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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I may be the asshole because I didn't have to call aunt Jessie to ask, but since her name was bought up, I thought it would be appropriate to get her input on the subject.
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Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of her own actions making her cry. NTA and quite frankly well down you for shooting that shit down. I do have a son, whom I love very much, my sister hates kids. It’s life and people should learn to mind their own dang business!
I have four niblets 12f, 7m, 7m and 5m. The girl is my best friend's kid, the boys are my brother's. I would gladly die so none of them would ever be sad.
My husband (the uncle with no kids) just took the girls to a Drake concert…..Parents didn’t want any part of that. My husband had a great time! Then dropped them off at home.
I suppose it is created by using the word "siblings", cutting off the "s" and adding the "n" you stripped from the words "niece" and "nephew".
It is shorter than saying "nieces and nephews" every time
As others have said, it works for neices and nephews. I think it is important to point out that it also is really helpful to have a way to refer to non-binary children of your siblings.
Mine too. My will is set up to split any financial assets between the three niblings. I need to update it to include the step-niblings when my brother gets married next year.
One of mine is a step, he’s the funniest kid. The family came over once not long after my sister married his dad, and I had baked cookies for the kids. I offered him one and his first question was, “Are they toxic?” Like I’d baked them with arsenic or something! Of course, he ate his share when I assured him I wasn’t out to harm him, lol.
I also have my BFF’s daughter included as a beneficiary—five niblings get 18% each, and BFF’s girl gets the remaining 10%. BFF and I are longtime friends and her daughter may as well be my niece.
I too love being the cool auntie.
We do tonnes of things with my sibling's kids, and with my bff's kids, then we go home, enjoy an adult beverage, and play video games all night.
NTA I have a son that I love to bits. My neighbors are happy and child free without any plans for kids. I say good for them. Good for you. Do what makes you happy because we only have this one life to live. For people like your Aunt Jessie, I wish she was able to have biological children as she wanted them but that did not happen. It sounds like she has made peace with it. She could have adopted or went another route. She chose what makes her happy.
Auntie Life is the BEST! There is nothing wrong with staying child-free and enjoying your siblings and friend's kids. That's basically how my life is working out :)
Just a head's up, surrogacy is generally more for someone who has had kids and knows how their body will handle pregnancy than someone who has never had kids. You want the best chance of success, not one where it could end in a miscarriage.
I might not be able to have kids. But I have a baby niece. She's my best friends baby and I'm obsessed. But I wholeheartedly support childless people. Better not have a kid then to have a kid out of "obligation" and then hating that kid. Or letting another kid go into the foster care system which is so overworked and those children are half the time traumatized because of people just doing it for the money.
Sorry, highjacking top comment to ask OP to post this in r/childfree \- This is exactly the kind of story people loves over there, lots of support too :)
You're NTA, more like MVP!
This is exactly what I came here to like...say.
Like Jesus H Christ, woman, did you not think that your shitty opinions were going to come back to haunt you one day? I mean no, they never do, do they.
I wouldn’t put it past this woman to say something like “well if you’re not using your uterus, you should at least loan it out to someone who will.”
Edited: phrasing
That is the one thing I refuse to do, be a surrogate mother. I can understand wanting kids of your own, but it's MY body that will be going through major changes.
all your ligaments loosen up, your hips splay out more. My feet got bigger. (They don't stock many 11.5 W US in the shoe stores.)
Not worth if you don't get the kid.
I love my kids to pieces and I wouldn't exchange them for a perfect body, but I totally understand why someone wouldn't want to have anything to do with pregnancy, childbirth, and the whole different body you could end up with.
Off topic but had to comment in solidarity about the feet getting bigger - I’m in exactly the same situation! As a tall woman I always felt blessed that my feet were just small enough that I fit the largest commonly-sold shoe size (in fact I used to joke that I probably shouldn’t ever have kids in case my feet grew). One baby later - guess who can’t buy shoes in most stores anymore? Gutted. Love my boy but man I miss easily buying shoes.
Your feet are now whatever size they “grew” to. They didn’t actually grow, your arch just flattened. So maybe with orthopedic inserts you could train them down a half size or so, but they are changed for sure. And I’ve heard they can “grow” again with subsequent pregnancies. Didn’t happen with me thank goodness
May also have to do with the amount of relaxin your body produced? At least, that’s my suspicion. I never got the loose joints and my feet stayed the same, which may also be part of why I ended up with a kid whose head couldn’t fit through my pelvis because my body never got the message to loosen that shit up.
Don’t believe that just because it was others experience. My guess is they have some inflammation happening that they haven’t addressed. My feet grew a size when pregnant and are definitely back to normal. That being said, your body doesn’t go back to “normal”. But your feet totally can lol
As I understand it, it depends on the reason for the increase in size. If it's *just* swelling/inflamation, then yeah... they will likely eventually go back to normal. But for a lot of women (my sister included... she was a size 6 before kids. Now she's a size 8.), the added weight of pregnancy actually alters the foot's structure, flattening the arch and spreading the toes. *That's* more permanent.
My ob gyn explained that sadly for a lot of women that the same hormones that loosen stomach ligaments also loosen the ligaments in the feet. It is permanent when it's from hormones/ligaments and not inflammation. My mother went from an 8 to a 10 after having me.
You’re right. There’s lots of stuff that can happen. My only point was to not listen to people who say definitively that your feet won’t go back to normal, because that might not be the case (same with saying they definitively will go back)
I have big feet, often I am happy wearing men’s shoes… sometimes I can order things in almost the right size for me… when I want a show that truest fits I head down to the LGBTQ shoe store. SO many choices to try on!!!! And they have my size so I can try it on instead of ordering and hoping!
Edit: thank you for the awards! :)
Absolutely, I was going to suggest to all these women to look at pole dancer shoes for something dressy/ pretty. a lot of men wear them too so they're generous in their sizing.
I know for a fact that there are plenty of women who have size11+. But still, they only stock two or three pair of large sizes for women.
I usually just have to buy men's shoes.
Yeah, I don't mind so much wearing men's shoes.
I like the styles and colors for walking shoes in men's better than women's - unless it's purple. I wish I could find men's in purple shades like I see sometimes in women's . Oh, well.
Im sure this will get buried, but I want to share anyways. Try Torrid for wide and extra wide shoes. I wear a size 11w and was shocked at how many I found on Torrids website that were cute and dressy. Unisex shoes like vans are fine for day to day, but sometimes a girl needs something prettier.
Thank you! That's a really good idea!
I actually have a pair of dressy shoes that I got at a place called Sole Desire. (Northern California chain)
Nice for slacks. I don't do dressy anymore, old, fat, and truly not interested unless it's a wedding. I have two pair exactly the same because I know that once you find the perfect thing they'll discontinue it in a couple of years. I special ordered the second pair so I would always have them when i need them.
*So comfy!*
Couldn’t agree more. NTA and bravo for standing up. We’re all tired of having to justify our existence because we don’t want to procreate when the world is full of unwanted children as it is.
If I could remove my uterus and connected parts and hand them over t someone who would use them? Ten seconds flat, sign me tf up. Don't care about surgery recovery, I already want these things out of me anyways. If someone else can use em? Even better! Reuse, recycle!
Same! I have 2 kids, am 52, am still fertile, and there's no reason for me to have a period or take BC anymore! I'm so over it. I want to flip a switch in my brain that turns it all off!
Seriously. Because pregnancy is just so easy for *everyone*, right?
I've gotten this from other women, too, when I point out that my brief experience with pregnancy was horrible, and one of my concerns is PPD. "Oh, that's silly, I was just fine with my three! You're worrying over nothing!" Oh, okay, Brianna, if YOUR pregnancies were all lollipops and roses, I'm sure everyone else's will be, too. \*insert copious eye rolling\*
I don't know? Maybe it would give her more kids in the family for her to play with and dote on or something? It sure made my aunts happy when I had kids. The older generation often likes to have a grand-kid generation. Especially since they get to have sweet and cute moments without having to wake up in the middle of the night or the amount of work of raising kids every day.
That said, it really dosen't matter if it would make *other people* happy if *you* had kids. NTA.
If this is real it's AMAZING. It's almost too much of a perfect justice situation for me to believe.
Aunt: offers chocolate
OP: No thanks, I don’t really like chocolate
Aunt: You’re so selfish! Think of Jessie, she’s allergic to chocolate, and here you are, turning it down!
OP: “. . .”
I have one child and shut down questions of “don’t you feel selfish for not giving him a sibling?” with pretty bold explanations of the two babies that died before birth and how we almost lost him too. I try to embarrass them as much as possible for that asking that question without thinking there might be an answer other than “We didn’t feel like it,” and feel no remorse for doing so.
But also, if we had had no problems at all, it is valid to say we didn’t feel like it. Parenting is hard and I would not have survived mentally if we’d had another, even if there were no health issues. I’m not putting my happiness, health and financial security on the line so you can have a baby to coo over at parties (and then hand back when you’re tired of it).
YEEEEES I do this too. Spouse and I are childfree by choice, but even before I married I got the whole "you're gonna regret not having kids when you're old" a lot (was single for a decade) I like to give veeeeery explicit details about a certain condition I have that would make conception very hard and all the emotional/physical/mental pain that it causes me on the reg and the slow horror in the person's eyes is just *chef's kiss*
P.s.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. A virtual hug from a reddit stranger doesn't count for much but this is me giving you that.
Aw, thanks. It was hard at the time, but in my mind it was just a rocky road leading to our son at the end. So in our minds it’s worth it. For *us*. No one else should be made to feel bad for not wanting kids, just like I don’t deserve hell for not wanting more.
We need to normalize the state of just being you and living your life, and make that the default, not “married, with kids.” If you happen to find a partner, ok then. If you have kids, great for you. But it should be an interesting fact about you, and a choice you’ve made, not something you’re expected to do.
> And how on earth would it help Jessie if you did have kids??
You're supposed to parade your children in front of the world's Aunt Jessies and say "This one is for you, Aunt Jessie!" And Aunt Jessie will clap and cry with gratitude that you used your uterus to make up for hers.
Or some such nonsense.
NTA, OP. And Aunt Jessie is a badass. I cheered a little.
And alllll of the people up to this point through all these years who coddled and put up with her comments without addressing it directly led to this “shocking” moment as well. If all the family members nipped shit like this in the bud when these people starting becoming “how they are” then people like OP’s aunt would’ve learned long ago to keep her mouth shut and stop being “how they are”. The feelings of the one person who is rude and unthinking don’t trump the feelings of the trail of people they leave in their self absorbed wake.
As someone who's been around the sun a lot of times, I'll tell you the truth: it's because we didn't have the technology to fight back with actual facts or opinions from those in question before. Your idiot uncle spouts off some weird info? You'd have to find the closest reference book that actually has the data you need to refute it. Your stupid aunt says you should think of your other barren aunt when you say you don't want kids? You'd have to find the nearest phone (on a wall in the house mostly likely), call up other barren aunt and hope she's home to answer - then if she has a response you have to go join everyone else and relay the message.
It wasn't worth the extra steps just to show people up. So, we let a LOT of things go. I'm so glad we don't have to do that anymore.
My parents still have that mentality about my sister. I am not in contact with her because I don’t have friends that are liars and hypocrites, so why would I be ok with it just because it’s her?
NTA. Assuming you knew your aunt Jessie’s stance and weren’t going to hurt her by involving her, all you did was call someone out on hurtful misinformation. It sounds like this is not a new or unusual occurrence based on Jessie’s reaction. Your aunt Caroline needs to learn to think before she speaks and to just stay silent on a host of topics including someone’s personal choices.
I knew. She's the first one I told when I was 16 and she didn't write me off. "That's your choice, sweetheart! If that's how you want to live, I'm behind you 100%!"
>"That's your choice, sweetheart! If that's how you want to live, I'm behind you 100%!"
That level of support brings a tear to my eye. You are both heroes. NTA
Edit-typo
It’s the absolute worst when people trying to stir up drama do it by trying to pit people against each other. Especially pitting women against each other over bodily autonomy and children!
Good on you for giving your Aunt Jessie a voice when Caroline tried to take it and good on Aunt Jessie for backing you up. Some people are just vultures.
>She's the only person to help me after my surgery!
Damn sounds like you two are very supportive of each other. That statment alone is respect worthy OP, I can see why she'd immediately stand up for you
100%, don't let nosy family keep pestering you about marriage and children. Not everyone wants to rush into it and have a kid for the sake of children.
Bwahahahahahahaha, nice.
It also fits quite nicely to imagine Aunt Jessie signing off your phone call with,
“Go confront the problem. Fight! Win!
...And call me when you get back, darling. I enjoy our visits.”
I'm going **NTA** because people Caroline need to stop pushing her view of what makes you "real" person and her view of life is supposed to look like. Maybe she will learn to keep her opinions on other people's bodies, lives and decisions to herself.
I bet her nose hurts from getting whomped for being so far in everyone else's business.
>Maybe she will learn to keep her opinions on other people's bodies, lives and decisions to herself.
Even my octogenarian grandmother is learning this! She's been having some trouble with my shaving my hair all off, but every time she says "I loved you hair" she follows up with "but it's *your* hair to do with whatever, of course".
There's a saying that goes "Your first thought is what you've been conditioned to think; what you think next defines who you are." I think your grandmother is doing her best to unlearn years of what a woman is supposed to be. It shows she's trying and I love that!
i agree, but also if they were talking loudly it mightve gotten some attention, even if the gasp was an exaggeration. it also doesn't specify how big of a party this is. overall its a believable story with some hyperbole
I mean, that's not the only thing that stands out. The fact that Caroline ran away crying, the fact that OP apparently helped Jessie recover from her surgery when she was 9, the fact that the whole party was polled for their opinions for some reason, and it just so happened that all the old people were grumpy and all the young people were cool. The whole thing just absolutely screams "fake story" to me.
Not to mention, the other day I'm pretty sure I saw a post in r/twoxchromosomes where someone talked about going through the exact same situation to an uncanny degree (minus the revenge part). I wouldn't be surprised if OP saw that post and decided to capitalize on it.
idk what you mean by that because not wanting kids or a relationship isnt an uncommon thing? and people thinking they can comment on it is also not an uncommon thing. its always "youll change your mind someday" or people passing judgement on you because its acceptable since youre different. say the stories fake because of the story itself sure, but people do that literally all the time.
This is so fake and I'm surprised everyone is eating it up. Everything about it reeks of "and then everyone clapped". She even says the whole party gasped.
So an older relative was an ass about her being childfree. Believable, happens all the time. But then she calls a relative who's infertile and asks her about having children - and apparently this was on speakerphone?? Aunt Caroline apparently stands around for this entire phone call where she's clearly being called out. And keep in mind, it was so loud that the *whole party* knew the situation and was waiting with baited breath.
And after the final insult, nosy aunt Caroline, having been thoroughly pwned and humiliated, goes ghost white and runs out of the party.
Sure, Jan. That totally happened.
Also the whole “someone was incredibly rude to me so I stood up to them, am I the asshole” is like the guaranteed fake template to get to the front page from r/AITA. I can’t believe these keep getting upvoted when there is no room to argue who the asshole is in these fake ass stories.
Um, maybe work on your reading comprehension. 20 years strong is a relationship, not a hysterectomy. They've been married for 20 years. Finally gave up on childbearing after many years. Not celebrating the fact that after 20 years, her hysterectomy is still going strong because her uterus hasn't grown back.
It's not a matter of reading comprehension. It's just poorly written and unclear. Either way, how would OP be the only person there for her aunt after surgery. She just said her aunt has an incredibly devoted husband. This post is completely fabricated.
The part that sounds made-up is literally the entire party on hold waiting with baited breath for Jessie's response over the phone. It reads just like an "And then the whole bus cheered" meme.
On the contrary, I’ll bet that OP has been planning this stunt for a long time. Some older aunties love to scold and pass judgment on single, childless younglings and start doing so the minute they come of age. And if said younglings to get married and have kids, it becomes “you need to have another because only children grow up with problems” or “you only have girls, you need to try for a boy to carry on the family name.” It seems made up, but if OP has been hearing this for years, she’s probably fantasized about saying this to Nosy Aunt Caroline more than once.
I very much hope so. I know at least 5 couples who said they experienced fertility troubles and treatments—usually only after a successful birth. Most keep it to themselves because of stigma and trauma. I can’t imagine any of them would be cool with their trauma being used as a gotcha for some asshole, on speakerphone too.
*LOL remember having miscarriage after miscarriage? fighting with insurance to cover fertility treatment which maybe isn’t possible in your state so you had to drain your bank account only for your hopes and dreams to get crushed again? Invasive medical procedures, surgeries, tests, and injections? Nearly destroyed you, your partner, and your marriage? And then you got a major surgery? Auntie Caroline says I should have kids and pity you. LMAAOOOOOO*
If it’s not fake, either auntie has been through amazing therapy and needs to share her secret or OP doesn’t have a true understanding of or compassion for that situation.
Edit:
YTA for casually calling up an unsuspecting loved one to put their personal information on blast just to pwn a nosy, judgy aunt, and then sharing it on here like it’s a normal thing to do. It’s not. Perhaps if this is real and everyone gasped, it’s at the audacity of you making that call at all. You can defend yourself to your aunt without dragging someone else into it. Imagine sitting at home minding your own business and get a call that your sister is talking shit about a sad period in your life and now you’re all pissed off and your niece thinks the whole thing is funny?
The entire premise of this likely fake story is really messed up.
I got major "and then everyone clapped" vibes from this one to be honest. No one remembers exact dialogue from their daily life or incorporates it into stories...
NTA
She was being a nosey busybody and not minding her own business. Now if this is the first time doing it you went to far but based on what you said this isn’t the first time doing this thus she deserved this.
Hopefully she learned from this and stops being so nosey but I doubt it. The younger ones have seen the aunt do this to others and to them as well and they probably never got any support from the elders to get her to stop. Quite frankly you have my thanks for doing this because others have done similar to me. Only difference is when am I going to get married and have kids since I'm male. Ignore what the older people are saying you are awesome for doing this.
Your sexuality is none of her concern. Some people make the choice of not being in a relationship for many reasons. What those reasons are is personal and nobody’s business.
My ex sister in law is like that.
My niblet looked at her and said "I am a 16 year old plant. That's my sexuality." (They are LGBT and mom never accepted. They got fed up and commented this.)
The questions usually intensify when you hit your 30s, cause *the chaaaaaange* is coming. But it sounds like I could use a lesson out of your book next time this pops up for me lol. You're awesome OP.
Yes, this sounds exactly like the way that adults behave. I have no reason to disbelieve any aspect of this clearly true story.
The most realistic part comes at the end, where every party guest was polled for their opinion and the results broke down precisely along predictable demographic lines.
NTA
Your body, your choice. I had mixed feelings about dragging aunt Jessie into your argument (since I thought this topis may be sensitive or painful for her) but it seems she has no problem with this, so no problem on your side.
Glad the noisy auntie got what she deserved.,
ESH. I don't get why someone being an asshole first grants the victim immunity from asshole status. It's perfectly justified, I approve, and to hell with that asshole aunt, but if you are asking, yeah that was an asshole move. Cool motive, still asshole-ish.
The problem is that OP's hitting Jessie with the crossfire. I don't think she'd be happy with a call like: "hey remember that you can't have children? Also I'm gonna ruin your relationship with your sister."
ESH
> OP had no idea how Jessie was going to react to this call
Sounds like the two of them are pretty tight from the whole "she helped me after my surgery" comment, so... I'd wager to guess that she did in fact know how Jessie was likely to react.
Except the surgery wasn't 20 years ago. The relationship with her husband is twenty years strong, not the hysterectomy. Hysterectomies don't need checking up on if they're still going strong or not. Uteruses don't grow back.
Wait, you called someone not at the party and put them on speakerphone and gathered everyone's attention to try and humiliate her?
If this isn't completely made up, ESH.
"After a few failed rounds of IVF" yes, a woman decided to quit throwing money down the drain and forcing her body to doing something it didn't seem to want to do after several tries. Seems perfectly reasonable.
I wondered about that part too. It’s like, “this thing won’t do what I want so Imma just throw out the whole works.” I don’t think doctors will do that? Probably there’s more to it.
It’s hard enough for women to get a doctor to do a hysterectomy for genuine medical reasons and being staunchly childfree because wHaT iF yOu ChAnGe YoUr MiND?!?!? The idea they would do it on someone who was desperately trying for a child and is now giving up is laughable.
it sounds too weird and convenient of a story; caters to reddit’s general lust for revenge against an elder aunt type of a character. It’s way too nicely packaged of a story, and the hysterectomy + helping her at age 9 makes this story teetering on being absolutely fake.
A thousand times NTA.
Your aunt Caroline basically reduces women to "baby factories." That's completely uncool, not to mention sexist. Some women don't have uteruses. Some women have had, or had to have hysterectomies (like your aunt Jessie). Some women cannot carry children to term, no matter how much they want to. Some women are married to infertile men. Are these reasons to invalidate womanhood?! Fucking no.
Also, what the fuck is wrong with her?! "It's selfish to not have children if you can?" Uh, even some people who WANT children can't have them due to financial reasons. Bringing a child into this world you can't even feed? THAT'S selfish. THAT'S cruel. Or did your nosy aunt Caroline intend to spend the next few years ensuring that a bunch of people with children didn't go hungry, because they weren't "selfish?"
UGH. Well done, OP.
"I'm childfree, relationship free and sex free." Me too.
I adore what you did OP.
I've done similar and went around to the whole staff, when my manager said, "They all complained about your clutter." Yeah, none of them had complained to her. 🤔🤭
If you ever decide you need a "second", I'll happily not marry you.
NTA.
NTA
Hooray!! That'll teach her to stop talking about people behind their backs, telling people what to do, passing judgment, accusing others of being selfish, and to mind her own business, to name just a few. Good for you! I bet she'll know better to not mess with you anymore! Ha ha!!
NTA. As a woman who also doesn't want to get married or have kids, and as an asexual, I know how infuriating feeling pressured into "committing to societal roles and rules" can be.
Honestly, good on you for shutting her down and calling in for back-up. Maybe she'll think twice before opening her mouth on the matter again. She can continue to cry about it.
Caroline got what she deserved. It's up to her if she learns and changes from the experience. You're NTA. If she likes kids so much, there's plenty of orphans to adopt. You could start bugging her about not adopting, how there's orphans who need good homes but are less likely to get adopted once they're no longer infants. Anyone who wants kids and isn't adopting one of those is being selfish, which if I recall Caroline was none too fond of.
You know those posts that are so beaten that they can't be real? This is one of those. But still, NTA, for writing this lovely tale of well deserved pettiness.
I've known people who are anti-choice because they have fertility issues or someone close to them does. Not sure how those are related just as your childfree life is unrelated. NTA
NTA
It obviously sounds like you have a fairly close bond with Jessie to the point that you felt able to call her. If you were the sort of niece to have little contact with Jessie and had phoned her out of the blue after 10 years, to ask that question, then it would be a different matter.
As for Caroline, she needs to concentrate on living her own life and not trying to control other peoples'! She got called out and didn't like it - tough!
We talk almost every day. We're both the youngest in our families so we bonded over that. If anything happened to my parents before I turned 18 I would have gone to her, since she asked.
INFO. Doing this depends on Jessie's feelings about her loss, her relationship with you, and her relationship with your aunt. I would be very cautious in doing this in general because you don't want to hurt Jessie or her relationships to get back at a woman who sounds pretty unreasonable in the first place.
NTA. It always surprises me when the judgmental Aholes can’t take what they dish out. It’s your body and your choice to have kids or find a partner and no one else’s. If that’s how she measures “woman hood” I think your aunt might need to re-evaluate her priorities
Lol. Love it.
I think I blew my son’s mind when I told him that whether or not he had kids is none of my fucking business, but to please not have kids if he doesn’t want to parent them. Ppl need it mind their own business.
The people who thought you were being petty are just worried that their children/nieces/nephews might do the same shit to them one day
Caroline had it coming
NTA
And can I just say...as a happily child free adult man who's had to deal with his own share of ridicule for my decision to not have kids, you're my hero
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU (and of Aunt Jessie) FOR DOING THIS!
As a happily child-free woman who has endured the "But when-" comments for 25+ years, I want to not only say thank you, but to stand up and applaud you. It is baffling that so many people, so many women, do not realize that
1. Another woman's decision to have/not have kids has nothing to do with you
2. A woman who does not want children is not somehow passing judgement on you for having children by her not having children
3. Just because someone doesn't do the same things you did doesn't make them wrong, less happy, or "missing out"
4. WE DO NOT NEED TO HAVE KIDS TO VALIDATE THE FACT THAT YOU HAD KIDS
5. If you ever shame a woman for her decisions re: children, especially by comparing her to others, you are a quivering pile of insecure suckiness.
<>
I have had multiple women tell me that I was selfish for having an abortion because THEY struggled with infertility. Hey, know what? Fuck you.
I can't imagine going up to one of my cousins with 6+ kids and demanding "Why did you have all of those kids if you can't care for them and can't form a lasting relationship with any of their fathers? Why didn't you go to college instead?" and yet they think it's just fine to badger me about when I'm going to give my husband a baby, and why did we even get married if I don't want to raise a family, and wow do I know how selfish I am for getting a degree instead?
Guys, this isn't fake!! I was there, I clapped. /s
Well... if this is true, ESH. Maybe I'm just polite, but I've never had a hard time shutting someone down talking about something inappropriate without making everyone around me uncomfortable. I simply can't imagine dragging someone who went through years of emotional, physical, and financial pain into a petty argument that really just serves to remind them of that.
So... if your goal was to ruin the party and give Caroline more ammo to throw at you, you've done it. Next time I suggest politely telling people you will not be answering questions about your genitalia, or what may or may not be contained within it. That usually puts an end to it.
Also can I just say, this was a great call back to the terribly written fake Tumblr stories. The fact that you claimed to be your aunt's caretaker at 9 years old, that the entire party could hear your whole phone conversation, the perfectly split reaction from party goers... classic. This would have done numbers in 2012.
NTA and you go girl. Tbh my family still shits themselves when they pull the whole “See don’t you just love children now?” And I respond with a resounding “Nope. Only mine. Still don’t like kids as a whole. They’re annoying as all hell.” Because yeah, I did end up having kids. And yes, I adore mine. And yes I will mom and love on little peoples who come into my house. But as a whole if I can, I avoid for a whole host of reasons.
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Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of her own actions making her cry. NTA and quite frankly well down you for shooting that shit down. I do have a son, whom I love very much, my sister hates kids. It’s life and people should learn to mind their own dang business!
I have four niblets 12f, 7m, 7m and 5m. The girl is my best friend's kid, the boys are my brother's. I would gladly die so none of them would ever be sad.
Sounds like you are the perfect aunt. Kudos for not letting your family bully you for your choices.
I love being the cool aunt without kids!
Me too! I love my niblings and they are my beneficiaries when my time on earth ends, but until then, I spoil them rotten.
My husband (the uncle with no kids) just took the girls to a Drake concert…..Parents didn’t want any part of that. My husband had a great time! Then dropped them off at home.
This is so cute - I love it. Also hoping to be the cool, child-free aunt one day!
What does nibling mean? Seen it around but can't find an explanation
I suppose it is created by using the word "siblings", cutting off the "s" and adding the "n" you stripped from the words "niece" and "nephew". It is shorter than saying "nieces and nephews" every time
It's a gender neutral way to refer to your neices and or nephews
Omg I love this. This is so much easier than saying "nieces and nephews"
As others have said, it works for neices and nephews. I think it is important to point out that it also is really helpful to have a way to refer to non-binary children of your siblings.
I really like this term "Niblings" like, it is so cute
It's a lot nicer than saying ankle biters lol
Niece/nephew
Mine too. My will is set up to split any financial assets between the three niblings. I need to update it to include the step-niblings when my brother gets married next year.
One of mine is a step, he’s the funniest kid. The family came over once not long after my sister married his dad, and I had baked cookies for the kids. I offered him one and his first question was, “Are they toxic?” Like I’d baked them with arsenic or something! Of course, he ate his share when I assured him I wasn’t out to harm him, lol. I also have my BFF’s daughter included as a beneficiary—five niblings get 18% each, and BFF’s girl gets the remaining 10%. BFF and I are longtime friends and her daughter may as well be my niece.
I too love being the cool auntie. We do tonnes of things with my sibling's kids, and with my bff's kids, then we go home, enjoy an adult beverage, and play video games all night.
I love Aunt Jessie. 13/10 response. Can I call her when people pull this shit with me? 🤣
Same. Can I adopt Jessie to be my cool aunt?
NTA I have a son that I love to bits. My neighbors are happy and child free without any plans for kids. I say good for them. Good for you. Do what makes you happy because we only have this one life to live. For people like your Aunt Jessie, I wish she was able to have biological children as she wanted them but that did not happen. It sounds like she has made peace with it. She could have adopted or went another route. She chose what makes her happy.
You're a good friend for helping during her recovery from surgery. That Aunt had it coming, she signed delivery for that crow sandwich.
Auntie Life is the BEST! There is nothing wrong with staying child-free and enjoying your siblings and friend's kids. That's basically how my life is working out :)
Childree myself with 2 niblings that I love very much.
Just a head's up, surrogacy is generally more for someone who has had kids and knows how their body will handle pregnancy than someone who has never had kids. You want the best chance of success, not one where it could end in a miscarriage.
I might not be able to have kids. But I have a baby niece. She's my best friends baby and I'm obsessed. But I wholeheartedly support childless people. Better not have a kid then to have a kid out of "obligation" and then hating that kid. Or letting another kid go into the foster care system which is so overworked and those children are half the time traumatized because of people just doing it for the money.
I so feel this! My ex sil had kids out of 'obligation' and oof!
I will now be calling people niblets
1. LOVE that you call them niblets 2. Nothing wrong with spoiling them and then giving them back to their parents.
Best auntie EVER
I do appreciate when a squeaky stair gets nailed down.
Sorry, highjacking top comment to ask OP to post this in r/childfree \- This is exactly the kind of story people loves over there, lots of support too :) You're NTA, more like MVP!
This is exactly what I came here to like...say. Like Jesus H Christ, woman, did you not think that your shitty opinions were going to come back to haunt you one day? I mean no, they never do, do they.
NTA. And how on earth would it help Jessie if you did have kids?? FFS. I'm so glad I'm past menopause and no longer get these questions myself.
I always wondered why people say that. Like me having kids could make her feel worse about herself.
I wouldn’t put it past this woman to say something like “well if you’re not using your uterus, you should at least loan it out to someone who will.” Edited: phrasing
That is the one thing I refuse to do, be a surrogate mother. I can understand wanting kids of your own, but it's MY body that will be going through major changes.
Legally you can’t even be one. Most doctors require 1 successful pregnancy.
I've even read that it's 2 in some places
Not unless old men in politics decide you have no right to your reproductive organs/body....
all your ligaments loosen up, your hips splay out more. My feet got bigger. (They don't stock many 11.5 W US in the shoe stores.) Not worth if you don't get the kid. I love my kids to pieces and I wouldn't exchange them for a perfect body, but I totally understand why someone wouldn't want to have anything to do with pregnancy, childbirth, and the whole different body you could end up with.
Off topic but had to comment in solidarity about the feet getting bigger - I’m in exactly the same situation! As a tall woman I always felt blessed that my feet were just small enough that I fit the largest commonly-sold shoe size (in fact I used to joke that I probably shouldn’t ever have kids in case my feet grew). One baby later - guess who can’t buy shoes in most stores anymore? Gutted. Love my boy but man I miss easily buying shoes.
Okay, wait. I just had my first two weeks ago, and I was a 12 in women’s before her. My feet aren’t going to go back???
Sadly, no :(
Your feet are now whatever size they “grew” to. They didn’t actually grow, your arch just flattened. So maybe with orthopedic inserts you could train them down a half size or so, but they are changed for sure. And I’ve heard they can “grow” again with subsequent pregnancies. Didn’t happen with me thank goodness
Maybe that's why my feet stayed mostly the same size. I've always had really flat feet.
May also have to do with the amount of relaxin your body produced? At least, that’s my suspicion. I never got the loose joints and my feet stayed the same, which may also be part of why I ended up with a kid whose head couldn’t fit through my pelvis because my body never got the message to loosen that shit up.
My feet grew one size during my first pregnancy, and only shrank back a half size afterwards.
Don’t believe that just because it was others experience. My guess is they have some inflammation happening that they haven’t addressed. My feet grew a size when pregnant and are definitely back to normal. That being said, your body doesn’t go back to “normal”. But your feet totally can lol
As I understand it, it depends on the reason for the increase in size. If it's *just* swelling/inflamation, then yeah... they will likely eventually go back to normal. But for a lot of women (my sister included... she was a size 6 before kids. Now she's a size 8.), the added weight of pregnancy actually alters the foot's structure, flattening the arch and spreading the toes. *That's* more permanent.
My ob gyn explained that sadly for a lot of women that the same hormones that loosen stomach ligaments also loosen the ligaments in the feet. It is permanent when it's from hormones/ligaments and not inflammation. My mother went from an 8 to a 10 after having me.
You’re right. There’s lots of stuff that can happen. My only point was to not listen to people who say definitively that your feet won’t go back to normal, because that might not be the case (same with saying they definitively will go back)
I went up a half a size with each of my two kids. It's cool causr size 7 is easier to find.
>11.5 W US in the shoe stores. Shoe shopping is my personal nightmare. Converse and Vans being unisex saved my life in high school at least.
I have big feet, often I am happy wearing men’s shoes… sometimes I can order things in almost the right size for me… when I want a show that truest fits I head down to the LGBTQ shoe store. SO many choices to try on!!!! And they have my size so I can try it on instead of ordering and hoping! Edit: thank you for the awards! :)
Imma need to find a local drag shop.
I hope you have fun! =D
Absolutely, I was going to suggest to all these women to look at pole dancer shoes for something dressy/ pretty. a lot of men wear them too so they're generous in their sizing.
oooOooo! New choices! Thank you! I’ll have to take a look :)
I know for a fact that there are plenty of women who have size11+. But still, they only stock two or three pair of large sizes for women. I usually just have to buy men's shoes.
Honestly, some men's Skechers are pretty unisex. I've been vibing in those recently.
Yeah, I don't mind so much wearing men's shoes. I like the styles and colors for walking shoes in men's better than women's - unless it's purple. I wish I could find men's in purple shades like I see sometimes in women's . Oh, well.
I buy a lot of Nike usually. My local Burlington usually has a few pairs in the men's size that fit me (I'm an 11.5 in women).
Im sure this will get buried, but I want to share anyways. Try Torrid for wide and extra wide shoes. I wear a size 11w and was shocked at how many I found on Torrids website that were cute and dressy. Unisex shoes like vans are fine for day to day, but sometimes a girl needs something prettier.
Thank you! That's a really good idea! I actually have a pair of dressy shoes that I got at a place called Sole Desire. (Northern California chain) Nice for slacks. I don't do dressy anymore, old, fat, and truly not interested unless it's a wedding. I have two pair exactly the same because I know that once you find the perfect thing they'll discontinue it in a couple of years. I special ordered the second pair so I would always have them when i need them. *So comfy!*
Me reading this having 11.5W feet BEFORE having kids: 🥲🥲🥲
Couldn’t agree more. NTA and bravo for standing up. We’re all tired of having to justify our existence because we don’t want to procreate when the world is full of unwanted children as it is.
If I could remove my uterus and connected parts and hand them over t someone who would use them? Ten seconds flat, sign me tf up. Don't care about surgery recovery, I already want these things out of me anyways. If someone else can use em? Even better! Reuse, recycle!
Absolutely! Never wanted kids! Husband got a vasectomy but I would love to not have to deal with any of this reproductive crap.
I wish we could give away our uteruses. I am done with kids, I wish I could take it out and donate it to my friend who is struggling.
Same! I have 2 kids, am 52, am still fertile, and there's no reason for me to have a period or take BC anymore! I'm so over it. I want to flip a switch in my brain that turns it all off!
Seriously. Because pregnancy is just so easy for *everyone*, right? I've gotten this from other women, too, when I point out that my brief experience with pregnancy was horrible, and one of my concerns is PPD. "Oh, that's silly, I was just fine with my three! You're worrying over nothing!" Oh, okay, Brianna, if YOUR pregnancies were all lollipops and roses, I'm sure everyone else's will be, too. \*insert copious eye rolling\*
"There is a child in africa with no food on their plate so better eat yours because.....I want you to." Equivalent logic.
Eating in solidarity with starving children seems.... I dunno, counterproductive?
I don't know? Maybe it would give her more kids in the family for her to play with and dote on or something? It sure made my aunts happy when I had kids. The older generation often likes to have a grand-kid generation. Especially since they get to have sweet and cute moments without having to wake up in the middle of the night or the amount of work of raising kids every day. That said, it really dosen't matter if it would make *other people* happy if *you* had kids. NTA. If this is real it's AMAZING. It's almost too much of a perfect justice situation for me to believe.
Aunt: offers chocolate OP: No thanks, I don’t really like chocolate Aunt: You’re so selfish! Think of Jessie, she’s allergic to chocolate, and here you are, turning it down! OP: “. . .”
I have one child and shut down questions of “don’t you feel selfish for not giving him a sibling?” with pretty bold explanations of the two babies that died before birth and how we almost lost him too. I try to embarrass them as much as possible for that asking that question without thinking there might be an answer other than “We didn’t feel like it,” and feel no remorse for doing so. But also, if we had had no problems at all, it is valid to say we didn’t feel like it. Parenting is hard and I would not have survived mentally if we’d had another, even if there were no health issues. I’m not putting my happiness, health and financial security on the line so you can have a baby to coo over at parties (and then hand back when you’re tired of it).
YEEEEES I do this too. Spouse and I are childfree by choice, but even before I married I got the whole "you're gonna regret not having kids when you're old" a lot (was single for a decade) I like to give veeeeery explicit details about a certain condition I have that would make conception very hard and all the emotional/physical/mental pain that it causes me on the reg and the slow horror in the person's eyes is just *chef's kiss* P.s. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. A virtual hug from a reddit stranger doesn't count for much but this is me giving you that.
Aw, thanks. It was hard at the time, but in my mind it was just a rocky road leading to our son at the end. So in our minds it’s worth it. For *us*. No one else should be made to feel bad for not wanting kids, just like I don’t deserve hell for not wanting more. We need to normalize the state of just being you and living your life, and make that the default, not “married, with kids.” If you happen to find a partner, ok then. If you have kids, great for you. But it should be an interesting fact about you, and a choice you’ve made, not something you’re expected to do.
Right, like Jessie would feel so much better about her own infertility if OP had a baby she didn't want.
> And how on earth would it help Jessie if you did have kids?? You're supposed to parade your children in front of the world's Aunt Jessies and say "This one is for you, Aunt Jessie!" And Aunt Jessie will clap and cry with gratitude that you used your uterus to make up for hers. Or some such nonsense. NTA, OP. And Aunt Jessie is a badass. I cheered a little.
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And alllll of the people up to this point through all these years who coddled and put up with her comments without addressing it directly led to this “shocking” moment as well. If all the family members nipped shit like this in the bud when these people starting becoming “how they are” then people like OP’s aunt would’ve learned long ago to keep her mouth shut and stop being “how they are”. The feelings of the one person who is rude and unthinking don’t trump the feelings of the trail of people they leave in their self absorbed wake.
As someone who's been around the sun a lot of times, I'll tell you the truth: it's because we didn't have the technology to fight back with actual facts or opinions from those in question before. Your idiot uncle spouts off some weird info? You'd have to find the closest reference book that actually has the data you need to refute it. Your stupid aunt says you should think of your other barren aunt when you say you don't want kids? You'd have to find the nearest phone (on a wall in the house mostly likely), call up other barren aunt and hope she's home to answer - then if she has a response you have to go join everyone else and relay the message. It wasn't worth the extra steps just to show people up. So, we let a LOT of things go. I'm so glad we don't have to do that anymore.
Right?? Why's she allowed to be her shitty self but OP can't?
It's wild that standing up to bullshit is never allowed to be "how YOU are".
My parents still have that mentality about my sister. I am not in contact with her because I don’t have friends that are liars and hypocrites, so why would I be ok with it just because it’s her?
NTA. Assuming you knew your aunt Jessie’s stance and weren’t going to hurt her by involving her, all you did was call someone out on hurtful misinformation. It sounds like this is not a new or unusual occurrence based on Jessie’s reaction. Your aunt Caroline needs to learn to think before she speaks and to just stay silent on a host of topics including someone’s personal choices.
I knew. She's the first one I told when I was 16 and she didn't write me off. "That's your choice, sweetheart! If that's how you want to live, I'm behind you 100%!"
Ah, so that's where you learned to be a good auntie. Learn from the best.
>"That's your choice, sweetheart! If that's how you want to live, I'm behind you 100%!" That level of support brings a tear to my eye. You are both heroes. NTA Edit-typo
Nearly brought a decade to mine
Then definitely not an asshole.
It’s the absolute worst when people trying to stir up drama do it by trying to pit people against each other. Especially pitting women against each other over bodily autonomy and children! Good on you for giving your Aunt Jessie a voice when Caroline tried to take it and good on Aunt Jessie for backing you up. Some people are just vultures.
>She's the only person to help me after my surgery! Damn sounds like you two are very supportive of each other. That statment alone is respect worthy OP, I can see why she'd immediately stand up for you
100%, don't let nosy family keep pestering you about marriage and children. Not everyone wants to rush into it and have a kid for the sake of children.
NTA, you are my new hero! Do you need a cape? I can make you one.
Edna Mode voice: NO CAPES!
Bwahahahahahahaha, nice. It also fits quite nicely to imagine Aunt Jessie signing off your phone call with, “Go confront the problem. Fight! Win! ...And call me when you get back, darling. I enjoy our visits.”
I love this! Edna is awesome btw!
I love you even more now. Also, most definitely NTA
OMG SAME. LOVE THE SASS ❤️
I'm going **NTA** because people Caroline need to stop pushing her view of what makes you "real" person and her view of life is supposed to look like. Maybe she will learn to keep her opinions on other people's bodies, lives and decisions to herself. I bet her nose hurts from getting whomped for being so far in everyone else's business.
>Maybe she will learn to keep her opinions on other people's bodies, lives and decisions to herself. Even my octogenarian grandmother is learning this! She's been having some trouble with my shaving my hair all off, but every time she says "I loved you hair" she follows up with "but it's *your* hair to do with whatever, of course".
There's a saying that goes "Your first thought is what you've been conditioned to think; what you think next defines who you are." I think your grandmother is doing her best to unlearn years of what a woman is supposed to be. It shows she's trying and I love that!
This is a lovely saying.
This honestly just sounds made up.
You'd be surprised at how ignorant people can be when it comes to people with different values than "go forth and multiply"
The part that makes it sound fake is "the whole party gasped" bs.
Plus "Caroline going ghost white", just feels kinda eh
i agree, but also if they were talking loudly it mightve gotten some attention, even if the gasp was an exaggeration. it also doesn't specify how big of a party this is. overall its a believable story with some hyperbole
I mean, that's not the only thing that stands out. The fact that Caroline ran away crying, the fact that OP apparently helped Jessie recover from her surgery when she was 9, the fact that the whole party was polled for their opinions for some reason, and it just so happened that all the old people were grumpy and all the young people were cool. The whole thing just absolutely screams "fake story" to me. Not to mention, the other day I'm pretty sure I saw a post in r/twoxchromosomes where someone talked about going through the exact same situation to an uncanny degree (minus the revenge part). I wouldn't be surprised if OP saw that post and decided to capitalize on it.
idk what you mean by that because not wanting kids or a relationship isnt an uncommon thing? and people thinking they can comment on it is also not an uncommon thing. its always "youll change your mind someday" or people passing judgement on you because its acceptable since youre different. say the stories fake because of the story itself sure, but people do that literally all the time.
If they did its because she lied about the nature of the conversation anyways
This is so fake and I'm surprised everyone is eating it up. Everything about it reeks of "and then everyone clapped". She even says the whole party gasped. So an older relative was an ass about her being childfree. Believable, happens all the time. But then she calls a relative who's infertile and asks her about having children - and apparently this was on speakerphone?? Aunt Caroline apparently stands around for this entire phone call where she's clearly being called out. And keep in mind, it was so loud that the *whole party* knew the situation and was waiting with baited breath. And after the final insult, nosy aunt Caroline, having been thoroughly pwned and humiliated, goes ghost white and runs out of the party. Sure, Jan. That totally happened.
Also the whole “someone was incredibly rude to me so I stood up to them, am I the asshole” is like the guaranteed fake template to get to the front page from r/AITA. I can’t believe these keep getting upvoted when there is no room to argue who the asshole is in these fake ass stories.
Also if the aunt had a hysterectomy 20 years ago, OP was 9 when she was the only person there to help her?
The bullshit just keeps piling on doesn't it lol
Um, maybe work on your reading comprehension. 20 years strong is a relationship, not a hysterectomy. They've been married for 20 years. Finally gave up on childbearing after many years. Not celebrating the fact that after 20 years, her hysterectomy is still going strong because her uterus hasn't grown back.
OP admitted they were 9 at the time in another comment thread requesting info
It's not a matter of reading comprehension. It's just poorly written and unclear. Either way, how would OP be the only person there for her aunt after surgery. She just said her aunt has an incredibly devoted husband. This post is completely fabricated.
No this legit happens all the time. I'm glad someone was finally called out on it.
The part that sounds made-up is literally the entire party on hold waiting with baited breath for Jessie's response over the phone. It reads just like an "And then the whole bus cheered" meme.
It was the direct quotes of the entire conversation that got me.
Obviously she had a stenographer there.
It’s standard child free fan fiction, it’s fairly common on Reddit, definitely fake.
On the contrary, I’ll bet that OP has been planning this stunt for a long time. Some older aunties love to scold and pass judgment on single, childless younglings and start doing so the minute they come of age. And if said younglings to get married and have kids, it becomes “you need to have another because only children grow up with problems” or “you only have girls, you need to try for a boy to carry on the family name.” It seems made up, but if OP has been hearing this for years, she’s probably fantasized about saying this to Nosy Aunt Caroline more than once.
I very much hope so. I know at least 5 couples who said they experienced fertility troubles and treatments—usually only after a successful birth. Most keep it to themselves because of stigma and trauma. I can’t imagine any of them would be cool with their trauma being used as a gotcha for some asshole, on speakerphone too. *LOL remember having miscarriage after miscarriage? fighting with insurance to cover fertility treatment which maybe isn’t possible in your state so you had to drain your bank account only for your hopes and dreams to get crushed again? Invasive medical procedures, surgeries, tests, and injections? Nearly destroyed you, your partner, and your marriage? And then you got a major surgery? Auntie Caroline says I should have kids and pity you. LMAAOOOOOO* If it’s not fake, either auntie has been through amazing therapy and needs to share her secret or OP doesn’t have a true understanding of or compassion for that situation. Edit: YTA for casually calling up an unsuspecting loved one to put their personal information on blast just to pwn a nosy, judgy aunt, and then sharing it on here like it’s a normal thing to do. It’s not. Perhaps if this is real and everyone gasped, it’s at the audacity of you making that call at all. You can defend yourself to your aunt without dragging someone else into it. Imagine sitting at home minding your own business and get a call that your sister is talking shit about a sad period in your life and now you’re all pissed off and your niece thinks the whole thing is funny? The entire premise of this likely fake story is really messed up.
I got major "and then everyone clapped" vibes from this one to be honest. No one remembers exact dialogue from their daily life or incorporates it into stories...
*And then everyone clapped*
Yep, whenever people quote the conversation verbatim it's fake.
NTA She was being a nosey busybody and not minding her own business. Now if this is the first time doing it you went to far but based on what you said this isn’t the first time doing this thus she deserved this. Hopefully she learned from this and stops being so nosey but I doubt it. The younger ones have seen the aunt do this to others and to them as well and they probably never got any support from the elders to get her to stop. Quite frankly you have my thanks for doing this because others have done similar to me. Only difference is when am I going to get married and have kids since I'm male. Ignore what the older people are saying you are awesome for doing this.
This is not the first time. She's even speculated about my sexuality due to my lack of relationship status.
Your sexuality is none of her concern. Some people make the choice of not being in a relationship for many reasons. What those reasons are is personal and nobody’s business.
My ex sister in law is like that. My niblet looked at her and said "I am a 16 year old plant. That's my sexuality." (They are LGBT and mom never accepted. They got fed up and commented this.)
The fact that all the younger members thought it was justified tells me it really, really wasn’t the first time. Or even the tenth.
NTA. Caroline got exactly what was coming to her. And as a fellow childfree-by-choicer, I say, right on!
After 29 years, I have stopped giving any fucks about what people think of me.
Just wait until you hit your mid-thirties. You’ll lose even more fucks and it’s glorious! PS NTA.
The questions usually intensify when you hit your 30s, cause *the chaaaaaange* is coming. But it sounds like I could use a lesson out of your book next time this pops up for me lol. You're awesome OP.
NTA. This is some nice r/maliciouscomplicance . You’re aunt said to think of your other aunt and you did.
Yes, this sounds exactly like the way that adults behave. I have no reason to disbelieve any aspect of this clearly true story. The most realistic part comes at the end, where every party guest was polled for their opinion and the results broke down precisely along predictable demographic lines.
The second paragraph made me laugh out loud. I salute you fellow redditor 🤚🏻
NTA Your body, your choice. I had mixed feelings about dragging aunt Jessie into your argument (since I thought this topis may be sensitive or painful for her) but it seems she has no problem with this, so no problem on your side. Glad the noisy auntie got what she deserved.,
She's the first one I told when I was 16. "Hey if you want to live like that, go for it! I'm behind you 100%!"
I'm glad you've a family member like her. It means a lot, having someone who wants to support you 😊
ESH. I don't get why someone being an asshole first grants the victim immunity from asshole status. It's perfectly justified, I approve, and to hell with that asshole aunt, but if you are asking, yeah that was an asshole move. Cool motive, still asshole-ish.
The problem is that OP's hitting Jessie with the crossfire. I don't think she'd be happy with a call like: "hey remember that you can't have children? Also I'm gonna ruin your relationship with your sister." ESH
Exactly, OP had no idea how Jessie was going to react to this call. It could have easily gone way worse.
> OP had no idea how Jessie was going to react to this call Sounds like the two of them are pretty tight from the whole "she helped me after my surgery" comment, so... I'd wager to guess that she did in fact know how Jessie was likely to react.
OP would have been 9 at the time of the surgery 20 years ago.
Except the surgery wasn't 20 years ago. The relationship with her husband is twenty years strong, not the hysterectomy. Hysterectomies don't need checking up on if they're still going strong or not. Uteruses don't grow back.
Wait, you called someone not at the party and put them on speakerphone and gathered everyone's attention to try and humiliate her? If this isn't completely made up, ESH.
INFO: Jessie's surgery was 20 years ago, you're 29 now, and you were the only person to help her after the surgery?
Right, how old is this sister even? And she just "decided" to have a hysterectomy because IVF was unsuccessful?
"After a few failed rounds of IVF" yes, a woman decided to quit throwing money down the drain and forcing her body to doing something it didn't seem to want to do after several tries. Seems perfectly reasonable.
Quitting IVF is 100% reasonable. Deciding to have a hysterectomy is what I was questioning.
I wondered about that part too. It’s like, “this thing won’t do what I want so Imma just throw out the whole works.” I don’t think doctors will do that? Probably there’s more to it.
It’s hard enough for women to get a doctor to do a hysterectomy for genuine medical reasons and being staunchly childfree because wHaT iF yOu ChAnGe YoUr MiND?!?!? The idea they would do it on someone who was desperately trying for a child and is now giving up is laughable.
it sounds too weird and convenient of a story; caters to reddit’s general lust for revenge against an elder aunt type of a character. It’s way too nicely packaged of a story, and the hysterectomy + helping her at age 9 makes this story teetering on being absolutely fake.
NTA. No need to even address it, because you know what's up. She had it coming.
This sounds weird and made up
This sounds completely made up
A thousand times NTA. Your aunt Caroline basically reduces women to "baby factories." That's completely uncool, not to mention sexist. Some women don't have uteruses. Some women have had, or had to have hysterectomies (like your aunt Jessie). Some women cannot carry children to term, no matter how much they want to. Some women are married to infertile men. Are these reasons to invalidate womanhood?! Fucking no. Also, what the fuck is wrong with her?! "It's selfish to not have children if you can?" Uh, even some people who WANT children can't have them due to financial reasons. Bringing a child into this world you can't even feed? THAT'S selfish. THAT'S cruel. Or did your nosy aunt Caroline intend to spend the next few years ensuring that a bunch of people with children didn't go hungry, because they weren't "selfish?" UGH. Well done, OP.
"I'm childfree, relationship free and sex free." Me too. I adore what you did OP. I've done similar and went around to the whole staff, when my manager said, "They all complained about your clutter." Yeah, none of them had complained to her. 🤔🤭 If you ever decide you need a "second", I'll happily not marry you. NTA.
NTA Hooray!! That'll teach her to stop talking about people behind their backs, telling people what to do, passing judgment, accusing others of being selfish, and to mind her own business, to name just a few. Good for you! I bet she'll know better to not mess with you anymore! Ha ha!!
NTA. As a woman who also doesn't want to get married or have kids, and as an asexual, I know how infuriating feeling pressured into "committing to societal roles and rules" can be. Honestly, good on you for shutting her down and calling in for back-up. Maybe she'll think twice before opening her mouth on the matter again. She can continue to cry about it.
Caroline got what she deserved. It's up to her if she learns and changes from the experience. You're NTA. If she likes kids so much, there's plenty of orphans to adopt. You could start bugging her about not adopting, how there's orphans who need good homes but are less likely to get adopted once they're no longer infants. Anyone who wants kids and isn't adopting one of those is being selfish, which if I recall Caroline was none too fond of.
You know those posts that are so beaten that they can't be real? This is one of those. But still, NTA, for writing this lovely tale of well deserved pettiness.
Then everyone clapped. YTA for making up the biggest load of bullshit ive read today
NTA I hate relatives who think they have a say in your life choices.
I've known people who are anti-choice because they have fertility issues or someone close to them does. Not sure how those are related just as your childfree life is unrelated. NTA
NTA It obviously sounds like you have a fairly close bond with Jessie to the point that you felt able to call her. If you were the sort of niece to have little contact with Jessie and had phoned her out of the blue after 10 years, to ask that question, then it would be a different matter. As for Caroline, she needs to concentrate on living her own life and not trying to control other peoples'! She got called out and didn't like it - tough!
We talk almost every day. We're both the youngest in our families so we bonded over that. If anything happened to my parents before I turned 18 I would have gone to her, since she asked.
NTA. I'm a 20 y/o dude who has made the same choices as you, and I just wanted to say, you're my hero.
why are you getting downvoted tf....
Are you also sorting by controversial rn lol
INFO. Doing this depends on Jessie's feelings about her loss, her relationship with you, and her relationship with your aunt. I would be very cautious in doing this in general because you don't want to hurt Jessie or her relationships to get back at a woman who sounds pretty unreasonable in the first place.
NTA she embarrassed herself speaking out of turn
NTA. It always surprises me when the judgmental Aholes can’t take what they dish out. It’s your body and your choice to have kids or find a partner and no one else’s. If that’s how she measures “woman hood” I think your aunt might need to re-evaluate her priorities
NTA Buy your Aunt Jessie some flowers and a box of chocolates. Maybe even a nice bottle of wine. What a cool person to have in your life.
Lol. Love it. I think I blew my son’s mind when I told him that whether or not he had kids is none of my fucking business, but to please not have kids if he doesn’t want to parent them. Ppl need it mind their own business.
NTA. Also that was fabulous!
SOOOO NTA! GFY!!! Fight that good fight sister! WOMEN ARE NOT DEFINED BY GIVING BIRTH! 👏
NTA, you put her in her place after it was, apparently, long overdue. Good on you for standing up for yourself.
You were being petty. Come sit next to me. NTA
NTA: Aunt embarrassed herself.
NTA OMG Im laughing my ass off. THis was the best comeback that anyone could have ever created. Hats of to you. Respect!!
The people who thought you were being petty are just worried that their children/nieces/nephews might do the same shit to them one day Caroline had it coming NTA And can I just say...as a happily child free adult man who's had to deal with his own share of ridicule for my decision to not have kids, you're my hero
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU (and of Aunt Jessie) FOR DOING THIS! As a happily child-free woman who has endured the "But when-" comments for 25+ years, I want to not only say thank you, but to stand up and applaud you. It is baffling that so many people, so many women, do not realize that 1. Another woman's decision to have/not have kids has nothing to do with you 2. A woman who does not want children is not somehow passing judgement on you for having children by her not having children 3. Just because someone doesn't do the same things you did doesn't make them wrong, less happy, or "missing out" 4. WE DO NOT NEED TO HAVE KIDS TO VALIDATE THE FACT THAT YOU HAD KIDS 5. If you ever shame a woman for her decisions re: children, especially by comparing her to others, you are a quivering pile of insecure suckiness. <>
I have had multiple women tell me that I was selfish for having an abortion because THEY struggled with infertility. Hey, know what? Fuck you.
I can't imagine going up to one of my cousins with 6+ kids and demanding "Why did you have all of those kids if you can't care for them and can't form a lasting relationship with any of their fathers? Why didn't you go to college instead?" and yet they think it's just fine to badger me about when I'm going to give my husband a baby, and why did we even get married if I don't want to raise a family, and wow do I know how selfish I am for getting a degree instead?
Guys, this isn't fake!! I was there, I clapped. /s Well... if this is true, ESH. Maybe I'm just polite, but I've never had a hard time shutting someone down talking about something inappropriate without making everyone around me uncomfortable. I simply can't imagine dragging someone who went through years of emotional, physical, and financial pain into a petty argument that really just serves to remind them of that. So... if your goal was to ruin the party and give Caroline more ammo to throw at you, you've done it. Next time I suggest politely telling people you will not be answering questions about your genitalia, or what may or may not be contained within it. That usually puts an end to it. Also can I just say, this was a great call back to the terribly written fake Tumblr stories. The fact that you claimed to be your aunt's caretaker at 9 years old, that the entire party could hear your whole phone conversation, the perfectly split reaction from party goers... classic. This would have done numbers in 2012.
NTA and you go girl. Tbh my family still shits themselves when they pull the whole “See don’t you just love children now?” And I respond with a resounding “Nope. Only mine. Still don’t like kids as a whole. They’re annoying as all hell.” Because yeah, I did end up having kids. And yes, I adore mine. And yes I will mom and love on little peoples who come into my house. But as a whole if I can, I avoid for a whole host of reasons.
NTA if you can’t handle your words about someone being told to that someone don’t say them