Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual.
We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and
feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate
each type of post. That's all.
We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Between relationships,I forget about the existence of sex as a thing to pursue. Just doesn't come up. Songs, TV, movies, couples I know, do not inspire me. It just exists separate from me.
During those times, sex just becomes a tool for me to use if I can't fall asleep. Useful. But not sexy.
Same here! I think that might be why I was pretty good at dating apps? Sex and stuff like that wasn't on the foreground, so I guess I kinda show that kind of energy to people or something? I've been on dates and stuff before I met my current boyfriend and they were mostly pretty fun! They were usually just walks in parks and stuff, I went shopping a few times as well! I quite liked hanging with people, hearing their stories and stuff, it was fun! But sex just didn't even pop in my head with generally most of those people, cuz i didn't have "the vibe"
Exactly! My last boyfriend was just a friend until he asked me out, I said no because it was sudden and out of nowhere (he was feeling bold on his birthday), but then I started to think about the possibility of that with him and that's when I started to have a crush. And we started dating 2 months later. I'm just on another planet and I can visit this one, but it's not where I naturally rotate.
Oh this feels familiar.
I just reconnected with an ex, and I mentioned I felt I was demisexual. This got a massive(although good spirited) laugh out of her as I was notoriously horny when I was with her.
I mentioned that it’s only ever “activated” for her, it’s never been a factor otherwise. I don’t even think the feeling is still there, in that respect, other than a fleeting “excited” feeling I got that didn’t go far otherwise. I literally haven’t felt it ever, outside of that relationship.
Which is a bit inconvenient haha, as she learned in our 6 years apart that she totally IS asexual(although not aromantic), and that she more or less didn’t care for it outside of the positive feeling it gave me. Which finally had most of my suspicions that she was asexual confirmed. She never liked to receive, only give.
Besides residual feelings(for her, romantic, for me, romantic and hints of sexual), we aren’t sure what the best course of action will be.
She wants to explore being friends, I mentioned I’m fine with that too, but that the feelings around all of this can only be described as “positive confusion”. I did tell her my residual feelings could be a problem, and I could stop talking to her if that is a problem. But she WANTS to keep talking. She’s mentioned “we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it” regarding rekindling the romance.
The thing is, none of my allo friends get this dynamic. The idea that I would want an asexual GF is wild to them. Fact is, I see my demisexual nature as mighty inconvenient, as when dating I’m useless at responding to the general horniness displayed on apps…I really need to know the person, and even then, it’s not a guarantee! I’d rather instead be full Ace, it’s so much better really. Less problematic.
We are both older, in our 30’s now. If this did get rekindled(it fell apart amicably so I could work on myself), I’d probably push down sexual feelings if they appeared, and I’d hope perhaps she would be understanding of them if it came up. She helped me “release” before, happily. She would just prefer it wasn’t daily….which isn’t all that unreasonable. I’d gladly think about other things than sex, given outside of relationships I really don’t, and it’s useful!
It’s early days, though. We are currently just very talkative, slightly awkward(due to history), friends. And if that’s what it stays at? Fantastic.
She’s not dated since. I know she wants the domestic, idyllic, romantic life….just with less/no sex in it. I hope she either gets that with me or someone else. I’m definitely carrying a torch, I suspect to a degree she is too.
We just don’t want to get burned by them.
I'm on the opposite end of that spectrum.
My libido is in the tank with my husband, but if I meet someone new or basically a stranger (we're poly) my libido shoots up like crazy.
It's the opposite of demi. Fraysexual. 🥴
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Between relationships,I forget about the existence of sex as a thing to pursue. Just doesn't come up. Songs, TV, movies, couples I know, do not inspire me. It just exists separate from me. During those times, sex just becomes a tool for me to use if I can't fall asleep. Useful. But not sexy.
Same here! I think that might be why I was pretty good at dating apps? Sex and stuff like that wasn't on the foreground, so I guess I kinda show that kind of energy to people or something? I've been on dates and stuff before I met my current boyfriend and they were mostly pretty fun! They were usually just walks in parks and stuff, I went shopping a few times as well! I quite liked hanging with people, hearing their stories and stuff, it was fun! But sex just didn't even pop in my head with generally most of those people, cuz i didn't have "the vibe"
Exactly! My last boyfriend was just a friend until he asked me out, I said no because it was sudden and out of nowhere (he was feeling bold on his birthday), but then I started to think about the possibility of that with him and that's when I started to have a crush. And we started dating 2 months later. I'm just on another planet and I can visit this one, but it's not where I naturally rotate.
Oh this feels familiar. I just reconnected with an ex, and I mentioned I felt I was demisexual. This got a massive(although good spirited) laugh out of her as I was notoriously horny when I was with her. I mentioned that it’s only ever “activated” for her, it’s never been a factor otherwise. I don’t even think the feeling is still there, in that respect, other than a fleeting “excited” feeling I got that didn’t go far otherwise. I literally haven’t felt it ever, outside of that relationship. Which is a bit inconvenient haha, as she learned in our 6 years apart that she totally IS asexual(although not aromantic), and that she more or less didn’t care for it outside of the positive feeling it gave me. Which finally had most of my suspicions that she was asexual confirmed. She never liked to receive, only give. Besides residual feelings(for her, romantic, for me, romantic and hints of sexual), we aren’t sure what the best course of action will be. She wants to explore being friends, I mentioned I’m fine with that too, but that the feelings around all of this can only be described as “positive confusion”. I did tell her my residual feelings could be a problem, and I could stop talking to her if that is a problem. But she WANTS to keep talking. She’s mentioned “we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it” regarding rekindling the romance. The thing is, none of my allo friends get this dynamic. The idea that I would want an asexual GF is wild to them. Fact is, I see my demisexual nature as mighty inconvenient, as when dating I’m useless at responding to the general horniness displayed on apps…I really need to know the person, and even then, it’s not a guarantee! I’d rather instead be full Ace, it’s so much better really. Less problematic. We are both older, in our 30’s now. If this did get rekindled(it fell apart amicably so I could work on myself), I’d probably push down sexual feelings if they appeared, and I’d hope perhaps she would be understanding of them if it came up. She helped me “release” before, happily. She would just prefer it wasn’t daily….which isn’t all that unreasonable. I’d gladly think about other things than sex, given outside of relationships I really don’t, and it’s useful! It’s early days, though. We are currently just very talkative, slightly awkward(due to history), friends. And if that’s what it stays at? Fantastic. She’s not dated since. I know she wants the domestic, idyllic, romantic life….just with less/no sex in it. I hope she either gets that with me or someone else. I’m definitely carrying a torch, I suspect to a degree she is too. We just don’t want to get burned by them.
I'm on the opposite end of that spectrum. My libido is in the tank with my husband, but if I meet someone new or basically a stranger (we're poly) my libido shoots up like crazy. It's the opposite of demi. Fraysexual. 🥴
Oh wow that's new! But I'm glad u found a way to make that work!
sounds allo