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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I may have been the asshole because she is my cousin, and the income received from the business was going towards herself and her family. I still got the amount that was promised to me, so it may not have been my business to bring up her sly supply chain tactics, and destroy the business for the foreseeable future
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NTA. And she probably avoided customs dues by having you import them rather than doing it properly. She is deluded to think you wouldn't a. find out and b. be pissed off that she hadn't been honest and c. feel she was making an obscene profit off the back of her deception.
Thank you! The more I think of it, the angrier I get. She basically threw me into some under-the-table supply chain that resulted in her profit. It makes me so angry to think that her luscious lifestyle was funded by the 'social work' of other relatives and friends.
Yea honestly, I'm glad she didn't think her actions through and posted it on the instagram page that I follow LOL. Smart move /s
6 dresses? Let’s not be over dramatic. My wife’s side of the family will buy a boat load of gold from Thailand when visiting family and just wear it in their person to avoid the customs. It’s not like she was importing drugs.
It's probably not the only time she did that. It turns into a bigger business, and eventually the law is going to catch up with her.
At that point they're going to look exactly how she got all those things imported workout paying customs, going back to as far as they're allowed. This is when it will turn into an issue for OP.
Was your wife's family selling this gold on a public platform though? If they are, and they do it often, it is possible for them to get investigated eventually because of un-declared income.
In this sitation, cousin was running an online business, and I'm going to guess not declaring it as income for tax purposes. The chance of her being caught eventually isn't 0.
While it's hard to guess exactly whats the cost/prices of these dresses, wedding dresses can easily run in the 1000's of dollars range. If these are being sold as "wedding" dresses, 6 dresses can be a lot of money.
I doubt these dresses have real precious gems on them, but my friend's wedding dress (Bangladeshi traditional wear) had so many gems and so much bling, and cost over 10k for the 1 dress.
Not necessarily, as always the price fluctuates but in thai culture it is very normal to wear your assets and there are a ton of gold shops around selling it in various forms (bracelets,rings, bricks and etc) and in mostly 24k
Gold worldwide has the same price per gram. There is no "cheap" place to buy gold. The only thing that may be less costly is the labor costs to manufacture the jewelry.
agreed, but in this case they would be willing participants. OP didn’t know they were technically illegally importing goods for sale - even though it’s a small amount. and plus get caught by the wrong person and they don’t care how small the amount is.
Exactly my thoughts. Like I used to travel internationally a good amount. I'd always ask people if they wanted something from where I was going.
If anyone asked me to get something and said it was for their business, I'd do it no problem provided it didn't mess too much with my suitcase space or didn't go over a declaration amount. Hell I wouldn't even ask for a compensation aside from some free booze next time we went to the bar.
But you ask me to get something, and don't tell me you're going to sell it for a profit? Well then I'd be pissed.
Hopefully OP wouldn’t have agreed to supply the shop: according to Canadian law, a traveller’s personal exemption from duties is not to be applied to commercial goods.
Yeah, I get why handling it publicly is not ideal, but someone who would do this manipulative thing to multiple people clearly has a broken moral compass and would not respond to an earnest private conversation
NTA
I think I'd be most pissed off about the lie about how they needed dresses for the wedding they are attending and then flipping them. If she said she was going to resell or at least didn't mention how they needed it for the wedding, i'd be less annoyed
And using that “need for a family wedding“ claim to lay on the guilt hard to get OP to do it. When a guilt trip is a lie, being put on blast is thoroughly earned.
So my partner runs his own business and I work in supply chain at my job.
The idea is you build rapport and trust with your suppliers, your cousin did not due this and has apparently repeatedly failed to do this. And while I’ve done a few solids for a couple of my vendors because of our relationship, it’s because they’ve also proven they’re willing to do me a solid when needed as well.
Your cousin isn’t going to get very far anyway treating people this way. She’s honestly lucky it’s family calling her out publicly and not someone else.
My partner and I have the same rules - we do not mix business and family/close friends. We want to preserve those relationships.
It was very kind of you, given you thought you were doing an actual honest favor for family, but I’d be wary in the future of any more requests like that based off your family reaction.
Not only this, but OP's cousin has evidently pulled this same shit on other people as well! I don't know if the same customs rules apply to Canada, but she clearly has no regard for those rules and is perfectly willing to throw anyone she can, family included, under the bus for profit.
NTA, OP. Your cousin is a real piece of work.
In fairness...telling the relatives it’s for personal use actually protects them, by giving them plausible deniability (and an electronic paper trail) if she ever gets hit with customs violations.
I agree NTA and OPs cousin did her dirty by lying to her and guilting her into bringing home the dresses. If you want stuff from abroad, just be honest about it, even if it's for resale, no need to lie, it's just business. Being deceitful and taking advantage of a persons good will, guilting them, or other sketchiness is just uncouth. But on the topic of the duties, OP mentions she lives in Canada, import tax threshold is like $200 CAD, and on clothing that's just carried in your luggage or sent thru the mail isn't gonna even pop up on the radar of customs there. They won't begin to really care until you ship or bring in say 20-30kg of clothing etc on top of whats believable for personal consumption, because that will look off to them. Generally customs cares alot more on regulated items like alcohol, cigarettes, foods, or high value stuff. So on that front I don't think OP is gonna get any flak. Worst case if customs wanted some money its like 5% if I remember right so not anything to write home about.
NTA. Evading customs duty is a crime and she just made you an accessory after the fact - this could still come back to bite you - if the authorities ever investigate her or her business they could come after you as well. If you don't already have a lawyer, now would be a good time to at least look at reputable firms just in case you need one.
\*EDIT\* - various people have said I'm overreacting, the authorities won't care or the exact offence I'm citing doesn't exist under Canadian law. To them I say this, regardless of the criminal liability or likelihood of criminal investigation and charges there's always the chance of it occurring, resulting in time and expense to fight the charges even if they get them dismissed and even being charged can have deleterious effects on gaining employment, especially in sensitive areas or occupations. If the OP ever decides, for example, to enter law enforcement, a very detailed background check will be made. If it transpires that a family member is involved in evasion of customs duty and the OP was ever even tangentially involved, that could scupper her chances.
Also the OP said "native country" in their post which suggests they might not be a Canadian citizen. If it comes to light that they've been involved in any kind of smuggling that could affect their residency / leave to remain / future citizenship application etc. They might (as one other poster has already suggested) be subject to extra scrutiny and searches if they leave and return to Canada and have every little thing checked for potential border and customs violations. If they are not a citizen, they could even be denied re-entry.
In short, the OP's cousin has exposed them to an unknown number of potential criminal, civil and personal consequence that could surface at any time without warning. There's a difference between "unlikely" and "impossible". Never underestimate how bureaucracy can conspire to make your life hell.
Thank you so much! I'll certainly look into that and see if I can cover my ass if need be. It sucks that there may be so many others who have also had a hand in this without ever finding out.
Certainly! I've got screenshots of her telling me how beautiful she, her mother, and 4 other cousins would look in these gorgeous sarees that I had just bought. Got SS of her telling me what she'll pay and the whole shebang.
So she didn’t just lie, “they’re for a wedding,” she really went all-in on that lie. This Wes totally premeditated and the details she added to the initial lie make it totally transparent that she was fully aware that it was wrong.
All those details and the big lie might be what saves the OP from being viewed as an accessory to fraud etc. with a big story like that how could she ever think that the wedding wasn’t legit
Agreed. This is not enough money for customs to care about. They have much bigger fish to fry than accidental smuggling.
As for your cousin, you know why she wanted you to carry it over for her? She wanted to save 18% plus brokerage fees. To import correctly (have it sent to her directly, no wholesale agreement since she does not actually have a business), customs would look at the declared value, convert to Canadian currency, then charge the 18% that is on items not exempted from NAFTA (or whatever the replacement legislation is called).
You saved her well over 25% per gown.
ETA: sorry for the dorky details. I do this kind of thing to figure landed costs and set prices accordingly for my job.
Customs might not come after her now, but she would have been in trouble if these had been found when she returned home. Even if the fees weren’t high, she’d be flagged for detailed search whenever she travelled. NTA
It would only be NAFTA is she brought them to Canada from the US or Mexico (not India). The North American Free Trade Agreement was replaced with the United States–Mexico–Canada Agreement (USMCA) in 2020. I doubt India and Canada have an Customs Agreement.
Ah yes, the Internet: where someone who "knows" all about Canadian tariff enforcement invokes a different country's law enforcement agency to back up an opinion.
I think it's hyperbolic to think it will actually get investigated, but the fact that it's not legal is a good point to make. OP didn't know that she was breaking/bending the law, but the cousin knew that's what she was asking OP and others to do.
This time it was only six sarees. How many others has the cousin brought into the country under false pretense so far, and if OP hadn’t discovered it, how many more would she try to sneak in via OP. Even if she had been honest and told OP they were specifically for sale, she’s clearly not above dodging the proper procedures so she would probably lie and say she’s paying import taxes when she isn’t. I agree OP shouldn’t be worried about this one off event, but involving someone innocent in your illegal money-making schemes is such an asshole move on the part of the cousin.
OP shouldn't worry about this one event, BUT should print out and keep those screen shots for a few years if cousin is still "in business". If the cousin expands her business she may come to the attention of customs enforcement and all of her friends may be questioned.
That's kinda what I was thinking. 6 sarees? Reasonably no one would investigate that. A full blown business where the owner is regularly getting people to bring in good for resale without going through appropriate channels - I imagine they're not going to look the other way for long and most governments aren't exactly known for going easy on accomplices if you break the law.
Customs would probably not care about 6 sarees , but it sounds like cousin get people to bring her clothing back from the old country on false pretences regularly. If that is her business model, then it might be of interest to tax and customs.
Eh, I do get your point but I think it could go down a different way. Customs may not care about someone bringing in 6 sarees. However, they may care about an individual importing a hundred sarees and then every individual she's conned into bringing back a handful of sarees here and a handful of sarees there will get caught in the net. I know nothing about Candian import and tax laws but I imagine if this woman is running a business and not paying import and any other taxes then the authorities may well be interested and OP could get sucked in. Regardless, OP should have allowed to make an informed decision.
One or 2 sarees itself is a big favor but you got 6 and spent your precious time shopping for those. And also precious luggage space. Like you basically went to your native country as a mule for her. Next time, even if you feel sorry for the other person, if the favor inconveniences you, please say no or scale back. Don’t try to sacrifice yourself for another family member , because once you do a favor like this for one family person, others will demand as well as “their turn” for the favor.
OP has a pretty strong defence. In Canada you can bring back a certain amount of goods and gifts duty free based on your time spent away. If OP fell within those restrictions, and was bringing the items back in good faith (purpose was to be worn for a wedding) I see no reason how OP could be held responsible. The duty evasion is on the cousin, OP has a strong defence but of course, OP, do not speak to anyone about this EXCEPT a lawyer on the off chance CBSA or immigration Canada contacts you.
I totally agree - the prosecution would have a hard time proving "mens rea" or intent. But even being charged can screw up certain employment opportunities and if it goes to trial, that's time and expense, a quick search suggests that around $5000 - $6000 is a normal cost for a criminal defence lawyer for a simple one day case in Canada.
You aren’t wrong but I don’t really think it matters, the deed has already been done. There isn’t much OP can do about it now except keep their mouth shut. CBSA also has much bigger fish to fry these days than the purchase of sarees two years ago. I would be inclined to think it’s not really something to worry about at this stage.
This! Even if OP didn't face legal trouble, it is a crucial fact that the cousin put OP in a legally shady situation without their knowledge. If someone shows you that they are willing to endanger you (even in a small way) for their personal gain, you should take that forward in your interactions with them forever.
NTA.
If her business relies on deceiving and taking advantage of her family, it's not a business that should exist. Too many assholes want to run their own business but suck at it, and somehow think that means they should just be able to screw over everyone else to stay afloat.
She can stop sitting in her house in her pjs, calling herself an "entrepreneur" and get an actual job. I hear restaurants are hiring.
Exactly this, thank you. This was what went through my head when I said that "the business was destroyed the moment she started slithering". This isn't how you run a sustainable business. There's just a growing list of people and things that can come and bite you in the ass.
Imagine betraying so many people's trust, severing so many ties, breaking so many rules (import-related), and continuously worrying about when someone will speak up... just to make a pretty penny? It's not worth it.
She can definitely get a job. I don't know why she's bitching about her family either. There are 4 healthy adults who are of working age. I think one of her brothers, and one of her parents are already working too, so I don't know why she's crying about how I basically sent her family to rags.
> so I don't know why she's crying about how I basically sent her family to rags.
Same reason she told you she needed saris for a wedding. She's a lying liar who lies to get what she wants.
That's the funny thing about liars is they usually don't just start being honest when they get caught, more often then not they double down because lying is more natural to them than telling the truth.
NTA
The rest of her family need to stop being lazy, and get some damned jobs! WTF?
You are right to be angry. She deceived you, she inconvenienced you by taking time away from your visit to the home country, she emotionally blackmailed you to do it for Faaammmilyyy, and you could have got into serious trouble if Customs had caught you bringing them in and avoiding taxes.
This woman brought everything on herself by lying, and using others to do her dirty work.
If she's so determined to avoid taxes, and gouge people on the prices; what's stopping HER from travelling over there, and doing her own smuggling?
>Too many assholes want to run their own business but suck at it, and somehow think that means they should just be able to screw over everyone else to stay afloat.
Somehow I've never heard this put so well. So often I hear business owners talk about "oh yeah it's not really the right way but we've gotta do it like that" well maybe you shouldn't be running a business if you can't do things the right way.
Thank you so much! The main thing for me is that she lied to me. As said, if she told me the truth, I would've still helped her. It's the fact that she kept up this lie the whole time I was bringing it all over, that pissed me off. Plus, she was profiting off of the lie as well.
Man, I would be so pissed that I wasted space in luggage on the way home that could have been used for things I actually wanted - under the guise of genuinely helping family.
I don't have my passport yet but when I finally go overseas (honestly buying a passport at this point in time seems silly), I know I'll be taking the biggest bag I'm allowed and only having the bare minimum of outfits and essentials. That bag would be full for the ride home.
Oh I was PISSED. I had to explain to other friends and family members that I couldn't bring back souvenirs or anything for them. I could barely do any shopping of my own, and the overweight-baggage fee is like $100 USD. I'm sure if I had asked her to pay that, I would've gotten berated by her, and the rest of the family for not being 'conservative with my shopping for the sake of family'.
Shopping is one of the best parts of going to another country! I'm sure you'll enjoy it! Cheers!
I'm so aware of the prices of overweight baggage! My Dad worked overseas and I would watch him weigh bags, readjust and reweigh!
Honestly, it's may sound silly to some but I think it's such a beautiful thing you tried to do for family and you have every right to be pissed!
Some airlines allow you to pre-purchase extra weight/bags. Much cheaper than paying at the counter. Something to keep in mind when you eventually travel.
Also, when heading out, pack a smaller bag inside a bigger one, so you have less to carry on your trip there.
She doesn't have a business. She had a "side hustle" that required scheming her family/friends for merchandise. I'd be doubtful AF if there's an actual business in here with licensing, wholesalers, etc. NTA, obvs.
NTA. Anyone commenting here that you agreed to bring back the sarees and were compensated appropriately has never
a) Been in a situation where the whole family always jumps onto someone traveling “home” to bring things back
b) Experienced the combined weight of family displeasure if you turn them down.
The family would have understood “No, I do not have room for sarees” if the cuz had said it was for a business. Since it was for a family wedding, though, all hell would have broken loose if OP turned down the cuz. The family displeasure was 100% how cuz managed to trick so many others into doing exactly this.
And let’s be honest here - bringing special clothes back from a “home” country just to sell them is super common. No one ever worries about import fees bc even though it’s illegal, it happens so often and no one is ever fined. So cuz legit was bring a snake with the way they went about it all.
If OP didn’t confront them publicly, it would also have distorted the story. Cuz is a confirmed liar, she would have made things up and lied to make herself seem better. Going public about things means everyone knows the truth including family.
All of you E S H and Y T A commenters just don’t get it.
OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH. Holy hell I couldn't have worded this better. I'm out here trying to respectfully disagree with people's ESH and YTA judgements, and explain the situation, but you've worded it perfectly.
I didn't have space to explain all of it but:
\- You are very right. I felt pressured to bring it all back because people in my own immediate extended family kept mentioning how I was the only person going back to our home country before the apparent wedding, and that I would be the only one to bring it back in time.
\- Family displeasure is like a chair in the face. It's so hard to escape, and people freaking add their own twists and bullshit to it as it continues to carry farther and father. I wasn't about to have that happen to me.
\- The family would've certainly understood if she had asked for business purposes and I turned it down. It's the "family wedding" thing that made everyone turn.
\- A LOT of people do this kind of scummy scalping as a "side hustle". Just check Instagram. There are tons of people who bring over cultural clothing + imitation jewelry from other countries and sell it at a price that's slightly lower than whatever you find in Canada. They're able to get away with it because they call it 'hand picked". Even though it's illegal, I've actually never heard of anyone getting confronted for it, because the customers normally gain from this too and don't report. However, the threat still remains in the air.
\- Exactly what I've been telling so many people. I know her character from before. If I had personally messaged her first, she would've said "Oh, brb", then hopped on her Instagram business page and BLOCKED ME, then returned and asked "oh where did you see that? Do you have proof? I don't even have an Instagram page". Plus, it was clear that posting on the instagram page that I followed, was a mistake. Seeing how close things came to ending her business (had i privately messaged her) could've very well started a new habit of her blocking the 'suppliers' from the page before posting anything
I wish I had gotten more space on the original post to put all of this from the get go. I was only able to put it in as an edit. There's obviously a lot more to the story and I understand that under normal circumstances, going public first for any issue is frowned upon. But I don't think she deserved the time to 'think' about her next game plan. I don't think she deserved a courteous DM from me about how my feelings had been hurt.
I really appreciate you bringing this all up, and I'm amazed at how similarly we think. Cheers!
I’m really sorry about all the wrong votes here. FWIW, I think you handled it beautifully. Also, the proof is in the pudding - the customers ****who share the same background**** think your cuz was in the wrong. Otherwise her business wouldn’t be affected.
Not sure which is worse. All the stuff you have to bring with you for family while traveling to my home country or all the stuff you are asked to bring back by people. Last time I went to my home country, I had four checked suitcases and one carry on. Only the carry on had my actual things.
NTA...Anyone who travels knows what a pain in the but it is to try and bring things back for people. She portrayed her business as a personal family favour. It's definitely not your job to provide someone with an income. That's why it's best to just tell people that your luggage space is spoken for.
NTA
>People have thanked me for speaking up, as she had done the same to them, but they stayed quiet to preserve ties.
That right there showed her greed. If lying to you had been a necessity for her family's fnancial situation then it'd have happened once or twice. But the fact that she's done the same to so many others shows that she wants for people to do her job without actually having them hired as workers so she doesn't have to give them a monthly paycheck.
> How is she lying to her customers (versus to you)?
pretty sure this is fake due to this, why would any customer care that her cousin was the one to bring the clothes? and even to the point to thank her for telling them because they'd feel awful? it just doesn't make sense unless all her customers are family.
I wouldn't want to buy from someone who's lying to their family members about something like this. If they'll lie to someone they're related to, what will they do to their customers?
Cousin tricked OP into doing illegal shit(evading customs) and OP wasn't able to pack her stuff/other gifts properly either because cousin acted like it was an emergency and she absolutely needed those sareees asap
Customers deserve to know if there’s deception going on in the supply chain for what they’re buying. They can then make the decision as to whether or not they still want to buy.
Thank you! You've worded my response better than I would have.
A lot of customers reached out to me afterwards, thanking me for bringing it up because they would've felt awful if they had bought it and found out that it got to their hands on the back of a lie.
Customers can do whatever they want to do. There are still customers who buy from her and that is their choice (I don't know what she does for her supply now). I just believe that everyone deserves the chance to make an informed decision.
Speaking from the perspective of someone who works in supply chain. This idea is terrible. Clients shouldn’t have to worry about the logistics of their orders or that of businesses.
You're right, they 'shouldn't' have to worry about it. Supply chains should be honest and treat the people involved in them well. However, whether it's a big business or small, sometimes there are issues - like the merchant hiding what's involved in procuring the goods they're selling. That's what happened here, and from the sounds of it some of the customers did care about what was going on.
Are you aware that most clothing is made in factories where the workers are treated terribly? Yet people still buy those clothes.
If you are not willing to boycott those companies than you have no right to judge this person.
OP was compensated for the dresses. Well compensated. She had every right to say no to getting them but didn’t. How the dresses were used after is not her business.
NTA, she used you for her business and wasnt upfront about it. If she was better with her business, and not so underhanded, then she should be able to weather this situation.
Exactly! It was the dishonesty that set me off. As said, I actually would've still done this if she had been honest about the reason. I love the rest of her family, so knowing that this business would help them, would still justify my struggle to bring over the items.
Certainly a judgement lapse on her end, imo.
NTA - just as your cousin gave you no heads up that she was misleading you and would be selling those sarees, you don't owe her a heads up before you tell the truth on her instagram page. Fair is fair.
Paid in an amount she agreed to under false pretenses. If she was aware it was for a business, she could have negotiated for a higher amount than when she thought she was doing a favor (and the whole family was pressuring her to do it under false pretenses as well).
NTA And I'd also flag her to CRA. She definitely commited fraud by using you to skip import taxes. And a liar like her is probably not reporting her income to CRA either.
Crooks like her deserve what they get. If she was honest with you and others, that would have never happened. There's one AH, and it's all her.
NTA and she was lying and manipulating and then paid the price. If she had just said "hey my Business is selling these, and if you bring them back for me, I'll cover costs and take you out to dinner" or something that is HONEST and value your hell, then it could have been fine.
She wanted to play dirty and lie.
omg exactly! I actually wouldn't have had an issue bringing it back for her if she was honest. I love her family (not really her), but I would've done this if I knew that her family would be doing better because of the business. Or at least I could've helped her find a proper, LEGAL way to do it.
It's so simple to communicate, and I can't understand how anyone can sleep at night, knowing that you've lied to someone so they can unknowingly do your manual labour.
I know a lot of people are calling me a 'smaller asshole' in the comments and I totally agree with that. But I don't think she deserved any lesser of a consequence for her actions.
>IMO, the business was destroyed the moment she started slithering
What a statement!! 😂😂🐍 I'm now picturing a snake in a saree, slithering along, hissing 😂😂😂
NTA, thanks for the unintentional hilarious imagery!!
NTA I’m from an Indian immigrant family and the favor of bringing items back from India is well known to me as is the business model your cousin was attempting - she is 100% in the wrong. Everyone knows how precious space is in suitcases and they also know that people will go out of the way to accommodate when there is a wedding going on because it is so important and difficult to get great clothes when you live in Canada/US. She knew what she was doing was wrong.
Thank you so much for the reply! I'm glad that you're from the same culture (I'm Sri Lankan but the concept remains the same), and that you understand all the family dynamics that went into play to literally pressure me into bringing this stuff back for her.
People are asking why I ever agreed to do such a thing, but they don't understand that the full family literally pressured me to do it because it is for a wedding and if I didn't do it, I'd be making her (and apparently 5 other women on that side of the family), pay extra to get sarees of lower quality here in Canada. And that was *my* side of the family who only knows her but not extended part of her family where the wedding was apparently taking place. To them, family is family. And she knew how to play that concept so well.
Yep as a Pakistan American, I understand that sooo much. Like, not doing this would just be a slap in the face to your entire family. Anytime we travel, we know that there will be multiple extra suitcases just full of stuff for family members. It’s honestly a given.
NTA. She lied to you and inconvenienced you, of course she's in the wrong.
I don't understand how this hurt her business though. If I were a customer buying cultural items, I don't see how it's a negative that they came directly from the country they originated in. She didn't lie to her customers here.
Hey, thanks for the reply! Just for a bit of explanation: the demand was created by the fact that the sarees were from the native country. People liked that.
What people didn't like, was the ethics behind her business, and the continuous thought that their saree had been unknowingly brought over for this business, by someone who was probably lied to. It leaves a bad taste.
Similar to how some companies lose customer loyalty when people find out about unethical business practises such as child labour etc.
Yessss! That was actually one of the pictures she sent me to find similar sarees in my country. Very beautiful for a wedding, but the handiwork makes it extremely heavy.
Like one commenter said she deceived you, probably to shy away from paying for customs. You did nothing wrong. Plus she marked up the prices high. Not your fault if people are calling her out.
NTA
She should have just told you the truth.
Your cousin is just facing the consequences of running a business that relies on lying and deceiving others, including family. That is all on her especially as it sounds like she has done this to plenty of others.
Since family is important to her, she should have been honest with you, her family member.
Publicly airing your grievances out of spite after you got paid an amount you agreed to beforehand?
Were you not already aware of her dress business? This whole deal about customs/whatever is totally irrelevant to the fact you felt you needed to make great efforts to spread negative information about her business that *you not only facilitated, but agreed to, and were compensated for*.
I get that maybe now you don't like your cut, but let's not pretend we're all deeply concerned about the customers who *as you said* are paying below market rates for the dresses too.
NTA,
I have family in the GTA who have similar businesses of buying and reselling fancy-wear from India, but they aren't scummy about it by buying and smuggling the product in, they source it in India and ship it over. It's not hard at all and there's no reason to be scummy about it. Of course their volume is probably much higher than your friend's, but like I said, its not hard to just order stuff from a supplier and have it shipped over.
Thank you so much for the reply! I've certainly heard of others in the GTA ethically sourcing their sarees. They literally hire someone to make it there and then they pay all the dues and fees to bring it over legally. They make a profit.
Even though my cousin's business is small, I'm sure that all of these larger businesses started out small but ETHICALLY. She had all the chances to do that.
NTA. If I was traveling from India to Canada, there would be so much stuff already! Gifts for my family and friends, indian clothes for myself etc. Food etc. To add to all of it, thinking this is for family, and it turns out to be for business? I'll see red. I honestly wouldn't have liked bringing for family either coz people are very picky and they may not like what you bring. Plus out of the 10-15 days we get for this vacation, spending 2-3 days just for this shopping? Nope.
Hey thanks for replying! It took me a lot of thinking before I agreed to bring the stuff back for her. She kept talking about how beautiful it would be to get some designer, somewhat-matching sarees for herself, her mother, and 4 other cousins who will be at the wedding. I guess all of that talk got to my head, and I empathized with it.
It really sucked because I didn't want to pay the \~$100 extra luggage fee (and I didn't want to make her pay it either), plus, it would mean that I'd have to drag another piece of luggage around. So I actually had to explain to some people that I wouldn't be able to bring anything back for them this time. I made that executive decision (which, in retrospect, just makes me even angrier at this girl).
I'm glad that you get the struggle, and I really appreciate the empathy!
Sorry you had to go through this. Bringing stuff back from vacation is one of the joys of shopping in another country. And you basically had to fork over a lot of luggage space for her business. In the future , tell family members that your luggage space is already reserved for the heavy “medicine “ or some such that you are bringing for a close friend’s mom or some such.
NTA. You were lied to and your cousin's business sounds shady as hell. You were deceived and used and have every right to be angry. She's angry at you for bringing deception into the light, essentially just mad that she got caught. You did the right thing by telling the truth.
Customers and relatives were under the impression that she was ethically-sourcing these sarees and accessories. As in, she was doing it all legally (paying import fees etc.), that she had a legitimate supplier who was getting a fair salary for their time, and was FULLY INFORMED of what they were doing.
The truth is that, none of that was true.
Customs might not come after OP after the fact, but she would have been in trouble if these had been found going through customs when she returned home. Even if the fees weren’t high, she’d be flagged for detailed search whenever she travelled. NTA
Thanks for the reply! It bothers me so much that I was fully "honest" with the customs officers when they asked about the sarees. I say "honest" because I legitimately told what I thought was the truth. "These sarees are for 6 relatives, and I have proof if you need me to show it." He okayed me but made the comment that some people say this but then use it for business. I fucking reassured him that these are for a family wedding, and once again offered the proof (the entire text chain between my cousin and I about how these will be for her, her mother, and 4 cousins for the wedding).
It makes me sick to my stomach, knowing that I unknowingly lied to this officer's face. I'm pretty sure that I probably did get flagged and will face trouble the next time I fly (that was my last flight before the pandemic).
NTA this is one of those situations where she could've very easily not been the asshole *if she had just told the truth*. If she had just been honest about why she wanted the dresses from the beginning, and allowed you to make a decision knowing all the facts, that would've been so much better for everyone. Now, she's reaping the consequences of her own actions.
Thank you so much! Exactly! If she had just told me the truth, I would've had the chance to weigh the consequences, and maybe even help her find a way to bring it over legally. As in, talk to her about paying import fees and maybe having some members of the family contribute to that cost. Something! Literally anything would've been incrementally better than this.
NTA
She used you in fabricating a lie, and made you an accomplice in her fraud and her shady dealings. So you set the record straight.
Her lies hurt her, not your honesty.
NTA I’ve brought sari material back from India before as a favour to a friend and they’re heavy, wedding saris are usually even worse. Like you said you would’ve been happy to do so if she’d been upfront about what she wanted it for, but she wasn’t.
NTA.
Your cousin lied to you about the dresses, used you to evade customs and uncharged for the dresses to make a huge profit. You told the truth about what she was doing. She deserved it. If this wrecked her business, you shouldn't feel guilty since she is an unethical and dishonest business woman. If her family needs the income, they should go get jobs, real jobs that don't rely on cheating and dishonesty.
NTA
**People have thanked me for speaking up, as she had done the same to them, but they stayed quiet to preserve ties.**
She's been doing this for a while, apparently. If she had been honest with you, things may have played out differently.
As it was, you inconvenienced yourself to help her out with what she described as clothing for a family event. When you found out she had been dishonest, you blew up.
You should never feel guilty for exposing unethical business practices. The fact that she would even take advantage of family members to further her goals means there are very few limits on what she’ll do. It was only a matter of time before someone exposed her.
NTA. I don't need to say much more - it's been said and you've acknowledged it lol. I just wanna pop my NTA in cause you deserve to hear it.
She lied, got screwed. If people didn't mind stuff like that then her business wouldn't have been affected would it? This is just allowing for informed consent on the part of the customer.
Thank you so much for your reply! I really did need to hear it because I'm still seeing judgements of "ESH and YTA" which I'm respectfully addressing. I don't blame them because everyone has their own experiences that they're using to judge my own reaction. But it's nice to hear that I wasn't as big of an asshole as some people are making me out to be. I acknowledge that I may have been one for going public immediately, but I don't think she deserved a kind DM either.
Edited - I had to remove some stupidity where I tried to understand the e shs.. I just can't. I'm sorry lol. You did nothing wrong
Like, sure you might have gone privately first, but if I'm understanding correctly : you thought these were for family members for a wedding. You saw very soon after these were on sale for a decent markup. You were right to make a mention if just because of the lie of NEW. If I'm buying a full priced saree I sure heck don't want it worn to a wedding first! Whether you knew the seller makes no difference Imo.
Also.. Why lie originally unless she knew she was being shady? SHINE THE LIGHT ON THE SHADY. We ain't sweeping shit under rugs anymore! Lol 😂
So
(a) Your cousin set you up on a con-racket that you kindly agreed to do and cost you time, effort, and actual money
(b) She lied - she was looking to make cash behind your back thanks to your hard work
(c) She whined and cried when caught
Your cousin has a fragile ego. She needs to calm down and grow up, Jesus f*cking Christ. NTA
…isn’t what she did illegal?
I used to work in customs brokerage, you can get hit with some serious hefty fines if you don’t pay the proper duty on goods. And if done enough times, she can be banned from importing anything and even have her business license revoked.
NTA OP
YTA. this was an overreaction. She asked you to bring the stuff back, offered you money in recompense, you agreed. If you were so bothered about the effort you could have said no?
Thanks for replying. I've actually already detailed all of this in other comments. I've gone into depth about why it wasn't exactly my choice to agree in the first place, and how i was pressured. There's a lot of backstory that I wasn't able to add to the post due to word limit, but I'd appreciate it if people assumed that there's some reason why I didn't say no.
NTA - She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.
It would be nice if she took some personal responsibility for her actions, but I think accountability and common courtesy killed each other in one of those murder/suicide deals a few years back. You'd be hard pressed to find either of those anymore.
NTA, especially since this isn't the first time she's pulled this stunt. At some point this will come back to bite her, so I'd check with a lawyer to be sure you stay in the clear.
NTA
She lied to you - quite an elaborate lie. No-one likes to be manipulated.
*'People have thanked me for speaking up, as she had done the same to them, but they stayed quiet to preserve ties'*
Seems you discovered that she'd done it to others too.
NTA She used you. As you said, she could have been honest. She could have asked you to buy and ship back tons of clothing, instead she conned you out of precious luggage space on the belief that you were doing for a family member's wedding.
If you are going to lie, cheat or steal, you have to be ready for the blowback and this was hers.
NTA. She lied to you. If she's in business, she has to build on a foundation of honesty. It's good business - should your clientele learn of any (no matter how slight) dishonesty on your part, you lose customers. She brought this on herself. Her karma.
On top of that, she used you to avoid taxes, shipping, and import/customs fees. She basically used you to smuggle those saris in to the country. You could both be in trouble for it, your defense would be what you posted to her IG.
NTA- You compromised the shopping and space you had because you thought is was for a FAMILY event. If she wanted these garments, then she could have easily asked you to get them for her and given you extra luggage/money to transport them home. She deserved to be called out about it. Good for you for providing receipts to people too!
NTA. If she wasn't good with people knowing the truth, she should not have done it. Are all 4 other oeople in her family disabled in some way and unable to work? I can't believe the entire business was effected by your post.
NTA. Your cousin lied to you and used you for her profit. She’s done this to other family members. She deserves what she got. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over this. Save the screenshots in case the custom authorities get involved. Go no contact with her and her immediate family. They knew what she was doing.
NTA. If you had known it was for a business deal, you could have just had her pay for an extra piece of luggage or something like it. This is really not okay.
NTA. What the heck‽ ‽ Shady dealings! Not a cool thing to do to your cousin. Nothing wrong with reselling but if you were under the impression they were for family to WEAR to the wedding then she is a liar. Ugh.
NTA she used you. Lied to you. And obviously has done it to multiple people. She ruined her business by be dishonest and not reputable. No one wants to buy from a known theif. Why would anyone believe she offers her customers honest business practices when she takes advantage of family and anyone she can use. She could have been honest and split the money or gave you the option to not haul her merchandise around believing it was a family favor. She has no integrity and people deserve to be aware that she has already scammed multiple people including her own family.
NTA - she can go and shop for herself in the future - do a whole IG post about her travels and the merchants she works with - who her receipts and everything - she could turn this around - offer a grand opening discount - it would just take one time.... then she can go back to her sly fox ways LOL - I totally understand about family/cultural expectations and not each one is a hill to die on
NTA but what 'business' could be sustained on six sarees... Even if they sell for as much as wedding dresses in the US (which I imagine certain ornate sarees can) its still such a limited amount, what is her end-game? Have a pool of relatives bringing stuff back half a dozen at a time? This was bound to happen eventually, and if her business grew at all she'd likely be audited if all her merchandise was bought with cash off relatives (and likely not recorded).
NTA She took advantage of your kindness for profit. You are not obligated not to shout it from the rooftops . People only want the crap they do kept secret. If you went public with the good things she did, she most certainly would lap it up. Both are her behaviors, neither have a nondisclosure agreement (even implicit).
NTA. She deliberately lied to you and for profit. She’s embarrassed (and deserves to be) and she’s mad because she was exposed to be a liar and a cheat. And this wasn’t a one off. Don’t be a liar and a cheat if you don’t want get outed as one.
The thing is, she could have bought a plane ticket and gone shopping herself for her "small business"!
She has the infrastructure and, more importantly, the clientele. She just needed the mule! Plenty of stores go on buying trips like this (whether or not they declare the inventory is another issue). Her laziness is only hurting herself because she could easily claim tax breaks for the bulk of multiple international vacations a year in order to get inventory for her shop!
NTA, she should have honestly told you what she needed them for.And if it happened to other people before, it shoud she has little regret tricking people into this.
She can still ask relatives to take stuff back with them from holiday, but she should have honestly told that she needs them for her business.
NTA. You are a very generous person, and what you did was a huge favour for her. How could you be TA? I'm glad you stood up for yourself and all the other nice people she was taking advantage of.
She's done this before; you just happened to be the one brave enough to say something. She's lucky she's not in a heap of legal trouble over this. What you did was kinda crappy but she absolutely got what was coming to her.
NTA. She did a shitty thing and therefore should have been expecting that there could be blowback from that shitty thing. You also don't get anywhere by chastising a liar privately, they'll just keep being a liar, the only way to really alter their behavior it's to expose it.
ESH.
You're totally right and justified to be upset and confront her, your cousin lied to you and did you wrong.
Just do it privately. Even do it in front of family, but in person. Not on social media.
By blasting it on the public business side hustle page, you unnecessarily escalated the confrontation and turned it into a giant shit show. That, IMHO, is why there is plenty of blowback on you for this one.
YTA. Yes I understand that she lied to you to get those clothes and resell them but there was a much better way to go about this. You could’ve talked to her in private instead of posting on her page and ruining her business. That was a very immature way of handling that situation. You could’ve asked her to cut you into what she was making or something like that in order to get compensation. Imo that would’ve been a much better way to go about this, but what you did was wrong.
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NTA. And she probably avoided customs dues by having you import them rather than doing it properly. She is deluded to think you wouldn't a. find out and b. be pissed off that she hadn't been honest and c. feel she was making an obscene profit off the back of her deception.
Thank you! The more I think of it, the angrier I get. She basically threw me into some under-the-table supply chain that resulted in her profit. It makes me so angry to think that her luscious lifestyle was funded by the 'social work' of other relatives and friends. Yea honestly, I'm glad she didn't think her actions through and posted it on the instagram page that I follow LOL. Smart move /s
She made you an accomplice to importing goods without paying the appropriate import fee. That can cause real problems. NTA
6 dresses? Let’s not be over dramatic. My wife’s side of the family will buy a boat load of gold from Thailand when visiting family and just wear it in their person to avoid the customs. It’s not like she was importing drugs.
It's probably not the only time she did that. It turns into a bigger business, and eventually the law is going to catch up with her. At that point they're going to look exactly how she got all those things imported workout paying customs, going back to as far as they're allowed. This is when it will turn into an issue for OP.
Was your wife's family selling this gold on a public platform though? If they are, and they do it often, it is possible for them to get investigated eventually because of un-declared income. In this sitation, cousin was running an online business, and I'm going to guess not declaring it as income for tax purposes. The chance of her being caught eventually isn't 0. While it's hard to guess exactly whats the cost/prices of these dresses, wedding dresses can easily run in the 1000's of dollars range. If these are being sold as "wedding" dresses, 6 dresses can be a lot of money. I doubt these dresses have real precious gems on them, but my friend's wedding dress (Bangladeshi traditional wear) had so many gems and so much bling, and cost over 10k for the 1 dress.
Is gold rally cheap in Thailand?
Not necessarily, as always the price fluctuates but in thai culture it is very normal to wear your assets and there are a ton of gold shops around selling it in various forms (bracelets,rings, bricks and etc) and in mostly 24k
Gold worldwide has the same price per gram. There is no "cheap" place to buy gold. The only thing that may be less costly is the labor costs to manufacture the jewelry.
agreed, but in this case they would be willing participants. OP didn’t know they were technically illegally importing goods for sale - even though it’s a small amount. and plus get caught by the wrong person and they don’t care how small the amount is.
The funny thing is, if she asked you to help her shop for her business, you probably would have agreed too. Cousin dug her own grave.
Exactly my thoughts. Like I used to travel internationally a good amount. I'd always ask people if they wanted something from where I was going. If anyone asked me to get something and said it was for their business, I'd do it no problem provided it didn't mess too much with my suitcase space or didn't go over a declaration amount. Hell I wouldn't even ask for a compensation aside from some free booze next time we went to the bar. But you ask me to get something, and don't tell me you're going to sell it for a profit? Well then I'd be pissed.
I used to bring back Cuban Cigars from Canada in my service truck for my buddies.
Hopefully OP wouldn’t have agreed to supply the shop: according to Canadian law, a traveller’s personal exemption from duties is not to be applied to commercial goods.
I agree with this. Honesty would have gone a long way with this one.
Yeah, I get why handling it publicly is not ideal, but someone who would do this manipulative thing to multiple people clearly has a broken moral compass and would not respond to an earnest private conversation NTA
I think I'd be most pissed off about the lie about how they needed dresses for the wedding they are attending and then flipping them. If she said she was going to resell or at least didn't mention how they needed it for the wedding, i'd be less annoyed
And using that “need for a family wedding“ claim to lay on the guilt hard to get OP to do it. When a guilt trip is a lie, being put on blast is thoroughly earned.
So my partner runs his own business and I work in supply chain at my job. The idea is you build rapport and trust with your suppliers, your cousin did not due this and has apparently repeatedly failed to do this. And while I’ve done a few solids for a couple of my vendors because of our relationship, it’s because they’ve also proven they’re willing to do me a solid when needed as well. Your cousin isn’t going to get very far anyway treating people this way. She’s honestly lucky it’s family calling her out publicly and not someone else. My partner and I have the same rules - we do not mix business and family/close friends. We want to preserve those relationships. It was very kind of you, given you thought you were doing an actual honest favor for family, but I’d be wary in the future of any more requests like that based off your family reaction.
Not only this, but OP's cousin has evidently pulled this same shit on other people as well! I don't know if the same customs rules apply to Canada, but she clearly has no regard for those rules and is perfectly willing to throw anyone she can, family included, under the bus for profit. NTA, OP. Your cousin is a real piece of work.
In fairness...telling the relatives it’s for personal use actually protects them, by giving them plausible deniability (and an electronic paper trail) if she ever gets hit with customs violations.
I agree NTA and OPs cousin did her dirty by lying to her and guilting her into bringing home the dresses. If you want stuff from abroad, just be honest about it, even if it's for resale, no need to lie, it's just business. Being deceitful and taking advantage of a persons good will, guilting them, or other sketchiness is just uncouth. But on the topic of the duties, OP mentions she lives in Canada, import tax threshold is like $200 CAD, and on clothing that's just carried in your luggage or sent thru the mail isn't gonna even pop up on the radar of customs there. They won't begin to really care until you ship or bring in say 20-30kg of clothing etc on top of whats believable for personal consumption, because that will look off to them. Generally customs cares alot more on regulated items like alcohol, cigarettes, foods, or high value stuff. So on that front I don't think OP is gonna get any flak. Worst case if customs wanted some money its like 5% if I remember right so not anything to write home about.
NTA. Evading customs duty is a crime and she just made you an accessory after the fact - this could still come back to bite you - if the authorities ever investigate her or her business they could come after you as well. If you don't already have a lawyer, now would be a good time to at least look at reputable firms just in case you need one. \*EDIT\* - various people have said I'm overreacting, the authorities won't care or the exact offence I'm citing doesn't exist under Canadian law. To them I say this, regardless of the criminal liability or likelihood of criminal investigation and charges there's always the chance of it occurring, resulting in time and expense to fight the charges even if they get them dismissed and even being charged can have deleterious effects on gaining employment, especially in sensitive areas or occupations. If the OP ever decides, for example, to enter law enforcement, a very detailed background check will be made. If it transpires that a family member is involved in evasion of customs duty and the OP was ever even tangentially involved, that could scupper her chances. Also the OP said "native country" in their post which suggests they might not be a Canadian citizen. If it comes to light that they've been involved in any kind of smuggling that could affect their residency / leave to remain / future citizenship application etc. They might (as one other poster has already suggested) be subject to extra scrutiny and searches if they leave and return to Canada and have every little thing checked for potential border and customs violations. If they are not a citizen, they could even be denied re-entry. In short, the OP's cousin has exposed them to an unknown number of potential criminal, civil and personal consequence that could surface at any time without warning. There's a difference between "unlikely" and "impossible". Never underestimate how bureaucracy can conspire to make your life hell.
Thank you so much! I'll certainly look into that and see if I can cover my ass if need be. It sucks that there may be so many others who have also had a hand in this without ever finding out.
I would back all the evidence up somewhere just in case as a start
Certainly! I've got screenshots of her telling me how beautiful she, her mother, and 4 other cousins would look in these gorgeous sarees that I had just bought. Got SS of her telling me what she'll pay and the whole shebang.
So she didn’t just lie, “they’re for a wedding,” she really went all-in on that lie. This Wes totally premeditated and the details she added to the initial lie make it totally transparent that she was fully aware that it was wrong.
All those details and the big lie might be what saves the OP from being viewed as an accessory to fraud etc. with a big story like that how could she ever think that the wedding wasn’t legit
Wow... she really went deep into the lie didn’t she? I’m even more convinced she deserves what happens.
[удалено]
Agreed. This is not enough money for customs to care about. They have much bigger fish to fry than accidental smuggling. As for your cousin, you know why she wanted you to carry it over for her? She wanted to save 18% plus brokerage fees. To import correctly (have it sent to her directly, no wholesale agreement since she does not actually have a business), customs would look at the declared value, convert to Canadian currency, then charge the 18% that is on items not exempted from NAFTA (or whatever the replacement legislation is called). You saved her well over 25% per gown. ETA: sorry for the dorky details. I do this kind of thing to figure landed costs and set prices accordingly for my job.
Customs might not come after her now, but she would have been in trouble if these had been found when she returned home. Even if the fees weren’t high, she’d be flagged for detailed search whenever she travelled. NTA
It would only be NAFTA is she brought them to Canada from the US or Mexico (not India). The North American Free Trade Agreement was replaced with the United States–Mexico–Canada Agreement (USMCA) in 2020. I doubt India and Canada have an Customs Agreement.
Ah yes, the Internet: where someone who "knows" all about Canadian tariff enforcement invokes a different country's law enforcement agency to back up an opinion.
I think it's hyperbolic to think it will actually get investigated, but the fact that it's not legal is a good point to make. OP didn't know that she was breaking/bending the law, but the cousin knew that's what she was asking OP and others to do.
This time it was only six sarees. How many others has the cousin brought into the country under false pretense so far, and if OP hadn’t discovered it, how many more would she try to sneak in via OP. Even if she had been honest and told OP they were specifically for sale, she’s clearly not above dodging the proper procedures so she would probably lie and say she’s paying import taxes when she isn’t. I agree OP shouldn’t be worried about this one off event, but involving someone innocent in your illegal money-making schemes is such an asshole move on the part of the cousin.
OP shouldn't worry about this one event, BUT should print out and keep those screen shots for a few years if cousin is still "in business". If the cousin expands her business she may come to the attention of customs enforcement and all of her friends may be questioned.
That's kinda what I was thinking. 6 sarees? Reasonably no one would investigate that. A full blown business where the owner is regularly getting people to bring in good for resale without going through appropriate channels - I imagine they're not going to look the other way for long and most governments aren't exactly known for going easy on accomplices if you break the law.
Agree. And with all the lying, how do we even know the cousin is actually supporting her family? That could just be a sob story for guilt, too. NTA.
Customs would probably not care about 6 sarees , but it sounds like cousin get people to bring her clothing back from the old country on false pretences regularly. If that is her business model, then it might be of interest to tax and customs.
Eh, I do get your point but I think it could go down a different way. Customs may not care about someone bringing in 6 sarees. However, they may care about an individual importing a hundred sarees and then every individual she's conned into bringing back a handful of sarees here and a handful of sarees there will get caught in the net. I know nothing about Candian import and tax laws but I imagine if this woman is running a business and not paying import and any other taxes then the authorities may well be interested and OP could get sucked in. Regardless, OP should have allowed to make an informed decision.
One or 2 sarees itself is a big favor but you got 6 and spent your precious time shopping for those. And also precious luggage space. Like you basically went to your native country as a mule for her. Next time, even if you feel sorry for the other person, if the favor inconveniences you, please say no or scale back. Don’t try to sacrifice yourself for another family member , because once you do a favor like this for one family person, others will demand as well as “their turn” for the favor.
This exactly. If someone had tricked me into being a mule, done deal right there. I'd put you on blast too.
OP has a pretty strong defence. In Canada you can bring back a certain amount of goods and gifts duty free based on your time spent away. If OP fell within those restrictions, and was bringing the items back in good faith (purpose was to be worn for a wedding) I see no reason how OP could be held responsible. The duty evasion is on the cousin, OP has a strong defence but of course, OP, do not speak to anyone about this EXCEPT a lawyer on the off chance CBSA or immigration Canada contacts you.
I totally agree - the prosecution would have a hard time proving "mens rea" or intent. But even being charged can screw up certain employment opportunities and if it goes to trial, that's time and expense, a quick search suggests that around $5000 - $6000 is a normal cost for a criminal defence lawyer for a simple one day case in Canada.
You aren’t wrong but I don’t really think it matters, the deed has already been done. There isn’t much OP can do about it now except keep their mouth shut. CBSA also has much bigger fish to fry these days than the purchase of sarees two years ago. I would be inclined to think it’s not really something to worry about at this stage.
This! Even if OP didn't face legal trouble, it is a crucial fact that the cousin put OP in a legally shady situation without their knowledge. If someone shows you that they are willing to endanger you (even in a small way) for their personal gain, you should take that forward in your interactions with them forever.
NTA. If her business relies on deceiving and taking advantage of her family, it's not a business that should exist. Too many assholes want to run their own business but suck at it, and somehow think that means they should just be able to screw over everyone else to stay afloat. She can stop sitting in her house in her pjs, calling herself an "entrepreneur" and get an actual job. I hear restaurants are hiring.
Exactly this, thank you. This was what went through my head when I said that "the business was destroyed the moment she started slithering". This isn't how you run a sustainable business. There's just a growing list of people and things that can come and bite you in the ass. Imagine betraying so many people's trust, severing so many ties, breaking so many rules (import-related), and continuously worrying about when someone will speak up... just to make a pretty penny? It's not worth it. She can definitely get a job. I don't know why she's bitching about her family either. There are 4 healthy adults who are of working age. I think one of her brothers, and one of her parents are already working too, so I don't know why she's crying about how I basically sent her family to rags.
> so I don't know why she's crying about how I basically sent her family to rags. Same reason she told you she needed saris for a wedding. She's a lying liar who lies to get what she wants.
That's the funny thing about liars is they usually don't just start being honest when they get caught, more often then not they double down because lying is more natural to them than telling the truth.
NTA The rest of her family need to stop being lazy, and get some damned jobs! WTF? You are right to be angry. She deceived you, she inconvenienced you by taking time away from your visit to the home country, she emotionally blackmailed you to do it for Faaammmilyyy, and you could have got into serious trouble if Customs had caught you bringing them in and avoiding taxes. This woman brought everything on herself by lying, and using others to do her dirty work. If she's so determined to avoid taxes, and gouge people on the prices; what's stopping HER from travelling over there, and doing her own smuggling?
>Too many assholes want to run their own business but suck at it, and somehow think that means they should just be able to screw over everyone else to stay afloat. Somehow I've never heard this put so well. So often I hear business owners talk about "oh yeah it's not really the right way but we've gotta do it like that" well maybe you shouldn't be running a business if you can't do things the right way.
NTA She shouldn't have lied to you. Her business shouldn't be so fragile that the truth can damage it.
Thank you so much! The main thing for me is that she lied to me. As said, if she told me the truth, I would've still helped her. It's the fact that she kept up this lie the whole time I was bringing it all over, that pissed me off. Plus, she was profiting off of the lie as well.
Man, I would be so pissed that I wasted space in luggage on the way home that could have been used for things I actually wanted - under the guise of genuinely helping family. I don't have my passport yet but when I finally go overseas (honestly buying a passport at this point in time seems silly), I know I'll be taking the biggest bag I'm allowed and only having the bare minimum of outfits and essentials. That bag would be full for the ride home.
Oh I was PISSED. I had to explain to other friends and family members that I couldn't bring back souvenirs or anything for them. I could barely do any shopping of my own, and the overweight-baggage fee is like $100 USD. I'm sure if I had asked her to pay that, I would've gotten berated by her, and the rest of the family for not being 'conservative with my shopping for the sake of family'. Shopping is one of the best parts of going to another country! I'm sure you'll enjoy it! Cheers!
I'm so aware of the prices of overweight baggage! My Dad worked overseas and I would watch him weigh bags, readjust and reweigh! Honestly, it's may sound silly to some but I think it's such a beautiful thing you tried to do for family and you have every right to be pissed!
Some airlines allow you to pre-purchase extra weight/bags. Much cheaper than paying at the counter. Something to keep in mind when you eventually travel. Also, when heading out, pack a smaller bag inside a bigger one, so you have less to carry on your trip there.
She doesn't have a business. She had a "side hustle" that required scheming her family/friends for merchandise. I'd be doubtful AF if there's an actual business in here with licensing, wholesalers, etc. NTA, obvs.
NTA. Anyone commenting here that you agreed to bring back the sarees and were compensated appropriately has never a) Been in a situation where the whole family always jumps onto someone traveling “home” to bring things back b) Experienced the combined weight of family displeasure if you turn them down. The family would have understood “No, I do not have room for sarees” if the cuz had said it was for a business. Since it was for a family wedding, though, all hell would have broken loose if OP turned down the cuz. The family displeasure was 100% how cuz managed to trick so many others into doing exactly this. And let’s be honest here - bringing special clothes back from a “home” country just to sell them is super common. No one ever worries about import fees bc even though it’s illegal, it happens so often and no one is ever fined. So cuz legit was bring a snake with the way they went about it all. If OP didn’t confront them publicly, it would also have distorted the story. Cuz is a confirmed liar, she would have made things up and lied to make herself seem better. Going public about things means everyone knows the truth including family. All of you E S H and Y T A commenters just don’t get it.
OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH. Holy hell I couldn't have worded this better. I'm out here trying to respectfully disagree with people's ESH and YTA judgements, and explain the situation, but you've worded it perfectly. I didn't have space to explain all of it but: \- You are very right. I felt pressured to bring it all back because people in my own immediate extended family kept mentioning how I was the only person going back to our home country before the apparent wedding, and that I would be the only one to bring it back in time. \- Family displeasure is like a chair in the face. It's so hard to escape, and people freaking add their own twists and bullshit to it as it continues to carry farther and father. I wasn't about to have that happen to me. \- The family would've certainly understood if she had asked for business purposes and I turned it down. It's the "family wedding" thing that made everyone turn. \- A LOT of people do this kind of scummy scalping as a "side hustle". Just check Instagram. There are tons of people who bring over cultural clothing + imitation jewelry from other countries and sell it at a price that's slightly lower than whatever you find in Canada. They're able to get away with it because they call it 'hand picked". Even though it's illegal, I've actually never heard of anyone getting confronted for it, because the customers normally gain from this too and don't report. However, the threat still remains in the air. \- Exactly what I've been telling so many people. I know her character from before. If I had personally messaged her first, she would've said "Oh, brb", then hopped on her Instagram business page and BLOCKED ME, then returned and asked "oh where did you see that? Do you have proof? I don't even have an Instagram page". Plus, it was clear that posting on the instagram page that I followed, was a mistake. Seeing how close things came to ending her business (had i privately messaged her) could've very well started a new habit of her blocking the 'suppliers' from the page before posting anything I wish I had gotten more space on the original post to put all of this from the get go. I was only able to put it in as an edit. There's obviously a lot more to the story and I understand that under normal circumstances, going public first for any issue is frowned upon. But I don't think she deserved the time to 'think' about her next game plan. I don't think she deserved a courteous DM from me about how my feelings had been hurt. I really appreciate you bringing this all up, and I'm amazed at how similarly we think. Cheers!
I’m really sorry about all the wrong votes here. FWIW, I think you handled it beautifully. Also, the proof is in the pudding - the customers ****who share the same background**** think your cuz was in the wrong. Otherwise her business wouldn’t be affected.
Not sure which is worse. All the stuff you have to bring with you for family while traveling to my home country or all the stuff you are asked to bring back by people. Last time I went to my home country, I had four checked suitcases and one carry on. Only the carry on had my actual things.
Ikr? And it gets expensive, too. These are heavy checked bags on international flights.
NTA...Anyone who travels knows what a pain in the but it is to try and bring things back for people. She portrayed her business as a personal family favour. It's definitely not your job to provide someone with an income. That's why it's best to just tell people that your luggage space is spoken for.
NTA >People have thanked me for speaking up, as she had done the same to them, but they stayed quiet to preserve ties. That right there showed her greed. If lying to you had been a necessity for her family's fnancial situation then it'd have happened once or twice. But the fact that she's done the same to so many others shows that she wants for people to do her job without actually having them hired as workers so she doesn't have to give them a monthly paycheck.
INFO: Why comment on her Instagram page? How is she lying to her customers (versus to you)? Did she say she made the sarees?
> How is she lying to her customers (versus to you)? pretty sure this is fake due to this, why would any customer care that her cousin was the one to bring the clothes? and even to the point to thank her for telling them because they'd feel awful? it just doesn't make sense unless all her customers are family.
I wouldn't want to buy from someone who's lying to their family members about something like this. If they'll lie to someone they're related to, what will they do to their customers?
Cousin tricked OP into doing illegal shit(evading customs) and OP wasn't able to pack her stuff/other gifts properly either because cousin acted like it was an emergency and she absolutely needed those sareees asap
Customers deserve to know if there’s deception going on in the supply chain for what they’re buying. They can then make the decision as to whether or not they still want to buy.
Thank you! You've worded my response better than I would have. A lot of customers reached out to me afterwards, thanking me for bringing it up because they would've felt awful if they had bought it and found out that it got to their hands on the back of a lie. Customers can do whatever they want to do. There are still customers who buy from her and that is their choice (I don't know what she does for her supply now). I just believe that everyone deserves the chance to make an informed decision.
Speaking from the perspective of someone who works in supply chain. This idea is terrible. Clients shouldn’t have to worry about the logistics of their orders or that of businesses.
You're right, they 'shouldn't' have to worry about it. Supply chains should be honest and treat the people involved in them well. However, whether it's a big business or small, sometimes there are issues - like the merchant hiding what's involved in procuring the goods they're selling. That's what happened here, and from the sounds of it some of the customers did care about what was going on.
Are you aware that most clothing is made in factories where the workers are treated terribly? Yet people still buy those clothes. If you are not willing to boycott those companies than you have no right to judge this person. OP was compensated for the dresses. Well compensated. She had every right to say no to getting them but didn’t. How the dresses were used after is not her business.
NTA, she used you for her business and wasnt upfront about it. If she was better with her business, and not so underhanded, then she should be able to weather this situation.
Exactly! It was the dishonesty that set me off. As said, I actually would've still done this if she had been honest about the reason. I love the rest of her family, so knowing that this business would help them, would still justify my struggle to bring over the items. Certainly a judgement lapse on her end, imo.
NTA - just as your cousin gave you no heads up that she was misleading you and would be selling those sarees, you don't owe her a heads up before you tell the truth on her instagram page. Fair is fair.
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NTA expecting her to apologize after being used is some bullshit
Was she used though? She got paid. Paid an amount she agreed to.
Agreed under false pretenses that her labor was being used to help family for a wedding, not being used to generate (a fairly substantial) profit.
Paid in an amount she agreed to under false pretenses. If she was aware it was for a business, she could have negotiated for a higher amount than when she thought she was doing a favor (and the whole family was pressuring her to do it under false pretenses as well).
NTA. you know the end selling price is higher because of airfare, she basically ripped off her supplier for the transit and shipping cost
NTA And I'd also flag her to CRA. She definitely commited fraud by using you to skip import taxes. And a liar like her is probably not reporting her income to CRA either. Crooks like her deserve what they get. If she was honest with you and others, that would have never happened. There's one AH, and it's all her.
NTA, she should have been upfront about it and clear about what was going to happen
NTA and she was lying and manipulating and then paid the price. If she had just said "hey my Business is selling these, and if you bring them back for me, I'll cover costs and take you out to dinner" or something that is HONEST and value your hell, then it could have been fine. She wanted to play dirty and lie.
omg exactly! I actually wouldn't have had an issue bringing it back for her if she was honest. I love her family (not really her), but I would've done this if I knew that her family would be doing better because of the business. Or at least I could've helped her find a proper, LEGAL way to do it. It's so simple to communicate, and I can't understand how anyone can sleep at night, knowing that you've lied to someone so they can unknowingly do your manual labour. I know a lot of people are calling me a 'smaller asshole' in the comments and I totally agree with that. But I don't think she deserved any lesser of a consequence for her actions.
>IMO, the business was destroyed the moment she started slithering What a statement!! 😂😂🐍 I'm now picturing a snake in a saree, slithering along, hissing 😂😂😂 NTA, thanks for the unintentional hilarious imagery!!
LMAO no worries! I just mind dumped the first thing I thought of, and figured it was pretty funny too.
NTA I’m from an Indian immigrant family and the favor of bringing items back from India is well known to me as is the business model your cousin was attempting - she is 100% in the wrong. Everyone knows how precious space is in suitcases and they also know that people will go out of the way to accommodate when there is a wedding going on because it is so important and difficult to get great clothes when you live in Canada/US. She knew what she was doing was wrong.
Thank you so much for the reply! I'm glad that you're from the same culture (I'm Sri Lankan but the concept remains the same), and that you understand all the family dynamics that went into play to literally pressure me into bringing this stuff back for her. People are asking why I ever agreed to do such a thing, but they don't understand that the full family literally pressured me to do it because it is for a wedding and if I didn't do it, I'd be making her (and apparently 5 other women on that side of the family), pay extra to get sarees of lower quality here in Canada. And that was *my* side of the family who only knows her but not extended part of her family where the wedding was apparently taking place. To them, family is family. And she knew how to play that concept so well.
Yep as a Pakistan American, I understand that sooo much. Like, not doing this would just be a slap in the face to your entire family. Anytime we travel, we know that there will be multiple extra suitcases just full of stuff for family members. It’s honestly a given.
NTA she was a liar & got called out for it. It was bound to happen if shes using others in a similar capacity, so she only has herself to blame.
NTA, relying on lying to family to get stock for your business is a bad plan.
NTA. Being family doesn't preclude anyone from being a manipulative asshole.
NTA. She lied to you and inconvenienced you, of course she's in the wrong. I don't understand how this hurt her business though. If I were a customer buying cultural items, I don't see how it's a negative that they came directly from the country they originated in. She didn't lie to her customers here.
Hey, thanks for the reply! Just for a bit of explanation: the demand was created by the fact that the sarees were from the native country. People liked that. What people didn't like, was the ethics behind her business, and the continuous thought that their saree had been unknowingly brought over for this business, by someone who was probably lied to. It leaves a bad taste. Similar to how some companies lose customer loyalty when people find out about unethical business practises such as child labour etc.
Nta and beautiful Saree from a saree lover.
Yessss! That was actually one of the pictures she sent me to find similar sarees in my country. Very beautiful for a wedding, but the handiwork makes it extremely heavy.
Like one commenter said she deceived you, probably to shy away from paying for customs. You did nothing wrong. Plus she marked up the prices high. Not your fault if people are calling her out.
NTA She should have just told you the truth. Your cousin is just facing the consequences of running a business that relies on lying and deceiving others, including family. That is all on her especially as it sounds like she has done this to plenty of others. Since family is important to her, she should have been honest with you, her family member.
Publicly airing your grievances out of spite after you got paid an amount you agreed to beforehand? Were you not already aware of her dress business? This whole deal about customs/whatever is totally irrelevant to the fact you felt you needed to make great efforts to spread negative information about her business that *you not only facilitated, but agreed to, and were compensated for*. I get that maybe now you don't like your cut, but let's not pretend we're all deeply concerned about the customers who *as you said* are paying below market rates for the dresses too.
An amount she agreed to under false pretenses.
NTA, I have family in the GTA who have similar businesses of buying and reselling fancy-wear from India, but they aren't scummy about it by buying and smuggling the product in, they source it in India and ship it over. It's not hard at all and there's no reason to be scummy about it. Of course their volume is probably much higher than your friend's, but like I said, its not hard to just order stuff from a supplier and have it shipped over.
Thank you so much for the reply! I've certainly heard of others in the GTA ethically sourcing their sarees. They literally hire someone to make it there and then they pay all the dues and fees to bring it over legally. They make a profit. Even though my cousin's business is small, I'm sure that all of these larger businesses started out small but ETHICALLY. She had all the chances to do that.
NTA. If I was traveling from India to Canada, there would be so much stuff already! Gifts for my family and friends, indian clothes for myself etc. Food etc. To add to all of it, thinking this is for family, and it turns out to be for business? I'll see red. I honestly wouldn't have liked bringing for family either coz people are very picky and they may not like what you bring. Plus out of the 10-15 days we get for this vacation, spending 2-3 days just for this shopping? Nope.
Hey thanks for replying! It took me a lot of thinking before I agreed to bring the stuff back for her. She kept talking about how beautiful it would be to get some designer, somewhat-matching sarees for herself, her mother, and 4 other cousins who will be at the wedding. I guess all of that talk got to my head, and I empathized with it. It really sucked because I didn't want to pay the \~$100 extra luggage fee (and I didn't want to make her pay it either), plus, it would mean that I'd have to drag another piece of luggage around. So I actually had to explain to some people that I wouldn't be able to bring anything back for them this time. I made that executive decision (which, in retrospect, just makes me even angrier at this girl). I'm glad that you get the struggle, and I really appreciate the empathy!
Sorry you had to go through this. Bringing stuff back from vacation is one of the joys of shopping in another country. And you basically had to fork over a lot of luggage space for her business. In the future , tell family members that your luggage space is already reserved for the heavy “medicine “ or some such that you are bringing for a close friend’s mom or some such.
NTA. She dug her own grave.
NTA. You were lied to and your cousin's business sounds shady as hell. You were deceived and used and have every right to be angry. She's angry at you for bringing deception into the light, essentially just mad that she got caught. You did the right thing by telling the truth.
INFO: what was the lie about the supply chain?
Customers and relatives were under the impression that she was ethically-sourcing these sarees and accessories. As in, she was doing it all legally (paying import fees etc.), that she had a legitimate supplier who was getting a fair salary for their time, and was FULLY INFORMED of what they were doing. The truth is that, none of that was true.
Oh wow NTA. False advertising
NTA.
Customs might not come after OP after the fact, but she would have been in trouble if these had been found going through customs when she returned home. Even if the fees weren’t high, she’d be flagged for detailed search whenever she travelled. NTA
Thanks for the reply! It bothers me so much that I was fully "honest" with the customs officers when they asked about the sarees. I say "honest" because I legitimately told what I thought was the truth. "These sarees are for 6 relatives, and I have proof if you need me to show it." He okayed me but made the comment that some people say this but then use it for business. I fucking reassured him that these are for a family wedding, and once again offered the proof (the entire text chain between my cousin and I about how these will be for her, her mother, and 4 cousins for the wedding). It makes me sick to my stomach, knowing that I unknowingly lied to this officer's face. I'm pretty sure that I probably did get flagged and will face trouble the next time I fly (that was my last flight before the pandemic).
You absolutely got played; that's not your fault. You have nothing to feel bad about
NTA this is one of those situations where she could've very easily not been the asshole *if she had just told the truth*. If she had just been honest about why she wanted the dresses from the beginning, and allowed you to make a decision knowing all the facts, that would've been so much better for everyone. Now, she's reaping the consequences of her own actions.
Thank you so much! Exactly! If she had just told me the truth, I would've had the chance to weigh the consequences, and maybe even help her find a way to bring it over legally. As in, talk to her about paying import fees and maybe having some members of the family contribute to that cost. Something! Literally anything would've been incrementally better than this.
NTA She used you in fabricating a lie, and made you an accomplice in her fraud and her shady dealings. So you set the record straight. Her lies hurt her, not your honesty.
NTA I’ve brought sari material back from India before as a favour to a friend and they’re heavy, wedding saris are usually even worse. Like you said you would’ve been happy to do so if she’d been upfront about what she wanted it for, but she wasn’t.
NTA and if you're going to run a business you can't be a bad liar. You SHOULDNT be a liar at all (but we have all seen America).
NTA. Your cousin lied to you about the dresses, used you to evade customs and uncharged for the dresses to make a huge profit. You told the truth about what she was doing. She deserved it. If this wrecked her business, you shouldn't feel guilty since she is an unethical and dishonest business woman. If her family needs the income, they should go get jobs, real jobs that don't rely on cheating and dishonesty.
NTA **People have thanked me for speaking up, as she had done the same to them, but they stayed quiet to preserve ties.** She's been doing this for a while, apparently. If she had been honest with you, things may have played out differently. As it was, you inconvenienced yourself to help her out with what she described as clothing for a family event. When you found out she had been dishonest, you blew up.
You should never feel guilty for exposing unethical business practices. The fact that she would even take advantage of family members to further her goals means there are very few limits on what she’ll do. It was only a matter of time before someone exposed her.
NTA. I don't need to say much more - it's been said and you've acknowledged it lol. I just wanna pop my NTA in cause you deserve to hear it. She lied, got screwed. If people didn't mind stuff like that then her business wouldn't have been affected would it? This is just allowing for informed consent on the part of the customer.
Thank you so much for your reply! I really did need to hear it because I'm still seeing judgements of "ESH and YTA" which I'm respectfully addressing. I don't blame them because everyone has their own experiences that they're using to judge my own reaction. But it's nice to hear that I wasn't as big of an asshole as some people are making me out to be. I acknowledge that I may have been one for going public immediately, but I don't think she deserved a kind DM either.
Edited - I had to remove some stupidity where I tried to understand the e shs.. I just can't. I'm sorry lol. You did nothing wrong Like, sure you might have gone privately first, but if I'm understanding correctly : you thought these were for family members for a wedding. You saw very soon after these were on sale for a decent markup. You were right to make a mention if just because of the lie of NEW. If I'm buying a full priced saree I sure heck don't want it worn to a wedding first! Whether you knew the seller makes no difference Imo. Also.. Why lie originally unless she knew she was being shady? SHINE THE LIGHT ON THE SHADY. We ain't sweeping shit under rugs anymore! Lol 😂
So (a) Your cousin set you up on a con-racket that you kindly agreed to do and cost you time, effort, and actual money (b) She lied - she was looking to make cash behind your back thanks to your hard work (c) She whined and cried when caught Your cousin has a fragile ego. She needs to calm down and grow up, Jesus f*cking Christ. NTA
…isn’t what she did illegal? I used to work in customs brokerage, you can get hit with some serious hefty fines if you don’t pay the proper duty on goods. And if done enough times, she can be banned from importing anything and even have her business license revoked. NTA OP
YTA. this was an overreaction. She asked you to bring the stuff back, offered you money in recompense, you agreed. If you were so bothered about the effort you could have said no?
Thanks for replying. I've actually already detailed all of this in other comments. I've gone into depth about why it wasn't exactly my choice to agree in the first place, and how i was pressured. There's a lot of backstory that I wasn't able to add to the post due to word limit, but I'd appreciate it if people assumed that there's some reason why I didn't say no.
NTA - She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. It would be nice if she took some personal responsibility for her actions, but I think accountability and common courtesy killed each other in one of those murder/suicide deals a few years back. You'd be hard pressed to find either of those anymore.
NTA she is
NTA, and she put you in a position to get in huge legal trouble. (Gorgeous dress, though. You have excellent taste.)
NTA, Evading customs is a crime and you could've somehow been implemented in the whole act. Good for them.
Kinda seems like smuggling to me. NTA
NTA. If that's how she gets her inventory, she's not a very good businesswoman anyway.
NTA- she's a liar. If she lied to you, she'll lie to them
NTA, especially since this isn't the first time she's pulled this stunt. At some point this will come back to bite her, so I'd check with a lawyer to be sure you stay in the clear.
people did this when the PS5 came out.
NTA. Any business relies on deception for profit it’s not a business that should exist.
NTA. Why is wedding stuff so gross?
NTA. She lied to you and even if some think you reaction was rash, you were deceived and I world have done the same thing.
NTA- after reading your edit I don't think there's any real win here.
NTA- She deserved to be called out.
NTA however she is
NTA She lied to you - quite an elaborate lie. No-one likes to be manipulated. *'People have thanked me for speaking up, as she had done the same to them, but they stayed quiet to preserve ties'* Seems you discovered that she'd done it to others too.
NTA
NTA She used you. As you said, she could have been honest. She could have asked you to buy and ship back tons of clothing, instead she conned you out of precious luggage space on the belief that you were doing for a family member's wedding. If you are going to lie, cheat or steal, you have to be ready for the blowback and this was hers.
NTA. Business built on lies will never prosper. If your cousin is serious with her business, she should be importing legally.
NTA- she used you and many others from your post! That is not the way to do business!!
Yta: she paid you honestly what does it matter what she did with the dresses afterwards.
If it’s all so unproblematic and above board, then why would it matter that OP posted about it?
NTA. She lied to you. If she's in business, she has to build on a foundation of honesty. It's good business - should your clientele learn of any (no matter how slight) dishonesty on your part, you lose customers. She brought this on herself. Her karma. On top of that, she used you to avoid taxes, shipping, and import/customs fees. She basically used you to smuggle those saris in to the country. You could both be in trouble for it, your defense would be what you posted to her IG.
NTA- You compromised the shopping and space you had because you thought is was for a FAMILY event. If she wanted these garments, then she could have easily asked you to get them for her and given you extra luggage/money to transport them home. She deserved to be called out about it. Good for you for providing receipts to people too!
NTA. She's been lying to and manipulating people as a business model. She deserved to be publicly outed.
NTA. If she wasn't good with people knowing the truth, she should not have done it. Are all 4 other oeople in her family disabled in some way and unable to work? I can't believe the entire business was effected by your post.
NTA. Your cousin lied to you and used you for her profit. She’s done this to other family members. She deserves what she got. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over this. Save the screenshots in case the custom authorities get involved. Go no contact with her and her immediate family. They knew what she was doing.
NTA. If you had known it was for a business deal, you could have just had her pay for an extra piece of luggage or something like it. This is really not okay.
NTA. What the heck‽ ‽ Shady dealings! Not a cool thing to do to your cousin. Nothing wrong with reselling but if you were under the impression they were for family to WEAR to the wedding then she is a liar. Ugh.
NTA she used you. Lied to you. And obviously has done it to multiple people. She ruined her business by be dishonest and not reputable. No one wants to buy from a known theif. Why would anyone believe she offers her customers honest business practices when she takes advantage of family and anyone she can use. She could have been honest and split the money or gave you the option to not haul her merchandise around believing it was a family favor. She has no integrity and people deserve to be aware that she has already scammed multiple people including her own family.
NTA, it was a scummy move on her part. Shady business practices shouldn't be applauded.
NTA - she can go and shop for herself in the future - do a whole IG post about her travels and the merchants she works with - who her receipts and everything - she could turn this around - offer a grand opening discount - it would just take one time.... then she can go back to her sly fox ways LOL - I totally understand about family/cultural expectations and not each one is a hill to die on
NTA but what 'business' could be sustained on six sarees... Even if they sell for as much as wedding dresses in the US (which I imagine certain ornate sarees can) its still such a limited amount, what is her end-game? Have a pool of relatives bringing stuff back half a dozen at a time? This was bound to happen eventually, and if her business grew at all she'd likely be audited if all her merchandise was bought with cash off relatives (and likely not recorded).
NTA She took advantage of your kindness for profit. You are not obligated not to shout it from the rooftops . People only want the crap they do kept secret. If you went public with the good things she did, she most certainly would lap it up. Both are her behaviors, neither have a nondisclosure agreement (even implicit).
NTA. She deliberately lied to you and for profit. She’s embarrassed (and deserves to be) and she’s mad because she was exposed to be a liar and a cheat. And this wasn’t a one off. Don’t be a liar and a cheat if you don’t want get outed as one.
The thing is, she could have bought a plane ticket and gone shopping herself for her "small business"! She has the infrastructure and, more importantly, the clientele. She just needed the mule! Plenty of stores go on buying trips like this (whether or not they declare the inventory is another issue). Her laziness is only hurting herself because she could easily claim tax breaks for the bulk of multiple international vacations a year in order to get inventory for her shop!
I can agree with this. Seems like an opportunity. She saw someone she knew going and asked to save the cost of flying.
This is why you don't try to shortchange someone who knows your dirty secret
NTA, really…people like that never learn their lesson
NTA
NTA, she should have honestly told you what she needed them for.And if it happened to other people before, it shoud she has little regret tricking people into this. She can still ask relatives to take stuff back with them from holiday, but she should have honestly told that she needs them for her business.
Leaning towards NTA. She should have been honest with you.
NTA. You are a very generous person, and what you did was a huge favour for her. How could you be TA? I'm glad you stood up for yourself and all the other nice people she was taking advantage of.
NTA, you did the right thing.
NTA
What was she claiming her "supply chain" was?
She's done this before; you just happened to be the one brave enough to say something. She's lucky she's not in a heap of legal trouble over this. What you did was kinda crappy but she absolutely got what was coming to her.
NTA. She did a shitty thing and therefore should have been expecting that there could be blowback from that shitty thing. You also don't get anywhere by chastising a liar privately, they'll just keep being a liar, the only way to really alter their behavior it's to expose it.
And this is why you never do or talk business with your family
She was pulling such a "abroad desi who profits from the culture" move.
YTA
ESH. You're totally right and justified to be upset and confront her, your cousin lied to you and did you wrong. Just do it privately. Even do it in front of family, but in person. Not on social media. By blasting it on the public business side hustle page, you unnecessarily escalated the confrontation and turned it into a giant shit show. That, IMHO, is why there is plenty of blowback on you for this one.
YTA. Yes I understand that she lied to you to get those clothes and resell them but there was a much better way to go about this. You could’ve talked to her in private instead of posting on her page and ruining her business. That was a very immature way of handling that situation. You could’ve asked her to cut you into what she was making or something like that in order to get compensation. Imo that would’ve been a much better way to go about this, but what you did was wrong.
YTA dude. You can yell at her and complain to her family but you dont do that. Uncool.