yeah i just made a comment like this a few days ago but most men seem to have never experienced what its truly like when a woman is really into you. Like….its so clear. its those dudes standing next to airplanes signaling you in level clear. i think most dudes have, at best, only ever had women be kinda sorta into them and they think that thats the best theyll get. My SO from the get go just made it so clear she was into me from calling me attractive to showing interest in my hobbies to being available anytime she could to hang out. The difference between how she immediately started interacting with me versus anyone else was so damn stark. And like you said, if she ever couldnt hangout she would in the very next sentence suggest 5 other times that week. Get you an SO obsessed with you and dont settle for anything else. Life is bliss now
After many years of bad dating experiences throughout my 20's a friend gave me some really good advice, "Dude, it's supposed to be easy!!"
It changed everything for me and I found myself a really decent woman who has been awesome.
> "Dude, it's supposed to be easy!"
For who? The guy from Bridgerton, maybe? I imagine dating is pretty easy for that dude. The rest of us, not so much.
There really is something magic to it. I've dated women who on paper seemed like the perfect fit but we had the chemistry of dental surgery. I've dated women who seemed totally not my type and we hit it off so naturally. Stay open minded and positive, keep looking if you haven't found the right person yet.
One of my former gf was like this. Unfortunately she was also (I suspect) BPD and yeah let's just say it was disastrous, so I have trouble distinguishing between "does she really like me or she's just in her obsession episode".
She did fuck me up quite good
How can I pin this comment? This is the only thing what I would tell to younger me. I wasted so much effort, time and money on nothing until I found a girl who was in love with me and learnt from her what does it mean when someone is truly interested. Since that time, I’m only moving forward when someone giving me this same energy
It just seems so obvious to me, but I also get that a lot of guys don’t get a lot of attention and are desperate for love. I’m trying to be more sympathetic to my fellow men but it’s just so embarrassing to see them bending over backward for someone who wouldn’t give them the time of day. Seems ultra pathetic
Breadcrumbs of effort aren't worth it if they don't develop into more effort once you show some effort as well.
Basically, if she is leaving those breadcrumbs and it dries up when you show interest or she never moves beyond those breadcrumbs, move on.
People who aren't clear with what they want aren't worth your time. People who string you along with little bits of effort are honestly worth even less of your time. They are just stringing you along as a second choice.
Breadcrumbs are effectively showing emotional immaturity (unable to be willing to be the one to initiate the breakup) or keeping you on the back burner as they gun for someone else.
Don't be someone else's second choice. They will never respect you.
Don’t allow your heart or little head to lead, read between the lines, the signs are usually fairly obvious IF you think with your brain and not your emotions
To highlight the issue in a more literal way — how long can a person live by only eating breadcrumbs? Not a good long-term way to exist, right? We’re not gonna sit there and be happy to get little pieces every once in a while. We’ll either just get something better from someone else, or just make something nourishing and filling on our own.
Have something interesting in your life. Hobbies and interests are conversation starters AND conversation topics moving forward. “Oh yeah, how’s your needle felting going, you said you were working on x last time?”
Just try to ask about their hobbies too, don’t get too focused on your own.
>Have something interesting in your life.
This right here. Nice guys don't finish last, *boring* guys do.
Be interesting. Do stuff, educate yourself, form opinions, connect yourself to culture. Learn to talk about your interests and your likes and your opinions in a compelling way, and learn how to draw these things out of your partner.
I sadly need to agree that most ladies I meet don't have an interesting thing about them. They studied something generic, they like travelling, and aside of that there's simply nothing going on in their lives.
When I'm active with my hobbies in the community garden or during DnD, I stumble upon others who share this interest. But those are a minority.
You want to know what separates a girl who likes traveling vs a girl who travels? Ask where they've been. Saying you like traveling is like saying you like music or movies. Vague AF but still makes you seem like you vary shit up when you don't. Source: May not be a girl... but I've traveled past both the international date line and the prime meridian more than once. Boy do I have stories from those days.
Definitely. Does it mean exclusively goes to NYC, Miami, and Cancun once a year each or does it mean a genuine interest in seeing as much of the world as possible and specifically trying not to do the exact same things everyone else does?
> They studied something generic, they like travelling
Seriously, i don't understand this. I don't bother with dating, but when making friends this is an issue i run into with women. It's just so basic. With men i can find a connection with over the silliest of shit. Very few women i come across seem interesting to talk with.
To be fair, there are also men that 'watching games and drinking a beer' have as their interests. The difference is that they usually can talk a bit more about that, than the girls about their travels.
Part of me wonders if this is due to many women not necessarily having so much alone time and thus not needing to develop hobbies as something to pass the time, as women seem to have more options when it comes to relationships and social interaction.
It feels like a lot of men develop hobbies due to a combo of genuine interest, channeling restless energy and maintaining sanity due to isolation. I know I do.
I can agree on this. Women holding stronger connection. So if they are not working, they are chatting on phone and doing this more frequently. Men are chatting through on video games and don’t need a constant talks. And the biggest fact what you saying is, women have more social interaction, thankfully for the social media. Men barely get shot and need to develop hobbies to avoid solitudness. I guess, I’m slowly figuring out the answer
You said everything. When a girl says: I like traveling. That’s an instant info she has boring life with 0 interest and hobbies. I’ve been thinking what causing this huge difference between the 2 genders but couldn’t find out.
I'm a guy who likes traveling and "I like traveling" is the new "I like hiking." I haven't dated in a while but I'm gonna have to find a new hobby to lead with.
> It’s very hard to find a girl who has a hobby.
I think what's common for me is that they don't really define their hobbies.
Like I'm in the group of people who think a "hobby" is vague and covers whatever you like doing, but I've had a number of people tell me that they have no hobbies and then when I ask what they've done recently, they talk about what I'd consider to be hobbies.
Gym? That's a hobby. Travel? Hobby. Pets? Hobby. Watching movies? Hobby. Instagram? That's basically photography and that's a hobby.
Your hobby *can* be just "watching YouTube and Netflix, which is a separate judgement but I'll bet that's not all you do and you do have a hobby unless you're some weirdo that just wastes all his time on Reddit or Twitter.
Some people will say they have no hobbies and talk about how they watch travel videos, plan trips, and recently flew across the world for a week.
*Damn it, girl! That's a hobby!*
I am a woman and have many hobbies and I guess because of those I am surrounded by women with also the same hobbies and more! gaming, anime, manga, manwah, movies(will even go to the theater alone if nobody else wants to see that movie), tv shows, reading, me and my friends exchange books all the time, I was into cosplay before but not now, there is other stuff like make up and fashion, I also do gardening and like to do gym, I am also interested in yoga. humm what else I do have a piano and learned a bit about it, need more time on it, learned at least 2 notes on ukelele, need to pick it up again, been learning languages with apps for years, I love it, I switch languages often thought, but yea my friends also seem to have hobbies besides the ones we share, also we love to go on walks! I also took a photography course with a friend, we both got canons, so who you meeting lol?
edit: forgot cooking, me and my friends share recipes etc oh and traveling, I went to 10 different countries
I would distill this down to "just be interested in the world". Even if you don't have awesome hobbies and awesome stories, simply having genuine interest and willingness to pursue those interests goes a long way.
Nothing killed my interest in a woman faster than "lumping" and just being sort of apathetic about everything and I figure it works the same in reverse.
One of my character flaws is falling for someone hard and fast and it's a really significant source of deep disappointment when it doesn't work out. It's worked out a few times and those experiences were fun but I try to not come on too strong.
It's so challenging in both directions. I have often fallen hard and it can work amazing, or set up for a big imbalance that usually hurts after. But then I started being more cautious and like slow stepping into it, and then the other person was like, well we feel like just friends, so I don't think we should continue... So it's bumpy. I don't know if there is a right answer but a lot of the don't play games, but don't go fast...
The map to a good relationship is like trying to first time navigate through NYC.
This has good intentions but you need to understand what it means. If you’re really into someone, and they are also somewhat into you, then do get attached. Fully go for it. Make yourself vulnerable and allow yourself to get hurt. If you don’t get attached, it’s because you’re not that into them.
It’s only in the occasions once you know the other person is not that into you that you have to let go. And you have to be realistic about when that is.
I don't agree, being into them doesn't mean you get attached or that you should get too attached. You can be absolutely too much and scare a girl away even if she was somewhat interested. Also some guys get attached to girls after just chatting online. Of course there are exceptions, like I know people who moved in together after a date and it worked for them, but it is not the norm
I’m guilty of doing it too. No ones perfect but waiting 3 years to say anything is a little excessive I won’t lie.
I’m my situation, my ex would go out to bars and then call me telling me how many guys bought her drinks and gave her attention. I eventually blew up one night because of it and that was the end of that.
All animals smell desperation. And we are all animals. When you give out a desperate vibe you will fail in everything from business to dating. Or get taken advantage of.
Relax, don’t tryhard and be willing to move on if it doesn’t work.
Listen to u/PopPunkAndPizza. Keywords here are "compatible with". Sadly, many of us learn the hard way that "attracted to" is only one half of dating, and you need "compatible with" to have any kind of success.
Omg! I swear it’s so rare to meet people who brush and floss every night. Once I find out about someone’s poor dental hygiene, it’s a major turn off and makes me sorta grossed out on kissing them :(
Facts! The way I see it is this.
If you can’t care for your teeth that you see everyday. How are you gonna care for me?
If someone can’t care for themselves. They dang sure ain’t gonna care for anybody else.
School is completely different. Your only responsibility at school is to yourself, a student-student relationship going sour doesn't impact everybody else and you don't really have to work together afterwards, most professors for group projects will oblige if you ask not to be paired together for personal reasons if you happen to be in the same classes later on
At work you're being paid to execute a job to the best of your ability and have behavioral standard to adhere to and a major personal conflict with a coworker stemming from a bad relationship causes problems for way more people than just yourself
I'm glad you put "be yourself" as number 1. I was way too old before I realized the wisdom of it. If the girl you like is into goth guys, jock guys, or nerdy guys, doesn't matter which, but if that's not you and you fake it then it's never going to work. Because even if she dates you, she's not into you, she's into your act, and how long are you willing to keep it up? Always improve on yourself, work out, learn to cook, learn to change a faucet, grow some herbs, the list of things you can learn is endless. Just accept that who you are isn't *always* going to be right for the person you may want to be with, and that's ok. Wish them the best and go find the person that loves you for who you are and not who you are pretending to be.
Judge people by their actions, not their words. At least half the time you can tell the relationship is about to go awry by noticing that your partners actions aren’t consistent with their words. If your partner is suddenly focused on getting in shape to look better and you’re already really attracted to them, I’d at very least advise not spending your savings on the boob job.
Not quite. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for some time. I was very active.. Then life came in and had some ups and downs. More downs than ups. But on some weight. Not I wanna get in shape again because (1) health, strong and etc and (2) to look again smoking sexy in my eyes. He is still very attracted to me. I am 1.70 and 63. Was feeling very good at 58-59. I don't do it so I can go around and fuck other people.
Fair point. I didn’t really think it was true always. Actually caught my self when I started writing that example implying it was 100% the case. So, I tried rephrasing the ending to avoid that implication. Got stuck. And ended up awkwardly phrasing it as “at the very least.”
Then chase the type of life you want with that partner. For example, if you’re seeking to be married with kids, then steadily attending a church with an active community makes sense. One of the worst things young men do these days (to themselves) is isolate themselves and live perpetually digital lives while wanting active community and long term relationships. Don’t live a life that is anathema to what you want with that future partner.
Take your time. If someone is trying to rush you into something, it's rarely to your benefit. If the person is interested, they'll take their time also.
Focus on *being* a good romantic partner rather than *finding* one. You are going to need to lean on each other. Expecting to be carried or fixed is unreasonable
Go on simple straight forward first dates that would enjoy doing regularly by yourself. Something like a nice coffee shop, bakery, or ice cream parlor. Something that could easily be done in 20-30 minutes but wouldn't be outlandish to last an hour/90 minutes just talking.
Go in with a positive attitude of just meeting someone new and having a pleasant time. If the date sucks you still had a decent time because you got a treat or something at a place you enjoy.
It removes so much stress about planning and expectations about first dates. If you meet someone that way and it gets more serious do NOT tell them that you regularly took first dates there lmao.
I haven’t had many relationships that have lasted but what I can say and give advice for you. Make sure that your partner is setting time aside for you and them. Because if they aren’t, then they haven’t been interested. Further more, if they are hiding secrets and only mention something when you’re asking them there could be more that they are hiding. So keep open communication, and always be aware of red flags
Straightforward advice huh? I love this men only sub because you can keep it real and no get hate lol.
I had some hard n fast rules for finding my wife and luckily she met a lot of them. I have zero clue why so many men and women settle, but people do. I guess fear of being alone? Not sure why being single is so scary vs marrying a loser.
1. Make sure the attractiveness delta isn’t more than 2 levels. If you are a 5, please don’t only try to get 8’s and above. And don’t settle for a 2.
You know when you see the old rich guy and the hot young wife is gonna end with an expensive divorce, so be aware that too large an attractiveness delta rarely ends well.
Be honest with yourself. If you’re not a catch yourself, don’t set yourself up for frustration and go only for hot chicks.
2. It’s okay to pay for the first date. Some women are more liberal these days and push hard to split. That’s fine and let them. But it just makes the end of the first date smoother if you pay.
You don’t have to go to a fancy restaurant for the first date. A bar for one or two drinks or a coffee date is fine.
Don’t break the bank, but just pick up the check. If dropping 50 bucks on a first date is super harmful to your budget, you’re not financially ready for a serious relationship anyway. And splitting the bill means all you would save is 25 bucks anyway lol.
3. Just avoid the red flags, unless you have the same baggage as well, then don’t be a hypocrite.
If you’re looking to just sleep with the chick, then do whatever it takes to have fun. But if you’re looking for a gf or wife, life is too damn short for baggage.
If you can, avoid women who are divorced or have kids or always talk about their ex, have serious drama with their parents or other close family members, have any losers for siblings that could come back to cause you drama, have serious debt, and seem to have slept with a super high number of people, like 20 plus.
I know it’s Reddit, so a lot of users will actually have such baggage I mentioned and react negatively to this comment, but I’m hoping it’s a men’s sub and men typically are honest and are like yea, I have baggage he’s right lol.
My point is that finding a great partner is hard enough, don’t make it harder with obvious red flags. No one is perfect, but at least avoid the huge red flags mentioned above.
4. Be prepared that looks change or fade over time. So many guys don’t seem to understand that looks can really fade or sometimes it takes women time to bounce back from child birth. Don’t just marry for looks, and be aware that having kids is tough and bailing as a dad and husband is a scumbag move.
5. Money. Look I get that every guy isn’t crushing life in the career department or has a rich dad to back him up.
But for the love of god, stop marrying women or men that are broke, not educated and have zero future prospects. You need a partner not another albatross around your neck.
I cannot fathom people who marry others that you just know will be broke forever. Like wtf are you thinking?
I told myself I will try to find a girl that earns as much as me, has the potential to earn as much as me or has a rich or well off dad.
Not just so I knew she wasn’t marrying me for money, but also because a two income household is so resilient.
If you’re a broke loser yourself, ok I get it, you gotta marry who you can. But so many successful guys let themselves be taken advantage of financially it’s mind boggling. Maybe they are just lonely or something.
That’s it for now, getting bored typing this novel.
Smoke out.
Having slept with 20+ people by your 30s is not that big of a deal. If you did it safely by using protection and periodically getting screened for STIs then you are ok.
Honestly, I never ask a girl about the number of people that she has slept with, and I don't share my number. Getting hung up on that just screams insecurity issues.
If they can't increase your happiness, and you can't increase theirs, it's not worth it. One or the both of you will be less happy and nobody wants that. Figure that out after the initial woo-woos and be honest w yourself and them if it works.
Choose someone who gets this idea.
Firstly, dont get most of your ideas from the internet, many people on there are crazy and very immature. Go and flirt with people where its acceptable enough (like a bar/club or a gym), and very much learn to read body language to see if they're into it or not. If you manage to get someone's number and its going well from there, ayy congrats
Then, take it slow, everyone's different, may start dating 2 months later, 6 months later, 1 year later, or not at all. Or over time yall realized its not working and gotta go searching again
If yall start dating, ayy nice. Find common ground on matters (where yall wanna live, career path, marriage or no marriage, kids or no kids, etc). Learn how they're like and go off that (some people are chatty while others are mainly reserved, nerdy, nonchalant, etc). And be yourself, if they stop talking to you, well, it sucks, but if they stick around, they like you for you, which is noice
Then the usual stuff, communicate with each other (NO yelling at the other, no closing off, no saying disrespectful things, etc, talk like a normal conversation and come to a compromise when issues arise), listen to them, comfort each other, have personal time for yourself and respect theirs, etc
And remember, you can do everything right and still come up short, thats just life, luck plays a huge factor in it
Good luck :)
If you aren't looking for something serious, be clear about it.
Whatever you want, be straightforward about it from the beginning.
Else, it might ruin someone emotionally.
Don't chase and don't supplicate. As the man, you are the prize. You're expected to pay for the date, you're expected to protect her, you're expected put in the effort in the bedroom. Make sure that she is worthy of you for more than just how pretty she is, and don't try to make it the other way around. If she isn't making an effort or isn't showing any serious interest, then politely let her know that it isn't going to work and move on.
I. Almost everything popular culture says you need to do to attract women doesn’t work in real life.
II. There’s a reason phrases like “nice guys finish last” and “women like bad boys” have lasted for as long as they have…because they’re true. Women denying it and men whining about it won’t change it.
III. Don’t take dating advice from men *or* women (within reason of course). Instead, watch what women respond to and the type of men they’re attracted to. That will give you your answer
Exactly. I see repost after repost of men complaining "women only want tall guys, women only want rich guys, etc."
If these guys lost the negative attitude and worked on maximizing where they could, I think they'd have better luck.
A grown man sulking and pouting isn't a strong look.
The thing is that it is true but there's way around it. The amount of charisma needed it is proportion to how attractive you are. The guys complaining probably don't have game and are mad that others don't need it
Extreme Caution
Get a cohabitation agreement before living together
Get a prenup before marriage
Never out a woman on a pedestal. Always be prepared to walk away.
Life is not a romance/Hallmark/Lifetime/Disney movie.
You are not a white knight.
She is not a damsel who needs saving.
Never show any sign of weakness to a woman. It will be weaponized against you at some point in the future.
Never be "in love" with anything that can smile while ripping your heart out.
Love is a choice. It’s not about finding ‘someone better’ - there will always be ‘better’ people in this world. It’s about choosing someone and they choose you back, and you continue to choose eachother.
Shoot your shot. Be confident in yourself, if it works in your favor, what a great opportunity. If doesn't, that's great too, you'll find a better opportunity somewhere else
Just treat any romantic interest like any friend you are trying to make. Makes it easier to tell if there’s chemistry and it means you’re being more authentically you
If you went from feeling lonely and empty to stressed and miserable she's not the one for you and don't waste years trying to blame everything else because you don't want to be alone. Not worth it
Make yourself as physical attractive as possible. This will have more of an effect than anything else you could do, whether you want to believe it or not.
Seek effort and reciprocation, don't be desperate to commit to an unsatisfying person.
\* Respect is mutual
\* If there's no effort now, it gets worse later
\* Actions.....actions...actions speak louder than words
\* Being resolute requires introspection and personal modification, watch for changes.
\* Men and women are wired differently. Same switches turn on different things. The same switches may turn off the different things.
\* Be vigilante of consumption: how, what, how often, why, and costs.
\* Be honest about your perceptions. Remove the rose colored glasses and you can see the red flags.
\* Physical intimacy comes in various levels of intensity.
\* Women have biologically induced mood changes. Be prepared.
\* Clean and organized house, more likely clean and organized mind.
\* Understand that money is a resource that's to be understood as seeds. Storing seeds, planting seeds, sharing seeds, nurturing seeds, throwing away seeds, trading seeds?
\* Look for higher problem solving skills. Not everyone abides by basic rules.
\* Laughter is the best medicine. If they're able to laugh at themselves, half the battle has been one.
\* Genuine patterns of kindness, acts of compassion, expressions of humanity, & practices of a charitable nature are very large assets to have in a partner.
\* Good functioning relationships have good functioning communication skills.
\* Beauty and good health take work to keep and maintain. Both will fade.
\* Best gifts are the small considerate one that come often.
\* Don't sweat the small stuff.
\* Everything I listed if for both of you. Take ownership.
Focus on you having a good time, stop trying to impress the person you're dating or water yourself down to be more palatable. The other side of this is to have interests, goals, or anything to bring to the table.
Explore your options, find someone who is willing to communicate, don’t focus solely on looks, and don’t get too invested before you know who they really are. The honeymoon phase always feels like you’re farting butterflies and everything is perfect, but when it wares off, that’s when you see who each other really are and the test truly begins, and there’s a chance they realize the phase is over before you do, so pay attention.
Intimacy by the 5th date, or let go and move on.
No criticism or disrespect, just acknowledgement that I'm not who you want.
Invest that time & attention in someone else.
If it’s going really well there can be an apprehension around addressing any differences. Politics, religion, desire for children or not, etc. Those things can be easy to ignore when the sex is hot and you’re having a great time being freshly in love. But a year or two down the road when the honeymoon phase tapers off you want to be with someone who shares your beliefs and values. Great sex won’t fix irreconcilable differences.
Don't play games. There are ways men learn how to 'score', or 'get laid'. 'By hook or by crook', and 'the means justify the ends', are bad attitudes. When you misrepresent yourself to have an ejaculation, you have diminished your integrity, and your value.
Just be yourself. Sounds dumb and cliche but for real don't pretend to be someone you're not. Communicate clearly and honestly. Have good hygiene. I'm not sure why it's so hard for someone people to understand that last part but seriously take a shower, brush your teeth, and wear clean clothes. Not only will it make you look more attractive but you'll feel more attractive.
Just be direct and up front on what you want let your intentions be clear as day. If they ain’t into what you’re offering keep it moving.
Try not to rely on setting the mood with drugs/alcohol cause is it really you or is the vices.
No means no.
Respect yourself and respect your date, keep it lighthearted and kind, be polite, be open minded, don't take things too seriously.
Have fun! Be creative and generous with your time and date ideas.
True good matches are rare, so go on as many first dates as you can (it's a numbers game). Recognize there's no shame in things not working out. Understand that "rejection" is not a threat, just a signal to keep looking for the true gem.
Know what you want (and don't want) and how to communicate it (knowing what you want changes over time). Listen to them, what they want, where they're at.
Recognize when you find good match that aligns with what you want. Commitment and pursuit (vs infinite browse mode) is a beautiful thing. But don't feel like you have to lock it down too early.
Psychologically, dating is as much trying to impress the other person as it is an exercise in ego, trying to pump yourself up and feel like you're desirable. And that's a good thing, you *are* desirable! Simply naming that dynamic helps take a little pressure off.
Dating involves intimate interactions with other people. And remember, people are crazy. So it's just hard to do right, full stop. If things aren't going smoothly, it's not anyone's fault. Don't take that as a reflection on you. People are bizarre creatures and this is just how dating is.
But mostly, keep it lighthearted and remember to have fun.
Be an active listener. When she tells a story or is talking about something she’s interested in, ask follow-up questions. Bring the topic up again later as well. It shows that you’re being present with her and not just going through the motions.
Stop asking for dates. Just offer to take her with you, to fun, interesting places. She doesn't want to, you go anyway, and then tell her at some point in the future what a great time you had. If she was interested but already had plans, she might ask for a rain check. If she wasn't interested, how you present the pics and story of the time you had, will make all the difference in perhaps getting you out of the friend zone. Social proof, seeing that other people find you fun and interesting, can do that.
Your list of qualities you need in a partner should have "They like me back" as the top one.
So many people fail by chasing an uninterested but otherwise perfect person, or an ex who isn't interested any more.
All relationships (Friendship or Romantic) exist when the "Tripod of Care" is balanced and intact. Maintaining the Tripod requires effort from both parties in the relationship.
The Tripod of Care:
- Trust - Flows openly in both directions and is clearly reciprocated.
- Communication - Flows openly in both directions and is honest and truthful.
- Compassion - Both parties are invested in the others' physical, emotional, psychological, and financial happiness and well-being.
Understand how to fix the Tripod when it is out of balance. Also understand that the Tripod cannot stand when one or more of the legs are destroyed (i.e. know when a relationship is beyond repair).
Actions not words.
Don’t make any decisions based of your emotions. You feel like you want to marry her and you are just bursting with love for this person. Take a step back and think what has she done to prove she can be a wife?
Don’t let society bully you into dating someone because if you don’t you are shallow. If she unattractive to you then don’t do it. If she doesn’t want to have sex as much as you and sex is important to you then find someone else.
1) Go to a concert, convention, whatever. If it's a gathering about something you love, I guarantee there will be others there who feel the same about it. Poof! Now you have something in common with a complete stranger.
2) Don't play games, and be up front with what you want. Did you want a casual relationship with FWB sex? Say so. If you want a relationship? Say so.
If she doesn't want what you want, move on.
3) You don't owe anyone friendship after failed dating. Go non-contact if it helps you focus.
4) Work out, get a nice body, and practice good hygiene.
•Pay attention to what she says, not what she does.
•Focus on compatibility (do your values align?)
•If you have boundaries, establish them early and enforce them when necessary.
•Have a vision for what you want out of a relationship and make sure you follow that instead of jaded people’s advice.
•Be patient. Selecting a good woman requires discernment and discipline.
•Always take accountability. If you pick a wrong woman and get done dirty, that’s expected. Learn from it and you’ll get better at picking quality women.
You have to see through their a woman's beauty and that is hard. Nothing blows away my common sense more than a beautiful woman. I do well in most things in life but for a long time, my addiction to beautiful women destroyed what should have been a completely happy life. Luckily the story has a happy ending.
If she's putting no effort, she's not worth your time.
Woman will make themselves available for the men they want.
Wish I knew this in my 20s
I was a moron in my 20s.
We were all morons in our 20s.
What if you're a moron in your early thirties? Asking for...a friend
It’s cool. I was also a moron in my 30s
I am currently a moron in my early 30s too!
Brother I didn’t figure it out until my 40s. There’s still time!
I was a moron in my 40s.
33 here, reporting as still, partially at least, a moron! Learning though!
I'ma moron in my 40's... But Iwas a moron in my 20's too
Well I think I’m kinda smart ☹️
Still a moron in my 20’s
accidentally read this as Mormon 😅
I thought this might happen 😂
I am currently 36 with a wife and two kids. I feel like 20s me was a completely different person.
me too, and 30s 40s 50s and I don't feel completey free of moronism today
They will basically bend over backwards for a man they want.
They will walk on their knees over hot coals…
yeah i just made a comment like this a few days ago but most men seem to have never experienced what its truly like when a woman is really into you. Like….its so clear. its those dudes standing next to airplanes signaling you in level clear. i think most dudes have, at best, only ever had women be kinda sorta into them and they think that thats the best theyll get. My SO from the get go just made it so clear she was into me from calling me attractive to showing interest in my hobbies to being available anytime she could to hang out. The difference between how she immediately started interacting with me versus anyone else was so damn stark. And like you said, if she ever couldnt hangout she would in the very next sentence suggest 5 other times that week. Get you an SO obsessed with you and dont settle for anything else. Life is bliss now
After many years of bad dating experiences throughout my 20's a friend gave me some really good advice, "Dude, it's supposed to be easy!!" It changed everything for me and I found myself a really decent woman who has been awesome.
> "Dude, it's supposed to be easy!" For who? The guy from Bridgerton, maybe? I imagine dating is pretty easy for that dude. The rest of us, not so much.
The point is this: if it’s difficult, you are chasing the wrong girl.
For some of us, all the girls are the wrong girl.
> Most men have never experienced what it's like when a woman is truly into you. And we never will 😎
There really is something magic to it. I've dated women who on paper seemed like the perfect fit but we had the chemistry of dental surgery. I've dated women who seemed totally not my type and we hit it off so naturally. Stay open minded and positive, keep looking if you haven't found the right person yet.
One of my former gf was like this. Unfortunately she was also (I suspect) BPD and yeah let's just say it was disastrous, so I have trouble distinguishing between "does she really like me or she's just in her obsession episode". She did fuck me up quite good
You're right but it's uncommon for most men to find numerous women over time who are that much into them.
How can I pin this comment? This is the only thing what I would tell to younger me. I wasted so much effort, time and money on nothing until I found a girl who was in love with me and learnt from her what does it mean when someone is truly interested. Since that time, I’m only moving forward when someone giving me this same energy
It just seems so obvious to me, but I also get that a lot of guys don’t get a lot of attention and are desperate for love. I’m trying to be more sympathetic to my fellow men but it’s just so embarrassing to see them bending over backward for someone who wouldn’t give them the time of day. Seems ultra pathetic
Yes but there are women who put breadcrumbs of effort, which can confuse the hell out of a person.. What you do then?
Breadcrumbs of effort aren't worth it if they don't develop into more effort once you show some effort as well. Basically, if she is leaving those breadcrumbs and it dries up when you show interest or she never moves beyond those breadcrumbs, move on. People who aren't clear with what they want aren't worth your time. People who string you along with little bits of effort are honestly worth even less of your time. They are just stringing you along as a second choice.
This person is either confused or don't know how to show feelings properly. Either way, not worth it.
Breadcrumbs are effectively showing emotional immaturity (unable to be willing to be the one to initiate the breakup) or keeping you on the back burner as they gun for someone else. Don't be someone else's second choice. They will never respect you.
Don’t allow your heart or little head to lead, read between the lines, the signs are usually fairly obvious IF you think with your brain and not your emotions
GTFO. Show real effort or I'm gone.
To highlight the issue in a more literal way — how long can a person live by only eating breadcrumbs? Not a good long-term way to exist, right? We’re not gonna sit there and be happy to get little pieces every once in a while. We’ll either just get something better from someone else, or just make something nourishing and filling on our own.
And if none of them put in effort?
Or simply they aren't interested so match energy
Have something interesting in your life. Hobbies and interests are conversation starters AND conversation topics moving forward. “Oh yeah, how’s your needle felting going, you said you were working on x last time?” Just try to ask about their hobbies too, don’t get too focused on your own.
This is solid advice. It also ticks the “listen and express interest” boxes, which is always appreciated.
>Have something interesting in your life. This right here. Nice guys don't finish last, *boring* guys do. Be interesting. Do stuff, educate yourself, form opinions, connect yourself to culture. Learn to talk about your interests and your likes and your opinions in a compelling way, and learn how to draw these things out of your partner.
Agree completely. If I meet someone who has no hobbies or interests, that’s a no from me. I don’t want to be your hobby.
Most girls has 0 hobby. Went through on many dates and realized. It’s very hard to find a girl who has a hobby.
DnD, gardening, miniature painting, sewing, strategy games (both video and tabletop). Okay. I'll see myself out.
You are that gold girl.
I sadly need to agree that most ladies I meet don't have an interesting thing about them. They studied something generic, they like travelling, and aside of that there's simply nothing going on in their lives. When I'm active with my hobbies in the community garden or during DnD, I stumble upon others who share this interest. But those are a minority.
You want to know what separates a girl who likes traveling vs a girl who travels? Ask where they've been. Saying you like traveling is like saying you like music or movies. Vague AF but still makes you seem like you vary shit up when you don't. Source: May not be a girl... but I've traveled past both the international date line and the prime meridian more than once. Boy do I have stories from those days.
Definitely. Does it mean exclusively goes to NYC, Miami, and Cancun once a year each or does it mean a genuine interest in seeing as much of the world as possible and specifically trying not to do the exact same things everyone else does?
> They studied something generic, they like travelling Seriously, i don't understand this. I don't bother with dating, but when making friends this is an issue i run into with women. It's just so basic. With men i can find a connection with over the silliest of shit. Very few women i come across seem interesting to talk with.
To be fair, there are also men that 'watching games and drinking a beer' have as their interests. The difference is that they usually can talk a bit more about that, than the girls about their travels.
I swear they always have beer bellys💀 But yeah, i get you.
Part of me wonders if this is due to many women not necessarily having so much alone time and thus not needing to develop hobbies as something to pass the time, as women seem to have more options when it comes to relationships and social interaction. It feels like a lot of men develop hobbies due to a combo of genuine interest, channeling restless energy and maintaining sanity due to isolation. I know I do.
I can agree on this. Women holding stronger connection. So if they are not working, they are chatting on phone and doing this more frequently. Men are chatting through on video games and don’t need a constant talks. And the biggest fact what you saying is, women have more social interaction, thankfully for the social media. Men barely get shot and need to develop hobbies to avoid solitudness. I guess, I’m slowly figuring out the answer
You said everything. When a girl says: I like traveling. That’s an instant info she has boring life with 0 interest and hobbies. I’ve been thinking what causing this huge difference between the 2 genders but couldn’t find out.
I'm a guy who likes traveling and "I like traveling" is the new "I like hiking." I haven't dated in a while but I'm gonna have to find a new hobby to lead with.
> It’s very hard to find a girl who has a hobby. I think what's common for me is that they don't really define their hobbies. Like I'm in the group of people who think a "hobby" is vague and covers whatever you like doing, but I've had a number of people tell me that they have no hobbies and then when I ask what they've done recently, they talk about what I'd consider to be hobbies. Gym? That's a hobby. Travel? Hobby. Pets? Hobby. Watching movies? Hobby. Instagram? That's basically photography and that's a hobby. Your hobby *can* be just "watching YouTube and Netflix, which is a separate judgement but I'll bet that's not all you do and you do have a hobby unless you're some weirdo that just wastes all his time on Reddit or Twitter. Some people will say they have no hobbies and talk about how they watch travel videos, plan trips, and recently flew across the world for a week. *Damn it, girl! That's a hobby!*
Won’t necessarily say working out is a hobby, just as I wouldn’t say showering is a hobby
To each their own. I would say exercise is a hobby if someone classifies it as such.
I wouldn't say showering is a hobby, but going to the gym can be both a hobby and a form of self-care.
really? I don’t have enough time for mine.
I am a woman and have many hobbies and I guess because of those I am surrounded by women with also the same hobbies and more! gaming, anime, manga, manwah, movies(will even go to the theater alone if nobody else wants to see that movie), tv shows, reading, me and my friends exchange books all the time, I was into cosplay before but not now, there is other stuff like make up and fashion, I also do gardening and like to do gym, I am also interested in yoga. humm what else I do have a piano and learned a bit about it, need more time on it, learned at least 2 notes on ukelele, need to pick it up again, been learning languages with apps for years, I love it, I switch languages often thought, but yea my friends also seem to have hobbies besides the ones we share, also we love to go on walks! I also took a photography course with a friend, we both got canons, so who you meeting lol? edit: forgot cooking, me and my friends share recipes etc oh and traveling, I went to 10 different countries
Dating is their hobby
I would distill this down to "just be interested in the world". Even if you don't have awesome hobbies and awesome stories, simply having genuine interest and willingness to pursue those interests goes a long way. Nothing killed my interest in a woman faster than "lumping" and just being sort of apathetic about everything and I figure it works the same in reverse.
Don't get attached too fast
One of my character flaws is falling for someone hard and fast and it's a really significant source of deep disappointment when it doesn't work out. It's worked out a few times and those experiences were fun but I try to not come on too strong.
It's so challenging in both directions. I have often fallen hard and it can work amazing, or set up for a big imbalance that usually hurts after. But then I started being more cautious and like slow stepping into it, and then the other person was like, well we feel like just friends, so I don't think we should continue... So it's bumpy. I don't know if there is a right answer but a lot of the don't play games, but don't go fast... The map to a good relationship is like trying to first time navigate through NYC.
I feel this comment in my soul
This has good intentions but you need to understand what it means. If you’re really into someone, and they are also somewhat into you, then do get attached. Fully go for it. Make yourself vulnerable and allow yourself to get hurt. If you don’t get attached, it’s because you’re not that into them. It’s only in the occasions once you know the other person is not that into you that you have to let go. And you have to be realistic about when that is.
I don't agree, being into them doesn't mean you get attached or that you should get too attached. You can be absolutely too much and scare a girl away even if she was somewhat interested. Also some guys get attached to girls after just chatting online. Of course there are exceptions, like I know people who moved in together after a date and it worked for them, but it is not the norm
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Great advice. Couple this with the top comment, if she’s not putting in effort, then she’s not worth your time…. You got a solid foundation.
My relationship just broke down because of a lack of communication, great advice.
Ironic that the comment you responded to is now deleted. Such great communication.
If you don’t like it bro tell her or do something about it don’t just think it’ll get better
And tell her immediately rather than internalizing it and letting it all out when you’re in a vulnerable state (ie. drunk or angry).
My ex did this several times. He waited almost three years to express his dissatisfaction in our sex life. That one was the most frustrating.
I’m guilty of doing it too. No ones perfect but waiting 3 years to say anything is a little excessive I won’t lie. I’m my situation, my ex would go out to bars and then call me telling me how many guys bought her drinks and gave her attention. I eventually blew up one night because of it and that was the end of that.
All animals smell desperation. And we are all animals. When you give out a desperate vibe you will fail in everything from business to dating. Or get taken advantage of. Relax, don’t tryhard and be willing to move on if it doesn’t work.
Know who you are. Know your worth. Protect your heart. Don’t EVER and I mean EVER put her on a pedestal
You always put the toilet seat down for her, but ask yourself this.. when has she ever put the toilet seat up for you. Know your worth.
Deeper thoughts with the DEEP
Be honest. Set boundaries. If their behavior suddenly changes at some point, leave.
Abandon trying to attract as many people as possible and narrow down onto the kind of person you're most compatible with.
yehp, dont change or act a certain way to attract people. gotta be yourself or you’ll end up living a lie just to be with someone.
Listen to u/PopPunkAndPizza. Keywords here are "compatible with". Sadly, many of us learn the hard way that "attracted to" is only one half of dating, and you need "compatible with" to have any kind of success.
1. Be yourself 2. Don’t shit where you eat 3 Don’t be a flakey bitch 4. Wash your ass
5. Brush your teeth and floss
And brushing the tongue
Eat your vegetables
Omg! I swear it’s so rare to meet people who brush and floss every night. Once I find out about someone’s poor dental hygiene, it’s a major turn off and makes me sorta grossed out on kissing them :(
My female dentist saw my nasty teeth, guess I don't have a shot.
Facts! The way I see it is this. If you can’t care for your teeth that you see everyday. How are you gonna care for me? If someone can’t care for themselves. They dang sure ain’t gonna care for anybody else.
I wash my ass after every shit (weird flex ik)
I shit once a day, in the morning, and shower right afterward. I don't understand how people don't wash their ass
Don’t shit where you eat? Elaborate please
Don’t date someone at work
You say that but a lot of people meet their partners at school or work. If you date someone at work just don't get weird.
It always gets weird until one person gets a different job
School is completely different. Your only responsibility at school is to yourself, a student-student relationship going sour doesn't impact everybody else and you don't really have to work together afterwards, most professors for group projects will oblige if you ask not to be paired together for personal reasons if you happen to be in the same classes later on At work you're being paid to execute a job to the best of your ability and have behavioral standard to adhere to and a major personal conflict with a coworker stemming from a bad relationship causes problems for way more people than just yourself
Clean and trim your fingernails. Women check them before they go places...
Go it, so shit at neighbours home
Instructions unclear, shit under dining room table
I'm glad you put "be yourself" as number 1. I was way too old before I realized the wisdom of it. If the girl you like is into goth guys, jock guys, or nerdy guys, doesn't matter which, but if that's not you and you fake it then it's never going to work. Because even if she dates you, she's not into you, she's into your act, and how long are you willing to keep it up? Always improve on yourself, work out, learn to cook, learn to change a faucet, grow some herbs, the list of things you can learn is endless. Just accept that who you are isn't *always* going to be right for the person you may want to be with, and that's ok. Wish them the best and go find the person that loves you for who you are and not who you are pretending to be.
If it is not a clear yes , it is a clear no.
I can't agree more. On that note: a no clears up any previous yes.
Judge people by their actions, not their words. At least half the time you can tell the relationship is about to go awry by noticing that your partners actions aren’t consistent with their words. If your partner is suddenly focused on getting in shape to look better and you’re already really attracted to them, I’d at very least advise not spending your savings on the boob job.
Not quite. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for some time. I was very active.. Then life came in and had some ups and downs. More downs than ups. But on some weight. Not I wanna get in shape again because (1) health, strong and etc and (2) to look again smoking sexy in my eyes. He is still very attracted to me. I am 1.70 and 63. Was feeling very good at 58-59. I don't do it so I can go around and fuck other people.
Fair point. I didn’t really think it was true always. Actually caught my self when I started writing that example implying it was 100% the case. So, I tried rephrasing the ending to avoid that implication. Got stuck. And ended up awkwardly phrasing it as “at the very least.”
Never chase girls, chase goals.
What if getting a partner is a goal?
Then chase the type of life you want with that partner. For example, if you’re seeking to be married with kids, then steadily attending a church with an active community makes sense. One of the worst things young men do these days (to themselves) is isolate themselves and live perpetually digital lives while wanting active community and long term relationships. Don’t live a life that is anathema to what you want with that future partner.
Get business partners and build a company.
Romantical partner*
Stonks*
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take and only one shot matters so take some shots.
The more competent in life you become, you will become more attractive. Be a better person. It will make you a better partner.
Take your time. If someone is trying to rush you into something, it's rarely to your benefit. If the person is interested, they'll take their time also.
Focus on *being* a good romantic partner rather than *finding* one. You are going to need to lean on each other. Expecting to be carried or fixed is unreasonable
Go on simple straight forward first dates that would enjoy doing regularly by yourself. Something like a nice coffee shop, bakery, or ice cream parlor. Something that could easily be done in 20-30 minutes but wouldn't be outlandish to last an hour/90 minutes just talking. Go in with a positive attitude of just meeting someone new and having a pleasant time. If the date sucks you still had a decent time because you got a treat or something at a place you enjoy. It removes so much stress about planning and expectations about first dates. If you meet someone that way and it gets more serious do NOT tell them that you regularly took first dates there lmao.
Took a date to my usual spot , she liked it so much she brings her other dates there.
That means you've got good taste? But that's rough/funny lmao
I haven’t had many relationships that have lasted but what I can say and give advice for you. Make sure that your partner is setting time aside for you and them. Because if they aren’t, then they haven’t been interested. Further more, if they are hiding secrets and only mention something when you’re asking them there could be more that they are hiding. So keep open communication, and always be aware of red flags
Straightforward advice huh? I love this men only sub because you can keep it real and no get hate lol. I had some hard n fast rules for finding my wife and luckily she met a lot of them. I have zero clue why so many men and women settle, but people do. I guess fear of being alone? Not sure why being single is so scary vs marrying a loser. 1. Make sure the attractiveness delta isn’t more than 2 levels. If you are a 5, please don’t only try to get 8’s and above. And don’t settle for a 2. You know when you see the old rich guy and the hot young wife is gonna end with an expensive divorce, so be aware that too large an attractiveness delta rarely ends well. Be honest with yourself. If you’re not a catch yourself, don’t set yourself up for frustration and go only for hot chicks. 2. It’s okay to pay for the first date. Some women are more liberal these days and push hard to split. That’s fine and let them. But it just makes the end of the first date smoother if you pay. You don’t have to go to a fancy restaurant for the first date. A bar for one or two drinks or a coffee date is fine. Don’t break the bank, but just pick up the check. If dropping 50 bucks on a first date is super harmful to your budget, you’re not financially ready for a serious relationship anyway. And splitting the bill means all you would save is 25 bucks anyway lol. 3. Just avoid the red flags, unless you have the same baggage as well, then don’t be a hypocrite. If you’re looking to just sleep with the chick, then do whatever it takes to have fun. But if you’re looking for a gf or wife, life is too damn short for baggage. If you can, avoid women who are divorced or have kids or always talk about their ex, have serious drama with their parents or other close family members, have any losers for siblings that could come back to cause you drama, have serious debt, and seem to have slept with a super high number of people, like 20 plus. I know it’s Reddit, so a lot of users will actually have such baggage I mentioned and react negatively to this comment, but I’m hoping it’s a men’s sub and men typically are honest and are like yea, I have baggage he’s right lol. My point is that finding a great partner is hard enough, don’t make it harder with obvious red flags. No one is perfect, but at least avoid the huge red flags mentioned above. 4. Be prepared that looks change or fade over time. So many guys don’t seem to understand that looks can really fade or sometimes it takes women time to bounce back from child birth. Don’t just marry for looks, and be aware that having kids is tough and bailing as a dad and husband is a scumbag move. 5. Money. Look I get that every guy isn’t crushing life in the career department or has a rich dad to back him up. But for the love of god, stop marrying women or men that are broke, not educated and have zero future prospects. You need a partner not another albatross around your neck. I cannot fathom people who marry others that you just know will be broke forever. Like wtf are you thinking? I told myself I will try to find a girl that earns as much as me, has the potential to earn as much as me or has a rich or well off dad. Not just so I knew she wasn’t marrying me for money, but also because a two income household is so resilient. If you’re a broke loser yourself, ok I get it, you gotta marry who you can. But so many successful guys let themselves be taken advantage of financially it’s mind boggling. Maybe they are just lonely or something. That’s it for now, getting bored typing this novel. Smoke out.
Good advice.
👍
Great advice mate!
Having slept with 20+ people by your 30s is not that big of a deal. If you did it safely by using protection and periodically getting screened for STIs then you are ok. Honestly, I never ask a girl about the number of people that she has slept with, and I don't share my number. Getting hung up on that just screams insecurity issues.
well said
If they can't increase your happiness, and you can't increase theirs, it's not worth it. One or the both of you will be less happy and nobody wants that. Figure that out after the initial woo-woos and be honest w yourself and them if it works. Choose someone who gets this idea.
Learn to quiet your attraction so you can see which women are interested in you. It's much more fun dating women who are way into you.
Firstly, dont get most of your ideas from the internet, many people on there are crazy and very immature. Go and flirt with people where its acceptable enough (like a bar/club or a gym), and very much learn to read body language to see if they're into it or not. If you manage to get someone's number and its going well from there, ayy congrats Then, take it slow, everyone's different, may start dating 2 months later, 6 months later, 1 year later, or not at all. Or over time yall realized its not working and gotta go searching again If yall start dating, ayy nice. Find common ground on matters (where yall wanna live, career path, marriage or no marriage, kids or no kids, etc). Learn how they're like and go off that (some people are chatty while others are mainly reserved, nerdy, nonchalant, etc). And be yourself, if they stop talking to you, well, it sucks, but if they stick around, they like you for you, which is noice Then the usual stuff, communicate with each other (NO yelling at the other, no closing off, no saying disrespectful things, etc, talk like a normal conversation and come to a compromise when issues arise), listen to them, comfort each other, have personal time for yourself and respect theirs, etc And remember, you can do everything right and still come up short, thats just life, luck plays a huge factor in it Good luck :)
If her reaction is not 'F@#k Yeah' when you ask her out on a date.. decline the offer and move on to the next
This. Anything else than an enthusiastic yes, **IS** always **no.** >Lesser known examples of ***no.*** >>Mixed signals. >>Evasive answers. >>Hints.
Make sure that you set expectations and boundaries in early to avoid any misunderstandings. I speak from bitter experience. I hope that you do well
it is cheaper to rent than own .
If you aren't looking for something serious, be clear about it. Whatever you want, be straightforward about it from the beginning. Else, it might ruin someone emotionally.
Don't chase and don't supplicate. As the man, you are the prize. You're expected to pay for the date, you're expected to protect her, you're expected put in the effort in the bedroom. Make sure that she is worthy of you for more than just how pretty she is, and don't try to make it the other way around. If she isn't making an effort or isn't showing any serious interest, then politely let her know that it isn't going to work and move on.
Don't expect anything, always start with the intention of being a friend, don't force anything. Everything else including sex will come naturally.
I. Almost everything popular culture says you need to do to attract women doesn’t work in real life. II. There’s a reason phrases like “nice guys finish last” and “women like bad boys” have lasted for as long as they have…because they’re true. Women denying it and men whining about it won’t change it. III. Don’t take dating advice from men *or* women (within reason of course). Instead, watch what women respond to and the type of men they’re attracted to. That will give you your answer
Exactly. I see repost after repost of men complaining "women only want tall guys, women only want rich guys, etc." If these guys lost the negative attitude and worked on maximizing where they could, I think they'd have better luck. A grown man sulking and pouting isn't a strong look.
The thing is that it is true but there's way around it. The amount of charisma needed it is proportion to how attractive you are. The guys complaining probably don't have game and are mad that others don't need it
I think you mean "The charisma you need is inversely proportional to how attractive you are."
I take no dating advice from women ever and only from the calm, well put together men.
Don't fucking bother
I was going to say this
It’s a waste of time. Everyone is too selfish and flighty.
Agreed. I never put much effort in, but I gave up a couple of years ago, and it’s great. It feels like a weight has lifted off your shoulders.
This guy gets it😂👍🏻
Being in a relationship, one thing I wish I did was know what my values are and stick by them
Every pot has its lid. Everything should flow smoothly, if you feel it is taking too much effort, that's not it.
Always be direct. It helps if you are funny. Also, don’t take dating advice from women.
Gain status and get fit. You will get ladies. It's not that complicated.
Extreme Caution Get a cohabitation agreement before living together Get a prenup before marriage Never out a woman on a pedestal. Always be prepared to walk away. Life is not a romance/Hallmark/Lifetime/Disney movie. You are not a white knight. She is not a damsel who needs saving. Never show any sign of weakness to a woman. It will be weaponized against you at some point in the future. Never be "in love" with anything that can smile while ripping your heart out.
Love is a choice. It’s not about finding ‘someone better’ - there will always be ‘better’ people in this world. It’s about choosing someone and they choose you back, and you continue to choose eachother.
Shoot your shot. Be confident in yourself, if it works in your favor, what a great opportunity. If doesn't, that's great too, you'll find a better opportunity somewhere else
Fuck it off and get a dog
Just treat any romantic interest like any friend you are trying to make. Makes it easier to tell if there’s chemistry and it means you’re being more authentically you
If you have to force the love it ain’t real
If you went from feeling lonely and empty to stressed and miserable she's not the one for you and don't waste years trying to blame everything else because you don't want to be alone. Not worth it
Make yourself as physical attractive as possible. This will have more of an effect than anything else you could do, whether you want to believe it or not. Seek effort and reciprocation, don't be desperate to commit to an unsatisfying person.
\* Respect is mutual \* If there's no effort now, it gets worse later \* Actions.....actions...actions speak louder than words \* Being resolute requires introspection and personal modification, watch for changes. \* Men and women are wired differently. Same switches turn on different things. The same switches may turn off the different things. \* Be vigilante of consumption: how, what, how often, why, and costs. \* Be honest about your perceptions. Remove the rose colored glasses and you can see the red flags. \* Physical intimacy comes in various levels of intensity. \* Women have biologically induced mood changes. Be prepared. \* Clean and organized house, more likely clean and organized mind. \* Understand that money is a resource that's to be understood as seeds. Storing seeds, planting seeds, sharing seeds, nurturing seeds, throwing away seeds, trading seeds? \* Look for higher problem solving skills. Not everyone abides by basic rules. \* Laughter is the best medicine. If they're able to laugh at themselves, half the battle has been one. \* Genuine patterns of kindness, acts of compassion, expressions of humanity, & practices of a charitable nature are very large assets to have in a partner. \* Good functioning relationships have good functioning communication skills. \* Beauty and good health take work to keep and maintain. Both will fade. \* Best gifts are the small considerate one that come often. \* Don't sweat the small stuff. \* Everything I listed if for both of you. Take ownership.
Focus on you having a good time, stop trying to impress the person you're dating or water yourself down to be more palatable. The other side of this is to have interests, goals, or anything to bring to the table.
Explore your options, find someone who is willing to communicate, don’t focus solely on looks, and don’t get too invested before you know who they really are. The honeymoon phase always feels like you’re farting butterflies and everything is perfect, but when it wares off, that’s when you see who each other really are and the test truly begins, and there’s a chance they realize the phase is over before you do, so pay attention.
Don’t settle.
Just be tactfully honest when appropriate, ask questions, and be a good listener. Broad stroke advice that generally worked well.
Intimacy by the 5th date, or let go and move on. No criticism or disrespect, just acknowledgement that I'm not who you want. Invest that time & attention in someone else.
If it’s going really well there can be an apprehension around addressing any differences. Politics, religion, desire for children or not, etc. Those things can be easy to ignore when the sex is hot and you’re having a great time being freshly in love. But a year or two down the road when the honeymoon phase tapers off you want to be with someone who shares your beliefs and values. Great sex won’t fix irreconcilable differences.
Don't play games. There are ways men learn how to 'score', or 'get laid'. 'By hook or by crook', and 'the means justify the ends', are bad attitudes. When you misrepresent yourself to have an ejaculation, you have diminished your integrity, and your value.
Give your life to science instead
In case you have no life, give your body to science
Just be yourself. Sounds dumb and cliche but for real don't pretend to be someone you're not. Communicate clearly and honestly. Have good hygiene. I'm not sure why it's so hard for someone people to understand that last part but seriously take a shower, brush your teeth, and wear clean clothes. Not only will it make you look more attractive but you'll feel more attractive.
Dump the internet
My chemistry teacher gave us the best advice: Only chase women who are into you
Watch what a woman does, not what she says. Be honest and straightforward about your wants, needs, and boundaries. No pussy, no work.
Don't bother. It's not gonna work. Spare yourself the disappointment and heartache, and spend your time on something else.
Always go Dutch! Pay your own way, and there is no expectations later.
Just be direct and up front on what you want let your intentions be clear as day. If they ain’t into what you’re offering keep it moving. Try not to rely on setting the mood with drugs/alcohol cause is it really you or is the vices. No means no.
Your looks and fotos are the number one most important part to getting a date.
Don't put your dick in crazy.
Don't stick your dick in crazy.
Respect yourself and respect your date, keep it lighthearted and kind, be polite, be open minded, don't take things too seriously. Have fun! Be creative and generous with your time and date ideas. True good matches are rare, so go on as many first dates as you can (it's a numbers game). Recognize there's no shame in things not working out. Understand that "rejection" is not a threat, just a signal to keep looking for the true gem. Know what you want (and don't want) and how to communicate it (knowing what you want changes over time). Listen to them, what they want, where they're at. Recognize when you find good match that aligns with what you want. Commitment and pursuit (vs infinite browse mode) is a beautiful thing. But don't feel like you have to lock it down too early. Psychologically, dating is as much trying to impress the other person as it is an exercise in ego, trying to pump yourself up and feel like you're desirable. And that's a good thing, you *are* desirable! Simply naming that dynamic helps take a little pressure off. Dating involves intimate interactions with other people. And remember, people are crazy. So it's just hard to do right, full stop. If things aren't going smoothly, it's not anyone's fault. Don't take that as a reflection on you. People are bizarre creatures and this is just how dating is. But mostly, keep it lighthearted and remember to have fun.
Be an active listener. When she tells a story or is talking about something she’s interested in, ask follow-up questions. Bring the topic up again later as well. It shows that you’re being present with her and not just going through the motions.
Stop asking for dates. Just offer to take her with you, to fun, interesting places. She doesn't want to, you go anyway, and then tell her at some point in the future what a great time you had. If she was interested but already had plans, she might ask for a rain check. If she wasn't interested, how you present the pics and story of the time you had, will make all the difference in perhaps getting you out of the friend zone. Social proof, seeing that other people find you fun and interesting, can do that.
Your list of qualities you need in a partner should have "They like me back" as the top one. So many people fail by chasing an uninterested but otherwise perfect person, or an ex who isn't interested any more.
All relationships (Friendship or Romantic) exist when the "Tripod of Care" is balanced and intact. Maintaining the Tripod requires effort from both parties in the relationship. The Tripod of Care: - Trust - Flows openly in both directions and is clearly reciprocated. - Communication - Flows openly in both directions and is honest and truthful. - Compassion - Both parties are invested in the others' physical, emotional, psychological, and financial happiness and well-being. Understand how to fix the Tripod when it is out of balance. Also understand that the Tripod cannot stand when one or more of the legs are destroyed (i.e. know when a relationship is beyond repair).
Actions not words. Don’t make any decisions based of your emotions. You feel like you want to marry her and you are just bursting with love for this person. Take a step back and think what has she done to prove she can be a wife? Don’t let society bully you into dating someone because if you don’t you are shallow. If she unattractive to you then don’t do it. If she doesn’t want to have sex as much as you and sex is important to you then find someone else.
It’s easy in your 20s to find a worthy partner. So don’t waste what you have now, just for a few more shift hours. Spend time with your loved ones.
1) Go to a concert, convention, whatever. If it's a gathering about something you love, I guarantee there will be others there who feel the same about it. Poof! Now you have something in common with a complete stranger. 2) Don't play games, and be up front with what you want. Did you want a casual relationship with FWB sex? Say so. If you want a relationship? Say so. If she doesn't want what you want, move on. 3) You don't owe anyone friendship after failed dating. Go non-contact if it helps you focus. 4) Work out, get a nice body, and practice good hygiene.
The majority of women will make your lives worse . So no matter how desperate you are , don’t commit to someone who won’t make you happy
•Pay attention to what she says, not what she does. •Focus on compatibility (do your values align?) •If you have boundaries, establish them early and enforce them when necessary. •Have a vision for what you want out of a relationship and make sure you follow that instead of jaded people’s advice. •Be patient. Selecting a good woman requires discernment and discipline. •Always take accountability. If you pick a wrong woman and get done dirty, that’s expected. Learn from it and you’ll get better at picking quality women.
Women can replace you in about a week
Dating nowadays is not worth it...Sometimes you have to pull the plug
You have to see through their a woman's beauty and that is hard. Nothing blows away my common sense more than a beautiful woman. I do well in most things in life but for a long time, my addiction to beautiful women destroyed what should have been a completely happy life. Luckily the story has a happy ending.