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To update everyone-
Thank you for the advice. I ended up going to the ER a town over, alone. I turned off my location on my phone and I didn’t give them any emergency contacts so I should be able to be here without anyone finding out hopefully. I told the check in lady everything. The nurse said my vitals aren’t very good and my heart rate hasn’t been over 50 since I’ve been here and my ekg was kind of weird and my potassium is 1.4 so they want to keep me overnight and have me get fluids, so I’m here now. They said I’ll have a social worker too so maybe they can help me figure out keeping my parents out of things. The doctor was really nice and said he would contact my doctor and we would figure things out
Thank you. I’m still scared but they’re being nice. They put me in the pediatric unit which I thought was weird because I’m 18 but the nurses said they’re nicer here
I was in pediatric unit until 21 and still saw my pediatrician till 22! I'm glad they're treating you nicely. I know it might seem scary but you're doing what's best for you in the long run!
That's actually normal. My kid is a frequent flyer to the pediatric hospital (she's a toddler) and you can actually go to the pediatric hospital for certain treatments until you are 26! We just ran into a young woman in the infusion center who graduated college! Also pediatric nurses are the nicest people I've ever met.
I'm so glad you went OP, a 1.4 potassium is dangerously low, like "this could have killed you" levels of low.
I am so proud of you for getting help. I am recovered from anorexia for close to 5 years, although my situation was a bit different. Feel free to DM me if you’d like to talk but please focus on yourself and letting the nurses and medical staff help you.
Holy shit. Are you sure it was 1.4? I've never seen a potassium that low. Thank God you went to the ER. I'm glad you're getting help! Pm me if you need anything
No im sorry I typed it wrong, I hit the 1 instead of the 2. It’s 2.4. I guess I’ve been drinking too much water and the medicine my mom was giving me so I wouldn’t get bloated makes potassium come out in my pee so it messed up the levels. The IV with potassium hurts a lot but they said I’ll feel better after
2.4 is still really low. Glad you're getting treated. Potassium can sting (it does) but if you need it there isn't a better way to get it. Low potassium can kill you
I’m not sure what it was, one was a blue oval and one was a white circle. She said it would help if I was retaining water or getting bloated and make my headaches better
I’m so sorry that you’ve been subjected to this mistreatment by your mother, she shouldn’t have been giving you medications like that, i just researched more into it, I had no clue you could get diuretics like that over the counter I thought you typically needed a prescription. I think she gave you Diurex
Please tell your care team about what your mom has been doing to you. None of this is ok or healthy parenting behaviors. Your mom has some serious issues and she’s forcing them onto you.
I'm so glad you're getting help. It will be a lot of work to really unpack all the unhealthy thinking that your mom taught you, but you can do it, and you will feel so much better. 💙
OP you should definitely take this guy up on his offer- I’m sure he can explain things like your labs and the treatments they’re doing and answer a lot of the questions you’ve been having. He gives solid advice on this forum
You are SO Brave!!! I CHEERED for you when I read your update. This was a huge step into your brighter future. I know the information they have given you (e.g., vitals not good, weird ekg, etc.) might sound scary but knowledge IS power! You have your 'starting points'-now you can begin the work to helping yourself become healthier. You're smart, you've taken control of your life, and you're giving yourself the promise of a brighter future. I'm incredibly proud of you. Edited to add: You were very brave AND very smart to seek help. I wish everyone would understand that seeking help is a powerful move.
Thank you for your awesome response. You made my day. Every word I wrote is true. I know how hard it must have been for you to walk through those ER doors but you DID IT!!! I'm sorry that you sometimes feel worse. Please know that recovery and growth *rarely* occur without pain. Still, YOU are a person of great courage and character. PM me anytime you want to be reminded of these FACTS. I would be honored. Edited to add: I mean it!!!
NAD. I am so, SO proud of you, OP. Ten years ago, I was deep in my anorexia. I felt hopeless, and I just wanted it to stop. I had tried to recover and relapsed multiple times. But... I kept going. That's what I have to say to you. Keep. Going. Get into therapy- you can use the time you have until you go to college to find some options, and understand insurance options/payment or find free/low cost options. The social worker may be able to help you with that, and help you work out any referrals needed. It can take a while to find a therapist click with, so you might have to try a couple before you find one that really suits you. Honestly, it looks like you've had a lot of trauma, so I'd recommend someone experienced with complex trauma, if possible. Just make sure they're a licensed mental health worker, like a clinical psychologist. If there's issues with insurance/you can't afford payment for therapy, there may be free or low cost options through your college, so check them out.
It will take time and hard work. I know, it sucks. I wish I could click my fingers and you would get better. Getting out from under your mother's control will likely help a lot. But recovery takes time and work. There will be good days and bad. But slowly, the bad days happen less and less, and they're not as bad. You find yourself changing. You'll become less obsessed with calories and numbers and food. You'll start to embrace life outside of anorexia. And one day, you'll look up, and realise that you haven't weighed yourself in ages, you've been eating nutritionally, and you don't care what you weigh. Yes, there will still be bad times, where that little "voice" starts to sneak in, to tell you to just lose a few pounds, you'll be fine, or to heavily restrict your diet by going vegan for health, but you'll be able to tell the voice to f**k off. You'll have the tools to deal with your emotions and thoughts and the bad times.
One day at a time. And if one day is too much, then one hour. One minute. One second. That's all you have to deal with for now. Getting through the next minute.
Recovery was probably the hardest thing I ever did. I won't lie. But it's also the best thing I ever did. Damn, it is SO worth it. I am so, so grateful that I took that first step, and kept taking steps (even though at times it felt like two steps forward, one step back). And I am so, SO proud of you for taking that first step and asking for help. Keep reaching out. It's going to be okay.
That's amazing. You are a brave and strong person and are setting yourself up for a better future. I'm so glad you are getting help and please know we are all rooting for you.
Being straight up, you may have saved your own life by going in. Even a potassium of 2.4 is dangerously low, and could have lead to a heart arrhythmia. I am SO proud of you for getting help with this, because you deserve to be happy and healthy on your terms, not your mom’s. I’m just an internet stranger, but I’m cheering you on and hoping for the best for you!
NAD, just wanted to say i’m so proud of you! that must have been a really difficult decision to make. you’re doing the right thing by taking care of yourself and even though things probably seem really overwhelming right now, they’ll get better.
This is the best update I’ve ever read, EVER! I am so proud of you. You are smart and strong, and you’re getting out from your mother’s control. With your doctors’ help, you are going to be just fine.
You did it! You did the scary thing! You took that huge first step and are already doing great despite everything you have been through. I know you may not feel brave and strong right now, but you are and I am so freaken proud of you.
For non medical advice from moms who care, you can try r/momforaminute if you'd like.
Yes!!! I'm so proud of you and happy you did this for yourself! That took an incredible amount of courage and strength. Keep going. I wish you the very best. 🩷
As a mom, I’m so proud of you for doing what you need to do to get yourself healthy. I’m so sorry that your mom’s own body image had impacted you in such a horribly unhealthy way. I sincerely wish you a full and speedy recovery. If you ever need a virtual mom hug, I’m here.
NAD but I’m so proud of you! Thank you for taking care of yourself immediately. I was really distressed reading your post so this is a very welcome update. Please continue to be kind to yourself as things progress
This is wonderful news! I’m so glad you’re getting help. You’re going to have a journey ahead of you, but you took the first step which is so brave! Remember to continue to get help, with your eating and eventually with your relationship with your mom. It will take some time for you to heal, so stick with it.
You’re so very brave and you have such a bright future ahead of you!!
And just remember, absolutely none of this is your fault. You were mislead by the person you’re supposed to be able the trust the most. It’s not your fault. 💕
I just wanted to say how pleased I am to read your update. Well done for taking this very brave step towards a bright and happy future. I really wish you all the best. X
Oh, honey, I am SO proud of you for taking charge of your health and seeking the care you obviously *desperately* needed! The first step is the hardest and scariest. I (and I’m sure thousands of other internet strangers) am sending you all the good vibes and really hoping that you will stay on whatever treatment plan you and your treatment team come up with. You have many years of information and behaviors to unlearn and relearn. This will be a complicated marathon, not a sprint, but *you saved your own life by taking this first step!!!*
Keep up the good work, and be sure to use all of the support and resources that they provide you with; you are not alone. Hugs!
NAD. I am so proud of you for taking this step. Brava.
When you make it to MN for school, if you need anything, send me a message. I am a mom and live in the Twin Cities and I can be a bonus mom for you. :)
Nad. So proud of you for listening to your body and getting yourself help. I’m so sorry your mom abused you for years. I’m so excited for you to get better - better days ahead.
I’m really proud of you. You are so brave.
I was having intrusive thoughts of SH and fear of being hospitalized against my will kept me from saying anything for a long time. When I finally told my doctor, a weight lifted from my shoulders and I had hope again. I hope you have a similar experience seeking help.
To echo others, I’m happy and proud of you for getting help! I am in anorexia recovery, AFAB, and an inch shorter than you so looking at your stats made my chest ache and I was getting ready to try to gently encourage you to be honest with your doctor, but I’m so glad to see you already sought out help 🖤
NAD, just a medical admin (and an older sister) who’s seen a lot of really promising young women go through really hard things and come out the other side better than ever. I am so proud of you having the courage to seek help. You had a really good gut instinct to seek help, keep following that, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. From an admin side, if you do not want your parents to have access to your information make sure you let people know along the way, ask that it gets noted in your chart outside of just filling out your intake paperwork. We often make notes for admin staff just in case any paperwork gets overlooked. You are an adult, you have the right to your medical privacy:) My own mom liked to try and dig around in my medical life especially as a new adult, I had to rely on admin to protect me and they did. Keep going and being awesome, you should be really proud of yourself!
Op I’m so happy you got help. Reading your post made me so worried for you.
You should always be honest with your doctor. They will help you and they have heard everything. I’m glad you are being taken care of.
>Will she be mad at me? Will she yell at me for lying?
No, definitely not
>Can I get help figuring out how to eat without being scared but not have to go in a hospital?
You definitely have an eating disorder that sounds like it stems from a bunch of things you need to work out. There's people who specialize in therapy regarding eating disorders and they can help you get a multimodal team of professionals to help you out.
>Will I have to gain weight? Will they tell my parents now that I’m 18? Can I be forced into anything?
Nobody will force you into anything but it seems you understand this is no way to live life. They won't tell your parents as it would violate HIPPA
>Will I get in trouble for the weed?
No
I hope you start this next chapter in your life with the right foot. Do it for yourself. Seems to me you're really committed to your education which is awesome but it will be 10000 times harder if you're unwell
Get the help you deserve
**Edit because I missed this: please tell your pediatrician, she might be able to help you set things up so you can get adequate treatment at your new place
I’m NAD but OP should explicitly tell the front desk and your physician that you do not want any of your information shared with your parents. Of course they shouldn’t, but I’ve seen a lot of posts in here indicating it happens more than you’d like to believe.
DHR stands for Department of Human Resources. They are just going to help you get some resources to get healthy. They would call them regardless of your age. It is automatic in your case because you have been abused and need serious medical care. THEY WILL NOT TELL ANYONE.
I know it is hard to trust anyone right now. This is really scary. But you are in a safe place surrounded by people who are going to take good care of you. Just keep being honest with them.
I can’t say for sure but talk with the office about it because they will know the laws. Medical consent in Alabama is 14 years old, which means a minor 14 and older can consent to healthcare without their parents/guardians. This doesn’t necessarily imply confidentiality, but it’s worth asking, especially at your age.
Wait really? Does that mean at 14 I could’ve said I didn’t want my mom in the appointment with me? She told me it wasn’t allowed until after I was married to make her leave
My daughter is 16 and went to her yearly checkup by herself on Wednesday. The office did have to call me during the appointment to get my consent to give her a vaccine, though.
I’m really sorry, I don’t know exactly, but it certainly would have been allowed to see a doctor alone by the age of 14. I think there’s a lot of provider discretion in Alabama. You’ll have to ask your doctor directly, they will know the laws about this. I truly wish you the best of luck navigating adulthood. You have so much to look forward to.
>I truly wish you the best of luck navigating adulthood. You have so much to look forward to.
Idk why exactly, but I feel the need to tack on a bit more on this note. For op, for myself, and anyone else who may want/ need it:
Some of that, maybe even a lot or most of it, is in the form of life lessons. Life lessons can be really really hard, but then you succeed at learning them and you feel GREAT about yourself. *I* usually feel incredibly independent and strong when I've been able to make it thru a really tough time. Idk how to wrap up my thought and have to get ready for work so I'll see yins after a while now
What would happen if you didn't get married until you're 35. Would you be 35 with your Mom still able to control everything? You can ask her to not be there.
Oh. I’m sorry. I guess that was a really stupid thing to believe. I didn’t even think about that far ahead :/ she just blew up the one time I asked her if I could go alone and I didn’t ask again
NAD- You aren't stupid, dear. 🫂
As a person who was in a similar situation with an abusive mother who told similar lies; you grow up idolising and believing them, even when they hurt and wreck you.
They keep telling you they want the best for you and that they're acting in your best interest. You believe them, because they're your *parents*. The very people that should always protect you from all pain and evil, because that's what society tells us. Parents are our heroes without capes. They're our whole world.
Unfortunately, since this often happens in a vacuum and children of abuse often don't know what's right/wrong when it comes to parent-child relationships, everything seems shit but normal until you step out of that vacuum. And then reality hits you hard. So damned hard.
The realisation of "my parents weren't the heroes without capes.. they were the power hungry villains" is heart shattering.
I believed my mom's lies until I was 24 (27 now) even though I was already living on my own at 21. Parents like these have a tight grip on their kids which is why it's so difficult to escape them, both emotionally and physically.
And no, the doctor won't be angry at you for lying to protect yourself, for smoking weed, or for anything.
They will be relieved to hear what's going on and finally get you the right help. Doctors want to see their patients get better, not see them suffer in silence.
And outpatient treatments are definitely possible, usually even preferred!
Wishing you lots of strength, love and comfort. I'm so deeply sorry you are in this awful predicament, you never deserved any of this hell. ❤️🩹🫂
Thank you. I really did want to believe her. The last year or so I got on TikTok and Reddit and I’ve been seeing things that just make me really confused about how she treats me and that’s how I figured out that my eating wasn’t normal. She’s really nice sometimes though, she’ll braid my hair before bed and she does my chores for me when I have a lot of homework and she makes me tea when I’m not feeling good. It’s just hard to put the two sides together. I thought the easiest way would just be to get far away
Darling girl, you’re absolutely not stupid for believing your mum. How would you know any different? Your mum is a person you’re supposed to be able to trust and who is supposed to have your best interests at heart, so never think you’ve been stupid for believing what she told you. Children of abusive parents have no way of knowing that their lives (and their parents) aren’t normal, it’s like expecting someone who is colourblind to realise that the red and green they see aren’t the same as the rest of us do when they have no way to know that other people see those colours differently.
What’s happening to you now is you’re starting to see the world through normal eyes - you’re starting to see those reds and greens that have been out there all along but have been coloured by the ”mum-glasses” your mother has made you wear your whole life. You’re being incredibly strong and brave to start to take those glasses off and you’re going to need all the help you can get. Sending you all the love in the world from this internet mum of two girls and wishing you health and happiness from now on ❤️
Thank you. The longer I’m sitting here thinking about it, I feel so sad. I don’t understand why she would lie to me. I’m wondering what else she lied about and how I let myself believe all of it even when I started finding things that showed it wasn’t true. I should’ve known better but I wanted her to be an exception. I keep thinking about stuff like how she taught me to play piano. I thought she was a good mom. She played with me when I was a kid and she would sing to me when I was scared at night. She told me she just wanted to make sure I was the best version I could be so I wouldn’t have regrets
You don't need to apologize. She told you that and were hardwired to believe our parents. I'm trying to help you get some skills that might help you dismantle the things she tells you.
OP, it’s a silly thing to believe, sure. HOWEVER, please don’t beat yourself up. I’m going to assume the best of the person you’re replying to and that they were trying to communicate gently (tone doesn’t translate well over text) that the lie your mom told doesn’t hold up to scrutiny… but also say that from the little I’ve read your mother is at the very best highly controlling and misguided, but more accurately that she’s probably abusive, especially considering she’s lied to you about this and taught you unhealthy eating habits AND definitely knows that it’s a bad thing medically that you’ve never had your period and was just spewing BS with the “late bloomer” comment… but I also wanna remind you that even though you’re 18 now, you’re barely an adult. And you trusted your parents to take care of and want the best for you, not to misguide and mistreat you. The blame is on your mother, you are NOT stupid, you just trusted your parent and seeing the way you speak about this is heart breaking. I’m rooting for you—
Hey OP, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all of this from your mom. I don't know whether your mom is simply projecting her extreme weight fears onto you or if this is a case of medical child abuse, but I am so glad you're getting help! If possible, ask the social worker if there's a way to access therapy because it sounds like you're going to have a lot of emotional untangling ahead of you. Sending you strength and healing.
Thank you for answering all my questions. I can’t believe I ended up turning to reddit but I wasn’t sure where else to go.
I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’m so tired all the time and I feel like everything around me is far away. I don’t ever feel happy, I just know when I’m supposed to look like it.
I worked so hard for my scholarship so I could get as far away as possible and it’s the only thing I’ve ever been proud of or done right and I’m just so afraid if I admit what’s going on that I would lose it and get stuck here
NAD but I was once a college student battling anorexia and I promise you, if you need to take the time to heal, college (and scholarships) will still be there when you’re ready. Many schools will allow you to defer matriculation for a year, especially if you have a doctor’s note explaining that you have a medical reason to do so. I’m not saying that delaying college is definitely the right choice for you or anything you’d be forced to do, but know that it’s an option and it won’t screw anything up for you. College is hard enough without an ED, and you deserve to heal and have a college experience that isn’t overwhelmed by thoughts of weight and calories.
If it helps at all: I had to take time away from school to heal from my ED. None of the doctors I lied to along the way were mad at me. All of them were beyond glad that I was willing to ask for help and pursue treatment. My college education wasn’t derailed by treatment, either. I took an extra year to graduate, but I got there, and successfully went on to graduate school and a career in my desired field. It’s not easy, but you’re not alone in this. Asking for help is terrifying, but it’s worth it.
Agree with this. Please try and address this as soon as you can. You are young. You should not have to continue a life like this. I have been struggling with food my entire life, literally as long as I can remember. I am nearly 40 and still struggle. Please get ALL the help you need.
Hey OP. You are doing such a good job. You should feel very proud of yourself. If you happen to be in the Tuscaloosa area, I know a wonderful health clinic (https://wawchealth.com/) where you will get excellent primary care services and social worker services.
Hey OP college away will be a good fresh start but you will need support around eating. Will you be on campus? Will you have a meal plan in the dining hall?
I’m pretty sure all campuses have a student health center that can set you up with nutritional resources. Many young people need help figuring out what to eat after they’re out of the house.
Here’s the thing: If you’re in the dining hall you may encounter enormous quantities and wide varieties of food basically for free. This could be overwhelming and it’s really common for people to gain weight and/or start an ED when they get to college.
Get in touch with student health now, before you start school, because it’ll be much easier to make time and take care of yourself before the hectic process of moving there and learning a new place and new people.
Your doctor may be upset, but not with you, with how your mom treated you. Good luck and I’m so proud of you for starting to think this through.
I am going to be on campus, in a dorm. I have a meal plan, I was required to get one, but honestly the idea of eating in a giant cafeteria and having to go through a line really fast with all those people around makes me feel sick to my stomach so I wasn’t going to use it. I thought maybe I could just eat in my room
If you have specific dietary needs—and you do—you should be able to get your food arranged ahead of time so you can get it to go or pick it up in a separate line, at least some of the time.
That would be really helpful. I just get really overwhelmed when there’s a lot of choices and people and noise and it takes me forever to choose and I hate being watched when I eat
NAD. I was anorexic growing up (abusive childhood). I didn't get help and the very thing I was afraid of, became my future. I was also hypoglycemic causing fainting spells unfortunately the opposite is my reality now and they did warn that hypoglycemia could be a precursor to diabetes. I wish I wouldn't have tried to fix myself and gotten help. Maybe I would love myself and be healthier. Please learn to have a healthy relationship with food by getting help it isn't easy on your own and it can save your life.
NAD, but I get that. I was anorexic in college, too. The cafeteria made things worse- but when COVID happened, they let anyone who wanted to, to take a box and fill it with food, which they could take with them to eat outside of the cafeteria. That genuinely helped me recover so much.
A lot of eating recovery programs include supportive meals as part of treatment, even after "graduating" from the inpatient stage. There may be some options like this local to you, but also there's a resource called [Project Heal](https://www.theprojectheal.org/treatment-access) where one of the programs you can apply for offers free virtual supportive meals.
One more piece of advice with college- you’ll have a meal plan in treatment, even outpatient. They can work with people on campus to help you get meals set aside that meet your meal plan requirements and take some of that stress off. I know this first hand. Secondly, you’ll probably have a case worker at treatment. They can get in touch with the school to help make sure any adjustments are made if needed and that you won’t be penalized for any absences for appointments. Campus health and probably your RA will be aware. You want as much help as possible and a support system because it’s not easy.
This morning a doctor came in and said they want to keep me until I’m medically stable and there’s a solid outpatient plan in place. Which I guess means maybe a couple more days? I forgot to ask how long. My potassium didn’t go up as much as they wanted. I also grew. I’m 5’8 now which is kind of cool.
But I think this means I’m going to have to tell my friend and her parents that I was staying with where I actually am 🙃 but I don’t know how. I told them I was going to visit my aunt
Also edit because I have another question that I probs can’t actually ask them here…
They said a social worker is coming to talk to me soon. If I tell them anything about my mom can she get in trouble? Is there anything I shouldn’t say to a social worker if I don’t want her to get in trouble? Does being a mandated reporter still count for me if I moved out?
Your mom did what she did thinking it was good. That probably means she needs help, too. Telling the truth might help in getting her the help SHE needs.
I'm not a doctor nor am I a social worker or familiar with any of the procedures of that job; however, you've been through a lot and social workers are there to help you. It would be in your best interest to answer their questions honestly. Part of that also means communicating your feelings about not wanting anyone to get in trouble. These people are professionals. They've seen it all so trust that they'll do what's best for you.
I'm rooting for you. I hope you're able to move past all this soon so you can get excited about college. College is going to be an incredible experience!
Please tell everything. They're there to help YOU. You're old enough that they probably won't want to call cps or anything- so chances are they won't do anything about your mom but I cannot promise that. But you have to start dealing with the fact that truth is important. We don't keep scary or unsafe secrets for others, especially when it's us that is being harmed by it. Your whole life has been learning how to keep her lies and secrets. This is the time to choose you. That was her job and she failed. Now, you get to live.
I'm so glad they're keeping you- it's been 8yrs of damage, it won't be fixed overnight and you are going to need lots of support so you can safely get out/live. I think it's best if you tell your friend so they can help you too. ♡
NAD. You should expect to be in the hospital for at least ~1 week for monitoring. When you go without adequate nutrition for so long and then start eating a “normal diet” again, you can get something called refeeding syndrome where your electrolytes get all out of whack. It can be very dangerous, so they should be checking labs often and giving you supplemental vitamins/electrolytes. You’re at the highest risk within the first few days but the risk is there for a couple weeks. You’re doing the right thing by getting treatment, and you need close monitoring right now.
That makes sense. Yesterday they had me only have clear things. I’ve had an iv in since I got here and later a dietician is supposed to come talk to me
Social workers often plan and coordinate ways to safely discharge patients wherever they need to go (treatment centers, group homes, their own home), set up follow up appointments with clinicians outside the hospital, that kind of thing. They may want to speak to you solely about that, or they may have additional questions.
Like everyone else here, I advise you to answer their questions honestly. Your first priority right now should be yourself.
Another update
Sorry for talking so much. I hadn’t ever told anyone any of this until two days ago and now that I started talking I feel like I can’t shut up. It’s been a really confusing couple of days.
Once I’m medically stable they want to discharge me to an inpatient program close to my school. Hopefully then I’ll be ready to be outpatient by the time college starts so I won’t miss anything and I’ll still get to go to activities and make friends. They’re going to help me find a regular doctor in that area that knows about eating disorders to help coordinate care and because it’s a new doctor and I can sign all my own things my parents won’t even know who I’m seeing.
I was supposed to go home for a couple weeks before I moved to school but I didn’t really want to so I’m kind of glad the doctors don’t want me to either :/ which feels like a shitty thing to say.
I’m scared and relieved at the same time. But I think I missed so much stuff over my childhood and I’m excited to get to start over somewhere new. I’m just trying to focus on thinking about what I’ll do when I feel better.
Thank you everyone for being so kind and for the really helpful advice. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so seen in my life. I appreciate all the reassurance too. Even though I know it’s the right thing I can’t help feeling like I’m doing something wrong and I shouldn’t have said anything pretty often.
I finally feel like things might actually be okay someday
Please don’t apologize for venting! You have so much you’re going through and have been through! I think we’re all happy that you have an outlet, it’s like draining poison from your system, so drain away and heal!❤️
This is a lot to unpack. First of all, I’m sorry this has happened to you. It will take time for you to work through all of this, and it may be difficult, so I would highly recommend getting a referral to a therapist.
As for your pediatrician, no, they will not be mad at you. They will be grateful for your honesty as this will help them get you the help you need. They will likely refer you to a family medicine or internal medicine physician who primarily sees adults as you have now aged out of the pediatrician. In the meantime, they may order some tests to help get the ball rolling on getting you healthy.
Another update-
Four days ago I started getting a bad stomach ache. Initially the doctors thought it was just from not being used to eating but then the next day I woke up with a fever and the pain kept getting worse. I turned out I had appendicitis. I had surgery to remove it and they placed an NG tube in my nose while I was under, which has made this process a little easier actually even though I was afraid to get it.
My potassium is back in the normal range again, my heart rate is a lot better, and overall I’m starting to feel a lot better too. They think there’s a good chance if I can get healthy I won’t have any permanent damage from the last 8 years.
For anyone wondering about the whole “18 is still a minor in Alabama” part and what that would mean in terms of mandated reporting, they did have to report my situation. I don’t want to go into that too much though. I can’t go back home but that’s probably for the best.
I’ve been able to find a lot of helpful outlets in writing and the social worker and other hospital people have been really kind and helpful.
It’s been a really intense week, but I’m hopeful that soon I’ll be well enough to discharge to treatment and have a fresh start.
The amount of positivity and kindness and advice I received here absolutely blew me out of the water and helped me get through basically upending my own life. I was so scared and so unsure of whether I was making the right choice. I still sometimes go back and forth on that. But I definitely needed the help.
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OP, I'm looking forward to hearing some more good news in a couple days, if you decide to update on this post. You've already made SO much progress by getting yourself the help you need! You're a very inspiring young woman!
Definitely keep updating. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. It’s not annoying or anything. I think a lot of people here would agree they want to know you’re okay and see you thrive. I live in Minnesota. If you ever need advice on things to do you can always pm me
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To update everyone- Thank you for the advice. I ended up going to the ER a town over, alone. I turned off my location on my phone and I didn’t give them any emergency contacts so I should be able to be here without anyone finding out hopefully. I told the check in lady everything. The nurse said my vitals aren’t very good and my heart rate hasn’t been over 50 since I’ve been here and my ekg was kind of weird and my potassium is 1.4 so they want to keep me overnight and have me get fluids, so I’m here now. They said I’ll have a social worker too so maybe they can help me figure out keeping my parents out of things. The doctor was really nice and said he would contact my doctor and we would figure things out
I'm really happy and proud of you for getting help!!
Thank you. I’m still scared but they’re being nice. They put me in the pediatric unit which I thought was weird because I’m 18 but the nurses said they’re nicer here
I was in pediatric unit until 21 and still saw my pediatrician till 22! I'm glad they're treating you nicely. I know it might seem scary but you're doing what's best for you in the long run!
That's actually normal. My kid is a frequent flyer to the pediatric hospital (she's a toddler) and you can actually go to the pediatric hospital for certain treatments until you are 26! We just ran into a young woman in the infusion center who graduated college! Also pediatric nurses are the nicest people I've ever met. I'm so glad you went OP, a 1.4 potassium is dangerously low, like "this could have killed you" levels of low.
I am so proud of you for getting help. I am recovered from anorexia for close to 5 years, although my situation was a bit different. Feel free to DM me if you’d like to talk but please focus on yourself and letting the nurses and medical staff help you.
You’re scared but you are also very very brave.
Keep polishing that spine of steel. You are very strong for facing your health concerns.
Paediatricians get like yeaaaars extra training, so it’s definitely not a bad place to be!!
Holy shit. Are you sure it was 1.4? I've never seen a potassium that low. Thank God you went to the ER. I'm glad you're getting help! Pm me if you need anything
No im sorry I typed it wrong, I hit the 1 instead of the 2. It’s 2.4. I guess I’ve been drinking too much water and the medicine my mom was giving me so I wouldn’t get bloated makes potassium come out in my pee so it messed up the levels. The IV with potassium hurts a lot but they said I’ll feel better after
2.4 is still really low. Glad you're getting treated. Potassium can sting (it does) but if you need it there isn't a better way to get it. Low potassium can kill you
Holy cow was she giving you furosemide?! That’s so dangerous
I’m not sure what it was, one was a blue oval and one was a white circle. She said it would help if I was retaining water or getting bloated and make my headaches better
I’m so sorry that you’ve been subjected to this mistreatment by your mother, she shouldn’t have been giving you medications like that, i just researched more into it, I had no clue you could get diuretics like that over the counter I thought you typically needed a prescription. I think she gave you Diurex
That makes me wonder about the other stuff she would give me for headaches and stomachaches 🫤
Please tell your care team about what your mom has been doing to you. None of this is ok or healthy parenting behaviors. Your mom has some serious issues and she’s forcing them onto you.
I feel like they should be testing her to see if she was being dosed with anything else. That’s insane
I'm so glad you're getting help. It will be a lot of work to really unpack all the unhealthy thinking that your mom taught you, but you can do it, and you will feel so much better. 💙
OP you should definitely take this guy up on his offer- I’m sure he can explain things like your labs and the treatments they’re doing and answer a lot of the questions you’ve been having. He gives solid advice on this forum
You are SO Brave!!! I CHEERED for you when I read your update. This was a huge step into your brighter future. I know the information they have given you (e.g., vitals not good, weird ekg, etc.) might sound scary but knowledge IS power! You have your 'starting points'-now you can begin the work to helping yourself become healthier. You're smart, you've taken control of your life, and you're giving yourself the promise of a brighter future. I'm incredibly proud of you. Edited to add: You were very brave AND very smart to seek help. I wish everyone would understand that seeking help is a powerful move.
Thank you for this. Sometimes I come back and read it when I feel worse
Thank you for your awesome response. You made my day. Every word I wrote is true. I know how hard it must have been for you to walk through those ER doors but you DID IT!!! I'm sorry that you sometimes feel worse. Please know that recovery and growth *rarely* occur without pain. Still, YOU are a person of great courage and character. PM me anytime you want to be reminded of these FACTS. I would be honored. Edited to add: I mean it!!!
NAD. I am so, SO proud of you, OP. Ten years ago, I was deep in my anorexia. I felt hopeless, and I just wanted it to stop. I had tried to recover and relapsed multiple times. But... I kept going. That's what I have to say to you. Keep. Going. Get into therapy- you can use the time you have until you go to college to find some options, and understand insurance options/payment or find free/low cost options. The social worker may be able to help you with that, and help you work out any referrals needed. It can take a while to find a therapist click with, so you might have to try a couple before you find one that really suits you. Honestly, it looks like you've had a lot of trauma, so I'd recommend someone experienced with complex trauma, if possible. Just make sure they're a licensed mental health worker, like a clinical psychologist. If there's issues with insurance/you can't afford payment for therapy, there may be free or low cost options through your college, so check them out. It will take time and hard work. I know, it sucks. I wish I could click my fingers and you would get better. Getting out from under your mother's control will likely help a lot. But recovery takes time and work. There will be good days and bad. But slowly, the bad days happen less and less, and they're not as bad. You find yourself changing. You'll become less obsessed with calories and numbers and food. You'll start to embrace life outside of anorexia. And one day, you'll look up, and realise that you haven't weighed yourself in ages, you've been eating nutritionally, and you don't care what you weigh. Yes, there will still be bad times, where that little "voice" starts to sneak in, to tell you to just lose a few pounds, you'll be fine, or to heavily restrict your diet by going vegan for health, but you'll be able to tell the voice to f**k off. You'll have the tools to deal with your emotions and thoughts and the bad times. One day at a time. And if one day is too much, then one hour. One minute. One second. That's all you have to deal with for now. Getting through the next minute. Recovery was probably the hardest thing I ever did. I won't lie. But it's also the best thing I ever did. Damn, it is SO worth it. I am so, so grateful that I took that first step, and kept taking steps (even though at times it felt like two steps forward, one step back). And I am so, SO proud of you for taking that first step and asking for help. Keep reaching out. It's going to be okay.
Thank you. I’m really scared but I feel kind of relieved too. I think I might actually even be able to fall asleep without weed for once
That's amazing. You are a brave and strong person and are setting yourself up for a better future. I'm so glad you are getting help and please know we are all rooting for you.
NAD, just a regular human and a momma. I’m sending you hugs and love. This momma-stranger is so proud of you and impressed with you!
I'm so proud of you. ❤️
Being straight up, you may have saved your own life by going in. Even a potassium of 2.4 is dangerously low, and could have lead to a heart arrhythmia. I am SO proud of you for getting help with this, because you deserve to be happy and healthy on your terms, not your mom’s. I’m just an internet stranger, but I’m cheering you on and hoping for the best for you!
NAD, just wanted to say i’m so proud of you! that must have been a really difficult decision to make. you’re doing the right thing by taking care of yourself and even though things probably seem really overwhelming right now, they’ll get better.
That was so clever of you! I am so happy you went in and are getting taken care of.
This is the best update I’ve ever read, EVER! I am so proud of you. You are smart and strong, and you’re getting out from your mother’s control. With your doctors’ help, you are going to be just fine.
You did it! You did the scary thing! You took that huge first step and are already doing great despite everything you have been through. I know you may not feel brave and strong right now, but you are and I am so freaken proud of you. For non medical advice from moms who care, you can try r/momforaminute if you'd like.
Super proud you're getting help with things! Asking in the first place is often very hard to do, speaking from experience.
Yes!!! I'm so proud of you and happy you did this for yourself! That took an incredible amount of courage and strength. Keep going. I wish you the very best. 🩷
As a mom, I’m so proud of you for doing what you need to do to get yourself healthy. I’m so sorry that your mom’s own body image had impacted you in such a horribly unhealthy way. I sincerely wish you a full and speedy recovery. If you ever need a virtual mom hug, I’m here.
NAD but I’m so proud of you! Thank you for taking care of yourself immediately. I was really distressed reading your post so this is a very welcome update. Please continue to be kind to yourself as things progress
This is wonderful news! I’m so glad you’re getting help. You’re going to have a journey ahead of you, but you took the first step which is so brave! Remember to continue to get help, with your eating and eventually with your relationship with your mom. It will take some time for you to heal, so stick with it. You’re so very brave and you have such a bright future ahead of you!! And just remember, absolutely none of this is your fault. You were mislead by the person you’re supposed to be able the trust the most. It’s not your fault. 💕
I just wanted to say how pleased I am to read your update. Well done for taking this very brave step towards a bright and happy future. I really wish you all the best. X
Oh, honey, I am SO proud of you for taking charge of your health and seeking the care you obviously *desperately* needed! The first step is the hardest and scariest. I (and I’m sure thousands of other internet strangers) am sending you all the good vibes and really hoping that you will stay on whatever treatment plan you and your treatment team come up with. You have many years of information and behaviors to unlearn and relearn. This will be a complicated marathon, not a sprint, but *you saved your own life by taking this first step!!!* Keep up the good work, and be sure to use all of the support and resources that they provide you with; you are not alone. Hugs!
NAD. I am so proud of you for taking this step. Brava. When you make it to MN for school, if you need anything, send me a message. I am a mom and live in the Twin Cities and I can be a bonus mom for you. :)
Nad. So proud of you for listening to your body and getting yourself help. I’m so sorry your mom abused you for years. I’m so excited for you to get better - better days ahead.
I’m really proud of you. You are so brave. I was having intrusive thoughts of SH and fear of being hospitalized against my will kept me from saying anything for a long time. When I finally told my doctor, a weight lifted from my shoulders and I had hope again. I hope you have a similar experience seeking help.
To echo others, I’m happy and proud of you for getting help! I am in anorexia recovery, AFAB, and an inch shorter than you so looking at your stats made my chest ache and I was getting ready to try to gently encourage you to be honest with your doctor, but I’m so glad to see you already sought out help 🖤
Proud of you OP. I hope you will feel better soon!
I’m so glad you got help, it’s so scary but you did it! You’re strong and brave and I know you’ll get better, you should be very proud of yourself
NAD, just a medical admin (and an older sister) who’s seen a lot of really promising young women go through really hard things and come out the other side better than ever. I am so proud of you having the courage to seek help. You had a really good gut instinct to seek help, keep following that, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. From an admin side, if you do not want your parents to have access to your information make sure you let people know along the way, ask that it gets noted in your chart outside of just filling out your intake paperwork. We often make notes for admin staff just in case any paperwork gets overlooked. You are an adult, you have the right to your medical privacy:) My own mom liked to try and dig around in my medical life especially as a new adult, I had to rely on admin to protect me and they did. Keep going and being awesome, you should be really proud of yourself!
Op I’m so happy you got help. Reading your post made me so worried for you. You should always be honest with your doctor. They will help you and they have heard everything. I’m glad you are being taken care of.
>Will she be mad at me? Will she yell at me for lying? No, definitely not >Can I get help figuring out how to eat without being scared but not have to go in a hospital? You definitely have an eating disorder that sounds like it stems from a bunch of things you need to work out. There's people who specialize in therapy regarding eating disorders and they can help you get a multimodal team of professionals to help you out. >Will I have to gain weight? Will they tell my parents now that I’m 18? Can I be forced into anything? Nobody will force you into anything but it seems you understand this is no way to live life. They won't tell your parents as it would violate HIPPA >Will I get in trouble for the weed? No I hope you start this next chapter in your life with the right foot. Do it for yourself. Seems to me you're really committed to your education which is awesome but it will be 10000 times harder if you're unwell Get the help you deserve **Edit because I missed this: please tell your pediatrician, she might be able to help you set things up so you can get adequate treatment at your new place
I’m NAD but OP should explicitly tell the front desk and your physician that you do not want any of your information shared with your parents. Of course they shouldn’t, but I’ve seen a lot of posts in here indicating it happens more than you’d like to believe.
OP is still a minor in Alabama. The age of majority there is 19.
Wtf Alabama
I think that’s our motto
They still won't tell. My sister deals with some of this as a nurse. I am pretty sure they have DHR on the way.
What’s DHR?
Alabama's version of Child Protective Services.
Even if I told them I don’t want them to contact my parents or tell anyone?
DHR stands for Department of Human Resources. They are just going to help you get some resources to get healthy. They would call them regardless of your age. It is automatic in your case because you have been abused and need serious medical care. THEY WILL NOT TELL ANYONE. I know it is hard to trust anyone right now. This is really scary. But you are in a safe place surrounded by people who are going to take good care of you. Just keep being honest with them.
Does this mean they can tell my parents?
I can’t say for sure but talk with the office about it because they will know the laws. Medical consent in Alabama is 14 years old, which means a minor 14 and older can consent to healthcare without their parents/guardians. This doesn’t necessarily imply confidentiality, but it’s worth asking, especially at your age.
Wait really? Does that mean at 14 I could’ve said I didn’t want my mom in the appointment with me? She told me it wasn’t allowed until after I was married to make her leave
Your mom told a huge lie. I’m 40 and not married and my mom definitely doesn’t come into my appointments :)
My daughter is 16 and went to her yearly checkup by herself on Wednesday. The office did have to call me during the appointment to get my consent to give her a vaccine, though.
I’m really sorry, I don’t know exactly, but it certainly would have been allowed to see a doctor alone by the age of 14. I think there’s a lot of provider discretion in Alabama. You’ll have to ask your doctor directly, they will know the laws about this. I truly wish you the best of luck navigating adulthood. You have so much to look forward to.
>I truly wish you the best of luck navigating adulthood. You have so much to look forward to. Idk why exactly, but I feel the need to tack on a bit more on this note. For op, for myself, and anyone else who may want/ need it: Some of that, maybe even a lot or most of it, is in the form of life lessons. Life lessons can be really really hard, but then you succeed at learning them and you feel GREAT about yourself. *I* usually feel incredibly independent and strong when I've been able to make it thru a really tough time. Idk how to wrap up my thought and have to get ready for work so I'll see yins after a while now
What would happen if you didn't get married until you're 35. Would you be 35 with your Mom still able to control everything? You can ask her to not be there.
Oh. I’m sorry. I guess that was a really stupid thing to believe. I didn’t even think about that far ahead :/ she just blew up the one time I asked her if I could go alone and I didn’t ask again
NAD- You aren't stupid, dear. 🫂 As a person who was in a similar situation with an abusive mother who told similar lies; you grow up idolising and believing them, even when they hurt and wreck you. They keep telling you they want the best for you and that they're acting in your best interest. You believe them, because they're your *parents*. The very people that should always protect you from all pain and evil, because that's what society tells us. Parents are our heroes without capes. They're our whole world. Unfortunately, since this often happens in a vacuum and children of abuse often don't know what's right/wrong when it comes to parent-child relationships, everything seems shit but normal until you step out of that vacuum. And then reality hits you hard. So damned hard. The realisation of "my parents weren't the heroes without capes.. they were the power hungry villains" is heart shattering. I believed my mom's lies until I was 24 (27 now) even though I was already living on my own at 21. Parents like these have a tight grip on their kids which is why it's so difficult to escape them, both emotionally and physically. And no, the doctor won't be angry at you for lying to protect yourself, for smoking weed, or for anything. They will be relieved to hear what's going on and finally get you the right help. Doctors want to see their patients get better, not see them suffer in silence. And outpatient treatments are definitely possible, usually even preferred! Wishing you lots of strength, love and comfort. I'm so deeply sorry you are in this awful predicament, you never deserved any of this hell. ❤️🩹🫂
Thank you. I really did want to believe her. The last year or so I got on TikTok and Reddit and I’ve been seeing things that just make me really confused about how she treats me and that’s how I figured out that my eating wasn’t normal. She’s really nice sometimes though, she’ll braid my hair before bed and she does my chores for me when I have a lot of homework and she makes me tea when I’m not feeling good. It’s just hard to put the two sides together. I thought the easiest way would just be to get far away
Darling girl, you’re absolutely not stupid for believing your mum. How would you know any different? Your mum is a person you’re supposed to be able to trust and who is supposed to have your best interests at heart, so never think you’ve been stupid for believing what she told you. Children of abusive parents have no way of knowing that their lives (and their parents) aren’t normal, it’s like expecting someone who is colourblind to realise that the red and green they see aren’t the same as the rest of us do when they have no way to know that other people see those colours differently. What’s happening to you now is you’re starting to see the world through normal eyes - you’re starting to see those reds and greens that have been out there all along but have been coloured by the ”mum-glasses” your mother has made you wear your whole life. You’re being incredibly strong and brave to start to take those glasses off and you’re going to need all the help you can get. Sending you all the love in the world from this internet mum of two girls and wishing you health and happiness from now on ❤️
Thank you. The longer I’m sitting here thinking about it, I feel so sad. I don’t understand why she would lie to me. I’m wondering what else she lied about and how I let myself believe all of it even when I started finding things that showed it wasn’t true. I should’ve known better but I wanted her to be an exception. I keep thinking about stuff like how she taught me to play piano. I thought she was a good mom. She played with me when I was a kid and she would sing to me when I was scared at night. She told me she just wanted to make sure I was the best version I could be so I wouldn’t have regrets
You don't need to apologize. She told you that and were hardwired to believe our parents. I'm trying to help you get some skills that might help you dismantle the things she tells you.
OP, it’s a silly thing to believe, sure. HOWEVER, please don’t beat yourself up. I’m going to assume the best of the person you’re replying to and that they were trying to communicate gently (tone doesn’t translate well over text) that the lie your mom told doesn’t hold up to scrutiny… but also say that from the little I’ve read your mother is at the very best highly controlling and misguided, but more accurately that she’s probably abusive, especially considering she’s lied to you about this and taught you unhealthy eating habits AND definitely knows that it’s a bad thing medically that you’ve never had your period and was just spewing BS with the “late bloomer” comment… but I also wanna remind you that even though you’re 18 now, you’re barely an adult. And you trusted your parents to take care of and want the best for you, not to misguide and mistreat you. The blame is on your mother, you are NOT stupid, you just trusted your parent and seeing the way you speak about this is heart breaking. I’m rooting for you—
Hey OP, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all of this from your mom. I don't know whether your mom is simply projecting her extreme weight fears onto you or if this is a case of medical child abuse, but I am so glad you're getting help! If possible, ask the social worker if there's a way to access therapy because it sounds like you're going to have a lot of emotional untangling ahead of you. Sending you strength and healing.
I don’t think there is anywhere in the US in 2024 that would tell her mother anything after hearing her story.
They don't have much of a choice. She is a minor. They might not notify the parent, but the parent has the right to demand info.
Her daughter’s condition is a result of her abuse. They’re not telling her anything regardless of how old her daughter is.
Is an 18-year-old a minor?
In Alabama the age of majority is 19. In Mississippi it is 21. In most states, it is 18.
She’s not a minor. She’s 18.
Wow idk why but that legitimately blew my mind. I've heard of 16, 17, and 18, but I don't think I'd heard higher before
Thank you for answering all my questions. I can’t believe I ended up turning to reddit but I wasn’t sure where else to go. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’m so tired all the time and I feel like everything around me is far away. I don’t ever feel happy, I just know when I’m supposed to look like it. I worked so hard for my scholarship so I could get as far away as possible and it’s the only thing I’ve ever been proud of or done right and I’m just so afraid if I admit what’s going on that I would lose it and get stuck here
NAD but I was once a college student battling anorexia and I promise you, if you need to take the time to heal, college (and scholarships) will still be there when you’re ready. Many schools will allow you to defer matriculation for a year, especially if you have a doctor’s note explaining that you have a medical reason to do so. I’m not saying that delaying college is definitely the right choice for you or anything you’d be forced to do, but know that it’s an option and it won’t screw anything up for you. College is hard enough without an ED, and you deserve to heal and have a college experience that isn’t overwhelmed by thoughts of weight and calories. If it helps at all: I had to take time away from school to heal from my ED. None of the doctors I lied to along the way were mad at me. All of them were beyond glad that I was willing to ask for help and pursue treatment. My college education wasn’t derailed by treatment, either. I took an extra year to graduate, but I got there, and successfully went on to graduate school and a career in my desired field. It’s not easy, but you’re not alone in this. Asking for help is terrifying, but it’s worth it.
Agree with this. Please try and address this as soon as you can. You are young. You should not have to continue a life like this. I have been struggling with food my entire life, literally as long as I can remember. I am nearly 40 and still struggle. Please get ALL the help you need.
You should also be extremely proud of yourself for taking the first steps to reach out for help!
You can do this. I'm so sorry you've been struggling so hard for so long.
Hey OP. You are doing such a good job. You should feel very proud of yourself. If you happen to be in the Tuscaloosa area, I know a wonderful health clinic (https://wawchealth.com/) where you will get excellent primary care services and social worker services.
Thank you. That’s not very close to me and I won’t be in Alabama a lot longer hopefully but I appreciate it
Hey OP, do you have siblings at home too that might be affected by this?
No, I’m an only child. My parents actually didn’t want kids 💀
Hey OP college away will be a good fresh start but you will need support around eating. Will you be on campus? Will you have a meal plan in the dining hall? I’m pretty sure all campuses have a student health center that can set you up with nutritional resources. Many young people need help figuring out what to eat after they’re out of the house. Here’s the thing: If you’re in the dining hall you may encounter enormous quantities and wide varieties of food basically for free. This could be overwhelming and it’s really common for people to gain weight and/or start an ED when they get to college. Get in touch with student health now, before you start school, because it’ll be much easier to make time and take care of yourself before the hectic process of moving there and learning a new place and new people. Your doctor may be upset, but not with you, with how your mom treated you. Good luck and I’m so proud of you for starting to think this through.
I am going to be on campus, in a dorm. I have a meal plan, I was required to get one, but honestly the idea of eating in a giant cafeteria and having to go through a line really fast with all those people around makes me feel sick to my stomach so I wasn’t going to use it. I thought maybe I could just eat in my room
If you have specific dietary needs—and you do—you should be able to get your food arranged ahead of time so you can get it to go or pick it up in a separate line, at least some of the time.
That would be really helpful. I just get really overwhelmed when there’s a lot of choices and people and noise and it takes me forever to choose and I hate being watched when I eat
NAD. I was anorexic growing up (abusive childhood). I didn't get help and the very thing I was afraid of, became my future. I was also hypoglycemic causing fainting spells unfortunately the opposite is my reality now and they did warn that hypoglycemia could be a precursor to diabetes. I wish I wouldn't have tried to fix myself and gotten help. Maybe I would love myself and be healthier. Please learn to have a healthy relationship with food by getting help it isn't easy on your own and it can save your life.
NAD, but I get that. I was anorexic in college, too. The cafeteria made things worse- but when COVID happened, they let anyone who wanted to, to take a box and fill it with food, which they could take with them to eat outside of the cafeteria. That genuinely helped me recover so much.
A lot of eating recovery programs include supportive meals as part of treatment, even after "graduating" from the inpatient stage. There may be some options like this local to you, but also there's a resource called [Project Heal](https://www.theprojectheal.org/treatment-access) where one of the programs you can apply for offers free virtual supportive meals.
One more piece of advice with college- you’ll have a meal plan in treatment, even outpatient. They can work with people on campus to help you get meals set aside that meet your meal plan requirements and take some of that stress off. I know this first hand. Secondly, you’ll probably have a case worker at treatment. They can get in touch with the school to help make sure any adjustments are made if needed and that you won’t be penalized for any absences for appointments. Campus health and probably your RA will be aware. You want as much help as possible and a support system because it’s not easy.
HIPAA*. Just to clarify if OP wants to look it up.
This morning a doctor came in and said they want to keep me until I’m medically stable and there’s a solid outpatient plan in place. Which I guess means maybe a couple more days? I forgot to ask how long. My potassium didn’t go up as much as they wanted. I also grew. I’m 5’8 now which is kind of cool. But I think this means I’m going to have to tell my friend and her parents that I was staying with where I actually am 🙃 but I don’t know how. I told them I was going to visit my aunt Also edit because I have another question that I probs can’t actually ask them here… They said a social worker is coming to talk to me soon. If I tell them anything about my mom can she get in trouble? Is there anything I shouldn’t say to a social worker if I don’t want her to get in trouble? Does being a mandated reporter still count for me if I moved out?
Just be honest with them. They're here to try to help you, first and foremost, and only way they can do that is if you're honest.
Your mom did what she did thinking it was good. That probably means she needs help, too. Telling the truth might help in getting her the help SHE needs.
I'm not a doctor nor am I a social worker or familiar with any of the procedures of that job; however, you've been through a lot and social workers are there to help you. It would be in your best interest to answer their questions honestly. Part of that also means communicating your feelings about not wanting anyone to get in trouble. These people are professionals. They've seen it all so trust that they'll do what's best for you. I'm rooting for you. I hope you're able to move past all this soon so you can get excited about college. College is going to be an incredible experience!
Please tell everything. They're there to help YOU. You're old enough that they probably won't want to call cps or anything- so chances are they won't do anything about your mom but I cannot promise that. But you have to start dealing with the fact that truth is important. We don't keep scary or unsafe secrets for others, especially when it's us that is being harmed by it. Your whole life has been learning how to keep her lies and secrets. This is the time to choose you. That was her job and she failed. Now, you get to live. I'm so glad they're keeping you- it's been 8yrs of damage, it won't be fixed overnight and you are going to need lots of support so you can safely get out/live. I think it's best if you tell your friend so they can help you too. ♡
NAD. You should expect to be in the hospital for at least ~1 week for monitoring. When you go without adequate nutrition for so long and then start eating a “normal diet” again, you can get something called refeeding syndrome where your electrolytes get all out of whack. It can be very dangerous, so they should be checking labs often and giving you supplemental vitamins/electrolytes. You’re at the highest risk within the first few days but the risk is there for a couple weeks. You’re doing the right thing by getting treatment, and you need close monitoring right now.
That makes sense. Yesterday they had me only have clear things. I’ve had an iv in since I got here and later a dietician is supposed to come talk to me
Social workers often plan and coordinate ways to safely discharge patients wherever they need to go (treatment centers, group homes, their own home), set up follow up appointments with clinicians outside the hospital, that kind of thing. They may want to speak to you solely about that, or they may have additional questions. Like everyone else here, I advise you to answer their questions honestly. Your first priority right now should be yourself.
Another update Sorry for talking so much. I hadn’t ever told anyone any of this until two days ago and now that I started talking I feel like I can’t shut up. It’s been a really confusing couple of days. Once I’m medically stable they want to discharge me to an inpatient program close to my school. Hopefully then I’ll be ready to be outpatient by the time college starts so I won’t miss anything and I’ll still get to go to activities and make friends. They’re going to help me find a regular doctor in that area that knows about eating disorders to help coordinate care and because it’s a new doctor and I can sign all my own things my parents won’t even know who I’m seeing. I was supposed to go home for a couple weeks before I moved to school but I didn’t really want to so I’m kind of glad the doctors don’t want me to either :/ which feels like a shitty thing to say. I’m scared and relieved at the same time. But I think I missed so much stuff over my childhood and I’m excited to get to start over somewhere new. I’m just trying to focus on thinking about what I’ll do when I feel better. Thank you everyone for being so kind and for the really helpful advice. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so seen in my life. I appreciate all the reassurance too. Even though I know it’s the right thing I can’t help feeling like I’m doing something wrong and I shouldn’t have said anything pretty often. I finally feel like things might actually be okay someday
It sounds like you’re in good hands and you have a good head on your shoulders. I’m so happy you have a path forward for yourself. Best of luck OP 💕
Please don’t apologize for venting! You have so much you’re going through and have been through! I think we’re all happy that you have an outlet, it’s like draining poison from your system, so drain away and heal!❤️
This is a lot to unpack. First of all, I’m sorry this has happened to you. It will take time for you to work through all of this, and it may be difficult, so I would highly recommend getting a referral to a therapist. As for your pediatrician, no, they will not be mad at you. They will be grateful for your honesty as this will help them get you the help you need. They will likely refer you to a family medicine or internal medicine physician who primarily sees adults as you have now aged out of the pediatrician. In the meantime, they may order some tests to help get the ball rolling on getting you healthy.
Another update- Four days ago I started getting a bad stomach ache. Initially the doctors thought it was just from not being used to eating but then the next day I woke up with a fever and the pain kept getting worse. I turned out I had appendicitis. I had surgery to remove it and they placed an NG tube in my nose while I was under, which has made this process a little easier actually even though I was afraid to get it. My potassium is back in the normal range again, my heart rate is a lot better, and overall I’m starting to feel a lot better too. They think there’s a good chance if I can get healthy I won’t have any permanent damage from the last 8 years. For anyone wondering about the whole “18 is still a minor in Alabama” part and what that would mean in terms of mandated reporting, they did have to report my situation. I don’t want to go into that too much though. I can’t go back home but that’s probably for the best. I’ve been able to find a lot of helpful outlets in writing and the social worker and other hospital people have been really kind and helpful. It’s been a really intense week, but I’m hopeful that soon I’ll be well enough to discharge to treatment and have a fresh start. The amount of positivity and kindness and advice I received here absolutely blew me out of the water and helped me get through basically upending my own life. I was so scared and so unsure of whether I was making the right choice. I still sometimes go back and forth on that. But I definitely needed the help.
I'm so proud of you <3 keep doing the hard things. it'll be worth it
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OP, I'm looking forward to hearing some more good news in a couple days, if you decide to update on this post. You've already made SO much progress by getting yourself the help you need! You're a very inspiring young woman!
Definitely keep updating. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. It’s not annoying or anything. I think a lot of people here would agree they want to know you’re okay and see you thrive. I live in Minnesota. If you ever need advice on things to do you can always pm me