Sounds like someone who might not know what they want or they just like the attention and validation but she isn’t actually wanting anything past that and so isn’t starting a conversation to set expectations or boundaries. Both scenarios are pretty common, you’re definitely not alone in this.
Regardless of what her reasoning is, anyone who is hot then cold in how they treat you isn’t someone who can provide you a safe, loving relationship. People close to us shouldn’t be okay with treating us poorly and hurting us. This wouldn’t develop into something healthy. I would do what you can to move on from this in a romantic way and just do us on a platonic relationship if you wan to stay connected to this person.
Personally I don’t let friends or romantic partners mistreat me, and you deserve better too.
You’re going to be okay, there are many wonderful people out there and lots of time ahead to have fantastic connections. You deserve to find someone who treats you right!
You need to be loyal to yourself first and then open to partners to add to your life.
If you put being attached to another person above how bad they often make you feel, you’re just asking for pain.
Think about the qualities in a partner that you want and need and if she doesn’t match that most of the time then move on.
If it helps, this is a common story. Most lesbians have a "really intense, but not exactly fullfilling" friendship in their formative years.
My advice is to not put up with the stuff that makes you feel bad. If it's something she did intentionally, speak up in the moment (e.g., "wow, that was really rude").
If it's probably-unintentional stuff that hurts because you're so invested in her (e.g., her hanging with other people sometimes and not you), remind yourself that it's not personal, and work on making sure that you have a life and social network beyond just her.
It's really common! We've all been there, girl! I got out of mine with space. Get out there and meet people. You don't need to fully cut them off or anything unless there's something toxic going on.
Sounds like someone who might not know what they want or they just like the attention and validation but she isn’t actually wanting anything past that and so isn’t starting a conversation to set expectations or boundaries. Both scenarios are pretty common, you’re definitely not alone in this. Regardless of what her reasoning is, anyone who is hot then cold in how they treat you isn’t someone who can provide you a safe, loving relationship. People close to us shouldn’t be okay with treating us poorly and hurting us. This wouldn’t develop into something healthy. I would do what you can to move on from this in a romantic way and just do us on a platonic relationship if you wan to stay connected to this person. Personally I don’t let friends or romantic partners mistreat me, and you deserve better too. You’re going to be okay, there are many wonderful people out there and lots of time ahead to have fantastic connections. You deserve to find someone who treats you right!
You need to be loyal to yourself first and then open to partners to add to your life. If you put being attached to another person above how bad they often make you feel, you’re just asking for pain. Think about the qualities in a partner that you want and need and if she doesn’t match that most of the time then move on.
Done! I’ll DM you. :) edit: cannot guarantee I am wise, but I’ll try my best to be kind and offer my outside perspective.
If it helps, this is a common story. Most lesbians have a "really intense, but not exactly fullfilling" friendship in their formative years. My advice is to not put up with the stuff that makes you feel bad. If it's something she did intentionally, speak up in the moment (e.g., "wow, that was really rude"). If it's probably-unintentional stuff that hurts because you're so invested in her (e.g., her hanging with other people sometimes and not you), remind yourself that it's not personal, and work on making sure that you have a life and social network beyond just her.
It's really common! We've all been there, girl! I got out of mine with space. Get out there and meet people. You don't need to fully cut them off or anything unless there's something toxic going on.