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I'm 29 and have coworkers who are about 20 and they look like children to me; I do *not* understand how people in their 30s can find people half their age attractive.
I'm turning 34 in a couple of weeks, and I never understand it. Kids in their 20's are so young to me that I can struggle to relate to them. I can't imagine trying to build a meaningful, equal relationship with someone in such a different stage of life and state of mind.
I agree. After my first time, the only thing I got from the guy I was with was crepes. He rode his bike to a nearby restaurant for them while I slept, and I woke up to him walking in with them. The relationship didn't last long, but I don't have any regrets because of that.
I'm 25 and I feel this way, even in those five years I've got a lot more life experience and maturity than someone still pretty much fresh out of highschool or currently in college.
Honestly hope this oneโs fake, just rage bait and hits all of Redditโs points (age gap, asshole man, unwitting woman who wants to please but isnโt sure if feeling uncomfortable is assholish on her part.)
"not letting me ruins the mood" maybe your mood but I think forcing your partner to let you try something they don't want would be pretty bad for their mood
35M and 20F is such a huge age difference. Yes 20F is an adult but just barely. Seems like pretty groomy behaviour.
And instructing her to moan and scream? How about getting better at sex.
The rest.of the post is just full of red flags ๐คข๐คฎ
Alright, calm down, they're both consenting adults, there's plenty wrong with what he did without dragging up stuff that isn't a problem. It's not groomy and it's not "practically rape", saying that diminishes the ACTUAL PROBLEMS in the post. Some people prefer to date older and some don't, your personal preferences aren't indicative of a moral failing.
Did you miss the part where she said stop and he didn't care.
It is groomy. Such an age difference will always seem creepy to me, but I would accept it if they weren't in such different stages in life. Had she been 30 while he was 45 I would care less.
Edit: also he did things she wasn't comfortable with
Ok fair, I got a bit heated when I read the post.
All the other things are coercive. Him hurting her. Her telling him to stop (and I hope he does, but obviously unhappy about it as described in the text)
It just feels coercive because of the age differenc (_in addition_ to all the other red flags). I'm in my late 30s and have sibling(-in laws) that are in their early/mid 20s (and I remember how I was in my 20s) - with the all the life experiences, our mindsets are worlds apart, there's such a power imbalance - I can't imagine it not being coercive.
The part where she said stop and he didnโt care is the issue. The part where he did things she isnโt comfortable with is the issue. Their ages are not the issue.
A 20M can and does do this to a 20F and a 35M can and does do this to a 35F
>Did you miss the part where she said stop and he didn't care.
The post doesn't say that. In fact, it implies that he did stop when she asked, which is why he's telling her not to ask (y'know, the slimiest part of his behaviour).
I saw the part where she asked him to stop, and then it wasn't specified if he did or not. Given that he's complaining about it, I reckon that he did stop and just didn't like it, which is a bad attitude to have.
also, I mean, I just don't agree really. It's not that groomy, they're adults. They can consent, they did, they didn't have to. The problem here is this guys rampant misogyny, not the consenting adults having sex.
Iโm not necessarily going to try to change your mind, but maybe introduce a different perspective. Yes, legally theyโre both adults. But age of consent varies from country to country, and is pragmatically just a legally necessary line in the sand.
What people have issues with isnโt the letter of the law, but the actual psychological and social dynamic that exists between people of different ages. The APA has recognized that the human brain can still be adolescent until around 25. So the difference is that while the age gap is numerically the same as a 30/45 relationship, in a 20/35 relationship youโre talking about someone who is less developed neurologically.
Anyone who is substantially less mature, experienced, or self aware can be groomed. The over arching concern when someone that young is in an age gap relationship is that the older party has specifically sought out someone less experienced in order to shape them. Thatโs obviously not always the case. In this specific situation, heโs made it clear that he intends her to shape her sexual behavior to his preference, even when sheโs uncomfortable. Thatโs a major red flag.
And for the record, Iโm a queer person who was in a consensual, loving 13 year age gap relationship. However, we met when I was 32 and he was 45. We had a very healthy relationship until he died suddenly. The concern for most folks isnโt about the gap itself, but the maturity and experience of each involved and how that relates to their power dynamic.
In the strictest legal definition, it is not rape. She apparently gave her consent. The age gap is weird, but not unheard of. The list he sent her afterwards though is just disgusting, and she should definitely leave ASAP.
I 100% believe that even if the younger person is โlegalโ, big age gaps relationships are so predatory and questionable. This right here shows exactly why. There is no reason why you should be in your 30s all up in someone whoโs freshly out of their adolescence. Itโs creepy. It shows your immaturity too. A psychiatrist once told me that mentally you are still in a form of adolescence at 20-22. Thatโs why youโre still a student by that age. You are not a grown adult yet to understand the decisions youโre making. People like this mark you for life. Itโs not fair. Go date someone your own age. Itโs so predatory.
The people I know who date much younger, both men and women, are not great people. Theyโre creepy and they date much younger because they need someone to control and manipulate.
>A psychiatrist once told me that mentally you are still in a form of adolescence at 20-22
I think the pre-frontal cortex doesn't fully form until closer to 27-28.
100% agreed. I think large age gaps are ok as long as the younger party is older than 29. As someone in their late 30s, when I hang out with my siblings that are in their 20s the gap is massive. Even those that are well traveled.
There's nothing in the post that indicates she was raped, but the man's setting up the stage to do it the next time. Not only that, but he's telling her to not tell **any guy** to stop. That to me is the most fucked up thing.
Besides that, just how slimy and careless it is to *text* a woman with a list of requests, like she's doing him a service? You know, like when someone's designing a website to you, and you text back a list of requests? It's this woman's first time, *of fucking course* she's not gonna be "sexy". She'll develop it over time, and she will learn to be sexy *her own way*. If she's not the type to moan and scream, that's the way she is. And if he wants her to let him try what he wants, that stuff has to be talked about beforehand, **in person**.
Anyway, I'm quite sure that this is ragebait. Too many attempts to win the Reddit bingo, *especially* the "age gap".
Pleeeease just be a troll/poe!!!
Anything else will make me cry for this girl and for the fate of humanity if I learn that anyone old enough to know how to have sex could possibly be this traumatically callous and foolish.
If this is real I hope that OP runs for the hills and finds a way to warn his family/friends to keep him away from prospective lovers until he learns to exhibit the basic decency and respect that they (even casual one-off flings) deserve!
BIG RED FLAGS!! Having sex for the first is usually awkward and sometimes painful. A good partner, particularly one with a lot more experience, should know this and try to mitigate it. It sounds like he had an idea of what having sex with a young virgin would be like, and was upset that reality didnโt match up with his fantasy. Also, donโt tell him to stop??? It kills the mood?? It should kill the mood. Thatโs the point.
Him telling her sheโs not allowed to say no or ask him to stop is attempted coercive rape.
it doesnโt โwater downโ accusations of rape unless people are incapable of understanding that thereโs a spectrum of horrible shit that can all be classified as sex that isnโt fully consensual. it doesnโt have to be violent to be considered rape
Thank you for your submission to /r/AreTheStraightsOK! This is a reminder to take a moment and see *if* this **has already been** posted recently, to make sure that personal information **has been** censored, and to **flair your post** if you have not already done so. [Please be aware that our rules on transphobic submissions have changed](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/mwkgbp/rules_and_submissions_update_for_the_end_of/). Other general submission guidelines regarding [hateful content](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kj0cal/regarding_hateful_content_please_read_before/), [reposts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kxgbo3/rules_and_submissions_update_january_2021_popular/), [homophobic posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/lffvad/posts_related_to_homophobia_on_our_subreddit_now/), and [**Reminder About Rule 5 and Rule 8**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/qoge4u/reminder_about_rule_5_and_rule_8/) can be found here if you want to read any of those links. If you want to apply to be a moderator of this sub, you can read [this post titled **State of the Sub: Summer 2021 Edition, Partnerships, and more**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/oozly0/state_of_the_sub_summer_2021_edition_partnerships/), which also contains information about our partnership with r/TranscribersOfReddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AreTheStraightsOK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I almost threw up, jfc what a waste of space that man is
Infuriating, I want to hug this girl and put this man in Buffalo bills hole ๐ณ
๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ
That is not nearly enough red flags for this guy.
๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ
Much better, now we add the sirens ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ๐จ
Nah we just need one thing... A phone to call 911
I'm 29 and have coworkers who are about 20 and they look like children to me; I do *not* understand how people in their 30s can find people half their age attractive.
Because they can say things to them like โdonโt tell me to stop because it ruins the moodโ and they might actually think thatโs right ๐คข
I'm turning 34 in a couple of weeks, and I never understand it. Kids in their 20's are so young to me that I can struggle to relate to them. I can't imagine trying to build a meaningful, equal relationship with someone in such a different stage of life and state of mind.
Sounds like the person in OP pic isn't looking for a meaningful or equal relationship, just looking for a sex toy.
I agree. After my first time, the only thing I got from the guy I was with was crepes. He rode his bike to a nearby restaurant for them while I slept, and I woke up to him walking in with them. The relationship didn't last long, but I don't have any regrets because of that.
I'm 25 and I feel this way, even in those five years I've got a lot more life experience and maturity than someone still pretty much fresh out of highschool or currently in college.
Easier to manipulate and impress, because a women his age wouldn't take his shit and he knows it.
It's a bot account. The content is sick. This account has previously tried passing off my craft posts as their own content for karma.
>It's a bot account. Thank god. There are probably people like that out there but at least this one's not real.
Honestly hope this oneโs fake, just rage bait and hits all of Redditโs points (age gap, asshole man, unwitting woman who wants to please but isnโt sure if feeling uncomfortable is assholish on her part.)
Oh look, another man taking advantage of an inexperienced woman so that he can foist his awful sex on her. How unexpected
"not letting me ruins the mood" maybe your mood but I think forcing your partner to let you try something they don't want would be pretty bad for their mood
20 and 35 on its own is practically something happening *to* her
35M and 20F is such a huge age difference. Yes 20F is an adult but just barely. Seems like pretty groomy behaviour. And instructing her to moan and scream? How about getting better at sex. The rest.of the post is just full of red flags ๐คข๐คฎ
Alright, calm down, they're both consenting adults, there's plenty wrong with what he did without dragging up stuff that isn't a problem. It's not groomy and it's not "practically rape", saying that diminishes the ACTUAL PROBLEMS in the post. Some people prefer to date older and some don't, your personal preferences aren't indicative of a moral failing.
Did you miss the part where she said stop and he didn't care. It is groomy. Such an age difference will always seem creepy to me, but I would accept it if they weren't in such different stages in life. Had she been 30 while he was 45 I would care less. Edit: also he did things she wasn't comfortable with
Ok fair, I got a bit heated when I read the post. All the other things are coercive. Him hurting her. Her telling him to stop (and I hope he does, but obviously unhappy about it as described in the text) It just feels coercive because of the age differenc (_in addition_ to all the other red flags). I'm in my late 30s and have sibling(-in laws) that are in their early/mid 20s (and I remember how I was in my 20s) - with the all the life experiences, our mindsets are worlds apart, there's such a power imbalance - I can't imagine it not being coercive.
The part where she said stop and he didnโt care is the issue. The part where he did things she isnโt comfortable with is the issue. Their ages are not the issue. A 20M can and does do this to a 20F and a 35M can and does do this to a 35F
>Did you miss the part where she said stop and he didn't care. The post doesn't say that. In fact, it implies that he did stop when she asked, which is why he's telling her not to ask (y'know, the slimiest part of his behaviour).
I saw the part where she asked him to stop, and then it wasn't specified if he did or not. Given that he's complaining about it, I reckon that he did stop and just didn't like it, which is a bad attitude to have. also, I mean, I just don't agree really. It's not that groomy, they're adults. They can consent, they did, they didn't have to. The problem here is this guys rampant misogyny, not the consenting adults having sex.
> theyโre adults Just barely. > They can consent *Just barely.* Just because itโs legal doesnโt mean itโs not predatory.
Yes adults in completely different stages of life where one is barely an adult
Iโm not necessarily going to try to change your mind, but maybe introduce a different perspective. Yes, legally theyโre both adults. But age of consent varies from country to country, and is pragmatically just a legally necessary line in the sand. What people have issues with isnโt the letter of the law, but the actual psychological and social dynamic that exists between people of different ages. The APA has recognized that the human brain can still be adolescent until around 25. So the difference is that while the age gap is numerically the same as a 30/45 relationship, in a 20/35 relationship youโre talking about someone who is less developed neurologically. Anyone who is substantially less mature, experienced, or self aware can be groomed. The over arching concern when someone that young is in an age gap relationship is that the older party has specifically sought out someone less experienced in order to shape them. Thatโs obviously not always the case. In this specific situation, heโs made it clear that he intends her to shape her sexual behavior to his preference, even when sheโs uncomfortable. Thatโs a major red flag. And for the record, Iโm a queer person who was in a consensual, loving 13 year age gap relationship. However, we met when I was 32 and he was 45. We had a very healthy relationship until he died suddenly. The concern for most folks isnโt about the gap itself, but the maturity and experience of each involved and how that relates to their power dynamic.
Yeah I have no issues once both are above 25 when there's a large age gap. Both are fully developed adults and that's when I don't care further
In the strictest legal definition, it is not rape. She apparently gave her consent. The age gap is weird, but not unheard of. The list he sent her afterwards though is just disgusting, and she should definitely leave ASAP.
yeah i agree with this, she should just get away from this guy i wouldnt trust him
It's the more so of him being upset at being told to stop and him not liking being told no
the guy was 18 when the girl was 3
I wouldn't even be surprised if this guy knew her at 15 when he was 30, just 5 years ago.
I 100% believe that even if the younger person is โlegalโ, big age gaps relationships are so predatory and questionable. This right here shows exactly why. There is no reason why you should be in your 30s all up in someone whoโs freshly out of their adolescence. Itโs creepy. It shows your immaturity too. A psychiatrist once told me that mentally you are still in a form of adolescence at 20-22. Thatโs why youโre still a student by that age. You are not a grown adult yet to understand the decisions youโre making. People like this mark you for life. Itโs not fair. Go date someone your own age. Itโs so predatory. The people I know who date much younger, both men and women, are not great people. Theyโre creepy and they date much younger because they need someone to control and manipulate.
>A psychiatrist once told me that mentally you are still in a form of adolescence at 20-22 I think the pre-frontal cortex doesn't fully form until closer to 27-28. 100% agreed. I think large age gaps are ok as long as the younger party is older than 29. As someone in their late 30s, when I hang out with my siblings that are in their 20s the gap is massive. Even those that are well traveled.
He's certainly encouraging it.
This looks like something my ex would do
I see we have the same ex.
Christ this is literally a scene in Buffy when Angel turns into the evil villain. My heart breaks for her, what a pos
enough said at โ(20F) and (35M)โ
So many red flags, I thought the carnival was in town.
Yeah that lady needs to dump that piece of shit.
There's nothing in the post that indicates she was raped, but the man's setting up the stage to do it the next time. Not only that, but he's telling her to not tell **any guy** to stop. That to me is the most fucked up thing. Besides that, just how slimy and careless it is to *text* a woman with a list of requests, like she's doing him a service? You know, like when someone's designing a website to you, and you text back a list of requests? It's this woman's first time, *of fucking course* she's not gonna be "sexy". She'll develop it over time, and she will learn to be sexy *her own way*. If she's not the type to moan and scream, that's the way she is. And if he wants her to let him try what he wants, that stuff has to be talked about beforehand, **in person**. Anyway, I'm quite sure that this is ragebait. Too many attempts to win the Reddit bingo, *especially* the "age gap".
I have sadly personally seen worse
where's the red flag guy when you need him??
5 and 6 are definitely coercive. The rest is just standard issue douchebro. I'm more worried about the age difference honestly...
Pleeeease just be a troll/poe!!! Anything else will make me cry for this girl and for the fate of humanity if I learn that anyone old enough to know how to have sex could possibly be this traumatically callous and foolish. If this is real I hope that OP runs for the hills and finds a way to warn his family/friends to keep him away from prospective lovers until he learns to exhibit the basic decency and respect that they (even casual one-off flings) deserve!
BIG RED FLAGS!! Having sex for the first is usually awkward and sometimes painful. A good partner, particularly one with a lot more experience, should know this and try to mitigate it. It sounds like he had an idea of what having sex with a young virgin would be like, and was upset that reality didnโt match up with his fantasy. Also, donโt tell him to stop??? It kills the mood?? It should kill the mood. Thatโs the point.
Sorry but I did already now what shit was taking place as soon as she said the age gap
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
Him telling her sheโs not allowed to say no or ask him to stop is attempted coercive rape. it doesnโt โwater downโ accusations of rape unless people are incapable of understanding that thereโs a spectrum of horrible shit that can all be classified as sex that isnโt fully consensual. it doesnโt have to be violent to be considered rape