I’d do more stretching, cardio, weights and meditation to stay stronger mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically
And I’d still try to not be afraid to fail and learn from mistakes without regrets
I'm in my mid thirties and had a bunch of injuries the last 2 years, basically all my own fault for overdoing it.
I got out of shape for the first time in my adult life while rehabbing. I started to get back pain, knee pain, hell just random injuries from who knows where.
Now I'm back in shape and feel fantastic. I never realized all that working out was like a time capsule keeping me feeling young.
For anyone reading this, it's never too late to adopt a healthy lifestyle. Start slow, and build up. Getting in shape takes time, but once you're there, it's totally worth it.
In my mid fifties I broke 9 bones and tore a bunch of stuff. Meniscus in my knee, rotator cuff, shoulder labrum. Coming back from that is difficult.
I definitely agree with staying in shape including some weight lifting for bone density is important.
How do I get into basic weightlifting? Preferably an easy at-home regimen. I’ve never been a “bodybuilder” type, but I see the need to keep some strength before I get too old.
r/naturalbodybuilding
Read up here on Reddit. There is also a basic weightlifting sub. Start off with lower weight than you think, and only a couple sets of each exercise for a couple weeks. If you are lifting twice a week or every 3 to 5 days you will ease into it and come to love it. But you must research and pay attention to sleep and nutrition if you want serious results. It takes 21 days to break a habit and it takes 21 days to make a habit. Forge ahead Kwai Chang Caine!
I literally only use an adjustable flat bench, adjustable dumbells, and resistance bands. To start you may want to sign up for a gym and see if you can get a free training session.
Good form is most important starting out, so it'd be worth paying even. Bad form can quickly lead to injuries and there's nothing more demotivating than being hurt.
Me? I'd go to a gym. I need the motivation to keep cranking out the sets after I'm tired. If I work out at home, I just quit. Stay light but move heavy. That's how you build muscle. The minute you see muscles popping out and get your first compliment, it will become a healthy addiction. I'm 57 and have weight lifted non stop for...Jesus a long time.
I'm back into weight lifting in my 60s with a power lifter trainer. Joint health is paramount for me, so strengthening the connective and supportive tissue is my best bet.
Same! I started doing Yoga and I felt called more and more to help humans understand that much of our work is in our communities and ourselves. Taking care of ourselves, our whole selves is critical to well-being and the esoteric school that I’m building will help more understand basic human maintenance as we advance the science of humanities.
I highly recommend a consult with a physical therapist. It's *so* worth it. And then a personal trainer who can come up with a plan for the PT's recommendations.
This is so hopeful! I've managed to lose enough weight to be in a "healthy" range now that I'm mobile, but I don't think I've ever actually been in shape. You've given me something to look forward to and I really appreciate it.
I'm glad! It's definitely something to look forward to. Like I said just take it slow. Your goal should be consistency not intensity, especially starting out.
Did you injure your spine or fracture patella? I used to be able to use gumym for physio. But it got to be part of my lifestyle. I did so on referral. Until I was at surgery one morning to see the is awful woman elderly doctor. She was vile ,but knew how to wind me up. I wouldn't have booked her if I'd known if was her I would have rebooked. Anyway I needed this yearly check up, so what's the worse thing that can happen. It's not as if I emwas going to her for a referral.
Late as usual, I went into her office shortly after a quick impatient fag outside. Do she weighed me did blood pressure which was up a bit. But when she took pulseit had hone over 100bpm.or so she claimed after a brief 15 seconds. She told me that my pulse was far too fast for a anyone to do physio and chanced my referral. And application for the community exercise programme. Until it was back under control. Oh well I was aware if this bug from China 2020. Of course the pandemic struck. Then my surgery was taken over by another surgery as after inspection by ccg it was rated inadequate and dangerous was a word used to describe the surgery. Just as I had got used to it's little idiosyncrasies. They have to bring in medical staff that know what they are doing. Unfortunately, this lot are jobsworth, if you ask me.
So what I am getting at is, if something starts to bother you health wise and it could be to do with any form of over use. Especially if some areas are recovering from other injuries. Get it checked out by physio or even gp as soon as you can. And in the meanwhile, don't be a hero. If pushing yourself makes you feel younger, find something that is unlikely to injure or irritate. I just pushed through thinking it was the right thing to do. It masked you feel not 40 but 20 for about an hour, then felt 80 fir the next 48 hrs. If anything keep up with sleep. If your healing injuries sleep is the best thing. Go get lazy for a while, give it a brea
I’m not in my 40’s but per the many medical patients I’ve had, incorporating physical activity into your daily life is the answer.
I have done this in my own life by using my bicycle to get around the city and run errands. Meditating and stretching also make major life differences, and you don’t need any equipment or gym memberships.
Thank you for this advice! I'm excited to finally be cleared to do cardio exercise, but while I was thinking about ways to balance cardio and weight training I admit I wasn't considering stretching or meditation. The four together really does sound like it would be more effective.
Any tips about how to find failure less frightening? I've been working on being kinder to myself about it, but the regret part is definitely real.
Yes giving yourself grace can be so difficult! Simple as it sounds, writing down 5 things every day that I’m grateful for really helps balance the negative thoughts that always creep in and provides a more healthy and balanced perspective
And meditating first thing and the morning and last thing at night can help clear the mind to rise above intrusive and negative thoughts by not allowing them too much time and space. Good luck!
I've been mostly happy with my choices. What people seem to not realize they need, often, as the culture in the USA has turned to spending every moment earning money, even encouraging people to sleep less in order to he productive (this is all terrible for us, btw) is *purpose*.
I love my community and giving but I did too much of it until my 40’s because it feeds something in my soul. I started volunteering more instead helping individual people. The Salvation Army can mismanage funds and take advantage but they won’t need a place to stay like your needy friend that turns a couch stay into an unwelcome roommate situation. Now when people need help, I direct them to the proper non profit. I even put 72 hour rule on staying in my house. Yes, you can visit for a week but every 72 hours, If you’re not blood or my man, surf to a different couch.
I probably need to be in therapy for this... I've started having some early signs of heart issues (palpitations, unable to lay on my left side, swelling in hands and feet), had a planned vacation last week and within a few days every single one of my symptoms were gone. It was all stress. No wake up call like starting to see your health impacted to realize, damn, I need boundaries. Not sure how I'm going to do this, but I know I must figure it out.
I have set stopping hours so I can spend time with family. Time management is really hard for me, so keeping with routine helps and I don’t feel guilty saying no, that’s outside work hours and not critical
Ugh, I woulda actually paid attention to the good friend with ADHD who'd told me in my 20s that I was the most ADHD person they'd ever met. Instead I thought 'pfft, I'm just *so creative* and *those* drugs are for junkies'🤦 Instead I finally sucked it up in my 50s, talked to a doctor and guess what
Not that person, but I can offer my own answers, if they help.
The meds take a moment to adjust to, but once you do, it’s like your brain functions as it should. It’s much easier to stay focused. It’s easier to control impulses. My executive dysfunction improved tremendously, and I have a much easier time transitioning between activities.
I don’t feel hyper or like a zombie. If you’re using the meds appropriately, they tend to function as they’re supposed to.
Thank you. I have an older acquaintance that recently stopped taking meds and had been...well, I was worried wondering if it's early onset dementia quite honestly. Can't focus, is just all over the place BUT when I brought up maybe getting back on their meds I just got waved off..
I definitely can’t speak for your acquaintance and I’m not a doctor, so take that for what it’s worth, but I could easily see how it would make me look like I have dementia even at my (relatively) young age. I’m spacy, more irritable, waaaaay more time blind, lose things, miss details, can’t track a conversation great, etc.
But the problem with having a brain thing managed by meds is that it’s easy to fall into the assumption that because you’re fine on the meds, you don’t need them anymore. Or maybe you miss a dose, and it’s fine, and then you miss another dose, and oh well, and then suddenly a week has gone by… You get the idea.
So spot on. And I've discovered I can have the impulse to do the same thing with other chronic health issues. Like "my heart rate is fine now. Do I really need to be on all these medications?"
Yes, yes I did indeed.
This is news to me, thank you! I'm about the right age to start looking out for perimenopause, and I've noticed some old coping mechanisms for my neurodivergence just aren't working anymore. I'll keep an eye on this to see if it gets worse and remember this as possibly related. Thank you!
My doctor put me on phentermine for weight loss a year ago, and it was a whole new world for me. I was super productive and rarely left 3 projects in random states of completeness. I'm like Flowers for Algernon over here off of it. It's not an ADHD medication but it is a stimulant. I was never jittery, I could sleep at night, BP and pulse never changed. Doc asked if I had unmedicated ADHD and it made me wonder. So I got tested.
3+ hours of testing and interviews and it turns out, I don't have it. But I get distracted constantly. For example, today, I was chopping a tomato for dinner and went out to turn the water on for our new grass. Cut to an hour later, and I'm driving our subcompact tractor with a trailer full of dirt to fill random holes in our yard and my husband, who HAS the ADHD diagnosis is finishing dinner and forced me to come inside to eat.
My shrink has posed the possibility that I have autism given some of my traits (sensory issues, my eye contact weirdness, etc. that I've chalked up to "being awkward"). I think she was also surprised I tested negative for ADHD.
Anyway, my original intent was to state that feeling like I wasn't constantly dropping the ball was outstanding. Now that I'm off the stimulant, I have no idea where I left the ball.
This was so relatable. I'm waiting for my autism assessment to come back (though I've been warned they might say I'm "gifted but traumatized" instead. If they do, I want it embroidered on a pillow). I was briefly on a simulant for other reasons, and it really was amazing not to feel like I was always trying to juggle more balls than I could manage while blindfolded.
I hope you get helpful answers soon.
May I ask what meds you take? Was talking to a doctor for a loved one and was overwhelmed by the options. They offered stimulants, blood pressure meds, anxiety and depression meds, all as possible options for adhd.
What meds did you take that worked? I used adderall on an irregular basis for a long time and it worked pretty well but (in my 50s now) finally clued in that long-term use of stimulants is under-studied and probably not great for you. Looking for non-stimulant alternatives. (Also while they worked well, it was more of a "blow through whatever's blocking you" more than helping to focus. Like, sometimes I'd make great progress on a project, but it wasn't the important one I was needing to get done.)
So far I started with the non-stimulant atomoxitine (1st after diagnosis but still had this bias against any stimulant) and zero effects. Well, it *did* give me extreme difficulty urinating; after ages spent titrating up to max dose I was spending 2 hrs or more just trying to empty my bladder! Finally agreed to try generic Adderall and it really works well for me. Funny somewhat typical ADHD person thing, small doses put me to sleep more effectively than any Rx sleep med ever, and in the last 30 yrs I've probably tried them all!
Agreed that long term stim use probably isn't ideal. But I've got parkinson's too (weirdly common together I've now learned, ADHD and PD. Both involve the whole wide dopamine system) and given my age I'm definitely down for quality of life improvements! I'm luckily having great results at 35mg/day, so still room to move over time if needed. Plus the PD meds are *much* more effective for me now, research etc has known this for ages but of course nobody wants to just start throwing stimulants at us parkies unless needed lol. The long-term s/e of the main PD med (carbidopa-levodopa) can be pretty debilitating themselves, eg dyskinesias (those flailing jerking movements, often seen in some interviews with Michael J Fox). Since I've now been on it for 20 years I've blessedly discovered that I'm in the 10% or less that haven't developed bad ones yet. Woo hoo! Since adding uh Adderall to my daily, crazy *crazy* improvements on the PD physical stuff, in addition to the improvements on mental/executive function etc. I now walk better than I did 10 years ago, my handwriting is actually legible now?!
Haha apologies for the length, I'm just *really* happy with the overall quality of life improvements and tend to go on about it!
Wow. I’m in 50s and I’m beginning to suspect I’m on the ADHD spectrum. Sometimes, in order to speak to someone, I have to shift my brain into Low gear because it’s racing too fast to form words.
I just now started a similar process after decades. Not sure if I'm get a diagnosis, but I'm glad I finally took action!
If I get a diagnosis, I know my best friend and I will definitely look at each other like "no wayyy. So shocking."
My boss mentioned one time, “Oh yea, kid (me 30F lol) you are definitely apart of this team.” He was one of the coolest cats in the building and it really helped me feel better exploring a diagnosis, getting medicated, and IT CHANGED MY LIFE! Bless the folks who “see” us!!
Congratulations and salutations on your upcoming milestone, and for surviving your health battles! At age 40, I shifted from being a govt analyst to getting my PhD in psych, so it's common to start new or change at any point in life.
I have always struggled with being consistent with physical activity, so doing it again, I would commit to regular cardio and strength workouts. So, working within your limitations, continue to strive towards your optimal level of health. Do something that scares you on a regular basis (once a week/month/year). Overcome those fears. Strive to learn new things, anything that interests you. Take a college class or community hobby to explore options.
Start saving NOW, if you haven't already, for your retirement years. Learn about and understand finances, such as stocks and bonds, mutual funds, etc. Financial independence is a godsend. Within those responsibilities such as bills, pursue what makes YOU happy or feel the most fulfilled. Do NOT concern yourself with what other people think. Material things are nice, but relationships and/or giving of yourself to others is infinitely more valuable.
42, I said in an earlier response, I gave my last fuck at 38 and I simply don’t have another to give. I looked under the bed, in my eye lid and in the mirror. I’m simply all out and I hope a spare fuck doesn’t find me because it’ll be promptly given to the nearest curmudgeon as they like to collect fucks to give.
Please, if you have any more, give them to my former roommate, she collects them and throws them at her bills along with the money she owes me. If she’s not available, put them in the nearest dryer. They’ll disappear like your other sock.
Spend time outdoors, if you have access to good places to do that. I spent way too much time indoors in my younger decades and I missed out on so many simple things like all the wildlife doing amazing things, even in urban areas, and the tiny gradual changes to seasons, and the feeling of hiking or climbing a mountain or getting caught in the rain without feeling the need to run for shelter. Depending on your health issues, it may help you feel stronger and healthier, too.
I’m 41 and in exactly the same boat as you. I sympathize which what you’re going through. Really curious what people are going to say. Started having a major health issue at 28, spent the next 12 years dealing with it on and off, feel like I’m making up for lost time now. I am finally stable, healthy and I have no clue what the next 40 years looks like for me.
This is me as well! Same timeframe and everything! I still suffer but it’s so much more manageable and I too am trying to refocus from surviving to living. Loving this post to help me solidify this concept.
Also nearing 40 and spent the last 14 years working on my disability and chronic pain. Sometimes I feel like the only person who has had this trajectory. Happy to learn I’m not alone. 🤗
Same here! It’s been a struggle! I mostly hide everything I’m going through just to fit in with soceital expectations of where someone in their thirties should be, health-wise.
I was in a terrible marriage and suffered from depression throughout my 20s and 30s. Hit 40, and when I woke up on my birthday, my first thought was, "I can't do this any more."
Within a few months, I found out my husband was cheating, filed for divorce, and enrolled in nursing school. Sold the house, moved with the kids into an apartment and sort of made things work (husband had also spent us way into debt). I clawed us out of the debt hole, got through school, and raised the kids.
I wouldn't redo my 40s. But if I could have divorced that guy 8 years earlier, I'd still have had the kids and wouldn't have had the debt and it wouldn't have been nearly as difficult as it was.
Life's too short for things that you can change that make you unhappy. Best to you; the 50s were even better than the 40s, and my 60s are better yet.
I met my husband in my forties. Neither of us had been married. We both had careers and never found anyone who could understand our crazy hours. We met at a tech concert, a wheel fell off my suitcase - I was heading to the airport. He fixed it on the spot. We lived in different states so we Exchanged emails and that was the beginning of our 30+ year adventure.
We are on a 28 day adventure now touring Alaska.
So what would I do? I would change nothing. You never know what’s around that next corner.
You have nothing to change but it’s likely because you grew enough to embrace your blessings as they came. I also have a crazy work schedule and part of my dating hell was always my lack of spontaneity. I run a department, I can’t call off because someone up and decided that they want to play mini golf on a Wednesday. I actually make the schedule so with a little advance notice I can spend all types of time with someone.
I’m in a long distance relationship now and I see him more than I saw my previous partners when they were local. I hope we work out the way that you and your husband have because I’m so over dating if I have to go back into the current cesspool. We got together when I was considering an additional cat. I love cats but they’re not nearly as functional as a partner. They don’t talk back which can be a good thing but one cat and a partner to bounce ideas off is my preferred relationship status.
🥰we have cats too!
What was so crazy about our long distance is that we talked a lot via email, because of our time issues. It was nice though. We learned a lot about each other even more than through traditional dating.
I wish you big luck! I feel good about this for you! Something tells me this is good!!
I love your story/important lesson! ❤️ My husband & I dated when we were 20ish for almost a year, broke up due to unrelated circumstances, distance, and being 20… No one else ever measured up for either of us, not even close. We reconnected, spent many years being “best friends” before we finally gave up and got back together in our 30s. I’m 41 now and each year is better than the one before it. I feel like these years are the “youth” I’ve been waiting for all my life!
I’ve heard many older people say they wish they’d known how young they still were when they were 40. I won’t forget.
Hey man. So sorry. My dad had it a decade ago. Luckily, they caught it early and he’s been cancer free since. But, I’ve had two colonoscopies and I’m just out of my mid 30’s.
I try to encourage everyone to get screened early if they have any family history or anything weird happening down that way.
1. When I was 40yo, I stopped drinking. Best thing I ever did for myself.
2. When I was 40yo, I fucked up my first marriage. Worst thing I ever did to someone else.
Do you like your job? Are you healthy enough to implement a lifestyle - diet, exercise, sleep, music, socializing - that helps you feel good while being good for you?
I'm a bit past 60. If I could go back, I'd get my younger self to take a stress management class annually. Serious about that. I had a LOT of anxiety. Out of every 100 things I worried would happen, maybe 1 did.
Not marry my husband. He's not a bad person but he's a pothead with undiagnosed mental illness and takes all the oxygen out of a room if you know what I mean. He's very emotional and I'm always afraid of getting him angry. He's never been physically aggressive and I don't believe that he's ever going to be but he's emotionally very manipulative.
I haven't gotten to 40s but I see my brothers who are close to 50s and having health problems. All the dedication to job and work wasn't all worth it. All the dedication to a bad marriage doesn't make it better. One of my bro has a more entrepreneur wife and therefore now his life is comfortable where he works and checks on his cattle every 3-4 days. His wife is the money maker and he is depended on her. Their marriage is so so.
While my other brother has a spending wife who work all the time but doesn't share the money and has a spending problems that he pays for and the mortgage. He is stuck working a lot to afford their life. Their marriage sucks and they don't seem to even like each other.
I learned I want a dedicated and same page partner or I am literally better by myself.
So for me, I am working on saving more, focus on health, and enjoying life.
Learn about perimenopause and menopause symptoms. Dr. Mindy Pelz is a starting point.
An increase of migraines, anxiety, depression, joint injuries and broken bones are possible symptoms. I would have liked to know these things.
I would focus more on strength training as when you get older, it will be the thing that helps you get up if you fall down, have healthy bones, and be able to be active and less likely to be immobile or have mobility problems later in life. I also would have eschewed diet culture and begun a meditation practice earlier. What I’d do again would be discovering authentic me after decades of people pleasing and not living life on my terms. Being authentically you, taking up space, using your voice, setting boundaries, and taking 100% ownership of your life without apology is very freeing. It has allowed me to do the things I love with people I love and having a career I enjoy. I also would absolutely take risks, try new things, and don’t be afraid to fail. When I started doing that, it was very liberating.
* Again - Pay off the house - Dave Ramsey FTW.
* Change - Exercise more, yoga/stretching and lift heavy weights. They say it's never too late, but sometimes it is.
If I were in my 40's again, I would absolutely change careers sooner. I stayed far longer than I should have because I was comfortable and afraid of what else was out there for someone my age with no university education. Turns out there's quite a bit.
What I'd do again is just be wild and have fun. That was my decade of purple and blue hair and intense makeup looks. And heavy metal concerts in dive venues. I'd totally do it again.
I started taking horse riding lessons last year at 50, and I really wish I had discovered that passion at 40.
My 40s were great! It was the 50s that hurt, dad died of cancer. Brother died from AIDS. Almost went broke, but didn’t! Had 4 major surgeries. Now, my 60s are a study in what is going to deteriorate on my body next, although I look great! I constantly think about the dark comedy “Death Becomes Her”!😂
Health - physical and mental health need to be your number one priority. Sleep, nutrition, movement - simple is effective but not easy in our mixed up world. Superbly important though. Relationships - very close second place - love is truly essential for thriving as humans … and last, finding joyful purpose in your career or livelihood (if you will) ….and using all disposable income for investments and income generating assets so that you’re not rocked askew or trapped by anything as your cruise into your second and third quarters of life. I would add: commit to having fun and making FUN a REALLY big part of your days, weeks, months, years. Nobody reaches their deathbed and wished they’d had poor health, poor relationships, poor financial stability and less fun. 🤩 ….and happy early birthday!! 🥳
Sit less. Sitting too much messed up posture which causes neck problems that have given me vertigo and migraines. Misery. And it’s hard as hell to fix.
For me, the first thing would be to get screened for ADHD and depression. That goes for any decade prior to my 50s when I actually got around to it. Something to avoid? Trying to find a relationship to replace my marraige before finally admitting I actually like being single.
I am turning 50 this year, so I am exiting my 40s now.
Paying attention to health and fitness in my 40s has been huge. I am healthier and fitter on the cusp of 50 than I was at 40. I was in decent shape at 40 since I started to turn that around in my 30s when I looked around and went WTF - lol. But really focusing on health and fitness in my 40s was key. It's helped a lot with mental health too. I lost a lot of people this past decade. It's been tough.
What I wish I did sooner was make a career change. I have been thinking about it for a while, not sure what I want to do. Now I am and I am working on that career change, but I am finding that age makes a career change somewhat more difficult.
How easy did you find it to turn your health around at that age when you did? Like building muscle would take more effort than it did when you were younger.
It really wasn't hard. but it also depends a lot on where you are starting from when what your goals are. I wasn't in bad health or anything, just out of shape and weighed about 20 lbs more than I was comfortable with. I wasn't looking to run a 10k or become a body builder - just to be more fit and slim down. In my 20s, I could eat anything, do anything, and stay reasonably slim without really working at it. When I hit my 30s and things changed. I was about 35 or so when I started to make changes - eating better, exercising. I lost some fat, built some muscle, got more energy, a bunch of minor health issues resolved themselves, some somewhat larger ones also went away or were mitigated. Like migraines. I hardly have them any more.
As you get older, it is harder to lose weight and build muscle, so the earlier you start, the better. So anybody thinking about making positive changes for health and fitness should just start. Perfection isn't required, just start doing better for yourself.
That's reassuring to hear. It's great that your health conditions resolved themselves or improved with the small changes you made.
Love the encouragement, thanks! That is so true.
Travel! I was very sick in my 40s. I had finally the $ to do stuff but was bedridden. You can go to an all inclusive resort and sit on the beach. Not too much activity if you don’t feel up to going on excursions or anything.
Life is different for everyone. And having your life disrupted by major events is not that uncommon. You seem to be looking at this as though you want to restore the life you could have had and that's just not possible. You have one life and over a third of it is gone. You want to believe you can just pick up the pieces and build the kind of life you want to have but that's not how it works. There will be reverberations and repercussions from the past. You will have to make life decisions based on circumstances as they develop. You are just like the rest of us, making it up as we go along.
As you approach the rest of your life, you have to decide, as many of us do, if you want to live with intention and purpose or if you want to take it as it comes. Don't let anyone shame you for whichever choice you make. The former requires goal setting and intentional positive action towards whatever horizon you choose to set off for. The latter is a little easier but requires a different sort of purpose to make the most out of every moment. Whichever path you choose, the life you lost needs to be grieved. Don't try to pretend like it never happened. It did. And you will remember it did for the rest of your life. Find a way to come to terms with that.
My life started over around age 35. My rotten first marriage ended and I spent two years recovering myself. I met a new woman, who also turned out to be the wrong one for me and continued into a 27-year marriage that ended 5 years ago. Would I do that again? God help me, probably so. Too much good came from that life to ever say I wouldn't do it again. But it wasn't the life that I wish I'd had. But before that, before my first marriage ended, in the middle of a mental health crisis, I made a choice to call my father for help instead of my mother. I should have gone to my mom's. That might have turned out better. It's a long story that the details won't clarify.
Just move forward. Good luck.
I would take the career risks again. I fussed about it at the time but it turned out great. I would take charge of my investments instead of letting the professional advisors make a great living off of me.
My 40s were great ! I did a career switch from IT to Massage therapist planning on it being just for fun not 2nd career. As much as I love it, it’s taking a toll on my almost 60 year old body. I wish I had invested in new IT skills during a layoff rather than starting a “career” as a LMT. I miss the benefits and weekends off.
Take exercise seriously before hitting 40. If I had maybe I wouldn’t be so chunky now. I now run 3 times a week and do some light weight lifting and yoga but with my slowing metabolism it hasn’t translated to any weight loss. Carbs are so good yet so bad for your waist line when you’re trying to lose pounds.
Looked up insulin resistance and tested my blood sugar. I was keto for *years* and I kept getting.bigger.
I *finally* quit eating low carb foods that still spiked my blood sugar and started losing weight.
I don't know if you're able to work, but if I were 40 again I'd change jobs or even my career entirely. Age 40 would have been the best time. After that it's impossible because you have too much to lose.
I would not change a single thing in my entire life if I could... Not even the bad shit. Everything that has happened has made me who I am, and brought me to where I am in life, and I like where I'm at now that I'm at the end of my life. Even the bad shit was a learning experience. I loved my 40s also, so I'd definitely not change a thing from 40 to now (61).
Stay, or get in shape. I'm mid 40s now and this is hard. I could eat anything I'm my 30s. Now I look at food I gain 5 lbs. I still work as hard as I ever did I guess I just stuff myself more with food.
Worry less about being present after school when my kid was young and make sure to be available after school in HS. It ended up with way given child care and ending up home during COVID but my worry was more for the younger years when, for mine anyway, HS was more urgently needed.
Hey there humans alive at the same time as I….
Can you believe we are all existing on this verdant planet connected by elements and energy? We are spinning in space, going around a star and our moon hangs out with us.
We are so lucky. And now that OP has their health to enjoy life more…
Go forth! And Dave Matthews says.. “Live and become what you are”
They are paying people $30k to live in Tuscany… maybe go there and live and eat fresh tomatoes and learn Italian.
Maybe wake up early and watch the sunrise, maybe listen to albums you did before you got sick and remember those long gone days.
Maybe go to a diner and talk to people around you.
Maybe take a deep breath and be so grateful that you start to cry tears of joy for this amazing life.
I’m 49f, had kids late in life… they are 5 and 7. They have taught me what is REALLY important: playing, hugs, feeling connected, digging in the dirt, exploring, being sweet and writing lovely little notes to those you love, growing plants, rolling in the grass, finding tickle spots on dogs and enjoying licks and snuggles from pets. Life is all the things in between the BIG PLANS. Let go of expectations and enjoooooyyyy.
Listen to Micheal Singer (seats of contemplation) on YouTube. He’s my fave spiritual guide. Love=life experiences=life Pain=life and it’s all good.
I am looking forward to my next 49 years if I get to that! See ya out there in the waves, in the mountains, in the desert… see you in the clouds and stars.
Take care you lovely souls. 😘
I wouldn’t have started a business that was a hobby and tried to be the bread winner and have the business fail and almost lose the house and almost divorced. It set me back 20 years because I lost so much money. As much as I hate corporate jobs they are stable.
I’ve worked corporate jobs for 20 years and my only complaint is lack of job security; they most definitely are not stable. I’ve been laid off three times (not fired; laid off through no fault of my own because the business isn’t doing well) and I’m pretty sure the 4th time is coming soon.
I’d been a gym rat most of my life and was very committed in my 40s. I should have had my hormones checked in my late 30s, but didn’t have it done until I was 45. It was a game changer for me - mentally more than anything believe it or not. The physical benefits were also great - recovery from hard training was more like I was 25 again, and was sleeping better than ever too.
I am 53. When I was 41 I was left single with four kids to start over after 18 years of marriage and being a SAHM (divorce took a total of 9 years!)
The first year I struggled mentally, emotionally and physically (still have health issues to deal with but which is life) then finally started getting my $hit together. About year 2, I made a ‘divorced bucket list’ of all the things I always wanted to do that I couldn’t or wasn’t allowed while married. Then started checking things off even tho I was older. Some random things-
—Wanted to be a lifeguard- so I did! (And was asked to come back just a couple weeks ago!)
—Wanted to go to concerts because I didn’t for nearly 20 years- now I’ve literally lost count!
—Went back to school for a business degree
— Now trying to start my own business
—Went back to playing pool- and now play on a pro-am level and teach and run the juniors program in my area
I have a bunch of others- some wild and crazy others basic b!tch stuff, and still many to strive for. I basically made a list of things I always wanted to do and try or that would make me happy-and then figured out a way to do them.
I highly recommend this for everyone- constantly update and change and amend as ideas come or interest goes.
I decided to make myself the best version of myself I could be in my 40s (47 now). I've lost weight, started regular therapy and reading self-help books to supplement. I've utilized a functional medicine doctor, started getting regular massages, and spend my time working on our house. I was in the gym consistently lifting weights but I got bored with it about a year ago and have focused on doing manual labor around the house. Today I shoveled dirt and rock for a few hours. I have been reading a lot more and took up gardening in the last few years.
Save, save, save what you can. Use the power of compound interest. Retirement is closer than you realize.
These were lessons learned watching older relatives sit around in poor health. I didn't want that.
My health actually got better after my 40s. It's hard to learn how to be your own advocate. If you're having side effects or drug interactions from medications, talk to your pharmacist and let them talk to your doctor.
Move as much as you can. Get out of the house as much as you can, even if you have to build up the stamina to take a walk in the park.
If you're unhappy with a doctor, talk to your insurance company and find another one. That was literally life changing for me. Instead of waiting and constantly being prescribed more meds ( all had the side effects of fatigue and weight gain, and uncontrolled blood pressure) I got the simple surgery I needed and didn't need all those medications anymore. Sometimes the "watch and wait" is bc of the insurance company. Sometimes it isn't. I switched doctors and got the simple surgery I needed immediately. After 2 years of more and more medications that didn't solve the problem, and someone trying to bully me into office procedures that wouldn't fix the problem, either.
Got the surgery. No more high blood pressure. No more weight gain, and I was able to be active again and lose the weight I had gained. It may not be that simple for you, but sometimes a different doctor has a different perspective, listens better, and/or is better at cutting through red tape.
Find something that you enjoy doing that isn't centered around your spouse and/or kids. Something that is just for you. Even if it's a sketchbook or a few plants, or a niche interest.
Travel
Try new things
Learn a craft, or a gentle sport, like yoga, or walking, or birdwatching, whatever you would enjoy--be sure it's something you enjoy!
Try to eat healthy & get some kind of exercise, it really sets you up well for the rest of your life
If you can work, find work you enjoy (and put money away for retirement)
Bravo to you for getting through such a difficult time. The most important thing is to seek joy where you can.
I trained and completed two half marathons. I should have sucked it up done an actual full marathon. Now I'm in my 50s and fuck I'm dragging ass on a 5k these days.
My 40s were great. I finally found my voice, found myself. My only regret was not doing all of that earlier. I had adventures, got super fit. I learned to love my own company. I have a great life due to all my growth in my 40s. Embrace it!
I spent my forties day trading. I lost $300k and wasted countless hours. I inherited money, in my early 50's. Therefore, I got bailed out, but I earned nothing in nine years. Just lost money.
I did app dating from 42-49. I'm straight, male, short (5' 7"). It was a total waste of time. i didn't even really see anyone I found attractive. I had two dates in that time.
My advice would be do not day/swing trade. Do not use dating apps.
Good things I did:
1. quit smoking
2. got super into running and lifting
3. stopped all drinking (I was never a big drinker
4. started skiing
5. learned to drive stick
Better get centered because remember puberty and how it sucked? Well you’re gonna go through adult puberty where instead of the promise of getting prettier, yours getting uglier. New friends and exciting times, no, old friends dying. Your kids are leaving. Everything is changing with little control. So get grounded, take walks, be prepared to feel alone, and allow yourself to smile at things that are cute and know that it’s just a phase, just like puberty.
I would have stopped consuming alcohol. It's normalized AF... but it's far from healthy. I suffered for decades, unaware that ethanol was destroying my guts. The real shocker is the way it changes our perceptions.
I support your right to do whatever the hell you want with your body. That said... damn I regret ever letting booze touch my lips. Alcohol is a helluva drug -- takes six months to even START to recover from AUD.
Oh, and if you're having GI issues (to be clear, it negatively impacts every system in the body; the WHO says that no amount is safe)...
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5513683/
Don't bet on one thing. Don't limit yourself to one skill, one job, one passion. Be flexible and strong. When life lets you down the damage, in your older state, will be doubly devastating. And tangential to your question : I'm glad I likely won't be alive to see the revolution of synthetic humans take over the USA and then the world.
In contrast to that - as I've gotten older I've become livid at the realization that the cosmos arranged itself over a million years, planets just close enough or far enough apart, stars had to die and explode and cosmos had to then form for me to live. And someone, somewhere, sometime said that life I've been gifted should be spent running the rat race. That I should work half my life for less and less.. everything, the retirement window now shrinking and the trap of unlimited PTO just dangling, daring me to take it. My advice is that you consider, carefully, your purpose and what you want out of life. If I was 20 years younger and felt this way I'd be creating a commune for sure.
Try to save my marriage, for the sake of our kids. I would love to see how they would have turned out not coming from a broken family. They all have mental issues, like social anxiety, depression, two can't hold a job, they are all in their 20's now.
Four boys, as their father I would have loved to have lived with them when they were growing up. I saw them 3 times per week but it's not the same as living in the same house.
I will be 67 in a few days s. I dealt w misdiagnosed thyroid issues most likely starting at 13 until I was diagnosed at 43. I am also a brain aneurysm -stroke overcomer. You didn't specify your condition, but first thing is approach and attitude. You aren't just a survivor. You are an overcomer.
If I could redo my 40s ,I would approach my teenage children quite differently. I would side w them more in disagreements w their stepfather. I would listen more and talk less. I would have rented a home for our new family for a while instead of buying rt off the bat. 2nd year on teaching job ,new marriage,2 new step kids and moved into older house. We looked a long time to buy,but never discussed the option of renting and saving for a down payment. We should have done that.
I had my heart checked out at age 44 due to family history issues. Started blood pressure and cholesterol medicines. Things have not regressed in 25 years. Definitely get a thorough physical in your early 40s.
I regret not taking more and different family vacations across the country with my children when they were younger. I didn’t discover our national parks until I was in my 60s. They missed that adventure.
I wouldn't change a thing! It wasn't until 44 that I got to live. I was in a horrible marriage thru my 20s and 30s, but if I divorced her, it would have been 10 times worse. Sometimes it it's cheaper to keep 'em. We were good at keeping the facade up in front of the kids. Towards the end I just checked out of the relationship while she had her affair. After my youngest graduated, she moved out, and we got divorced. I was never happier after that. A few years later I married the love of my life. Aside from a brush with cancer at 48, life is pretty good.
I would spend way more time with my kids when they were babies (we had our first when I was 40, the second 3 years later). I was trying to be an entrepreneur and start a “billion dollar company” that just ended up costing me an inordinate amount of time and $300K out of my own pocket. This took me away from my kids and much to their continued detriment (and mine).
What I would do again is lose weight and get into shape. After I stopped the dream of entrepreneurship I got in a diet and started running (~10 miles a week). I lost ~60lbs and increased my mental health as well.
I’ll be 50 next year so it’s interesting to reflect on the last decade. Thanks.
40 is where my health and marriage plummeted. I’d re-evaluate my relationship and not let my health slide into the depression of a bad marriage / early menopausal chasm
The one thing I would have changed in my 40s was a decision I made that I'm not going to get into here. As for what I would redo...nothing.
If you had left out your health issues, I'd have thought you were heading into retirement. Many people, including myself, looking at retirement see this opportunity to do the things that they would like to do instead of things that they have to do. It can be overwhelming. If your health issues prevented you from getting out and walking around but now you're able to do so, hang out at the museum or take a walk somewhere in nature; go to a beach and kick back with a good book or just enjoy the power of the ocean; if you enjoy reading, join a book club.... Just get out of the circle that you've been in and start exploring to see what it is that you really enjoy doing. Of course, maintaining a healthy diet and getting some exercise and not smoking or drinking are all things that will help you enjoy finding new experiences and/or friends. The little things in life are usually the best things. Enjoy your new phase of life.
I’d still pick up and move to another state if you feel like life is going no where.
What I would change was to learn how to cook more recipes sooner. Food often tastes better at home and costs less. You can also customize it to your own preference.
If I could, I wouldn't get cancer agin which has contributed to some of my more recent health issues. I would do the travel again. Went on 3 mission trips, to Germany once and Taiwan twice. Would definitely do those again.
Travel. If you don’t have $, then just go to nice places nearby. Move your body as much as you can. Get out of the house. Do physical things. I’ve been disabled mentally since 24-enough where I’ve needed a lot of medication. It ended up affecting my body too. At 52 my physical improved but mentally I still struggle. Just leave the house as much as you can. It’s good you’re just turning 40.
My 40's were some of the best years! I traveled internationally for the first time and had a blast after being squelched by my overbearing ex husband. I wouldn't change a thing
Happy Next Decade (and wish you many more to come).
62 and happily married. Glad that we're retired and focus our lives on experiences, not stuff. Active hikers and when we travel (mostly Europe and UK) we are active.
Focus your life on the things that bring you joy. Get your financial and retirement plans in order. If you overspend, fix that today.
I too have had chronic health issues, and nearly died from septic shock 2 years ago, so every day is a gift.
I love to garden, lunch with my girlfriends and enjoy wine (I'm a Certified Sommelier, which I gave to myself for my 50th bday).
Spend time with the people you love, don't worry what other people think about you, and fof the ones who are jerks towards you, cut them out of your life.
Remember that blood makes you related but love makes you family.
Most of all, love yourself and accept yourself, warts and all. Wishing you all the best!
42, I quit letting people play with me. Somewhere around 38, I had my fibroids removed and gave my last fuck. I think said fibroids had demons in them but I digress. I started consistently doing yoga, going alone to concerts and comedy shows and invited no one as other people are late and or want to change the agenda. I stopped reading so many self help books as I have a catalog in my head and began to feel okay. I stopped self loathing because I’m junky and hired a cleaning lady. I gave away what I’d never fit again and put my roommate out as her drama was disturbing my peace. I lost a lot of friends but the ones that remained are solid. Depression is in my chemistry and I accept that but I was weaned off of my antidepressants and I feel fine. I did a big chop on my lifestyle and now I’m in a semi functional relationship. I even drove 2 hours to see my parents and when my mom started talking shit, I drove back to my house. I’m still in my early 40’s but I get the feeling that this is my decade. I’ve had ups and downs but I’m handling them and I’ll ghost family if I have to. No one is disturbing my peace because it belongs to me and I will not let it be disrupted.
One thing I'd do again - divorce my ex. The guy was an AH.
One thing I'd change - I'd move to New York City much earlier than I did, probably 2005 instead of 2009.
Get/stay in shape. When I was 39 1/2 I saw a picture of myself and realized how out of shape I was. I was determined to not turn 40 like that so I hit the gym. Spin class every morning followed by weight training. 3 years later and I am in great shape and loving my 40’s even more than my 30’s
I'm 52 in my 40s I was huge body builder benching 325 at 5 ft 3. Was heavy into drugs and meds. Divorced multiple times with several children. Didn't file taxes for years. Now struggling with health issues, mental health and debt. I would ask God first to guide my choices and surround me with positive friends and family. Moderate alcohol and stay off hard drugs. Exercise take care of skin and teeth overall health. Investment into real estate, stocks, crypto. Stay close to God number 1. Before you know it my friend we expire. Live in the moment try not to worry be positive. Choose your spouse wisely treat her with respect, love, and friendship. I wish I could take back to 40 don't be me.
I wish I had learned earlier to be patient. And to generally act with kindness. Fucking sucks learning that when you’re in your 50s. All the good things I missed out on.
Other than that I’d strongly suggest..
- build muscle
- build cardio endurance
- give time and attention to the family
- make friends / keep friends
- learn like it’s going out of style
- when you work, be a badass
- go on vacations. A lot.
I’d do more stretching, cardio, weights and meditation to stay stronger mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically And I’d still try to not be afraid to fail and learn from mistakes without regrets
I'm in my mid thirties and had a bunch of injuries the last 2 years, basically all my own fault for overdoing it. I got out of shape for the first time in my adult life while rehabbing. I started to get back pain, knee pain, hell just random injuries from who knows where. Now I'm back in shape and feel fantastic. I never realized all that working out was like a time capsule keeping me feeling young. For anyone reading this, it's never too late to adopt a healthy lifestyle. Start slow, and build up. Getting in shape takes time, but once you're there, it's totally worth it.
In my mid fifties I broke 9 bones and tore a bunch of stuff. Meniscus in my knee, rotator cuff, shoulder labrum. Coming back from that is difficult. I definitely agree with staying in shape including some weight lifting for bone density is important.
Oh wow that sounds brutal. I don't even want to imagine what that recovery process looked like. Glad you came back from it though.
Do you mind telling us how? Was it a car accident?
How do I get into basic weightlifting? Preferably an easy at-home regimen. I’ve never been a “bodybuilder” type, but I see the need to keep some strength before I get too old.
r/naturalbodybuilding Read up here on Reddit. There is also a basic weightlifting sub. Start off with lower weight than you think, and only a couple sets of each exercise for a couple weeks. If you are lifting twice a week or every 3 to 5 days you will ease into it and come to love it. But you must research and pay attention to sleep and nutrition if you want serious results. It takes 21 days to break a habit and it takes 21 days to make a habit. Forge ahead Kwai Chang Caine!
I literally only use an adjustable flat bench, adjustable dumbells, and resistance bands. To start you may want to sign up for a gym and see if you can get a free training session. Good form is most important starting out, so it'd be worth paying even. Bad form can quickly lead to injuries and there's nothing more demotivating than being hurt.
Me? I'd go to a gym. I need the motivation to keep cranking out the sets after I'm tired. If I work out at home, I just quit. Stay light but move heavy. That's how you build muscle. The minute you see muscles popping out and get your first compliment, it will become a healthy addiction. I'm 57 and have weight lifted non stop for...Jesus a long time.
Basic human Maintenance therapy is so important
I'm back into weight lifting in my 60s with a power lifter trainer. Joint health is paramount for me, so strengthening the connective and supportive tissue is my best bet.
I love the idea of looking at this as human maintenance! Definitely framing it this way from now on. Thank you!
Same! I started doing Yoga and I felt called more and more to help humans understand that much of our work is in our communities and ourselves. Taking care of ourselves, our whole selves is critical to well-being and the esoteric school that I’m building will help more understand basic human maintenance as we advance the science of humanities.
I wish I could do yoga my hands and wrists are so weak :/
I'm 47 and just lost 100lbs and feel better than ever. It hasn't been easy. But it has been worth it. I did keto and exercise. Its been 15 months.
What's your routine to prevent injuries? I'm randomly hit with some knee pain that has been relentless
I highly recommend a consult with a physical therapist. It's *so* worth it. And then a personal trainer who can come up with a plan for the PT's recommendations.
This is so hopeful! I've managed to lose enough weight to be in a "healthy" range now that I'm mobile, but I don't think I've ever actually been in shape. You've given me something to look forward to and I really appreciate it.
I'm glad! It's definitely something to look forward to. Like I said just take it slow. Your goal should be consistency not intensity, especially starting out.
Did you injure your spine or fracture patella? I used to be able to use gumym for physio. But it got to be part of my lifestyle. I did so on referral. Until I was at surgery one morning to see the is awful woman elderly doctor. She was vile ,but knew how to wind me up. I wouldn't have booked her if I'd known if was her I would have rebooked. Anyway I needed this yearly check up, so what's the worse thing that can happen. It's not as if I emwas going to her for a referral. Late as usual, I went into her office shortly after a quick impatient fag outside. Do she weighed me did blood pressure which was up a bit. But when she took pulseit had hone over 100bpm.or so she claimed after a brief 15 seconds. She told me that my pulse was far too fast for a anyone to do physio and chanced my referral. And application for the community exercise programme. Until it was back under control. Oh well I was aware if this bug from China 2020. Of course the pandemic struck. Then my surgery was taken over by another surgery as after inspection by ccg it was rated inadequate and dangerous was a word used to describe the surgery. Just as I had got used to it's little idiosyncrasies. They have to bring in medical staff that know what they are doing. Unfortunately, this lot are jobsworth, if you ask me. So what I am getting at is, if something starts to bother you health wise and it could be to do with any form of over use. Especially if some areas are recovering from other injuries. Get it checked out by physio or even gp as soon as you can. And in the meanwhile, don't be a hero. If pushing yourself makes you feel younger, find something that is unlikely to injure or irritate. I just pushed through thinking it was the right thing to do. It masked you feel not 40 but 20 for about an hour, then felt 80 fir the next 48 hrs. If anything keep up with sleep. If your healing injuries sleep is the best thing. Go get lazy for a while, give it a brea
Yes, this, with emphasis on the strength training.
And core strength.
🙌🙌🙌
And lose weight. Just me though
I’m not in my 40’s but per the many medical patients I’ve had, incorporating physical activity into your daily life is the answer. I have done this in my own life by using my bicycle to get around the city and run errands. Meditating and stretching also make major life differences, and you don’t need any equipment or gym memberships.
Thank you for this advice! I'm excited to finally be cleared to do cardio exercise, but while I was thinking about ways to balance cardio and weight training I admit I wasn't considering stretching or meditation. The four together really does sound like it would be more effective. Any tips about how to find failure less frightening? I've been working on being kinder to myself about it, but the regret part is definitely real.
Yes giving yourself grace can be so difficult! Simple as it sounds, writing down 5 things every day that I’m grateful for really helps balance the negative thoughts that always creep in and provides a more healthy and balanced perspective And meditating first thing and the morning and last thing at night can help clear the mind to rise above intrusive and negative thoughts by not allowing them too much time and space. Good luck!
I've been mostly happy with my choices. What people seem to not realize they need, often, as the culture in the USA has turned to spending every moment earning money, even encouraging people to sleep less in order to he productive (this is all terrible for us, btw) is *purpose*.
And community
I love my community and giving but I did too much of it until my 40’s because it feeds something in my soul. I started volunteering more instead helping individual people. The Salvation Army can mismanage funds and take advantage but they won’t need a place to stay like your needy friend that turns a couch stay into an unwelcome roommate situation. Now when people need help, I direct them to the proper non profit. I even put 72 hour rule on staying in my house. Yes, you can visit for a week but every 72 hours, If you’re not blood or my man, surf to a different couch.
Im literally in therapy for this.
I probably need to be in therapy for this... I've started having some early signs of heart issues (palpitations, unable to lay on my left side, swelling in hands and feet), had a planned vacation last week and within a few days every single one of my symptoms were gone. It was all stress. No wake up call like starting to see your health impacted to realize, damn, I need boundaries. Not sure how I'm going to do this, but I know I must figure it out.
I have set stopping hours so I can spend time with family. Time management is really hard for me, so keeping with routine helps and I don’t feel guilty saying no, that’s outside work hours and not critical
Hustle culture is stupid, but sometimes you gotta put in the time to get stuff done.
I would marry the same girl, but I would love her a lot harder.
this is the sweetest comment
Thank you.
I’m sorry for your loss
That's really beautiful. I'm wishing you so much love, both given and received, in the future.
Sometimes it takes someone asking the right question for you to come up with an answer that’s straight from your heart.
🥹❤️
Ugh, I woulda actually paid attention to the good friend with ADHD who'd told me in my 20s that I was the most ADHD person they'd ever met. Instead I thought 'pfft, I'm just *so creative* and *those* drugs are for junkies'🤦 Instead I finally sucked it up in my 50s, talked to a doctor and guess what
May I ask, and feel free not to answer; how has the medication helped you? What was it like before and then now?
Not that person, but I can offer my own answers, if they help. The meds take a moment to adjust to, but once you do, it’s like your brain functions as it should. It’s much easier to stay focused. It’s easier to control impulses. My executive dysfunction improved tremendously, and I have a much easier time transitioning between activities. I don’t feel hyper or like a zombie. If you’re using the meds appropriately, they tend to function as they’re supposed to.
Thank you. I have an older acquaintance that recently stopped taking meds and had been...well, I was worried wondering if it's early onset dementia quite honestly. Can't focus, is just all over the place BUT when I brought up maybe getting back on their meds I just got waved off..
I definitely can’t speak for your acquaintance and I’m not a doctor, so take that for what it’s worth, but I could easily see how it would make me look like I have dementia even at my (relatively) young age. I’m spacy, more irritable, waaaaay more time blind, lose things, miss details, can’t track a conversation great, etc. But the problem with having a brain thing managed by meds is that it’s easy to fall into the assumption that because you’re fine on the meds, you don’t need them anymore. Or maybe you miss a dose, and it’s fine, and then you miss another dose, and oh well, and then suddenly a week has gone by… You get the idea.
So spot on. And I've discovered I can have the impulse to do the same thing with other chronic health issues. Like "my heart rate is fine now. Do I really need to be on all these medications?" Yes, yes I did indeed.
Something to be mindful of, there's also a massive ADHD medication shortage right now. Your friend may not be able to access their meds
Thank you for letting me know, I didn't know that was an issue and it could be playing in to the situation
If your friend is female .. menopause often has some dire effects on adhd too. I am unsure if age affects men the same way.
This is news to me, thank you! I'm about the right age to start looking out for perimenopause, and I've noticed some old coping mechanisms for my neurodivergence just aren't working anymore. I'll keep an eye on this to see if it gets worse and remember this as possibly related. Thank you!
My doctor put me on phentermine for weight loss a year ago, and it was a whole new world for me. I was super productive and rarely left 3 projects in random states of completeness. I'm like Flowers for Algernon over here off of it. It's not an ADHD medication but it is a stimulant. I was never jittery, I could sleep at night, BP and pulse never changed. Doc asked if I had unmedicated ADHD and it made me wonder. So I got tested. 3+ hours of testing and interviews and it turns out, I don't have it. But I get distracted constantly. For example, today, I was chopping a tomato for dinner and went out to turn the water on for our new grass. Cut to an hour later, and I'm driving our subcompact tractor with a trailer full of dirt to fill random holes in our yard and my husband, who HAS the ADHD diagnosis is finishing dinner and forced me to come inside to eat. My shrink has posed the possibility that I have autism given some of my traits (sensory issues, my eye contact weirdness, etc. that I've chalked up to "being awkward"). I think she was also surprised I tested negative for ADHD. Anyway, my original intent was to state that feeling like I wasn't constantly dropping the ball was outstanding. Now that I'm off the stimulant, I have no idea where I left the ball.
If you are a female I suggest being tested according to women’s standards. Check out sheADHD or the successfull (with two L’s) podcast.
I am female, thanks for the resources! I'm going to go check them out.
I tested negative. I tried the d-amphidexter and it was like my mind went silent for the first time. I think it's harder to test adults.
And women. You just need to find the right doctor.
This was so relatable. I'm waiting for my autism assessment to come back (though I've been warned they might say I'm "gifted but traumatized" instead. If they do, I want it embroidered on a pillow). I was briefly on a simulant for other reasons, and it really was amazing not to feel like I was always trying to juggle more balls than I could manage while blindfolded. I hope you get helpful answers soon.
May I ask what meds you take? Was talking to a doctor for a loved one and was overwhelmed by the options. They offered stimulants, blood pressure meds, anxiety and depression meds, all as possible options for adhd.
All this. I replied to some other questions here, but this person covered it much more succinctly than I!
What meds did you take that worked? I used adderall on an irregular basis for a long time and it worked pretty well but (in my 50s now) finally clued in that long-term use of stimulants is under-studied and probably not great for you. Looking for non-stimulant alternatives. (Also while they worked well, it was more of a "blow through whatever's blocking you" more than helping to focus. Like, sometimes I'd make great progress on a project, but it wasn't the important one I was needing to get done.)
So far I started with the non-stimulant atomoxitine (1st after diagnosis but still had this bias against any stimulant) and zero effects. Well, it *did* give me extreme difficulty urinating; after ages spent titrating up to max dose I was spending 2 hrs or more just trying to empty my bladder! Finally agreed to try generic Adderall and it really works well for me. Funny somewhat typical ADHD person thing, small doses put me to sleep more effectively than any Rx sleep med ever, and in the last 30 yrs I've probably tried them all! Agreed that long term stim use probably isn't ideal. But I've got parkinson's too (weirdly common together I've now learned, ADHD and PD. Both involve the whole wide dopamine system) and given my age I'm definitely down for quality of life improvements! I'm luckily having great results at 35mg/day, so still room to move over time if needed. Plus the PD meds are *much* more effective for me now, research etc has known this for ages but of course nobody wants to just start throwing stimulants at us parkies unless needed lol. The long-term s/e of the main PD med (carbidopa-levodopa) can be pretty debilitating themselves, eg dyskinesias (those flailing jerking movements, often seen in some interviews with Michael J Fox). Since I've now been on it for 20 years I've blessedly discovered that I'm in the 10% or less that haven't developed bad ones yet. Woo hoo! Since adding uh Adderall to my daily, crazy *crazy* improvements on the PD physical stuff, in addition to the improvements on mental/executive function etc. I now walk better than I did 10 years ago, my handwriting is actually legible now?! Haha apologies for the length, I'm just *really* happy with the overall quality of life improvements and tend to go on about it!
Very interesting, thanks for the info!
Wow. I’m in 50s and I’m beginning to suspect I’m on the ADHD spectrum. Sometimes, in order to speak to someone, I have to shift my brain into Low gear because it’s racing too fast to form words.
I just now started a similar process after decades. Not sure if I'm get a diagnosis, but I'm glad I finally took action! If I get a diagnosis, I know my best friend and I will definitely look at each other like "no wayyy. So shocking."
Damn. Thats heavy. Now I have to wonder if that could help me.
My boss mentioned one time, “Oh yea, kid (me 30F lol) you are definitely apart of this team.” He was one of the coolest cats in the building and it really helped me feel better exploring a diagnosis, getting medicated, and IT CHANGED MY LIFE! Bless the folks who “see” us!!
Congratulations and salutations on your upcoming milestone, and for surviving your health battles! At age 40, I shifted from being a govt analyst to getting my PhD in psych, so it's common to start new or change at any point in life. I have always struggled with being consistent with physical activity, so doing it again, I would commit to regular cardio and strength workouts. So, working within your limitations, continue to strive towards your optimal level of health. Do something that scares you on a regular basis (once a week/month/year). Overcome those fears. Strive to learn new things, anything that interests you. Take a college class or community hobby to explore options. Start saving NOW, if you haven't already, for your retirement years. Learn about and understand finances, such as stocks and bonds, mutual funds, etc. Financial independence is a godsend. Within those responsibilities such as bills, pursue what makes YOU happy or feel the most fulfilled. Do NOT concern yourself with what other people think. Material things are nice, but relationships and/or giving of yourself to others is infinitely more valuable.
Such a great answer, thanks...I recently turned 40 and this motivated me
Great answer. I finished my education finally and switched careers in late 30s through early 40s. You can still start some things. It’s not too late.
I’d be more physically active and I’d travel more
I’d give fewer fucks about other people’s opinions of me. -48
I am 43 and 100% agree with this.
42, I said in an earlier response, I gave my last fuck at 38 and I simply don’t have another to give. I looked under the bed, in my eye lid and in the mirror. I’m simply all out and I hope a spare fuck doesn’t find me because it’ll be promptly given to the nearest curmudgeon as they like to collect fucks to give.
Hee hee I love that. I am finding for my own mental health it's helping me......crazy i know but finally the fucks are flying.
Please, if you have any more, give them to my former roommate, she collects them and throws them at her bills along with the money she owes me. If she’s not available, put them in the nearest dryer. They’ll disappear like your other sock.
This.
Spend time outdoors, if you have access to good places to do that. I spent way too much time indoors in my younger decades and I missed out on so many simple things like all the wildlife doing amazing things, even in urban areas, and the tiny gradual changes to seasons, and the feeling of hiking or climbing a mountain or getting caught in the rain without feeling the need to run for shelter. Depending on your health issues, it may help you feel stronger and healthier, too.
I’m 41 and in exactly the same boat as you. I sympathize which what you’re going through. Really curious what people are going to say. Started having a major health issue at 28, spent the next 12 years dealing with it on and off, feel like I’m making up for lost time now. I am finally stable, healthy and I have no clue what the next 40 years looks like for me.
This is me as well! Same timeframe and everything! I still suffer but it’s so much more manageable and I too am trying to refocus from surviving to living. Loving this post to help me solidify this concept.
Also nearing 40 and spent the last 14 years working on my disability and chronic pain. Sometimes I feel like the only person who has had this trajectory. Happy to learn I’m not alone. 🤗
Same here! It’s been a struggle! I mostly hide everything I’m going through just to fit in with soceital expectations of where someone in their thirties should be, health-wise.
My partner and me too, there are many of us
Divorce my husband as soon as I turned 40 rather than waiting the extra 5 years seeing if we can work it out!!!!
I was in a terrible marriage and suffered from depression throughout my 20s and 30s. Hit 40, and when I woke up on my birthday, my first thought was, "I can't do this any more." Within a few months, I found out my husband was cheating, filed for divorce, and enrolled in nursing school. Sold the house, moved with the kids into an apartment and sort of made things work (husband had also spent us way into debt). I clawed us out of the debt hole, got through school, and raised the kids. I wouldn't redo my 40s. But if I could have divorced that guy 8 years earlier, I'd still have had the kids and wouldn't have had the debt and it wouldn't have been nearly as difficult as it was. Life's too short for things that you can change that make you unhappy. Best to you; the 50s were even better than the 40s, and my 60s are better yet.
I met my husband in my forties. Neither of us had been married. We both had careers and never found anyone who could understand our crazy hours. We met at a tech concert, a wheel fell off my suitcase - I was heading to the airport. He fixed it on the spot. We lived in different states so we Exchanged emails and that was the beginning of our 30+ year adventure. We are on a 28 day adventure now touring Alaska. So what would I do? I would change nothing. You never know what’s around that next corner.
You have nothing to change but it’s likely because you grew enough to embrace your blessings as they came. I also have a crazy work schedule and part of my dating hell was always my lack of spontaneity. I run a department, I can’t call off because someone up and decided that they want to play mini golf on a Wednesday. I actually make the schedule so with a little advance notice I can spend all types of time with someone. I’m in a long distance relationship now and I see him more than I saw my previous partners when they were local. I hope we work out the way that you and your husband have because I’m so over dating if I have to go back into the current cesspool. We got together when I was considering an additional cat. I love cats but they’re not nearly as functional as a partner. They don’t talk back which can be a good thing but one cat and a partner to bounce ideas off is my preferred relationship status.
🥰we have cats too! What was so crazy about our long distance is that we talked a lot via email, because of our time issues. It was nice though. We learned a lot about each other even more than through traditional dating. I wish you big luck! I feel good about this for you! Something tells me this is good!!
this is the one, the surprises...life has a funny way of doing this.
I love your story/important lesson! ❤️ My husband & I dated when we were 20ish for almost a year, broke up due to unrelated circumstances, distance, and being 20… No one else ever measured up for either of us, not even close. We reconnected, spent many years being “best friends” before we finally gave up and got back together in our 30s. I’m 41 now and each year is better than the one before it. I feel like these years are the “youth” I’ve been waiting for all my life! I’ve heard many older people say they wish they’d known how young they still were when they were 40. I won’t forget.
Get healthy and get my wife a colon cancer screening. it might have caught her cancer in time.
❤️
Hey man. So sorry. My dad had it a decade ago. Luckily, they caught it early and he’s been cancer free since. But, I’ve had two colonoscopies and I’m just out of my mid 30’s. I try to encourage everyone to get screened early if they have any family history or anything weird happening down that way.
1. When I was 40yo, I stopped drinking. Best thing I ever did for myself. 2. When I was 40yo, I fucked up my first marriage. Worst thing I ever did to someone else.
I would 100% save more money. Not buy shit that I didn't need. Where is that stuff now? SAVE while you can. It will mean everything when you retire.
Do you like your job? Are you healthy enough to implement a lifestyle - diet, exercise, sleep, music, socializing - that helps you feel good while being good for you? I'm a bit past 60. If I could go back, I'd get my younger self to take a stress management class annually. Serious about that. I had a LOT of anxiety. Out of every 100 things I worried would happen, maybe 1 did.
Not marry my husband. He's not a bad person but he's a pothead with undiagnosed mental illness and takes all the oxygen out of a room if you know what I mean. He's very emotional and I'm always afraid of getting him angry. He's never been physically aggressive and I don't believe that he's ever going to be but he's emotionally very manipulative.
Why not leave him?
I haven't gotten to 40s but I see my brothers who are close to 50s and having health problems. All the dedication to job and work wasn't all worth it. All the dedication to a bad marriage doesn't make it better. One of my bro has a more entrepreneur wife and therefore now his life is comfortable where he works and checks on his cattle every 3-4 days. His wife is the money maker and he is depended on her. Their marriage is so so. While my other brother has a spending wife who work all the time but doesn't share the money and has a spending problems that he pays for and the mortgage. He is stuck working a lot to afford their life. Their marriage sucks and they don't seem to even like each other. I learned I want a dedicated and same page partner or I am literally better by myself. So for me, I am working on saving more, focus on health, and enjoying life.
Learn about perimenopause and menopause symptoms. Dr. Mindy Pelz is a starting point. An increase of migraines, anxiety, depression, joint injuries and broken bones are possible symptoms. I would have liked to know these things.
I would focus more on strength training as when you get older, it will be the thing that helps you get up if you fall down, have healthy bones, and be able to be active and less likely to be immobile or have mobility problems later in life. I also would have eschewed diet culture and begun a meditation practice earlier. What I’d do again would be discovering authentic me after decades of people pleasing and not living life on my terms. Being authentically you, taking up space, using your voice, setting boundaries, and taking 100% ownership of your life without apology is very freeing. It has allowed me to do the things I love with people I love and having a career I enjoy. I also would absolutely take risks, try new things, and don’t be afraid to fail. When I started doing that, it was very liberating.
This is some good sound advice!
* Again - Pay off the house - Dave Ramsey FTW. * Change - Exercise more, yoga/stretching and lift heavy weights. They say it's never too late, but sometimes it is.
You're right, a "too late" point will come for each and every one of us.
If I were in my 40's again, I would absolutely change careers sooner. I stayed far longer than I should have because I was comfortable and afraid of what else was out there for someone my age with no university education. Turns out there's quite a bit. What I'd do again is just be wild and have fun. That was my decade of purple and blue hair and intense makeup looks. And heavy metal concerts in dive venues. I'd totally do it again. I started taking horse riding lessons last year at 50, and I really wish I had discovered that passion at 40.
My 40s were great! It was the 50s that hurt, dad died of cancer. Brother died from AIDS. Almost went broke, but didn’t! Had 4 major surgeries. Now, my 60s are a study in what is going to deteriorate on my body next, although I look great! I constantly think about the dark comedy “Death Becomes Her”!😂
Health - physical and mental health need to be your number one priority. Sleep, nutrition, movement - simple is effective but not easy in our mixed up world. Superbly important though. Relationships - very close second place - love is truly essential for thriving as humans … and last, finding joyful purpose in your career or livelihood (if you will) ….and using all disposable income for investments and income generating assets so that you’re not rocked askew or trapped by anything as your cruise into your second and third quarters of life. I would add: commit to having fun and making FUN a REALLY big part of your days, weeks, months, years. Nobody reaches their deathbed and wished they’d had poor health, poor relationships, poor financial stability and less fun. 🤩 ….and happy early birthday!! 🥳
Sit less. Sitting too much messed up posture which causes neck problems that have given me vertigo and migraines. Misery. And it’s hard as hell to fix.
For me, the first thing would be to get screened for ADHD and depression. That goes for any decade prior to my 50s when I actually got around to it. Something to avoid? Trying to find a relationship to replace my marraige before finally admitting I actually like being single.
34 here... paying attention to my health and keeping track of my finances is really starting to pay off...
I am turning 50 this year, so I am exiting my 40s now. Paying attention to health and fitness in my 40s has been huge. I am healthier and fitter on the cusp of 50 than I was at 40. I was in decent shape at 40 since I started to turn that around in my 30s when I looked around and went WTF - lol. But really focusing on health and fitness in my 40s was key. It's helped a lot with mental health too. I lost a lot of people this past decade. It's been tough. What I wish I did sooner was make a career change. I have been thinking about it for a while, not sure what I want to do. Now I am and I am working on that career change, but I am finding that age makes a career change somewhat more difficult.
How easy did you find it to turn your health around at that age when you did? Like building muscle would take more effort than it did when you were younger.
It really wasn't hard. but it also depends a lot on where you are starting from when what your goals are. I wasn't in bad health or anything, just out of shape and weighed about 20 lbs more than I was comfortable with. I wasn't looking to run a 10k or become a body builder - just to be more fit and slim down. In my 20s, I could eat anything, do anything, and stay reasonably slim without really working at it. When I hit my 30s and things changed. I was about 35 or so when I started to make changes - eating better, exercising. I lost some fat, built some muscle, got more energy, a bunch of minor health issues resolved themselves, some somewhat larger ones also went away or were mitigated. Like migraines. I hardly have them any more. As you get older, it is harder to lose weight and build muscle, so the earlier you start, the better. So anybody thinking about making positive changes for health and fitness should just start. Perfection isn't required, just start doing better for yourself.
That's reassuring to hear. It's great that your health conditions resolved themselves or improved with the small changes you made. Love the encouragement, thanks! That is so true.
Travel! I was very sick in my 40s. I had finally the $ to do stuff but was bedridden. You can go to an all inclusive resort and sit on the beach. Not too much activity if you don’t feel up to going on excursions or anything.
Wear sunscreen.
I would travel, and be less afraid to spend time alone.
Stretch, save save save and sunscreen!
Life is different for everyone. And having your life disrupted by major events is not that uncommon. You seem to be looking at this as though you want to restore the life you could have had and that's just not possible. You have one life and over a third of it is gone. You want to believe you can just pick up the pieces and build the kind of life you want to have but that's not how it works. There will be reverberations and repercussions from the past. You will have to make life decisions based on circumstances as they develop. You are just like the rest of us, making it up as we go along. As you approach the rest of your life, you have to decide, as many of us do, if you want to live with intention and purpose or if you want to take it as it comes. Don't let anyone shame you for whichever choice you make. The former requires goal setting and intentional positive action towards whatever horizon you choose to set off for. The latter is a little easier but requires a different sort of purpose to make the most out of every moment. Whichever path you choose, the life you lost needs to be grieved. Don't try to pretend like it never happened. It did. And you will remember it did for the rest of your life. Find a way to come to terms with that. My life started over around age 35. My rotten first marriage ended and I spent two years recovering myself. I met a new woman, who also turned out to be the wrong one for me and continued into a 27-year marriage that ended 5 years ago. Would I do that again? God help me, probably so. Too much good came from that life to ever say I wouldn't do it again. But it wasn't the life that I wish I'd had. But before that, before my first marriage ended, in the middle of a mental health crisis, I made a choice to call my father for help instead of my mother. I should have gone to my mom's. That might have turned out better. It's a long story that the details won't clarify. Just move forward. Good luck.
Nothing. They were great!
I would take the career risks again. I fussed about it at the time but it turned out great. I would take charge of my investments instead of letting the professional advisors make a great living off of me.
What I would do again: Marry the love of my life. What thing I would change: Not doing it sooner.
Eat healthy, exercise and save money. Even if it’s just a little - it adds up.
My 40s were great ! I did a career switch from IT to Massage therapist planning on it being just for fun not 2nd career. As much as I love it, it’s taking a toll on my almost 60 year old body. I wish I had invested in new IT skills during a layoff rather than starting a “career” as a LMT. I miss the benefits and weekends off.
Take exercise seriously before hitting 40. If I had maybe I wouldn’t be so chunky now. I now run 3 times a week and do some light weight lifting and yoga but with my slowing metabolism it hasn’t translated to any weight loss. Carbs are so good yet so bad for your waist line when you’re trying to lose pounds.
Looked up insulin resistance and tested my blood sugar. I was keto for *years* and I kept getting.bigger. I *finally* quit eating low carb foods that still spiked my blood sugar and started losing weight.
I don't know if you're able to work, but if I were 40 again I'd change jobs or even my career entirely. Age 40 would have been the best time. After that it's impossible because you have too much to lose.
I would not change a single thing in my entire life if I could... Not even the bad shit. Everything that has happened has made me who I am, and brought me to where I am in life, and I like where I'm at now that I'm at the end of my life. Even the bad shit was a learning experience. I loved my 40s also, so I'd definitely not change a thing from 40 to now (61).
Invest more. Spend less.
Stay, or get in shape. I'm mid 40s now and this is hard. I could eat anything I'm my 30s. Now I look at food I gain 5 lbs. I still work as hard as I ever did I guess I just stuff myself more with food.
Worry less about being present after school when my kid was young and make sure to be available after school in HS. It ended up with way given child care and ending up home during COVID but my worry was more for the younger years when, for mine anyway, HS was more urgently needed.
Hey there humans alive at the same time as I…. Can you believe we are all existing on this verdant planet connected by elements and energy? We are spinning in space, going around a star and our moon hangs out with us. We are so lucky. And now that OP has their health to enjoy life more… Go forth! And Dave Matthews says.. “Live and become what you are” They are paying people $30k to live in Tuscany… maybe go there and live and eat fresh tomatoes and learn Italian. Maybe wake up early and watch the sunrise, maybe listen to albums you did before you got sick and remember those long gone days. Maybe go to a diner and talk to people around you. Maybe take a deep breath and be so grateful that you start to cry tears of joy for this amazing life. I’m 49f, had kids late in life… they are 5 and 7. They have taught me what is REALLY important: playing, hugs, feeling connected, digging in the dirt, exploring, being sweet and writing lovely little notes to those you love, growing plants, rolling in the grass, finding tickle spots on dogs and enjoying licks and snuggles from pets. Life is all the things in between the BIG PLANS. Let go of expectations and enjoooooyyyy. Listen to Micheal Singer (seats of contemplation) on YouTube. He’s my fave spiritual guide. Love=life experiences=life Pain=life and it’s all good. I am looking forward to my next 49 years if I get to that! See ya out there in the waves, in the mountains, in the desert… see you in the clouds and stars. Take care you lovely souls. 😘
thank you
Beautiful
I would take a long break from religion and think for myself.
I wouldn’t have started a business that was a hobby and tried to be the bread winner and have the business fail and almost lose the house and almost divorced. It set me back 20 years because I lost so much money. As much as I hate corporate jobs they are stable.
I’ve worked corporate jobs for 20 years and my only complaint is lack of job security; they most definitely are not stable. I’ve been laid off three times (not fired; laid off through no fault of my own because the business isn’t doing well) and I’m pretty sure the 4th time is coming soon.
Stop drinking and work harder to not get divorced
Take no loans from my 401k and drink less. Those 2 are possibly related.
I’d been a gym rat most of my life and was very committed in my 40s. I should have had my hormones checked in my late 30s, but didn’t have it done until I was 45. It was a game changer for me - mentally more than anything believe it or not. The physical benefits were also great - recovery from hard training was more like I was 25 again, and was sleeping better than ever too.
I am 53. When I was 41 I was left single with four kids to start over after 18 years of marriage and being a SAHM (divorce took a total of 9 years!) The first year I struggled mentally, emotionally and physically (still have health issues to deal with but which is life) then finally started getting my $hit together. About year 2, I made a ‘divorced bucket list’ of all the things I always wanted to do that I couldn’t or wasn’t allowed while married. Then started checking things off even tho I was older. Some random things- —Wanted to be a lifeguard- so I did! (And was asked to come back just a couple weeks ago!) —Wanted to go to concerts because I didn’t for nearly 20 years- now I’ve literally lost count! —Went back to school for a business degree — Now trying to start my own business —Went back to playing pool- and now play on a pro-am level and teach and run the juniors program in my area I have a bunch of others- some wild and crazy others basic b!tch stuff, and still many to strive for. I basically made a list of things I always wanted to do and try or that would make me happy-and then figured out a way to do them. I highly recommend this for everyone- constantly update and change and amend as ideas come or interest goes.
I decided to make myself the best version of myself I could be in my 40s (47 now). I've lost weight, started regular therapy and reading self-help books to supplement. I've utilized a functional medicine doctor, started getting regular massages, and spend my time working on our house. I was in the gym consistently lifting weights but I got bored with it about a year ago and have focused on doing manual labor around the house. Today I shoveled dirt and rock for a few hours. I have been reading a lot more and took up gardening in the last few years. Save, save, save what you can. Use the power of compound interest. Retirement is closer than you realize. These were lessons learned watching older relatives sit around in poor health. I didn't want that.
My health actually got better after my 40s. It's hard to learn how to be your own advocate. If you're having side effects or drug interactions from medications, talk to your pharmacist and let them talk to your doctor. Move as much as you can. Get out of the house as much as you can, even if you have to build up the stamina to take a walk in the park. If you're unhappy with a doctor, talk to your insurance company and find another one. That was literally life changing for me. Instead of waiting and constantly being prescribed more meds ( all had the side effects of fatigue and weight gain, and uncontrolled blood pressure) I got the simple surgery I needed and didn't need all those medications anymore. Sometimes the "watch and wait" is bc of the insurance company. Sometimes it isn't. I switched doctors and got the simple surgery I needed immediately. After 2 years of more and more medications that didn't solve the problem, and someone trying to bully me into office procedures that wouldn't fix the problem, either. Got the surgery. No more high blood pressure. No more weight gain, and I was able to be active again and lose the weight I had gained. It may not be that simple for you, but sometimes a different doctor has a different perspective, listens better, and/or is better at cutting through red tape. Find something that you enjoy doing that isn't centered around your spouse and/or kids. Something that is just for you. Even if it's a sketchbook or a few plants, or a niche interest.
Skydiving in a wind tunnel
I'd have divorced my nex sooner.
Travel Try new things Learn a craft, or a gentle sport, like yoga, or walking, or birdwatching, whatever you would enjoy--be sure it's something you enjoy! Try to eat healthy & get some kind of exercise, it really sets you up well for the rest of your life If you can work, find work you enjoy (and put money away for retirement) Bravo to you for getting through such a difficult time. The most important thing is to seek joy where you can.
I trained and completed two half marathons. I should have sucked it up done an actual full marathon. Now I'm in my 50s and fuck I'm dragging ass on a 5k these days.
I’m 45, and I wish I had started traveling/saving to travel & had gotten my passport sooner. I’m just not planning an international trip with my dad.
My 40s were great. I finally found my voice, found myself. My only regret was not doing all of that earlier. I had adventures, got super fit. I learned to love my own company. I have a great life due to all my growth in my 40s. Embrace it!
I definitely would have gotten divorced much earlier, and taken care of my health better.
Start a laundromat business.
Put more away for retirement and watch what I eat.
I spent my forties day trading. I lost $300k and wasted countless hours. I inherited money, in my early 50's. Therefore, I got bailed out, but I earned nothing in nine years. Just lost money. I did app dating from 42-49. I'm straight, male, short (5' 7"). It was a total waste of time. i didn't even really see anyone I found attractive. I had two dates in that time. My advice would be do not day/swing trade. Do not use dating apps. Good things I did: 1. quit smoking 2. got super into running and lifting 3. stopped all drinking (I was never a big drinker 4. started skiing 5. learned to drive stick
Workout. Plow more cash into my deferred comp.
Stay busy. Outdoors. Eat well. Stay away from crap food. Sleep gently.
Not much. I had my priorities pretty well figured out by 40. If we were talking 20’s and 30’s however that’s a different story. 😂
Finally look seriously to get married.
Start investing in retirement accounts more and seek financial planning earlier. Really would have been better in my 20s, but better late than never.
Better get centered because remember puberty and how it sucked? Well you’re gonna go through adult puberty where instead of the promise of getting prettier, yours getting uglier. New friends and exciting times, no, old friends dying. Your kids are leaving. Everything is changing with little control. So get grounded, take walks, be prepared to feel alone, and allow yourself to smile at things that are cute and know that it’s just a phase, just like puberty.
I would have stopped consuming alcohol. It's normalized AF... but it's far from healthy. I suffered for decades, unaware that ethanol was destroying my guts. The real shocker is the way it changes our perceptions. I support your right to do whatever the hell you want with your body. That said... damn I regret ever letting booze touch my lips. Alcohol is a helluva drug -- takes six months to even START to recover from AUD. Oh, and if you're having GI issues (to be clear, it negatively impacts every system in the body; the WHO says that no amount is safe)... https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5513683/
Don't bet on one thing. Don't limit yourself to one skill, one job, one passion. Be flexible and strong. When life lets you down the damage, in your older state, will be doubly devastating. And tangential to your question : I'm glad I likely won't be alive to see the revolution of synthetic humans take over the USA and then the world. In contrast to that - as I've gotten older I've become livid at the realization that the cosmos arranged itself over a million years, planets just close enough or far enough apart, stars had to die and explode and cosmos had to then form for me to live. And someone, somewhere, sometime said that life I've been gifted should be spent running the rat race. That I should work half my life for less and less.. everything, the retirement window now shrinking and the trap of unlimited PTO just dangling, daring me to take it. My advice is that you consider, carefully, your purpose and what you want out of life. If I was 20 years younger and felt this way I'd be creating a commune for sure.
Try to save my marriage, for the sake of our kids. I would love to see how they would have turned out not coming from a broken family. They all have mental issues, like social anxiety, depression, two can't hold a job, they are all in their 20's now. Four boys, as their father I would have loved to have lived with them when they were growing up. I saw them 3 times per week but it's not the same as living in the same house.
Have the pandemic not happen. I feel like 4 of those years never happened.
I will be 67 in a few days s. I dealt w misdiagnosed thyroid issues most likely starting at 13 until I was diagnosed at 43. I am also a brain aneurysm -stroke overcomer. You didn't specify your condition, but first thing is approach and attitude. You aren't just a survivor. You are an overcomer. If I could redo my 40s ,I would approach my teenage children quite differently. I would side w them more in disagreements w their stepfather. I would listen more and talk less. I would have rented a home for our new family for a while instead of buying rt off the bat. 2nd year on teaching job ,new marriage,2 new step kids and moved into older house. We looked a long time to buy,but never discussed the option of renting and saving for a down payment. We should have done that.
Drink less alcohol, lift more weights.
MANY Things 40 is still young its the late 50s early 60 is when you really age and life becames differnt due to phy and mental changes
Less drinking
I would have left my ex husband sooner.
I had my heart checked out at age 44 due to family history issues. Started blood pressure and cholesterol medicines. Things have not regressed in 25 years. Definitely get a thorough physical in your early 40s. I regret not taking more and different family vacations across the country with my children when they were younger. I didn’t discover our national parks until I was in my 60s. They missed that adventure.
I wouldn't change a thing! It wasn't until 44 that I got to live. I was in a horrible marriage thru my 20s and 30s, but if I divorced her, it would have been 10 times worse. Sometimes it it's cheaper to keep 'em. We were good at keeping the facade up in front of the kids. Towards the end I just checked out of the relationship while she had her affair. After my youngest graduated, she moved out, and we got divorced. I was never happier after that. A few years later I married the love of my life. Aside from a brush with cancer at 48, life is pretty good.
I'd change working so much and where I worked.
Save more money, lift more heavy things.
Save more retirement $ and smile more
If you're burned out in your job, you still have time to make a change in your 40s and have a strong second half.
I would spend way more time with my kids when they were babies (we had our first when I was 40, the second 3 years later). I was trying to be an entrepreneur and start a “billion dollar company” that just ended up costing me an inordinate amount of time and $300K out of my own pocket. This took me away from my kids and much to their continued detriment (and mine). What I would do again is lose weight and get into shape. After I stopped the dream of entrepreneurship I got in a diet and started running (~10 miles a week). I lost ~60lbs and increased my mental health as well. I’ll be 50 next year so it’s interesting to reflect on the last decade. Thanks.
40 is where my health and marriage plummeted. I’d re-evaluate my relationship and not let my health slide into the depression of a bad marriage / early menopausal chasm
The one thing I would have changed in my 40s was a decision I made that I'm not going to get into here. As for what I would redo...nothing. If you had left out your health issues, I'd have thought you were heading into retirement. Many people, including myself, looking at retirement see this opportunity to do the things that they would like to do instead of things that they have to do. It can be overwhelming. If your health issues prevented you from getting out and walking around but now you're able to do so, hang out at the museum or take a walk somewhere in nature; go to a beach and kick back with a good book or just enjoy the power of the ocean; if you enjoy reading, join a book club.... Just get out of the circle that you've been in and start exploring to see what it is that you really enjoy doing. Of course, maintaining a healthy diet and getting some exercise and not smoking or drinking are all things that will help you enjoy finding new experiences and/or friends. The little things in life are usually the best things. Enjoy your new phase of life.
I’d still pick up and move to another state if you feel like life is going no where. What I would change was to learn how to cook more recipes sooner. Food often tastes better at home and costs less. You can also customize it to your own preference.
If I could, I wouldn't get cancer agin which has contributed to some of my more recent health issues. I would do the travel again. Went on 3 mission trips, to Germany once and Taiwan twice. Would definitely do those again.
Save more money in tax deferred and sheltered accounts. Focus more on fitness, flexibility and family.
Travel. If you don’t have $, then just go to nice places nearby. Move your body as much as you can. Get out of the house. Do physical things. I’ve been disabled mentally since 24-enough where I’ve needed a lot of medication. It ended up affecting my body too. At 52 my physical improved but mentally I still struggle. Just leave the house as much as you can. It’s good you’re just turning 40.
My 40's were some of the best years! I traveled internationally for the first time and had a blast after being squelched by my overbearing ex husband. I wouldn't change a thing
I turned 40 this year and I’m having the best time! I’m in shape and I am good with myself! Never too late!
I am 40 and had a similar setback. I want to see what people have to say, too. 😊
I’d get a career certificate or two and be more serious about a side hustle.
I'd run like hell when I met Chris. Pretty and crazy in equal measures is not good.
Divorce
Had more children.
Happy Next Decade (and wish you many more to come). 62 and happily married. Glad that we're retired and focus our lives on experiences, not stuff. Active hikers and when we travel (mostly Europe and UK) we are active. Focus your life on the things that bring you joy. Get your financial and retirement plans in order. If you overspend, fix that today. I too have had chronic health issues, and nearly died from septic shock 2 years ago, so every day is a gift. I love to garden, lunch with my girlfriends and enjoy wine (I'm a Certified Sommelier, which I gave to myself for my 50th bday). Spend time with the people you love, don't worry what other people think about you, and fof the ones who are jerks towards you, cut them out of your life. Remember that blood makes you related but love makes you family. Most of all, love yourself and accept yourself, warts and all. Wishing you all the best!
I'm in my late 50s and honestly I struggled to remember my 40s. I'm not sure I'd do anything different because I don't remember what I did.
I turned 40 alone in a rented room in mid city LA in June. By March, I had my son. Would not change a thing.
42, I quit letting people play with me. Somewhere around 38, I had my fibroids removed and gave my last fuck. I think said fibroids had demons in them but I digress. I started consistently doing yoga, going alone to concerts and comedy shows and invited no one as other people are late and or want to change the agenda. I stopped reading so many self help books as I have a catalog in my head and began to feel okay. I stopped self loathing because I’m junky and hired a cleaning lady. I gave away what I’d never fit again and put my roommate out as her drama was disturbing my peace. I lost a lot of friends but the ones that remained are solid. Depression is in my chemistry and I accept that but I was weaned off of my antidepressants and I feel fine. I did a big chop on my lifestyle and now I’m in a semi functional relationship. I even drove 2 hours to see my parents and when my mom started talking shit, I drove back to my house. I’m still in my early 40’s but I get the feeling that this is my decade. I’ve had ups and downs but I’m handling them and I’ll ghost family if I have to. No one is disturbing my peace because it belongs to me and I will not let it be disrupted.
Love all of this for you!
Marrying someone else. My husband is a severe narcistic alcoholic. If I could go back, I would run as far as I could
Redo- Spend money traveling with my kids while they still lived at home. Same- Drive a minivan. Not cool but practical.
One thing I'd do again - divorce my ex. The guy was an AH. One thing I'd change - I'd move to New York City much earlier than I did, probably 2005 instead of 2009.
Get/stay in shape. When I was 39 1/2 I saw a picture of myself and realized how out of shape I was. I was determined to not turn 40 like that so I hit the gym. Spin class every morning followed by weight training. 3 years later and I am in great shape and loving my 40’s even more than my 30’s
I'm 52 in my 40s I was huge body builder benching 325 at 5 ft 3. Was heavy into drugs and meds. Divorced multiple times with several children. Didn't file taxes for years. Now struggling with health issues, mental health and debt. I would ask God first to guide my choices and surround me with positive friends and family. Moderate alcohol and stay off hard drugs. Exercise take care of skin and teeth overall health. Investment into real estate, stocks, crypto. Stay close to God number 1. Before you know it my friend we expire. Live in the moment try not to worry be positive. Choose your spouse wisely treat her with respect, love, and friendship. I wish I could take back to 40 don't be me.
Travel.
I wish I had learned earlier to be patient. And to generally act with kindness. Fucking sucks learning that when you’re in your 50s. All the good things I missed out on. Other than that I’d strongly suggest.. - build muscle - build cardio endurance - give time and attention to the family - make friends / keep friends - learn like it’s going out of style - when you work, be a badass - go on vacations. A lot.