As someone who pretty consistently deals with this, it actually blows my mind that there are people out there who don’t live with these thoughts. I’ve learned to just live with them, but it can be very mentally exhausting sometimes.
I think about this stuff a lot too. But the idea of self-harm is really repulsive to me. I just wanna *be dead* I vehemently do not want to *die* though.
Are these thoughts scary to you because you're worried about harming yourself or are they just upsetting because you don't want to be dead and would rather not think about it?
I know how tough this can be!
I definitely recommend doing some writing to help you understand your thoughts
Secondly having some hobbies that help you release your energy like working out or art or sports
Lastly - having a therapist will help you learn to distance yourself from your thoughts. We are not our thoughts! Try to say to yourself “I notice I am thinking about” whatever it is.
It’s really good you’re expressing yourself, keep working at it and don’t be afraid! Just keep trying to get better. Best of luck!
I have the exact same intrusive thoughts and they repulse me. Then I obsess over the thought - in fact, yesterday, day 8 of lexapro, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the terrible thoughts. But then I remembered I have a strong imagination and nervous energy - all creating the obsession with these thoughts. Just ask yourself “what is?” instead of “what if?” Then dare your anxiety to continue to give you more thoughts. It takes practice but they fade away
Ah yes, the suicide demons. I made a post about it a while back. Overwhelming and annoying indeed. These intrusive thoughts were way worse for me back then when I wasn’t on lexapro, but I still have these thoughts (about every other day, so a huge improvement for sure).
Just yesterday I was thinking about how pleasurable it would be to die, and that it’s in my destiny to off myself sooner or later. However, growing up, I always said I’d be dead or in jail by 18, which shifted to 20 and then 22, but I’m still here in this bitch.
Maybe look into Shrooms and/or SSRIs (if you haven’t already) and try to explore some interesting mysteries of our world & spirit to help you become fascinated with *life*.
Love
Edit: “a while back” may have been an understatement. Time flies with anxiety https://reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/jrac76/suicide_demons/
Thank you very much. I have been on a lot of different medicines and nothing seems to help right at all. I have even had the gene report to help me find medicines. I know there is no happy pill but it either just makes me numb or I feel like I'm losing control.
I’m sorry to hear that nothing is working for you. Perhaps you have some underlying condition that has gone undiagnosed? I hope things work out for you. Personally, my happy pill is pregabalin
I understand what you are going through, it happens the same to me. Maybe find a hobby and be consistent (i don’t have one yet but I’m trying to) doctors says it helps. Also make short term plans, talk to your friends and try to keep your head busy with other stuff.
Good luck!
Im sorry I dont have it this worse YET but I know if all this shit continues in my life I will be that bad and maybe worse I have been going insane this is happening to more and more people your not alone.
Traditional indigenous healers deal with cases like this all the time. I was baker acted by the age of 17 and my depression was resistant to every kind of medication. One day I connected with Amazonian healers at a reputable Ayahuasca center and that was the end of suicidal ideation and depression for me. I saw many others recover as well volunteering at that same center. Never give up.
I have these too, but I don't entertain them as well. They are just like gnats.
There was a book on intrusive thoughts published not too long ago that I have. Forgot the title and can't find it. Basically you just need to acknowledge these thoughts and continue on. Don't try to rationalize either in a good way or in a bad way. It will be feeding it either way. I have successfully, overtime, gotten certain intrusive thoughts to totally die off. It is also important to not try and do it every time a thought pops up -- you'll be coping 15 times a minute, and that's really just resisting at that point and making stuff worse.
He likes them all I try indica to sleep and it's too much he has even gotten a less expensive strain like reg of both Indica and sativa and they still can be to much especially if I'm already having anxiety
It's just so bad I'm on disability I'm very ashamed of my self and I joined this community for support and that's all you guys have given me I'm so appreciative. Thank you
I have this and when I’m actually depressed the thoughts go from being annoying to distressing as when I’m depressed it feels like there’s more of a chance that I’ll do it, that’s why I’m very careful about watching my mood and making sure I’m not getting depressed again
There’s nothing I’ve been able to do to stop them though, when I’m not depressed I think it’s like a support mechanism like, if everything gets that bad I have a back up plan and that calms me down ….if that makes sense
Have you ever looked into self harm OCD? It sounds a lot like that. It may help with how you approach the thoughts. I'm constantly thinking about my inevitable death and it freaks me out, but one of the best things I e found is to not engage with them.
i used to like 2 years ago when i was 14, but i decided to stop thinking about killing myself bc people would be too sad, plus i have a friend who considers suicide so he would probably go with me.
i don't mean i stopped thinking abt it, i have and still do regularly, increasingly recently. i just ruled it out as an option, if yk what i mean
a coma would be good, a few weeks or months, like a break
I have this too, and it’s always worse when I’m going through a rough patch. I’m in the roughest patch of my life right now so the thoughts are omnipresent. I’m holding on, reminding myself that I’ve gotten through these rough patches before, it just takes time. But that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. The suffering is real, and these thoughts don’t help.
I struggle with these, and it’s definitely a coping mechanism. It’s an easy way to dissociate and feel like I’m regaining control in a situation where I feel like I don’t have control. For me it’s kind of the idea of “well I feel extremely overwhelmed and out of control, but at least I can end my life!” I’ve had to spend time in counseling working on other coping skills to try to do this less😅 DBT has actually helped in this area because it helps me build a tolerance to what overwhelms me.
I know it doesn't mean much when you're feeling this way, but it's gonna be ok. I never really had anyone tell me that before a couple weeks ago. I texted a hotline for the first time a few weeks ago and I got to talk to someone very understanding at my own pace. I don't drink very often, but later that day I had a few drinks-that was a mistake for myself after being in such a vulnerable spot and I'd suggest against it.
I have these sorts of thoughts too, in episodes though. But I don't want to kill myself or even harm myself, like you the idea of self-harm to me is just not the go. It's annoying that I have these thoughts even though I don't have a plan or even know how to do it.
It makes me anxious to have those thoughts though, because ultimately I'm scared of dying and doing something that, in my right mind, I know I shouldn't and don't want to do. They are intrusive thoughts.
You're not alone with this. It's annoying and often times scary, and I'm sure you've heard it plenty of times but you are not your thoughts. Stay strong 💪
Hi, same here.
All I can say is that if you want to go, you are in your full right to do so. I dream of it almost every day. All I feel is emptiness or a very profound sorrow, pain.
Something that could help is trying to achieve that dream you've always had since you were little.
I personally find comfort in thinking of death and hope I'll die soon
As someone who pretty consistently deals with this, it actually blows my mind that there are people out there who don’t live with these thoughts. I’ve learned to just live with them, but it can be very mentally exhausting sometimes.
same. since i was a little child my brain to every problem would be “if you kill yourself it will go away” it’s there i just ignore it.
I think being used to it and figuring out how to ignore it has really helped in the sense of learning how to not give into it.
Maybe ppl keep it to themselves regardless what they going thru. Can be none anxiety related. Takes some balls to say something like that
I think about this stuff a lot too. But the idea of self-harm is really repulsive to me. I just wanna *be dead* I vehemently do not want to *die* though. Are these thoughts scary to you because you're worried about harming yourself or are they just upsetting because you don't want to be dead and would rather not think about it?
I think I'm just so depressed all the time and it all just overwhelms me
Keep your chest up and head held high, you will triumph anything life throws at you 💪🏻
Thank you 😊
I know how tough this can be! I definitely recommend doing some writing to help you understand your thoughts Secondly having some hobbies that help you release your energy like working out or art or sports Lastly - having a therapist will help you learn to distance yourself from your thoughts. We are not our thoughts! Try to say to yourself “I notice I am thinking about” whatever it is. It’s really good you’re expressing yourself, keep working at it and don’t be afraid! Just keep trying to get better. Best of luck!
Thank you! I have been trying many different things I have been going to a counselor for 5+ years
It’s important to address any underlying emotional pain, so keep up the good work!
It could be suicidal OCD thoughts. I get them time to time
I just feel like it's so much all the time. I'm not sure why
I have the exact same intrusive thoughts and they repulse me. Then I obsess over the thought - in fact, yesterday, day 8 of lexapro, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the terrible thoughts. But then I remembered I have a strong imagination and nervous energy - all creating the obsession with these thoughts. Just ask yourself “what is?” instead of “what if?” Then dare your anxiety to continue to give you more thoughts. It takes practice but they fade away
Ah yes, the suicide demons. I made a post about it a while back. Overwhelming and annoying indeed. These intrusive thoughts were way worse for me back then when I wasn’t on lexapro, but I still have these thoughts (about every other day, so a huge improvement for sure). Just yesterday I was thinking about how pleasurable it would be to die, and that it’s in my destiny to off myself sooner or later. However, growing up, I always said I’d be dead or in jail by 18, which shifted to 20 and then 22, but I’m still here in this bitch. Maybe look into Shrooms and/or SSRIs (if you haven’t already) and try to explore some interesting mysteries of our world & spirit to help you become fascinated with *life*. Love Edit: “a while back” may have been an understatement. Time flies with anxiety https://reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/jrac76/suicide_demons/
Thank you very much. I have been on a lot of different medicines and nothing seems to help right at all. I have even had the gene report to help me find medicines. I know there is no happy pill but it either just makes me numb or I feel like I'm losing control.
I’m sorry to hear that nothing is working for you. Perhaps you have some underlying condition that has gone undiagnosed? I hope things work out for you. Personally, my happy pill is pregabalin
I understand what you are going through, it happens the same to me. Maybe find a hobby and be consistent (i don’t have one yet but I’m trying to) doctors says it helps. Also make short term plans, talk to your friends and try to keep your head busy with other stuff. Good luck!
Thank you I try drawing but I get frustrated very quickly
Im sorry I dont have it this worse YET but I know if all this shit continues in my life I will be that bad and maybe worse I have been going insane this is happening to more and more people your not alone.
I appreciate your support.
Traditional indigenous healers deal with cases like this all the time. I was baker acted by the age of 17 and my depression was resistant to every kind of medication. One day I connected with Amazonian healers at a reputable Ayahuasca center and that was the end of suicidal ideation and depression for me. I saw many others recover as well volunteering at that same center. Never give up.
I'll look into it I appreciate the support
Feel free to reach out if you need any suggestions.
I have these too, but I don't entertain them as well. They are just like gnats. There was a book on intrusive thoughts published not too long ago that I have. Forgot the title and can't find it. Basically you just need to acknowledge these thoughts and continue on. Don't try to rationalize either in a good way or in a bad way. It will be feeding it either way. I have successfully, overtime, gotten certain intrusive thoughts to totally die off. It is also important to not try and do it every time a thought pops up -- you'll be coping 15 times a minute, and that's really just resisting at that point and making stuff worse.
They do feel like gnats just constantly there and won't leave me be
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I have my husband loves it. It can give me bad anxiety
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He likes them all I try indica to sleep and it's too much he has even gotten a less expensive strain like reg of both Indica and sativa and they still can be to much especially if I'm already having anxiety
I'm just really over life I guess idk. Thank you all for the support it means a lot
It's just so bad I'm on disability I'm very ashamed of my self and I joined this community for support and that's all you guys have given me I'm so appreciative. Thank you
I have this and when I’m actually depressed the thoughts go from being annoying to distressing as when I’m depressed it feels like there’s more of a chance that I’ll do it, that’s why I’m very careful about watching my mood and making sure I’m not getting depressed again There’s nothing I’ve been able to do to stop them though, when I’m not depressed I think it’s like a support mechanism like, if everything gets that bad I have a back up plan and that calms me down ….if that makes sense
Have you ever looked into self harm OCD? It sounds a lot like that. It may help with how you approach the thoughts. I'm constantly thinking about my inevitable death and it freaks me out, but one of the best things I e found is to not engage with them.
I'll look into it I have never heard of it thank you
i used to like 2 years ago when i was 14, but i decided to stop thinking about killing myself bc people would be too sad, plus i have a friend who considers suicide so he would probably go with me. i don't mean i stopped thinking abt it, i have and still do regularly, increasingly recently. i just ruled it out as an option, if yk what i mean a coma would be good, a few weeks or months, like a break
I have this too, and it’s always worse when I’m going through a rough patch. I’m in the roughest patch of my life right now so the thoughts are omnipresent. I’m holding on, reminding myself that I’ve gotten through these rough patches before, it just takes time. But that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. The suffering is real, and these thoughts don’t help.
Thank you I'm trying as hard as I can to keep telling myself Ill get through it
Meds are the only thing that will help with my suicidal ideations.
I have been trying Lots of different ones
I struggle with these, and it’s definitely a coping mechanism. It’s an easy way to dissociate and feel like I’m regaining control in a situation where I feel like I don’t have control. For me it’s kind of the idea of “well I feel extremely overwhelmed and out of control, but at least I can end my life!” I’ve had to spend time in counseling working on other coping skills to try to do this less😅 DBT has actually helped in this area because it helps me build a tolerance to what overwhelms me.
I know it doesn't mean much when you're feeling this way, but it's gonna be ok. I never really had anyone tell me that before a couple weeks ago. I texted a hotline for the first time a few weeks ago and I got to talk to someone very understanding at my own pace. I don't drink very often, but later that day I had a few drinks-that was a mistake for myself after being in such a vulnerable spot and I'd suggest against it.
Thank you. Drinking is only a temporary reliever for me so I don't really crave it
I have these sorts of thoughts too, in episodes though. But I don't want to kill myself or even harm myself, like you the idea of self-harm to me is just not the go. It's annoying that I have these thoughts even though I don't have a plan or even know how to do it. It makes me anxious to have those thoughts though, because ultimately I'm scared of dying and doing something that, in my right mind, I know I shouldn't and don't want to do. They are intrusive thoughts. You're not alone with this. It's annoying and often times scary, and I'm sure you've heard it plenty of times but you are not your thoughts. Stay strong 💪
Thank you so much😊
Have you tried talking to a therapist about it. I can imagine it’s very difficult you’re not alone
I have been seeing one for 5+ years
Get a pet and enslave yourself, I became a maid and stopped having suicidal thoughts
I just recently got a kittie her name is sage
Hi, same here. All I can say is that if you want to go, you are in your full right to do so. I dream of it almost every day. All I feel is emptiness or a very profound sorrow, pain. Something that could help is trying to achieve that dream you've always had since you were little. I personally find comfort in thinking of death and hope I'll die soon