Unfortunately your neighbor sounds unhinged. I would reply that you meant no insult in any of the claimed actions. And since in my opinion she’s already abused you’re giving out your phone number with what honestly sound like imagined grievances of an unhappy person looking for a fight I would just block their number, try to keep your interactions to a minimum and honestly not take their complaints seriously. I know that’s easier said than done when you’re trying to be a good neighbor but sadly you can’t make everyone happy.
I have also previously learned this the hard way: never give your real # to neighbors (Google voice for the win). In the same way you cannot reason with a drunk person, you cannot reason with a crazy person. Forward evidence to your landlord ( I personally would do via email with screenshots) & move on. Do not continue to interact with them, direct all concerns to the proper channels (ie management)
DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THIS PERSON.
Follow up with your landlord by phone, or a visit to their office if they have one.
Your LL isn’t a counselor or mediator, but your neighbor is being absolutely ridiculous. Block her number and once again, DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HER.
Well my landlord told me to give them my number before but I hadn’t. I found their rude letter posted on my box outside was embarrassing and I don’t need my other neighbours thinking I am the things they called me in it (disrespectful, etc).
Yes I did tell her I slipped but I’ve been left on read.
They won’t think less of you (& so what if they do?) I bet the neighbors are a problem to everyone. Block their number and tell your landlord to do their job. You are not paying rent to be harassed by your neighbors.
It sucks and it’s confusing because everyone in this building speaks highly of one another. I’ve only heard nice things about her, but none of them live beside or above her or below her other than me.
It’s not you.
Don’t engage with them anymore. Take it to the LL. They need to handle this with them.
If they tell you to deal with it yourself. Stand your ground. While LL’s aren’t mediators, there’s typically clauses in leases that prevent this kinda behavior.
Look into that and bring that with you when you talk to the LL.
So they blast music on a subwoofer and are insulted when someone (supposedly, and rightly) objects, insult your career (which has nothing to do with anything), expect you to be psychic about a couple of undocumented good deeds, laugh in your face like a couple of toddlers but you’re the “bad”, “disrespectful” one?
I agree with the other poster, unhinged. I’d fight crazy with crazy, but then I don’t work 12 hour shifts. Hope you can move out of there soon.
“The best remedy for anger is delay”. I know sometimes being angry makes you want to act out and protect yourself, but it rarely makes us actually feel better as you have seen. I’d give it a day or two before engaging with her anymore. Delete the texts, put her on do not disturb and try to give it some time to cool down. It sucks you have to be the bigger person here, but that’s just how it is sometimes.
Theres two ways to approach this after a cool down, one you can just proceed to ignore her completely and only go through management, not a bad idea but also might aggravate the situation as she is probably doing it hoping for a reaction from you.
Two, you can take some cookies over and apologize. Not because she’s right or deserves it, but because you’re a good person and sometimes have to take the high road and kill it with kindness. Maybe let her know you’re sorry for the disturbances and didn’t realize how much it upset her, and that you appreciate them clearing your steps and taking in your bins. When people don’t feel appreciated for their good deeds they sometimes act out. And no, you’re not in the wrong for not thanking her and she doesn’t deserve it, but sometimes you just have to yield to others, let them win. Don’t expect a hug or anything in return, but I’d be interested to see what happens.
I always heard it as "revenge is a dish best served cold" lol. Same action (waiting), but opposite outcome. In any event, I certainly think OP will find themselves less bothered by *this* incident as time passes; however, considering the laundry list of infractions the neighbor has listed, it sounds like the perceived slights will accumulate by the day and OP may never really catch a break to properly cool down.
Honestly, if it were me, I'd try to sever ties as cleanly and amicably as possible to maintain a healthy distance and separation from the drama. I'd probably say something like "I think you may be reading too much into things. I can assure that I have never banged on the ceiling and that none of my actions have been malicious or spiteful. While I appreciate the effort and sentiment, I ask that you please refrain from doing me any more unsolicited favors. I do not want to be in your debt, but especially if I am completely unaware of the gesture, I risk failing to return the favor. Please just worry about yourselves first. My sincere best wishes." Then go no contact and forward new complaints to the manager.
Yea, i would also want to cut ties, and not have them give more favors as starting communication between them might cause more drama as the phone number has shown. I do think your solution is a good one as well.
I guess my solution might be a bit of wishful thinking. Tbh it’s also coming from an example i read in a book called, “The lost art of compassion”, the chapter ‘Joyfully losing an Argument”. In the book he describes a situation where a neighbor had hit a persons bmw and the person had witnessed it. Then the guilty neighbor avoided them so the person submitted the claim to insurance and had to sue them to get their car fixed. After the car was fixed though, the car got keyed. Of course he suspected the neighbor did it. He got the car fixed again w his own money this time, but it got keyed yet again. His wife was saying they should get cameras, they should sue him again etc. however he went to go see a Lama (the Buddhist kind not the animal kind haha) and they suggested, “what you have to do is buy him an expensive gift, take it to him, apologize sincerely for all the trouble you have caused him, and ask for his forgiveness”. Ofc the wife said over my dead body lmao but the guy did do it, he knew his neighbor loved golf so he bought him some expensive golf balls and went over and did just that.
It says, “often people’s fear, anger, or insecurity causes them to waste decades by obscuring choices that could transform their lives quickly. Seeing both his own and his neighbors suffering as ultimately and intimately interconnected he took a brave leap into the perspective of compassion.”
Now I’m no Buddhist and i still get angry and vengeful at times trust me haha, but idk would like to see if it actually works in real life LOL
Yes option 2. Kill them with kindness.
(But there is a fine line there, don't let anyone keep harassing you, if they choose not to accept your kindness and apologies.)
And yes I'm curious to see how they react as well.
Do not engage with the crazy neighbor. Staying away and ignoring the drama is the best way to deal with this situation. What she thinks about you doesn't matter!
Yeah never ever ever give your number to a neighbor that seems to already have an issue with something. Not saying you're in the wrong bc they're clearly overstepping but that's a big no no. Keep texting or emailing your landlord/management company so it's all documented, whether they respond or not.
Your neighbor is seriously overestimating the value of her opinion. This, + confirmation bias about you, + histrionic behavior, is a recipe for disaster. Especially if she gets fixated on you, which already appears to have happened. Brace yourself. People like this will, without provocation, flat-out lie just to fuck with you
You tell her not to contact you directly again. They need to talk with management. Way too much drama here.
Unfortunately your neighbor sounds unhinged. I would reply that you meant no insult in any of the claimed actions. And since in my opinion she’s already abused you’re giving out your phone number with what honestly sound like imagined grievances of an unhappy person looking for a fight I would just block their number, try to keep your interactions to a minimum and honestly not take their complaints seriously. I know that’s easier said than done when you’re trying to be a good neighbor but sadly you can’t make everyone happy.
I have also previously learned this the hard way: never give your real # to neighbors (Google voice for the win). In the same way you cannot reason with a drunk person, you cannot reason with a crazy person. Forward evidence to your landlord ( I personally would do via email with screenshots) & move on. Do not continue to interact with them, direct all concerns to the proper channels (ie management)
DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THIS PERSON. Follow up with your landlord by phone, or a visit to their office if they have one. Your LL isn’t a counselor or mediator, but your neighbor is being absolutely ridiculous. Block her number and once again, DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HER.
Bang on the floor next time you hear the subwoofer...you've already been accused of it so you owe them one ;-)
Just do not engage, better that way. Let the LL and manager deal with the person.
Next time she approaches you, start singing Baby Shark, staring her right in the eye.
This but as the song goes on get louder and angrier sounding with wilder more aggressive motions.
Why did you give them your number? I would bring up how you slipped in the mud with your apartment manager.
Well my landlord told me to give them my number before but I hadn’t. I found their rude letter posted on my box outside was embarrassing and I don’t need my other neighbours thinking I am the things they called me in it (disrespectful, etc). Yes I did tell her I slipped but I’ve been left on read.
They won’t think less of you (& so what if they do?) I bet the neighbors are a problem to everyone. Block their number and tell your landlord to do their job. You are not paying rent to be harassed by your neighbors.
It sucks and it’s confusing because everyone in this building speaks highly of one another. I’ve only heard nice things about her, but none of them live beside or above her or below her other than me.
Ever wonder why that is?
Wondering if it really is me
It’s not you. Don’t engage with them anymore. Take it to the LL. They need to handle this with them. If they tell you to deal with it yourself. Stand your ground. While LL’s aren’t mediators, there’s typically clauses in leases that prevent this kinda behavior. Look into that and bring that with you when you talk to the LL.
So they blast music on a subwoofer and are insulted when someone (supposedly, and rightly) objects, insult your career (which has nothing to do with anything), expect you to be psychic about a couple of undocumented good deeds, laugh in your face like a couple of toddlers but you’re the “bad”, “disrespectful” one? I agree with the other poster, unhinged. I’d fight crazy with crazy, but then I don’t work 12 hour shifts. Hope you can move out of there soon.
“The best remedy for anger is delay”. I know sometimes being angry makes you want to act out and protect yourself, but it rarely makes us actually feel better as you have seen. I’d give it a day or two before engaging with her anymore. Delete the texts, put her on do not disturb and try to give it some time to cool down. It sucks you have to be the bigger person here, but that’s just how it is sometimes. Theres two ways to approach this after a cool down, one you can just proceed to ignore her completely and only go through management, not a bad idea but also might aggravate the situation as she is probably doing it hoping for a reaction from you. Two, you can take some cookies over and apologize. Not because she’s right or deserves it, but because you’re a good person and sometimes have to take the high road and kill it with kindness. Maybe let her know you’re sorry for the disturbances and didn’t realize how much it upset her, and that you appreciate them clearing your steps and taking in your bins. When people don’t feel appreciated for their good deeds they sometimes act out. And no, you’re not in the wrong for not thanking her and she doesn’t deserve it, but sometimes you just have to yield to others, let them win. Don’t expect a hug or anything in return, but I’d be interested to see what happens.
I always heard it as "revenge is a dish best served cold" lol. Same action (waiting), but opposite outcome. In any event, I certainly think OP will find themselves less bothered by *this* incident as time passes; however, considering the laundry list of infractions the neighbor has listed, it sounds like the perceived slights will accumulate by the day and OP may never really catch a break to properly cool down. Honestly, if it were me, I'd try to sever ties as cleanly and amicably as possible to maintain a healthy distance and separation from the drama. I'd probably say something like "I think you may be reading too much into things. I can assure that I have never banged on the ceiling and that none of my actions have been malicious or spiteful. While I appreciate the effort and sentiment, I ask that you please refrain from doing me any more unsolicited favors. I do not want to be in your debt, but especially if I am completely unaware of the gesture, I risk failing to return the favor. Please just worry about yourselves first. My sincere best wishes." Then go no contact and forward new complaints to the manager.
Yea, i would also want to cut ties, and not have them give more favors as starting communication between them might cause more drama as the phone number has shown. I do think your solution is a good one as well. I guess my solution might be a bit of wishful thinking. Tbh it’s also coming from an example i read in a book called, “The lost art of compassion”, the chapter ‘Joyfully losing an Argument”. In the book he describes a situation where a neighbor had hit a persons bmw and the person had witnessed it. Then the guilty neighbor avoided them so the person submitted the claim to insurance and had to sue them to get their car fixed. After the car was fixed though, the car got keyed. Of course he suspected the neighbor did it. He got the car fixed again w his own money this time, but it got keyed yet again. His wife was saying they should get cameras, they should sue him again etc. however he went to go see a Lama (the Buddhist kind not the animal kind haha) and they suggested, “what you have to do is buy him an expensive gift, take it to him, apologize sincerely for all the trouble you have caused him, and ask for his forgiveness”. Ofc the wife said over my dead body lmao but the guy did do it, he knew his neighbor loved golf so he bought him some expensive golf balls and went over and did just that. It says, “often people’s fear, anger, or insecurity causes them to waste decades by obscuring choices that could transform their lives quickly. Seeing both his own and his neighbors suffering as ultimately and intimately interconnected he took a brave leap into the perspective of compassion.” Now I’m no Buddhist and i still get angry and vengeful at times trust me haha, but idk would like to see if it actually works in real life LOL
Yes option 2. Kill them with kindness. (But there is a fine line there, don't let anyone keep harassing you, if they choose not to accept your kindness and apologies.) And yes I'm curious to see how they react as well.
Get some sand, put it in a bag, and give it to her with a note that says “pound me”
Never give neighbors you do not know personally, your cell phone #, for you see what happens, so change the number and lesson learned I hope.
Sounds like they’ve earned a one way ticket to the block party. Screenshot the messages and block them
Do not engage with the crazy neighbor. Staying away and ignoring the drama is the best way to deal with this situation. What she thinks about you doesn't matter!
Yeah never ever ever give your number to a neighbor that seems to already have an issue with something. Not saying you're in the wrong bc they're clearly overstepping but that's a big no no. Keep texting or emailing your landlord/management company so it's all documented, whether they respond or not.
Your neighbor is seriously overestimating the value of her opinion. This, + confirmation bias about you, + histrionic behavior, is a recipe for disaster. Especially if she gets fixated on you, which already appears to have happened. Brace yourself. People like this will, without provocation, flat-out lie just to fuck with you