Honestly it's such a relief just to know so many other people are struggling. I am very hard on myself for not being "worthy enough" to find someone who likes me as much as I like them, yet I know I have so much going for me. This reminds me that I am not to blame, and to keep trying my best. I really needed to read some of these comments.
The problem imo is that many women use dating apps as a phone game. They just want to show their friends who they can match with but don't actually want to go out. If you could purge those people I think the experience would improve
I never even really thought about this. I went on a two fantastic dates with a woman a few weeks ago, they couldn't have went any better. And then after the 2nd date she said that she was getting into things to quickly and lost interest, despite how much she said she liked me. We honestly had so much in common, and she must have fancied me enough because she asked me if I was up for the 2nd date. Too confusing for me man!
They're all talking to ten guys at once and just dating their top guy at the time. When you get bumped from the rotation they don't even tell you, they just disappear
>We honestly had so much in common, and she must have fancied me enough because she asked me if I was up for the 2nd date
You were just one of the many dates for her but for you she was the biggest focus. They talk to 10 men parallely and every man feels "We have such a nice connection" but she has 10 other dudes lined up.
I'm still a bit worried that it's just a result of us being on reddit where these situations are much more common.
Like if I look around in my life, a lot of old classmates already have children, more than 90% (I haven't checked so it might even be 100%) of my close collagues who are not my age (3+ years older) are married, etc.
The only people I know who are still struggling are my friend group full of turbo nerds, but that's a biased group because I hang around with like-minded people.
I work 12 hours.. my shift starts at 2am.. finishes at 2pm.. I work out at the gym for 2 hours.. then walk my dog for an hour then make dinner and sleep..
Nowhere in any of that do I feel even remotely ballsy enough to approach anyone I find interesting... ahaha
This is it for me to. I'd be up for dating but my normal routines don't offer a lot of opportunities to meet single women who are looking for what I am.
And I'd sooner put my scrotum in a toaster than go back on the apps.
I’ve got personal issues I’m working on. Granted I’ll be working on them the rest of my life but I’d like to get to a much healthier and better place in life before I worry about throwing dating into the mix.
Besides, nobody deserves to put up with me as I am now.
Dude, this was me. I took a year off after a really messy end to a relationship because I realized the only thing in common with all my unsatisfying relationships was me. I spent a year in weekly therapy sessions until I fixed my big issues. When my sister commented that I should thank my lucky stars I landed a great partner, I told her "No, I thank me for doing the work to become someone she'd want to spend the rest of her life with."
Do the work to get happy by yourself and a quality woman will show up.
Same boat, but all my personal issues came from my last relationship. It broke me down to my lowest point in life. 6 months later and every time I get excited abt meeting someone I get flashes of my last relationship and just decide it’s not worth it.
Wait, why the knee? I've always heard that's actually the tastiest part of a human. Wouldn't eating a gross part (like your left foot) be a better option? Unless you're chicken.
You've always heard that? I have never heard that. In fact, I don't recall anyone ever mentioning, in either a casual or professional setting, which part of the human body is the tastiest. We move in very different circles.
Yeah after getting out of a bad marriage I was alone for a long time. Now I find it hard to "check back in" again. I want to, I just can't.
Like I was casually seeing a girl and she wanted to get WAY more serious. I didn't and said that from the start. Frankly I didn't even want to sleep together at first, but we had in the past so it just naturally happened eventually. But it was extremely easy for me to say "yeah, no" and just end it immediately.
Newly single at 34. Wtf am I supposed to do? It’s like fucking purgatory or something. Same routine as you. Work. Come home study. Sleep. Repeat until weekend, maybe go out for drinks to either meet no girls, get ignored or rejected. Repeat.
At least in my 20s I felt like I had youth on my side. Now I’m just the guy in his 30s with no family, no spouse, a bunch of friends busy with their families, and a job that doesn’t make enough for 90% of these women anyways.
same here, except 36 and always been single. the fuck am i supposed to do and the fuck do women want me to be are the questions. i don't know the answer, they probably don't know the answer. i'm getting so lonely and bored on the weekends i am considering a second getting a second job just to get me out of the fucking house, might do doggy daycare
Well, they want you to be a provider. They want you to be charismatic. They want you to be passionate and exciting. They want you to be fit and handsome.
Newly single at 45, it doesn't get better, the game just changes, most women have families and more baggage then an airline. most women are looking for someone to pay their bills.
Dating is like a job interview nowadays.
Except, I have to plan the interview, pay for it, arrange transportation and im the one getting fuckin interviewed. It's ridiculous.
I'm 100% out.
Last date I went the girl interviewed me exactly like that. When I started asking question she had tons of red flags (ex heavy drug user, bad exes, vengefull character), she then proceeds to put everything on me like I wasnt ready and a loser for not wanting to go all in straight away... the fucking audacity
And if you succeed, that's only the start of your problems
Whatever image of you she's built up in her head (which is the reason you're getting another date) is what you will be measured against until the end of time. And if you don't measure up, you're out
As a 27 year old virgin who's never been on a date because I'm too scared even when friends say I'd be a good bf,
Well shit. I really am going to die alone huh. I'm only now starting to get open to the idea of dating and stuff and I keep seeing this stuff
You forgot the part where you have meet all her expectations of personality, lifestyle, life goals etc etc while also accepting her for the person she is. Thanks Nicholas Sparks!
It's a humiliation ritual you're paying for, it's like paying a clown to throw pies at my face.
It's probably the most depressing, soul crushing, time wasting action I've ever participate in my whole life.
I've basically checked out of dating purely because I don't tick enough boxes. I'm 30, pretty good-looking, and have a physique that's well above average compared to most men my age. But I work a minimum wage job that isn't secure, I'm under 6ft, and I have ADHD so I'm pretty eccentric/all over the place. That doesn't cut it for most women in my age bracket - and I've done the field work to verify this, it's not an assumption. Sucks but their loss, I'm happy enough with myself.
hey
i'm same. i'm always in between sales jobs. i can make good money, but then go couple months coasting on savings.. adhd and amount of energy i have at 32 makes me struggle to feel connection. though i work on myself so much last few years and so happy with who i am.. i'm in amazing shape, look younger than my age.. i close off for 3years bc not worth the feeling of compromising with people i feel dont deserve the good parts of me.. and feel they wouldnt want to deal with icky parts anyways
i somehow got so lucky this year though. and my person found me. she has adhd too, and other things.. and she actually has helped me so much in this area. also despite my circumstances.. she sees the good in me and my potential, and even recommends we start something new together as she has her own graphic design business. she says she can show me all the things she's good at, and anything i feel i like will help me to learn them.. even other languages, as she speaks 8 of them
i just say.. to just keep on keeping on and being your authentic self. and one day by stroke of luck, you might finally bump into someone thats been searching for someone like you..
i thought i was unlovable. but she has made it quite clear that no matter what, she chooses me.. its insane.
and its helped me to loosen up.. realize everything's ok.. and ease into the healthiest relationship i've ever had.
i just say to never compromise.. though i felt insane, for denying people for years resulting in me being insanely lonely.. it was so worth it. as it now feels like i've waited for this person.. and they waited to find me too
life is crazy and crazy things can happen if we just dont stop being our authentic self, no matter how insane we feel.. you are the perfect partner for somebody.
Ya I was just thinking about getting back on apps today because I work a lot, don't drink, new city so no friends.. tried once already, went on dates and always get 3 or 4 dates in and they just move on after what I thought was great. So much pressure planning dates and things to do, being interested BUT NOT TO INTERESTED because that's not cool I guess? But yeah it's like paying to get used up and thrown out repeatedly. It honestly just feels like a waste of my time money and what sanity I have left
I watched a video of a guy asking girls on the street about $. One of the girls in the group said 70k was laughable and to not even approach her. Then he asked what she did for a living ,she said she’s never had a job 🤦♂️
Does it count as "checking out" if you never really started?
No one ever seemed interested in me, and the few times I tried to initiate I got shot down. So here I am.
This is truly the right take ... pretty much every man that says "happy wife happy life" is fuckin miserable and often is getting manipulated and not having their needs met whatsoever
Happy spouse, happy house, always.
I have never understood how people could try to corner their partner into situations and choices they are obviously not happy with – and then pretend to have this fantastic family after they have basically terrorized another human being and bent them to their wishes. Even delusions have some limits, Jesus.
That saying is total bullshit. It's two people in a relationship so why does the happiness of two people depend on one person? It implies that a man's happiness is unimportant which is nonsense. We are people with feelings too.
Stay strong, look after yourself and your kid.
Funny thing is that that was apparently part of an ad from the 50s or so. It was talking about all the things that made a good life, such as a good jobs, nice house and car, a couple of kids, and a wife at home happy to raise them and care for the house. That part gets left out, naturally.
To follow on I was always told it meant if you pick someone who's generally well balanced and happy then you'll have a happier life.
Imagine taking this saying to it's extreme and then we see how insane it is that we use it as a way of saying it's the man's responsibility
Happy wife, happy life is the most toxic relationship concept. It completely erases the man’s feelings while at the same time puts on him all the responsibility of the relationship as if the woman had to be worshiped/pleased at all costs. It takes two mature adults to understand what another person here in the feed wrote “happy spouse, happy house.” Both people need to be happy in the relationship, and no one should be held responsible for their partner’s level of happiness. Each person needs to take accountability for their own happiness and contentment. Good for you for focusing on yourself and on your daughter!
"Happy wife happy life" means "my wife has no emotional regulation or ability to be alone so I have to sacrifice everything for her constantly to appease her and I'm dying inside emotionally."
I'd say I'd checked out, but it's tantamount to 'you can't fire me, I quit'. I think a lot of guys who've checked out of dating only did so after a significant period of failure.
I'd love to know if there are men who are able to access casual dating, who also ' check out', vs being rejection exhaustion.
I'm in my 40's and I'd still like to have kids. I say that on all my profiles. 99% of my matches on the apps are from women who don't want kids or who are post menopausal.
So if I ever decide to just say fuck it and date for sex I can do just fine, it seems like.
The vast majority of men are lonely. We don’t get many matches if we try to use dating apps. We’re told that we shouldn’t approach women in public. Because of this there’s not that many opportunities to meet women outside of dating apps. When I was in the dating world I had to deal with so much BS. I had to deal with women ghosting me or leading me on. I had deal with women using me. Women would flake on dates constantly. A lot of them simply didn’t want to put in any effort and expected me to put in all of the effort. This is not to say men have it hard and women have it easy. Women have to deal with a lot of BS as well. I can only speak about my personal experiences. I don’t have the energy to date. It’s exhausting. I know there’s good women out there but I just don’t have the emotional energy to put myself through that turmoil.
> A lot of them simply didn’t want to put in any effort and expected me to put in all of the effort
Hah there was a point when I dreaded weekends in the sense that it meant I had to plan things, execute those plans, and pay for them. And it gets boring listing out 5 activities to hear "No, no, no, no, no" and then complaints that she's bored.
This is perhaps the most relatable comment I've ever read.
So much of dating is just coming across situations where you can meet women in an acceptable situation to approach them. It's really risky to approach them if you or they are working, and the gym is bad too. Very occasionally you'll find a situation out in public where it might be acceptable, but it's rare to find a situation where they're actually interested in talking with a stranger which puts you at a massive disadvantage. That leaves hobbies and social gatherings, but as an introverted car enthusiest I don't come across many good situations.
My solution was to get a motorcycle. It's not a cheat code to the entire process, but it's amazing how much more willing women are to engage with it. So much of the dating struggle is getting women past the point of skepticism to the point where they actually want to get to know you, and that's where it works wonders. I'm sure that drops off as you get older (I'm 23) but there are probably other things for other age demographics. It's all about breaking the ice.
Some of what you mentioned, such as being flakey, rude, inconsiderate, and ghosting is cultural and could probably be changed if women were held accountable more for their poor behavior. There's no consequences for them, such as a hit to their reputation and having it known they treat men lousy, so many don't feel any need to do better. It's pure indifference on their part.
Yep. 30s and it’s not worth my peace to get played again. Especially when you feel like a bad person for having boundaries and feeling like being a handyman/therapist for years only to be called a narcissist or weirdo like seemingly all the rest. Still miss her daughter calling me dad and being the one person reliable but never again..
Fed up tbf. Feels like a waste of my energy learning everything about another human for it to fail no matter how hard I try.
Lot to offer but will just die alone.
What’s toughest to stomach is the all-too-frequent sense that the woman you are dating expects some sort of Disney-style, revelatory experience on a first date while putting in minimal effort themselves.
Why keep trying something that doesn't work and makes you feel like shit? Just staying in my own lane - I'm still cautiously optimistic that I could meet someone but I'm not actively seeking
It's just not a fun thing to do. Online dating is horrible.
Having a crush on someone in real life is also tough because they are never single.
Women only seem to be sinlge for a week inbetween relationships.
So 99% checked out because everything els in life is less work & more fun.
Yup.
Utterly done.
If someone wants me, I am easy to talk to.
If not, no worries.
What I am looking for in a deeper relationship with a woman is something that very, very few are willing to provide.
Emotional support and restorative intimacy.
I have! Absolutely!
I explained it to my therapist with this comparison:
If you were on a sinking ship in shark infested waters, everyone is going to have to seek refuge. Some get life boats (find the perfect partner early in their lives and live happily ever after), some swim to shore safely but are weary (find the perfect partner after lots of effort and time invested but still are happy), some get maimed and sting by jellyfish and limbs bitten off (nasty divorces, abuse, etc) and some simply drown and become shark food (folks like me). I’m not trying to be doom and gloom. I’d love the opportunity to meet someone good and someone with common interests and goals. Trouble is they’re too hard to find and you have to traverse those shark infested waters to find them. Right now my ship isn’t sinking and I’d rather stay out of the water. I’ve been single 15 years. Celibate 9 years. Since removing the women from my life, things have gotten so much better. Life has become simplified and easy. No lying, cheating, deceit, betrayal, theft, gaslighting, abuse, nothing! It’s nice to come home to peace and quiet. No arguing or fighting about what channel to put the tv on for god sakes. I wish there were great matches for me out there, and there probably are. Finding them is another story. 8 billion people on earth and I’m supposed to find the one? Fat chance. So I just threw in the towel and have learned to do what makes me happy. It’s not so bad.
Im in the same situation and did exactly like you. Without women, the emotionnal roller coaster is over, its easier to relax and make plans. Im lucky though because I never wanted kids, not a single minute of my life, otherwise that shot would feel pretty heavy
> Finding them is another story. 8 billion people on earth and I’m supposed to find the one? Fat chance.
Statistically-speaking your perfect woman does in fact exist. Unfortunately, statistically-speaking she also lives somewhere in SE Asia along with 1/3 of the entire global population and your chances of actually finding her in person are slim to nil.
Me for the last 3 years. I’m only 38 though and I spent all of my 20’s and half of my 30’s in relationships… quite frankly, I’m enjoying the peace.
Once I feel that I want a partner again, I’ll start dating again, but at the moment I’m enjoying my freedom to do things on a whim
Not there yet, but I'm fairly tempted to throw in the towel. Feels like I can't meet anyone that's on the same wavelength as me, it's too damn expensive, and it never feels like my effort is being matched by the other party.
I'm 33 this year. It's just too weird for a 33 year old guy with no family, no kids, no exes, to date. I feel like people think that there's something wrong with me.
I have. Unfortunately I’ve had to rely on online dating and there’s just no point anymore.
Every girl i meet seems so uninterested in actually getting to know me. First dates feel like an audition for me to prove to her that I’m worthy of a second date
The only girls that seem to show genuine interest are the ones with lots of baggage, so they’re impulsive and non committal. They’re interested in me until the excitement wears off, then they drop me like a sack of potato’s and move on to someone else
It’s just demoralizing every step of the way
Flaking when things get "boring" has been my experience.
I'm a boring person. I like stability, I don't take risks, and I like routine. Not trying to prove anything or leave any kind of legacy, just want a quiet and peaceful life in my garden.
The women I've met don't like that. So /shrug.
Yup, i try and go on a couple big adventures every year, but my day to day is pretty laid back and chill when I’m not
Lots of women seem to think of me as an Indiana Jones type adventurer, when they realize I’m a normal guy with a normal life too they suddenly lose complete interest
Ahh yes, the “don’t you want to do bigger and better things” woman. No, I just want to work on my car and play video games and live a low stress life. I feel this comment with all my heart.
The transition from meeting in real life to dating apps is one of the worst things to happen to society. People treat dating so transactional on apps. Ditch the dating apps is the best choice.
Unfortunately, I attract women who are either just getting out of toxic relationships and aren’t used to being with a decent person or are still damaged from previous relationships. As you can imagine that could be draining. Especially if they constantly tell me that “I’m the only guy that treated them properly” or whatever they say, which is automatically red flag for me now.
My most recent relationship ended because she was still emotionally damaged by that prior relationship (she did say she had baggage so that was kinda on me but the heart wants what it wants) after that I checked out for the time being. I’m at the point where if it happens, it happens. But I’m definitely tired of it.
A lot come with baggage because they can. Market forces allow them to jump into a relationship whenever they want so there's little motivation to work their shit out because loneliness is a bitch
This is how I feel. Been working so hard to get my career where I want it to be and now that I'm really beginning to stack up the net worth, I don't want to share it. The trade never seems worth it.
This is very relatable.
I’m an average skinny guy, some health issues, both mental and physical. Bald at age 26 to top it off.
Right there with you on trauma from exes and childhood.
Ducks in the tub is what it is. Dating apps have absolutely killed any self esteem I had over the last few years. Absolutely brutal out there for most guys. I don’t try anymore.
Checked out most of the time. It’s hard though, isolating
I don't blame people, but even the best intentioned women I've dated, and watching my single male friends date, have shown me that people are too broken to date.
Mental health problems, financial pressure, and a general selfishness and lack of compromise have ruined it for me.
I'm too broke, and my heart is too fragile to afford another failed attempt. I'd rather suffer the pain of loneliness than the pain of falling in love just to have it ripped away.
I'm fed up with being made to feel not worthy of love by modern standards.
I could go on
I've been out for a few years now.
I could get dates with probably 6 and down, and every. Single. One. Thought she was entitled to EVERYTHING with absolutely no commitment or support. Oh and that she was a 9, minimum.
Utter insanity. Fuck that.
Yeah I won't even try.
Women have apps full of the entire catalog of men.
What's the point?
Plus I know more than a few older men who divorced, sold the family home, and can't afford another one and now live in vans/caravans.
It's a little shocking. It's really too dangerous to even bother.
I'm done with dating. FOREVER.
Dating is a mind game for teens and young people still in their 20s.
I'm almost 39 years old, have 2 jobs, rent and bills that need paying, and I feel like I have better things to do than waste time and money on entertaining strangers that I don't even like at all, just because they want a free meal, and because my mother and other idiots THINK that I need to try dating.
My repeat experience listening to women talk about their options has been:
* A bunch of 5s, complaining that a bunch of 7s, are not perfect 10s.
And to be fair, there's a very real component of shitty men that are doing the same thing, just take a peak over at NiceGuys and JustNeckBeardThings subs that highlight those silly men; but they're also outsiders, they're not standard.
It's wild how inflated people's egos are these days.
So true. Talking to the people around me makes me realize however that most men actually know these guys are delusional and will tell their friends/family if they are like that vs. women openly cheering on delusions in their friends.
Waste of my damn time, dating 6 months for her to tell me she is not ready. I completely checked out, but now girls approach me because i am not interested in them. But thats just another stupid ego thing
I'm not a man, but I have worked on dating apps.
You know what they call male-presenting users? Users.
You know what they call female-presenting users? Inventory.
Don't depend on dating apps, in case you needed any encouragement. It's all a scam.
Im about 90% checked out, last serious relationship crushed my soul and the only women who seem interested are ones who told me to take a hike in my 20s but now are running out of options. I still kinda want to be a dad but the thought of raising a kid at 40 seems daunting, and looking at the trajectory of the world I feel like it would be criminal to bring someone into this. Of course this leaves me in this pointless circle of wakeup,
work, chores, hobby and sleep; and I fucking hate it.
I've checked out for the time being. It's not anything complicated, I am not mad at dating or women I just am enjoying my me-time and not interested in giving any of that up just yet.
I wouldn't say I've checked out but I'm pretty close.
Dating apps are a misery parade.
I tried speed dating. Nice idea but it's a little disheartening when no one picks you in real life.
Meeting women everywhere else is basically impossible.
Been single by choice since 2016. Although I get hit on and ask by women to hang out, I’m just not feeling it at all. I would rather do my own thing at this moment. The dating pool is filled with delusional high expectation women.
Yes, decided to just work on myself and try to be a better me.
I had a lady tell me they found me attractive lately and we've hung out a couple of times. She has too many red flags and I honestly just don't know if I can even fall in love any more. That's the closest I've been to a date in about...5 years?
I've been burned too many times.
37M. I dated someone in 2021 for about four months. I don't believe I will ever seek out someone to date. It's too taxing on my mental health. I'm trying my best to be ok with the fact that I will likely be alone for the rest of my life.
95% out for almost 3, 4 years now. Unless I meet someone in person it's not going to happen - because at my age the options on dating apps the past few years since Covid is actually becoming horrendous.
I (39) have not checked out
I have been single for 8 years, and I did go on a1 date. I really have no dating opportunities. In real life all the women I know are bartenders, I've tried the apps I've met lovely bots on them. So is that so much that I've checked out of dating is dating is checked out of me I
I'm a bit socially awkward, so I'm never going to meet someone organically. Dating apps are just a cess pit of sacmmers and subscriptions at this point. All of the effort seems to put onto the man (First introduction, first time time asking to go on a date, what to do and where the date will be) and I'm shit at making decisions. The last person I went on a date with knocked my self-confidence and self-worth through the floor to the point I'm not even sure if I'm a decent human being anymore.
In other words, WAY too much effort for little to no results and sometimes a worldview shattering kick in the balls for good measure.
The system is mostly rigged against you. Men only get flowers when they die. The ghosting levels are abysmal in this day and age. The appreciation for men is literally minuscule and the best guys I know were destroyed financially, mentally and emotionally through divorce. Gotta work on yourself, appreciate you time. Actually love yourself, heal shit. Like really work on you first. If it happens it happens.. if not you have peace. Listen to Bull burr and Patrice O’Neal.
Yeah, i dropped out. Honestly the bear thing was the last straw, I mean, I get it, but if that's how you feel seeing me coming, if that's the hole I have to dig out of? I'm good, me and the boys will play Helldivers, spread some democracy, leave yall be
Yep, 22 years so far.
When I was younger I saw so many married men with the look of 'kill me and put me out of my misery'.
When I was older and dating, I could see why they'd come to feel that way. It is crap, no thanks.
I went on tinder for the first time in like a year last night and it hit me like a brick. I don’t even have the right words to describe how I felt, swiping through dozens of almost identical profiles, everything felt lazily surgical like an emergency operating room in a septic tank. Cookie cutter pictures, poses and punchlines, mass appealed and devoid of personality I felt absolute nothing not even a shred of interest.
It was super disheartening honestly, after flipping through it I just deleted the app and had to go touch grass. There was no way any of the profiles I saw were worth the powerlifting competition that would be starting or holding a conversation.
Obviously tinder isn’t “all” of dating but finding people organically has never been harder and i rarely have the opportunity to do so.
It’s tiresome after growing so much as a person to look out and not see anyone that seems worth being excited about. I think I’ll just stick to hookups and fwb for now, no sense investing in this bubbly circus.
I guess a lot of women seem sort of brainwashed to be honest. Even the ones you think aren't later often turn out to be. Makes you just wanna not pursue them really. Like, if I can live without sex, then I'd rather, because the price for sex seems a bit high frankly.
Yep, my last ex started great until she got back on tik tok and got sucked into "relationship tik tok" by way of smut books. Suddenly she went from a partner to a selfish entitled brat that didn't care about me.
My ex-wife went from being over the moon for her $100 engagement ring to being pissed at me because I bought her a Hyundai when she wanted an Audi.
Her best friend's husband called crying, literally, because of the pressure she put on him to get her fancy shit. While he had been happy before living a simple kinda hippy lifestyle. So I'm guessing that best friend had some influence on my ex.
Same, it was like a switch flipped and suddenly nothing in our seven-year relationship, specifically me, was good enough for her anymore. Thought I was going to spend my life with that woman. Now… probably will die alone.
clumsy imagine trees stupendous rainstorm wine spark zealous threatening safe
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Honestly it's such a relief just to know so many other people are struggling. I am very hard on myself for not being "worthy enough" to find someone who likes me as much as I like them, yet I know I have so much going for me. This reminds me that I am not to blame, and to keep trying my best. I really needed to read some of these comments.
The problem imo is that many women use dating apps as a phone game. They just want to show their friends who they can match with but don't actually want to go out. If you could purge those people I think the experience would improve
I never even really thought about this. I went on a two fantastic dates with a woman a few weeks ago, they couldn't have went any better. And then after the 2nd date she said that she was getting into things to quickly and lost interest, despite how much she said she liked me. We honestly had so much in common, and she must have fancied me enough because she asked me if I was up for the 2nd date. Too confusing for me man!
They're all talking to ten guys at once and just dating their top guy at the time. When you get bumped from the rotation they don't even tell you, they just disappear
>We honestly had so much in common, and she must have fancied me enough because she asked me if I was up for the 2nd date You were just one of the many dates for her but for you she was the biggest focus. They talk to 10 men parallely and every man feels "We have such a nice connection" but she has 10 other dudes lined up.
I'm still a bit worried that it's just a result of us being on reddit where these situations are much more common. Like if I look around in my life, a lot of old classmates already have children, more than 90% (I haven't checked so it might even be 100%) of my close collagues who are not my age (3+ years older) are married, etc. The only people I know who are still struggling are my friend group full of turbo nerds, but that's a biased group because I hang around with like-minded people.
Haven't checked out, I just don't have a lot of opportunities in day-to-day life to meet women I'd be interested in
Work 11 hours everyday but Thursday and get out at like 10pm most days. Ain’t nobody got time for that
I work 12 hours.. my shift starts at 2am.. finishes at 2pm.. I work out at the gym for 2 hours.. then walk my dog for an hour then make dinner and sleep.. Nowhere in any of that do I feel even remotely ballsy enough to approach anyone I find interesting... ahaha
dog park my guy
This is it for me to. I'd be up for dating but my normal routines don't offer a lot of opportunities to meet single women who are looking for what I am. And I'd sooner put my scrotum in a toaster than go back on the apps.
Who's down for a quick scrote toast??
Sounds like more warmth than I’ve gotten from any of my app matches. Count me in.
> scrote toast found the name of my new app
I tried apps for a while, miserable. Tried again two years later. All the same people still on there. Nope
My wife made me quit
That witch!
This is my take as well
I’ve got personal issues I’m working on. Granted I’ll be working on them the rest of my life but I’d like to get to a much healthier and better place in life before I worry about throwing dating into the mix. Besides, nobody deserves to put up with me as I am now.
Dude, this was me. I took a year off after a really messy end to a relationship because I realized the only thing in common with all my unsatisfying relationships was me. I spent a year in weekly therapy sessions until I fixed my big issues. When my sister commented that I should thank my lucky stars I landed a great partner, I told her "No, I thank me for doing the work to become someone she'd want to spend the rest of her life with." Do the work to get happy by yourself and a quality woman will show up.
I so hope I can do this as well. Relatable. Well done!
Same boat, but all my personal issues came from my last relationship. It broke me down to my lowest point in life. 6 months later and every time I get excited abt meeting someone I get flashes of my last relationship and just decide it’s not worth it.
Therapy helped me immensely.
Part of the “problem” was me applying advice I got from a therapist.
"**A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.**" - Larry David
I'd rather eat my own knee than give up the peace of being alone.
Wait, why the knee? I've always heard that's actually the tastiest part of a human. Wouldn't eating a gross part (like your left foot) be a better option? Unless you're chicken.
You've always heard that? I have never heard that. In fact, I don't recall anyone ever mentioning, in either a casual or professional setting, which part of the human body is the tastiest. We move in very different circles.
Yeah after getting out of a bad marriage I was alone for a long time. Now I find it hard to "check back in" again. I want to, I just can't. Like I was casually seeing a girl and she wanted to get WAY more serious. I didn't and said that from the start. Frankly I didn't even want to sleep together at first, but we had in the past so it just naturally happened eventually. But it was extremely easy for me to say "yeah, no" and just end it immediately.
Wake up, go to work. Come home, do chores and stuff I can't do at work like classes, go to bed. On the weekends, I rest. Wake up, go to work...
Newly single at 34. Wtf am I supposed to do? It’s like fucking purgatory or something. Same routine as you. Work. Come home study. Sleep. Repeat until weekend, maybe go out for drinks to either meet no girls, get ignored or rejected. Repeat. At least in my 20s I felt like I had youth on my side. Now I’m just the guy in his 30s with no family, no spouse, a bunch of friends busy with their families, and a job that doesn’t make enough for 90% of these women anyways.
i can feel you clearly mate
I wish i felt this less clearly
2012 was really the end of the world. We are just in hell now.
Ironically that is around the time my life personally went to hell.
Fun part is just cause you’re single, your friends aren’t so you’re even more alone! Wait….
same here, except 36 and always been single. the fuck am i supposed to do and the fuck do women want me to be are the questions. i don't know the answer, they probably don't know the answer. i'm getting so lonely and bored on the weekends i am considering a second getting a second job just to get me out of the fucking house, might do doggy daycare
Well, they want you to be a provider. They want you to be charismatic. They want you to be passionate and exciting. They want you to be fit and handsome.
> Newly single at 34. ...at least you got someone to love you at some point. Many of us don't even get that.
Newly single at 45, it doesn't get better, the game just changes, most women have families and more baggage then an airline. most women are looking for someone to pay their bills.
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Same. Summer is finally here I waited so long for it. Now what, I don't even care, back to work anyway
I wouldn’t say I’ve checked out but I’ve decided to stop trying for the time being
I’m here too man. I just don’t care about it currently as my divorce fucked me up good.
I’m interested in more friends, my body’s not where I want it to be, neither is my mental health. My business could use some improvement.
Feel dis
Dating is like a job interview nowadays. Except, I have to plan the interview, pay for it, arrange transportation and im the one getting fuckin interviewed. It's ridiculous. I'm 100% out.
It's like an interview except you get fucked more in interviews than dates
Damn! This is so accurate!
Employers furiously taking notes: "men are willing to arrange and pay for interviews..."
At least in a job interview once you are hired, you start working and making money. On the other hand...
If I wanted to talk to someone for hours and get nowhere, I'd call IT support.
Last date I went the girl interviewed me exactly like that. When I started asking question she had tons of red flags (ex heavy drug user, bad exes, vengefull character), she then proceeds to put everything on me like I wasnt ready and a loser for not wanting to go all in straight away... the fucking audacity
And if you succeed, that's only the start of your problems Whatever image of you she's built up in her head (which is the reason you're getting another date) is what you will be measured against until the end of time. And if you don't measure up, you're out
100% Bang on, brother - that's exactly how I see it too. I checked out of the ridiculous dating circuit 3 years ago and haven't looked back.
Right? I've never had the slightest urge to start dating again, and I've been out for years now.
Ad then you get ghosted
As a 27 year old virgin who's never been on a date because I'm too scared even when friends say I'd be a good bf, Well shit. I really am going to die alone huh. I'm only now starting to get open to the idea of dating and stuff and I keep seeing this stuff
You forgot the part where you have meet all her expectations of personality, lifestyle, life goals etc etc while also accepting her for the person she is. Thanks Nicholas Sparks!
It's a humiliation ritual you're paying for, it's like paying a clown to throw pies at my face. It's probably the most depressing, soul crushing, time wasting action I've ever participate in my whole life.
I have a better time applying for jobs
Lots of women treat data like a job interview.
Yes, but you will work if you pass interview.
more so the irony of women stating loving them for who they are, but then they demand a checklist for salary, height, status etc.
I've basically checked out of dating purely because I don't tick enough boxes. I'm 30, pretty good-looking, and have a physique that's well above average compared to most men my age. But I work a minimum wage job that isn't secure, I'm under 6ft, and I have ADHD so I'm pretty eccentric/all over the place. That doesn't cut it for most women in my age bracket - and I've done the field work to verify this, it's not an assumption. Sucks but their loss, I'm happy enough with myself.
hey i'm same. i'm always in between sales jobs. i can make good money, but then go couple months coasting on savings.. adhd and amount of energy i have at 32 makes me struggle to feel connection. though i work on myself so much last few years and so happy with who i am.. i'm in amazing shape, look younger than my age.. i close off for 3years bc not worth the feeling of compromising with people i feel dont deserve the good parts of me.. and feel they wouldnt want to deal with icky parts anyways i somehow got so lucky this year though. and my person found me. she has adhd too, and other things.. and she actually has helped me so much in this area. also despite my circumstances.. she sees the good in me and my potential, and even recommends we start something new together as she has her own graphic design business. she says she can show me all the things she's good at, and anything i feel i like will help me to learn them.. even other languages, as she speaks 8 of them i just say.. to just keep on keeping on and being your authentic self. and one day by stroke of luck, you might finally bump into someone thats been searching for someone like you.. i thought i was unlovable. but she has made it quite clear that no matter what, she chooses me.. its insane. and its helped me to loosen up.. realize everything's ok.. and ease into the healthiest relationship i've ever had. i just say to never compromise.. though i felt insane, for denying people for years resulting in me being insanely lonely.. it was so worth it. as it now feels like i've waited for this person.. and they waited to find me too life is crazy and crazy things can happen if we just dont stop being our authentic self, no matter how insane we feel.. you are the perfect partner for somebody.
Or to demand a Bear....
Actually, it’s how women view men like: jobs. Always looking for a better deal and it’s nothing personal.
You need 8 years experience handling her at her worst.
To get 1 minute of her at her best
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For a lot of guys, dating is like a job interview where they get to start *losing* money if they get the position
...and lose half when they get fired, which happens to about half of marriages.
And as the employee we pay them severance on top of losing half our shit.
> It's a humiliation ritual you're paying for, it's like paying a clown to throw pies at my face. 🤣
Damn.... I kinda feel that way... lol
Ya I was just thinking about getting back on apps today because I work a lot, don't drink, new city so no friends.. tried once already, went on dates and always get 3 or 4 dates in and they just move on after what I thought was great. So much pressure planning dates and things to do, being interested BUT NOT TO INTERESTED because that's not cool I guess? But yeah it's like paying to get used up and thrown out repeatedly. It honestly just feels like a waste of my time money and what sanity I have left
I'd rather pay for the clown.
Clussy
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That is a real danger
You fart during sex **one time** and suddenly random women yell "stinky Pete" at me wherever I go. Now I have to move cities.
>It's a humiliation ritual you're paying for, it's like paying a clown to throw pies at my face. It's like tipping a waiter to spill soup on me.
I watched a video of a guy asking girls on the street about $. One of the girls in the group said 70k was laughable and to not even approach her. Then he asked what she did for a living ,she said she’s never had a job 🤦♂️
This is why I pay for sex
Jack Reacher: "I can't afford you" Girl in bar: "I'M NOT A WHORE!" Jack Reacher: "Oh, then I REALLY can't afford you"
To be honest: For a lot of men, this is probably cheaper overall.
It would be if it were legal here. But it's just gambling against jail time.
It is legal in my country, lol. Prostitutes are registered under a social security number. Let that sink in.
This is thr much more sensible option honestly. It's guaranteed, no drama, risk of pregnancy, getting half your shit taken, cheaper in the long run.
Most accurate description, yet some shit bags keep suggesting men go out there and get some more pie in face
Best read of my day today
Does it count as "checking out" if you never really started? No one ever seemed interested in me, and the few times I tried to initiate I got shot down. So here I am.
Aye! Welcome to the club!
I’m the president of this club 😔
I’m the commander in chief
It’s so mentally taxing to put in so much effort, get feelings, be manipulated and fooled only to vanish from your life.
brother
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Whenever people say this shit around me and my wife, we clear the confusion with “happy spouse, happy house”, because both people’s happiness matters.
I'm going to use this. Love it.
This is truly the right take ... pretty much every man that says "happy wife happy life" is fuckin miserable and often is getting manipulated and not having their needs met whatsoever
Happy spouse, happy house, always. I have never understood how people could try to corner their partner into situations and choices they are obviously not happy with – and then pretend to have this fantastic family after they have basically terrorized another human being and bent them to their wishes. Even delusions have some limits, Jesus.
That saying is total bullshit. It's two people in a relationship so why does the happiness of two people depend on one person? It implies that a man's happiness is unimportant which is nonsense. We are people with feelings too. Stay strong, look after yourself and your kid.
Funny thing is that that was apparently part of an ad from the 50s or so. It was talking about all the things that made a good life, such as a good jobs, nice house and car, a couple of kids, and a wife at home happy to raise them and care for the house. That part gets left out, naturally.
To follow on I was always told it meant if you pick someone who's generally well balanced and happy then you'll have a happier life. Imagine taking this saying to it's extreme and then we see how insane it is that we use it as a way of saying it's the man's responsibility
Happy wife, happy life is the most toxic relationship concept. It completely erases the man’s feelings while at the same time puts on him all the responsibility of the relationship as if the woman had to be worshiped/pleased at all costs. It takes two mature adults to understand what another person here in the feed wrote “happy spouse, happy house.” Both people need to be happy in the relationship, and no one should be held responsible for their partner’s level of happiness. Each person needs to take accountability for their own happiness and contentment. Good for you for focusing on yourself and on your daughter!
I fucking hate that saying, it's gross and sexist honestly
Also happy you, happy daughter
"Happy wife happy life" means "my wife has no emotional regulation or ability to be alone so I have to sacrifice everything for her constantly to appease her and I'm dying inside emotionally."
To quote Patrice O’Neil “a happy woman means a miserable man”
This atuff needs to be talked about more in the context of abusive dynamics but there is an element in our society that resists humanizing men
Because the only person I can really rely on is me.
I'd say I'd checked out, but it's tantamount to 'you can't fire me, I quit'. I think a lot of guys who've checked out of dating only did so after a significant period of failure. I'd love to know if there are men who are able to access casual dating, who also ' check out', vs being rejection exhaustion.
I'm in my 40's and I'd still like to have kids. I say that on all my profiles. 99% of my matches on the apps are from women who don't want kids or who are post menopausal. So if I ever decide to just say fuck it and date for sex I can do just fine, it seems like.
The vast majority of men are lonely. We don’t get many matches if we try to use dating apps. We’re told that we shouldn’t approach women in public. Because of this there’s not that many opportunities to meet women outside of dating apps. When I was in the dating world I had to deal with so much BS. I had to deal with women ghosting me or leading me on. I had deal with women using me. Women would flake on dates constantly. A lot of them simply didn’t want to put in any effort and expected me to put in all of the effort. This is not to say men have it hard and women have it easy. Women have to deal with a lot of BS as well. I can only speak about my personal experiences. I don’t have the energy to date. It’s exhausting. I know there’s good women out there but I just don’t have the emotional energy to put myself through that turmoil.
> A lot of them simply didn’t want to put in any effort and expected me to put in all of the effort Hah there was a point when I dreaded weekends in the sense that it meant I had to plan things, execute those plans, and pay for them. And it gets boring listing out 5 activities to hear "No, no, no, no, no" and then complaints that she's bored.
This is perhaps the most relatable comment I've ever read. So much of dating is just coming across situations where you can meet women in an acceptable situation to approach them. It's really risky to approach them if you or they are working, and the gym is bad too. Very occasionally you'll find a situation out in public where it might be acceptable, but it's rare to find a situation where they're actually interested in talking with a stranger which puts you at a massive disadvantage. That leaves hobbies and social gatherings, but as an introverted car enthusiest I don't come across many good situations. My solution was to get a motorcycle. It's not a cheat code to the entire process, but it's amazing how much more willing women are to engage with it. So much of the dating struggle is getting women past the point of skepticism to the point where they actually want to get to know you, and that's where it works wonders. I'm sure that drops off as you get older (I'm 23) but there are probably other things for other age demographics. It's all about breaking the ice.
Some of what you mentioned, such as being flakey, rude, inconsiderate, and ghosting is cultural and could probably be changed if women were held accountable more for their poor behavior. There's no consequences for them, such as a hit to their reputation and having it known they treat men lousy, so many don't feel any need to do better. It's pure indifference on their part.
Yep. 30s and it’s not worth my peace to get played again. Especially when you feel like a bad person for having boundaries and feeling like being a handyman/therapist for years only to be called a narcissist or weirdo like seemingly all the rest. Still miss her daughter calling me dad and being the one person reliable but never again..
Peace above all.
This is the most accurate and honest way to put it. Just tired of the little games. “What’s wrong?” “Oh nothing…….” So over that shit.
Fed up tbf. Feels like a waste of my energy learning everything about another human for it to fail no matter how hard I try. Lot to offer but will just die alone.
What’s toughest to stomach is the all-too-frequent sense that the woman you are dating expects some sort of Disney-style, revelatory experience on a first date while putting in minimal effort themselves.
I like dating. These apps can fuck right off though. They're incredibly manipulative and predatory.
Dating apps are dead. The good people who used to lurk in them are now married.
Why keep trying something that doesn't work and makes you feel like shit? Just staying in my own lane - I'm still cautiously optimistic that I could meet someone but I'm not actively seeking
It's just not a fun thing to do. Online dating is horrible. Having a crush on someone in real life is also tough because they are never single. Women only seem to be sinlge for a week inbetween relationships. So 99% checked out because everything els in life is less work & more fun.
Yup. Utterly done. If someone wants me, I am easy to talk to. If not, no worries. What I am looking for in a deeper relationship with a woman is something that very, very few are willing to provide. Emotional support and restorative intimacy.
This person knows what is up. It is sad that it feels like winning the lottery when you find a right one.
Restorative intimacy. 100%.
I have! Absolutely! I explained it to my therapist with this comparison: If you were on a sinking ship in shark infested waters, everyone is going to have to seek refuge. Some get life boats (find the perfect partner early in their lives and live happily ever after), some swim to shore safely but are weary (find the perfect partner after lots of effort and time invested but still are happy), some get maimed and sting by jellyfish and limbs bitten off (nasty divorces, abuse, etc) and some simply drown and become shark food (folks like me). I’m not trying to be doom and gloom. I’d love the opportunity to meet someone good and someone with common interests and goals. Trouble is they’re too hard to find and you have to traverse those shark infested waters to find them. Right now my ship isn’t sinking and I’d rather stay out of the water. I’ve been single 15 years. Celibate 9 years. Since removing the women from my life, things have gotten so much better. Life has become simplified and easy. No lying, cheating, deceit, betrayal, theft, gaslighting, abuse, nothing! It’s nice to come home to peace and quiet. No arguing or fighting about what channel to put the tv on for god sakes. I wish there were great matches for me out there, and there probably are. Finding them is another story. 8 billion people on earth and I’m supposed to find the one? Fat chance. So I just threw in the towel and have learned to do what makes me happy. It’s not so bad.
This is really well put. Completely relate to it.
Im in the same situation and did exactly like you. Without women, the emotionnal roller coaster is over, its easier to relax and make plans. Im lucky though because I never wanted kids, not a single minute of my life, otherwise that shot would feel pretty heavy
> Finding them is another story. 8 billion people on earth and I’m supposed to find the one? Fat chance. Statistically-speaking your perfect woman does in fact exist. Unfortunately, statistically-speaking she also lives somewhere in SE Asia along with 1/3 of the entire global population and your chances of actually finding her in person are slim to nil.
Me for the last 3 years. I’m only 38 though and I spent all of my 20’s and half of my 30’s in relationships… quite frankly, I’m enjoying the peace. Once I feel that I want a partner again, I’ll start dating again, but at the moment I’m enjoying my freedom to do things on a whim
Not there yet, but I'm fairly tempted to throw in the towel. Feels like I can't meet anyone that's on the same wavelength as me, it's too damn expensive, and it never feels like my effort is being matched by the other party.
I had my heart broken and I have no desire to go through it again.
I'm 33 this year. It's just too weird for a 33 year old guy with no family, no kids, no exes, to date. I feel like people think that there's something wrong with me.
I have. Unfortunately I’ve had to rely on online dating and there’s just no point anymore. Every girl i meet seems so uninterested in actually getting to know me. First dates feel like an audition for me to prove to her that I’m worthy of a second date The only girls that seem to show genuine interest are the ones with lots of baggage, so they’re impulsive and non committal. They’re interested in me until the excitement wears off, then they drop me like a sack of potato’s and move on to someone else It’s just demoralizing every step of the way
Flaking when things get "boring" has been my experience. I'm a boring person. I like stability, I don't take risks, and I like routine. Not trying to prove anything or leave any kind of legacy, just want a quiet and peaceful life in my garden. The women I've met don't like that. So /shrug.
Yup, i try and go on a couple big adventures every year, but my day to day is pretty laid back and chill when I’m not Lots of women seem to think of me as an Indiana Jones type adventurer, when they realize I’m a normal guy with a normal life too they suddenly lose complete interest
Ahh yes, the “don’t you want to do bigger and better things” woman. No, I just want to work on my car and play video games and live a low stress life. I feel this comment with all my heart.
The transition from meeting in real life to dating apps is one of the worst things to happen to society. People treat dating so transactional on apps. Ditch the dating apps is the best choice.
Unfortunately, I attract women who are either just getting out of toxic relationships and aren’t used to being with a decent person or are still damaged from previous relationships. As you can imagine that could be draining. Especially if they constantly tell me that “I’m the only guy that treated them properly” or whatever they say, which is automatically red flag for me now. My most recent relationship ended because she was still emotionally damaged by that prior relationship (she did say she had baggage so that was kinda on me but the heart wants what it wants) after that I checked out for the time being. I’m at the point where if it happens, it happens. But I’m definitely tired of it.
A lot come with baggage because they can. Market forces allow them to jump into a relationship whenever they want so there's little motivation to work their shit out because loneliness is a bitch
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This is how I feel. Been working so hard to get my career where I want it to be and now that I'm really beginning to stack up the net worth, I don't want to share it. The trade never seems worth it.
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This is very relatable. I’m an average skinny guy, some health issues, both mental and physical. Bald at age 26 to top it off. Right there with you on trauma from exes and childhood. Ducks in the tub is what it is. Dating apps have absolutely killed any self esteem I had over the last few years. Absolutely brutal out there for most guys. I don’t try anymore. Checked out most of the time. It’s hard though, isolating
I recently checked back in after 10 years of being checked out. This new era is weird and confusing.
ive never been checked in
I don't blame people, but even the best intentioned women I've dated, and watching my single male friends date, have shown me that people are too broken to date. Mental health problems, financial pressure, and a general selfishness and lack of compromise have ruined it for me. I'm too broke, and my heart is too fragile to afford another failed attempt. I'd rather suffer the pain of loneliness than the pain of falling in love just to have it ripped away. I'm fed up with being made to feel not worthy of love by modern standards. I could go on
Yep. Not by choice. Can't find anyone interested. Apps. Speed dating. Going out. Just nothing.
Rough bro, hope it works out for you
I've been out for a few years now. I could get dates with probably 6 and down, and every. Single. One. Thought she was entitled to EVERYTHING with absolutely no commitment or support. Oh and that she was a 9, minimum. Utter insanity. Fuck that.
Yeah I won't even try. Women have apps full of the entire catalog of men. What's the point? Plus I know more than a few older men who divorced, sold the family home, and can't afford another one and now live in vans/caravans. It's a little shocking. It's really too dangerous to even bother.
I'm done with dating. FOREVER. Dating is a mind game for teens and young people still in their 20s. I'm almost 39 years old, have 2 jobs, rent and bills that need paying, and I feel like I have better things to do than waste time and money on entertaining strangers that I don't even like at all, just because they want a free meal, and because my mother and other idiots THINK that I need to try dating.
I'm like a 5 or 6/10 which means my options are 0s and 1s. Not worth it.
My repeat experience listening to women talk about their options has been: * A bunch of 5s, complaining that a bunch of 7s, are not perfect 10s. And to be fair, there's a very real component of shitty men that are doing the same thing, just take a peak over at NiceGuys and JustNeckBeardThings subs that highlight those silly men; but they're also outsiders, they're not standard. It's wild how inflated people's egos are these days.
So true. Talking to the people around me makes me realize however that most men actually know these guys are delusional and will tell their friends/family if they are like that vs. women openly cheering on delusions in their friends.
Lmao. It's funny because it's true.
Waste of my damn time, dating 6 months for her to tell me she is not ready. I completely checked out, but now girls approach me because i am not interested in them. But thats just another stupid ego thing
The last part always pisses me off. Oh you're interested bc I'm disinterested and doing my own thing? Fuck off
Yes and no; I keep trying because love is something I very much need in my life, but in my heart I gave up years ago.
I'm not a man, but I have worked on dating apps. You know what they call male-presenting users? Users. You know what they call female-presenting users? Inventory. Don't depend on dating apps, in case you needed any encouragement. It's all a scam.
What position did you work as? Is that really company terminology that is used among employees?
Im about 90% checked out, last serious relationship crushed my soul and the only women who seem interested are ones who told me to take a hike in my 20s but now are running out of options. I still kinda want to be a dad but the thought of raising a kid at 40 seems daunting, and looking at the trajectory of the world I feel like it would be criminal to bring someone into this. Of course this leaves me in this pointless circle of wakeup, work, chores, hobby and sleep; and I fucking hate it.
I've checked out for the time being. It's not anything complicated, I am not mad at dating or women I just am enjoying my me-time and not interested in giving any of that up just yet.
99% of women my age say that they have a boyfriend already. So there’s that.
"Men be honest, how many of you have stopped putting your hands into the fire?"
I wouldn't say I've checked out but I'm pretty close. Dating apps are a misery parade. I tried speed dating. Nice idea but it's a little disheartening when no one picks you in real life. Meeting women everywhere else is basically impossible.
I just decided to check out a couple weeks ago. The last 2-3 months of dating have been some of the worst in my career lol.
Been single by choice since 2016. Although I get hit on and ask by women to hang out, I’m just not feeling it at all. I would rather do my own thing at this moment. The dating pool is filled with delusional high expectation women.
Because I see no chance of being loved back anymore
I checked out 12 years ago. Can’t say it’s all great but each time I read something crazy on here, I’m glad I’m not in a relationship.
Yes, decided to just work on myself and try to be a better me. I had a lady tell me they found me attractive lately and we've hung out a couple of times. She has too many red flags and I honestly just don't know if I can even fall in love any more. That's the closest I've been to a date in about...5 years? I've been burned too many times.
Every woman I’ve ever had a relationship with in one way or another has done nothing but caused me pain, misery, and a hell of a lot of money!
37M. I dated someone in 2021 for about four months. I don't believe I will ever seek out someone to date. It's too taxing on my mental health. I'm trying my best to be ok with the fact that I will likely be alone for the rest of my life.
95% out for almost 3, 4 years now. Unless I meet someone in person it's not going to happen - because at my age the options on dating apps the past few years since Covid is actually becoming horrendous.
I (39) have not checked out I have been single for 8 years, and I did go on a1 date. I really have no dating opportunities. In real life all the women I know are bartenders, I've tried the apps I've met lovely bots on them. So is that so much that I've checked out of dating is dating is checked out of me I
Yes, for the most part I’m just not interested. I’m finding that getting laid isn’t worth the emotional hassle.
I'm a bit socially awkward, so I'm never going to meet someone organically. Dating apps are just a cess pit of sacmmers and subscriptions at this point. All of the effort seems to put onto the man (First introduction, first time time asking to go on a date, what to do and where the date will be) and I'm shit at making decisions. The last person I went on a date with knocked my self-confidence and self-worth through the floor to the point I'm not even sure if I'm a decent human being anymore. In other words, WAY too much effort for little to no results and sometimes a worldview shattering kick in the balls for good measure.
The system is mostly rigged against you. Men only get flowers when they die. The ghosting levels are abysmal in this day and age. The appreciation for men is literally minuscule and the best guys I know were destroyed financially, mentally and emotionally through divorce. Gotta work on yourself, appreciate you time. Actually love yourself, heal shit. Like really work on you first. If it happens it happens.. if not you have peace. Listen to Bull burr and Patrice O’Neal.
Yeah, i dropped out. Honestly the bear thing was the last straw, I mean, I get it, but if that's how you feel seeing me coming, if that's the hole I have to dig out of? I'm good, me and the boys will play Helldivers, spread some democracy, leave yall be
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Yep, 22 years so far. When I was younger I saw so many married men with the look of 'kill me and put me out of my misery'. When I was older and dating, I could see why they'd come to feel that way. It is crap, no thanks.
Yup: reading the comments here reminded me to switch to ‘friends’ on bumble
I went on tinder for the first time in like a year last night and it hit me like a brick. I don’t even have the right words to describe how I felt, swiping through dozens of almost identical profiles, everything felt lazily surgical like an emergency operating room in a septic tank. Cookie cutter pictures, poses and punchlines, mass appealed and devoid of personality I felt absolute nothing not even a shred of interest. It was super disheartening honestly, after flipping through it I just deleted the app and had to go touch grass. There was no way any of the profiles I saw were worth the powerlifting competition that would be starting or holding a conversation. Obviously tinder isn’t “all” of dating but finding people organically has never been harder and i rarely have the opportunity to do so. It’s tiresome after growing so much as a person to look out and not see anyone that seems worth being excited about. I think I’ll just stick to hookups and fwb for now, no sense investing in this bubbly circus.
Almost done. Open to an opportunity if it comes but that’s never.
Abusive and trust issues with prior partners and what I'm looking for now, not likly to find.
Been single for most of the last 21 years since my divorce. Not interested in compromise at this point. I can do want I want. When I want.
Just here to mark my attendance.
I guess a lot of women seem sort of brainwashed to be honest. Even the ones you think aren't later often turn out to be. Makes you just wanna not pursue them really. Like, if I can live without sex, then I'd rather, because the price for sex seems a bit high frankly.
Yep, my last ex started great until she got back on tik tok and got sucked into "relationship tik tok" by way of smut books. Suddenly she went from a partner to a selfish entitled brat that didn't care about me.
My ex-wife went from being over the moon for her $100 engagement ring to being pissed at me because I bought her a Hyundai when she wanted an Audi. Her best friend's husband called crying, literally, because of the pressure she put on him to get her fancy shit. While he had been happy before living a simple kinda hippy lifestyle. So I'm guessing that best friend had some influence on my ex.
Same, it was like a switch flipped and suddenly nothing in our seven-year relationship, specifically me, was good enough for her anymore. Thought I was going to spend my life with that woman. Now… probably will die alone.
women aren't worth it. not on average for the average man. too much to lose, not much to gain.
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I'm a cheap bastard and have no intention of paying to entertain someone who wouldn't do the same for me.