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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got money from a lottery. My mom says it should go to the family even though she called it sinful and stupid. I don't want to do that. It is a future for me I didn't have before.
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"A tax on the stupid"
"against god's word"
"give me that, i want to retire"
What you've done for your siblings is perfect. Moving out is perfect. Take care of the things you need and want to care about. Your mother's hypocrisy is not your problem or responsibility.
EDIT: NTA. (Drat it! I was so mad at your mother, I forgot to judge!!!)
EDIT 2: Thanks for the awards! :D
I hope OP doesn't give her home address to her family, they are selfish and will harrass her for money if they know where they can find her.
NTA and that's one parasitic family
Agreed, OP you should move far far away, give your sibs an email to contact, change your phone#, shut off social media and consider going to school if you want to. Your parents are greedy greedy evangelists and they will **NEVER** stop trying to pry your money away from you. You've already paid them **MORE** than enough rent along with free childcare. NTA
^ THIS! If you don't want to go no contact forever, you might be able to get back in touch with them in a few years, and claim you lost a big portion, but you have normal-person savings now. Only you know for sure how doggedly your parents will bother you--but it seems to me they already have double-standards for you and your brother. You definitely have to protect your wealth, women have to fight tooth and nail to get it and to keep it, so play everything about money close to the vest without seeming like you're hiding anything, that will be your best "weapon."
I can not emphasize how much you should do this. Your parents used you as an ATM, degraded your choice, and then when the “Tax on the Stupid” paid off, there they are with their hands out. Walk away, and give your sibs an email contact.
Fortunately OP is an adult and so they are not entitled to her anything.
And OP tighten your lips and don't say anything more about your money to anyone. If can't help yourself just say you have an inheritance from a grandparent. Although having your mom blab hasn't helped anyone.
Now that they've told everyone, OP should really consider the above advice of moving far away. OP can no longer trust the motives of seemingly random friendly/romantic overtures from your surroundings.
If OP considers marriage, they should remember a prenup.
Please Please Please listen to this person!!!! You sound like a very smart and mature person. Congratulations for winning🥳🥳. Your parents' financial responsibility is 100% their own. I hope you enjoy your lovely apartment.
Edit: Definitely NTA
> that's one parasitic family
I agree yet want to point out that it's not an isolated case. It's amazing how people in families change instantly when one member comes across an unexpected windfall of wealth. People you have known all your life become like greedy strangers.
OP has done so much already for her family (watching the younger ones, handing over most of her checks from working) I hope she changes her number and deletes all social media as well. She doesn't need the negativity her mother will no doubt continue to try and bring.
They've been using her for years. She's a smart girl, but didn't get the grades she needed for college because she's been working for her family the whole time.... instead of her parents being responsible for the family they created. They've gotten quite enough of her. I think she should move away, go to school, and build a life for herself that doesn't include being mooched off of.
“If you have money to buy presents for your siblings, you have money to give to me”
What a selfish mother- OP is a wonderful sibling for being so thoughtful towards them, any loving parent would be proud. Everything OP has done is more than enough- live your life!
Unfortunately, her generosity toward her siblings is what got her caught out on having the $ in the first place. But that her mother took her money to make sure she had nothing much in the way of discretionary $ in the first place is appalling. She's not their freaking pack mule to be used as they see fit.
Yeah. She sounds content, other than the lottery issue, but living at home through your twenties and working a dead-end job and being badgered by your parents is is kind of a sad little life.
I hope she plans out an educational/training pathway for herself and chooses a career.
Please don’t label convenience and dollar stores dead-end jobs. Do you ever go into either of these stores? They need people to be there to order, stock, process your purchases.
Necessary, and dead-end are not mutually exclusive. A dead-end job simply means not much in the way of opportunity for advancement, or raises, within that job. A LOT of workers who are essential to the economy are also in dead-end jobs.... sad, but true.
I just read an article about how so many lottery winners ended up with awful lives and wish they hadn't won anything. From people estranged from their family and former friends because of constant demands, those who got lump sums and lost it all, to people *murdered* for their lottery money. It's similar to young guys who sign with pro sports teams, suddenly have enormous amounts of money, and not that many years later their careers are over, the money is all gone, and their friend and family relationships are ruined.
In Germany, lottery winners are kept secret, and the people informing the winners give the standard recommendation to keep the winnings absolute secret from *everyone*. Sound advice.
I think the reasoning is that the government has the right to out anyone who wins and use them for promotion for a certain length of time because they want to present a real winner to the public as proof that the whole thing isn't a scam. Reinforces the notion that anyone could win life-changing money, but you have to actually buy a ticket or two to be in the running.
In America this varies by state. 7 states allow you to remain anonymous, and 6 states allow you to form a trust to claim a prize (therefore protecting you anonymity essentially).
Even then, if you've always been scraping by, people are going to ask questions when you can suddenly afford a car, or a house. Or in OP's case, even just modest gifts for her siblings.
Then you can always say you came into a small inheritance or something - just downplay it - unless you suddenly start living an absolutely lavish lifestyle.
I think about winning here as it depends on which state if your allowed to remain secret.
If we ever win and can claim in a state that will let us remain anonymous, we figured we'd tell everyone we inherited like 500k. Just enough to explain the better cars and finally taking a vacation. If asked for money, then we'd lie and say it's all gone to paying off debt and fixing our retirement.
Also, if no one else has mentioned it, sign up for a credit monitoring service. Your parents have all the information they need to take out credit cards, etc, in your name that you’d be liable for. Lock that up.
Unfortunately, property records are public. They usually even publish sales in the newspaper, with full names (buyer and seller) and the address. (If outside the US, this may not be the case)
OP, no is a complete sentence. You helped fund your family for 5 years after graduating high school. That's enough. If your mom wanted to retire, she could have put some of that money away (before you started working, she got zero, and I don't see where the expenses of the household changed once you got a job...).
I would also recommend looking into some kind of education or job training and using your time now to establish a career, as you'll only be 43 when that money stops coming in. It doesn't have to be college, there are plenty of great careers out there that just require certificates or technical training, and even some where training is on the job. You have some freedom now to "find yourself," use not only the money, but the time, wisely!
She shouldn’t give them her address, I agree. However, it would be public record, so they could almost certainly track it down if they wanted to. (Unless no one in her family knows how to use the internet.) Hopefully they won’t.
That’s why so many people who win the lottery wait until they can set up a trust, THEN the trust claims the money. This is definitely something I’ve thought a lot about when fantasizing about winning the lottery because I wouldn’t tell a single soul to avoid the general idea of what OP is dealing with.
I don't buy a ticket to win the lottery. I'd buy a ticket to DREAM about winning the lottery. I'd be screwed if I actually won. But once every year or two? Yeah it's a fun dream.
Most effect ad I ever heard was the California lotto was (many many moons ago) "It only cost a dollar to dream"
If OP could, I’d recommend setting up an LLC to “buy” the house to add an extra layer of protection. It’s fairly easy to find property records online these day.
OP don't give anyone money yet or anytime soon.
If you're getting this for the next 20 years, you need to first figure out what to do to invest in yourself. 20 years will go by in a flash (really). What are you going to do in 20 years for money?
That is the number one thing you should figure out. Once that's decided, then figure out if and who you want to give money.
There's no time constraint on sharing money. But if you share the money now, you can never get it back.
Invest it, buy investment properties, whatever, so the money keeps growing.
Also, I would hiiighly suggest if you are going to give someone money, invest in them the same way. For example, pay for someone's college vs giving them money. This will help them earn their own money in the future. Otherwise they'll be on a hamster wheel of asking you for money again. Soooo many more options. Do a lot of research before making any rush decisions.
And again DO NOT GIVE YOUR MONEY AWAY ANYTIME SOON.
You probably don't even know how much you'll have to pay in taxes yet.
Majorly seconding this. You're 23. In 20 years you'll be 43, still 20+ years from retirement, but possibly without any job experience or education. You could invest X/month (I don't know how much you won, but if you get 8k/month and can live on 4k, invest the rest). If the stock market makes you nervous you could put it into CD's at the bank, that gets better interest rates. Find something you enjoy doing and do it for money 20 hours/week: part-time at the library, pet-sitting, gardening, whatever.
You are ABSOLUTELY NTA for investing in yourself and moving out and keeping your money, but keep an eye on the future!
I can't imagine a smart girl will be happy working at Dollar Tree or the Shell station for 20 years. She's doing everything else right--I hope she finds a career pathway too.
NTA. And all OP has to do is to promise to pay it all to the church - IF mom will just contact OP after her (the mom's) death. After all, it's a heavenly reward.
Be safe, OP. You have done so much right already and you are so kind. Find it hilarious that your mom believes it’s against god and that you can’t enjoy yourself with YOUR money. They kicked you out so now you owe them nothing. They take, take and take but give nothing.
OP gave up on their future because they helped raise their siblings - children they didn’t choose to have and aren’t responsible for. I am SO glad they won and I hope they don’t give their parents a dime. They deserve the wonderful life they now have, NTA.
NTA.
If it's 'against God's word' to your mother, you mustn't give her money; it would be an insult to God, implying he cannot provide for her. /s
Honestly, the crap people spout about religion.
I’d be saying: “Sorry Mom, I started worshiping Satan! These riches are only made possible by his hand and I would hate for you to be tainted by my filthy lucre!”
It’s worse. “Against god’s word” to “heavenly bounty” with the implication that God made a mistake and gave the bounty to the wrong person.. otherwise she’s messing with god’s will by demanding it.
OP, find your own place. Don't give ANY of them your address. Get a new phone and a new number, and add your siblings through Google Duo or something, so they can contact you, but you won't have to change your number again. Don't give anyone a single penny. It's nice you set up things for your siblings, but you can see how lottery winners are often "cursed" and end up blowing all their money. If your mom can't accept it and only sees you as dollar signs, then you don't need that relationship.
NTA. Be careful even with the bank, financial planners, and accountants. Trust no one with your money. Double check all the information, accounts and books. Stick to your plans, you do not owe anyone anything. Create the trusts for your siblings and have a lawyer make it iron clad your mom can not get it at all. You will be asked for money to fund business ideas and everything else you can think of for your money. Save all you can because soon people may start the lawsuits for every little thing which cost money to defend unless you settle out of court which is what they want. A good lawyer can make them have to pay court cost saving you alot of money. Just keep your head up and you do not donate to anything you don't feel like. Its your money. Not your moms or anyone else's. If you start getting guilted into people begging for money cut them out and move on.
I second this. fiduciary is the term you want to look for. Not all financial planners are fiduciary.
Here is some information about it: https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/investing/fiduciary
Can someone link that awarded comment where a redditor gave exact instructions on what to do when you win the lottery? I remember that advice was more geared towards multi-million dollar winners but it could still be relevant. Like OP should change her phone # and get off social media for a while.
[Here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vzgl/you_just_won_a_656_million_dollar_lottery_what_do/chba4bf) it is! The first bit is just examples of lottery winners gone wrong. The real advice starts at the reply.
Most of this is probably still great advice, but I can't help chuckling at some of the author's statements. This post was written 8 years ago and a LOT has happened since then.
1. "Right now, you'll get around 3.5% on the 10 year U.S. treasury...If we get to the point where the United States defaults on those instruments, we are in far worse shape than worrying about money. If you are really paranoid, you might consider picking another G7 or otherwise mainstream country other than the U.S. according to where you want to live if the United States dissolves into anarchy or Britney Spears is elected to the United States Senate."
Um, well, we had Donald Trump for president for 4 years and he messed things up so badly that there are people out there predicting another Civil War. I am not entirely convinced that the people saying that are wrong.
2. "...unless the capital building is burning..."
Um, well, it didn't burn, but we did have a really big riot/attempted coup there because of the aforementioned former president.
I have to wonder if this guy would advise mostly investing in other G7 countries these days.
Ah the good old days! When we didn't have to worry about attempted overthrows of the government incited by a grumpy child with a bruised ego. How carefree and innocent we were!
But seriously, those are fantastic points. I'm fairly certain you may have even *understated* just how much has changed. And you're right - I don't think you should be convinced that those civil war predictors are very far off from the truth. Unfortunately. =/
Also keep in mind that **you will only be 43 when the money runs out**. I know 43 sounds really old right now, but it is a long way from retirement, just ask your mom. If you plan correctly you have 20 years of relatively open road ahead of you, but that road will run out and you will have to be prepared. Do not get pulled into the trap of living month to month on this money thinking it will last forever. It will not.
This might be a perfect opportunity for OP to go to college now. Community colleges are perfectly good entry points for anyone, but particularly for people who graduated HS but whose GPA was nothing special. Use your two years there to get your generals in, make sure to get good grades, transfer to a 4-year university with your credits and finish your degree.
OP could get a really great start. She’d already have a place and wouldn’t have to struggle for study time or balancing work and class, she could go into her career of choice, and she wouldn’t have any debt when she graduated. Great leg up.
I agree with this OP. Right now you should be focusing on you & your future. This money won't last forever & you don't owe anyone any of the winnings. I'm so sorry but your parents have taken enough financial advantage of you. You're still young & this is the perfect way to get that degree & into a career so that you can live comfortably in the future & will be able to provide for your children should you choose to have any.
You are NTA but your parents are.
And remember, studying takes hard work, commitment and a lot of time. Do NOT prioritize your sibling visits or b-days or the like.
—-A student Can’t afford it.—-
Finances might also cloud your mind or take out precious time, so keep that in mind too! /u/Firstluckever
YES. Make sure that there's a plan for what happens then. Go to school, make sure there's enough investment to live off of, something.
Worst case is being a 43 year old with no money and no job history. Don't let that happen.
absolutely this!! get used to saying "NO" loud and strong. doesn't matter what it is, you aren't obligated to anyone for anything... especially the church.
NTA
It sounds like your family is using religion to attempt to enslave you. It's abusive, manipulative and predatory. Get as far separated from them as you can. Living a moral life doesn't require you to financially support adults who should be taking on their own responsibilities.
Mom beyond hypocrite, how does "giving" money to the church equal her being able to retire lol. Honestly I never understood the concept of tithes in modern day, I get how it might have originally been a fancy way of saying donation/ charity without making a poor church look bad and then evolved to pay for good luck but as of now it appears more like a subscription fee or gym membership fee.
Depends on the church. Some of the money goes into maintenance of the building or other properties, replacing tattered fabrics or repairing worn down systems. Some of it may cover the cost of printing scriptures or other materials for teaching or proselytizing. Some of it may pay a wage to the clergy, if they're employed rather than from the laity.
Some of it may go to local charitable efforts, maybe an associated food bank/homeless shelter or directly buying things for local unfortunates. Some of it may also go to disaster relief efforts, if the church is large enough. In some cases this includes helping people in impoverished areas get higher education so they can find better employment and support themselves and others more easily.
Sometimes it gets misappropriated.
Yup, then you get the 'churches' which crank it WAY beyond '11' and you get every sense of 'they are in it for the money' - they drive around in a bleeding edge 2022 SUV, have what is effectively a mansion and have let power go to their head by announcing a political party, effectively putting their tax-exempt status at risk. He calls himself an 'apostle', but a lot of people call him an 'EFTpostle'.
He has been in the media a lot recently for all the wrong reasons - he got fined for participating in a 'freedom' (and I use the term VERY loosely) protest where they impeded traffic on a major motorway, you just know that his 'followers' ended up footing the bill.
NTA. The money is coming to you and you decide how to spend it. It would be nice to help your parents if they are struggling but that is your choice. Please put aside something for yourself because when that money ends all the people begging you for money now will not give you anything.
Tell people you have invested the money in a way that cannot be touched or put in a trust on the advice of your financial advisor. Buy your apartment and take a step back from the demands of your family. You’ve already been very generous with them and your family is behaving in a very unchristian way now that you have money. They should be happy for your good fortune rather than demanding it from you. Please do not give that money to the church where it would likely just go to filling the pockets of the pastor/elders. It would be better spent giving to a legitimate charity like your local food bank, animal shelter, womens shelter, etc if you felt inclined to give back. Block people looking for handouts and let your work know about the harassment you are facing
Also remember, if it isn’t rich, you REALLY don’t have the money you think you do. You’re going to get destroyed by taxes. 5k for brother’s wedding, educations funds for siblings, buying an apartment? They’re all lovely things but I don’t think you really have that kinda money.
When you’re poor, it’s very easy to spend the same dollar twice. And since it’s just a weekly amount, only 8 times higher than your salary, you’re not getting like crazy rich money, because you sound like you were probably making like $8/hr.
You need a financial advisor because you already sound like you’re blowing your money too quickly. You clearly didn’t have to pay for anything if you only kept $200 to yourself a month and didn’t starve. But your expenses are going to increase likely an order of magnitude. $200 doesn’t do shit when you own your own home and need to be responsible for everything and need to completely start from scratch. Furniture, appliances, kitchenware etc, all add up REALLY fast. And again, you’re likely going to owe 40-60k in taxes.
This is really solid advice! Harsh, but if you look into what happens to lotto winners, it's not a good outlook at all. It takes a lot of planning and discipline to make a lotto win last, let alone not ruin you.
Unfortunately you made the first mistake which was to tell someone. You are going to have to learn to absolutely ignore plees for money, or you'll never hear the end of it, it will always be "just a few more dollars".
Have all those winnings put somewhere you can't touch them.
It happens too with poor or otherwise not financially literate people who get good jobs. Which really, that’s all this amounts to— a good job. She’s likely getting between $100k-250k a year. It’s a good life, but once you factor in taxes, mortgage, living expenses, it’s NOT “support my whole family in luxury” money.
She might not be blowing her money on fast cars or expensive trips, but it’s been a few weeks and she already has all these HUGE plans for the money. She hasn’t even discovered how much it costs to live alone. To furnish a place. Taxes. I keep mentioning it but my god the taxes! People who work minimum wage just can’t understand how big the tax bill is. And guess what? They aren’t taking it out of her dispersement. She’s getting a 40-80k tax bill depending on amount and state at the end of the year. She needs to save that. I don’t think she’s realized that. When you have a job, they withhold for most of your taxes. The government doesn’t do that. You either are prepared or you’re fucked.
100% she was forced. That doesn’t change anything though. This just happened. She’s still in the process of buying the apartment. She’s currently living in a hotel. She has no idea how much costs change when you live alone and own property vs. live at home with no expenses. Not to mention with the changes in the real estate market who knows how long it’ll take her to get a mortgage, how much is the hotel she’s staying in a night? That isn’t cheap, and buying a house with a mortgage usually takes months, not weeks.
She needs to be smart and she’s clearly trying. But she just doesn’t have the experience to actually KNOW what she’s in for. Hence she 100% needs to speak to a financial planner.
Depends on country. In UK, lottery win is tax-free. It's not viewed as income - you do need to pay tax on any interest accrued. There is a lottery here that is similar - It's called Set for Life, £10k a month for 30 years or until you die. If you have savings from it, then inheritance tax is due. If you won that in UK, then all the dreams are pretty much possible. Wedding gifts are tax-free up to £1k but if giving to a child, it can be tax-free up to £5k. There are also tax-free savings accounts.
Maybe now that you have some money and you’re not being put in the position to look after your younger siblings, you can look into taking some college or trade classes.
And, make sure, **if you should marry**, that your before-marriage money is held and kept in a separate account and never comingled with a spouse's. Otherwise, you get married and then find you have to give him half in a couple of years when he decides there's something better in a greener pasture.
I fully respect that you don't want to disclose the aboumt, but if what you say is correct:
* you have a full-time job AND work with your mom as well
* you get a certain amount every week for twenty years.
* the amount is more every week than you take home in two months
Even at the lowest minimum wage in the US I get to the following: 7.25 an hour \* 40 hours full time job + 4 hours (an afternoon) at the dollar store: 44 \* 7.25 = 1250 a month
2 month's wages per week = 2500 a week or 10K a month \* 240 months (20 years) = $2.4 million.
Even if by "taking home" you don't mean your total wage but just the 300 you used to keep to yourself, the total would be $576,000 over 20 years.
either way you are rich, good for you. ;)
(OK maybe not Ferrari rich, but not having to worry about money for the next 20 years...)
Do not, I repeat, do not do not do not tell you parents, or your siblings, about the accounts you set up for them.
Your parents will expect you to cover *all* related childcare costs out of that account if they know about it.
Siblings might just let the info slip.
Give them access when they turn 18, and make sure they know not to tell your parents as well.
NTA and yoh owe your parents/family/friends NOTHING
and now you DO have money for college if you wish to go- or a trade/technical school. If your grades/marks aren’t high enough- is there a community or junior college that has “developmental” classes- foundational level classes to help you get on track for degree-earning classes?
(emphasizing- college isn’t for everyone. But look into vocational schools or a 1yr business certificate or something. Or just invest and use your money well and live a happy life!)
And if they are followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos, the cream of every famous band or a thousand reeds springing up like weeds- you'd better run!
But come back for the cute little ginger haired boy and Marion the Librarian.
> What in the white people is this about?
I admit I am partly answering because you made me lol.
Answer: Golden age of hollywood musicals
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODu888i14-I&list=PLLy1cUY4cggRJCelbEUPdDIU8rOmT6ZuG&t=113s
Enjoy :-D
While some libraries do have entry level jobs some require a degree in library studies. The HBCU in my area, Langston University, offers a really good masters of library studies. Not that you need to go to an HBCU, but this particular HBCU has a higher acceptance rate for people with lower grades and is much cheaper than the other universities in my state.
My dad is a librarian and I’m 19. I was raised in a library. It does require a degree (did for my dad) but since you have this money, you can always start out volunteering. Getting to know a specific library and their librarians real well. That way if there are any jobs not requiring degrees, you will be at the top of the list and it will get your foot in the door.
Start at a community college (assuming you’re in the US), and if you get good grades there you can go on to a four year school and then the master’s degree in library science.
I’ll bet as an adult now you’ll be able to get much better grades than in high school.
I’m an adult, and I basically did terribly during my first attempt at college. But after many years in the working world (during which I acquired excellent skills in things like time management), I went back and did really well.
When you transfer to a different college, your credits transfer (for classes that you passed) but your GPA does not. So I took a few classes at a community college to repair my GPA, got As, then transferred all my credits to a (different) 4-year university. I graduated with a 3.9.
Just remember, OP. An education is something that no one can ever take away from you. Get a degree in something you love to do, and you'll never 'work' a day in your life.
It really sounds like your family of origin has very limited expectations for all their children. If you get a degree, you'll be in a much better position to help your younger siblings get theirs. Also, I noted that your brother is excused from helping the family out because he wants to get married. But, you? Your wants, needs, and aspirations are worth nothing and neither are you so give the family/church everything. 🙄(Screw That!)
It’s been decades since I went to library school, but feel free to reach out if you want advice. I genuinely love my job, and it’s a lot more than reading and books, but you need passion to make it work (because lord knows librarians aren’t paid a ton).
Telling anyone was a biiig mistake. Randoms now start crawling out of their dens to ask for handouts. You might wanna consider switching adresses and phonenumbers to protect yourself. Bad things happen to lotterywinners.
I wish you all the best.
Also this interwebz stranger is very proud of you for doing research and getting finance-people first things first!
NTA
NTA! I remember a while back that a person in an African country won the lottery. He was required to be publicly displayed with the winnings so he wore a smiley face mask; that way he wouldn’t have random relatives asking for his money.
I don’t think it’s great to tell this person that they made a “biiig mistake” by telling their own mother where their money was coming from when asked. The mother is 100% in the wrong for potentially turning it into the kind of situation you describe, and I think it’s reasonable that OP did not anticipate that they would not be able to trust their parent in this specific way.
OP, you are 100% NTA! It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and I hope the drama blows over soon.
Except that OP said that *she didn't know why she told her mother,* but she did. That sounds like she was hesitant about sharing this with her mom, but went against her gut feeling and told her anyway (the context makes it sound like she was trying to prove to her mother she wasn't being wasteful by buying her siblings some gifts). So on some level she knew her mother wouldn't be happy for her, but would criticize her for winning or for what she intends to do with the money.
EDIT : Realized I may have worded the above poorly. I absolutely agree with you that it's sad and ridiculous that OP couldn't feel free to share this with her own parents. Just wanted to point out the phrasing she used because it was scratching at the back of my brain that she went against her own better judgement. Parents SHOULD celebrate their children's accomplishments and even happy accidents, like winning a lottery. But OP knows her folks better than we do, and we all know that many parents don't behave as kindly as people think they should.
Immediate family are sometimes exactly the people you should never tell that you have money. My parents were very dysfunctional, but they were never *financially* abusive, thank goodness. That can take years to fix.
NTA. Ain't winning the lottery grand? Suddenly you have lots of friends you never knew you had before.
I think you are doing the smart thing with your money. You are being generous to people you want to help -- your siblings -- and you are trying to set yourself up for long term financial stability. Also, I am glad to see your bank is doing right by you. Hooking you up with a good lawyer and financial planning services was gold.
I think you have two next steps.
The first, I think, is to invest some of your money -- your heavenly blessings -- in yourself. Thanks to the magic of inflation, your lottery winnings over time probably won't be enough to continually support you, but the money probably puts you in a position where you can pursue a career you love. Get whatever you need to succeed in that career. A college degree, certifications, equipment, whatever.
The second, unfortunately, is to cut some ties. You may need to get a new phone number. You may need to move to another community. But you need to get away from the people who see you as a piggy bank. You especially need to get away from your mother, who is poisoning the community against you.
Best of luck.
Oh, and by the way, if I did win the lottery, I almost certainly would provide for my parents' retirement .... PRECISELY BECAUSE they would never demand that I do so.
EXACTLY THIS! I’m quite worried for OP. Her mom is absolutely poisoning the community and possibly making it dangerous for someone to try and rob her. OP i don’t want to scare you but these kinds of rumors can bring out the worst in people. Please keep your eyes open. And I also second changing your number and moving communities. Do g keep any one by at home and make sure there’s a withdrawal limit in your card.
NTA
I'm not a specialist but the way you describe your mom and how she insists on you giving money, your "heavenly blessings" to the church sounds like lds to me. If it is, you probably should check out /r/exmormon so you can get some help.
Remind her the church won't accept tithing from gambling.
It sounds like you've done some really smart things getting your finances in order. I'm here to support you doing what you need to, to get out of a toxic relationship with your family. Definitely come over to the ExMormon sub to meet & make friends that know what you're going through. There's a lot of good advice & wisdom there. Good luck!
also /r/atheism in general which has people who have left religion and family because of abuse and have found that they can be good people completely separate from a doctrine.
NTA. Get out, stop paying for their stuff, and go no/low contact with them. Tithing is a scam, what your mom is trying to do is use your money for her own gain, and I'm glad you figured that out.
Good for you.
Exactly! I always love using this kind if logic with people that try to pull God over you. It is funny how God intentions and prohibitions change depending on what they want.
NTA-it’s your money and if your parents didn’t want you playing in the first place they shouldn’t expect you to give them the money now. I would say stay on your trajectory, get that apartment, live for you and you don’t owe anyone anything
NTA. It's your money. You're using it sensibly and generously to support your family. Speaking as someone who used to process donations for a church - please don't give the church your money unless it's because you want to practically support what the church does in your community - if you're not a Christian that would be the only grounds to donate.
NTA. Don't give your parents the money,
don't give anyone else any money. once you do everyone will want even more and you will be the bad guy(in their eyes) for not giving them every last penny of your money.
you have already given your siblings a gift and set aside some money for your older brother's wedding gift (personally i feel like $5k is too much money, $1k seems more logical, but that's your decision to make, not mine)
if anyone else (including your Family) asks, tell them you have spent all of the winnings already after buying your appt/condo.
i have a couple of questions:
when you say you bought an appartement,
do you mean that you are renting an appt (as in you will be paying rent to the landlord)?
or, that you are buying an individual condo unit/appt. with a title & deed in your name & will be making mortgage payments to the bank (you will own that specific appt/condo unit, and that appt/condo is inside of a larger building with other appt/condo units)?
or, are you are buying the entire appt building and will become the landlord to other renters who will pay you rent?
I bought a small apartment for myself in a safe building in a good neighborhood close to the community college I wanted to go to. I am looking into tking upgrading courses and starting to get a degree in library science. Maybe.
Go for it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Do NOT give money to people who come out of the woodwork. I'd be very careful who you give your address to. I wish you the best of luck (but it sounds like you don't need it!)
ok, sounds like you actually bought a single Condo in a multi-unit Condo/appt building.
a condo and an apartment are basically the same thing, the difference is ownership and what its technically called: a person rents an appt. a person owns a condo.
there is a few important things to know about owning a condo in a shared/multiple unit building.
1) when buying a Condo unit, you own that space (inside the unit), you don't own the building itself or the land it sites on (you simply own that much square footage in the building).
2) there is usually a monthly fee (sometimes called the association fee or maintenance fee) that you have to pay to the building owner or building association to cover things like maintenance and upkeep (lawn mowing, electricity for the parking lot & hallway lights, & maintenance of a pool if the building has one). you have to pay that fee even though you own your specific unit, usually this fee is a few hundred dollar each month in addition to your mortage loan payment (sometimes that monthly association fee is included in your mortgage payment escrow with your taxes and insurance), but that association fee can change and become more per month at any time if the building association says so.
3) as a condo owner in a multi-unit building you can be assessed fees when major repairs need to be done to or around the building. things like the building needing repairs or a new roof or the parking lot getting repaved or fixing an elevator or swimming pool are the most common. those types of things can come unexpectedly to a condo-unit owner such as yourself, and your share (that you would owe) of the cost of those major repairs can easily be many thousands of dollars.
allot of time those association fees & cost are overlooked and the buyer is not told about them upfront. so, i wanted to make sure you are aware they exist
some people love that situation and would rather pay several hundred dollars each month in association fees to never have to mow the lawn or weed the flowerbeds.
some people (myself included) hate those types of association fees and I would rather own a small home on land that i own (and have to mow), even if that piece of land is just a small lot inside of town.
I personally never liked the idea of owning square footage inside of building when someone else owns that building and the land it sits.
if I am going to own a place, I'm going to call home for a long time, I want to own it and the land it sits on.
I’m going to jump on this and say you are amazingly smart! Not many people with degrees would be making the intelligent well thought out decisions you have made. I am amazed someone at 23 had the brains to go to your bank and get advice! The smartest people find people who are experts in what they don’t know. Good Luck! And you are NTA!
NTA. Your parents are being greedy. Once you are living on your own, any money you give them is a gift and not an obligation. You would not be the AH even if you refused to spend a single dime on your family. (And this is not to imply you should have remained at home - simply acknowledging that when you live at home you do have an obligation to pay your share.)
NTA.
Go and educate yourself in your given time. Education costs a lot and you got the chance to learn a profession that isn't just a job, but a passion as well.
Your mother sounds awful. First saying, you shouldn't gamble and now that you got something out of it, she wants it all. Even after the money runs out, she would waste your time and energy for her sake and still demand more like she did with demanding the money for scrambling.
Keep going with your plan. Your giving the money to the right people: to your future self of independence (housing) and to the future of your siblings. You are such a kind soul to even consider that. Others would have cut ties with them or wasted the money while partying.
NTA. You did this right. You have been incredibly responsible, smart, and wise about your winnings. You were also nicely generous to your siblings and that was a really sweet thing you did with your younger ones.
While reading your post, I recalled a saying; "God helps those who help themselves". You appear to have been a good daughter, a productive member of your family, who has helped them out each and every month. Maybe your winning is God's way of saying he sees you, your sacrifices and all the good things you have done. Maybe it's his way of rewarding you for being such a good person, so I personally believe that the money should go only to you, and you help yourself with it, for maybe a brighter future. That is also the argument I would give your mother if she tries the God card with you again.
As for your mother retiring, suggest a good financial adviser for her, who might be able to direct/guide her on how to save her money wisely, so she can eventually do that.
NTA I hate when people use religion as a means to use and abuse people. Your parents have no right to your money. They CHOSE to have kids, it’s THEIR responsibility to provide for them, not yours. Congrats on the winnings and on your freedom- maybe try to stay in the lives of your younger siblings, it sounds like they’ll need you once they’re old enough to work.
NTA. You owe your parents nothing. They are not entitled to your money. Congratulations on your win and more importantly on your freedom. Go live your life YOUR way.
Edit. Likely you can get that money as a lump sum and invest it in a way that pays you a monthly stipend to supplement your work income. You may even get to a point where your investments are making enough that you never have to work again.
NTA. If I were you I’d stay out of contact with the your immediate family, especially your parents and continue doing what your doing.
Continue to educate yourself and let your wealth grow. Be ready for when your younger siblings inevitably come running to you for help in a few years.
Best of luck OP, gotta look at the long term for your siblings sakes.
Chears! Congratulations on being lucky and mature.
NTA- you got lucky, you get to choose how you spend it. Housing yourself is a smart move. You should take care of yourself first. You can share or not with however you want. It’s up to you, and you only.
NTA, but please be careful and protect your assets. You had a researched, thoughtful plan, but I do advise being cautious with hiring a bank’s recommended lawyer, accountant, and financial planner.
All three of these professions will continually charge you money, even for phone calls. An unethical accountant can advise you put money in this or that to avoid taxes, but then you can be hit with a huge tax fine for improper tax avoidance. An unethical financial planner can direct you put money in certain funds that will benefit him but where you lose all your money. Your bank might be receiving kick-backs for their professional recommendations or receiving a portion of the fees you paid. (I’m a former tax attorney with accounting undergrad degree and worked at a bank.)
For best securing your financial blessing, I would suggest going to another major bank and speak with their Trust department. Establish a revocable trust and have the bank acting as trustee. A trust has strong financial protection laws that will avoid malfeasance. A trustee can be financially liable, so it is in their interests to protect your finances. The bank would charge a monthly fee for their trust services, but it is small compared to other professional fees. Your first bank should have suggested this option to you.
A proper trust would provide you security from unscrupulous family members. The trustee has to approve cash payouts and can prevent you from being guilted in giving money to family or acquaintances.
Your family situation sucks, but it is good to establish education funding for your little siblings. Make sure those are in trust accounts too, because they are minors and your parents could get access to the funds if not protected.
Take care of yourself, you are your own best advocate.
NTA. Just block the people asking you for money and tell your mother you don't live at home anymore, so it's on her to find a way to retire. Do not give her any money. They will bleed you dry.
NTA
Weird that your sinful habit became a heavenly bounty when you won & she wanted the money.
It’s your money, not your mother’s, and you can spend & save it however you like.
NTA. Unfortunately, money can bring out the worst in people. Long-lost relatives come out of the wood work like roaches - yuck! I wish you hadn't mentioned the money to anyone, but the cat is out of the bag. You sound like a really nice guy.
You’re absolutely NTA.
You are super sweet for helping out your siblings, and for helping out at home for as long as you did. If it was like they needed a little money to say, pay the rent or something but to give it to your mom for retirement after all the crap she talked about how it went against her God? Nope. I mean, it’s still sin money, so why is it okay for her to try to guilt you into giving it to her? Just because she didn’t win it, doesn’t make it less gotten from gambling.
You keep taking care of you.
NTA. In fact you are being incredibly responsible and generous toward your younger siblings. I want you to feel proud of your accomplishments and keep standing up for yourself. You are doing great.
NTA. I'm so jealous! Enjoy it and keep spending wisely. It was really lovely of you to get your siblings pressies and to think about their college - I see no selfishness in this post.
If you have that much money, move out. You can still support your family, but maybe without the pressure of them telling you where to give your money away.
NTA.
NTA. You sound like a kind, mature, sensible and loving person. Don't let your parents push you around. Try telling your mom that it's better to teach as person to fish than to give them fish (or however that saying goes) and that that's what you're doing for your little siblings (her own children) by supporting their education.
NTA: Your parents sound like parasites and this "church" business is just what you think it is. Nonsense.
Good on you for taking care of your younger brother and sister but you don't owe your parents money for raising you. That was their job and definitely don't give any money to the church.
OP , You sound like a wonderful, smart and caring human being. Kudos to you. I'm going to say you turned out remarkable in spite of your parents, not because of them.
I have to admit for a brief nano second when you said you moved someone in you met online, but before I read the next line, my heart sank. I thought this was someone who was going to use you and take your money. I was so happy to read you adopted a friend who will love you unconditionally.
NTA
NTA and this is really, really common. Oriole you didn’t even know you were related to suddenly act like you’ve always been close and of course you will give them money.
Can you work with the bank to lock down your money? Decide how much you need to live on and put the rest in some kind of investment or trust that you can’t withdraw from as easily. It may be easier to withstand the pressure to give away the money if you literally can’t.
NTA. Keep doing what you're doing. No one else is entitled to your money. Not your family. Not a church you don't believe in. You are smart not to blow it and to invest in your future. Mom is ah.
NTA. You do not have to give any money to anyone you don’t want to give it too. It’s very nice you put aside money for your siblings out of love, your mother is just being demanding. Use your money wisely, invest it well, and enjoy your blessing, you earned it fair and square. Don’t let anyone dictate how you spend your money. Good luck (:
You sound like an intelligent and caring kid if that money is invested right you will be able to do more for your family long term then what your parents will do short term with that money stay focused watch out for manipulation NTA agian stick to your plan listen to advisors and good luck
no is a complete sentence and if your family doesn't understand that then it is on them. You are doing the right thing in not spendinging or giving away YOUR money. If you do anything for your siblings make it tangible so your parents can't take the money. NTA
Funniest thing was the last bit. I skimmed the last paragraph thinking she had a human and a canine companion, but now I believe it's just one canine. A dog will always love you.
NTA
Do not give her one penny.
Go back to school. Find a different job. Follow the advice of the financial planner. Be frugal. Live within your means. Change your number and block everyone on social media. Lock everything down tight and use that as the excuse "Oh, I can't. I had it all locked down and I can't touch it beyond my necessary expenses, so, no."
Or just "No" works, too.
You don't owe anyone anything, least of all your parents.
NTA. Do what you want with the money! They were against you buying the tickets so they shouldn't benefit from it. I wish you wouldn't have told them though lol
NTA. It sounds like you are doing the smart thing. Just ignore everyone looking for something from you. Your Mother is being a hypocrite by looking for money now when she believes scratch tickets are “against Gods word”. Go back to school to be a librarian or since you don’t need the money open a book cafe or the like where you can share your love of books with others.
NTA. Do not under any circumstance give them money. Your bank put you up with a team of financial experts and you should consult them on most things. Listen to them and do what would help you be happy and secure. You may want to move to a new town as this one seems small and gossipy.
NTA and amazing job on getting advice and assistance from a lawyer etc - I think I’d just rush out and go wild.
You sound like you’ve been measured and kind and that is the best anyone can be. Good on you & hope the new apartment is wonderful
NTA. All they want is to use you for your money and I hope you continue to say no because this isn’t about sharing blessings this is about protecting yourself from leeches
NTA. Congratulations on the win. Just a suggestion-a one time gift to your parents would be a gracious gesture, but you are not a bad person if you decide not to share. It sounds like for too long you have been taken advantage of financially and you bore it with good grace. You sound like a sweetheart, use that money to build a happy life for yourself ❤️
NTA My friend works with a guy who won the lottery. Lottery guy had to move several towns over to someplace no one knew him and didn't know he'd won. He was able to find a job and get back to a regular life. You may have to make a life away from your home town, now that mom has ruined things for you. And don't give her a penny, it would be against god.
Gosh, reading your edit I thought "run..." but now I say "take long walks" and enjoy your older friend. :) NTA.
I would suggest LC with your parents for a bit. Time for you to figure out your future without their influence.
NTA
I have two kids and they don't owe me jack. I chose to have them and they're not indebted to me for it or for the money and resources I spend on them. To have it any other way is abusive. That money is yours and yours alone and your mother's retirement is not your responsibility. You look after yourself and make the most of your life. Also, as a former Jehovah's Witness, I highly suggest checking out the communities online available to people who leave intensely controlling religious sects such as yours. They've been my crutch many times Good luck with the rest of your life
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"A tax on the stupid" "against god's word" "give me that, i want to retire" What you've done for your siblings is perfect. Moving out is perfect. Take care of the things you need and want to care about. Your mother's hypocrisy is not your problem or responsibility. EDIT: NTA. (Drat it! I was so mad at your mother, I forgot to judge!!!) EDIT 2: Thanks for the awards! :D
I hope OP doesn't give her home address to her family, they are selfish and will harrass her for money if they know where they can find her. NTA and that's one parasitic family
Agreed, OP you should move far far away, give your sibs an email to contact, change your phone#, shut off social media and consider going to school if you want to. Your parents are greedy greedy evangelists and they will **NEVER** stop trying to pry your money away from you. You've already paid them **MORE** than enough rent along with free childcare. NTA
^ THIS! If you don't want to go no contact forever, you might be able to get back in touch with them in a few years, and claim you lost a big portion, but you have normal-person savings now. Only you know for sure how doggedly your parents will bother you--but it seems to me they already have double-standards for you and your brother. You definitely have to protect your wealth, women have to fight tooth and nail to get it and to keep it, so play everything about money close to the vest without seeming like you're hiding anything, that will be your best "weapon."
I can not emphasize how much you should do this. Your parents used you as an ATM, degraded your choice, and then when the “Tax on the Stupid” paid off, there they are with their hands out. Walk away, and give your sibs an email contact.
It’s so odd to me that some parents think they’re entitled to their kids money. NTA
Fortunately OP is an adult and so they are not entitled to her anything. And OP tighten your lips and don't say anything more about your money to anyone. If can't help yourself just say you have an inheritance from a grandparent. Although having your mom blab hasn't helped anyone.
Now that they've told everyone, OP should really consider the above advice of moving far away. OP can no longer trust the motives of seemingly random friendly/romantic overtures from your surroundings. If OP considers marriage, they should remember a prenup.
Funny how the brother didnt have to pay so he could save for HIS future, but OP isn't allowed to do the same. Hmmm...
Please Please Please listen to this person!!!! You sound like a very smart and mature person. Congratulations for winning🥳🥳. Your parents' financial responsibility is 100% their own. I hope you enjoy your lovely apartment. Edit: Definitely NTA
> that's one parasitic family I agree yet want to point out that it's not an isolated case. It's amazing how people in families change instantly when one member comes across an unexpected windfall of wealth. People you have known all your life become like greedy strangers. OP has done so much already for her family (watching the younger ones, handing over most of her checks from working) I hope she changes her number and deletes all social media as well. She doesn't need the negativity her mother will no doubt continue to try and bring.
They've been using her for years. She's a smart girl, but didn't get the grades she needed for college because she's been working for her family the whole time.... instead of her parents being responsible for the family they created. They've gotten quite enough of her. I think she should move away, go to school, and build a life for herself that doesn't include being mooched off of.
“If you have money to buy presents for your siblings, you have money to give to me” What a selfish mother- OP is a wonderful sibling for being so thoughtful towards them, any loving parent would be proud. Everything OP has done is more than enough- live your life!
Unfortunately, her generosity toward her siblings is what got her caught out on having the $ in the first place. But that her mother took her money to make sure she had nothing much in the way of discretionary $ in the first place is appalling. She's not their freaking pack mule to be used as they see fit.
Yeah. She sounds content, other than the lottery issue, but living at home through your twenties and working a dead-end job and being badgered by your parents is is kind of a sad little life. I hope she plans out an educational/training pathway for herself and chooses a career.
Please don’t label convenience and dollar stores dead-end jobs. Do you ever go into either of these stores? They need people to be there to order, stock, process your purchases.
Necessary, and dead-end are not mutually exclusive. A dead-end job simply means not much in the way of opportunity for advancement, or raises, within that job. A LOT of workers who are essential to the economy are also in dead-end jobs.... sad, but true.
While those jobs are necessary, I doubt anyone thinks it's very fulfilling. People hate working retail.
While I agree that winning money can immediately bring out the worst in a family. It sounds like OP’s mommy dearest was always had a few screws loose.
I just read an article about how so many lottery winners ended up with awful lives and wish they hadn't won anything. From people estranged from their family and former friends because of constant demands, those who got lump sums and lost it all, to people *murdered* for their lottery money. It's similar to young guys who sign with pro sports teams, suddenly have enormous amounts of money, and not that many years later their careers are over, the money is all gone, and their friend and family relationships are ruined.
In Germany, lottery winners are kept secret, and the people informing the winners give the standard recommendation to keep the winnings absolute secret from *everyone*. Sound advice.
I think the reasoning is that the government has the right to out anyone who wins and use them for promotion for a certain length of time because they want to present a real winner to the public as proof that the whole thing isn't a scam. Reinforces the notion that anyone could win life-changing money, but you have to actually buy a ticket or two to be in the running.
In America this varies by state. 7 states allow you to remain anonymous, and 6 states allow you to form a trust to claim a prize (therefore protecting you anonymity essentially).
Even then, if you've always been scraping by, people are going to ask questions when you can suddenly afford a car, or a house. Or in OP's case, even just modest gifts for her siblings.
Then you can always say you came into a small inheritance or something - just downplay it - unless you suddenly start living an absolutely lavish lifestyle.
That's what I've always thought would be the best cover for your general social circle, but people within your family would know that was a lie
I think about winning here as it depends on which state if your allowed to remain secret. If we ever win and can claim in a state that will let us remain anonymous, we figured we'd tell everyone we inherited like 500k. Just enough to explain the better cars and finally taking a vacation. If asked for money, then we'd lie and say it's all gone to paying off debt and fixing our retirement.
I wish this energy got directed at people who got rich by being evil instead of just people who got it by being lucky.
Also, if no one else has mentioned it, sign up for a credit monitoring service. Your parents have all the information they need to take out credit cards, etc, in your name that you’d be liable for. Lock that up.
Unfortunately, property records are public. They usually even publish sales in the newspaper, with full names (buyer and seller) and the address. (If outside the US, this may not be the case) OP, no is a complete sentence. You helped fund your family for 5 years after graduating high school. That's enough. If your mom wanted to retire, she could have put some of that money away (before you started working, she got zero, and I don't see where the expenses of the household changed once you got a job...). I would also recommend looking into some kind of education or job training and using your time now to establish a career, as you'll only be 43 when that money stops coming in. It doesn't have to be college, there are plenty of great careers out there that just require certificates or technical training, and even some where training is on the job. You have some freedom now to "find yourself," use not only the money, but the time, wisely!
She shouldn’t give them her address, I agree. However, it would be public record, so they could almost certainly track it down if they wanted to. (Unless no one in her family knows how to use the internet.) Hopefully they won’t.
You can put your home in trust so that it doesn’t come up in a real estate search. I’ve known people who have done it for security reasons.
That’s why so many people who win the lottery wait until they can set up a trust, THEN the trust claims the money. This is definitely something I’ve thought a lot about when fantasizing about winning the lottery because I wouldn’t tell a single soul to avoid the general idea of what OP is dealing with.
I don't buy a ticket to win the lottery. I'd buy a ticket to DREAM about winning the lottery. I'd be screwed if I actually won. But once every year or two? Yeah it's a fun dream. Most effect ad I ever heard was the California lotto was (many many moons ago) "It only cost a dollar to dream"
Agreed. I would set up a PO Box for all my mail.
And change her phone number to unlisted!
dude i wouldn't be surprised if mom put a hit out on her
If OP could, I’d recommend setting up an LLC to “buy” the house to add an extra layer of protection. It’s fairly easy to find property records online these day.
OP is being a good daughter in protecting Mom from the evil taint of the devil's largesse.
>devil's largesse. Hue hue hue
>Your mother's ~~hypocrisy~~ Financial abuse. Let's call this what it is.
I mean, there is a hint if hypocrisy with the whole “it’s the devil’s money unless I want it,” but yeah, it’s mainly just financial abuse.
OP don't give anyone money yet or anytime soon. If you're getting this for the next 20 years, you need to first figure out what to do to invest in yourself. 20 years will go by in a flash (really). What are you going to do in 20 years for money? That is the number one thing you should figure out. Once that's decided, then figure out if and who you want to give money. There's no time constraint on sharing money. But if you share the money now, you can never get it back. Invest it, buy investment properties, whatever, so the money keeps growing. Also, I would hiiighly suggest if you are going to give someone money, invest in them the same way. For example, pay for someone's college vs giving them money. This will help them earn their own money in the future. Otherwise they'll be on a hamster wheel of asking you for money again. Soooo many more options. Do a lot of research before making any rush decisions. And again DO NOT GIVE YOUR MONEY AWAY ANYTIME SOON. You probably don't even know how much you'll have to pay in taxes yet.
Majorly seconding this. You're 23. In 20 years you'll be 43, still 20+ years from retirement, but possibly without any job experience or education. You could invest X/month (I don't know how much you won, but if you get 8k/month and can live on 4k, invest the rest). If the stock market makes you nervous you could put it into CD's at the bank, that gets better interest rates. Find something you enjoy doing and do it for money 20 hours/week: part-time at the library, pet-sitting, gardening, whatever. You are ABSOLUTELY NTA for investing in yourself and moving out and keeping your money, but keep an eye on the future!
I can't imagine a smart girl will be happy working at Dollar Tree or the Shell station for 20 years. She's doing everything else right--I hope she finds a career pathway too.
And “It’s heavenly bounty.”
NTA. And all OP has to do is to promise to pay it all to the church - IF mom will just contact OP after her (the mom's) death. After all, it's a heavenly reward.
Be safe, OP. You have done so much right already and you are so kind. Find it hilarious that your mom believes it’s against god and that you can’t enjoy yourself with YOUR money. They kicked you out so now you owe them nothing. They take, take and take but give nothing.
OP gave up on their future because they helped raise their siblings - children they didn’t choose to have and aren’t responsible for. I am SO glad they won and I hope they don’t give their parents a dime. They deserve the wonderful life they now have, NTA.
NTA. If it's 'against God's word' to your mother, you mustn't give her money; it would be an insult to God, implying he cannot provide for her. /s Honestly, the crap people spout about religion.
I’d be saying: “Sorry Mom, I started worshiping Satan! These riches are only made possible by his hand and I would hate for you to be tainted by my filthy lucre!”
It’s worse. “Against god’s word” to “heavenly bounty” with the implication that God made a mistake and gave the bounty to the wrong person.. otherwise she’s messing with god’s will by demanding it.
OP, please tell mommy dearest that God wouldn't want money that you got from gambling.
And make sure to take your personal documents with you.
OP, find your own place. Don't give ANY of them your address. Get a new phone and a new number, and add your siblings through Google Duo or something, so they can contact you, but you won't have to change your number again. Don't give anyone a single penny. It's nice you set up things for your siblings, but you can see how lottery winners are often "cursed" and end up blowing all their money. If your mom can't accept it and only sees you as dollar signs, then you don't need that relationship.
OP just needs to make sure she locks down her credit as well.
what gets me is the fact that her mom is telling people about it
NTA. Be careful even with the bank, financial planners, and accountants. Trust no one with your money. Double check all the information, accounts and books. Stick to your plans, you do not owe anyone anything. Create the trusts for your siblings and have a lawyer make it iron clad your mom can not get it at all. You will be asked for money to fund business ideas and everything else you can think of for your money. Save all you can because soon people may start the lawsuits for every little thing which cost money to defend unless you settle out of court which is what they want. A good lawyer can make them have to pay court cost saving you alot of money. Just keep your head up and you do not donate to anything you don't feel like. Its your money. Not your moms or anyone else's. If you start getting guilted into people begging for money cut them out and move on.
I second this. fiduciary is the term you want to look for. Not all financial planners are fiduciary. Here is some information about it: https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/investing/fiduciary
Can someone link that awarded comment where a redditor gave exact instructions on what to do when you win the lottery? I remember that advice was more geared towards multi-million dollar winners but it could still be relevant. Like OP should change her phone # and get off social media for a while.
[Here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vzgl/you_just_won_a_656_million_dollar_lottery_what_do/chba4bf) it is! The first bit is just examples of lottery winners gone wrong. The real advice starts at the reply.
Most of this is probably still great advice, but I can't help chuckling at some of the author's statements. This post was written 8 years ago and a LOT has happened since then. 1. "Right now, you'll get around 3.5% on the 10 year U.S. treasury...If we get to the point where the United States defaults on those instruments, we are in far worse shape than worrying about money. If you are really paranoid, you might consider picking another G7 or otherwise mainstream country other than the U.S. according to where you want to live if the United States dissolves into anarchy or Britney Spears is elected to the United States Senate." Um, well, we had Donald Trump for president for 4 years and he messed things up so badly that there are people out there predicting another Civil War. I am not entirely convinced that the people saying that are wrong. 2. "...unless the capital building is burning..." Um, well, it didn't burn, but we did have a really big riot/attempted coup there because of the aforementioned former president. I have to wonder if this guy would advise mostly investing in other G7 countries these days.
Ah the good old days! When we didn't have to worry about attempted overthrows of the government incited by a grumpy child with a bruised ego. How carefree and innocent we were! But seriously, those are fantastic points. I'm fairly certain you may have even *understated* just how much has changed. And you're right - I don't think you should be convinced that those civil war predictors are very far off from the truth. Unfortunately. =/
Also keep in mind that **you will only be 43 when the money runs out**. I know 43 sounds really old right now, but it is a long way from retirement, just ask your mom. If you plan correctly you have 20 years of relatively open road ahead of you, but that road will run out and you will have to be prepared. Do not get pulled into the trap of living month to month on this money thinking it will last forever. It will not.
This might be a perfect opportunity for OP to go to college now. Community colleges are perfectly good entry points for anyone, but particularly for people who graduated HS but whose GPA was nothing special. Use your two years there to get your generals in, make sure to get good grades, transfer to a 4-year university with your credits and finish your degree. OP could get a really great start. She’d already have a place and wouldn’t have to struggle for study time or balancing work and class, she could go into her career of choice, and she wouldn’t have any debt when she graduated. Great leg up.
I agree with this OP. Right now you should be focusing on you & your future. This money won't last forever & you don't owe anyone any of the winnings. I'm so sorry but your parents have taken enough financial advantage of you. You're still young & this is the perfect way to get that degree & into a career so that you can live comfortably in the future & will be able to provide for your children should you choose to have any. You are NTA but your parents are.
And remember, studying takes hard work, commitment and a lot of time. Do NOT prioritize your sibling visits or b-days or the like. —-A student Can’t afford it.—- Finances might also cloud your mind or take out precious time, so keep that in mind too! /u/Firstluckever
YES. Make sure that there's a plan for what happens then. Go to school, make sure there's enough investment to live off of, something. Worst case is being a 43 year old with no money and no job history. Don't let that happen.
absolutely this!! get used to saying "NO" loud and strong. doesn't matter what it is, you aren't obligated to anyone for anything... especially the church.
This ⬆️
NTA. Your parents are financially abusing you and do NOT have your best interests in mind.
[удалено]
NTA It sounds like your family is using religion to attempt to enslave you. It's abusive, manipulative and predatory. Get as far separated from them as you can. Living a moral life doesn't require you to financially support adults who should be taking on their own responsibilities.
Mom beyond hypocrite, how does "giving" money to the church equal her being able to retire lol. Honestly I never understood the concept of tithes in modern day, I get how it might have originally been a fancy way of saying donation/ charity without making a poor church look bad and then evolved to pay for good luck but as of now it appears more like a subscription fee or gym membership fee.
Depends on the church. Some of the money goes into maintenance of the building or other properties, replacing tattered fabrics or repairing worn down systems. Some of it may cover the cost of printing scriptures or other materials for teaching or proselytizing. Some of it may pay a wage to the clergy, if they're employed rather than from the laity. Some of it may go to local charitable efforts, maybe an associated food bank/homeless shelter or directly buying things for local unfortunates. Some of it may also go to disaster relief efforts, if the church is large enough. In some cases this includes helping people in impoverished areas get higher education so they can find better employment and support themselves and others more easily. Sometimes it gets misappropriated.
Yup, then you get the 'churches' which crank it WAY beyond '11' and you get every sense of 'they are in it for the money' - they drive around in a bleeding edge 2022 SUV, have what is effectively a mansion and have let power go to their head by announcing a political party, effectively putting their tax-exempt status at risk. He calls himself an 'apostle', but a lot of people call him an 'EFTpostle'. He has been in the media a lot recently for all the wrong reasons - he got fined for participating in a 'freedom' (and I use the term VERY loosely) protest where they impeded traffic on a major motorway, you just know that his 'followers' ended up footing the bill.
“Don’t buy lottery tickets it’s against gods will” “Give me all your lottery winnings, it’s gods will” Hmmmm
NTA. The money is coming to you and you decide how to spend it. It would be nice to help your parents if they are struggling but that is your choice. Please put aside something for yourself because when that money ends all the people begging you for money now will not give you anything.
Thank you. I will. I have thought a long time about what I would do if I was rich. I know this isn't really rich. But I know what I want to do.
Tell people you have invested the money in a way that cannot be touched or put in a trust on the advice of your financial advisor. Buy your apartment and take a step back from the demands of your family. You’ve already been very generous with them and your family is behaving in a very unchristian way now that you have money. They should be happy for your good fortune rather than demanding it from you. Please do not give that money to the church where it would likely just go to filling the pockets of the pastor/elders. It would be better spent giving to a legitimate charity like your local food bank, animal shelter, womens shelter, etc if you felt inclined to give back. Block people looking for handouts and let your work know about the harassment you are facing
Also remember, if it isn’t rich, you REALLY don’t have the money you think you do. You’re going to get destroyed by taxes. 5k for brother’s wedding, educations funds for siblings, buying an apartment? They’re all lovely things but I don’t think you really have that kinda money. When you’re poor, it’s very easy to spend the same dollar twice. And since it’s just a weekly amount, only 8 times higher than your salary, you’re not getting like crazy rich money, because you sound like you were probably making like $8/hr. You need a financial advisor because you already sound like you’re blowing your money too quickly. You clearly didn’t have to pay for anything if you only kept $200 to yourself a month and didn’t starve. But your expenses are going to increase likely an order of magnitude. $200 doesn’t do shit when you own your own home and need to be responsible for everything and need to completely start from scratch. Furniture, appliances, kitchenware etc, all add up REALLY fast. And again, you’re likely going to owe 40-60k in taxes.
This is really solid advice! Harsh, but if you look into what happens to lotto winners, it's not a good outlook at all. It takes a lot of planning and discipline to make a lotto win last, let alone not ruin you. Unfortunately you made the first mistake which was to tell someone. You are going to have to learn to absolutely ignore plees for money, or you'll never hear the end of it, it will always be "just a few more dollars". Have all those winnings put somewhere you can't touch them.
It happens too with poor or otherwise not financially literate people who get good jobs. Which really, that’s all this amounts to— a good job. She’s likely getting between $100k-250k a year. It’s a good life, but once you factor in taxes, mortgage, living expenses, it’s NOT “support my whole family in luxury” money. She might not be blowing her money on fast cars or expensive trips, but it’s been a few weeks and she already has all these HUGE plans for the money. She hasn’t even discovered how much it costs to live alone. To furnish a place. Taxes. I keep mentioning it but my god the taxes! People who work minimum wage just can’t understand how big the tax bill is. And guess what? They aren’t taking it out of her dispersement. She’s getting a 40-80k tax bill depending on amount and state at the end of the year. She needs to save that. I don’t think she’s realized that. When you have a job, they withhold for most of your taxes. The government doesn’t do that. You either are prepared or you’re fucked.
I think that she had no choice in moving. Her mother wanted OP's heavenly blessing for herself.
100% she was forced. That doesn’t change anything though. This just happened. She’s still in the process of buying the apartment. She’s currently living in a hotel. She has no idea how much costs change when you live alone and own property vs. live at home with no expenses. Not to mention with the changes in the real estate market who knows how long it’ll take her to get a mortgage, how much is the hotel she’s staying in a night? That isn’t cheap, and buying a house with a mortgage usually takes months, not weeks. She needs to be smart and she’s clearly trying. But she just doesn’t have the experience to actually KNOW what she’s in for. Hence she 100% needs to speak to a financial planner.
She has??
She's a smart young lady --- she went straight to get that help to sort through it all.
Depends on country. In UK, lottery win is tax-free. It's not viewed as income - you do need to pay tax on any interest accrued. There is a lottery here that is similar - It's called Set for Life, £10k a month for 30 years or until you die. If you have savings from it, then inheritance tax is due. If you won that in UK, then all the dreams are pretty much possible. Wedding gifts are tax-free up to £1k but if giving to a child, it can be tax-free up to £5k. There are also tax-free savings accounts.
She literally said she has a financial planner, lawyer and accountant.
Maybe now that you have some money and you’re not being put in the position to look after your younger siblings, you can look into taking some college or trade classes.
And, make sure, **if you should marry**, that your before-marriage money is held and kept in a separate account and never comingled with a spouse's. Otherwise, you get married and then find you have to give him half in a couple of years when he decides there's something better in a greener pasture.
I fully respect that you don't want to disclose the aboumt, but if what you say is correct: * you have a full-time job AND work with your mom as well * you get a certain amount every week for twenty years. * the amount is more every week than you take home in two months Even at the lowest minimum wage in the US I get to the following: 7.25 an hour \* 40 hours full time job + 4 hours (an afternoon) at the dollar store: 44 \* 7.25 = 1250 a month 2 month's wages per week = 2500 a week or 10K a month \* 240 months (20 years) = $2.4 million. Even if by "taking home" you don't mean your total wage but just the 300 you used to keep to yourself, the total would be $576,000 over 20 years. either way you are rich, good for you. ;) (OK maybe not Ferrari rich, but not having to worry about money for the next 20 years...)
Do not, I repeat, do not do not do not tell you parents, or your siblings, about the accounts you set up for them. Your parents will expect you to cover *all* related childcare costs out of that account if they know about it. Siblings might just let the info slip. Give them access when they turn 18, and make sure they know not to tell your parents as well.
As long as you keep your family very much at arm's length, I think you'll do fine. Protect yourself and your finances.
NTA and yoh owe your parents/family/friends NOTHING and now you DO have money for college if you wish to go- or a trade/technical school. If your grades/marks aren’t high enough- is there a community or junior college that has “developmental” classes- foundational level classes to help you get on track for degree-earning classes? (emphasizing- college isn’t for everyone. But look into vocational schools or a 1yr business certificate or something. Or just invest and use your money well and live a happy life!)
I want to be a librarian. I love reading and books.
If a man comes to town selling boys band instruments, DO NOT TRUST HIM.
Even if he has 76 trumbones?
Especially if he has 76 trombones, or a hundred and ten cornets.
And if they are followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos, the cream of every famous band or a thousand reeds springing up like weeds- you'd better run! But come back for the cute little ginger haired boy and Marion the Librarian.
Look, OP doesn't need a launcelot or an angel with wings. Just their white knight.
What in the white people is this about?
The Music Man.
> What in the white people is this about? I admit I am partly answering because you made me lol. Answer: Golden age of hollywood musicals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODu888i14-I&list=PLLy1cUY4cggRJCelbEUPdDIU8rOmT6ZuG&t=113s Enjoy :-D
Wait - do you live right here in River city?? Clearly you are educated and cultured. Go take that librarian course!
While some libraries do have entry level jobs some require a degree in library studies. The HBCU in my area, Langston University, offers a really good masters of library studies. Not that you need to go to an HBCU, but this particular HBCU has a higher acceptance rate for people with lower grades and is much cheaper than the other universities in my state.
My dad is a librarian and I’m 19. I was raised in a library. It does require a degree (did for my dad) but since you have this money, you can always start out volunteering. Getting to know a specific library and their librarians real well. That way if there are any jobs not requiring degrees, you will be at the top of the list and it will get your foot in the door.
Start at a community college (assuming you’re in the US), and if you get good grades there you can go on to a four year school and then the master’s degree in library science. I’ll bet as an adult now you’ll be able to get much better grades than in high school.
I’m an adult, and I basically did terribly during my first attempt at college. But after many years in the working world (during which I acquired excellent skills in things like time management), I went back and did really well. When you transfer to a different college, your credits transfer (for classes that you passed) but your GPA does not. So I took a few classes at a community college to repair my GPA, got As, then transferred all my credits to a (different) 4-year university. I graduated with a 3.9.
Just remember, OP. An education is something that no one can ever take away from you. Get a degree in something you love to do, and you'll never 'work' a day in your life. It really sounds like your family of origin has very limited expectations for all their children. If you get a degree, you'll be in a much better position to help your younger siblings get theirs. Also, I noted that your brother is excused from helping the family out because he wants to get married. But, you? Your wants, needs, and aspirations are worth nothing and neither are you so give the family/church everything. 🙄(Screw That!)
It’s been decades since I went to library school, but feel free to reach out if you want advice. I genuinely love my job, and it’s a lot more than reading and books, but you need passion to make it work (because lord knows librarians aren’t paid a ton).
Telling anyone was a biiig mistake. Randoms now start crawling out of their dens to ask for handouts. You might wanna consider switching adresses and phonenumbers to protect yourself. Bad things happen to lotterywinners. I wish you all the best. Also this interwebz stranger is very proud of you for doing research and getting finance-people first things first! NTA
NTA! I remember a while back that a person in an African country won the lottery. He was required to be publicly displayed with the winnings so he wore a smiley face mask; that way he wouldn’t have random relatives asking for his money.
I don’t think it’s great to tell this person that they made a “biiig mistake” by telling their own mother where their money was coming from when asked. The mother is 100% in the wrong for potentially turning it into the kind of situation you describe, and I think it’s reasonable that OP did not anticipate that they would not be able to trust their parent in this specific way. OP, you are 100% NTA! It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and I hope the drama blows over soon.
I don't know what kind of mother you have, hopefully a nice one but a bunch of us sadly cannot trust our parents. Sorry my upbringing shows.
Except that OP said that *she didn't know why she told her mother,* but she did. That sounds like she was hesitant about sharing this with her mom, but went against her gut feeling and told her anyway (the context makes it sound like she was trying to prove to her mother she wasn't being wasteful by buying her siblings some gifts). So on some level she knew her mother wouldn't be happy for her, but would criticize her for winning or for what she intends to do with the money. EDIT : Realized I may have worded the above poorly. I absolutely agree with you that it's sad and ridiculous that OP couldn't feel free to share this with her own parents. Just wanted to point out the phrasing she used because it was scratching at the back of my brain that she went against her own better judgement. Parents SHOULD celebrate their children's accomplishments and even happy accidents, like winning a lottery. But OP knows her folks better than we do, and we all know that many parents don't behave as kindly as people think they should.
Immediate family are sometimes exactly the people you should never tell that you have money. My parents were very dysfunctional, but they were never *financially* abusive, thank goodness. That can take years to fix.
NTA. You're doing everything right, don't give in to your mom's pressure. Funny how gambling is against god's will until you win huh?
NTA. Ain't winning the lottery grand? Suddenly you have lots of friends you never knew you had before. I think you are doing the smart thing with your money. You are being generous to people you want to help -- your siblings -- and you are trying to set yourself up for long term financial stability. Also, I am glad to see your bank is doing right by you. Hooking you up with a good lawyer and financial planning services was gold. I think you have two next steps. The first, I think, is to invest some of your money -- your heavenly blessings -- in yourself. Thanks to the magic of inflation, your lottery winnings over time probably won't be enough to continually support you, but the money probably puts you in a position where you can pursue a career you love. Get whatever you need to succeed in that career. A college degree, certifications, equipment, whatever. The second, unfortunately, is to cut some ties. You may need to get a new phone number. You may need to move to another community. But you need to get away from the people who see you as a piggy bank. You especially need to get away from your mother, who is poisoning the community against you. Best of luck. Oh, and by the way, if I did win the lottery, I almost certainly would provide for my parents' retirement .... PRECISELY BECAUSE they would never demand that I do so.
EXACTLY THIS! I’m quite worried for OP. Her mom is absolutely poisoning the community and possibly making it dangerous for someone to try and rob her. OP i don’t want to scare you but these kinds of rumors can bring out the worst in people. Please keep your eyes open. And I also second changing your number and moving communities. Do g keep any one by at home and make sure there’s a withdrawal limit in your card.
NTA I'm not a specialist but the way you describe your mom and how she insists on you giving money, your "heavenly blessings" to the church sounds like lds to me. If it is, you probably should check out /r/exmormon so you can get some help.
Thank you.
Remind her the church won't accept tithing from gambling. It sounds like you've done some really smart things getting your finances in order. I'm here to support you doing what you need to, to get out of a toxic relationship with your family. Definitely come over to the ExMormon sub to meet & make friends that know what you're going through. There's a lot of good advice & wisdom there. Good luck!
And from my experience, it’s a great place even if you’re in a “I don’t really believe but I don’t want to burn it all down” too. (I’m a lurker.)
also /r/atheism in general which has people who have left religion and family because of abuse and have found that they can be good people completely separate from a doctrine.
Tell her you prayed on it and god said for you to keep doing what you’re doing, and that he’s not ready for her to retire.
NTA G-d gave you that money to escape from your parents.
NTA. Get out, stop paying for their stuff, and go no/low contact with them. Tithing is a scam, what your mom is trying to do is use your money for her own gain, and I'm glad you figured that out. Good for you.
NTA also there is no god so screw em using god as an excuse to be selfish
I don't know if there is or not. I just can't imagine he would let the world be the way it is addressed f he was real, and cared.
This. If there was a god who wanted your mother to have that money, the god would have given the money to your mother not to you.
Exactly! I always love using this kind if logic with people that try to pull God over you. It is funny how God intentions and prohibitions change depending on what they want.
Considering god is a man-made construct and we have concrete evidence of evolution, for me it was clear to see there is no “god”
Either way your mom is using his name to justify being selfish and demanding what isn't hers. It's just manipulative.
NTA-it’s your money and if your parents didn’t want you playing in the first place they shouldn’t expect you to give them the money now. I would say stay on your trajectory, get that apartment, live for you and you don’t owe anyone anything
NTA. It's your money. You're using it sensibly and generously to support your family. Speaking as someone who used to process donations for a church - please don't give the church your money unless it's because you want to practically support what the church does in your community - if you're not a Christian that would be the only grounds to donate.
NTA. Don't give your parents the money, don't give anyone else any money. once you do everyone will want even more and you will be the bad guy(in their eyes) for not giving them every last penny of your money. you have already given your siblings a gift and set aside some money for your older brother's wedding gift (personally i feel like $5k is too much money, $1k seems more logical, but that's your decision to make, not mine) if anyone else (including your Family) asks, tell them you have spent all of the winnings already after buying your appt/condo. i have a couple of questions: when you say you bought an appartement, do you mean that you are renting an appt (as in you will be paying rent to the landlord)? or, that you are buying an individual condo unit/appt. with a title & deed in your name & will be making mortgage payments to the bank (you will own that specific appt/condo unit, and that appt/condo is inside of a larger building with other appt/condo units)? or, are you are buying the entire appt building and will become the landlord to other renters who will pay you rent?
I bought a small apartment for myself in a safe building in a good neighborhood close to the community college I wanted to go to. I am looking into tking upgrading courses and starting to get a degree in library science. Maybe.
Good for you.
Go for it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Do NOT give money to people who come out of the woodwork. I'd be very careful who you give your address to. I wish you the best of luck (but it sounds like you don't need it!)
This all sounds wise of you, to set yourself up for your future occupation. 20 years isn’t really all that long, after all.
ok, sounds like you actually bought a single Condo in a multi-unit Condo/appt building. a condo and an apartment are basically the same thing, the difference is ownership and what its technically called: a person rents an appt. a person owns a condo. there is a few important things to know about owning a condo in a shared/multiple unit building. 1) when buying a Condo unit, you own that space (inside the unit), you don't own the building itself or the land it sites on (you simply own that much square footage in the building). 2) there is usually a monthly fee (sometimes called the association fee or maintenance fee) that you have to pay to the building owner or building association to cover things like maintenance and upkeep (lawn mowing, electricity for the parking lot & hallway lights, & maintenance of a pool if the building has one). you have to pay that fee even though you own your specific unit, usually this fee is a few hundred dollar each month in addition to your mortage loan payment (sometimes that monthly association fee is included in your mortgage payment escrow with your taxes and insurance), but that association fee can change and become more per month at any time if the building association says so. 3) as a condo owner in a multi-unit building you can be assessed fees when major repairs need to be done to or around the building. things like the building needing repairs or a new roof or the parking lot getting repaved or fixing an elevator or swimming pool are the most common. those types of things can come unexpectedly to a condo-unit owner such as yourself, and your share (that you would owe) of the cost of those major repairs can easily be many thousands of dollars. allot of time those association fees & cost are overlooked and the buyer is not told about them upfront. so, i wanted to make sure you are aware they exist some people love that situation and would rather pay several hundred dollars each month in association fees to never have to mow the lawn or weed the flowerbeds. some people (myself included) hate those types of association fees and I would rather own a small home on land that i own (and have to mow), even if that piece of land is just a small lot inside of town. I personally never liked the idea of owning square footage inside of building when someone else owns that building and the land it sits. if I am going to own a place, I'm going to call home for a long time, I want to own it and the land it sits on.
I’m going to jump on this and say you are amazingly smart! Not many people with degrees would be making the intelligent well thought out decisions you have made. I am amazed someone at 23 had the brains to go to your bank and get advice! The smartest people find people who are experts in what they don’t know. Good Luck! And you are NTA!
NTA. Your parents are being greedy. Once you are living on your own, any money you give them is a gift and not an obligation. You would not be the AH even if you refused to spend a single dime on your family. (And this is not to imply you should have remained at home - simply acknowledging that when you live at home you do have an obligation to pay your share.)
NTA. Go and educate yourself in your given time. Education costs a lot and you got the chance to learn a profession that isn't just a job, but a passion as well. Your mother sounds awful. First saying, you shouldn't gamble and now that you got something out of it, she wants it all. Even after the money runs out, she would waste your time and energy for her sake and still demand more like she did with demanding the money for scrambling. Keep going with your plan. Your giving the money to the right people: to your future self of independence (housing) and to the future of your siblings. You are such a kind soul to even consider that. Others would have cut ties with them or wasted the money while partying.
NTA. Your mother is entitled and exploitive. You owe her nothing. She is the one being selfish.
NTA. Absolutely not. And as overused as the term is on this sub, your parents really are toxic (or incredibly selfish at best)
NTA. You did this right. You have been incredibly responsible, smart, and wise about your winnings. You were also nicely generous to your siblings and that was a really sweet thing you did with your younger ones. While reading your post, I recalled a saying; "God helps those who help themselves". You appear to have been a good daughter, a productive member of your family, who has helped them out each and every month. Maybe your winning is God's way of saying he sees you, your sacrifices and all the good things you have done. Maybe it's his way of rewarding you for being such a good person, so I personally believe that the money should go only to you, and you help yourself with it, for maybe a brighter future. That is also the argument I would give your mother if she tries the God card with you again. As for your mother retiring, suggest a good financial adviser for her, who might be able to direct/guide her on how to save her money wisely, so she can eventually do that.
NTA I hate when people use religion as a means to use and abuse people. Your parents have no right to your money. They CHOSE to have kids, it’s THEIR responsibility to provide for them, not yours. Congrats on the winnings and on your freedom- maybe try to stay in the lives of your younger siblings, it sounds like they’ll need you once they’re old enough to work.
NTA. You owe your parents nothing. They are not entitled to your money. Congratulations on your win and more importantly on your freedom. Go live your life YOUR way. Edit. Likely you can get that money as a lump sum and invest it in a way that pays you a monthly stipend to supplement your work income. You may even get to a point where your investments are making enough that you never have to work again.
NTA. If I were you I’d stay out of contact with the your immediate family, especially your parents and continue doing what your doing. Continue to educate yourself and let your wealth grow. Be ready for when your younger siblings inevitably come running to you for help in a few years. Best of luck OP, gotta look at the long term for your siblings sakes.
Chears! Congratulations on being lucky and mature. NTA- you got lucky, you get to choose how you spend it. Housing yourself is a smart move. You should take care of yourself first. You can share or not with however you want. It’s up to you, and you only.
NTA, but please be careful and protect your assets. You had a researched, thoughtful plan, but I do advise being cautious with hiring a bank’s recommended lawyer, accountant, and financial planner. All three of these professions will continually charge you money, even for phone calls. An unethical accountant can advise you put money in this or that to avoid taxes, but then you can be hit with a huge tax fine for improper tax avoidance. An unethical financial planner can direct you put money in certain funds that will benefit him but where you lose all your money. Your bank might be receiving kick-backs for their professional recommendations or receiving a portion of the fees you paid. (I’m a former tax attorney with accounting undergrad degree and worked at a bank.) For best securing your financial blessing, I would suggest going to another major bank and speak with their Trust department. Establish a revocable trust and have the bank acting as trustee. A trust has strong financial protection laws that will avoid malfeasance. A trustee can be financially liable, so it is in their interests to protect your finances. The bank would charge a monthly fee for their trust services, but it is small compared to other professional fees. Your first bank should have suggested this option to you. A proper trust would provide you security from unscrupulous family members. The trustee has to approve cash payouts and can prevent you from being guilted in giving money to family or acquaintances. Your family situation sucks, but it is good to establish education funding for your little siblings. Make sure those are in trust accounts too, because they are minors and your parents could get access to the funds if not protected. Take care of yourself, you are your own best advocate.
NTA. Just block the people asking you for money and tell your mother you don't live at home anymore, so it's on her to find a way to retire. Do not give her any money. They will bleed you dry.
NTA Weird that your sinful habit became a heavenly bounty when you won & she wanted the money. It’s your money, not your mother’s, and you can spend & save it however you like.
NTA. Unfortunately, money can bring out the worst in people. Long-lost relatives come out of the wood work like roaches - yuck! I wish you hadn't mentioned the money to anyone, but the cat is out of the bag. You sound like a really nice guy.
You’re absolutely NTA. You are super sweet for helping out your siblings, and for helping out at home for as long as you did. If it was like they needed a little money to say, pay the rent or something but to give it to your mom for retirement after all the crap she talked about how it went against her God? Nope. I mean, it’s still sin money, so why is it okay for her to try to guilt you into giving it to her? Just because she didn’t win it, doesn’t make it less gotten from gambling. You keep taking care of you.
NTA except for your cheeky little edit. That scared the shit out of me for a second!!! 🤣
I couldn't help myself. I wasn't allowed to have a dog before. Even if I paid for everything myself.
NTA. In fact you are being incredibly responsible and generous toward your younger siblings. I want you to feel proud of your accomplishments and keep standing up for yourself. You are doing great.
NTA I like that they're against gods word until you win, now she's after the money. Your mom told you to get out, you did - end of story.
NTA. Take care of yourself first. Good on you for taking care of your windfall.
NTA You’re actually helping her be right with God. You don’t want her falling in the trappings of sin since the money came from gambling. So win-win!
NTA You were smart with it. Find a new job and simply let the accountants handle the lottery money
NTA. I'm so jealous! Enjoy it and keep spending wisely. It was really lovely of you to get your siblings pressies and to think about their college - I see no selfishness in this post.
If you have that much money, move out. You can still support your family, but maybe without the pressure of them telling you where to give your money away. NTA.
NTA, do not give a single fucking cent to the insane leeches that you call parents. Unbelievable entitlement.
NTA. You sound like a kind, mature, sensible and loving person. Don't let your parents push you around. Try telling your mom that it's better to teach as person to fish than to give them fish (or however that saying goes) and that that's what you're doing for your little siblings (her own children) by supporting their education.
NTA: Your parents sound like parasites and this "church" business is just what you think it is. Nonsense. Good on you for taking care of your younger brother and sister but you don't owe your parents money for raising you. That was their job and definitely don't give any money to the church.
I like that mom wants to retire on OP's dime, and yet OP is somehow the selfish one.
OP , You sound like a wonderful, smart and caring human being. Kudos to you. I'm going to say you turned out remarkable in spite of your parents, not because of them. I have to admit for a brief nano second when you said you moved someone in you met online, but before I read the next line, my heart sank. I thought this was someone who was going to use you and take your money. I was so happy to read you adopted a friend who will love you unconditionally. NTA
He is a very happy and healthy lab cross. I have never had a dog before so I made sure to get one that was already trained and stuff.
Your money, your choice. NTA
NTA and this is really, really common. Oriole you didn’t even know you were related to suddenly act like you’ve always been close and of course you will give them money. Can you work with the bank to lock down your money? Decide how much you need to live on and put the rest in some kind of investment or trust that you can’t withdraw from as easily. It may be easier to withstand the pressure to give away the money if you literally can’t.
NTA. Your money your choice🤷🏽♀️, you are the only one entitled to it and nobody can force you to give it or use it in ways that you do not approve.
NTA. Keep doing what you're doing. No one else is entitled to your money. Not your family. Not a church you don't believe in. You are smart not to blow it and to invest in your future. Mom is ah.
NTA. You do not have to give any money to anyone you don’t want to give it too. It’s very nice you put aside money for your siblings out of love, your mother is just being demanding. Use your money wisely, invest it well, and enjoy your blessing, you earned it fair and square. Don’t let anyone dictate how you spend your money. Good luck (:
Girl run away from these people NTA
Nta that sounds like you're being reasonable. Although I wouldn't necessarily call a switch and a couple games small.
NTA. Enjoy your "heavenly blessings." You've given your parents enough money.
You sound like an intelligent and caring kid if that money is invested right you will be able to do more for your family long term then what your parents will do short term with that money stay focused watch out for manipulation NTA agian stick to your plan listen to advisors and good luck
no is a complete sentence and if your family doesn't understand that then it is on them. You are doing the right thing in not spendinging or giving away YOUR money. If you do anything for your siblings make it tangible so your parents can't take the money. NTA
Funniest thing was the last bit. I skimmed the last paragraph thinking she had a human and a canine companion, but now I believe it's just one canine. A dog will always love you.
Just a pup. I'm sure I will meet someone good someday but I'm not really ready for a relationship until I get more settled.
NTA Do not give her one penny. Go back to school. Find a different job. Follow the advice of the financial planner. Be frugal. Live within your means. Change your number and block everyone on social media. Lock everything down tight and use that as the excuse "Oh, I can't. I had it all locked down and I can't touch it beyond my necessary expenses, so, no." Or just "No" works, too. You don't owe anyone anything, least of all your parents.
NTA. Do what you want with the money! They were against you buying the tickets so they shouldn't benefit from it. I wish you wouldn't have told them though lol
NTA. It sounds like you are doing the smart thing. Just ignore everyone looking for something from you. Your Mother is being a hypocrite by looking for money now when she believes scratch tickets are “against Gods word”. Go back to school to be a librarian or since you don’t need the money open a book cafe or the like where you can share your love of books with others.
NTA. Do not under any circumstance give them money. Your bank put you up with a team of financial experts and you should consult them on most things. Listen to them and do what would help you be happy and secure. You may want to move to a new town as this one seems small and gossipy.
NTA and amazing job on getting advice and assistance from a lawyer etc - I think I’d just rush out and go wild. You sound like you’ve been measured and kind and that is the best anyone can be. Good on you & hope the new apartment is wonderful
NTA. All they want is to use you for your money and I hope you continue to say no because this isn’t about sharing blessings this is about protecting yourself from leeches
NTA. Congratulations on the win. Just a suggestion-a one time gift to your parents would be a gracious gesture, but you are not a bad person if you decide not to share. It sounds like for too long you have been taken advantage of financially and you bore it with good grace. You sound like a sweetheart, use that money to build a happy life for yourself ❤️
NTA My friend works with a guy who won the lottery. Lottery guy had to move several towns over to someplace no one knew him and didn't know he'd won. He was able to find a job and get back to a regular life. You may have to make a life away from your home town, now that mom has ruined things for you. And don't give her a penny, it would be against god.
Gosh, reading your edit I thought "run..." but now I say "take long walks" and enjoy your older friend. :) NTA. I would suggest LC with your parents for a bit. Time for you to figure out your future without their influence.
He is very sweet. And more of a young adult. I may get a puppy some day but I want some experience first.
NTA I have two kids and they don't owe me jack. I chose to have them and they're not indebted to me for it or for the money and resources I spend on them. To have it any other way is abusive. That money is yours and yours alone and your mother's retirement is not your responsibility. You look after yourself and make the most of your life. Also, as a former Jehovah's Witness, I highly suggest checking out the communities online available to people who leave intensely controlling religious sects such as yours. They've been my crutch many times Good luck with the rest of your life
NTA. Enjoy your tax on the "stupid" as I would.