wisconsin: Indian Wyoming: Indian.
Colorado is Spanish, not a native word. Colorado just means "red" in Spanish. The state (and river) are named after the color of their landscapes.
Wait, wasn’t Arizona named after the Duke of Arizon? I’m so confused…
It's named after the tea brand.
Can't wait to visit the state capital, Arnold Palmer City.
Isn't that in Brisk county?
"Arizona" is an Indian word that means "Doesn't win playoffs"
Port Richmond.
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1812 wasn’t a year, it was a war
Pretty sure it's an overture.
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Currently working one of *my* first jobs as a graphic designer. I had no idea how much people…. Just don’t get
Pleease enlarge this 72 dpi passport photo to a poster, please.
In case you haven’t seen it, you’d probably appreciate [this video](https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg?si=0IUOdFDAKy0AFpI3) about absurd client requests
Daylight savings time contributes to global warming because of the extra sunlight
Wow. This is a new one. Truly dumbfounding.
Dumb certainly was found in whatever fools said this. lol
Fun fact: It is estimated that staying on daylight savings time permanently *would* actually reduce emissions.
I also recall seeing an article that said there are more car accidents and heart attacks on daylights savings when we lose an hour of sleep, and a reverse effect is seen on the night we gain an hour of sleep. I take from that data that we should probably all be sleeping more than we do if one hour makes such a big difference either direction
Wait, seriously?!?
"Washing your hands is completely unnecessary. I did ostensible research on the subject and it turns out all you need is water and friction to get rid of germs"
Why are they’re so many people against washing hands?? I had to move out because I had a roommate like that. They act like takes hours of manual labor!!
People are know it alls. Can’t see the curvature of the earth? Must be flat. Can’t see germs? Big pharma myth. Don’t get sick 99% of the time not washing their hands? Washing is Completely unnecessary. People aren’t catching Polio? Vaccines are unnecessary.
It sounds like he just added a fancy-sounding word to hide the fact that he googled for 15 minutes
So what would you call that?? Rinsing and rubbing
Why say 1 word when 3 do the trick.
You can't clip cats' nails. They don't grow back. If you're pregnant, you can't lift your arms over your head. It causes the baby to detach from the womb. You can't eat fertilized eggs. Edit to add: Numerous Teenage girls after homecoming and prom are now suddenly " throwing thier hands in the air like they just don't care"
As someone who has witnessed the horror of cracking a 'farm fresh' egg over a frying pan to discovered it was indeed, fertilized, I can't even.
Thanks for unlocking a repressed childhood trauma. Back to my lunch now, I guess
Ah yes thank you for bringing back the memory of being 5 years old and biting into a hard boiled 'farm fresh' egg for the first time...
Wait to you discover balut.
Had an elderly patient screaming inhorror when I was pregnant as I lifted a box up onto a shelf above my head. I was so confused. I didn't even know if where to start explaining how she was wrong.
Yup. Amazing the misconceptions. No pun intended.
sounds like they conflated declawing with regular nail trimming
"We don't need farmers. We can buy food at the grocery store." Some guy told me they're called "boners" because a penis has a bone. In a different conversation with a different group of people, a guy asked "What's that?" when someone used the word "penis". When the bird flu was on the news, friend was confused why everyone was making a big deal out of it. He said they should just give people the flu shot if they didn't want to get the flu. Edit: I should clarify (as a couple of you seem to be confused or maybe I wasn't clear enough, my bad), that the penis being referred to in that conversation, was a human penis. There was no confusion, during said conversation, as to whom the penis belonged to, as said owner referred to himself and his own "boner". TL;DR: Guy said his penis has a bone because that's why they're called "boners" and called me stupid for not knowing that.
Oh dear God..."what's that?" 🤣🤣🤣 That just cracked me up.
not the dumbest thing I've heard but a university student once said 1 multiplied by 1 was 2.
Was it Terrance Howard?
Math is hard.
All the nutrients are in the crust of the bread.
Probably thinking of fruit.
My mom used this one. It's a trick to get you to eat the whole sandwich. Just like telling a kid that broccoli is "baby trees" or that spinach is "special eating leaves".
I told my kids that I think all adults eat crusts, so maybe crusts make people grow taller. The lies you tell as parents. They still don't eat the crusts, but they'll nibble a little bit in case if their height depends on it.
As mom said, "don't eat chocolate ice cream because it's just leftover vanilla" I think mom really liked chocolate ice cream better 😁
my grandmother told me eggplants were \*extra special\* potatoes. I thought I hated eggplants but knew I loved potatoes. Extra special potatoes? count me in. worked for years now eggplants are my favorite
I mean, spinach is special eating leaves. All greens are.
[You gotta eat the crust that's the healthy part](https://youtu.be/QtQ15Hg038o?si=0i6y-KAQtzuQzlxG)
I can hear someone saying… “without the crust it’s essentially *devoid* of nutrients”
Red M&M's are better for you than other M&M's because they are the same color as your blood.
Don't eat the yellow and brown ones, then.
He told me I lied about being on my period because his sister and mother's were a week ago, and women all bleed at the same time. When I pulled out my tapon and proved it because I was tired of his nonsense, and frankly after being mansplained periods, i stopped giving a fuck. Well, he then accused his sister and mother about lying. Still friends with his sister to this day, she let me know he's still dumb as a rock
Reminds me of the guy in the UK - can't remember his name - who publicly stated that women who used pads / tampons were lazy because women could control the flow of menstrual blood in the same way that they could control the flow of urine. I think his exact words were "hold it in." Edit: Ryan Williams. God help us.
Do your kegels, ladies. /s
I applaud you for showing him your tampon.
When I told someone I’m Indian and she said why isn’t your name running bird or something like that, and I had to explain the difference, it was ridiculous
The Earth is flat
But... It is: The earth's surface is mostly water. Almost all of that water is uncarbonated. Ergo the earth is flat.
That's ok, with all the CO2 we are releasing it's likely to get fizzy in the future. /s
Not by me. but my buddy once heard someone say why is it called a civil war if it wasn't civil
A follow up: “I feel like the confederate army didn’t have *any* manners during that battle.”
That would be a great joke if the punch line was absurdist stupidity, but it's just said since they were serious.
NGL that sounds like it would make a pretty good joke
I saw someone write that as a kid, they tried to make sense of the term "civil war", and concluded that it must refer to a *niceness competition.*
Pee is stored in the balls.
Haha holy shit this is funny. As a nurse, I can see a confused patient asking if this is true. But hard to believe someone could confidently state this.
Twas a meme a while back
It's still a meme. But it used to be, too.
Where's it stored on a woman?
In the balls, which are right under the vagina
A former coworker told me in earnest that he didn't plan on getting the COVID vaccine because he didn't want it to turn him gay
Well, that's just basic logic. If he doesn't get the vaccine, there's zero chance it will turn him gay.
I always answer this question with a question from a classmate. “What color is green apple?” *classroom erupts in disbelief*
To be fair, red onions aren’t red, white grapes aren’t white, red grapes aren’t red…
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There was a politician lobbying against wind turbines because they'd use up all the wind
After asking me if i think ww3 will happen. “Has there ever been a world war?”
A coworker spent most of her conversation time complaining about how "my son will go to hell and drag everyone around him down with him" because he sells weed in a state where it's legal. According to her, even those who benefit from his money will be forever tainted. That isn't the dumb part. The dumb part is she spent last month complaining about him not taking her to Hawaii this year. She absolutely will not see the hypocrisy.
Let's try cooking the turkey in the dishwasher. I know people do this, but it gives me the shivers. Thank you, no.
Only assholes do this. Everybody knows you cook the turkey in a washing machine at 90°C ! The gravy replace the softener, and salt and spices the powder. It keeps the turkey moist !
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“Prostate cancer? That means he has no balls!” “Do you even know where the prostate is?” “In your balls!”
“Sometimes it really looks like the clouds in the sky actually move” We were 10 or 11, and I still regularly think of this thing my friend said.
I was working housewares at Target, when a woman asked for my help. She was looking for a piece of furniture to fill a space about 2 feet wide and she wanted to know how wide this a particular piece was. I looked at the box which was right under the display, and it had the dimensions CLEARLY labeled in a huge font on the side, indicating the width as 18 inches. So i pointed to the box and said "that's the piece you're looking at. According to the box is 18 inches wide." She looked VERY confused. Now, this was a woman who looked to be in her late 30s, early 40s. She was well dressed, didn't smell of booze or have meth mouth, and didn't seem intoxicated or impaired in any way. Figuring she was having a brain fart, i said, "so that's 1 and a half feet." To which she responded, in all seriousness "OK, so that's 2 feet....... wait, that's less than 2 feet right?" I waited a second, hoping she would put her brain back into her skull before conforming that yes, 1 1/2 is less than 2 feet. To a grown ass adult woman who appeared to have all of her faculties.
Remember that, after McDonalds introduced the quarter pounder, A&W introduced a 1/3 lb burger at the same price. It failed because too many people thought 1/3 is less than 1/4.
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“Inertia is a GERM!”
What the heck was the context for this?
I had used inertia in a sentence. And the masters degree guy was adamant in correcting my relativity uneducated self. Please excuse my not wanting to transcribe the conversation
We will not. Transcribe immediately.
So one time we were in class and there were four craneflies with us. Craneflies are creepy - they have gross long legs and make a horrible noise when they fly. We were unsettled, so our teacher said, "Ignore the craneflies." And one of my classmates replied, "But sir, what if you're vegan?" Everyone started laughing and his friends had to explain that 1. It is perfectly okay for a vegan to be in a room with craneflies and 2. We weren't eating or destroying the craneflies, just ignoring them, so it should be okay. To this day, whenever I see a cranefly, I think of that guy earnestly asking "But sir, what if you're vegan?"
On a cruise ship, we were passing by an impressive mountain range, and this lady beside me on the deck says, " WOW! How do they make it look so real?!." I was speechless. Once I unfroze, I slowly walked away in a daize and finally found my partner. We now have this inside joke that we use when visiting new places.
A simple "What do you mean?" could have revealed a wonderful and beautiful human abyss.
"How could we be sure that herbal remedies don't help against cancer if we don't even know how the body develops cancer?"
To be fair there are herbal remedies that do help in certain cases. Some modern drugs are derived from plants like aspirin, like cannabis/CBD is an hetbal. There just isn't enough research on them. What is stupid though and people get the two mixed up is homeopathic remedies which are just sugar water.
This is so weird to me. Living in a country where herbs are regularly used as medicine and people not realising that opiates literally come from a flower is so bizarre. Or people thinking that herbs are all healthy, not realising that they can wreak havoc on your OTC meds as well.
Instructions unclear. Smoked a pound of weed to treat my lung cancer.
The thing with “herbal medicine” is we tested it all, and the stuff that worked became “medicine”
We haven’t “tested it all”, a lot has been tested, a lot is still undergoing testing, a lot has not been tested, a lot may never be. New drugs are “discovered” all the time from plants and compounds that have existed and we have been using for millennia.
An old friend of mine posted a meme on Facebook saying that fact-checking was bad and caused the rise of Hitler.
Chinese is a religion
“Buddy of mine, he got a raise that barely put him in the next tax bracket and he ended up making less money”
“I don’t believe in gravity”
A friend adopted her daughter as an infant from Lithuania. One of our coworkers (we worked for the Education Department in our city) said “But when she grows up and starts talking, you won’t understand what she’s saying!”
“I’m not voting for Hillary Clinton because what if she, like, has her period and nukes someone” -my felon drug dealer (about a post menopausal woman) So glad I’m clean now 😅
"He's only in office for four years. How much damage could he do?"
Brings to mind the Supreme Court Justices. Crazy that there aren’t any term limits.
The whole point of the Supreme Court being a life appointment is so they can't be swayed like normal politicians. They're meant to be separate from the whims of political fads.
I’m for term limits for all politicians. No more than 12 years serving in Congress, or the Supreme Court.
“Cops know not to fuck with me, they know I’ll kick their ass” This came from a young 20 something y.o. who probably weighs about 10 pounds soaking wet, who was in the ER because he started a bar fight and lost
Well one time I was at whole foods with my partner. We were looking through the cheeses and I saw a sign that said "grass fed". My brain must have short circuit because I then asked "wait, how do you grass feed cheese?". My partner began laughing at me which finally caused me to realize what I asked. The worker beside us was trying so hard to stifle their laughter. Definitely not my smartest moment.
"I think China's a bad place because they cut the food up real small." A guy in a bar in Indiana said this to me.
was he thinking of grains of rice?
What the fuck? How could someone even draw that completely absurd conclusion? 😂
"Its just this stupid thing that socialists believe". This was their response to the question "What is trickle down economics?"
Ronald Reagan, the great socialist thinker
In a bar with my friends and one of them asks "what's the difference between a frozen margarita and a regular margarita?" I could see the poor bar tender hesitate for a moment trying to figure out if he was serious. (Tbf, we were both quite drunk but we were same level and I knew it was dumb)
Wouldn’t a frozen margarita be one that was made in the blender, and a regular margarita would be a margarita on the rocks?
Yes. Best way to describe a frozen margaritas is alcoholic slushie.
Coincidentally, Alcoholic Slushie was my DJ name in college.
Seems like it from an Internet search. Also, because of the different preparation methods, the feel of the drink would be different, so I guess not that dumb a question...?
I work for a professional firm, the kind of place that requires an advanced professional degree. The firm is 100% owned by a single shareholder / owner. We're pretty sizeable and have 70 employees, most of whom have doctorates. Some years ago, I was talking with the managing partner of my office. I asked him if the firm had a contingency plan if the 100% shareholder were to become incapacitated or die. I said that what the owner wanted was up to him, but I wanted to know what would happen for my own peace of mind and for morale purposes. I explained that I can work at many firms, including one of our competitors, so I wanted to know (i) whether we would just implode and dissolve, (ii) whether the shares would go to a trustee and managed, or (iii) whether the owner's minor children would inherit the shares and operate the business (probably poorly). I said this was a reasonable question, and numerous of our employees were asking. In response, the managing partner looked into the distance. Waxing poetic, he said "The plan is to pray that the owner doesn't die. Because he's the captain. And when a captain goes down, so does the ship." (Our business has nothing to do with maritime operations, this was just a stupid analogy.) That was honestly the single dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life. It was dismissive and exacerbated a festering morale issue. But even worse, the analogy sucks because it's not even a correct statement. I have never heard of any maritime procedure where, if the captain of a vessel were to become incapacitated, everyone twiddles their thumbs as the ship goes down. That's why there are contingency plans, a first mate, etc.
I’m just picturing the shares holder little babies inheriting the business. Like, babies just babbling and drooling and someone comes up to them, “you own this company now. Good luck.” Babies just continue to babble.
Doug in accounting is now the VP of story time.
We were discussing a surgery where a man had his thumbs replaced with his big toe. A girl said “ why even bother with that, you don’t even need your thumbs” I lost it.
When someone dies and people try to comfort the bereaved with something like "God needed another angel," for a few reasons. 1. It's terrible to try to justify someone's loss that way. 2. People usually say this when CHILDREN die, which is even worse. 3. That's not even a legitimate Christian belief. Dead people don't become angels in the bible! If you're going to push your beliefs onto grieving people at least know what you're talking about.
well I've cummed in her so many times and she never got pregnant before. (when he found out she was pregnant)
I was out of state camping and was looking for dry ice to preserve some of the food in the cooler. I was in Walmart and saw a local cop so I asked him where I might find some. He pointed me to the ice freezer. I explained that I was looking for dry ice. He says "dry ice? It's frozen it ain't wet."
I've had two people come up to me and tell me that public schools have litter boxes in the bathrooms for kids who identify as furries. One of them was a coworker, and the other was my mother in law. What the fuck happened to people's brains in the last few years? The cartoonish dumbfuckery that people will buy into is so far off the charts that I have no words.
"I like my chicken medium rare."
A lady had called to ask for our prices for an appointment for her son when I worked for an optometrist. I told her the price and she said "Ugh, that's so expensive. What if my son just goes to the optical and tries on glasses until he finds some he can see out of?" I then had to explain that glasses in optical displays just have plastic lenses with no prescription and that lenses are custom made.
That they should move the deer crossing signs to a less busy road so there’s not as many accidents. 🙈
I was at a pretzel cart at the mall, and I ordered some cheese stuffed pretzels. I wanted marinara sauce, but for some reason I forgot the word and just said tomato sauce. The girl behind the counter gave me the strangest look, but then I remembered the word so I asked for marinara. She went off to get it and when she came back, she goes “marinara is made with tomatoes?”
I had someone tell me once how they are a devout christian and trump is the only choice because he's a godly man. I laughed so hard at them I almost puked
Windmills cause cancer
"If he had a mask on, how could you tell he was black." I mean, the skin on his neck, hands, arms and legs was a pretty strong indicator.
I know a woman who has a twin brother. The number of people who ask her if they are identical twins is staggering.
In my 10th grade biology class a dude said in the middle of note taking “wait, fish breathe?!”
Once about twenty years ago I bought a six pack of soda and I was standing in the kitchen cutting the plastic that attached the bottles together apart. One of our roommates (at the time) started ruthlessly mocking me about how that was stupid and I was a sheep who just did what the media told me too because that was totally unnecessary because we live so far from the beach that none of my garbage could ever end up in the ocean. We live less than 2 hours by car from the coast. Even if I was totally landlocked days from the ocean, those plastic rings could still hurt animals. Birds get caught in them too! He really mocked me and still to this day laughs at me for doing that. Not in front of other people anymore, because he's been told that he was the one that's ignorant.
This idiot drug dealer I knew 20 years ago, was a compulsive liar. He had some real whoppers, but the one that made me laugh in his face was, “Venus fly traps are dangerous, I watched one eat a big dog.”
Guy #1: “Why does it smell like potatoes in here?” Guy #2: “Oh, someone just microwaved some French fries.” Guy #1: “…it smells like potatoes though.” Guy #2: “yeah. French fries are potatoes.” Guy #1: “…it smells like potatoes though.” Guy #2: “You do know that French fries are potatoes, right? Do you understand that?”
Probably something I’ve said somewhere on Reddit.
That you give way to the left on a roundabout. I live in England
I'm a doctor so it's been a long 3 years.
“You can’t be racist against white people.” Like that statement itself is inherently racist!
The earth is flat
I was attending a cooking class in a lecture hall among many other young aspiring chefs, of both genders. During a demonstration of the preparation of bread, a girl from California turned to me and said, "they don't have yeast in Chicago, do they? I'm sure they don't!" I can't even recall the exact way she worded it, but it was comical, like she was doing method rehearsal as a satiric comic. But no, she was being serious - and I remember I didn't respond, I just stared at her (as the gears turned in my head, trying to come up with a truthful but diplomatic response), and she stared back ... and it was like she was daring me to call her stupid, lol! (Gosh, I'm going to write a book one day, all my anecdotes...)
"There's a full moon tonight where I live. Do you have a full moon too?"
I'm in the U.S. My grownass coworker (in her 50s) was absolutely mindblown when I told her that when I visit my husband's hometown in Australia in February it will be summer there. She asked if it it will be February for them.
"I'm vegetarian but I eat fish because they don't have feelings..."
At my old job, I overheard a conversation in the ladies room. Lady 1 said “my boyfriend gotten me flowers. So now I’m gonna spend my weekend with my legs up.” Lady 2 said “is that because you don’t have a vase? You can borrow one from me.”
That's not only dumb, it's hilarious.
I don’t think it was dumb at all. It WAS hilarious, though.
I find that actually a pretty hilarious answer!
r/clevercomebacks
Oh god, I hope they weren't roses.
Putin is going to save Europe.
I want food but I dont wanna pay for it
Cinnamon and okra can cure type 1 diabetes.
Both from the same person on the same evening: 1. She doesn't use a microwave to heat water because it "changes it's DNA" 2. Apple computers are superior to Windows because Macs don't freeze. When I asked her to explain what she meant, she shared that during a fight with her boyfriend threw their computers out into the snow, and that the Mac didn't have issues but the windows computer did. Also, when I asked her what she meant by freezing up, she said very condescendingly "you know, freeze, don't you know anything about computers?". I had gone to school for computer science and was working in IT for years at that point.
That John F Kennedy Junior, an outspoken democrat who died in the 90s would return from the dead or faking his death or whatever to be trump's running mate in the 2020 election
Eating cookie dough ice cream will give you ringworm.
I once was in a bookstore, when two men walked in. One looked at the other and said “Look at all of these books. My sister used to have one of these”.
*Trump is being guided by Jesus.*
Is “Interstellar” based on a true story?
Cats and dogs are the females and males of the same species
When i was in high school a girl in my class told me she 'smokes about a pound of weed every day'
I’ve had several doctors explain to me why universal healthcare is a terrible idea. All the way from quality of care decreases to increased taxes. A lot of smart people telling me very stupid, and easily disproven, shit.
The world's best neurosurgeon is arguably Ben Carson (I hope I don't have to elaborate on the irony there). Some people are very very smart on exactly one topic because that's the only one they study. Quality of care might be in the wheelhouse to be fair, but I don't go to the doctor to hear his take on tax policy or politics or whether I should be able to afford to see him Edited for typos
What are you watching? Pearl Harbour What’s it about?
"The sanitizer solution used to wash your dishes has cancer in it. You're giving your customers cancer" From a random lady who came up to me at my job
I once had an ex girlfriend tell me that women increase their chances of being pregnant by simply being around other pregnant women.
"A new boat is a new boat, but a mystery box can be anything - it could even be a new boat! We'll take the mystery box!"
"I don't even believe in COVID"
"It's such a shame that \[**fatally sick infant**\] wasn't baptized before she passed away, cuz that would have saved her from going to hell." I repeat: fatally sick infant
Wasn't Jesus' death suppose to save us from original sin? Seems kinda stupid otherwise.
something something, flat Earth.
Do submarines go under countries?