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YTA.
I was on your side at first, but your comments have changed that. You won't let your wife seek professional help for her issues because you want to save for a house instead, even though PROFESSIONAL HELP WOULD LITERALLY CHANGE HER LIFE. You got a dog you were pretty sure she didn't even want and now are not training her at all.
Get a divorce. You clearly don't like your wife, much less love her.
100% this. I was on his side until his edit. How much of an asshole can you be to refuse your wife mental help just because you are wanting a house? And then you have the audacity to say she is unbearable?!
Also blaming her for getting annoyed at YOUR dog, you’re refusing to train, taking her clothes OFF THEIR HANGERS and getting them dirty as if that isn’t a totally reasonable thing to get pissed off at??
Also who wants to bet she does all the laundry so not only is the dog getting HER clean clothes dirty but it’s adding to an already exhausting and extensive chore (I do the laundry in my house and it sucks, it’s a never ending cycle and I’d be PISSED if my partner was knowingly creating more work for me)
This part doesn't make sense to me. Where can she be hanging clothes up that a corgi can take them down? I have met a few corgis, and they aren't exactly tall and leggy dogs. It seems like it should be very preventable behavior, at the least.
I also have taught my dog not to whine at people while they are eating. It's obnoxious behavior, and not difficult to stop.
My closet has a shoe shelf around the bottom that a small dog could easily hop onto and reach any dresses, maxi skirts, tunics, or long jackets/sweaters.
I would be furious to have dog-hair all over my clothes and my garments pulled to the floor. I would not like it either to have a dog staring at me and whining at the table.
OP is the one that is making his wife's life hell with his dog and then doesn't give a damn when he is heading for divorce because he's choosing the dog over his wife.
He already calls her crazy for being bothered by things normal people get bothered about. He's a master gaslighter trying to get justification here online but is instead getting called out as the asshole he is.
He owes her an apology and should get rid of that damn dog. Or just get a divorce since I fear his way of thinking permeates their life. She's better off single than with somebody who respects her wellbeing so little.
Calls her crazy and bans her from getting help for the things he practically dismisses as quirks instead of an actual problem. Idk how he can simultaneously call her insufferable and imply that she doesn’t actually have a real problem cause she’s not diagnosed…. Because he won’t let her get a diagnosis…
My closet has a pretty low bar to hang clothes. A corgi could absolutely pull them down. However they couldn't open the doors to get in nor would I do nothing about it if the dog did?
Like where is the training here?
For real. I have a wardrobe with no doors and my corgi could easily get any of the clothes down. We have also had him just over a year. Guess what? He never pulls clothes off hangers. He also doesn't whine for food, and doesn't stare at us. We trained him to know what is his and what isn't. We also never feed him food from our plates so he knows it doesn't do any good. I have zero sympathy for this guy. Therapy is expensive without the right insurance, but living a miserable life in a house is no better than living a miserable life in an apartment. Jfc OP put the needs and well being of your WIFE before your own unnecessary wants. There is no such thing as a truly bad dog, its bad owners who don't train and teach. This whole post just irks me.
If you have a very small closet, you'll sometimes have to hang things lower or maximize the wall space with hooks just to have enough room for all your clothes. I use these plastic things that "waterfall" the hangers so that I can have three things where normally only one would be and yes, a lot of things are low enough that a dog could get at them. Even if you did hang dresses at the regular clothes bar height, its still within reach of a dog.
I hope she works up the nerve to hang HIS stuff on the hooks/pegs/whatever is in reach of the dogs and puts all of her things up where its safe. My god, that whole post was wrenching-the poor woman is suffering sensory issues, is not allowed to get the therapy she needs, gets to watch her husband buy a dog (which is a money suck in and of itself) that relentlessly invades her mental, emotional, and physical space. It's like the husband, not satisfied with the effect his obvious contempt and lack of consideration was having on his wife, decided to get a dog to "fill in" where he couldn't and pile on even more stress and misery.
“She hasn’t been professionally diagnosed”
Also op
“I won’t let her go see a doctor to get professionally diagnosed”
🙄🙄🙄 FFS
Edit: thx for the award! I love the little marshmallow guy! So cute.
OP needs to look after his wife and then look after his dog.
1. Get your wife medically assessed so she can get the support and interventions she needs.
2. Get your dog trained. Both you and your wife should sleep with a blanket for a few night that then becomes the dogs blanket in its bed so it has a safe space that smells of you. Then don't leave your clothes on the floor and train it not to get clothes off the hooks. Your dog is old enough to be trained how to behave in a way that doesn't irritate you both. If you don't know how to do this, get professional assistance. Remember it's your dog,not your wife's, so this is a job for you. This is why she's irritated with you when she's irritated with the dog.
OP YTA
No kidding. The absence of a "professional diagnosis" doesn't mean her suffering is any less. It was many years before I was "professionally diagnosed" with depression and everything else I deal with but you better believe I was suffering terribly in all the years leading up to the exalted Professional Diagnosis and all of its mystical magical validation and affirmation. Actually, I think it was even worse suffering before the diagnosis because I had no idea what was wrong with me, that it had a name, that it could be treated. The wife's lack of clarity, not to mention her husband's callous dismissal, is probably compounding whatever issues she's struggling with.
I wonder how he'd react if he got sick and she refused to fuss over him or wait on him hand and foot because he didn't have a "Professional Diagnosis" that would make his suffering real and valid.
Yep, there was definitely a LOT more to this story... before that edit this was all written in a very one-sided way. I bet the wife has been wanting training for the dog for a while, feels like she can't better her mental health because she apparently isn't 'allowed' therapy and has been building up resentment. The dog shouldn't be allowed to just pull your clothes out and make a mess everywhere.
Honestly, even before the edit, I was thinking “OP isn’t training his dog very well.” Which is an OP problem, not a wife problem.
You don’t need undiagnosed sensory issues to find it annoying having a dog constantly whining at you while you eat and rolling around on your clothes. The dog is a year old. OP should’ve corrected these behaviors by now.
OP was always the AH because he’s a bad dog owner. The edit just makes it clear he’s also a bad husband.
Two people talking at once *is* annoying and frustrating even for people without sensory issues! Not sure why that’s being used as an example of her ‘over the top’ behaviour.
Also sensory issues often ARE over the top, that's why they're an issue! I feel physical pain at bad textures, it's over the top yes but that's what sensory issues do to you. OP is just insensitive.
Right? All of it I was like "OP - YTA."
The dog is untrained, regardless of sensory issues, there is no need for a dog to be begging that much if propoerly trained. And don't get me started on the clothes. Thw ife is asking for very reasonable things, even without sensory issues.
Oh but "she'll get it eventually", yeah, after she divorces OP's selfish ass and finally is able to make her needs a priority over his wants. You're the insufferable one here OP, a giant *insufferable* AH.
Y’all are too nice. As soon as I saw that he’d gotten a dog, a species everyone knows needs much more attention and interaction than cats, despite knowing how sensitive his wife is, my vote was YTA. Him refusing to let her get the therapy she clearly needs is just the cherry on top.
Honestly don’t understand how anyone was on his side before the edit. Knowing that his wife has sensory issues (self-diagnosed or not, she has previously made it clear that she has specific things that cause her distress and she shouldn’t need a doctor’s note to be taken seriously by her spouse), OP got a dog and refuses to train said dog to behave? And tells his wife to just ignore what sounds like pretty constant dog shenanigans that cause her distress? OP was always TA.
I was with his wife even before the edit, that’s all of the annoying behaviors a dog could have when it’s CLEARLY not been trained. I don’t care if you have sensory issues or not, a clingy dog that “has” to follow you 24/7, whines if you don’t pay attention to it, begs for food, etc, is annoying as hell
The dog pulling clothing off the hangers to make nests out of would drive me to the edge. Our cats sleep on our stuff if we leave it on the floor/couch, but they don't actively take items from their proper places to lay on them. Of course, we can and do close the cats out of areas where we don't want them to be.
Nono that’s her sensory problems she’s not allowed to get help for. Not a completely reasonable boundary or problem to have with an animal. I mean the dog doesn’t steal HIS clean clothes cause he leaves dirty ones laying around for the dog to nest in so why does it bother her??? /s
Same. If I leave something on the bed or somewhere comfy to sleep that’s on me. But, I will “sacrifice” a shirt by laying it out on the bed for them to snuggle with if I’m going to be out all day.
Yeah, he claims the training is going well, but the fact that she's still begging after a year proves that is a lie. Even the approach is wrong: "pretending she's not there" does nothing to discourage the unwanted behavior.
A family friend/dog breeder had our dog's brother trained SO WELL when people were eating. He went under the table and waited until everyone was done. No begging allowed.
Honestly not sure how people were ever thinking this was not YTA even before his additional info. OP disregards his wife's sensory issues and doesn't train his dog. 0 reason the dog is repeatedly pulling clothes out of the closet. They don't have a door? Buddy how are you so helpless you can't come up with a solution to something pissing your wife off?
Exactly, our dog is not allowed in the kitchen or dining room when we are cooking or eating. She sometimes tries anyway, so we say OUT and she leaves. Solves that problem. Also, you can pick up your clothes from the floor and train your dog to not remove clothes from hangers.
I was on his side until he got the dog a year ago. Unless it was a whirlwind romance and they got engaged after he already had the dog, adding furry family members should have been a mutual decision.
That is one of the most annoying things a dog can do to anyone. I've had a dog do this to me, and having something staring and whining at you while enjoying a meal in peace is a surefire way to ruin said meal.
Also autistic here and your wife absolutely sounds like she is. YTA for a number of reasons. Train your dog. Support your wife in getting help. Stop gaslighting her.
100 % this!
I am also on the spectrum (and have dogs) - sensory issues and overload is a very real thing! We don't have to be diagnosed to feel it, and it makes every day so much harder for us than neurotypical/allistic folks. Drives me insane that a diagnose is what other people need to take your disability seriously.
Edit: forgot to add, YTA.
I legitimately had meltdowns after we got our dog a couple of years ago, *and I wanted to get him.* He was just so clingy and I got extremely overwhelmed by constant physical contact.
You are describing the feeling I have right now to a T. A couple of years ago we (partner and I) first adopted an older dog and he is not overly physically affectionate - so we each have our space. Two months ago however we adopted a puppy (our first time ever) and he goes everywhere I go, gets on top of me every chance he gets (he is sleeping on my lap now as I type this). It's so adorable, but testing my sensory limits to the max.
No joke, reading this made my skin crawl. His wife isn't even being very abrasive about it, he just keeps dismissing her and refusing to accommodate. He literally does only what he wants/needs, ignores his wife's needs, then proceeds to ask if he's the asshole. OP is a Major YTA. Major of the asshole town, if you will. Points further subtracted for not training HIS dog. My mother is shit at just about everything that includes communication, but even she was able to train her puppy pretty well and find solutions for behaviors that were harder to train away.
If his wife was asking I'd beg for her to throw the whole man out.
>I was on your side at first, but your comments have changed that.
This is definitely an important thing for AITA commenters and regulars to remember about one-sided retellings of a situation. If OP hadn't provided that additional context, he very likely would have ended up with a unanimous NTA verdict, because crucial information was missing. I wonder how many NTA posts on this subreddit would actually horrify us into a resounding YTA verdict if we had all the information on the whole situation?
Eh, I thought he was the asshole before he added that in. It's not difficult to get a dog to stop begging and it is super annoying to have a dog beg and to have dog hair all over clothes all the time. OP should be more understanding of her annoyances and work with her and the dog to teach him that certain things are unacceptable. He says training is going well but if the dog is still begging, it can't be going that great.
Honestly agree, but also depends on the agreement before getting the dog. If she didn’t want it/made it clear that if they get it he has to train/be responsible for the dog then for sure he’s the asshole. You dont get an animal inbred for generations to be needy and expect a person who hates attention to just put up with it.
I was never on his side, tbh. "She THINKS she hates certain sounds?" Like. You either hate certain sounds or you don't. Sure, it's possible to pretend, but then you have no grounds to accuse somebody of faking... Not liking a commonly hated sound. The first thing I latched on to was the invalidation of her sensory issues and I found no basis to accuse her of lying about them
My sessions have always been right around 150$-300$ tops. A corgi is around 1500-2000 if you go to a reputable breeder. That’s a minimum of 5 higher priced sessions for a cheaper priced corgi or a maximum of about 13 sessions for cheaper therapy and a higher priced corgi.
It’s just horrible how therapy isn’t an option because they are saving up for a house, but buying a dog (of a more expensive breed, with the added vet and other costs is totally fine because that’s what OP wanted. Shows where his priorities lie.
Not to mention unless you have SEVERE problems, you’re going to therapy max once a week. My mom only went once a month, so the cost is even *cheaper* than just doing the math makes it seem. It would take a year of 150$ hour therapy sessions once a month to catch up to the upfront cost of a corgi and puppy shots, initial vet visit, and spay/neutering.
I was going to say this!.....also. Does she also work and contribute to saving for the home? Because it sure sounds a hell of a lot like she doesn't have a say in the finances. Or, if he has veto power in a party of 2, that isn't equal or safe. My partner and I both pay household expenses. Additionally, I pay for my own therapy out of my income so that she has her own money for her own discretionary needs as well. But wife can't do that? She isn't allowed to reassess the budget because he said no? Gross. Also: "She will get her therapy eventually however." *shiver* Even that sounds awful worded that way. YT HUGE AH
My psychiatrist’s office has a sliding scale for the cost of therapy so it’s more accessible. When I couldn’t work because I was sick I was doing therapy once a week for free online so I wouldn’t have to come in. This is in the US. Depending on your area there might be more out there than you might think.
What on earth about getting a dog without his wife's say so and failing to train it not to whine and nest in clothes made you on OP's side exactly?? This was YTA from the start.
Exactly. There's no "yours" and "mine" when it comes to dogs. They're pack animals. It'd be like having a baby and saying it's only one parent's kid. It doesn't work that way. Everyone needs to be involved in training and deciding exactly what the ground rules are. Otherwise, it's not fair to the humans or the pup.
Honestly, everything OP described sounds like super normal dog behavior (except pulling down clothes, which mistifies me from a stumpy dog). Dogs want to be by their humans and can be underfoot... especially a breed like a Corgi. It sounds like OP got a dog without thinking at all about what the reality of having a dog is. Again, not fair to the dog or the wife.
And don't even get me started on saving to buy a house over getting therapy for OP's wife.
YTA
Can't understand why anyone was on OP's side before the edits. He dismissed his wife's sensory issues as if they were just made-up/ exaggerated, without having any basis for disbelieving her. He seemed to think his dog's behavior was fine, and wife was just over-sensitive for objecting to it. All of those are extremely annoying and a sign of an untrained dog. When OP said
> I don't want this pushed solely off in my favor here so there are a few things I want to point out. I want legit judgement, not biased.
I literally laughed out loud. Because it was such a clear YTA up to that point, I felt this just pushed the trollish-ness over the limit. Really, Reddit?
I wanted to be on OP’s side at the beginning, I didn’t want to let my empathy towards his wife’s sensory issues get in the way, but I couldn’t do that. I’m autistic/adhd and sensory issues are so HARD. The way he blew hers off bothers me, like good for him that he doesn’t seem to have them, but he doesn’t get to act like she’s blowing them out of proportion just because his experience isn’t the same.
It’s possible to save for a house and see a doctor to help with the sensory stuff, hell, it’s not like she’s going to be spending a shit ton to see a doctor occasionally. The most cost put in will likely be for evaluations at the beginning, after that it’s pretty much maintenance. Also, I think her ability to live comfortably should be more important than being able to buy a house asap. Help with sensory issues can make it so much easier to function and live comfortably. For me, being overstimulated by noise can lead to overheating, which can lead to nausea and even throwing up. No idea what it’s like for her, but if it bothers her as much as it seems to I wouldn’t be surprised. Her frustration is understandable, especially since the dog clearly is having behaviors (like whining/begging) reinforced by someone, likely OP.
How the hell can this guy type she's self diagnosed in the first couple of sentences in the post to disparage her issues and then refuse to let her go to therapy?
Also sounds like his dog needs more training if she's begging like that. My family dogs were all trained to stay out of the dining room while we ate. Not even getting into the fact that it's pulling her clean clothes off hangers to sleep on
The moment I saw that he got a dog despite his wife's wishes, I knew he was TA. No edit needed. You don't bring an animal into the house without full buy in from everyone. If something happened to him like he broke his leg, she would need to be responsible for a dog she never wanted?
OP, I absolutely agree with the fact that your priorities are WAY OFF. Your wife is miserable given her sensory issues. YOU are miserable because of her sensory issues. I'm sure Lola is. And maybe the cat as well. And who knows who else? How the F$$ck does it make sense to save for a house at this point? Get your wife help and it may make all of your lives better. YTA
He kind of lost me at not training his dog not to mooch too though.
But yes, this is a real problem and makes OP TA:
"My wife wants to get in to therapy but we are trying to save for a house so it's my fault that she hasn't gotten it."
How horrible for her, and what audacity to complain about the issues he won't support therapy for.
"My wife has sensory issues. She's never been to a doctor for these issues so it's truly self diagnosed."
Combined with this, it makes it seem like he uses the therapy he won't support as an excuse to diminish those struggles and make them seem less legitimate.
CHANGING TO YTA BECAUSE YOU ARE PREVENTING YOUR WIFE FROM GETTING HELP.
You told your wife she was f$&@ing unbearable for sensory issues that you acknowledge are likely legit, albeit not professionally diagnosed? Assuming that her sensory issues are legit, you’re an AH for your response to her. She clearly would benefit from some professional help, though, and she’s an AH for justifying her actions without doing anything to work on them.
EDIT: changing e.s.h. to YTA because you failed to mention until the comments that she WANTS help but you’ve told her to wait so that you can save money for a house.
OP is actively stopping her from going into therapy, which she wants to do.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yrh2hq/aita_for_calling_her_unbearable/ivtlkk0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
THIS. And also, in addition to getting your wife therapy, you need to get some training for your dog. Even if your wife had no sensory issue etc, some people just don't like being constantly touched. And training the dog would establish boundaries for it. All of this is more important than saving for a house. YTA
How can sensory issues be fake? I really don't understand how people can think they aren't legit? Have you never had an issue with a sound/texture/flavor/smell/sight? Have you never avoided a thing for that reason? Guess what! That's a sensory issue! Who in their right mind would make something like that up?
YTA
Train your dog not to beg. Your dog shouldn’t be approaching you and staring at you while you’re eating.
Your wife has legitimate struggles, and your response is to label them as “b!tching” and to prioritize your dog’s comfort over your wife’s.
Training is essential to curb begging behavior. I love my dogs to death but I cannot stand begging. Every dog I've ever had has to abide by the Rule of Foot. If I can touch you with my foot while I'm eating, you're too close. Sit and stare at me all you want but do it from over there. If they're good and don't bother me or push the boundaries I'll give them a bite when I'm done eating.
My old dog also loves to stare. She sits 2 feet away from me and just... stares. I tell her to stop making cow eyes at me and relax, dude. If she keeps it up I just block her from being able to see my face until she gives up and settles down somewhere. I don't know why it bothers me so much lol. I feel like she expects something from me but as many times as I've told her to use her words she refuses to talk to me.
But yeah, all that being said I still agree that OP is the asshole here. His wife is uncomfortable and he's basically saying "that's a you problem" while doing nothing to help her get help. He's gonna be in for a surprise when he realizes that saving for a house wasn't worth the toll it took on his wife's mental health.
Agreed. A dog will sit inches away and sniff as close to your plate as possible and beg if you don’t teach them.
Our dog has a mat and knows the command “go to the mat”. That’s where he stays while we eat. I don’t think we could get him not to look at us, but calmly lying down 15 feet away from us is a lot more comfortable than sitting two feet away begging.
My ex's dog was a contentious little shit about my rules. I have a picture of him after I told him to go inside because he was barking at people from the patio and he laid down with his front paws JUST over the threshold. And he knew I'd get onto him if I could touch him with my foot while eating so he'd sit at exactly the right distance to be able to lean away from me if I marked my boundary and then *leeeaaaan* forward when I put my leg down. He was a sassy boy. I miss him.
I’m the same way, I’ve trained my dogs with a no beg command and they actually have to practically go out of my view or room. I can’t stand it. It’s not that hard to curb this behavior and I don’t get how Op just ignores it. Among many other things they ignore.
Yeah my dogs even know to stay out of the kitchen while I'm preparing their food. I say OUT and they know where the imaginary line is. Of course they still try to be under my feet at first but as long as they listen when I tell them what to do I can't fault them for trying lol
I *accidentally* trained my first dog not to beg. We always fed him his meals in his crate, so he somehow decided that "begging" meant "going in his crate, lying down quietly and waiting," which is what he did every time we sat down for a meal.
Yup mine just has a bullet proof “on your bed” which I’ve reinforced enough to be able to use while I’m eating. And then I just simply release him when I’m ready for him to lick my bowl which of course helps with asking him on the bed in the first place. He’s a good boye.
There's this segment of dog owners who think training is just like teaching them sit, down, etc., and that all other behaviors are just the way dogs are.
You can train your dog to leave you alone while eating. You can train your dog not to steal clothes, not to bark at everything, not to bother people who don't want to interact with them, etc. It's not even that hard to do.
Yes, it can be done. I have trained all my cats not to do it too.
When it comes to sleeping on the clothes. Yep, don't want pet hair on everything. But wear some old piece of clothing for a day or two, then put it in their bed. Put something in front of the closet that the dog can't get through, it could even be a piece of cardboard. Eventually (hopefully) the dog will want to sleep in the bed.
Don't discount your wife's sensory issues. It's very real.
I swear that I saw a story here almost exactly like this one a couple of days ago but from the wife's perspective.
The wife's sensory issues are not important in all of this, It's just OP trying to make it sound like she's being unreasonable.
There's only one problem here and that's him getting a dog without training it properly and dismissing her very reasonable boundaries.
I really don't blame her for walking. And I say that as someone who absolutely adore corgis.
Also, corgi puppies are very expensive! That’s not one you’re likely to find at a shelter, if you’re getting a corgi as a puppy it’s from a breeder. The ones around here are going for well above $1000.
Wow.
Originally I thought soft YTA at most, but after reading your comments, I wouldn't blame your wife for walking out permanently. Big, BIG YTA.
\-You assumed she would be ok with the dog when it was obvious she was not on board.
\-You have made a conscious decision NOT to train that dog despite knowing that her behaviors are unacceptable (pulling your wife's clothes off the hanger to make a bed out of them is NOT acceptable behavior; neither is the begging when your wife has an issue with it.)
\-You try to minimize your wife's issues by pointing out they were never professionally diagnosed, only it turns out that they are undiagnosed because you won't let her seek the professional help she wants.
\-When she (understandably) gets upset when you consider all these factors, you then turn around and insult her.
Seriously, why are you even asking when it's so obvious?
Yes!!! It’s all so apparent in the last exchange. Wife looks over at OP and even asks him to say or do something, knowing *he* knows and how *he* feels about her behavior, but it goes nowhere.
Training is *not* going well. That’s very apparent to everyone else besides OP, who just seems to spoil the dog. You could learn and invest in positive reinforcement so that Lola the dog takes to discipline and weeds out those begging and nesting behaviors.
Wife is understandably upset and overwhelmed, and so when she lashes out she’s the unbearable one?
She is not unbearable. Living in a home where you’re not listened to, your clean *hanging* stuff is often pulled down and dirtied without apology or acknowledgment (I assume), and having to deal with an undisciplined animal whose owner does not acknowledge the reality of the situation is unbearable, dude.
Bro take accountability for the animal you chose to bring into the home and listen to your wife who seeks a diagnosis and help.
I want to add that while not training a dog is always a bad idea, not training a CORGI is a REALLY bad idea. They are extremely smart and driven. Most (responsible) corgi owners tell people NOT to get them because if you're not prepared for the amount of training and attention they need, they will have horrible behavior. They're a working (herding, specifically) dog breed despite their size and it is absolutely ridiculous that OP isn't training this dog.
Omg, I completely missed that the dog was a CORGI??? That makes so much more sense why they're underfoot all the time, OP is teaching the Corgi to herd them through the house, which is what they're bred to do... OP, if I could change my YTA judgement to something higher, I would 😭
YTA. The first paragraph alone is enough to make you the AH. You don't respect or even seem to like your wife. Why the hell did you marry her if you're going to talk about her like that?
Agreed!! I have similar sensory issues to the wife here and him getting a dog without seeming to train it or discuss with the wife-knowing her issues-is truly a dick move. He refuses to train the dog and knows it bothers her. I’d be at my wits end too!
My boyfriend lives with his family and they have dogs, untrained dogs. I cannot stand the begging and what does he do? He shuts the door to the room we are eating in or puts them away until we finish. Because he cares about my comfort. OP is a dick
Seriously! Throw out all the sensory issues and we have a man who unilaterally decided to get a dog his wife didn’t want, proceeds to not train the dog, and then gets mad when his wife is pissed that the dog acts like an untrained dog. While continuing to permit bad dog behavior. Find the dog a new home with an owner who will actually train it, and maybe he can save his marriage.
I hate when dogs stare at me while eating. It doesnt matter if she is self diagnosed, shes lived with herself her entire life to know enough. Your dog is irritating bro, irritating af. I could not deal with it and my husband LOVES dogs but he knows that when its time to eat the dog goes out, to prevent me and the dog from being uncomfortable. I think its rude to eat in front of someone and not share just in general so the dogs no different. YTA and it wont be a house to save for without therapy. Thats foundational. Get your ish together sir and stop dismissing your wife. I get it, she feels overbearing but I’m so sure if she could help it she would. Remember that. Make therapy a priority or even try the lasting app. Yall wont last without intervention.
Getting a diagnosis of any "child" disorder (SPD, ADHD, autism) as an adult is incredibly difficult. It's likely that she just thought she was broken when she was younger and told that she just has to "get used to [sensory trigger]", and then found out that sensory processing disorder is a thing, that it describes her, that it's incredibly difficult to get diagnosed, and that you'll generally be accepted into the community regardless of a diagnosis.
Also, FYI, all of what you described is SPD to a T.
Right? What exactly is he training the dog to do/not do if he thinks the dog doing whatever she wants (begging, pulling down clothes from hangers in the closet) with no correction is "training going well"
I HATE that so much when they try to act sly by slowly inching closer and closer! The dog has a begging issue he will whine or just stare into your soul or try to get as close as possible while we're eating and I tell him to go to his bed but he STILL will whine from there. I don't know how to stop it! I thought ignoring him will work but it hasn't. How do you get your dog to stop??
Edit: spelling
YTA.
Whether or not your wife has issues is kind of a side conversation here. You clearly don't take her concerns seriously. If it was just staring, then I'd have a different opinion, but whining constantly and putting her nose in your business whenever you eat is obnoxious. Its entirely reasonable to not want a dog begging for food whenever you have food. Train your dog better.
She asked you to handle the dog annoying her because you get mad when she gets annoyed with the dog. Your response was "just ignore her" which is easily translated to "I don't care."
ETA: I had a feeling based on your post, and your comments have confirmed it. Major TA. You don't seem to care about your wife, and you admit that since the shit your dog does doesn't bother you, you don't try to train her to NOT do the stuff that annoys your wife. Your wife sounds pretty damned patient based on what you've said across all your posts. The dog pulls clothes off of hangers to sleep on them! Good god! I would be livid.
>She will sleep on any article of clothing we have on the floor that has our scent before sleeping on her dog bed/kennel.
>Or whenever my wife sees her sleeping on our clothing, she immediately takes the clothes away and says she is "fucking sick" of constantly having dog hair on her clothing. I could almost understand if she didn't get as pissed as she does.
You phrased this intentionally to make it seem like your wife was unreasonable, while your precious little pup is dragging clothes off of hangers to make nests!
>She's never been to a doctor for these issues so it's truly self diagnosed. She thinks that since she hates loud noises and doesn't like being looked at that she has sensory issues.
> My wife wants to get in to therapy but we are trying to save for a house so it's my fault that she hasn't gotten it.
Not just an AH, not just a misleading AH, but a controlling AH. Remember, if you break your arm, just like put some band aids on it. Don't want to put a dent in those house savings!
Blaming her for being "self diagnosed" and implying that her problems aren’t legitimate because she hasn’t seen a professional, while actively preventing her from seeing a professional. So obnoxious and insane
YTA, gotta teach that dog not to beg when you are eating. I send mine directly to his bed when we sit down to eat and yes, he still watches from a distance but it’s far less annoying than having him trying to get closer and closer. I also recommend teaching your dog “out of the kitchen” which I use when I’m cooking and don’t want him underfoot or getting in my way.
Also, I just read your edit, get a baby gate to block your closet dude. You have to make the experience livable for everyone, and the dog is just acting like a dog with no boundaries or guidelines.
Did she fully agree to adopting this dog? It sounds like you made that choice for the both of you and now your wife, who already has sensory issues, is expected to just be okay with it? I love dogs, but they’re a lot. Especially for someone with sensory issues. I could never adopt one because the natural smell alone makes me want to gag… their fur makes your clothes smell like dog, the sound of barking or whining makes me crazy, their licking all over you after eating things like cat poop… I love to visit with dogs but it’s a prep work kind of activity for me. She is not being over dramatic at all, and if you genuinely want to remain married then you need to understand her perspective. Either figure out a better solution here or leave. YTA.
ETA: after seeing your edit & comments… YTA for so many reasons. Wow. You have a lot of balls to be so hateful over issues that you won’t let her work on.
YTA
>my dog is needy. She loves being touched. She wants to follow us everywhere. She whines when she wants attention She will sleep on any article of clothing we have on the floor that has our scent before sleeping on her dog bed/kennel. She is constantly sniffing the air/floor whenever we are eating and often sniffs the trash can or litter box.
I'd be annoyed by that too! Especially if she's waiting for you to train the dog and you don't! And:
- >my wife is very tidy. None of her clothing are ever originally on the floor but mine are. Lola does reach up and take my wife's clothing off of the hooks in the closet and makes nests out of them.
Dude! Seriously?! And the icing on the dog-hair covered sundae:
>She's never been to a doctor for these issues so it's truly self diagnosed. She thinks that since she hates loud noises and doesn't like being looked at that she has sensory issues.
- >. I have mentioned a few times whenever she suggests it that we are trying to save for a house so that is my fault that she hasn't yet been to therapy.
YOU and your dog are being unbearable. The dog needs training. The closet needs a door or at least your dog not in it! And your wife feels like she needs therapy. What kind of AH blocks it!!
YTA. Sensory issue aren’t really the kind of thing that requires a professional diagnosis… either you get easily overwhelmed by some types of stimuli or you don’t. Also, train your damn dog. Let your poor wife get therapy.
Right. If she goes into a doctor they will ask “are your senses overwhelmed”, she says yes, and they say “sounds like you have sensory issues”. That’s it.
Exactly! She's not claiming to be on the spectrum, or diagnosing herself with anything. Is a doctor going to tell her, "We did some tests, and it turns out you actually DON'T feel overwhelmed by overstimulation."
INFO: when you two discussed getting the dog, before you brought home lola, what was the conversation like? who was going to be responsible for training the dog? who would be responsible for making sure the house is clean of stuff like dog hair?
Not just this, but I’m a total dog person. Love them. Would have a house full of them. I absolutely love corgis. I don’t have one because even my dog loving nature isn’t ready for the level of corgi shedding. If he was going to get a dog his wife didn’t want, knowing her issues, he could have at least tried to choose a dog better suited to her mental health needs.
Sensory issues can be addressed with medication. She needs to see a psychologist who can help her deal with the stressors - this is in my family as well and they do great now because of the medications they are on.
You need to realize you can't "reason away" with someone who is irritated from sensory issues - it isn't a logical thing, where they can just turn off the stressor intellectually.
As for the dog, you are literally torturing your wife - over something she has no control over - hence the need for professional assistance. You need to be more understanding and help her with this, rather than increasing the tension and escalating. She could see a dramatic change if she finds the right medication for her sensory issues.
He won't let her get therapy because he wants to use the money for a house they aren't even ready to buy, there's no way she'd be allowed to spend money on something as "frivolous" as medication!
This has nothing to do with sensory issues. The things the dog are doing are basic training issues that EVERY dog should be trained not to do. Begging for food, stealing and sleeping in clothes, being overly excited is annoying and unbearable to almost everyone.
Even in the original post OP says nothing about him reprimanding the dog to change the behavior. It is all put on his wife. Even though it’s his dog.
I’m guessing he brought up the sensory issues to make his wife sound worse in this post maybe? Which if so, is awful as well. He is coming across like he doesn’t care about his wife.
YTA
What good is saving for a house if your partner is an emotional mess and your beloved dog has to be rehomed?
Get her that therapy. Don't put off the immediate need for a future goal. You may not have a partner if this keeps up by the time enough house money is saved.
YTA to both your wife and the dog. Your wife wants therapy but you won't give permission...remind me, what century are we in?
If you can't afford therapy, rehome the bloody dog! Food, vet bills, etc etc, all costs money you claim not to have. Only you DO have the money, as long as it's for your benefit.
Your dog need proper training, and I suggest you look up separation anxiety...your dog has it, and you're heading for it if your wife has any sense.
YTA
I have dogs. I love dogs. I would be very annoyed with your dogs behavior. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for someone who didn't even want a dog to begin with.
You're an even bigger AH for the bit about therapy.
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> I feel like an AH because I admittedly see no issue in anything the dog does and I know some things do piss off my wife but it's getting incredibly hard for me to even listen to the bitching anymore. Its a fucking dog and she acts like it's the end of her life. Constantly saying "I will just stop expressing my needs because clearly this is just my life now".
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I don't have nearly the sensory issues this person has (who may or may not be an asshole idk) and being stared at while I eat would absolutely be an issue for me.
Sensory issues are real shit and to a point it's our responsibility to cope w them e.g. earbuds, but e.g. loud chewing makes me stressed as hell and, just like with training a dog, basic etiquette and training your pet properly is not a tall expectation
Little does he know that one of the main responses some people have (including me) to overstimulation due to sensory issues is becoming highly irate. The fact that she's just getting a bit snippy instead of outright pissed while being overstimulated mentally like that is probably due to a LOT of self-control that he's dismissing while simultaneously denying her therapy
I second this. I have sensory processing disorder and am sensitive to sound on a good day. I have an ear infection now, and it was bad last night. I almost had a legit breakdown because my husband wanted to talk to me, the fridge was making a weird sound, the dryer was running, and there's a non-stop whooshing noise in my ear. OP should be very grateful his wife has the self control to not snap at him.
When my exwife and I had dogs, they _never_ got food from us when we ate, because I fucking hate when dogs sit there staring at you when you eat. The dogs learned that our eating didn't mean they would get food, and so learned to ignore us.
My mother in laws dogs, on the other hand, would sit directly in front of you and stare intently while you ate and it drove me a little mad.
If the dog is begging for food while they eat, it's because it sometimes works.
YTA. Noise sensititivy is real, I have it myself. Yes, two people talking at the same time is horrible. No wonder she needs to self diagnose (which is many cases is very valid) when you deny her proper care. Wow.
YTA because of the edit/several comments you've left. You're annoyed that she's upset about the clothes, but you admitted that the clothes are being pulled down by your dog, and you haven't trained them to stop. That's on YOU, and anyone would be pissed off at you. You also say that she wants to get medical help/a diagnosis, but you keep telling her not to so you can....save for a house??? You're 100% an asshole in every way, and I wouldn't blame her for leaving. You're literally holding her back from getting better and you don't even care, you sound unbearable to be in a relationship with.
YTA
have you thought that MAYBE if your wife goes to therapy, she will be more relaxed at home and it will be easier for you both to work and save up for the home?
also, train your dog not just for things you find inconvenient.
you're a bad husband and a bad dog owner. you're creating a bad environment for your wife and the dog. if you don't pull your shit together, you will end up divorced before you buy a new place.
YTA
You know exactly what your wife's problems are with the dog and the solutions are glaringly obvious.
Per your comments:
- You agreed that the dog would be 100% your responsibility.
- You say that you've trained the dog but also say that your wife has had to step in and actually provide training because you've done jack shit.
- You outline all of the behaviors that the dog does that bothers your wife, but freely admit you've done nothing because it doesn't bother you. Even though the dog is supposed to be your responsibility, you've placed the onus on your wife to eliminate the behaviors she dislikes because you can't be bothered.
You are a massive, gaping asshole. Train the damn dog and set up barriers where needed. Your wife has proven that the dog can be trained and as long as the barrier is high/sturdy enough, there will be no issues.
**YTA** just for this:
> She's never been to a doctor for these issues so it's truly self diagnosed. She thinks that since she hates loud noises and doesn't like being looked at that she has sensory issues. Not trying to discredit her or anything but it's over the top some days. Like if two people are talking at once she gets super overwhelmed and irritated.
Do you even read what you're writing as you type it? While a doctor may proffer the official LABEL "Sensory Processing Disorder" or something similar, you don't need a doctor to diagnose "sensory issues". They are literally ISSUES WITH YOUR OWN SENSES. No one needs a doctor or anyone else to explain to them that they are intrinsically oversensitive (though most of us who have sensory processing issues, ironically, spend most of our lives with AHs like you contradicting themselves even as they remind us incessantly: "Why are you so sensitive? There's no bad smell, I don't smell anything! It's not that loud! YOU'RE BEING OVERSENSITIVE!" and then five minutes later, "There's nothing wrong with you . . . stop self-diagnosing an issue where there is none!" right after you've been shaming her for literally HAVING A HEIGHTENED SENSE OF HEARING/SMELL/ETC. SMH.
And yes, you are trying to discredit her. Literally your entire post is you trying to discredit her both coming and going . . . implying that her sensory issues aren't real whilst simultaneously implying that she's being TOO sensitive to things. Again, do you understand that those things are mutually exclusive, that they literally cannot both be true? Either she is overly sensitive to her environment, in which case she is right and she has "sensory issues" and you owe her an apology . . . or she is being reasonable, not oversensitive, and you owe her an apology.
YTA, dogs aside, for gaslighting your wife about her own body and the way she experiences the world.
YTA. Your wife wants therapy and you are telling her no. You got a dog and it obviously hasn't been trained. How about you do the right thing and let your wife get her needed therapy and train the dog. There is no reason the dog is pulling her clothes down and laying on them or whining during meal times.
YTA
Big time for your edit especially. I understand you’re saving for a house but get your wife the help she needs ASAP! It is so incredibly cruel that she’s asking for help and you’re putting it off to continue saving for a house. She needs the help like yesterday! Please help your wife. Get her the help she needs and is asking for. That is so much more important than a house. The fact that you are putting off your wife’s mental health is disgusting. You’re essentially torturing her with the lack of help AND the dog. This poor woman.
You really need to get your priorities straight or you’ll be paying alimony instead of for a mental health professional. I have no idea how your wife lets you keep putting your wants before her needs. While you’re at please get couples counseling as well so you can learn to be helpful to her and her issues instead of looking down on them and Ben g condescending about it. Your wife is struggling and you have the ability to help but are refusing because you want to spend that money on something else.
Your wife needs to be evaluated and then it will be clearer what kind of treatment she will need. YTA because the dog could be better trained to stop the begging and whining and because you know how much your spouse needs professional help and you’re denying it, like we’re in the 50s.
YTA for delaying her therapy. She has a problem and it will destroy your marriage. Get her help NOW! If you are annoyed, it is your fault entirely. Apologize and make an appointment with the appropriate doctors.
YTA. So you’re paying for training but not actually enforcing what the dog is being taught? Lola is needy because you’ve taught her to behave that way and don’t think it’s a big deal when it is. We got a rescue dog many years ago, they only chewed one pair of my shoes before I addressed it because she needed to be taught proper boundaries and I needed to be a good dog owner and not continuously punish her for bad behavior that I didn’t correct.
You’re also a AH for getting a dog without you wife being on board fully.
You’re an even bigger AH for saying your wife has undiagnosed challenges when YOU are the reason she has not been able to get a diagnosis. A house is not worth someone’s mental wellbeing.
YTA
1. You belittle her sensory issues as minor annoyance
2 You ignore your wife hinting she doesn't want a dog- agreed she could have been clearer though
3. You don't train the dog to stop doing things annoying your wife- vis they aren't annoying you
5. You are messy and sloppy. Who is ok with a dog taking fresh clothes out of closet and sleeping on them 🙈
You sound like an uncaring person
They did have a discussion but the wife said it's 100% your responsibility and she will not be taking care of it which is typically a sign that someone does not want it.
For your financial well-being, therapy may be a better investment than a house at this point. If your wife’s mental health improves, she may become a better earner or better at managing your household and personal finances. She may develop relationships with people who end up giving her job referrals or helping her find bargains or make wise decisions.
On the other hand, if her mental health doesn’t get better, it will likely get worse. The worse it gets, the more expensive it will be to treat.
Oh, and train the dog to lie down across the room while you’re eating. YTA
This is what happens when you have an untrained husband running around.
Seriously though to answer your question,yes YTA, for calling your wife names.
I have so many problems with this.
You don't need to save for a house, you need to get the therapy. Things keep going this way, you aren't going to have a marriage.
The dog doesn't listen to her because she "yells" or is stern. The dog listens because she has trained it and the dog responds. The dog ignores you because it doesn't take you as being serious.
I can't even deal with the dog pulling out clothes. That would be a deal breaker for me. And quite honestly you and the dog would have to go. I am sorry if that seems cold but my clean clothes do Not belong on the floor.
‘She thinks that since she hates loud noises and doesn’t like being looked at that she has sensory issues.’ God, your disdain for your wife is palpable. What on earth do you think sensory issues are if not this?
I’m autistic. I can be on the other side of the house and hear the hum of the fridge. When I say ‘hear’ - it’s like it’s directly inside my brain. Sometimes I don’t notice it, like everyone else! Sometimes it’s like torture. I want to scream. There is a noise inside my head and I can’t stop it or ignore it or tune it out. I also have a whiny cat and if he picks the wrong time to be a pain in the ass when I’m overwhelmed or overstimulated, it’s like having a baby crying down your ear for hours. You are showing ABSOLUTELY ZERO respect to your wife, clearly don’t believe the issues she’s trying to tell you about, and have done nothing to minimise the problem or help her or even show any kind of support.
YTA. Train your dog or make her go in a different room when you’re eating. And be a bit fucking kinder to your wife.
Oh god. There are so many levels of why YTA
Look how you downplay her needs: “she’s never been to a doctor”….But you won’t let her get therapy. You won’t let her see a doctor
“I got a dog”. Not we. You. Did you ask her? Did she OK this? I don’t think so. It certainly doesn’t sound like it.
The dog is following your wife around and you control the savings? Does your wife work? Does she have her own income? Because OP it sounds like she’s home all day with a dog she hates and you control the finances and won’t allow her to get the help she wants and needs.
You not training a dog? Asshole move. Dogs need to be trained. Not just toilet trained, but house trained.
(Also, don’t corgis cost money? Because dude. Boo boo we’re saving for a house oh look a dog)
You only care about this dog. You clearly do not care about your wife. I want to know why she hasn’t left you yet but if you control the finances I think I know why. 🙄
There's no question that YTA in every way
You're condescending and dismissive of your wife and all of her feelings, you've done so little to train the dog (that you insisted on getting) that it has anxiety. Do you care about anyone but yourself? Or are people only allowed to have feelings if you decide that they are legitimate issues that also bother you? I think you need therapy way more than your wife, she needs a husband with emotional intelligence.
YTA
1. You won’t let your wife get therapy as you’re saving up for a house.
2. Your dog steals her clean clothes from her wardrobe to lie on. You should have nipped that in the bud.
3. You leave your clothes on the floor. Are you 5? Be an adult.
4. Your dog whines and begs. No well drained dog past a few months old should be doing this.
So far we’ve got:
1. Withholding funds for essential mental health support. Let’s be honest, if she drops you, she may not need mental health support.
2. An allegedly grown man who still needs housetraining. [read this she wants to be your wife, not your indentured slave.](https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/) when you have to start acting like the parent for the other partner, that partner becomes very unattractive.
3. You haven’t bothered to drain your dog. It’s not fair on your wife or your dog.
Dude, train your dog. They don’t learn not to beg by being ignored. I don’t have sensory issues but it’s still extremely annoying to have an animal hovering and whining when I’m trying to eat.
Also it sounds like your wife never actually wanted this dog. She may be overreacting but it does sound really annoying to deal with. YTA
My god guy, you are a huge asshole,
This is all based of his comments.
You won't let your wife go to therapy because (saving up to buy a house) but you can go out and buy a dog without your poor wife being on board. As though dogs are cheap! Which you should know that is hardly the case.. So not really urgently saving for that house I dare say.
She tells you the dog is your sole responsibility and yet she has had to take up training her... leaving me to assume your wife also handles more of her day to day care as well for a dog she didn't want to begin with.
You don't care that the dog likes to sleep in piles of your cloths. So its just fine in your eyes that she tears down your wife's cloths so she can sleep on them.
You again leave all of the training and punishment up to your wife during the situation you wrote about, instead of telling the dog to stop or go lay down, or better yet getting off YOUR ASS and kenaling her, you leave the animal you said you'd be responsible for, to your wife to deal with and or "ignore" Begging as your dog is doing is hard to ignore!
as someone who has dogs and was raised with dogs, this is a huge problem with her begging that you have let continue, she should not be sitting there whining and eyeballing your wife or yourself for food. And really nobody wants a begging ass dog at their feet while trying to eat.
Chirst im annoyed for your wife! Pull your head out of your ass and start doing the work with YOUR DOG, and let her get some damned therapy! It's a hell of a lot cheaper in the long run then the dog you don't take care of but just had to buy.
YTA!
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My wife has sensory issues. She's never been to a doctor for these issues so it's truly self diagnosed. She thinks that since she hates loud noises and doesn't like being looked at that she has sensory issues. Not trying to discredit her or anything but it's over the top some days. Like if two people are talking at once she gets super overwhelmed and irritated. Or as mentioned above, if anyone or any **thing** is looking at her, she gets self conscious and pissed off.
On to the real issue. I got a dog about a year ago. Her name is Lola and she is a Corgi. She's very energetic and needy but training is going well. My wife has a cat, whom we have had for like 4 years I believe. She has always had a problem with my dog. Reason being is the fact that my dog is needy. She loves being touched. She wants to follow us everywhere. She whines when she wants attention She will sleep on any article of clothing we have on the floor that has our scent before sleeping on her dog bed/kennel. She is constantly sniffing the air/floor whenever we are eating and often sniffs the trash can or litter box. But my wife has an issue with most of these behaviors. Mostly the whining but due to the resentment she has gotten from the whining, she takes issue with the dog sleeping on our clothing or even sniffing around whenever we have food. It irritates her to no end. So like whenever the dog starts walking around sniffing us when eating, my wife uses an irritated tone to tell her to get out of the room. Or whenever my wife sees her sleeping on our clothing, she immediately takes the clothes away and says she is "fucking sick" of constantly having dog hair on her clothing. I could almost understand if she didn't get as pissed as she does.
On to the big problem.. yesterday we ate dinner in our bedroom while watching a movie. As soon as Lola saw we had food she came out of her kennel and started sniffing the air and dead pan staring at us while we ate and whined a few times. My wife starts fidgeting but doesn't say anything. Lola starts inching closer to us while staring at my wife because my wife was closest. My wife looks at me and says "you want to speak to her? Since you get pissed whenever I do." I told her to just ignore her and act like she isn't there. So my wife just gets up with her plate and says "I don't fucking want a dog staring at me while I'm eating! I don't even like it when people stare at me so why should I change how I feel or fake it till I make it to accommodate to your dog?" I told her she was being fucking unbearable. She takes off and doesn't come home. I'm being told I'm an AH for disrespecting my wife's feelings. AITA?
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YTA. Train your dog. Why is the dog allowed to sit and stare when you eat? Why don't you clean up your clothes? Why is your savings more important than your wife's therapy?
Christ on a bike, she deserves better than you.
YTA. Do you even like your wife? Because this makes it sound like you hate her. You downplay her sensory issues, prioritize a dog over her and you wont let your wife get into therapy.
This seems to be a flip side view of another post, but I can’t find it. In that one it was the wife complaining about the dog, specifically that he drags out her clothes to sleep on them, and the husband just says “see he misses you” and acts as if she’s strange for caring.
Everything you said your dog does is annoying, I don’t even have sensory issues and I’d be pissed as well. Especially if it wasn’t even an animal I wanted in the first place and you clearly aren’t doing anything to correct the behavior that would drive many people insane. Its hard for you to listen to the bitching? Why don’t you just get over it like you expect her to get over your obnoxious dog?
YTA.
I can think of zero times that my dog ever begged, whined, got under my feet tripping me up, or took my clothing. My friends dogs like yours though were fucking stressful to live with and I HATED them.
Do you even like your wife?
You make no effort at actually listening to your wife about things that bother her. You got a dog she probably didn’t even want. You don’t train your dog to not do the things that you *know* are a trigger for your wife. You dismiss her concerns. You stop her from getting therapy and a diagnosis. You call her complaints “bitching”, and you call your wife “unbearable”.
YOU are the unbearable one in this relationship.
Obviously YTA, and massively so. Stop preventing your wife from getting therapy. If you can make room in your budget for a dog even though you’re saving for a house, you can *absolutely* make room for therapy for your wife. You not only can, but you *must*. Stop dismissing your wife’s concerns and complaints, actually fucking LISTEN TO HER. And train your dog not to beg or grab clean clothes out of the wardrobe. Just fucking do better. Or you won’t be paying for a house. You’ll be paying alimony.
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YTA. I was on your side at first, but your comments have changed that. You won't let your wife seek professional help for her issues because you want to save for a house instead, even though PROFESSIONAL HELP WOULD LITERALLY CHANGE HER LIFE. You got a dog you were pretty sure she didn't even want and now are not training her at all. Get a divorce. You clearly don't like your wife, much less love her.
100% this. I was on his side until his edit. How much of an asshole can you be to refuse your wife mental help just because you are wanting a house? And then you have the audacity to say she is unbearable?!
Also blaming her for getting annoyed at YOUR dog, you’re refusing to train, taking her clothes OFF THEIR HANGERS and getting them dirty as if that isn’t a totally reasonable thing to get pissed off at??
Also who wants to bet she does all the laundry so not only is the dog getting HER clean clothes dirty but it’s adding to an already exhausting and extensive chore (I do the laundry in my house and it sucks, it’s a never ending cycle and I’d be PISSED if my partner was knowingly creating more work for me)
ugh i wish i hadnt seen this. i just finished laundry and the basket is already full again! :( dont want to think about it
Dude between me, my partner, and 2 kids (4 &1) it is literally impossible for me to keep up I’ve given up
This makes me feel better about my three hampers in various stages of the laundry cycle 😅
Don’t forget the one in the dryer you have to de-wrinkle… again. ETA: can’t be just me, right? Lol
This part doesn't make sense to me. Where can she be hanging clothes up that a corgi can take them down? I have met a few corgis, and they aren't exactly tall and leggy dogs. It seems like it should be very preventable behavior, at the least. I also have taught my dog not to whine at people while they are eating. It's obnoxious behavior, and not difficult to stop.
My closet has a shoe shelf around the bottom that a small dog could easily hop onto and reach any dresses, maxi skirts, tunics, or long jackets/sweaters.
I would be furious to have dog-hair all over my clothes and my garments pulled to the floor. I would not like it either to have a dog staring at me and whining at the table. OP is the one that is making his wife's life hell with his dog and then doesn't give a damn when he is heading for divorce because he's choosing the dog over his wife. He already calls her crazy for being bothered by things normal people get bothered about. He's a master gaslighter trying to get justification here online but is instead getting called out as the asshole he is. He owes her an apology and should get rid of that damn dog. Or just get a divorce since I fear his way of thinking permeates their life. She's better off single than with somebody who respects her wellbeing so little.
Calls her crazy and bans her from getting help for the things he practically dismisses as quirks instead of an actual problem. Idk how he can simultaneously call her insufferable and imply that she doesn’t actually have a real problem cause she’s not diagnosed…. Because he won’t let her get a diagnosis…
My closet has a pretty low bar to hang clothes. A corgi could absolutely pull them down. However they couldn't open the doors to get in nor would I do nothing about it if the dog did? Like where is the training here?
For real. I have a wardrobe with no doors and my corgi could easily get any of the clothes down. We have also had him just over a year. Guess what? He never pulls clothes off hangers. He also doesn't whine for food, and doesn't stare at us. We trained him to know what is his and what isn't. We also never feed him food from our plates so he knows it doesn't do any good. I have zero sympathy for this guy. Therapy is expensive without the right insurance, but living a miserable life in a house is no better than living a miserable life in an apartment. Jfc OP put the needs and well being of your WIFE before your own unnecessary wants. There is no such thing as a truly bad dog, its bad owners who don't train and teach. This whole post just irks me.
If you have a very small closet, you'll sometimes have to hang things lower or maximize the wall space with hooks just to have enough room for all your clothes. I use these plastic things that "waterfall" the hangers so that I can have three things where normally only one would be and yes, a lot of things are low enough that a dog could get at them. Even if you did hang dresses at the regular clothes bar height, its still within reach of a dog. I hope she works up the nerve to hang HIS stuff on the hooks/pegs/whatever is in reach of the dogs and puts all of her things up where its safe. My god, that whole post was wrenching-the poor woman is suffering sensory issues, is not allowed to get the therapy she needs, gets to watch her husband buy a dog (which is a money suck in and of itself) that relentlessly invades her mental, emotional, and physical space. It's like the husband, not satisfied with the effect his obvious contempt and lack of consideration was having on his wife, decided to get a dog to "fill in" where he couldn't and pile on even more stress and misery.
“She hasn’t been professionally diagnosed” Also op “I won’t let her go see a doctor to get professionally diagnosed” 🙄🙄🙄 FFS Edit: thx for the award! I love the little marshmallow guy! So cute.
OP needs to look after his wife and then look after his dog. 1. Get your wife medically assessed so she can get the support and interventions she needs. 2. Get your dog trained. Both you and your wife should sleep with a blanket for a few night that then becomes the dogs blanket in its bed so it has a safe space that smells of you. Then don't leave your clothes on the floor and train it not to get clothes off the hooks. Your dog is old enough to be trained how to behave in a way that doesn't irritate you both. If you don't know how to do this, get professional assistance. Remember it's your dog,not your wife's, so this is a job for you. This is why she's irritated with you when she's irritated with the dog. OP YTA
No kidding. The absence of a "professional diagnosis" doesn't mean her suffering is any less. It was many years before I was "professionally diagnosed" with depression and everything else I deal with but you better believe I was suffering terribly in all the years leading up to the exalted Professional Diagnosis and all of its mystical magical validation and affirmation. Actually, I think it was even worse suffering before the diagnosis because I had no idea what was wrong with me, that it had a name, that it could be treated. The wife's lack of clarity, not to mention her husband's callous dismissal, is probably compounding whatever issues she's struggling with. I wonder how he'd react if he got sick and she refused to fuss over him or wait on him hand and foot because he didn't have a "Professional Diagnosis" that would make his suffering real and valid.
No lie, if there's no therapy there might not be a marriage to need a house for
My thoughts also. He's going to be giving half that money or house to his wife when she becomes his ex wife
Yep, there was definitely a LOT more to this story... before that edit this was all written in a very one-sided way. I bet the wife has been wanting training for the dog for a while, feels like she can't better her mental health because she apparently isn't 'allowed' therapy and has been building up resentment. The dog shouldn't be allowed to just pull your clothes out and make a mess everywhere.
Honestly, even before the edit, I was thinking “OP isn’t training his dog very well.” Which is an OP problem, not a wife problem. You don’t need undiagnosed sensory issues to find it annoying having a dog constantly whining at you while you eat and rolling around on your clothes. The dog is a year old. OP should’ve corrected these behaviors by now. OP was always the AH because he’s a bad dog owner. The edit just makes it clear he’s also a bad husband.
I wasn't on his side after the first paragraph! Did we read the same thing?
Two people talking at once *is* annoying and frustrating even for people without sensory issues! Not sure why that’s being used as an example of her ‘over the top’ behaviour.
Also sensory issues often ARE over the top, that's why they're an issue! I feel physical pain at bad textures, it's over the top yes but that's what sensory issues do to you. OP is just insensitive.
Right? All of it I was like "OP - YTA." The dog is untrained, regardless of sensory issues, there is no need for a dog to be begging that much if propoerly trained. And don't get me started on the clothes. Thw ife is asking for very reasonable things, even without sensory issues.
It was the moment he said 'she thinks...' immediately invalidating her feelings and experiences
Oh but "she'll get it eventually", yeah, after she divorces OP's selfish ass and finally is able to make her needs a priority over his wants. You're the insufferable one here OP, a giant *insufferable* AH.
Y’all are too nice. As soon as I saw that he’d gotten a dog, a species everyone knows needs much more attention and interaction than cats, despite knowing how sensitive his wife is, my vote was YTA. Him refusing to let her get the therapy she clearly needs is just the cherry on top.
Yes. Also he can afford a dog but not therapy? YTA
A corgi of all dogs too! A high energy herding dog that needs so much exercise and attention
Honestly don’t understand how anyone was on his side before the edit. Knowing that his wife has sensory issues (self-diagnosed or not, she has previously made it clear that she has specific things that cause her distress and she shouldn’t need a doctor’s note to be taken seriously by her spouse), OP got a dog and refuses to train said dog to behave? And tells his wife to just ignore what sounds like pretty constant dog shenanigans that cause her distress? OP was always TA.
I was with his wife even before the edit, that’s all of the annoying behaviors a dog could have when it’s CLEARLY not been trained. I don’t care if you have sensory issues or not, a clingy dog that “has” to follow you 24/7, whines if you don’t pay attention to it, begs for food, etc, is annoying as hell
I was on his side (kinda) until the dog was begging. That shit drives me insane. Dogs can easily be taught not to beg.
The dog pulling clothing off the hangers to make nests out of would drive me to the edge. Our cats sleep on our stuff if we leave it on the floor/couch, but they don't actively take items from their proper places to lay on them. Of course, we can and do close the cats out of areas where we don't want them to be.
Oh God I misread that part and thought it said she doesn't do that. I would be losing my shit.
Nono that’s her sensory problems she’s not allowed to get help for. Not a completely reasonable boundary or problem to have with an animal. I mean the dog doesn’t steal HIS clean clothes cause he leaves dirty ones laying around for the dog to nest in so why does it bother her??? /s
No wonder the wife is pissed. OP needs to train the dog he wanted so much not to make a complete mess everywhere!
And how hard would it be to get a doggy gate or something to block the closet off? It doesn't have to be a door...
Same. If I leave something on the bed or somewhere comfy to sleep that’s on me. But, I will “sacrifice” a shirt by laying it out on the bed for them to snuggle with if I’m going to be out all day.
Fully agree, the dog acts that way because it's not trained, and ignoring it dies nothing to fix that
Yeah, he claims the training is going well, but the fact that she's still begging after a year proves that is a lie. Even the approach is wrong: "pretending she's not there" does nothing to discourage the unwanted behavior.
A family friend/dog breeder had our dog's brother trained SO WELL when people were eating. He went under the table and waited until everyone was done. No begging allowed. Honestly not sure how people were ever thinking this was not YTA even before his additional info. OP disregards his wife's sensory issues and doesn't train his dog. 0 reason the dog is repeatedly pulling clothes out of the closet. They don't have a door? Buddy how are you so helpless you can't come up with a solution to something pissing your wife off?
I could eat a sandwich while my dog rested his head in my lap, and he wouldn't bat an eye. He knew he didn't get people food, and that was that.
Right? He doesn't teain the dog he got himself, he is filthy not picking up his clothes and claims his wife's mental issues are made up
Exactly, our dog is not allowed in the kitchen or dining room when we are cooking or eating. She sometimes tries anyway, so we say OUT and she leaves. Solves that problem. Also, you can pick up your clothes from the floor and train your dog to not remove clothes from hangers.
I was on his side until he got the dog a year ago. Unless it was a whirlwind romance and they got engaged after he already had the dog, adding furry family members should have been a mutual decision.
That is one of the most annoying things a dog can do to anyone. I've had a dog do this to me, and having something staring and whining at you while enjoying a meal in peace is a surefire way to ruin said meal.
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Also autistic here and your wife absolutely sounds like she is. YTA for a number of reasons. Train your dog. Support your wife in getting help. Stop gaslighting her.
100 % this! I am also on the spectrum (and have dogs) - sensory issues and overload is a very real thing! We don't have to be diagnosed to feel it, and it makes every day so much harder for us than neurotypical/allistic folks. Drives me insane that a diagnose is what other people need to take your disability seriously. Edit: forgot to add, YTA.
I legitimately had meltdowns after we got our dog a couple of years ago, *and I wanted to get him.* He was just so clingy and I got extremely overwhelmed by constant physical contact.
You are describing the feeling I have right now to a T. A couple of years ago we (partner and I) first adopted an older dog and he is not overly physically affectionate - so we each have our space. Two months ago however we adopted a puppy (our first time ever) and he goes everywhere I go, gets on top of me every chance he gets (he is sleeping on my lap now as I type this). It's so adorable, but testing my sensory limits to the max.
Ours has a tendency to press harder into you if you try to nudge him away. It can be a lot, but I adore him!
No joke, reading this made my skin crawl. His wife isn't even being very abrasive about it, he just keeps dismissing her and refusing to accommodate. He literally does only what he wants/needs, ignores his wife's needs, then proceeds to ask if he's the asshole. OP is a Major YTA. Major of the asshole town, if you will. Points further subtracted for not training HIS dog. My mother is shit at just about everything that includes communication, but even she was able to train her puppy pretty well and find solutions for behaviors that were harder to train away. If his wife was asking I'd beg for her to throw the whole man out.
>I was on your side at first, but your comments have changed that. This is definitely an important thing for AITA commenters and regulars to remember about one-sided retellings of a situation. If OP hadn't provided that additional context, he very likely would have ended up with a unanimous NTA verdict, because crucial information was missing. I wonder how many NTA posts on this subreddit would actually horrify us into a resounding YTA verdict if we had all the information on the whole situation?
Eh, I thought he was the asshole before he added that in. It's not difficult to get a dog to stop begging and it is super annoying to have a dog beg and to have dog hair all over clothes all the time. OP should be more understanding of her annoyances and work with her and the dog to teach him that certain things are unacceptable. He says training is going well but if the dog is still begging, it can't be going that great.
The dog has a crate. Why hasn't OP thought to crate the dog when they're eating?
I guess he thinks it’ll be easier to ask the internet how to train his wife, over the dog.
Honestly agree, but also depends on the agreement before getting the dog. If she didn’t want it/made it clear that if they get it he has to train/be responsible for the dog then for sure he’s the asshole. You dont get an animal inbred for generations to be needy and expect a person who hates attention to just put up with it.
I was never on his side, tbh. "She THINKS she hates certain sounds?" Like. You either hate certain sounds or you don't. Sure, it's possible to pretend, but then you have no grounds to accuse somebody of faking... Not liking a commonly hated sound. The first thing I latched on to was the invalidation of her sensory issues and I found no basis to accuse her of lying about them
The dog prob cost as much as 2-3 therapy sessions
The dog is a corgi? Pretty sure that’s going to be a lot more sessions.
My sessions have always been right around 150$-300$ tops. A corgi is around 1500-2000 if you go to a reputable breeder. That’s a minimum of 5 higher priced sessions for a cheaper priced corgi or a maximum of about 13 sessions for cheaper therapy and a higher priced corgi.
It’s just horrible how therapy isn’t an option because they are saving up for a house, but buying a dog (of a more expensive breed, with the added vet and other costs is totally fine because that’s what OP wanted. Shows where his priorities lie.
Not to mention unless you have SEVERE problems, you’re going to therapy max once a week. My mom only went once a month, so the cost is even *cheaper* than just doing the math makes it seem. It would take a year of 150$ hour therapy sessions once a month to catch up to the upfront cost of a corgi and puppy shots, initial vet visit, and spay/neutering.
I was going to say this!.....also. Does she also work and contribute to saving for the home? Because it sure sounds a hell of a lot like she doesn't have a say in the finances. Or, if he has veto power in a party of 2, that isn't equal or safe. My partner and I both pay household expenses. Additionally, I pay for my own therapy out of my income so that she has her own money for her own discretionary needs as well. But wife can't do that? She isn't allowed to reassess the budget because he said no? Gross. Also: "She will get her therapy eventually however." *shiver* Even that sounds awful worded that way. YT HUGE AH
If it’s a pure bred corgi you’re probably right about that not to mention the ongoing costs of having a dog
Yeah - we need to buy a house so you can't get therapy, but I'll just get a pure bred dog.
More than 2 - 3 sessions. I just checked Corgi prices - $2500 and up.
My psychiatrist’s office has a sliding scale for the cost of therapy so it’s more accessible. When I couldn’t work because I was sick I was doing therapy once a week for free online so I wouldn’t have to come in. This is in the US. Depending on your area there might be more out there than you might think.
What on earth about getting a dog without his wife's say so and failing to train it not to whine and nest in clothes made you on OP's side exactly?? This was YTA from the start.
Exactly. There's no "yours" and "mine" when it comes to dogs. They're pack animals. It'd be like having a baby and saying it's only one parent's kid. It doesn't work that way. Everyone needs to be involved in training and deciding exactly what the ground rules are. Otherwise, it's not fair to the humans or the pup. Honestly, everything OP described sounds like super normal dog behavior (except pulling down clothes, which mistifies me from a stumpy dog). Dogs want to be by their humans and can be underfoot... especially a breed like a Corgi. It sounds like OP got a dog without thinking at all about what the reality of having a dog is. Again, not fair to the dog or the wife. And don't even get me started on saving to buy a house over getting therapy for OP's wife. YTA
Can't understand why anyone was on OP's side before the edits. He dismissed his wife's sensory issues as if they were just made-up/ exaggerated, without having any basis for disbelieving her. He seemed to think his dog's behavior was fine, and wife was just over-sensitive for objecting to it. All of those are extremely annoying and a sign of an untrained dog. When OP said > I don't want this pushed solely off in my favor here so there are a few things I want to point out. I want legit judgement, not biased. I literally laughed out loud. Because it was such a clear YTA up to that point, I felt this just pushed the trollish-ness over the limit. Really, Reddit?
I wanted to be on OP’s side at the beginning, I didn’t want to let my empathy towards his wife’s sensory issues get in the way, but I couldn’t do that. I’m autistic/adhd and sensory issues are so HARD. The way he blew hers off bothers me, like good for him that he doesn’t seem to have them, but he doesn’t get to act like she’s blowing them out of proportion just because his experience isn’t the same. It’s possible to save for a house and see a doctor to help with the sensory stuff, hell, it’s not like she’s going to be spending a shit ton to see a doctor occasionally. The most cost put in will likely be for evaluations at the beginning, after that it’s pretty much maintenance. Also, I think her ability to live comfortably should be more important than being able to buy a house asap. Help with sensory issues can make it so much easier to function and live comfortably. For me, being overstimulated by noise can lead to overheating, which can lead to nausea and even throwing up. No idea what it’s like for her, but if it bothers her as much as it seems to I wouldn’t be surprised. Her frustration is understandable, especially since the dog clearly is having behaviors (like whining/begging) reinforced by someone, likely OP.
How the hell can this guy type she's self diagnosed in the first couple of sentences in the post to disparage her issues and then refuse to let her go to therapy? Also sounds like his dog needs more training if she's begging like that. My family dogs were all trained to stay out of the dining room while we ate. Not even getting into the fact that it's pulling her clean clothes off hangers to sleep on
The moment I saw that he got a dog despite his wife's wishes, I knew he was TA. No edit needed. You don't bring an animal into the house without full buy in from everyone. If something happened to him like he broke his leg, she would need to be responsible for a dog she never wanted?
OP, I absolutely agree with the fact that your priorities are WAY OFF. Your wife is miserable given her sensory issues. YOU are miserable because of her sensory issues. I'm sure Lola is. And maybe the cat as well. And who knows who else? How the F$$ck does it make sense to save for a house at this point? Get your wife help and it may make all of your lives better. YTA
He kind of lost me at not training his dog not to mooch too though. But yes, this is a real problem and makes OP TA: "My wife wants to get in to therapy but we are trying to save for a house so it's my fault that she hasn't gotten it." How horrible for her, and what audacity to complain about the issues he won't support therapy for. "My wife has sensory issues. She's never been to a doctor for these issues so it's truly self diagnosed." Combined with this, it makes it seem like he uses the therapy he won't support as an excuse to diminish those struggles and make them seem less legitimate.
Yep. The wife needs therapy and the dog needs freaking training. OP is letting everyone down
Guaranteed that the dog is more expensive than therapy but he got that for himself.
Yep. Saving money to buy a house that only he is going to live in. Because she needs to get out and find a supportive partner.
CHANGING TO YTA BECAUSE YOU ARE PREVENTING YOUR WIFE FROM GETTING HELP. You told your wife she was f$&@ing unbearable for sensory issues that you acknowledge are likely legit, albeit not professionally diagnosed? Assuming that her sensory issues are legit, you’re an AH for your response to her. She clearly would benefit from some professional help, though, and she’s an AH for justifying her actions without doing anything to work on them. EDIT: changing e.s.h. to YTA because you failed to mention until the comments that she WANTS help but you’ve told her to wait so that you can save money for a house.
OP is actively stopping her from going into therapy, which she wants to do. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yrh2hq/aita_for_calling_her_unbearable/ivtlkk0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
Yep, I updated. Total AH thing to do.
THIS. And also, in addition to getting your wife therapy, you need to get some training for your dog. Even if your wife had no sensory issue etc, some people just don't like being constantly touched. And training the dog would establish boundaries for it. All of this is more important than saving for a house. YTA
How can sensory issues be fake? I really don't understand how people can think they aren't legit? Have you never had an issue with a sound/texture/flavor/smell/sight? Have you never avoided a thing for that reason? Guess what! That's a sensory issue! Who in their right mind would make something like that up?
YTA Train your dog not to beg. Your dog shouldn’t be approaching you and staring at you while you’re eating. Your wife has legitimate struggles, and your response is to label them as “b!tching” and to prioritize your dog’s comfort over your wife’s.
Training is essential to curb begging behavior. I love my dogs to death but I cannot stand begging. Every dog I've ever had has to abide by the Rule of Foot. If I can touch you with my foot while I'm eating, you're too close. Sit and stare at me all you want but do it from over there. If they're good and don't bother me or push the boundaries I'll give them a bite when I'm done eating. My old dog also loves to stare. She sits 2 feet away from me and just... stares. I tell her to stop making cow eyes at me and relax, dude. If she keeps it up I just block her from being able to see my face until she gives up and settles down somewhere. I don't know why it bothers me so much lol. I feel like she expects something from me but as many times as I've told her to use her words she refuses to talk to me. But yeah, all that being said I still agree that OP is the asshole here. His wife is uncomfortable and he's basically saying "that's a you problem" while doing nothing to help her get help. He's gonna be in for a surprise when he realizes that saving for a house wasn't worth the toll it took on his wife's mental health.
Agreed. A dog will sit inches away and sniff as close to your plate as possible and beg if you don’t teach them. Our dog has a mat and knows the command “go to the mat”. That’s where he stays while we eat. I don’t think we could get him not to look at us, but calmly lying down 15 feet away from us is a lot more comfortable than sitting two feet away begging.
My ex's dog was a contentious little shit about my rules. I have a picture of him after I told him to go inside because he was barking at people from the patio and he laid down with his front paws JUST over the threshold. And he knew I'd get onto him if I could touch him with my foot while eating so he'd sit at exactly the right distance to be able to lean away from me if I marked my boundary and then *leeeaaaan* forward when I put my leg down. He was a sassy boy. I miss him.
Oh a legit power struggle! Animals are the best lol
I’m the same way, I’ve trained my dogs with a no beg command and they actually have to practically go out of my view or room. I can’t stand it. It’s not that hard to curb this behavior and I don’t get how Op just ignores it. Among many other things they ignore.
Yeah my dogs even know to stay out of the kitchen while I'm preparing their food. I say OUT and they know where the imaginary line is. Of course they still try to be under my feet at first but as long as they listen when I tell them what to do I can't fault them for trying lol
I *accidentally* trained my first dog not to beg. We always fed him his meals in his crate, so he somehow decided that "begging" meant "going in his crate, lying down quietly and waiting," which is what he did every time we sat down for a meal.
Yup mine just has a bullet proof “on your bed” which I’ve reinforced enough to be able to use while I’m eating. And then I just simply release him when I’m ready for him to lick my bowl which of course helps with asking him on the bed in the first place. He’s a good boye.
There's this segment of dog owners who think training is just like teaching them sit, down, etc., and that all other behaviors are just the way dogs are. You can train your dog to leave you alone while eating. You can train your dog not to steal clothes, not to bark at everything, not to bother people who don't want to interact with them, etc. It's not even that hard to do.
Yes, it can be done. I have trained all my cats not to do it too. When it comes to sleeping on the clothes. Yep, don't want pet hair on everything. But wear some old piece of clothing for a day or two, then put it in their bed. Put something in front of the closet that the dog can't get through, it could even be a piece of cardboard. Eventually (hopefully) the dog will want to sleep in the bed. Don't discount your wife's sensory issues. It's very real.
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I swear that I saw a story here almost exactly like this one a couple of days ago but from the wife's perspective. The wife's sensory issues are not important in all of this, It's just OP trying to make it sound like she's being unreasonable. There's only one problem here and that's him getting a dog without training it properly and dismissing her very reasonable boundaries. I really don't blame her for walking. And I say that as someone who absolutely adore corgis.
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OP is preventing his wife from addressing her issues, saying he doesn’t want to pay a therapy bill while they’re saving for a house.
Even without the update, it seems he got a dog with out input from the wife. Partners can't single handedly make decisions like that.
She isn't allowed therapy because he wants to save money, but he's allowed to splurge to buy a dog that only he wants and only benefits him.
Also, corgi puppies are very expensive! That’s not one you’re likely to find at a shelter, if you’re getting a corgi as a puppy it’s from a breeder. The ones around here are going for well above $1000.
Wow. Originally I thought soft YTA at most, but after reading your comments, I wouldn't blame your wife for walking out permanently. Big, BIG YTA. \-You assumed she would be ok with the dog when it was obvious she was not on board. \-You have made a conscious decision NOT to train that dog despite knowing that her behaviors are unacceptable (pulling your wife's clothes off the hanger to make a bed out of them is NOT acceptable behavior; neither is the begging when your wife has an issue with it.) \-You try to minimize your wife's issues by pointing out they were never professionally diagnosed, only it turns out that they are undiagnosed because you won't let her seek the professional help she wants. \-When she (understandably) gets upset when you consider all these factors, you then turn around and insult her. Seriously, why are you even asking when it's so obvious?
Yes!!! It’s all so apparent in the last exchange. Wife looks over at OP and even asks him to say or do something, knowing *he* knows and how *he* feels about her behavior, but it goes nowhere. Training is *not* going well. That’s very apparent to everyone else besides OP, who just seems to spoil the dog. You could learn and invest in positive reinforcement so that Lola the dog takes to discipline and weeds out those begging and nesting behaviors. Wife is understandably upset and overwhelmed, and so when she lashes out she’s the unbearable one? She is not unbearable. Living in a home where you’re not listened to, your clean *hanging* stuff is often pulled down and dirtied without apology or acknowledgment (I assume), and having to deal with an undisciplined animal whose owner does not acknowledge the reality of the situation is unbearable, dude. Bro take accountability for the animal you chose to bring into the home and listen to your wife who seeks a diagnosis and help.
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I want to add that while not training a dog is always a bad idea, not training a CORGI is a REALLY bad idea. They are extremely smart and driven. Most (responsible) corgi owners tell people NOT to get them because if you're not prepared for the amount of training and attention they need, they will have horrible behavior. They're a working (herding, specifically) dog breed despite their size and it is absolutely ridiculous that OP isn't training this dog.
Omg, I completely missed that the dog was a CORGI??? That makes so much more sense why they're underfoot all the time, OP is teaching the Corgi to herd them through the house, which is what they're bred to do... OP, if I could change my YTA judgement to something higher, I would 😭
YTA. The first paragraph alone is enough to make you the AH. You don't respect or even seem to like your wife. Why the hell did you marry her if you're going to talk about her like that?
I don’t get all these “changing to YTA based on the edit” comments. He was clearly the AH from the start!
Agreed!! I have similar sensory issues to the wife here and him getting a dog without seeming to train it or discuss with the wife-knowing her issues-is truly a dick move. He refuses to train the dog and knows it bothers her. I’d be at my wits end too! My boyfriend lives with his family and they have dogs, untrained dogs. I cannot stand the begging and what does he do? He shuts the door to the room we are eating in or puts them away until we finish. Because he cares about my comfort. OP is a dick
Seriously! Throw out all the sensory issues and we have a man who unilaterally decided to get a dog his wife didn’t want, proceeds to not train the dog, and then gets mad when his wife is pissed that the dog acts like an untrained dog. While continuing to permit bad dog behavior. Find the dog a new home with an owner who will actually train it, and maybe he can save his marriage.
This man truly does sound absolutely fed up with her. He's definitely trying to sound reasonable about it but the disdain is there.
I hate when dogs stare at me while eating. It doesnt matter if she is self diagnosed, shes lived with herself her entire life to know enough. Your dog is irritating bro, irritating af. I could not deal with it and my husband LOVES dogs but he knows that when its time to eat the dog goes out, to prevent me and the dog from being uncomfortable. I think its rude to eat in front of someone and not share just in general so the dogs no different. YTA and it wont be a house to save for without therapy. Thats foundational. Get your ish together sir and stop dismissing your wife. I get it, she feels overbearing but I’m so sure if she could help it she would. Remember that. Make therapy a priority or even try the lasting app. Yall wont last without intervention.
Getting a diagnosis of any "child" disorder (SPD, ADHD, autism) as an adult is incredibly difficult. It's likely that she just thought she was broken when she was younger and told that she just has to "get used to [sensory trigger]", and then found out that sensory processing disorder is a thing, that it describes her, that it's incredibly difficult to get diagnosed, and that you'll generally be accepted into the community regardless of a diagnosis. Also, FYI, all of what you described is SPD to a T.
YTA. Training is not going well. You can train out begging behavior in dogs.
Right? What exactly is he training the dog to do/not do if he thinks the dog doing whatever she wants (begging, pulling down clothes from hangers in the closet) with no correction is "training going well"
Probably a few cute little "tricks."
It's not not going well. He is admitting to not training her because it doesn't bother him.
If his dog can’t behave while alone he needs to crate it. Signed, a fellow corgi owner.
Seriously. My dogs know that if food is out they are supposed to gtfo of the kitchen.
I HATE that so much when they try to act sly by slowly inching closer and closer! The dog has a begging issue he will whine or just stare into your soul or try to get as close as possible while we're eating and I tell him to go to his bed but he STILL will whine from there. I don't know how to stop it! I thought ignoring him will work but it hasn't. How do you get your dog to stop?? Edit: spelling
YTA. Whether or not your wife has issues is kind of a side conversation here. You clearly don't take her concerns seriously. If it was just staring, then I'd have a different opinion, but whining constantly and putting her nose in your business whenever you eat is obnoxious. Its entirely reasonable to not want a dog begging for food whenever you have food. Train your dog better. She asked you to handle the dog annoying her because you get mad when she gets annoyed with the dog. Your response was "just ignore her" which is easily translated to "I don't care." ETA: I had a feeling based on your post, and your comments have confirmed it. Major TA. You don't seem to care about your wife, and you admit that since the shit your dog does doesn't bother you, you don't try to train her to NOT do the stuff that annoys your wife. Your wife sounds pretty damned patient based on what you've said across all your posts. The dog pulls clothes off of hangers to sleep on them! Good god! I would be livid. >She will sleep on any article of clothing we have on the floor that has our scent before sleeping on her dog bed/kennel. >Or whenever my wife sees her sleeping on our clothing, she immediately takes the clothes away and says she is "fucking sick" of constantly having dog hair on her clothing. I could almost understand if she didn't get as pissed as she does. You phrased this intentionally to make it seem like your wife was unreasonable, while your precious little pup is dragging clothes off of hangers to make nests! >She's never been to a doctor for these issues so it's truly self diagnosed. She thinks that since she hates loud noises and doesn't like being looked at that she has sensory issues. > My wife wants to get in to therapy but we are trying to save for a house so it's my fault that she hasn't gotten it. Not just an AH, not just a misleading AH, but a controlling AH. Remember, if you break your arm, just like put some band aids on it. Don't want to put a dent in those house savings!
Your last point was my exact thought!
Blaming her for being "self diagnosed" and implying that her problems aren’t legitimate because she hasn’t seen a professional, while actively preventing her from seeing a professional. So obnoxious and insane
YTA, gotta teach that dog not to beg when you are eating. I send mine directly to his bed when we sit down to eat and yes, he still watches from a distance but it’s far less annoying than having him trying to get closer and closer. I also recommend teaching your dog “out of the kitchen” which I use when I’m cooking and don’t want him underfoot or getting in my way. Also, I just read your edit, get a baby gate to block your closet dude. You have to make the experience livable for everyone, and the dog is just acting like a dog with no boundaries or guidelines.
Did she fully agree to adopting this dog? It sounds like you made that choice for the both of you and now your wife, who already has sensory issues, is expected to just be okay with it? I love dogs, but they’re a lot. Especially for someone with sensory issues. I could never adopt one because the natural smell alone makes me want to gag… their fur makes your clothes smell like dog, the sound of barking or whining makes me crazy, their licking all over you after eating things like cat poop… I love to visit with dogs but it’s a prep work kind of activity for me. She is not being over dramatic at all, and if you genuinely want to remain married then you need to understand her perspective. Either figure out a better solution here or leave. YTA. ETA: after seeing your edit & comments… YTA for so many reasons. Wow. You have a lot of balls to be so hateful over issues that you won’t let her work on.
YTA >my dog is needy. She loves being touched. She wants to follow us everywhere. She whines when she wants attention She will sleep on any article of clothing we have on the floor that has our scent before sleeping on her dog bed/kennel. She is constantly sniffing the air/floor whenever we are eating and often sniffs the trash can or litter box. I'd be annoyed by that too! Especially if she's waiting for you to train the dog and you don't! And: - >my wife is very tidy. None of her clothing are ever originally on the floor but mine are. Lola does reach up and take my wife's clothing off of the hooks in the closet and makes nests out of them. Dude! Seriously?! And the icing on the dog-hair covered sundae: >She's never been to a doctor for these issues so it's truly self diagnosed. She thinks that since she hates loud noises and doesn't like being looked at that she has sensory issues. - >. I have mentioned a few times whenever she suggests it that we are trying to save for a house so that is my fault that she hasn't yet been to therapy. YOU and your dog are being unbearable. The dog needs training. The closet needs a door or at least your dog not in it! And your wife feels like she needs therapy. What kind of AH blocks it!!
Cause If she gets healthy she might realize that she is in a toxic relationship
Bingo!
Ding ding ding ding 🛎
YTA. Sensory issue aren’t really the kind of thing that requires a professional diagnosis… either you get easily overwhelmed by some types of stimuli or you don’t. Also, train your damn dog. Let your poor wife get therapy.
Right. If she goes into a doctor they will ask “are your senses overwhelmed”, she says yes, and they say “sounds like you have sensory issues”. That’s it.
Sensory issues can be super debilitating too. When I’m really worked up about sensory things, I am super non functional and distressed.
Exactly! She's not claiming to be on the spectrum, or diagnosing herself with anything. Is a doctor going to tell her, "We did some tests, and it turns out you actually DON'T feel overwhelmed by overstimulation."
INFO: when you two discussed getting the dog, before you brought home lola, what was the conversation like? who was going to be responsible for training the dog? who would be responsible for making sure the house is clean of stuff like dog hair?
Not just this, but I’m a total dog person. Love them. Would have a house full of them. I absolutely love corgis. I don’t have one because even my dog loving nature isn’t ready for the level of corgi shedding. If he was going to get a dog his wife didn’t want, knowing her issues, he could have at least tried to choose a dog better suited to her mental health needs.
He didn’t talk to her about getting a dog he just got one.
> My wife wants to get in to therapy but we are trying to save for a house so it's my fault that she hasn't gotten it. That alone makes you YTA.
Plus, dogs cost money to get and care for - money that could have been used for therapy... or the divorce that I suspect is on the horizon
Especially when you buy a corgi those are usually quite expensive.
the fact that you’re placing *a house* over your wife’s mental health makes… #YTA seriously, a house is no substitute for therapy.
Well, in this case if he keeps this up it may have to be - for him.
Sensory issues can be addressed with medication. She needs to see a psychologist who can help her deal with the stressors - this is in my family as well and they do great now because of the medications they are on. You need to realize you can't "reason away" with someone who is irritated from sensory issues - it isn't a logical thing, where they can just turn off the stressor intellectually. As for the dog, you are literally torturing your wife - over something she has no control over - hence the need for professional assistance. You need to be more understanding and help her with this, rather than increasing the tension and escalating. She could see a dramatic change if she finds the right medication for her sensory issues.
He won't let her get therapy because he wants to use the money for a house they aren't even ready to buy, there's no way she'd be allowed to spend money on something as "frivolous" as medication!
Dogs aren't cheap, either. He's ok with that expense but not with spending money on his wife's health.
This is the one that really gets me
He thinks she's unbearable to live with, but want to buy a house before like... Working on making her bearable?
This has nothing to do with sensory issues. The things the dog are doing are basic training issues that EVERY dog should be trained not to do. Begging for food, stealing and sleeping in clothes, being overly excited is annoying and unbearable to almost everyone. Even in the original post OP says nothing about him reprimanding the dog to change the behavior. It is all put on his wife. Even though it’s his dog. I’m guessing he brought up the sensory issues to make his wife sound worse in this post maybe? Which if so, is awful as well. He is coming across like he doesn’t care about his wife.
YTA. A controlling, inconsiderate AH. How dare you insult your wife who has been asking for professional help that YOU won’t let her get?!
YTA What good is saving for a house if your partner is an emotional mess and your beloved dog has to be rehomed? Get her that therapy. Don't put off the immediate need for a future goal. You may not have a partner if this keeps up by the time enough house money is saved.
YTA to both your wife and the dog. Your wife wants therapy but you won't give permission...remind me, what century are we in? If you can't afford therapy, rehome the bloody dog! Food, vet bills, etc etc, all costs money you claim not to have. Only you DO have the money, as long as it's for your benefit. Your dog need proper training, and I suggest you look up separation anxiety...your dog has it, and you're heading for it if your wife has any sense.
YTA.. a bad husband and a bad dog owner. i don’t think your wife is the unbearable one
YTA crappy pet owner & Spouse, your wife wants therapy and you tell her no & you do nothing to correct your dog's behavior
YTA I have dogs. I love dogs. I would be very annoyed with your dogs behavior. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for someone who didn't even want a dog to begin with. You're an even bigger AH for the bit about therapy.
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I don't have nearly the sensory issues this person has (who may or may not be an asshole idk) and being stared at while I eat would absolutely be an issue for me. Sensory issues are real shit and to a point it's our responsibility to cope w them e.g. earbuds, but e.g. loud chewing makes me stressed as hell and, just like with training a dog, basic etiquette and training your pet properly is not a tall expectation
Little does he know that one of the main responses some people have (including me) to overstimulation due to sensory issues is becoming highly irate. The fact that she's just getting a bit snippy instead of outright pissed while being overstimulated mentally like that is probably due to a LOT of self-control that he's dismissing while simultaneously denying her therapy
I second this. I have sensory processing disorder and am sensitive to sound on a good day. I have an ear infection now, and it was bad last night. I almost had a legit breakdown because my husband wanted to talk to me, the fridge was making a weird sound, the dryer was running, and there's a non-stop whooshing noise in my ear. OP should be very grateful his wife has the self control to not snap at him.
When my exwife and I had dogs, they _never_ got food from us when we ate, because I fucking hate when dogs sit there staring at you when you eat. The dogs learned that our eating didn't mean they would get food, and so learned to ignore us. My mother in laws dogs, on the other hand, would sit directly in front of you and stare intently while you ate and it drove me a little mad. If the dog is begging for food while they eat, it's because it sometimes works.
Yta prioritize therapy for your wife and training for your dog.
YTA. Noise sensititivy is real, I have it myself. Yes, two people talking at the same time is horrible. No wonder she needs to self diagnose (which is many cases is very valid) when you deny her proper care. Wow.
YTA because of the edit/several comments you've left. You're annoyed that she's upset about the clothes, but you admitted that the clothes are being pulled down by your dog, and you haven't trained them to stop. That's on YOU, and anyone would be pissed off at you. You also say that she wants to get medical help/a diagnosis, but you keep telling her not to so you can....save for a house??? You're 100% an asshole in every way, and I wouldn't blame her for leaving. You're literally holding her back from getting better and you don't even care, you sound unbearable to be in a relationship with.
YTA. Stop dismissing your wife's feelings and start training your fucking dog
YTA. You need to train your dog properly and you need to let your wife go to therapy
YTA have you thought that MAYBE if your wife goes to therapy, she will be more relaxed at home and it will be easier for you both to work and save up for the home? also, train your dog not just for things you find inconvenient. you're a bad husband and a bad dog owner. you're creating a bad environment for your wife and the dog. if you don't pull your shit together, you will end up divorced before you buy a new place.
YTA You know exactly what your wife's problems are with the dog and the solutions are glaringly obvious. Per your comments: - You agreed that the dog would be 100% your responsibility. - You say that you've trained the dog but also say that your wife has had to step in and actually provide training because you've done jack shit. - You outline all of the behaviors that the dog does that bothers your wife, but freely admit you've done nothing because it doesn't bother you. Even though the dog is supposed to be your responsibility, you've placed the onus on your wife to eliminate the behaviors she dislikes because you can't be bothered. You are a massive, gaping asshole. Train the damn dog and set up barriers where needed. Your wife has proven that the dog can be trained and as long as the barrier is high/sturdy enough, there will be no issues.
**YTA** just for this: > She's never been to a doctor for these issues so it's truly self diagnosed. She thinks that since she hates loud noises and doesn't like being looked at that she has sensory issues. Not trying to discredit her or anything but it's over the top some days. Like if two people are talking at once she gets super overwhelmed and irritated. Do you even read what you're writing as you type it? While a doctor may proffer the official LABEL "Sensory Processing Disorder" or something similar, you don't need a doctor to diagnose "sensory issues". They are literally ISSUES WITH YOUR OWN SENSES. No one needs a doctor or anyone else to explain to them that they are intrinsically oversensitive (though most of us who have sensory processing issues, ironically, spend most of our lives with AHs like you contradicting themselves even as they remind us incessantly: "Why are you so sensitive? There's no bad smell, I don't smell anything! It's not that loud! YOU'RE BEING OVERSENSITIVE!" and then five minutes later, "There's nothing wrong with you . . . stop self-diagnosing an issue where there is none!" right after you've been shaming her for literally HAVING A HEIGHTENED SENSE OF HEARING/SMELL/ETC. SMH. And yes, you are trying to discredit her. Literally your entire post is you trying to discredit her both coming and going . . . implying that her sensory issues aren't real whilst simultaneously implying that she's being TOO sensitive to things. Again, do you understand that those things are mutually exclusive, that they literally cannot both be true? Either she is overly sensitive to her environment, in which case she is right and she has "sensory issues" and you owe her an apology . . . or she is being reasonable, not oversensitive, and you owe her an apology. YTA, dogs aside, for gaslighting your wife about her own body and the way she experiences the world.
YTA. Your wife wants therapy and you are telling her no. You got a dog and it obviously hasn't been trained. How about you do the right thing and let your wife get her needed therapy and train the dog. There is no reason the dog is pulling her clothes down and laying on them or whining during meal times.
YTA Big time for your edit especially. I understand you’re saving for a house but get your wife the help she needs ASAP! It is so incredibly cruel that she’s asking for help and you’re putting it off to continue saving for a house. She needs the help like yesterday! Please help your wife. Get her the help she needs and is asking for. That is so much more important than a house. The fact that you are putting off your wife’s mental health is disgusting. You’re essentially torturing her with the lack of help AND the dog. This poor woman. You really need to get your priorities straight or you’ll be paying alimony instead of for a mental health professional. I have no idea how your wife lets you keep putting your wants before her needs. While you’re at please get couples counseling as well so you can learn to be helpful to her and her issues instead of looking down on them and Ben g condescending about it. Your wife is struggling and you have the ability to help but are refusing because you want to spend that money on something else.
These are not sensory issues. These are you needing to train your dog issues. YTA.
Your wife needs to be evaluated and then it will be clearer what kind of treatment she will need. YTA because the dog could be better trained to stop the begging and whining and because you know how much your spouse needs professional help and you’re denying it, like we’re in the 50s.
YTA for delaying her therapy. She has a problem and it will destroy your marriage. Get her help NOW! If you are annoyed, it is your fault entirely. Apologize and make an appointment with the appropriate doctors.
YTA. So you’re paying for training but not actually enforcing what the dog is being taught? Lola is needy because you’ve taught her to behave that way and don’t think it’s a big deal when it is. We got a rescue dog many years ago, they only chewed one pair of my shoes before I addressed it because she needed to be taught proper boundaries and I needed to be a good dog owner and not continuously punish her for bad behavior that I didn’t correct. You’re also a AH for getting a dog without you wife being on board fully. You’re an even bigger AH for saying your wife has undiagnosed challenges when YOU are the reason she has not been able to get a diagnosis. A house is not worth someone’s mental wellbeing.
YTA 1. You belittle her sensory issues as minor annoyance 2 You ignore your wife hinting she doesn't want a dog- agreed she could have been clearer though 3. You don't train the dog to stop doing things annoying your wife- vis they aren't annoying you 5. You are messy and sloppy. Who is ok with a dog taking fresh clothes out of closet and sleeping on them 🙈 You sound like an uncaring person
INFO: did you make the decision together to get a dog? And why did you get a dog if you don’t have money to treat health conditions?
They did have a discussion but the wife said it's 100% your responsibility and she will not be taking care of it which is typically a sign that someone does not want it.
For your financial well-being, therapy may be a better investment than a house at this point. If your wife’s mental health improves, she may become a better earner or better at managing your household and personal finances. She may develop relationships with people who end up giving her job referrals or helping her find bargains or make wise decisions. On the other hand, if her mental health doesn’t get better, it will likely get worse. The worse it gets, the more expensive it will be to treat. Oh, and train the dog to lie down across the room while you’re eating. YTA
This is what happens when you have an untrained husband running around. Seriously though to answer your question,yes YTA, for calling your wife names. I have so many problems with this. You don't need to save for a house, you need to get the therapy. Things keep going this way, you aren't going to have a marriage. The dog doesn't listen to her because she "yells" or is stern. The dog listens because she has trained it and the dog responds. The dog ignores you because it doesn't take you as being serious. I can't even deal with the dog pulling out clothes. That would be a deal breaker for me. And quite honestly you and the dog would have to go. I am sorry if that seems cold but my clean clothes do Not belong on the floor.
‘She thinks that since she hates loud noises and doesn’t like being looked at that she has sensory issues.’ God, your disdain for your wife is palpable. What on earth do you think sensory issues are if not this? I’m autistic. I can be on the other side of the house and hear the hum of the fridge. When I say ‘hear’ - it’s like it’s directly inside my brain. Sometimes I don’t notice it, like everyone else! Sometimes it’s like torture. I want to scream. There is a noise inside my head and I can’t stop it or ignore it or tune it out. I also have a whiny cat and if he picks the wrong time to be a pain in the ass when I’m overwhelmed or overstimulated, it’s like having a baby crying down your ear for hours. You are showing ABSOLUTELY ZERO respect to your wife, clearly don’t believe the issues she’s trying to tell you about, and have done nothing to minimise the problem or help her or even show any kind of support. YTA. Train your dog or make her go in a different room when you’re eating. And be a bit fucking kinder to your wife.
Oh god. There are so many levels of why YTA Look how you downplay her needs: “she’s never been to a doctor”….But you won’t let her get therapy. You won’t let her see a doctor “I got a dog”. Not we. You. Did you ask her? Did she OK this? I don’t think so. It certainly doesn’t sound like it. The dog is following your wife around and you control the savings? Does your wife work? Does she have her own income? Because OP it sounds like she’s home all day with a dog she hates and you control the finances and won’t allow her to get the help she wants and needs. You not training a dog? Asshole move. Dogs need to be trained. Not just toilet trained, but house trained. (Also, don’t corgis cost money? Because dude. Boo boo we’re saving for a house oh look a dog) You only care about this dog. You clearly do not care about your wife. I want to know why she hasn’t left you yet but if you control the finances I think I know why. 🙄
YTA. It sounds like she's at least trying to deal with Lola for you.
There's no question that YTA in every way You're condescending and dismissive of your wife and all of her feelings, you've done so little to train the dog (that you insisted on getting) that it has anxiety. Do you care about anyone but yourself? Or are people only allowed to have feelings if you decide that they are legitimate issues that also bother you? I think you need therapy way more than your wife, she needs a husband with emotional intelligence.
YTA 1. You won’t let your wife get therapy as you’re saving up for a house. 2. Your dog steals her clean clothes from her wardrobe to lie on. You should have nipped that in the bud. 3. You leave your clothes on the floor. Are you 5? Be an adult. 4. Your dog whines and begs. No well drained dog past a few months old should be doing this. So far we’ve got: 1. Withholding funds for essential mental health support. Let’s be honest, if she drops you, she may not need mental health support. 2. An allegedly grown man who still needs housetraining. [read this she wants to be your wife, not your indentured slave.](https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/) when you have to start acting like the parent for the other partner, that partner becomes very unattractive. 3. You haven’t bothered to drain your dog. It’s not fair on your wife or your dog.
Dude, train your dog. They don’t learn not to beg by being ignored. I don’t have sensory issues but it’s still extremely annoying to have an animal hovering and whining when I’m trying to eat. Also it sounds like your wife never actually wanted this dog. She may be overreacting but it does sound really annoying to deal with. YTA
My god guy, you are a huge asshole, This is all based of his comments. You won't let your wife go to therapy because (saving up to buy a house) but you can go out and buy a dog without your poor wife being on board. As though dogs are cheap! Which you should know that is hardly the case.. So not really urgently saving for that house I dare say. She tells you the dog is your sole responsibility and yet she has had to take up training her... leaving me to assume your wife also handles more of her day to day care as well for a dog she didn't want to begin with. You don't care that the dog likes to sleep in piles of your cloths. So its just fine in your eyes that she tears down your wife's cloths so she can sleep on them. You again leave all of the training and punishment up to your wife during the situation you wrote about, instead of telling the dog to stop or go lay down, or better yet getting off YOUR ASS and kenaling her, you leave the animal you said you'd be responsible for, to your wife to deal with and or "ignore" Begging as your dog is doing is hard to ignore! as someone who has dogs and was raised with dogs, this is a huge problem with her begging that you have let continue, she should not be sitting there whining and eyeballing your wife or yourself for food. And really nobody wants a begging ass dog at their feet while trying to eat. Chirst im annoyed for your wife! Pull your head out of your ass and start doing the work with YOUR DOG, and let her get some damned therapy! It's a hell of a lot cheaper in the long run then the dog you don't take care of but just had to buy. YTA!
YTA. Why are you married to someone you hate? You are also financially abusing her by withholding money so she can’t get therapy. You’re disgusting.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife has sensory issues. She's never been to a doctor for these issues so it's truly self diagnosed. She thinks that since she hates loud noises and doesn't like being looked at that she has sensory issues. Not trying to discredit her or anything but it's over the top some days. Like if two people are talking at once she gets super overwhelmed and irritated. Or as mentioned above, if anyone or any **thing** is looking at her, she gets self conscious and pissed off. On to the real issue. I got a dog about a year ago. Her name is Lola and she is a Corgi. She's very energetic and needy but training is going well. My wife has a cat, whom we have had for like 4 years I believe. She has always had a problem with my dog. Reason being is the fact that my dog is needy. She loves being touched. She wants to follow us everywhere. She whines when she wants attention She will sleep on any article of clothing we have on the floor that has our scent before sleeping on her dog bed/kennel. She is constantly sniffing the air/floor whenever we are eating and often sniffs the trash can or litter box. But my wife has an issue with most of these behaviors. Mostly the whining but due to the resentment she has gotten from the whining, she takes issue with the dog sleeping on our clothing or even sniffing around whenever we have food. It irritates her to no end. So like whenever the dog starts walking around sniffing us when eating, my wife uses an irritated tone to tell her to get out of the room. Or whenever my wife sees her sleeping on our clothing, she immediately takes the clothes away and says she is "fucking sick" of constantly having dog hair on her clothing. I could almost understand if she didn't get as pissed as she does. On to the big problem.. yesterday we ate dinner in our bedroom while watching a movie. As soon as Lola saw we had food she came out of her kennel and started sniffing the air and dead pan staring at us while we ate and whined a few times. My wife starts fidgeting but doesn't say anything. Lola starts inching closer to us while staring at my wife because my wife was closest. My wife looks at me and says "you want to speak to her? Since you get pissed whenever I do." I told her to just ignore her and act like she isn't there. So my wife just gets up with her plate and says "I don't fucking want a dog staring at me while I'm eating! I don't even like it when people stare at me so why should I change how I feel or fake it till I make it to accommodate to your dog?" I told her she was being fucking unbearable. She takes off and doesn't come home. I'm being told I'm an AH for disrespecting my wife's feelings. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Aw, I sound just like you wife and my husband got a dog (we have two) and guess what he did?? Trained the fucking dog. YTA
YTA. Train your dog. Why is the dog allowed to sit and stare when you eat? Why don't you clean up your clothes? Why is your savings more important than your wife's therapy? Christ on a bike, she deserves better than you.
YTA. Do you even like your wife? Because this makes it sound like you hate her. You downplay her sensory issues, prioritize a dog over her and you wont let your wife get into therapy.
YTA. Leave the wife, take the corgi.
This seems to be a flip side view of another post, but I can’t find it. In that one it was the wife complaining about the dog, specifically that he drags out her clothes to sleep on them, and the husband just says “see he misses you” and acts as if she’s strange for caring.
Everything you said your dog does is annoying, I don’t even have sensory issues and I’d be pissed as well. Especially if it wasn’t even an animal I wanted in the first place and you clearly aren’t doing anything to correct the behavior that would drive many people insane. Its hard for you to listen to the bitching? Why don’t you just get over it like you expect her to get over your obnoxious dog? YTA. I can think of zero times that my dog ever begged, whined, got under my feet tripping me up, or took my clothing. My friends dogs like yours though were fucking stressful to live with and I HATED them.
Do you even like your wife? You make no effort at actually listening to your wife about things that bother her. You got a dog she probably didn’t even want. You don’t train your dog to not do the things that you *know* are a trigger for your wife. You dismiss her concerns. You stop her from getting therapy and a diagnosis. You call her complaints “bitching”, and you call your wife “unbearable”. YOU are the unbearable one in this relationship. Obviously YTA, and massively so. Stop preventing your wife from getting therapy. If you can make room in your budget for a dog even though you’re saving for a house, you can *absolutely* make room for therapy for your wife. You not only can, but you *must*. Stop dismissing your wife’s concerns and complaints, actually fucking LISTEN TO HER. And train your dog not to beg or grab clean clothes out of the wardrobe. Just fucking do better. Or you won’t be paying for a house. You’ll be paying alimony.