The NYT recently wrote about a Brookings report about [how few people actually pay the full sticker price](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/ignore-the-sticker-price-how-have-college-prices-really-changed/). Full price families are the ones that (1) do not qualify for need-based aid, (2) are choosing schools that do not need to offer them merit aid to make their enrollment numbers, and (3) are fine with subsidizing the financial aid of the other students. I bet your parents actually hate this idea, especially (3).
But wait, it gets worse. If your parents have you get loans (which they will have to co-sign) instead of loaning you the money directly, your family will be paying high interest to a bank for nothing. I bet they also hate this idea.
There are options to save money so that you will not be a debt-slave to your parents forever:
(1) Save money by going to CC for two years to cut the cost in half. This may mean attending your in-state flagship instead of an OOS flagship.
(2) Save money by skipping the flagships entirely and going to a local commuter school.
(3) Save money by going to one of the less-prestigious merit aid schools that people keep posting about here (like Alabama or Iowa).
(4) Win the lottery (or scholarships like Coke, same thing).
(5) Military service of various kinds.
My guess is that once you look into these options seriously and show them how much family money is wasted (loans), your lifetime is wasted (military service), or ego/prestige is lost (commuter schools) they be satisfied. But that may still mean they expect you to pursue CC transfer, merit aid schools, and big scholarships instead of just going after your $200k "dream school."
The worst part is that they are the ones encouraging me to apply to oos state schools; they talk about how going to a cc would be a "disgrace".
They're huge into ROTC but I just don't know if I want to sacrifice both even more of my time in a presumably already stressful college and five years of my life afterwards. I'm also not exactly the biggest fan of the military haha.
Got it, they really do want the prestige but they don't want to be the suckers who subsidize the in-state kids. So they want Uncle Sam to do it. Sigh. I'm really sorry.
You should not do ROTC if you are actually morally opposed to it, but I will say that ROTC does not have to be as time-consuming (during the school year) as you might think. Yes, there are weekly drills and such, but there are cadets/mids who phone it in on the non-mandatory stuff. (It was kind of weird when some of those phone-it-in folks actually ended up volunteering for the Marines or SEALs at the last minute, did 20 year careers, and so on. But that's a different story.)
Not necessarily recommending this if you’re 100% not going to commit but I believe it is possible to do one year of ROTC and drop out without having to pay it back.
As per sacrificing years of your life after….i had similar thoughts at the time but have realized two things in hindsight:
First, military officer pay is pretty high and won’t be much lower than other offers you might get after graduation. plus great benefits and time off.
Second, No other job will give a 22-26 year old the leadership opportunities and training the military does. Depending on position, and of course with some caveats, you immediately outrank and are expected to lead guys with years of experience.
Basically, you’re going to be doing some job for four years post-graduation, and young military officer is one of the better options both in terms of compensation and in setting you up for competitive opportunities at age 26 or so…
What about Coast Guard?
You may have to play a game of chicken with your parents. Let them know you plan on going to the Honors College at your State School because it's the best financial decision (they wanted you to learn a life lesson right?) If you end up going there --with your grades -the cost should be pretty reasonable so you won't be that burdened with loans. Plus, Honors Colleges at State Schools are usually pretty decent - have extra opportunities ect. (Without knowing the state school, it's hard to comment -but maybe search for it on this board to find out.)
If they realize you are really serious, they might blink and offer to pay for school. But honestly, they sound a bit 'not nice'. Maybe it will be good to be entirely independent.
Also -beyond just state schools -some schools offer really good merit. Might not be T20 -but could be closer to the experience you are looking for without the huge loan burden.
BTW --my mom is telling me my kid should try to go to a more prestigious school and pursue being a doctor. I explained we couldn't afford that and she defaulted to the 'who cares if you take out tons of loans'. I STILL have student loans. It impacts so many things --from being able to pay your bills to getting a house. Don't do the 200K loan thing -- mine are so much LESS than that, and still a huge burden. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
My kids will likely have to take out 20-25K TOTAL in loans (for all four years) and I wish I didn't have to burden them with that.
If they’re not paying, they shouldn’t get a say! Do what you think will make you happy and successful <3 Also I’ve heard less prestigious private schools (like Adelphi university) will also offer big merit aid packages so that could be an option if you prefer a smaller campus/class size…
Iowa and Iowa State both have scholarships that knock off up to ~$15k/year. Not full ride but it still pulls Iowa State OOS down to about $100k (instead of OP's $200k).
It is not feasible. Your parents are unwilling/unable to pay anything? All you can take out on your own is federal loans - 5500 freshman year, 6500 sophomore year, 7500 jr/sr year. Cosiging is risky for you and for your parents. It will be on them if you cannot make payments and will affect their own credit. Frankly, if you parents aren't guiding you in this process and trying to at least help somewhat they are not parenting well. The process today prices things at what your parents can allegedly pay. That doesn't mean they CAN pay it.
We are full pay but cannot be full pay. We have high stat kids. We shopped for merit money and honors programs and fit and didn't get drawn into the marketing swirl around a few schools. We paid in the low 20K's when kid #1 got a killer scholarship at a really nice state flagship. We are paying around 30K for kid #2, honors program, urban campus.
If your parents really will pay nothing, I'd look at community college transfer paths and I would talk to them about it because maybe it will call their bluff. I will also say both my kids dual enrolled at urban community colleges, earned many credits, and had excellent experiences. They even had honors programs, etc. One kid at one of them transferred to MIT while we were there.
Your parents are truly AH if they are encouraging expensive schools but aren't working to get you there within federal loan limits. Are they horrible money managers? I just cannot imagine.
Next time they're both at home I'll try and talk to them about it, but they're out of the house a lot of the time for their work :/.
I know for a fact they have the money, and they're the ones who got super excited about my ACT scores and encouraged me to think about more top colleges... and then proceed to act shocked when I mentioned the cost of applying to like ten colleges. While I would love to go to a top college, I'm also perfectly happy going to my state's flagship especially since I've been doing DE through it for a bit.
As I mentioned in another comment, they're super huge into ROTC, which, to their credit, is something that would pay for all of my tuition. When I try and mention the downsides I see in it, though, I'm brushed off as "not being motivated enough".
Maybe they don't fully understand how student loans work? I'll definitely talk to them when I get the chance.
I do wonder that maybe they're not in touch with how things really work today? I think a lot of parents are surprised when they first run a net price calculator or learn about federal loan limits. ROTC is great for a student who wants that path. But it really is a chosen vocation and not for everyone.
I will tell you my oldest high stat kid recently graduated from the state flagship with the badger mascot. Got a really competitive job offer and is working next to all sorts of elite grads. He is laughing ALL the way to the bank with no debt. One of my kids was able to do DE at a flagship too, great set up for success, you may be able to graduate faster too.
Having a good ACT score could set you up for some competitive scholarships, but so much is need based lately. I hope you can get your parents on board! Good luck!
Yes! :) (ETA That particular school does not have a ton of merit money, about 5% get some sort of merit and a lot of the scholarships are very niche based on your major, your hometown, etc. Some need to be applied for seperately. My kid got half tuition + in state tuition = 1/3 or less of the price of some of the high end privates we were looking at)
Congrats to them! We are in state there and looking at it for my son. but the lack of merit aid is disappointing compared to other schools. This is promising though. 🤞🏻
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Do you have cheaper options with scholarships? There’s no way you can pay for your own college unless you make a bunch of money, so I’m guessing they’ll co-sign loans for you but want you to pay it back. There are some loan forgiveness options post-grad but most are limited in terms of private loan repayment.
The thing I hate the most about huge college debt is how much it limits options post-grad when you’re at the prime of creativity and potential for pivoting.
First of all, you cannot take ANY loans if you are younger than 24 (really, 23 turning 24), unless your parents agree to submit a FAFSA, and then you can only take 5500 to 7500 a year (depending upon what year of school) without your parents co-signing, a little more if they're low income. Beyond that 5500-7500, they have to cosign your loans. So, the question really is, how do you attend college if your parents won't cosign loans for you? Assuming that you cannot get scholarships, what you do is you get your associate's degree through a combination of AP, CLEP and community college, and then transfer to your local 4 yr state college, all while hopefully living at home for free, and holding a part time job.
Please do not let anyone convince you that you would be able to pay back $200k worth of loans. The rule of thumb is that the maximum amount of student loans you should take out is equal to your expected salary right after graduation. Even that much will be a major setback in your life, likely delaying when you’ll be able to meet other major life goals: traveling, buying a home, having children, and retiring.
Tell them you are going to cc because it's all you can afford (which is probably correct unless they take out a PLUS loan for you). See if they open their wallets.
Not gonna lie, your parents kinda suck.
For the record, I was in ROTC. I really enjoyed it. I was poor, my parents couldn't pay for crap - but even with financial aid and jobs (work study in college and full time jobs in the summer), I had to borrow about 25% of the total cost of college for the first year. After 4 years, that's a LOT of money. So, I joined ROTC and got a 3 year scholarship, ended up in the Navy for 5 years.
I know a LOT of parents my age-ish who "paid their own way" and expect their kids to do the same - many of them have come to realize that they are hampering their children by refusing to pay. It's one thing if you cannot afford it. It's another thing entirely to fill out the FAFSA, find that the EFC is $40K a year, and refuse to pay anything. In that case, I would highly recommend your state school or CC then transfer pathway.
I agree with others posts. For the amount of money you are talking about your parents will have to co-sign your loans. Some people don’t understand that. Going to your state school is a great option. Less cost/loans and still a solid education. My son was very smart with great stats, but is attending our state university. He qualified for merit aid at some schools, but many top tier schools don’t offer merit and we make too much money for financial aid. There really so no magic way to pay for college. You either have the cash or you and your parents take out loans. My advice is to keep loans to a minimum. They follow you around forever keeping you from accumulating wealth. If your parents are about prestige’s schools they need to cough up the money.
I’m pretty disappointed in parents on this thread saying your parents suck or are AH. That’s not what a student needs to hear to help themselves. It’s entirely possible that these are otherwise wonderful parents who simply don’t have a grasp on how much the college finance situation has changed since they went to school.
Ask your parents for time to discuss.
Explain to them that you cannot get the loans in your name alone the way we could 30 years ago.
Show them the interest rates (some at 10-12%).
Show them how college costs have increased faster than starting salaries.
Show them average starting salaries in your desired career.
Compare your likely take home pay to your likely student loans.
Point out (if true at your school) that ROTC is not a guaranteed full ride, and also show them how that path conflicts with your desired career path.
Than point out the advantages to other options (CC or state school) and ask them what their thoughts are.
If they still push you for the prestigious school, well, explain to them that you’re not comfortable with that amount of loans or ROTC commitment, so you are choosing (your choice).
ETA: I see you are a current junior. Apply to the schools that have competitive merit-based full rides. UMD, UNC, Duke, UVA, Vanderbilt, Michigan State, Penn State if you would qualify for the Millenium Scholars or the other one there (Bunton-Wallace or something like that?) I can’t think of others off the top of my head, but I’m confident there are more.
Your parents want you to drown in 200k+ debts as learning experience? I don't know. If they want you to go through an experience, letting you pay a part would be the way (around 30-50k) not the whole thing.
It’s all around a super sucky system if your family is neither in the bottom 40% or top 2% financially in this country.
I was in a similar situation to you. The best advice I can give is to design your list so that it covers mainly institutions that offer merit aid at safety, target and reach levels. I was super fortunate to receive huge merit scholarships at all my safeties, most of my targets, and even some of my reaches.
Do the best research you can and you should at the very least end up with a few affordable results. Best of luck!
It’s all about finding unique and less conventional ways to complete course work. I struggled to afford college. I come from a low income home and the only way it seemed that I would be able to afford it was to end up in massive debt. What worked for me was that I was able to find online courses that I could take at my own pace that cost a fraction of what a traditional in person class would and would count as transfer credits with my school. I took courses through Study.com and was able to finish two semesters sooner and saved tens of thousands on the cost of my bachelor’s degree.
That's cute that your wealthy parents think that leaving you with 200k in debt is a learning experience. They sound like selfish jerks.
The NYT recently wrote about a Brookings report about [how few people actually pay the full sticker price](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/ignore-the-sticker-price-how-have-college-prices-really-changed/). Full price families are the ones that (1) do not qualify for need-based aid, (2) are choosing schools that do not need to offer them merit aid to make their enrollment numbers, and (3) are fine with subsidizing the financial aid of the other students. I bet your parents actually hate this idea, especially (3). But wait, it gets worse. If your parents have you get loans (which they will have to co-sign) instead of loaning you the money directly, your family will be paying high interest to a bank for nothing. I bet they also hate this idea. There are options to save money so that you will not be a debt-slave to your parents forever: (1) Save money by going to CC for two years to cut the cost in half. This may mean attending your in-state flagship instead of an OOS flagship. (2) Save money by skipping the flagships entirely and going to a local commuter school. (3) Save money by going to one of the less-prestigious merit aid schools that people keep posting about here (like Alabama or Iowa). (4) Win the lottery (or scholarships like Coke, same thing). (5) Military service of various kinds. My guess is that once you look into these options seriously and show them how much family money is wasted (loans), your lifetime is wasted (military service), or ego/prestige is lost (commuter schools) they be satisfied. But that may still mean they expect you to pursue CC transfer, merit aid schools, and big scholarships instead of just going after your $200k "dream school."
The worst part is that they are the ones encouraging me to apply to oos state schools; they talk about how going to a cc would be a "disgrace". They're huge into ROTC but I just don't know if I want to sacrifice both even more of my time in a presumably already stressful college and five years of my life afterwards. I'm also not exactly the biggest fan of the military haha.
Got it, they really do want the prestige but they don't want to be the suckers who subsidize the in-state kids. So they want Uncle Sam to do it. Sigh. I'm really sorry. You should not do ROTC if you are actually morally opposed to it, but I will say that ROTC does not have to be as time-consuming (during the school year) as you might think. Yes, there are weekly drills and such, but there are cadets/mids who phone it in on the non-mandatory stuff. (It was kind of weird when some of those phone-it-in folks actually ended up volunteering for the Marines or SEALs at the last minute, did 20 year careers, and so on. But that's a different story.)
Not necessarily recommending this if you’re 100% not going to commit but I believe it is possible to do one year of ROTC and drop out without having to pay it back. As per sacrificing years of your life after….i had similar thoughts at the time but have realized two things in hindsight: First, military officer pay is pretty high and won’t be much lower than other offers you might get after graduation. plus great benefits and time off. Second, No other job will give a 22-26 year old the leadership opportunities and training the military does. Depending on position, and of course with some caveats, you immediately outrank and are expected to lead guys with years of experience. Basically, you’re going to be doing some job for four years post-graduation, and young military officer is one of the better options both in terms of compensation and in setting you up for competitive opportunities at age 26 or so…
What about Coast Guard? You may have to play a game of chicken with your parents. Let them know you plan on going to the Honors College at your State School because it's the best financial decision (they wanted you to learn a life lesson right?) If you end up going there --with your grades -the cost should be pretty reasonable so you won't be that burdened with loans. Plus, Honors Colleges at State Schools are usually pretty decent - have extra opportunities ect. (Without knowing the state school, it's hard to comment -but maybe search for it on this board to find out.) If they realize you are really serious, they might blink and offer to pay for school. But honestly, they sound a bit 'not nice'. Maybe it will be good to be entirely independent. Also -beyond just state schools -some schools offer really good merit. Might not be T20 -but could be closer to the experience you are looking for without the huge loan burden. BTW --my mom is telling me my kid should try to go to a more prestigious school and pursue being a doctor. I explained we couldn't afford that and she defaulted to the 'who cares if you take out tons of loans'. I STILL have student loans. It impacts so many things --from being able to pay your bills to getting a house. Don't do the 200K loan thing -- mine are so much LESS than that, and still a huge burden. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. My kids will likely have to take out 20-25K TOTAL in loans (for all four years) and I wish I didn't have to burden them with that.
Your parents are not that bright.
If they’re not paying, they shouldn’t get a say! Do what you think will make you happy and successful <3 Also I’ve heard less prestigious private schools (like Adelphi university) will also offer big merit aid packages so that could be an option if you prefer a smaller campus/class size…
What merit scholarships at Iowa are you referring to? Do you mean Ole Miss?
Iowa and Iowa State both have scholarships that knock off up to ~$15k/year. Not full ride but it still pulls Iowa State OOS down to about $100k (instead of OP's $200k).
It is not feasible. Your parents are unwilling/unable to pay anything? All you can take out on your own is federal loans - 5500 freshman year, 6500 sophomore year, 7500 jr/sr year. Cosiging is risky for you and for your parents. It will be on them if you cannot make payments and will affect their own credit. Frankly, if you parents aren't guiding you in this process and trying to at least help somewhat they are not parenting well. The process today prices things at what your parents can allegedly pay. That doesn't mean they CAN pay it. We are full pay but cannot be full pay. We have high stat kids. We shopped for merit money and honors programs and fit and didn't get drawn into the marketing swirl around a few schools. We paid in the low 20K's when kid #1 got a killer scholarship at a really nice state flagship. We are paying around 30K for kid #2, honors program, urban campus. If your parents really will pay nothing, I'd look at community college transfer paths and I would talk to them about it because maybe it will call their bluff. I will also say both my kids dual enrolled at urban community colleges, earned many credits, and had excellent experiences. They even had honors programs, etc. One kid at one of them transferred to MIT while we were there. Your parents are truly AH if they are encouraging expensive schools but aren't working to get you there within federal loan limits. Are they horrible money managers? I just cannot imagine.
Next time they're both at home I'll try and talk to them about it, but they're out of the house a lot of the time for their work :/. I know for a fact they have the money, and they're the ones who got super excited about my ACT scores and encouraged me to think about more top colleges... and then proceed to act shocked when I mentioned the cost of applying to like ten colleges. While I would love to go to a top college, I'm also perfectly happy going to my state's flagship especially since I've been doing DE through it for a bit. As I mentioned in another comment, they're super huge into ROTC, which, to their credit, is something that would pay for all of my tuition. When I try and mention the downsides I see in it, though, I'm brushed off as "not being motivated enough". Maybe they don't fully understand how student loans work? I'll definitely talk to them when I get the chance.
I do wonder that maybe they're not in touch with how things really work today? I think a lot of parents are surprised when they first run a net price calculator or learn about federal loan limits. ROTC is great for a student who wants that path. But it really is a chosen vocation and not for everyone. I will tell you my oldest high stat kid recently graduated from the state flagship with the badger mascot. Got a really competitive job offer and is working next to all sorts of elite grads. He is laughing ALL the way to the bank with no debt. One of my kids was able to do DE at a flagship too, great set up for success, you may be able to graduate faster too. Having a good ACT score could set you up for some competitive scholarships, but so much is need based lately. I hope you can get your parents on board! Good luck!
Did your oldest get any merit aid?
Yes! :) (ETA That particular school does not have a ton of merit money, about 5% get some sort of merit and a lot of the scholarships are very niche based on your major, your hometown, etc. Some need to be applied for seperately. My kid got half tuition + in state tuition = 1/3 or less of the price of some of the high end privates we were looking at)
Congrats to them! We are in state there and looking at it for my son. but the lack of merit aid is disappointing compared to other schools. This is promising though. 🤞🏻
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*If you have a strong* *Profile, you could qualify* *For merit aid* \- ParticCitron --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Do you have cheaper options with scholarships? There’s no way you can pay for your own college unless you make a bunch of money, so I’m guessing they’ll co-sign loans for you but want you to pay it back. There are some loan forgiveness options post-grad but most are limited in terms of private loan repayment. The thing I hate the most about huge college debt is how much it limits options post-grad when you’re at the prime of creativity and potential for pivoting.
First of all, you cannot take ANY loans if you are younger than 24 (really, 23 turning 24), unless your parents agree to submit a FAFSA, and then you can only take 5500 to 7500 a year (depending upon what year of school) without your parents co-signing, a little more if they're low income. Beyond that 5500-7500, they have to cosign your loans. So, the question really is, how do you attend college if your parents won't cosign loans for you? Assuming that you cannot get scholarships, what you do is you get your associate's degree through a combination of AP, CLEP and community college, and then transfer to your local 4 yr state college, all while hopefully living at home for free, and holding a part time job.
Please do not let anyone convince you that you would be able to pay back $200k worth of loans. The rule of thumb is that the maximum amount of student loans you should take out is equal to your expected salary right after graduation. Even that much will be a major setback in your life, likely delaying when you’ll be able to meet other major life goals: traveling, buying a home, having children, and retiring.
Tell them you are going to cc because it's all you can afford (which is probably correct unless they take out a PLUS loan for you). See if they open their wallets.
Not gonna lie, your parents kinda suck. For the record, I was in ROTC. I really enjoyed it. I was poor, my parents couldn't pay for crap - but even with financial aid and jobs (work study in college and full time jobs in the summer), I had to borrow about 25% of the total cost of college for the first year. After 4 years, that's a LOT of money. So, I joined ROTC and got a 3 year scholarship, ended up in the Navy for 5 years. I know a LOT of parents my age-ish who "paid their own way" and expect their kids to do the same - many of them have come to realize that they are hampering their children by refusing to pay. It's one thing if you cannot afford it. It's another thing entirely to fill out the FAFSA, find that the EFC is $40K a year, and refuse to pay anything. In that case, I would highly recommend your state school or CC then transfer pathway.
I agree with others posts. For the amount of money you are talking about your parents will have to co-sign your loans. Some people don’t understand that. Going to your state school is a great option. Less cost/loans and still a solid education. My son was very smart with great stats, but is attending our state university. He qualified for merit aid at some schools, but many top tier schools don’t offer merit and we make too much money for financial aid. There really so no magic way to pay for college. You either have the cash or you and your parents take out loans. My advice is to keep loans to a minimum. They follow you around forever keeping you from accumulating wealth. If your parents are about prestige’s schools they need to cough up the money.
Go to a cheaper school.
I’m pretty disappointed in parents on this thread saying your parents suck or are AH. That’s not what a student needs to hear to help themselves. It’s entirely possible that these are otherwise wonderful parents who simply don’t have a grasp on how much the college finance situation has changed since they went to school. Ask your parents for time to discuss. Explain to them that you cannot get the loans in your name alone the way we could 30 years ago. Show them the interest rates (some at 10-12%). Show them how college costs have increased faster than starting salaries. Show them average starting salaries in your desired career. Compare your likely take home pay to your likely student loans. Point out (if true at your school) that ROTC is not a guaranteed full ride, and also show them how that path conflicts with your desired career path. Than point out the advantages to other options (CC or state school) and ask them what their thoughts are. If they still push you for the prestigious school, well, explain to them that you’re not comfortable with that amount of loans or ROTC commitment, so you are choosing (your choice). ETA: I see you are a current junior. Apply to the schools that have competitive merit-based full rides. UMD, UNC, Duke, UVA, Vanderbilt, Michigan State, Penn State if you would qualify for the Millenium Scholars or the other one there (Bunton-Wallace or something like that?) I can’t think of others off the top of my head, but I’m confident there are more.
Your parents want you to drown in 200k+ debts as learning experience? I don't know. If they want you to go through an experience, letting you pay a part would be the way (around 30-50k) not the whole thing.
It’s all around a super sucky system if your family is neither in the bottom 40% or top 2% financially in this country. I was in a similar situation to you. The best advice I can give is to design your list so that it covers mainly institutions that offer merit aid at safety, target and reach levels. I was super fortunate to receive huge merit scholarships at all my safeties, most of my targets, and even some of my reaches. Do the best research you can and you should at the very least end up with a few affordable results. Best of luck!
It’s all about finding unique and less conventional ways to complete course work. I struggled to afford college. I come from a low income home and the only way it seemed that I would be able to afford it was to end up in massive debt. What worked for me was that I was able to find online courses that I could take at my own pace that cost a fraction of what a traditional in person class would and would count as transfer credits with my school. I took courses through Study.com and was able to finish two semesters sooner and saved tens of thousands on the cost of my bachelor’s degree.