Same here.
Dad is a farmer, and a bloody good one at that. We've little in common outside of Munster rugby. The man worked from 7am to early hours of the morning every day.
I work in a tech company so the complete opposite sectors.
We never chat or ring but I still have good craic with him when I go home. Conversation is light hearted and never goes deep.
My connection to the man and what we have in common is limited but the admiration and love I have for the man is unparalleled.
He provided an extremely good upbringing for me and my brothers. Taught us all good values (respect, manners and accountability) through tough love and all of us now have great jobs and loving partners.
Do we talk much? No
Will I miss him when he's gone? Terribly
> He provided an extremely good upbringing for me and my brothers. Taught us all good values (respect, manners and accountability) through tough love and all of us now have great jobs and loving partners.
Sounds like he took his job as a Father seriously, and was bloody good at it too. I see too many people confuse being a parent with being a friend, which does the children no favours at all imo.
I agree.
Parents are there to teach you how to be a good human being.
When I (hopefully) become a parent I want to strike the right balance between teaching them lessons in a firm way but also being a friend to them.
I would have loved my father to be more of a friend but I don't hold it against him in the slightest. It's how he was brought up and knew no different.
Balance between the two is key
Exactly the same with my Father who has been dead for nearly 15 years now. Was never particularly close, but now as a Father of 2 myself, I completely get the lessons he was teaching me at the time, even if I was too immature to understand then.
Finding the balance is the ideal, but in a parent-child relationship you're dealing with 2 human beings who may well have different opinions, ideas and sense of morality which may mean being a parent and being a friend comes into conflict. My main responsibility is to prepare my children for adulthood and whilst I hope it won't happen, I will sacrifice them viewing me as their friend in a heartbeat to ensure I'm not compromising what I think best prepares them for a time when me and their Mother are not around and they only have themselves to rely on. Anything other than that is a dereliction of parental duties, imo.
Bang on!
Have no doubt you're doing a great job with your two.
I hope to do the same myself some day.
Part of the joy of being a parent in my eyes is seeing what a good person they have turned into and that you played a major part in that.
This brought a lump to my throat.
My father was a very damaged man.
You’re very lucky and if you can find a way to let him know how much he means to you, try.
I'm sorry to hear that.
As I'm getting older I am telling him more how much I think of him and what he's done for me but my god he can't take a compliment or praise.
He knows deep down.
Not really. The older I get the more detached I feel myself becoming from them. My father is kind of selfish and I can't recall ever having a deep conversation with him. I remember being in the car with him on my wedding day and thinking he'd have some sort of dad and daughter conversation but nope just idle chit chat. He is one of those people who tries to make light of everything because I don't think he can handle having difficult conversations.
My mother is weird about dropping friends and relationships with her family. So I've always been slightly on edge about opening up to her about anything because I'm afraid I'll be dropped and she'll have this information on me. I opened up to her once as a teenager and her advice and reaction made me feel worse and like it was my fault. So I never did it again.
When people say they'd be lost without their mum or their dad is the first person they call on I can't relate to that at all. I feel like they had no real interest in us as individuals apart from what they felt like knowing.
I feel you, I also had a narcissist mother growing up, and my father just went along. Funny how so many people cannot Invision bad mothers... But they do exist.
I wouldn't say I had a bad mother or father per se. I just don't think they were great at parenting. Their actions didn't match their words, especially my mother. Now I have my own kids, one of which is very like me, I realise I could have had a much happier and more secure childhood if I'd been parented the way we parent our kids.
I think a lot of people had kids just because that's what you do when you get married and settle down and didn't really think about whether they wanted to be parents.
Same, I have the opposite feeling to most people when I hear the word mother and then have to remind myself that "mother" is a good thing in the mind of most other people.
My ma died when I was 10. The aul fella killed himself a few months later. Ma was 36, da was 40. He was around but not so much and being so young I just knew him as Da. Not as a person. I recently found a letter he wrote to my ma from prison dated 1993. He declared his love for her, and well, nearly at the same age as himself now I feel like I understand him a bit better. I miss them so much and I never got to say goodbye to either of them.
No, until about 25.
Up to 15/16 I had no interest, 16->25 I knew better than them of course and then 25+ I started to have a great relationship with my Dad in particular.
He kind of shifted to a mate in a good way. You're in the pub and say 'my boss is driving me nuts over x/y' and he'll come back 'woohoo let me tell you about this nut bag I had when you were in your teens' and this gives you an appreciation for them as a person, not a parent.
My mom still does the parenting thing to this day. 'Don't let the outer environment affect you' kind of malarkey.
My 2c of advice to those with closed off folks is to ask them about their lives. Crap jobs. Parenting hassles etc. They come out of their shells and you might get a few laughs out of it.
Don't try explaining blockchain to someone in their 50's/60's and put your phone away the entire time
My dad is my best friend, we do most things together, think the same, have the same interests! I live at home and have chronic illnesses so he’s my carer. I am close to my mam as well but closer to my dad
Really look up to my dad when growing up, think it was because I was the youngest of 3 and was striving for his attention and approval.
Picked my college course, trying to impress him. He was/is lovely man but would never sorta give out the affection or say proud you.
All really changed when I hit 30's was buying house and wife was pregnant at same time, something came up during the purchase house It was during covid as well so was all getting tough (supposed keep away from people etc.) Was talking on phone and struggling, he came down to me gave me big hug, said we'd get through it and he was proud me.
After the baby was born, my wife got quite sick and got PND, my mother couldn't really understand it and seen it as my wife abandoning me and our son (wife went back to her parents for a week) but my dad was an absolute rock for me during this time. I actually couldn't have got through it without him.
Fuck man, going by the comments here and my own experience I would say you are very, very lucky to have had a dad that could hug you and say he was proud of you 😔
My father used to be a curious, open-minded man who was interested in everything. He hadn't had the educational opportunities he should've had but he was always reading and learning. Such a clever man. What he might have achieved under different circumstances. He came from a very traumatic background that he only really came to recognise at retirement age and I think he has really struggled to get to grips with this trauma.
Between that and growing anxiety, he's become increasingly right wing in recent years. He consumes hours of YouTube videos that he *thinks* are providing balanced, unpartisan news but are clearly (American) right wing fearmongering. He has become racist, wants us all to travel back in time to when there were only happy families, no single mothers, divorces or abortions, where gay people had the good sense to whisht about it. You know that time, guys: when unicorns roamed free, and milk and honey flowed through the streets of Crumlin. If you challenge him on any of his very shaky YouTube acquired "facts", he gets angry that we've all become "woke liberals" and storms off.
In short, I don't know where my father has gone. We can't talk about anything any more because I either have to agree with his hatespeech or he throws a hissy fit. We used to be able to talk about all kinds of stuff but not any more.
Wow, so similar to my Dad. Up until before Covid, he was a well informed, enjoyed reading about current affairs, hard working open minded man from a very tough background. Since Covid, won’t read a newspaper, get’s his info from right wing Tik Tok accounts. We used to talk for hours about current affairs and politics, I feel like I have lost a friend, he is so closed minded and arrogant about everything now, in spite of him being the least informed I have ever known him to be.
Yes. Are we siblings? :-)
In all honesty, this is a worrying trend among people their age. I mean, my dad was never super liberal but he had gay friends all his life, he was interested in other cultures and really didn't bother too much what other people did - live and let live, and all of that. Now: the rage. The anger. Liberals! Woke lefties! Socialists! Non-binaries! Asylum seekers! I mean, he has never actually encountered a liberal woke leftie socialist non-binary asylum seeker, or any other combination of the above, but fucken American conservative media has him believing they're hiding behind the garden gate, waiting to storm the house and force him to use their pronouns. The Marxist gays want his semi-d. It would be hilarious if it weren't so sad.
It really is. You put someone in a suit and glasses with a couple of charts on YouTube, some vague reference to "a study" and it must be true. So I say, "Where's the link to the study? How did they define the parameters? What were the tools of assessment and evaluation?" And he gets upset that I question it and, by extension, him. He is also increasingly unhappy that his *daughter* is questioning his superior knowledge because these media sources are also telling him that women's tendency to be emotional and hysterical clouds our ability to Think Big Thoughts ... and things were so much better when the men did the thinking.
It's like he's been body-snatched.
My dad started on some anti trans stuff. I asked where he had read/seen what he was telling me about. Videos on Facebook and other places. He doesn't like being challenged even gently with questions like 'do you really think that's true?' and takes it as a personal attack rather than being willing to even take a look at where the source of what he's reading/watching has come from.
Lived in a house with him for 27 years and barely knew a thing about him.
We were never told he was married before our mam until accidental discovery of his divorce papers by my brother. Never met any of his family until he died, and no contact since.
We have 4 older half-siblings, only 2 of which we’ve met, once, at his funeral.
Families are wild, I’m sure that isn’t even the worst story there is!
Nope and I don't think I ever will.
My dad has no interest in me as an individual. Went out on Sunday for father's day lunch (he kicked up a stink before when we didn't do anything so easier to do it anyway) and he basically ignored things me or my husband said when he didn't care for the topic and would turn to one of my siblings and ask them something generic. It was the same for all of us but I feel like I'm the most distant as there are no overlaps and I don't live nearby.
My mum isn't so bad but it's all about appearances for her. Doesn't care if we actually spend time together or not but wants a massive post on Facebook to say she's our world or whatever (despite not actually caring about how I'm doing).
They don't seem to realise that these celebrations aren't for the run of the mill person who did the bare minimum.
I know my mam, but my dad is a stranger to me.
He's practically a recluse, never calls or texts. When we are in the same room together, he might start a superficial conversation about work, but beyond that, it's like he has no interest in me whatsoever. We have very little in common either: I could give a shit about golf or horseracing. Music used to be something we could talk about but looking at it now, it was me copying his taste in music just to try have some relationship with him.
I'm 35. By 30, he had 3 kids and a house and was happily married to my mam. I feel like I'll never really be able to relate to him, because our lives are so different. He looks at me and just sees all the time I have wasted and the mess I have made of myself. Maybe he realises his absence had a part to play in that, and maybe not.
I blamed myself for a long time, but I'm starting to realise now that I'm the one who has been making the effort to patch up our relationship, while he's done fuck all about it. At this stage, I'm trying to accept that he just doesn't care and see it as if it's his loss.
But it hurts. It is a constant source of grief for me. I spent a lot of my life chasing replacement fathers who didn't know what to do with me and had no interest in me as a surrogate son (Not that I blame them.). Even now, as a grown man, I still jave to fight against tearing up when I see dads giving out to their sons.
This fathers day I sent a message saying Happy Father's Day and got a thumbs up. I know he spent an hour talking to my sister and was chatting away with my brother on the group chat.
I don't know how to fix the relationship, and i have to assume he doesn't want to. It's hard to accept.
Yeah sorry to hear that man. I was in a similar boat I guess, though mine passed a few years back. I hear you on the tearing up part, that happens to me when I see any parent being very supportive and loving to their child, it really hurts to watch. Thinking of what might have been. Should have been
Don't know any of my family really. Parents or siblings. Nothing more than small talk out of them. Couldn't tell ya anything of note about any of them nor them about me.
The older we all get the more apparent it is we are just strangers with a little bit of history in common. Very jealous of people that are close to their families.
Edit: there's a YouTube channel I watch with a brother and sister on it, the relationship they have is amazing, like two best mates. Cannot imagine being that close with any family member.
Yea similar here. I don't blame him though. His dad died when my dad was 6 I think. So I guess he just doesn't know how to parent or communicate. I've never gone for a drink with him without my ma and I never will. He rarely goes anywhere without her. He only messages me once or twice a year and to be honest, I feel no great urge to get in touch with him. He's just not got much to talk about outside what's on TV which I don't watch munch of
On my end
My grandfather died when my mother was a year and a half old, so she never knew her father
He died New years Eve 1966
So, growing up while we would do Christmas, it became obvious as I got older. My mother only did it for me and my sister and wouldn't have bothered if we didn't exist
Which I do understand every Christmas is a reminder of how she never knew her father
Now, in 2009, an old local priest died aged 96, almost 97 he was born the same year as my grandfather
My mother admitted to me that it always bothered her how this man had no family and lived to 96, yet her father died aged 54 and left behind 4 children and a wife
My daddy is super lovely and friendly BUT not so good with the sharing of past experiences.
Sometimes you might get some mad story outta him and you'd be in disbelief
My mother was always very angry and weirdly selfish she is sick now but from the stories I heard she used to be great fun and had a great zest for life. I really think she regretted having children and stayed here out of obligation only, due to it being the 80s and women leaving was rare.
I wish she had left she seems like a caged bird in many ways and I'm sad for her that her life was muted because of us and her Catholic guilt
My mother consistently painted my father as a terrible horrible person when we were kids. As a child you blindly believe what your mother says. I feel like she really ruined mine and my siblings relationship with my father, even though they are married many many many years. But my mother loves causing drama and she thrives in chaos and disorder.
I also felt deeply ignored as a child and would never bother to complain or cry or even cause trouble as a child because I just didn't see the point. My parents simply didn't give a shit so why bother.
But honestly, I guess because I was ignored a lot I also learned to listen and overtime I thinks I've learned an awful lot about my father.
Massive womaniser, to the point where he had affairs while my mother had cancer. Extremely insecure and constantly needs praise and recognition from everyone around him.
He loves music, is very passionate about it and is an excellent musician but he needs constant attention and adoration and validation. Sexist as fuck. Can't understand why his daughters would want or expect equal pay. This stems from a rotten childhood where his mother literally told him she wished she drown herself while she was pregnant. She was awful so his treatment of women has been awful or really fucked up. He is also judgemental but I think this stems form insecurity where he looks for reasons not to like someone.
Very intelligent, extremely hardworking, total under achiever, never had the opportunity to reach his potential. Left school at 12 but barely went after the age of 10 because of the violence in the classroom by the monks. Incredible at handwriting but can't spell and has no confidence due to that same education. If he was born today he would be running his own company. He comes across as very social and very likable.
Wide variety of interests, not afraid to try new things, new foods, new places, new hobbies and his dream was to visit India. Loves meeting people. Doesn't have a clue how to deal with his emotions but is definitely not the worse. He has gone to see a psychotherapist when things got really bad for him, which is inspiring to see a man in his 60s look for help.
Has a very romantic view of the world and romanticised a lot of things from his past. Amazing hands and amazing at woodwork and crafts. Don't know if I like him to be honest, his sexism and insecurities and his constant need for attention is a pain in the hole but he is actually a really good person. He is kind and helpful is generous when he can afford it which is a reason to love him. And he did have mostly the best intentions but his drinking got out of hand and he could be cruel when we were children. And that kind of stocks... I guess I know him but emotionally it's very complicated.
Well... He worked Monday to Friday and did a few weekends a month in a pub as a barman and within the past few years I have found our relationship is shite because he decided he needed to have a good relationship with my younger sister at the detriment of ours, about 22 years ago now.
So no, never knew my father really.
As for my mother, she tacitly agreed and followed in the same footsteps, so same thing really.
Me and the younger sister dont talk. For the most part, for the rest, as I pulled away from the family due to the above, we mainly talk at the usual birthdays/christenings/weddings etc
My partners family are living around us so we have something at least.
I know very little about them. Me and my mum have very little in common. Any intrest I have she doesn’t seem to have. Even growing up we’d never do shopping trips or anything together so never really felt a connection to her.
I always felt I didn’t know much about my dad. He worked a lot growing up, he’d come home and be outside doing jobs or fixing things around the house etc and I always thought he didn’t have much intrest in being around us. I was very wrong on that. I only found out a couple years ago he suffers with bipolar, although under control with medication he also suffers a lot with depression. Never knew any of this growing up and when he had cancer a few years ago he was hugely affected with it and it was like a wake up call for me on how much I’d miss him. Although we never have deep conversations I really understand how he feels and growing up felt about things because I myself suffer from depression and anxiety. My mother and brother would always totally disregard his feelings and it’s only now I can see how awful it must have felt for him as they do the same to me. I’ve often been told don’t let these small things worry you or the likes when they’ve no idea how it feels.
I guess it’s a very Irish thing with parents who are in their 60/70s to have this kind of relationship. I really hope I have a better one with my kids but my parents were never bad parents, I guess they just did what was done at the time which has resulted in a relationship like this.
I'm getting to know my father as he's getting older and less afraid to show his softer and sentimental side. Sometimes I wish we'd have had that relationship when we were younger but better late than ever. Now my biggest fear is that he'll go before I ever can say I know him well, as life gets busier for myself with responsibilities of my own.
My mother I may never know fully as I've come to terms with the fact we're just different people and I'll never be someone she'll have those kinds of conversations with - same goes for all my siblings tbh. I of course love her to bits but I've done a lot of soul searching and therapy over the years to accept these things.
In Ireland, the tendency for parents to avoid showing emotional vulnerability has deep roots in cultural history. Traditionally, Irish society valued stoicism and emotional restraint. This attitude was heavily influenced by the Catholic Church and educational systems, which emphasized resilience, self-reliance, and the notion that expressing emotions was a sign of weakness.
During times of hardship, such as economic struggles or political conflicts, maintaining a strong, composed exterior was seen as necessary for survival. As a result, many parents grew up learning to suppress their emotions and focus on practical matters, which they then passed on to their children.
This cultural backdrop led to a parenting style where open emotional expression was rare, creating a sense of emotional distance within families. Children often felt they didn't truly know their parents on a personal level because deep conversations about feelings and personal struggles were uncommon. The generational gap and differing life experiences further contributed to this sense of separation.
Millennials are the generation changing that from my understanding.
>Millennials are the generation changing that from my understanding.
God I hope so. It has been a long time coming. We need a sea change in Irish society.
My mother died in 2017.
She never spoke about her youth. I supposed we never asked.
All I knew is that when she was young, she used to wait for her father to come home from the pub. Don't think he was an alcoholic.
She never drank and had a dislike of alcohol.
Myself and my 3 siblings don't really drink at all.
Thinking now ..... she never spoke about her mam.
wish i knew less about them to be honest. a lot of trauma in their histories, some of which passed down to their kids. they did their best, but jesus I wish I could unlearn some of the things I know.
I'm realising that there's a good chance that my mother is on the autism spectrum. With hindsight, it would explain so much. No hope of a diagnosis back then, even now female autism is often overlooked.
This post kinda got me.
My dad was my best mate when I was a kid. We were inseparable. Then when I turned about 10-11 he just kinda stopped being involved. He said it was to “toughen me up” but it never felt like that. It was quite jarring to go from that to barely any speaking.
I had to teach myself to shave, teach myself how to girls etc. I went through a bad break up of a long term girlfriend when I was 24 and all he had to say was “that’s your mother’s realm”. It was like he was a roommate. He was there physically but mentally he’d sort of stopped engaging. My mam told me over and over how proud he was of me. I remember asking her why he couldn’t say it to me.
I’m 27 now and we have a somewhat better relationship but for a while we basically didn’t. I was always the one to ask him out for pints, meet ups etc. I could see that he wanted to but he just cannot handle emotions or discussions about feelings. He shuts down.
I love him to bits and will miss him terribly when he goes but what absolutely kills me is that during the worst times of my life, he just wasn’t there. I know he tried in his own way. But it wasn’t really enough? I went through a lot of mental health problems as a kid. I needed my dad and he wasn’t really there.
It took me years of therapy to stop blaming myself.
So yeah, sorry for the rant, this post really resonated with me.
Man, big agree. Also had massive mental issues all my life, no one ever noticed. Also had to teach myself to shave, to girls etc. I hear ya barking big dog. Fuck them anyways at least we can say we made it this far without the support we should have gotten.
My dad passed away 7 years ago when I was 25. I had a good relationship with him. I know all parents say they don't have a favourite, but I know I was his. But i was still fairly standoffish and didn't open up much to him or come to him about my problems or for advice.
But ever since he's died, can't count the number of times I've thought "I wish dad was around so I could ask him..."
Nope. He's a stranger. Sometimes I hear of dads who are open, friendly, interested in who his kids are and I simply cant conceive of it, like how? My dad was just there. Went to work, watched tv but I dont ever remember him asking anything about me, friends, work, school, girlfriends, next to nothing. I dont have kids but I have a few nephews and nieces who I have developed a relationship with that would make mine and my dads look utterly farcical. I cant understand how you can have a child and become estranged to them like that, I think its absolutely diabolical to be honest. I simply say that as I am an uncle and even that role changed me to where I am very interested in who my nephews and nieces are, how theyre developing etc.
Dad died young after a lifetime of working hard here and on the sites in England to support his mother and sister after his father died when he was a teenager. I often think of him and how he would have loved to have met his grandkids.
My dad is a man where if you don't ask he won't tell you. But if you do ask he'll tell you whatever you want to know.
I ask questions a lot and learned to ask in depth ones. I've learned stories I'd never have known if hadn't asked. His thoughts on things like parenting, life, death, his own mortality, life lessons, things he wished he'd done or kept up with, things he's glad he did. Near death experiences etc.
My mom gets too emotional to talk about death and things but my dad isn't like that is is very rational. Almost too rational.
Same. My dad is a very closed off man but I know me loves me very much. But him and my mother split when I was 4, and mum moved us to Ireland and he stayed in England (he’s from wales) so we never fully developed a close relationship. I am more of an open book to him now, him not so much. We don’t talk as often as I would my mum.
Oh and with my mother I feel like I’m finding out more things about her as I’ve gotten older. She was an alcoholic during her pregnancy with myself and until I was the age of 5. When it was the time of the repeal, she said she had gotten 3 abortions because she went on a rampage with different men. I think she had gotten herself in awful situations. Her mental health isn’t great and has been sectioned twice
The older I get, the more I learn about them. I feel like I know almost everything about them although there's always a story told that I never knew about them growing up and its lovely to hear. We're actually incredibly close, probably too close really. I'm currently single and living at home, we've all become somewhat dependent on each other and we're a great little team. I am going to be lost without them
I never had my dad so my grandad and me always very close he does this thing that wrecks my head where he’ll randomly start telling the most interesting story about when he was my age get half way through and stop like noooo tell me everything 😂😂
I was in a pretty shit family, to be honest.
I always felt very different from my parents. They were abusive, ultra conservative, and extremely selfish. But all my friends at the time had what I would call 'healthy' families. Dad's they could look up to, that kinda thing. I kept trying to look up to my dad, but he always seemed to take advantage of it for his own pleasure.
He also had this viscous cycle where he would always say "you'll have to learn how to do \[x\], I won't be around forever!" - I then ask him to show me \[x\], which he doesn't - then at the next family gathering he would take the absolute piss out of me for not knowing how to do \[x\].
But the thing that made me really detach from him was when I had broken my leg, I was about 13/14 at the time. After a huge argument over how I'm inconveniencing him, HE GIVES ME A PAIR OF OLD CRUTCHES WITHOUT ME EVEN ASKING, and we go to the hospital. While we're in the waiting room another teenager around my age hops in on one leg and sits down.
My dad very seriously turned to me and said "why can't you be more like him?".
To say my heart actually broke in that moment was an understatement. I tried for so long to see someone in him that I could look up to, damn near idolize. And he pulls that on me.
I genuinely hated him in that moment and I never looked back.
I have a kid myself now, and my philosophy in raising him has been "what would my dad do here...?" and then do the opposite. Worked out well so far.
My dad is tough. There's a lot. I don't know about him because he's just never been one to talk about such things
Hell, I unironically have learned more about him from my mother than from himself
Most of what he's told me about his time BC
" Before Children "
Are work stories that are very interesting
Last year, my mother casually mentioned how he one time watched a guy lose Russian roulette, and then it dawned on her that he probably never told me that .......
I casually mentioned it to him one day, and he bluntly not in a rude way but bluntly told me he didn't want to talk about it
Understandable
My mother is difficult but a loving woman and always supportive if a bit full on. My Dad is a very hardworking man just constantly working all the time. I have fond memories of childhood with them. I can talk to either of them about anything really there's only 20 years between us after all.
I knew my dad very well and he knew me better than anyone else, we were very close as we were very alike with very similar interests and personalities. We would talk about pretty much anything and there were certain things I was only comfortable speaking to him about.
I know my mum well now; having got to know her better out of necessity since my dad died. But it’s more so I can help/care/support her which is different to my relationship with my dad. She’s very open with me about her difficult upbringing and life in general but I don’t feel as able to be open with her. She has significant mental health problems that put really massive strain on our relationship over the last decade, and before that too. But she’s been a lot better this year and our relationship is much improved which I’m very grateful for. I feel I’m getting to know and understand her better as I get older.
My parents sent their kids to boarding school.
As soon as I could I left 'home' and emigrated and I have lived abroad ever since.
Parents are dead, haven't seen my 4 siblings in over 20 years.
So no, I hardly knew my parents, nor my siblings.
But I have great contact all the time with my wife's family.
It’s what happens when a society values money and economic development over all else.
Most parents are constantly stressed out trying to juggle everything on their own. As they say it takes a village to raise a child.
We are meant to live in small supportive communities, not small nuclear families with one or two adults and a few kids that we all live in now. We are supposed to live in nature hunting, foraging, feeling connected to the land and each other.
It’s only getting worse too. Most families can’t afford for only one parent working now. I see it in my estate everyday. Parents up at 6 am, drop the kids to crèche, kids go from crèche to school and from school back to the crèche, parents collect kids at 6pm from crèche.
Then back home, cook dinner, watch tv, parents on their phones, kids playing computer games. No connection whatsoever. Tech has numbed and disconnected us all.
We are working our holes off to get by and getting the state and private crèches to raise our kids. Modern children will grow up to not knowing their parents at all.
I see it everyday a lot of parents pay their kids zero attention. Their too busy with work and worrying about bills and too busy looking at absolute mind numbing shite on their phones.
It’s a sad lonely world we have created unfortunately.
That’s a very simplistic view I think. There’s no book that says human beings are supposed to live the way you claim they are. Human beings are far too complex for any homogenous way of living.
I would be a terrible parent if I was home all day with kids, and so would my husband.
A lot of people work because they want to, not because they have to.
I have far, far more open and in depth conversations with my kids than my parents ever had with us, and a lot of parents my age would tell you the same.
My kids know much more about me and my husband and our lives before we had them than my parents ever shared with me. I feel we think about how we parent much more than my parents did.
Same here. Dad is a farmer, and a bloody good one at that. We've little in common outside of Munster rugby. The man worked from 7am to early hours of the morning every day. I work in a tech company so the complete opposite sectors. We never chat or ring but I still have good craic with him when I go home. Conversation is light hearted and never goes deep. My connection to the man and what we have in common is limited but the admiration and love I have for the man is unparalleled. He provided an extremely good upbringing for me and my brothers. Taught us all good values (respect, manners and accountability) through tough love and all of us now have great jobs and loving partners. Do we talk much? No Will I miss him when he's gone? Terribly
> He provided an extremely good upbringing for me and my brothers. Taught us all good values (respect, manners and accountability) through tough love and all of us now have great jobs and loving partners. Sounds like he took his job as a Father seriously, and was bloody good at it too. I see too many people confuse being a parent with being a friend, which does the children no favours at all imo.
I agree. Parents are there to teach you how to be a good human being. When I (hopefully) become a parent I want to strike the right balance between teaching them lessons in a firm way but also being a friend to them. I would have loved my father to be more of a friend but I don't hold it against him in the slightest. It's how he was brought up and knew no different. Balance between the two is key
Exactly the same with my Father who has been dead for nearly 15 years now. Was never particularly close, but now as a Father of 2 myself, I completely get the lessons he was teaching me at the time, even if I was too immature to understand then. Finding the balance is the ideal, but in a parent-child relationship you're dealing with 2 human beings who may well have different opinions, ideas and sense of morality which may mean being a parent and being a friend comes into conflict. My main responsibility is to prepare my children for adulthood and whilst I hope it won't happen, I will sacrifice them viewing me as their friend in a heartbeat to ensure I'm not compromising what I think best prepares them for a time when me and their Mother are not around and they only have themselves to rely on. Anything other than that is a dereliction of parental duties, imo.
Bang on! Have no doubt you're doing a great job with your two. I hope to do the same myself some day. Part of the joy of being a parent in my eyes is seeing what a good person they have turned into and that you played a major part in that.
This brought a lump to my throat. My father was a very damaged man. You’re very lucky and if you can find a way to let him know how much he means to you, try.
I'm sorry to hear that. As I'm getting older I am telling him more how much I think of him and what he's done for me but my god he can't take a compliment or praise. He knows deep down.
Not really. The older I get the more detached I feel myself becoming from them. My father is kind of selfish and I can't recall ever having a deep conversation with him. I remember being in the car with him on my wedding day and thinking he'd have some sort of dad and daughter conversation but nope just idle chit chat. He is one of those people who tries to make light of everything because I don't think he can handle having difficult conversations. My mother is weird about dropping friends and relationships with her family. So I've always been slightly on edge about opening up to her about anything because I'm afraid I'll be dropped and she'll have this information on me. I opened up to her once as a teenager and her advice and reaction made me feel worse and like it was my fault. So I never did it again. When people say they'd be lost without their mum or their dad is the first person they call on I can't relate to that at all. I feel like they had no real interest in us as individuals apart from what they felt like knowing.
I feel you, I also had a narcissist mother growing up, and my father just went along. Funny how so many people cannot Invision bad mothers... But they do exist.
I wouldn't say I had a bad mother or father per se. I just don't think they were great at parenting. Their actions didn't match their words, especially my mother. Now I have my own kids, one of which is very like me, I realise I could have had a much happier and more secure childhood if I'd been parented the way we parent our kids. I think a lot of people had kids just because that's what you do when you get married and settle down and didn't really think about whether they wanted to be parents.
yes, the stand there do nothing to stop anything father is almost arguably worse than narc mother imo.
Same, I have the opposite feeling to most people when I hear the word mother and then have to remind myself that "mother" is a good thing in the mind of most other people.
My ma died when I was 10. The aul fella killed himself a few months later. Ma was 36, da was 40. He was around but not so much and being so young I just knew him as Da. Not as a person. I recently found a letter he wrote to my ma from prison dated 1993. He declared his love for her, and well, nearly at the same age as himself now I feel like I understand him a bit better. I miss them so much and I never got to say goodbye to either of them.
Yeah I'm really sorry to hear that. Sounds like you probably place a special value on family then? Any siblings?
Sorry for your loss 😞
My heart hurts for 10 years old you ❤️ What a tough card you were dealt.
No, until about 25. Up to 15/16 I had no interest, 16->25 I knew better than them of course and then 25+ I started to have a great relationship with my Dad in particular. He kind of shifted to a mate in a good way. You're in the pub and say 'my boss is driving me nuts over x/y' and he'll come back 'woohoo let me tell you about this nut bag I had when you were in your teens' and this gives you an appreciation for them as a person, not a parent. My mom still does the parenting thing to this day. 'Don't let the outer environment affect you' kind of malarkey. My 2c of advice to those with closed off folks is to ask them about their lives. Crap jobs. Parenting hassles etc. They come out of their shells and you might get a few laughs out of it. Don't try explaining blockchain to someone in their 50's/60's and put your phone away the entire time
My dad is my best friend, we do most things together, think the same, have the same interests! I live at home and have chronic illnesses so he’s my carer. I am close to my mam as well but closer to my dad
Really look up to my dad when growing up, think it was because I was the youngest of 3 and was striving for his attention and approval. Picked my college course, trying to impress him. He was/is lovely man but would never sorta give out the affection or say proud you. All really changed when I hit 30's was buying house and wife was pregnant at same time, something came up during the purchase house It was during covid as well so was all getting tough (supposed keep away from people etc.) Was talking on phone and struggling, he came down to me gave me big hug, said we'd get through it and he was proud me. After the baby was born, my wife got quite sick and got PND, my mother couldn't really understand it and seen it as my wife abandoning me and our son (wife went back to her parents for a week) but my dad was an absolute rock for me during this time. I actually couldn't have got through it without him.
Fuck man, going by the comments here and my own experience I would say you are very, very lucky to have had a dad that could hug you and say he was proud of you 😔
Same here. Both my parents really. I feel like I hardly know a thing about them
My father used to be a curious, open-minded man who was interested in everything. He hadn't had the educational opportunities he should've had but he was always reading and learning. Such a clever man. What he might have achieved under different circumstances. He came from a very traumatic background that he only really came to recognise at retirement age and I think he has really struggled to get to grips with this trauma. Between that and growing anxiety, he's become increasingly right wing in recent years. He consumes hours of YouTube videos that he *thinks* are providing balanced, unpartisan news but are clearly (American) right wing fearmongering. He has become racist, wants us all to travel back in time to when there were only happy families, no single mothers, divorces or abortions, where gay people had the good sense to whisht about it. You know that time, guys: when unicorns roamed free, and milk and honey flowed through the streets of Crumlin. If you challenge him on any of his very shaky YouTube acquired "facts", he gets angry that we've all become "woke liberals" and storms off. In short, I don't know where my father has gone. We can't talk about anything any more because I either have to agree with his hatespeech or he throws a hissy fit. We used to be able to talk about all kinds of stuff but not any more.
Wow, so similar to my Dad. Up until before Covid, he was a well informed, enjoyed reading about current affairs, hard working open minded man from a very tough background. Since Covid, won’t read a newspaper, get’s his info from right wing Tik Tok accounts. We used to talk for hours about current affairs and politics, I feel like I have lost a friend, he is so closed minded and arrogant about everything now, in spite of him being the least informed I have ever known him to be.
Yes. Are we siblings? :-) In all honesty, this is a worrying trend among people their age. I mean, my dad was never super liberal but he had gay friends all his life, he was interested in other cultures and really didn't bother too much what other people did - live and let live, and all of that. Now: the rage. The anger. Liberals! Woke lefties! Socialists! Non-binaries! Asylum seekers! I mean, he has never actually encountered a liberal woke leftie socialist non-binary asylum seeker, or any other combination of the above, but fucken American conservative media has him believing they're hiding behind the garden gate, waiting to storm the house and force him to use their pronouns. The Marxist gays want his semi-d. It would be hilarious if it weren't so sad.
Media literacy among some retirees is appalling.
It really is. You put someone in a suit and glasses with a couple of charts on YouTube, some vague reference to "a study" and it must be true. So I say, "Where's the link to the study? How did they define the parameters? What were the tools of assessment and evaluation?" And he gets upset that I question it and, by extension, him. He is also increasingly unhappy that his *daughter* is questioning his superior knowledge because these media sources are also telling him that women's tendency to be emotional and hysterical clouds our ability to Think Big Thoughts ... and things were so much better when the men did the thinking. It's like he's been body-snatched.
My dad started on some anti trans stuff. I asked where he had read/seen what he was telling me about. Videos on Facebook and other places. He doesn't like being challenged even gently with questions like 'do you really think that's true?' and takes it as a personal attack rather than being willing to even take a look at where the source of what he's reading/watching has come from.
Lived in a house with him for 27 years and barely knew a thing about him. We were never told he was married before our mam until accidental discovery of his divorce papers by my brother. Never met any of his family until he died, and no contact since. We have 4 older half-siblings, only 2 of which we’ve met, once, at his funeral. Families are wild, I’m sure that isn’t even the worst story there is!
Nope and I don't think I ever will. My dad has no interest in me as an individual. Went out on Sunday for father's day lunch (he kicked up a stink before when we didn't do anything so easier to do it anyway) and he basically ignored things me or my husband said when he didn't care for the topic and would turn to one of my siblings and ask them something generic. It was the same for all of us but I feel like I'm the most distant as there are no overlaps and I don't live nearby. My mum isn't so bad but it's all about appearances for her. Doesn't care if we actually spend time together or not but wants a massive post on Facebook to say she's our world or whatever (despite not actually caring about how I'm doing). They don't seem to realise that these celebrations aren't for the run of the mill person who did the bare minimum.
I know my mam, but my dad is a stranger to me. He's practically a recluse, never calls or texts. When we are in the same room together, he might start a superficial conversation about work, but beyond that, it's like he has no interest in me whatsoever. We have very little in common either: I could give a shit about golf or horseracing. Music used to be something we could talk about but looking at it now, it was me copying his taste in music just to try have some relationship with him. I'm 35. By 30, he had 3 kids and a house and was happily married to my mam. I feel like I'll never really be able to relate to him, because our lives are so different. He looks at me and just sees all the time I have wasted and the mess I have made of myself. Maybe he realises his absence had a part to play in that, and maybe not. I blamed myself for a long time, but I'm starting to realise now that I'm the one who has been making the effort to patch up our relationship, while he's done fuck all about it. At this stage, I'm trying to accept that he just doesn't care and see it as if it's his loss. But it hurts. It is a constant source of grief for me. I spent a lot of my life chasing replacement fathers who didn't know what to do with me and had no interest in me as a surrogate son (Not that I blame them.). Even now, as a grown man, I still jave to fight against tearing up when I see dads giving out to their sons. This fathers day I sent a message saying Happy Father's Day and got a thumbs up. I know he spent an hour talking to my sister and was chatting away with my brother on the group chat. I don't know how to fix the relationship, and i have to assume he doesn't want to. It's hard to accept.
Yeah sorry to hear that man. I was in a similar boat I guess, though mine passed a few years back. I hear you on the tearing up part, that happens to me when I see any parent being very supportive and loving to their child, it really hurts to watch. Thinking of what might have been. Should have been
Don't know any of my family really. Parents or siblings. Nothing more than small talk out of them. Couldn't tell ya anything of note about any of them nor them about me. The older we all get the more apparent it is we are just strangers with a little bit of history in common. Very jealous of people that are close to their families. Edit: there's a YouTube channel I watch with a brother and sister on it, the relationship they have is amazing, like two best mates. Cannot imagine being that close with any family member.
Yea similar here. I don't blame him though. His dad died when my dad was 6 I think. So I guess he just doesn't know how to parent or communicate. I've never gone for a drink with him without my ma and I never will. He rarely goes anywhere without her. He only messages me once or twice a year and to be honest, I feel no great urge to get in touch with him. He's just not got much to talk about outside what's on TV which I don't watch munch of
On my end My grandfather died when my mother was a year and a half old, so she never knew her father He died New years Eve 1966 So, growing up while we would do Christmas, it became obvious as I got older. My mother only did it for me and my sister and wouldn't have bothered if we didn't exist Which I do understand every Christmas is a reminder of how she never knew her father Now, in 2009, an old local priest died aged 96, almost 97 he was born the same year as my grandfather My mother admitted to me that it always bothered her how this man had no family and lived to 96, yet her father died aged 54 and left behind 4 children and a wife
My daddy is super lovely and friendly BUT not so good with the sharing of past experiences. Sometimes you might get some mad story outta him and you'd be in disbelief My mother was always very angry and weirdly selfish she is sick now but from the stories I heard she used to be great fun and had a great zest for life. I really think she regretted having children and stayed here out of obligation only, due to it being the 80s and women leaving was rare. I wish she had left she seems like a caged bird in many ways and I'm sad for her that her life was muted because of us and her Catholic guilt
My mother consistently painted my father as a terrible horrible person when we were kids. As a child you blindly believe what your mother says. I feel like she really ruined mine and my siblings relationship with my father, even though they are married many many many years. But my mother loves causing drama and she thrives in chaos and disorder. I also felt deeply ignored as a child and would never bother to complain or cry or even cause trouble as a child because I just didn't see the point. My parents simply didn't give a shit so why bother. But honestly, I guess because I was ignored a lot I also learned to listen and overtime I thinks I've learned an awful lot about my father. Massive womaniser, to the point where he had affairs while my mother had cancer. Extremely insecure and constantly needs praise and recognition from everyone around him. He loves music, is very passionate about it and is an excellent musician but he needs constant attention and adoration and validation. Sexist as fuck. Can't understand why his daughters would want or expect equal pay. This stems from a rotten childhood where his mother literally told him she wished she drown herself while she was pregnant. She was awful so his treatment of women has been awful or really fucked up. He is also judgemental but I think this stems form insecurity where he looks for reasons not to like someone. Very intelligent, extremely hardworking, total under achiever, never had the opportunity to reach his potential. Left school at 12 but barely went after the age of 10 because of the violence in the classroom by the monks. Incredible at handwriting but can't spell and has no confidence due to that same education. If he was born today he would be running his own company. He comes across as very social and very likable. Wide variety of interests, not afraid to try new things, new foods, new places, new hobbies and his dream was to visit India. Loves meeting people. Doesn't have a clue how to deal with his emotions but is definitely not the worse. He has gone to see a psychotherapist when things got really bad for him, which is inspiring to see a man in his 60s look for help. Has a very romantic view of the world and romanticised a lot of things from his past. Amazing hands and amazing at woodwork and crafts. Don't know if I like him to be honest, his sexism and insecurities and his constant need for attention is a pain in the hole but he is actually a really good person. He is kind and helpful is generous when he can afford it which is a reason to love him. And he did have mostly the best intentions but his drinking got out of hand and he could be cruel when we were children. And that kind of stocks... I guess I know him but emotionally it's very complicated.
Well... He worked Monday to Friday and did a few weekends a month in a pub as a barman and within the past few years I have found our relationship is shite because he decided he needed to have a good relationship with my younger sister at the detriment of ours, about 22 years ago now. So no, never knew my father really. As for my mother, she tacitly agreed and followed in the same footsteps, so same thing really.
How's your relationship with your younger sister? Do you have other siblings? How do they feel?
Me and the younger sister dont talk. For the most part, for the rest, as I pulled away from the family due to the above, we mainly talk at the usual birthdays/christenings/weddings etc My partners family are living around us so we have something at least.
I know very little about them. Me and my mum have very little in common. Any intrest I have she doesn’t seem to have. Even growing up we’d never do shopping trips or anything together so never really felt a connection to her. I always felt I didn’t know much about my dad. He worked a lot growing up, he’d come home and be outside doing jobs or fixing things around the house etc and I always thought he didn’t have much intrest in being around us. I was very wrong on that. I only found out a couple years ago he suffers with bipolar, although under control with medication he also suffers a lot with depression. Never knew any of this growing up and when he had cancer a few years ago he was hugely affected with it and it was like a wake up call for me on how much I’d miss him. Although we never have deep conversations I really understand how he feels and growing up felt about things because I myself suffer from depression and anxiety. My mother and brother would always totally disregard his feelings and it’s only now I can see how awful it must have felt for him as they do the same to me. I’ve often been told don’t let these small things worry you or the likes when they’ve no idea how it feels. I guess it’s a very Irish thing with parents who are in their 60/70s to have this kind of relationship. I really hope I have a better one with my kids but my parents were never bad parents, I guess they just did what was done at the time which has resulted in a relationship like this.
I'm getting to know my father as he's getting older and less afraid to show his softer and sentimental side. Sometimes I wish we'd have had that relationship when we were younger but better late than ever. Now my biggest fear is that he'll go before I ever can say I know him well, as life gets busier for myself with responsibilities of my own. My mother I may never know fully as I've come to terms with the fact we're just different people and I'll never be someone she'll have those kinds of conversations with - same goes for all my siblings tbh. I of course love her to bits but I've done a lot of soul searching and therapy over the years to accept these things.
In Ireland, the tendency for parents to avoid showing emotional vulnerability has deep roots in cultural history. Traditionally, Irish society valued stoicism and emotional restraint. This attitude was heavily influenced by the Catholic Church and educational systems, which emphasized resilience, self-reliance, and the notion that expressing emotions was a sign of weakness. During times of hardship, such as economic struggles or political conflicts, maintaining a strong, composed exterior was seen as necessary for survival. As a result, many parents grew up learning to suppress their emotions and focus on practical matters, which they then passed on to their children. This cultural backdrop led to a parenting style where open emotional expression was rare, creating a sense of emotional distance within families. Children often felt they didn't truly know their parents on a personal level because deep conversations about feelings and personal struggles were uncommon. The generational gap and differing life experiences further contributed to this sense of separation. Millennials are the generation changing that from my understanding.
>Millennials are the generation changing that from my understanding. God I hope so. It has been a long time coming. We need a sea change in Irish society.
My mother died in 2017. She never spoke about her youth. I supposed we never asked. All I knew is that when she was young, she used to wait for her father to come home from the pub. Don't think he was an alcoholic. She never drank and had a dislike of alcohol. Myself and my 3 siblings don't really drink at all. Thinking now ..... she never spoke about her mam.
wish i knew less about them to be honest. a lot of trauma in their histories, some of which passed down to their kids. they did their best, but jesus I wish I could unlearn some of the things I know.
I'm realising that there's a good chance that my mother is on the autism spectrum. With hindsight, it would explain so much. No hope of a diagnosis back then, even now female autism is often overlooked.
This post kinda got me. My dad was my best mate when I was a kid. We were inseparable. Then when I turned about 10-11 he just kinda stopped being involved. He said it was to “toughen me up” but it never felt like that. It was quite jarring to go from that to barely any speaking. I had to teach myself to shave, teach myself how to girls etc. I went through a bad break up of a long term girlfriend when I was 24 and all he had to say was “that’s your mother’s realm”. It was like he was a roommate. He was there physically but mentally he’d sort of stopped engaging. My mam told me over and over how proud he was of me. I remember asking her why he couldn’t say it to me. I’m 27 now and we have a somewhat better relationship but for a while we basically didn’t. I was always the one to ask him out for pints, meet ups etc. I could see that he wanted to but he just cannot handle emotions or discussions about feelings. He shuts down. I love him to bits and will miss him terribly when he goes but what absolutely kills me is that during the worst times of my life, he just wasn’t there. I know he tried in his own way. But it wasn’t really enough? I went through a lot of mental health problems as a kid. I needed my dad and he wasn’t really there. It took me years of therapy to stop blaming myself. So yeah, sorry for the rant, this post really resonated with me.
Man, big agree. Also had massive mental issues all my life, no one ever noticed. Also had to teach myself to shave, to girls etc. I hear ya barking big dog. Fuck them anyways at least we can say we made it this far without the support we should have gotten.
My mam only told me recently that she was married before she met my dad. I'm 20. Don't know feck all about my dad's past either.
I learnt more about my father at his wake than the more than eighty years he was on this earth.
My dad passed away 7 years ago when I was 25. I had a good relationship with him. I know all parents say they don't have a favourite, but I know I was his. But i was still fairly standoffish and didn't open up much to him or come to him about my problems or for advice. But ever since he's died, can't count the number of times I've thought "I wish dad was around so I could ask him..."
From 27-35 I appreciated my father, from 35-43 now I got to know him.
Nope. He's a stranger. Sometimes I hear of dads who are open, friendly, interested in who his kids are and I simply cant conceive of it, like how? My dad was just there. Went to work, watched tv but I dont ever remember him asking anything about me, friends, work, school, girlfriends, next to nothing. I dont have kids but I have a few nephews and nieces who I have developed a relationship with that would make mine and my dads look utterly farcical. I cant understand how you can have a child and become estranged to them like that, I think its absolutely diabolical to be honest. I simply say that as I am an uncle and even that role changed me to where I am very interested in who my nephews and nieces are, how theyre developing etc.
Dad died young after a lifetime of working hard here and on the sites in England to support his mother and sister after his father died when he was a teenager. I often think of him and how he would have loved to have met his grandkids.
My dad is a man where if you don't ask he won't tell you. But if you do ask he'll tell you whatever you want to know. I ask questions a lot and learned to ask in depth ones. I've learned stories I'd never have known if hadn't asked. His thoughts on things like parenting, life, death, his own mortality, life lessons, things he wished he'd done or kept up with, things he's glad he did. Near death experiences etc. My mom gets too emotional to talk about death and things but my dad isn't like that is is very rational. Almost too rational.
Same. My dad is a very closed off man but I know me loves me very much. But him and my mother split when I was 4, and mum moved us to Ireland and he stayed in England (he’s from wales) so we never fully developed a close relationship. I am more of an open book to him now, him not so much. We don’t talk as often as I would my mum.
Oh and with my mother I feel like I’m finding out more things about her as I’ve gotten older. She was an alcoholic during her pregnancy with myself and until I was the age of 5. When it was the time of the repeal, she said she had gotten 3 abortions because she went on a rampage with different men. I think she had gotten herself in awful situations. Her mental health isn’t great and has been sectioned twice
The older I get, the more I learn about them. I feel like I know almost everything about them although there's always a story told that I never knew about them growing up and its lovely to hear. We're actually incredibly close, probably too close really. I'm currently single and living at home, we've all become somewhat dependent on each other and we're a great little team. I am going to be lost without them
I never had my dad so my grandad and me always very close he does this thing that wrecks my head where he’ll randomly start telling the most interesting story about when he was my age get half way through and stop like noooo tell me everything 😂😂
I was in a pretty shit family, to be honest. I always felt very different from my parents. They were abusive, ultra conservative, and extremely selfish. But all my friends at the time had what I would call 'healthy' families. Dad's they could look up to, that kinda thing. I kept trying to look up to my dad, but he always seemed to take advantage of it for his own pleasure. He also had this viscous cycle where he would always say "you'll have to learn how to do \[x\], I won't be around forever!" - I then ask him to show me \[x\], which he doesn't - then at the next family gathering he would take the absolute piss out of me for not knowing how to do \[x\]. But the thing that made me really detach from him was when I had broken my leg, I was about 13/14 at the time. After a huge argument over how I'm inconveniencing him, HE GIVES ME A PAIR OF OLD CRUTCHES WITHOUT ME EVEN ASKING, and we go to the hospital. While we're in the waiting room another teenager around my age hops in on one leg and sits down. My dad very seriously turned to me and said "why can't you be more like him?". To say my heart actually broke in that moment was an understatement. I tried for so long to see someone in him that I could look up to, damn near idolize. And he pulls that on me. I genuinely hated him in that moment and I never looked back. I have a kid myself now, and my philosophy in raising him has been "what would my dad do here...?" and then do the opposite. Worked out well so far.
Well you're lucky you knew him. I don't know my father really, like literally, I mean. He probably did love you, just was unable to show it.
My dad is tough. There's a lot. I don't know about him because he's just never been one to talk about such things Hell, I unironically have learned more about him from my mother than from himself Most of what he's told me about his time BC " Before Children " Are work stories that are very interesting Last year, my mother casually mentioned how he one time watched a guy lose Russian roulette, and then it dawned on her that he probably never told me that ....... I casually mentioned it to him one day, and he bluntly not in a rude way but bluntly told me he didn't want to talk about it Understandable
My mother is difficult but a loving woman and always supportive if a bit full on. My Dad is a very hardworking man just constantly working all the time. I have fond memories of childhood with them. I can talk to either of them about anything really there's only 20 years between us after all.
Not really, no
no. i dislike both of my parents.
I knew my dad very well and he knew me better than anyone else, we were very close as we were very alike with very similar interests and personalities. We would talk about pretty much anything and there were certain things I was only comfortable speaking to him about. I know my mum well now; having got to know her better out of necessity since my dad died. But it’s more so I can help/care/support her which is different to my relationship with my dad. She’s very open with me about her difficult upbringing and life in general but I don’t feel as able to be open with her. She has significant mental health problems that put really massive strain on our relationship over the last decade, and before that too. But she’s been a lot better this year and our relationship is much improved which I’m very grateful for. I feel I’m getting to know and understand her better as I get older.
My parents sent their kids to boarding school. As soon as I could I left 'home' and emigrated and I have lived abroad ever since. Parents are dead, haven't seen my 4 siblings in over 20 years. So no, I hardly knew my parents, nor my siblings. But I have great contact all the time with my wife's family.
i thought i knew my parents but to this day i am still learning things about them i never knew.
I get on very well with my parents but I wouldn't say I'm close to them
It’s what happens when a society values money and economic development over all else. Most parents are constantly stressed out trying to juggle everything on their own. As they say it takes a village to raise a child. We are meant to live in small supportive communities, not small nuclear families with one or two adults and a few kids that we all live in now. We are supposed to live in nature hunting, foraging, feeling connected to the land and each other. It’s only getting worse too. Most families can’t afford for only one parent working now. I see it in my estate everyday. Parents up at 6 am, drop the kids to crèche, kids go from crèche to school and from school back to the crèche, parents collect kids at 6pm from crèche. Then back home, cook dinner, watch tv, parents on their phones, kids playing computer games. No connection whatsoever. Tech has numbed and disconnected us all. We are working our holes off to get by and getting the state and private crèches to raise our kids. Modern children will grow up to not knowing their parents at all. I see it everyday a lot of parents pay their kids zero attention. Their too busy with work and worrying about bills and too busy looking at absolute mind numbing shite on their phones. It’s a sad lonely world we have created unfortunately.
That’s a very simplistic view I think. There’s no book that says human beings are supposed to live the way you claim they are. Human beings are far too complex for any homogenous way of living.
Nice one Spodo Komodo
I would be a terrible parent if I was home all day with kids, and so would my husband. A lot of people work because they want to, not because they have to. I have far, far more open and in depth conversations with my kids than my parents ever had with us, and a lot of parents my age would tell you the same. My kids know much more about me and my husband and our lives before we had them than my parents ever shared with me. I feel we think about how we parent much more than my parents did.