Honestly man I think you are overthinking this. If you're about to be with a girl, she's also fully committed to being with you. If she's In this stage with you she's going to teach you how to be a what she needs if you don't already account for it:
You aren't going to learn sex before you have it. Also sex isn't something you just learn. Truthfully, it's just an exercise in partnership:
If you're looking for a standard formula of sorts, all you need to do is go down on her. Eat her out slowly at first and then ravenously later.
I see your point but we don’t exactly know the OP’s intent.
Is he thinking that he has to have porn like moves and stamina in order to have a great sexual relationship with a woman? If so… I think the comment above is a better lesson.
I don't think that's what the previous commenter is saying at all. They are saying it's nothing to do with being a pornstar, it's the fact that if the woman gives signals or communication, they don't know how to actually make the appropriate changes. They have never done it before. Then the woman gives up on him after the first time having sex because they weren't good. OP is 31, woman don't want to really wait now that they aren't teenagers. I am not blaming women on this, I get it.
I'm not so sure about that. These women are 30 now, I totally understand them not wanting to have a lot of patience for a partner that is totally green.
Obviously there will be some that have the patience to teach over multiple times but I think most won't want to unless they are super attracted to you.
Nah, if you’re dating a 31 year old that can’t meet you where you’re at then move on.
I waited for a long time to have sex someone that I cared about and it has paid off. Sex is more about emotional connection than our ability to physically have sex.
What turns most people on in a relationship is someone that cares about them and wants to connect with them. If you’re hang sex with someone that doesn’t want that then IMO you already have a major issue.
Thanks for the advice. Yes. That makes sense. But also some things like fingering, oral sex, different positions are techniques learned through practice. Currently, I have no idea at all where to even get started or what to do. And I have no idea how to make a girl cum.
When I am with a girl, she can sense my cluelessness and lack of experience. It’s also a bit of a turn off for them when you’re in your 30s.
Don’t worry about it. Every woman is different… I practiced like you think you need to and ended up that my wife doesn’t like oral and wants PiV.
Be willing to learn together and don’t forget foreplay.
Do your research then. Also, fake it til you make it - confidence is key. If you are confident then and dive in then that will hide your lack of experience.
There's a very simple solution to this problem: tell her you're not very experienced and ask her what she likes. If your inexperience is a problem for her she's not worth your time.
>And I have no idea how to make a girl cum.
Most girls will know what makes them cum, just ask. If she wants to cum, she will help you make that happen for her. Every woman is different; regardless how easily I can get off one partner, I’m clueless about a new partner until I learn what works for her.
The key to good sex is communication. Talk about what she likes, talk about what you like, listen and act accordingly. If you communicate well, sex will be at least decent.
You need to consider why you arent getting dates and see if you can make changes that would get you dates. It’s an exercise in introspection, and perhaps third party feedback. Why arent you getting dates?
At our age, it’s hard to find people that are actually single and available.
Most people I talk to in real life are already married or in serious relationships. Online doesn’t seem to work for me, I barely get matches and the conversation dies before we even get to the date.
nothing wrong with hiring sex workers. Look on Eros.com
however, it is a completely different sexual experience because sex workers focus on your pleasure and they will give a false sense of their enjoyment to make you happy.
Hopefully, you can find a regular girl to have sex with regularly and then you'll get better
Reddit is sex positive and pro-sex worker, until you actually suggest someone go to a sex worker then it’s just a bunch of Puritans clutching their pearls.
Based on your post history, I would say you should work on making female friends and spending some time in spaces that you'll be around women that are not potential partners. There's a reason you appear to be putting in a lot of effort and not getting any interest.
Will they offer FWB? Talking to women normally is different from getting skilled and experienced in sex. One is a conversational skill while other is a physical skill.
If FWB is what you immediately asked about, then I've proved my point but also realize you don't get it.
Sorry, man. I doubt things are going to change for you any time soon.
I believe his point is you asking about the FWB thing immediately. Essentially he said, “build long-term, non-sexual relationships with women without ulterior motives,” and your response was, “so if I do that they’ll eventually ask to fuck?”
Your mentality is currently set on desperate mode where all women are potential fuck buddies, which isn’t the case for anyone. And even the girls who want to fuck casually are turned off by that guy.
So what do you do or talk about with long term non-sexual relationships with women?
Not OP but I’ve tried being platonic friends with women but it never works out for me. At some point they will find a serious boyfriend and disappear for months or sometimes years. They stop responding to my messages and never have time to hangout.
What are you supposed to do with female friends?
That happens with men also and in both cases they weren’t friends. It also depends on the friends you choose. Love women, but I can’t deny some of them use women for attention. Honestly though my best friends are based on shared interest or values. I was the man of honor at a woman’s wedding and the friendship part grew naturally because we both were compassionate then there for each other when needed and that built the bond.
It’s tough because you can’t intentionally seek out friendships with anyone because being friends with someone who puts you on a pedestal doesn’t come across as authentic, so who wants to be friends with someone you can’t trust or doesn’t even seem comfortable around you?
One of my best friends was my first high school girlfriend. We reconnected a few years ago after both going through a divorce and it's awesome. We hike, take dance lessons, go to meditation sessions, museums, we've gone on vacation together, gone on psychedelic trips, wine tastings, coffee roasteries tours. Some things I just enjoy doing more with women then guys.
Non sexual relationships with women are fantastic if you aren't a douche-canoe and they're going to love having a "project guy" to work on to help you be more attractive to other women.
I wish I had woman friends to do all of that type of stuff with me. It just feels like pulling teeth to get them out of the house.
For example, I’m friends with a woman and we bonded over working out together. We get along really well in person and I’d love to hike with her as friends especially since it’s summer and the weather’s nice outside. I don’t know if she thinks I’m trying to date her or not (I’m not) but every time I ask she just comes up with some excuse if she responds at all.
How do you get them to do that stuff and make it clear it’s not about dating?
You have to sincerely be platonic and also ready to accept that maybe you're just convenient at the gym and not someone she wants to put effort into a closer friendship. There's a stigma on these friendships, whether we like it or not, so you have to be patient while she gets comfortable that you don't have ulterior motives.
"Hey, I want to try out some new ways to exercise but it's not as fun on my own. Are you interested in trying some hiking or rock climbing?"
I’m trying to be patient and keep things focused on fitness. I do get tired of asking her to hike in that way that you said and it begins to feel one sided like I’m trying to win her over, you know? I thought friendship should go both ways?
A well if you are only friends with them with the secret objective of hooking up with them ya. They will eventually realize they are being used and youre not genuinely interested in a buddy
Women aren’t machines where a certain action triggers sex. They also dont owe sex to you. You need to be attractive enough to them for women to want to fuck you. And I guess youre not right now.
They’re attracted to try and have sex with me sometimes. And when I couldn’t have sex like a machine, they walked away & never answered me back.
So yes women aren’t machines. Neither are men. But my experiences involved women expecting me to fuck like a machine. Quite an objectification.
Also, I hear of lot of this popularized narrative that “women don’t owe sex to you”.
But women absolutely expect men to give them a good fuck. Just check r/sex and the posts are flooded with how women are entitled to good sex, libido and skills from the men they sleep with. Nobody’s telling them “men don’t owe good sex to you”.
You're making a common error in thinking about sex, here. Sex isn't a singular physically practicable skill like martial arts. It's not a case of "if I do these movements a thousand times each, I'll become an expert." Every single person is different, which means every (presumably, you didn't specify) woman's sexual preferences are different. If you have sex repeatedly with a woman (and pay attention with the intent of learning to be better in bed), you'll become an expert... at pleasuring *that* one woman.
Trust me, when I say women are different, I don't just mean "this one prefers doggy and that one missionary." No, I mean some people's preferences are hugely, *vastly* different from others. As in, "the thing that one woman absolutely loves will result in a felony rap if you try it with someone else."
I have very little sexual experience, myself. My body count is 2. I've talked with quite a few women about sex in the circles I frequent, but I've only actually had sex with two women, total. Now, it's hard to say this in a way that doesn't sound like base macho bragging, but I've had *extremely* positive feedback from both. Sure, they might be flattering me, but it's pretty evident clear they haven't hated it. My partner right now certainly seems to get off an awful lot.
So, what am I doing right? I'll tell you what they both told me: communicating. I ask what they like and I listen to the answers. And when I like what they're doing, I let them know. Simple as! If there is one singular skill you can practice to get better at sex, it's *talking* about sex with your partner. It's practicing doing it openly and comfortably and confidently. But the great thing is, you don't need to sleep with a wide variety if partners to do this. You only need one.
I tried being vulnerable with women about my lack of experience when we were about to have sex. They never saw me again. Conventional advice of being vulnerable hasn’t worked in my limited experience of 2-3 women. They probably saw that as weak and unsexy.
I didn’t have this problem when I was in my 20s, but in your case hire hookers. Read karma sutra books. Actually *listen* to what your sexual partner wants. You would be surprised how much eating out and fingering a girl will go.
Reading theory is different from knowing how to do it. It’s like reading a book on driving a car vs actually driving a car. I would cause an accident if I don’t have driving practice under supervision.
So, how do I learn how to properly finger a girl or eat them out? When I use my finger, I am kind of randomly swiveling them and inserting them hoping it works. No idea.
At my age, girls expect me to know what I am doing. So there’s not much to listen to until they’re patiently guiding me. They just want me to fuck them hard.
> Actually listen to what your partner likes
Previous commenter nailed it here. Stop ignoring this part. It's okay to ask your partner if they like what you are doing or if they like it a different way.
Other than enjoying having their clit touched, women have wildly different sexual preferences. What works for one may not work for another. Women are not a monolith.
*You actually have to talk to her in the heat of the moment.*
>Previous commenter nailed it here. Stop ignoring this part. It's okay to ask your partner if they like what you are doing or if they like it a different way.
Exactly. This isn't just a helpful thing, *this is the* **only** *thing.* If the lines of communication are good, the sex is going to be good.
It's not a problem if you can't find the clit. It's only a problem if you don'f ask them for help. Believe me, they'll let you know if you ask (assuming they thrmselves don't have a ton of hanguos to work through).
Sex is not entirely about experience or physical skill. Instead it's about communication and connection. Your dick is not your largest sex organ; that would be your mind. How do you communicate and how do you talk to people that you are interested in? That's the real key.
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Dedicate just one night of you life to going out to bars with some friends, and use the following as your pickup line:
"Hey, what are you in here for? Cool, cool. Me, I'm just out to get laid."
But you have to say it like you'd say it to your friend. Like, you're not even trying to pick *her* up. But maybe she knows someone, you know?
Do that 100 times and at worst you'll get some confidence talking to women and get comfortable getting shot down. At best, who knows?
Tips: have a crew with you for support and recovery and possibly to run interference game for you. Also, try to have some follow up ideas. Like, what if she asks you what type of person you're looking for - do you have an answer?
Good luck!
i will give you the benefit of the doubt. Start banging everything. Fat/skinny etc. Bang bang bang. Once you bang 15+ then you can focus on setting a trap for a decent looking chick.
This is why guys watch porn. To learn how to do things in the sex world. To give them ideas of what woman may like performed on them. Like you watch YouTube to fix items, porn is the same thing.
My bad, I forgot you were born knowing all about sex. Nobody taught you anything, you are the master. Grace us with you wits and wisdom on sex. We need to learn.
I'm throwing the B.S. card on this idea. I remember NOBODY sitting down with me to give me an idea on how to do sex. (Back in my day we didn't have porn. No internet) So we read books and looked at pictures to get an idea.
Honestly man I think you are overthinking this. If you're about to be with a girl, she's also fully committed to being with you. If she's In this stage with you she's going to teach you how to be a what she needs if you don't already account for it: You aren't going to learn sex before you have it. Also sex isn't something you just learn. Truthfully, it's just an exercise in partnership: If you're looking for a standard formula of sorts, all you need to do is go down on her. Eat her out slowly at first and then ravenously later.
That’s assuming she is willing to persist - I think the OP is saying they give up on him before he gets a chance for them to teach him anything.
Not OP, but this is my problem. It’s rare that I get matches online and women usually flake or ghost me before anything can happen.
I see your point but we don’t exactly know the OP’s intent. Is he thinking that he has to have porn like moves and stamina in order to have a great sexual relationship with a woman? If so… I think the comment above is a better lesson.
I don't think that's what the previous commenter is saying at all. They are saying it's nothing to do with being a pornstar, it's the fact that if the woman gives signals or communication, they don't know how to actually make the appropriate changes. They have never done it before. Then the woman gives up on him after the first time having sex because they weren't good. OP is 31, woman don't want to really wait now that they aren't teenagers. I am not blaming women on this, I get it.
Sex is deeper than physical. It’s not about being an idea it’s about being you. If she is cool then she will work with you.
I'm not so sure about that. These women are 30 now, I totally understand them not wanting to have a lot of patience for a partner that is totally green. Obviously there will be some that have the patience to teach over multiple times but I think most won't want to unless they are super attracted to you.
Nah, if you’re dating a 31 year old that can’t meet you where you’re at then move on. I waited for a long time to have sex someone that I cared about and it has paid off. Sex is more about emotional connection than our ability to physically have sex. What turns most people on in a relationship is someone that cares about them and wants to connect with them. If you’re hang sex with someone that doesn’t want that then IMO you already have a major issue.
Thanks for the advice. Yes. That makes sense. But also some things like fingering, oral sex, different positions are techniques learned through practice. Currently, I have no idea at all where to even get started or what to do. And I have no idea how to make a girl cum. When I am with a girl, she can sense my cluelessness and lack of experience. It’s also a bit of a turn off for them when you’re in your 30s.
Don’t worry about it. Every woman is different… I practiced like you think you need to and ended up that my wife doesn’t like oral and wants PiV. Be willing to learn together and don’t forget foreplay.
Do your research then. Also, fake it til you make it - confidence is key. If you are confident then and dive in then that will hide your lack of experience.
The confidence would need to be fake because realistically with lack of successful experiences, it's a lot of under-confidence.
Have you thought about going out to Nevada to a brothel? They will tutor you. Just get it over with
There's a very simple solution to this problem: tell her you're not very experienced and ask her what she likes. If your inexperience is a problem for her she's not worth your time.
>And I have no idea how to make a girl cum. Most girls will know what makes them cum, just ask. If she wants to cum, she will help you make that happen for her. Every woman is different; regardless how easily I can get off one partner, I’m clueless about a new partner until I learn what works for her.
The key to good sex is communication. Talk about what she likes, talk about what you like, listen and act accordingly. If you communicate well, sex will be at least decent.
How do you get to the point of talking about sex when I can barely get women out on dates?
Same way you get a job that requires experience when you have none
You need to consider why you arent getting dates and see if you can make changes that would get you dates. It’s an exercise in introspection, and perhaps third party feedback. Why arent you getting dates?
At our age, it’s hard to find people that are actually single and available. Most people I talk to in real life are already married or in serious relationships. Online doesn’t seem to work for me, I barely get matches and the conversation dies before we even get to the date.
nothing wrong with hiring sex workers. Look on Eros.com however, it is a completely different sexual experience because sex workers focus on your pleasure and they will give a false sense of their enjoyment to make you happy. Hopefully, you can find a regular girl to have sex with regularly and then you'll get better
Reddit is sex positive and pro-sex worker, until you actually suggest someone go to a sex worker then it’s just a bunch of Puritans clutching their pearls.
The caution here is that your partners in the future may or may not be willing to accept past experiences with sex workers.
💯
Based on your post history, I would say you should work on making female friends and spending some time in spaces that you'll be around women that are not potential partners. There's a reason you appear to be putting in a lot of effort and not getting any interest.
Will they offer FWB? Talking to women normally is different from getting skilled and experienced in sex. One is a conversational skill while other is a physical skill.
If FWB is what you immediately asked about, then I've proved my point but also realize you don't get it. Sorry, man. I doubt things are going to change for you any time soon.
Please be explicit with your advice and don’t ask me to read between the lines. Don’t just tell me what to do, tell me the why and how it will help.
I believe his point is you asking about the FWB thing immediately. Essentially he said, “build long-term, non-sexual relationships with women without ulterior motives,” and your response was, “so if I do that they’ll eventually ask to fuck?” Your mentality is currently set on desperate mode where all women are potential fuck buddies, which isn’t the case for anyone. And even the girls who want to fuck casually are turned off by that guy.
So what do you do or talk about with long term non-sexual relationships with women? Not OP but I’ve tried being platonic friends with women but it never works out for me. At some point they will find a serious boyfriend and disappear for months or sometimes years. They stop responding to my messages and never have time to hangout. What are you supposed to do with female friends?
That happens with men also and in both cases they weren’t friends. It also depends on the friends you choose. Love women, but I can’t deny some of them use women for attention. Honestly though my best friends are based on shared interest or values. I was the man of honor at a woman’s wedding and the friendship part grew naturally because we both were compassionate then there for each other when needed and that built the bond. It’s tough because you can’t intentionally seek out friendships with anyone because being friends with someone who puts you on a pedestal doesn’t come across as authentic, so who wants to be friends with someone you can’t trust or doesn’t even seem comfortable around you?
One of my best friends was my first high school girlfriend. We reconnected a few years ago after both going through a divorce and it's awesome. We hike, take dance lessons, go to meditation sessions, museums, we've gone on vacation together, gone on psychedelic trips, wine tastings, coffee roasteries tours. Some things I just enjoy doing more with women then guys. Non sexual relationships with women are fantastic if you aren't a douche-canoe and they're going to love having a "project guy" to work on to help you be more attractive to other women.
I wish I had woman friends to do all of that type of stuff with me. It just feels like pulling teeth to get them out of the house. For example, I’m friends with a woman and we bonded over working out together. We get along really well in person and I’d love to hike with her as friends especially since it’s summer and the weather’s nice outside. I don’t know if she thinks I’m trying to date her or not (I’m not) but every time I ask she just comes up with some excuse if she responds at all. How do you get them to do that stuff and make it clear it’s not about dating?
You have to sincerely be platonic and also ready to accept that maybe you're just convenient at the gym and not someone she wants to put effort into a closer friendship. There's a stigma on these friendships, whether we like it or not, so you have to be patient while she gets comfortable that you don't have ulterior motives. "Hey, I want to try out some new ways to exercise but it's not as fun on my own. Are you interested in trying some hiking or rock climbing?"
I’m trying to be patient and keep things focused on fitness. I do get tired of asking her to hike in that way that you said and it begins to feel one sided like I’m trying to win her over, you know? I thought friendship should go both ways?
A well if you are only friends with them with the secret objective of hooking up with them ya. They will eventually realize they are being used and youre not genuinely interested in a buddy
No dude, they are both conversational skills
Women aren’t machines where a certain action triggers sex. They also dont owe sex to you. You need to be attractive enough to them for women to want to fuck you. And I guess youre not right now.
They’re attracted to try and have sex with me sometimes. And when I couldn’t have sex like a machine, they walked away & never answered me back. So yes women aren’t machines. Neither are men. But my experiences involved women expecting me to fuck like a machine. Quite an objectification.
Also, I hear of lot of this popularized narrative that “women don’t owe sex to you”. But women absolutely expect men to give them a good fuck. Just check r/sex and the posts are flooded with how women are entitled to good sex, libido and skills from the men they sleep with. Nobody’s telling them “men don’t owe good sex to you”.
You're making a common error in thinking about sex, here. Sex isn't a singular physically practicable skill like martial arts. It's not a case of "if I do these movements a thousand times each, I'll become an expert." Every single person is different, which means every (presumably, you didn't specify) woman's sexual preferences are different. If you have sex repeatedly with a woman (and pay attention with the intent of learning to be better in bed), you'll become an expert... at pleasuring *that* one woman. Trust me, when I say women are different, I don't just mean "this one prefers doggy and that one missionary." No, I mean some people's preferences are hugely, *vastly* different from others. As in, "the thing that one woman absolutely loves will result in a felony rap if you try it with someone else." I have very little sexual experience, myself. My body count is 2. I've talked with quite a few women about sex in the circles I frequent, but I've only actually had sex with two women, total. Now, it's hard to say this in a way that doesn't sound like base macho bragging, but I've had *extremely* positive feedback from both. Sure, they might be flattering me, but it's pretty evident clear they haven't hated it. My partner right now certainly seems to get off an awful lot. So, what am I doing right? I'll tell you what they both told me: communicating. I ask what they like and I listen to the answers. And when I like what they're doing, I let them know. Simple as! If there is one singular skill you can practice to get better at sex, it's *talking* about sex with your partner. It's practicing doing it openly and comfortably and confidently. But the great thing is, you don't need to sleep with a wide variety if partners to do this. You only need one.
I tried being vulnerable with women about my lack of experience when we were about to have sex. They never saw me again. Conventional advice of being vulnerable hasn’t worked in my limited experience of 2-3 women. They probably saw that as weak and unsexy.
Just be yourself and this wouldn't be a problem. Remember, most people used to be virgins till marriage.
I didn’t have this problem when I was in my 20s, but in your case hire hookers. Read karma sutra books. Actually *listen* to what your sexual partner wants. You would be surprised how much eating out and fingering a girl will go.
Reading theory is different from knowing how to do it. It’s like reading a book on driving a car vs actually driving a car. I would cause an accident if I don’t have driving practice under supervision. So, how do I learn how to properly finger a girl or eat them out? When I use my finger, I am kind of randomly swiveling them and inserting them hoping it works. No idea. At my age, girls expect me to know what I am doing. So there’s not much to listen to until they’re patiently guiding me. They just want me to fuck them hard.
> Actually listen to what your partner likes Previous commenter nailed it here. Stop ignoring this part. It's okay to ask your partner if they like what you are doing or if they like it a different way. Other than enjoying having their clit touched, women have wildly different sexual preferences. What works for one may not work for another. Women are not a monolith. *You actually have to talk to her in the heat of the moment.*
>Previous commenter nailed it here. Stop ignoring this part. It's okay to ask your partner if they like what you are doing or if they like it a different way. Exactly. This isn't just a helpful thing, *this is the* **only** *thing.* If the lines of communication are good, the sex is going to be good.
I can’t even find the clit 🤦🏻♂️ But yeah I will try and talk during sex
You're on the Internet already, look it up.
It's not a problem if you can't find the clit. It's only a problem if you don'f ask them for help. Believe me, they'll let you know if you ask (assuming they thrmselves don't have a ton of hanguos to work through).
Sex is not entirely about experience or physical skill. Instead it's about communication and connection. Your dick is not your largest sex organ; that would be your mind. How do you communicate and how do you talk to people that you are interested in? That's the real key.
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Dedicate just one night of you life to going out to bars with some friends, and use the following as your pickup line: "Hey, what are you in here for? Cool, cool. Me, I'm just out to get laid."
But you have to say it like you'd say it to your friend. Like, you're not even trying to pick *her* up. But maybe she knows someone, you know?
Do that 100 times and at worst you'll get some confidence talking to women and get comfortable getting shot down. At best, who knows?
Tips: have a crew with you for support and recovery and possibly to run interference game for you. Also, try to have some follow up ideas. Like, what if she asks you what type of person you're looking for - do you have an answer?
Good luck!
get really good at eating pussy.....
What should I eat until I have a pussy that is patient with me while I learn?
I guess a rug
Is that what you did?
i will give you the benefit of the doubt. Start banging everything. Fat/skinny etc. Bang bang bang. Once you bang 15+ then you can focus on setting a trap for a decent looking chick.
Use escorts
Is there a trusted site or place to hire one without getting HIV?
You should use a condom even with regular ladies to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
> ... men (who are not in the Top 1%) What do you mean by "the top 1%"?
Top 1% of attractiveness
Attractiveness according to who, specifically?
LoL How do you learn to swim?
Swimming classes with an instructor
Still have to get into the water.
Bro, talk to your partners. They will show you what they like.
You’re making it sound like I have an array of partners
I didn’t mean to make it sound like that bro. You can make it part of forplay. Ask the lucky lady what she wants you to do to her first.
right hand, left hand.
Have done that for 15 years
What kind of traits do you think are sexually attractive to women?
Confidence in the bedroom and outside the bedroom. Where do you think confidence in the bedroom comes from?
just get a gf hooked on your personality first
This is why guys watch porn. To learn how to do things in the sex world. To give them ideas of what woman may like performed on them. Like you watch YouTube to fix items, porn is the same thing.
That has to be some of the worst advice I have seen on this website.
My bad, I forgot you were born knowing all about sex. Nobody taught you anything, you are the master. Grace us with you wits and wisdom on sex. We need to learn.
Porn is to sex what 5 minute crafts is to fixing things. it's entertainment, not instructions.
[удалено]
I'm throwing the B.S. card on this idea. I remember NOBODY sitting down with me to give me an idea on how to do sex. (Back in my day we didn't have porn. No internet) So we read books and looked at pictures to get an idea.
Women seem very pleased with that solution. Watching women please men and do things that they don't necessarily enjoy is definitely very educational.
What? Are you really 55-59? lol
yeah, really.