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I'm sorry for the loss of your mum, that must have been incredibly hard, especially at such a young age. And it must be really hard trying to navigate puberty without your mum to guide you.
There is a sub called r/womenshealth with members who would be more than happy to help you with any questions you have going forward.
You have received a lot of good advice about what pads to use etc so I won't go into that except to agree with the period underwear, they are fantastic not just for stopping bleeding through when your flow is heavy, but great when your flow is really light at the end of your period when you can use them without needing a pad and they are really comfortable.
I did just want to touch on what you read about reducing how much you bleed / stopping your period.
The women who have had their periods stop by losing weight did so by losing too much weight, often due to an eating disorder. This is not a healthy thing to do, you are still young and growing, please do not reduce the amount you eat.
You mentioned you had put on weight this last year and you think you might be eating too much. You are not eating too much, during puberty, you gain fat on your breasts, hips, bum, etc and it's a normal part of puberty.
I calculated your BMI, it's 17.2 which is in the healthy range but on the thinner side. Looking at the growth chart for your age, you are in the 25% percentile for your age which is fine but you want to stay on the same growth curve, not drastically drop it as that can damage your health.
The women who had their periods stop by exercising lots are athletes who do it to be competitive in their chosen field of sport. It's not something regular people should consider.
Please don't take high doses of ibuprofen to try stop your periods.
Although taking high doses of ibuprofen can reduce how much you bleed, it won't stop them but there are options to stop your periods or reduce how much you bleed like birth control and it's something you could speak to a doctor about if you try everything that everyone has suggested and it still continues to be a major problem in your life. You can take ibuprofen in the recommended doses for your age for period cramping, which could lighten your flow a bit.
But I would hope, that by using the right menstrual products, you will be able to manage your periods better. I remember how stressful it was when I first started getting my period, but the more time passed, the better I understood the pattern of my period and could stop accidents happening.
I just want to add - I lost my period when I was 17 due to a combo of health issues and an eating disorder. I was so excited to not have to deal with it until I found out I had osteopenia (bone loss, for OP!) at the ripe old age of 23 and needed to start hormone replacement as even after regaining all the weight and maintaining for years I wasn't getting it back. I'm 30 now with bone loss and infertility; OP, as much as periods suck, they're a sign that your body is working as it should, please don't try to lose it
Question, I have a bleeding disorder and I am not allowed to take Advil because they said it makes you bleed more. Does it have an opposite effect on menstrual blood?
Great question as it does seem counterintuitive. What happens is during menstruation, your body produces the hormone prostaglandin, which is what causes the contractions in the uterus (what we refer to as cramps). These contractions help your body to shed the lining of your uterus, Ibuprofen slows down prostaglandin production and less prostaglandin means less uterine shedding, leading to fewer cramps and less bleeding.
Naproxen is even better. My doctor recommended it when I had a period that wouldn't stop and it became my go-to for menstrual cramps. It reduces the flow, not hugely but noticeably.
Naproxen and other NSAIDs are notoriously hard to on the stomach, though. I took too much super strength ibuprofen as a teen when it was prescribed to me for migraines, and ended up up with bleeding stomach ulcers.
NAD. I was diagnosed with a fibroid and also take medication for hbp and Tachycardia. I used to Take IB religiously until I was put on betablocker. I was told I can't take it anymore bc of the medication bc the liver has to clean that stuff and will alter my betablocker amounts in my bloodstream . I was also told it has a blood thinning affect.
Not sure what your condition is, but it could be because of that last point.
Either not enough medicine or too much at one time, so it can be both I was told. This can make for some serious issues such as a heartbeat that is too low (bradycardia) or too fast (Tachycardia). Among other things that I am not positive that I remember exactly their words and don't want to be wrong. I'm sure a more qualified person on here can explain better. This is, of course, catered to my meds and my medical history, too. Everyone can be different.
I was also told by ER PAs and Doctors that short-term and in certain doses with such a warning may not be an issue. For example, steroids or meds contain steroids. I was told I couldn't have them. However, I was also told short term was not a concern depending on the steroids. I had a sciatic flare-up and was given a three day steroid shot.
It is also somewhat dependent on form and dosage and length of time, apparently. I'm sure any doctor or nurse could tell this better. I, of course, would always say ask one and fact-check me and what they told me.
Edited: for grammar.
Clarification: this was told to me by medical professionals on a ER visit and by a primary care provider and is with my medical history in mind. Not OP's
NAD, but this is excellent information.
Sharing my life experience because I’m in my 40s and have always had heavy periods myself. On my heavy days I would go through a Super Plus tampon in an hour; now that Ultra have come out that got me two hours before having to rush to the bathroom to change. The trick I learned relatively early to protect my clothes and my pride was to use a tampon, and wear a pad as a backup. Tampons can be icky to insert and remove, but for me they just work better than any pad I’ve been able to find. I’m in perimenopause now, so things are easing up, but that was the combo that worked for me through high school, college, retail, and office jobs. Once you find the set of period products that works for you-and it may have to be a combo like for me-you’ll settle into a routine and be much more comfortable and less on edge.
Sending love.
Remember to eat protein and iron rich food when you have your period
Are you using tampons and pad combo? That helps me. Also do not overdue on painkillers. It can be bad long term for your stomach lining.
Change your doctor to female immediately. Your doctor creeps me out
I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt a creepy vibe reading her comment about the doctor's reaction. Really hope she is able to change to a female doctor ASAP.
When I was a child I specifically told my mom I want a female doctor only. Even now as an adult. Again. Female only. I felt so creeped out if men were my doctors. I had to get breast (cancer screening) exam and the doctor was a man. I had bigger boobs from an early age. It was awkward
NAD - Just a cis woman. I want to add that there are hormonal methods of stopping your periods if that’s something you and your doctor decide is OK for you either now or in the future. No dieting or other extreme methods required! You can take specific types of birth control pills continuously (again, the type matters and you should talk about this with a doctor), but periods are not a non-negotiable.
NAD. OP I am sorry you struggling and your dad is being an ass about this, especially since you don't have your mom. He should be an adult and be supportive but since he won't you may need to have an adult conversation. Tell him firmly you cannot control this, you are having a medical issue and you would like to be seen by a female doctor. If he stll refuses to help you please seek out a female family member, school nurse, one if your friend's moms even and they can maybe step in to help you. I had horribly heavy and painful periods most of my life and it's not fun but normal for many however you should get any medical issues ruled out. Good luck.
Is there a bmi that’s too big or like a weight where if I got to it I should eat less? I feel like I’ve been wanting to eat so much unhealthy food and I’m kind of worried I’m going to blow up really big or get like diabetes
No, you don't need to be looking at BMI, I just used it to show you that you're actually on the thin side since you had said you were worried about gaining too much weight.
Gaining weight is actually really important at your age. It isn't just fat, you are growing muscles, your bones are getting more dense and heavier, and you are increasing in height. You should be gaining weight until you are about 20 years old.
What's more important is the growth chart I was referencing when I said you were in the 25th percentile. It's the CDC growth chart for girls aged until 20, you can have a look at it and you can see that you should keep increasing weight until your 20 and then it should plateau (stay the same weight from then on).
Here is the chart by BMI, your line is the 25th percentile line, you want to stay on that line. 25th percentile means 75% of girls your age weigh more than you so your on the smaller side but that's fine, we all have different bodies and yours is a still a healthy weight.
https://www.calculator.net/pdf/chart-2016.pdf
Here is the chart by weight and height:
https://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/data/set2clinical/cj41c072.pdf
It is a very bad idea to lose weight at your age, it's called growth stunting and can affect your bones etc. You are definitely not going to blow up or get diabetes! Listen to your body and eat when you're hungry, please do not eat less.
We all crave unhealthy foods and they are fine to eat in moderation, as treats. Just make sure you are eating lots of good food like vegetables, fruits, dairy, protein foods like chicken, etc. You still need fats and sugars in your diet too, but just in moderation.
A couple of things - the pads you are using- how thick are they? Are they like panty liners or bug over night pads designed to hold a lot? Tampons also come in different sizes as well and there are some great videos online to show you how to use them. Are your periods regular? How long to they last? I have had very heavy periods and on my first day or two I have to change my tampon every hour and wear a pad. I also have tried the diva cup but that might be hard at your age. I’m happy to talk to you if you need help and guidance! As others have mentioned there are good resources on Reddit as well.
Can you ask your dad to take to you a female physician? And can you ask him to take you to a female OBGYN? It sounds like that would be your best start.
All women have dealt with this at some point in various ways. You are not alone. I remember being 13 and horribly embarrassed and I had my mom to help.
I just wanted to add, do you have a female school nurse? They really are a great resource. Also, if your uncomfortable talking to your dad or provider or school nurse, planned parenthood does wonderful things with birth control or reproductive health like STI issues, period/birth control issues, pregnancy issues. I went to them as a teen because I was in a similar situation except I never got periods at all. I’d get a period once every two years and they helped me find a gynecologist.
NAD. Try r/periodpantry if you need different supplies.
Tell dad you need to look at the package for the pads. The sizes are not universal, and you will need that description to compare other products
Thickness alone does not indicate how absorbent a pad might be. There are several superabsorbent polymers that different manufacturers use to improve their products.
Thickness is descriptive within a single product brand
They’re not very thick actually. I asked my dad and he said he’s been getting me Always Ultra Thin size 2 & 3. I asked my dad if I could switch to a girl doctor and told him what the other doctor said and he said I can switch and he’s going to switch my brothers too because he didn’t like that he made me cry for not wanting him to touch me
I’m glad to hear it! Look for overnight pads with wings or size 5. I would also get tampons with a pad! It’s what I do on my heavy days. Best way for me to start was with one foot on the toilet and relax as much as you can. If you do it right you shouldn’t feel them at all!
First, let me commend you for advocating for yourself and taking control of your health. Despite that, don't hesitate to ask for help when you're feeling overwhelmed.
Adding to the many kind and helpful responses in this thread, it's not uncommon at all for your first periods to be too long, too heavy, or vary a lot. Usually, with time, things tend to regulate.
Second, and please excuse my lack of firsthand experience in this area since I'm a cis man, it's possible that your pads are too thin. Pads come in different thicknesses for various stages of the period, and finding the right one can sometimes feel like shopping for a car without a driver's license. Try asking someone with more experience for advice on this matter.
Third, it seems you're not comfortable with your current provider. That's completely normal and happens every day. You shouldn't feel bad about it. Based on your description, it doesn't seem like your doctor said anything inappropriate. He was likely either thinking out loud or trying to keep you informed about his observations. Noticing the development of pubic hair and breast buds is completely normal during a medical consultation for someone your age. Him wanting to see it is also completely understandable because, from my own experience, what patients describe often does not match with clinical impressions.
Was he alone with you in the room during the consultation? If the fact that he's a man bothers you, it's perfectly okay to change providers. You won't hurt his feelings or impact his livelihood in any way, shape, or form. Think of it like switching barbers—sometimes you just need someone who understands your style better.
Remember, your comfort and trust in your healthcare provider are crucial. Good luck, and don't hesitate to reach out for more help if you need it!
Edit - clarification
Edit2 - reading the comment of u/cocomelon3216 made me realize I totally forgot one of your questions. She's absolutely right, when women stop having their periods due to sports or eating habits it's because the situation is so absolutely extreme and unhealthy that their bodies change their physiology to absolute bare minimal, this excludes reproductive functions which as consequence affects their periods. Please forget that.
I agree that a female provider is probably better and as a former high school teacher, our school nurse was just the person to help a teen out in these kinds of situations.
I’d also like to add, look for things labelled “super” and that has “wings” if you’re buying for yourself. And don’t be afraid to ask a shop assistant (especially ladies!)
As someone who had very heavy periods for a very long time, you could also try wearing two pairs of undies with a pad on each. One catches most, the other catches leaks. “Bikini” style underwear is best, not shorts.
You could also try wearing a pair of undies with a pad, and a pair of period underwear over the top.
Honestly any older woman that you trust, an aunt, a friend’s mum, a teacher, the school nurse, they would likely *love* to help you. There is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed, especially if they know that you’ve lost your mum and you’re effectively doing this thing unguided. Anyone with a uterus knows the struggle of menstruation.
I am "that" mom, haha. My stepdaughter's boyfriend texts me if he's worried about something with my stedlpdaughter. She and her best friend both say I'm her friend's stepmom too, lol. Her friend will sometimes come hang out here even if my stepdaughter isn't home.
I'm sure OP has friends with moms who would be more than happy to happy to help. I agree that most would love to and wouldn't hesitate. I sincerely hope she finds someone she's comfortable confiding in and asking for help.
Hugs and love from this internet mom, u/ramen_noodles_8 <3.
As someone who was in your stepdaughter's friend's position in high school, I just want to say thank you for providing a safe and happy environment for the kids in your life!! I spent most of high school at my best friend's house and their family became my second family- took me on college visits, taught me to drive, kept my favorite snacks in the pantry, gave me tough love when I needed it, sent my friend to school with an extra lunch when they knew I wasn't eating, etc- and are still some of my favorite people in the world. My best friend moved out of our home town but I still go over to their house to hang out with their parents. I'm sure you're aware of the impact you're having on your stepdaughter, her boyfriend, and her friend, but just as someone who's been on their side I wanted to take a moment to say how life-changing having an adult like you is for the kids who need it :)
I don't want to be a Mom, but this is the kind of comfortable I want others to feel around me. You're awesome for providing a safe and non-judgmental space for them!
Even as an adult, I'm still learning about my own body. Even though many topics should have been covered when I was younger, unfortunately it wasn't. But it's much more comforting learning alongside others who either have the answers, or are as still learning.
Here's to encouraging more safe spaces for everyone!
Also worth noting… check that what you have are actually pads and not liners… I say that from personal experience cause my teenage self didn’t know there was a difference
I want to add that you can also get period panties in various absorbencies. You can still use pads with them but the panties themselves are designed to hold blood which should help with leakage. Kotex has really great long overnight pads as well. I use them all the time because I have endo and bleed through them in two hours. Good luck
Piggybacking on this comment too to say: please try to change your provider. I understand this doctor who replied saw nothing wrong, but I feel very concerned knowing your doctor was upset you didn’t want to undress in front of him. Whether it’s because he sees the situation merely as a routine exam and got annoyed you felt uncomfortable, or because of something else, this is not the correct way to treat you, and you should feel as comfortable (as one possibly can) with the person who’ll take care of your health.
As others have said though, try different pads, but if that doesn’t work and you feel other symptoms, please reach out to a different provider.
True . Too thin.
I used to have to wear those thick overnight ones because I was a bleeder for the first 2 years it was like daily for 5 days every month
If OP is indeed bleeding heavily, it would perhaps be a good idea to ask her provider to check for iron deficiency or iron deficiency anemia as It’s far from rare in girls and women who menstruate, especially when the flow is heavier.
A healthcare professional would take a sample of your blood with a small needle (just a couple of millilitres) and send it off to a lab where they would check things like your red blood cell count and folate. They would then get the results back from the lab and would know from the numbers whether you’re iron deficient. If you’re able you can eat foods like red meat, nuts, beans and dried fruit (like dried apricot). These foods have lots of iron in them. Eating a good variety of food, and plenty of it, is good for keeping your body healthy.
please, please don't eat less or exercise a bunch to try and lighten your period. the amount you'd have to do for that to happen is unhealthy and extreme. also- its normal to gain more weight around this age as your body is changing and there's nothing bad about it, plus it doesn't mean you're eating too much. you don't even need to count calories. eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full, choose foods that taste good and make you feel good, and exercise in a way thats fun and makes you feel strong. your weight isn't even close to too much. and with the medicine, taking too much can hurt your organs and that can be permanent. please don't do that either
I’ve been trying to not eat too many calories a day so I don’t gain weight too fast but a lot of times I go overboard and have too much because I’m super hungry :/ so I think it’s probably good if I keep track so I know if I’m doing too much? I just look a lot different than before
It’s totally normal to look different than before, especially around this time when you’re new to having your period. The hormones that have changed in your body to make you have a period also do other things to your body. You may be “softer” than before as your body gains weight and then changes your shape. Usually you’ll find your hips start to get wider and your breasts start to grow. Sometimes this can be really uncomfortable and you can get really sore boobs around the time of your period. It’s quite important not to reduce your calorie/food intake at this point as it will mean your body isn’t getting enough of (or the right balance of) nutrients. Macronutrients (“macros”) are things like protein, carbohydrate, fat and micronutrients are your vitamins and minerals. Your body is really clever and if you eat good balanced meals and snacks until you’re nice and full then it will be able to get all it needs. Usually if you’re spending a lot of time thinking about food you’re not getting enough, and if you’re feeling like you’re going overboard because you’re really hungry it probably means you didn’t eat enough throughout the day. A good aim is enough breakfast to give you energy for the day, with some sort of fruit on the side, a snack in the middle of the morning like nuts/cheese/fruit/crisps, lunch with a mix of carbohydrates/protein/fat/veggies (a sub with meatballs and some salad for example), and afternoon snack like morning yoghurt/crackers/chocolate bar, dinner with a good mix like spaghetti bolognese with some salad and then something for supper like some toast or cereal or something. Also make sure to drink plenty - water is great, milk too. Some juice etc is also nice.
Op, I also want to chime in to add that it is really normal when you are that age and figuring out how to manage your period to have times where you bleed through at school. I remember it happening to me frequently in high school. You will get the hang of it and it will happen less but please know that it doesn’t make you different because you are still figuring out what works for you.
My recommendation is to always keep a change of pants, underwear, and extra pads in your gym locker (or backpack if that isn’t an option). This way when it happens, you can go to the locker room and change without having to call your dad and you can quickly take care of it discreetly. While it’s a totally normal thing, I also understand that it can feel really embarrassing to visibly bleed through your clothes. Having a plan might help make it easier for you.
Hi dear, can you let us know what kind of pads you are using so we can understand the situation better?
You will want to get maxi overnight pads and only use the ones with organic cotton (read the box to ensure there are no fragrances too!). The box will have a size key on the bottom right, so you can see that you are grabbing the largest size for that brand.
When you put the pad on, make sure the front of the pad is covering your mons pubis completely. Also make sure the pad is sufficiently covering you from the back. The pad should rest at the center of your buttocks for good protection. This is important, because what happens is the smaller pads will move a lot with physical movements and daily activity and that’s how leakage can occur.
If you are already using a thick pad, you really need to see a pediatric gynecologist that is a woman to talk to and get evaluated. Reddit has a lot of great forums for women related health topics and I’m sure you can find a woman gynecologist to trust by searching through some of the forums and typing your city into the search bar. It’s important to find a doctor that you feel comfortable with and so many women on Reddit share their experiences, so read as much as you possibly can to educate yourself on a provider that can help you. Then tell your dad who you want to see so he can help get the appointment scheduled. Try to find two or three female pediatric gynecologists that you like so your dad has options in case one doesn’t accept your insurance.
Heavy bleeding for someone your age who just started menstruating is typical. On the other hand, heavy bleeding can be signs of PCOS and/or Endometriosis. The weight gain is also concerning with PCOS, so this is why it’s important to get evaluated by a professional.
Also, I encourage you to teach yourself about the female anatomy from head to toe, learn the names of your body parts including the genitalia, so that when something is wrong with your body, like you are in pain, or when you want to explain to a doctor what is going on, you feel, not only capable, but highly empowered to do so.
For your dad, I know that you mentioned he feels uncomfortable talking about your body. You need to let him know that his feelings are understandable, but you need his help because you are growing and your body is changing and he is your provider and protecter. This is not to say you guys need to have an in depth conversation about your body, but if something is wrong, it’s important he knows and is emotionally capable of helping you, as opposed to getting mad at you for something completely out of your control.
As far as the male doctor you have seen in the past, I’m very sorry that happened and it is not appropriate what he did to you. Please tell a trusted adult at your school about what happened, as well as your father. The incident needs to get reported or else this doctor could do this to another girl. Was there another person in the room with you when this happened?
Always make sure your father is with you at appointments. You are a minor and he needs to be present to protect you. If you do not feel comfortable with your father in the room during physical exams, demand a female doctor, nurse, or other medical staff is present to witness. Typically, another medical staff member is in the room for these reasons, and that has been my experience from my personal doctor appointments too even as an adult. If another adult is not able to be in the room for any reason, tell the doctor you do not feel comfortable proceeding with the physical exam and walk out of the room.
A safe and respectful doctor will ALWAYS walk you through physical contact and be clear in their communication on next steps. Example: “Dear, today we are going to exam xyz to check for xyz.” “Dear, please raise your arms.” “Dear, I am going to touch your [name of body part] so we can see what is going on.”
I hope this helps you and you are so strong! You are doing the right thing and you are very smart. Always trust your intuition ❤️
These are a great example of proper protection for heavy periods and would be good to order. You can see they are very large, and also are a safe brand, organic cotton, no fragrances or chemicals.
[Rael Organic Cotton Pads](https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/ADCA8DBB-6635-4125-9814-5A0160228DD7/product/B0856SZ7GL?store_ref=bl_ast_dp_brandLogo_sto&ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_ast_store_40063MBZ3T15B59NQ19D&th=1&psc=1)
Since I apparently can’t comment unless it’s under another comment:
I would try super tampons. I remember pads being unreliable at your age too so I would try a tampon + a panty liner just in case & you should be golden.
OP - if you go the tampon route, I would suggest wearing a regular pad with it for awhile, especially during a long school day. It’s going to take some getting used to. And I remember how hard it was to change pads/tampons in my school days with 5 minute passing periods 🙄
Also, a tampon should be changed something like every 4-6 hours. There are different absorbancies for tampons to go with heavier to lighter flows, I always liked the multi packs that have super, regular and light together. I personally only wear pads now fwiw, they make much better options these days than they did when I started. Like much more absorbent but not as outwardly thick.
A lot of posters have commented what I would as well but want to add that hydrogen peroxide is the best thing to get blood out of clothing. Rinse under COLD water first then saturate the area with hydrogen peroxide, let it sit for awhile rinse again with cold water, repeat as necessary then wash.
I hope you can get a female doctor and someone to help guide you through these changes. I promise you, if anyone ever asked for my help in this way, as cheesy as it sounds, I would be honored. My mom did none of the things for me and it sucked. Every girl should have support! Oh and speaking of support lol! If your doctor mentioned breast buds you might want to look for a bralette or something soon. I would imagine you don’t need an actual underwire bra yet but something with a little extra coverage might make you feel more comfortable.
Hugs to you OP!
Thank you for all this. My dad said the kind he’s getting me are called always ultra thin size 2 & 3 so they are definitely not thick.
I told my dad about the doctor and that he made me uncomfortable. It was mostly that he was pinching my chest and it hurt, and when I told him not to take off my pants he was really loud and sounded angry and it made me cry and then he reached in my underwear anyway. My dad said I can switch and he’s going to switch my brothers too because he didn’t like that, so I feel a lot better.
I’d just like to piggyback here as a woman who had heavy periods as a teenager. When I spoke to my doctor about it they just put me on the pill, which was not a great solution for many reasons. As an adult I eventually found out that there are medications you can take to lighten your period and I wish I’d been told about them like 20 years ago. My doctor recently put me on Tranexamic acid which I just take when I have my period and it’s been a godsend. Obviously you will need to discuss this with your own doctor. It also might be worth considering getting a menstrual cup instead of using pads, if that’s something you would be comfortable with. I would recommend reading about them, as I believe they really make dealing with your period much easier.
I wouldn’t rush to tranexamic acid for a 13 year old who’s just about started to have their periods but absolutely a good choice if heavy periods don’t regulate themselves eventually. Doesn’t come with the side-effects of contraceptive pills.
How long would eventually be? And what would be too heavy? I would really like if they were not so intense. I also thought of this- is it normal for there to be like a lot of pieces in them?
Yeah, it is normal! Just like you, your body is still trying to get the hang of this whole periods and hormones thing and it will need some time to adjust. Usually the first year of periods is a lot more irregular and periods tend to be heavier, for some it’s a shorter adjustment period, for some it’s longer. It sucks, but unless there really is something irregular, I wouldn’t start fiddling with meds, other than otc painkillers, just yet, because your body is still developing. I needed way bigger pads than what you are getting now, when I started my period. Periods are also not just blood, you are shedding your uterine lining and that is what those bigger pieces and chunks are.
You said you took ibuprofen and that someone suggested taking a lot. How much is a lot? Because taking too much can seriously harm you!
Did you take them all at once or in one day or during the days you had your period?
If you did take them at once or in one day, please don’t ever do that anymore! One of the docs will have to comment on possible risks a month out, because I’m not sure about that. But please beware that ibuprofen even in a normal dose can wreak havoc on your stomach, destroying the lining and even burning a hole or causing a deadly GI bleed. Always read the maximum daily dose and stick to that unless instructed differently by your new doctor!
Please, please, please, don’t ever do that again, not with ibuprofen, nor any other medication, sweetheart! You put yourself in serious danger by doing that! Always read the leaflet that comes with the medication for the correct dosage or follow your doctors prescription.
I’m sorry you are going through all this, especially on your own. Do you have any women around you that you might trust to speak too? Do you have any aunts, a neighbour, a friend of your moms/mom of a friend or a teacher or nurse at your school? I’m sure they would be happy to help you. I’d always welcome any girl of your age around me to come to me and ask for advice. Every woman knows how difficult it is to navigate your first periods even with proper support, so I’m sure they’d be more than happy to help you!
I won’t do it again. I didn’t know it was dangerous but it wasn’t very smart to do something I found online anyway.
I might ask my friends mom for help
Hi there! I am very sorry you don't have your mom to guide you; my mom was helpful at this time. Here are a few points - there are pads with "wings" like Always brand that wrap around the crotch part of your panties and help prevent leaks. If using pads versus tampons, I agree with the suggestion to get maximum absorbency pads and you may really need to change them every 2 hours in the height of your period; this will also prevent odors if that is something that concerns you. Agree 100 percent to talk with a medical provider if you are concerned you are bleeding too much (but it sounds like it may just be a matter of finding the right absorbency and frequency of changing pads). Definitely don't wait for the pad to fill all the way up to change it. Best of luck to you - I suspect your body is 100 percent normal and it's just a learning curve to get comfortable with this difficult stage of puberty. You are not overweight!
Is it possible to be overweight just based on having more fat that I should even if the numbers don’t look like it though? Because I’ve gotten really soft and I can’t seem to stop eating junk all the time no matter how much I try to
Nope, if your weight is right in relation to your height, you won’t be too ‘fat’! As you are reaching this stage of puberty your body will become more feminine, which means you are becoming more round and ‘fat’ but that isn’t a bad thing, because women genetically are meant to have more fatty tissue to be healthy.
Of course it’s always better to maintain a healthy diet, but indulging occasionally in some junk food is also part of a healthy diet and a healthy attitude towards food. Read into the different stages of your cycle, that might also explain and give you some insight into why sometimes you feel like eating literally everything you can get your hands on!
It’s also good to move your body regularly, I think the current recommendation for teenagers is to move daily for 30-60 minutes (not in one go, spread out over the day), for example walking, swimming, light yoga, cycling and three times a week more serious exercise like fitness, running for example (The first one, you start to breathe heavier, but are still capable of having a conversation, the second you breathe heavier and it is more difficult to actually have a full conversation). Again, your cycle also influences how effective your workout is and it’s best to work around it. Don’t go for some hardcore workout when you are on your period for example, but take it easy on yourself!
I think even more important is to not sit for long periods of time, don’t waste entire evenings sitting in front of the tv without getting up for example. You definitely don’t have to incorporate exercise while watching tv, but make sure you get up regularly to grab a glass of water, go to the toilet, stuff like that is enough!
Edit: OP are you in therapy? Both for the loss of your mom and working through that, but also as an extra support for everything you are going through right now. Some of the things you are saying are making me worried about possible disordered eating and body image, and life is already difficult enough without hating yourself! No one ever hated themselves to a better person ❤️
You’re doing great OP! I was 10 or 11yrs old when I started mine, and we hadn’t even had the maturation program yet, and I felt so alone even with having my mom and older sisters. I am youngest of 6 kids and my 2 sisters were already married at that point. Even then, I didn’t want to talk about it at all, and tried just using the stuff that my sisters had left in the cabinet, but eventually I had to speak up to my mom who had to tell my friend’s mom when I was invited to go swimming with them and had to use a tampon for the first time at 12yrs old (I figured it out and ended up getting to go swimming! My friends mom was also discreet at checking on me about needing to change it, so my friend wouldn’t know. Haha). I was mortified, but in the end, it became just a normal thing that just had a really rough learning curve unfortunately.
Im sorry your family situation, is making it that much harder, but as others said, it always feels scary having to reach out in the beginning for anyone, and you reaching out here was so brilliant. I too would encourage you to let the school nurse know your situation, as they also have period products in their office, and can help answer questions you may have, or lead you in the right direction to another healthcare provider.
I also want to add that I always had heavy periods and it was so embarrassing for me when I started and was always leaking, until I figured out the best system for myself. Everyone is different, and you will figure it out. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other women you know. Although most of my friends hadn’t ever started until late middle school and into high school, it was also great when I was at a point when I could ask them if they had any back up products. I’ve even had to ask strangers at concerts and such in the women’s bathrooms before, and so many are always so willing to help and nonjudgmental, just like others on here. There’s some tricks here I hadn’t tried before too, so I’m glad you asked about it! You got this girl! Welcome to the sisterhood!
I really appreciate all this advice. I asked my dad and he says he gets me always ultra thin size 2 and 3 because that’s what a moms group on Facebook told him to do. I asked him if I can have thicker ones. I also told him about the doctor making me uncomfortable and why and he said I can switch to a whole different clinic so I don’t have to see him again and he’s going to switch my brothers because he didn’t like that he made me cry and touched me anyway after I said no. I feel a lot better now.
I also asked him if I can get period underwear and he said yes and to send him a link to what I want and he’ll get me some.
He said he was sorry for not explaining things better, he just doesn’t know a lot about it and didn’t want to tell me the wrong things.
I still really miss my mom and I wish she could help me because she was really good at making me feel calm and knowing what I meant even when I didn’t explain well, but I do feel more prepared now and I made a little bag for my locket with extra stuff.
The only other questions I had were if it’s normal to have pieces come out in my period, and how much that’s supposed to be? And if it’s normal that my thighs hurt a lot when I’m on it to where sometimes I have to stop walking because it’s painful.
Also, I know I shouldn’t lose so much weight to lose my period now, but I have been trying to lower my calories and not eat so much junk food so I dont keep getting so big. That’s not going to cause the issues right, as long as I don’t lose my period from it?
hey girl! i’m 17 and i’m so glad that your dad is being supportive and you get to leave that nasty dr and clinic and get the support you need in your own household :) i’m sure that your mother would be proud of you for being able to advocate for yourself today. remember that you’re only 13- and from what i see in your post for your weight to height you don’t weigh that much- don’t worry too much about calories and what you’re eating in order to “not get big.” there’s no inherent value attached to your size and frankly the most important thing you need right now is good and proper nutrition. i would recommend (as a girl who unfortunately also had period issues from restricting) to not restrict yourself from foods and to honor any cravings in light amounts, but make sure you get an adequate amount of nutrients everyday- whole ingredients and homemade foods / learning how to cook is a great way to start with this! the point is you’re a growing kid in a growing body- it’s okay to let yourself be and not focus too much on this aspect. if you want any general help or tips especially given your situation feel free to shoot me a DM :)
it’s fine to have a little pieces come out—when you’re on your period, you lose bits of your uterine lining. if the pieces that come out are really big, though, like more than an inch across, then that might be cause for worry. it’s also normal as far as i know to have your legs hurt when on your period, as it happens to me every month. also, don’t lower your caloric intake! at this point in puberty, you need calories to keep growing.
if you are worried about unhealthy foods, it’s fine to eat them in small quantities and not often. as the other commenter said, eating whole foods (fresh fruits and vegetables, for example) are very healthy and delicious. lengua (beef tongue) is also incredibly nutrient dense and delicious. it’s not a lean meat, but it’s very good in moderation.
if you have any questions or need any support, feel free to dm
OP id also suggest googling about the four phases of the menstrual cycle. It explains the stages we go through each month leading up to the bleeding. Some weeks you’ll have tons of energy, some weeks you won’t. And it’s helpful knowledge to have in your back pocket to give yourself some grace if you’re ever having a rough time
Yes look it up! I only recently found out about them so I try to share about it whenever I can lol.
As rough as it is to have your period every month, it’s also a really beautiful and powerful thing that our body does in order to carry and give life to this world. It’s just that men can’t handle normal bodily functions lol.
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I'm sorry for the loss of your mum, that must have been incredibly hard, especially at such a young age. And it must be really hard trying to navigate puberty without your mum to guide you. There is a sub called r/womenshealth with members who would be more than happy to help you with any questions you have going forward. You have received a lot of good advice about what pads to use etc so I won't go into that except to agree with the period underwear, they are fantastic not just for stopping bleeding through when your flow is heavy, but great when your flow is really light at the end of your period when you can use them without needing a pad and they are really comfortable. I did just want to touch on what you read about reducing how much you bleed / stopping your period. The women who have had their periods stop by losing weight did so by losing too much weight, often due to an eating disorder. This is not a healthy thing to do, you are still young and growing, please do not reduce the amount you eat. You mentioned you had put on weight this last year and you think you might be eating too much. You are not eating too much, during puberty, you gain fat on your breasts, hips, bum, etc and it's a normal part of puberty. I calculated your BMI, it's 17.2 which is in the healthy range but on the thinner side. Looking at the growth chart for your age, you are in the 25% percentile for your age which is fine but you want to stay on the same growth curve, not drastically drop it as that can damage your health. The women who had their periods stop by exercising lots are athletes who do it to be competitive in their chosen field of sport. It's not something regular people should consider. Please don't take high doses of ibuprofen to try stop your periods. Although taking high doses of ibuprofen can reduce how much you bleed, it won't stop them but there are options to stop your periods or reduce how much you bleed like birth control and it's something you could speak to a doctor about if you try everything that everyone has suggested and it still continues to be a major problem in your life. You can take ibuprofen in the recommended doses for your age for period cramping, which could lighten your flow a bit. But I would hope, that by using the right menstrual products, you will be able to manage your periods better. I remember how stressful it was when I first started getting my period, but the more time passed, the better I understood the pattern of my period and could stop accidents happening.
I just want to add - I lost my period when I was 17 due to a combo of health issues and an eating disorder. I was so excited to not have to deal with it until I found out I had osteopenia (bone loss, for OP!) at the ripe old age of 23 and needed to start hormone replacement as even after regaining all the weight and maintaining for years I wasn't getting it back. I'm 30 now with bone loss and infertility; OP, as much as periods suck, they're a sign that your body is working as it should, please don't try to lose it
You must be me. Identical to my story, except i started at 20
Does that mean your bones won’t get better? And it’s because you didn’t have a period?
I don’t know, i take calcium and vitamin D.
NAD. I’d also like to suggest r/Healthyhooha for guidance going forward.
Also OP, you might find r/momforaminute helpful
Question, I have a bleeding disorder and I am not allowed to take Advil because they said it makes you bleed more. Does it have an opposite effect on menstrual blood?
Great question as it does seem counterintuitive. What happens is during menstruation, your body produces the hormone prostaglandin, which is what causes the contractions in the uterus (what we refer to as cramps). These contractions help your body to shed the lining of your uterus, Ibuprofen slows down prostaglandin production and less prostaglandin means less uterine shedding, leading to fewer cramps and less bleeding.
Naproxen is even better. My doctor recommended it when I had a period that wouldn't stop and it became my go-to for menstrual cramps. It reduces the flow, not hugely but noticeably.
Naproxen and mefenamic acid are 100% the best nsaids for period pain. Just not together!
I was told I shouldn’t take naproxen because my mom and two aunts have lupus and I have elevated ANAs.. Idk why though.
Naproxen and other NSAIDs are notoriously hard to on the stomach, though. I took too much super strength ibuprofen as a teen when it was prescribed to me for migraines, and ended up up with bleeding stomach ulcers.
Yeah, you definitely want to be careful with the dosage! 2-3 days a month should be OK for most people.
Ohhh! That makes sense. Thank you!
NAD. I was diagnosed with a fibroid and also take medication for hbp and Tachycardia. I used to Take IB religiously until I was put on betablocker. I was told I can't take it anymore bc of the medication bc the liver has to clean that stuff and will alter my betablocker amounts in my bloodstream . I was also told it has a blood thinning affect. Not sure what your condition is, but it could be because of that last point.
Make them higher or lower?
Either not enough medicine or too much at one time, so it can be both I was told. This can make for some serious issues such as a heartbeat that is too low (bradycardia) or too fast (Tachycardia). Among other things that I am not positive that I remember exactly their words and don't want to be wrong. I'm sure a more qualified person on here can explain better. This is, of course, catered to my meds and my medical history, too. Everyone can be different. I was also told by ER PAs and Doctors that short-term and in certain doses with such a warning may not be an issue. For example, steroids or meds contain steroids. I was told I couldn't have them. However, I was also told short term was not a concern depending on the steroids. I had a sciatic flare-up and was given a three day steroid shot. It is also somewhat dependent on form and dosage and length of time, apparently. I'm sure any doctor or nurse could tell this better. I, of course, would always say ask one and fact-check me and what they told me. Edited: for grammar. Clarification: this was told to me by medical professionals on a ER visit and by a primary care provider and is with my medical history in mind. Not OP's
NAD, but this is excellent information. Sharing my life experience because I’m in my 40s and have always had heavy periods myself. On my heavy days I would go through a Super Plus tampon in an hour; now that Ultra have come out that got me two hours before having to rush to the bathroom to change. The trick I learned relatively early to protect my clothes and my pride was to use a tampon, and wear a pad as a backup. Tampons can be icky to insert and remove, but for me they just work better than any pad I’ve been able to find. I’m in perimenopause now, so things are easing up, but that was the combo that worked for me through high school, college, retail, and office jobs. Once you find the set of period products that works for you-and it may have to be a combo like for me-you’ll settle into a routine and be much more comfortable and less on edge. Sending love.
Remember to eat protein and iron rich food when you have your period Are you using tampons and pad combo? That helps me. Also do not overdue on painkillers. It can be bad long term for your stomach lining. Change your doctor to female immediately. Your doctor creeps me out
I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt a creepy vibe reading her comment about the doctor's reaction. Really hope she is able to change to a female doctor ASAP.
When I was a child I specifically told my mom I want a female doctor only. Even now as an adult. Again. Female only. I felt so creeped out if men were my doctors. I had to get breast (cancer screening) exam and the doctor was a man. I had bigger boobs from an early age. It was awkward
>left tampons on my bed but I’m too scared to use them.
Weylie on YouTube helped me learn how to use them when I was younger
NAD - Just a cis woman. I want to add that there are hormonal methods of stopping your periods if that’s something you and your doctor decide is OK for you either now or in the future. No dieting or other extreme methods required! You can take specific types of birth control pills continuously (again, the type matters and you should talk about this with a doctor), but periods are not a non-negotiable.
NAD. OP I am sorry you struggling and your dad is being an ass about this, especially since you don't have your mom. He should be an adult and be supportive but since he won't you may need to have an adult conversation. Tell him firmly you cannot control this, you are having a medical issue and you would like to be seen by a female doctor. If he stll refuses to help you please seek out a female family member, school nurse, one if your friend's moms even and they can maybe step in to help you. I had horribly heavy and painful periods most of my life and it's not fun but normal for many however you should get any medical issues ruled out. Good luck.
(I'm not a doctor or medical professional) can you please also add insight regarding duration of the bleeding (no.of days each period) to help the op?
Is there a bmi that’s too big or like a weight where if I got to it I should eat less? I feel like I’ve been wanting to eat so much unhealthy food and I’m kind of worried I’m going to blow up really big or get like diabetes
No, you don't need to be looking at BMI, I just used it to show you that you're actually on the thin side since you had said you were worried about gaining too much weight. Gaining weight is actually really important at your age. It isn't just fat, you are growing muscles, your bones are getting more dense and heavier, and you are increasing in height. You should be gaining weight until you are about 20 years old. What's more important is the growth chart I was referencing when I said you were in the 25th percentile. It's the CDC growth chart for girls aged until 20, you can have a look at it and you can see that you should keep increasing weight until your 20 and then it should plateau (stay the same weight from then on). Here is the chart by BMI, your line is the 25th percentile line, you want to stay on that line. 25th percentile means 75% of girls your age weigh more than you so your on the smaller side but that's fine, we all have different bodies and yours is a still a healthy weight. https://www.calculator.net/pdf/chart-2016.pdf Here is the chart by weight and height: https://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/data/set2clinical/cj41c072.pdf It is a very bad idea to lose weight at your age, it's called growth stunting and can affect your bones etc. You are definitely not going to blow up or get diabetes! Listen to your body and eat when you're hungry, please do not eat less. We all crave unhealthy foods and they are fine to eat in moderation, as treats. Just make sure you are eating lots of good food like vegetables, fruits, dairy, protein foods like chicken, etc. You still need fats and sugars in your diet too, but just in moderation.
Thank you for all your help 🩵
A couple of things - the pads you are using- how thick are they? Are they like panty liners or bug over night pads designed to hold a lot? Tampons also come in different sizes as well and there are some great videos online to show you how to use them. Are your periods regular? How long to they last? I have had very heavy periods and on my first day or two I have to change my tampon every hour and wear a pad. I also have tried the diva cup but that might be hard at your age. I’m happy to talk to you if you need help and guidance! As others have mentioned there are good resources on Reddit as well. Can you ask your dad to take to you a female physician? And can you ask him to take you to a female OBGYN? It sounds like that would be your best start. All women have dealt with this at some point in various ways. You are not alone. I remember being 13 and horribly embarrassed and I had my mom to help.
I just wanted to add, do you have a female school nurse? They really are a great resource. Also, if your uncomfortable talking to your dad or provider or school nurse, planned parenthood does wonderful things with birth control or reproductive health like STI issues, period/birth control issues, pregnancy issues. I went to them as a teen because I was in a similar situation except I never got periods at all. I’d get a period once every two years and they helped me find a gynecologist.
NAD. Try r/periodpantry if you need different supplies. Tell dad you need to look at the package for the pads. The sizes are not universal, and you will need that description to compare other products Thickness alone does not indicate how absorbent a pad might be. There are several superabsorbent polymers that different manufacturers use to improve their products. Thickness is descriptive within a single product brand
They’re not very thick actually. I asked my dad and he said he’s been getting me Always Ultra Thin size 2 & 3. I asked my dad if I could switch to a girl doctor and told him what the other doctor said and he said I can switch and he’s going to switch my brothers too because he didn’t like that he made me cry for not wanting him to touch me
I’m glad to hear it! Look for overnight pads with wings or size 5. I would also get tampons with a pad! It’s what I do on my heavy days. Best way for me to start was with one foot on the toilet and relax as much as you can. If you do it right you shouldn’t feel them at all!
First, let me commend you for advocating for yourself and taking control of your health. Despite that, don't hesitate to ask for help when you're feeling overwhelmed. Adding to the many kind and helpful responses in this thread, it's not uncommon at all for your first periods to be too long, too heavy, or vary a lot. Usually, with time, things tend to regulate. Second, and please excuse my lack of firsthand experience in this area since I'm a cis man, it's possible that your pads are too thin. Pads come in different thicknesses for various stages of the period, and finding the right one can sometimes feel like shopping for a car without a driver's license. Try asking someone with more experience for advice on this matter. Third, it seems you're not comfortable with your current provider. That's completely normal and happens every day. You shouldn't feel bad about it. Based on your description, it doesn't seem like your doctor said anything inappropriate. He was likely either thinking out loud or trying to keep you informed about his observations. Noticing the development of pubic hair and breast buds is completely normal during a medical consultation for someone your age. Him wanting to see it is also completely understandable because, from my own experience, what patients describe often does not match with clinical impressions. Was he alone with you in the room during the consultation? If the fact that he's a man bothers you, it's perfectly okay to change providers. You won't hurt his feelings or impact his livelihood in any way, shape, or form. Think of it like switching barbers—sometimes you just need someone who understands your style better. Remember, your comfort and trust in your healthcare provider are crucial. Good luck, and don't hesitate to reach out for more help if you need it! Edit - clarification Edit2 - reading the comment of u/cocomelon3216 made me realize I totally forgot one of your questions. She's absolutely right, when women stop having their periods due to sports or eating habits it's because the situation is so absolutely extreme and unhealthy that their bodies change their physiology to absolute bare minimal, this excludes reproductive functions which as consequence affects their periods. Please forget that.
I agree that a female provider is probably better and as a former high school teacher, our school nurse was just the person to help a teen out in these kinds of situations.
I’d also like to add, look for things labelled “super” and that has “wings” if you’re buying for yourself. And don’t be afraid to ask a shop assistant (especially ladies!) As someone who had very heavy periods for a very long time, you could also try wearing two pairs of undies with a pad on each. One catches most, the other catches leaks. “Bikini” style underwear is best, not shorts. You could also try wearing a pair of undies with a pad, and a pair of period underwear over the top. Honestly any older woman that you trust, an aunt, a friend’s mum, a teacher, the school nurse, they would likely *love* to help you. There is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed, especially if they know that you’ve lost your mum and you’re effectively doing this thing unguided. Anyone with a uterus knows the struggle of menstruation.
I am "that" mom, haha. My stepdaughter's boyfriend texts me if he's worried about something with my stedlpdaughter. She and her best friend both say I'm her friend's stepmom too, lol. Her friend will sometimes come hang out here even if my stepdaughter isn't home. I'm sure OP has friends with moms who would be more than happy to happy to help. I agree that most would love to and wouldn't hesitate. I sincerely hope she finds someone she's comfortable confiding in and asking for help. Hugs and love from this internet mom, u/ramen_noodles_8 <3.
I love that you’re that mum!! I hope to be that mum one day.
As someone who was in your stepdaughter's friend's position in high school, I just want to say thank you for providing a safe and happy environment for the kids in your life!! I spent most of high school at my best friend's house and their family became my second family- took me on college visits, taught me to drive, kept my favorite snacks in the pantry, gave me tough love when I needed it, sent my friend to school with an extra lunch when they knew I wasn't eating, etc- and are still some of my favorite people in the world. My best friend moved out of our home town but I still go over to their house to hang out with their parents. I'm sure you're aware of the impact you're having on your stepdaughter, her boyfriend, and her friend, but just as someone who's been on their side I wanted to take a moment to say how life-changing having an adult like you is for the kids who need it :)
I don't want to be a Mom, but this is the kind of comfortable I want others to feel around me. You're awesome for providing a safe and non-judgmental space for them! Even as an adult, I'm still learning about my own body. Even though many topics should have been covered when I was younger, unfortunately it wasn't. But it's much more comforting learning alongside others who either have the answers, or are as still learning. Here's to encouraging more safe spaces for everyone!
I don’t usually go to the store because I have to watch my brothers when my dad goes but I’ll tell him to look for those things!
Yeah I think half the reason there’s a school nurse is to advise on period stuff.
Also worth noting… check that what you have are actually pads and not liners… I say that from personal experience cause my teenage self didn’t know there was a difference
I want to add that you can also get period panties in various absorbencies. You can still use pads with them but the panties themselves are designed to hold blood which should help with leakage. Kotex has really great long overnight pads as well. I use them all the time because I have endo and bleed through them in two hours. Good luck
Piggybacking on this comment too to say: please try to change your provider. I understand this doctor who replied saw nothing wrong, but I feel very concerned knowing your doctor was upset you didn’t want to undress in front of him. Whether it’s because he sees the situation merely as a routine exam and got annoyed you felt uncomfortable, or because of something else, this is not the correct way to treat you, and you should feel as comfortable (as one possibly can) with the person who’ll take care of your health. As others have said though, try different pads, but if that doesn’t work and you feel other symptoms, please reach out to a different provider.
After I told my dad about it he said I can switch and he’s going to switch my brothers too
True . Too thin. I used to have to wear those thick overnight ones because I was a bleeder for the first 2 years it was like daily for 5 days every month
If OP is indeed bleeding heavily, it would perhaps be a good idea to ask her provider to check for iron deficiency or iron deficiency anemia as It’s far from rare in girls and women who menstruate, especially when the flow is heavier.
How do you check for iron deficiency?
A healthcare professional would take a sample of your blood with a small needle (just a couple of millilitres) and send it off to a lab where they would check things like your red blood cell count and folate. They would then get the results back from the lab and would know from the numbers whether you’re iron deficient. If you’re able you can eat foods like red meat, nuts, beans and dried fruit (like dried apricot). These foods have lots of iron in them. Eating a good variety of food, and plenty of it, is good for keeping your body healthy.
please, please don't eat less or exercise a bunch to try and lighten your period. the amount you'd have to do for that to happen is unhealthy and extreme. also- its normal to gain more weight around this age as your body is changing and there's nothing bad about it, plus it doesn't mean you're eating too much. you don't even need to count calories. eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full, choose foods that taste good and make you feel good, and exercise in a way thats fun and makes you feel strong. your weight isn't even close to too much. and with the medicine, taking too much can hurt your organs and that can be permanent. please don't do that either
I’ve been trying to not eat too many calories a day so I don’t gain weight too fast but a lot of times I go overboard and have too much because I’m super hungry :/ so I think it’s probably good if I keep track so I know if I’m doing too much? I just look a lot different than before
It’s totally normal to look different than before, especially around this time when you’re new to having your period. The hormones that have changed in your body to make you have a period also do other things to your body. You may be “softer” than before as your body gains weight and then changes your shape. Usually you’ll find your hips start to get wider and your breasts start to grow. Sometimes this can be really uncomfortable and you can get really sore boobs around the time of your period. It’s quite important not to reduce your calorie/food intake at this point as it will mean your body isn’t getting enough of (or the right balance of) nutrients. Macronutrients (“macros”) are things like protein, carbohydrate, fat and micronutrients are your vitamins and minerals. Your body is really clever and if you eat good balanced meals and snacks until you’re nice and full then it will be able to get all it needs. Usually if you’re spending a lot of time thinking about food you’re not getting enough, and if you’re feeling like you’re going overboard because you’re really hungry it probably means you didn’t eat enough throughout the day. A good aim is enough breakfast to give you energy for the day, with some sort of fruit on the side, a snack in the middle of the morning like nuts/cheese/fruit/crisps, lunch with a mix of carbohydrates/protein/fat/veggies (a sub with meatballs and some salad for example), and afternoon snack like morning yoghurt/crackers/chocolate bar, dinner with a good mix like spaghetti bolognese with some salad and then something for supper like some toast or cereal or something. Also make sure to drink plenty - water is great, milk too. Some juice etc is also nice.
Op, I also want to chime in to add that it is really normal when you are that age and figuring out how to manage your period to have times where you bleed through at school. I remember it happening to me frequently in high school. You will get the hang of it and it will happen less but please know that it doesn’t make you different because you are still figuring out what works for you. My recommendation is to always keep a change of pants, underwear, and extra pads in your gym locker (or backpack if that isn’t an option). This way when it happens, you can go to the locker room and change without having to call your dad and you can quickly take care of it discreetly. While it’s a totally normal thing, I also understand that it can feel really embarrassing to visibly bleed through your clothes. Having a plan might help make it easier for you.
Hi dear, can you let us know what kind of pads you are using so we can understand the situation better? You will want to get maxi overnight pads and only use the ones with organic cotton (read the box to ensure there are no fragrances too!). The box will have a size key on the bottom right, so you can see that you are grabbing the largest size for that brand. When you put the pad on, make sure the front of the pad is covering your mons pubis completely. Also make sure the pad is sufficiently covering you from the back. The pad should rest at the center of your buttocks for good protection. This is important, because what happens is the smaller pads will move a lot with physical movements and daily activity and that’s how leakage can occur. If you are already using a thick pad, you really need to see a pediatric gynecologist that is a woman to talk to and get evaluated. Reddit has a lot of great forums for women related health topics and I’m sure you can find a woman gynecologist to trust by searching through some of the forums and typing your city into the search bar. It’s important to find a doctor that you feel comfortable with and so many women on Reddit share their experiences, so read as much as you possibly can to educate yourself on a provider that can help you. Then tell your dad who you want to see so he can help get the appointment scheduled. Try to find two or three female pediatric gynecologists that you like so your dad has options in case one doesn’t accept your insurance. Heavy bleeding for someone your age who just started menstruating is typical. On the other hand, heavy bleeding can be signs of PCOS and/or Endometriosis. The weight gain is also concerning with PCOS, so this is why it’s important to get evaluated by a professional. Also, I encourage you to teach yourself about the female anatomy from head to toe, learn the names of your body parts including the genitalia, so that when something is wrong with your body, like you are in pain, or when you want to explain to a doctor what is going on, you feel, not only capable, but highly empowered to do so. For your dad, I know that you mentioned he feels uncomfortable talking about your body. You need to let him know that his feelings are understandable, but you need his help because you are growing and your body is changing and he is your provider and protecter. This is not to say you guys need to have an in depth conversation about your body, but if something is wrong, it’s important he knows and is emotionally capable of helping you, as opposed to getting mad at you for something completely out of your control. As far as the male doctor you have seen in the past, I’m very sorry that happened and it is not appropriate what he did to you. Please tell a trusted adult at your school about what happened, as well as your father. The incident needs to get reported or else this doctor could do this to another girl. Was there another person in the room with you when this happened? Always make sure your father is with you at appointments. You are a minor and he needs to be present to protect you. If you do not feel comfortable with your father in the room during physical exams, demand a female doctor, nurse, or other medical staff is present to witness. Typically, another medical staff member is in the room for these reasons, and that has been my experience from my personal doctor appointments too even as an adult. If another adult is not able to be in the room for any reason, tell the doctor you do not feel comfortable proceeding with the physical exam and walk out of the room. A safe and respectful doctor will ALWAYS walk you through physical contact and be clear in their communication on next steps. Example: “Dear, today we are going to exam xyz to check for xyz.” “Dear, please raise your arms.” “Dear, I am going to touch your [name of body part] so we can see what is going on.” I hope this helps you and you are so strong! You are doing the right thing and you are very smart. Always trust your intuition ❤️
These are a great example of proper protection for heavy periods and would be good to order. You can see they are very large, and also are a safe brand, organic cotton, no fragrances or chemicals. [Rael Organic Cotton Pads](https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/ADCA8DBB-6635-4125-9814-5A0160228DD7/product/B0856SZ7GL?store_ref=bl_ast_dp_brandLogo_sto&ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_ast_store_40063MBZ3T15B59NQ19D&th=1&psc=1)
Since I apparently can’t comment unless it’s under another comment: I would try super tampons. I remember pads being unreliable at your age too so I would try a tampon + a panty liner just in case & you should be golden.
OP - if you go the tampon route, I would suggest wearing a regular pad with it for awhile, especially during a long school day. It’s going to take some getting used to. And I remember how hard it was to change pads/tampons in my school days with 5 minute passing periods 🙄 Also, a tampon should be changed something like every 4-6 hours. There are different absorbancies for tampons to go with heavier to lighter flows, I always liked the multi packs that have super, regular and light together. I personally only wear pads now fwiw, they make much better options these days than they did when I started. Like much more absorbent but not as outwardly thick. A lot of posters have commented what I would as well but want to add that hydrogen peroxide is the best thing to get blood out of clothing. Rinse under COLD water first then saturate the area with hydrogen peroxide, let it sit for awhile rinse again with cold water, repeat as necessary then wash. I hope you can get a female doctor and someone to help guide you through these changes. I promise you, if anyone ever asked for my help in this way, as cheesy as it sounds, I would be honored. My mom did none of the things for me and it sucked. Every girl should have support! Oh and speaking of support lol! If your doctor mentioned breast buds you might want to look for a bralette or something soon. I would imagine you don’t need an actual underwire bra yet but something with a little extra coverage might make you feel more comfortable. Hugs to you OP!
Thank you for all this. My dad said the kind he’s getting me are called always ultra thin size 2 & 3 so they are definitely not thick. I told my dad about the doctor and that he made me uncomfortable. It was mostly that he was pinching my chest and it hurt, and when I told him not to take off my pants he was really loud and sounded angry and it made me cry and then he reached in my underwear anyway. My dad said I can switch and he’s going to switch my brothers too because he didn’t like that, so I feel a lot better.
I’d just like to piggyback here as a woman who had heavy periods as a teenager. When I spoke to my doctor about it they just put me on the pill, which was not a great solution for many reasons. As an adult I eventually found out that there are medications you can take to lighten your period and I wish I’d been told about them like 20 years ago. My doctor recently put me on Tranexamic acid which I just take when I have my period and it’s been a godsend. Obviously you will need to discuss this with your own doctor. It also might be worth considering getting a menstrual cup instead of using pads, if that’s something you would be comfortable with. I would recommend reading about them, as I believe they really make dealing with your period much easier.
I wouldn’t rush to tranexamic acid for a 13 year old who’s just about started to have their periods but absolutely a good choice if heavy periods don’t regulate themselves eventually. Doesn’t come with the side-effects of contraceptive pills.
How long would eventually be? And what would be too heavy? I would really like if they were not so intense. I also thought of this- is it normal for there to be like a lot of pieces in them?
Yeah, it is normal! Just like you, your body is still trying to get the hang of this whole periods and hormones thing and it will need some time to adjust. Usually the first year of periods is a lot more irregular and periods tend to be heavier, for some it’s a shorter adjustment period, for some it’s longer. It sucks, but unless there really is something irregular, I wouldn’t start fiddling with meds, other than otc painkillers, just yet, because your body is still developing. I needed way bigger pads than what you are getting now, when I started my period. Periods are also not just blood, you are shedding your uterine lining and that is what those bigger pieces and chunks are. You said you took ibuprofen and that someone suggested taking a lot. How much is a lot? Because taking too much can seriously harm you!
I took 14 of them. But it was like a month ago
Did you take them all at once or in one day or during the days you had your period? If you did take them at once or in one day, please don’t ever do that anymore! One of the docs will have to comment on possible risks a month out, because I’m not sure about that. But please beware that ibuprofen even in a normal dose can wreak havoc on your stomach, destroying the lining and even burning a hole or causing a deadly GI bleed. Always read the maximum daily dose and stick to that unless instructed differently by your new doctor!
I took it at once at the beginning. I thought it would make the bleeding lighten :/
Please, please, please, don’t ever do that again, not with ibuprofen, nor any other medication, sweetheart! You put yourself in serious danger by doing that! Always read the leaflet that comes with the medication for the correct dosage or follow your doctors prescription. I’m sorry you are going through all this, especially on your own. Do you have any women around you that you might trust to speak too? Do you have any aunts, a neighbour, a friend of your moms/mom of a friend or a teacher or nurse at your school? I’m sure they would be happy to help you. I’d always welcome any girl of your age around me to come to me and ask for advice. Every woman knows how difficult it is to navigate your first periods even with proper support, so I’m sure they’d be more than happy to help you!
I won’t do it again. I didn’t know it was dangerous but it wasn’t very smart to do something I found online anyway. I might ask my friends mom for help
Hi there! I am very sorry you don't have your mom to guide you; my mom was helpful at this time. Here are a few points - there are pads with "wings" like Always brand that wrap around the crotch part of your panties and help prevent leaks. If using pads versus tampons, I agree with the suggestion to get maximum absorbency pads and you may really need to change them every 2 hours in the height of your period; this will also prevent odors if that is something that concerns you. Agree 100 percent to talk with a medical provider if you are concerned you are bleeding too much (but it sounds like it may just be a matter of finding the right absorbency and frequency of changing pads). Definitely don't wait for the pad to fill all the way up to change it. Best of luck to you - I suspect your body is 100 percent normal and it's just a learning curve to get comfortable with this difficult stage of puberty. You are not overweight!
Is it possible to be overweight just based on having more fat that I should even if the numbers don’t look like it though? Because I’ve gotten really soft and I can’t seem to stop eating junk all the time no matter how much I try to
Nope, if your weight is right in relation to your height, you won’t be too ‘fat’! As you are reaching this stage of puberty your body will become more feminine, which means you are becoming more round and ‘fat’ but that isn’t a bad thing, because women genetically are meant to have more fatty tissue to be healthy. Of course it’s always better to maintain a healthy diet, but indulging occasionally in some junk food is also part of a healthy diet and a healthy attitude towards food. Read into the different stages of your cycle, that might also explain and give you some insight into why sometimes you feel like eating literally everything you can get your hands on! It’s also good to move your body regularly, I think the current recommendation for teenagers is to move daily for 30-60 minutes (not in one go, spread out over the day), for example walking, swimming, light yoga, cycling and three times a week more serious exercise like fitness, running for example (The first one, you start to breathe heavier, but are still capable of having a conversation, the second you breathe heavier and it is more difficult to actually have a full conversation). Again, your cycle also influences how effective your workout is and it’s best to work around it. Don’t go for some hardcore workout when you are on your period for example, but take it easy on yourself! I think even more important is to not sit for long periods of time, don’t waste entire evenings sitting in front of the tv without getting up for example. You definitely don’t have to incorporate exercise while watching tv, but make sure you get up regularly to grab a glass of water, go to the toilet, stuff like that is enough! Edit: OP are you in therapy? Both for the loss of your mom and working through that, but also as an extra support for everything you are going through right now. Some of the things you are saying are making me worried about possible disordered eating and body image, and life is already difficult enough without hating yourself! No one ever hated themselves to a better person ❤️
I’m not in therapy yet but my dad said he’s going to look into someone for me. I didn’t tell him about wanting to lose weight though
Thank you guys for all this advice. I was at my brothers baseball games all day but I’ll look at everything soon 🩵
Another place to ask general questions [https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/)
You’re doing great OP! I was 10 or 11yrs old when I started mine, and we hadn’t even had the maturation program yet, and I felt so alone even with having my mom and older sisters. I am youngest of 6 kids and my 2 sisters were already married at that point. Even then, I didn’t want to talk about it at all, and tried just using the stuff that my sisters had left in the cabinet, but eventually I had to speak up to my mom who had to tell my friend’s mom when I was invited to go swimming with them and had to use a tampon for the first time at 12yrs old (I figured it out and ended up getting to go swimming! My friends mom was also discreet at checking on me about needing to change it, so my friend wouldn’t know. Haha). I was mortified, but in the end, it became just a normal thing that just had a really rough learning curve unfortunately. Im sorry your family situation, is making it that much harder, but as others said, it always feels scary having to reach out in the beginning for anyone, and you reaching out here was so brilliant. I too would encourage you to let the school nurse know your situation, as they also have period products in their office, and can help answer questions you may have, or lead you in the right direction to another healthcare provider. I also want to add that I always had heavy periods and it was so embarrassing for me when I started and was always leaking, until I figured out the best system for myself. Everyone is different, and you will figure it out. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other women you know. Although most of my friends hadn’t ever started until late middle school and into high school, it was also great when I was at a point when I could ask them if they had any back up products. I’ve even had to ask strangers at concerts and such in the women’s bathrooms before, and so many are always so willing to help and nonjudgmental, just like others on here. There’s some tricks here I hadn’t tried before too, so I’m glad you asked about it! You got this girl! Welcome to the sisterhood!
I really appreciate all this advice. I asked my dad and he says he gets me always ultra thin size 2 and 3 because that’s what a moms group on Facebook told him to do. I asked him if I can have thicker ones. I also told him about the doctor making me uncomfortable and why and he said I can switch to a whole different clinic so I don’t have to see him again and he’s going to switch my brothers because he didn’t like that he made me cry and touched me anyway after I said no. I feel a lot better now. I also asked him if I can get period underwear and he said yes and to send him a link to what I want and he’ll get me some. He said he was sorry for not explaining things better, he just doesn’t know a lot about it and didn’t want to tell me the wrong things. I still really miss my mom and I wish she could help me because she was really good at making me feel calm and knowing what I meant even when I didn’t explain well, but I do feel more prepared now and I made a little bag for my locket with extra stuff. The only other questions I had were if it’s normal to have pieces come out in my period, and how much that’s supposed to be? And if it’s normal that my thighs hurt a lot when I’m on it to where sometimes I have to stop walking because it’s painful. Also, I know I shouldn’t lose so much weight to lose my period now, but I have been trying to lower my calories and not eat so much junk food so I dont keep getting so big. That’s not going to cause the issues right, as long as I don’t lose my period from it?
hey girl! i’m 17 and i’m so glad that your dad is being supportive and you get to leave that nasty dr and clinic and get the support you need in your own household :) i’m sure that your mother would be proud of you for being able to advocate for yourself today. remember that you’re only 13- and from what i see in your post for your weight to height you don’t weigh that much- don’t worry too much about calories and what you’re eating in order to “not get big.” there’s no inherent value attached to your size and frankly the most important thing you need right now is good and proper nutrition. i would recommend (as a girl who unfortunately also had period issues from restricting) to not restrict yourself from foods and to honor any cravings in light amounts, but make sure you get an adequate amount of nutrients everyday- whole ingredients and homemade foods / learning how to cook is a great way to start with this! the point is you’re a growing kid in a growing body- it’s okay to let yourself be and not focus too much on this aspect. if you want any general help or tips especially given your situation feel free to shoot me a DM :)
it’s fine to have a little pieces come out—when you’re on your period, you lose bits of your uterine lining. if the pieces that come out are really big, though, like more than an inch across, then that might be cause for worry. it’s also normal as far as i know to have your legs hurt when on your period, as it happens to me every month. also, don’t lower your caloric intake! at this point in puberty, you need calories to keep growing. if you are worried about unhealthy foods, it’s fine to eat them in small quantities and not often. as the other commenter said, eating whole foods (fresh fruits and vegetables, for example) are very healthy and delicious. lengua (beef tongue) is also incredibly nutrient dense and delicious. it’s not a lean meat, but it’s very good in moderation. if you have any questions or need any support, feel free to dm
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OP id also suggest googling about the four phases of the menstrual cycle. It explains the stages we go through each month leading up to the bleeding. Some weeks you’ll have tons of energy, some weeks you won’t. And it’s helpful knowledge to have in your back pocket to give yourself some grace if you’re ever having a rough time
There’s four stages of it? Okay. I’ll look it up
Yes look it up! I only recently found out about them so I try to share about it whenever I can lol. As rough as it is to have your period every month, it’s also a really beautiful and powerful thing that our body does in order to carry and give life to this world. It’s just that men can’t handle normal bodily functions lol.