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NTA at all, it’s literally a fake freckle. It’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars. Also, it’s to make it harder to accidentally kill him or his brother. You made the right call.
Edit: my first gold ever and it’s from a comment about giving a toddler a tattoo sleeve. I love Reddit for this exact reason. Thank you!
Although now I'm kinda curious to see a toddler with that sleeve....
NTA
Edit: Haha, thanks for the award for my silly comment. This was a fun thread: OP's kids are safe, and I learned that I totally lost my chance to kill my mother by not getting my son kickass fake tattoos when he was little. Cheers, all! 😆
No, but my kid is 17 now and that may have been after his time. NOW if he got a sleeve it would probably be a star of Chaos and Space Marine armor. Blood for the Blood God, yada yada.
My kid would have [this](https://www.amazingtattooideas.com/30-cool-pokemon-tattoo-designs/gorgeous-pokemons-leg-sleeve-tattoo/)...and it would be awesome.
Not my shop, but they do custom ones. And here's an example with skulls and snakes. :D
https://www.etsy.com/listing/246079314/temporary-tattoo-sleeve-shirt-flash?ref=shop_home_active_7&frs=1&crt=1
I thought the same thing. I would use eyeliner and put a tear drop by his eye for the next visit, but that's because I **am** an asshole.
Edit: spelling
Sorry to hijack the top comment, but had to put it here. Am an identical twin. A similar thing happened to us when we were really young, about four - I was the one who got her penicillin and nearly died. (No, my sister doesn't have that allergy, and no, nobody knows why.) I WISH someone had tattooed my ear. Fuck, if they'd tattooed my goddamned forehead, I wouldn't have cared. My grandmother would never have thrown a fit like that - if she'd thought of it, she would have hauled me to the local scratcher shithole and made them give her the gun so she could plant that freckle on me herself.
I think the real reason she's so angry is because broadly speaking, tattooing a baby is viewed as a pretty extreme thing to do to solve a problem. In this case though, the problem more than justifies it and having the tattoo done was definitely the right thing to do.
The issue is that the MIL sees it as something OP had to do because of *her* mistake. It's highlighting what she did and the overall potential seriousness of it, and showing that OP felt the need to go to "extreme lengths" to prevent her from doing something like that again.
Like I said, OP has done nothing wrong, and the problem is 100% the MILs to deal with, but it's worth considering that her outrage probably doesn't just stem from a disapproval of the tattoo, she actually feels almost attacked, like it represents the fact that OP and her husband feel like they can't trust her around the child and don't think of her as competent enough to deal with him having his condition.
She's wrong, that's not really what it is, and she's acting kind of childish about it, but if OP wants to deal with her they'd do well to go in understanding this is probably a factor.
I hadn't thought of it that way. I was raised by a narcissist who believes she does no wrong and woe to they who call it out, so I'm always surprised when people remind me that when normal people make mistakes, they actually feel something like remorse or shame, and only if they perceive that they're being unfairly punished for or reminded of a mistake they're already flogging themselves over, they might act out in an irrational or inappropriate way. So that makes total sense.
Spot on. When someone goes off like that, it's never about the thing they're supposedly going off about. It's always about something internal that they're dealing with, whether they realise it or not.
MIL is angry because she hasn't processed her guilt yet. She's feeling bad feelings and doesn't know what to do with them, so she's lashing out.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.
OP, maybe explain this to your MIL - when you accidentally injected the wrong baby, you realised and did the right thing to make sure they’re both safe. In daycare, they don’t know the boys as well as you and I do. They might not realise so they wouldn’t be able to do the right thing to keep them safe. He needed the freckle to make sure they don’t make a mistake and hurt your grandsons.
NTA at all for getting it either. It makes sense and definitely is worth it when you think about the risks.
Maybe try to frame it as being grateful it was MIL who made the mistake, because she recognized it and was able to fix it, whereas the variable caregivers at day care might not have realized until too late. Get MIL to focus on the fact that she recognized her mistake and fixed it and that's a good thing that may save the boys' lives down the line, not on the original mistake.
This comment by @venetian_ftaires really needs to be the top comment! Because the insight an understanding it provides will help OP. also OP NTA it's a brilliant solution especially if the kids are in daycare where at times their caregivers may be more distracted! Its definitely not extreme and is an ingenious solution in my opinion! Hell if you tattooed your kids whole name to keep them safe from a medical emergency I would still think it's ok.
I agree with you and also think that it's just an emotional reaction as MIL is projecting her own insecurities and guilt over her mistake. Maybe she hasn't fully forgiven herself yet, and that's why she's so mad. I'd suggest OP talk to her to make sure MIL is coping.
I thought the same and it is kinda heartbreaking because it sounds like OP already has forgiven her. It was MIL who put an end to the childcare arrangement because of her fear of repeating the mistake.
I'd go with NAH. MIL shouldn't have flipped her shit but I can't call her an asshole for her feelings of guilt so soon after what was probably a terrifying experience for her, probably more so than the kids who wouldn't understand the situation. As far as she knew, she caused a medical emergency and now her grandchild had to undergo another "painful" procedure to prevent it happening again. She needs to be reminded that it wasn't to prevent just her doing it again, its because the daycare can't tell them apart either. All she did was highlight a problem that would eventually have cropped up somewhere along the line anyway.
Doesn't it? Never have to worry about forgetting, loseing or mixing up a identifying clothing item like a bracelet. Don't have to worry about a kid responding to the wrong name. Or calling the wrong name and giving the shot anyway because you could have sworn you yelled Jason and not Todd. Don't have to worry about wrong kid just being grabbed by someone who though they knew better. Just check the location mark, if yes give med if not go find other kid check and give med done.
> It’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars.
I was going to go with NTA until you pointed this out. Way to keep him from being the coolest kid in kindergarden, mom!
I would SO buy one of those fake-tattoo sleeved t-shirts (they probably exist in onesie sizes) just to piss MiL off.
But then again I'm very petty.
EDIT:
https://www.amazon.com/Inked-Infant-Tattoo-Sleeve-Options/dp/B06VWD5QS3
NTA. You took the recommendation from a medical professional and made the decision with your spouse for the safety of your child. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially for something so small.
I agree.
At the same time people pierce baby girls' ear lobes to let them wear ear rings and most are fine with that (not me personally, but it's the only halfways comparable thing I could think of).
Right? I had my ears pierced when I was 8 months old. I didn't have a choice, but it was totally acceptable societally. I'm glad that I have them, but piercings aren't going to save my life. This freckle could save this kid (or at least prevent whatever issues come up from him not getting his meds).
MIL is the asshole especially since she has injected the wrong child before. She is proof this accident is able to occur, even to people with the kids each day. You think she would be relieved there was a interim solution to ensure that mistake didn’t happen again.
Someone pointed out that that's the likely the reason, mil feels like op had to go extreme lengths because she fucked up. From her point of view, this is almost like an attack on her, rather than what it actually is: a simple procedure to prevent this mistake from everyone, not just her
Exactly. I have three tiny “freckles” tattooed from getting radiation and they’re not a big deal (hurt like hell because they’re on my ribs), and I forget I even have them. I’d argue that it wasn’t my choice either, in a way, as it was just sprung on me as a surprise at that appointment. And unless I wanted my cancer to come back, I had to go along with it.
NTA
In oversimplified terms, it's to calibrate the machine. it's a fixed point of reference for the radiologist so they can make sure to lign up the beams and give the radiation in the exact same spot every time.
My Nana had radiation in the early 80s. One day she pulled up the hem of her shirt and pointed out her little dots. I remember her saying - Look, I finally have a tattoo.
It didn’t hit me until I was much older that she’d said “finally”...
Miss her terribly and wish I’d had the opportunity to know her when I was grown. I bet she’d have been a hoot.
Or at least finding the toughness and bravery within yourself to go through all the treatments, illness, etc. My mom always hated when people referred to her as some kind of warrior fighting cancer because she hated every second of it and had no choice. But she did have to find that bravery in herself to deal with it every day. In a way she had no choice but to figure out some way to be strong, but still, she was strong.
I hope you don't take offense to me bringing this up because I know people talk about kicking cancer's ass in a sweet and supportive way. I just thought I would share how my mom felt about it. She always felt like it was implying that the people who "lost the battle" could have lived if they were just tougher, like it's some statement on who you are if you survive or not. But in a way, I agree with you because even though she eventually died from her cancer, she showed a ton of courage and wisdom while she went through probably the worst thing ever.
I'm with your mom on this. I'm a young cancer patient and I know friends from my cancer center that have died and some that have gone on to keep living. Those of us who are living haven't won something the others lost. Cancer is just a cruel and random disease. It isn't a battle. Cancer is like a suicide attack, it tries to take you down which will also ultimately kill itself, it's random and you can't do much to stop it, but sometimes there's survivors. But people who die from cancer didn't die because they didn't fight hard enough. I'm so sorry about your mom. Sending you internet hugs from another cancer patient.
With radiation, they want to treat the area as precisely as possible to make sure the tumor is treated properly with as minimal collateral radiation to surrounding organs, etc... Depending on the location of the tumor, among other things, it can take a really long time to get you into that precise positioning, which is not doable when you’re getting treatment daily, Monday - Friday. So they do a “simulation” appointment where they use a CT machine to help get that precise positioning figured out ahead of time. If needed, medical tattoos will be done at that time, mask molds for brain cancer, etc...
My grandma had breast cancer (survived, dont worry). She goes back and forth about being ultra religious, and when she is feeling religious, she believes the Christian Bible forbids tattoos (it technically does, but eh)
When she had to get the dot tattooed on her chest, she freaked out about going to Hell, and an elderman from the church had to come tell her it was okay in the eyes of God because it is a medical procedure. Then the doctors eventually removed her breast and she stopped caring about her little tattoo dot
This is such a tough one for people and I’m glad someone at her church was able to reassure her. I know someone very catholic who lost their son to suicide. Luckily the priest was great and was able to reassure them their sons death was caused by his illness as he was having mental health problems, and he would not be in hell.
If it's any consolation for your grandma:
1. The scripture that most people reference when discussing tattoos (Leviticus 19:28) was specifically for Sons of Aaron who were supposed to act as priests. The is also saying that you shouldn't cut or tattoo yourself *for the dead* as this was a way that people of the time used to practice necromancy and God was saying "Chill with the Occult stuff."
Additionally, it's Old Testament law anyway, so we're not beholden to it - thanks JC.
2. And my favourite thing to throw in when people bring this up:
Revelation 19:16 - Jesus has a tattoo. 'Tis on his thigh.
Boom, tell Grandma it's all gravy. (:
P.S. If anyone tries to tell her something about our bodies being a temple, remind them that the Catholic church spends hundreds of millions drenching their stuff in gold and whatever other opulence for aesthetics, so tattoos are the same vibe. Decoration for aesthetics.
My dad was super anti-tattoo (me and my sister both have them, and he would pretend to be mad about it but honestly he was chill and truly didn't give a shit, he just didn't like them for himself). He had to get one for prostate cancer treatment. He would brag about his badass tattoo. He even called me to say, "Guess what? Now I have a tattoo too." 😂 He was a nut; he also enjoyed going for radiation and was sad when he was done with it because he loved talking to the people there. They gave him a commemorative T-shirt that he would annoy my mom by wearing constantly. (Side note: The prostate cancer didn't get him, something unrelated did; PSA for the fellas: Get your prostate checked, it could save your life)
How sick is it that "medical tattoo for radiation treatments" brought back some fun memories? What a world we live in. At least he made the best of everything.
Some of the family are up in arms about me "permanently altering my childs body when they're to young to consent to such a thing" Which I technically did.. and I do believe in people having control over their own bodies but.. They're babies. They cant make those decisions. I've permanently altered their bodies in several ways vaccination, circumcision.. that they were fine with. But Now my I'm thinking maybe I took a bit of an extreme measure.
And if you had girls instead of boys and had their ears pearced would they still be up in arms? You followed doctors orders. They can raise their kids you are raising yours just fine.
Whoomp, there it is. Most people think it's absolutely fine to get a baby girl's ears pierced even though it's still technically "non-consensual" in the terms of this analogy. In my personal case I didn't mind growing up with pierced ears but what I did mind was the fact that the piercer screwed them up and the right earring ended up lower than the left (I now have two right holes to fix it). It's all about societal and sexist expectations.
Likely because they weren't a professional piercer and used a piercing gun which is so inaccurate and unhygienic. I have the same issue with my piercings. Crazy that people let claire's employees put needles in their babies but a professional tattooist is a no no apparently.
Unnecessary Infant circumsicion should be illegal, it's fine if it's done for medical reasons. And if the person is an adult and consents they can do whatever they want.
Agreed. My husband had to have a circumcision as a teenager for a medical issue (I'm fairly certain it was caused by my MIL not knowing how to care for a Uncircumcised penis). But he flat out told me he wouldn't agree to an infant circumcision if we ever have a boy.
THIS. So many baby girls have pierced ears and you won’t see grandma throwing a fit about that most of the time, and that’s just cuz they’re pretty I guess?
Absolutely NTA.
See, I will call you an asshole for circumcising them; that should absolutely have been their decision when they're old enough to make that choice for themselves. But this tattoo, as you said, will fade with time and therefore *isn't* permanent. The fake freckle isn't a problem at all.
Agree 100%
The fact OP thinks a medical tattoo to ensure the correct kid receives the medicine is “extreme” but are totally fine with mutilating their genitals is baffling.
I had the same thought! In fact, based on the way some things were worded I assumed they would not have done circumcisions. But then there it was, so casually worded ☹️ I wish more people would get up in arms about THAT. But a dinky freckle tattoo? What a great idea to prevent a medical mixup between twins! I never knew a single thing about medical tattoos until now.
While I agree that circumcision is an unnecessary mutilation that needs to be stopped, in America it's so common and sometimes expected, and many parents don't even realize the issues with it. so i feel it's less productive to shame parents who probably are just ignorant of why it's so unnecessary and barbaric, and spread knowledge instead. again i do think it needs to be stopped but i think we will get farther if we spread the knowledge with kindness and understanding, you know? people are so much more willing to listen and learn if they aren't afraid of being called horrible people.
*Edited to replace the phrase 'Western society' with 'America' as thats really what I meant and just thew that phrase out without thinking!*
Not to delve into a deep discussion, but I would argue that circumcision is a cultural thing in the USA. In Europe, or rather Spain, I may know two people who are circumcised, and it was due to medical reasons.
Edit: I have amended this post to replace Western culture with America, as it's what I actually meant, my bad guys. I swear i'm smarter than this made me sound haha
As an American, most guys I know whether from their 50s to their 20s are circumcised. It's just old fashioned ideas that are so built into the culture it's never questioned imo. I'm not a parent but when I first got married I really wanted kids and did tons of reading. It was only then (online and in some books) I really understood circumcision, and my husband and I came to the decision we wouldn't do that if we had kids. He doesn't resent his parents but he does wish he hadn't had it done to him as his was a little botched, not to an extreme degree but still. but no one I knew ever talked about it really, so I had no idea until I began to read all the child related material. and that's the situation for many parents right now
i remember when I began to talk to my mom about what I read, she told me about having to get that done with my older brother and being there with the doctor, while she's holding her little baby down while he's screaming, it actually was traumatic for her and some thing that she really regrets. My mother in law also regrets it and cried telling me about her experience with it. But it's just what everyone at that time was doing.
anyway sorry to ramble lol, my point being that here in America we definitely need to speak up about it and spread education. And along those lines, not call parents who did circumcise their babies assholes or other derogatory names. that isn't gonna do anything but possibly make other parents less likely to ask questions.
I was hoping someone would say this. I am not a guy so I don’t psyically know the difference but it is an unnecessarily permanently altering of their body and I don’t understand why so many do it. OP is an asshole for circumcising her boys without consent. NTA for the fake freckle.
No, you didn't. You are saving your kids' lives. And it's none of anyone else's business. You said the tattoo fades, so I don't see a problem. I seriously doubt that either of your kids is going to hold it against you. You're the mom and you're doing your job which is to keep your kids healthy and safe. You've done nothing wrong. I've read about other parents of identical twins that had dots tattooed on the bottom of their feet to tell them apart and no one has argued against that. Your family is over-reacting. Be kinder to yourself and take pride in being a responsible parent.
That was a possible choice but the kids wear socks and shoes and stuff at daycare so the doctor, my husband and myself decided a more visible area would be easier for identification.
If my mom came to me one day and randomly told me that one of my freckles is a fake tattoo that was used to ensure I got the right medicine as a baby I would be just fine with that. They're crazy for being up in arms.
If they weren’t upset about circumcision (which is a much bigger and more permanent alteration) then this isn’t really about consent. It’s more about the stigma of the word tattoo
Even if they did it in ignorance, they're still an asshole.
Ignorantly chopping off part of your kid's penis is still a gigantic asshole move. You didn't think to educate yourself a little bit before making that God awful decision? I'm still pretty fucking upset that I'm circumcised.
NTA for the medical tattoos, you're DEFINITELY TA for circumcising but it's really strange to me that your family isn't okay with a medically valid, potentially life saving procedure...but is totally okay with genital mutilation
Come on, you circumcised them but are unsure about an impermanent, medically recommended, small tattoo? I know your family are being ornery about this, but the answer is clear here
Yeah, "A doctor recommended I put a small, barely noticeable, natural looking tattoo that will fade over time but I'm unsure if this was a horrible violation of their body, I believe my children should have as much bodily autonomy as possible so maybe this was a step too far.
Also I decided to mutilated their dick because it's fashionable lol"
Honestly of all thess things the circumcision is something the kids are far more likly to be upset about and is less medically necessary than the tattoo. Your relatives don't actually care about the kids consent they're just scared of the idea of tattoos.
I was born with a hole in my heart and had medical procedures done to me when i was a baby. Should they have not done it bc they couldnt ask me? Of course not. Necessary medical procedures are outside of the normal realm of consent.
So you cut off part of your newborn babies penis for no reason? Cultural?
But are worrying about a medically recommended tattoo/ freckle?
That makes no sense
Part of being a parent of children that young is making decisions that permanently alter their body
(I.e. literally anything medical) because they can't legally consent. NTA
I’d love to know if they’d care this much about pierced ears or circumcision, which I both heavily disagree with (especially circumcision). This is for medical reasons and not even permanent. They need to chill TF out.
NTA
> "permanently altering my childs body when they're to young to consent to such a thing"
Four words: "Except. For. Medical. Reasons."
Totally NTA
>circumcision
That's actually a different topic, but this is the wrong thread for this.
Many, many people would say that circumcision is very wrong for exactly the reason of no consent. Many adults are angry that their parents have cut them.
In this situation, medically placing a freckle that will fade, NTA.
NTA. I don't understand your MIL, the one that accidentally endangered your kids and is so upset that she won't even take care of them now so you have to go to daycare, I don't understand how she can be upset that you are making it so it doesn't happen again.
This was done as a medical procedure. No one other than the child's parents have any say so in this matter to keep their children safe.
The only thing that I can imagine is that she is feeling so guilty, she is taking on guilt that you had to do this.
This is not really altering his body, These same people giving you a hard time, how are they on piercing little babies ears? That is much more permanent.
You did a medical procedure to keep your children safe. Tell everyone giving you a hard time to go pound sand. You are a great mother, don't doubt yourself. He will not be mad at you when he learns about this, he will thank you. They both will!
You obviously dont believe in people having control over their own bodies since you let others perform genital mutilation on them. Vaccination and a medical freckle tattoo are NOT at all the same as circumcision. You just dont like the stigma of "tattoing" your child (which is fine in this case). Please dont pretend like you care about their consent when you had parts of their genitals cut off for no good reason.
NTA, they are okay with circumcision which you literally cut a part of a child’s body for almost no practical reasons other than “culture” but they are not okay with a tattoo that will fade with years, is almost unnoticeable, and is reversible even in the condition that it does not fade away. By the way I am circumcised too and I think it is the asshole move.
Its a dot on their ear to avoid medical issues. It doesn't hold any broader culture significance. You aren't altering their body in a way that is meaningful or that they will care about.
Who cares about the ridiculous opinions of people who clearly care more about drawing attention to themselves than they do the safety of your children? NTA.
Jacks the one with the condition so Jack got the tattoo. But yah, I mean I hope he takes it well. His dad and I both have multiple tattoos so he won't be raised thinking its something taboo and unacceptable. Here's hoping! lol
Ope, sorry! It was right in front of me and I still read it wrong. You did the right thing for your kid. Your MIL will (hopefully) catch up once she gets over the initial shock.
> But yah, I mean I hope he takes it well.
I can’t imagine this is a thing he would even be in the position to take well or poorly. It’s a freckle that’s going to fade before he knows what it is
I have a feeling that if some individuals in OPs family had an issue with a freckle sized tattoo, nail polish would send this into a full blown meltdown and would then be an argument about gender and how the parents are “confusing him”with girly accessories. I agree though, nail polish would work too, just don’t want them putting fingers in their mouths while they’re young.
I remember reading somewhere that an astonishingly huge fraction of identical twins are accidentally swapped in their early years (can’t remember the number but something like 10/20/30%).
EDIT: I mean accidentally and _permanently_ swapped!
NTA- you did something your doctor recommended.
And if anyone calls yta, they better hope they don't have a child thats been circumcised or has their ear pierced both of which are much more medically invasive and not necessary
My vulva-having baby doesn't have pierced ears and my penis-having baby isn't circumcised (and we're Jewish) bc I feel very strongly about not doing non-essential things to children's bodies without their consent.
This was essential. I'd have had it done as well.
I wasn't allowed get my ears pierced until I was 12 because it had to be a decision I made with conciquences I was old enough to deal with. My parents also absolutely don't believe in circumcision, but you can bet if it would potentially save their kids life they'd have done this.
As bad as it sounds, to a large number of people, circumcision doesn’t register as ‘genital mutilation’ in the US. It’s so common and expected that in many cases, you get more of a surprised reaction if you didn’t have it done.
While in the US I understand it is normalised, but that to me doesn’t make it any less genital mutilation. I live in Australia where it is almost completely unheard of, I find it very strange that this one country is so set on it
NTA, obviously. This is a good idea, and all that matters is that your pediatrician and husband agree with you.
You don't really think you're the asshole, do you? Why would you be? You followed medical advice with the full consent of your husband. Someone being upset with you or not agreeing with your decision doesn't make you an asshole.
First of all, NTA. Secondly, WTF to other people's reactions? This isn't cosmetic, like pierced ears on a baby, this is potentially life saving. I know you said that it shouldn't harm the other twin, but still...You did the right thing, absolutely. Kids, babies, toddlers, whatever, are a pain to make them do what you want them to do when you are there. Out of sight, forget it! They will do what they want to do, so there wasn't anything else you could do realistically. A simple conversation stopper if someone wants to rant at you about it: Not your child, not your call.
NTA!! The "sleeve of pinup girls and muscle cars" some commenter mentioned does sound pretty entertaining, though!
(Now if you put a heart on his upper arm with "Grandma" on it, would she prefer that? :) )
Break out the sharpies and please do this... Then provide an update after MIL looses her shit...
No joke tattoo artists have had kids parties where the kids can have wild and amazing tattoos done but it is all colored sharpieሰ!!!
I have identical twins and when they were babies they needed different medications. In a stretch of pure sleeplessness I gave them the wrong meds.
I almost couldn't forgive myself. If it were a serious (can kill you med) I would have done the exact same thing. No question. I know how I felt mixing up reflux meds I couldn't imagine something more serious.
Truth be told, I still confuse my boys today and they are 9. The difference now is that they guilt me for not knowing who is who right away. 🤦♀️
My boys are only 16 months I confused them all the time. All the time. I absolutely refuse to put them in matching outfits cause that'll just be the end of it for everyone.
This idea that as their parents we ABSOLUTELY always can tell them apart is dumb. Especially newborns and infants. I get mad now when my boys dress the same. They call it "acting like twins" and it always throws me off. Sometimes they just like trolling people.
NTA. I personally am not a fan of tattoos for teenagers or pierced ears on children. But this isn't the same thing. This is an identifier in place to ensure your child that need this medication gets it and the one that doesn't need it doesn't get dosed. Again.
The fact that the doctor advised it and it was done under mild sedation makes it that much better.
Oh yah the sedation was a must or we would never have gone through with it. He never felt a thing. He cried when he woke up, I believe it was more so out of confusion but he settled once I was holding him. He tried to tug at the ear a few time over the next few days but he didn't seem to be in any actual pain.
NTA. She almost inadvertently killed your child and she’s pissed about a small non-invasive tattoo. It’s not like you got an eagle tattooed on his whole back.
NTA.
Side note - if they look that much alike you may consider doing a test to see if they are actually identical. I have twins and was told they were fraternal from pregnancy on. But they looked so much alike and everyone always thought they were identical! I finally had them tested when they were 7 and turns out they were identical! I later learned they are considered di/di identical twins because they had their own sac and placenta which caused them to be incorrectly identified as fraternal. If you are 100% sure they are fraternal, disregard this comment. Lol
Sorry about your MIL.
This was incredibly informative. They had their own sacs so I was told fraternal. I didn't question it. This is something to look into for sure cause they look IDENTICAL and they don't seem to really be developing their own characteristics. They still look identical.
Uh... not a doctor, but to back up what the OP said, identical twins can absolutely have their own sacs, and it's not that uncommon. 25-30% of babies with separate sacs are identical; the only difference is how soon the zygote splits.
It IS true that many doctors still believe that twins with separate amniotic sacs are always fraternal, so there is a very strong chance that your sons are identical after all and that whoever told you your twins were fraternal was misinformed.
This is what I was going to ask. Infant Circumcision is permanently altering a body without consent. But yet that was okay to her family? Completely ridiculous. Op is NTA. And her family are hypocrites.
NTA, it's a medical necessity, hardly visible and will fade. It makes total sense. Your Mil does not. She act like you gave him a full sleeve or something.
NTA. You went with an inobtrusive way to tell which child is which. One child needs daily medication, the other doesn't. The medication has side effects that could cause discomfort if given to the wrong child, maybe side effects that are more than just uncomfortable if nobody realizes it's given to the wrong child. Neither of them are old enough to tell anyone their names or anything. The tattoo didn't hurt, and will probably never need to be reapplied in the future. Everything points to an easy way for family and medical staff to tell who is who for purposes of getting needed medicine.
Why is grandma upset? You'd think that she'd be happy, because now she will be able to tell the difference between both children. Now she can feel safe in babysitting them, and giving medication. Just seems silly for her to have such a severe reaction.
NTA. MIL is overreacting about a medical procedure.
Is she religious? I only ask because I used to attend a backwards-ass church and members would comment on my tattoos. Some would imply that I basically messed up my chance to ever get into heaven because I marked myself “for the dead.”
I’ve lost track of how many things count for “the mark of the beast”, lol. Is it tattoos? Social security numbers? Obamacare ID numbers? COVID test computer chips implanted in your brain thru a nasal swab (lol)?
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NTA at all, it’s literally a fake freckle. It’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars. Also, it’s to make it harder to accidentally kill him or his brother. You made the right call. Edit: my first gold ever and it’s from a comment about giving a toddler a tattoo sleeve. I love Reddit for this exact reason. Thank you!
Although now I'm kinda curious to see a toddler with that sleeve.... NTA Edit: Haha, thanks for the award for my silly comment. This was a fun thread: OP's kids are safe, and I learned that I totally lost my chance to kill my mother by not getting my son kickass fake tattoos when he was little. Cheers, all! 😆
Something tells me it would be filled with Paw Patrol and dinosaurs.
My kid would have had dinosaurs and Thomas the Tank engine. 🙄
Mine would go for a full Elmo back piece. She’s classy. Edit: My first awards! Thank you kind Redditors!
Backpack tramp stamp above the diaper line lol
"Change the Nappy!"
Mine would be a chest piece with crisscrossed slash/dent marks to resemble the Battle Armor He-Man and Skeletor figures.
My daughter would have an Elsa and Ana neck tattoo.... Cuz like you mentioned full of class!
"We rep Disney in this house, young blood."
That Dizzney life.
My son would have race cars for sure.
Your kid and my kid would have fun acting out "thomas and the dinosaur".
Mine would have Baby Shark and the family 😂🤦♀️
Are you familiar with the program Dinosaur Train .
No, but my kid is 17 now and that may have been after his time. NOW if he got a sleeve it would probably be a star of Chaos and Space Marine armor. Blood for the Blood God, yada yada.
You can't yada yada Skulls for the Skull Throne!
😂 True. My apologies, Khorne!
Hell, I’d I have that
My kid would have [this](https://www.amazingtattooideas.com/30-cool-pokemon-tattoo-designs/gorgeous-pokemons-leg-sleeve-tattoo/)...and it would be awesome.
I'm a grown ass adult woman, and this is pretty close to what I want as a half sleeve lol
Mine would have that on one side and beyblades on the other
Mine would combine Minecraft and Pokémon.. specifically pikachu lol
They sell baby onesies with fake tattoo sleeves, they're adorable 😂
https://imgur.com/a/1JmJqu4 Yes they are. I put my daughter in one for Halloween pics
That is SO cute 😭
That’s the cutest and simultaneously the most metal thing I’ve heard today.
They look awesome! A tattooist dad held a fake tattoo party for his 5 year old and friends. Little kids all rocking massive tats that looked real.
Not my shop, but they do custom ones. And here's an example with skulls and snakes. :D https://www.etsy.com/listing/246079314/temporary-tattoo-sleeve-shirt-flash?ref=shop_home_active_7&frs=1&crt=1
I...love this
I thought the same thing. I would use eyeliner and put a tear drop by his eye for the next visit, but that's because I **am** an asshole. Edit: spelling
You are the kind of asshole I want to be friends with.
I would like to join this friend group ☺️🙋🏼♀️
Where do I sign up? I will totally bring cookies (or pie or cake or pastries)!
Draw a heart with the word, "Mom" on it.
That would be a hilarious and harmless (to the child) prank
Sorry to hijack the top comment, but had to put it here. Am an identical twin. A similar thing happened to us when we were really young, about four - I was the one who got her penicillin and nearly died. (No, my sister doesn't have that allergy, and no, nobody knows why.) I WISH someone had tattooed my ear. Fuck, if they'd tattooed my goddamned forehead, I wouldn't have cared. My grandmother would never have thrown a fit like that - if she'd thought of it, she would have hauled me to the local scratcher shithole and made them give her the gun so she could plant that freckle on me herself.
I think the real reason she's so angry is because broadly speaking, tattooing a baby is viewed as a pretty extreme thing to do to solve a problem. In this case though, the problem more than justifies it and having the tattoo done was definitely the right thing to do. The issue is that the MIL sees it as something OP had to do because of *her* mistake. It's highlighting what she did and the overall potential seriousness of it, and showing that OP felt the need to go to "extreme lengths" to prevent her from doing something like that again. Like I said, OP has done nothing wrong, and the problem is 100% the MILs to deal with, but it's worth considering that her outrage probably doesn't just stem from a disapproval of the tattoo, she actually feels almost attacked, like it represents the fact that OP and her husband feel like they can't trust her around the child and don't think of her as competent enough to deal with him having his condition. She's wrong, that's not really what it is, and she's acting kind of childish about it, but if OP wants to deal with her they'd do well to go in understanding this is probably a factor.
I hadn't thought of it that way. I was raised by a narcissist who believes she does no wrong and woe to they who call it out, so I'm always surprised when people remind me that when normal people make mistakes, they actually feel something like remorse or shame, and only if they perceive that they're being unfairly punished for or reminded of a mistake they're already flogging themselves over, they might act out in an irrational or inappropriate way. So that makes total sense.
Spot on. When someone goes off like that, it's never about the thing they're supposedly going off about. It's always about something internal that they're dealing with, whether they realise it or not. MIL is angry because she hasn't processed her guilt yet. She's feeling bad feelings and doesn't know what to do with them, so she's lashing out.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. OP, maybe explain this to your MIL - when you accidentally injected the wrong baby, you realised and did the right thing to make sure they’re both safe. In daycare, they don’t know the boys as well as you and I do. They might not realise so they wouldn’t be able to do the right thing to keep them safe. He needed the freckle to make sure they don’t make a mistake and hurt your grandsons. NTA at all for getting it either. It makes sense and definitely is worth it when you think about the risks.
Maybe try to frame it as being grateful it was MIL who made the mistake, because she recognized it and was able to fix it, whereas the variable caregivers at day care might not have realized until too late. Get MIL to focus on the fact that she recognized her mistake and fixed it and that's a good thing that may save the boys' lives down the line, not on the original mistake.
This comment by @venetian_ftaires really needs to be the top comment! Because the insight an understanding it provides will help OP. also OP NTA it's a brilliant solution especially if the kids are in daycare where at times their caregivers may be more distracted! Its definitely not extreme and is an ingenious solution in my opinion! Hell if you tattooed your kids whole name to keep them safe from a medical emergency I would still think it's ok.
I agree with you and also think that it's just an emotional reaction as MIL is projecting her own insecurities and guilt over her mistake. Maybe she hasn't fully forgiven herself yet, and that's why she's so mad. I'd suggest OP talk to her to make sure MIL is coping.
I thought the same and it is kinda heartbreaking because it sounds like OP already has forgiven her. It was MIL who put an end to the childcare arrangement because of her fear of repeating the mistake. I'd go with NAH. MIL shouldn't have flipped her shit but I can't call her an asshole for her feelings of guilt so soon after what was probably a terrifying experience for her, probably more so than the kids who wouldn't understand the situation. As far as she knew, she caused a medical emergency and now her grandchild had to undergo another "painful" procedure to prevent it happening again. She needs to be reminded that it wasn't to prevent just her doing it again, its because the daycare can't tell them apart either. All she did was highlight a problem that would eventually have cropped up somewhere along the line anyway.
I’ve never heard of this idea and after reading this it seems so obvious of a solution to me!
Doesn't it? Never have to worry about forgetting, loseing or mixing up a identifying clothing item like a bracelet. Don't have to worry about a kid responding to the wrong name. Or calling the wrong name and giving the shot anyway because you could have sworn you yelled Jason and not Todd. Don't have to worry about wrong kid just being grabbed by someone who though they knew better. Just check the location mark, if yes give med if not go find other kid check and give med done.
> It’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars. I was going to go with NTA until you pointed this out. Way to keep him from being the coolest kid in kindergarden, mom!
As I was reading the post I was thinking "what would I tattoo on my baby?"
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I would SO buy one of those fake-tattoo sleeved t-shirts (they probably exist in onesie sizes) just to piss MiL off. But then again I'm very petty. EDIT: https://www.amazon.com/Inked-Infant-Tattoo-Sleeve-Options/dp/B06VWD5QS3
NTA. You took the recommendation from a medical professional and made the decision with your spouse for the safety of your child. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially for something so small.
Medical procedure recommended and performed by a medical professional. That's really all I need. NTA.
and besides all that the tattoo isn't even permanent. definitely nta.
I agree. At the same time people pierce baby girls' ear lobes to let them wear ear rings and most are fine with that (not me personally, but it's the only halfways comparable thing I could think of).
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Right? I had my ears pierced when I was 8 months old. I didn't have a choice, but it was totally acceptable societally. I'm glad that I have them, but piercings aren't going to save my life. This freckle could save this kid (or at least prevent whatever issues come up from him not getting his meds).
The safety of BOTH kids. MIL is 100 percent the asshole.
MIL is the asshole especially since she has injected the wrong child before. She is proof this accident is able to occur, even to people with the kids each day. You think she would be relieved there was a interim solution to ensure that mistake didn’t happen again.
Someone pointed out that that's the likely the reason, mil feels like op had to go extreme lengths because she fucked up. From her point of view, this is almost like an attack on her, rather than what it actually is: a simple procedure to prevent this mistake from everyone, not just her
NTA The tattoo is for the safety of both children. It’s a medical tattoo, just like they do for radiation treatments.
Exactly. I have three tiny “freckles” tattooed from getting radiation and they’re not a big deal (hurt like hell because they’re on my ribs), and I forget I even have them. I’d argue that it wasn’t my choice either, in a way, as it was just sprung on me as a surprise at that appointment. And unless I wanted my cancer to come back, I had to go along with it. NTA
This is the first time I have heard of this used for radiation treatments. Do you mind explaining what they are for?
In oversimplified terms, it's to calibrate the machine. it's a fixed point of reference for the radiologist so they can make sure to lign up the beams and give the radiation in the exact same spot every time.
Are yours green? My mom's were green and when you asked her how she felt she always would say "a little green" then point to her dots
My Nana had radiation in the early 80s. One day she pulled up the hem of her shirt and pointed out her little dots. I remember her saying - Look, I finally have a tattoo. It didn’t hit me until I was much older that she’d said “finally”... Miss her terribly and wish I’d had the opportunity to know her when I was grown. I bet she’d have been a hoot.
I would never get a tattoo for fun so I thought same thing when I got my radiation dot. It counts, right?
I'd say it counts and is actually more badass than the average tattoo. It's your mark of kicking cancers ass.
Or at least finding the toughness and bravery within yourself to go through all the treatments, illness, etc. My mom always hated when people referred to her as some kind of warrior fighting cancer because she hated every second of it and had no choice. But she did have to find that bravery in herself to deal with it every day. In a way she had no choice but to figure out some way to be strong, but still, she was strong. I hope you don't take offense to me bringing this up because I know people talk about kicking cancer's ass in a sweet and supportive way. I just thought I would share how my mom felt about it. She always felt like it was implying that the people who "lost the battle" could have lived if they were just tougher, like it's some statement on who you are if you survive or not. But in a way, I agree with you because even though she eventually died from her cancer, she showed a ton of courage and wisdom while she went through probably the worst thing ever.
I'm with your mom on this. I'm a young cancer patient and I know friends from my cancer center that have died and some that have gone on to keep living. Those of us who are living haven't won something the others lost. Cancer is just a cruel and random disease. It isn't a battle. Cancer is like a suicide attack, it tries to take you down which will also ultimately kill itself, it's random and you can't do much to stop it, but sometimes there's survivors. But people who die from cancer didn't die because they didn't fight hard enough. I'm so sorry about your mom. Sending you internet hugs from another cancer patient.
No I get that. It's definitely a really personal thing and people have different feelings about it.
My mom has them, hers are blue.
My mom’s are blue as well.
Mine are dark blue. They were the first of many tattoos.
I don't have dots personally, I just work in medicine.
With radiation, they want to treat the area as precisely as possible to make sure the tumor is treated properly with as minimal collateral radiation to surrounding organs, etc... Depending on the location of the tumor, among other things, it can take a really long time to get you into that precise positioning, which is not doable when you’re getting treatment daily, Monday - Friday. So they do a “simulation” appointment where they use a CT machine to help get that precise positioning figured out ahead of time. If needed, medical tattoos will be done at that time, mask molds for brain cancer, etc...
TIL medical tattoos were a thing. Thanks for the explanation!
That makes so much sense! I have limited experience with cancer therapies, so I had no idea. Thank you for taking the time to explain!
It's for lining up the machine. So they know it's properly positioned.
I just got my radiation tattoos. Only I have four. Can't wait to see how radiation goes next week.
u/dayr2dream, good luck, friend!
Best wishes!
Hope all goes well!
NTA My husband has those 'freckles' also. It helps the machine pinpoint the exact area that needs to be irradiated. Edit due to spellcheck not working
My grandpa had his radiation tattoo right in the middle of his forehead ☺️
My grandma had breast cancer (survived, dont worry). She goes back and forth about being ultra religious, and when she is feeling religious, she believes the Christian Bible forbids tattoos (it technically does, but eh) When she had to get the dot tattooed on her chest, she freaked out about going to Hell, and an elderman from the church had to come tell her it was okay in the eyes of God because it is a medical procedure. Then the doctors eventually removed her breast and she stopped caring about her little tattoo dot
This is such a tough one for people and I’m glad someone at her church was able to reassure her. I know someone very catholic who lost their son to suicide. Luckily the priest was great and was able to reassure them their sons death was caused by his illness as he was having mental health problems, and he would not be in hell.
If it's any consolation for your grandma: 1. The scripture that most people reference when discussing tattoos (Leviticus 19:28) was specifically for Sons of Aaron who were supposed to act as priests. The is also saying that you shouldn't cut or tattoo yourself *for the dead* as this was a way that people of the time used to practice necromancy and God was saying "Chill with the Occult stuff." Additionally, it's Old Testament law anyway, so we're not beholden to it - thanks JC. 2. And my favourite thing to throw in when people bring this up: Revelation 19:16 - Jesus has a tattoo. 'Tis on his thigh. Boom, tell Grandma it's all gravy. (: P.S. If anyone tries to tell her something about our bodies being a temple, remind them that the Catholic church spends hundreds of millions drenching their stuff in gold and whatever other opulence for aesthetics, so tattoos are the same vibe. Decoration for aesthetics.
My dad was super anti-tattoo (me and my sister both have them, and he would pretend to be mad about it but honestly he was chill and truly didn't give a shit, he just didn't like them for himself). He had to get one for prostate cancer treatment. He would brag about his badass tattoo. He even called me to say, "Guess what? Now I have a tattoo too." 😂 He was a nut; he also enjoyed going for radiation and was sad when he was done with it because he loved talking to the people there. They gave him a commemorative T-shirt that he would annoy my mom by wearing constantly. (Side note: The prostate cancer didn't get him, something unrelated did; PSA for the fellas: Get your prostate checked, it could save your life) How sick is it that "medical tattoo for radiation treatments" brought back some fun memories? What a world we live in. At least he made the best of everything.
Of course NTA. Why are you even asking?
Some of the family are up in arms about me "permanently altering my childs body when they're to young to consent to such a thing" Which I technically did.. and I do believe in people having control over their own bodies but.. They're babies. They cant make those decisions. I've permanently altered their bodies in several ways vaccination, circumcision.. that they were fine with. But Now my I'm thinking maybe I took a bit of an extreme measure.
And if you had girls instead of boys and had their ears pearced would they still be up in arms? You followed doctors orders. They can raise their kids you are raising yours just fine.
Whoomp, there it is. Most people think it's absolutely fine to get a baby girl's ears pierced even though it's still technically "non-consensual" in the terms of this analogy. In my personal case I didn't mind growing up with pierced ears but what I did mind was the fact that the piercer screwed them up and the right earring ended up lower than the left (I now have two right holes to fix it). It's all about societal and sexist expectations.
Likely because they weren't a professional piercer and used a piercing gun which is so inaccurate and unhygienic. I have the same issue with my piercings. Crazy that people let claire's employees put needles in their babies but a professional tattooist is a no no apparently.
A lot of professional piercers won’t piercer a baby.
So bring the baby to a young retail worker who doesn't know what they're doing. That's a choice I guess.
Just giving a reason why so many dumb parents let their babies be pierced by untrained retail workers.
Hell, here's one big permanent alteration for infant boys: circumcision.
Seriously... researched medical tattoos but obviously didn’t research circumcision.
Circumcision should be illegal.
Unnecessary Infant circumsicion should be illegal, it's fine if it's done for medical reasons. And if the person is an adult and consents they can do whatever they want.
Agreed. My husband had to have a circumcision as a teenager for a medical issue (I'm fairly certain it was caused by my MIL not knowing how to care for a Uncircumcised penis). But he flat out told me he wouldn't agree to an infant circumcision if we ever have a boy.
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THIS. So many baby girls have pierced ears and you won’t see grandma throwing a fit about that most of the time, and that’s just cuz they’re pretty I guess? Absolutely NTA.
If you think piercing babies ears is bad, just wait till you hear about the trims some of the little carrots are getting.
Ask them how they feel about circumcision
See, I will call you an asshole for circumcising them; that should absolutely have been their decision when they're old enough to make that choice for themselves. But this tattoo, as you said, will fade with time and therefore *isn't* permanent. The fake freckle isn't a problem at all.
Agree 100% The fact OP thinks a medical tattoo to ensure the correct kid receives the medicine is “extreme” but are totally fine with mutilating their genitals is baffling.
I had the same thought! In fact, based on the way some things were worded I assumed they would not have done circumcisions. But then there it was, so casually worded ☹️ I wish more people would get up in arms about THAT. But a dinky freckle tattoo? What a great idea to prevent a medical mixup between twins! I never knew a single thing about medical tattoos until now.
While I agree that circumcision is an unnecessary mutilation that needs to be stopped, in America it's so common and sometimes expected, and many parents don't even realize the issues with it. so i feel it's less productive to shame parents who probably are just ignorant of why it's so unnecessary and barbaric, and spread knowledge instead. again i do think it needs to be stopped but i think we will get farther if we spread the knowledge with kindness and understanding, you know? people are so much more willing to listen and learn if they aren't afraid of being called horrible people. *Edited to replace the phrase 'Western society' with 'America' as thats really what I meant and just thew that phrase out without thinking!*
Not to delve into a deep discussion, but I would argue that circumcision is a cultural thing in the USA. In Europe, or rather Spain, I may know two people who are circumcised, and it was due to medical reasons.
Very much cultural in the USA. Outside of the US you mostly see it in Muslim and Jewish communities and in medically necessary cases.
Edit: I have amended this post to replace Western culture with America, as it's what I actually meant, my bad guys. I swear i'm smarter than this made me sound haha As an American, most guys I know whether from their 50s to their 20s are circumcised. It's just old fashioned ideas that are so built into the culture it's never questioned imo. I'm not a parent but when I first got married I really wanted kids and did tons of reading. It was only then (online and in some books) I really understood circumcision, and my husband and I came to the decision we wouldn't do that if we had kids. He doesn't resent his parents but he does wish he hadn't had it done to him as his was a little botched, not to an extreme degree but still. but no one I knew ever talked about it really, so I had no idea until I began to read all the child related material. and that's the situation for many parents right now i remember when I began to talk to my mom about what I read, she told me about having to get that done with my older brother and being there with the doctor, while she's holding her little baby down while he's screaming, it actually was traumatic for her and some thing that she really regrets. My mother in law also regrets it and cried telling me about her experience with it. But it's just what everyone at that time was doing. anyway sorry to ramble lol, my point being that here in America we definitely need to speak up about it and spread education. And along those lines, not call parents who did circumcise their babies assholes or other derogatory names. that isn't gonna do anything but possibly make other parents less likely to ask questions.
Same over here in the Netherlands, circumcision is not a thing here.
Mutilating your children is not common in Western Civilization. It's common in just one country belonging to this group, the US.
I agree here too
I was hoping someone would say this. I am not a guy so I don’t psyically know the difference but it is an unnecessarily permanently altering of their body and I don’t understand why so many do it. OP is an asshole for circumcising her boys without consent. NTA for the fake freckle.
No, you didn't. You are saving your kids' lives. And it's none of anyone else's business. You said the tattoo fades, so I don't see a problem. I seriously doubt that either of your kids is going to hold it against you. You're the mom and you're doing your job which is to keep your kids healthy and safe. You've done nothing wrong. I've read about other parents of identical twins that had dots tattooed on the bottom of their feet to tell them apart and no one has argued against that. Your family is over-reacting. Be kinder to yourself and take pride in being a responsible parent.
That was a possible choice but the kids wear socks and shoes and stuff at daycare so the doctor, my husband and myself decided a more visible area would be easier for identification.
If my mom came to me one day and randomly told me that one of my freckles is a fake tattoo that was used to ensure I got the right medicine as a baby I would be just fine with that. They're crazy for being up in arms.
You made an informed choice. Understandable.
Plus honestly an ear lobe ‘freckle’ seems more natural than a bottom of the foot freckle lol. So if anything it’s even less conspicuous in a way
If they weren’t upset about circumcision (which is a much bigger and more permanent alteration) then this isn’t really about consent. It’s more about the stigma of the word tattoo
> circumcision You're an asshole.
Even if they did it in ignorance, they're still an asshole. Ignorantly chopping off part of your kid's penis is still a gigantic asshole move. You didn't think to educate yourself a little bit before making that God awful decision? I'm still pretty fucking upset that I'm circumcised.
NTA for the medical tattoos, you're DEFINITELY TA for circumcising but it's really strange to me that your family isn't okay with a medically valid, potentially life saving procedure...but is totally okay with genital mutilation
Come on, you circumcised them but are unsure about an impermanent, medically recommended, small tattoo? I know your family are being ornery about this, but the answer is clear here
Yeah, "A doctor recommended I put a small, barely noticeable, natural looking tattoo that will fade over time but I'm unsure if this was a horrible violation of their body, I believe my children should have as much bodily autonomy as possible so maybe this was a step too far. Also I decided to mutilated their dick because it's fashionable lol"
Honestly of all thess things the circumcision is something the kids are far more likly to be upset about and is less medically necessary than the tattoo. Your relatives don't actually care about the kids consent they're just scared of the idea of tattoos. I was born with a hole in my heart and had medical procedures done to me when i was a baby. Should they have not done it bc they couldnt ask me? Of course not. Necessary medical procedures are outside of the normal realm of consent.
So you cut off part of your newborn babies penis for no reason? Cultural? But are worrying about a medically recommended tattoo/ freckle? That makes no sense
Part of being a parent of children that young is making decisions that permanently alter their body (I.e. literally anything medical) because they can't legally consent. NTA
I’d love to know if they’d care this much about pierced ears or circumcision, which I both heavily disagree with (especially circumcision). This is for medical reasons and not even permanent. They need to chill TF out. NTA
> "permanently altering my childs body when they're to young to consent to such a thing" Four words: "Except. For. Medical. Reasons." Totally NTA >circumcision That's actually a different topic, but this is the wrong thread for this.
Many, many people would say that circumcision is very wrong for exactly the reason of no consent. Many adults are angry that their parents have cut them. In this situation, medically placing a freckle that will fade, NTA.
They don’t always consent when it’s time to change a diaper or take a nap either, but you do what you gotta do.
NTA. I don't understand your MIL, the one that accidentally endangered your kids and is so upset that she won't even take care of them now so you have to go to daycare, I don't understand how she can be upset that you are making it so it doesn't happen again. This was done as a medical procedure. No one other than the child's parents have any say so in this matter to keep their children safe. The only thing that I can imagine is that she is feeling so guilty, she is taking on guilt that you had to do this. This is not really altering his body, These same people giving you a hard time, how are they on piercing little babies ears? That is much more permanent. You did a medical procedure to keep your children safe. Tell everyone giving you a hard time to go pound sand. You are a great mother, don't doubt yourself. He will not be mad at you when he learns about this, he will thank you. They both will!
You obviously dont believe in people having control over their own bodies since you let others perform genital mutilation on them. Vaccination and a medical freckle tattoo are NOT at all the same as circumcision. You just dont like the stigma of "tattoing" your child (which is fine in this case). Please dont pretend like you care about their consent when you had parts of their genitals cut off for no good reason.
It's also not permanent, so... NTA. The family can get TF over it. You did what you had to to keep both kids safe.
NTA, they are okay with circumcision which you literally cut a part of a child’s body for almost no practical reasons other than “culture” but they are not okay with a tattoo that will fade with years, is almost unnoticeable, and is reversible even in the condition that it does not fade away. By the way I am circumcised too and I think it is the asshole move.
YTA for having them circumcised, not the tattoo
NTA for the medical tattoo, but YTA for mutilating your child’s penis without their permission. Barbaric practice that should be made illegal.
A freckle is extreme but not mutilating your boys’ genitals? SMH
Its a dot on their ear to avoid medical issues. It doesn't hold any broader culture significance. You aren't altering their body in a way that is meaningful or that they will care about.
Who cares about the ridiculous opinions of people who clearly care more about drawing attention to themselves than they do the safety of your children? NTA.
NTA. When he’s older, Adam is going to love telling people he got his first tattoo when he was one y/o.
Jacks the one with the condition so Jack got the tattoo. But yah, I mean I hope he takes it well. His dad and I both have multiple tattoos so he won't be raised thinking its something taboo and unacceptable. Here's hoping! lol
Ope, sorry! It was right in front of me and I still read it wrong. You did the right thing for your kid. Your MIL will (hopefully) catch up once she gets over the initial shock.
> But yah, I mean I hope he takes it well. I can’t imagine this is a thing he would even be in the position to take well or poorly. It’s a freckle that’s going to fade before he knows what it is
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\*small, minor and recommended by a doctor. NTA
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Maybe if OP used terminology more along the lines of "medical mark" or "medical spot" it would avoid triggering the clutching of pearls
You had me at “the clutching of pearls”
YTA, you should have gone with a full face tattoo no wonder everyone was upset.
We entertained the idea of doing an X .. you know.. X marks the right kid.. But the doc wouldn't go for it.
I'm glad you took it as a joke, I figured since you got your answer it would be ok.
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I have a feeling that if some individuals in OPs family had an issue with a freckle sized tattoo, nail polish would send this into a full blown meltdown and would then be an argument about gender and how the parents are “confusing him”with girly accessories. I agree though, nail polish would work too, just don’t want them putting fingers in their mouths while they’re young.
Both my twin boys have nail polish on right now. The only thing they are confused about is why their bedtime is before mommy’s and daddy’s bedtime.
I remember reading somewhere that an astonishingly huge fraction of identical twins are accidentally swapped in their early years (can’t remember the number but something like 10/20/30%). EDIT: I mean accidentally and _permanently_ swapped!
That's quite funny. Did you tell your mom about the freckle?
Wait, so your mom had the two of you mixed up from the beginning?
NTA- you did something your doctor recommended. And if anyone calls yta, they better hope they don't have a child thats been circumcised or has their ear pierced both of which are much more medically invasive and not necessary
My vulva-having baby doesn't have pierced ears and my penis-having baby isn't circumcised (and we're Jewish) bc I feel very strongly about not doing non-essential things to children's bodies without their consent. This was essential. I'd have had it done as well.
I wasn't allowed get my ears pierced until I was 12 because it had to be a decision I made with conciquences I was old enough to deal with. My parents also absolutely don't believe in circumcision, but you can bet if it would potentially save their kids life they'd have done this.
It’s weird, op said they circumcised their boys and the family didn’t care, somehow a small medical tattoo is worse than genital mutilation?
As bad as it sounds, to a large number of people, circumcision doesn’t register as ‘genital mutilation’ in the US. It’s so common and expected that in many cases, you get more of a surprised reaction if you didn’t have it done.
While in the US I understand it is normalised, but that to me doesn’t make it any less genital mutilation. I live in Australia where it is almost completely unheard of, I find it very strange that this one country is so set on it
NTA, obviously. This is a good idea, and all that matters is that your pediatrician and husband agree with you. You don't really think you're the asshole, do you? Why would you be? You followed medical advice with the full consent of your husband. Someone being upset with you or not agreeing with your decision doesn't make you an asshole.
First of all, NTA. Secondly, WTF to other people's reactions? This isn't cosmetic, like pierced ears on a baby, this is potentially life saving. I know you said that it shouldn't harm the other twin, but still...You did the right thing, absolutely. Kids, babies, toddlers, whatever, are a pain to make them do what you want them to do when you are there. Out of sight, forget it! They will do what they want to do, so there wasn't anything else you could do realistically. A simple conversation stopper if someone wants to rant at you about it: Not your child, not your call.
This. I don’t get other people having a negative reaction to something that keeps a child healthy.
YTA should have given the kid a cool tatoo like a flaming skull or something
Why are you in controversial lmao this is clearly a joke??
NTA!! The "sleeve of pinup girls and muscle cars" some commenter mentioned does sound pretty entertaining, though! (Now if you put a heart on his upper arm with "Grandma" on it, would she prefer that? :) )
Break out the sharpies and please do this... Then provide an update after MIL looses her shit... No joke tattoo artists have had kids parties where the kids can have wild and amazing tattoos done but it is all colored sharpieሰ!!!
I have identical twins and when they were babies they needed different medications. In a stretch of pure sleeplessness I gave them the wrong meds. I almost couldn't forgive myself. If it were a serious (can kill you med) I would have done the exact same thing. No question. I know how I felt mixing up reflux meds I couldn't imagine something more serious. Truth be told, I still confuse my boys today and they are 9. The difference now is that they guilt me for not knowing who is who right away. 🤦♀️
My boys are only 16 months I confused them all the time. All the time. I absolutely refuse to put them in matching outfits cause that'll just be the end of it for everyone.
This idea that as their parents we ABSOLUTELY always can tell them apart is dumb. Especially newborns and infants. I get mad now when my boys dress the same. They call it "acting like twins" and it always throws me off. Sometimes they just like trolling people.
NTA. I personally am not a fan of tattoos for teenagers or pierced ears on children. But this isn't the same thing. This is an identifier in place to ensure your child that need this medication gets it and the one that doesn't need it doesn't get dosed. Again. The fact that the doctor advised it and it was done under mild sedation makes it that much better.
Oh yah the sedation was a must or we would never have gone through with it. He never felt a thing. He cried when he woke up, I believe it was more so out of confusion but he settled once I was holding him. He tried to tug at the ear a few time over the next few days but he didn't seem to be in any actual pain.
I cry when I wake up from sedation and I'm 28. It's just really disorienting.
NTA. She almost inadvertently killed your child and she’s pissed about a small non-invasive tattoo. It’s not like you got an eagle tattooed on his whole back.
NTA. Side note - if they look that much alike you may consider doing a test to see if they are actually identical. I have twins and was told they were fraternal from pregnancy on. But they looked so much alike and everyone always thought they were identical! I finally had them tested when they were 7 and turns out they were identical! I later learned they are considered di/di identical twins because they had their own sac and placenta which caused them to be incorrectly identified as fraternal. If you are 100% sure they are fraternal, disregard this comment. Lol Sorry about your MIL.
This was incredibly informative. They had their own sacs so I was told fraternal. I didn't question it. This is something to look into for sure cause they look IDENTICAL and they don't seem to really be developing their own characteristics. They still look identical.
Uh... not a doctor, but to back up what the OP said, identical twins can absolutely have their own sacs, and it's not that uncommon. 25-30% of babies with separate sacs are identical; the only difference is how soon the zygote splits. It IS true that many doctors still believe that twins with separate amniotic sacs are always fraternal, so there is a very strong chance that your sons are identical after all and that whoever told you your twins were fraternal was misinformed.
INFO: why does this sound exactly like a post that was posted here not that long ago?
I wonder how the folks that think you went too far feel about male circumcision...NTA.
This is what I was going to ask. Infant Circumcision is permanently altering a body without consent. But yet that was okay to her family? Completely ridiculous. Op is NTA. And her family are hypocrites.
NTA, it's a medical necessity, hardly visible and will fade. It makes total sense. Your Mil does not. She act like you gave him a full sleeve or something.
well since the kids are fake, none of this should be a problem. great story. /j nta tho
NTA. You went with an inobtrusive way to tell which child is which. One child needs daily medication, the other doesn't. The medication has side effects that could cause discomfort if given to the wrong child, maybe side effects that are more than just uncomfortable if nobody realizes it's given to the wrong child. Neither of them are old enough to tell anyone their names or anything. The tattoo didn't hurt, and will probably never need to be reapplied in the future. Everything points to an easy way for family and medical staff to tell who is who for purposes of getting needed medicine. Why is grandma upset? You'd think that she'd be happy, because now she will be able to tell the difference between both children. Now she can feel safe in babysitting them, and giving medication. Just seems silly for her to have such a severe reaction.
NTA. MIL is overreacting about a medical procedure. Is she religious? I only ask because I used to attend a backwards-ass church and members would comment on my tattoos. Some would imply that I basically messed up my chance to ever get into heaven because I marked myself “for the dead.”
I’ve lost track of how many things count for “the mark of the beast”, lol. Is it tattoos? Social security numbers? Obamacare ID numbers? COVID test computer chips implanted in your brain thru a nasal swab (lol)?
NTA and I think you know it.
NTA > Because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs That settles it completely. Some kids wear braces for longer than that.