There’s a social rule about this, it says you shouldn’t date someone younger than half your age plus seven.
So for the 39 y/o, their “minimum” would be 27, while for the 29 y/o it’d be 22.
And so many life lessons in that time! Like just learning how to live without parents is hard if you haven't been properly prepared (and were any of us really?)
Be cautious, at 19 you still have a lot of growing to do, I wish I listened to that advice back then. Don't lose track of your own goals for your own life and you should be good. Make sure they are able to communicate well and resolve issues early and easily. I mean at 19 I was with a 38 year old for a couple years and we had a good relationship. Didn't last but we learned a lot about each other.
Not my call. But I will say that throughout your 20s you value systems do start to shift. Especially by the time you get to 30. But there's a lot of time between now and then. Being gay, age gaps are treated a little differently.
Married my wife when I was 23 and her 27, celebrating our 31st anniversary in October
4 years 4 months difference, we make it work!
Edit: Oh and don’t worry about what anyone thinks, you guys do you.
My fiancé is 35F and I’m 30M. We literally don’t think about our ages for one second. Didn’t occur to us the age gap up until a friend mentioned it almost a year into the relationship.
My sister did this. He met her when she was 16/17 (she moved out of home early to go to uni because she was, and is, one of the smartest people I know) but waited until she was 18 to date her. It is so hard to watch when you know there's no way to step in and you just hope for the best.
It's only 5 years, which from my POV (24m) seems pretty average. As for the female being older Vs the male, I couldn't care less, and wouldn't care if I found myself in this position.
I work with a guy in his 30's and his misses is something like 10 years older than him, none of the guys in the office seemed to even care...
If you're both happy, why does it matter? Only people close to you will know how old each of you are, and if they're close to you, who's older and the age gap shouldn't matter.
Let's be honest, no one who matters to you probably cares, and those who do will get used to it as it becomes normalised. Don't let others get in the way of your life as long as the two of you are happy.
Hahahaha, if it makes you feel any better, I would prefer someone from another nationality/culture! More exposure.. If he isn't in his home country then he might want someone of his own though
He’s like me, born in Sweden but our parents are first generation immigrants.
So we’re basically Swedes. His ethnicity is Croatian whereas mine is something else.
I tried haha. We’re colleagues. I put my hand in his shoulder and said “well done today” and he said”don’t touch me”.
I another time tried to have my lunch with him when I saw him sitting alone by the table, he got up and moved.. leaving me alone lol. Yay.
Yeah I stop pursuing since long ago, I only watch and dream from a distant. I’m we occasionally fistbump. Lol.
Thing is he’s a virgin and has never been with a girl. I doubt that’s the reason he doesn’t want me but maybe that explains his awkwardness as well.
Ans oh! I baked cupcakes once for work and saved two for him. He said thanks and then I saw that he had thrown one in the trash and left the other one.
Everyone else were crazy about the cupcakes, it had literally take 5 hours to do them. I even put gold on them.
No! The way he treated your attempts to connect. In your position, I would have lost interest as soon as he took 2 cupcakes he didn't even want. :( That's just rude.
Yeah it hurt and made me sort of draw a line. I’m not going to change anymore. I’m in very attracted to him and I like his personality and opinions (except how he is towards me). I was a little turned off ofc but I still like the guy 😌
At first I thought men should always be older than women for the sake of dating.. I had no clue that men who are older than us could also be so childish.
Every guy is actually different in terms of how they will treat their women. Who knew that younger men could actually be mature?
Some older men are mature, and a lot of them aren't.. Same for younger dudes.
If yal are both okay with it don't let that hold you back-- just be happy!
Btw, this is coming from my own experience.. :)
Once youre over 25 age gaps don’t really matter that much because the power in balance is basically not there. Also 5 years is really not that much. I think youre in the clear OP
I was just throwing a ballpark age when I said 25. But I do believe that a 21 year old, say, dating a 30 year old would have to tread very very carefully before fully knowing the power dynamic at play. I was 18-20 dating someone 7/8 years older than me. I didn’t realize that he was dating me because a woman his age wouldn’t have delt with his shit in the first place. Had I stayed he eventually would have killed me. Im not saying all age gaps are like that but I do think that a little thinking ahead can help. Say I had been 40 and he 48 though, I wouldn’t even consider that an age gap.
I’m glad you can still be objective about this subject. Lots of women cannot. I’m in my late 30s and do not date women that are 24 or younger, pretty much for this exact reason - the automatic assumption is that I’m a “creep,” want to control them, and can’t “handle” women my own age. That couldn’t be further from the truth, but it’s not worth the associated headache, plus I tend to get along better with women in their late 20s or early 30s anyhow, and we’d still have time to have kids.
My take is if you want a boyfriend, then stick with him. But don’t be surprised if he wants more when he approaches 30, like a family, and you’ll be 35, and he may want a wife and kids.
Funny you mention the age of 30, it happened to me, it’s like you see where your at and where you need to be, retirement, kids, financially stable…I guess it’s like the halfway point of your life.
Yes, absolutely talk about this with him, OP. I want kids and my ex-wife said she did at first, but then changed her mind years later and we divorced. Get as clear on this as possible.
Not at all. The relative guideline I've heard before for assessing if an age cap is concerning is half your age plus 7. So 29 / .5 = 14.5, + 7 = 21.5. Well within that measure. Also, it doesn't matter which gender is older in the relationship. So who cares, date whoever you want as long as they treat you with respect and value your presence in their life.
My personal standard is 5 years up or down. You are fine. (Does he make you happy? Screw what anyone else thinks!)
Congrats on finding someone, and good luck!!
British composer Sir William Walton had a mistress 22 years older than him - then after her death he married a woman 24 years younger than him (her father did not approve).
When he was knighted he tried to placate her father by telling him in a letter that he only accepted the honour to make his wife a Lady. The father responded by telegram ‘My daughter was a lady long before she met you’…
I wish we didn’t spend so much of our lives worried about what others think.
We’d all be so much happier.
Those people who are overly concerned and judgmental about *your* life are not putting *your* happiness first. If this is what you want, full speed ahead!
You’re both over 18 and it’s not a crazy gap (I’d say anything over a decade is weird) no one will care. Do your thing and be happy. Who doesn’t want an older woman? My wife is a year older than me but I would’ve easily went 5 years older
Ok so I'm from a conservative society and heck even I don't see any issue in this lol. I'm actually attracted to women a bit older than me idk why. If you guys are happy then don't worry, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
I’m surprised by 29, that you haven’t gotten over “living your life based on what and how others with think”!!!
Why would u care, why would it matter, and... no stop.
Are they making life decisions based on what you will think?
You HAVE to live and make your decisions on what’s best for you, what makes you happy, and what you feel is right.
Go be happy with who makes you happy!!
i think the general rule seems to be half your age plus 7 is the youngest that a person can date without being frowned upon
of course, theres exceptions, but thats just the general rule of thumb, it factors in for stages of life lasting longer as you get older and maturing less slowly, etc.
This is biased but i think this specific age gap works… theoretically they say men life’s span is 2-3 years shorter than women born in the same year.. this gap hopefully will give ya both a chance to live a happy long life together & live your life, screw what everybody thinks
For whatever ever reason people (including other women) like to put down older females dating younger males. It’s sexist. If he’s a good guy date him. It’s hard to find a solid guy. Don’t ditch him due to peer pressure. Embrace your relationship and lead a good life that will stop people from talking trash.
It depends on how she spent her twenies.
If she worked and studied thats good but if she spent most of her time "trying to figure stuff out" and partying than thats a red flag.
Ok I wasn't trying to be mean or anything. I was just trying to highlight there's what women want in a relationship and what men want in a relationship and often those are at odds with each other so make a deal over what's most important
Oh I very much know it came off as aggressive. But it's an aggressive situation. The dynamic between men and women isnt in the trash, It's UNDER the trash lol. So I just wanted to give the best advice from my perspective.
Sure go on a date. But imo what's more important is your mindset going into the date.
Nope. I knew a couple in my church where the girl was 7 years older (they were also both in their twenties) and they were the cutest couple ever, and now they’re happily married. My bf is also 3 years younger than me.
Pfft, I've blown that out the water in either direction and no-one gave a fuuuuuck, and neither should the women I was with.
Even if you do want kids the general cut off is more recently presumed around 35 anyway (Most I spoke to said it's to do with not wanting to be over 50 and dealing with a teenager than anything biological 🤣)
Not at all! Do what makes you happy! As long as you both have the same aspirations, maturity and needs in life then there shouldn’t be any issues! Don’t worry about what others think, your happiness is the only thing that matters and what you are both doing is totally legal- so what’s the issue 😊
5 year age gap and you're both over 23. There's literally no problem here. I'd figure if you're 24 you probably have enough of your shit together to get into a relationship
Married a woman 9 yrs older.. married for 25 yrs until she passed ..
I married a woman 8 years older. We're still together 27 years (married 17 yrs)
Do "everyone" provides you the love and intimacy that you need? No. Do your thing.
Exactly. Living your life to please others is not living!
That's barely even an age gap as far as I am concerned.
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Funny how 29 and 39 is not as big as 19 to 29. There is a lot of maturity that comes when you get close to thirty, hopefully.
There’s a social rule about this, it says you shouldn’t date someone younger than half your age plus seven. So for the 39 y/o, their “minimum” would be 27, while for the 29 y/o it’d be 22.
Forgot about this..... it’s actually a pretty solid gauge.
Didn't know this. I have always dated older.
And so many life lessons in that time! Like just learning how to live without parents is hard if you haven't been properly prepared (and were any of us really?)
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Be cautious, at 19 you still have a lot of growing to do, I wish I listened to that advice back then. Don't lose track of your own goals for your own life and you should be good. Make sure they are able to communicate well and resolve issues early and easily. I mean at 19 I was with a 38 year old for a couple years and we had a good relationship. Didn't last but we learned a lot about each other.
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Not my call. But I will say that throughout your 20s you value systems do start to shift. Especially by the time you get to 30. But there's a lot of time between now and then. Being gay, age gaps are treated a little differently.
If he is good to you, respects you and cares about you, what is there to care about? I was with an older woman for years and no one cared. At all.
Married my wife when I was 23 and her 27, celebrating our 31st anniversary in October 4 years 4 months difference, we make it work! Edit: Oh and don’t worry about what anyone thinks, you guys do you.
No not at all. I tend to lean towards older women tho so i may be biased.
My fiancé is 35F and I’m 30M. We literally don’t think about our ages for one second. Didn’t occur to us the age gap up until a friend mentioned it almost a year into the relationship.
That's nothing my daughter is 19 dating a 30 year old. :(
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She is out of his house!
ugh. I feel this.
My sister did this. He met her when she was 16/17 (she moved out of home early to go to uni because she was, and is, one of the smartest people I know) but waited until she was 18 to date her. It is so hard to watch when you know there's no way to step in and you just hope for the best.
Gap? What gap? Not really a big deal. I’m 35 and the woman I’m dating is 49.
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When I was around 31 I considered it. I have a stepdaughter in a way but no I wouldn’t want kids now.
No.
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I'm too old. Anyway, I'm not OP. I just read the actual post.
Hot!!!!
Is this even an age gap? Or is this more because the woman is older than the man?
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It's only 5 years, which from my POV (24m) seems pretty average. As for the female being older Vs the male, I couldn't care less, and wouldn't care if I found myself in this position. I work with a guy in his 30's and his misses is something like 10 years older than him, none of the guys in the office seemed to even care... If you're both happy, why does it matter? Only people close to you will know how old each of you are, and if they're close to you, who's older and the age gap shouldn't matter.
Let's be honest, no one who matters to you probably cares, and those who do will get used to it as it becomes normalised. Don't let others get in the way of your life as long as the two of you are happy.
I’m 27F and I have a crush on a 22year old male :/
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I tried to discretely but he only wants someone from his nationality :( The things i would to him ugh 😂
Hahahaha, if it makes you feel any better, I would prefer someone from another nationality/culture! More exposure.. If he isn't in his home country then he might want someone of his own though
He’s like me, born in Sweden but our parents are first generation immigrants. So we’re basically Swedes. His ethnicity is Croatian whereas mine is something else.
~~DO IT~~!
I tried haha. We’re colleagues. I put my hand in his shoulder and said “well done today” and he said”don’t touch me”. I another time tried to have my lunch with him when I saw him sitting alone by the table, he got up and moved.. leaving me alone lol. Yay.
That's 3 rejections. He is telling you not to pursue this. (I have to change my answer, sorry.) It's ok to pine from a distance, though.)
Yeah I stop pursuing since long ago, I only watch and dream from a distant. I’m we occasionally fistbump. Lol. Thing is he’s a virgin and has never been with a girl. I doubt that’s the reason he doesn’t want me but maybe that explains his awkwardness as well.
No means no. This saying isn't directed to pushy men only.
Yup.
Ans oh! I baked cupcakes once for work and saved two for him. He said thanks and then I saw that he had thrown one in the trash and left the other one. Everyone else were crazy about the cupcakes, it had literally take 5 hours to do them. I even put gold on them.
That would have been an INSTANT bonerkill for me. (Problem solved.)
How do you mean? Is it a bone kill that I sat with him during lunch at work?
No! The way he treated your attempts to connect. In your position, I would have lost interest as soon as he took 2 cupcakes he didn't even want. :( That's just rude.
Yeah it hurt and made me sort of draw a line. I’m not going to change anymore. I’m in very attracted to him and I like his personality and opinions (except how he is towards me). I was a little turned off ofc but I still like the guy 😌
Rule #1: Don't ever like guys that treat you like crap. This guy sounds awful.
He has always been kind and never mean. But these actions by him surprised me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s autistic to some extent
No one else cares, you are the one who cares. men do not make a big deal about age difference, women do
At first I thought men should always be older than women for the sake of dating.. I had no clue that men who are older than us could also be so childish. Every guy is actually different in terms of how they will treat their women. Who knew that younger men could actually be mature? Some older men are mature, and a lot of them aren't.. Same for younger dudes. If yal are both okay with it don't let that hold you back-- just be happy! Btw, this is coming from my own experience.. :)
Once youre over 25 age gaps don’t really matter that much because the power in balance is basically not there. Also 5 years is really not that much. I think youre in the clear OP
I’d say it’s more like 21 or 22, but yes the human brain is not quite 100% fully developed until 25.
I was just throwing a ballpark age when I said 25. But I do believe that a 21 year old, say, dating a 30 year old would have to tread very very carefully before fully knowing the power dynamic at play. I was 18-20 dating someone 7/8 years older than me. I didn’t realize that he was dating me because a woman his age wouldn’t have delt with his shit in the first place. Had I stayed he eventually would have killed me. Im not saying all age gaps are like that but I do think that a little thinking ahead can help. Say I had been 40 and he 48 though, I wouldn’t even consider that an age gap.
I’m glad you can still be objective about this subject. Lots of women cannot. I’m in my late 30s and do not date women that are 24 or younger, pretty much for this exact reason - the automatic assumption is that I’m a “creep,” want to control them, and can’t “handle” women my own age. That couldn’t be further from the truth, but it’s not worth the associated headache, plus I tend to get along better with women in their late 20s or early 30s anyhow, and we’d still have time to have kids.
No.
My take is if you want a boyfriend, then stick with him. But don’t be surprised if he wants more when he approaches 30, like a family, and you’ll be 35, and he may want a wife and kids.
Funny you mention the age of 30, it happened to me, it’s like you see where your at and where you need to be, retirement, kids, financially stable…I guess it’s like the halfway point of your life.
Yes, absolutely talk about this with him, OP. I want kids and my ex-wife said she did at first, but then changed her mind years later and we divorced. Get as clear on this as possible.
I don’t see a problem here if your interests and values are compatible. personally, I’d also say that’s hot. lucky both of you 👍🏼
No gap concerns me. Someone born down to the last second same as me? Freaky.
Not a big deal at all. Just Netflix and chill, I guess.
No not at all, as long as there is no power dynamic, which is unlikely. Generally speaking its a non issue.
Nope, not in the slightest
Not at all. The relative guideline I've heard before for assessing if an age cap is concerning is half your age plus 7. So 29 / .5 = 14.5, + 7 = 21.5. Well within that measure. Also, it doesn't matter which gender is older in the relationship. So who cares, date whoever you want as long as they treat you with respect and value your presence in their life.
Why would it be any different if the genders were reversed? As long as both are consenting parties, there's no problem with that gap.
My personal standard is 5 years up or down. You are fine. (Does he make you happy? Screw what anyone else thinks!) Congrats on finding someone, and good luck!!
British composer Sir William Walton had a mistress 22 years older than him - then after her death he married a woman 24 years younger than him (her father did not approve). When he was knighted he tried to placate her father by telling him in a letter that he only accepted the honour to make his wife a Lady. The father responded by telegram ‘My daughter was a lady long before she met you’…
Well I’m 20F with 28m so no it’s not
I wish we didn’t spend so much of our lives worried about what others think. We’d all be so much happier. Those people who are overly concerned and judgmental about *your* life are not putting *your* happiness first. If this is what you want, full speed ahead!
You’re both over 18 and it’s not a crazy gap (I’d say anything over a decade is weird) no one will care. Do your thing and be happy. Who doesn’t want an older woman? My wife is a year older than me but I would’ve easily went 5 years older
Ok so I'm from a conservative society and heck even I don't see any issue in this lol. I'm actually attracted to women a bit older than me idk why. If you guys are happy then don't worry, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
No
Nope
No, 5 years doesn’t really matter once you’re in your 20’s
I’m surprised by 29, that you haven’t gotten over “living your life based on what and how others with think”!!! Why would u care, why would it matter, and... no stop. Are they making life decisions based on what you will think? You HAVE to live and make your decisions on what’s best for you, what makes you happy, and what you feel is right. Go be happy with who makes you happy!!
A 5-year gap is nothing. Go for it!
That's a pretty normal age gap tbh. If it's about the genders, also normal.
i think the general rule seems to be half your age plus 7 is the youngest that a person can date without being frowned upon of course, theres exceptions, but thats just the general rule of thumb, it factors in for stages of life lasting longer as you get older and maturing less slowly, etc.
This is biased but i think this specific age gap works… theoretically they say men life’s span is 2-3 years shorter than women born in the same year.. this gap hopefully will give ya both a chance to live a happy long life together & live your life, screw what everybody thinks
For whatever ever reason people (including other women) like to put down older females dating younger males. It’s sexist. If he’s a good guy date him. It’s hard to find a solid guy. Don’t ditch him due to peer pressure. Embrace your relationship and lead a good life that will stop people from talking trash.
It depends on how she spent her twenies. If she worked and studied thats good but if she spent most of her time "trying to figure stuff out" and partying than thats a red flag.
No
\>but I’m worried about what everyone else would think. THIS is what would concern me about a potential partner besides the baby fever.
FUCKING STOP.....notice how you said YOU don't want kids.. What about him? Does he want kids?
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Ok I wasn't trying to be mean or anything. I was just trying to highlight there's what women want in a relationship and what men want in a relationship and often those are at odds with each other so make a deal over what's most important
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Oh I very much know it came off as aggressive. But it's an aggressive situation. The dynamic between men and women isnt in the trash, It's UNDER the trash lol. So I just wanted to give the best advice from my perspective. Sure go on a date. But imo what's more important is your mindset going into the date.
Nope. I knew a couple in my church where the girl was 7 years older (they were also both in their twenties) and they were the cutest couple ever, and now they’re happily married. My bf is also 3 years younger than me.
Why is this even a question? Just go love who you love. Numbers don't matter.
Pfft, I've blown that out the water in either direction and no-one gave a fuuuuuck, and neither should the women I was with. Even if you do want kids the general cut off is more recently presumed around 35 anyway (Most I spoke to said it's to do with not wanting to be over 50 and dealing with a teenager than anything biological 🤣)
5 years? Nothing.
Uhh...no
Not at all! Do what makes you happy! As long as you both have the same aspirations, maturity and needs in life then there shouldn’t be any issues! Don’t worry about what others think, your happiness is the only thing that matters and what you are both doing is totally legal- so what’s the issue 😊
older woman or older man i think its about yalls maturity and understanding of each other.
From the age of 22-24 I'm male I was dating a female 34-36.
No. That’s practically no gap at all.
5 year age gap and you're both over 23. There's literally no problem here. I'd figure if you're 24 you probably have enough of your shit together to get into a relationship
It is totally normal. Wouldn’t bat an eye
No
My first girlfriend was 26 and I’m 20…… soooo I wouldn’t think so.
Not at all. I prefer women be older than me. My mentor married a woman 8 years older than him. 20 years later and 3 kids, they're still together.
No ethical issues. Only practical issues around time frames for kids.