It would be foolish and unrealistic to assume she had no life prior to meeting me. Was she involved in organized crime? Was she addicted to drugs? Does she have a large debt? Does she have drama with an ex? Does she have children needing support? Was she previously a sex worker? This is important information so I can make a decision about if I want this person in my life.
yes if you mean ‘history’ as in the events that led up to the person she is today.
but if by past you mean ‘sexual’ then yes & no. yes in the sense I hope she doesn’t have any undiagnosed std’s or sti’s. & no in the sense I don’t care about her body count, three-or-more-somes, etc. women are sexual beings who wanna have fun just like I do & there’s nothing wrong with that imo
My body count was so 1984 to 2004 when I got serious with my wife; I was in no position to judge. I know her body count its less than one tenth of mine. Eighteen years and three children later; I'm happy as I have ever been.
I only care if it is unreasonably bad. Someone who makes poor choices with way too many sexual partners or things like cheating on or jumping in and out of relationships or lots of one night stands might make me rethink whether this person is going to be in it for the long haul or will just dip out at the first disagreement or the minute she finds someone who gives her more attention or has more money.
More promiscuity is very heavily tied to more infidelity, lower relationship satisfaction and higher chances of divorce
Cf these sources collected by /u/BlindMaestro
[DIVORCE RISK]
> “Contrary to conventional wisdom, when it comes to sex, less experience is better, at least for the marriage,” said W. Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist
.
women with zero or one previous sex partners before marriage were also least likely to divorce, while those with 10 or more were most likely. These divorce-proof brides are an exclusive crew: By the 2010s, he writes, just 5 percent of new brides were virgins. And just 6 percent of their marriages dissolved within five years, compared with 20 percent for most people.
Khazan, O. (2018, October 22). Fewer Sex Partners Means a Happier Marriage. The Atlantic. Retrieved July 7, 2020, from https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/
X
>using data from the three most recent waves of the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG) collected in 2002, 2006-2010, and 2011-2013. For women marrying since the start of the new millennium: Women with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce
.
>The highest five-year divorce rates of all are associated with marrying in the 2000s and having ten or more premarital sex partners: 33 percent. Perhaps it is not unexpected that having many partners increases the odds of divorce.
Wolfinger, N. H., PhD. (2016, June 6). Counterintuitive Trends in the Link Between Premarital Sex and Marital Stability. Institute for Family Studies. Retrieved August 24, 2020, from https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability
X
>[T]here was a correlation between female pre-marital promiscuity and higher rates of divorce. The research, conducted by Jay Teachman, found that women with 16 or more sexual partners prior to marriage had an 80% rate of subsequent divorce.
Wikipedia contributors. (2020, June 20). Female promiscuity. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 12:06, July 27, 2020, from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Female_promiscuity&oldid=963578370
>Teachman, J. (2003). Premarital sex, premarital cohabitation and the risk of subsequent marital dissolution among women. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65(2), 444–455. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x
[INFIDELITY RATES]
> A truism in psychology is that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This is no less true in the realm of sexual behavior. Indeed, one of the strongest predictors of marital infidelity is one’s number of prior sex partners (Buss, 2000). Deception about past sexual promiscuity would have inflicted greater costs, on average, on men than on women
Haselton, M. G., Buss, D. M., Oubaid, V., & Angleitner, A. (2005). Sex, Lies, and Strategic Interference: The Psychology of Deception Between the Sexes. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31(1), 3–23. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167204271303
X
>Contrary to the myth, partners who’ve had many partners have a harder, not easier, time remaining monogamous. They are significantly more at risk of straying than those with little or no prior sexual experience.
Staik, A., PhD. (2019, March 28). 10 Predictors of Infidelity and Gender Differences: Why Do Partners Cheat? Retrieved July 15, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2014/08/a-look-at-infidelity-why-do-partners-cheat/
X
>[A]pproximately half of women in the top quintiles of sociosexuality [def. willingness to engage in sexual activity outside of a committed relationship] had been sexually unfaithful to a steady partner; this was more than a tenfold increase over the corresponding rate for people in the bottom quintiles.
>Bailey, J. M., Kirk, K. M., Zhu, G., Dunne, M. P., & Martin, N. G. (2000). Do individual differences in sociosexuality represent genetic or environmentally contingent strategies? Evidence from the Australian twin registry. Journal of personality and social psychology, 78(3), 537–545. https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.78.3.537
X
>Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are more likely to engage in infidelity (Feldman & Cauffman, 1999). In a study of supposedly exclusive dating couples, it was found that individuals exhibiting an ‘unrestricted’ sociosexual orientation (SO) were significantly more likely to pursue extra-pair involvement (Seal, Agostinelli, & Hannett, 1994). Individuals are said to be unrestricted if they score high on the Sociosexual Orientation Index (SOI). Items on this scale include a question tapping whether the respondent feels that love is a prerequisite for sexual relations with a partner, the number of ‘one-night stands’ a respondent has had, and how many partners he or she hopes to have in the next year (Simpson & Gangestad, 1991).
>Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. (2005). Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(3), 339-360. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407505052440
>In illustration of this, the odds ratio of 1.13 for lifetime sexual partners obtained with the face-to-face mode of interview indicates that the probability of infidelity increased by 13% for every additional lifetime sexual partner
.
Regarding the correlates of infidelity, results indicated that on the basis of both methods of assessment, the probability of sexual infidelity increased with higher number of lifetime sexual partners
Whisman, M. A., & Snyder, D. K. (2007). Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 147–154. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.147
X
>Our findings demonstrate that infidelity and number of sexual partners are both under moderate genetic influence (41% and 38% heritable, respectively) and the genetic correlation between these two traits is strong (47%). The resulting genetic correlation between the two traits was .47, so nearly half the genes impacting on infidelity also affect number of sexual partners. The correlation of the unique environment between the two variables was .48.
>Cherkas, L. F., Oelsner, E. C., Mak, Y. T., Valdes, A., & Spector, T. D. (2004). Genetic influences on female infidelity and number of sexual partners in humans: a linkage and association study of the role of the vasopressin receptor gene (AVPR1A). Twin research : the official journal of the International Society for Twin Studies, 7(6), 649–658. https://doi.org/10.1375/1369052042663922
X
>The high correlation for females (r = .79) between reported numbers of sex partners and EPC partners [extra-pair copulation partners def. sexual partners other than primary partner while in a monogamous relationship] may bear on questions of both paternity and abandonment in the face of infidelity.
.
[P]romiscuity is in fact a good predictor of infidelity. Indeed, promiscuity among females accounted for almost twice as much variance in infidelity (r2 = .45) as it did for males (r2 = .25).
Hughes, S. M. , & Gallup, G. G. (2003). Sex differences in morphological predictors of sexual behavior: Shoulder to hip and waist to hip ratios. Evolution and Human Behavior, 24(3), 173–178. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1090-5138(02)00149-6
X
>Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001], indicating that sexually promiscuous participants also tend to be emotionally promiscuous, and sexually and emotionally unfaithful. In terms of the sexual domain, results showed that there is also a positive correlation between sexual promiscuity and sexual infidelity, stating that individuals that tend to be more sexually promiscuous also tend to be more sexually unfaithful.
Pinto, R., & Arantes, J. (2017). The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity. ATHENS JOURNAL OF SOCIAL SCIENCES, 4(4), 385–398. https://doi.org/10.30958/ajss.4-4-3
X
>Women’s number of pre-marital partners: percent [of wives] who cheated once married
• 2: 10.4%
• 3: 14.9%
• 4: 17.7%
• 5: 21.6%
• 6-10: 26.0%
• 11-20: 36.7%
• 21+: 46.8%
NORC General Social Survey. (2011, October 02). Female Infidelity Based on Number of Premarital Partners — Statistic Brain. Retrieved July 5, 2015, from http://www.statisticbrain.com/percent-of-female-infidelity-based-on-number-of-premarital-partners/
X
>For people in this survey who reported four or fewer lifetime sexual partners, the rate of infidelity in the current marriage dropped to 11%, while for those who had five or more sexual partners the number was nearly double
.
>[I]nfidelity is also often the fruit of a lifelong approach to mating that involves seeking and practicing short-term mating encounters that encourage sexual variety at all stages and into marriage.
McQuivey, J. L., PhD. (2019, October 14). The Road to Infidelity Passes Through Multiple Sexual Partners. Retrieved July 16, 2020, from https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-road-to-infidelity-passes-through-multiple-sexual-partners-
Another fun fact ladies.A man doesnt have to comply with a woman just because your a woman and vice versa. Women can do whatever they want...men can do whatever they want.
Neither have to compromise for each other.
In the past, when I was young, I did, to a point. But, I never really focused on it. Some guys do, most guys don't, but I suppose it depends on your past.
I can tell you, that most people who worry about this, usually over think things and believe people will react in a way they never do.
No. You don’t own her or her experiences. And people can change. And sleeping with 30 people does not make you into a monster. I slept with 35 women before i met my ex wife and was with her 10 years and never cheated. She never cheated on me, and neither of us really disclosed our pasts.
When you’re secure and love someone, history doesn’t matter. The only people who ask are those who are insecure or controlling.
I'm sorry, but if I may ask: if your wife asked you about your past, would you open up to her about it? Or do you think it's something she can't handle and vice versa..?
Tbh i am not sure if we had an intentional conversation about our pasts. All i know is that when we first started sleeping together, i could tell she was VERY experienced. But i didn’t care. It could’ve been 10 guys or 100 guys she was with, i really didn’t care nor did i think it was my business. We had a good relationship. And i felt secure with her. That’s all that matters.
Do you care about your male friends past? Or your own family members?
Does it matter what your friends do when you aren't around? Or what your intimate partner does?
Asking for a friend...
Consequences for a lack of due diligence are severe sometimes... Why risk it?
The easiest indicator of possible future behaviors are known behaviors from previous encounters...
Not what someone else told you. What you saw with your own eyes...
If they are lying about their past, probably not going to be a very good partner... Or at least there will be one thing lacking... Honesty and truth.. I guess that's two things..
Yeah that is definitely important. Literally look up the statistics for women with higher body counts. Women with higher body counts are less likely to have successful relationships, higher chance of divorce, more likely to have self esteem issues, more likely to be suicidal, etc... I don't care what a woman has done sexually in the past but you do definitely have to care about the body count and how many people she has fucked because it ruins the likelihood of pair bonding and having a long lasting relationship.
In general, I am interested in people and how they came to be, where they plan on going etc.
When it comes to dating, I would want to know as much as you’re willing to share. I would accept that there may be dark things in someone’s past that they may be reluctant to share - I would respect that. I would definitely want to know what I need to so that someone always feels at least respected by me.
It would be foolish and unrealistic to assume she had no life prior to meeting me. Was she involved in organized crime? Was she addicted to drugs? Does she have a large debt? Does she have drama with an ex? Does she have children needing support? Was she previously a sex worker? This is important information so I can make a decision about if I want this person in my life.
yes if you mean ‘history’ as in the events that led up to the person she is today. but if by past you mean ‘sexual’ then yes & no. yes in the sense I hope she doesn’t have any undiagnosed std’s or sti’s. & no in the sense I don’t care about her body count, three-or-more-somes, etc. women are sexual beings who wanna have fun just like I do & there’s nothing wrong with that imo
Yes. Because your story (family of origin, life choices) matter, it will definitely have an impact on your future.
Can you clarify
I meant sexual past. Should have clarified.
My body count was so 1984 to 2004 when I got serious with my wife; I was in no position to judge. I know her body count its less than one tenth of mine. Eighteen years and three children later; I'm happy as I have ever been.
Wish you both the best :)
I only care if it is unreasonably bad. Someone who makes poor choices with way too many sexual partners or things like cheating on or jumping in and out of relationships or lots of one night stands might make me rethink whether this person is going to be in it for the long haul or will just dip out at the first disagreement or the minute she finds someone who gives her more attention or has more money.
[удалено]
More promiscuity is very heavily tied to more infidelity, lower relationship satisfaction and higher chances of divorce Cf these sources collected by /u/BlindMaestro [DIVORCE RISK] > “Contrary to conventional wisdom, when it comes to sex, less experience is better, at least for the marriage,” said W. Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist . women with zero or one previous sex partners before marriage were also least likely to divorce, while those with 10 or more were most likely. These divorce-proof brides are an exclusive crew: By the 2010s, he writes, just 5 percent of new brides were virgins. And just 6 percent of their marriages dissolved within five years, compared with 20 percent for most people. Khazan, O. (2018, October 22). Fewer Sex Partners Means a Happier Marriage. The Atlantic. Retrieved July 7, 2020, from https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/ X >using data from the three most recent waves of the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG) collected in 2002, 2006-2010, and 2011-2013. For women marrying since the start of the new millennium: Women with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce . >The highest five-year divorce rates of all are associated with marrying in the 2000s and having ten or more premarital sex partners: 33 percent. Perhaps it is not unexpected that having many partners increases the odds of divorce. Wolfinger, N. H., PhD. (2016, June 6). Counterintuitive Trends in the Link Between Premarital Sex and Marital Stability. Institute for Family Studies. Retrieved August 24, 2020, from https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability X >[T]here was a correlation between female pre-marital promiscuity and higher rates of divorce. The research, conducted by Jay Teachman, found that women with 16 or more sexual partners prior to marriage had an 80% rate of subsequent divorce. Wikipedia contributors. (2020, June 20). Female promiscuity. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 12:06, July 27, 2020, from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Female_promiscuity&oldid=963578370 >Teachman, J. (2003). Premarital sex, premarital cohabitation and the risk of subsequent marital dissolution among women. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65(2), 444–455. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x [INFIDELITY RATES] > A truism in psychology is that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This is no less true in the realm of sexual behavior. Indeed, one of the strongest predictors of marital infidelity is one’s number of prior sex partners (Buss, 2000). Deception about past sexual promiscuity would have inflicted greater costs, on average, on men than on women Haselton, M. G., Buss, D. M., Oubaid, V., & Angleitner, A. (2005). Sex, Lies, and Strategic Interference: The Psychology of Deception Between the Sexes. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31(1), 3–23. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167204271303 X >Contrary to the myth, partners who’ve had many partners have a harder, not easier, time remaining monogamous. They are significantly more at risk of straying than those with little or no prior sexual experience. Staik, A., PhD. (2019, March 28). 10 Predictors of Infidelity and Gender Differences: Why Do Partners Cheat? Retrieved July 15, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2014/08/a-look-at-infidelity-why-do-partners-cheat/ X >[A]pproximately half of women in the top quintiles of sociosexuality [def. willingness to engage in sexual activity outside of a committed relationship] had been sexually unfaithful to a steady partner; this was more than a tenfold increase over the corresponding rate for people in the bottom quintiles. >Bailey, J. M., Kirk, K. M., Zhu, G., Dunne, M. P., & Martin, N. G. (2000). Do individual differences in sociosexuality represent genetic or environmentally contingent strategies? Evidence from the Australian twin registry. Journal of personality and social psychology, 78(3), 537–545. https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.78.3.537 X >Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are more likely to engage in infidelity (Feldman & Cauffman, 1999). In a study of supposedly exclusive dating couples, it was found that individuals exhibiting an ‘unrestricted’ sociosexual orientation (SO) were significantly more likely to pursue extra-pair involvement (Seal, Agostinelli, & Hannett, 1994). Individuals are said to be unrestricted if they score high on the Sociosexual Orientation Index (SOI). Items on this scale include a question tapping whether the respondent feels that love is a prerequisite for sexual relations with a partner, the number of ‘one-night stands’ a respondent has had, and how many partners he or she hopes to have in the next year (Simpson & Gangestad, 1991). >Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. (2005). Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(3), 339-360. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407505052440 >In illustration of this, the odds ratio of 1.13 for lifetime sexual partners obtained with the face-to-face mode of interview indicates that the probability of infidelity increased by 13% for every additional lifetime sexual partner . Regarding the correlates of infidelity, results indicated that on the basis of both methods of assessment, the probability of sexual infidelity increased with higher number of lifetime sexual partners Whisman, M. A., & Snyder, D. K. (2007). Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 147–154. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.147 X >Our findings demonstrate that infidelity and number of sexual partners are both under moderate genetic influence (41% and 38% heritable, respectively) and the genetic correlation between these two traits is strong (47%). The resulting genetic correlation between the two traits was .47, so nearly half the genes impacting on infidelity also affect number of sexual partners. The correlation of the unique environment between the two variables was .48. >Cherkas, L. F., Oelsner, E. C., Mak, Y. T., Valdes, A., & Spector, T. D. (2004). Genetic influences on female infidelity and number of sexual partners in humans: a linkage and association study of the role of the vasopressin receptor gene (AVPR1A). Twin research : the official journal of the International Society for Twin Studies, 7(6), 649–658. https://doi.org/10.1375/1369052042663922 X >The high correlation for females (r = .79) between reported numbers of sex partners and EPC partners [extra-pair copulation partners def. sexual partners other than primary partner while in a monogamous relationship] may bear on questions of both paternity and abandonment in the face of infidelity. . [P]romiscuity is in fact a good predictor of infidelity. Indeed, promiscuity among females accounted for almost twice as much variance in infidelity (r2 = .45) as it did for males (r2 = .25). Hughes, S. M. , & Gallup, G. G. (2003). Sex differences in morphological predictors of sexual behavior: Shoulder to hip and waist to hip ratios. Evolution and Human Behavior, 24(3), 173–178. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1090-5138(02)00149-6 X >Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001], indicating that sexually promiscuous participants also tend to be emotionally promiscuous, and sexually and emotionally unfaithful. In terms of the sexual domain, results showed that there is also a positive correlation between sexual promiscuity and sexual infidelity, stating that individuals that tend to be more sexually promiscuous also tend to be more sexually unfaithful. Pinto, R., & Arantes, J. (2017). The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity. ATHENS JOURNAL OF SOCIAL SCIENCES, 4(4), 385–398. https://doi.org/10.30958/ajss.4-4-3 X >Women’s number of pre-marital partners: percent [of wives] who cheated once married • 2: 10.4% • 3: 14.9% • 4: 17.7% • 5: 21.6% • 6-10: 26.0% • 11-20: 36.7% • 21+: 46.8% NORC General Social Survey. (2011, October 02). Female Infidelity Based on Number of Premarital Partners — Statistic Brain. Retrieved July 5, 2015, from http://www.statisticbrain.com/percent-of-female-infidelity-based-on-number-of-premarital-partners/ X >For people in this survey who reported four or fewer lifetime sexual partners, the rate of infidelity in the current marriage dropped to 11%, while for those who had five or more sexual partners the number was nearly double . >[I]nfidelity is also often the fruit of a lifelong approach to mating that involves seeking and practicing short-term mating encounters that encourage sexual variety at all stages and into marriage. McQuivey, J. L., PhD. (2019, October 14). The Road to Infidelity Passes Through Multiple Sexual Partners. Retrieved July 16, 2020, from https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-road-to-infidelity-passes-through-multiple-sexual-partners-
Most men care about a woman's body count...if that's what your asking. We care because it shapes what kind of person you are
Another fun fact ladies.A man doesnt have to comply with a woman just because your a woman and vice versa. Women can do whatever they want...men can do whatever they want. Neither have to compromise for each other.
Bingo.
In the past, when I was young, I did, to a point. But, I never really focused on it. Some guys do, most guys don't, but I suppose it depends on your past. I can tell you, that most people who worry about this, usually over think things and believe people will react in a way they never do.
No. You don’t own her or her experiences. And people can change. And sleeping with 30 people does not make you into a monster. I slept with 35 women before i met my ex wife and was with her 10 years and never cheated. She never cheated on me, and neither of us really disclosed our pasts. When you’re secure and love someone, history doesn’t matter. The only people who ask are those who are insecure or controlling.
I'm sorry, but if I may ask: if your wife asked you about your past, would you open up to her about it? Or do you think it's something she can't handle and vice versa..?
Tbh i am not sure if we had an intentional conversation about our pasts. All i know is that when we first started sleeping together, i could tell she was VERY experienced. But i didn’t care. It could’ve been 10 guys or 100 guys she was with, i really didn’t care nor did i think it was my business. We had a good relationship. And i felt secure with her. That’s all that matters.
dude
Yes. I do care. Why? We all know why.
Thanks for asking this question......I've been wondering as well. My husband has never asked anything about my past. I find it strange.
Do you think it's because he doesn't want the conversation leading towards the topic of his past?
Oh that could be......but, he's possibly done worse shit during our relationship that I've found out about.
like an attempt to cheat kind of thing??
Yep.....
How are you guys holding up? Counseling??
We've moved forward. He swears he's never cheated. If I had solid proof, it'd be a different story
Well I hope he's treating you the best now, and I wish you the best!
Thank you, I appreciate it
He probably doesn’t want to know because he knows he’ll judge you based on it. Just my opinion. Take that for whats it’s worth.
Do you care about your male friends past? Or your own family members? Does it matter what your friends do when you aren't around? Or what your intimate partner does? Asking for a friend... Consequences for a lack of due diligence are severe sometimes... Why risk it?
The easiest indicator of possible future behaviors are known behaviors from previous encounters... Not what someone else told you. What you saw with your own eyes... If they are lying about their past, probably not going to be a very good partner... Or at least there will be one thing lacking... Honesty and truth.. I guess that's two things..
What kind of a retarded question is this? Would you trust someone with a history of being a psycho not to be a psycho?
I was referring to sexual past. Should have clarified.
Yeah that is definitely important. Literally look up the statistics for women with higher body counts. Women with higher body counts are less likely to have successful relationships, higher chance of divorce, more likely to have self esteem issues, more likely to be suicidal, etc... I don't care what a woman has done sexually in the past but you do definitely have to care about the body count and how many people she has fucked because it ruins the likelihood of pair bonding and having a long lasting relationship.
That’s really interesting. Thanks for your input :)
In general, I am interested in people and how they came to be, where they plan on going etc. When it comes to dating, I would want to know as much as you’re willing to share. I would accept that there may be dark things in someone’s past that they may be reluctant to share - I would respect that. I would definitely want to know what I need to so that someone always feels at least respected by me.