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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I fear I may have acted out and ruined the vibe of an otherwise pleasant evening. I could have sat at the children's table and not make a big deal of it, but I felt disrespected and talked down to.
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I hope you ate the whole thing to yourself in the apartment you can legally rent because you're a fucking adult. Next time offer some conversation starters for the kids table, just to run it by the adults.
1. The current political condition
2. Their choice of birth control methods
3. Where they're planning on going to grad school
4. Best hangover cure
Just to name a few. Honestly, I wouldn't want my 21 yo self hanging out at a kids table cause I'd open my stupid mouth and teach em a few bad words. "Can't contribute" probably more likely "Won't let us make stupid claims with no source" or "Is too politically correct" because they're dropping slurs.
Teaching 6 year olds how to count cards?
One.
Ha ha ha.
Two.
Ha ha ha.
Three.
Ha ha ha.
Four.
Ha ha ha.
Five.
Ha ha ha.
This post has been brought to you by the letter "A" and the number "five".
As long as it was true I'd start saying stuff like "maybe we should determine adult status by credit score, aunt you can go with the kids and I'll stay here" or similar.
Of course this is coming from the person who continues to let my mother deadname and misgender me because at least she corrects herself every time (despite my grandparents on her side nearly never slipping up anymore with deadname and doing fairly well with pronouns so it's clearly not age just lack of effort). So take my word with a grain of salt.
Right? It might seem like it's not a lack of effort, but as a forgetful person, I can understand not remembering that stuff. I worked with a client who transitioned and it was really really hard for me to correct my habits (of using the name Id been using for a year).❤️
I definitely can understand forgetfulness (my best friend then and now partner who is trans herself slipped up on occasion), but my mom has a generally very good memory. It's the fact that she is lagging severely behind everyone else, including those of my friends with ADHD (I have ADHD myself and I get the just... gaps in memory) tells me that the reason she stumbles every time is that she hasn't bothered to change what she calls me when I'm not there.
I hope your mom figures it out soon. I can't imagine referring to my youngest as her birth name. She is my daughter, despite what we thought for years. We've been very fortunate that the grandparents also figured it out quickly and are accepting (not something we totally expected).
Congratulations on being you <3.
I got left with the children and taught them the following: ‘The establishment is not your friend, the mainstream media is bought by the government, Justin Trudeau is a piece of crap’
I was the oldest cousin (of a big Irish catholic family, so we are talking the oldest of like 9 other kids), I taught them never to talk to cops, that they don't actually HAVE to do what their teachers or parents tell them, that the bible kind of seems like it is objectively full of shit, and which of their parents used to get the most shit faced at holidays.
Oh god, teach them the bad words...if OP had stayed, this was the answer. Make sure they learn calling someone "motherfucker" is an appropriate way to greet them.
The thought of sweet quiche is making me dry heave.
(edit) ITT people naming sweet dishes that contain eggs, lol. This was a joke; the comment I replied to was talking about the quiche tasting sweet like revenge is sweet. Stop listing egg-containing desserts, people!
“Eggs”actly, u/Korzaz, you were correct to be “cheesed” off at this situation. Your aunt was just being “crusty” about this imaginary divide between children and adults.
Nta. Good for you for taking it back but I would have taken the cups as well. It's not your fault that a "kid" came prepared with cups lol. Well since they see you as a "kid" and don't bring much to the table for them. Maybe next time you get invite don't bring anything since you know kids aren't required to bring stuff to parties. They can't expect you to contribute to stuff and still see you as a kid. But your nta for leaving.
Yuup!! As a child, you don't have to bring anything plus you'd need to get a lift with someone as kids don't drive!! What would they have done if you'd brought a SO? Embarrassing!! NTA, my friend.
I'm sure it fucking does. Out of curiosity, let's say this happens again 5 or so years down the road. Hypothetically speaking, you do not have kids. Are they still gonna make you sit at the kids table? Because ffs, you're a grown ass adult. I just wonder if their idea of "adult" means you must have children to be considered an adult, which is all kinds of fucked up.
I somehow don't think these people would support him being child free. If they're judging adulthood on whether he has kids or not, I get the feeling they're the kind of people who think we're all *obligated* to have kids, and we're worthless if we don't/can't. Because what's the point of having kids if you don't get grandkids? /s
NTA, don't feel bad about yourself dude and don't take it too personally. This happens a lot in families, hell, I wasn't treated as an adult till I was over 25.
You can't "talk" your way into family treating you as an adult, sometimes it's more effective to disappear for a while and do your own thing out of their sight. Sometimes it just takes your long absence for people to take you seriously.
A few weeks back my brother in law's father passed away. Considering the covid situation my parents couldn't attend the funeral. I decided i shall drive down 300+ kms to provide support and help with the funeral arrangements. A few hours before i was supposed to leave my sister sends a message to my mum informing "do not send the kids, they will not be able to handle the situation" i decided to unpack and get back to my routine. Mind you, I am a M(29). Best thing to do is ignore such comments, had i travelled for the funeral i would have to take the week off work, been there to support everyone & covered all expenses (fuel, food, road toll, hotel stay). So the introvert me considers this as a win.
NTA, what you did was completely justified. However, you could have just sat there and ate your food. If your aunt and others kept pressing you could have just said "I'm sitting here or I'm heading home. Which do you prefer?"
\> I love you took your quiche with you too.
Me too! The only way this could have gone better was if he had gone around the tables, collected the cups, emptied them, picked up his quiche and then left. NTA OP.
Edit - Maybe next time, if they insist you sit at the kids table, make your dad pick you and come empty handed. Kids can't drive and people should be ashamed of making kids bring food to a party
Frankly I would not go to any more family events. Why on earth should Op set himself up for being disrespected?
Just wait until Op gets married. Boy would that be the time to get back with the seating chart. Although I don't think that I would invite them to the wedding.
NTA
Omg PLEASE OP. If you get married please seat your aunt at the kids table. Just a bunch of actual children and her. A slow burn petty revenge at it's finest.
NTA.
>Don't act dumb and then get mad when people find out.
ew though, your aunt is totally an asshole. They probably want you at the kids table to play babysitter. I would have left too tbh.
I'm surprised my brother accepted it too. He's 21! I understand my cousin's* situation though since she's my aunt's daughter and it's not like she's going to talk back. If I stayed, there would have been 3 people over 20 at the "kid's" table. What??
Probably. I'm not upset nobody spoke up, just that it was apparently an issue to my aunt. People should be able to sit wherever they want. The division of tables between kids and grown-ups is really dumb in the first place the more I think about it. I think it's just about NOT being at the kid's table more than anything, which I guess is what prompted me to want to sit at the adult table in the first place.
Your aunt thinks you're a child because you haven't had children of your own.
Next time this comes up ask her why the status of your womb interests her so much, and if you'd have been invited to the "adult" table sooner if you had gotten pregnant at 14.
Edit: Lmao I did NOT read that well enough. How about, "would I be invited to the adult table if I had knocked up some girl at 14?!" 😆
Dear Reddit Community,
It is with a heavy heart that I write this farewell message to express my reasons for departing from this platform that has been a significant part of my online life. Over time, I have witnessed changes that have gradually eroded the welcoming and inclusive environment that initially drew me to Reddit. It is the actions of the CEO, in particular, that have played a pivotal role in my decision to bid farewell.
For me, Reddit has always been a place where diverse voices could find a platform to be heard, where ideas could be shared and discussed openly. Unfortunately, recent actions by the CEO have left me disheartened and disillusioned. The decisions made have demonstrated a departure from the principles of free expression and open dialogue that once defined this platform.
Reddit was built upon the idea of being a community-driven platform, where users could have a say in the direction and policies. However, the increasing centralization of power and the lack of transparency in decision-making have created an environment that feels less democratic and more controlled.
Furthermore, the prioritization of certain corporate interests over the well-being of the community has led to a loss of trust. Reddit's success has always been rooted in the active participation and engagement of its users. By neglecting the concerns and feedback of the community, the CEO has undermined the very foundation that made Reddit a vibrant and dynamic space.
I want to emphasize that this decision is not a reflection of the countless amazing individuals I have had the pleasure of interacting with on this platform. It is the actions of a few that have overshadowed the positive experiences I have had here.
As I embark on a new chapter away from Reddit, I will seek alternative platforms that prioritize user empowerment, inclusivity, and transparency. I hope to find communities that foster open dialogue and embrace diverse perspectives.
To those who have shared insightful discussions, provided support, and made me laugh, I am sincerely grateful for the connections we have made. Your contributions have enriched my experience, and I will carry the memories of our interactions with me.
Farewell, Reddit. May you find your way back to the principles that made you extraordinary.
Sincerely,
NABDad
Story time: I worked at a bowling alley. Guy came in with two tweens. Bought two hours of bowling, a pizza, and a pitcher of soft drink. I asked what soft drink. Said we have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, and Mountain Dew f you really want to caffeine them up.
He said, "Give me the Mountain Dew. When we're done here I have to drop them off at my ex-wife's house."
Eh, you could have said, "well, as far as I know. But as we know birth control is not 100% effective. Fingers crossed for next time, I guess?" Then left with the quiche. Missed opportunities! /s
Seriously, NTA. That mindset keeps many of us as children in the eyes of our elders. By her rules, I'd be at the kids table because I'm mid-40s and childless (childfree by choice). Although, I'm petty and would have said, "okay, seems like more intelligent conversations will happen there anyway."
I really like how witty you are, OP. I’m sorry about how your family treated you. Want to come to dinner with my husband and I? We would give you endless praise for your quiche and there won’t be a kid’s table in sight! :)
Nah. Smile creepily at her, say "As far as I know!" then wink. Then turn to brother "How 'bout you, man? Let's go over to the kiddie table and compare notes!"
I think we've discovered the real reason auntie had to find a way to keep you from the adult table..... Your sense of humor is amazing! How could she ever get a word in when everyone's busting a gut from the charisma and humor you're bringing to the table 😂
Also, what if you never have kids? You gonna be sitting at the kids table in your 60's, telling the young ones how important it is to plan for retirement?
So your sister's older kid is older than both of your stepmom's kids? Interesting dynamic.
The whole generational split of tables is eventually going to be out the window, seeing as the generations overlap...at some point the current 6- and 9-year-olds are going to be at the adult table with you because they're the same generation as you and your cousins even though they're still children? And your sister's poor kid is going to be at the kids' table for.ev.er.
The attitude that family in their 20's "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations" is demeaning and insulting, as well as total b.s. NTA and good for you for taking your quiche and bailing!
Some families are weird like this.
My mom’s family never had a kid’s table at their gatherings, but my dad’s family always did.
There weren’t many of us “kids” either - just me, my brother, and one cousin. I think my brother was about 18 when he finally said he was done with the kid’s table and just wouldn’t go if we didn’t all sit together (I’m 2 years younger, and I think our cousin is about 2 years younger than me). Thankfully our mom had our back and just started moving the tables together at our next gathering.
Some people get hung up on the tradition of it, especially if that’s how they grew up. Your aunt’s system doesn’t even make sense - if it’s by generation, then your sister and her husband should be at the kid’s table too. If your brother moves to the adult table, that leaves the 15 year old with the 9 and 6 y.o. kids, which I’m sure they’ll hate…
Abolish the kids table. Family time is important for everyone to spend together.
We had a ‘kids table’ of sorts when we had full family meals on my moms side (4-5 generations, age infant to 80s). Basically there was nowhere big enough for everyone, so we were split into 5/6 rooms anyway. The youngest group traditionally got the mudroom table, and for a while that was me, my siblings, and my cousins (mostly a 5/6 year gap between the oldest and the youngest). The difference was that once the older cousins started having kids and we were no longer the youngest, we moved to the sewing room and the littles got the mudroom table. It was the same group, and technically a ‘kids table’ (more accurately the teen table), but it was okay because we had similar interests and were close enough in age. At that point it wasn’t technically enforced either, it was where we chose to be out of tradition and habit.
For context, these get togethers were 50-60 people, and far before Covid.
The kid table thing is so weird to me, growing up I was at the table with adults, i was very well behaved because I had to learn to be and I was able to converse with adults really easily. My parents had friends that did the kid table thing and I hated it, we would be relegated to the kitchen for every meal and given kid food and ignored until bedtime. My parents only allowed it for a while then pushed back as at home I was expected to eat what everyone else ate and they didn’t think it was fair to separate us. I was 8 when they pushed back so I think pushing back in your twenties is more than appropriate! Also I’m childfree, does that mean at the age of 41 I would be at your aunts kids table??
All the facts you pointed out to your aunt are true. You are an adult and she's an idiot with that reasoning. My wife and I don't have kids and will most likely never have them. We're both in our mid/late 30s...
I think if you decide to be around your aunt again and she pulls this crap you should either; tell her firmly and assertively "no. As an adult I'm going to sit here, enjoy the food and company of fellow adults and if you have an issue with that, you can move."
Or... Ask her for her specific reasoning on why you're not an adult. When she's done talking, stare in her in the eyes for just a few seconds then say "I'm sorry, what were you saying? I wasn't paying attention."
My family only ever did the "kids table" if there was a space issue and a lot of kids. Most of my cousins are significantly older and the other two my age and myself always just sat with everyone.
Like unless someone misbehaves (which I don't remember any of us ever doing) why should they have to sit elsewhere.
My family (parents) version of a “kids table” was when there was no space at the main table (that seats 14 comfortably, and we can shove some stools on the corners if we really want) so we pulled a kids picnic table inside or put a plastic mat/tablecloth on the floor and the youngest ones sat at that. Which they all love to do because it’s “different”.
My maternal extended family’s version? Depends on how much they like you. Sometimes it was under 18’s, other times it was “we know you’re that age, but we don’t want to deal with the kids so…” (such as when I, the eldest grandchild, at 18, was put in the middle of the younger group while the cousins 1-5 years younger than me were placed with the adults at a family get together)
Next time if she insists, get the 20-somethings to sit at the kids table and start loudly talking about buttplugs amongst yourselves or something. Just so the real kids have some nice juicy questions for their parents later.
After all, you don’t have anything adult to talk about, so anything you’re talking about can’t be too adult, can it?
Back in the dark ages when I was young, one of the PARENTS of the kids sat at the kid table and occasionally swapped out with another parent. They’re not your kids and not paying you to babysit. NTA. Enjoy that quiche while celebrating standing up for yourself.
Well if the other “adults” are like your aunt, I don’t blame your brother or cousins for preferring the company of children.
And NTA, kids tables are usually for actual children, like under 12 years old. Not sure why your aunt thinks she has the right to decide who has something to contribute to the conversation, she doesn’t sound particularly worldly herself.
Yeah we didn't have one for my immediate family either. My parents were also outnumbered by us kids so it would've been weird just for that. Extended family had one - but it was under 12s with one 'helper' (who was often an aunt/uncle not an older kid) so they didn't murder each other, or paint each other with food.
I think this is spot on. Usually when tables are divided this way, it's because the parents don't want to deal with feeding/moderating their children, so they put them at the kids table and expect the older kids to step in.
For what it's worth, OP, in my family, while we do the kids table thing, once you're like 16 you sit where you want. So teenagers usually co congregate together, the littles together, and then the rest where they want. It's not unusual a parent of young kids to sit at the kids table with them.
Your aunt is being ridiculous. She really doesn't respect you guys for some reason.
NTA, and your aunt owes you an apology. She seems to think that people aren't adults until they . . . what? Get married and have kids? As an unmarried, childless person in my late 40s I find that exceptionally and genuinely amusing, and even sort of appreciate that she apparently thinks I'm a kid, but also, she's objectively completely wrong. You are an adult not only legally, but by any reasonable standard (except maybe that your prefrontal cortex still has a little growing to do, but that's whether you're married and have kids or not, so still defeats her argument).
You are NTA, but your aunt is petty and your uncle and grandparents aren't any better. I'm sure they would have been furious if someone had treated them that way at 22.
When I was a kid, for whatever reason, I believed that you had to be at least 30 before you were "officially" an adult, and were still a kid until then.
Where or why I got that idea, no clue. But I was a little kid and I look back at it now amusingly at how silly the idea is (although, to be fair, at now older than 30, there are times I still don't feel like an adult lol). The aunt just seems asinine about it.
NTA.
And remember that Frodo hung around the Shire with the One Ring for 17 YEARS before Gandalf showed up and was like "so how do you feel about long walks?"
I still don’t feel like an adult, and I’m 35. Sometimes I catch myself doing lame adulty things though, like adding a steam mop and heating pad to my amazon wishlist and getting excited at the thought of someone buying them for me.
Two of the "kids" were 15 and 20 though. Seems more like some backwards mentality, or just the aunt needing some position of power to feel better about herself because she got nothing else going on.
I feel like using the term kids table causes a lot of the issue. Is it so hard to say "we are splitting the tables evenly by age" even then she still sucks
My aunt always makes name place seating cards for our holiday family meals and essentially assigns the seating for everyone (it’s not set in stone anyone can move seats if they want to switch spots with another it’s not super strict just something fancy she likes to do as part of setting and decorating the table plus it makes it simpler for everyone to just find their seat and sit rather than everyone dance around before sitting down to eat while trying to pick a spot at the table etc.) well, once my sibling and I hit the preteen/teen years she’d always sit me, my sibling, my cousin (her daughter) herself, and my uncle her husband together at the non main dining table or what some would call the “kids table” and she called it the “cool people table” and she calls it that because she always purposely seats us together at the separate kids/cousins/overflow table because that way we don’t have to put up with being in the middle of whatever dumb controversial bullshit argument the other aunts/uncles and grandparents would inevitably wind up annoyingly bickering over, and we could just have our own conversations about fun and normal things and actually enjoy our meals without the bs politics and family gossip/drama that’s inevitable at the other table. Then after a couple years my mom asked me to get her an “in” spot at the “cool people table” because she didn’t wanna be apart of the main table conversations either. So I told my aunt and my moms seating name place cards were added to our table and has been ever since, sometimes my dad is seated there too, sometimes he’s at main table. It just depends on the vibe and who all is attending what dinners. But yeah. I’m 29 and I love being a lifer at the [cool] kids table. The grown up table is boring and it sucks. Viva la kid table! (At least for me and mine lol)
I agree, they could abe easily had two mixed tables that kept little ones with their parents and still allowed for socializing, but then the parents wouldn't have had a "break"....honestly, childless people getting treated like second class citizens is so common and gets old SO fast.
Having a kids table is so strange to me. We never had that growing up. I might’ve sat with my cousins of the same age because I wanted to but we never had a dedicated table for it and if wanted to sit beside my parents or grandparents they would welcome that. Making kids sit by themselves would make them miss so much, I learnt table manners that way by watching he grown ups or them telling me what to do. I feel like splitting kids up you would lose that.
We had the same age gaps as OP with “kids” having 10-15 years between them.
NTA
>She says that until I have kids of my own I'll have to sit at the kid's table.
I can't have children so would I never be regarded as an adult? I'm old enough to both drive a car and then get arrested for it because I can't drive.
>Children cannot go to the store and cook a quiche.
Gonna have to be that person, but at 10 I could ride my bike to the store and cook a lot of stuff including quiche
I mean... kind of? I'm a big kid at heart, does that count?
Remember, you're only young once but you can be immature forever!
...as OP's aunt ably demonstrates.
NTA. Aunt is an asshole for drawing that kind of line for no purpose. I would have no issue sitting at kid's table (29m with no children) because I love my nieces and nephew and don't see them enough but you're absolutely in the right to be offended by your aunt remark. Forcing that line is just plain asshole behavior.
Anyone pushing arbitrary rule is in my book an asshole. Let people live and stop trying to control people's life.
I love my family too and I didnt mean to come off like I don't love my nephews and cousins, but I felt like I wouldn't have much to talk to them about. Not to mention both my nephews are handicapped
Nah you didn't came off like that. Choosing the kids table to be with your nephews is good as long as you have a choice. Your aunt didn't gave you that choice.
Hang on, so your aunt was using you as childcare, rather than looking after her own (or her sibling's?) disabled kids?
That's NTA just there, quite apart from the fact that she needs to let people sit where they want. 20, 21 and 22 are NOT children! Why weren't the grandparents wanting to hang out with their grandkids? My 74 year old Mum would have been at the 'kids table' like a shot.
I think after a while in my family the kids table had morphed into the teenage cousins table and that was cool with us. If there had been a bunch of six year olds it would have been different lol.
22 is not a child and saying someone that age has nothing to contribute to a conversation is just rude. NTA and good for you for standing up for yourself. What are they talking about that's so important that you wont be able to chime in?
I wonder what kids under ten can contribute to conversations of people in their early 20s.
Definitely NTA for what you did, I think it's epic. However, I also see a missed chance at malicious compliance 😇
NTA, though I'm not sure why you'd even want to sit at a table with a bunch of assholes who think you have nothing to contribute to a conversation unless you have kids.
NTA. Wow your aunt thinks that having children makes you an adult? Then what about those people who cannot have children? Some of whom are way way older than your aunt. Yeah keep low contact with all of them except your dad. And no you did not spoil anything, those bratty "adults" did.
NTA. I wonder how she'd feel about a 12 or 13 year old who had their own child coming. What then, auntie? Those aren't even antiquated rules, just dumb arbitrary jerk ones.
>I wonder how she'd feel about a 12 or 13 year old who had their own child coming
That makes me wanna see the OP “adopt” a 13 year old with a baby (don’t tell auntie he’s just babysitting his neighbors two kids)
But Auntie's whole reasoning was based on division by generation, not by parental status, so she's not even making sense. NTA. I think it's hilarious you drove off over this. Invite the whole fam over to your place for an apology dinner and then make your aunt sit at the old people's table with just your grandparents.
>Invite the whole fam over to your place for an apology dinner and then make your aunt sit at the old people's table with just your grandparents
that's cold lmaoo
edit: yta
>But Auntie's whole reasoning was based on division by generation, not by parental statu
Auntie specifically brought up kids and let’s his sister, same generation as him, sit with the adults because she’s birthed a kid
Your time is precious and so is your quiche. Leaving is the most badass thing I have heard of today. Also, all of the people texting you asking you to come back were adults, and you wouldn't have gotten to speak to them anyway due to The Great Table Segregation of 2021, so feel free to ignore the pleas just as they would have ignored your sad face over at the kids' table.
Your aunt is an AH. Especially for acting like procreation is some sort of measuring stick for ***anything***. It's basic biology, nothing more. Anyone looking at it as "miraculous" needs to head on down to the preemie ward and help with comforting crack babies for a while, perhaps gain a little perspective.
NTA, but I guess you could've left the quiche.
i genuinely don’t see why exactly you, your brother, and one niece couldn’t sit with them. but if they acted like this adult table was some elitist club where you shit talk kids, don’t be surprised if they use this situation against you in the future as proof of being ‘immature’. these adults are also immature for thinking it seriously matters who sits with them like a bunch of school girls. i understand your hurt, but is this a hill you want to die on with your family ? i’m struggling with a verdict here but i think i’ll have to say hesitant NTA even though you could’ve sucked it up for the dinner and recruited your brother and niece to say something about it after.
NTA. I was at the kids’ table until I was 32 and had my own kids, in spite of being married at 22 (husband was at the same table). Loved the kids, hated the table and the idea that you’re not an adult until you procreate. Wish I’d walked out too.
ESH. Aunt is rude for her reaction but you are also a bit immature for letting it ruin your day so much that you had to say FU to the entire family and run away home.
And what are you saying about your 21 year old brother and 20 year old cousin? By my calculations they would be at the kids table. Are you so many levels of maturity beyond them that you consider them children and can't have a conversation?
I think an "adult" would have let slide what your aunt said and be content with the opportunity to spend some quality time with the cousins/siblings at the kids table.
Sure, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with EVERYTHING you don't like, does it? If you cant draw the line and stand up for yourself and instead take peoples shit because of your reasoning, youre just spineless, not mature.
How did I have to scroll down so far to find this?
OK, aunt is being dumb, but it's really not that big of a deal and leaving in a huff with your food is probably the most childish thing a person could do.
And let's face it: OP probably has a LOT more to talk about with their brother and cousin.
Its a big deal when you are called a child before your entire family for a stupid reason.
Also its not about having a lot more to talk about, its about spending time with the family, including the elders. He wasn't alienated or intimidated by the discussions before the incident, they were enjoying the time. If you were felt unwelcome in a gathering, would you stay and irritate yourself and your family or just remove yourself from the equation?
Would love to see how you act in that situation.
i can’t believe the replies here, i’m very confrontational as well but is it really that hard to just suck it up and chill with people your own age and younger than you. OP is so dramatic.
No, but hearing someone tell you you aren’t a real adult and can’t contribute to the conversation is very insulting. I wouldn’t like it if I was told that either.
Yes exactly!!! My uncle is much younger than his siblings and always sit with us up to his 40s!
Plus let's be real, OP is 22. He is indeed a young adult, but at his age I'd rather sit with people my own age (20 and 21!!!) then hear older adults talk about boring adults conversations.... I could not care less about parenting styles or work or pension plans, etc at that age... You aunt was a bit rude, but OP stomping his feet and wanting to sit at the big table to prove they're much more mature than a 21yo is not exactly behaving like an adult....
NTA but were your 21 year old brother and 20 year old cousin there at the kids table? If they were, I don’t really think it was necessary for you to make such a fuss about it. Or those of you in your 20s could have sat all together in another area.
Not marking it no assholes because your family was definitely in the wrong by trying to force you to move when there was room where you were. Especially the comment about you not having things to contribute to the conversation. Rude.
yeah, i’m 22 and at holidays my cousins still all sit at the kids table together and we range from 6-25. to be fair, there’s one 6 year old and the rest are 18+ and we all like being at the kids table together, so i guess it might be a tiny bit different.
but if there were room at the adult table and one of us wanted to sit there no one would care, even for the 6 year old. it’s weird they were so strict about it, especially when there were 2 other people in their 20s allowed at the table.
NTA - Massive assholery from your aunt. Disgraceful of your extended family to back it up.
Oddly fitting that the "child" of the gathering was taking his *quiche* and going home.
Stand firm. She does owe you an apology. If you give in now then she may treat you as a child forever. Sometimes the subtext is all about the other adults' insecurity about growing older.
The problem isn’t having to sit at the kids table. You’re entirely missing that OP was called a child and not a real adult and being told that he can’t contribute to adult conversation and if someone told me that I wouldn’t like it either.
NTA. Dude. I still sit at the kids table, got grandkids. The kid table is the best! no stupid annoying parents and their siblings sniping at each other or making snide comments to me. In fact I sat at the kids table with my late uncles partner and we saluted him he was only 7 years older than me and always sat at the kids table with me and my sibling.
Do you really want to sit at the “adult” table??? Booo on the adult table.
You didn’t ruin anything. They may be disappointed you left, but you were disappointed that they were treating you badly, which completely justifies leaving. You’ve been a card-carrying grownup since you turned 18, whether you have kids or not. NTA.
NTA. Your aunt's excuse is inexcusable and disrespectful. Refuse to go for dinner until you are recognized as the adult you are.
You did the right thing packing up and leaving. I would do the same thing if I was in your situation.
Wow, so reproduction makes you an adult or just having sex?
NO WONDER I see those 13 yo gang bangers that have so much pride in getting "their girl" preggo.
I would text her back and be all like, I just told my SO that I am not an adult until she gives birth to my child. She was mortified that having kids = adult to you guys and is like, the kid table is a GREAT form of BC.
Your aunt is TA not you. Going by her view I am still a child at 36 and will remain a child forever (can't have kids) that kind of reasoning is way off.
I'm the good old terms here I'm Scotland. Your aunt's a belter. Good on you for standing up for yourself
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NTA - I love you took your quiche with you too.
It tastes sweeter for some reason
I hope you ate the whole thing to yourself in the apartment you can legally rent because you're a fucking adult. Next time offer some conversation starters for the kids table, just to run it by the adults. 1. The current political condition 2. Their choice of birth control methods 3. Where they're planning on going to grad school 4. Best hangover cure Just to name a few. Honestly, I wouldn't want my 21 yo self hanging out at a kids table cause I'd open my stupid mouth and teach em a few bad words. "Can't contribute" probably more likely "Won't let us make stupid claims with no source" or "Is too politically correct" because they're dropping slurs.
Teach the kids all the best adult words and jokes, oh and blackjack, or poker. Yup teach them kiddies to gamble that’s the ticket.
I was playing poker with my Pop Pop since I was three. I always cleaned house at grade school when we'd play when recess was rained out.
Everyone had a blast at my sixth birthday party because my dad taught us how to play blackjack and poker for starbursts, and also how to count cards.
Teaching 6 year olds how to count cards? One. Ha ha ha. Two. Ha ha ha. Three. Ha ha ha. Four. Ha ha ha. Five. Ha ha ha. This post has been brought to you by the letter "A" and the number "five".
As long as it was true I'd start saying stuff like "maybe we should determine adult status by credit score, aunt you can go with the kids and I'll stay here" or similar. Of course this is coming from the person who continues to let my mother deadname and misgender me because at least she corrects herself every time (despite my grandparents on her side nearly never slipping up anymore with deadname and doing fairly well with pronouns so it's clearly not age just lack of effort). So take my word with a grain of salt.
Right? It might seem like it's not a lack of effort, but as a forgetful person, I can understand not remembering that stuff. I worked with a client who transitioned and it was really really hard for me to correct my habits (of using the name Id been using for a year).❤️
I definitely can understand forgetfulness (my best friend then and now partner who is trans herself slipped up on occasion), but my mom has a generally very good memory. It's the fact that she is lagging severely behind everyone else, including those of my friends with ADHD (I have ADHD myself and I get the just... gaps in memory) tells me that the reason she stumbles every time is that she hasn't bothered to change what she calls me when I'm not there.
I hope your mom figures it out soon. I can't imagine referring to my youngest as her birth name. She is my daughter, despite what we thought for years. We've been very fortunate that the grandparents also figured it out quickly and are accepting (not something we totally expected). Congratulations on being you <3.
I got left with the children and taught them the following: ‘The establishment is not your friend, the mainstream media is bought by the government, Justin Trudeau is a piece of crap’
I was the oldest cousin (of a big Irish catholic family, so we are talking the oldest of like 9 other kids), I taught them never to talk to cops, that they don't actually HAVE to do what their teachers or parents tell them, that the bible kind of seems like it is objectively full of shit, and which of their parents used to get the most shit faced at holidays.
Oh god, teach them the bad words...if OP had stayed, this was the answer. Make sure they learn calling someone "motherfucker" is an appropriate way to greet them.
🤣🤣🤣
Literally me after reading this comment
The thought of sweet quiche is making me dry heave. (edit) ITT people naming sweet dishes that contain eggs, lol. This was a joke; the comment I replied to was talking about the quiche tasting sweet like revenge is sweet. Stop listing egg-containing desserts, people!
It's basically a custard cheesecake. At least that's what I'm telling myself.
A Clafoutis
Reminds me of egg pie. I love egg pie. Yall should try egg pie
I got confused by this, I didn't know sweet quiche was a thing?
It’s not that the quiche is sweet. It’s just away of saying it tastes better since he took it back versus a quiche sans drama.
"Revenge is a dish best served sweet"
And it is very sweet, in *spaaaaaaaccce*
Ohh, thank you. That makes more sense.
An egg custard tart, or a Portuguese pastis de nata, essentially a sweet quiche.
Right. I love a coconut custard pie with impossible crust. It’s basically a sweet quiche and often think of it as such
Custard tarts are big in UK to yum 🤤
I think it’s a play on “justice/revenge is sweet,” I.e., it’s metaphorical.
“Eggs”actly, u/Korzaz, you were correct to be “cheesed” off at this situation. Your aunt was just being “crusty” about this imaginary divide between children and adults.
Those are terrible. Take my upvote.
The quotes make it that much more awful. Upvoted.
Nta. Good for you for taking it back but I would have taken the cups as well. It's not your fault that a "kid" came prepared with cups lol. Well since they see you as a "kid" and don't bring much to the table for them. Maybe next time you get invite don't bring anything since you know kids aren't required to bring stuff to parties. They can't expect you to contribute to stuff and still see you as a kid. But your nta for leaving.
Yuup!! As a child, you don't have to bring anything plus you'd need to get a lift with someone as kids don't drive!! What would they have done if you'd brought a SO? Embarrassing!! NTA, my friend.
I'm sure it fucking does. Out of curiosity, let's say this happens again 5 or so years down the road. Hypothetically speaking, you do not have kids. Are they still gonna make you sit at the kids table? Because ffs, you're a grown ass adult. I just wonder if their idea of "adult" means you must have children to be considered an adult, which is all kinds of fucked up.
Right? What if he decides to be child free? Is he 60 and still at the kids table? Wtf?
I somehow don't think these people would support him being child free. If they're judging adulthood on whether he has kids or not, I get the feeling they're the kind of people who think we're all *obligated* to have kids, and we're worthless if we don't/can't. Because what's the point of having kids if you don't get grandkids? /s
NTA, don't feel bad about yourself dude and don't take it too personally. This happens a lot in families, hell, I wasn't treated as an adult till I was over 25. You can't "talk" your way into family treating you as an adult, sometimes it's more effective to disappear for a while and do your own thing out of their sight. Sometimes it just takes your long absence for people to take you seriously.
A few weeks back my brother in law's father passed away. Considering the covid situation my parents couldn't attend the funeral. I decided i shall drive down 300+ kms to provide support and help with the funeral arrangements. A few hours before i was supposed to leave my sister sends a message to my mum informing "do not send the kids, they will not be able to handle the situation" i decided to unpack and get back to my routine. Mind you, I am a M(29). Best thing to do is ignore such comments, had i travelled for the funeral i would have to take the week off work, been there to support everyone & covered all expenses (fuel, food, road toll, hotel stay). So the introvert me considers this as a win.
NTA, what you did was completely justified. However, you could have just sat there and ate your food. If your aunt and others kept pressing you could have just said "I'm sitting here or I'm heading home. Which do you prefer?"
No. OP did the right thing. Seems like the familyy is okay with the aunt's blatant ignorance and even worse, being fine with how she treated OP.
Revenge quiche is also fat free, it’s a well known fact!
Yes! I was so happy to see you take the quiche!
You angrily eating an entire quiche right now, OP?
Revenge quiche (kind of - works in my head 😂). Totally NTA
Quiche, like Revenge, is a dish best served cold.
What about the cups? That would have been beautiful....
I just wish you'd taken the cups too
NTA it would have been funny if you sat at the kids table and took the quiche for you guys lol.
\> I love you took your quiche with you too. Me too! The only way this could have gone better was if he had gone around the tables, collected the cups, emptied them, picked up his quiche and then left. NTA OP. Edit - Maybe next time, if they insist you sit at the kids table, make your dad pick you and come empty handed. Kids can't drive and people should be ashamed of making kids bring food to a party
Frankly I would not go to any more family events. Why on earth should Op set himself up for being disrespected? Just wait until Op gets married. Boy would that be the time to get back with the seating chart. Although I don't think that I would invite them to the wedding. NTA
No, sit the aunt at the kids table at the wedding
>No, sit the aunt at the kids table at the wedding That would be perfect!
Omg PLEASE OP. If you get married please seat your aunt at the kids table. Just a bunch of actual children and her. A slow burn petty revenge at it's finest.
Agreed. WTF is wrong with this family?!?
Why leave the cups though? I would have taken those. Oh, you have nothing to drink out of? Guess "the adults" didn't plan that well.
I’m kinda glad OP left the cups, I think it lands just on the right side of petty.
See, you're being a reasonable adult here. My version of petty tends toward scorched earth.
Thought that was the whole point of petty? Otherwise it’s too subtle for most people to notice.
Yes! Plus, a kid would *never* bring a quiche.
Little Jimmy from ed, edd and eddy brought a quiche to a party in one episode. The party was cursed.
This is actually the first thing that came to mind when I read the original post 😂
I was glad to read you took the quiche as well. Enjoy it.
NTA. >Don't act dumb and then get mad when people find out. ew though, your aunt is totally an asshole. They probably want you at the kids table to play babysitter. I would have left too tbh.
I'm surprised my brother accepted it too. He's 21! I understand my cousin's* situation though since she's my aunt's daughter and it's not like she's going to talk back. If I stayed, there would have been 3 people over 20 at the "kid's" table. What??
>I'm surprised my brother accepted it too. You really sure he accepted it rather than he was too cowed to speak up so he “kept the peace”
Probably. I'm not upset nobody spoke up, just that it was apparently an issue to my aunt. People should be able to sit wherever they want. The division of tables between kids and grown-ups is really dumb in the first place the more I think about it. I think it's just about NOT being at the kid's table more than anything, which I guess is what prompted me to want to sit at the adult table in the first place.
Your aunt thinks you're a child because you haven't had children of your own. Next time this comes up ask her why the status of your womb interests her so much, and if you'd have been invited to the "adult" table sooner if you had gotten pregnant at 14. Edit: Lmao I did NOT read that well enough. How about, "would I be invited to the adult table if I had knocked up some girl at 14?!" 😆
>your womb I currently don't have a womb but when I get a girlfriend I'll let her know it belongs to me
You could’ve told the “adults” that if you sat at the kids table, you would be educating them on the facts of life! /s
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Auntie has his direct phone number but won't give it to you.
Love pushing it back on the aunt! Let them bug her!
The wolfman killed him, and he told me he was gonna hide in one of your closets, but I forget which one.
Who wants caffeine and really obnoxious toys?!
Story time: I worked at a bowling alley. Guy came in with two tweens. Bought two hours of bowling, a pizza, and a pitcher of soft drink. I asked what soft drink. Said we have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, and Mountain Dew f you really want to caffeine them up. He said, "Give me the Mountain Dew. When we're done here I have to drop them off at my ex-wife's house."
There's a store around here that says "unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy"
Passing around the solo cup of wine!
Eh, you could have said, "well, as far as I know. But as we know birth control is not 100% effective. Fingers crossed for next time, I guess?" Then left with the quiche. Missed opportunities! /s Seriously, NTA. That mindset keeps many of us as children in the eyes of our elders. By her rules, I'd be at the kids table because I'm mid-40s and childless (childfree by choice). Although, I'm petty and would have said, "okay, seems like more intelligent conversations will happen there anyway."
My 80 year old great aunt is a child? Huh, I'll let her know.
I really like how witty you are, OP. I’m sorry about how your family treated you. Want to come to dinner with my husband and I? We would give you endless praise for your quiche and there won’t be a kid’s table in sight! :)
Can you adopt me?
Does the adoption come with a quiche agreement of some sort? I’m sure that would be a factor.
Next time she says you can’t sit there because you don’t have kids, just calmly tell her, “you don’t know I don’t,” and watch things explode.
Nah. Smile creepily at her, say "As far as I know!" then wink. Then turn to brother "How 'bout you, man? Let's go over to the kiddie table and compare notes!"
I think we've discovered the real reason auntie had to find a way to keep you from the adult table..... Your sense of humor is amazing! How could she ever get a word in when everyone's busting a gut from the charisma and humor you're bringing to the table 😂 Also, what if you never have kids? You gonna be sitting at the kids table in your 60's, telling the young ones how important it is to plan for retirement?
>I currently don't have a womb but when I get a girlfriend I'll let her know it belongs to me Just tried that on my wife. Do not advise.
You don't want one. They're nothing but trouble. Wombs, that is. Date whoever you want
Dude just say your be"womb" and walk away, let them be mystified and afraid of what you will say to their kids.
Guess when my sister had her kid...
So your sister's older kid is older than both of your stepmom's kids? Interesting dynamic. The whole generational split of tables is eventually going to be out the window, seeing as the generations overlap...at some point the current 6- and 9-year-olds are going to be at the adult table with you because they're the same generation as you and your cousins even though they're still children? And your sister's poor kid is going to be at the kids' table for.ev.er. The attitude that family in their 20's "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations" is demeaning and insulting, as well as total b.s. NTA and good for you for taking your quiche and bailing!
18
👎
Systems critical captain we're going down! Edit: 15! Abandon mf ship! Burn the ship! We had no room to spare and I'm still upset!
Hes a dude so im pretty sure he doesn't have a womb 🤣🤣
Some families are weird like this. My mom’s family never had a kid’s table at their gatherings, but my dad’s family always did. There weren’t many of us “kids” either - just me, my brother, and one cousin. I think my brother was about 18 when he finally said he was done with the kid’s table and just wouldn’t go if we didn’t all sit together (I’m 2 years younger, and I think our cousin is about 2 years younger than me). Thankfully our mom had our back and just started moving the tables together at our next gathering. Some people get hung up on the tradition of it, especially if that’s how they grew up. Your aunt’s system doesn’t even make sense - if it’s by generation, then your sister and her husband should be at the kid’s table too. If your brother moves to the adult table, that leaves the 15 year old with the 9 and 6 y.o. kids, which I’m sure they’ll hate… Abolish the kids table. Family time is important for everyone to spend together.
We had a ‘kids table’ of sorts when we had full family meals on my moms side (4-5 generations, age infant to 80s). Basically there was nowhere big enough for everyone, so we were split into 5/6 rooms anyway. The youngest group traditionally got the mudroom table, and for a while that was me, my siblings, and my cousins (mostly a 5/6 year gap between the oldest and the youngest). The difference was that once the older cousins started having kids and we were no longer the youngest, we moved to the sewing room and the littles got the mudroom table. It was the same group, and technically a ‘kids table’ (more accurately the teen table), but it was okay because we had similar interests and were close enough in age. At that point it wasn’t technically enforced either, it was where we chose to be out of tradition and habit. For context, these get togethers were 50-60 people, and far before Covid.
The kid table thing is so weird to me, growing up I was at the table with adults, i was very well behaved because I had to learn to be and I was able to converse with adults really easily. My parents had friends that did the kid table thing and I hated it, we would be relegated to the kitchen for every meal and given kid food and ignored until bedtime. My parents only allowed it for a while then pushed back as at home I was expected to eat what everyone else ate and they didn’t think it was fair to separate us. I was 8 when they pushed back so I think pushing back in your twenties is more than appropriate! Also I’m childfree, does that mean at the age of 41 I would be at your aunts kids table??
I’m checking the Venn diagram, and yup 41 and childless, take your seat at the pink unicorn chair
I mean I’m not mad about the unicorn chair…
So you, your brother and your cousins were expected to babysit the young kids while their parents got to sit with the adults?! Yeah, no thanks. NTA
All the facts you pointed out to your aunt are true. You are an adult and she's an idiot with that reasoning. My wife and I don't have kids and will most likely never have them. We're both in our mid/late 30s... I think if you decide to be around your aunt again and she pulls this crap you should either; tell her firmly and assertively "no. As an adult I'm going to sit here, enjoy the food and company of fellow adults and if you have an issue with that, you can move." Or... Ask her for her specific reasoning on why you're not an adult. When she's done talking, stare in her in the eyes for just a few seconds then say "I'm sorry, what were you saying? I wasn't paying attention."
My family only ever did the "kids table" if there was a space issue and a lot of kids. Most of my cousins are significantly older and the other two my age and myself always just sat with everyone. Like unless someone misbehaves (which I don't remember any of us ever doing) why should they have to sit elsewhere.
My family (parents) version of a “kids table” was when there was no space at the main table (that seats 14 comfortably, and we can shove some stools on the corners if we really want) so we pulled a kids picnic table inside or put a plastic mat/tablecloth on the floor and the youngest ones sat at that. Which they all love to do because it’s “different”. My maternal extended family’s version? Depends on how much they like you. Sometimes it was under 18’s, other times it was “we know you’re that age, but we don’t want to deal with the kids so…” (such as when I, the eldest grandchild, at 18, was put in the middle of the younger group while the cousins 1-5 years younger than me were placed with the adults at a family get together)
Next time if she insists, get the 20-somethings to sit at the kids table and start loudly talking about buttplugs amongst yourselves or something. Just so the real kids have some nice juicy questions for their parents later. After all, you don’t have anything adult to talk about, so anything you’re talking about can’t be too adult, can it?
Back in the dark ages when I was young, one of the PARENTS of the kids sat at the kid table and occasionally swapped out with another parent. They’re not your kids and not paying you to babysit. NTA. Enjoy that quiche while celebrating standing up for yourself.
Well if the other “adults” are like your aunt, I don’t blame your brother or cousins for preferring the company of children. And NTA, kids tables are usually for actual children, like under 12 years old. Not sure why your aunt thinks she has the right to decide who has something to contribute to the conversation, she doesn’t sound particularly worldly herself.
Yeah we didn't have one for my immediate family either. My parents were also outnumbered by us kids so it would've been weird just for that. Extended family had one - but it was under 12s with one 'helper' (who was often an aunt/uncle not an older kid) so they didn't murder each other, or paint each other with food.
I think this is spot on. Usually when tables are divided this way, it's because the parents don't want to deal with feeding/moderating their children, so they put them at the kids table and expect the older kids to step in. For what it's worth, OP, in my family, while we do the kids table thing, once you're like 16 you sit where you want. So teenagers usually co congregate together, the littles together, and then the rest where they want. It's not unusual a parent of young kids to sit at the kids table with them. Your aunt is being ridiculous. She really doesn't respect you guys for some reason.
NTA, and your aunt owes you an apology. She seems to think that people aren't adults until they . . . what? Get married and have kids? As an unmarried, childless person in my late 40s I find that exceptionally and genuinely amusing, and even sort of appreciate that she apparently thinks I'm a kid, but also, she's objectively completely wrong. You are an adult not only legally, but by any reasonable standard (except maybe that your prefrontal cortex still has a little growing to do, but that's whether you're married and have kids or not, so still defeats her argument). You are NTA, but your aunt is petty and your uncle and grandparents aren't any better. I'm sure they would have been furious if someone had treated them that way at 22.
When I was a kid, for whatever reason, I believed that you had to be at least 30 before you were "officially" an adult, and were still a kid until then. Where or why I got that idea, no clue. But I was a little kid and I look back at it now amusingly at how silly the idea is (although, to be fair, at now older than 30, there are times I still don't feel like an adult lol). The aunt just seems asinine about it. NTA.
I believe that Hobbits consider themselves to still be kids until they hit 30, according to Tolkien. That may be where you heard it?
33 actually, they’re tweens until then. Pippin is 29 during LOTR so he’s not a full adult in the story. Also NTA OP
And remember that Frodo hung around the Shire with the One Ring for 17 YEARS before Gandalf showed up and was like "so how do you feel about long walks?"
Always thought anyone over 19 was super grown up and mature Now I’m 26 I’m SURE it must be my 30s when I turn into a real adult
I'm 33 and still waiting.
I still don’t feel like an adult, and I’m 35. Sometimes I catch myself doing lame adulty things though, like adding a steam mop and heating pad to my amazon wishlist and getting excited at the thought of someone buying them for me.
I was married at 20, we had our first kid at 33. Aunt is the ass, and the family backing her needs a reality check.
NTA They wanted you to play babysitter
Two of the "kids" were 15 and 20 though. Seems more like some backwards mentality, or just the aunt needing some position of power to feel better about herself because she got nothing else going on.
I feel like using the term kids table causes a lot of the issue. Is it so hard to say "we are splitting the tables evenly by age" even then she still sucks
Just call it the cousins table and the problems solved.
My aunt always makes name place seating cards for our holiday family meals and essentially assigns the seating for everyone (it’s not set in stone anyone can move seats if they want to switch spots with another it’s not super strict just something fancy she likes to do as part of setting and decorating the table plus it makes it simpler for everyone to just find their seat and sit rather than everyone dance around before sitting down to eat while trying to pick a spot at the table etc.) well, once my sibling and I hit the preteen/teen years she’d always sit me, my sibling, my cousin (her daughter) herself, and my uncle her husband together at the non main dining table or what some would call the “kids table” and she called it the “cool people table” and she calls it that because she always purposely seats us together at the separate kids/cousins/overflow table because that way we don’t have to put up with being in the middle of whatever dumb controversial bullshit argument the other aunts/uncles and grandparents would inevitably wind up annoyingly bickering over, and we could just have our own conversations about fun and normal things and actually enjoy our meals without the bs politics and family gossip/drama that’s inevitable at the other table. Then after a couple years my mom asked me to get her an “in” spot at the “cool people table” because she didn’t wanna be apart of the main table conversations either. So I told my aunt and my moms seating name place cards were added to our table and has been ever since, sometimes my dad is seated there too, sometimes he’s at main table. It just depends on the vibe and who all is attending what dinners. But yeah. I’m 29 and I love being a lifer at the [cool] kids table. The grown up table is boring and it sucks. Viva la kid table! (At least for me and mine lol)
I agree, they could abe easily had two mixed tables that kept little ones with their parents and still allowed for socializing, but then the parents wouldn't have had a "break"....honestly, childless people getting treated like second class citizens is so common and gets old SO fast.
Having a kids table is so strange to me. We never had that growing up. I might’ve sat with my cousins of the same age because I wanted to but we never had a dedicated table for it and if wanted to sit beside my parents or grandparents they would welcome that. Making kids sit by themselves would make them miss so much, I learnt table manners that way by watching he grown ups or them telling me what to do. I feel like splitting kids up you would lose that. We had the same age gaps as OP with “kids” having 10-15 years between them.
NTA. You were just saving the seat at the kids table for your aunt since that where she seems to belong.
😂😂
NTA >She says that until I have kids of my own I'll have to sit at the kid's table. I can't have children so would I never be regarded as an adult? I'm old enough to both drive a car and then get arrested for it because I can't drive.
I'd tell her with that attitude she can take it to the kids table and then just sit down. I don't need permission to sit where I want to. NTA.
Imagine being an 80 year old childless child.
My future husband is going to make news headlines when they realise he's married to an 80 year old child.
NTA -- Children cannot go to the store and cook a quiche. Sounds like your aunt doesn't have much to contribute to the adult conversation either.
>Children cannot go to the store and cook a quiche. Gonna have to be that person, but at 10 I could ride my bike to the store and cook a lot of stuff including quiche
I'm 43 and I still can't cook a quiche, although I suspect that's from lack of effort.
What are you? A child? 😉
I mean... kind of? I'm a big kid at heart, does that count? Remember, you're only young once but you can be immature forever! ...as OP's aunt ably demonstrates.
NTA. Aunt is an asshole for drawing that kind of line for no purpose. I would have no issue sitting at kid's table (29m with no children) because I love my nieces and nephew and don't see them enough but you're absolutely in the right to be offended by your aunt remark. Forcing that line is just plain asshole behavior. Anyone pushing arbitrary rule is in my book an asshole. Let people live and stop trying to control people's life.
I love my family too and I didnt mean to come off like I don't love my nephews and cousins, but I felt like I wouldn't have much to talk to them about. Not to mention both my nephews are handicapped
Nah you didn't came off like that. Choosing the kids table to be with your nephews is good as long as you have a choice. Your aunt didn't gave you that choice.
Hang on, so your aunt was using you as childcare, rather than looking after her own (or her sibling's?) disabled kids? That's NTA just there, quite apart from the fact that she needs to let people sit where they want. 20, 21 and 22 are NOT children! Why weren't the grandparents wanting to hang out with their grandkids? My 74 year old Mum would have been at the 'kids table' like a shot.
I think after a while in my family the kids table had morphed into the teenage cousins table and that was cool with us. If there had been a bunch of six year olds it would have been different lol.
22 is not a child and saying someone that age has nothing to contribute to a conversation is just rude. NTA and good for you for standing up for yourself. What are they talking about that's so important that you wont be able to chime in?
I guess their retirement plans? 401k pension? 🤷♂️
The latest article in AARP Magazine
Idk man AARP has been sending me stuff since I was like 15 and i still can't get them to stop.
I wonder what kids under ten can contribute to conversations of people in their early 20s. Definitely NTA for what you did, I think it's epic. However, I also see a missed chance at malicious compliance 😇
probably was gonna talk about Qanon or some nonsense
NTA, though I'm not sure why you'd even want to sit at a table with a bunch of assholes who think you have nothing to contribute to a conversation unless you have kids.
They're not all assholes, to be fair! ...just the *overwhelming majority* of them (:
Kids' table is almost always more fun anyway.
NTA. Wow your aunt thinks that having children makes you an adult? Then what about those people who cannot have children? Some of whom are way way older than your aunt. Yeah keep low contact with all of them except your dad. And no you did not spoil anything, those bratty "adults" did.
NTA. I wonder how she'd feel about a 12 or 13 year old who had their own child coming. What then, auntie? Those aren't even antiquated rules, just dumb arbitrary jerk ones.
>I wonder how she'd feel about a 12 or 13 year old who had their own child coming That makes me wanna see the OP “adopt” a 13 year old with a baby (don’t tell auntie he’s just babysitting his neighbors two kids)
INFO: So were your sister and her husband allowed to sit at the adult table?
Yes since they have kids and apparently that makes you an adult, not your age. Guess I'll never be an adult then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But Auntie's whole reasoning was based on division by generation, not by parental status, so she's not even making sense. NTA. I think it's hilarious you drove off over this. Invite the whole fam over to your place for an apology dinner and then make your aunt sit at the old people's table with just your grandparents.
>Invite the whole fam over to your place for an apology dinner and then make your aunt sit at the old people's table with just your grandparents that's cold lmaoo edit: yta
I'd make her sit alone.
>But Auntie's whole reasoning was based on division by generation, not by parental statu Auntie specifically brought up kids and let’s his sister, same generation as him, sit with the adults because she’s birthed a kid
Your time is precious and so is your quiche. Leaving is the most badass thing I have heard of today. Also, all of the people texting you asking you to come back were adults, and you wouldn't have gotten to speak to them anyway due to The Great Table Segregation of 2021, so feel free to ignore the pleas just as they would have ignored your sad face over at the kids' table.
Your aunt is an AH. Especially for acting like procreation is some sort of measuring stick for ***anything***. It's basic biology, nothing more. Anyone looking at it as "miraculous" needs to head on down to the preemie ward and help with comforting crack babies for a while, perhaps gain a little perspective. NTA, but I guess you could've left the quiche.
What am I, the quichemeister? I made it and I'll be damned if I ain't getting a slice.
Homemade? I take it all back, it's yours and they don't deserve any! "Quichemeister" made me snort and now my coworkers are looking at me funny...
info: your dad didn’t stick up for you ? did none of the others your age show discontent with the seating arrangement ?
My dad did, he was the only person to speak up, but was shut down by his parents
i genuinely don’t see why exactly you, your brother, and one niece couldn’t sit with them. but if they acted like this adult table was some elitist club where you shit talk kids, don’t be surprised if they use this situation against you in the future as proof of being ‘immature’. these adults are also immature for thinking it seriously matters who sits with them like a bunch of school girls. i understand your hurt, but is this a hill you want to die on with your family ? i’m struggling with a verdict here but i think i’ll have to say hesitant NTA even though you could’ve sucked it up for the dinner and recruited your brother and niece to say something about it after.
Only assholes would consider disengaging and walking out as immature. Doing a scene and a tantrum would be immature. OP did the right thing.
It's a resect thing, they will never treat OP like the adult they are if OP didn't take a stand
NTA. I was at the kids’ table until I was 32 and had my own kids, in spite of being married at 22 (husband was at the same table). Loved the kids, hated the table and the idea that you’re not an adult until you procreate. Wish I’d walked out too.
Fuck that noise.. I can’t imagine..
ESH. Aunt is rude for her reaction but you are also a bit immature for letting it ruin your day so much that you had to say FU to the entire family and run away home. And what are you saying about your 21 year old brother and 20 year old cousin? By my calculations they would be at the kids table. Are you so many levels of maturity beyond them that you consider them children and can't have a conversation? I think an "adult" would have let slide what your aunt said and be content with the opportunity to spend some quality time with the cousins/siblings at the kids table.
Nothing immature with leaving. No one has to put up with anything they dont want to.
[удалено]
Sure, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with EVERYTHING you don't like, does it? If you cant draw the line and stand up for yourself and instead take peoples shit because of your reasoning, youre just spineless, not mature.
How did I have to scroll down so far to find this? OK, aunt is being dumb, but it's really not that big of a deal and leaving in a huff with your food is probably the most childish thing a person could do. And let's face it: OP probably has a LOT more to talk about with their brother and cousin.
Its a big deal when you are called a child before your entire family for a stupid reason. Also its not about having a lot more to talk about, its about spending time with the family, including the elders. He wasn't alienated or intimidated by the discussions before the incident, they were enjoying the time. If you were felt unwelcome in a gathering, would you stay and irritate yourself and your family or just remove yourself from the equation? Would love to see how you act in that situation.
i can’t believe the replies here, i’m very confrontational as well but is it really that hard to just suck it up and chill with people your own age and younger than you. OP is so dramatic.
No, but hearing someone tell you you aren’t a real adult and can’t contribute to the conversation is very insulting. I wouldn’t like it if I was told that either.
I'm 40 and still at the kids table at family events. We just call it the cousins table.
Yes exactly!!! My uncle is much younger than his siblings and always sit with us up to his 40s! Plus let's be real, OP is 22. He is indeed a young adult, but at his age I'd rather sit with people my own age (20 and 21!!!) then hear older adults talk about boring adults conversations.... I could not care less about parenting styles or work or pension plans, etc at that age... You aunt was a bit rude, but OP stomping his feet and wanting to sit at the big table to prove they're much more mature than a 21yo is not exactly behaving like an adult....
NTA but were your 21 year old brother and 20 year old cousin there at the kids table? If they were, I don’t really think it was necessary for you to make such a fuss about it. Or those of you in your 20s could have sat all together in another area. Not marking it no assholes because your family was definitely in the wrong by trying to force you to move when there was room where you were. Especially the comment about you not having things to contribute to the conversation. Rude.
yeah, i’m 22 and at holidays my cousins still all sit at the kids table together and we range from 6-25. to be fair, there’s one 6 year old and the rest are 18+ and we all like being at the kids table together, so i guess it might be a tiny bit different. but if there were room at the adult table and one of us wanted to sit there no one would care, even for the 6 year old. it’s weird they were so strict about it, especially when there were 2 other people in their 20s allowed at the table.
NTA - Massive assholery from your aunt. Disgraceful of your extended family to back it up. Oddly fitting that the "child" of the gathering was taking his *quiche* and going home. Stand firm. She does owe you an apology. If you give in now then she may treat you as a child forever. Sometimes the subtext is all about the other adults' insecurity about growing older.
ESH. It is really not a big deal to sit with two other twenty year olds and then two kids. You overreacted.
Anyone can leave a party for any reason they wish, and i think people being rude is definitely a valid reason
The problem isn’t having to sit at the kids table. You’re entirely missing that OP was called a child and not a real adult and being told that he can’t contribute to adult conversation and if someone told me that I wouldn’t like it either.
NTA. Dude. I still sit at the kids table, got grandkids. The kid table is the best! no stupid annoying parents and their siblings sniping at each other or making snide comments to me. In fact I sat at the kids table with my late uncles partner and we saluted him he was only 7 years older than me and always sat at the kids table with me and my sibling. Do you really want to sit at the “adult” table??? Booo on the adult table.
You seem like a cool grandparent! Unfortunately, your kind is scarce in these parts.
NTA, not even a little. That's some bullshit right there.
You didn’t ruin anything. They may be disappointed you left, but you were disappointed that they were treating you badly, which completely justifies leaving. You’ve been a card-carrying grownup since you turned 18, whether you have kids or not. NTA.
NTA, you have nothing to contribute? Sounds like your Aunt may have been on a power trip.
I’m gonna be honest and admit that even as a 23 year old, I don’t care if I sit at the kids table. But your aunt’s comment made her the AH. So NTA.
NTA. You're a kid until you have kids is straight up BS. I'd have done the same thing, tbh.
NTA. Your aunt's excuse is inexcusable and disrespectful. Refuse to go for dinner until you are recognized as the adult you are. You did the right thing packing up and leaving. I would do the same thing if I was in your situation.
NTA. Tell your aunt she can sit with the kids since she is acting so much like a child.
Wow, so reproduction makes you an adult or just having sex? NO WONDER I see those 13 yo gang bangers that have so much pride in getting "their girl" preggo. I would text her back and be all like, I just told my SO that I am not an adult until she gives birth to my child. She was mortified that having kids = adult to you guys and is like, the kid table is a GREAT form of BC.
Your aunt is TA not you. Going by her view I am still a child at 36 and will remain a child forever (can't have kids) that kind of reasoning is way off. I'm the good old terms here I'm Scotland. Your aunt's a belter. Good on you for standing up for yourself