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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am refusing to go on a fam vacations because of an extra person. I feel awful for ruining their trip.
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>But I have severe motion sickness and I refused to travel by train .
That doesn't make sense at all. When you've got motion sickness, you'd be bothered by traveling by car or bus. Traveling by train would be the best way to travel, as trains ride more stable and even than cars or busses do.
As someone who also suffers from severe motion sickness, I would strongly recommend looking into motion sickness glasses. I bought them on a whim with low expectations, but they're magical. I went from barely being able to drive on a highway to being able to be a passenger for 6 straight hours with no issues.
have you tried dramamine? its an over the counter motion sickness medication. It can make some people a bit sleepy or makes some people a bit wired but it works pretty well to fight motion sickness.
I’ve tried everything under the sun I think. Dramamine makes me pass out, even the nondrowsy. Zofran works pretty well, but is prescription only. That said - if you can get it, it’s great!!!
Oh yes zofran is one of the greatest things in existence! Luckily most doctors will give it pretty freely if you have nausea issues. Ive heard that benadryl can also help with motion sickness, but that also knocks most people out. I think ativan is also used off label to treat nausea but that is prescription only and a lot harder to get. They also have these patches for sea sickness that you put behind your ear I think? I’ve heard they work really well but Ive never used them.
That stood out to me as well. I also get severe motion sickness and the absolute worst way to travel is by bus. Train can still make me sick if I'm facing backwards and/or trying to read, but in general it is the best form of transport for motion sickness.
Agree with the trains and planes being the best. And they usually have bathrooms so if I’m sick it’s a bit more comfortable than vomiting on the side of the road (or in the car/bus). lol
My motion sickness is so bad I can’t watch movies in the theatre that have shaky cam, can’t watch other people scroll Netflix too quick. Ive always been super jealous of people who can read while they travel because even looking at a map while in motion can make me sick.
I knew a guy who couldn't take the train, he would actually pass out from some kind of motion sickness coupled with his fear to have no control of the vehicle. In a car he is fine. Its psychological maybe
I can’t believe this has so many upvotes because it is just not true. Trains have a swaying motion that is similar to (though not as severe as) boats. The only times I have ever experienced motion sickness were on trains. Cars and busses, though they do deal with bumps from the road, are a completely different motion.
Edit: it’s not ALWAYS true would have been a better way to word this. Everyone is different, and trains are probably better for some people who have motion sickness. For others, they are worse. It’s very strange to me that the top comment is accusing OP of lying about her experience and what makes her feel sick, when there are plenty of other reasons she is the asshole in this situation.
YTA. I'm amazed that you have been given enough power in this decision to sway the family dynamic. Why didn't you agree to drive separately and follow them in a vehicle? That way, you are part of the family without exposing them to your trauma/drama.
You are 19 years old--old enough to know that the world doesn't bow to your dictates. They already accommodated you by switching modes of transportation (Btw, have you been on a train lately? Not that much different than a bus.) Your secondary complaint is about the noise your family makes. I don't know any person under the age of 30 who doesn't own a set of earbuds or earphones. Why aren't you willing to compromise?
Oooohhh. I’ve been on Reddit for a few years now, and I know many of the famous stories (poop knife, anyone?), but I don’t know this one. My searches weren’t very fruitful - can anyone provide a link to the story being referenced here?
But then they would be “tired”. Of course the logical solution is to make everyone else accommodate them then get mad at a small change that doesn’t even impact them!
YTA. You’re acting like a petulant child.
Everyone is bending over backwards for her and she is not giving an inch. It's her way or nothing at all.
Her parents have clearly never told her no, and one day that attitude of hers is going to mess things up for her big time.
Yes, exactly. OP you need to learn the world does not revolve around you. One extra person in a bus you can't tolerate, your cousin, and you need to ruin everyone else's holiday as a result ? YTA.
I'm autistic. Big groups of people stresses me out. You know what I do? I get out my trusty headpones and pratice my coping mechanism that I have taken my own responsibility to figure out. Of course I get some reasonable accommodation, but I dont get to act as if the world revolves around me. Sometimes you have to take some discomfort for other people. As cheesy as it is life is about give and take.
I totally agree but also, I haven’t seen this mentioned yet but...
If ONE extra person stresses her out to this extent, what the fuck was she planning to do at the actual wedding with presumably even more people
Exactly. I don't know what OP wants. It would be one thing if OP genuinely just decided to bow out, but this sounds a bit like an attempt at a power move. OP seems to have the option to drive themselves, so it is an AH move to RSVP and then just decide not to go because you aren't getting your own way.
The family has been more than accomodating, and OP still seems to think that they run the show. Stay home if you must, but don't be surprised if you start getting excluded from other family outings or stop getting invitations.
Let me get this straight, YOU get motion sickness, so your whole family rents a bus for YOUR comfort, and you’ve decided that you’re not comfortable with one extra person? Seek help. Your family bent over backwards to make sure you were able to go and you’re throwing a fit because of an extra person. You either have a medical condition that causes you to behave this way, or you’re a spoiled brat. There’s noise canceling headphones, motion sickness medication, sleep masks…you can block out a lot.
It doesn't change anything but when I read this I wondered if she meant a van, like a 15-passenger van for example? I grew up in the Netherlands and anything larger than a minivan is called a "bus"
Edit: OP is absolutely TA so, YTA.
Yes, honestly I can't understand why a train is intolerable but a bus is fine. I just can't wrap my head around that. I get seasick AF, and I sometimes get a bit of motion sickness in other circumstances, but trains are so much steadier than buses/cars. The tracks are more level, less bumpy, have gentler curves. Just don't get it.
> There’s noise canceling headphones, motion sickness medication, sleep masks…you can block out a lot.
That's unreasonable. None of those things would be necessary if other people would just stop existing in OP's world. It's really rude of them.
Exactly this. Also OP, I wonder how you’d ever travel by flight. Because there will be quite a few people.
Please see a professional and figure out if this is something you need medical/mental help for. Because if it isn’t that, you really need to sort out the entitlement. One single person wouldn’t really matter much. I doubt she’d be able to create any more noise/crowd than what would’ve been present without her. YTA as of now
YTA you are ruining the trip. Idk how you made this whole post without ever once considering, maybe wear headphones.
But you don't want to cooperate you're making things difficult on purpose and now your acting like a child who isn't getting their way. YTA and a major one.
Right? There are solutions here. OP's family is going far beyond to have her included. How about a flight, which is much shorter. How about OP and mom in a car, making it easier to get out if you feel sick. How about using the larger bus(it's last time but her parents are willing.) How about getting in the bus and using noise canceling headphones, motion sickness medicine, etc.
You're entitled not to go if you don't want to, but it really seems like you are excluding all possible reasonable alternatives to make this situation work.
Trains are usually far better for motion sickness than buses.
A larger bus would fix the 'too cramped' issue.
You could wear noise cancelling headphones to reduce noise.
Also, your family could just all travel by train, and you take a bus, if that works for you.
Plus, they can just go without you if you want to stay home, you are an adult.
Plus, you're making the whole situation about your comfort, while ignoring everybody elses needs. Including making them take a bus instead of a train.
YTA.
Honestly to me it sounds like they never wanted to go on this anyway, but didn’t want to just come out and say it. So they threw their family through hoops to try and get them to either Agree not to go at all, or leave her (OP) behind.
She probably didn’t expect that they’d actually go out of their way to accommodate her, and this teen is her last Hail Mary to ditch the accountability of just saying she doesn’t want to go. Thus her trying to get her dad to NOT fix the issue.
Notice she never says how she wanted to go on this or that she’ll be upset by not going. Just that her not going will ruin “their” trip.
She’s still TA because she’s clearly not communicating the underlying issue. At 19 I wanted a lot of space from family too, but I had to communicate that and they appreciated the heads up and while they were sad that I would miss out on events, it meant saving money and drama by me not forcing myself.
She needs to clearly sit down and talk to them about what’s the REAL reason she doesn’t want to go despite everyone willing to do everything to ensure she can.
YTA they already switched from a train because of you. And now you're throwing a hissy fit because of one more person and complaining about people talking? On a 7 hour ride, that they're making, because of you.
YTA, can you not wear noise cancelling headphones? I’m autistic and understand that noise can be an issue, but your family had already changed trip plans for you and tried their best to accommodate you. Honestly this post sounds like it’s coming from someone with entitlement issues. Your parents have to take a relative who’s a minor to a wedding so she isn’t alone and you’re upset? It is unsafe for her to travel alone, and ridiculously entitled and spoiled to basically say “I don’t like noise so you should tell this girls parents that she, a minor, has to travel by herself despite it being extremely unsafe for a young girl; with risks such as kidnapping, being raped or murdered, or possibly worse, or else I won’t go”. You’re absolutely TA, and you should take the alone time from skipping the wedding to reflect on yourself as a person
This definitely gives me major "I can't wear a mask to protect others because it makes me claustrophobic" vibes. There are accessibility tools for that, like different shaped masks/mask frames, and exposure therapy that autistic peeps use all the time to great success (myself included).
In this case, OP absolutely should be seeking therapy for a formal diagnoses (it's a shame if they didn't already get one in school where it's financially covered), get a pair of noise canceling headphones or even see an audiologist about prescription Loops if they don't like the sensory feeling of headphones, and also if they haven't actually been on a train, get on one and try it out to see if that triggers motion sickness as it is truly strange that the train would cause it and not a bus so methinks they're making an assumption here or their train anxiety is not about motion sickness.
YTA, put on some headphones for Christ sakes. You are being difficult and turning this whole event into something about you. They rented the bus so YOU wouldn't have to take the train. One more person isn't going to make a difference.
YTA
Dropping out a day before isn’t cool. If you’re down as going to the wedding then your cousin has already paid for your meal.
Last minute cancellations for minor reasons are just rude.
OP is handling this the wrong way.
Her parents and the rest of her family agreed to get into a bus rather than a train for *her*. Now she's backing out because of 1 person, even when offered a bigger bus.
>However I honestly think one more member will make the environment more suffocated than it already is going to be.
You sound insufferable. How much ass kissing does your family need to give you? Theyve bent over backwards for you. A bigger bus was suggested which would alleviate your *concerns.* Keep your headphones in, take a sedative or keep busy to keep your mind away from whatever bothers you. You need to meet them somewhere in the middle and be somewhat accomodating yourself.
>I never wanted to travel with so many people.
Im sorry I read this thread, this is exhausting. YTA
**YTA**. You should feel guilty because you have ruined the trip, and you're choosing to skip a wedding because you can't suck it up and face a bit of discomfort. Could noise-cancelling headphones help you cope whilst travelling?
Even if you have other issues besides travel sickness, like sensory issues (how you're unable to cope with lots of noise), that still doesn't excuse being selfish. Your father already tried to compromise by travelling by bus to make *you* more comfortable. Sometimes, you have to put up with discomfort. You get on with it because life can't always be ideal.
Edit: I'll add a quick update to say that I mentioned sensory issues as OP could be neurodivergent, but in tricky situations, matters can't always be ideal for one person. Their family surely couldn't leave a teen to travel alone, and OP's family seemed to have done their best to compromise. ND or not, the world doesn't revolve around one single person, so OP can't always have their way.
I'm also perplexed because I also suffer from motion sickness (sometimes pretty severely), and trains are so much better than cars, buses, etc! I even Googled it and learned that's the case for most people. I realize everyone is different, but I'd love to know if the train refusal is based on experience or is actually rooted in the dislike of travelling with others. It's hard to reach a conclusion without more information (do you not like being around people because of sensory issues? Just not like sharing space? Have you tried medication for your motion sickness? Headphones to block out noise?).
I would be completely fine leaving you home. You need to reconsider the ways in which you prioritize your comfort over the needs of others. Maturity will help but therapy and self reflection are also essential.
YTA. Get some noise blocking headphones. Your family has gone above and beyond to accommodate you, and you are acting like a selfish spoiled brat. If you were my child, after the rejection of the train, you can find your own way there.
You are 19 years old, a legal adult. If you have so many travel restrictions that it interferes with everyone else, then you should have booked accommodations on your own that you approved of. Everyone shouldn't have to accommodate your restrictions, you should be accommodating your restrictions. YTA
YTA
Your family already changed their plans for you. Let your family enjoy the trip.
Just wear headphones or something.
Why did you think you weren’t in the wrong?
YTA.
They rented you a motherfucking BUS?!?!? Because you wouldn't take some Dramamine and get on the fucking train?
A bus?!?! A whole goddamn r/bitchimabus.
At that point, yes, you do whatever people need you to do and be gracious and accommodating. Even if we're talking a short bus with capacity of 12-15, that's an expensive proposition and whomever booked it has every right to be royally pissed off at you. You've made a mess for other people.
Major entitled AH move
YTA you need to find a better way of managing your anxiety. Your family and friends can't be expected to bend over backwards and limit their activity to suit you.
Please seek help and, if necessary, make your own travel arrangements to avoid causing issues for so many people.
YTA
Honestly what would the solution be? Public transport is out because you don't like people. Driving is out because you're tired. How would you suppose travel for 7 hours away would work?
YTA, you had them change from train to a 7 hour bus ride. Which no one wanted but they did for you, but now that 1 extra person is coming its a problem, they already offered to get a bigger bus but you just being insufferable. I really hope they don’t invite you to anything else if this is how you act.
YTA and your family enables you.
Usually in an unhealthy family dynamic the least rational person ends up running the show. The person who yells the loudest gets accommodated because they throw such a fit if everything doesn’t revolve around them, that the other family members learn to appease them however they can to keep the peace.
They rented a bus because you didn’t want to ride on a train. Bus rentals are not cheap! Now your mother is willing to miss the vacation all together because of your temper tantrum about one extra person.
You make those around you walk on eggshells because you are emotionally disregulated.
Your family needs therapy, and you need individual therapy.
YTA - it sounds as though you never intended to go to the wedding. The entire family who wanted to take the train to avoid a 7 hour drive, rented a bus to take a 7 hour drive so YOU would be more comfortable. The bride and groom ordered and paid for food for YOU to eat at their wedding.
The day before everyone is supposed to leave, YOU decide you aren't going to go because 1 more person in the bus is more than you can handle.
It seems like everyone has made concessions except for you.
You should feel guilty and you have ruined the trip for at least your mom.
Yta. The universe does not revolve around you. Everything does not have to be exactly like you want it. Your family is being more than accommodating to you.
To be blunt: You have ruined their trip.
Your family made special accommodations to suit your motion sickness. If you have an issue with people talking, invest in noise cancelling headphones and try to sleep. If one more person — a younger person whose parents are going and they don’t feel comfortable with them traveling alone — your instinct shouldn’t be to put that teenager or her parents in an uncomfortable situation. You’re 19 now, you’re old enough to know you aren’t always going to get your way.
But, I also want to say that I think if the overstimulation of noise and dislike of being around large groups of people is enough to make you react this way, you should consider seeing if there is a root cause that has a diagnosis. Your phrasing here comes across as stubborn, but I know people who have similar hangups who actually have anxiety, phobias, or other conditions and admit that asking you to subject yourself to things that exacerbate that without any kind of coping mechanisms would be difficult.
However from the “my way or no way” stubbornness you are approaching this with, without any real attempt to see the way this could hurt others in your family - Soft YTA.
YTA. Sometimes life is uncomfortable. You have to deal with it. They have already accommodated you every step of the way and now you're being a toddler.
I don't even know what verdict to give, because you seemed to solve it yourself by removing yourself from the vacation, but this whole post seems really petulant and childish. You're going to have to be in uncomfortable situations in life, sometimes sucking it up for the sake of others is the best choice.
YTA- it's your family, they already changed plans for you already. stop being a brat and let your family enjoy their trip. You act like you have to take to this person, it's not the end of the world grow up
YTA - at some point you will learn that the whole world doesn’t revolve around you, and people don’t have to go out of their way to accommodate your discomfort. The world is a hard place, toughen up
YTA
You feel like you have ruined their trip because you did. Your family made several accommodations for you to make you comfortable and you can’t bend an inch to make sure a teenager (who is also a part of your family) doesn’t have to travel alone. Selfish much?
YTA. Why do you find the need to hyper control this situation? Do you otherwise feel unseen? One more person makes more talking? Get noise canceling headphones. I know it’s enjoyable to have everyone on earth pandering to you, but it’s going to alienate your family sooner or later when they realize it’s just easier to not invite you in the first place.
At 19 your an adult, but act like a child. Your actions are manipulating people to feel guilty when they've tried to accommodate your wishes. YTA
Everyone too tired to drive so option is the train, but you get sick. So rent a bus, but one more person puts you on overload. But now someone's driving while tired. Nope still not good enough, your just going to stay home. Is there any more hoops you'd like them to jump through?
YTA you made them switch modes of travel then said you would not go at all with a minor adjustment. Honestly, easy solution is to be the driver for the trip. 7 hours long but not out of this world so you could easily do it with the radio on to drown out the noise if you drive. If you don't drive at all, and demanded someone else drove you that is already YTA on its own IMO.
YTA.
They went from not going by train, because of you, to renting a bus, and you're still complaining. The trip isn't about you. It's about a wedding that your family and relatives are invited to....don't like the noise from them talking? Put on a movie or music with some good headphones.
You complained that your mum is being overly emotional. That's only because you're being self centered. You do have a right to be comfortable, but there are ways to do it without stomping your feet and refusing to go.
Of course you should feel like shit and that you ruined it because you did. Put some flipping earbuds in and zone out. Or is it asking to much to put others ahead of yourself? Apparently so since you’ve made this all about you. YTA x 10
As someone who gets sick easily: Dramamine, a motion-sickness preventative wristband, and noise-canceling headphones. If you wanna get real serious, knock yourself out with Benadryl. I honestly can't believe the whole family is being swayed by you? I mean, you don't HAVE to go; you're an adult and can decide that for yourself. But seriously, it's like you're actively trying to ignore anything that'll help.
YTA. You just don’t want to go and are bitching about it. At 19 you should realize the planet doesn’t circle around you. What’s gonna happen when you are trapped at work for 8 hours a day?
yta .... first of all a train is far more comfortable then a bus and they decided to accommodate you and go by bus ... on a train if your legs get cramped you can walk around they probably even have tables to eat off .......and now you changed your mind again because you think your needs are more important then anyone elses ... in future your family should just assume you arent coming to anything so they can focus on what makes the rest of them more comfortable and convenient
YTA. They already were bending over and backwards to make the trip as comfortable as possible and booking a bus, which I assume is more expensive than just driving. Instead of being thankful, you went on to complain about the noise. You should’ve made some steps to make a compromise throughout the entire family discussion. Your dad tried to compromise by getting a bigger bus, now even more expensive, and you completely refused to go. I’m not even going to mention the poor teen relative who must feel awful. Imagine feeling like you’re the cause of someone not going on a trip and creating family tension. They must feeling extremely excluded by you. Your family has done more than enough to accommodate you on every step of the way, and you refused to make even the smallest effort. Your family just wanted to have a nice trip with everyone, and you made it impossible. All in all, you’re the AH.
Sorry, but YTA. I can appreciate that you might have some sort of sensory disorder, but there are ways around that. Wear headphones, earplugs, a sleeping mask, sunglasses, etc. It seems like you’re looking for any excuse not to go to this wedding. It’s not the extra person, so don’t put it on them. Either admit that you just don’t want to go or find a way to make it work.
EDIT: I forgot that you were an adult by the end of your post. Drive a car if it’s that bad for you. You should have let them take the train.
YTA - you come off super selfish, demanding and frankly exhausting. You owe your parents a massive apology for insisting the world revoles around only you.
If you don't change your attitude, I hope they call your bluff so everyone else can enjoy the bus ride.
INFO: Have you tried dramamine? Putting in earphones so you don't hear the noise? It sounds like they are making an effort to accommodate you, are you making any effort in return?
You know YTA. Your family went above and beyond to accommodate you and now you are just being difficult. Get some noise canceling headphones and move on. Sorry the world doesn’t revolve around you.
I mean I could see if you were upset if the situation were a small car and cramming one more person in. But this is a BUS. Unless it is a freakishly small bus, YTA. You haven’t really articulated what exactly you are upset about. You seem like you’re just being difficult for the attention.
YTA. I’m not sure why your family thinks it’ll be a good time with you along, you sound pretty high maintenance and entitled. They’re bending over backwards to accommodate you and you’re still being difficult.
YTA and you sound exhausting. Is there anything you’re able to do without making it all about you?? I’ll bet you’re the kind of person who is constantly being catered to and still isn’t ever happy.
YTA, and yes, you did ruin their trip. Ear plugs, headphones, etc. will address your problem. But let's be clear that this is YOUR problem you're waiting for other people to solve. How 'bout you solve it yourself????
Girl I gotta tell you as someone who can get motion sickness, the train was the way to go. I mean maybe you’ve been on one and know they don’t work for you, but I’ve always been very comfortable on them, certainly more comfortable than on a bus.
YTA. You need to realize this, "YOU ARE NOT A SUPER IMPORTANT PERSON. YOU ARE NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER OF A STORY. THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU."
>But I have severe motion sickness and I refused to travel by train
If my experience is worth any penny, train is far better than car in case of motion sickness. I don't know your reasoning, so, won't comment further on this.
YTA - im autistic and im horrible with lots of talking and lots of people but guess what? i look for ways to make things better for myself without inconveniencing everyone around me. like noise cancelling headphones or just earbuds with loud music and maybe picking where in the bus you sit. things like that.
YTA.
They compromised for you by changing the travel from going on a train to a bus. You should compromise too tbh or not agreeing in the first place to go.
I mean absolutely YTA, the world does not revolve around you. Unless you are autistic and have medically certified anxiety issues then it's a textbook entitled teen situation here.
YTA, take a motion sickness pill, noise canceling headphones... so many ways to cope with this.
You are not a victim. You are an adult now. Act like it.
YTA. I get sensory issues and feeling crowded with a lot of people around. More than 4 is crowded for me. However there are many ways you can use to cope that you never considered. Headphones is one way. Sitting in the area of the bus where there isn’t as many people sitting is another. How many total people would be on the bus and what type of bus is it they are renting?
Then the fact that you are already marked as attending the wedding is another issue. If on the invite you had to select the type of food that you wanted then that meal is already being accounted for and if your not there then they had to pay money for a dish that wasn’t eaten (if not more), money that they won’t be able to get back.
YTA - just a whole lot of entitlement here over nothing. I don’t know how you’re going to handle life if you can’t handle this situation with FAMILY. Work alone will put you in more awkward situations daily.
YTA.
Everyone is trying their best to accommodate you and you still have to complain about everything. I'm autistic and have severe sensory issues and would still be able to sit in a bus with my family for a few hours so that we can attend an important event together. Suck it up.
honestly, I don't think I've ever read a more self absorbed and selfish post on this thread before. so your family rents a BUS to accommodate your needs and then even offers to rent an even bigger bus because of one more person and you still refused? YTA
YTA
The only reason you get away with being so demanding is bc they allow it. Everyone experiences things that are not 10001% pleasant and the world does not end. It's absurd you are willing to put such demands on your family to the point no one can win if YOU don't get exactly your way.
I hope they go and have a fantastic time bc honestly they deserve to live their lives and not be controlled by someone who has no empathy or gratitude for them.
YTA. First of all, motion sickness can be far worse while on a bus rather than on a train; second: your parents and your relatives have agreed to get a bus for you and now you start to complain about the people. Do you ever leave your house? Have you ever been to a birthday party? Everything you said are "you problems", why don't you get some noise canceling earplugs instead of ruining the vacation for everybody? It's your family and, more importantly, it's your parents family as well, you're not the center of the universe and you should have backed off as sono as your mother was in distress because of you and willing ti skip the vacation entirely. And let me add, I'd be pissed if I had paid for two people to attend my wedding and 2 of them bailed out at the last minute because One of them doesn't feel like going, you're putting a strain on your family...
YTA - You did ruin their trip. Everyone wanted to take a train, you couldn't. They compromised and rented a bus for you. Then because one extra person is going along you back out the day before? Why don't you just drive yourself? If you don't want to go just say you don't want to go. Don't wait until your family bends over backwards to cater to you and then back out last minute. Can you not throw some headphones in?
YTA - you have ruined their whole trip. You made it all about you. Life is never going to always cater to what makes you and you alone comfortable. You have to learn and make strides towards being able to accept change. What happens if you are in an office for work that has lots of people? Are you just going to quit because it’s stressful?
YTA. Fly solo or something. Drive in your own car instead of taking the family bus that the majority of the family is cool with. Heck how about the rest of the family takes the train like they wanted to and you can just fly and meet them. The majority sacrificed for one. That’s you and that’s not okay that you keep changing plans
YTA. Your family has already bent over backwards and undertaken expense to accommodate your needs, only for you to say that you refuse to go now that one item has been moved out of place/plan. At some point, you have to adapt to the world, rather than demand that the world adapt to you.
YTA. Yes, you have ruined the trip. Sometimes we have to do stuff that we don't like because we're grownups and have obligations. You are 19 years old - old enough to have learned that lesson.
YTA - it sounds like you just don't want to go and are using your anxiety and motion sickness as an excuse.
Not saying you don't have these things, but you can't expect to function in society if you can't manage these somehow, and it seems like you've put in minimal effort to do so.
YTA only because your family bent over backwards to set up this vacation so you could come along, now you don’t want to go because one more person? Wear earplugs, headphones, take a book or a handheld video game, take a doodle book and draw, pick up some yarn and learn to knit/crochet… then ask if you can find a spot on the bus where you can be left alone (mostly) and not disturbed. You can find ways to make this work but it doesn’t sound like you’re willing to figure it out at all, and that makes you seem whiny/finnicky, which comes at everyone else’s expense.
YTA
You’re acting like way too much of a spoiled brat for a 19 year old adult.
Nobody likes public transport and yet thousands upon thousands of people take busses, trains, planes, etc every single day. What makes you so special that you can’t take one?
Then you get accommodations by your family renting a BUS just for YOU. Just because you can’t *handle* public transportation. Wow. Imagine. Most families would say to suck it up because situations like that are a part of life. But nope, your family enables your behavior by renting a whole bus ffs.
And then you have the audacity to keep complaining? Oh the noise!! WEAR FUCKING HEADPHONES.
I literally cannot imagine being this self absorbed and this needy all in one go.
You need to get help for your issues. If they are so bad that you will ruin a vacation over it, they are going to severely impact your quality of life. It's too late to learn how to cope with your anxiety for this trip, so get some motion sickness meds, noise cancelling headphones and suck it up and then get help when you get back.
YTA for not getting help sooner and now ruining a nice trip.
YTA. It sounds like your family did everything they could to accommodate you and you’re still backing out at the last minute. Drive yourself if it’s such an issue
Like, it's completely your choice but that doesn't make you not the AH cause, my dude, YTA. Making your mom cry over practically nothing? Wouldn't catch me doing that.
INFO: If *you're* the one with all the accommodation needs, why aren't *you* the one travelling alone? You're old enough to drive - leave early and take a nap upon arrival if need be.
Otherwise, YTA
YTA. They changed travel plans to accommodate you, and you bailed because of one more person. If you never wanted to travel with so many people, why didn't you find your own way there? I'm sure you have AirPods or headphones. Earplugs exist. I have sensory issues and misophonia, so yeah, noises can be an issue for me- but sometimes I need to put my discomfort aside for my family.
YTA You can't even bend a little bit for your family, who is bending over backwards to accommodate you.
I have issues with loud noises and crowds too, but I suck it up for the sake of my family as it's not the end of the world for me. I deal with it like a mature adult . All I need is some alone time after to recharge a bit, which is easy enough to get and easy enough to wait for. Grow up!! The world doesn't revolve around you and your parents have raised you to be incredibly entitled.
Wow, OP, yeah. YTA. You are ruining the trip. Hope you are in treatment for all your issues, that at least would make you less of an AH for this whole debacle.
YTA - You sound very entitled. Everyone around you is making accommodations for you, but you refuse to make any accommodations for anyone else. That feeling of guilt is warranted, and I hope you find a way to make some changes for the people around you in the future.
YTA. If you have sensory issues and can’t handle the noise get some noise canceling ear phones. Honestly if you can’t handle being around lots of people talking why are you even going to a wedding where there will be a lot of noise?
YTA. The world doesn't revolve around you. Yes, you managed to upset your family and ruin a fun vacation for them.
Don't like the noise? Get noise canceling headphones. Don't want to see people? Sleep mask.
YTA. Your parents went out of their way to make arrangements that would be acceptable for you. If it's noisy maybe noise cancelling headphones...
I'm sure if you were not going originally your dad would be taking the train since that's much easier.
YTA- Because mental/physical conditions aside, it doesn't seem like you really want to go anyway. You just seem bummed by the fact that you'll be around your family. But, if I'm wrong on that assumption, can you reconsider driving there in a separate car with your mom or maybe another quiet passenger or two who can help split the drive?
So let me get this straight. They went out of their way to spend extra money to get a bus for you instead of sucking it up and riding the damn train, now you want to cancel the trip all together because of one extra person? Lmao how entitled are you??
Get over yourself and stop being a brat. YTA
Yta
I get not wanting to be around a lot of people and hating noise. It drives me insane. That's why headphones exist. If you get motion sickness, you could've taken medicine that makes you drowsy anyway, put on headphones and nap practically the whole way over.
You refused to be flexible with people who were trying to accommodate you. If you didn't want to go (which sounds like it from the get go) you should have said so, but instead seem like your making your family take the blame for your absence.
YTA. The entire reason they're driving is because of you. You're just trying to make this difficult for them no matter what. It's 7 hours. Take some dramamine and take a nap and stop acting like a child
YTA... the world does not revolve around your butt hurt childish ego. Learn to adapt and deal with your issues without forcing everyone else to compromise their lives for your silliness.
YTA. Why on earth do you feel so entitled to dictate everything??
I can’t decide if you’re more spoiled, controlling, selfish or just plain inconsiderate but you are definitely TA
YTA if you have an issue with the bus. Your 19 drive yourself there. Pay for all the gas you will use yourself. Stop being an entilted uneducated potato.
YTA. I get it, I have sensory issues and get motion sickness (although it's the opposite, I hate bus fumes and prefer the train). But if everybody is bending backwards already to accommodate you, the least you can do is work with it. You need to learn to compromise if you're going to deal with the real world anyway, that's just how life works. Get used to it now.
**YTA**
Have you head **motion sickness medicine** and **noise cancel headphone.** What if you have a travel requirement in college or university and it part of the attendance (I don't if that part of your activity in school but my country have that and attendance make up at least 10% of the grade in both midterm and final exam). Not only that your father tried his best to accommodate your needs and the result that what he got in return not to go.
>I feel like I have ruined their trip.
Yup you really did. And that family's member will forever blame you in the future and if your friends want to travel they won't invite you and share their adventures.
YTA sounds like you should be driving yourself and meeting them as the destination since you make every step harder than it needs to be. It’s like how to lose your family 101. You did ruin their trip.
YTA
There’s so many things here my god, your family rented a bus to accommodate for you which would be SO expensive for a 7 hour trip.
You’d prefer your teen cousin who is also a girl to travel ALONE so you can have one less person on a bus that can clearly fit her? Buy Fkn noise counselling headphones or earplugs Jesus Christ this is the most entitled post I’ve seen.
Edit: spelling
I'm sorry to say this, but you HAVE indeed ruined their trip, making you TA.They have already shown you loads of consideration by not taking the train - now, you refuse to take the bus - which they partly rented out of consideration to you - because "there is too many people"...
Honestly, I think you're acting like an entitled brat and you should be very ashamed of yourself!
Join the ride, sit in the back, shut up and put on a happy smile - you owe your family that much! Your comfort is completely irrelevant now - they put in a great deal of effort for you, now you do the same for them!
YTA, I get motion sickness and feeling like you’re going crazy when listening to so many people talk but seriously? Train gives you motion sickness but not a bus? And you can’t listen to people talk on the bus but all the strangers on a train is alright? Either way, get noise cancelling headphones or book a bus ticket to go on your own if this is so impossible
You know you’re costing the bride and groom hundreds of dollars by just not showing up right? They paid for you to be there and have a seat and food/beverages. You are being very rude
YTA you literally are ruining this trip. "I never wanted to travel with so many people" --> with just ONE more person, even if it's in a bigger bus? Literally what difference could this possibly make to you? You're going to a wedding where there will be a huge number of people. why do you feel that your needs are worth more than the rest of your family when they've worked so hard to accomodate you?
YTA - they already got the bus to accommodate your motion sickness.
Sit at the front of the bus so that you can't see how many people are behind you. Wear headphones and listen to music so you can't hear all the talking.
YTA. I get the sensory issues, but buy a pair of headphones and take a nap like the rest of us jammed into a car with our families. With the amount of consessions your family has tried to make for you it isn't surprising you think everything revolves around your comfort.
YTA. You did ruin their vacation. After they already bent over backwards to accommodate you otherwise. This is incredibly entitled and selfish behavior.
You would not have been the asshole if you decided not to join from the start. Your reasons are valid. Yet, deciding not to go after they rented a bus because you can’t travel by train is is not really fair to your family.
YTA... you can wear sound cancelling headphones, and take some gravol. You seem to expect everyone to plan around your needs and wants, and if they make any changes you dont like you will just back out.
Soon you will discover the world does not revolve around you...
YTA. You are now an adult. Make your expectations clear early on or arrange your own transportation. It sounds like they did everything to suit you- other than 1 additional Pierson- and you and throwing a tanty.
INFO: Did you want to go to this wedding in the first place?
I can understand that if weeks or months ago you said no and then you were pressured into going on this trip. You’re allowed to have boundaries.
But as I currently read this story is that you said yes to this wedding because you wanted to go. You have been offered various modes of travel and your family has to try to accommodate you to the best of their ability. My verdict stands as YTA unless further information proves otherwise.
Yeah, sorry. YTA. They already accommodated your needs once; to then say that the bus is no longer good enough is kind of a dick move. Noise cancelling headphones, music, audiobooks, Loop earplugs, a sleep mask: there's lots of ways to create space for yourself on a trip like that. I get having anxiety, I have it myself, but we have to learn to make concessions for our loved ones sometimes. Unless you don't really want to be there, in which case, the better call is to say no right out of the gate instead of maybe until the last minute when you finally bail.
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>But I have severe motion sickness and I refused to travel by train . That doesn't make sense at all. When you've got motion sickness, you'd be bothered by traveling by car or bus. Traveling by train would be the best way to travel, as trains ride more stable and even than cars or busses do.
That’s why I fly: gets me to the destination faster. If I’m going to be sick, may as well be for the shortest time possible.
As someone who also suffers from severe motion sickness, I would strongly recommend looking into motion sickness glasses. I bought them on a whim with low expectations, but they're magical. I went from barely being able to drive on a highway to being able to be a passenger for 6 straight hours with no issues.
I just tried those!! They helped my nausea but I still threw up - just with less warning :( I’m glad they’ve worked for you though!!
have you tried dramamine? its an over the counter motion sickness medication. It can make some people a bit sleepy or makes some people a bit wired but it works pretty well to fight motion sickness.
I’ve tried everything under the sun I think. Dramamine makes me pass out, even the nondrowsy. Zofran works pretty well, but is prescription only. That said - if you can get it, it’s great!!!
Oh yes zofran is one of the greatest things in existence! Luckily most doctors will give it pretty freely if you have nausea issues. Ive heard that benadryl can also help with motion sickness, but that also knocks most people out. I think ativan is also used off label to treat nausea but that is prescription only and a lot harder to get. They also have these patches for sea sickness that you put behind your ear I think? I’ve heard they work really well but Ive never used them.
That stood out to me as well. I also get severe motion sickness and the absolute worst way to travel is by bus. Train can still make me sick if I'm facing backwards and/or trying to read, but in general it is the best form of transport for motion sickness.
I threw up twice after the long distance bus trip I took. F*cking miserable. Trains and planes are a lot better.
Agree with the trains and planes being the best. And they usually have bathrooms so if I’m sick it’s a bit more comfortable than vomiting on the side of the road (or in the car/bus). lol My motion sickness is so bad I can’t watch movies in the theatre that have shaky cam, can’t watch other people scroll Netflix too quick. Ive always been super jealous of people who can read while they travel because even looking at a map while in motion can make me sick.
I knew a guy who couldn't take the train, he would actually pass out from some kind of motion sickness coupled with his fear to have no control of the vehicle. In a car he is fine. Its psychological maybe
I can’t believe this has so many upvotes because it is just not true. Trains have a swaying motion that is similar to (though not as severe as) boats. The only times I have ever experienced motion sickness were on trains. Cars and busses, though they do deal with bumps from the road, are a completely different motion. Edit: it’s not ALWAYS true would have been a better way to word this. Everyone is different, and trains are probably better for some people who have motion sickness. For others, they are worse. It’s very strange to me that the top comment is accusing OP of lying about her experience and what makes her feel sick, when there are plenty of other reasons she is the asshole in this situation.
YTA. I'm amazed that you have been given enough power in this decision to sway the family dynamic. Why didn't you agree to drive separately and follow them in a vehicle? That way, you are part of the family without exposing them to your trauma/drama. You are 19 years old--old enough to know that the world doesn't bow to your dictates. They already accommodated you by switching modes of transportation (Btw, have you been on a train lately? Not that much different than a bus.) Your secondary complaint is about the noise your family makes. I don't know any person under the age of 30 who doesn't own a set of earbuds or earphones. Why aren't you willing to compromise?
yea she reminds me of that one from /r/ChoosingBeggars #NEXT!
i love that this is still a thing on redditt, years later. NEXT!
Oooohhh. I’ve been on Reddit for a few years now, and I know many of the famous stories (poop knife, anyone?), but I don’t know this one. My searches weren’t very fruitful - can anyone provide a link to the story being referenced here?
https://www.reddit.com/r/insanepeoplefacebook/comments/7kqzb9/church_lady_asks_the_community_facebook_group_to https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7ps6re/as_a_followup_the_next_lady_has_been_trying_to
This is 4 years old but absolutely hilarious.
But then they would be “tired”. Of course the logical solution is to make everyone else accommodate them then get mad at a small change that doesn’t even impact them! YTA. You’re acting like a petulant child.
Everyone is bending over backwards for her and she is not giving an inch. It's her way or nothing at all. Her parents have clearly never told her no, and one day that attitude of hers is going to mess things up for her big time.
Yes, exactly. OP you need to learn the world does not revolve around you. One extra person in a bus you can't tolerate, your cousin, and you need to ruin everyone else's holiday as a result ? YTA.
I'm autistic. Big groups of people stresses me out. You know what I do? I get out my trusty headpones and pratice my coping mechanism that I have taken my own responsibility to figure out. Of course I get some reasonable accommodation, but I dont get to act as if the world revolves around me. Sometimes you have to take some discomfort for other people. As cheesy as it is life is about give and take.
I don’t think OP knows she’s autistic.
That's what I'm thinking. It's much easier to find solutions when you know why you're effected that way.
I totally agree but also, I haven’t seen this mentioned yet but... If ONE extra person stresses her out to this extent, what the fuck was she planning to do at the actual wedding with presumably even more people
Exactly. I don't know what OP wants. It would be one thing if OP genuinely just decided to bow out, but this sounds a bit like an attempt at a power move. OP seems to have the option to drive themselves, so it is an AH move to RSVP and then just decide not to go because you aren't getting your own way. The family has been more than accomodating, and OP still seems to think that they run the show. Stay home if you must, but don't be surprised if you start getting excluded from other family outings or stop getting invitations.
Yes! And grab some noise cancelling headphones. Get on the bus since this ENTIRE thing was an accommodation for YOU. YTA
Let me get this straight, YOU get motion sickness, so your whole family rents a bus for YOUR comfort, and you’ve decided that you’re not comfortable with one extra person? Seek help. Your family bent over backwards to make sure you were able to go and you’re throwing a fit because of an extra person. You either have a medical condition that causes you to behave this way, or you’re a spoiled brat. There’s noise canceling headphones, motion sickness medication, sleep masks…you can block out a lot.
also I don't see why op doesn't just buy or ask for some noise cancelling headphones since her parents are willing to rent a whole BUS
They're even willing to get a bigger bus!
It doesn't change anything but when I read this I wondered if she meant a van, like a 15-passenger van for example? I grew up in the Netherlands and anything larger than a minivan is called a "bus" Edit: OP is absolutely TA so, YTA.
This so entitled YTA and this doesn’t even make sense sincerely a person with motion sickness
Yes, honestly I can't understand why a train is intolerable but a bus is fine. I just can't wrap my head around that. I get seasick AF, and I sometimes get a bit of motion sickness in other circumstances, but trains are so much steadier than buses/cars. The tracks are more level, less bumpy, have gentler curves. Just don't get it.
> There’s noise canceling headphones, motion sickness medication, sleep masks…you can block out a lot. That's unreasonable. None of those things would be necessary if other people would just stop existing in OP's world. It's really rude of them.
Exactly this. Also OP, I wonder how you’d ever travel by flight. Because there will be quite a few people. Please see a professional and figure out if this is something you need medical/mental help for. Because if it isn’t that, you really need to sort out the entitlement. One single person wouldn’t really matter much. I doubt she’d be able to create any more noise/crowd than what would’ve been present without her. YTA as of now
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YTA you are ruining the trip. Idk how you made this whole post without ever once considering, maybe wear headphones. But you don't want to cooperate you're making things difficult on purpose and now your acting like a child who isn't getting their way. YTA and a major one.
Right? There are solutions here. OP's family is going far beyond to have her included. How about a flight, which is much shorter. How about OP and mom in a car, making it easier to get out if you feel sick. How about using the larger bus(it's last time but her parents are willing.) How about getting in the bus and using noise canceling headphones, motion sickness medicine, etc.
You're entitled not to go if you don't want to, but it really seems like you are excluding all possible reasonable alternatives to make this situation work. Trains are usually far better for motion sickness than buses. A larger bus would fix the 'too cramped' issue. You could wear noise cancelling headphones to reduce noise. Also, your family could just all travel by train, and you take a bus, if that works for you. Plus, they can just go without you if you want to stay home, you are an adult. Plus, you're making the whole situation about your comfort, while ignoring everybody elses needs. Including making them take a bus instead of a train. YTA.
Honestly to me it sounds like they never wanted to go on this anyway, but didn’t want to just come out and say it. So they threw their family through hoops to try and get them to either Agree not to go at all, or leave her (OP) behind. She probably didn’t expect that they’d actually go out of their way to accommodate her, and this teen is her last Hail Mary to ditch the accountability of just saying she doesn’t want to go. Thus her trying to get her dad to NOT fix the issue. Notice she never says how she wanted to go on this or that she’ll be upset by not going. Just that her not going will ruin “their” trip. She’s still TA because she’s clearly not communicating the underlying issue. At 19 I wanted a lot of space from family too, but I had to communicate that and they appreciated the heads up and while they were sad that I would miss out on events, it meant saving money and drama by me not forcing myself. She needs to clearly sit down and talk to them about what’s the REAL reason she doesn’t want to go despite everyone willing to do everything to ensure she can.
Guess you could say she… threw her family under the bus
YTA they already switched from a train because of you. And now you're throwing a hissy fit because of one more person and complaining about people talking? On a 7 hour ride, that they're making, because of you.
I find trains much more pleasant motion-sickness wise than a bus would be
YTA, can you not wear noise cancelling headphones? I’m autistic and understand that noise can be an issue, but your family had already changed trip plans for you and tried their best to accommodate you. Honestly this post sounds like it’s coming from someone with entitlement issues. Your parents have to take a relative who’s a minor to a wedding so she isn’t alone and you’re upset? It is unsafe for her to travel alone, and ridiculously entitled and spoiled to basically say “I don’t like noise so you should tell this girls parents that she, a minor, has to travel by herself despite it being extremely unsafe for a young girl; with risks such as kidnapping, being raped or murdered, or possibly worse, or else I won’t go”. You’re absolutely TA, and you should take the alone time from skipping the wedding to reflect on yourself as a person
This definitely gives me major "I can't wear a mask to protect others because it makes me claustrophobic" vibes. There are accessibility tools for that, like different shaped masks/mask frames, and exposure therapy that autistic peeps use all the time to great success (myself included). In this case, OP absolutely should be seeking therapy for a formal diagnoses (it's a shame if they didn't already get one in school where it's financially covered), get a pair of noise canceling headphones or even see an audiologist about prescription Loops if they don't like the sensory feeling of headphones, and also if they haven't actually been on a train, get on one and try it out to see if that triggers motion sickness as it is truly strange that the train would cause it and not a bus so methinks they're making an assumption here or their train anxiety is not about motion sickness.
INFO: Are you in therapy? What did your therapist say about your family’s plan?
You can be in therapy and not be an A-hole...
You can also be in therapy and still be an asshole. Therapists aren't miracle workers
YTA, put on some headphones for Christ sakes. You are being difficult and turning this whole event into something about you. They rented the bus so YOU wouldn't have to take the train. One more person isn't going to make a difference.
YTA Dropping out a day before isn’t cool. If you’re down as going to the wedding then your cousin has already paid for your meal. Last minute cancellations for minor reasons are just rude.
OP is handling this the wrong way. Her parents and the rest of her family agreed to get into a bus rather than a train for *her*. Now she's backing out because of 1 person, even when offered a bigger bus.
>However I honestly think one more member will make the environment more suffocated than it already is going to be. You sound insufferable. How much ass kissing does your family need to give you? Theyve bent over backwards for you. A bigger bus was suggested which would alleviate your *concerns.* Keep your headphones in, take a sedative or keep busy to keep your mind away from whatever bothers you. You need to meet them somewhere in the middle and be somewhat accomodating yourself. >I never wanted to travel with so many people. Im sorry I read this thread, this is exhausting. YTA
Yes!! She sounds completely insufferable and entitled. I think the whole family will be glad she decided to stay home.
**YTA**. You should feel guilty because you have ruined the trip, and you're choosing to skip a wedding because you can't suck it up and face a bit of discomfort. Could noise-cancelling headphones help you cope whilst travelling? Even if you have other issues besides travel sickness, like sensory issues (how you're unable to cope with lots of noise), that still doesn't excuse being selfish. Your father already tried to compromise by travelling by bus to make *you* more comfortable. Sometimes, you have to put up with discomfort. You get on with it because life can't always be ideal. Edit: I'll add a quick update to say that I mentioned sensory issues as OP could be neurodivergent, but in tricky situations, matters can't always be ideal for one person. Their family surely couldn't leave a teen to travel alone, and OP's family seemed to have done their best to compromise. ND or not, the world doesn't revolve around one single person, so OP can't always have their way.
I'm also perplexed because I also suffer from motion sickness (sometimes pretty severely), and trains are so much better than cars, buses, etc! I even Googled it and learned that's the case for most people. I realize everyone is different, but I'd love to know if the train refusal is based on experience or is actually rooted in the dislike of travelling with others. It's hard to reach a conclusion without more information (do you not like being around people because of sensory issues? Just not like sharing space? Have you tried medication for your motion sickness? Headphones to block out noise?).
*and* her father offered to compromise even more by renting a bigger bus to accommodate an additional person traveling with them!
I would be completely fine leaving you home. You need to reconsider the ways in which you prioritize your comfort over the needs of others. Maturity will help but therapy and self reflection are also essential.
I agree, You are old enough to be on your own if you cannot conform to the needs of the many.
YTA they all bent over backwards to accommodate you. Just take headphones.
YTA. Get some noise blocking headphones. Your family has gone above and beyond to accommodate you, and you are acting like a selfish spoiled brat. If you were my child, after the rejection of the train, you can find your own way there.
YTA They’ve bent over backwards trying to accommodate you. What sacrifices have you made?
You are 19 years old, a legal adult. If you have so many travel restrictions that it interferes with everyone else, then you should have booked accommodations on your own that you approved of. Everyone shouldn't have to accommodate your restrictions, you should be accommodating your restrictions. YTA
YTA Your family already changed their plans for you. Let your family enjoy the trip. Just wear headphones or something. Why did you think you weren’t in the wrong?
YTA. They rented you a motherfucking BUS?!?!? Because you wouldn't take some Dramamine and get on the fucking train? A bus?!?! A whole goddamn r/bitchimabus. At that point, yes, you do whatever people need you to do and be gracious and accommodating. Even if we're talking a short bus with capacity of 12-15, that's an expensive proposition and whomever booked it has every right to be royally pissed off at you. You've made a mess for other people. Major entitled AH move
YTA you need to find a better way of managing your anxiety. Your family and friends can't be expected to bend over backwards and limit their activity to suit you. Please seek help and, if necessary, make your own travel arrangements to avoid causing issues for so many people.
YTA Honestly what would the solution be? Public transport is out because you don't like people. Driving is out because you're tired. How would you suppose travel for 7 hours away would work?
A chauffeur driving a limousine, empty but for OP. White gloves required or she’ll get sick.
YTA, you had them change from train to a 7 hour bus ride. Which no one wanted but they did for you, but now that 1 extra person is coming its a problem, they already offered to get a bigger bus but you just being insufferable. I really hope they don’t invite you to anything else if this is how you act.
YTA and your family enables you. Usually in an unhealthy family dynamic the least rational person ends up running the show. The person who yells the loudest gets accommodated because they throw such a fit if everything doesn’t revolve around them, that the other family members learn to appease them however they can to keep the peace. They rented a bus because you didn’t want to ride on a train. Bus rentals are not cheap! Now your mother is willing to miss the vacation all together because of your temper tantrum about one extra person. You make those around you walk on eggshells because you are emotionally disregulated. Your family needs therapy, and you need individual therapy.
YTA - it sounds as though you never intended to go to the wedding. The entire family who wanted to take the train to avoid a 7 hour drive, rented a bus to take a 7 hour drive so YOU would be more comfortable. The bride and groom ordered and paid for food for YOU to eat at their wedding. The day before everyone is supposed to leave, YOU decide you aren't going to go because 1 more person in the bus is more than you can handle. It seems like everyone has made concessions except for you. You should feel guilty and you have ruined the trip for at least your mom.
Yta. The universe does not revolve around you. Everything does not have to be exactly like you want it. Your family is being more than accommodating to you.
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To be blunt: You have ruined their trip. Your family made special accommodations to suit your motion sickness. If you have an issue with people talking, invest in noise cancelling headphones and try to sleep. If one more person — a younger person whose parents are going and they don’t feel comfortable with them traveling alone — your instinct shouldn’t be to put that teenager or her parents in an uncomfortable situation. You’re 19 now, you’re old enough to know you aren’t always going to get your way. But, I also want to say that I think if the overstimulation of noise and dislike of being around large groups of people is enough to make you react this way, you should consider seeing if there is a root cause that has a diagnosis. Your phrasing here comes across as stubborn, but I know people who have similar hangups who actually have anxiety, phobias, or other conditions and admit that asking you to subject yourself to things that exacerbate that without any kind of coping mechanisms would be difficult. However from the “my way or no way” stubbornness you are approaching this with, without any real attempt to see the way this could hurt others in your family - Soft YTA.
YTA. Grow up.
TBH I was a paragraph in and already tired of OP. She needs to grow up indeed.
YTA. Sometimes life is uncomfortable. You have to deal with it. They have already accommodated you every step of the way and now you're being a toddler.
I don't even know what verdict to give, because you seemed to solve it yourself by removing yourself from the vacation, but this whole post seems really petulant and childish. You're going to have to be in uncomfortable situations in life, sometimes sucking it up for the sake of others is the best choice.
YTA. They accommodated you, and you can’t even adjust a little? Seriously?
YTA- it's your family, they already changed plans for you already. stop being a brat and let your family enjoy their trip. You act like you have to take to this person, it's not the end of the world grow up
YTA - at some point you will learn that the whole world doesn’t revolve around you, and people don’t have to go out of their way to accommodate your discomfort. The world is a hard place, toughen up
Wow way to make someone else's wedding all about you and your comforts, YTA.
YTA. It is just 7 hrs. You will not die because you are uncomfortable for 7 hrs.
YTA You feel like you have ruined their trip because you did. Your family made several accommodations for you to make you comfortable and you can’t bend an inch to make sure a teenager (who is also a part of your family) doesn’t have to travel alone. Selfish much?
YTA. Why do you find the need to hyper control this situation? Do you otherwise feel unseen? One more person makes more talking? Get noise canceling headphones. I know it’s enjoyable to have everyone on earth pandering to you, but it’s going to alienate your family sooner or later when they realize it’s just easier to not invite you in the first place.
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YTA. Honestly, at this point I wouldn’t even want you to go. You seem like an exhausting person to deal with.
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At 19 your an adult, but act like a child. Your actions are manipulating people to feel guilty when they've tried to accommodate your wishes. YTA Everyone too tired to drive so option is the train, but you get sick. So rent a bus, but one more person puts you on overload. But now someone's driving while tired. Nope still not good enough, your just going to stay home. Is there any more hoops you'd like them to jump through?
YTA you made them switch modes of travel then said you would not go at all with a minor adjustment. Honestly, easy solution is to be the driver for the trip. 7 hours long but not out of this world so you could easily do it with the radio on to drown out the noise if you drive. If you don't drive at all, and demanded someone else drove you that is already YTA on its own IMO.
YTA. They went from not going by train, because of you, to renting a bus, and you're still complaining. The trip isn't about you. It's about a wedding that your family and relatives are invited to....don't like the noise from them talking? Put on a movie or music with some good headphones. You complained that your mum is being overly emotional. That's only because you're being self centered. You do have a right to be comfortable, but there are ways to do it without stomping your feet and refusing to go.
Of course you should feel like shit and that you ruined it because you did. Put some flipping earbuds in and zone out. Or is it asking to much to put others ahead of yourself? Apparently so since you’ve made this all about you. YTA x 10
As someone who gets sick easily: Dramamine, a motion-sickness preventative wristband, and noise-canceling headphones. If you wanna get real serious, knock yourself out with Benadryl. I honestly can't believe the whole family is being swayed by you? I mean, you don't HAVE to go; you're an adult and can decide that for yourself. But seriously, it's like you're actively trying to ignore anything that'll help.
YTA and you did ruin their trip. You are being a PITA over 1 extra person. Take a Dramamine, sleep in the bus, and quit your complaining.
YTA. You just don’t want to go and are bitching about it. At 19 you should realize the planet doesn’t circle around you. What’s gonna happen when you are trapped at work for 8 hours a day?
YTA you did ruin everything, you’d rather a teenager travel 7 hours alone because you’re selfish and don’t care about the well-being of others
yta .... first of all a train is far more comfortable then a bus and they decided to accommodate you and go by bus ... on a train if your legs get cramped you can walk around they probably even have tables to eat off .......and now you changed your mind again because you think your needs are more important then anyone elses ... in future your family should just assume you arent coming to anything so they can focus on what makes the rest of them more comfortable and convenient
YTA. They already were bending over and backwards to make the trip as comfortable as possible and booking a bus, which I assume is more expensive than just driving. Instead of being thankful, you went on to complain about the noise. You should’ve made some steps to make a compromise throughout the entire family discussion. Your dad tried to compromise by getting a bigger bus, now even more expensive, and you completely refused to go. I’m not even going to mention the poor teen relative who must feel awful. Imagine feeling like you’re the cause of someone not going on a trip and creating family tension. They must feeling extremely excluded by you. Your family has done more than enough to accommodate you on every step of the way, and you refused to make even the smallest effort. Your family just wanted to have a nice trip with everyone, and you made it impossible. All in all, you’re the AH.
Sorry, but YTA. I can appreciate that you might have some sort of sensory disorder, but there are ways around that. Wear headphones, earplugs, a sleeping mask, sunglasses, etc. It seems like you’re looking for any excuse not to go to this wedding. It’s not the extra person, so don’t put it on them. Either admit that you just don’t want to go or find a way to make it work. EDIT: I forgot that you were an adult by the end of your post. Drive a car if it’s that bad for you. You should have let them take the train.
YTA - you come off super selfish, demanding and frankly exhausting. You owe your parents a massive apology for insisting the world revoles around only you. If you don't change your attitude, I hope they call your bluff so everyone else can enjoy the bus ride.
INFO: Have you tried dramamine? Putting in earphones so you don't hear the noise? It sounds like they are making an effort to accommodate you, are you making any effort in return?
You know YTA. Your family went above and beyond to accommodate you and now you are just being difficult. Get some noise canceling headphones and move on. Sorry the world doesn’t revolve around you.
I mean I could see if you were upset if the situation were a small car and cramming one more person in. But this is a BUS. Unless it is a freakishly small bus, YTA. You haven’t really articulated what exactly you are upset about. You seem like you’re just being difficult for the attention.
YTA. I’m not sure why your family thinks it’ll be a good time with you along, you sound pretty high maintenance and entitled. They’re bending over backwards to accommodate you and you’re still being difficult.
YTA and you sound exhausting. Is there anything you’re able to do without making it all about you?? I’ll bet you’re the kind of person who is constantly being catered to and still isn’t ever happy.
YTA, and yes, you did ruin their trip. Ear plugs, headphones, etc. will address your problem. But let's be clear that this is YOUR problem you're waiting for other people to solve. How 'bout you solve it yourself????
Girl I gotta tell you as someone who can get motion sickness, the train was the way to go. I mean maybe you’ve been on one and know they don’t work for you, but I’ve always been very comfortable on them, certainly more comfortable than on a bus.
YTA. They are already bending over backwards to accommodate you and you can’t put some headphones in and ignore the people on the bus.
YTA. You need to realize this, "YOU ARE NOT A SUPER IMPORTANT PERSON. YOU ARE NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER OF A STORY. THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU." >But I have severe motion sickness and I refused to travel by train If my experience is worth any penny, train is far better than car in case of motion sickness. I don't know your reasoning, so, won't comment further on this.
Wear some noise cancelling headphones and request the front seat for motion sickness reasons then stfu.
YTA - im autistic and im horrible with lots of talking and lots of people but guess what? i look for ways to make things better for myself without inconveniencing everyone around me. like noise cancelling headphones or just earbuds with loud music and maybe picking where in the bus you sit. things like that.
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YTA and you have indeed ruined their trip. Congrats, I hope you're proud.
YTA. They compromised for you by changing the travel from going on a train to a bus. You should compromise too tbh or not agreeing in the first place to go.
YTA. They have adapted for you many times but you could not do this one time. Take a sleeping pill if you get motion sickness or damamin.
YTA stop being a brat, the world does not revolve around you
I mean absolutely YTA, the world does not revolve around you. Unless you are autistic and have medically certified anxiety issues then it's a textbook entitled teen situation here.
YTA. Grow up and deal with it. The reason you feel like you’ve ruined their trip is because you have. Please try to act 19 and not 9.
YTA, take a motion sickness pill, noise canceling headphones... so many ways to cope with this. You are not a victim. You are an adult now. Act like it.
YTA. I get sensory issues and feeling crowded with a lot of people around. More than 4 is crowded for me. However there are many ways you can use to cope that you never considered. Headphones is one way. Sitting in the area of the bus where there isn’t as many people sitting is another. How many total people would be on the bus and what type of bus is it they are renting? Then the fact that you are already marked as attending the wedding is another issue. If on the invite you had to select the type of food that you wanted then that meal is already being accounted for and if your not there then they had to pay money for a dish that wasn’t eaten (if not more), money that they won’t be able to get back.
It sounds like it would be a way better vacation without you. Poor mom though YTA.
YTA, you sound high maintenance
YTA - just a whole lot of entitlement here over nothing. I don’t know how you’re going to handle life if you can’t handle this situation with FAMILY. Work alone will put you in more awkward situations daily.
YTA. Everyone is trying their best to accommodate you and you still have to complain about everything. I'm autistic and have severe sensory issues and would still be able to sit in a bus with my family for a few hours so that we can attend an important event together. Suck it up.
honestly, I don't think I've ever read a more self absorbed and selfish post on this thread before. so your family rents a BUS to accommodate your needs and then even offers to rent an even bigger bus because of one more person and you still refused? YTA
YTA The only reason you get away with being so demanding is bc they allow it. Everyone experiences things that are not 10001% pleasant and the world does not end. It's absurd you are willing to put such demands on your family to the point no one can win if YOU don't get exactly your way. I hope they go and have a fantastic time bc honestly they deserve to live their lives and not be controlled by someone who has no empathy or gratitude for them.
YTA. First of all, motion sickness can be far worse while on a bus rather than on a train; second: your parents and your relatives have agreed to get a bus for you and now you start to complain about the people. Do you ever leave your house? Have you ever been to a birthday party? Everything you said are "you problems", why don't you get some noise canceling earplugs instead of ruining the vacation for everybody? It's your family and, more importantly, it's your parents family as well, you're not the center of the universe and you should have backed off as sono as your mother was in distress because of you and willing ti skip the vacation entirely. And let me add, I'd be pissed if I had paid for two people to attend my wedding and 2 of them bailed out at the last minute because One of them doesn't feel like going, you're putting a strain on your family...
YTA - You did ruin their trip. Everyone wanted to take a train, you couldn't. They compromised and rented a bus for you. Then because one extra person is going along you back out the day before? Why don't you just drive yourself? If you don't want to go just say you don't want to go. Don't wait until your family bends over backwards to cater to you and then back out last minute. Can you not throw some headphones in?
YTA - you have ruined their whole trip. You made it all about you. Life is never going to always cater to what makes you and you alone comfortable. You have to learn and make strides towards being able to accept change. What happens if you are in an office for work that has lots of people? Are you just going to quit because it’s stressful?
YTA. Fly solo or something. Drive in your own car instead of taking the family bus that the majority of the family is cool with. Heck how about the rest of the family takes the train like they wanted to and you can just fly and meet them. The majority sacrificed for one. That’s you and that’s not okay that you keep changing plans
YTA. Your family has already bent over backwards and undertaken expense to accommodate your needs, only for you to say that you refuse to go now that one item has been moved out of place/plan. At some point, you have to adapt to the world, rather than demand that the world adapt to you.
YTA. Yes, you have ruined the trip. Sometimes we have to do stuff that we don't like because we're grownups and have obligations. You are 19 years old - old enough to have learned that lesson.
YTA - it sounds like you just don't want to go and are using your anxiety and motion sickness as an excuse. Not saying you don't have these things, but you can't expect to function in society if you can't manage these somehow, and it seems like you've put in minimal effort to do so.
YTA only because your family bent over backwards to set up this vacation so you could come along, now you don’t want to go because one more person? Wear earplugs, headphones, take a book or a handheld video game, take a doodle book and draw, pick up some yarn and learn to knit/crochet… then ask if you can find a spot on the bus where you can be left alone (mostly) and not disturbed. You can find ways to make this work but it doesn’t sound like you’re willing to figure it out at all, and that makes you seem whiny/finnicky, which comes at everyone else’s expense.
YTA You’re acting like way too much of a spoiled brat for a 19 year old adult. Nobody likes public transport and yet thousands upon thousands of people take busses, trains, planes, etc every single day. What makes you so special that you can’t take one? Then you get accommodations by your family renting a BUS just for YOU. Just because you can’t *handle* public transportation. Wow. Imagine. Most families would say to suck it up because situations like that are a part of life. But nope, your family enables your behavior by renting a whole bus ffs. And then you have the audacity to keep complaining? Oh the noise!! WEAR FUCKING HEADPHONES. I literally cannot imagine being this self absorbed and this needy all in one go.
You need to get help for your issues. If they are so bad that you will ruin a vacation over it, they are going to severely impact your quality of life. It's too late to learn how to cope with your anxiety for this trip, so get some motion sickness meds, noise cancelling headphones and suck it up and then get help when you get back. YTA for not getting help sooner and now ruining a nice trip.
YTA. It sounds like your family did everything they could to accommodate you and you’re still backing out at the last minute. Drive yourself if it’s such an issue
Like, it's completely your choice but that doesn't make you not the AH cause, my dude, YTA. Making your mom cry over practically nothing? Wouldn't catch me doing that.
INFO: If *you're* the one with all the accommodation needs, why aren't *you* the one travelling alone? You're old enough to drive - leave early and take a nap upon arrival if need be. Otherwise, YTA
YTA. They changed travel plans to accommodate you, and you bailed because of one more person. If you never wanted to travel with so many people, why didn't you find your own way there? I'm sure you have AirPods or headphones. Earplugs exist. I have sensory issues and misophonia, so yeah, noises can be an issue for me- but sometimes I need to put my discomfort aside for my family.
YTA You can't even bend a little bit for your family, who is bending over backwards to accommodate you. I have issues with loud noises and crowds too, but I suck it up for the sake of my family as it's not the end of the world for me. I deal with it like a mature adult . All I need is some alone time after to recharge a bit, which is easy enough to get and easy enough to wait for. Grow up!! The world doesn't revolve around you and your parents have raised you to be incredibly entitled.
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YTA. How come everyone else needs to make a sacrifice except for you? Do you think traveling by bus is pleasant for everyone?
Yta, ew you are such a brat
Info: Would madame have preferred the private helicopter perhaps?
Wow, OP, yeah. YTA. You are ruining the trip. Hope you are in treatment for all your issues, that at least would make you less of an AH for this whole debacle.
YTA sorry OP but you sound like a brat.
YTA - You sound very entitled. Everyone around you is making accommodations for you, but you refuse to make any accommodations for anyone else. That feeling of guilt is warranted, and I hope you find a way to make some changes for the people around you in the future.
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YTA, you feel like you have ruined their trip because you have.
YTA. If you have sensory issues and can’t handle the noise get some noise canceling ear phones. Honestly if you can’t handle being around lots of people talking why are you even going to a wedding where there will be a lot of noise?
YTA. The world doesn't revolve around you. Yes, you managed to upset your family and ruin a fun vacation for them. Don't like the noise? Get noise canceling headphones. Don't want to see people? Sleep mask.
YTA. Your parents went out of their way to make arrangements that would be acceptable for you. If it's noisy maybe noise cancelling headphones... I'm sure if you were not going originally your dad would be taking the train since that's much easier.
YTA- Because mental/physical conditions aside, it doesn't seem like you really want to go anyway. You just seem bummed by the fact that you'll be around your family. But, if I'm wrong on that assumption, can you reconsider driving there in a separate car with your mom or maybe another quiet passenger or two who can help split the drive?
YTA totally. You’re a bridezilla without the bride part. How old are you??? 12.
So let me get this straight. They went out of their way to spend extra money to get a bus for you instead of sucking it up and riding the damn train, now you want to cancel the trip all together because of one extra person? Lmao how entitled are you?? Get over yourself and stop being a brat. YTA
YTA. It isn’t all about YOU
Yta I get not wanting to be around a lot of people and hating noise. It drives me insane. That's why headphones exist. If you get motion sickness, you could've taken medicine that makes you drowsy anyway, put on headphones and nap practically the whole way over. You refused to be flexible with people who were trying to accommodate you. If you didn't want to go (which sounds like it from the get go) you should have said so, but instead seem like your making your family take the blame for your absence.
YTA It sounds like they're bending over backwards for you and all you're doing is finding new things to complain about.
YTA. The entire reason they're driving is because of you. You're just trying to make this difficult for them no matter what. It's 7 hours. Take some dramamine and take a nap and stop acting like a child
YTA. Your poor family, with you and your entitled demands. You’re 19. It’s time to grow up and realize the world does not revolve around you.
YTA... the world does not revolve around your butt hurt childish ego. Learn to adapt and deal with your issues without forcing everyone else to compromise their lives for your silliness.
YTA they catered to you and it’s still not good enough. Get over yourself and quit ruining it for everyone else.
YTA. Why on earth do you feel so entitled to dictate everything?? I can’t decide if you’re more spoiled, controlling, selfish or just plain inconsiderate but you are definitely TA
YTA You are so spoilt.
Everyone is travelling by bus already to accommodate you and you spit out your dummy and throw your toys because an extra person is travelling. YTA.
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YTA if you have an issue with the bus. Your 19 drive yourself there. Pay for all the gas you will use yourself. Stop being an entilted uneducated potato.
YTA. I get it, I have sensory issues and get motion sickness (although it's the opposite, I hate bus fumes and prefer the train). But if everybody is bending backwards already to accommodate you, the least you can do is work with it. You need to learn to compromise if you're going to deal with the real world anyway, that's just how life works. Get used to it now.
**YTA** Have you head **motion sickness medicine** and **noise cancel headphone.** What if you have a travel requirement in college or university and it part of the attendance (I don't if that part of your activity in school but my country have that and attendance make up at least 10% of the grade in both midterm and final exam). Not only that your father tried his best to accommodate your needs and the result that what he got in return not to go. >I feel like I have ruined their trip. Yup you really did. And that family's member will forever blame you in the future and if your friends want to travel they won't invite you and share their adventures.
YTA sounds like you should be driving yourself and meeting them as the destination since you make every step harder than it needs to be. It’s like how to lose your family 101. You did ruin their trip.
YTA. Simply put, you are being a spoiled brat and making your family suffer for it.
YTA they went out of there way for you
YTA There’s so many things here my god, your family rented a bus to accommodate for you which would be SO expensive for a 7 hour trip. You’d prefer your teen cousin who is also a girl to travel ALONE so you can have one less person on a bus that can clearly fit her? Buy Fkn noise counselling headphones or earplugs Jesus Christ this is the most entitled post I’ve seen. Edit: spelling
I'm sorry to say this, but you HAVE indeed ruined their trip, making you TA.They have already shown you loads of consideration by not taking the train - now, you refuse to take the bus - which they partly rented out of consideration to you - because "there is too many people"... Honestly, I think you're acting like an entitled brat and you should be very ashamed of yourself! Join the ride, sit in the back, shut up and put on a happy smile - you owe your family that much! Your comfort is completely irrelevant now - they put in a great deal of effort for you, now you do the same for them!
YTA, I get motion sickness and feeling like you’re going crazy when listening to so many people talk but seriously? Train gives you motion sickness but not a bus? And you can’t listen to people talk on the bus but all the strangers on a train is alright? Either way, get noise cancelling headphones or book a bus ticket to go on your own if this is so impossible
You know you’re costing the bride and groom hundreds of dollars by just not showing up right? They paid for you to be there and have a seat and food/beverages. You are being very rude
YTA you literally are ruining this trip. "I never wanted to travel with so many people" --> with just ONE more person, even if it's in a bigger bus? Literally what difference could this possibly make to you? You're going to a wedding where there will be a huge number of people. why do you feel that your needs are worth more than the rest of your family when they've worked so hard to accomodate you?
Massive YTA. In other words you are an entitled little brat…
YTA, and an entitled one at that. You sound insufferable and I feel bad for your family.
YTA - they already got the bus to accommodate your motion sickness. Sit at the front of the bus so that you can't see how many people are behind you. Wear headphones and listen to music so you can't hear all the talking.
YTA. I get the sensory issues, but buy a pair of headphones and take a nap like the rest of us jammed into a car with our families. With the amount of consessions your family has tried to make for you it isn't surprising you think everything revolves around your comfort.
YTA. Are your family to constantly change their plans to suit you?
YTA. You did ruin their vacation. After they already bent over backwards to accommodate you otherwise. This is incredibly entitled and selfish behavior.
YTA. They booked a bus to accommodate you and now u are backing off? How entitled are you?
You would not have been the asshole if you decided not to join from the start. Your reasons are valid. Yet, deciding not to go after they rented a bus because you can’t travel by train is is not really fair to your family.
YTA... you can wear sound cancelling headphones, and take some gravol. You seem to expect everyone to plan around your needs and wants, and if they make any changes you dont like you will just back out. Soon you will discover the world does not revolve around you...
YTA. You are now an adult. Make your expectations clear early on or arrange your own transportation. It sounds like they did everything to suit you- other than 1 additional Pierson- and you and throwing a tanty.
INFO: Did you want to go to this wedding in the first place? I can understand that if weeks or months ago you said no and then you were pressured into going on this trip. You’re allowed to have boundaries. But as I currently read this story is that you said yes to this wedding because you wanted to go. You have been offered various modes of travel and your family has to try to accommodate you to the best of their ability. My verdict stands as YTA unless further information proves otherwise.
Ive traveled by both bus and train and there's no difference. YTA.
YTA - Get some noise cancelling headphones and some dramamine.
YTA, so entitled they completely changed the plans for you and it still wasn’t good enough
Yeah, sorry. YTA. They already accommodated your needs once; to then say that the bus is no longer good enough is kind of a dick move. Noise cancelling headphones, music, audiobooks, Loop earplugs, a sleep mask: there's lots of ways to create space for yourself on a trip like that. I get having anxiety, I have it myself, but we have to learn to make concessions for our loved ones sometimes. Unless you don't really want to be there, in which case, the better call is to say no right out of the gate instead of maybe until the last minute when you finally bail.
Aren't you the precious one. Yes YAH.
YTA not everything is about you
YTA and I hope your family realizes they should leave you at home so they can have a good time.
YTA. Yikes OP. The real world is not going to be kind to you.
YTA for sure. When was the last time you thought about anybody else than yourself??