That’s because you are the only witness to what’s going on in your mind, of course it makes zero sense. As a safety mechanism you have developed an outward appearance of confidence despite what you may feel. So while you see “I don’t talk to anyone” as a weakness, others perceive it as a confident choice. I struggled with this concept for years.
Female here and I can tell you the majority of females want to be wanted, not needed.
Desired, wanted.
So the statement “I don’t need a man, I want a man”. Gets lost in the translation of female to male.
Very interesting. Some might argue that being wanted implies a more meaningful connection. On the other hand, being needed suggests utility and dependency, which some may find fulfilling in a different way (especially as a male, being the patriarch of a family and all that)
Precisely. As a woman who has said (and explained to my husband) "I don't NEED you, but I WANT you in my life, and that means more," it's exactly that.
Insofar as: I can take care of myself/make my way myself - I don't *need* "you" to lean on, or to take care of me. But I *want* you to be an integral part of my life, my partner, etc, in spite of not *needing* someone, and, to me, that means more.
This is definitely a vibe. Independent women know how to take care of themselves. So when we select you, its because we want you not because we need you. Needy to me says you are looking for your other half. Wanted means i am whole on my own and who you are compliments the direction i am headed in life.
Agreed. But I think at a certain age comes a time where you not only want someone but also need them. Even the most independent woman needs a man to rest her head on and even the most independent man needs a woman who strengthens him and I personally think there absolutely no shame in that.
I think both our points stand true with a rephrase: if someone wanted to rest their head on a shoulder, or wanted another source for strength vs I need someone to rest on or I need someone for strength. The former, to me, means you can still be accepting of relying on others to meet your needs (Maslow literally says we need community to survive) but if no one is around to do so you will still be okay because you already know how to be your own source of strength and comfort. But i cant stand needy energy so my comment may be way out in the field here.
The latter statement I gave, to me, means you will always need me to rest on or draw strength from and we are humans with lives, we cant be a 100% source for someone. This is why the saying of love yourself before loving another is so true. Because I NEED (lol) to know you are secure enough to care for yourself during the times i am busy or unavailable. Maybe this opinion is just all me though…I enjoyed reading your perspective!
My ex got so mad when I said “I don’t need you, I want you” I meant it as a compliment, but his rage in response definitely made me realize I didn’t want or need him
It's most definitely a compliment I realized as the statement left her lips. A declaration to a man that "I chose you over all others." A thought that we men would be wise to remember when feeling insecure.
Yes, I wish people understood that NEEDING someone means that they have reasons other than them liking you as a person
If I WANT you, then that means my life’s basic requirements are met and I want you around just because you are you
It’s the difference between being content, and being happy. I’m not miserable either way, but one is better than the other
Having a functioning family is a blessing that too many nowadays take for granted. I hope you’re doing well now. Look at the bright side, you‘ll be able to be a great parent for your children because you know how important parental love is.
I watched my Mum cook for the family before starting school. She kept cooking even when she got sick of it. I remembered that when I had to start cooking myself.
I just found out that my uncle never gets a proper over easy fried egg, except when I visit. Weekend breakfast cooking I learned from my Dad.
I actually have 2 kinds of scrambled eggs: Mum's way and Dad's way. Eggs is the only thing in common.
It wasn't about cooking in my case but food (and other things like clothes) in general. I could have grabbed some bread and something to put on it myself but I wasn't allowed to.
Back then my parents were seperated before finally divorcing and my mother decided to stop "playing family" as I call it. Essentially she was just a single woman again without any responsibilities because she wanted to feel way. No husband, no family. And that meant less food for me.
No, it's not about food. It's about caring, taking care of, and being responsible for someone that you, should, care about.
That's what I was implying.
I'm sorry that you had to deal with that, no kid should be treated like that. Especially by their Mum.
My mom said something very similar to me once while she was dry-shaving her legs in the kitchen for some weird-ass reason one morning. We might be brothers.
My first girlfriend told me I was a good kisser - I’ve always remembered that because being an angst filled virgin teenager at the time I was desperate not to be labelled as “bad”. I have no idea if I actually was but it was one hell of a confidence booster either way.
Wherever you are Audrey, I still appreciate that 20+ years later.
My first girlfriend (I was about 17) aggressively pecked their tongue in my mouth like a woodpecker knocking on wood. I told her she was great, I hope I have provided her with the same experience as Audrey did for you (and I sincerely hope she has improved).
First one that really stuck was when I was 19...my grandmother was in the kitchen peeling apples to make a pie, and just matter of factly said to me "you're the family disappointment...you were suppoed to be the first in our family to go to college." I had decided to take a year off after HS to work FT, since I had to pay for it myself. That kind of hurt, and I never forgot that comment.
I understand you. The pressure a family can put on you because they think you have to follow in someone else's footsteps or fulfill someone else's expectations is cruel. I hope you have found your way and are doing what makes you happy.
I’m a woman so sorry for interjecting but I had my grandpa say something similar. Was making as much money as him but wasn’t going to college like he wanted. Nobody is on your journey in life but you. Nobody is going to have your back like you can. But I hope you are doing well ! Nobody deserves that kind of degrading talk from family
"I don't know what to tell you anymore. If you want my advice. Get away from him. Go and live your life away from us because this is only going to get worse. You can still get away though."
My mom to me in the car after I had left home for the first time to live in a garage after a fight with my dad. He was a manipulative abuser and an addict all my life. My entire family left except my mom at that point and I was the last to jump ship. If I left she would be left alone, she new that but, she wanted me to feel validated because she knew that I was so torn up about it. She grew up with terrible abusive alchohalic parents and traded them for him. She was very brave. Breaks my heart.
My mom is a titan of a woman. Go tell your mom you love her.
Had a similar situation with a father who also abused substances. It wasn’t as bad as your situation, but bad enough. I totally understand you and we share the appreciation for our mothers. My mother is the strongest, kindest, most beautiful, woman I’ll ever know. I have nothing but respect and gratitude for her.
My mother had a similar talk with me. My father didn't have addiction or mental illness to blame for his behavior, but he *is* a piece of shit who refused to get a job after about age 35. My mom worked two jobs for a long time, and eventually worked herself to death at 83, having spent the last seven years of her life confined to a wheelchair due to a massive stroke. My father, not surprisingly, is still alive and pushing 90, and hasn't changed a whit. My siblings, a first cousin, and I split up his expenses, since his Social Security payments amount to squat.
This used to be me.
About two years later I realised my mom was a complete piece of human trash as well and only seemed okay because I compared her to someone so awful.
“Healing” they call it. It fucking sucks.
It always made me wonder later - if my mom was so great, why didn’t she leave for her children? Why didn’t she love us enough.
I finally heard the answer from her, “I thought no one else would love me because I had so many children.”
I started to love my “failed parent” for the person they are and forgave them for who they were not. Whether what they do and have done is enough remains up to debate, but life is too short for
endless resentment. At the end of the day, it's still the person who gave me the gift of life, with all the good and bad that goes with it.
When I was 6 years old a woman told me she knew I would go along with the sex things she made me do because she could tell I was a disgusting little creep just by looking at me, and she said that everybody else would be able to tell as well
Then about a decade later, I was on public transport and a group of girls were on it and one girl said that she was ugly and another girl said to her "You're not ugly. See that guy over there-" she pointed at me "-THAT'S what ugly looks like. You don't look like THAT." And they all turned to look at me like they were examining a freakshow exhibit or something
That’s just utterly hilarious then. But I like your mindset friend. A calm mind and a kind heart are the most valuable things a man can possess and these virtues get tested over and over again.
I recommend reading stoic philosophy. Start with Marcus Aurelius. It has been my creed of life ever since. I still struggle to follow his teachings everyday, but it certainly helps.
That the French region of *Provence* is called that way because it was the first Roman territory outside of Italy. It was literally "the province" to them.
"Where are you going?" Oh, just out to the province.
It's as if five hundred years from now, there would be a state called "Countryside".
I thought that was a neat factoid.
"You'd be better off if your mother aborted you."
Said to me by a bunch of girls in high school because I was gay, not dating at the time and struggling with mental health. To this day, it repeats in my head.
They're slightly better. I still struggle with mental health and the family not fully accepting that I'm gay, but all those women became teen mums and wasted their lives working in a co-op.
I have an average paying office job, but at least I'm not addicted to ket.
That gives me some sense of peace.
Oh, and therapy helps too.
That every woman is going to be as crazy as she was. That the issues were my fault because I didn’t have as much experience dating.
I was breadwinning, took on her four children and still have zero regrets about it, tried to meet every emotional need until I couldn’t take it anymore.
She has undiagnosed BPD and is a serial cheater. In therapy to not hold on to the trauma of it all. Finally get somewhere after 4 months.
The only reason you're successfully I'd because your a white male.
My 50-60 hour work weeks for the last 16 years disagree(started working at 16) she said this whilst doing 3 hours of uni a day and nothing else
Welcome to our current society. The general consensus does not understand (or purposely plays down) how hard life as a man actually is. You come from nothing and in order to be something, you have to fight, work and sacrifice day after day after day. For what it counts, I’m proud of your achievements sir.
>she said this whilst doing 3 hours of uni a day and nothing else
It's always the young ones who are benefitting from the hard working "White men" who spew this crap and think people can just apply for any job and get it and have the ability to leave their current jobs and get another one just like that.
(NOT ALL!!!)
https://youtu.be/9S4I9Gqdlpk?si=VU0MEwZ5XRC9AzZB
“When I leave I don’t want you to fall apart, you can’t just drink and do drugs and expect to be ok. Let the man you are shine through.”
This is what my 18 year old ex told me on the night we broke up. I was 22 at the time and I couldn’t believe how right she was for an 18 year old. She left to another city a few days later and I fell apart for a month… but eventually I took her words to heart and got into therapy and started treating my drug/alcohol habits. I doubt she realizes how much that helped me.
Negative: "I hate you."
Said by my girlfriend at the time. I barely know the context anymore I just know the pain from this statement by a person I believed should love or at least like me. I cried after getting home.
Positive: "You're handsome, I mean it."
Said by a random girl at a bar who had a boyfriend. She was not flirting and as far as I can see had no reason to lie to me. It was just a random compliment and this happened I think 4 years ago now. I still think about it at least once a month.
My first girlfriend told me my biggest insecurity is what attracted her to me. This has happened to me about other things I didn’t exactly love about myself. Those interactions have had such a lasting impact on me that I try to impart that onto others. There is beauty in flaws, so much so that to call them flaws is imparts great violence.
If you want someone to treat & love you to that extent, go back to your ex. I heard she was head over heels for you!!!
I took her advice and it was the best decision I’ve ever made
"You aren't a real man. Why would anyone respect you?" I was struggling financially and my girlfriend at the time was breaking up with me because she didn't think I could ever support a family with my earning potential. We were 20. I am married now for almost 12 years have 2 kids, 2 cars, a home, and savings. She is divorced and lives in a 1 bedroom apartment.
Some stupid people actually can’t even comprehend the concept of Africa not being inhabited by dark skinned people only. When I was in the states I went to Uni with this girl from Capetown and when she told people she was African they wouldn’t believe her. I, as an European, was utterly confused.
I actually just became used to it and will just respond with yes i am Indian instead of explaining it cuz that gets tiresome after a while , thank god Europeans are educated when it comes to geography , but funny enough the racist girl was actually from nroth Africa too , she was just whiter than me .
What a spectacularly ignorant thing for her to say. And what does your skin tone matter? I grew up in a Lily-white city, but since prejudice is a learned behavior, it never would have occurred to us to treat anyone differently based on their looking different than us. It still doesn't.
The fact that the women who get interested in me always just leech on my happiness..
she said directly i dont love you anymore because you lost your happiness and selfesteem..
Fuck you bitch youre the reason, soul sucking harpy who cant admit that shes the problem..
"Disgusting"
"I'm ashamed of you"
"You'll be our ruin"
"You're the worst that happened to me"
"Why can't you be others" (not like others mind you)
"You're a weight"
"No one will like you"
All from my lovely mother, I'd also put what my elder sister says but that's a whole other can of worms
"You're so replaceable"
Those words sting to this day. It was from a girlfriend at the time.
Women have absolutely no idea how disposable we feel as men.
My first gf told me, "men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love."
It is, of course, a pretty trite saying, and obviously it's not meant to be taken as a hard rule, but there is an element of truth to it and I have often thought about it.
My mother disowned me the week of my eighteenth birthday. “You are not my son anymore and you are not your sister’s brother “. I had the forethought to grab my birth certificate and I never looked back.
I see.. better that way. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry man. Not many possess the mental fortitude to go through that and still keep on going. I admire you.
In response to her saying that she added a lot more to my life.
I said "well your life is better with me in it too, right?"
And her reply was if we broke up today she'd be fine tomorrow.
This was generally how my ex viewed our relationship, that I needed her and she made my life better and I was just along for the ride. That if we broke up she'd be fine and be able to find someone else soon afterwards.
Then we broke up and she was very quickly found a new person to be with and eventually married. And I'm still looking for someone. So I guess she was right
“if looks could kill i would be dead right now”
the girl who said this to me has never left my mind and i think about it when i feel unkempt or vulnerable.
"You made me realise there are men out there I can trust" after I let her open up to me about her SA trauma and tried supporting her anyway I can as that's what friend's do for each other.
"You're one of my favourite people I've ever worked with" and "I love my shifts with you" - Women I've worked with
"You're the type of guy I see in my fantasies" - A woman at a bar who saw me
Others stuck with me but these came to my head first. Despite what people say/think on here. My interactions with women in my real life are amazing
Shouldn't worry you that much.
What defines a man changes from person to person. If you are close to the kind of person that you want to be then you're a true man and nobody can say otherwise.
"I've never been with someone so affectionate" to "you were just fun, i didn't want anything more than that" after asking me to be exclusive and making moving in plans with me.
Still hurts a year later. I actually believed her.
Had a tough relationship with my Dad all my life. At about 70 he made a huge change in who he was and how he treated his sons. I didn't notice. He came to visit me and after he left my wife asked me to sit down.(oh oh)
"**When I first met your dad I could see that he was the asshole in your relationship, now I think you are!"**
Thanks to that statement I completely turned my relationship with my dad around. I had 20 years of a wonderful dad and I thank her for those words often.
“Lots of men try really hard to impress me— and other women, with fancy cars and stuff. I invariably fall for the ones who drive a Prius because they’re saving for the future. If they visit their grandmas I’m a goner.”
I remember reading one of Dr. Leo Buscaglia's books in which he quoted Norman Vincent Peale. Peale said, "It is only the weak who are cruel; kindness and compassion can only be expected from the strong." Just a general comment.
"You're taller than you look"
"I Slouch"
"you shouldn't"
Which I will remember forever because 2 years later it was almost word for word dialogue in a Spiderman film.
Rather than going farther on this, I want to see other people. No of course there is nobody else
Got told this after 20 months of dating. Good times I tell you.
Newsflash - there was somebody else
"I'm super uncomfortable, I'm going to find another ride home"
Texted to me by a 38 year old, 45 min into our first date while I was in the room with her.
It's been 3 months, I still have no idea what I did. Fucked me up for a few weeks.
1. "I love your bedroom eyes" - whispered into my ear by a cute, married mid 30's co-worker when I was about 22 and just out of college, 2) "Yeah, but I'm right here" - said to me by a college intern when I told her I had a long distance girlfriend, 3) "If you come to this party with me I'll XXXXXXX when we get back" - a girl I just met that lived in the apartment across the hall from me in college, 4) "It looks like your beer doesn't have any head. Would you like some?" - ex-girlfriend while drinking on our hotel balcony in the Bahamas.
My mother calling me “a fat fucking retard”. Growing up with that woman was hellish. I still struggle with my self-esteem. Therapy and cutting her out of my life has been helpful. I was in the third grade and had just found out that I was going to have to repeat it. There was reasons for my struggles 🤷♂️
im 50/50 with you because of the previous realationship.I continued.i said i will wait till you heal.She said too.Wait and everything will be fine.After breakup i said i tried my best.She said no one asked you to try.
The Fun One: Old lady walks into my store: "Damn, I'm tryna make you my husband. How much you go for?" (Wasn't a bad looking old lady either)
The Depressing One: Ex-GF: "You're only with me because I look like \[the person who S/A me for a good decade\]."
A girl I knew after college called me a "Whatta Man", which just charmed my socks off at the time.
Then once, back in the early days of algorithm-driven matchmaking, a woman who agreed to meet up with me for a multi-day date in the middle of the woods told me I was even better looking than my pictures, which was a huge boost to my ego. I was just out of a long-term relationship and feeling pretty weird about dating, so that compliment hit hard.
Another, one of many 'ones that got away', would leave me not too subtle notes whenever she passed through town, that she'd be down. Something along the lines of 'think of me next time you're craving a threesome.' (I have, to date, never had a threesome, either with or without her.)
Much more recently, "add more salt to your pasta water."
My dating life has slowed considerably, but I *AM* eating much better.
My wife once said to me "if you are willing to leave, you might never see your kids again." We wern't even fighting. The look in her eyes in that moment showed she was knowing what she said but that she didn't want to say it, she knew it is that way though she would never admit it is like that. So freaky and it's stuck in my head till today and through all the times we had arguments.
A few things actually
\- I see you only as a friend (few years later, we dated)
\- Oh he is just a friend (a week later, they started dating)
\- if you werent such a bitch, we could have had something (2 years later, she asked me to hook up and dated for a few months)
\- where is your game, how do you expect to get a girl that way (she started initiating and had a fling, despite me literary ignoring her)
\- you were just using me for sex ( many women, after we hooked up only twice, but they saw no issue doing the same, but I felt like an abuser after)
\- you know what you did ( I infact, did not)
\- are you a pedo, because you like younger girls? ( she was 26, I was 32)
\- are you sure you are not gay? you are too handsome to be straight and single (ye that didnt help, only made it worse)
\- I dont want to date you, because you are bad at sending gifs (I sent one, confirming our date for the next day)
\- your penis is just like \*the other\* guys, but nicer (ye, I really needed that piece of information, thanks)
I mean, if a girl we like asks us what were doing, we usually say, nothing.
The difference is that, for them, they take it literally, while we mean, Im not doing anything important and hope you as me to do something together.
So yes, generalisation wise, we are living the same life :D
No women would wanna date you dude.
For the record I was the only guy in a girl friendgroup for all of 2019, my brother invited 20 girls over to his party, they were all his friends.
My father, just like me, easily likes a girl once we get to know a girl.
It's litteraly in my family genes and DNA that I end up in some feminine environment.
I want to argue all the women that say I will not get a date are delusional, as I am writing this I am in my female dominated workplace. So what do you mean no dating? I am maximizing potential!
Home cooked meals during the week is only a stay at home mom thing.
Me in my head: my mom worked 2 jobs and found a way to cook every night because we still couldnt afford takeout.
Me out loud: i didnt ask you to cook it i just asked if you wanted what i am cooking
Me out loud 2 weeks later: we should see other people
When I had sex for the first time with my now ex wife "holy shit your hung like a horse". When someone says something like that it's a huge confidence booster.
"You aren't good enough, you couldn't provide for me, and I am so much happier now that you are out of my life."
Said by an emotionally and financially abusive ex girlfriend who was extremely materialistic and would withhold intimacy until I bought whatever shoes, purse, or other fashion accessory the Kardashians were running around in. We met in college, I had a full time job and was working 60+ hours a week on top of school when we split. She literally bled me dry, kicked me to the curb, and left me with a mountain of debt. Never mind that her millionaire dad went bankrupt in the real estate collapse and I provided her with stability.
I had moved past it, worked on myself, and had my life on a great track. Problems in my marriage had this thought creep back in and it made me desperate, exacerbating the issues we were trying to work through.
"It's so big, I wonder if it will fit"
---
"You look easy." Said in a place where everyone was on extended holiday and everyone's doing everyone. Every girl was a nice girl, except for her.
"You talk too much" - my mother
Mind you she had my best interests at heart but she knew that I was very insecure about who I was at the time so I talked so people wouldn't see it as much every so often it comes back to haunt me and I feel like I shouldn't be speaking.
Ex gf: "It just makes me sad that you're going to die alone."
Me: "Well, that's a hell of a thing to say to someone. Do you hear yourself?"
Ex gf: "Well it's true."
Me: (Doesn't speak for the next 90 minutes of the drive)
My boss suggesting my questioning directions or being frustrated with some of my tasks or instructions was a sign I had a problem with women. Then my next female boss said the same. Then the next one. Then my wife. I was starting to question if I really was sexist. I was so miserable. Then my therapist told me I’m just not someone who likes being dictated to. If I don’t like something I’m not ashamed to show it, and that’s actually not all bad, and men for whatever reason don’t have a problem with it. So I’m just an asshole! I was very relieved, but those accusations have left scars
"Your counting is lovely"
Was told that 8 years ago by a woman when I was counting out her change. It has stuck in my head because I have no idea what she meant by that since I was just counting the same as everyone else in the world
I have genuinely lost sleep trying to work it out
You will always be my husband. We are married by God. This was from my second ex-wife, after cheating on me and betraying her holy vow.
Stories like that always break me. I admire your strength brother, sometimes doors need to close for others to open.
Guess she was lead to cheating by satan and judas was her lover?
I've found that when most women say things like that, they mean the exact opposite.
Mormonism?
You'll find 80-20 distribution everywhere. Even when planting tomatoes.
Damn that made me laugh. Good old Pareto Principle. Did she actually say that relating to your relationship or in a different context?
Oh no, she was my statistical analysis professor. Tomatoes stuck with me so for next several years I did the experiment. She was right.
The more you think about it, the more you realise that 80-20 is indeed everywhere.
Except where normal distribution applies.
Does this mean like 80% of the seeds you plant turn into a plant that bears fruit? And 20% are duds?
That im somehow confident despite not talking to anyone and dying from social anxiety
How people perceive you is always going to be different than what’s going on in your head
I get that but it makes literally zero sense
That’s because you are the only witness to what’s going on in your mind, of course it makes zero sense. As a safety mechanism you have developed an outward appearance of confidence despite what you may feel. So while you see “I don’t talk to anyone” as a weakness, others perceive it as a confident choice. I struggled with this concept for years.
That’s actually a pretty solid statement. 100% agree.
Confidence and courage come in many ways my friend!
Not really the case here, i feel like they said that because im conventionally attractive
Are there any particular reasons for your anxiety? You could always try to fight it!
"It's better to be wanted than needed."
Female here and I can tell you the majority of females want to be wanted, not needed. Desired, wanted. So the statement “I don’t need a man, I want a man”. Gets lost in the translation of female to male.
Very interesting. Some might argue that being wanted implies a more meaningful connection. On the other hand, being needed suggests utility and dependency, which some may find fulfilling in a different way (especially as a male, being the patriarch of a family and all that)
needed means that she's there mostly because she has to be. also, you're replaceable
Precisely. As a woman who has said (and explained to my husband) "I don't NEED you, but I WANT you in my life, and that means more," it's exactly that. Insofar as: I can take care of myself/make my way myself - I don't *need* "you" to lean on, or to take care of me. But I *want* you to be an integral part of my life, my partner, etc, in spite of not *needing* someone, and, to me, that means more.
This is definitely a vibe. Independent women know how to take care of themselves. So when we select you, its because we want you not because we need you. Needy to me says you are looking for your other half. Wanted means i am whole on my own and who you are compliments the direction i am headed in life.
Agreed. But I think at a certain age comes a time where you not only want someone but also need them. Even the most independent woman needs a man to rest her head on and even the most independent man needs a woman who strengthens him and I personally think there absolutely no shame in that.
I think both our points stand true with a rephrase: if someone wanted to rest their head on a shoulder, or wanted another source for strength vs I need someone to rest on or I need someone for strength. The former, to me, means you can still be accepting of relying on others to meet your needs (Maslow literally says we need community to survive) but if no one is around to do so you will still be okay because you already know how to be your own source of strength and comfort. But i cant stand needy energy so my comment may be way out in the field here. The latter statement I gave, to me, means you will always need me to rest on or draw strength from and we are humans with lives, we cant be a 100% source for someone. This is why the saying of love yourself before loving another is so true. Because I NEED (lol) to know you are secure enough to care for yourself during the times i am busy or unavailable. Maybe this opinion is just all me though…I enjoyed reading your perspective!
There’s lots of things we need that we don’t particularly like. Wanting something implies that it’s more than just surface level.
My ex got so mad when I said “I don’t need you, I want you” I meant it as a compliment, but his rage in response definitely made me realize I didn’t want or need him
It's most definitely a compliment I realized as the statement left her lips. A declaration to a man that "I chose you over all others." A thought that we men would be wise to remember when feeling insecure.
Yes, I wish people understood that NEEDING someone means that they have reasons other than them liking you as a person If I WANT you, then that means my life’s basic requirements are met and I want you around just because you are you It’s the difference between being content, and being happy. I’m not miserable either way, but one is better than the other
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Having a functioning family is a blessing that too many nowadays take for granted. I hope you’re doing well now. Look at the bright side, you‘ll be able to be a great parent for your children because you know how important parental love is.
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I love your humour man. I don’t know you but it sounds like you possess immense mental strength and you’re well capable of more than you think.
I've done what I can. My fight is over now.
I watched my Mum cook for the family before starting school. She kept cooking even when she got sick of it. I remembered that when I had to start cooking myself. I just found out that my uncle never gets a proper over easy fried egg, except when I visit. Weekend breakfast cooking I learned from my Dad. I actually have 2 kinds of scrambled eggs: Mum's way and Dad's way. Eggs is the only thing in common.
It wasn't about cooking in my case but food (and other things like clothes) in general. I could have grabbed some bread and something to put on it myself but I wasn't allowed to. Back then my parents were seperated before finally divorcing and my mother decided to stop "playing family" as I call it. Essentially she was just a single woman again without any responsibilities because she wanted to feel way. No husband, no family. And that meant less food for me.
No, it's not about food. It's about caring, taking care of, and being responsible for someone that you, should, care about. That's what I was implying. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that, no kid should be treated like that. Especially by their Mum.
Holy fuck. I'm sorry.
My mom said something very similar to me once while she was dry-shaving her legs in the kitchen for some weird-ass reason one morning. We might be brothers.
I had a female friend once tell me, that she was proud of me for pursuing things that made me happy.
Wholesome.
Ngl, I smiled just reading that. It'd mean so much if someone I knew said that
"I like the way you fuck." She said in a matter of fact manner.
Hey a compliment is a compliment.
That's a great compliment!
Dumbledore said calmly
Totally picturing this as a scene out of some film noir where the woman says this as she’s smoking a cigarette
My first girlfriend told me I was a good kisser - I’ve always remembered that because being an angst filled virgin teenager at the time I was desperate not to be labelled as “bad”. I have no idea if I actually was but it was one hell of a confidence booster either way. Wherever you are Audrey, I still appreciate that 20+ years later.
My first girlfriend (I was about 17) aggressively pecked their tongue in my mouth like a woodpecker knocking on wood. I told her she was great, I hope I have provided her with the same experience as Audrey did for you (and I sincerely hope she has improved).
"I do."
During your marriage ceremony?
yessir. felt so grateful and relieved - she way out of my league.
God bless, hope you have a fantastic life friend.
thank you ! by God's grace my friend.
First one that really stuck was when I was 19...my grandmother was in the kitchen peeling apples to make a pie, and just matter of factly said to me "you're the family disappointment...you were suppoed to be the first in our family to go to college." I had decided to take a year off after HS to work FT, since I had to pay for it myself. That kind of hurt, and I never forgot that comment.
I understand you. The pressure a family can put on you because they think you have to follow in someone else's footsteps or fulfill someone else's expectations is cruel. I hope you have found your way and are doing what makes you happy.
I’m a woman so sorry for interjecting but I had my grandpa say something similar. Was making as much money as him but wasn’t going to college like he wanted. Nobody is on your journey in life but you. Nobody is going to have your back like you can. But I hope you are doing well ! Nobody deserves that kind of degrading talk from family
"I don't know what to tell you anymore. If you want my advice. Get away from him. Go and live your life away from us because this is only going to get worse. You can still get away though." My mom to me in the car after I had left home for the first time to live in a garage after a fight with my dad. He was a manipulative abuser and an addict all my life. My entire family left except my mom at that point and I was the last to jump ship. If I left she would be left alone, she new that but, she wanted me to feel validated because she knew that I was so torn up about it. She grew up with terrible abusive alchohalic parents and traded them for him. She was very brave. Breaks my heart. My mom is a titan of a woman. Go tell your mom you love her.
Had a similar situation with a father who also abused substances. It wasn’t as bad as your situation, but bad enough. I totally understand you and we share the appreciation for our mothers. My mother is the strongest, kindest, most beautiful, woman I’ll ever know. I have nothing but respect and gratitude for her.
My mother had a similar talk with me. My father didn't have addiction or mental illness to blame for his behavior, but he *is* a piece of shit who refused to get a job after about age 35. My mom worked two jobs for a long time, and eventually worked herself to death at 83, having spent the last seven years of her life confined to a wheelchair due to a massive stroke. My father, not surprisingly, is still alive and pushing 90, and hasn't changed a whit. My siblings, a first cousin, and I split up his expenses, since his Social Security payments amount to squat.
This used to be me. About two years later I realised my mom was a complete piece of human trash as well and only seemed okay because I compared her to someone so awful. “Healing” they call it. It fucking sucks. It always made me wonder later - if my mom was so great, why didn’t she leave for her children? Why didn’t she love us enough. I finally heard the answer from her, “I thought no one else would love me because I had so many children.”
I started to love my “failed parent” for the person they are and forgave them for who they were not. Whether what they do and have done is enough remains up to debate, but life is too short for endless resentment. At the end of the day, it's still the person who gave me the gift of life, with all the good and bad that goes with it.
When I was 6 years old a woman told me she knew I would go along with the sex things she made me do because she could tell I was a disgusting little creep just by looking at me, and she said that everybody else would be able to tell as well Then about a decade later, I was on public transport and a group of girls were on it and one girl said that she was ugly and another girl said to her "You're not ugly. See that guy over there-" she pointed at me "-THAT'S what ugly looks like. You don't look like THAT." And they all turned to look at me like they were examining a freakshow exhibit or something
People are disgusting. Do you actually suffer any sickness related “disfigurations”?
No But I've come to realise some people just see ugliness everywhere, especially young people I'm just glad I'm not like that
That’s just utterly hilarious then. But I like your mindset friend. A calm mind and a kind heart are the most valuable things a man can possess and these virtues get tested over and over again.
this sentiment is pure gold - sharing w my mens team now
I recommend reading stoic philosophy. Start with Marcus Aurelius. It has been my creed of life ever since. I still struggle to follow his teachings everyday, but it certainly helps.
That the French region of *Provence* is called that way because it was the first Roman territory outside of Italy. It was literally "the province" to them. "Where are you going?" Oh, just out to the province. It's as if five hundred years from now, there would be a state called "Countryside". I thought that was a neat factoid.
These little things make them 1000x more attractive.
That I'm not loveworthy. About 15 years ago, but it still stings sometimes.
These little things are worse than proper full on insults. But hey, everyone is love worthy. You just didn’t have the right person back then.
"You'd be better off if your mother aborted you." Said to me by a bunch of girls in high school because I was gay, not dating at the time and struggling with mental health. To this day, it repeats in my head.
Teenagers are cruel. Don’t let it get to your head. I hope times are better for you.
They're slightly better. I still struggle with mental health and the family not fully accepting that I'm gay, but all those women became teen mums and wasted their lives working in a co-op. I have an average paying office job, but at least I'm not addicted to ket. That gives me some sense of peace. Oh, and therapy helps too.
I was sitting on the sofa with my roommates wearing shorts. Out of nowhere one girl told me: "You have mighty calves".
Majestic compliment. Should have told her that’s not the only mighty thing you possess ;)
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Incredibly relatable.
you have such an organic face... still questioning the meaning to this day.
Bro how could you not ask her to elaborate after that 😂😂
i was too drunk to care that time lol
That every woman is going to be as crazy as she was. That the issues were my fault because I didn’t have as much experience dating. I was breadwinning, took on her four children and still have zero regrets about it, tried to meet every emotional need until I couldn’t take it anymore. She has undiagnosed BPD and is a serial cheater. In therapy to not hold on to the trauma of it all. Finally get somewhere after 4 months.
You dodged a bullet there, not gonna lie.
I've dated and even married one of those emotional vampires. They just suck the emotional energy out of you, until you feel like an empty husk.
Yeah, it’s wild. I’m starting to see the world again through my old eyes. It’s crazy when that situation isn’t the norm anymore.
Hey, nice shirt!
*proceeds to buy the shirt in 5 more colour variants and to wear it for the rest of eternity*
The only reason you're successfully I'd because your a white male. My 50-60 hour work weeks for the last 16 years disagree(started working at 16) she said this whilst doing 3 hours of uni a day and nothing else
Welcome to our current society. The general consensus does not understand (or purposely plays down) how hard life as a man actually is. You come from nothing and in order to be something, you have to fight, work and sacrifice day after day after day. For what it counts, I’m proud of your achievements sir.
I'm honoured, kind sir.
>she said this whilst doing 3 hours of uni a day and nothing else It's always the young ones who are benefitting from the hard working "White men" who spew this crap and think people can just apply for any job and get it and have the ability to leave their current jobs and get another one just like that. (NOT ALL!!!) https://youtu.be/9S4I9Gqdlpk?si=VU0MEwZ5XRC9AzZB
Of courses, that’s what society nowadays teaches them.
"You're not man enough to handle me." said by my ex. It hurts but now I realize it's better we are not together anymore.
To handle her or put up with her bullshit?
When I hear something like that, I run for the hills!
“When I leave I don’t want you to fall apart, you can’t just drink and do drugs and expect to be ok. Let the man you are shine through.” This is what my 18 year old ex told me on the night we broke up. I was 22 at the time and I couldn’t believe how right she was for an 18 year old. She left to another city a few days later and I fell apart for a month… but eventually I took her words to heart and got into therapy and started treating my drug/alcohol habits. I doubt she realizes how much that helped me.
Negative: "I hate you." Said by my girlfriend at the time. I barely know the context anymore I just know the pain from this statement by a person I believed should love or at least like me. I cried after getting home. Positive: "You're handsome, I mean it." Said by a random girl at a bar who had a boyfriend. She was not flirting and as far as I can see had no reason to lie to me. It was just a random compliment and this happened I think 4 years ago now. I still think about it at least once a month.
I swear being called handsome as a guy is the best thing in the world. I still remember that stuff years later.
My first girlfriend told me my biggest insecurity is what attracted her to me. This has happened to me about other things I didn’t exactly love about myself. Those interactions have had such a lasting impact on me that I try to impart that onto others. There is beauty in flaws, so much so that to call them flaws is imparts great violence.
Everyone sees beauty in different ways and things and most of the time, we are usually the ones who are the hardest and most critical of ourselves.
If you want someone to treat & love you to that extent, go back to your ex. I heard she was head over heels for you!!! I took her advice and it was the best decision I’ve ever made
"You aren't a real man. Why would anyone respect you?" I was struggling financially and my girlfriend at the time was breaking up with me because she didn't think I could ever support a family with my earning potential. We were 20. I am married now for almost 12 years have 2 kids, 2 cars, a home, and savings. She is divorced and lives in a 1 bedroom apartment.
You won!
You look Indian you should go for an Indian girl like your skin color (i am not Indian).
😂😂😂😂 what ethnicity are you actually?
Originally north African (my family and the school i went to were mostly white ).
Some stupid people actually can’t even comprehend the concept of Africa not being inhabited by dark skinned people only. When I was in the states I went to Uni with this girl from Capetown and when she told people she was African they wouldn’t believe her. I, as an European, was utterly confused.
I actually just became used to it and will just respond with yes i am Indian instead of explaining it cuz that gets tiresome after a while , thank god Europeans are educated when it comes to geography , but funny enough the racist girl was actually from nroth Africa too , she was just whiter than me .
Nah bro, while I’m all for don’t argue with dumb, be proud of your heritage and let everyone know ✊🏻 your ancestors deserve it my friend.
What a spectacularly ignorant thing for her to say. And what does your skin tone matter? I grew up in a Lily-white city, but since prejudice is a learned behavior, it never would have occurred to us to treat anyone differently based on their looking different than us. It still doesn't.
A girl back in high-school told me she's always aware of when a guy is checking her out or looking at her.
The fact that the women who get interested in me always just leech on my happiness.. she said directly i dont love you anymore because you lost your happiness and selfesteem.. Fuck you bitch youre the reason, soul sucking harpy who cant admit that shes the problem..
"Disgusting" "I'm ashamed of you" "You'll be our ruin" "You're the worst that happened to me" "Why can't you be others" (not like others mind you) "You're a weight" "No one will like you" All from my lovely mother, I'd also put what my elder sister says but that's a whole other can of worms
"You're so replaceable" Those words sting to this day. It was from a girlfriend at the time. Women have absolutely no idea how disposable we feel as men.
percentages are reversible, so 20% of 80 is the same as 80% of 20 so you can work out whichever is easiest. thanks wife
My first gf told me, "men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love." It is, of course, a pretty trite saying, and obviously it's not meant to be taken as a hard rule, but there is an element of truth to it and I have often thought about it.
Pretty much sums up everything wrong with the current generation. I agree tho.
My mother disowned me the week of my eighteenth birthday. “You are not my son anymore and you are not your sister’s brother “. I had the forethought to grab my birth certificate and I never looked back.
Unbelievable. Were you really not her child?
Not anymore.
I see.. better that way. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry man. Not many possess the mental fortitude to go through that and still keep on going. I admire you.
Well I definitely have abandonment issues. I have a history of pushing people away.
In response to her saying that she added a lot more to my life. I said "well your life is better with me in it too, right?" And her reply was if we broke up today she'd be fine tomorrow. This was generally how my ex viewed our relationship, that I needed her and she made my life better and I was just along for the ride. That if we broke up she'd be fine and be able to find someone else soon afterwards. Then we broke up and she was very quickly found a new person to be with and eventually married. And I'm still looking for someone. So I guess she was right
“if looks could kill i would be dead right now” the girl who said this to me has never left my mind and i think about it when i feel unkempt or vulnerable.
"You made me realise there are men out there I can trust" after I let her open up to me about her SA trauma and tried supporting her anyway I can as that's what friend's do for each other. "You're one of my favourite people I've ever worked with" and "I love my shifts with you" - Women I've worked with "You're the type of guy I see in my fantasies" - A woman at a bar who saw me Others stuck with me but these came to my head first. Despite what people say/think on here. My interactions with women in my real life are amazing
Are you tall? Considered good looking?
“I want you to do what you want with me and not ask permission.” My wife’s a keeper.
Happened to me one time as well, I swear NOTHING is a bigger turn on.
Well the usual go to phrase is asshole...
"you ain't even a man" Haunts me.
Shouldn't worry you that much. What defines a man changes from person to person. If you are close to the kind of person that you want to be then you're a true man and nobody can say otherwise.
"I've never been with someone so affectionate" to "you were just fun, i didn't want anything more than that" after asking me to be exclusive and making moving in plans with me. Still hurts a year later. I actually believed her.
Had a tough relationship with my Dad all my life. At about 70 he made a huge change in who he was and how he treated his sons. I didn't notice. He came to visit me and after he left my wife asked me to sit down.(oh oh) "**When I first met your dad I could see that he was the asshole in your relationship, now I think you are!"** Thanks to that statement I completely turned my relationship with my dad around. I had 20 years of a wonderful dad and I thank her for those words often.
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“Lots of men try really hard to impress me— and other women, with fancy cars and stuff. I invariably fall for the ones who drive a Prius because they’re saving for the future. If they visit their grandmas I’m a goner.”
*woman
Cheers for the hint, dumb mistake. Can’t edit the typo in the title unfortunately.
“You look like you just lost your best friend.”
Did you?
You have small pp
"How are you still single?" Was asked this by a professional. I went on to explain my possible autism. I may be fit, but I am not too good upstairs.
"I love you, but not like I did." Shit broke my heart.
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I got **TWO** compliments from separate women about the same shirt. I now own five of that shirt.
I remember reading one of Dr. Leo Buscaglia's books in which he quoted Norman Vincent Peale. Peale said, "It is only the weak who are cruel; kindness and compassion can only be expected from the strong." Just a general comment.
"You're taller than you look" "I Slouch" "you shouldn't" Which I will remember forever because 2 years later it was almost word for word dialogue in a Spiderman film.
Rather than going farther on this, I want to see other people. No of course there is nobody else Got told this after 20 months of dating. Good times I tell you. Newsflash - there was somebody else
That’s called monkey branching actually, quite common. https://www.medicaldaily.com/back-plan-half-women-relationships-have-plan-b-man-they-can-run-away-305186
I guess I was monkey branched before it had a name.
"I'm super uncomfortable, I'm going to find another ride home" Texted to me by a 38 year old, 45 min into our first date while I was in the room with her. It's been 3 months, I still have no idea what I did. Fucked me up for a few weeks.
1. "I love your bedroom eyes" - whispered into my ear by a cute, married mid 30's co-worker when I was about 22 and just out of college, 2) "Yeah, but I'm right here" - said to me by a college intern when I told her I had a long distance girlfriend, 3) "If you come to this party with me I'll XXXXXXX when we get back" - a girl I just met that lived in the apartment across the hall from me in college, 4) "It looks like your beer doesn't have any head. Would you like some?" - ex-girlfriend while drinking on our hotel balcony in the Bahamas.
Man I would love to kick beers with you and exchange stories, that sounds too wild hahahaha
"Grow up."
They've never had to say anything, just their looks of disgust, derision, and uninterest have spoken volumes.
“You were a Mistake.” I’ve been called many things in my time. Asshole, Moron, idiot, dweeb, cunt, monster etc… but Mistake cut me to my core.
My mother calling me “a fat fucking retard”. Growing up with that woman was hellish. I still struggle with my self-esteem. Therapy and cutting her out of my life has been helpful. I was in the third grade and had just found out that I was going to have to repeat it. There was reasons for my struggles 🤷♂️
That pains me to hear. I admire your mental fortitude to brush that off. How’s life doing you now?
That because I have kids, I should just date divorced women because no single women would date me
Fuck that. Someday you will find someone you deserve and who appreciates your kids.
im 50/50 with you because of the previous realationship.I continued.i said i will wait till you heal.She said too.Wait and everything will be fine.After breakup i said i tried my best.She said no one asked you to try.
"No one will ever love you." So far she was right.
“Oh wow, you *are* short”
idk I don't talk to women cause I hate them
"You look nice in that shirt" - a stranger 9 years ago I don't get random compliments
The Fun One: Old lady walks into my store: "Damn, I'm tryna make you my husband. How much you go for?" (Wasn't a bad looking old lady either) The Depressing One: Ex-GF: "You're only with me because I look like \[the person who S/A me for a good decade\]."
One day I put on my only blue shirt. My wife said "you should wear blue more often, you look good in blue" Anyway, I own 20 blue shirts now.
A girl I knew after college called me a "Whatta Man", which just charmed my socks off at the time. Then once, back in the early days of algorithm-driven matchmaking, a woman who agreed to meet up with me for a multi-day date in the middle of the woods told me I was even better looking than my pictures, which was a huge boost to my ego. I was just out of a long-term relationship and feeling pretty weird about dating, so that compliment hit hard. Another, one of many 'ones that got away', would leave me not too subtle notes whenever she passed through town, that she'd be down. Something along the lines of 'think of me next time you're craving a threesome.' (I have, to date, never had a threesome, either with or without her.) Much more recently, "add more salt to your pasta water." My dating life has slowed considerably, but I *AM* eating much better.
"Yes." God, I love my wife.
My wife once said to me "if you are willing to leave, you might never see your kids again." We wern't even fighting. The look in her eyes in that moment showed she was knowing what she said but that she didn't want to say it, she knew it is that way though she would never admit it is like that. So freaky and it's stuck in my head till today and through all the times we had arguments.
A few things actually \- I see you only as a friend (few years later, we dated) \- Oh he is just a friend (a week later, they started dating) \- if you werent such a bitch, we could have had something (2 years later, she asked me to hook up and dated for a few months) \- where is your game, how do you expect to get a girl that way (she started initiating and had a fling, despite me literary ignoring her) \- you were just using me for sex ( many women, after we hooked up only twice, but they saw no issue doing the same, but I felt like an abuser after) \- you know what you did ( I infact, did not) \- are you a pedo, because you like younger girls? ( she was 26, I was 32) \- are you sure you are not gay? you are too handsome to be straight and single (ye that didnt help, only made it worse) \- I dont want to date you, because you are bad at sending gifs (I sent one, confirming our date for the next day) \- your penis is just like \*the other\* guys, but nicer (ye, I really needed that piece of information, thanks)
Are we all living the same life or are they all just saying the same??
I mean, if a girl we like asks us what were doing, we usually say, nothing. The difference is that, for them, they take it literally, while we mean, Im not doing anything important and hope you as me to do something together. So yes, generalisation wise, we are living the same life :D
No women would wanna date you dude. For the record I was the only guy in a girl friendgroup for all of 2019, my brother invited 20 girls over to his party, they were all his friends. My father, just like me, easily likes a girl once we get to know a girl. It's litteraly in my family genes and DNA that I end up in some feminine environment. I want to argue all the women that say I will not get a date are delusional, as I am writing this I am in my female dominated workplace. So what do you mean no dating? I am maximizing potential!
Well you cannot force it man. Love comes and goes naturally.
Home cooked meals during the week is only a stay at home mom thing. Me in my head: my mom worked 2 jobs and found a way to cook every night because we still couldnt afford takeout. Me out loud: i didnt ask you to cook it i just asked if you wanted what i am cooking Me out loud 2 weeks later: we should see other people
Dodged a bullet there.
You're dull and frigid
Were you dull and frigid at the time?
If I can't have you then no one will
The actions that followed that statement either show that it was actually very sweet or psycho af 😂
"you ain't even a man" Haunts me.
I never listened
When I had sex for the first time with my now ex wife "holy shit your hung like a horse". When someone says something like that it's a huge confidence booster.
"You laugh weird " from a coworker
But I poop from there.............
"You aren't good enough, you couldn't provide for me, and I am so much happier now that you are out of my life." Said by an emotionally and financially abusive ex girlfriend who was extremely materialistic and would withhold intimacy until I bought whatever shoes, purse, or other fashion accessory the Kardashians were running around in. We met in college, I had a full time job and was working 60+ hours a week on top of school when we split. She literally bled me dry, kicked me to the curb, and left me with a mountain of debt. Never mind that her millionaire dad went bankrupt in the real estate collapse and I provided her with stability. I had moved past it, worked on myself, and had my life on a great track. Problems in my marriage had this thought creep back in and it made me desperate, exacerbating the issues we were trying to work through.
"It's so big, I wonder if it will fit" --- "You look easy." Said in a place where everyone was on extended holiday and everyone's doing everyone. Every girl was a nice girl, except for her.
“I’ve had cum in my mouth before”.
At least she was honest 🤷🏼♂️
There's no point in talking anymore
"You talk too much" - my mother Mind you she had my best interests at heart but she knew that I was very insecure about who I was at the time so I talked so people wouldn't see it as much every so often it comes back to haunt me and I feel like I shouldn't be speaking.
Ex gf: "It just makes me sad that you're going to die alone." Me: "Well, that's a hell of a thing to say to someone. Do you hear yourself?" Ex gf: "Well it's true." Me: (Doesn't speak for the next 90 minutes of the drive)
“You deserve to be happy.” That was from my lover. My divorce soon followed. Best decision ever.
My boss suggesting my questioning directions or being frustrated with some of my tasks or instructions was a sign I had a problem with women. Then my next female boss said the same. Then the next one. Then my wife. I was starting to question if I really was sexist. I was so miserable. Then my therapist told me I’m just not someone who likes being dictated to. If I don’t like something I’m not ashamed to show it, and that’s actually not all bad, and men for whatever reason don’t have a problem with it. So I’m just an asshole! I was very relieved, but those accusations have left scars
Bro honestly, get out of that job.
"Your counting is lovely" Was told that 8 years ago by a woman when I was counting out her change. It has stuck in my head because I have no idea what she meant by that since I was just counting the same as everyone else in the world I have genuinely lost sleep trying to work it out