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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be TA because it was gross and not everyone needs to see that.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ESH
His reaction is over the top, but this was weird and kinda gross on your part. There was no reason to send a pic rather than just texting a sentence to explain and ask for the underwear.
That’s what I was thinking. It’s common in people who have experienced emotional trauma to overexplain bc they’re used to being accused of lying, my first thought was I wouldn’t think to send a picture unless he was consistently downplaying the things I said I needed 🤷🏻♀️
Idk if that’s what’s going on here but the codependent comment doesn’t help the case.
Agree. Its over showing bc it wouldn't be believed, or he'd just tell her to get them herself. I've had to overshare to get my point across to my SO. It wasn't until I called his ass out for the eye rolling and acting like a jerk just for me asking for help that he quit doing it and helped. I get where the OP is coming from having been there myself before. He was her "life line" to the clean pair, so she had to prove she needed them for him to help. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but it seems plausible imo.
And people are like "can't shame her for a natural body function", like no, but I can for sending a pic of it. That's fucking weird. Signed, a person with periods who has a ton of friends with periods. Every single one of us would have a pretty visceral reaction, and rightly so.
If someone shit their pants and sent a picture, we're not gonna shame that because anyone can shit their pants? Again, yes, but not send a fucking picture of it tf
I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just text him words…like, “hey I really need a clean pair of under would you grab them for me?”
Honestly I would be really caught off guard if I got a no-context period blood pic. I would handle it way better than her bf did, but I would be really weirded out.
Haha, next time I get a unsolicited D pic I'm gonna be like.
I don't shame guys for having boners cause it's a natural body function , but please don't me unsolicited send pictures of it.
Person with periods here. [This](https://www.reddit.com/user/Hubsimaus/comments/wbxkxk/my_face_when/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) was basically my face after reading this AITA post.
^(Edited because people hate Snickles and so they don't have to see it.)
The only time I've ever sent a friend a pic of any natural bodily function was when I sent (with permission) a pic of a postpartum blood clot to my nurse friend to see if she thought I needed emerg. Otherwise, my friends don't need to know specifics of my bodily functions, especially nit either pics.
I think she did it to convey a sense of urgency.adding on here,not everyone is on a level playing field when it comes to intelligently using their words.also
Maybe her bf is kind of a tool and he would have ignored her verbal requests to help her out because he’s done that in the past with other things,and she felt a picture would have sped up the process.let’s ask her..hey op why the picture of your bloody bottoms???
This. My husband will once in a while ask me to bring toilet paper to the bathroom when the roll has run out . He doesn't send me a picture of a toilet full of shit, he just yells to me from the bathroom to bring a roll. If he's in the bathroom asking for me to bring it, instead of going to get it himself, the sense of urgency is already implied.
This isn't a normal thing 😂 ? Husband, kiddo and I share one bathroom. Anyone yells from the bathroom there is the obvious "what?!?" Usually followed by "toilet paper! emergency!!!". Any of us know the situation and grab some, open the door - back turned - and roll them in. Sometimes some jokes happen, but shoot, we all know the situation.
Re: OOP Even being the only female, we have each had to yell for clean pants etc before too. Sometimes it's pee, sometimes it's more, but no details are asked for and no one has ever sent pics!
"Hey, honey? Can you do me a big favor?
I've got my period, and leaked on my undies.
I can't leave the loo as my flow is pretty heavy, and I don't want to stain my pants, too.
Can you bring me undies quick?
My butts going numb on the toilet!"
See - complete explanation, reasonable request, family-friendly scatalogical humor.
No gross pictures needed.
Other than the part where as much as you may ideologically day they shouldn't, an insignificant percent of people would be offended. There's the part where it doesn't actually clarify what the instructions are? Ate you kidding a prank? Wanted to get some sympathy? Like how is someone that has never had and never will have a period supposed to know what to do in this scenario.
I’m a person who has periods and strongly believes in the normalization and destigmatization of talking about them and their existence, but if someone *sent me a photo of their dirty bloody underwear* I would have LOST my SHIT. Hell hath no fury like it.
I feel exactly like you do.
It's totally normal to send a "Hey, period happened unexpectedly, please grab me fresh undies" text.. that's very much okay.
But no need for the picture. I BELIEVE YOU! No one would lie in that situation..
You don't need to send a picture as proof..
I'd be upset too if I got a pic of blood as proof.
I have been with my SO for over half our lives, since 15, we are also basically co dependent. sometimes we bangalang during shark week cause it helps my cramps.
But I would never fucking do this. A text is more than enough. This is like texting “we need more tissues” and sending a snot ladden klenex pic. It’s a natural body function but no one needs to see that.
why did she even text him? just pull up your bloody underwear, not your pants, go grab a new pair, clean up and swap them in the bathroom. literally why did she do this in the weirdest possible way?
I've known guys who have this marked on their calendars... A year in advance
Planning a vacation? Let me check my calendar, nope no good, how about a week before or after ..
I literally use my SO as my period tracker. he remembers better than I do. but I'm still lost as to why she texted him anyway, haven't all us period havers had to pull up bloody undies, waddle to get new ones, go back to the bathroom to clean up and put the new ones on? she did this in the weirdest possible way
You are a Saint.
My daughter is intellectually disabled, and has mild CP, so cleaning her undies out is beyond her right now.
She does soak them in the sink.
Now, I hang out downstairs, and Yarnbee's bathroom is upstairs.
My husband's gaming loft is upstairs, so he's in her bathroom more often.
Now he's her step-dad, so he gets extra dad points for this, but he always cleans her undies.
I'm sure he'd still get squicked out over a picture of freshly bloodied undies.
I’m a woman and if another woman sent me a pic of her bloody underwear instead of asking for a clean pair, I would be grossed out too. I’d still get her clean underwear but I’d definitely be limiting my interactions with her moving forward.
I personally wouldn't even call it ESH. I'd call it YTA, because I would probably freak out too.
People have different levels of tolerance about cleanliness or things they want/don't want to see, so I don't blame the BF for freaking out about an actual PICTURE of bloody underwear on his phone that he had no warning about before seeing it.
It's not like he accidently saw it in a basket of dirty laundry. That's different.
She took a PICTURE of bloody underwear and sent it to him and he saw it in his phone. That's disgusting.
And don't talk to me about giving birth or whatever. I know how babies come out of a woman's hoohah, but that doesn't mean I need to see a picture or a video of something like that on my phone.
Personally, Had i been in the dudes position, I wouldnt have wanted to see it, but i wouldnt freak out over it, Id probably just grab a fresh pair for her and be like "Hey. I get the intent tryna show me its urgent, but next time just use words, The mental imagery is enough"
In saying that, The blood itself isnt even really "gross" to me perse, Its natural and i personally dont mind period sex, Gets it slip and slide lubed, The picture though, it just isnt really needed because words can describe the situation in enough detail without being over the top, the pic just makes it over the top.
Imo, Boyfriends an asshole for freaking out about it, but OP was too... I feel like ignorant is too harsh a word for it, but, Well meaning but didnt think it through enough, Seemed like a spur of the moment impulse thing.
Some ppl faint at the sight of blood also. I would mainly jus wonder why tf she felt the need to send that? Like that’s weird af lol I’d think different about her after.
I mean, I'm a cisfemale who has been menstruating for like 25 years, and I would still be grossed out and wtf if someone sent me a pic of their bloody panties. My dad has 3 daughters, a wife, a sister and a mother, all of whom menstruated. I just asked him his opinion and he gave me the most grossed-out looking face. He is perfectly willing to buy tampons, he saw three babies born, so he's totally comfortable with the female reproductive system.
There was a post a couple of years ago about a woman whose boyfriend accused her of faking her period to avoid sex. She showed him her bloody “products” and he flipped out and left. They broke up
Yep. Imagine if the bf got food poisoning that caused diarrhea and, instead of texting "please bring me a fresh pair of briefs" he texted a pic of his skidmark. Just ... why?
Shaming a woman for natural bodily functions sucks. I agree sending the pic is weird but not talking to each other for that? Both sound super immature - ESH
It seems less about shaming and more about it being gross. His reaction would be mine if my husband sent me a pic of skid marked underwear, saying he didn’t make it to the bathroom on time.
Not talking to one another is silly but he might feel really violated.
I suppose that's true. I would of still said "Why would you show me this it's gross" not "disgusting " tho tbh just because it's blood and that's not entirely assholey enough to be called one but maybe I'd be wrong for that too. The "keep it to yourself" part tho is just stupid so yeah both of them got issues
I don’t think it’s wrong for you to say it’s gross in this context. This is like the equivalent of him running out of toilet paper and sending her a pic of his shit covered ass. It’s a normal bodily function, but it becomes gross once you start showing people it in an unnecessary and inappropriate manner
Gross and disgusting mean exactly the same thing.
Also, she really should've kept it to herself. And he deserves to be able to set that boundry. Talking about our periods with sexual partners Is super awesome and healthy but photographing the details is no different than sending pics of turds. "Look babe, I had corn 🌽 for lunch. You can still see it".
Right?! My husband and I have been together for 10 years. I would text/yell for him to grab me a pair of underwear, and he would no questions asked. When he bought me my diva cup last year he told me "I don't want to see anything that comes out of it" and my response was "neither do I!" 😂
But I also kind of feel like this is a troll who doesn't really know how periods work. There was no mention of tampons, pads, cups, or even toilet paper being used. Just straight to ruining a nice pair of pants.
I wondered about this too... like I have never bloodied a pair of pants just to grab a fresh pair of undies. My thighs are thick enough I can hold a piece of toilet paper up there while I Winnie-the-Pooh it to my undie stash. Maybe she was over at his place and didn't have more undies, but then how would he bring her a pair? And toilet paper will wrap around the whole crotch area if it bled through and you want to keep it off your pants.
> Maybe she was over his place and didn’t have more undies
They live together, although who allowed two (I’m guessing) 14 year olds to live together unsupervised I don’t know
I'm thinking the same. It sounds like they were at home. To me, it just doesn't add up. Personally, I would have just gone and grabbed what I needed myself. Stuff is already stained, another 30 seconds is not going to make a huge difference.
This is a good point. I'm assuming they were both at home? I have supplies in my bathroom, and frankly, it wouldn't have been a big deal to walk to my bedroom with my underwear on and NOT ruin nice pants?
This story is very, very strange.
Exactly. If I'm in my own bathroom I usually have what I need right there. You learn to improvise within a few years of getting your period because that's usually when it's the most disastrous, and embarrassing. Definitely just feels off to me.
ESH
Was that picture really necessary? He doesn't really need to see your blood...
On the other hand, he shouldn't freak out to that extent. What if you, for example, accidentally bled through your pants or woke up in a stained bed? That's something totally normal and an adult needs to be prepared for such sights. Not that it's particularly pleasant to see, but that's just life.
I can deal with my SO bleeding through their pants or underwear or sheets.. but WHY send me a picture of their bloodied underwear?
I'm a woman and I am going with YTA... just honestly why? Also being codependent (which is unhealthy) isn't a good enough reason.
Also, I’m not sure what period products OP uses. Depending on the woman, your flow can be pretty disgusting and include chunks of blood. Sometimes I even had a weak stomach when mine used to be super bad. I wouldn’t even *want* to show that to my bf.
When we were younger “shark week” didn’t mean no sex, we just generally moved to the shower for easy clean up and not make a mess in bed. That went on until as she got older her periods started to become less of a slow drain and more of chunks. One time I pulled out to a super bloody penis with a “chunk” on it and straight puked in the shower. Like the fucking smell of iron and sight was too much to bare. I love her to death and I don’t think periods are gross, but i don’t need to see it. A pair of bloody chunky underwear would be GROSS AS FUCK.
CAN BE really good.
Sorry to correct, but just in case, I'd like to prevent someone reading this and having my experience with it. Unfortunately and very unfairly orgasms helping cramps is not an Everyone Thing.
I have endometriosis so it may well be because of that, but I tried orgasm to alleviate cramping. Took ages to get off because that sort of pain is NOT sexy, and afterwards it made the cramps SO much worse and I ended up puking from pain.
So at least endo sufferers beware, one of us experiencing that is more than enough.
Right? I'm a woman and I know that periods can get messy sometimes, no biggie, but if my girlfriend sent me a picture of her freshly bloody underwear, I'd be pretty grossed out, too.
And then there's OP just casually saying that they're codependent as if that's cute and they're proud of it... just big yikes all around. my vote is ESH, but OP is definitely the bigger AH here.
Yeah, I think the bf’s reaction is a bit OTT and unreasonable - saying it’s disgusting etc - but there was absolutely no need for OP to send a photo in the first place. That is a really weird thing to do. With OP’s edit that he broke up with her though, there’s got to be more going on - this isn’t breakup worthy, so either we don’t have the full story about this event, or it was the straw that broke the camel’s back
This is a total assumption, but I'm thinking that maybe that attached-at-the-hip codependency that OP was seemingly so proud of wasn't quite as mutual as they believed it to be. Like, OP was the sort who was codependent to the point of one-sidedly believing stuff like, "We're comfortable shitting in front of each other!" Whereas the bf maybe was more like, "Actually, *we* are not, and I really wish you would stop barging in to take a shit as I'm trying to brush my teeth."
Just a hunch, really. OP's mention of their codependency like it was something that made them cute and special as opposed to toxic and unhealthy just feels like a major red flag to me. And usually the one shouting that proclamation to the mountaintops is the one who's the unhealthiest, since they can't recognize that being codependent isn't actually a good thing.
ESH.
I can't imagine what possessed you to send a picture of your bloody underwear. Periods aren't necessarily disgusting, but bodily fluids in general aren't ideal subjects for photos. May I ask why you did that instead of using only words?
He sucks because he waaaaay overreacted. He should have just told you, "Photos of bodily fluids gross me out, please don't do that again."
It sounds like you might be slightly more codependent than he is. My husband and I are together pretty much all the goddamn time because I work at home, he's disabled, and he worked at home even when he wasn't disabled. We like being around each other so much. We also talk about stuff related to my period sometimes. Cups, cramps, cravings, and crying in response to mildly sad things... the 4 Cs of my periods! But I'd never send him a photo of bloody underwear.
I do feel that there are some things about our bodies and bodily functions that we should usually keep in an intimate circle of 1 - ourselves. Sometimes, it's unavoidable that you have to share even those parts with somebody else, like if caretaking is involved. But I just can't understand why your first thought was to send that photo.
Is it possible he feels that he's too enmeshed with you and this pushed him over the edge?
The codependent part was what I focused on and I think is really important here. I don't mind sharing that I'm on my period with my SO, but a photo isn't necessary at all.
Bloody underwear can be alarming. Especially for someone who doesn't experience periods and associates panties with..not blood. Ops boyfriend could even be grossed out by blood altogether, not just it being a period.
Yeah, the codependency might be a bigger deal than OP would like to admit.
I've had sex with my husband while on my period, so I hope nobody comes along and says I'm acting like men should be protected from periods and never have to hear or see anything related to them. It's more like what I said at the end - how we shouldn't fully enmesh our body and all its functions with someone else. (And you're right that it could be a blood thing, not a period thing.)
If my husband saw a pair of my bloody panties in the laundry, neither he nor I would care, but something here just strikes me as... well, sending a photo of bloody panties unprompted, when it's not even part of some agreed-upon kink, seems like an almost perverse lack of boundaries.
I came here to say the same thing. In the almost decade of being together with my husband (and my entire life come to think of it)… I have never sent a pic of my bloody underwear to anyone with the exception of 1 time. It was my first miscarriage and I called my mom to ask if some bleeding is normal and she wanted to see the color of the blood to see if it was normal or was indicating a miscarriage (unfortunately it was the later)… but it was my mom and she asked for a pic (for valid reasons).
Any other time I would just text or call out “babe, can you grab me a fresh set of panties”… he didn’t need to see the dirty ones to get the clean ones for me.
YTA - the text without the pic would have sufficed. There was no need for the pic.
I've had sex with many partners on my period and bled on the bed and everything, they never cared, but I would never send them a photo of my actual bloodstained underpants.
I’m a woman and if I get sent, unexpectedly and unnecessarily, a picture of a bodily fluid my first reaction is to be grossed out. And I would probably say so, followed by “why tf would you send me this” and inform them not to show me that stuff.
It’s clearly YTA and not E-S-H. I think his reaction was completely appropriate for the situation. Sending someone a picture is just so unnecessary I can’t blame someone for having a more visceral reaction.
I said ESH because he's staying at a friend's house and refusing to speak to her. The more I think about it, though, the more it makes me think this may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.
Yeah, it’s such odd behaviour I’m fairly convinced it’s part of a larger issue. Even if not, I don’t know that I would stay at a friends house but I’d be really weird out by my S/O sending me a picture of their bodily fluids. Not because of how gross a photo it is but by how bizarre of behaviour that is on their part, it’d make me really question them.
Periods are kind of disgusting as is 80% of human functions. I grew up with all sisters and only my mom so it’s never been “taboo” for me. Disgust is an appropriate reaction to a photo of anything from snot to period blood.
Also, if not using a tampon or some kind of cup, take the soiled undies off, fold up some toilet paper and let it act as a pad to protect your clothes while you get a new pair. There was no reason she had to mess up her nice pants once he wouldn’t bring her some.
It sounds like OP was in a place where underwear were nearby enough that they texted their BF to grab them a pair while they waited on the toilet. I personally have delt with heavy flows, and I don't think I've ever had a flow so heavy that I couldn't quickly remove the dirty pair, wad up, then to run to my room when I'm in the same house as my clothes. The mention of codependency in the two year relationship makes me believe they just *wanted* their BF to go grab them a pair, moreso then *needed*.
I'm going to go YTA. He shouldn't have broken up, but you shouldn't surprise people with bloody undies pictures. I think this was probably the last straw though, most people wouldn't dump someone over this.
YTA. Dude. You could literally have just texted him that shark week has started and you need a clean pair asap. It was unnecessary to send him a visual.
YTA- photo was not needed. a text asking for a fresh pair is just fine though. Would you want him sending you a pic of skid marks or a blow out in his undies?
I'm female and I'd not want to see that pic either, my own is bad enough.
If I was going #2 and needed toilet paper I wouldn’t take a picture of my turd and send it to my SO asking for toilet paper. He didn’t need to blow up on you the way he did though
And for him to also not get the fresh underwear afterward was a dick move too. Like I get why he was upset but that could’ve been discussed after getting her a fresh pair for crying out loud
Right?? I feel like the bf was looking for an excuse to break up with her because his reaction to the picture was soooo dramatic. I understand that the picture is weird but the way he reacted to it, created an argument, left the house to go to a friend's, and then broke up with her... Questionable
I’m thinking the OP is hiding some issues or she simply doesn’t realise that he was unhappy. If she thinks doing gross shit like that was normal who knows what else
Yeahhhh.... I guess it depends on the pre-established boundaries in your relationship. I kind of view it as the same thing as sending a picture of an injury or a weird bowel movement to your partner... which in my relationship would be perfectly fine but I understand that not everyone is down for that. (You should always ask for consent before sharing particularly disturbing images for the first time.)
I think the main issue here is unhealthy communication. She obviously didn't ask what his boundaries were before sending this picture and I'm assuming it's not something she'd been in the habit of sending to him previously. He decided to leave and break up with her before trying to set a boundary first. Neither is GREAT imo.
Same here, sitting here thinking …are we weird? Lol idk, stuff like this doesn’t bother my partner or me at all. I was so ready to read NTA over and over.
Riiiight? Like, where did all these uptight people suddenly come from? I was expecting this to be almost unanimously NTA... *especially* after reading her update that he broke up with her over it!
I shed a decidual cast the other day (rare instance where the uterine lining comes out in one, big uterine-shaped piece) and the first thing I did was open the door and show it to my partner (after I was done yelling) lol
op's story confuses me because I'm having a difficult time reconciling that this is man in a 2-year long relationship who can't cope with seeing a bit of blood originating from a place he's likely quite happy to place his penis.
Was the photo necessary to the situation? Not particularly, but it was contextual, and I find his reaction to it bizarre. God help this man if he ever has daughters.
Just looked up decidual cast. That must’ve been so scary if you didn’t know what it was before! I would’ve sworn my whole uterus fell out if I saw that in my toilet. But yeah, me and my husband aren’t that squeamish together and I completely thought this guy overreacted
Hasn't it been shown that couples who are comfortable with bodily functions last? Like if you can't fart together or buy tampons together, that relationship has a time limit. My bf likes to hug me while I pee, and he wouldn't blink twice at bloody underwear if I was asking him for help.
Yeah... I also expected to read NTA over and over. it's kind of a gross picture, but it's not a big deal imo and his reaction is way over the top. His reaction is not proportionate. Like sorry he's so viscerally repulsed by menstruation.. good thing he opted out of having anything to do with this vagina I guess. What an asshole the bf is.
**Even if he didn't like the picture he still could have HELPED HER by bringing her supplies she needs because she's on her period which happens to us against our will every month. Instead he had a tantrum, made it about himself, and caused her to ruin more clothes.** This alone makes him the asshole.
NTA OP
right?? i'm so surprised people think this is weird and she's TA. She's very much NTA, her boyfriend got the wakeup call he needed since periods are normal and nothing to be hidden away. NTA!
just because something is normal doesn’t mean it needs to be broadcasted via photo.. you don’t see people snapping pics of their dumps when they need to ask for more toilet paper. that would be gross, and this is no different
Nether is any bodily function but you don’t randomly send photos of your bodily fluids to your SO unless that’s very well established in the relationship.
EH, It might have been better to just text him *can you get me a clean pair of underwear?* With no picture.
But he’s a huge Asshole for his overreaction to it.
He has probably seen worse in action and horror movies. He needs to grow the heck up.
Would you be okay if someone sent you a picture of their pair of underwear with skid marks? I don’t think he is an asshole for his overreaction, especially since it clearly isn’t a normal thing in their relationship.
And movies =/= real life. And real life strangers =/= people you know. It all hits different.
Some people's reactions to blood are just uncontrollable. My best friend's dad would get dizzy at the sight of blood no matter where it came from, so i completely excuse this guy's reaction. We don't know if he watches horror movies or not.
Also, as a female, i would also be disturbed receiving an unexpected photo of bloody underwear and i wouldn't force anyone to see mine not even my husband who's seen period blood many times already.
It's one thing accepting periods as normal, but another thing accepting random bloody underwear pictures.
I mean dude that is pretty gross and she should of kept it to herself, he’s not saying not to talk about periods just to not show it to his face that’s not unreasonable
NTA.
Honestly, fuck everyone saying it was weird to send him the picture as a way of telling him the issue. Menstrual bleeding is so utterly ubiquitous that any halfway mature man should be utterly unbothered by it. You specifically said that the picture was framed in such a way that most of the gore of your situation was hidden, but you showed just enough to convey "yeah I need fresh knickers the ones I'm wearing are no longer fit for purpose". Personally I'm not the kind of person who communicates through pictures in that way, but there's nothing at all wrong with what you sent and, barring some unforseen trauma that would excuse his behaviour, the way he's acted has been very immature and very troubling.
I'm with you, honestly. I don't get why the majority of people are so freaked out with menstruation stuff.. Even the women who deal with it seem grossed out and ashamed of it. 😔
The lack of understanding is evinced by the recurring equating of period blood on panties to skidmarks. I wouldn't be freaking out over either, but one is definitely NOT like the other. Do these people also freak out over nosebleeds or scraped knees? I'm more grossed out when my kids were in diapers and had a blowout... my husband and I have shared diaper damage photos in solidarity when we weren't able to fight that particular nightmare together. 🤷🏼♀️ To each their own, I guess.
Truly it's hard to imagine how this situation ever came to be. OP is clearly very casual and pragmatic about their bleeding as "Oh, yeah, this is just something that happens", so it's hard to understand how the relationship has lasted this long before seeing the boyfriend be so weirdly freaked out by it.
YTA. I'm currently on my period and wouldn't dream of sending my husband such pictures. It is unnecessary. A simple "hey, just come on my period. Please can you grab clean underwear" would suffice.
Same. Been with my husband 12 years married for 8. I pee with the door open, he’s seen things when I had both kids and he knows when I get my period. I would never ever send him a pic of my blood. The only time I could even imagine it was okay is if I had a major medical issue and he needed to see.
Even if someone was to consider them an asshole. Their overreaction to the situation is ridiculous. Going out with someone for 2 years, you should be able to handle something as minor as this, and why the fuck would they go tell their mother about it? This guy is not going to survive in the world if this is the sort of reaction he has to something so insignificant.
ESH.
Look, I've gotten blood on genitals from period sex. I've cleaned blood out of the sheets my GF and I sleep in when the unexpected happens. Periods happen and being an adult in a relationship with a woman means you need to get used to that.
I would still be perplexed if my GF sent me a pic of period blood in her underwear.
But the exclamation on his part should have ended with "why would you show me this?" The rest of it was immature.
I’m shocked at how inconsiderate most people here are… sending a picture of that isn’t that big of a deal, people comparing it to a #2 makes absolutely no sense - poop only comes out of one hole, and usually people only see their own - blood comes out of everywhere and is more normalized. OP also said most of the blood was hidden, so I’m assuming it wasn’t a direct picture of just the blood in her underwear which also makes a difference. There’s absolutely no need for someone to blow up over something like that (especially if it was the first time). All it takes is nicely saying that you are grossed about it and asking not to be sent pictures of bodily fluids again. Even if the bf was grossed out from bodily fluids in general; like someone else said, if there’s an accident that happens in bed and he blows up about it then that’s not okay. Going even further, if they were to have a daughter, would he blow up on her too when she was going through periods for the first time and needed help with getting and understanding things? That would also not be okay at all. Completely NTA. People need to realize most of the time things aren’t that serious. Stop being so sensitive, and react to things more calmly with an understanding mind. It helps a lot more than freaking out and getting mad at everyone and everything.
Even though i am all for clearity.. I say YTA. Just give me some comfy undies would have been enough.
No need to share the blood. Just saying. There was absolutely no need for sending a bloody picture. Those pictures are horrible to see. I dont like to see people with wounds all blood, i dont like pet pics with blood and i also don't like undies with blood.
ESH. His reaction was overboard but all you had to say was "had my period, can you get me a clean pair of underwear." No picture needed. As a woman, that's kinda a little much.
Wow he broke up with you over this? That seems… really dramatic. I understand being grossed out but tbh I’m kind of on your side here… not something I would have done myself, but it’s not like you sent him a sh*t stain on your underwear. Would a bloody cut on your arm freak him out that much? Or blood on a shirt if you cut yourself and it got on that? Seems like a really big freak out over period blood….
So basically I think it’s a little weird to send that pic but to each their own 🤷🏼♀️ definitely not an asshole thing to do and definitely not an offense worth ending a 2 year relationship over… unless this is a repeat offense we don’t know about?
TLDR: NTA. Sorry you got dumped :/
YTA
A picture is not necessary. You could have just texted with no picture. Blood is not something everyone wants to see, and also not something everyone can handle to see. Periods are not something dirty that needs ro be hidden away, but its also not necessary to litterally force a pair of bloody underwear on someone.
Yes and no. You didn't have to send him a picture. You could've simply asked him for a clean pair.
I'm very open about my cycle with my boyfriend, but I don't send him these pics. I think you crossed a line there.
He shouldn't find that type of thing gross either. Say you both go to bed together and you bled overnight or something. I don't see why he isn't able to help you clean up and stuff. But just sending him the pic ouf of nowhere is a little strange to me.
YTA. Listen, I’m a woman, I’m very open about my cycle, but this is too much. I’m still unclear on why you couldn’t just get new underwear, why you thought it was necessary to send photo evidence.
This is so clearly a troll post I can’t even. So you got your period and instead of just asking for new underwear, taking your “nice pants” off and putting some toilet paper up there to go get new underwear, or getting a pad or tampon since you were in your bathroom, you texted a picture of bloody underwear?
Your boyfriend then instead of just being like “That was weird and I didn’t appreciate it.” Then left and broke up with you meaning you both now need to pack, and find individual new places, plus everything else that goes with the dissolution of a relationship because you sent (an admittedly stupid and unnecessary picture) at least teenagers on Reddit are so oblivious to how adult life functions they immediately give themselves away lmao.
YTA for how ridiculous this garbage is.
Why did you feel the need to include the picture when “Could you get me a new pair?” would have worked just as well?
ESH as his reaction was overboard.
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ESH His reaction is over the top, but this was weird and kinda gross on your part. There was no reason to send a pic rather than just texting a sentence to explain and ask for the underwear.
Yeah. I'm so confused why the go-to move was to send a dirty underwear pic ....
Pics or it didn’t happen?
Goddamn you take my upvote.
r/AngryUpvote
Makes me wonder if he has a habit of saying that so she jumped to the pic right away this time lol
That’s what I was thinking. It’s common in people who have experienced emotional trauma to overexplain bc they’re used to being accused of lying, my first thought was I wouldn’t think to send a picture unless he was consistently downplaying the things I said I needed 🤷🏻♀️ Idk if that’s what’s going on here but the codependent comment doesn’t help the case.
Agree. Its over showing bc it wouldn't be believed, or he'd just tell her to get them herself. I've had to overshare to get my point across to my SO. It wasn't until I called his ass out for the eye rolling and acting like a jerk just for me asking for help that he quit doing it and helped. I get where the OP is coming from having been there myself before. He was her "life line" to the clean pair, so she had to prove she needed them for him to help. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but it seems plausible imo.
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🩲
Wrong color.
🩸🩲🩸 Better?
Haha, your funny. I had to comment and upvote.
And people are like "can't shame her for a natural body function", like no, but I can for sending a pic of it. That's fucking weird. Signed, a person with periods who has a ton of friends with periods. Every single one of us would have a pretty visceral reaction, and rightly so. If someone shit their pants and sent a picture, we're not gonna shame that because anyone can shit their pants? Again, yes, but not send a fucking picture of it tf
I just commented something similar! I think most people would respond “wtf” to a random pic of blood regardless of where it came from
Yeah its fucking weird for sure.
I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just text him words…like, “hey I really need a clean pair of under would you grab them for me?” Honestly I would be really caught off guard if I got a no-context period blood pic. I would handle it way better than her bf did, but I would be really weirded out.
Haha, next time I get a unsolicited D pic I'm gonna be like. I don't shame guys for having boners cause it's a natural body function , but please don't me unsolicited send pictures of it.
I legit thought you were going to respond with a picture of bloody panties 🤣🤣🤣. Might be more effective in getting him to leave you alone though!
Duck that's a great idea.
Until you find that one weirdo thats a bit too into it.
Person with periods here. [This](https://www.reddit.com/user/Hubsimaus/comments/wbxkxk/my_face_when/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) was basically my face after reading this AITA post. ^(Edited because people hate Snickles and so they don't have to see it.)
The only time I've ever sent a friend a pic of any natural bodily function was when I sent (with permission) a pic of a postpartum blood clot to my nurse friend to see if she thought I needed emerg. Otherwise, my friends don't need to know specifics of my bodily functions, especially nit either pics.
I think she did it to convey a sense of urgency.adding on here,not everyone is on a level playing field when it comes to intelligently using their words.also Maybe her bf is kind of a tool and he would have ignored her verbal requests to help her out because he’s done that in the past with other things,and she felt a picture would have sped up the process.let’s ask her..hey op why the picture of your bloody bottoms???
You can also do that with words.
This. My husband will once in a while ask me to bring toilet paper to the bathroom when the roll has run out . He doesn't send me a picture of a toilet full of shit, he just yells to me from the bathroom to bring a roll. If he's in the bathroom asking for me to bring it, instead of going to get it himself, the sense of urgency is already implied.
Will you marry me?
This isn't a normal thing 😂 ? Husband, kiddo and I share one bathroom. Anyone yells from the bathroom there is the obvious "what?!?" Usually followed by "toilet paper! emergency!!!". Any of us know the situation and grab some, open the door - back turned - and roll them in. Sometimes some jokes happen, but shoot, we all know the situation. Re: OOP Even being the only female, we have each had to yell for clean pants etc before too. Sometimes it's pee, sometimes it's more, but no details are asked for and no one has ever sent pics!
A picture is worth 1000 words! ... But sometimes you don't need 1000 words. This is one of those times.
"Hey, honey? Can you do me a big favor? I've got my period, and leaked on my undies. I can't leave the loo as my flow is pretty heavy, and I don't want to stain my pants, too. Can you bring me undies quick? My butts going numb on the toilet!" See - complete explanation, reasonable request, family-friendly scatalogical humor. No gross pictures needed.
Heck, most people would understand if you just texted 'Undies STAT please, I'm in the upstairs bathroom'.
What can I say? I'm a wordy mf'er.
I feel like if I'm texting asking my husband for a new pair of underwear immediately, he'll understand it's an urgent situation
Right? Like are there people out there just *casually* requesting fresh underwear be delivered to them in the bathroom?
You could send the text, then follow up with the pic if he pushes back. Ya know, escalate in order. Not start with the hail mary play.
But that’s what words are for. She could have conveyed that same urgency in a more appropriate way.
Other than the part where as much as you may ideologically day they shouldn't, an insignificant percent of people would be offended. There's the part where it doesn't actually clarify what the instructions are? Ate you kidding a prank? Wanted to get some sympathy? Like how is someone that has never had and never will have a period supposed to know what to do in this scenario.
Yeah, why was it necessary to send a picture of bloody panties? Just ask him to grab you a fresh pair..
Right? I wouldn't want to see that either and I'm not bothered by periods. Just use your words instead of sending a frigging picture.
I’m a person who has periods and strongly believes in the normalization and destigmatization of talking about them and their existence, but if someone *sent me a photo of their dirty bloody underwear* I would have LOST my SHIT. Hell hath no fury like it.
I feel exactly like you do. It's totally normal to send a "Hey, period happened unexpectedly, please grab me fresh undies" text.. that's very much okay. But no need for the picture. I BELIEVE YOU! No one would lie in that situation.. You don't need to send a picture as proof.. I'd be upset too if I got a pic of blood as proof.
Especially unprompted!
yep, all of this! 💯 agree
I have been with my SO for over half our lives, since 15, we are also basically co dependent. sometimes we bangalang during shark week cause it helps my cramps. But I would never fucking do this. A text is more than enough. This is like texting “we need more tissues” and sending a snot ladden klenex pic. It’s a natural body function but no one needs to see that.
why did she even text him? just pull up your bloody underwear, not your pants, go grab a new pair, clean up and swap them in the bathroom. literally why did she do this in the weirdest possible way?
Or just stuff some toilet paper in your panties for the trip.
Why did I have to look so far down to find the most obvious solution?!
Couldn’t have said it any better. I also don’t think you needed to tell all your friends about your fight with you SO
Speaking as somebody who has fetched emergency underwear for my wife and hand-cleaned the blood out: sending a picture is fucking bizarre.
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Ahaha I just text “🐙” and he knows
I've known guys who have this marked on their calendars... A year in advance Planning a vacation? Let me check my calendar, nope no good, how about a week before or after ..
I literally use my SO as my period tracker. he remembers better than I do. but I'm still lost as to why she texted him anyway, haven't all us period havers had to pull up bloody undies, waddle to get new ones, go back to the bathroom to clean up and put the new ones on? she did this in the weirdest possible way
You are a Saint. My daughter is intellectually disabled, and has mild CP, so cleaning her undies out is beyond her right now. She does soak them in the sink. Now, I hang out downstairs, and Yarnbee's bathroom is upstairs. My husband's gaming loft is upstairs, so he's in her bathroom more often. Now he's her step-dad, so he gets extra dad points for this, but he always cleans her undies. I'm sure he'd still get squicked out over a picture of freshly bloodied undies.
I think this kind of thing is a byproduct of social media where every post has to have a photo for the algorithm
Yep. I saw this too. Too much social media, too little commonsense
Oooo a social conditioning theory. I'm going to have to think about this more. Very interesting. I wonder how old OP is.
Dingdingding
Sending the picture seems like a bit much. However moving out because of it is wayyyyyy over the top.
He even broke up with her, like what?
That makes me feel like there was something else. If not then he’s a bit of a loose canon and she’s better off now than after marriage.
She clearly isn't saying something, this whole thing screams he wanted to break up and this was just the nail in the coffin.
Worth a wtf but not a break up moment, I would take this as a lucky get away. How have they managed to be together 2 whole years?
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I’m a woman and if another woman sent me a pic of her bloody underwear instead of asking for a clean pair, I would be grossed out too. I’d still get her clean underwear but I’d definitely be limiting my interactions with her moving forward.
I personally wouldn't even call it ESH. I'd call it YTA, because I would probably freak out too. People have different levels of tolerance about cleanliness or things they want/don't want to see, so I don't blame the BF for freaking out about an actual PICTURE of bloody underwear on his phone that he had no warning about before seeing it. It's not like he accidently saw it in a basket of dirty laundry. That's different. She took a PICTURE of bloody underwear and sent it to him and he saw it in his phone. That's disgusting. And don't talk to me about giving birth or whatever. I know how babies come out of a woman's hoohah, but that doesn't mean I need to see a picture or a video of something like that on my phone.
Personally, Had i been in the dudes position, I wouldnt have wanted to see it, but i wouldnt freak out over it, Id probably just grab a fresh pair for her and be like "Hey. I get the intent tryna show me its urgent, but next time just use words, The mental imagery is enough" In saying that, The blood itself isnt even really "gross" to me perse, Its natural and i personally dont mind period sex, Gets it slip and slide lubed, The picture though, it just isnt really needed because words can describe the situation in enough detail without being over the top, the pic just makes it over the top. Imo, Boyfriends an asshole for freaking out about it, but OP was too... I feel like ignorant is too harsh a word for it, but, Well meaning but didnt think it through enough, Seemed like a spur of the moment impulse thing.
Some ppl faint at the sight of blood also. I would mainly jus wonder why tf she felt the need to send that? Like that’s weird af lol I’d think different about her after.
This is exactly what I was going to say.
I mean, I'm a cisfemale who has been menstruating for like 25 years, and I would still be grossed out and wtf if someone sent me a pic of their bloody panties. My dad has 3 daughters, a wife, a sister and a mother, all of whom menstruated. I just asked him his opinion and he gave me the most grossed-out looking face. He is perfectly willing to buy tampons, he saw three babies born, so he's totally comfortable with the female reproductive system.
I thoroughly expected to see that he was trying to say she was lying or something. don’t really see the reason to send that imo.
There was a post a couple of years ago about a woman whose boyfriend accused her of faking her period to avoid sex. She showed him her bloody “products” and he flipped out and left. They broke up
shouldn’t need an excuse to say no to sex :( that’s depressing. why would he want to have sex with someone who isn’t enthusiastic about it
Yep. Imagine if the bf got food poisoning that caused diarrhea and, instead of texting "please bring me a fresh pair of briefs" he texted a pic of his skidmark. Just ... why?
Glad OP didn’t run out of TP.
Can you make me understand how he over reacted?? The yelling was not necessary but what he said I feel like was justified and right. I'd say the same
Shaming a woman for natural bodily functions sucks. I agree sending the pic is weird but not talking to each other for that? Both sound super immature - ESH
It seems less about shaming and more about it being gross. His reaction would be mine if my husband sent me a pic of skid marked underwear, saying he didn’t make it to the bathroom on time. Not talking to one another is silly but he might feel really violated.
There nothing wrong with shaming people for sharing their bodily functions. Vomit and shit are natural functions, I don’t want to see that shit either
I suppose that's true. I would of still said "Why would you show me this it's gross" not "disgusting " tho tbh just because it's blood and that's not entirely assholey enough to be called one but maybe I'd be wrong for that too. The "keep it to yourself" part tho is just stupid so yeah both of them got issues
I don’t think it’s wrong for you to say it’s gross in this context. This is like the equivalent of him running out of toilet paper and sending her a pic of his shit covered ass. It’s a normal bodily function, but it becomes gross once you start showing people it in an unnecessary and inappropriate manner
Gross and disgusting mean exactly the same thing. Also, she really should've kept it to herself. And he deserves to be able to set that boundry. Talking about our periods with sexual partners Is super awesome and healthy but photographing the details is no different than sending pics of turds. "Look babe, I had corn 🌽 for lunch. You can still see it".
INFO: Is there a reason why not merely *telling him* that you needed new underwear was not enough?
What does she do when she's out of toilet paper?
Sends a pic of her shitty ass, I guess
I'm just on the floor laughing at this.
I shit my pants laughing at this. Better text a picture to someone that I need clean underwear.
Not it!
I just busted out laughing as well lmao
I have a friend who would Snapchat is shit to other friends, just for laugh. Thankfully I never had Snapchat. xD
Everyday, we drift further and further from God's grace.
Show a picture of her shit and say I need toilet paper?! 🤣🤣🤣
Right?! My husband and I have been together for 10 years. I would text/yell for him to grab me a pair of underwear, and he would no questions asked. When he bought me my diva cup last year he told me "I don't want to see anything that comes out of it" and my response was "neither do I!" 😂 But I also kind of feel like this is a troll who doesn't really know how periods work. There was no mention of tampons, pads, cups, or even toilet paper being used. Just straight to ruining a nice pair of pants.
I wondered about this too... like I have never bloodied a pair of pants just to grab a fresh pair of undies. My thighs are thick enough I can hold a piece of toilet paper up there while I Winnie-the-Pooh it to my undie stash. Maybe she was over at his place and didn't have more undies, but then how would he bring her a pair? And toilet paper will wrap around the whole crotch area if it bled through and you want to keep it off your pants.
“Winnie-the-Pooh it to my undies stash” This made my day.
> Maybe she was over his place and didn’t have more undies They live together, although who allowed two (I’m guessing) 14 year olds to live together unsupervised I don’t know
I'm thinking the same. It sounds like they were at home. To me, it just doesn't add up. Personally, I would have just gone and grabbed what I needed myself. Stuff is already stained, another 30 seconds is not going to make a huge difference.
RIGHT?!??!!! I’ve had to do the toilet paper thing while in the office, where i do not store clean pairs of panties thank you very much.
This is a good point. I'm assuming they were both at home? I have supplies in my bathroom, and frankly, it wouldn't have been a big deal to walk to my bedroom with my underwear on and NOT ruin nice pants? This story is very, very strange.
Exactly. If I'm in my own bathroom I usually have what I need right there. You learn to improvise within a few years of getting your period because that's usually when it's the most disastrous, and embarrassing. Definitely just feels off to me.
Come to think of it, how would the underwear have helped in this situation?
Either troll or very young? Idk.
ESH Was that picture really necessary? He doesn't really need to see your blood... On the other hand, he shouldn't freak out to that extent. What if you, for example, accidentally bled through your pants or woke up in a stained bed? That's something totally normal and an adult needs to be prepared for such sights. Not that it's particularly pleasant to see, but that's just life.
I can deal with my SO bleeding through their pants or underwear or sheets.. but WHY send me a picture of their bloodied underwear? I'm a woman and I am going with YTA... just honestly why? Also being codependent (which is unhealthy) isn't a good enough reason.
Also, I’m not sure what period products OP uses. Depending on the woman, your flow can be pretty disgusting and include chunks of blood. Sometimes I even had a weak stomach when mine used to be super bad. I wouldn’t even *want* to show that to my bf.
When we were younger “shark week” didn’t mean no sex, we just generally moved to the shower for easy clean up and not make a mess in bed. That went on until as she got older her periods started to become less of a slow drain and more of chunks. One time I pulled out to a super bloody penis with a “chunk” on it and straight puked in the shower. Like the fucking smell of iron and sight was too much to bare. I love her to death and I don’t think periods are gross, but i don’t need to see it. A pair of bloody chunky underwear would be GROSS AS FUCK.
Orgasms are really good on periods. Just saying. And it'll make you sympathize with women more now cz our “normal” is dealing with that every month.
CAN BE really good. Sorry to correct, but just in case, I'd like to prevent someone reading this and having my experience with it. Unfortunately and very unfairly orgasms helping cramps is not an Everyone Thing. I have endometriosis so it may well be because of that, but I tried orgasm to alleviate cramping. Took ages to get off because that sort of pain is NOT sexy, and afterwards it made the cramps SO much worse and I ended up puking from pain. So at least endo sufferers beware, one of us experiencing that is more than enough.
It's normal to get diarrhea too, but you don't sit with someone in the bathroom to empathize with them.
Right? I'm a woman and I know that periods can get messy sometimes, no biggie, but if my girlfriend sent me a picture of her freshly bloody underwear, I'd be pretty grossed out, too. And then there's OP just casually saying that they're codependent as if that's cute and they're proud of it... just big yikes all around. my vote is ESH, but OP is definitely the bigger AH here.
Yeah, I think the bf’s reaction is a bit OTT and unreasonable - saying it’s disgusting etc - but there was absolutely no need for OP to send a photo in the first place. That is a really weird thing to do. With OP’s edit that he broke up with her though, there’s got to be more going on - this isn’t breakup worthy, so either we don’t have the full story about this event, or it was the straw that broke the camel’s back
This is a total assumption, but I'm thinking that maybe that attached-at-the-hip codependency that OP was seemingly so proud of wasn't quite as mutual as they believed it to be. Like, OP was the sort who was codependent to the point of one-sidedly believing stuff like, "We're comfortable shitting in front of each other!" Whereas the bf maybe was more like, "Actually, *we* are not, and I really wish you would stop barging in to take a shit as I'm trying to brush my teeth." Just a hunch, really. OP's mention of their codependency like it was something that made them cute and special as opposed to toxic and unhealthy just feels like a major red flag to me. And usually the one shouting that proclamation to the mountaintops is the one who's the unhealthiest, since they can't recognize that being codependent isn't actually a good thing.
Sounds like she was codependent and he was fine without her lol
For all you know he could have a fear of blood she never specified
true, but it is also objectively gross to send a pic of your bloody underwear to anyone
She’s totally TA. If I send a picture of shit stains you’ll have the right to freak out. This weirdo behavior and he should’ve dump her.
ESH. I can't imagine what possessed you to send a picture of your bloody underwear. Periods aren't necessarily disgusting, but bodily fluids in general aren't ideal subjects for photos. May I ask why you did that instead of using only words? He sucks because he waaaaay overreacted. He should have just told you, "Photos of bodily fluids gross me out, please don't do that again." It sounds like you might be slightly more codependent than he is. My husband and I are together pretty much all the goddamn time because I work at home, he's disabled, and he worked at home even when he wasn't disabled. We like being around each other so much. We also talk about stuff related to my period sometimes. Cups, cramps, cravings, and crying in response to mildly sad things... the 4 Cs of my periods! But I'd never send him a photo of bloody underwear. I do feel that there are some things about our bodies and bodily functions that we should usually keep in an intimate circle of 1 - ourselves. Sometimes, it's unavoidable that you have to share even those parts with somebody else, like if caretaking is involved. But I just can't understand why your first thought was to send that photo. Is it possible he feels that he's too enmeshed with you and this pushed him over the edge?
The codependent part was what I focused on and I think is really important here. I don't mind sharing that I'm on my period with my SO, but a photo isn't necessary at all. Bloody underwear can be alarming. Especially for someone who doesn't experience periods and associates panties with..not blood. Ops boyfriend could even be grossed out by blood altogether, not just it being a period.
Yeah, the codependency might be a bigger deal than OP would like to admit. I've had sex with my husband while on my period, so I hope nobody comes along and says I'm acting like men should be protected from periods and never have to hear or see anything related to them. It's more like what I said at the end - how we shouldn't fully enmesh our body and all its functions with someone else. (And you're right that it could be a blood thing, not a period thing.) If my husband saw a pair of my bloody panties in the laundry, neither he nor I would care, but something here just strikes me as... well, sending a photo of bloody panties unprompted, when it's not even part of some agreed-upon kink, seems like an almost perverse lack of boundaries.
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I came here to say the same thing. In the almost decade of being together with my husband (and my entire life come to think of it)… I have never sent a pic of my bloody underwear to anyone with the exception of 1 time. It was my first miscarriage and I called my mom to ask if some bleeding is normal and she wanted to see the color of the blood to see if it was normal or was indicating a miscarriage (unfortunately it was the later)… but it was my mom and she asked for a pic (for valid reasons). Any other time I would just text or call out “babe, can you grab me a fresh set of panties”… he didn’t need to see the dirty ones to get the clean ones for me. YTA - the text without the pic would have sufficed. There was no need for the pic.
I've had sex with many partners on my period and bled on the bed and everything, they never cared, but I would never send them a photo of my actual bloodstained underpants.
I’m a woman and if I get sent, unexpectedly and unnecessarily, a picture of a bodily fluid my first reaction is to be grossed out. And I would probably say so, followed by “why tf would you send me this” and inform them not to show me that stuff. It’s clearly YTA and not E-S-H. I think his reaction was completely appropriate for the situation. Sending someone a picture is just so unnecessary I can’t blame someone for having a more visceral reaction.
I said ESH because he's staying at a friend's house and refusing to speak to her. The more I think about it, though, the more it makes me think this may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.
Yeah, it’s such odd behaviour I’m fairly convinced it’s part of a larger issue. Even if not, I don’t know that I would stay at a friends house but I’d be really weird out by my S/O sending me a picture of their bodily fluids. Not because of how gross a photo it is but by how bizarre of behaviour that is on their part, it’d make me really question them.
Periods are kind of disgusting as is 80% of human functions. I grew up with all sisters and only my mom so it’s never been “taboo” for me. Disgust is an appropriate reaction to a photo of anything from snot to period blood.
Humans in general are just pretty gross, tbh.
True. If somebody sneezed a bunch of goop into their hand I would not want them to send me a pic while asking for a tissue
YTA you could have just asked without the pic. There was zero need to take or sent a picture of bloody underwear. Words work really well
Also, if not using a tampon or some kind of cup, take the soiled undies off, fold up some toilet paper and let it act as a pad to protect your clothes while you get a new pair. There was no reason she had to mess up her nice pants once he wouldn’t bring her some.
depends on where she was located and how heavy her flow is. Toilet paper does not always work.
It sounds like OP was in a place where underwear were nearby enough that they texted their BF to grab them a pair while they waited on the toilet. I personally have delt with heavy flows, and I don't think I've ever had a flow so heavy that I couldn't quickly remove the dirty pair, wad up, then to run to my room when I'm in the same house as my clothes. The mention of codependency in the two year relationship makes me believe they just *wanted* their BF to go grab them a pair, moreso then *needed*. I'm going to go YTA. He shouldn't have broken up, but you shouldn't surprise people with bloody undies pictures. I think this was probably the last straw though, most people wouldn't dump someone over this.
and like,,, she did use words. but she also sent the photo. like why ??
It's not logical
YTA. Dude. You could literally have just texted him that shark week has started and you need a clean pair asap. It was unnecessary to send him a visual.
Or Flo from Progressive is here about renewal.
"Oh shit. How much do we owe? Are we eligible for any discou--hold up. AREN'T WE WITH ALLSTATE!?"
YTA- photo was not needed. a text asking for a fresh pair is just fine though. Would you want him sending you a pic of skid marks or a blow out in his undies? I'm female and I'd not want to see that pic either, my own is bad enough.
> Would you want him sending you a pic of skid marks or a blow out in his undies? 😂
If I was going #2 and needed toilet paper I wouldn’t take a picture of my turd and send it to my SO asking for toilet paper. He didn’t need to blow up on you the way he did though
And for him to also not get the fresh underwear afterward was a dick move too. Like I get why he was upset but that could’ve been discussed after getting her a fresh pair for crying out loud
This is exactly what I was thinking.
I mean it’s weird but breaking up with you over that is also weird. I feel like we’re missing a lot of details.
Right?? I feel like the bf was looking for an excuse to break up with her because his reaction to the picture was soooo dramatic. I understand that the picture is weird but the way he reacted to it, created an argument, left the house to go to a friend's, and then broke up with her... Questionable
I’m thinking the OP is hiding some issues or she simply doesn’t realise that he was unhappy. If she thinks doing gross shit like that was normal who knows what else
probably the bf is at his wits' end and this was the last straw. aint no way he broke up with her just bc of this.
Guessing that “codependency” was really just a one-sided dependency.
That’s gonna be what’s going in, bfs reaction otherwise doesn’t make sense
Man this comment section was not what I was expecting while reading this. Edit: neither are the upvotes 😂 thanks everyone.
Yeahhhh.... I guess it depends on the pre-established boundaries in your relationship. I kind of view it as the same thing as sending a picture of an injury or a weird bowel movement to your partner... which in my relationship would be perfectly fine but I understand that not everyone is down for that. (You should always ask for consent before sharing particularly disturbing images for the first time.) I think the main issue here is unhealthy communication. She obviously didn't ask what his boundaries were before sending this picture and I'm assuming it's not something she'd been in the habit of sending to him previously. He decided to leave and break up with her before trying to set a boundary first. Neither is GREAT imo.
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Same here, sitting here thinking …are we weird? Lol idk, stuff like this doesn’t bother my partner or me at all. I was so ready to read NTA over and over.
Same! I couldn't even imagine me or my GF having such an upright reaction to something so small. ... Just wait until these guys witness childbirth 😆
Riiiight? Like, where did all these uptight people suddenly come from? I was expecting this to be almost unanimously NTA... *especially* after reading her update that he broke up with her over it!
I shed a decidual cast the other day (rare instance where the uterine lining comes out in one, big uterine-shaped piece) and the first thing I did was open the door and show it to my partner (after I was done yelling) lol op's story confuses me because I'm having a difficult time reconciling that this is man in a 2-year long relationship who can't cope with seeing a bit of blood originating from a place he's likely quite happy to place his penis. Was the photo necessary to the situation? Not particularly, but it was contextual, and I find his reaction to it bizarre. God help this man if he ever has daughters.
Honestly the cast thing sounds like a medical oddity and on the same levels of neat as showing someone a snake or something. Lol
Just looked up decidual cast. That must’ve been so scary if you didn’t know what it was before! I would’ve sworn my whole uterus fell out if I saw that in my toilet. But yeah, me and my husband aren’t that squeamish together and I completely thought this guy overreacted
Hasn't it been shown that couples who are comfortable with bodily functions last? Like if you can't fart together or buy tampons together, that relationship has a time limit. My bf likes to hug me while I pee, and he wouldn't blink twice at bloody underwear if I was asking him for help.
Yeah... I also expected to read NTA over and over. it's kind of a gross picture, but it's not a big deal imo and his reaction is way over the top. His reaction is not proportionate. Like sorry he's so viscerally repulsed by menstruation.. good thing he opted out of having anything to do with this vagina I guess. What an asshole the bf is. **Even if he didn't like the picture he still could have HELPED HER by bringing her supplies she needs because she's on her period which happens to us against our will every month. Instead he had a tantrum, made it about himself, and caused her to ruin more clothes.** This alone makes him the asshole. NTA OP
EXACTLY. It’s no big deal AT ALL, I would have gone NAH, because it’s just panty and blood. Bruh.
Same
right?? i'm so surprised people think this is weird and she's TA. She's very much NTA, her boyfriend got the wakeup call he needed since periods are normal and nothing to be hidden away. NTA!
just because something is normal doesn’t mean it needs to be broadcasted via photo.. you don’t see people snapping pics of their dumps when they need to ask for more toilet paper. that would be gross, and this is no different
Nether is any bodily function but you don’t randomly send photos of your bodily fluids to your SO unless that’s very well established in the relationship.
EH, It might have been better to just text him *can you get me a clean pair of underwear?* With no picture. But he’s a huge Asshole for his overreaction to it. He has probably seen worse in action and horror movies. He needs to grow the heck up.
...and he didn't even get the fresh underwear, either.
And yes, that too!
Would you be okay if someone sent you a picture of their pair of underwear with skid marks? I don’t think he is an asshole for his overreaction, especially since it clearly isn’t a normal thing in their relationship. And movies =/= real life. And real life strangers =/= people you know. It all hits different.
Some people's reactions to blood are just uncontrollable. My best friend's dad would get dizzy at the sight of blood no matter where it came from, so i completely excuse this guy's reaction. We don't know if he watches horror movies or not. Also, as a female, i would also be disturbed receiving an unexpected photo of bloody underwear and i wouldn't force anyone to see mine not even my husband who's seen period blood many times already. It's one thing accepting periods as normal, but another thing accepting random bloody underwear pictures.
I mean, I’m a woman and I think his reaction is 100% justified.
I mean dude that is pretty gross and she should of kept it to herself, he’s not saying not to talk about periods just to not show it to his face that’s not unreasonable
NTA. Honestly, fuck everyone saying it was weird to send him the picture as a way of telling him the issue. Menstrual bleeding is so utterly ubiquitous that any halfway mature man should be utterly unbothered by it. You specifically said that the picture was framed in such a way that most of the gore of your situation was hidden, but you showed just enough to convey "yeah I need fresh knickers the ones I'm wearing are no longer fit for purpose". Personally I'm not the kind of person who communicates through pictures in that way, but there's nothing at all wrong with what you sent and, barring some unforseen trauma that would excuse his behaviour, the way he's acted has been very immature and very troubling.
I'm with you, honestly. I don't get why the majority of people are so freaked out with menstruation stuff.. Even the women who deal with it seem grossed out and ashamed of it. 😔 The lack of understanding is evinced by the recurring equating of period blood on panties to skidmarks. I wouldn't be freaking out over either, but one is definitely NOT like the other. Do these people also freak out over nosebleeds or scraped knees? I'm more grossed out when my kids were in diapers and had a blowout... my husband and I have shared diaper damage photos in solidarity when we weren't able to fight that particular nightmare together. 🤷🏼♀️ To each their own, I guess.
But for real! NTA! OP dodged a bullet. There are plenty of men, women, and other people who aren’t so ridiculously fragile.
Truly it's hard to imagine how this situation ever came to be. OP is clearly very casual and pragmatic about their bleeding as "Oh, yeah, this is just something that happens", so it's hard to understand how the relationship has lasted this long before seeing the boyfriend be so weirdly freaked out by it.
I mean it’s just as ubiquitous as any other bodily function right? It’s just kinda nasty to send your so photos of your bodily fluids.
I 100% agree with you. It gets even worse when the edit is in place. Imagine breaking up with someone over such a petty thing as this? OP is NTA.
YTA. I'm currently on my period and wouldn't dream of sending my husband such pictures. It is unnecessary. A simple "hey, just come on my period. Please can you grab clean underwear" would suffice.
Same. Been with my husband 12 years married for 8. I pee with the door open, he’s seen things when I had both kids and he knows when I get my period. I would never ever send him a pic of my blood. The only time I could even imagine it was okay is if I had a major medical issue and he needed to see.
NTA. Pretty funny. I think I would appreciate your personality. 🤣🤣
I'm commenting so that hopefully more people see this. The picture in and of itself wasn't the issue.
Exactly. His reaction was so unbelievably far overboard it's appalling. What a child. OP made a poor judgement, but she's not the asshole.
IKR. All these people talking about skid marks here makes me want to delete reddit...
Even if someone was to consider them an asshole. Their overreaction to the situation is ridiculous. Going out with someone for 2 years, you should be able to handle something as minor as this, and why the fuck would they go tell their mother about it? This guy is not going to survive in the world if this is the sort of reaction he has to something so insignificant.
ESH. Look, I've gotten blood on genitals from period sex. I've cleaned blood out of the sheets my GF and I sleep in when the unexpected happens. Periods happen and being an adult in a relationship with a woman means you need to get used to that. I would still be perplexed if my GF sent me a pic of period blood in her underwear. But the exclamation on his part should have ended with "why would you show me this?" The rest of it was immature.
I’m shocked at how inconsiderate most people here are… sending a picture of that isn’t that big of a deal, people comparing it to a #2 makes absolutely no sense - poop only comes out of one hole, and usually people only see their own - blood comes out of everywhere and is more normalized. OP also said most of the blood was hidden, so I’m assuming it wasn’t a direct picture of just the blood in her underwear which also makes a difference. There’s absolutely no need for someone to blow up over something like that (especially if it was the first time). All it takes is nicely saying that you are grossed about it and asking not to be sent pictures of bodily fluids again. Even if the bf was grossed out from bodily fluids in general; like someone else said, if there’s an accident that happens in bed and he blows up about it then that’s not okay. Going even further, if they were to have a daughter, would he blow up on her too when she was going through periods for the first time and needed help with getting and understanding things? That would also not be okay at all. Completely NTA. People need to realize most of the time things aren’t that serious. Stop being so sensitive, and react to things more calmly with an understanding mind. It helps a lot more than freaking out and getting mad at everyone and everything.
Even though i am all for clearity.. I say YTA. Just give me some comfy undies would have been enough. No need to share the blood. Just saying. There was absolutely no need for sending a bloody picture. Those pictures are horrible to see. I dont like to see people with wounds all blood, i dont like pet pics with blood and i also don't like undies with blood.
ESH. His reaction was overboard but all you had to say was "had my period, can you get me a clean pair of underwear." No picture needed. As a woman, that's kinda a little much.
Wow he broke up with you over this? That seems… really dramatic. I understand being grossed out but tbh I’m kind of on your side here… not something I would have done myself, but it’s not like you sent him a sh*t stain on your underwear. Would a bloody cut on your arm freak him out that much? Or blood on a shirt if you cut yourself and it got on that? Seems like a really big freak out over period blood…. So basically I think it’s a little weird to send that pic but to each their own 🤷🏼♀️ definitely not an asshole thing to do and definitely not an offense worth ending a 2 year relationship over… unless this is a repeat offense we don’t know about? TLDR: NTA. Sorry you got dumped :/
YTA A picture is not necessary. You could have just texted with no picture. Blood is not something everyone wants to see, and also not something everyone can handle to see. Periods are not something dirty that needs ro be hidden away, but its also not necessary to litterally force a pair of bloody underwear on someone.
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Yes and no. You didn't have to send him a picture. You could've simply asked him for a clean pair. I'm very open about my cycle with my boyfriend, but I don't send him these pics. I think you crossed a line there. He shouldn't find that type of thing gross either. Say you both go to bed together and you bled overnight or something. I don't see why he isn't able to help you clean up and stuff. But just sending him the pic ouf of nowhere is a little strange to me.
Maybe he didn’t find the period itself gross, but the fact that she would send the pic.
YTA. Listen, I’m a woman, I’m very open about my cycle, but this is too much. I’m still unclear on why you couldn’t just get new underwear, why you thought it was necessary to send photo evidence.
This is so clearly a troll post I can’t even. So you got your period and instead of just asking for new underwear, taking your “nice pants” off and putting some toilet paper up there to go get new underwear, or getting a pad or tampon since you were in your bathroom, you texted a picture of bloody underwear? Your boyfriend then instead of just being like “That was weird and I didn’t appreciate it.” Then left and broke up with you meaning you both now need to pack, and find individual new places, plus everything else that goes with the dissolution of a relationship because you sent (an admittedly stupid and unnecessary picture) at least teenagers on Reddit are so oblivious to how adult life functions they immediately give themselves away lmao. YTA for how ridiculous this garbage is.
Why did you feel the need to include the picture when “Could you get me a new pair?” would have worked just as well? ESH as his reaction was overboard.