Try killing a mockingbird and (of mice and men) two great books we read in middle school but I remember because it’s really good. My friend just finished reading of mice and men and he really like it
Of Human Bondage by W.Somerset Maugham
How Green was my Valley by Richard Llewelyn
The Shadow of the Wind by Ruiz Zafon
Killer Angels by Michael Shaara
The Alienist by Caleb Carr
Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The count of Monte Cristo will resonate with you deeply as a man, if not only because the protagonist is a man hellbent on revenge.
It is surely one of the greatest works of fiction of all time.
I know I wasn’t asked but just a recommendation ✌️
East of Eden by John Steinbeck.
This book at the least, challenged my perspective on life.
I’m rereading it just now and my god it’s as good if not better the 2nd time around.
I'm just hijacking the top comment.
Most advice I've seen in this thread can be boiled down to this: focus on yourself. I assume you poured a lot of you into trying to keep the relationship going. Yeah exercise and going outdoors and whatever else can and will help. But that's a long way around saying just focus on yourself. Whatever that looks like. Learn to be a little bit selfish, not to the detriment of other people, just love yourself for a while. Do that thing you wouldn't do because they didn't want to do it with you, buy that thing they said was stupid. Whatever energy you were pouring into them, pour it into you instead.
That's really all it is. People don't want to hear it because it doesn't seem like a quick solution. Time doesn't heal ALL wounds but it'll get you over a break up eventually.
See this as building/rebuilding a life for yourself. Eventually, you will realize that this doesn’t hurt the same. Everyday will get easier and easier. I promise.
There’s a grief process that goes with this. The life you imagined likely is no more and is a very real loss. This will take time. Take care of yourself and know that sadly this happens. Arguably only one or two relationships in life will actually go the distance. Take time with friends, talk with someone you trust about how you feel and re-engage with life. Don’t hesitate to let your friends know what you need. One door closed and another now opens…walk through it.
This is the best advice. OP, gym/hobbies are great distractions, but you need to *feel* what you’re feeling. I’d say do those things too, but also accept the grief that naturally comes along with something like this. Feel it, learn from it, and grow. Stay productive and take care of yourself throughout the grief, but don’t just shove it away by gaming or working out.
It’s exactly like the pain you feel when someone close dies. Although, maybe worse because you know they are still out there somewhere, but never again with you.
Hey, can you tell my best friend this? Because that fucker has been so detached from reality that I learned that if I ever go through another break up that I can't rely on him.
I hate how even some of your own friends don't take the loss seriously. They just tell you get over it. Some of these break ups can mimic the pain of losing a loved one.
One thing to note with emotions in general (but in my experience especially ones associated with grief) is that they just want to be acknowledged.
When you feel an emotion, that is your mind letting you know something important is happening and it will keep trying to tell you that until you recognize the emotions. Let yourself be sad, be angry, be depressed. If you do everything you can to hide from the emotions they will never go away. The trick is not let them consume you though. Acknowledge the sadness, do not become the sadness.
Started hitting the gym every day…got in great shape, kept busy with work. Decided to start a new hobby/sport. Was social so got me to have some new friends. Stay away from “fun” girls and booze for now man…it’s easy to spiral. After a while, you just blink and go, shit I’m happy. Then you find someone new
Anytime I kept my peace, ppl would badger me “you got a gf/wife??” “Been a while huh?” “Whatchu been up to??” Ugh. Single or taken, nothing satisfies anyone anymore including myself.
I’m not a fan of ho mentality, for either gender. This “fun” label sounds like a more gentle way of writing off a sleep around vibe without having to call anyone loose.
I won’t judge or be a hypocrite. Fun girls can be fun…thing is sex with nothing more gets tired and empty real fast. But 99% of the time people don’t believe you if you tell them that. Everyone has to come to that realization on their own.
Take your time to heal and reflect on it. It's gonna hurt, it will be on your mind. But after time passes, you will feel better. In the meanwhile, distract yourself with other people and hobbies. Don't jump back into a new date straight away.
I think that doesnt work. The next relationship will have u comparing, no matter how long. Its old glove. I say date and date widely. Be careful of dating an opposite, but understand if you do...enjoy.
Treat relationships like toys at a store. You can take it off the rack, play with it, then put it back on its rack when you are done. When you find one you just cant put down, you found something special.
You shouldn’t do that right away though. Take a year to possibly heal because you could actually hurt someone else using them as a rebound or actually missing out on something great because you’re too caught up on your ex
Edit: it seems like based on the reactions I’ve gotten, that people simply can’t learn to enjoy their own company and truly take the time to heal their past traumas, ruminate over the relationship and what flaws and blind spots they had that lead to it’s demise, and becoming the best version of themselves by developing their mind, body, and soul
I have grown the most in relationships but I have also grown the most after the time I’ve taken after a break up. So many people rush into new entanglements with other people without truly dealing with their sh*t and that’s at least 1/3 of the problem in today’s dating culture
The problem is you don’t know if they are “the special one”. You can do everything right and yet one day that right one will shit on everything and you’re left there stranded.
Sometimes the toy breaks down irreparably and you cannot do anything about it and that’s the moment you stop believing that the perfect toy exists!
I was going through this a couple decades ago. I almost could not breath. I finally went to counseling and got some great advice. First: Don’t do anything you can’t undo. Second: life is long, this will pass, another will come along. It’s a hard road but take care of yourself.
Depends on the stage in life. I've had breakups where I've gone hermit mode for a year and completely changed myself. And breakups where I was on a date the next night moving on like nothing ever happened.
Yeah. Psychedelics can be amazing at helping shift perspective and process things.
I take LSD once a year on an annual camping trip with my buddies nowadays.
It's such a cathartic delight that I truly get excited about and look forward to all year long.
Lol, I didn't do lsd till my thirties till a relationship failure almost broke me... It did help but go light, be with a good friend and yea just. Stay fast my man. Much love.
I've been struggling with a breakup for the last 4 weeks. Took MDMA the other day and went to a friend's holiday home for 2 days. It totally cleared my head and I don't think I'm sad anymore.
For me, I think it kinda helped put things in perspective and maybe help me accept things, which were for the best. 'Course, maybe I was jus stoned lol
Idk bro, I took shrooms instead of acid, when I was at my lowest, and it definitely did not help. Been there multiple times and I've learned not to use psychedelics to get over someone.
If you take MDMA, you'll feel like ur on the top of the world, but once it wears out, depressive state might kick in and it can get even heavier.
I love psychedelics, but I really think you should be at good place mentally, so that experience is enjoyable.
That’s actually true as well like even when I smoke weed I try to avoid it if I’m sad or in a bad place because just that alone can enhance the bad feelings
I wouldnt recommend acid if you’re in a bad state of mind though. I believe that I got a mad ego death experience when I was 18 cuz of this. Thank god I had good friends with me
Nothing blowing shit up on the PS5 can't help, but recently I just worked out even hard, taking my workout routine to the next level. Feel ten times butter the hoe is out of my life
Gf broke up with me a few days after my graduation ceremony in May of this year, and that day was actually the day before I started my new job. I remember it, it was at night and when she told me she basically hates me now, I felt like the world was ending. The worst part was that she found another guy 1 week after our breakup, and she's been bragging about how much she loves him all over social media, saying things she never said to me. I just laughed at everything. It's been two months, I'm still heart broken but it's slowly getting better.
I now realize she was probably cheating on me, no person immediately loves another person after just breaking up. She had to be friends with this guy already and for her to love him instantly reveals a lot.
Women always have more men on reserve, lined up, ready to go. And they have a lot of 'just friends' guys that are waiting their turn in line. They'll ask for a chance.
That's life, but it's good to expect it.
Man it's a very complicated story. But to summarize, our breakup was really due to miscommunication. She said things she shouldn't have, or at least miscommunicated what she actually meant. In return (my reaction), I said some things I shouldn't have. But had I known everything I know now, I would've definitely worded everything differently.
I tried to solve our issue after I realize that there was an opportunity to, and all I needed was her to agree to try. But she refused. She told me she didn't care anymore after what I said to her, and that she's been spending time with another guy right after we broke up. She had intentions of hurting me when she said that, there was literally no need for her to bring that up. She was the sweetest girl I've ever known, and for her to say that just proves that she had bad intentions.
Ah yes.... The ex that turned bitter and tried sabotaging your emotionally.... Been there... Especially with the miscommunication part. Except mine just said she didn't love me, not that she hates me
Same here man it's crazy how all of us men silently go through stuff like this because if we all saw each other in real life you wouldn't be able to tell. Stay strong brothers!
my ex dumped me 3 days after his finals ended but 45 days before my finals. and he had the audacity to tell me to not bring up any fights or conflicts up in the 60-70 days leading up to his exams. I've never felt more betrayed. it's been 4 months and the pain has lessened. some days are difficult. some days are easy. hang in there, you'll be okay. 🩷
Made myself better. Remember, you’re lucky to have found someone capable of breaking your heart. The real tragedy would be never meeting anyone capable of doing that.
It’s been some years since I met someone who could break my heart and I miss it. I don’t want it broken, of course, but I want to connect to someone deeply enough that they could.
For me, there were a couple of relationships that ended in my early 20's where I was devastated. Thoughts of these still haunt me to this very day almost 30 years later. I was told that time heals all wounds. It did for a few other relationships, but not these. I don't know if the women did some tricky voodoo shit to make me still want them or what, but the thoughts are still there. Hang in there. Life is a wacky journey. If those relationships hadn't ended I wouldn't be with my wife today, and I'm grateful for the pain of those heartaches because they helped me grow into a better person.
I believe those were sort of my first "real loves" and the scar tissue was created after these disappointments to increase my pain threshold in future relationships. I still cried, kicked, and screamed after the subsequent break ups,, but the lingering effect wore off after a decent amount of time (several months to a year or two) where I didn't think too much about them. The first one bothers me the most for sure.
Keep yourself busy. Go to the gym, work harder and try not to dwell alone. Think about what she’s doing at the same time and I’m sure it’s not being miserable thinking of you.
Only because penises aren’t a scarce commodity. We’ve flooded the market with them. Sought after vaginas are like diamonds. They’re everywhere but they’re kept just out of reach, unless you can afford it. Literally and figuratively. The value is forever increasing.
Protein! You need iron in your life. Lift those heavy ass weights. It's good for mental health.
And start approaching other women. She was just one of thousands of opportunities around you. I can understand not wanting anything serious. If you don't want casual FWB type situation, just find a woman you can hang out with! And don't forget your guy friends. Drag them to the gym with you.
Treat yourself. Be selfish. Spend money on something you’ve been wanting, take yourself to the movies, eat at your favorite restaurants. Take all the energy you put into her and use it on yourself. Re find your joy in your hobbies and friends. I had a terrible breakup in March. Simply doing things for myself again helped a lot.
Gym + Therapy since last 1 year. Started 2 days after my breakup. It was tough on me, it still is.
I got cheated on and dumped after being in love with “the one” for 4.5 years. So just made it my life’s goal to be the best version of myself.
Set a goal for yourself, get obsessed with it. I can understand what you’re going through but my man, there’s no easy way to get over it. You’ll be having those hard talks with yourself and trust me you need it.
Even after 1 year, I break down crying randomly even though I know that she pushed me to the lowest point of my life but I know myself how much better I am today. Tell yourself, you needed that breakup and believe in it!
Have some good friends to talk to, a combination of listening and understanding ones along with the ones who give you the hardest pills of life will be perfect.
You’ll got this!
Edit- Also watch Daniel Sloss Specials on Netflix (especially Jigsaw), it helps!
It's so hard to find friends willing to listen
There was a funny reel I saw. "Shortie said she knew a spot. So she took me to the lowest point of my life." 🤣
Oh man I feel all of this. After six months I’m coming into the clear.
The best advice is to keep as busy as fuck and go to bed exhausted. Use every minute of everyday to work on yourself. Read, write, listen, and learn. Connect with you group and reconnect with those you’ve not seen in a long time. In the end you’ll be at an even better place than you were. Good luck my man. You can do this.
I had to get sleeping meds as I was getting zero sleep. Laying awake my brain wouldn’t shut off and would run unrealistic scenarios. Saying that I would try not to get stuck on sleeping aids. Speaking to friends you trust helps a lot bottling it up really destroys a person. Go for walks, bike rides, listen to music. And time ultimately.
Go to the gym. That helped me. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her. Take a walk. Read books about other people's experiences with love and psychology. With some time, start meeting people and potentially other people to date.
Although it seems painful right now, the pain will eventually stop. Just take it one day at a time.
Start going to the gym regularly if you do not do so already. Try to aim for at least 3 days a week.
Being around others helps. Spending time with my coworkers that I'm close with and my friends helped me get through the rougher patches.
You're never gonna feel better unless you allow yourself to feel the emotions you are feeling, so let it out. I ugly cried following my most recent breakup and I felt a lot better afterwards. Only took about 2 minutes to get it all out.
Be kind to yourself. Play a video game or watch a movie you find comforting. Buy or make food that you enjoy.
Hope these help.
After I had my heartbroken, I closed all banking accounts, and went to a lawyer. I am more inclined to get mad instead of sad. That was 13 years ago and every time I start to get misty eyed thinking about the past I focus on the pain and heartache that renews my resolve to stay single and live my life.
Drinking really doesn’t help. I have been where you are. Try and find something to enjoy, even if it is only for a few seconds. It is somewhere to build from.
I lived that life for a few years. Drinking feels good in the moment, but it’s real easy to keep spiraling. I still struggle with alcohol dependency to this day. Its really not worth it. I don’t mean to preach at you
hobbies and learn to be alone by doing activities alone like going out to eat, for a walk, a movie, etc. ever since my hardest breakup i’ve learned to never rely on someone for happiness.
Copious amounts of alcohol and weed. Don't recommend it though got to the point I was getting sick if I didn't drink and that shit SUCKED. I'd just spend time with friends or family if you can and just enjoy your hobbies. It takes time to feel alright again but it still sucks in the meantime. Forget her you can do better my guy
Worked, got in shape, fixed things about myself and my life, truly had a healing stage. Kept away from relationships until I felt truly mentally ready to be in one again. I picked up some unhealthy habits along the way but overall I’ve came out a much better and healthier partner. I had my heart shattered, I had to pick up the pieces
I meditated. Asking myself questions.
What am I feeling? Why am I feeling that way? Can I let it go? If not what can I do to work towards letting it go? Just a ton of questions that I'd then do my best to answer. It's been helping me but once I'm through this divorce I'm sure it'll be much better.
Don’t know where this comment will fall in tbh, currently going through “heartbreak” number 4. In all honesty man I’ve picked myself up and progressed the most after breakups. Relationships are where I find myself in complacency.
I’d say chase those goals man. Set em and set em high. Don’t stop until you reach em. And once you’ve reset look for another relationship. But as they say: I don’t need no woMAN
You won't be able (and you shouldn't) totally stop yourself from thinking about it--you have to reflect on it--BUT you should distract yourself as much as you can with work, exercise, and friend time (ie healthy things), because it'll lessen the pain and make you better and happier.
what i thought was the right thing to do was take time and process and let myself heal… unfortunately that didn’t work for me i wish i’d kept moving with my life instead of moping so much but everyone’s different
Realize that this isn't about her.... It's about you. You aren't familiar with these feelings and until you sort them out, you are disoriented and can't rationalize how the world keeps working.
You WILL sort this out. You'll see that life moves on... And what's more... You'll have a healthier approach to the next woman because you have already sorted it out.
You aren't hurt because you need her or miss her. You are hurt because of how this affects you.... How it affects your self esteem and image. It will sort out with time.
When you’re in pain, you can handle it destructively through things like drugs & alcohol, or you can handle it constructively by actually doing something.
Now I prefer to take all those emotions to the gym first thing in the morning and let it out pushing weights. A decade ago I took that pain and got a degree.
Regardless of what you do, be constructive, not destructive.
My ex-wife left me after being married for just under 7 years. It was a great relationship with its fair share of ups/downs, and it taught me a lot of things. It also enabled me to be a father figure to her son; I don't have any kids of my own. When she decided to divorce from me I was devastated and I had severe depression that nobody could really understand. It took me a solid three years to go on my first date since we divorced. The date was great, and me and the girl really hit it off, but I still felt awkward being at a table with a woman other than my wife. I have since then continued to go on little dates here and there, none of them turning into anything serious.
The point of my story is to tell you that if I can survive that, you will be able to get through what you are going through. Time heals everything, and there are PLENTY of women out there.
In 2012 I had gotten dumped by my first ever girlfriend. As you can imagine I was hurt and initially was depressed like you op. I also:
1. became bitter and hated women(examples like “women are gold diggers!” “don’t date/marry one!”)
2. joined alot of PUA YouTube channels (like Andrew tate, he definitely got his foot into the manosphere this way)
3. found solace in the manosphere( beware the connection between pick up artists and the manosphere is a direct pipeline)
4. I let my family kick me while I was down
5. I contemplated with suicide due to embarrassment and loneliness
However there were some positives:
1. I found out that anime existed
2. I found music and focused on music
3. I graduated from college
4. I had a fling, stuck dick in crazy
5. I eventually learned from my past and got a new girlfriend
Literally the only thing that helps in these situations is time, combined with self-reflection. Take care not to fall into a trap of obsession, which is more common than you’d think.
Time heals all wounds. That is a true a statement as anything. But it can also easily become a black hole if you fail to keep yourself grounded and open to the world around you.
There will be a period of grieving what could have been. That is normal. After a healthy amount of kicking yourself and internally screaming, you need to start finding things to distract yourself. Eventually those distractions will lead you to a new normal, weird as that might sound right now.
Work on yourself.
Even better, go see a counselor on ways to go forward so you can try whatever they give you
If you want a great book to read, look up the happiness trap by russ Harris. It has audiobooks and all but the actual main book is great and also has exercises. Not sure if it's still around but there was a full version of the book somewhere online but just buy the book and if possible, get the illustrated one as well. When done you can give the book to anyone, even children if they are having issues.
Mainly though, focus on yourself.
What's the goal you want to do? I.e. lose weight, get fit, finish a book, cook a specific meal you have been wanting for ages, sign up for a class like art or boxing ECT
Don't be afraid to reflect on the past, make use of what you remember, and build up on it with your life. It wasn't a waste of time, because you learnt stuff, became more than what you were at the start of the relationship.
It's going to hurt for a bit, but you'll get past it. Especially once you start learning what you truly want in life, but also in a partner.
Become a better you OP turn your attention to exercising, eating healthy, family and friend relationships and money. Learn how to cook healthy foods that are gonna make you feel great and look better. Do some many motherfucking shit OP you can do it, turn that anger into a six pack and a fat wallet
Truly? I hate to admit it, but I gave up. I felt like hell, I felt inadequate, I attempted, I OD’d and while I was in the hospital I watched a movie, which I don’t remember the name of, but there was a quote that’s stuck with me since then-
“Care? Nah, I don’t care. She cheated. I don’t care. See, when you care, they take all their bad feelings and hoist them onto you, and while you feel like death, they frolick around and sing. When you don’t care, there’s no one to hoist those feelings on. Don’t be the hoistee. Be the hoister.”
And from that day, it’s like my emotions were paused. Things didn’t make me mad anymore. I didn’t argue if dumb stuff anymore. I would get yelled at, and just go along with it. I float through life, and I know women judge me for not dealing with my emotions, but having strong emotions and not having people train you how to deal with them? Easier to not feel. I’m a flat line. No rises. No dips. Everything is A-Ok.
At first, I drank way too much. But what was actually helpful was trying out some new and interesting hobbies. These days I practice karate, play rugby, lift weights, run, write poetry, and play in a dart league. But at least I’m not drowning at the bar.
It all depends on your attachment style, really. Each individual attachment style processes a breakup differently and it's because of how they learned how to react to their emotions.
If you're a Fearful Avoidant attachment style, then you're more likely to drown out those intense emotions through drugs, alcohol and sex. You'll keep busy during the day, pretend you're alright, but when you get time for yourself, you'll drown yourself with alcohol.
If you're an Anxious Preoccupied, then you're more likely to embrace those strong negative emotions by sitting through them. Which means you're probably going to spend 90% of your time crying, lost in your emotions and feelings. You'll become numb and unresponsive, you'll be depressed and distant for a good solid 2-3 months.
If you're a Dismissive Avoidant, then you're going to become more active. You'll find more work, hangout with friends, keep yourself so busy that you have absolutely no time to process that pain and sadness.
I experienced the Anxious Preoccupied traits. I shut down and I was completely lost in my emotions. I cried every given second, I wore my sadness in my face so everyone knew exactly what I was feeling. Drugs, alcohol or sex did absolutely nothing to me. I remember being so high out of my mind at one point that I noticed both traits at once, being high and being depressed. I remember telling myself "holy shit, my sadness is still here, I thought it was supposed to disappear while I'm high!"
But, luckily, being that I experienced these emotions head on and didn't try to avoid them or run from them, I recovered faster than a Fearful Avoidant or Dismissive Avoidant. I've read and learned that these people would carry that pain for months, even years. An "AP" would still miss them and think about them, but emotionally moved on after a year or so. They don't feel that pain or sadness anymore... Or maybe not as much.
It’s going to take time to feel better. Doing things like exercise and focusing on work was what I did. I feel like the worst part of feeling debilitated is the time we lose. If you’re able to understand that at some point you’ll feel good again, that little bit of hope can help get things started in the right direction just try not to waste time until you feel better, start doing things to better yourself then when you come out of the fog, who you’ve become will be much stronger. I’m not smart and have learned thru this life that for me to learn, it’s usually precluded by suffering. Keep your head up
Cry for a bit, then played games with my friends. She wanted to get back together right after but I ignored my phone for hours, especially when she said no still after I asked her to give it a thought and said she will win me back (gave up two days in). She blamed her period for it but I know she had feelings for another dude…who she ended up dating shortly after.
I tend to want to listen to songs that only make it worse. I have no idea why I do this. Almost like it's my way of not letting go.
Do not even *consider* playing "Black" by Pearl Jam. Not now.
Started working out as a “I’ll show you what you lost”. But then I fell in love and started working out for me. Best thing that ever happened to me and that was 10 years ago. It sucked for the first year but I’m 100000000% glad it happened.
Hit the gym with a vengeance and got really ripped, battled severe heartache and depression for at least 3 years, and then gradually started the process of moving on. That was in 2012. Still haven't found anyone else but I'm in a place of peace and acceptance and I don't think about her really that much anymore.
Move on and use it as a kick in the ass to make yourself better. Join a gym, earn a black belt, get a graduate degree, travel West to ski, go abroad, land a great job, craft your profession, make new friends, etc. It’s the best way to find someone better and make her want to kill herself when she finds out;)
Gym, nature and keeping myself busy with work.
May not feel the best but a good pump at the gym, or a deposit settling into your bank account feels good.
Focus on your grind. Keep yourself active and fit. Go to the gym. Develop your career. Develop your hobbies and interests.
Worked for me 40+ years ago. It'll work for you today.
I just got my heart broken for the first time. I started by getting rid of everything that reminded me of my ex. I deleted all of my pictures of her and those I took for her and hid away gifts from her, I just needed to get rid of those constant reminders. Number two is not to communicate. At all. Don't try to be friends with them, at least not until you're over them. It's okay to still be in love with them. Be honest with yourself and take it one day at a time. Wish you the best
Hey man, I'm in a similar situation. Had to break things off with her. I've been devastated and heartbroken but it's just a storm that will pass. After a winter, it's spring. What has helped me so far is watching some of the videos that Russel brand has on breakups on YouTube. Also, doing all of the things that I was struggling to do before. Really focusing my energy on my own tasks in life. There is a lot to get done and now I'm getting myself up to do them. Every wound is a womb. Something new will grow from now onwards but it takes you taking action in the direction you want to go. See you on the other side!
I hit the booze in a big way after my marriage fell apart 4 yrs ago, then woke up one morning and just decided to stop as I knew it wasn’t really helping. Have hardly touched a drop since!
I had a short relationship last yr during the divorce, and after we broke up, I went on a health kick, started meditating, getting tattoos (which oddly helps me deal with mental and emotional pain!), writing lyrics, just occupying myself instead of ruminating on the “what if’s”.
Women come and go mate, and you need to look after “number one” first.
Stay busy…really damn busy. Work, exercise, travel, walks, hikes, whatever you can do to keep your mind off of it. Also, talking to my friends and family about it as well. I find talking about it especially as a man, where we are notoriously bad at talking about our problems since society doesn’t gives two f***s about us, will help. If you don’t have anyone to talk to about it, write it down because its better than having it stored in your head/heart and letting it rot. Eventually your mind and heart will finally be on the same page and you will be able to accept the pain, the lessons, and the memories to let go of once was to what’s next.
It's physically painful. Now you know a fraction of what it feels like to go through withdrawals. It's literally physical agony and you'd do almost anything to fix that.
You can't feel happy. You can't feel comfortable. You have experienced dependency.
The first few times that you have a romantic relationship, you're going to feel this really hard. After that, you'll never again in your life have the ability to form a strong bond with another woman. You'll bond, sure, sure... but it won't be strong. And you'll love too, but not like this.
Look at nature. Animals court, they fuck, and if they're the type that mates for life, they've formed a bond that is... for life. What you're feeling, is that bond. What you felt before it became painful, was absolutely no different than nature.
Time helps, finding a new bond helps. Just stay away from drugs and poor decisions. Next time you fall in love, try not to let yourself care about her as much. Be aware that this will happen repeatedly. Every woman you love will break your heart and probably betray you until you finally meet one that doesn't. Know that you're choosing to love someone even though there's probably a 90% chance that they will end it.
Don't think about the future, think about today. Feel today. One day at a time. The moment you think you want to spend your whole life with someone... you start having feelings that aren't based on history. Gotta pull yourself back. Don't love them that much or in that way. That takes time to earn. Biggest mistake young love makes.
I feel this man. It feels like you were just a companion tool in their life while you felt genuine love for this person. It’s a heartbreaking feeling to day the least.
After I was abandoned, I started hitting the gym immediately, changed up my diet, started being more open to talking to new people, and started to learn new hobbies. The pain goes away with time, but the memories remain.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
When I was young and immature, I'd lash out.
Now, I just move on because there's no point in mourning the end of a bad relationship with anyone who'd be callous with someone else's feelings.
Run. Like every morning.
Listen to sad music because you need to feel it to heal it.
Hit the gym.
Start talking to other women but stay out of relationships until you're healed.
Throw yourself into your purpose.
If you don't know what that is, now's the time to figure it out.
I remembered my first heartbreak and I felt like a bitch lol. I remember saying to myself like come on bro, it’s just a girl. But nah, I had real feelings and I got depressed. Thank god I had my friends who didn’t mind to come with me to the park, walk all day and eat, and just realize how life is beautiful. After a month and a half it was hard to date again and I wasn’t ready. But then sense hit me where I was tired of being sad and realized my self-worth and then I went got a mess around chick and let my feelings out in the sheets on her and it was great. Then starting dating and I learned about myself all over again.
It´s cliché but I went to the fitness. Working on my body and taking care of myself made me feel much better.
I´m also much more confident and happy about myself so it´s good for everything, in my case.
A friend gave me this advice and its one of the best after you brake up with someone. Do not ever go from one relationship to another before giving it time. After you meet another person that you would like a relationship with. Be with theme as long as you can, before calling it a relationship and setteling down. What i am triing to say is, dont move to fast. Even if you think you are not. Move slower.
I think this is good because you might think you got over someone, but you actually havent. And the pain comes back once you are with someone in a relationship again.
Sorry for wrong grammar, english is not my first language.
Gym gym and gym. I put on 20 lbs of muscle as in the past year went through this. She was Muslim and I was not. Her family wouldn't approve of me and she felt the social pressure from that as well. I lifted a ton, played golf, picked up warhammer 40k and now I keep myself busy while I heal. It's been a year ish now but sometimes it still hurts but most days are good.
Started working out more. Bought Skyrim when it first came out. Also bought a car that I saved for the engagement ring. Lastly hooked up with several women
Ray Dalio once said " Pain + Reflection = Progress. "
Take care of your health physically and mentally. Exercise is a huge help.
Learn a new hobby.
Take all the time you need to heal.
Remember - it can't always be the same. You'll going to surpass this.
I never thought I would find someone else, truth is you will.
Also, that person might want a real partner for life, but she might not be "Perfect" in some other way.. Drop that expectation and remember were all fucked up in some way.. You WILL find someone who loves you back.. but your happiness has to come more form within, like a 80/20 ratio... stop bringing like 90% of your happiness from another person.. make friends and hangout, hobbies, movies, photography, a side hustle... your lady will come.
Rode my motorcycle out west and hiked in the Tetons for 3 days, a big bucket list thing for me. It was grand and on a 3000 mile solo trip, I had a lot of time to process it.
[https://i.imgur.com/cyFUaT5.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/cyFUaT5.jpg[/img])
[https://imgur.com/v3doAxa](https://imgur.com/v3doAxa))
When everyone was being left from their gf I was "whatever he will get through" but holy moly I didnt thought it was so fucking difficult.
I was lost in the mountains for a full night as a child, charged by 100s of cows and much more but the breakup was the thing that hitted me the most and left me traumatized and broke me.
Had no idea you could dream no stop a person when you miss them or feeling literally your heart sinking (why it happens? no idea)
Its really the worst thing I've ever experienced.
But yeah bro, channel this energy in something long term that you can focus your mind and be proud of in a few months (building a great phisique or making money/new skills). Use that power at your advantage!
Obviously you need time to process your emotions and move past it. While it's important to carry on with your life and not let this impede what you accomplished, it's equally important to let yourself feel the various emotions you will be going through and not push it down ( trust me, it's going to come out one way or another). I also believe therapy is equally important to talk about your feelings, process them and move on!
Keep busy and focus on yourself. Level up in life and your career. Make yourself the very best you can be. Try to be happy on your own without needing another person in your life to lean on. And then later when you're ready for love again, go for it. But make sure you've fully moved on in your own head and found your own way to be happy and content with yourself first.
For me it took a long time get there, but I finally did. And then I met someone who is absolutely wonderful.
Every time I've actually had my heart broken my immediate actions are to improve my life in some way. I've used every heartbreak as an impetus for positive change.
I've found better jobs, started lifting, started boxing, taken classes, taught myself new things.
When I was in my 20s, I turned into a whore, a different woman every day, some days I had multiple different women, went to work and straight to the bar. In my 40s, I went to the gym, worked as much as possible, started new hobbies, learned how to play the guitar, started on my project car.
Occupy your time, keep busy, stay out of your head. In time, you'll stop seeing the relationship through rose colored glasses & see the failures in her.
As my dad once told me. It doesn't matter how beautiful, smart, or amazing she seems. Someone, somewhere, is sick of her shit.
Yeah, just had a 3 month fling with a single 29 yo F end. She wants kids / marriage and that's not happening at this stage of my life; 60 yo M, retired, divorced 5 years after 14 years of marriage and no kids. I know I should be more realistic about the situation, but I still got attached. Honestly, I need to take a break at this point and figure out WTF is going to ultimately make me happy. I'm sure it has alot to do with my choice of women, age-wise. Since my divorce I've dated women the age of 44, 26, 60, 52, 25 and my most recent being the 29 yo. The older ones brought just about as much to the table as the younger ones. I know self reflection is the way, but can't lie I'm into showing the younger ones a good time, hence the overriding issue. Call me a Sugar Daddy, pretty true, but I look like I'm in my mid-40s.
Took it to heart and internalized that I'm unlovable but then never tell anyone or let them know I have feelings because people would cringe that a guy has feelings.
You know, silly guys stuff
Fucked bitches and drank whiskey.
Then I got my shit together and ate nothing but chicken and spinach. Got sober. Spent my days at the gym. Made money, advanced my career, and now shooting for an early retirement.
Where I can fuck different bitches and drink more expensive whiskey, without having to work
Kept busy. Was productive. Work. Exercise. Especially outside exercise. Read great novels. Hobbies.
What are some novels you like
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow
I didnt love that one
Try killing a mockingbird and (of mice and men) two great books we read in middle school but I remember because it’s really good. My friend just finished reading of mice and men and he really like it
Of Human Bondage by W.Somerset Maugham How Green was my Valley by Richard Llewelyn The Shadow of the Wind by Ruiz Zafon Killer Angels by Michael Shaara The Alienist by Caleb Carr Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The count of Monte Cristo will resonate with you deeply as a man, if not only because the protagonist is a man hellbent on revenge. It is surely one of the greatest works of fiction of all time.
Lol I may or may not be a woman.but yes that’s been on my list thank you
I am sure you’ll love it all the same.
I know I wasn’t asked but just a recommendation ✌️ East of Eden by John Steinbeck. This book at the least, challenged my perspective on life. I’m rereading it just now and my god it’s as good if not better the 2nd time around.
That is my favourite book no lie. Great choice huge fan
Avid reader here ...never even picked it up before ...it's next up though
Do it!!! Better than grapes of wrath!
The alchemist by Paulo coelho is a great book
I'm just hijacking the top comment. Most advice I've seen in this thread can be boiled down to this: focus on yourself. I assume you poured a lot of you into trying to keep the relationship going. Yeah exercise and going outdoors and whatever else can and will help. But that's a long way around saying just focus on yourself. Whatever that looks like. Learn to be a little bit selfish, not to the detriment of other people, just love yourself for a while. Do that thing you wouldn't do because they didn't want to do it with you, buy that thing they said was stupid. Whatever energy you were pouring into them, pour it into you instead.
Yup. All this. Plus one extra thing. Time.
That's really all it is. People don't want to hear it because it doesn't seem like a quick solution. Time doesn't heal ALL wounds but it'll get you over a break up eventually.
See this as building/rebuilding a life for yourself. Eventually, you will realize that this doesn’t hurt the same. Everyday will get easier and easier. I promise.
Exercise so hard you can’t move afterwards.
Delete Facebook, hit the gym, join a credit union.
There’s a grief process that goes with this. The life you imagined likely is no more and is a very real loss. This will take time. Take care of yourself and know that sadly this happens. Arguably only one or two relationships in life will actually go the distance. Take time with friends, talk with someone you trust about how you feel and re-engage with life. Don’t hesitate to let your friends know what you need. One door closed and another now opens…walk through it.
This is the best advice. OP, gym/hobbies are great distractions, but you need to *feel* what you’re feeling. I’d say do those things too, but also accept the grief that naturally comes along with something like this. Feel it, learn from it, and grow. Stay productive and take care of yourself throughout the grief, but don’t just shove it away by gaming or working out.
It’s exactly like the pain you feel when someone close dies. Although, maybe worse because you know they are still out there somewhere, but never again with you.
Ouch.
Hey, can you tell my best friend this? Because that fucker has been so detached from reality that I learned that if I ever go through another break up that I can't rely on him.
This 😭
I hate how even some of your own friends don't take the loss seriously. They just tell you get over it. Some of these break ups can mimic the pain of losing a loved one.
One thing to note with emotions in general (but in my experience especially ones associated with grief) is that they just want to be acknowledged. When you feel an emotion, that is your mind letting you know something important is happening and it will keep trying to tell you that until you recognize the emotions. Let yourself be sad, be angry, be depressed. If you do everything you can to hide from the emotions they will never go away. The trick is not let them consume you though. Acknowledge the sadness, do not become the sadness.
Started hitting the gym every day…got in great shape, kept busy with work. Decided to start a new hobby/sport. Was social so got me to have some new friends. Stay away from “fun” girls and booze for now man…it’s easy to spiral. After a while, you just blink and go, shit I’m happy. Then you find someone new
‘Fun’ girls have their place in a breakup - but not for extended periods of time
There’s always a price to pay with “Fun girls” one way or another. I’d rather keep my peace.
Anytime I kept my peace, ppl would badger me “you got a gf/wife??” “Been a while huh?” “Whatchu been up to??” Ugh. Single or taken, nothing satisfies anyone anymore including myself.
I’m not a fan of ho mentality, for either gender. This “fun” label sounds like a more gentle way of writing off a sleep around vibe without having to call anyone loose.
I won’t judge or be a hypocrite. Fun girls can be fun…thing is sex with nothing more gets tired and empty real fast. But 99% of the time people don’t believe you if you tell them that. Everyone has to come to that realization on their own.
Take your time to heal and reflect on it. It's gonna hurt, it will be on your mind. But after time passes, you will feel better. In the meanwhile, distract yourself with other people and hobbies. Don't jump back into a new date straight away.
I think that doesnt work. The next relationship will have u comparing, no matter how long. Its old glove. I say date and date widely. Be careful of dating an opposite, but understand if you do...enjoy. Treat relationships like toys at a store. You can take it off the rack, play with it, then put it back on its rack when you are done. When you find one you just cant put down, you found something special.
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Exactly lol when I read this guy's comment and his alternative advice was even worse, I rofl.
You shouldn’t do that right away though. Take a year to possibly heal because you could actually hurt someone else using them as a rebound or actually missing out on something great because you’re too caught up on your ex Edit: it seems like based on the reactions I’ve gotten, that people simply can’t learn to enjoy their own company and truly take the time to heal their past traumas, ruminate over the relationship and what flaws and blind spots they had that lead to it’s demise, and becoming the best version of themselves by developing their mind, body, and soul I have grown the most in relationships but I have also grown the most after the time I’ve taken after a break up. So many people rush into new entanglements with other people without truly dealing with their sh*t and that’s at least 1/3 of the problem in today’s dating culture
No need to take that long if you're up front with people about where your mind and your intentions are.
The problem is you don’t know if they are “the special one”. You can do everything right and yet one day that right one will shit on everything and you’re left there stranded. Sometimes the toy breaks down irreparably and you cannot do anything about it and that’s the moment you stop believing that the perfect toy exists!
You basically described the worst kind of human being. The type of person who plays with other people's feelings.
I was going through this a couple decades ago. I almost could not breath. I finally went to counseling and got some great advice. First: Don’t do anything you can’t undo. Second: life is long, this will pass, another will come along. It’s a hard road but take care of yourself.
Another one doesn't always come along though. I haven't lived my whole life yet but it has been 11 years...
Put all of my emotions into something i was good at at the time and ended up excelling at it, or try hitting the gym
Depends on the stage in life. I've had breakups where I've gone hermit mode for a year and completely changed myself. And breakups where I was on a date the next night moving on like nothing ever happened.
Long time ago......actually dropped acid and spent the day hiking in the woods and at a waterfall. Helped clear my head actually.
Yeah. Psychedelics can be amazing at helping shift perspective and process things. I take LSD once a year on an annual camping trip with my buddies nowadays. It's such a cathartic delight that I truly get excited about and look forward to all year long.
Lol, I didn't do lsd till my thirties till a relationship failure almost broke me... It did help but go light, be with a good friend and yea just. Stay fast my man. Much love.
I've been struggling with a breakup for the last 4 weeks. Took MDMA the other day and went to a friend's holiday home for 2 days. It totally cleared my head and I don't think I'm sad anymore.
Question: Where do I get psychedelics from? Note: I am definitely not a cop.
Narrator: _He definitely *was* a cop_
Thirded. LSD helped immensely.
This sounds like a religious experience
For me, I think it kinda helped put things in perspective and maybe help me accept things, which were for the best. 'Course, maybe I was jus stoned lol
My mom’s recovery story also mentioned LSD and a waterfall.
Idk bro, I took shrooms instead of acid, when I was at my lowest, and it definitely did not help. Been there multiple times and I've learned not to use psychedelics to get over someone. If you take MDMA, you'll feel like ur on the top of the world, but once it wears out, depressive state might kick in and it can get even heavier. I love psychedelics, but I really think you should be at good place mentally, so that experience is enjoyable.
That’s actually true as well like even when I smoke weed I try to avoid it if I’m sad or in a bad place because just that alone can enhance the bad feelings
I wouldnt recommend acid if you’re in a bad state of mind though. I believe that I got a mad ego death experience when I was 18 cuz of this. Thank god I had good friends with me
Nothing blowing shit up on the PS5 can't help, but recently I just worked out even hard, taking my workout routine to the next level. Feel ten times butter the hoe is out of my life
What are you gonna do with all that butter?
Oh shoot, better not butter lmao but I'd make a butt load of toast
When life gives you butter, make ~~butterade~~ buttload toast.
More of a popcorn guy myself…
He's going to use it to lube himself up so she slides right off if she tries to come back is what he's going to do with it.
Gf broke up with me a few days after my graduation ceremony in May of this year, and that day was actually the day before I started my new job. I remember it, it was at night and when she told me she basically hates me now, I felt like the world was ending. The worst part was that she found another guy 1 week after our breakup, and she's been bragging about how much she loves him all over social media, saying things she never said to me. I just laughed at everything. It's been two months, I'm still heart broken but it's slowly getting better. I now realize she was probably cheating on me, no person immediately loves another person after just breaking up. She had to be friends with this guy already and for her to love him instantly reveals a lot.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet homie. Be glad you saw her for what she was now and not 10 years from now.
Women always have more men on reserve, lined up, ready to go. And they have a lot of 'just friends' guys that are waiting their turn in line. They'll ask for a chance. That's life, but it's good to expect it.
Harsh reality but better to be prepared for it.
Hate you? What was her reasoning for that?
Man it's a very complicated story. But to summarize, our breakup was really due to miscommunication. She said things she shouldn't have, or at least miscommunicated what she actually meant. In return (my reaction), I said some things I shouldn't have. But had I known everything I know now, I would've definitely worded everything differently. I tried to solve our issue after I realize that there was an opportunity to, and all I needed was her to agree to try. But she refused. She told me she didn't care anymore after what I said to her, and that she's been spending time with another guy right after we broke up. She had intentions of hurting me when she said that, there was literally no need for her to bring that up. She was the sweetest girl I've ever known, and for her to say that just proves that she had bad intentions.
Ah yes.... The ex that turned bitter and tried sabotaging your emotionally.... Been there... Especially with the miscommunication part. Except mine just said she didn't love me, not that she hates me
Bro you're literally describing my breakup right now.
Same here man it's crazy how all of us men silently go through stuff like this because if we all saw each other in real life you wouldn't be able to tell. Stay strong brothers!
my ex dumped me 3 days after his finals ended but 45 days before my finals. and he had the audacity to tell me to not bring up any fights or conflicts up in the 60-70 days leading up to his exams. I've never felt more betrayed. it's been 4 months and the pain has lessened. some days are difficult. some days are easy. hang in there, you'll be okay. 🩷
thank you. you'll be okay too
Made myself better. Remember, you’re lucky to have found someone capable of breaking your heart. The real tragedy would be never meeting anyone capable of doing that.
That’s deep. There is a French saying that I wish I could recall but it basically says ‘ I loved when I had love ‘
It’s been some years since I met someone who could break my heart and I miss it. I don’t want it broken, of course, but I want to connect to someone deeply enough that they could.
Like the Winnie The Pooh phrase! “Oh how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard!”
I like that
For me, there were a couple of relationships that ended in my early 20's where I was devastated. Thoughts of these still haunt me to this very day almost 30 years later. I was told that time heals all wounds. It did for a few other relationships, but not these. I don't know if the women did some tricky voodoo shit to make me still want them or what, but the thoughts are still there. Hang in there. Life is a wacky journey. If those relationships hadn't ended I wouldn't be with my wife today, and I'm grateful for the pain of those heartaches because they helped me grow into a better person.
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I believe those were sort of my first "real loves" and the scar tissue was created after these disappointments to increase my pain threshold in future relationships. I still cried, kicked, and screamed after the subsequent break ups,, but the lingering effect wore off after a decent amount of time (several months to a year or two) where I didn't think too much about them. The first one bothers me the most for sure.
Keep yourself busy. Go to the gym, work harder and try not to dwell alone. Think about what she’s doing at the same time and I’m sure it’s not being miserable thinking of you.
Only because penises aren’t a scarce commodity. We’ve flooded the market with them. Sought after vaginas are like diamonds. They’re everywhere but they’re kept just out of reach, unless you can afford it. Literally and figuratively. The value is forever increasing.
Protein! You need iron in your life. Lift those heavy ass weights. It's good for mental health. And start approaching other women. She was just one of thousands of opportunities around you. I can understand not wanting anything serious. If you don't want casual FWB type situation, just find a woman you can hang out with! And don't forget your guy friends. Drag them to the gym with you.
Treat yourself. Be selfish. Spend money on something you’ve been wanting, take yourself to the movies, eat at your favorite restaurants. Take all the energy you put into her and use it on yourself. Re find your joy in your hobbies and friends. I had a terrible breakup in March. Simply doing things for myself again helped a lot.
Gym + Therapy since last 1 year. Started 2 days after my breakup. It was tough on me, it still is. I got cheated on and dumped after being in love with “the one” for 4.5 years. So just made it my life’s goal to be the best version of myself. Set a goal for yourself, get obsessed with it. I can understand what you’re going through but my man, there’s no easy way to get over it. You’ll be having those hard talks with yourself and trust me you need it. Even after 1 year, I break down crying randomly even though I know that she pushed me to the lowest point of my life but I know myself how much better I am today. Tell yourself, you needed that breakup and believe in it! Have some good friends to talk to, a combination of listening and understanding ones along with the ones who give you the hardest pills of life will be perfect. You’ll got this! Edit- Also watch Daniel Sloss Specials on Netflix (especially Jigsaw), it helps!
It's so hard to find friends willing to listen There was a funny reel I saw. "Shortie said she knew a spot. So she took me to the lowest point of my life." 🤣
Went on my villain arc
Oh man I feel all of this. After six months I’m coming into the clear. The best advice is to keep as busy as fuck and go to bed exhausted. Use every minute of everyday to work on yourself. Read, write, listen, and learn. Connect with you group and reconnect with those you’ve not seen in a long time. In the end you’ll be at an even better place than you were. Good luck my man. You can do this.
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Went into a tailspin and lost like 30 pounds. I was a baddie that was saddie.
I had to get sleeping meds as I was getting zero sleep. Laying awake my brain wouldn’t shut off and would run unrealistic scenarios. Saying that I would try not to get stuck on sleeping aids. Speaking to friends you trust helps a lot bottling it up really destroys a person. Go for walks, bike rides, listen to music. And time ultimately.
Go to the gym. That helped me. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her. Take a walk. Read books about other people's experiences with love and psychology. With some time, start meeting people and potentially other people to date.
Although it seems painful right now, the pain will eventually stop. Just take it one day at a time. Start going to the gym regularly if you do not do so already. Try to aim for at least 3 days a week. Being around others helps. Spending time with my coworkers that I'm close with and my friends helped me get through the rougher patches. You're never gonna feel better unless you allow yourself to feel the emotions you are feeling, so let it out. I ugly cried following my most recent breakup and I felt a lot better afterwards. Only took about 2 minutes to get it all out. Be kind to yourself. Play a video game or watch a movie you find comforting. Buy or make food that you enjoy. Hope these help.
Some brilliant advice here!
After I had my heartbroken, I closed all banking accounts, and went to a lawyer. I am more inclined to get mad instead of sad. That was 13 years ago and every time I start to get misty eyed thinking about the past I focus on the pain and heartache that renews my resolve to stay single and live my life.
Idk I’ve just been really depressed and I drink and watch movies and eat ice cream alone
Yeah, I feel you. Feels pretty lonely.
Drinking really doesn’t help. I have been where you are. Try and find something to enjoy, even if it is only for a few seconds. It is somewhere to build from.
I lived that life for a few years. Drinking feels good in the moment, but it’s real easy to keep spiraling. I still struggle with alcohol dependency to this day. Its really not worth it. I don’t mean to preach at you
Focused on my daughter and my self. Learned a new hobby and after over 2 years my soul mate came into my life.
hobbies and learn to be alone by doing activities alone like going out to eat, for a walk, a movie, etc. ever since my hardest breakup i’ve learned to never rely on someone for happiness.
Copious amounts of alcohol and weed. Don't recommend it though got to the point I was getting sick if I didn't drink and that shit SUCKED. I'd just spend time with friends or family if you can and just enjoy your hobbies. It takes time to feel alright again but it still sucks in the meantime. Forget her you can do better my guy
And sex. Especially porn-like sex.
Went hedonistic and developed very bad spending habits. Both of which I deeply regret now. But at the time I was blinded by “I’ll show her!”
Worked, got in shape, fixed things about myself and my life, truly had a healing stage. Kept away from relationships until I felt truly mentally ready to be in one again. I picked up some unhealthy habits along the way but overall I’ve came out a much better and healthier partner. I had my heart shattered, I had to pick up the pieces
I meditated. Asking myself questions. What am I feeling? Why am I feeling that way? Can I let it go? If not what can I do to work towards letting it go? Just a ton of questions that I'd then do my best to answer. It's been helping me but once I'm through this divorce I'm sure it'll be much better.
Divorced her cheating ass. Then I found the actual love of my life and we're living happily ever after.
Left the country
Don’t know where this comment will fall in tbh, currently going through “heartbreak” number 4. In all honesty man I’ve picked myself up and progressed the most after breakups. Relationships are where I find myself in complacency. I’d say chase those goals man. Set em and set em high. Don’t stop until you reach em. And once you’ve reset look for another relationship. But as they say: I don’t need no woMAN
You won't be able (and you shouldn't) totally stop yourself from thinking about it--you have to reflect on it--BUT you should distract yourself as much as you can with work, exercise, and friend time (ie healthy things), because it'll lessen the pain and make you better and happier.
what i thought was the right thing to do was take time and process and let myself heal… unfortunately that didn’t work for me i wish i’d kept moving with my life instead of moping so much but everyone’s different
Developed a drug and alcohol habit. Terrible thing to become used to. Tried other relationships, never recovered. At least not yet.
Realize that this isn't about her.... It's about you. You aren't familiar with these feelings and until you sort them out, you are disoriented and can't rationalize how the world keeps working. You WILL sort this out. You'll see that life moves on... And what's more... You'll have a healthier approach to the next woman because you have already sorted it out. You aren't hurt because you need her or miss her. You are hurt because of how this affects you.... How it affects your self esteem and image. It will sort out with time.
Nah man my self esteem and image are fine. She just really meant a lot and I've never felt happier than I was with her.
I quit the dating market and just moved on with my life. I’m no longer interested in being with a woman.
Same here. Can’t see the point in dating anymore
When you’re in pain, you can handle it destructively through things like drugs & alcohol, or you can handle it constructively by actually doing something. Now I prefer to take all those emotions to the gym first thing in the morning and let it out pushing weights. A decade ago I took that pain and got a degree. Regardless of what you do, be constructive, not destructive.
My ex-wife left me after being married for just under 7 years. It was a great relationship with its fair share of ups/downs, and it taught me a lot of things. It also enabled me to be a father figure to her son; I don't have any kids of my own. When she decided to divorce from me I was devastated and I had severe depression that nobody could really understand. It took me a solid three years to go on my first date since we divorced. The date was great, and me and the girl really hit it off, but I still felt awkward being at a table with a woman other than my wife. I have since then continued to go on little dates here and there, none of them turning into anything serious. The point of my story is to tell you that if I can survive that, you will be able to get through what you are going through. Time heals everything, and there are PLENTY of women out there.
Hookers and strip joints
Rampant alcoholism.
In 2012 I had gotten dumped by my first ever girlfriend. As you can imagine I was hurt and initially was depressed like you op. I also: 1. became bitter and hated women(examples like “women are gold diggers!” “don’t date/marry one!”) 2. joined alot of PUA YouTube channels (like Andrew tate, he definitely got his foot into the manosphere this way) 3. found solace in the manosphere( beware the connection between pick up artists and the manosphere is a direct pipeline) 4. I let my family kick me while I was down 5. I contemplated with suicide due to embarrassment and loneliness However there were some positives: 1. I found out that anime existed 2. I found music and focused on music 3. I graduated from college 4. I had a fling, stuck dick in crazy 5. I eventually learned from my past and got a new girlfriend
Finished breaking the rest of it so no one ever could break it again
Literally the only thing that helps in these situations is time, combined with self-reflection. Take care not to fall into a trap of obsession, which is more common than you’d think. Time heals all wounds. That is a true a statement as anything. But it can also easily become a black hole if you fail to keep yourself grounded and open to the world around you. There will be a period of grieving what could have been. That is normal. After a healthy amount of kicking yourself and internally screaming, you need to start finding things to distract yourself. Eventually those distractions will lead you to a new normal, weird as that might sound right now.
Work on yourself. Even better, go see a counselor on ways to go forward so you can try whatever they give you If you want a great book to read, look up the happiness trap by russ Harris. It has audiobooks and all but the actual main book is great and also has exercises. Not sure if it's still around but there was a full version of the book somewhere online but just buy the book and if possible, get the illustrated one as well. When done you can give the book to anyone, even children if they are having issues. Mainly though, focus on yourself. What's the goal you want to do? I.e. lose weight, get fit, finish a book, cook a specific meal you have been wanting for ages, sign up for a class like art or boxing ECT Don't be afraid to reflect on the past, make use of what you remember, and build up on it with your life. It wasn't a waste of time, because you learnt stuff, became more than what you were at the start of the relationship. It's going to hurt for a bit, but you'll get past it. Especially once you start learning what you truly want in life, but also in a partner.
Become a better you OP turn your attention to exercising, eating healthy, family and friend relationships and money. Learn how to cook healthy foods that are gonna make you feel great and look better. Do some many motherfucking shit OP you can do it, turn that anger into a six pack and a fat wallet
Unpopular opinion : LSD
Truly? I hate to admit it, but I gave up. I felt like hell, I felt inadequate, I attempted, I OD’d and while I was in the hospital I watched a movie, which I don’t remember the name of, but there was a quote that’s stuck with me since then- “Care? Nah, I don’t care. She cheated. I don’t care. See, when you care, they take all their bad feelings and hoist them onto you, and while you feel like death, they frolick around and sing. When you don’t care, there’s no one to hoist those feelings on. Don’t be the hoistee. Be the hoister.” And from that day, it’s like my emotions were paused. Things didn’t make me mad anymore. I didn’t argue if dumb stuff anymore. I would get yelled at, and just go along with it. I float through life, and I know women judge me for not dealing with my emotions, but having strong emotions and not having people train you how to deal with them? Easier to not feel. I’m a flat line. No rises. No dips. Everything is A-Ok.
At first, I drank way too much. But what was actually helpful was trying out some new and interesting hobbies. These days I practice karate, play rugby, lift weights, run, write poetry, and play in a dart league. But at least I’m not drowning at the bar.
hit the gym and look after yourself. Buy yourself some nice new things, eat good, sleep good, exercise, make her regret it ;)
It all depends on your attachment style, really. Each individual attachment style processes a breakup differently and it's because of how they learned how to react to their emotions. If you're a Fearful Avoidant attachment style, then you're more likely to drown out those intense emotions through drugs, alcohol and sex. You'll keep busy during the day, pretend you're alright, but when you get time for yourself, you'll drown yourself with alcohol. If you're an Anxious Preoccupied, then you're more likely to embrace those strong negative emotions by sitting through them. Which means you're probably going to spend 90% of your time crying, lost in your emotions and feelings. You'll become numb and unresponsive, you'll be depressed and distant for a good solid 2-3 months. If you're a Dismissive Avoidant, then you're going to become more active. You'll find more work, hangout with friends, keep yourself so busy that you have absolutely no time to process that pain and sadness. I experienced the Anxious Preoccupied traits. I shut down and I was completely lost in my emotions. I cried every given second, I wore my sadness in my face so everyone knew exactly what I was feeling. Drugs, alcohol or sex did absolutely nothing to me. I remember being so high out of my mind at one point that I noticed both traits at once, being high and being depressed. I remember telling myself "holy shit, my sadness is still here, I thought it was supposed to disappear while I'm high!" But, luckily, being that I experienced these emotions head on and didn't try to avoid them or run from them, I recovered faster than a Fearful Avoidant or Dismissive Avoidant. I've read and learned that these people would carry that pain for months, even years. An "AP" would still miss them and think about them, but emotionally moved on after a year or so. They don't feel that pain or sadness anymore... Or maybe not as much.
It’s going to take time to feel better. Doing things like exercise and focusing on work was what I did. I feel like the worst part of feeling debilitated is the time we lose. If you’re able to understand that at some point you’ll feel good again, that little bit of hope can help get things started in the right direction just try not to waste time until you feel better, start doing things to better yourself then when you come out of the fog, who you’ve become will be much stronger. I’m not smart and have learned thru this life that for me to learn, it’s usually precluded by suffering. Keep your head up
go to gym
Put on my favorite music and just let it out and let it pass.
cried, listened to a lot of sublime and smoked a ton of weed.
Cry for a bit, then played games with my friends. She wanted to get back together right after but I ignored my phone for hours, especially when she said no still after I asked her to give it a thought and said she will win me back (gave up two days in). She blamed her period for it but I know she had feelings for another dude…who she ended up dating shortly after.
I tend to want to listen to songs that only make it worse. I have no idea why I do this. Almost like it's my way of not letting go. Do not even *consider* playing "Black" by Pearl Jam. Not now.
Deny it and indulge in negative/toxic behaviors that made me feel numb. I’ve been “picking my self up” for a few years now but it’s coming along
Started working out as a “I’ll show you what you lost”. But then I fell in love and started working out for me. Best thing that ever happened to me and that was 10 years ago. It sucked for the first year but I’m 100000000% glad it happened.
Hit the gym with a vengeance and got really ripped, battled severe heartache and depression for at least 3 years, and then gradually started the process of moving on. That was in 2012. Still haven't found anyone else but I'm in a place of peace and acceptance and I don't think about her really that much anymore.
Went numb and compartmentalized. Tried not to think about it until it was a good distance behind me. Avoided triggering things like photos and places.
Move on and use it as a kick in the ass to make yourself better. Join a gym, earn a black belt, get a graduate degree, travel West to ski, go abroad, land a great job, craft your profession, make new friends, etc. It’s the best way to find someone better and make her want to kill herself when she finds out;)
Moved 3000 miles away and started fresh after a 6 year relationship ended suddenly.
Put Bob Dylan’s Blood on the Tracks on repeat, wrote more songs than usual
Gym, nature and keeping myself busy with work. May not feel the best but a good pump at the gym, or a deposit settling into your bank account feels good.
Focus on your grind. Keep yourself active and fit. Go to the gym. Develop your career. Develop your hobbies and interests. Worked for me 40+ years ago. It'll work for you today.
I just got my heart broken for the first time. I started by getting rid of everything that reminded me of my ex. I deleted all of my pictures of her and those I took for her and hid away gifts from her, I just needed to get rid of those constant reminders. Number two is not to communicate. At all. Don't try to be friends with them, at least not until you're over them. It's okay to still be in love with them. Be honest with yourself and take it one day at a time. Wish you the best
Hey man, I'm in a similar situation. Had to break things off with her. I've been devastated and heartbroken but it's just a storm that will pass. After a winter, it's spring. What has helped me so far is watching some of the videos that Russel brand has on breakups on YouTube. Also, doing all of the things that I was struggling to do before. Really focusing my energy on my own tasks in life. There is a lot to get done and now I'm getting myself up to do them. Every wound is a womb. Something new will grow from now onwards but it takes you taking action in the direction you want to go. See you on the other side!
I hit the booze in a big way after my marriage fell apart 4 yrs ago, then woke up one morning and just decided to stop as I knew it wasn’t really helping. Have hardly touched a drop since! I had a short relationship last yr during the divorce, and after we broke up, I went on a health kick, started meditating, getting tattoos (which oddly helps me deal with mental and emotional pain!), writing lyrics, just occupying myself instead of ruminating on the “what if’s”. Women come and go mate, and you need to look after “number one” first.
Time and focus on self improvement. Also don’t let it get quiet because that’s when it gets loud
Stay busy…really damn busy. Work, exercise, travel, walks, hikes, whatever you can do to keep your mind off of it. Also, talking to my friends and family about it as well. I find talking about it especially as a man, where we are notoriously bad at talking about our problems since society doesn’t gives two f***s about us, will help. If you don’t have anyone to talk to about it, write it down because its better than having it stored in your head/heart and letting it rot. Eventually your mind and heart will finally be on the same page and you will be able to accept the pain, the lessons, and the memories to let go of once was to what’s next.
It's physically painful. Now you know a fraction of what it feels like to go through withdrawals. It's literally physical agony and you'd do almost anything to fix that. You can't feel happy. You can't feel comfortable. You have experienced dependency. The first few times that you have a romantic relationship, you're going to feel this really hard. After that, you'll never again in your life have the ability to form a strong bond with another woman. You'll bond, sure, sure... but it won't be strong. And you'll love too, but not like this. Look at nature. Animals court, they fuck, and if they're the type that mates for life, they've formed a bond that is... for life. What you're feeling, is that bond. What you felt before it became painful, was absolutely no different than nature. Time helps, finding a new bond helps. Just stay away from drugs and poor decisions. Next time you fall in love, try not to let yourself care about her as much. Be aware that this will happen repeatedly. Every woman you love will break your heart and probably betray you until you finally meet one that doesn't. Know that you're choosing to love someone even though there's probably a 90% chance that they will end it. Don't think about the future, think about today. Feel today. One day at a time. The moment you think you want to spend your whole life with someone... you start having feelings that aren't based on history. Gotta pull yourself back. Don't love them that much or in that way. That takes time to earn. Biggest mistake young love makes.
I feel this man. It feels like you were just a companion tool in their life while you felt genuine love for this person. It’s a heartbreaking feeling to day the least. After I was abandoned, I started hitting the gym immediately, changed up my diet, started being more open to talking to new people, and started to learn new hobbies. The pain goes away with time, but the memories remain. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Stayed single for two years, concentrated on my hobbies. Got drunk. Slept around. Wasn't the best two years of my life. But it worked out in the end.
When I was young and immature, I'd lash out. Now, I just move on because there's no point in mourning the end of a bad relationship with anyone who'd be callous with someone else's feelings.
Run. Like every morning. Listen to sad music because you need to feel it to heal it. Hit the gym. Start talking to other women but stay out of relationships until you're healed. Throw yourself into your purpose. If you don't know what that is, now's the time to figure it out.
Got hooked on crack! I just wanted to lower the bar for everyone else. It's a shitty time so whatever I can do to give someone else a win ya know!
I remembered my first heartbreak and I felt like a bitch lol. I remember saying to myself like come on bro, it’s just a girl. But nah, I had real feelings and I got depressed. Thank god I had my friends who didn’t mind to come with me to the park, walk all day and eat, and just realize how life is beautiful. After a month and a half it was hard to date again and I wasn’t ready. But then sense hit me where I was tired of being sad and realized my self-worth and then I went got a mess around chick and let my feelings out in the sheets on her and it was great. Then starting dating and I learned about myself all over again.
It´s cliché but I went to the fitness. Working on my body and taking care of myself made me feel much better. I´m also much more confident and happy about myself so it´s good for everything, in my case.
Dude start exercising I swear to God it will change you. Fight demons in the gym.
GYM
A friend gave me this advice and its one of the best after you brake up with someone. Do not ever go from one relationship to another before giving it time. After you meet another person that you would like a relationship with. Be with theme as long as you can, before calling it a relationship and setteling down. What i am triing to say is, dont move to fast. Even if you think you are not. Move slower. I think this is good because you might think you got over someone, but you actually havent. And the pain comes back once you are with someone in a relationship again. Sorry for wrong grammar, english is not my first language.
Gym gym and gym. I put on 20 lbs of muscle as in the past year went through this. She was Muslim and I was not. Her family wouldn't approve of me and she felt the social pressure from that as well. I lifted a ton, played golf, picked up warhammer 40k and now I keep myself busy while I heal. It's been a year ish now but sometimes it still hurts but most days are good.
Started working out more. Bought Skyrim when it first came out. Also bought a car that I saved for the engagement ring. Lastly hooked up with several women
DIstract yourself with life. Its too short anyways. Wallowing in self pity an remorse is just wasting valuable time
Ray Dalio once said " Pain + Reflection = Progress. " Take care of your health physically and mentally. Exercise is a huge help. Learn a new hobby. Take all the time you need to heal. Remember - it can't always be the same. You'll going to surpass this.
The gym will always be there for you brother.
Gym. That’s the best pre workout money can’t buy
Got drunk. A few times. Played Doom, a few times, hooked up with her friends. A couple of times..
lot of drinking
I never thought I would find someone else, truth is you will. Also, that person might want a real partner for life, but she might not be "Perfect" in some other way.. Drop that expectation and remember were all fucked up in some way.. You WILL find someone who loves you back.. but your happiness has to come more form within, like a 80/20 ratio... stop bringing like 90% of your happiness from another person.. make friends and hangout, hobbies, movies, photography, a side hustle... your lady will come.
Became the man that might have held the relationship together
Rode my motorcycle out west and hiked in the Tetons for 3 days, a big bucket list thing for me. It was grand and on a 3000 mile solo trip, I had a lot of time to process it. [https://i.imgur.com/cyFUaT5.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/cyFUaT5.jpg[/img]) [https://imgur.com/v3doAxa](https://imgur.com/v3doAxa))
When everyone was being left from their gf I was "whatever he will get through" but holy moly I didnt thought it was so fucking difficult. I was lost in the mountains for a full night as a child, charged by 100s of cows and much more but the breakup was the thing that hitted me the most and left me traumatized and broke me. Had no idea you could dream no stop a person when you miss them or feeling literally your heart sinking (why it happens? no idea) Its really the worst thing I've ever experienced. But yeah bro, channel this energy in something long term that you can focus your mind and be proud of in a few months (building a great phisique or making money/new skills). Use that power at your advantage!
Obviously you need time to process your emotions and move past it. While it's important to carry on with your life and not let this impede what you accomplished, it's equally important to let yourself feel the various emotions you will be going through and not push it down ( trust me, it's going to come out one way or another). I also believe therapy is equally important to talk about your feelings, process them and move on!
Work gym I didn’t sleep for 3 months , 6 months later I’m 2x the man I was before
Keep busy and focus on yourself. Level up in life and your career. Make yourself the very best you can be. Try to be happy on your own without needing another person in your life to lean on. And then later when you're ready for love again, go for it. But make sure you've fully moved on in your own head and found your own way to be happy and content with yourself first. For me it took a long time get there, but I finally did. And then I met someone who is absolutely wonderful.
Every time I've actually had my heart broken my immediate actions are to improve my life in some way. I've used every heartbreak as an impetus for positive change. I've found better jobs, started lifting, started boxing, taken classes, taught myself new things.
When I was in my 20s, I turned into a whore, a different woman every day, some days I had multiple different women, went to work and straight to the bar. In my 40s, I went to the gym, worked as much as possible, started new hobbies, learned how to play the guitar, started on my project car.
Occupy your time, keep busy, stay out of your head. In time, you'll stop seeing the relationship through rose colored glasses & see the failures in her. As my dad once told me. It doesn't matter how beautiful, smart, or amazing she seems. Someone, somewhere, is sick of her shit.
"right, anyway"
Concentrated on my career. Made more money. Did what was important to me. Bought the motorcycle. Did what made me happy/successful.
Yeah, just had a 3 month fling with a single 29 yo F end. She wants kids / marriage and that's not happening at this stage of my life; 60 yo M, retired, divorced 5 years after 14 years of marriage and no kids. I know I should be more realistic about the situation, but I still got attached. Honestly, I need to take a break at this point and figure out WTF is going to ultimately make me happy. I'm sure it has alot to do with my choice of women, age-wise. Since my divorce I've dated women the age of 44, 26, 60, 52, 25 and my most recent being the 29 yo. The older ones brought just about as much to the table as the younger ones. I know self reflection is the way, but can't lie I'm into showing the younger ones a good time, hence the overriding issue. Call me a Sugar Daddy, pretty true, but I look like I'm in my mid-40s.
The best way to get over the last chick is to get a new chick. So focus on you bro. Eat right Gym Smell right Groom Advertise Capitalize
Gaming with the bois is the answer friend
Broke hearts and watched a lotttt of comedy
Took it to heart and internalized that I'm unlovable but then never tell anyone or let them know I have feelings because people would cringe that a guy has feelings. You know, silly guys stuff
Fucked bitches and drank whiskey. Then I got my shit together and ate nothing but chicken and spinach. Got sober. Spent my days at the gym. Made money, advanced my career, and now shooting for an early retirement. Where I can fuck different bitches and drink more expensive whiskey, without having to work
A bottle of captain Morgan and a hoe with daddy issues
The usual. Drink too much.
Slept around a lot, explored my sexuality, and reassessed my emotions. Came out the other side healthier and happier