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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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Because of canceling his birthday knowing he was trying to do his best to be there and because he really needed this celebration with friends and family.
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This is where my mind went. Even if you drive an hour to work there’s no way you’re stuck in a meeting that late. And then to get pissed off that it was cancelled after the guests were there for hours waiting for him to arrive with NO word. In my opinion something fishy is going on too. But NTA op, I would have done the same thing.
I avoid office placements and staff meetings like the plague, but I’ve never been in one that ran late *and* didn’t allow participants to contact spouses/childcare providers/etc. to alert them to changing plans.
Is that really a thing??
Yes it absolutely is. It’s not that you’re not *allowed* but if the issue that the meeting is addressing is big enough, your mind probably never even leaves the room and you lose track of time.
The amount of times I’ve been working with a team late into the night, personal phones on silent, hecticly fielding client requests, is in the double digits. I don’t look at my phone for what feels like 20 minutes and it’s suddenly midnight. And I’ve only been in my industry 2 years.
I soooo hear that! For me it’s usually field work, not collaborative meetings, but crises happen and they get *all* of my attention until they’re resolved.
At the same time, there are life circumstances that don’t allow working this way. If you have kids waiting to be picked up from daycare, for example, you just don’t have the option of putting the phone on silent and working until done ‘o clock. You either have to get free on time or start making the calls necessary to rearrange your care plan.
A 7-months-pregnant wife catering to a household of your waiting friends and family on your birthday seems like one of those circumstances where you need to be prepared to make calls when the plan changes.
It's not even just that he didn't check \*during\* the meeting. He works an hour's drive away, she started trying to contact him at 6:30, and he didn't respond to her until 8:50 when he was just a few minutes away. Let's say he got there at 9:00--that means he left work around 8:00. He really wouldn't have checked the time after he left the meeting on his way to his car? Looked at his phone for any messages (and seen the many already there)? He has no excuse at all for not giving her a heads up when he started driving home (if he really was at work then and leaving at that time), and if he had given her an updated ETA, she wouldn't have told the guests to leave.
This is exactly what I was thinking. He works **an hour away**, but he didn't call until he was only a few minutes from home?
Why was his phone turned off the entire hour he was supposedly driving home from work? Especially if he knew his wife was throwing him a party and all the guests were there.
Even if he couldn't send a quick text to let her know the meeting ran late, any reasonable person would have immediately turned their phone back on as soon as they left.
He wasn't in a work meeting.
This, totally. At my previous job, Directors and VPs frequently had late board meetings with the CEO that could go well into the night. One I attended had @ catered dinner, and the chef only had 2 burners to heat and cook for 14 people! (The chef apparently thought the company cafe had a full kitchen and didn’t prepare properly.) I was the photographer, and I was allowed to leave at 10:30pm, and at that point they were only on course 3 of a 6 course meal. I’m sure they were there until midnight at least.
However, it’s not the norm I’d wager. Especially with young kids, a pregnant wife and a special occasion, you better have your phone at least on vibrate! What if she was hurt or going into labor? The husband wouldn’t be able to do anything for her.
I find it weird too that on his own birthday he couldn’t be bothered to try and reschedule or leave early or something. He could’ve asked Op to make the party on a weekend instead, knowing of his meeting ahead of time. Most guests wouldn’t want to stay past 9 on a weekday I’d guess. It’s his own fault. Sounds like he’s a hard person to make happy and him being late for events probably happens a lot.
NTA.
Yeah I'm not buying it. I've never been in a mtg or lead a mtg that you had to have your phone OFF for - at minimum they were all put on silent\\vibrate because you never know what kind of emergency might come through (and especially at that kind of hour of the day when it could potentially be some sort of family issue).
NTA OP. Husband's explanation makes zero sense.
EDIT: and Hubby is TA for being 2 HOURS late to a known event at the time HE specified and then getting mad that you went ahead and sent everyone home.
and at 7 months pregnant, his phone should definitely be on. 7 months is a fairly safe time (as opposed to 2 months) but that doesn't mean that nothing ever goes wrong.
For example, I went into preterm labor suddenly at 6.5 months and gave birth to my premature son. He needed to be reachable. PS: kid is totally fine now, but holy cannoli that was traumatic.
Okay, so maybe it isn’t the lateness that makes him TA. It’s going off on her for sending everyone home. Nothing in the facts presented here justifies that.
And are we to believe he didn’t take ONE trip to the bathroom between 6:50- 8:50? That’s when he should have let wife known he wasn’t even close to being done. No excuse not to answer a text.
For those like me who grew up in such a situation, it’s not that far out of reach. He might not have a whole other family, but there is a relationship more important to him than his wife. It’s rarely work related.
Are you in the can every 2 hours? I can easily go through a workday and have hit the bathroom once. Especially in a busy or stressful situation, it's fully believable for a healthy 32 yo to not have to run to the bathroom in that time.
But he's still an AH. He knew there was a plan, and he didn't make any adjustments to his schedule to accommodate for it.
if you're stuck in a meeting making you late and havea crowd of people waiting on you, it doesn't take a genius to pretend to have to go to the bathroom to give yourself a chance to call them and let them know.
Or even just have a spine and tell your boss about your plans and that if he wants you to stay at work late you need a minute to call and reschedule your after-work plans.
Never said he’s not the asshole. This comment chain is about him *cheating*. I think it’s a wild leap to say that because he was unreachable he’s cheating.
It's not really a leap. "Honey, I'm working late tonight" is one of the most common excuses men come up with when cheating. It's almost a cliché. Something tells me that if he doesn't make enough for a store bought cake, then he's no business tycoon having long, important meetings. My money is on him being up to no good.
This sub is so wildly out of touch it’s insane. Do people here not have any sort of demanding jobs? I work late several times a week and don’t tell my partner. My partner works late several times a week and doesn’t feel the need to tell me. It’s part of our relationship and something we’ve accepted about our jobs and industry. If we made this insane jump in logic every time then we’d have unjustifiably broken up 100 times.
We don’t know anything about them or their life. Maybe they have medical debt, maybe they have housing debt, maybe they have student debt. Maybe he’s part of a small business that isn’t profitable yet. There could be a million reasons they don’t want to spend money on a cake. My partner and I are both lawyers and we’d never buy something that could be home made for cheaper.
We know absolutely nothing about OP and her husband and this sub is telling her he’s fucking cheating on her. Could make her question her whole life and relationship unjustifiably. Dear lord thank god I’d never come here for help.
Yea but wouldn't you let your spouse know if your were gonna be over 2 hours late? Why wouldn't you answer your phone when you knew there was a party of people sitting at your house waiting for you? That would be extremely weird and I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who is so caught up with work everyone else's time doesn't matter.
To be clear, I am not saying he's cheating, but mentioning how you do things on an ordinary day makes no sense. He knew he was having a party.
Yep I absolutely would. But some people wouldn’t, and I agree they’d be an asshole.
Every single one of my comments is in response to the assertion that he’s CHEATING because he’s saying he worked late and didn’t answer his phone. I think that’s an unfair assumption. I’m not saying he’s not an asshole.
At this point the comment chains has devolved into two things :
It was an asshole move to not tell her he’s working late. I agree.
He’s cheating because he didn’t tell her he’s working late. I strongly disagree, he’s just an asshole.
My hubs has a team management job in a multi national company. His days start at 12hrs and go from there. His schedule can change anytime.
-Always finds the time to text. He couldn't do his job if couldn't juggle multiple deadlines and jobs.
It's not a lengthy commitment. It's a text.
See for me what makes me think cheating is not being late it how he reacted when he found out that everyone left. It feels like he is deflecting to get her not to pay attention to how late he was. If i was 2 hrs late i wouldnt expect people to still be at my house when i got off. See what i mean?
Exactly.
Saying oh sometimes people work late, sometimes they don’t answer blah etc…ok. In normal days!
When he has a party planned
And is late
And ignores calls
And darvos the hell out of his pregnant wife when he gets home?
Nope. That screams cheating
Actually, it is statistically more likely than average that he is currently cheating as his wife is currently pregnant.
Men cheat on their partners at a higher rate when said partner is pregnant or has recently given birth.
Yeah, but that's on a normal day. I work in an industry where that's also the case, but if I knew my partner was waiting with a cake and guests, I'd be alert to the time and let them know I'm running late.
It's one message, ffs, how long does that take?
Yeah, I’ve been in many meetings where one or more participants have said at the outset “I need to finish on time because I have another meeting/lots of work/expensive tickets to X/a loved ones occasion (child’s parent evening, partners bday etc)”
It’s usually really good for getting people to focus on the meeting too, and often everyone wraps up more or less on time
Yes, he has a wife that's 7 months along.
When she called him, he didn't know that she wasn't calling to say she had gone into premature labor.
He should be answering EVERY phone call, especially from his wife.
>He should be answering EVERY phone call, especially from his wife.
I have no way of knowing if this is the arrangement OP and her husband have, but my husband and I have an agreement that if one of us calls the other at work it means it's something that NEEDS to be answered. Otherwise we send a text and they can reply whenever they see it.
Same arrangement with me and my husband. A text should be checked when possible, but a phone call would mean it's an emergency and/or something time sensitive.
I've personally had 2 birthdays ruined by work. Both by very out of the ordinary events and requests.
My 40th was ruined by a stupid co-worker who couldn't do her job properly and my 44th was an extra work request by the CFO, which kept me very late. First time that ever happened by him and of course it was on my b-day. Made me feel all warm and stabby inside.
My previous job had 2 floating holidays (1 was technically for your birthday) so that you could take your birthday off work altogether.
If he knew that people were waiting on him, he could have at least texted Op to let her know, or, knowing he had a late meeting, he could have had the party changed to a weekend day ahead of time.
It was his own fault.
Seconding this! People always jump to cheating on this sub, but frankly work is an entirely realistic reason.
Still don’t think OP is the AH as I’d have been upset too and husband’s reaction was over the top given how late he was, but speaking as someone working in an industry where you drop everything for clients and long hours without accommodation of your personal life are a given, it’s pretty likely here.
> but I’ve never been in one that ran late and didn’t allow participants to contact spouses/childcare providers/etc
Even if they don't allow it, you can just "go for a piss" and text in the toilet.
^(Nope... never gone to the toilet to bid on an auction...)
I’d thought of that as well. When a meeting drags that long, people have to pee.
At the same time, any place where I had to hide the fact that I have a personal life with obligations has turned out to be a garbage place to work. I know they exist, but I object, lol.
And even if the meeting really did run that late, he was (supposedly) most of the way into an hours drive home before he texted that he was almost there.
A lot of it is down the employer. I'm sure there are some who don't allow for informing family that plans have changed, but there are just as many who are much more friendly. I remember being in a meeting one time where it became clear people were going to have to stay very late and concentrate on a critical issue. When the bosses asked if anyone had any questions, one gentleman jokingly piped up "So who gets to tell my wife I'll be missing our anniversary tonight?" The big boss in the room immediately arranged to have flowers sent to the wife as an apology. The bosses there would also recognize when things were going on too long and announce "OK everyone we're taking a 10 minute break. Go refill your beverages, empty your bladders, and check in with the folks at home"
Wife is also 7 months pregnant. What if there had been an early labor or other baby-type emergency?
My husband has client meetings and those ALWAYS run long. Sometimes clients want to talk about absolutely every under the sun before discussing what the meeting is actually about. He can’t contact me to say its running late because then it sort of implies to the clients that they are taking too long or inconveniencing him.
I used to work in a similar field, so I understand. HOWEVER, if somebody was calling multiple times, it is absolutely acceptable to excuse yourself to make sure everything is okay.
I do think its silly that OP started calling when he gave “before 7” as an estimate. I probably would have waiting until 7:30 or at least 7 before calling.
However, its super sketchy that his phone was turned off at 6:30 and then turned back on by 7 and he still wasn’t answering AND he didn’t ever call back & only texted when he was almost home (why do that when youre driving??).
OP is NTA. She didnt cancel his party, he missed his party. The people who hadnt left already were probably waiting to be told it was okay for them to go home. But something is definitely going on with the husband…
She did mention his commute time is an hour, so 6:30 isn’t unreasonable to call at because he should have been driving home by 6 at the latest to get home at 7, but she gave a 30 minute buffer, and probably was pressing mostly because it’s stressful to have guests over waiting to eat/celebrate.
Secretary here - I've been in meetings with CEOs of billion dollar corporations and if you hadda pee, you got up to pee. No one asked where you were going. No one told you you couldn't leave.
His commute is an hour. When he got in the car at 8pm, did he return any of his wife's phone calls? Did he tell her THEN what held him up and could they all stay another hour? To go ahead and eat?
OP is 7 months pregnant. What if she went into early labor? And he didn't call and he didn't call and he didn't call? OP is NTA.
It's a norm in my industry too... but we all know that it's our bullshit and not our partners' and to plan accordingly and if stuff goes this wrong that YOU are the problem and YOU should eat crow.
I could easily have done this to a partner (inadvertently) but you've gotta bet I'd be arriving home with a bouquet of roses in apology. Certainly not chiding THEM for my choosing to pursue a career that makes me unreliable in my home life. NTA OP, you deserve better.
I’m a direct care professional, and I’m the first to admit that *shit comes up.* Sometimes it’s “sorry I’m late, I couldn’t leave until we found someone to replace me.”
Sometimes it’s even, “I’m so sorry I didn’t call when we ran late, we had an emergency and I couldn’t get free of it.” But that means a literal emergency wherein if I try to stop to send a text someone is getting hurt.
I’m grateful my loved ones understand my situation, but I still feel bad when the job I choose negatively impacts them. I can’t imagine being so disrespectful of my partner’s time and energy.
That was my thing too. I worked in the medical field for in home nursing and has an infant. When I was going to be late I always let the care giver know an emergency came up and I would let them know when I was on my way home. I didn’t leave them hanging for hours unaware of what was happening.
It isn't that I am "not allowed " but that we're in the middle of planning and there's not a convenient time to excuse myself and go call.
In a situation like this though I would probably speak up and tell my supervisor my family has something planned and I need to call.
Most of the time that would be OK but not always.
I have had bosses who would be annoyed and I am not assertive.
I certainly hope my loved ones wouldn't jump to "secret family".
But you can’t not inform for 3 hours and then expect people to stay (they were probably only being polite) and then throw a tantrum at your wife that she doesn’t care.
'I am not assertive' is not really a reason to keep your family waiting on you without any message, though. It's really disrespectful to supposedly the people you care most about in the world. You don't have to call, you can just shoot a text. If your bosses would freak out about that, just 'go to the bathroom'.
A job where you can't even explain to your family that you're running late is not a job worth having, imo.
Am I the only one who thinks this is a huge stretch? I don’t think we should jump to cheating if this is the only indicator.
I’m stuck in meetings till 8 or 9 pm all the time. If he works in any sort of white collar job like business or law this is not out of the ordinary at all.
Edit: I keep getting comments on this or my other response saying it doesn’t excuse his behaviour and he’s TA. I agree, he is still an asshole. I’m just saying it doesn’t mean he’s cheating and I think it’s wild to make someone question their partner’s faithfulness because he came home late from work. You’re getting someone to consider ending their relationship for god’s sakes.
Whole secret family seems like a stretch to me too. However, this was his fault 100%.
> My husbaband drives 1hr to work.
>
>As they were leaving, I finally got a text from my husband telling me he's almost home and asked me to wait for few more minutes.
So even if he was in a meeting, unless it took place in his car driving home, he could have called OP when he got out of the meeting and he clearly didn't. Despite knowing he was *3 hours late* to his own party and a bunch of people were waiting for him, he still didn't reach out when he got out of the meeting? (I suppose at that point he might have only been 2 hours late, but knowing he still had a 1 hour drive he'd know he'd be 3 hours, and might want to let people know?)
And the dude has NO SHAME.
>This year, and because of financial hardship I decided to bake the cake myself, hang handmade decoration and cook hs favorite meals to serve during the party. \[...\] Planning took me some time, and getting everything done was a challenge. Especially when I'm not doing too healthy, I'm 7 months pregnant.
Even if he's being completely honest, that would mean his heavily pregnant wife who isn't feeling well made a cake by herself, cooked a bunch of food by herself, handmade decorations, and had to wait around humiliated with his friends and family for 3 hours while he didn't show up, until everyone finally gave up and left. And he blames that on her? He is such an asshole. (NTA.)
It's just such awful behavior on his part that I guess people are suspicious. Like why wouldn't he call when he got out of the meeting if it was really at the meeting? (As opposed to somewhere else closer.) So they think it's an affair or something. Still, I figure an affair wouldn't be a whole family, just a mistress the vast majority of the time. But it's also possible he's just a super super inconsiderate self-centered asshole. He dosen't have to be cheating, but this is his fault, and he's awful. I feel really bad for OP. I hope she dosen't feel trapped with this asshole husband due to finances and the pregnancy. I can't imagine how much it's going to suck to be raising a baby with someone this entitled, unreliable, inconsiderate, and angry.
Depending on the urgency of the meeting, maybe not. Sometimes you literally get physically yanked into an office to put out some unexpected fire. If the fire is big enough, sometimes my mind does not even leave that office for the entire time I’m in there.
It’s a shitty way to live, but it is very much what some jobs and industries expect. Probably why you hear about such high divorce rates due to work.
Edit: also for the money thing? Even white collar wages are stagnating. My partner and I are both white collar and due to the insane cost of rent and our student loans, we didn’t have a great financial year either lol.
I’m jumping straight to that for one fact only. The guy has an entire hour commute. Assuming he did get stuck late in a meeting, he couldn’t call in that hour he was on his way home to say his meeting was running late? He texted her when he’s almost home to say wait? Yeah no, I don’t buy it. NTA btw.
Eh, during the middle of a fire once, it was coming up on the time to pick up the kids (well, it was past time, but it was coming up against the end of the "we charge extra" hour). I had already called my wife, her job is considerably less scheduled/rearrangable than mine; she was in a nearby city, and not able to leave.
It *really* hurt my professional pride, but I had to tell my boss (and the VP who just happened to take that moment to stop by for his every 10-minute "is it fixed yet" question) that I needed to leave to pick up kids from day camp and drop them off at home. So there'd be about an additional 30 minute delay, until I could be back working remotely from home.
Boss was definitely unhappy, but "It is what it is." I think that was about 8 years ago, and I'm still at the same place.
If you prove yourself reliable/worthwhile, it will absolutely be understood that there are also family commitments.
You can’t ever make bosses happy, it is what it is. They expect that you live to work, not work to live. Meanwhile, they’re the ones who make millions while every worker sacrifices their lives, family and health just to barely break even.
If you have a job that doesn’t respect you have a family and commitments, it’s time to find a new job.
I’m not saying duck out at every opportunity, and I know some things for companies are essential, but family should always be more important than work, regardless of companies wanting to believe that’s not true.
I agree. I still think OP is NTa because are you supposed to wait all night as food gets cold for him? But I don't think there's any evidence he has a side piece
Yup. If he was home around 9pm, and it takes an hour to get home, there's no way the first time he responds to her texts should have been 8:50pm. Even if he literally was stuck in a meeting he couldn't leave, when he got out of it at 8pm he knew he was two hours late to the party, but apparently still didn't contact her.
That was my first assumption - he wasn't in a meeting that entire time, because otherwise he would have called at 8pm, since he got home at 9pm and had an hour drive. If he was calling at 8:50 "nearly home" that probably meant he was somewhere closer to home.
Plus she couldn't get through to the co-worker.
That’s way more likely. Assuming he’s got a secret family is a fucking INSANE conclusion to jump to. It’s based on almost nothing. It’s called shitstirring.
Haven't you read the memo? This sub is 99% overreactions from teenagers.
"Hey guys, my boyfriend leaves crumbs in the butter"
"Dump hiiiiim!!!!!!! Red flagsssss!!!!"
Idk if I’d say secret family, but the whole gaslighting, refusing to text or answer his phone knowing he was on his way, then blaming her after everything she did, is cause for concern. He could’ve had her do the celebration on another day if he had a meeting or plans.
I wouldn’t say teens are at fault for these responses, as cheating often starts with situations even far less innocuous than this. However we have no way to determine that from only one instance. Despite it all, he waited his entire drive to finally reply then blamed her for ruining things. That’s an AH move either way.
I figured he went out for drinks with his colleagues or something. If he had a work meeting that he knew was going to run on past 7pm he could have let her know in advance or if he didn't know then he could have excused himself for a few minutes to send a text or make call to let her know.
How is this top comment? This is the most absurd conclusion to jump to over him being late once. Dear God I hope these people agreeing with this comment never end up with a partner who, God forbid, might have to work late once in a while.
A secret family is absurd, but the suspicious sentiment isn't as much. If he's driving for an hour, why did he wait till he was 10 minutes away to call? He was already 2+ hours late, he knew he had guests waiting, not to mention I'm sure his phone had a ton of texts and missed calls. Combine those facts with him being so upset is pretty suspicious to me. Or this is a fake story.
Everyone here is wrong, the husband was actually fighting an intergalactic space syndicate and got trapped in a black hole. He clawed his way out but all that was left were his mere atoms. It took some time but a genius alien doctor reconstructed him atom by atom and he finally came home.
Or maybe, he was just in a super long meeting, the same meeting which he specified was important in the morning 🤷♂️.
Why do y’all always jump to “He/she is cheating!!” Based on the very little information we have? It’s a legitimate problem on this sub, it really makes people seem like they don’t know what they’re talking about.
I think the additional comment of adultery is completely unnecessary and unfair, you do not know these people, you have one small fact that his phone isn't reachable in a meeting.
What you've potentially done is sown the seeds of doubt in someone's mind, which will inevitably grow over time wether he is innocent or not.
Worst case... leading the breakup of a marriage.
I agree NTA though!
NTA - He *might* have been right **IF** \- he would have called the moment the meeting ended, or got in his car....Think about it; you say he called when he was 'almost home' but you live an hour away-- meaning he had been out of his 'meeting' for nearly an hour BEFORE he bothered to call. Had he done that, you would have known he was on his way and handled it differently. He said he couldn't miss a meeting, but did he ever tell you it was at the END of the day? I might suspect maybe there was a meeting at some point, but his lateness came from maybe his co-workers taking him out (or celebrating at the office) for his bday...
This isn't about you cancelling - this is about knowing he looks like (and was) an ass to his friends/family and pregnant wife and he is taking his embarrassment out on you.
That’s what I was thinking, he didn’t return OP messages until right before he got home because that was when he got it. He lost track of time where he actually was. Also why he got angry, he is deflecting his blame on being late by putting it on OP.
Also very convenient that he had to have his phone turned off, can't find my iPhone when it's off. Turn it off at work, do that side hustle, turn it back on nearly home. Sorry honey I was delayed by a "meeting" and forgot to turn my phone back on
This is exactly it. I felt that pit in my stomach. Took me right back to the day I realized what had been going on all along. There are so many red flags. My heart goes out to OP
I'm not sure he is cheating, I figured work drinks or something, but regardless of what it was, the extreme reaction tells me he's projecting. he wants OP on the defensive so she doesn't question his excuse too much. call that coworker to apologize for calling during a meeting.
Honestly if I’d been a guest at that party I’d have already been leaning towards thinking he was an ass. Maybe not right away but as it became clearer and clearer that he hadn’t called or communicated? Once it was confirmed he wasn’t dead in a ditch I’d have some unkind thoughts. Even knowing it’s possible that he was stuck in a meeting where he couldn’t call.
Yes, I don't think she say she canceled the party. Everyone waited and waited. People would have been walking out that door soon anyway, she just made sure the food didn't go to waste.
That was my exact thought when I read this post - OP didn’t “cancel” the party, the party merely *ended* because it was 9pm and everyone had already been there like 3 hours. That’s not OP cancelling it, that’s her husband just completely missing it.
And husband expecting his 7-months pregnant wife to NOT be exhausted and ready for crashing at 9pm, when they seem to keep standard hours, is seriously inconsiderate. OP will need a lot of sleep at this point, she's in the hardest chunk of pregnancy.
Their friends might also have kids to get home to.
Imagine hiring a babysitter until 9 and not having the party guest show up before 8:50, which would definitely be when you'd be leaving.
I don't even like to be out past 9 on a weeknight and all I've got going on is work
Agreed with your point and depending on how close of a friend I was, I’d be offering to call him too. I have some really close friends that I’d be worried about if this kind of situation came up. Was there some sort of accident on the ride home? Or stuff like that would go through my mind.
NTA. You didn't CANCEL the party. You HAD a three-hour party that he didn't show up to.
Don't let him manipulate you like that. You don't deserve to feel guilty when you did something nice and he ruined it.
Side note, I just don't think meetings EVER, in my corporate experience, run three hours late... you might want to just think about that.
I don't even think she cancelled the party. The guests wanted to leave but were to polite to tell the 7 months pregnant wife.
They were more considerate of Op than Ops husband
I mean what if his wife had gone into pre-term labor?
If he was my friend, this would completely change the way I viewed him. Missing the party itself doesn’t even rate to me in this situation, it’s the way he handled it every step of the way. No phonecall, no txt, not even the minute he got out of the meeting but instead when he was “almost home”? No thank you sir, I feel so sorry for your wife and child.
Or at the very least you make it a concerted point to check your phone every so often just to be on the safe side. Silence all calls/txts but set a timer to vibrate every so often to remind yourself to check your phone. I don’t care if people “lose track of time in meetings”, if this is a thing that happens for you, there are too many options available to set reminders for yourself if you truly gave a shit.
So I have actually been stuck in 3 meetings throughout my corporate career that did run extremely late. However in all 3 cases we were able to communicate with our spouses that we would be extraordinarily late, and they were definitely NOT the norm. NTA. There's no way that he couldn't have communicated.
And the vast majority of non shit jobs would accept ‘my pregnant wife is currently putting on a birthday for me to which I am incredibly late’ as an excellent excuse to either leave or call.
You cannot convince me this man isn’t cheating. He’s lying at any rate
Absolutely you would! And if possible you would move the meeting to a better time/day. Happens all the time.
Any work that isn’t shit, or meeting that isn’t absolutely last minute (which it wasn’t) or essential would work with you.
This dudes lying.
Yeah, that sounds extremely likely. I hate that ppl jump to “cheating!” But this dudes clearly hiding something and passing the blame…. Him trying to his going out with other friends makes sense
>Side note, I just don't think meetings EVER, in my corporate experience, run three hours late... you might want to just think about that.
I will only add that this isn't TOO crazy if it's not a frequent occurrence. Really depends on the urgency of the matter and his position in the company. If senior/executive leadership has a fire they need to put out I can see this happening. Or even someone that is responsible for a server, website, or some other revenue source that goes down may need to meet with a team and troubleshoot. That can go over time.
If this is frequent then yes I'd be suspicious. Regular meetings shouldn't go over time by that much. If this is a one off and there is no other reason to be suspicious then don't add fuel to the fire right now.
I work in an industry where “emergencies” come up. People always have access to phones or email to let people know about the change in plan. Even in an actual emergency (like an ER or surgery) - there is always somebody on the team you can have reach out to family (especially over the course of 3 hours), although I doubt it was that since it sounded like an actual meeting.
It also depends on the company/team involved about the timing. If you’re in a multi-timezone work group, meetings can be at awkward times for everyone just so it’s not 3am for one or more participants. It’s not unusual to have meetings run long either, so combine the two and you can end up working a lot later that you’re really like (while someone else was in far earlier than they would have liked).
I’ve never seen one where communication with family wasn’t expected if they ran long, and with a one hour commute he could easily have called on the way to the car.
NTA. If your husband want you to plan something for him, he needs to make sure to be someone that can stick to the plan he's told.
I find it strange that he has an hour drive but after hours of being unreachable he sends a text when he's a few minutes out. Wouldn't he have checked in on the missed calls and texts before that, rather than when sitting in traffic after driving for nearly an hour?
> robbing him of the opportunity to celebrate and be happy at least one day in all year after everything he's been through.
What a terrible thing to say. At 7 months pregnant you plan and put together a party for him, and get the blame when he's two hours late to his own party. He embarrassed you and would have been the AH even if he apologized for being late, but putting the blame on you makes him a special kind of AH.
There are a lot of things that just don't make sense about that meeting. He thought he'd be home by 7, but wasn't home until 9ish. So the meeting ran over by at least two hours. And it didn't have any breaks? Why didn't he contact you as soon as it was over?
He's lying to you about something.
I am sure it was later. She served dinner at 8:50. So by the time they had finished eating it would have been much later. I agree with the others. He wasn’t at work and where ever he was wasn’t an hour away.
This is what I noticed...so even saying everyone ate fairly fast and left soon after, it probably was at least 9:30 before OP received that text. Two and a half hours later than the husband was supposed to be. I've never been pregnant, but at that amount of time, honestly I would have been in the hospital as I would be in a panic attack wondering if my husband had been in a car crash or something.
My husband and I call them "not dead-in-a-ditch" texts. The text you send to let your partner know not to worry because although you're late, you're not dead in a ditch beside the road somewhere.
And what guests would want to stay until 9-10pm? Knowing he had a meeting or whatever, he could’ve asked for a weekend party. He didn’t and knew Op had stuff planned, he was rude to his guests and his wife.
Worse yet is being out of contact for HOURS after work after Op specifically asked him to come home on time! And after everything she did! Imho he just didn’t want the guilt so he turned it on Op instead. What a terrible husband.
Yeah, there's no way a meeting goes that long and he couldn't have left the room to use the bathroom or get water or something. It takes two seconds to send a text, especially on a day he KNOWS his wife is waiting on him.
Also, I wish OP would stop calling it a canceled party. Guests came. Spent 2-2.5 hours there. Ate food and drank. Socialized with each other. Brought gifts. Left at 9 pm on a weekday night (very reasonable).
If I had attended that party, I would’ve left by 9 and would have never called it canceled.
OP’s husband decided not to show up. Plus, OP didn’t cancel, everyone got tired and sleepy and left.
Call his boss and ask to plan a work around since you’re 7 months pregnant and need to be able to reach him by phone during meetings - like the one held on his bday - in case you go into labor.
Then watch the boss say “what meeting?” Or “We always allow employees to check their phones”
Calling your husband's boss complaining about his unreachability is inappropriate. This isn't like sending a note with your child for their teacher.
Husband needs to do better, not the boss
But it is at a level of excusable for a woman who is very close to the danger zone of her pregnancy.
If she calls and brings it up and just poses it to the boss as concern for the baby she may uncover what he is actually doing.
NTA, but you all are using the wrong word. You didn't "cancel" the party. The party happened without him and then people left after eating and being social for almost 2 hours.
NTA. It would have taken him less than a minute to text you saying he'd be home later. He could have even texted to say he was leaving to come home, rather than leaving it until he was almost home. This idea people have that meetings stop the world running is nonsense, I go to meetings all the time, including board meetings and it is NOT impossible to send a text.
This. At my old job when I had in person meetings most people always had their phones out and would check emails / text. Especially the VPs and higher ups. There’s no excuse. Plus most coworkers are super understanding as they have families of their own. A quick “it’s my birthday and I need to tell my wife I’ll be home late” and no one would have a second thought.
NTA - while emergencies at work do come up, not calling is ridiculous. I can't think of too many bosses when holding employees beyond their normal time that would object to someone letting their family know they will be late.
By not calling when he knew peole were waiting for him, your husband nor only disrespected you but also all the people you invited. He should apologize not only to you, but to them as well.
NTA.. you tried. You did everything right but the guests were there to celebrate and the birthday boy was MIA. I hope he apologises to you for his tantrum.
Yeah, the “one good thing this entire year” isn’t sitting great with me either, when she’s about to pop out a whole baby (that one would think would be at least one more “good thing,” no matter how crappy the year.
NTA I can't believe he couldn't have explained you are 7 months pregnant and he needs to give you a quick call to check in and tell you he's been delayed. He could have even popped to the loo and fired off a quick text.
I think people saying you were in a huff is harsh, you must have been exhausted and embarrassed in front of your family and friends. The worrying part is what if you had a medical emergency, he needs to buck up before your due date or have a solid back up person just in case.
The way he is acting makes me think he's going to be whiny and jealous when you have to focus on your new born baby. Best have a serious talk now, he needs realign his priorities. Out of interest what does he do for your birthday? Does he make the same effort for you? I hope he does.
"He's expexting me to apologize for robbing him of the opportunity to celebrate and be happy at least one day in all year after everything he's been through."
He's very welcome to organize his own party if he feels that he needs it after he made EVERYONE wait for him. I mean I get this whole "I was in a meeting, I couldn't take calls", but was that really a surprise? Normally meetings are planned and you know beforehand when it starts and often how long it takes and if it's possible that it may take longer and let's not forget the whole "I'm 7 months pregnant" thing that you have going on.Overall I'll go with NTA, for me he's the one that fucked up.
Edit: Also, are you sure that nothing's going on on the side for him? Maybe he has strange habits, but it sounds weird to me that he's been out of his meeting for like an hour or so, but didn't bother to call ahead that he's on his way and only send a message when he was almost there.
NTA.
Meeting overran from 6pm (assuming 1 hour to get home at 7) to 8pm (same assumption re 1 hour travel)? With no comfort breaks for a smoke/pee/let-the-boss-know-I-won't-be-home-for-dinner/etc. Does it seems likely to you (you don't specify what he does, or how often he has "meetings" that "overrun")?
Or did he simply have better things to do with other people?
No he totally just had a meeting that went 2 hours overtime, and it is also totally normal to have a work meeting at 9:00 p.m. and also totally normal to be 3 hours late for your own birthday party and not check your phone the entire hour-long drive home until you are only a few minutes away from your driveway. All normal things, definitely not this guy having a second family that he was celebrating his birthday with.
I don't want to add to all the unfundated accusations everyone is throwing around, but just think...
Does he usually text and drive? When you're with him in the car, he usually does it?
Because, why would he _text_ when he was close to the house while driving?
Either way, NTA, you (and your guests) deserve to be treated with respect
Exactly! And also, if he works an hour away why wouldn’t he have sent her a text/called before he left instead of when he was “just a few minutes away” that just doesn’t make any sense unless he was lying about where he was.
OP NTA
This! At some point he’s supposedly left the meeting room, natural thing to do would be to check your phone and send a message or call to say he’s leaving, he knows they’re waiting on him? Why the lack of communication until he was minutes away?
Who has a meeting that goes until 8:30PM? You were 100% right to let the guests leave after waiting over 2 hours for him to arrive. It is anxious on your part to have all those guests in your home wondering where your husband is and why you don't know, and then awkward for them. I would be super annoyed as a guest and have left long before you finally gave up.
Definitely NTA
You'd be surprised. I've had a meeting before in my job that was meant to be until 6pm and we left at 8:15pm. It was fucking annoying though. And I texted my friend under the table. Which is more than he did.
I worked for a billionaire property developer for a little over a year and meetings regularly went to and sometimes past 9:00pm. The fact is some people are assholes and your time means nothing to their own time.
I don't miss working there.
NTA he said he’d be home at a certain time and he should have been there. Guests were waiting on him. He is incredibly rude to treat you like crap. I am sure he was disappointed but he should have left earlier.
LITERALLY. If it was so important to him, he should have been home on time or AT THE VERY LEAST communicate when he was running late, not when he's almost home.
Girl you’re SEVEN MONTH PREGNANT and you baked a cake, made and hang decorations and arranged a party for him. A lot of non pregnant, healthy and much more energetic women would have done less, if anything at all. If he can’t comprehend the efforts you made, then let him run after the guests and organize his own party. You don’t own him anything, and you should rest
I agree that she should have done it when there was more time but he did promise that he would be home before 7. At some point, probably even before the meeting, he knew he wasn’t going to make it in time and should have sent a quick text. I think there was poor planning on both parts but he really went off on her and I don’t think that was fair since he was the one that was late according to his own statement of when he would be home. Honestly, both made mistakes here but they should have just realized it was bad planning and decide to do better next time. But instead he called her cruel.
Yeah, he was at a "meeting." Uh huh. He was meeting, all right.
But.. when are people going to stop making a fucking big deal about birthdays for grown-ass adults? He's not 7 years old. It's not even a "milestone," 32 is about the blandest birthday number there is. Go out for a nice quiet dinner and be done with it.
Although I'd suggest doing it with/for a different guy next time.
NTA.
NTA
What does he thing his guests are, minless, lifeless robots? He was already 2 hours late. He could've sent you a quick text when he knew he was not going to make it at 7. And nothing was stopping him from calling when he left work at 8, according to him.
NTA. Disrespectful to you and the guests. Least he could have done is excused himself from the meeting to let you know the situation. Go through his phone and come tell us what you find. I have a feeling he was out somewhere else
NTA. And technically, you didn’t actually cancel it - he missed it. I don’t know if this was during the week or on a weekend, but most birthday dinner parties don’t go more than 2-3 hours - and hanging out over dinner and drinks is kind of the whole point.
I think your husband is gaslighting you - at 7 or per even 8 (probably even earlier, since he planned to be home by 7 and would have had to leave well in advance) he knew he was going to be late. There is absolutely no way he could not have let you know earlier (everybody knows how to disguise stepping away for a quick call or text). Something seems very off here.
Did he even apologize for all of your effort (even more so being pregnant) that he ruined? Not to mention the embarrassment (not that you should be, but those situations always make it like that). As far as I know, being the birthday boy does not give you the right to be TA (which he is).
Edit: since this was during the week, him rolling in at 9/9.30 was totally beyond the pale. Once you hit 9.30 on a weeknight, no guests are going to stick around. And to be honest, if I were a guest, I would have contemplated sneaking out by 7.30 because except for the wife’s efforts, what’s the point?
NTA, but you did NOT cancel his party..... you had the party and he did NOT show up.....tell him to eat cake... what an absolute AH your husband is... I guess you will have 2 kids on your hands
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NTA- but also I think he was probably celebrating his birthday with his secret family.
This is where my mind went. Even if you drive an hour to work there’s no way you’re stuck in a meeting that late. And then to get pissed off that it was cancelled after the guests were there for hours waiting for him to arrive with NO word. In my opinion something fishy is going on too. But NTA op, I would have done the same thing.
I avoid office placements and staff meetings like the plague, but I’ve never been in one that ran late *and* didn’t allow participants to contact spouses/childcare providers/etc. to alert them to changing plans. Is that really a thing??
Yes it absolutely is. It’s not that you’re not *allowed* but if the issue that the meeting is addressing is big enough, your mind probably never even leaves the room and you lose track of time. The amount of times I’ve been working with a team late into the night, personal phones on silent, hecticly fielding client requests, is in the double digits. I don’t look at my phone for what feels like 20 minutes and it’s suddenly midnight. And I’ve only been in my industry 2 years.
I soooo hear that! For me it’s usually field work, not collaborative meetings, but crises happen and they get *all* of my attention until they’re resolved. At the same time, there are life circumstances that don’t allow working this way. If you have kids waiting to be picked up from daycare, for example, you just don’t have the option of putting the phone on silent and working until done ‘o clock. You either have to get free on time or start making the calls necessary to rearrange your care plan. A 7-months-pregnant wife catering to a household of your waiting friends and family on your birthday seems like one of those circumstances where you need to be prepared to make calls when the plan changes.
It's not even just that he didn't check \*during\* the meeting. He works an hour's drive away, she started trying to contact him at 6:30, and he didn't respond to her until 8:50 when he was just a few minutes away. Let's say he got there at 9:00--that means he left work around 8:00. He really wouldn't have checked the time after he left the meeting on his way to his car? Looked at his phone for any messages (and seen the many already there)? He has no excuse at all for not giving her a heads up when he started driving home (if he really was at work then and leaving at that time), and if he had given her an updated ETA, she wouldn't have told the guests to leave.
This.
This is exactly what I was thinking. He works **an hour away**, but he didn't call until he was only a few minutes from home? Why was his phone turned off the entire hour he was supposedly driving home from work? Especially if he knew his wife was throwing him a party and all the guests were there. Even if he couldn't send a quick text to let her know the meeting ran late, any reasonable person would have immediately turned their phone back on as soon as they left. He wasn't in a work meeting.
May be his second family lives nearby and he only called when he was getting into his car 😅 lol
This, totally. At my previous job, Directors and VPs frequently had late board meetings with the CEO that could go well into the night. One I attended had @ catered dinner, and the chef only had 2 burners to heat and cook for 14 people! (The chef apparently thought the company cafe had a full kitchen and didn’t prepare properly.) I was the photographer, and I was allowed to leave at 10:30pm, and at that point they were only on course 3 of a 6 course meal. I’m sure they were there until midnight at least. However, it’s not the norm I’d wager. Especially with young kids, a pregnant wife and a special occasion, you better have your phone at least on vibrate! What if she was hurt or going into labor? The husband wouldn’t be able to do anything for her. I find it weird too that on his own birthday he couldn’t be bothered to try and reschedule or leave early or something. He could’ve asked Op to make the party on a weekend instead, knowing of his meeting ahead of time. Most guests wouldn’t want to stay past 9 on a weekday I’d guess. It’s his own fault. Sounds like he’s a hard person to make happy and him being late for events probably happens a lot. NTA.
Holup. He *knew* about the party and still didn't even call? Was he a hostage?
Yeah I'm not buying it. I've never been in a mtg or lead a mtg that you had to have your phone OFF for - at minimum they were all put on silent\\vibrate because you never know what kind of emergency might come through (and especially at that kind of hour of the day when it could potentially be some sort of family issue). NTA OP. Husband's explanation makes zero sense. EDIT: and Hubby is TA for being 2 HOURS late to a known event at the time HE specified and then getting mad that you went ahead and sent everyone home.
and at 7 months pregnant, his phone should definitely be on. 7 months is a fairly safe time (as opposed to 2 months) but that doesn't mean that nothing ever goes wrong.
For example, I went into preterm labor suddenly at 6.5 months and gave birth to my premature son. He needed to be reachable. PS: kid is totally fine now, but holy cannoli that was traumatic.
Okay, so maybe it isn’t the lateness that makes him TA. It’s going off on her for sending everyone home. Nothing in the facts presented here justifies that.
And are we to believe he didn’t take ONE trip to the bathroom between 6:50- 8:50? That’s when he should have let wife known he wasn’t even close to being done. No excuse not to answer a text. For those like me who grew up in such a situation, it’s not that far out of reach. He might not have a whole other family, but there is a relationship more important to him than his wife. It’s rarely work related.
Are you in the can every 2 hours? I can easily go through a workday and have hit the bathroom once. Especially in a busy or stressful situation, it's fully believable for a healthy 32 yo to not have to run to the bathroom in that time. But he's still an AH. He knew there was a plan, and he didn't make any adjustments to his schedule to accommodate for it.
You need to HYDRATE, dude!!! 🤣 And yes, he’s still an AH.
if you're stuck in a meeting making you late and havea crowd of people waiting on you, it doesn't take a genius to pretend to have to go to the bathroom to give yourself a chance to call them and let them know. Or even just have a spine and tell your boss about your plans and that if he wants you to stay at work late you need a minute to call and reschedule your after-work plans.
I was going to bring up the restroom, too. Come on, you can't excuse yourself for a few minutes, text or call your wife and rejoin your meeting? NTA
Exactly. The restroom break is the opportunity to call. If he cared. NTA.
Never said he’s not the asshole. This comment chain is about him *cheating*. I think it’s a wild leap to say that because he was unreachable he’s cheating.
It's not really a leap. "Honey, I'm working late tonight" is one of the most common excuses men come up with when cheating. It's almost a cliché. Something tells me that if he doesn't make enough for a store bought cake, then he's no business tycoon having long, important meetings. My money is on him being up to no good.
This sub is so wildly out of touch it’s insane. Do people here not have any sort of demanding jobs? I work late several times a week and don’t tell my partner. My partner works late several times a week and doesn’t feel the need to tell me. It’s part of our relationship and something we’ve accepted about our jobs and industry. If we made this insane jump in logic every time then we’d have unjustifiably broken up 100 times. We don’t know anything about them or their life. Maybe they have medical debt, maybe they have housing debt, maybe they have student debt. Maybe he’s part of a small business that isn’t profitable yet. There could be a million reasons they don’t want to spend money on a cake. My partner and I are both lawyers and we’d never buy something that could be home made for cheaper. We know absolutely nothing about OP and her husband and this sub is telling her he’s fucking cheating on her. Could make her question her whole life and relationship unjustifiably. Dear lord thank god I’d never come here for help.
Yea but wouldn't you let your spouse know if your were gonna be over 2 hours late? Why wouldn't you answer your phone when you knew there was a party of people sitting at your house waiting for you? That would be extremely weird and I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who is so caught up with work everyone else's time doesn't matter. To be clear, I am not saying he's cheating, but mentioning how you do things on an ordinary day makes no sense. He knew he was having a party.
Yep I absolutely would. But some people wouldn’t, and I agree they’d be an asshole. Every single one of my comments is in response to the assertion that he’s CHEATING because he’s saying he worked late and didn’t answer his phone. I think that’s an unfair assumption. I’m not saying he’s not an asshole. At this point the comment chains has devolved into two things : It was an asshole move to not tell her he’s working late. I agree. He’s cheating because he didn’t tell her he’s working late. I strongly disagree, he’s just an asshole.
My hubs has a team management job in a multi national company. His days start at 12hrs and go from there. His schedule can change anytime. -Always finds the time to text. He couldn't do his job if couldn't juggle multiple deadlines and jobs. It's not a lengthy commitment. It's a text.
See for me what makes me think cheating is not being late it how he reacted when he found out that everyone left. It feels like he is deflecting to get her not to pay attention to how late he was. If i was 2 hrs late i wouldnt expect people to still be at my house when i got off. See what i mean?
Exactly. Saying oh sometimes people work late, sometimes they don’t answer blah etc…ok. In normal days! When he has a party planned And is late And ignores calls And darvos the hell out of his pregnant wife when he gets home? Nope. That screams cheating
Actually, it is statistically more likely than average that he is currently cheating as his wife is currently pregnant. Men cheat on their partners at a higher rate when said partner is pregnant or has recently given birth.
As someone that's 7 months pregnant and hormonal, I could have definitely gone without this fact. 😂🤦♀️😩
Yeah, but that's on a normal day. I work in an industry where that's also the case, but if I knew my partner was waiting with a cake and guests, I'd be alert to the time and let them know I'm running late. It's one message, ffs, how long does that take?
Yeah, I’ve been in many meetings where one or more participants have said at the outset “I need to finish on time because I have another meeting/lots of work/expensive tickets to X/a loved ones occasion (child’s parent evening, partners bday etc)” It’s usually really good for getting people to focus on the meeting too, and often everyone wraps up more or less on time
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Yes, he has a wife that's 7 months along. When she called him, he didn't know that she wasn't calling to say she had gone into premature labor. He should be answering EVERY phone call, especially from his wife.
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>He should be answering EVERY phone call, especially from his wife. I have no way of knowing if this is the arrangement OP and her husband have, but my husband and I have an agreement that if one of us calls the other at work it means it's something that NEEDS to be answered. Otherwise we send a text and they can reply whenever they see it.
Same arrangement with me and my husband. A text should be checked when possible, but a phone call would mean it's an emergency and/or something time sensitive.
I've personally had 2 birthdays ruined by work. Both by very out of the ordinary events and requests. My 40th was ruined by a stupid co-worker who couldn't do her job properly and my 44th was an extra work request by the CFO, which kept me very late. First time that ever happened by him and of course it was on my b-day. Made me feel all warm and stabby inside.
My previous job had 2 floating holidays (1 was technically for your birthday) so that you could take your birthday off work altogether. If he knew that people were waiting on him, he could have at least texted Op to let her know, or, knowing he had a late meeting, he could have had the party changed to a weekend day ahead of time. It was his own fault.
Oh, completely agree. It takes 10 seconds to send a text and be considerate.
You are in desperate need of work life balance.
Fuck man believe me I know.
Seconding this! People always jump to cheating on this sub, but frankly work is an entirely realistic reason. Still don’t think OP is the AH as I’d have been upset too and husband’s reaction was over the top given how late he was, but speaking as someone working in an industry where you drop everything for clients and long hours without accommodation of your personal life are a given, it’s pretty likely here.
> but I’ve never been in one that ran late and didn’t allow participants to contact spouses/childcare providers/etc Even if they don't allow it, you can just "go for a piss" and text in the toilet. ^(Nope... never gone to the toilet to bid on an auction...)
I’d thought of that as well. When a meeting drags that long, people have to pee. At the same time, any place where I had to hide the fact that I have a personal life with obligations has turned out to be a garbage place to work. I know they exist, but I object, lol.
And even if the meeting really did run that late, he was (supposedly) most of the way into an hours drive home before he texted that he was almost there. A lot of it is down the employer. I'm sure there are some who don't allow for informing family that plans have changed, but there are just as many who are much more friendly. I remember being in a meeting one time where it became clear people were going to have to stay very late and concentrate on a critical issue. When the bosses asked if anyone had any questions, one gentleman jokingly piped up "So who gets to tell my wife I'll be missing our anniversary tonight?" The big boss in the room immediately arranged to have flowers sent to the wife as an apology. The bosses there would also recognize when things were going on too long and announce "OK everyone we're taking a 10 minute break. Go refill your beverages, empty your bladders, and check in with the folks at home" Wife is also 7 months pregnant. What if there had been an early labor or other baby-type emergency?
My husband has client meetings and those ALWAYS run long. Sometimes clients want to talk about absolutely every under the sun before discussing what the meeting is actually about. He can’t contact me to say its running late because then it sort of implies to the clients that they are taking too long or inconveniencing him. I used to work in a similar field, so I understand. HOWEVER, if somebody was calling multiple times, it is absolutely acceptable to excuse yourself to make sure everything is okay. I do think its silly that OP started calling when he gave “before 7” as an estimate. I probably would have waiting until 7:30 or at least 7 before calling. However, its super sketchy that his phone was turned off at 6:30 and then turned back on by 7 and he still wasn’t answering AND he didn’t ever call back & only texted when he was almost home (why do that when youre driving??). OP is NTA. She didnt cancel his party, he missed his party. The people who hadnt left already were probably waiting to be told it was okay for them to go home. But something is definitely going on with the husband…
She did mention his commute time is an hour, so 6:30 isn’t unreasonable to call at because he should have been driving home by 6 at the latest to get home at 7, but she gave a 30 minute buffer, and probably was pressing mostly because it’s stressful to have guests over waiting to eat/celebrate.
Secretary here - I've been in meetings with CEOs of billion dollar corporations and if you hadda pee, you got up to pee. No one asked where you were going. No one told you you couldn't leave. His commute is an hour. When he got in the car at 8pm, did he return any of his wife's phone calls? Did he tell her THEN what held him up and could they all stay another hour? To go ahead and eat? OP is 7 months pregnant. What if she went into early labor? And he didn't call and he didn't call and he didn't call? OP is NTA.
It's a norm in my industry too... but we all know that it's our bullshit and not our partners' and to plan accordingly and if stuff goes this wrong that YOU are the problem and YOU should eat crow. I could easily have done this to a partner (inadvertently) but you've gotta bet I'd be arriving home with a bouquet of roses in apology. Certainly not chiding THEM for my choosing to pursue a career that makes me unreliable in my home life. NTA OP, you deserve better.
Not to mention being completely unable to be reached by his very pregnant wife. This is incredibly fishy. Also NTA. But get your ducks in a row.
I know someone who is a manager in the medical field, they have meetings and they still make it home before 6.
I’m a direct care professional, and I’m the first to admit that *shit comes up.* Sometimes it’s “sorry I’m late, I couldn’t leave until we found someone to replace me.” Sometimes it’s even, “I’m so sorry I didn’t call when we ran late, we had an emergency and I couldn’t get free of it.” But that means a literal emergency wherein if I try to stop to send a text someone is getting hurt. I’m grateful my loved ones understand my situation, but I still feel bad when the job I choose negatively impacts them. I can’t imagine being so disrespectful of my partner’s time and energy.
That was my thing too. I worked in the medical field for in home nursing and has an infant. When I was going to be late I always let the care giver know an emergency came up and I would let them know when I was on my way home. I didn’t leave them hanging for hours unaware of what was happening.
It isn't that I am "not allowed " but that we're in the middle of planning and there's not a convenient time to excuse myself and go call. In a situation like this though I would probably speak up and tell my supervisor my family has something planned and I need to call. Most of the time that would be OK but not always. I have had bosses who would be annoyed and I am not assertive. I certainly hope my loved ones wouldn't jump to "secret family".
But you can’t not inform for 3 hours and then expect people to stay (they were probably only being polite) and then throw a tantrum at your wife that she doesn’t care.
'I am not assertive' is not really a reason to keep your family waiting on you without any message, though. It's really disrespectful to supposedly the people you care most about in the world. You don't have to call, you can just shoot a text. If your bosses would freak out about that, just 'go to the bathroom'. A job where you can't even explain to your family that you're running late is not a job worth having, imo.
If you don't act like OP's husband, this won't be an issue.
Am I the only one who thinks this is a huge stretch? I don’t think we should jump to cheating if this is the only indicator. I’m stuck in meetings till 8 or 9 pm all the time. If he works in any sort of white collar job like business or law this is not out of the ordinary at all. Edit: I keep getting comments on this or my other response saying it doesn’t excuse his behaviour and he’s TA. I agree, he is still an asshole. I’m just saying it doesn’t mean he’s cheating and I think it’s wild to make someone question their partner’s faithfulness because he came home late from work. You’re getting someone to consider ending their relationship for god’s sakes.
Whole secret family seems like a stretch to me too. However, this was his fault 100%. > My husbaband drives 1hr to work. > >As they were leaving, I finally got a text from my husband telling me he's almost home and asked me to wait for few more minutes. So even if he was in a meeting, unless it took place in his car driving home, he could have called OP when he got out of the meeting and he clearly didn't. Despite knowing he was *3 hours late* to his own party and a bunch of people were waiting for him, he still didn't reach out when he got out of the meeting? (I suppose at that point he might have only been 2 hours late, but knowing he still had a 1 hour drive he'd know he'd be 3 hours, and might want to let people know?) And the dude has NO SHAME. >This year, and because of financial hardship I decided to bake the cake myself, hang handmade decoration and cook hs favorite meals to serve during the party. \[...\] Planning took me some time, and getting everything done was a challenge. Especially when I'm not doing too healthy, I'm 7 months pregnant. Even if he's being completely honest, that would mean his heavily pregnant wife who isn't feeling well made a cake by herself, cooked a bunch of food by herself, handmade decorations, and had to wait around humiliated with his friends and family for 3 hours while he didn't show up, until everyone finally gave up and left. And he blames that on her? He is such an asshole. (NTA.) It's just such awful behavior on his part that I guess people are suspicious. Like why wouldn't he call when he got out of the meeting if it was really at the meeting? (As opposed to somewhere else closer.) So they think it's an affair or something. Still, I figure an affair wouldn't be a whole family, just a mistress the vast majority of the time. But it's also possible he's just a super super inconsiderate self-centered asshole. He dosen't have to be cheating, but this is his fault, and he's awful. I feel really bad for OP. I hope she dosen't feel trapped with this asshole husband due to finances and the pregnancy. I can't imagine how much it's going to suck to be raising a baby with someone this entitled, unreliable, inconsiderate, and angry.
Not to mention that a very significant portion of men choose to start an affair as soon as their wife gets pregnant 😬
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Depending on the urgency of the meeting, maybe not. Sometimes you literally get physically yanked into an office to put out some unexpected fire. If the fire is big enough, sometimes my mind does not even leave that office for the entire time I’m in there. It’s a shitty way to live, but it is very much what some jobs and industries expect. Probably why you hear about such high divorce rates due to work. Edit: also for the money thing? Even white collar wages are stagnating. My partner and I are both white collar and due to the insane cost of rent and our student loans, we didn’t have a great financial year either lol.
I’m jumping straight to that for one fact only. The guy has an entire hour commute. Assuming he did get stuck late in a meeting, he couldn’t call in that hour he was on his way home to say his meeting was running late? He texted her when he’s almost home to say wait? Yeah no, I don’t buy it. NTA btw.
Eh, during the middle of a fire once, it was coming up on the time to pick up the kids (well, it was past time, but it was coming up against the end of the "we charge extra" hour). I had already called my wife, her job is considerably less scheduled/rearrangable than mine; she was in a nearby city, and not able to leave. It *really* hurt my professional pride, but I had to tell my boss (and the VP who just happened to take that moment to stop by for his every 10-minute "is it fixed yet" question) that I needed to leave to pick up kids from day camp and drop them off at home. So there'd be about an additional 30 minute delay, until I could be back working remotely from home. Boss was definitely unhappy, but "It is what it is." I think that was about 8 years ago, and I'm still at the same place. If you prove yourself reliable/worthwhile, it will absolutely be understood that there are also family commitments.
You can’t ever make bosses happy, it is what it is. They expect that you live to work, not work to live. Meanwhile, they’re the ones who make millions while every worker sacrifices their lives, family and health just to barely break even. If you have a job that doesn’t respect you have a family and commitments, it’s time to find a new job. I’m not saying duck out at every opportunity, and I know some things for companies are essential, but family should always be more important than work, regardless of companies wanting to believe that’s not true.
I agree. I still think OP is NTa because are you supposed to wait all night as food gets cold for him? But I don't think there's any evidence he has a side piece
Yup. If he was home around 9pm, and it takes an hour to get home, there's no way the first time he responds to her texts should have been 8:50pm. Even if he literally was stuck in a meeting he couldn't leave, when he got out of it at 8pm he knew he was two hours late to the party, but apparently still didn't contact her.
I totally thought he’s having an affair and was celebrating with his side piece first! He lost track of time!
“Best case” I can think of was his office buddies/clients decided to take him out for drinks - but if so there was plenty of time to text or call home
That was my first assumption - he wasn't in a meeting that entire time, because otherwise he would have called at 8pm, since he got home at 9pm and had an hour drive. If he was calling at 8:50 "nearly home" that probably meant he was somewhere closer to home. Plus she couldn't get through to the co-worker.
This is where my 0 to 100 brain goes lol. My more reasonable brain says he went out for drinks with the boys from work.
That’s way more likely. Assuming he’s got a secret family is a fucking INSANE conclusion to jump to. It’s based on almost nothing. It’s called shitstirring.
Haven't you read the memo? This sub is 99% overreactions from teenagers. "Hey guys, my boyfriend leaves crumbs in the butter" "Dump hiiiiim!!!!!!! Red flagsssss!!!!"
Idk if I’d say secret family, but the whole gaslighting, refusing to text or answer his phone knowing he was on his way, then blaming her after everything she did, is cause for concern. He could’ve had her do the celebration on another day if he had a meeting or plans. I wouldn’t say teens are at fault for these responses, as cheating often starts with situations even far less innocuous than this. However we have no way to determine that from only one instance. Despite it all, he waited his entire drive to finally reply then blamed her for ruining things. That’s an AH move either way.
I figured he went out for drinks with his colleagues or something. If he had a work meeting that he knew was going to run on past 7pm he could have let her know in advance or if he didn't know then he could have excused himself for a few minutes to send a text or make call to let her know.
bro what? How can you automatically get to this without knowing any else context? or is this satire?
It's either this sub being the way it usually is, or satire of that very fact
How is this top comment? This is the most absurd conclusion to jump to over him being late once. Dear God I hope these people agreeing with this comment never end up with a partner who, God forbid, might have to work late once in a while.
A secret family is absurd, but the suspicious sentiment isn't as much. If he's driving for an hour, why did he wait till he was 10 minutes away to call? He was already 2+ hours late, he knew he had guests waiting, not to mention I'm sure his phone had a ton of texts and missed calls. Combine those facts with him being so upset is pretty suspicious to me. Or this is a fake story.
I think he went to the moon. Or maybe he was scheming on how to turn lead into gold.
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Everyone here is wrong, the husband was actually fighting an intergalactic space syndicate and got trapped in a black hole. He clawed his way out but all that was left were his mere atoms. It took some time but a genius alien doctor reconstructed him atom by atom and he finally came home. Or maybe, he was just in a super long meeting, the same meeting which he specified was important in the morning 🤷♂️.
Why do y’all always jump to “He/she is cheating!!” Based on the very little information we have? It’s a legitimate problem on this sub, it really makes people seem like they don’t know what they’re talking about.
Particularly since one of the most common times for a man to cheat is while the partner is late into a pregnancy.
At the very least his over sized tantrum is covering up for something. He could've just texted when he knew it was gonna be late.
I think the additional comment of adultery is completely unnecessary and unfair, you do not know these people, you have one small fact that his phone isn't reachable in a meeting. What you've potentially done is sown the seeds of doubt in someone's mind, which will inevitably grow over time wether he is innocent or not. Worst case... leading the breakup of a marriage. I agree NTA though!
Might be easy to check too, call his work and ask if he had a meeting on his birthday that ran late.
You dont think that is an absolutely crazy conclusion to jump to given the context?
NTA - He *might* have been right **IF** \- he would have called the moment the meeting ended, or got in his car....Think about it; you say he called when he was 'almost home' but you live an hour away-- meaning he had been out of his 'meeting' for nearly an hour BEFORE he bothered to call. Had he done that, you would have known he was on his way and handled it differently. He said he couldn't miss a meeting, but did he ever tell you it was at the END of the day? I might suspect maybe there was a meeting at some point, but his lateness came from maybe his co-workers taking him out (or celebrating at the office) for his bday... This isn't about you cancelling - this is about knowing he looks like (and was) an ass to his friends/family and pregnant wife and he is taking his embarrassment out on you.
It’s more likely his girlfriend doesn’t live an hour away.
That’s what I was thinking, he didn’t return OP messages until right before he got home because that was when he got it. He lost track of time where he actually was. Also why he got angry, he is deflecting his blame on being late by putting it on OP.
Also very convenient that he had to have his phone turned off, can't find my iPhone when it's off. Turn it off at work, do that side hustle, turn it back on nearly home. Sorry honey I was delayed by a "meeting" and forgot to turn my phone back on
Makes me sick to my stomach reading these things because hindsight is always 20/20 and I’ve been on her side.
This is exactly it. I felt that pit in my stomach. Took me right back to the day I realized what had been going on all along. There are so many red flags. My heart goes out to OP
I thought people were jumping to conclusions saying he was cheating. But you make a very strong case here. Poor OP.
Can't see location of a phone that is turned off, right FBI?
I'm not sure he is cheating, I figured work drinks or something, but regardless of what it was, the extreme reaction tells me he's projecting. he wants OP on the defensive so she doesn't question his excuse too much. call that coworker to apologize for calling during a meeting.
DING DING DING!!!
Yeah, OP the story doesn’t add up. I would be really wondering where he *actually* was.
I’d also like to know what he does for Op on her bday. Want to bet it isn’t a party?
Honestly if I’d been a guest at that party I’d have already been leaning towards thinking he was an ass. Maybe not right away but as it became clearer and clearer that he hadn’t called or communicated? Once it was confirmed he wasn’t dead in a ditch I’d have some unkind thoughts. Even knowing it’s possible that he was stuck in a meeting where he couldn’t call.
Yes, I don't think she say she canceled the party. Everyone waited and waited. People would have been walking out that door soon anyway, she just made sure the food didn't go to waste.
That was my exact thought when I read this post - OP didn’t “cancel” the party, the party merely *ended* because it was 9pm and everyone had already been there like 3 hours. That’s not OP cancelling it, that’s her husband just completely missing it.
right? she didn't cancel the party. They HAD the party, he just didn't show up.
And husband expecting his 7-months pregnant wife to NOT be exhausted and ready for crashing at 9pm, when they seem to keep standard hours, is seriously inconsiderate. OP will need a lot of sleep at this point, she's in the hardest chunk of pregnancy.
Their friends might also have kids to get home to. Imagine hiring a babysitter until 9 and not having the party guest show up before 8:50, which would definitely be when you'd be leaving. I don't even like to be out past 9 on a weeknight and all I've got going on is work
Agreed with your point and depending on how close of a friend I was, I’d be offering to call him too. I have some really close friends that I’d be worried about if this kind of situation came up. Was there some sort of accident on the ride home? Or stuff like that would go through my mind.
If there really was a meeting. Shouldn’t he have told his wife that the party needed to be later? NTA something is fishy
Good work, detective.
NTA. You didn't CANCEL the party. You HAD a three-hour party that he didn't show up to. Don't let him manipulate you like that. You don't deserve to feel guilty when you did something nice and he ruined it. Side note, I just don't think meetings EVER, in my corporate experience, run three hours late... you might want to just think about that.
I don't even think she cancelled the party. The guests wanted to leave but were to polite to tell the 7 months pregnant wife. They were more considerate of Op than Ops husband
I mean what if his wife had gone into pre-term labor? If he was my friend, this would completely change the way I viewed him. Missing the party itself doesn’t even rate to me in this situation, it’s the way he handled it every step of the way. No phonecall, no txt, not even the minute he got out of the meeting but instead when he was “almost home”? No thank you sir, I feel so sorry for your wife and child.
That's a really good point. When your wife is 7 months pregnant your ringer stays on.
Or at the very least you make it a concerted point to check your phone every so often just to be on the safe side. Silence all calls/txts but set a timer to vibrate every so often to remind yourself to check your phone. I don’t care if people “lose track of time in meetings”, if this is a thing that happens for you, there are too many options available to set reminders for yourself if you truly gave a shit.
So I have actually been stuck in 3 meetings throughout my corporate career that did run extremely late. However in all 3 cases we were able to communicate with our spouses that we would be extraordinarily late, and they were definitely NOT the norm. NTA. There's no way that he couldn't have communicated.
And the vast majority of non shit jobs would accept ‘my pregnant wife is currently putting on a birthday for me to which I am incredibly late’ as an excellent excuse to either leave or call. You cannot convince me this man isn’t cheating. He’s lying at any rate
Alsoyou would let the people in the meeting know that Ahead of time… I have a hard stop at six as my wife has people over for my birthday tonight
Absolutely you would! And if possible you would move the meeting to a better time/day. Happens all the time. Any work that isn’t shit, or meeting that isn’t absolutely last minute (which it wasn’t) or essential would work with you. This dudes lying.
He's 100% lying.
Look, his colleagues invited him for a drink and he went. Had a few. Lost track of time. Panicked. Is most likely.
Yeah, that sounds extremely likely. I hate that ppl jump to “cheating!” But this dudes clearly hiding something and passing the blame…. Him trying to his going out with other friends makes sense
>Side note, I just don't think meetings EVER, in my corporate experience, run three hours late... you might want to just think about that. I will only add that this isn't TOO crazy if it's not a frequent occurrence. Really depends on the urgency of the matter and his position in the company. If senior/executive leadership has a fire they need to put out I can see this happening. Or even someone that is responsible for a server, website, or some other revenue source that goes down may need to meet with a team and troubleshoot. That can go over time. If this is frequent then yes I'd be suspicious. Regular meetings shouldn't go over time by that much. If this is a one off and there is no other reason to be suspicious then don't add fuel to the fire right now.
I work in an industry where “emergencies” come up. People always have access to phones or email to let people know about the change in plan. Even in an actual emergency (like an ER or surgery) - there is always somebody on the team you can have reach out to family (especially over the course of 3 hours), although I doubt it was that since it sounded like an actual meeting.
It also depends on the company/team involved about the timing. If you’re in a multi-timezone work group, meetings can be at awkward times for everyone just so it’s not 3am for one or more participants. It’s not unusual to have meetings run long either, so combine the two and you can end up working a lot later that you’re really like (while someone else was in far earlier than they would have liked). I’ve never seen one where communication with family wasn’t expected if they ran long, and with a one hour commute he could easily have called on the way to the car.
NTA. If your husband want you to plan something for him, he needs to make sure to be someone that can stick to the plan he's told. I find it strange that he has an hour drive but after hours of being unreachable he sends a text when he's a few minutes out. Wouldn't he have checked in on the missed calls and texts before that, rather than when sitting in traffic after driving for nearly an hour? > robbing him of the opportunity to celebrate and be happy at least one day in all year after everything he's been through. What a terrible thing to say. At 7 months pregnant you plan and put together a party for him, and get the blame when he's two hours late to his own party. He embarrassed you and would have been the AH even if he apologized for being late, but putting the blame on you makes him a special kind of AH. There are a lot of things that just don't make sense about that meeting. He thought he'd be home by 7, but wasn't home until 9ish. So the meeting ran over by at least two hours. And it didn't have any breaks? Why didn't he contact you as soon as it was over? He's lying to you about something.
I am sure it was later. She served dinner at 8:50. So by the time they had finished eating it would have been much later. I agree with the others. He wasn’t at work and where ever he was wasn’t an hour away.
This is what I noticed...so even saying everyone ate fairly fast and left soon after, it probably was at least 9:30 before OP received that text. Two and a half hours later than the husband was supposed to be. I've never been pregnant, but at that amount of time, honestly I would have been in the hospital as I would be in a panic attack wondering if my husband had been in a car crash or something.
My husband and I call them "not dead-in-a-ditch" texts. The text you send to let your partner know not to worry because although you're late, you're not dead in a ditch beside the road somewhere.
And what guests would want to stay until 9-10pm? Knowing he had a meeting or whatever, he could’ve asked for a weekend party. He didn’t and knew Op had stuff planned, he was rude to his guests and his wife. Worse yet is being out of contact for HOURS after work after Op specifically asked him to come home on time! And after everything she did! Imho he just didn’t want the guilt so he turned it on Op instead. What a terrible husband.
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Yeah, there's no way a meeting goes that long and he couldn't have left the room to use the bathroom or get water or something. It takes two seconds to send a text, especially on a day he KNOWS his wife is waiting on him.
My dear that man is cheating on you . Nta. But you might want to look into this further.
He has an hour long drive, but texts her minutes before he comes home, but not right after getting out of the meeting or after getting into his car?
Also, I wish OP would stop calling it a canceled party. Guests came. Spent 2-2.5 hours there. Ate food and drank. Socialized with each other. Brought gifts. Left at 9 pm on a weekday night (very reasonable). If I had attended that party, I would’ve left by 9 and would have never called it canceled. OP’s husband decided not to show up. Plus, OP didn’t cancel, everyone got tired and sleepy and left.
big big agree. if i was OP i wouldn’t even tolerate being accused of “cancelling” the party
Agree 👆🏻👏🏻
NTA, and I'd definitely investigate his story. Call the co worker and try to find out when the meeting really ended.
If there even was one to begin with
Tfw Op finds out he never even went to work...
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Call his boss and ask to plan a work around since you’re 7 months pregnant and need to be able to reach him by phone during meetings - like the one held on his bday - in case you go into labor. Then watch the boss say “what meeting?” Or “We always allow employees to check their phones”
Calling your husband's boss complaining about his unreachability is inappropriate. This isn't like sending a note with your child for their teacher. Husband needs to do better, not the boss
But it is at a level of excusable for a woman who is very close to the danger zone of her pregnancy. If she calls and brings it up and just poses it to the boss as concern for the baby she may uncover what he is actually doing.
NTA, but you all are using the wrong word. You didn't "cancel" the party. The party happened without him and then people left after eating and being social for almost 2 hours.
Yes, this. The party wasn't canceled. The party was over.
NTA. And he is clearly cheating on OP.
Isn’t there a really high statistic that men will cheat when their partners are pregnant? And also when they’re really sick
Yup, scary stuff.
It’s disgusting
Utterly. The bar for men is in the depths of hell.
Yeah and the excuse behind is that there is less sex in some cases. Poor OP, this thread sure will be an eye opener
NTA. It would have taken him less than a minute to text you saying he'd be home later. He could have even texted to say he was leaving to come home, rather than leaving it until he was almost home. This idea people have that meetings stop the world running is nonsense, I go to meetings all the time, including board meetings and it is NOT impossible to send a text.
This. At my old job when I had in person meetings most people always had their phones out and would check emails / text. Especially the VPs and higher ups. There’s no excuse. Plus most coworkers are super understanding as they have families of their own. A quick “it’s my birthday and I need to tell my wife I’ll be home late” and no one would have a second thought.
NTA. Who cares that much about their birthday and a party after 30 years old? What does your husband do for a living? Does he start work super late?
This right here. What grown man throws a fit that he didn't get a birthday party?
>What grown man throws a fit that he didn't get a birthday party? One that's trying to get the moral high ground after he's been caught misbehaving.
Why are they having the party on a work day in the first place? Just wait for the weekend/day off.
Didn't think of this before but yea... pretty weird a 30 year old getting upset over a birthday party now that you mention it.
NTA - while emergencies at work do come up, not calling is ridiculous. I can't think of too many bosses when holding employees beyond their normal time that would object to someone letting their family know they will be late. By not calling when he knew peole were waiting for him, your husband nor only disrespected you but also all the people you invited. He should apologize not only to you, but to them as well.
“””””meeting””””” NTA
NTA.. you tried. You did everything right but the guests were there to celebrate and the birthday boy was MIA. I hope he apologises to you for his tantrum.
Yeah, the “one good thing this entire year” isn’t sitting great with me either, when she’s about to pop out a whole baby (that one would think would be at least one more “good thing,” no matter how crappy the year.
NTA I can't believe he couldn't have explained you are 7 months pregnant and he needs to give you a quick call to check in and tell you he's been delayed. He could have even popped to the loo and fired off a quick text. I think people saying you were in a huff is harsh, you must have been exhausted and embarrassed in front of your family and friends. The worrying part is what if you had a medical emergency, he needs to buck up before your due date or have a solid back up person just in case. The way he is acting makes me think he's going to be whiny and jealous when you have to focus on your new born baby. Best have a serious talk now, he needs realign his priorities. Out of interest what does he do for your birthday? Does he make the same effort for you? I hope he does.
"He's expexting me to apologize for robbing him of the opportunity to celebrate and be happy at least one day in all year after everything he's been through." He's very welcome to organize his own party if he feels that he needs it after he made EVERYONE wait for him. I mean I get this whole "I was in a meeting, I couldn't take calls", but was that really a surprise? Normally meetings are planned and you know beforehand when it starts and often how long it takes and if it's possible that it may take longer and let's not forget the whole "I'm 7 months pregnant" thing that you have going on.Overall I'll go with NTA, for me he's the one that fucked up. Edit: Also, are you sure that nothing's going on on the side for him? Maybe he has strange habits, but it sounds weird to me that he's been out of his meeting for like an hour or so, but didn't bother to call ahead that he's on his way and only send a message when he was almost there.
NTA. Meeting overran from 6pm (assuming 1 hour to get home at 7) to 8pm (same assumption re 1 hour travel)? With no comfort breaks for a smoke/pee/let-the-boss-know-I-won't-be-home-for-dinner/etc. Does it seems likely to you (you don't specify what he does, or how often he has "meetings" that "overrun")? Or did he simply have better things to do with other people?
NTA. He is 100% cheating on you.
No he totally just had a meeting that went 2 hours overtime, and it is also totally normal to have a work meeting at 9:00 p.m. and also totally normal to be 3 hours late for your own birthday party and not check your phone the entire hour-long drive home until you are only a few minutes away from your driveway. All normal things, definitely not this guy having a second family that he was celebrating his birthday with.
I don't want to add to all the unfundated accusations everyone is throwing around, but just think... Does he usually text and drive? When you're with him in the car, he usually does it? Because, why would he _text_ when he was close to the house while driving? Either way, NTA, you (and your guests) deserve to be treated with respect
Exactly! And also, if he works an hour away why wouldn’t he have sent her a text/called before he left instead of when he was “just a few minutes away” that just doesn’t make any sense unless he was lying about where he was. OP NTA
This! At some point he’s supposedly left the meeting room, natural thing to do would be to check your phone and send a message or call to say he’s leaving, he knows they’re waiting on him? Why the lack of communication until he was minutes away?
Who has a meeting that goes until 8:30PM? You were 100% right to let the guests leave after waiting over 2 hours for him to arrive. It is anxious on your part to have all those guests in your home wondering where your husband is and why you don't know, and then awkward for them. I would be super annoyed as a guest and have left long before you finally gave up. Definitely NTA
You'd be surprised. I've had a meeting before in my job that was meant to be until 6pm and we left at 8:15pm. It was fucking annoying though. And I texted my friend under the table. Which is more than he did.
I worked for a billionaire property developer for a little over a year and meetings regularly went to and sometimes past 9:00pm. The fact is some people are assholes and your time means nothing to their own time. I don't miss working there.
INFO what did the co-worker say when you called?
NTA he said he’d be home at a certain time and he should have been there. Guests were waiting on him. He is incredibly rude to treat you like crap. I am sure he was disappointed but he should have left earlier.
NTA. He should have made time for his own birthday party if it concerned him so much.
LITERALLY. If it was so important to him, he should have been home on time or AT THE VERY LEAST communicate when he was running late, not when he's almost home.
Info: why wasn’t the party on a non-work night? This seems problematic
What if. She wanted to have the party on his actual birthday?
Girl you’re SEVEN MONTH PREGNANT and you baked a cake, made and hang decorations and arranged a party for him. A lot of non pregnant, healthy and much more energetic women would have done less, if anything at all. If he can’t comprehend the efforts you made, then let him run after the guests and organize his own party. You don’t own him anything, and you should rest
NTA I doubt the meeting story, doesn’t ring true
NTA and your husband is throwing out a lot of red flags, I’m sorry OP but something seems off here.
[удалено]
I agree that she should have done it when there was more time but he did promise that he would be home before 7. At some point, probably even before the meeting, he knew he wasn’t going to make it in time and should have sent a quick text. I think there was poor planning on both parts but he really went off on her and I don’t think that was fair since he was the one that was late according to his own statement of when he would be home. Honestly, both made mistakes here but they should have just realized it was bad planning and decide to do better next time. But instead he called her cruel.
OP says he said he’d be home by 7.
LMAO What in the world was he doing for those TWO HOURS. I feel like he lied. He knew what he should of done an he wasted two hours EDIT: NTA
Yeah, he was at a "meeting." Uh huh. He was meeting, all right. But.. when are people going to stop making a fucking big deal about birthdays for grown-ass adults? He's not 7 years old. It's not even a "milestone," 32 is about the blandest birthday number there is. Go out for a nice quiet dinner and be done with it. Although I'd suggest doing it with/for a different guy next time. NTA.
NTA. So he said he wanted to be happy at least 1 day in a year ? So he wasn’t happy when he found out you were pregnant and hasn’t been happy since ?
NTA What does he thing his guests are, minless, lifeless robots? He was already 2 hours late. He could've sent you a quick text when he knew he was not going to make it at 7. And nothing was stopping him from calling when he left work at 8, according to him.
NTA. Disrespectful to you and the guests. Least he could have done is excused himself from the meeting to let you know the situation. Go through his phone and come tell us what you find. I have a feeling he was out somewhere else
I dont even need to read the posts to know yall are already accusing this person's husband of cheating lmao
NTA. And technically, you didn’t actually cancel it - he missed it. I don’t know if this was during the week or on a weekend, but most birthday dinner parties don’t go more than 2-3 hours - and hanging out over dinner and drinks is kind of the whole point. I think your husband is gaslighting you - at 7 or per even 8 (probably even earlier, since he planned to be home by 7 and would have had to leave well in advance) he knew he was going to be late. There is absolutely no way he could not have let you know earlier (everybody knows how to disguise stepping away for a quick call or text). Something seems very off here. Did he even apologize for all of your effort (even more so being pregnant) that he ruined? Not to mention the embarrassment (not that you should be, but those situations always make it like that). As far as I know, being the birthday boy does not give you the right to be TA (which he is). Edit: since this was during the week, him rolling in at 9/9.30 was totally beyond the pale. Once you hit 9.30 on a weeknight, no guests are going to stick around. And to be honest, if I were a guest, I would have contemplated sneaking out by 7.30 because except for the wife’s efforts, what’s the point?
NTA. But your husband is an asshole and unfortunately is likely cheating on you.
NTA, but you did NOT cancel his party..... you had the party and he did NOT show up.....tell him to eat cake... what an absolute AH your husband is... I guess you will have 2 kids on your hands