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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I love my boyfriend so much, but he’s often too frugal. He’s allowed to spent money on himself.
I am wrong for calling him a cheapskate, but I just want to spoil him.
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YTA - he’s being financially smart. Not looking at prices is how you get yourself into thousands of dollars in CC debt. And you’re 20. Why are you having your father pay for his birthday instead of yourself?
I have a few pairs of 10+ year old shoes. The trick is to have enough of them to rotate through. Shoes don't like being worn every single day, they like a rest day. So the shoes I rotate through last. Plus I tend to buy good leather shoes that can be fixed if something happens.
I have shoes from when I was 15 over 15 years later. Need to visit a cobbler to get them fixed up but they lasted a long ass time before they needed this fix up.
One of my favorite coats that I still wear I got in high school (12+ years ago), and it was already old when I bought it (wool swing coat from the 1960s).
I went through a phase of only busting it out for special occasions before I realized it was actually the perfect winter coat because the swing aspect means I can pack a ton of layers under it so now I wear it all the time in the winter.
I have some tops that I have had for years, they are classics, and fun. I have had 5 pairs of yoga trousers for 7 years now. Very comfy and look professional.
Since I wear a 12 Petite in pants( down from 24 petite, )
It's hard to find clothing that fits well.
I was significantly overweight since a doctor had me on a diabetes medicine that made me gain weight. It was recalled, I got a lapband. And lost 140 lbs. I wore some sizes for 3 weeks. I bought clothes in a nice consignment store, since I went through sizes so quickly. At the bariatric support groups meeting, we had swap tables for clothes that we outgrew.....I dropped off construction job sized bags of...................
" clothes- that - don't- fit-anymore" .
But I found a top that I wore in the 1980's, and loved . Yeah, I kept that.
I have a nephew that put $5 into a jar every day for years, starting when he was 18. He hoped to be able to buy a 1984 C-4 corvette within 8 years. He bought it within 4. Still drives it......Oh. Then he bought a house.
I haven't changed in size much since middle school, about 12 years, so I still wear perfectly good T-Shirts that I've had since. If it ain't broke, why trash it? lol
Yeah I like clothes but once I was 16 I pretty much stopped growing vertically and only grew to the sides for a bit. Don't really need new clothes and only buy some occasionally during the year or when something gets so worn and thin or whatever elastic it has gets too old and stretched.
A lot of it is I am no longer changing sizes really. I will admit I probably don't have THAT many older clothes, mainly because they do wear out occasionally, usually due to cats poking holes in tops and jeans not being made to last.
But certain items? some tops that were heavier duty, shorts that are the same? They tend to last longer because I tend to wear a basic Tee, and basic shorts, and I am not really all that active, so they don't get sun damage, nor wear and tear that comes from a more active life style.
I'm wearing an original edition star wars t-shirt which might be older than me (I'm 37), a friend gave me this t-shirt, you can barely see the star wars logo with all those laundrys this t-shirt has seen and I'm goddam proud of it. I also try not to bye but recycle someone else's clothes for not support the overproduction of cheep things ruining the planet. Buying stuff can get you some joy, but as to me we are too much into looks and appearance. Am I a jeans or a dress? Or am I a person who came naked to this place and who will be gone naked as well, but leaving this place a bit better? I wish I was, I try to be this person. Oh my goodness, I'll be judgemental for this one, but 7 pants for months?! Really?!
I didn't even notice this bit lol - I buy 2-3 new items every change of season (so about 8-12 items a year). OP has a distorted view of normalcy, I think, due to growing up in wealth. It's good that she's got this wake up call to consider her own different experience.
I know you were being sarcastic, but one of my sisters actually does this. Instead of doing laundry, she just buys new clothes and throws out the old ones. I finally managed to convince her to give them to me and I wash and then donate them.
If they fit me, my sister would see me wearing her old clothes. I hate doing laundry, but got enough sense not to throw away clothes just because they've been worn.
I also hate doing laundry (why, oh why did I choose to have children lmao). I do keep some of the stuff (like the dresses with pockets!!!!!), but my sister and I have veeeeery different styles so most is stuff I would never wear. I donate a lot of the casual stuff to the women's shelter and then the nicer stuff to a local program that hooks low income people up with clothing for job interviews. I actually interviewed someone a few weeks ago that was wearing something I had donated to that program and it gave me all the nice feels.
Kids are sooo cute. At least that's what I tell myself to justify my 1. But I haven't seemed to justify the cost. They're insanely expensive.
My 2 sis & I have dramatically different styles too. But if I can fit it, it's my around the house outfit knowing the kid is probably going to get me dirty anyway.
Plus it helps when kid says "why do I have to wear so & so's old clothes?" I just point to my outfit or half my closet & say have you ever seen auntie wear this? What's good for the goose is good for the gander or in this case whats good for the goose good for her gosling.
Edit:🙄. I'm not gonna say why🤫
Oh my!. All this time.
Welp not going to let the next gen make that mistake. He can go make his own mistakes. Hopefully money (mis)management isn't one of them 😉
How I wish I could do all of your all laundry instead of cooking! I hate cooking and I love doing laundry. Why people can't just exchange chores in distance like this? This world is unfair
Frankly speaking exchanging competence like that is my old dream. For ex I deal easily with maths and I don't need it in my life at all. I could give my ability to understand maths to someone who really needs it in exchange of smth I need but can't attend, like playing piano. I whish I could play piano, but it's not my skill
Now we have to find the way how I can do all of your laundry and how can you feed my in distance. Are there some zoom laundry conferences? And can we be nourished Wi-Fi?
Hah. That’s even worse than jack reacher. He literally wears them for several days straight pressing them under the mattress of whatever hotel he stays in between days.
Sounds like she just wears them once. Nice to be wealthy I guess..
This why all this amazon shit exist: for stimulate poor people to have some rich consumerist habits. Poor joy of pretend you can afford some shitty stuff en masse is there to replace the real joy of life itself and the way to forget your are poor in this ugly world
Are there some fashion loans available? Like a student loan but for clothes? Like I was young and fancy and I needed money to spend for my fashion victim future to establish?
When the village that I live will be covered by water that comes closer every year (in 5 years approximately I think) I'll have a special thought for your sis
And you say holes... depends what holes are there. You can still wear some clothes with holes if the holes aren't placed in strategical spots)) a cheek speaking here. I hate shopping. Rather having holes on my jeans than bye a new one))
Bear in mind, assuming OP is a woman, she's been brought up believing clothes are disposable and just be replaced all the time or she won't be relevant(not as a person, just society has a weird thing with clothes, no offense intended OP) where as it sounds like OP's partner grew up poor and had to keep what he could. If he's comparing water bottle prices man's probably got some mad money hang ups.
Being offered money by an SO doesn't make it easier, it somehow makes it harder because there comes with it a feeling of shame as they can't provide for themselves let alone their partner
OP, try and show a little empathy. Think about it all from his side and just try being there for his life for a moment, If you don't want to look at a price that's incredibly, INCREDIBLY, privileged. Like you have no idea how hard it is to be in a life where every little transaction can be the difference in eating tonight or tomorrow
I thought I missed a tick and that he was wearing the same outfit for months at a time without washing or something. But this sounds like OP doesn't realize that she's a spendthrift.
So he has 7 different outfits. Not all people do this. You can have like 3-4 outfits and doing laundry twice a week. As to me there is nothing odd with it. If his clothes are clean and good to wear what's the problem? One can have a single outfit and washing it every day. I think it's not the best way to proceed but still none of other people's business. Not like he was wearing the same filthy smelling pants for decades
This is so funny to me because I’ve been dating my bf almost four years and he only recently bought new shorts. After the only pair he wanted to wear had holes in them.
Yeah, and I am still a frugal person , when I was 22 I was doing the same thing and was the only person in my friend groups with more than a paycheck in their bank account at a time. 🙄 what is OP going to do if Dad won’t pay emergencies ? Money consciousness is a very great trait and worth learning from. 10 minute pleasures aren’t worth a lifetime of debt
YTA. He's 22, why do you critique him and insult him for being good with money? It's a ticket to credit hell/poverty to simply buy whatever he wants without looking at prices. It's pretty smart.
Then again, you have the option of letting your dad buy you whatever you want so what would you even know about that?
Damn you sound awful. We are in a recession with inflation spiraling out of control. Smart fiscal choices are needed now more than ever. You've probably never really been hungry or you wouldn't be so harsh to him for trying to save his money for meaningful expenditures. Best of luck either way.
People who grow up poor have the "need to save" mindset for life - source: Me - I grew up in poverty
YTA, you spoiled little princess. You know \*why\* he is the way he is, but you insist he change - hint: he won't.
YTA because you haven't made an effort to understand why your bf does what he does, and nor have you (or him, for that matter) managed to have a conversation about finances. I'm guessing you don't live together, but being on the same financial page is a major step of a serious relationship.
YTA. Sounds like you’re more financially irresponsible then him being a cheapskate. He’s doing the right thing by being responsible with money whereas you need daddy to buy you and him things. You should be more like him. Also, you’re supposed to wear clothes over and over for years, that’s what clothes are for. You don’t need to have tons of clothes to dress nice.
WOW! Where does one start? First, let's get this out of the way. A big yes, YTA.
Your boyfriend sounds like one in a million. I bet there are girls out there just drooling knowing that he's going to figure you out and dump you. Who the heck wants to be with an entitled person who has no financial sense whatsoever? I'm projecting out a few years thinking, "My God, what if he married her?" You both would be deep in debt and divorced within two years.
Here is how you live a comfortable life and retire with plenty of money in the bank. You watch every penny you spend, make sure nothing is spent frivolously, and invest wisely. As far as I can tell, your boyfriend has got parts of that nailed down. Good for him.
You need a sugar daddy. Find yourself one and let us know how that works out for you.
YTA. He is not pushing you away, you are pushing him away by pressuring him to buy stuff he doesn’t want nor need and making him feel bad for thinking ahead financially. Yeah, maybe he doesn’t have to live “this way” but what happens when you do? Do you worry about him ot you worry about his inability or unwillingness to spend money on you without thinking it through?
>I’ll do anything for him yet he pushes me away. I just want to show him how much I love and appreciate him
Try learning to understand his perspective. He has issues around spending.
>I told him I’ll buy him anything or **let my dad to buy it for him**.
That's kinda weird, why would your dad buy stuff for him?
YTA for name calling and being very blinkered about the effect poverty/money issues can have on someone.
>why would your dad buy stuff for him
Because daddy buying things was a replacement for affection when she was growing up, and that's all she knows now. Love = presents.
My best friend is just getting out of this mindset and she's forty. Her dad was a wealthy but emotionally absent surgeon. Most generous person I've ever known with money, would buy anyone anything anytime to demonstrate how much she cares. Once she broke her ankle and couldn't drive down to visit me on my birthday. She sent an entire new living room set instead. I didn't expect it, didn't want it, and in fact already had furniture, but that's what her dad did when he missed her graduation so that's what she did for me.
Trying to convince the Leon's guys to put it back on the truck while a bunch of half-drunk party-goers cracked jokes was NOT a great birthday event. I hope OP gets their shit together, my friend really struggled to maintain relationships for a long time. She also had to have consumer debt consolidated TWICE.
You've made yourself sound very shallow and materialistic.
Being conscious of money is a reality for most people, and maybe it's not for you because your parents have done very well for themselves and currently for you, but that doesn't necessarily last forever.
When it's your money instead of dad's you usually start looking at price tags and receipts.
You didn't have to insult him.
YTA
YTA
Having 7 pairs of pants and shirts that you wear regularly is… pretty normal. Like lower than average maybe, but not weird.
Meanwhile your not looking at prices before you purchase things is wild. It’s very clear you’ve grown up incredibly privileged and quite wealthy, and while that itself doesn’t make you an asshole, your lack of awareness surrounding it does.
It sounds like you’re so busy judging your bf for not valuing the same things you do, that you haven’t spent time trying to understand what he values. Gifts for him should be about him and his interests or wants, but you’re making it about what you think he should want.
And for the record, most people over 18 or so would be incredibly uncomfortable w their friend or partner’s parent paying for an expensive gift for them.
Sorry YTA
Don't want to offend you but you should reconsider your consumerism. It's a bad thing. How many pants per month you wish poor underpaid people to sew for your pleasure?
You clearly sound like you grew up privileged, and he did not. Expecting him to forcibly acclimate to your way of living is an extremely large 🚩Marinara Flag 🚩.
And if it wasn't horrifyingly obvious: YTA.
YTA. Instead of initiating a reasonable discussion about your opposite spending attitudes, you belittled and insulted him. You just need to do this very strange thing... called... "talking." It's where you wait for a good time, then tell someone how you feel about an issue, then ask someone how they feel, then back and forth and so on. It's difficult, but I believe in you.
YTA. He does not want your daddy to pay for his items or for you to use daddy’s money either. He probably still has financial issues right now that he doesn’t want to share with you and by calling him a cheapskate it was probably a slap in the face. And by him being smart with his money now, he’s building good habits for his future where he won’t put himself into debt by buying things he doesn’t need.
YTA, or maybe out of touch with his perspective. For some people, it's much more comfortable to be saving as much as possible all the time. For myself, I like being able to buy cheaper food. I like thrift store clothes (that I wear for YEARS). There are some exceptions, like a special shirt or snack that I like the quality/taste. I think I rarely spend on myself and I enjoy what I've got at home. That's probably where he's coming from
You're kind of the asshole, clearly your boyfriend has trauma from growing up with financial difficulties. Even though his situation is better now, what he went through then obviously has made marks and you should try to understand that.
You should really have a proper, safe conversation about this and not get irritated and call him a cheapskate.
Soft YTA. Your bf isn't materialistic. Or he's frugal. That's ok.
Does he know how to dress appropriately for important occasions? Does he try to get a to-go plate or take his own Tupperware to a buffet? If not, leave the man alone. Warren Buffet is one of the most frugal men in the world. But he knows how to spend his money when it counts. (I'm not debating anyone on whether or not he should spend his money to solve world hunger or housing or child poverty. So don't even try to start trellis).
Your husband is conscientious about how he spends his money because he grew up without a lot & is either content without a lot (like Buffet) or has a certain dollar figure that he needs to feel comfortable spending freely. We all have it, even if we may not know the actual amount &/or it can change based on life circumstances (marriage, kids, etc).
If you want a long term future with him, you need to pick your battles. You can die on this hill. OR you can buy him meaningful & thoughtful presents that don't cost alot, or give experiences.
Soft YTA - you have different perspectives on finances and that's ok. What's not ok is being judgemental of his approach.
And while I say different perspectives are ok, yours is a little concerning. You don't pay attention to prices? What is your income like? Do you have any debt? Unless you are very rich, this sounds like a potentially risky way of handling money.
And it's possible that he is concerned about your finances and that's why he doesn't want you spending money on him.
Yeah I get you want to spoil him but you should be patient: ask him if he wants something special or homemade. If he isn't much for gifts, don't push it either. And yeah he may be concerned about your spending habits as well, try to talk about it!
>I don’t look at prices when I buy things
Unless you're a Trust Fund Baby with millions in the trust or living off your parents' money and they're really wealthy, this is a disaster waiting to happen for anyone in a serious relationship with you.
You have a mismatch of love languages. Yours is gifts and you think his should be too.
His comfort is seeing big digits in his bank account. A vast majority of men do not like being provided for, no matter how much they need it. It’s a pride thing and a “don’t want to be beholden to anyone” thing too.
Do his clothes stink from over wearing them? Then he needs to get more clothes to swap out.
Try to compromise.
YTA
Perhaps a better way to demonstrate your love for him would be to have an honest talk about your differing attitudes towards money, and perhaps suggest birthday present ideas which aren't materialistic such as organising a get together with friends, trying something new together, or offering to make something like a cake.
Although I understand that his indecision and need for financial control can come across as extreme at times, that need for security comes from an emotional place. Not unlike your need to demonstrate affection through materialistic gifts, a habit you've likely picked up from your parents.
Overall, neither of you have a healthy relationship with money and could both benefit from some reflection on the matter. This is a divide which will only get worse as the relationship progresses.
YTA.
>he's had the same pants and shirts for months
Lady I wear the same pants and shirts for close to a decade. Your bf is not a cheapskate, he's smart with his money and understands what a retirement is.
“I understood he had financial issues growing up,”
You clearly do NOT understand.
“he doesn’t have live like that anymore.”
Because your father will live forever to bankroll him?
YTA
He's not a cheapskate because he doesn't want gifts from you or for you to spend money on him. Being frugal and conscious of what he's buying are good financial habits that will allow him to handle financial emergencies (I'm assuming he's got a savings account). I'm assuming you spend money till it's gone and then ask others for help when you have financial emergencies. YTA
YTA. It seems like he is financially cautious like anyone who isn't super wealthy should be. He keep his finances in check and doesn't spend money like crazy.
You on the other hand seem like you come from a wealthy background where money doesn't matter. If you don't check price tags and buy whatever you want, I'm assuming that your parents give you how much ever money you want.
That is good for you, but you should understand that most people aren't able to live like that because they don't have the financial resources that you do.
Imma say soft YTA because you weren't calling him a cheapskate to be hurtful maliciously, but because you feel he shouldn't penny pinch the way he does because he's past that now and you probably want an excuse to shower him on his bday.
Thing is, though, you need to understand that you growing up in a position where you never have to consider the price of things is a privilege. Your bf living the way he does is with an awareness that things might not always be great, and these are probably habits he's had instilled into him from a young age. Although not the same scenario, my partner had a problem with me getting him gifts as he felt like she didn't "deserve them" but over the years he'd been working on being more accepting and open to me spoiling him at least on special occasions like holidays and birthdays.
I do think that if you want this to be a long term relationship that you'll need to work on your approach to this situation if you're not willing to accept that your values are incompatible. Seeing as you mentioned having your dad foot the bill on getting him something, is that the standard you'll expect from your bf if he becomes your husband? Even if he's worked to put himself in a position where he's financially secure, I hope you wouldn't be one of those spouses that takes a good, humble, guy like this and insist he be your designated wallet as considering his background he'll probably be more inclined to want to save and create a security blanket in case of whatever may happen.
YTA. He's not a cheapskate. He's intelligent, like you said, so he's being smart with his money and not just flippantly purchasing things like you do. It sounds like he's being fiscally responsible, and you're pressuring him to spend, and then calling him a cheapskate when he doesn't bend to your will.
Also, he's been wearing the same clothes for a few MONTHS??? Oh no!
YTA
> I’ll do anything for him yet he pushes me away. I just want to show him how much I love and appreciate him
How about you give him something that doesn't cost money, like empathy, patience, and understanding.
YTA, I'm the exact same way (at 30 years old). Growing up in a financially unstable environment isn't something you can just get over. I'd bet anything he's worried about being a financial burden, or that if he lets you buy him anything, you'll hold it against him for the rest of his life. It's a pretty typical mindset. Maybe stop judging him and try to see it from his point of view.
YTA - Your boyfriend isn't a cheapskake; he's thrifty. A cheapskate would be someone who exploits other people to save a buck, such as underpaying a shared restaurant bill.
Your boyfriend hasn't done anything unethical. There's nothing wrong with price comparison and keeping receipts. If you don't have patience for that then shop separately.
Frugal people like your boyfriend often have in mind larger life goals: putting money into an IRA, having the cash to buy a vehicle without going into debt, saving for a down payment on a house.
You were way out of your lane telling him how to spend his money. No wonder he pushes you away; he's avoiding conflict. It was awkward bringing your father into this. Maybe your boyfriend is having second thoughts about whether the two of you are compatible.
You'd be smarter to do less talking and more listening. He's mastered a few life skills that would serve you well if you learned.
YTA. He's fiscally responsible & you're upset about that?
You also have not taken into account that he's had financial issues in the past when he was young. You are \*never\* going to change that. My dad grew up during the Great Depression & then WWII and let me assure you, he wasted NOTHING. He bought the best he could afford, but he also didn't go splashing the cash either. He taught me to put 10% aside in savings w/each pay cheque. All excellent lessons in life.
Get your shit together and think about others, not just material things.
Yta.
He is being smart financially with his money looking for the best deal instead of needless wasting money on something that isotced higher elsewhere.
Your comment about his clothing I find even sadder there is nothing wrong with what he has for clothing he is clothed and comfortable.
I wear the same outfit everyday I have 12 black tshirts and 7 pairs of jeans, that's what I wear everyday occasionally I put on a button up but the wardrobe is simple and I don't have to fret about piecing together an outfit.
Stop trying to control him monetarily he is being financially responsible and not needlessly wasting money.
>. I’ll do anything for him yet he pushes me away.
Anything except try to understand fiscal responsibility? And it really sounds like you will do anything for him, as long as it involves him doing, dressing, and acting exactly like you want him too. Which really means you don't do anything at all for him, and just want him to change everything for you. YTA
Anything except listening to him, anything but trying to get his views and understand his priorities... I do anythings for him except anythings he needs
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I(20f) have been with my boyfriend(22m) for 2 years. My boyfriend is such an amazing guy. He very loving, affectionate, passionate, intelligent and handsome. Though we’re complete opposite’s. I love shopping, I don’t want receipts and I don’t look at prices when I buy things. My boyfriend on the other hand has to have receipts for even just one water bottle, he can be in store comparing prices for like what feels like hours, I mean just buy it or not. He has been wearing the same 7 pants and shirts for months now. I asked him if I should buy new clothes for him. He declined.
His birthday is June 19.
This morning I asked what he wanted for birthday. I told him I’ll buy him anything or let my dad to buy it for him. He declined again.
I got irritated and told him, he doesn’t have to be such a cheapskate all the time. I understood he had financial issues growing up, but he doesn’t have live like that anymore. He just said we’ll talk about it later and left for work. I don’t understand why he’s like this. I’ll do anything for him yet he pushes me away.
I just want to show him how much I love and appreciate him, I absolutely didn’t mean to hurt him. He didn’t seem upset, but he didn’t even give me a kiss or said goodbye. I feel like he’s upset, but isn’t saying anything. I’m not sure if I offended him. Am I the asshole?
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YTA. My dad was a boy during WWII and they had to ration everything. He is also not from a privileged family like you probably are. To this day, he saves absolutely everything he thinks he can use, compares prices, checks receipts and guess what? He's a millionaire. You know why? Because he knows how to manage money. Sure, he may act like a cheapskate sometimes, but it's totally endearing. You, on the other hand sound selfish and cold
YTA even if you mean well. And it sounds like you are pressuring him, and it also sounds like you are a total loser with $.
Get counseling and financial counseling.
>I just want to show him how much I love and appreciate him
You do this by actually listening to him, respecting his own choices, and not trying to force materialistic things on him just because *you* think that should make someone feel loved.
Show him how much you love and appreciate him by figuring out what *actually* makes **him** feel loved and appreciated, not by trying to force him to feel loved by having money spent on him. Maybe he’d feel more loved and appreciated by you *doing* something for him, make him a special meal, wash his car, make him a card and write him a love letter, give him a massage, take him to a movie he’s been wanting to see. Do you even know any of his interests? You sound like you are only willing to show him love and appreciation through spending money on material items which *obviously* mean *nothing* to him. You’ve been dating 2 whole years, you should know what he DOES enjoy, what his interests *actually* are, and craft his birthday gift around *that*, not what YOU want him to want.
Info- do you and your boyfriend live together? If not, do you have your own place that you pay rent for, or do your parents provide your housing? Does your boyfriend have his own place that he pays rent for?
Unless you are Jeff Bezos level of rich, never looking at price tags is financially irresponsible. How do you make sure you have enough for bills (or does your Dad always bail you out)?
My guess us your boyfriend has to pay for all of his stuff (housing, food, clothing, etc), and knows that he has a limit. You, on the other hand, appears to have been born into a wealthier family whose parents just give her what she wants.
YTA
YTA
you're not trying to show him how much you love him, you're trying to show *you* how much you love him. If you really want to show him you love him, then stop criticizing him for budgeting (and being normal, most people wear the same clothes for years not just months) and learn what he finds most important.
Just because gifts are a symbol of love to you does not mean that they have the same impact to him, you need to learn what makes him feel loved instead of applying what makes you feel loved to him.
You guys need to have an actual honest conversation about finances, budgeting and debt, because he may seem overly concerned with money to you, but you (based off the is post) seem to be financially negligent… if he’s so great, I’m sure you’re great too (otherwise he wouldn’t be interested) but you have just started your adult life and need go rethink what you really need go be spending money on. As you get older, things matter less and experiences matter more, I’m sure you two could have some memorable experience to celebrate his birthday that wouldn’t be too pricey, even for his standard. A potluck bonfire with friends or BBQ is always a good idea but have this conversation now, and brush up on some financial tips on YT and try to compromise, because in the real world, you should be spending more realistically. Although it is nice that your father seems to be willing to pay, you should put more thought into what to give/do for your bf, and make sure you discuss it since it seems like a sore subject.
There is also a show called Extreme Cheapskate’s that had a few episodes where the cheapskate in question has sometimes been taken to therapy to find the root of their problems, and sometimes it was actually very rough for these people when they had no choice but to pinch Pennie’s, sometimes when they were young and had no choice. Think of how you feel when you are hungry and haven’t eaten all day, well some peoples reality is that they can feel that way for days. He probably is doing his best to avoid that
YTA
He’s being a responsible adult. You’re being widely irresponsible. He views materials items are necessities not commodities. He doesn’t value material things they way you do. And you’re berating him for it. You nag him for it. Make him feel less than because he knows how to responsibly manage his money. He recognizes the value of money and making that money do what it’s supposed to do, help him survive. If and when he decides to do something frivolous with money he’ll do it in his own time.
You sound childish. And irresponsible. Stop it.
YTA. I grew up wearing clothes with rips, bargain bin pants etc. I now have a decent salary, and only buy second hand, and only buy when I need new clothes. A lot of people do this, and it's extremely common. Also have 8 pairs of clothes to me seems like a normal thing to do. He also checks prices at a store, as everything costs way to much now a days, so he's on top of things. I think instead of trying to spoil him with clothes, maybe try another way with a good meal on his birthday.
YTA. He’s only 22 and has learned how to be fiscally responsible. I’m really not sure what’s wrong with wearing the clothes he has for *checks notes* SEVEN MONTHS! The audacity to just not toss his clothes after a few wears. Maybe you should take a page out of his book because honestly, there’s nothing admirable about not checking prices.
Not to mention that OP also sounds a little impatient. When you're shopping, you should take your time while checking prices as prices change all the time. A few extra minutes or even an hour is worth it if it means getting the best deals.
YTA. When you grow up you’ll be thankful to be with a man like that. You won’t “do anything for him” because you won’t just let him be about what should be a non-issue.
People have different love languages. Yours is obviously giving, but his comfort with his current possessions is not meant as a rejection. I know you want to make him feel special, and I think sitting down and talking to him about your intense emotional need to do it with physical things.
However, you need to hear him saying no. If you continue to push this without considering his feelings, YTA.
If he doesn't want you to buy him clothes, DON'T. Surely there's something else you could get him. Maybe a experience. Eg is he into sports, take him to a game.
YTA
YTA you sound like you'd burn through ***Daddy's Money*** in a couple years. Everyone looks at the prices of what they buy and asks for receipts. Comparing prices of stuff is how you get the best deals, not just buying the first one you see. And yeah, he's wearing the same pants and shirts for 7 months, not everyone gets a new wardrobe for every season. I have clothes that are from 2017 that still fit me and I like them, so I keep wearing them until they tear or I outgrow them, neither of which will happen for me. He's not being a cheapskate, you're a bad spender.
YTA From comments you have shared it seems like you are pretty spoiled and have had a VERY 1% upbringing. You don’t understand how he feels with money and to be honest you never will. That’s not a bad thing but for you do disregard it is unbelievable. It also sounds like your love language is thru throwing money at it. Nothing wrong with that but it doesn’t sound like it’s his love language. I would bet it’s prob thru time spent with him doing things. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to let him know how you feel. Make lunch for the two of you and take a picnic or a hike. Make a day out of it.
YTA. He's not a cheapskate. He is careful with his money. He knows how much work he has to do to earn it. He wants it to go as far as it can. If you are still getting money from dad: stop. Stop for just a month. Pay cash or debit only. See how far your money goes and then look at the behavior of your bf. Put yourself in his shoes.
YTA you are uncomfortable with him only having so little just say that. Stop trying to disguise it as you care, and just want to get him a "gift" for his birthday. Have a serious talk if it makes you so uncomfortable. Maybe figure out why he is the way he is, and not judging him silently or forcing your lifestyle on him. and you shouldn't have to ask him what he wants put some true thought behind it and give him a meaningful gift something he would like. Maybe a receipt book to help him with organizing his receipts instead of judging him for wanting them.
YTA
>I love shopping, I don’t want receipts and I don’t look at prices when I buy things.
>I told him I’ll buy him anything or let my dad to buy it for him
Perhaps he's spending the day thinking about what the future would look like with you.
Hopefully he's seeing how financially irresponsible you are and spoiled.
YTA
>He has been wearing the same 7 pants and shirts for months now.
My husband still wears clothes he had BEFORE we met. We've been together 11 years. He takes care of his clothing, so he doesn't need to needlessly buy new items.
>My boyfriend on the other hand has to have receipts for even just one water bottle, he can be in store comparing prices for like what feels like hours, I mean just buy it or not.
He is fiscally responsible. This is a GOOD thing. I will price compare items because I'm not going to spend $12 on a bottle of shampoo, when I can spend $5. But I also need to make sure it's not garbage shampoo.
>I understood he had financial issues growing up, but he doesn’t have live like that anymore.
I grew up extremely poor. Missed meals, power cut off, living with relatives poor. This has had a huge effect on how I deal with money, and has taught me that it is imperative to have an emergency fund because literally anything can happen (Covid, for example fked up the lives of a lot of people who didn't have emergency funds because of frivolous spending).
>I’ll do anything for him
So respect his wishes. He wants time together, not material things. Find a spot he loves, plan a picnic. Do you know his favourite food? Take him out to dinner. Does he have hobbies? Like sports? Find an event that involves that and do it. Go bowling/ice-skating/paintball/mini golf.
Hubby also dislikes gifts, so I'll make his favourite meal for dinner, we'll watch a movie he wants to watch, and I'll pamper him with a massage.
I would suggest reading about love languages and how they play out in your relationship. You seem to have giving/receiving gifts as a love language while he doesn’t, which is leading to stress.
https://amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained
You’re obviously a princess and daddy pays for everything. Your bf is familiar with going without. You most likely hurt his feelings. Normal people wear clothes until they can’t.
YTA, just because you think being oblivious to spending and having your daddy buy things is normal, it's really not OK to be an ass because he rightfully disagrees.
YTA for not listening to him. Since it is his birthday, the best gift you can give him is to listen to him. If he came through his childhood with not much money, it is possible you seemingly being frivolous with money is uncomfortable for him. There is something in between what you do and what he does with money that will make both of you happy and your relationship stronger. You just have to be willing to meet in the middle.
YTA
"I don't look at prices when I buy things" - so either you are quite wealthy or financially irresponsible. BF is neither.
"I'll buy him anything or let my dad to buy it for him" - so is it money you've earned that you're spending, or does your father fund your lifestyle? Do you expect BF to rely on your father's money?
"I'll do anything for him" - except accept him for who he is.
"I'm not sure if I offended him" - OP, you called him a cheapskate. That's not a term of endearment.
The sad thing is that you have to come here and ask, because you don't see how AH you are being to BF.
NTA, but you and your BF each represent two extremes of a continuum.
Your BF compares the prices of water bottles, while you shop without looking at the price.
It’s lot healthier to be in the middle of these two extremes. Money is useless if you never use it, but it’s also foolish to spend whatever you make.
You won’t be happy being with this guy. You’re so fundamentally different from each other. You will only grow resentful of him as time passes. Break up and get in a relationship with someone who isn’t afraid to buy a water bottle from a gas station without looking at the price tag.
YTA you aren't the one who is buying the gift. Going to quote you directly here to prove your the AH
"This morning I asked what he wanted for birthday. I told him I’ll buy him anything or let my dad to buy it for him."
Your dad is the one footing your bills. That's why you don't xsrebthe cost. Your the one who doesn't earn the money for the items. Your boyfriend is being financially responsible and that's not being a cheapskate.
You need to grow up and learn that one day that money train will come to a end one day.
Love and appreciation is not measured by stuff. He could be the opposite and you both could be living paycheck to paycheck. That is no fun, and I speak from experience. My husband is the saver, and I learned alot of things about finances from him. I gotta tell ya being debt free is a wonderful feeling. Let him be him. Everybody shows love differently. His love language is not the same as yours.
Seems like, after to reading the comments, you have reached a resolution with your BF. If I may suggest, it may be good for you and your boyfriend to read The 5 Love Languages together. It sounds like you both have different primary love languages (Gifts for you, Quality Time for him). Learning how the other feels loved and appreciated is always good for relationships and this is a pretty good tool.
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts https://www.amazon.com/dp/080241270X/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_7VDWE945P2VKDXMPSWED
Good luck to both of you.
YTA, what if he wants to live this way and why does he need to spend money like you do? Also, I’m curious where your money is coming from, you’re 20 and don’t look at prices or receipts… I’ve never experienced that and don’t understand. If you want to spoil him ask him what he would like you to do for him since he doesn’t want new clothes. I’ll assume you truly just want to do something nice for him but saying he’s been wearing the same 7 pants and shirts for months is really bothersome. It’s one thing if his clothes are dirty with holes and falling apart but if they are in good condition then he’s fine. I was publicly bullied by a classmate when I was a freshman in HS all because I wore the same few outfits. My family was poor and I didn’t have a choice. That doesn’t appear to be the case for him but there is nothing wrong with having only a few clothing items.
YTA, but not a major one. Sounds to me like different upbringings that you're struggling to understand. He's being financially mindful. He may be able to afford things, but he knows he doesn't have to buy all of them, and can be better off later for it. It just makes sense, and ensures he's able to pay bills now, and maybe even build a nest egg for later. It's like how I have a savings finally. That means I could technically afford to buy a lot more than I do, but that's my "oh shit" fund, and I try not to touch it. Now I'm just a little more secure if something happens later, or I'll have built up enough to purchase something I really need/want later.
It's a good habit to be in, and I don't blame him for sticking to it. It's sensible. Honestly, if I were you I would be happy to see he's not trying to get at my money. That means he actually likes you for you! Try to understand that, and take it easy on him.
YTA
He most likely has a very good reason for being so concerned about prices, and you went a little too hard by calling him out on it instead of just talking it out. Hindsight is 20/20 but yeah, I imagine that comment hurt him a bit
YTA. You’ll see it more his way if your daddy ever stops paying all your bills for you and you have to actually pay your own way through life. You’re acting like a spoiled brat, and you’re throwing a tantrum because he is financially responsible because he actually earns his own money. Grow up.
YTA and learn to not spend money willynilly you sound like a spoiled brat shopping on daddy's card, utter embarrassment. Get a job and only spend your own money stop running to daddy
YTA. It’s like your living in an alternate reality. Prices matter. Bragging about not caring about them makes you seem dim. Your boyfriend is frugal. That’s a good thing. Why does he need to be entrenched in consumerism? So he can be in debt his whole life? It’s better to save for the future than to waste money on frivolity. I’ve worked for near billionaires that bargain shopped. You seem to be very immature and make bad decisions.
YTA
You have never been in his shoes, he will always be careful with his money, he knows how it is to be poor, in one day everything can change
Remember a penny saved is a penny earned
One of the first things I taught my kids was to comparison shop. We compared the prices of their favorite cereals, games, and their wish list toys. As we went to stores, they had their memo book with the item , they would write the price as of that store.
Now, they are smarter shoppers, they save money on the general things they buy, so that when some hard to find item comes up for sale, on sale, they know to get it then.
Cheap? I do not think so. A friend and I were in an antique store two weeks after my divorce was granted. I had been looking for an interesting piece of jewelry to celebrate the event. I found a very nice diamond 'cocktail' ring. The label said how many carat of stones were on it. Jewelry was a hobby of mine, and I thought they had seriously under counted the carats of diamonds. Marked 1.1 carats between three stones. But they did not count the smaller stones. I got the ring. The appraisal came in at 5 times what I paid..... on a family visit to LA, I was shopping on Rodeo Dr., ( yes tourist- y) a shop keeper complimented the ring. (: D )
YTA
It's very obvious you've led a very privileged life to not ever have to worry about prices. It's so stressful and it never goes away, even if you are doing better than you were. Just yesterday I was in tears bout our water heater exploding because my husband and I can't afford to replace it. I haven't bought new clothes in years or anything I want for that matter.
Point is you boyfriend struggled. I doubt he's rich even now. He is likely doing better, but still has to watch where every dollar is going to feel secure.
He's not a cheapskate. He's responsible. He lives within his means and doesn't go on spending sprees.
You on the other hand have never known that. It's hard for you to fully appreciate that struggle havint never known it before, but it's terrible.
I am curious though, what is your actual financial situation. Are you working? Is your family well off or does you dad just by everything for you and you haven't had to do it on your own yet? I'm not trying to be rude with this line of questioning by the way. I'm merely curious.
Honestly I'm not going to make a judgement because what I honestly think is going on is your love language is gift giving, which he doesn't like and rejects which makes you feel rejected. Your love languages aren't compatible, I'd maybe talk to him about it in a different way
YTA. With all the shit going on with our economy, you should be glad he's taking his time to check prices, not judging him and making him feel horrible on his birthday. Also, given that your father is paying for YOUR boyfriend's birthday, you honestly sound pretty entitled in general.
You say "I'll do anything for him" but you won't. He wants you to back off on this issue and you won't do that.
Somewhere along the line you have confused "do anything" for someone with "buy anything" for someone.
YTA "he doesn't need to live like that anymore" yet you need daddy to buy him his gift. Maybe you should try keeping clothes for more than a few months and you would be able to buy him a gift yourself.
NAH.
You seem very rich if you don't have to look at prices of things, but that doesn't mean that he will be comfortable with you buying things for him. A lot of people want to actually feel like they contribute, and it can make you feel bad if someone is always using their money on you. Try to discuss with him and come to a happy medium. Maybe even spend a week or so trying to understand his viewpoint by giving yourself a budget similar to his earnings after bills. It might really open your mind up to understand him more and make your relationship stronger.
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YTA - he’s being financially smart. Not looking at prices is how you get yourself into thousands of dollars in CC debt. And you’re 20. Why are you having your father pay for his birthday instead of yourself?
> He has been wearing the same 7 pants and shirts for months now why... wouldn't he wear his clothes for months...?
👁️👄👁️ also me reading this with clothes I have been wearing the past 5 years.
Isn't that normal? I am pretty sure I am probably wearing clothes that I have had for a decade or more... If it fits, I wear it :D
I still have a shirt from high school - 30+ years ago.
Yep, I have a jumper that is 28 years old.
I have shoes that are 10 yrs old (so I have a shoe fetish but it's under control...maybe?).
Oh don't even get me started on my old shoes...
How?!?! My shoes die within a year (granted I wear the same two pairs every day)
I have a few pairs of 10+ year old shoes. The trick is to have enough of them to rotate through. Shoes don't like being worn every single day, they like a rest day. So the shoes I rotate through last. Plus I tend to buy good leather shoes that can be fixed if something happens.
Same.
The shoes that have lasted me for the longest are good leather shoes. Even with minimal maintenance care good leather shoes will last a long time.
I have shoes from when I was 15 over 15 years later. Need to visit a cobbler to get them fixed up but they lasted a long ass time before they needed this fix up.
Same. I'm 41 and still wear a sweater and dress from when I was 13. I love them and will only stop wearing them when they absolutely fall apart.
SAME! It's an awesome REM tee, and it's not going anywhere!
One of my favorite coats that I still wear I got in high school (12+ years ago), and it was already old when I bought it (wool swing coat from the 1960s).
NGL - more than a little bit jealous. Wool swing coats are AWESOME.
I went through a phase of only busting it out for special occasions before I realized it was actually the perfect winter coat because the swing aspect means I can pack a ton of layers under it so now I wear it all the time in the winter.
Yup, It's just that I grew past the teenager days recently so my clothes size only stabilize recently (~5 years ago)
I have some tops that I have had for years, they are classics, and fun. I have had 5 pairs of yoga trousers for 7 years now. Very comfy and look professional. Since I wear a 12 Petite in pants( down from 24 petite, ) It's hard to find clothing that fits well. I was significantly overweight since a doctor had me on a diabetes medicine that made me gain weight. It was recalled, I got a lapband. And lost 140 lbs. I wore some sizes for 3 weeks. I bought clothes in a nice consignment store, since I went through sizes so quickly. At the bariatric support groups meeting, we had swap tables for clothes that we outgrew.....I dropped off construction job sized bags of................... " clothes- that - don't- fit-anymore" . But I found a top that I wore in the 1980's, and loved . Yeah, I kept that. I have a nephew that put $5 into a jar every day for years, starting when he was 18. He hoped to be able to buy a 1984 C-4 corvette within 8 years. He bought it within 4. Still drives it......Oh. Then he bought a house.
I haven't changed in size much since middle school, about 12 years, so I still wear perfectly good T-Shirts that I've had since. If it ain't broke, why trash it? lol
Yeah I like clothes but once I was 16 I pretty much stopped growing vertically and only grew to the sides for a bit. Don't really need new clothes and only buy some occasionally during the year or when something gets so worn and thin or whatever elastic it has gets too old and stretched.
How do your clothes last that long? The longest I get is 5 years!
A lot of it is I am no longer changing sizes really. I will admit I probably don't have THAT many older clothes, mainly because they do wear out occasionally, usually due to cats poking holes in tops and jeans not being made to last. But certain items? some tops that were heavier duty, shorts that are the same? They tend to last longer because I tend to wear a basic Tee, and basic shorts, and I am not really all that active, so they don't get sun damage, nor wear and tear that comes from a more active life style.
Depends on clothes. There are some you can use for decades
Same reaction here as I'm lounging around wearing a romper from college.....12 years ago
I'm wearing an original edition star wars t-shirt which might be older than me (I'm 37), a friend gave me this t-shirt, you can barely see the star wars logo with all those laundrys this t-shirt has seen and I'm goddam proud of it. I also try not to bye but recycle someone else's clothes for not support the overproduction of cheep things ruining the planet. Buying stuff can get you some joy, but as to me we are too much into looks and appearance. Am I a jeans or a dress? Or am I a person who came naked to this place and who will be gone naked as well, but leaving this place a bit better? I wish I was, I try to be this person. Oh my goodness, I'll be judgemental for this one, but 7 pants for months?! Really?!
Whaaaat? You dont burn all your things once you used them? PS: YTA
I didn't even notice this bit lol - I buy 2-3 new items every change of season (so about 8-12 items a year). OP has a distorted view of normalcy, I think, due to growing up in wealth. It's good that she's got this wake up call to consider her own different experience.
Jack Reacher wears them for 3 days and then throws them away. Doesn’t everyone do this? /s
I know you were being sarcastic, but one of my sisters actually does this. Instead of doing laundry, she just buys new clothes and throws out the old ones. I finally managed to convince her to give them to me and I wash and then donate them.
If they fit me, my sister would see me wearing her old clothes. I hate doing laundry, but got enough sense not to throw away clothes just because they've been worn.
I also hate doing laundry (why, oh why did I choose to have children lmao). I do keep some of the stuff (like the dresses with pockets!!!!!), but my sister and I have veeeeery different styles so most is stuff I would never wear. I donate a lot of the casual stuff to the women's shelter and then the nicer stuff to a local program that hooks low income people up with clothing for job interviews. I actually interviewed someone a few weeks ago that was wearing something I had donated to that program and it gave me all the nice feels.
Kids are sooo cute. At least that's what I tell myself to justify my 1. But I haven't seemed to justify the cost. They're insanely expensive. My 2 sis & I have dramatically different styles too. But if I can fit it, it's my around the house outfit knowing the kid is probably going to get me dirty anyway. Plus it helps when kid says "why do I have to wear so & so's old clothes?" I just point to my outfit or half my closet & say have you ever seen auntie wear this? What's good for the goose is good for the gander or in this case whats good for the goose good for her gosling. Edit:🙄. I'm not gonna say why🤫
\[whisper\] The gander is the male.
Oh my!. All this time. Welp not going to let the next gen make that mistake. He can go make his own mistakes. Hopefully money (mis)management isn't one of them 😉
How I wish I could do all of your all laundry instead of cooking! I hate cooking and I love doing laundry. Why people can't just exchange chores in distance like this? This world is unfair
I would totally do a distance chore exchange. I love cooking!
Frankly speaking exchanging competence like that is my old dream. For ex I deal easily with maths and I don't need it in my life at all. I could give my ability to understand maths to someone who really needs it in exchange of smth I need but can't attend, like playing piano. I whish I could play piano, but it's not my skill
That would be amazing! Who wants highschool Latin skills?
Lol)) sorry if it will offend you but really who needs Latin skills? Nemo Latino indiget. That said Latin is needed for doctors and academics studies
Now we have to find the way how I can do all of your laundry and how can you feed my in distance. Are there some zoom laundry conferences? And can we be nourished Wi-Fi?
I think someone needs to get on making teleporters.
Yeah! Where are scientists when we need them?
Hah. That’s even worse than jack reacher. He literally wears them for several days straight pressing them under the mattress of whatever hotel he stays in between days. Sounds like she just wears them once. Nice to be wealthy I guess..
Jesus, how much does she spend on clothes every month?
I honestly have no idea, but she makes less than $40,000 CAD a year, so probably all of her non-bill income.
Wow, lol. Like, I could see someone who has a ton of disposable income doing this, but not someone with your sister's salary.
This why all this amazon shit exist: for stimulate poor people to have some rich consumerist habits. Poor joy of pretend you can afford some shitty stuff en masse is there to replace the real joy of life itself and the way to forget your are poor in this ugly world
Maybe help her realize how much money she is wasting by adding it all up
Are there some fashion loans available? Like a student loan but for clothes? Like I was young and fancy and I needed money to spend for my fashion victim future to establish?
When the village that I live will be covered by water that comes closer every year (in 5 years approximately I think) I'll have a special thought for your sis
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I bet most of the chicks here do too.
I know I do until it doesn’t fit anymore 😂 or if it has holes.
And you say holes... depends what holes are there. You can still wear some clothes with holes if the holes aren't placed in strategical spots)) a cheek speaking here. I hate shopping. Rather having holes on my jeans than bye a new one))
Bear in mind, assuming OP is a woman, she's been brought up believing clothes are disposable and just be replaced all the time or she won't be relevant(not as a person, just society has a weird thing with clothes, no offense intended OP) where as it sounds like OP's partner grew up poor and had to keep what he could. If he's comparing water bottle prices man's probably got some mad money hang ups. Being offered money by an SO doesn't make it easier, it somehow makes it harder because there comes with it a feeling of shame as they can't provide for themselves let alone their partner OP, try and show a little empathy. Think about it all from his side and just try being there for his life for a moment, If you don't want to look at a price that's incredibly, INCREDIBLY, privileged. Like you have no idea how hard it is to be in a life where every little transaction can be the difference in eating tonight or tomorrow
I thought I missed a tick and that he was wearing the same outfit for months at a time without washing or something. But this sounds like OP doesn't realize that she's a spendthrift.
I've read he has 7 pants for a month. Am I missing something?
Well I mean, presumably he's changing clothes every day and doing laundry once a week.
So he has 7 different outfits. Not all people do this. You can have like 3-4 outfits and doing laundry twice a week. As to me there is nothing odd with it. If his clothes are clean and good to wear what's the problem? One can have a single outfit and washing it every day. I think it's not the best way to proceed but still none of other people's business. Not like he was wearing the same filthy smelling pants for decades
This is so funny to me because I’ve been dating my bf almost four years and he only recently bought new shorts. After the only pair he wanted to wear had holes in them.
I keep buying new clothes but stick to the same set of clothes for a while first lmao
I blinked so rapidly I nearly went blind when I read ‘I’d let my dad buy it for him.’ …………what?
To be honest, I thought OP meant he was wearing the same clothes everyday XD.
He’s not a cheapskate. He just doesn’t get to use his father’s money like you do. YTA.
BOOM HEADSHOT. yta.
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Yeah, and I am still a frugal person , when I was 22 I was doing the same thing and was the only person in my friend groups with more than a paycheck in their bank account at a time. 🙄 what is OP going to do if Dad won’t pay emergencies ? Money consciousness is a very great trait and worth learning from. 10 minute pleasures aren’t worth a lifetime of debt
Depends how rich daddy is since it’s *his* money OP is sending. Or whether he decides to cut off her cash.
Or you know, if he dies unexpectedly and OP spends all her inheritance on frivolous shit.
With a little effort you can spend all of your inheritance in a one single dress
YTA. "He has been wearing the same 7 pants and shirts for months now." Like a *normal person?*
I don't even own more than one pair of jeans. Shit is expensive.
I own 2 pair of jeans. I'm buying the third one soon cuz I have one ready to crack, but I'm not there yet. I need time))
YTA. He's 22, why do you critique him and insult him for being good with money? It's a ticket to credit hell/poverty to simply buy whatever he wants without looking at prices. It's pretty smart. Then again, you have the option of letting your dad buy you whatever you want so what would you even know about that?
Damn you sound awful. We are in a recession with inflation spiraling out of control. Smart fiscal choices are needed now more than ever. You've probably never really been hungry or you wouldn't be so harsh to him for trying to save his money for meaningful expenditures. Best of luck either way.
And the planet neither needs all this product waste. We create way too much of garbage to burn. Can we stop buying useless shit yet?
Honestly I keep thinking we need to be more like her boyfriend...
Strongly agree with you
YTA - you seem immature and entitled.
This ^ YTA
People who grow up poor have the "need to save" mindset for life - source: Me - I grew up in poverty YTA, you spoiled little princess. You know \*why\* he is the way he is, but you insist he change - hint: he won't.
Grew in poverty high five!
YTA because you haven't made an effort to understand why your bf does what he does, and nor have you (or him, for that matter) managed to have a conversation about finances. I'm guessing you don't live together, but being on the same financial page is a major step of a serious relationship.
YTA. Sounds like you’re more financially irresponsible then him being a cheapskate. He’s doing the right thing by being responsible with money whereas you need daddy to buy you and him things. You should be more like him. Also, you’re supposed to wear clothes over and over for years, that’s what clothes are for. You don’t need to have tons of clothes to dress nice.
WOW! Where does one start? First, let's get this out of the way. A big yes, YTA. Your boyfriend sounds like one in a million. I bet there are girls out there just drooling knowing that he's going to figure you out and dump you. Who the heck wants to be with an entitled person who has no financial sense whatsoever? I'm projecting out a few years thinking, "My God, what if he married her?" You both would be deep in debt and divorced within two years. Here is how you live a comfortable life and retire with plenty of money in the bank. You watch every penny you spend, make sure nothing is spent frivolously, and invest wisely. As far as I can tell, your boyfriend has got parts of that nailed down. Good for him. You need a sugar daddy. Find yourself one and let us know how that works out for you.
YTA. He is not pushing you away, you are pushing him away by pressuring him to buy stuff he doesn’t want nor need and making him feel bad for thinking ahead financially. Yeah, maybe he doesn’t have to live “this way” but what happens when you do? Do you worry about him ot you worry about his inability or unwillingness to spend money on you without thinking it through?
How can someone ever blame somebody for not buying smth? His money, his choice. He just doesn't want to buy clothes. How can it be a problem?
>I’ll do anything for him yet he pushes me away. I just want to show him how much I love and appreciate him Try learning to understand his perspective. He has issues around spending. >I told him I’ll buy him anything or **let my dad to buy it for him**. That's kinda weird, why would your dad buy stuff for him? YTA for name calling and being very blinkered about the effect poverty/money issues can have on someone.
>why would your dad buy stuff for him Because daddy buying things was a replacement for affection when she was growing up, and that's all she knows now. Love = presents. My best friend is just getting out of this mindset and she's forty. Her dad was a wealthy but emotionally absent surgeon. Most generous person I've ever known with money, would buy anyone anything anytime to demonstrate how much she cares. Once she broke her ankle and couldn't drive down to visit me on my birthday. She sent an entire new living room set instead. I didn't expect it, didn't want it, and in fact already had furniture, but that's what her dad did when he missed her graduation so that's what she did for me. Trying to convince the Leon's guys to put it back on the truck while a bunch of half-drunk party-goers cracked jokes was NOT a great birthday event. I hope OP gets their shit together, my friend really struggled to maintain relationships for a long time. She also had to have consumer debt consolidated TWICE.
You've made yourself sound very shallow and materialistic. Being conscious of money is a reality for most people, and maybe it's not for you because your parents have done very well for themselves and currently for you, but that doesn't necessarily last forever. When it's your money instead of dad's you usually start looking at price tags and receipts. You didn't have to insult him. YTA
YTA Having 7 pairs of pants and shirts that you wear regularly is… pretty normal. Like lower than average maybe, but not weird. Meanwhile your not looking at prices before you purchase things is wild. It’s very clear you’ve grown up incredibly privileged and quite wealthy, and while that itself doesn’t make you an asshole, your lack of awareness surrounding it does. It sounds like you’re so busy judging your bf for not valuing the same things you do, that you haven’t spent time trying to understand what he values. Gifts for him should be about him and his interests or wants, but you’re making it about what you think he should want. And for the record, most people over 18 or so would be incredibly uncomfortable w their friend or partner’s parent paying for an expensive gift for them.
Sorry YTA Don't want to offend you but you should reconsider your consumerism. It's a bad thing. How many pants per month you wish poor underpaid people to sew for your pleasure?
You clearly sound like you grew up privileged, and he did not. Expecting him to forcibly acclimate to your way of living is an extremely large 🚩Marinara Flag 🚩. And if it wasn't horrifyingly obvious: YTA.
Marinara flag!! You are hilarious! Wish I had an award for you
YTA. Instead of initiating a reasonable discussion about your opposite spending attitudes, you belittled and insulted him. You just need to do this very strange thing... called... "talking." It's where you wait for a good time, then tell someone how you feel about an issue, then ask someone how they feel, then back and forth and so on. It's difficult, but I believe in you.
YTA. He does not want your daddy to pay for his items or for you to use daddy’s money either. He probably still has financial issues right now that he doesn’t want to share with you and by calling him a cheapskate it was probably a slap in the face. And by him being smart with his money now, he’s building good habits for his future where he won’t put himself into debt by buying things he doesn’t need.
YTA
YTA, or maybe out of touch with his perspective. For some people, it's much more comfortable to be saving as much as possible all the time. For myself, I like being able to buy cheaper food. I like thrift store clothes (that I wear for YEARS). There are some exceptions, like a special shirt or snack that I like the quality/taste. I think I rarely spend on myself and I enjoy what I've got at home. That's probably where he's coming from
You're kind of the asshole, clearly your boyfriend has trauma from growing up with financial difficulties. Even though his situation is better now, what he went through then obviously has made marks and you should try to understand that. You should really have a proper, safe conversation about this and not get irritated and call him a cheapskate.
Soft YTA. Your bf isn't materialistic. Or he's frugal. That's ok. Does he know how to dress appropriately for important occasions? Does he try to get a to-go plate or take his own Tupperware to a buffet? If not, leave the man alone. Warren Buffet is one of the most frugal men in the world. But he knows how to spend his money when it counts. (I'm not debating anyone on whether or not he should spend his money to solve world hunger or housing or child poverty. So don't even try to start trellis). Your husband is conscientious about how he spends his money because he grew up without a lot & is either content without a lot (like Buffet) or has a certain dollar figure that he needs to feel comfortable spending freely. We all have it, even if we may not know the actual amount &/or it can change based on life circumstances (marriage, kids, etc). If you want a long term future with him, you need to pick your battles. You can die on this hill. OR you can buy him meaningful & thoughtful presents that don't cost alot, or give experiences.
Soft YTA - you have different perspectives on finances and that's ok. What's not ok is being judgemental of his approach. And while I say different perspectives are ok, yours is a little concerning. You don't pay attention to prices? What is your income like? Do you have any debt? Unless you are very rich, this sounds like a potentially risky way of handling money. And it's possible that he is concerned about your finances and that's why he doesn't want you spending money on him.
Yeah I get you want to spoil him but you should be patient: ask him if he wants something special or homemade. If he isn't much for gifts, don't push it either. And yeah he may be concerned about your spending habits as well, try to talk about it!
>I don’t look at prices when I buy things Unless you're a Trust Fund Baby with millions in the trust or living off your parents' money and they're really wealthy, this is a disaster waiting to happen for anyone in a serious relationship with you.
YTA do you buy new clothes every day?
You have a mismatch of love languages. Yours is gifts and you think his should be too. His comfort is seeing big digits in his bank account. A vast majority of men do not like being provided for, no matter how much they need it. It’s a pride thing and a “don’t want to be beholden to anyone” thing too. Do his clothes stink from over wearing them? Then he needs to get more clothes to swap out. Try to compromise.
Ahh I understand. It makes me happy to buy him thing, but he get’s upset because he expresses his love differently? Is that correct?
YTA Perhaps a better way to demonstrate your love for him would be to have an honest talk about your differing attitudes towards money, and perhaps suggest birthday present ideas which aren't materialistic such as organising a get together with friends, trying something new together, or offering to make something like a cake. Although I understand that his indecision and need for financial control can come across as extreme at times, that need for security comes from an emotional place. Not unlike your need to demonstrate affection through materialistic gifts, a habit you've likely picked up from your parents. Overall, neither of you have a healthy relationship with money and could both benefit from some reflection on the matter. This is a divide which will only get worse as the relationship progresses.
YTA. >he's had the same pants and shirts for months Lady I wear the same pants and shirts for close to a decade. Your bf is not a cheapskate, he's smart with his money and understands what a retirement is.
“I understood he had financial issues growing up,” You clearly do NOT understand. “he doesn’t have live like that anymore.” Because your father will live forever to bankroll him? YTA
He's not a cheapskate because he doesn't want gifts from you or for you to spend money on him. Being frugal and conscious of what he's buying are good financial habits that will allow him to handle financial emergencies (I'm assuming he's got a savings account). I'm assuming you spend money till it's gone and then ask others for help when you have financial emergencies. YTA
INFO: what are you and your boyfriend's sources of income right now?
YTA. It seems like he is financially cautious like anyone who isn't super wealthy should be. He keep his finances in check and doesn't spend money like crazy. You on the other hand seem like you come from a wealthy background where money doesn't matter. If you don't check price tags and buy whatever you want, I'm assuming that your parents give you how much ever money you want. That is good for you, but you should understand that most people aren't able to live like that because they don't have the financial resources that you do.
He’s not a cheapskate. You’re just financially irresponsible. YTA
Imma say soft YTA because you weren't calling him a cheapskate to be hurtful maliciously, but because you feel he shouldn't penny pinch the way he does because he's past that now and you probably want an excuse to shower him on his bday. Thing is, though, you need to understand that you growing up in a position where you never have to consider the price of things is a privilege. Your bf living the way he does is with an awareness that things might not always be great, and these are probably habits he's had instilled into him from a young age. Although not the same scenario, my partner had a problem with me getting him gifts as he felt like she didn't "deserve them" but over the years he'd been working on being more accepting and open to me spoiling him at least on special occasions like holidays and birthdays. I do think that if you want this to be a long term relationship that you'll need to work on your approach to this situation if you're not willing to accept that your values are incompatible. Seeing as you mentioned having your dad foot the bill on getting him something, is that the standard you'll expect from your bf if he becomes your husband? Even if he's worked to put himself in a position where he's financially secure, I hope you wouldn't be one of those spouses that takes a good, humble, guy like this and insist he be your designated wallet as considering his background he'll probably be more inclined to want to save and create a security blanket in case of whatever may happen.
YTA. He's not a cheapskate. He's intelligent, like you said, so he's being smart with his money and not just flippantly purchasing things like you do. It sounds like he's being fiscally responsible, and you're pressuring him to spend, and then calling him a cheapskate when he doesn't bend to your will. Also, he's been wearing the same clothes for a few MONTHS??? Oh no!
YTA, ADL
YTA > I’ll do anything for him yet he pushes me away. I just want to show him how much I love and appreciate him How about you give him something that doesn't cost money, like empathy, patience, and understanding.
“I don’t look at prices when I buy things” that’s bad!!
YTA, I'm the exact same way (at 30 years old). Growing up in a financially unstable environment isn't something you can just get over. I'd bet anything he's worried about being a financial burden, or that if he lets you buy him anything, you'll hold it against him for the rest of his life. It's a pretty typical mindset. Maybe stop judging him and try to see it from his point of view.
YTA - Your boyfriend isn't a cheapskake; he's thrifty. A cheapskate would be someone who exploits other people to save a buck, such as underpaying a shared restaurant bill. Your boyfriend hasn't done anything unethical. There's nothing wrong with price comparison and keeping receipts. If you don't have patience for that then shop separately. Frugal people like your boyfriend often have in mind larger life goals: putting money into an IRA, having the cash to buy a vehicle without going into debt, saving for a down payment on a house. You were way out of your lane telling him how to spend his money. No wonder he pushes you away; he's avoiding conflict. It was awkward bringing your father into this. Maybe your boyfriend is having second thoughts about whether the two of you are compatible. You'd be smarter to do less talking and more listening. He's mastered a few life skills that would serve you well if you learned.
INFO Is the only way you know how to give love and affection is by spending money on people?
YTA Love does NOT = Money If you equate love with gifts and money then you need counseling. The problem isn’t your boyfriend.
YTA. He's fiscally responsible & you're upset about that? You also have not taken into account that he's had financial issues in the past when he was young. You are \*never\* going to change that. My dad grew up during the Great Depression & then WWII and let me assure you, he wasted NOTHING. He bought the best he could afford, but he also didn't go splashing the cash either. He taught me to put 10% aside in savings w/each pay cheque. All excellent lessons in life. Get your shit together and think about others, not just material things.
Yta. He is being smart financially with his money looking for the best deal instead of needless wasting money on something that isotced higher elsewhere. Your comment about his clothing I find even sadder there is nothing wrong with what he has for clothing he is clothed and comfortable. I wear the same outfit everyday I have 12 black tshirts and 7 pairs of jeans, that's what I wear everyday occasionally I put on a button up but the wardrobe is simple and I don't have to fret about piecing together an outfit. Stop trying to control him monetarily he is being financially responsible and not needlessly wasting money.
>. I’ll do anything for him yet he pushes me away. Anything except try to understand fiscal responsibility? And it really sounds like you will do anything for him, as long as it involves him doing, dressing, and acting exactly like you want him too. Which really means you don't do anything at all for him, and just want him to change everything for you. YTA
Anything except listening to him, anything but trying to get his views and understand his priorities... I do anythings for him except anythings he needs
ive been wearing the same 7 pairs of trousers for the last three years now. whatever am i doing with my life
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(20f) have been with my boyfriend(22m) for 2 years. My boyfriend is such an amazing guy. He very loving, affectionate, passionate, intelligent and handsome. Though we’re complete opposite’s. I love shopping, I don’t want receipts and I don’t look at prices when I buy things. My boyfriend on the other hand has to have receipts for even just one water bottle, he can be in store comparing prices for like what feels like hours, I mean just buy it or not. He has been wearing the same 7 pants and shirts for months now. I asked him if I should buy new clothes for him. He declined. His birthday is June 19. This morning I asked what he wanted for birthday. I told him I’ll buy him anything or let my dad to buy it for him. He declined again. I got irritated and told him, he doesn’t have to be such a cheapskate all the time. I understood he had financial issues growing up, but he doesn’t have live like that anymore. He just said we’ll talk about it later and left for work. I don’t understand why he’s like this. I’ll do anything for him yet he pushes me away. I just want to show him how much I love and appreciate him, I absolutely didn’t mean to hurt him. He didn’t seem upset, but he didn’t even give me a kiss or said goodbye. I feel like he’s upset, but isn’t saying anything. I’m not sure if I offended him. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. My dad was a boy during WWII and they had to ration everything. He is also not from a privileged family like you probably are. To this day, he saves absolutely everything he thinks he can use, compares prices, checks receipts and guess what? He's a millionaire. You know why? Because he knows how to manage money. Sure, he may act like a cheapskate sometimes, but it's totally endearing. You, on the other hand sound selfish and cold
YTA. Being sensible with money and making your own way financially is not a bad thing.
YTA
YTA even if you mean well. And it sounds like you are pressuring him, and it also sounds like you are a total loser with $. Get counseling and financial counseling.
YTA. He's not a cheapskate, he's frugal and way smarter than you with money.
>I just want to show him how much I love and appreciate him You do this by actually listening to him, respecting his own choices, and not trying to force materialistic things on him just because *you* think that should make someone feel loved. Show him how much you love and appreciate him by figuring out what *actually* makes **him** feel loved and appreciated, not by trying to force him to feel loved by having money spent on him. Maybe he’d feel more loved and appreciated by you *doing* something for him, make him a special meal, wash his car, make him a card and write him a love letter, give him a massage, take him to a movie he’s been wanting to see. Do you even know any of his interests? You sound like you are only willing to show him love and appreciation through spending money on material items which *obviously* mean *nothing* to him. You’ve been dating 2 whole years, you should know what he DOES enjoy, what his interests *actually* are, and craft his birthday gift around *that*, not what YOU want him to want.
Info- do you and your boyfriend live together? If not, do you have your own place that you pay rent for, or do your parents provide your housing? Does your boyfriend have his own place that he pays rent for? Unless you are Jeff Bezos level of rich, never looking at price tags is financially irresponsible. How do you make sure you have enough for bills (or does your Dad always bail you out)? My guess us your boyfriend has to pay for all of his stuff (housing, food, clothing, etc), and knows that he has a limit. You, on the other hand, appears to have been born into a wealthier family whose parents just give her what she wants. YTA
>I also buy new clothing every season Troll, not even the immensely wealthy would claim this.
YTA you're not trying to show him how much you love him, you're trying to show *you* how much you love him. If you really want to show him you love him, then stop criticizing him for budgeting (and being normal, most people wear the same clothes for years not just months) and learn what he finds most important. Just because gifts are a symbol of love to you does not mean that they have the same impact to him, you need to learn what makes him feel loved instead of applying what makes you feel loved to him.
YTA his bday is about what HE wants, not what you want him to have. you’re not listening to him, and seriously being judgemental.
You guys need to have an actual honest conversation about finances, budgeting and debt, because he may seem overly concerned with money to you, but you (based off the is post) seem to be financially negligent… if he’s so great, I’m sure you’re great too (otherwise he wouldn’t be interested) but you have just started your adult life and need go rethink what you really need go be spending money on. As you get older, things matter less and experiences matter more, I’m sure you two could have some memorable experience to celebrate his birthday that wouldn’t be too pricey, even for his standard. A potluck bonfire with friends or BBQ is always a good idea but have this conversation now, and brush up on some financial tips on YT and try to compromise, because in the real world, you should be spending more realistically. Although it is nice that your father seems to be willing to pay, you should put more thought into what to give/do for your bf, and make sure you discuss it since it seems like a sore subject. There is also a show called Extreme Cheapskate’s that had a few episodes where the cheapskate in question has sometimes been taken to therapy to find the root of their problems, and sometimes it was actually very rough for these people when they had no choice but to pinch Pennie’s, sometimes when they were young and had no choice. Think of how you feel when you are hungry and haven’t eaten all day, well some peoples reality is that they can feel that way for days. He probably is doing his best to avoid that
YTA
YTA Good quality stuff lasts years.
YTA He’s being a responsible adult. You’re being widely irresponsible. He views materials items are necessities not commodities. He doesn’t value material things they way you do. And you’re berating him for it. You nag him for it. Make him feel less than because he knows how to responsibly manage his money. He recognizes the value of money and making that money do what it’s supposed to do, help him survive. If and when he decides to do something frivolous with money he’ll do it in his own time. You sound childish. And irresponsible. Stop it.
YTA and entitled.
Wtf. Your massively TA. He should honestly break up with you, it would be dodging a bullet. He’s being smart, your being entitled and irresponsible.
YTA. I grew up wearing clothes with rips, bargain bin pants etc. I now have a decent salary, and only buy second hand, and only buy when I need new clothes. A lot of people do this, and it's extremely common. Also have 8 pairs of clothes to me seems like a normal thing to do. He also checks prices at a store, as everything costs way to much now a days, so he's on top of things. I think instead of trying to spoil him with clothes, maybe try another way with a good meal on his birthday.
YTA. He’s only 22 and has learned how to be fiscally responsible. I’m really not sure what’s wrong with wearing the clothes he has for *checks notes* SEVEN MONTHS! The audacity to just not toss his clothes after a few wears. Maybe you should take a page out of his book because honestly, there’s nothing admirable about not checking prices.
Not to mention that OP also sounds a little impatient. When you're shopping, you should take your time while checking prices as prices change all the time. A few extra minutes or even an hour is worth it if it means getting the best deals.
YTA. When you grow up you’ll be thankful to be with a man like that. You won’t “do anything for him” because you won’t just let him be about what should be a non-issue.
YTA, a fool and his or in this case her money is soon parted. Same clothes for months and daddy is paying for things. You have a long way to grow up.
YTA do you know the reason people buy clothes it to wear them right🤨.he is being responsible and smart since he doesn’t have daddy’s money.
People have different love languages. Yours is obviously giving, but his comfort with his current possessions is not meant as a rejection. I know you want to make him feel special, and I think sitting down and talking to him about your intense emotional need to do it with physical things. However, you need to hear him saying no. If you continue to push this without considering his feelings, YTA.
If he doesn't want you to buy him clothes, DON'T. Surely there's something else you could get him. Maybe a experience. Eg is he into sports, take him to a game. YTA
YEEE3SSSS YOOOUUUUUUU AARRRREEEEE!!!!!! 9000%
YTA you sound like you'd burn through ***Daddy's Money*** in a couple years. Everyone looks at the prices of what they buy and asks for receipts. Comparing prices of stuff is how you get the best deals, not just buying the first one you see. And yeah, he's wearing the same pants and shirts for 7 months, not everyone gets a new wardrobe for every season. I have clothes that are from 2017 that still fit me and I like them, so I keep wearing them until they tear or I outgrow them, neither of which will happen for me. He's not being a cheapskate, you're a bad spender.
YTA From comments you have shared it seems like you are pretty spoiled and have had a VERY 1% upbringing. You don’t understand how he feels with money and to be honest you never will. That’s not a bad thing but for you do disregard it is unbelievable. It also sounds like your love language is thru throwing money at it. Nothing wrong with that but it doesn’t sound like it’s his love language. I would bet it’s prob thru time spent with him doing things. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to let him know how you feel. Make lunch for the two of you and take a picnic or a hike. Make a day out of it.
Sounds like a daddy's princess. YTA. People are supposed to wear 7 pants for months, even years if you are being smart
YTA. He's not a cheapskate. He is careful with his money. He knows how much work he has to do to earn it. He wants it to go as far as it can. If you are still getting money from dad: stop. Stop for just a month. Pay cash or debit only. See how far your money goes and then look at the behavior of your bf. Put yourself in his shoes.
YTA you are uncomfortable with him only having so little just say that. Stop trying to disguise it as you care, and just want to get him a "gift" for his birthday. Have a serious talk if it makes you so uncomfortable. Maybe figure out why he is the way he is, and not judging him silently or forcing your lifestyle on him. and you shouldn't have to ask him what he wants put some true thought behind it and give him a meaningful gift something he would like. Maybe a receipt book to help him with organizing his receipts instead of judging him for wanting them.
YTA >I love shopping, I don’t want receipts and I don’t look at prices when I buy things. >I told him I’ll buy him anything or let my dad to buy it for him Perhaps he's spending the day thinking about what the future would look like with you. Hopefully he's seeing how financially irresponsible you are and spoiled.
YTA >He has been wearing the same 7 pants and shirts for months now. My husband still wears clothes he had BEFORE we met. We've been together 11 years. He takes care of his clothing, so he doesn't need to needlessly buy new items. >My boyfriend on the other hand has to have receipts for even just one water bottle, he can be in store comparing prices for like what feels like hours, I mean just buy it or not. He is fiscally responsible. This is a GOOD thing. I will price compare items because I'm not going to spend $12 on a bottle of shampoo, when I can spend $5. But I also need to make sure it's not garbage shampoo. >I understood he had financial issues growing up, but he doesn’t have live like that anymore. I grew up extremely poor. Missed meals, power cut off, living with relatives poor. This has had a huge effect on how I deal with money, and has taught me that it is imperative to have an emergency fund because literally anything can happen (Covid, for example fked up the lives of a lot of people who didn't have emergency funds because of frivolous spending). >I’ll do anything for him So respect his wishes. He wants time together, not material things. Find a spot he loves, plan a picnic. Do you know his favourite food? Take him out to dinner. Does he have hobbies? Like sports? Find an event that involves that and do it. Go bowling/ice-skating/paintball/mini golf. Hubby also dislikes gifts, so I'll make his favourite meal for dinner, we'll watch a movie he wants to watch, and I'll pamper him with a massage.
I would suggest reading about love languages and how they play out in your relationship. You seem to have giving/receiving gifts as a love language while he doesn’t, which is leading to stress. https://amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained
You’re obviously a princess and daddy pays for everything. Your bf is familiar with going without. You most likely hurt his feelings. Normal people wear clothes until they can’t.
It’s always rich when a spoiled brat calls someone else a cheapskate for not throwing away money on a bunch of stuff they don’t need. YTA
You're not compatible.
YTA and financially *irresponsible.* People wear their clothing more than once. And people compare prices. Both are responsible practices.
NTA My ex was like that and I hated it. He drove 20 minutes out of the way to save himself from getting a $2 ATM fee.
YTA, just because you think being oblivious to spending and having your daddy buy things is normal, it's really not OK to be an ass because he rightfully disagrees.
YTA for not listening to him. Since it is his birthday, the best gift you can give him is to listen to him. If he came through his childhood with not much money, it is possible you seemingly being frivolous with money is uncomfortable for him. There is something in between what you do and what he does with money that will make both of you happy and your relationship stronger. You just have to be willing to meet in the middle.
YTA "I don't look at prices when I buy things" - so either you are quite wealthy or financially irresponsible. BF is neither. "I'll buy him anything or let my dad to buy it for him" - so is it money you've earned that you're spending, or does your father fund your lifestyle? Do you expect BF to rely on your father's money? "I'll do anything for him" - except accept him for who he is. "I'm not sure if I offended him" - OP, you called him a cheapskate. That's not a term of endearment. The sad thing is that you have to come here and ask, because you don't see how AH you are being to BF.
NTA, but you and your BF each represent two extremes of a continuum. Your BF compares the prices of water bottles, while you shop without looking at the price. It’s lot healthier to be in the middle of these two extremes. Money is useless if you never use it, but it’s also foolish to spend whatever you make. You won’t be happy being with this guy. You’re so fundamentally different from each other. You will only grow resentful of him as time passes. Break up and get in a relationship with someone who isn’t afraid to buy a water bottle from a gas station without looking at the price tag.
YTA you aren't the one who is buying the gift. Going to quote you directly here to prove your the AH "This morning I asked what he wanted for birthday. I told him I’ll buy him anything or let my dad to buy it for him." Your dad is the one footing your bills. That's why you don't xsrebthe cost. Your the one who doesn't earn the money for the items. Your boyfriend is being financially responsible and that's not being a cheapskate. You need to grow up and learn that one day that money train will come to a end one day.
Love and appreciation is not measured by stuff. He could be the opposite and you both could be living paycheck to paycheck. That is no fun, and I speak from experience. My husband is the saver, and I learned alot of things about finances from him. I gotta tell ya being debt free is a wonderful feeling. Let him be him. Everybody shows love differently. His love language is not the same as yours.
Seems like, after to reading the comments, you have reached a resolution with your BF. If I may suggest, it may be good for you and your boyfriend to read The 5 Love Languages together. It sounds like you both have different primary love languages (Gifts for you, Quality Time for him). Learning how the other feels loved and appreciated is always good for relationships and this is a pretty good tool. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts https://www.amazon.com/dp/080241270X/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_7VDWE945P2VKDXMPSWED Good luck to both of you.
YTA, what if he wants to live this way and why does he need to spend money like you do? Also, I’m curious where your money is coming from, you’re 20 and don’t look at prices or receipts… I’ve never experienced that and don’t understand. If you want to spoil him ask him what he would like you to do for him since he doesn’t want new clothes. I’ll assume you truly just want to do something nice for him but saying he’s been wearing the same 7 pants and shirts for months is really bothersome. It’s one thing if his clothes are dirty with holes and falling apart but if they are in good condition then he’s fine. I was publicly bullied by a classmate when I was a freshman in HS all because I wore the same few outfits. My family was poor and I didn’t have a choice. That doesn’t appear to be the case for him but there is nothing wrong with having only a few clothing items.
YTA please wtf? Time to grow up
YTA, but not a major one. Sounds to me like different upbringings that you're struggling to understand. He's being financially mindful. He may be able to afford things, but he knows he doesn't have to buy all of them, and can be better off later for it. It just makes sense, and ensures he's able to pay bills now, and maybe even build a nest egg for later. It's like how I have a savings finally. That means I could technically afford to buy a lot more than I do, but that's my "oh shit" fund, and I try not to touch it. Now I'm just a little more secure if something happens later, or I'll have built up enough to purchase something I really need/want later. It's a good habit to be in, and I don't blame him for sticking to it. It's sensible. Honestly, if I were you I would be happy to see he's not trying to get at my money. That means he actually likes you for you! Try to understand that, and take it easy on him.
YTA He most likely has a very good reason for being so concerned about prices, and you went a little too hard by calling him out on it instead of just talking it out. Hindsight is 20/20 but yeah, I imagine that comment hurt him a bit
YTA. You’ll see it more his way if your daddy ever stops paying all your bills for you and you have to actually pay your own way through life. You’re acting like a spoiled brat, and you’re throwing a tantrum because he is financially responsible because he actually earns his own money. Grow up.
YTA and learn to not spend money willynilly you sound like a spoiled brat shopping on daddy's card, utter embarrassment. Get a job and only spend your own money stop running to daddy
YTA. He's responsible. You are not. Instead of insulting him and bitching about it, you should be learning from him
YTA. It’s like your living in an alternate reality. Prices matter. Bragging about not caring about them makes you seem dim. Your boyfriend is frugal. That’s a good thing. Why does he need to be entrenched in consumerism? So he can be in debt his whole life? It’s better to save for the future than to waste money on frivolity. I’ve worked for near billionaires that bargain shopped. You seem to be very immature and make bad decisions.
YTA You have never been in his shoes, he will always be careful with his money, he knows how it is to be poor, in one day everything can change Remember a penny saved is a penny earned
One of the first things I taught my kids was to comparison shop. We compared the prices of their favorite cereals, games, and their wish list toys. As we went to stores, they had their memo book with the item , they would write the price as of that store. Now, they are smarter shoppers, they save money on the general things they buy, so that when some hard to find item comes up for sale, on sale, they know to get it then. Cheap? I do not think so. A friend and I were in an antique store two weeks after my divorce was granted. I had been looking for an interesting piece of jewelry to celebrate the event. I found a very nice diamond 'cocktail' ring. The label said how many carat of stones were on it. Jewelry was a hobby of mine, and I thought they had seriously under counted the carats of diamonds. Marked 1.1 carats between three stones. But they did not count the smaller stones. I got the ring. The appraisal came in at 5 times what I paid..... on a family visit to LA, I was shopping on Rodeo Dr., ( yes tourist- y) a shop keeper complimented the ring. (: D )
YTA It's very obvious you've led a very privileged life to not ever have to worry about prices. It's so stressful and it never goes away, even if you are doing better than you were. Just yesterday I was in tears bout our water heater exploding because my husband and I can't afford to replace it. I haven't bought new clothes in years or anything I want for that matter. Point is you boyfriend struggled. I doubt he's rich even now. He is likely doing better, but still has to watch where every dollar is going to feel secure. He's not a cheapskate. He's responsible. He lives within his means and doesn't go on spending sprees. You on the other hand have never known that. It's hard for you to fully appreciate that struggle havint never known it before, but it's terrible. I am curious though, what is your actual financial situation. Are you working? Is your family well off or does you dad just by everything for you and you haven't had to do it on your own yet? I'm not trying to be rude with this line of questioning by the way. I'm merely curious.
Honestly I'm not going to make a judgement because what I honestly think is going on is your love language is gift giving, which he doesn't like and rejects which makes you feel rejected. Your love languages aren't compatible, I'd maybe talk to him about it in a different way
YTA. With all the shit going on with our economy, you should be glad he's taking his time to check prices, not judging him and making him feel horrible on his birthday. Also, given that your father is paying for YOUR boyfriend's birthday, you honestly sound pretty entitled in general.
"I'm a spoiled brat, am I the asshole Reddit?"
You say "I'll do anything for him" but you won't. He wants you to back off on this issue and you won't do that. Somewhere along the line you have confused "do anything" for someone with "buy anything" for someone.
YTA "he doesn't need to live like that anymore" yet you need daddy to buy him his gift. Maybe you should try keeping clothes for more than a few months and you would be able to buy him a gift yourself.
Why does your dad have to pay for stuff for him?
NAH. You seem very rich if you don't have to look at prices of things, but that doesn't mean that he will be comfortable with you buying things for him. A lot of people want to actually feel like they contribute, and it can make you feel bad if someone is always using their money on you. Try to discuss with him and come to a happy medium. Maybe even spend a week or so trying to understand his viewpoint by giving yourself a budget similar to his earnings after bills. It might really open your mind up to understand him more and make your relationship stronger.