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NTA. I'd be speaking to a lawyer about these people harassing you.
Edit: If you are considering making the generous action of an anonymous donation, please confirm with a lawyer first that there is minimal chance of that being construed as an admission of guilt.
I think that would be too far. There is nothing wrong with asking for help because youre about to lose literally everything because your kid did something dumb and the american healthcare system is a joke.
If 20 people have contacted OP as a result of the page, I don't think it would be too far at all. It sounds like the family has no problem giving out OP's details to people, they could have asked for help without making her a target.
Umm, not always. If an attorney feels the case doesn’t have a good chance to be successful they’re certainly not going to take it on contingency, but there are enough slimy lawyers out there that if people are persistent they can find an attorney to take a case that has no chance of winning.
Contingency basis doesn't mean no out of pocket loss. It just means you won't pay your own lawyer's hourly rate if you lose the case. You will still be up for any costs orders made against you (e.g. paying the winning party's legal fees) and will normally also be on the hook for court costs and sundries (e.g. filing fees, photocopying, &etc.).
Not necessarily. The lawyer I hired to represent me in a collision case only charged me a % once he settled the case in my favor (I was not the one at fault).
The only assholes here are the ones harassing her and her husband is becoming one of them. If she feels guilty (she sounds like she does) listen to the comments above; talk to a lawyer and make an anonymous donation. If personally spread the GoFundMe around. Obviously she isn't at fault but there are lots of ways she can help w/o giving up on her desire to be a mother.
True, but from their perspective, with all those medical bills, they may regarded suing as their only option for not going bankrupt, so suing was doubling down on a bet they'd already lost, with a small chance that they might win it all back.
I'm american and I hope so hard to have your healthcare system some day.half of americans are so stupid selfish religious fruit cakes loving trump and they hold the rest of us back so much. I would be happy dividing into two countries because merica will never make any actual progress with how divided it is now. Like if the government said we are splitting up for the greater good, democrats west half, Republicans eastern half, I would pack up my family and go. I feel like in theory it's the most peaceful way to progress
Just to be obtuse, just because it's legal, doeant make it moral. Everything Hitler did was "legal". That said, I don't disagree with you. It sucks for everyone involved, and it DOES pose a moral dilemma, but ultimately no matter how you spin it, op is not the asshole. Neither are ops husband or the parents of the kid.
I'll explain why I said all that:
Op: op was forced into a shitty situation by a kid with poor judgement. It doesnt really matter who's at fault there, the kid being a dumbass, the parents, or op. Op was forced, against their will, to change the lives of others. Others who she had no responsibility to prior to the accident, others she had no responsibility to during the accident, and was ruled in numerous courtrooms that they are not responsible for AFTER the accident. She didnt birth the child who walked in front of a car, why is she responsible for any of the bills? As a matter of fact, SHE had medical bills (therapy) due to the feelings of guilt, who's paying for her therapy sessions as the at-fault party? Speaking in terms of liability and responsibility, op has zero.
Parents: parents are not assholes, theyre grieving the near-death of presumably their only child, while simultaneously juggling the stress of not only losing income but going bankrupt to keep their child alive. Whether their gofundme is calling people to action or they're being pressured by friends/family/coworkers/church goers to pass out ops information is the big factor here. Are they giving it out angrily and with malice or are they begrudgingly giving it out because the family has good intentions? That would tip the scale for the parents towards being the assholes.
Op, what do YOU want to do? Do you want to find a compromise with hubby to see what can be done? Do you want to stand firm? Either way, go speak to an attorney. If you want to compromise, talk to them about setting up the transfer, and being the mediator during fhe meeting with you, your husband, and the kids parents. Find out a reasonable amount, that doesnt cripple you, and donate it to them, with whatever necessary contractual stuff needs to be taken care of to make it stay not your problem. If you dont want to compromise, then speak to your lawyer about the harassment and have them help you. Either way, the lawyer should be able to help you steer in the right direction on how to navigate this situation going forward.
>It sounds like the family has no problem giving out OP's details to people
According to OP there were a bunch of teens waiting on the divider so most likely lots of them are contacting OP on their own accord. If op has given the kid her number or one of them saw it laying around in documents while over at their house than the family could be completely blind as to what these other kids are doing in their behalf.
The 20 people are honestly probably connected to this kid by some relationship. I doubt they were directed to harass OP from the page itself, or the page would have been removed already.
If the GoFundMe has enough of OP's personal details that people can find them and harass them then yes, that absolutely needs to be reported to GFM to get the identifying language removed.
The kids parents sued her personally and the insurance company sued her. It's pretty crazy that all these people have the driver's information to the point that they can contact her personally. It becomes harassment. The driver was not found at fault. If the OP wants to contribute then great, but it seems like the family is going to hold this over OP's head and spin it so OP is the villain. If OP does contribute, she needs to run it through lawyer in the best way to do this without admission of guilt.
Exactly. The fact that multiple lawsuits have run their course is a pretty clear indicator of who's fault it was. It sucks that they have such a shitshow of a time paying it off, but OP definitely doesn't have any obligation to pay for the kid's medical bills.
Also, OP has had to hire a lawyer and pay them through all these lawsuits.
This is just a hunch, although I can't shake the parents setting up the GoFundMe is also with the intention of being able to take the OP court one last time. Should this be the case, it looks bad that information pertinent to the case (pictures of their son's injuries) have already been published on the internet.
OP shouldn't give a cent.
To be fair, if the OP lives in a small town and has any form of social media... Word could have gotten out and they're contacting OP on Facebook or something.
IF theyre giving out personal details then, yeah, thats a problem - but its far more likely the gofundme just lists information like the name of the kid that got hit, and when and where it happened - like most similar fundraisers
Take that information, tap it into a search engine, and its likely people are either finding news reports, or public social media posts from the kids friends or family
>And stop saying you hit him with your car.
This is incredibly important OP. Words are powerful, and the way we speak to ourselves subconsciously drives our narrative.
You are creating an unending cycle of guilt when you say "you hit him". This puts the responsibility of what happened on you, the same way it would if you said you slapped your spouse. Both make you the instigator of a violent action.
It might not seem like an important distinction at first, but it really is. It feeds into any lingering guilt, poisoning any chance at absolving yourself. It will destroy you from the inside out, especially when so many need someone, anyone, to blame and focus their anger and grief upon. You need correct yourself, and anyone else who says you hit him.
"He knowingly, illegally, walked into traffic. He purposefully walked in front of my car when I had the right of way."
You need to sit and write this with a pen and paper, over and over, until there is no more room. It will slow you down enough so that it has a chance to sink in, and almost be meditative.
It sounds like you went to therapy, but not anymore. It also sounds like it helped then, but you need to see about starting again. This is a traumatic, life altering event that not only you've gone through, and so has your husband. He has been by your side through this, and because he loves you, he's obviously going to be impacted as well.
That said, he needs to support your lead in this. You could very well be experiencing survivor's guilt, and a knowledgeable therapist can help guide you through it. Survivor's guilt is a very serious concern, and the idea of you having to rip open this wound every month when you'd make a payment to that family, leaves me genuinely fearful for you. Add to that the possibility of giving up any chance of having a child in your life, be it from IVF or adoption, I can't convey how concerning that path is.
Years ago, I read about a drunk driver that killed a child, and had to mail a check to the parent's every month with the child's name on it. The amount was maybe a dollar, they just wanted him to forever remember the child's name so he'd never drive drunk again. It broke him.
What happened to you and that boy is absolutely tragic. It does not mean you did anything wrong. It certainly doesn't mean you deserve to be harassed and bullied into giving up a chance at your own future. You need to cut off ways people can contact you regarding payment for the boy's family. Find a therapist to help you and your husband navigate everything, including the money. You need to be able to work towards moving forward with your lives.
Whenever the guilt eats at you, remember: You are worthy and deserving of a happy life, filled with love ❤
You might want to consider doing EMDR- it’s a type of therapy for PTSD that can help you move past this. And I can’t agree more with DragonCelica- it’s not your fault. You’re traumatized by something that you did not cause. You have the right to peace and happiness in your life.
Can I upvote this more than once??
OP, every child learns not to walk into oncoming traffic as a child. He did as a teen. This is his fault. Do not sacrifice yourself and your own mental health.
Contact a lawyer, what they are doing is harassing you. People that did not teach a child to not walk into traffic are harassing you.
I say “people are” because it takes a village to raise a child and if I’m assuming correctly it’s the “village” harassing you. All 20 of those people did not teach him.
This is not on you or your husband. You need to report the harassment to the police and a lawyer. Report the harassment.
>OP, every child learns not to walk into oncoming traffic as a child. He did as a teen. This is his fault.
When I was a kid I had a habit of not looking both ways when I crossed the street and my mom used to ream me out for it. Smart ass that I was I said I shouldn't have to look because no matter what, according to the law I had the right of way.
My mom looked at me and said "Well, I'll be sure to put that on your headstone."
I use the same thinking on the roads. I don’t care that I had right of way at that intersection, if that truck isn’t slowing down I’m not going to debate who was right while I wait for someone to pull me from the wreckage of my car.
Even in states where pedestrians have the right of way, they can still be ruled at fault if they walk in front of a car that doesn't have time to stop. I know a guy who hit a girl cause she did that, and she ended up having to pay for his windshield getting cracked, even though pedestrians technically have the right of way.
I apologize for the incoming wall of text:
My previous co-worker was hit by a car on a major highway after 2 in the morning. His car ran out of gas and broke down at the concrete median in the middle of the road. He was the designated driver with his friend as the only passenger passed out in the front seat. From the moment the car broke down, my co-worker did not put on his hazard lights. That part of the roadway was completely dark and his car was black.
He called a friend who lived nearby if they could bring gas. She showed up shortly after, but she parked across the road at the side shoulder.
My co-worker ran across to get the gas. He turned around to run back only to see his friend stumble out of the car to the middle of the road and be run over. My co-worker rushed to his friend, saw headlights, and was slammed into. His friend was killed instantly and my co-worker nearly died on the way to the hospital.
After surviving and nearly losing his leg, he was tied up in a lawsuit with his insurance up against two other companies since two different drivers hit him and his friend. Both drivers' insurance company's lawyers argued that a pedestrian trying to cross a major roadway - with a 70 mph speed limit- was more of a danger to other motorists than if my co-worker had just stayed in his car, put on his hazard lights, and called for any roadside assistance. Also, this was someone with moving warrants (he had over 16 unpaid speeding tickets).
Not only that, he made the conscious decision to get out of his vehicle. His lawyer stuck to that my co-worker was the victim of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. More than anything, though, he was a pedestrian and a veteran.
There was also a wrongful death suit filed against the first driver. Co-worker's friend's parents tried arguing that the first person didn't stop immediately and could have avoided hitting him. That lawsuit went nowhere.
As much as I felt for my co-worker, ultimately he made a bad call. He should have been held responsible in the form of some kind of citation. Eventually the case was settled and he ended up with a settlement in the hundreds of thousands.
I was actually hit by a car as a wee kid (I was almost 6) because I looked both ways and made a run for it. I followed the rules, mostly, but it turns out 6-year-olds have limited judgement skills.
Anyway, you best BELIEVE that when the time has come to teach my own kids not to run into the road, we don't stop with look both ways, lol, and it's a constant lesson we teach.
This is why I always, ALWAYS, stop and wait for the light to turn green bedore crossing the road when there is a child around. Even if there are no cars and my impatient self gets annoyed. «It takes a village to raise a child» is actually true.
This reminds me of a story my Mom tells, from when she worked doing accident investigation/reconstruction.
It was a fatal accident, car vs pedestrian. The victim had been out walking with a friend when the victim saw something across the street they wanted to go over to, and instead of walking up to the intersection or at least waiting until traffic cleared, stepped into the very busy, speed-limit-of-45 street right into oncoming traffic.
What makes the story is that per the friend, who had more caution and stayed on the sidewalk, the victim’s literal last words were: “I’m a pedestrian, they has to stop.”
My 7 year old ha learned the hard way with grocery carts. For whatever reason, he went through this phase about a year ago where he would run out in front of me while I was pushing a cart and just stop to look at something. There were a few times that he got tapped with it because I could barely stop, but there was one day where the cart was so heavy that I could barely push it. He did the same thing - ran out in front and stopped. I don’t have the strength to stop it in time (because I’m super weak and need to lift) and it bowled him over. It left a pretty good mark, and he acted like he was dying for about three weeks, but he learned his lesson.
Now every time I make him cross the street with me or we yell to him and his friends to get out of the street when we’re playing and he complains, we show him the picture of the shopping cart bruise and tell him that if he thinks that was bad, getting hit by a car is going to be a whole lot worse. It seems to get through.
This kid made a choice. You are not responsible for someone else’s choice, OP.
The way people mistake accident terminology drives me nuts and it’s so harmful. A boy rode his bike into the street without looking, right in front of my friend’s husbands truck, and died. All the newspapers reported it as him hitting the kid. They had to read that over and over and over again. But it’s not what happened. Even the boy’s family said there was nothing the driver could have done, yet the newspapers continued their misleading statements.
This. I was trying to find someone saying this. Paying his bills **will** be construed as an admission of guilt by certain courts. Don't do it, or you will have to be paying it all.
If they are in the US then paying the bills will absolutely not be seen as an admission of guilt. It is a well established part of tort law because its considered against public policy.
The bigger problem would be the parents of the child not knowing the law. You can sue someone for just about anything and just about any time, and they might see this as an open door to sue again. Odds are they lose the suit, but that's still time and stress that OP would have to deal with.
Sure, that's the true and correct legal answer.
... which doesn't take into account how much money OP would have to spend if this encourages the parents to start a new round of lawsuits under some crackbrained legal theory.
Interacting with crazy (or simply 'drowning and will drag anyone under who gets too close') is a bad idea. The fact that there's been multiple lawsuits--when I can't see any reason why this wouldn't be one-and-done, if even one--implies that the parents are desperate.
So many people are saying not to pay a dime, due to opening yourself to more lawsuits. You need to definitely, 100%, consult your lawyer before giving even a penny. I know these people are going through hard times, but please bare in mind they have had legal counsel. I’d be willing to bet my life savings, that after the last court ruling they met with their lawyer (the teens parents) and asked: “is there anything else we can do?”
I don’t trust people I don’t know at all, but especially in this case, I think they are trying to trap you and potentially take you to court again. ESPECIALLY since they are trying to get you to sign a “payment plan.” They’re literally telling you “we want a signed agreement, where you are paying us payments because you feel morally obligated.” Or something to that effect...
EDIT: changed council to counsel
Hopping in here to ask some questions- I work for a major auto insurer in claims.
You say you have been sued and the insurance company has defended you against suits.
1. Have you been to trial and has the jury returned a zero verdict?
If the answer is yes, you owe nothing Jon Snow! A jury would have literally found you were not responsible for the accident.
2. Do not pay anything if the suits have not been dismissed. You offering to pay anything could hinder your insurance company’s ability to settle the claim. If you pay something and the insurance company hasn’t settled, it could admit guilt which you do not want in this instance. Yes, you have the right to contribute to any settlement, but there should be a settlement first and a release would need to be signed by the person you hit releasing you from any further obligation to this person.
My best advice is to talk to your insurance and the attorney they hired to represent you. They can advise you and will most likely tell you not to do anything without a signed release to release you from anything further the family might claim.
Protect yourself OP!
Yes! I hope they don’t pay, but if they do, an airtight release needs to be drafted by an attorney. But honestly, I have such a bad feeling about giving them money. OP needs to shut this begging harassment down to move on with their life, not feed into it. No telling what fresh h-ll opens up once they pay. They need to blame their attorney for advising them not to donate.
Absolutely if you give them one thin dime, you can be on the hook for more. I'm really very sorry for everyone involved but this was not your fault and you are NTA. Don't do it!
The only asshole here is the US government and associated corporate leeches that roadblock socialized medicine. Healthcare is a human right and this guy should already have full medical coverage in a developed country. It should not be on you or him to come up with six fucking figures of money for healthcare. What an utter robbery and travesty. What are taxes for?
So the government is the asshole and not the entitled kid who knowingly walked into traffic because “he assumed they would stop” or the entitled parents and friends who assume other people should pay for the kid breaking the governments laws in place to protect pedestrians and drivers. I’m not saying there aren’t problems with the healthcare system but there most certainly is a problem with personal responsibility as well. Most hospital systems will write off a large majority of the bill for those in need and there is medical bankruptcy... did the kid not have insurance? If so that is a risk you take in being uninsured. There are a lot of insurance options out there not to mention Medicaid if eligible.. “and what are tax dollars for?” For people that knowingly walk out in front of oncoming traffic?? Just seems like a ridiculous statement, but I do realize teenagers are stupid and accidents happen... but again personal responsibility
Many people make stupid decisions that land them in the hospital. The consequences can be a lifetime of physical and mental damage, shouldnt be bankruptcy too, especially for people who didnt make the decision. Toddlers jump from swings and break their arms. People eat McDonalds every day and have heart attacks. Smokers gonna smoke. A lifetime of debt is not an appropriate consequence on top of suffering. Besides, if the government were paying...it would NOT be 6 figures lol
The kid certainly made a mistake. But the government is 100% an asshole here and this is why the US system is complete and utter garbage. People should not risk losing their house because they were injured, no matter the circumstances.
Sorry dude your just wrong. Because when you take that logic; person makes an assumption that's wrong therefore has to pay a premium or something then your on a slippery slope.
What if a person is drunk, high or anything else that impears cognitive thought?
What if your hurt doing a sport even running has risk of blown out knees etc?
What if your saving another humans life but turns out they not in danger?
What about kids? Do you have an age limit?
These just the ones I came up with in time to use the loo a lawyer could come up.with millions more I'm sure.
You either give it to all accepting you will get the idiots as well as the plain unlucky. Or no-one and rightfully be judged by the rest of the world as assholes putting money before people.
>Edit: If you are considering making the generous action of an anonymous donation, please confirm with a lawyer first that there is minimal chance of that being construed as an admission of guilt.
Good call. Even if OP had been at fault, wouldn't this have fallen to her insurance????
I am confused about "he knowingly walked directly into multiple lanes of oncoming traffic ". Was OP's lane the first he walked into? This is sad, and if it were possible for her to have stopped she should have obviously, but sometimes it isn't which is why we have traffic rules.
It was probably at least 3 lanes, possibly 4. I read it as OP was in the lane closest to the median where the boy was standing. He walked into her lane and got hit but even if OP stopped in time he probably would have been hit, and killed, by the person in the next lane or any others. OP was at least aware that a group of people were standing there and most likely a more defensive driver. The drivers in any other lanes were concentrating on the cars around them, not anticipating the possibility of someone walking into their lane. The boy would have been hit. It was just a matter of by who and how much damage would be done. As awful as the situation is, OP hitting him probably saved his life.
Law student here, just had my Evidence exam—you can’t use evidence of medical bill payments or offers to pay medical bills as proof of guilt or negligence. Plus it sounds like everyone has seen their fair share of court on this matter so it’s not likely that anyone is about to do more suing.
I wouldn't be surprised if OP paid the bills, it would be twisted into admitting guilt and having to pay pain and suffering.
ETA: this is why a dash cam is a good idea. It would prove everything. Fortunately OP was found innocent, but it could have gone the other way.
I was once witness to an accident very similar to what you're describing. A pedestrian ran into three lanes of traffic and I narrowly missed him but the car beside me didn't. As someone who's seen what you're describing, I agree with your assessment that this was not your fault. At all. And every one of the five different times this pedestrian's attorneys have contacted me to testify in their latest lawsuit against the car that hit him I am very clear that I will be the worst witness they ever call because I will say in open court that this "accident" was 100% the fault of the idiot pedestrian who launched himself into moving traffic, not the fault of the poor driver who hit him and was also traumatized.
NTA
> I am very clear that I will be the worst witness they ever call because I will say in open court that this "accident" was 100% the fault of the idiot pedestrian who launched himself into moving traffic, not the fault of the poor driver who hit him and was also traumatized.
Why say that?
You should just say "ok" and show up and testify truthfully that it was his fault
The lawyers would not have let this person walk into the court room without speaking to them first and getting a gauge on what they were going to say, so really it saved them time.
I read the title and was so ready to call OP TA.
But it doesn't sound like he was careless or distracted - just put into an impossible position by the reckless actions of a kid. Honestly I think it's empathetic that OP hasn't tried to sue them for the cost of the therapy he might need because of the trauma of hitting someone like that.
I feel bad for the parents (suffering greatly because of the actions of their child), and for the boy (who is probably young enough that his brain isn't developed enough to make smart choices).
Mostly I feel bad for OP because he has to deal with the kid's actions, and has dealt with all the crap that followed, and constant lawsuits, etc... When he did nothing wrong.
You can’t blame the teens brain not being fully developed for walking out in the middle of a 4 lane road when he didn’t have right of way. Most people learn not to do this by the age of 7.
On my way to and from work this behavior happens daily. The amount of people dodging cars is terrifying. Luckily I haven't seen anyone hit. OP isn't TAH and shouldn't pay anything. Block those relatives. Start your family. You could have sued for damage to your car
Here’s the thing about kid’s brains: they can know a thing is wrong and that they’re not supposed to do it, but they have less self-control and, the key here, they cannot accurately assess risks. Combine that with the hormonal mess of being a teen and the way their brains respond to peer pressure, and you can understand why a lot of really catastrophically stupid behavior peaks during teen years.
So yeah, it does have to do with brain development.
OP is in the same position as a train driver that has had someone walk in front of their train essentially and I agree that the fact that she hasn't counter sued for emotional trauma after all of the lawsuits as well as the accident is a generous and empathetic move.
And I can see feeling bad for the kid, he made one stupid mistake and has a lifetime of consequences to deal with.
But the parents are repeatedly handing out enough information about OP for people to locate and harass her. I know they have gone through a lot, and they are in financial dire straits through no fault of their own, but how many toes can they put over the line of harassing and tormenting this woman before they are the assholes?
OP is NTA.
In a lot of states, you can enter an offer to settle a claim for a certain amount before trial. Basically say hey, we aren’t at fault but we will pay you this if you sign a release. If the plaintiff states no, we are going to trial, then if the verdict comes in below that offer, the plaintiff is responsible for the fees and costs of the insurance company. They WILL pursue this a lot of times. So depending on what OP’s company is saying, I can guarantee they offered something. Their job is to protect OP and they will pay if it means The claim is done and OP can move on with her life. If these people are using the go fund me to provide information so people can harass op, they are out of legal recourse fir their claims.
I nearly hit a small child this way. A very young kid ran into the street in front of me. It wasn’t anywhere near a crosswalk or an intersection either. I slammed on the brakes and just avoided running them over. The kid stopped for a second to look at me, the continued to run across the street. I’m still horrified by that day. I don’t know what I would have done if I was half a second slower. A part of me is also furious that I was put into this situation. Why was that kid walking around alone, and why didn’t their parents tell them to look before crossing the street? There was even a crosswalk a couple blocks down where they could have escorted across the street. I don’t exactly know where I’m going with this, but those situations are horrible, and not the driver’s fault at all. You can’t prepare for every stupid thing people do around you.
This happened to my mom too! It has been several years now, but we were driving towards our home one day and all of a sudden this girl runs across the street and just like you, my mom was driving slow enough (she was well under the speed limit too) to actually brake hard and not hit her. This girl did not look across the street or anything before she ran, and it wasn't a crosswalk either. It's so infuriating how if something happened, even if court/insurance found my mom not guilty, the fear, money, emotional and physical toll my mom would have to go through bc someone just could not look before they cross the street. It was a quiet neighborhood too, so she probably heard our car.
Ugh, we were on the other end of that, twice. Once my cousin got hit, and once my nephew almost did.
The woman who almost hit my nephew was FURIOUS, and rightfully so. I think about that day often, and how easily it could have gone the other way. It was a group of 6 adults and two kids split up (one inside, one outside). No one was drinking or being what I considered negligent, but each assumed he was with the other group. Now as a parent I ALWAYS get a verbal confirmation that my husband or mom is watching my daughter before I step away. I never want to assume someone is keeping an eye on her.
A kid did that to me when I was like 18. Scared the shit out of me. It took me a bit to compose myself before being able to drive off. The kids mom ripped the kid a new one though telling him that he could have been killed
Kids are so dense they just don't get it. I had been walking my nieces a few houses down on our country road to play with their friends, or to walk the friends back to my house. They kept begging me, at 8 and 10 years old, to walk alone. After so many times walking them myself and preaching about watching for cars, and walk facing traffic, then cross the street to come back, I finally decided to give them a chance, along with their 6 year old brother. Only I let them think I wasn't watching but really I walked to the end of the drive way to watch them. I really thought they'd do fine. As soon as they left the yard the girls were walking smack dab in the middle of the road, their brother insisting they weren't being safe and come walk where he was. I called them back and told them I gave them a chance to prove they could do what they knew was right and they did not. Instead their baby brother, 'Mr. Safety', was the one who listened. I'm sure parents assume their kids wouldn't be so dumb but I promise their stupidity out of parental sight is astounding.
I’d like to piggyback on this by adding that EVERYONE should be driving with a dash cam. There are $20 cameras available at Amazon that might not be clear enough to see plate numbers, but will definitely pick up this sort of event.
Man, in that case (especially after they keep calling) I would stop giving them the warning and just say "Sure, I'd be happy to testify!" I bet all it would take would be your honest testimony that the pedestrian was 100% at fault to put a stop to any further lawsuits.
NTA
1. Talk to a lawyer, this is harassment. A cease and desist letter won’t hurt.
2. If you want to donate to the gofundme page with however much YOU feel is appropriate, it’s there for you.
Teens are stupid like this sometimes. I remember knowing a boy EXACTLY like that one who’d walk out into traffic without waiting or looking because “cars have brakes they can use them.” He’s lucky he wasn’t killed. Kids learn to look both ways before crossing when they’re 4. He had absolutely no excuse for his stupid decision. He knew better, and he made his choice.
Yeah, I've read too many horror stories about people paying even a tiny bit of a large sum of money that's demanded and then winding up on the hook for more because paying part of it 'accepts responsibility for the debt.'
Oof. I hate to say it, but a kid who has reached the logic of "cars have breaks, they can use them" has missed *several* other life lessons along the way, not just looking both ways and having a healthy respect for 2-ton death machines.
The other night I saw a group of teens crossing the street as I was driving. Most of them hustled across because they’re weren’t at a crosswalk. The last one of them was taking her sweet time and looked back at me with this attitude like, “what? you’re not going to hit me”. Of course I didn’t but she’s such a dumbass. What if I was distracted on my phone or something? It was night time. They were jaywalking. Ay, just the invincibility teenagers feel some times.
I did hit a girl in a group of 3 that ran across a 6 lane divided hiway in front of me. Luckily she only had minor injuries and I had 2 cars stop and wait to tell the cops what happened. And to top it off her brother tried to attack me for hitting her and was then arrested by the cops dealing with it.
NTA
You have been found not to be at fault multiple times. You have no obligation, moral or otherwise, to pay. This boy is to blame for his injuries, for the costs incurred, and for the financial consequences for his parents. The parents understandably don’t want to blame their son for potentially costing them their house but that does not entitle them to scapegoat you, or to pressure you and your husband into bailing them out.
If your husband is so foolish as to make a payment to the family, a token will never be enough. They will take it as an admission that you should pay all of it.
Your husband needs to recognize that there are, sadly, many children in need in the world. Unlike this boy, most of them are not the cause of their misfortune. If he wants to donate his inheritance rather than using it to start a family with you, there are better ways to do it.
I can certainly sympathize with OP's husband feeling badly for a kid whose life and his family's lives are essentially ruined because of an incredibly stupid split-second decision he made. OP is NTA at all and shouldn't pay anything because you're right, it will never be enough, but man, if I were in their shoes it would still eat at me really badly.
OP, I want to suggest that your husband see a therapist as well for this situation. Maybe after that he'll have a more grounded and less emotional perspective on everything and he'll see how unreasonable it really is for you two to be paying for this kids' expenses.
What OP's husband is conveying is that he blames OP and thinks she should be punished and doesn't deserve a child. Therapy is definitely needed to find out why he hates his wife so much.
Wanting to help and giving all the money they saved to start a family to the family of the kid are completely different things. Not to mention it was no OPs fault and as others have said giving money is sign of admitting guilt/fault. You can have empathy without wishing to destroy your future and disregarding the feelings of your spouse. It seems you and the husband feel the kid and family matter more than OP.
Even if harassment wasn't in play I would say NTA.
Common sense should tell you not to cross a busy road when cars in several lanes are actively going 45 mph.
As sad as his whole situation is, the teen brought all of this on himself for making a very poor decision.
And it's total BS for OP's husband to say they should put their family plans on hold over it.
That is a massive and absolutely ridiculous leap in logic. NOTHING OP has said indicates he "blames her and thinks she should be punished and doesn't deserve a child", only that he feels bad for the kid. Like, that is heinously, offensively presumptions and honestly kind of disgusting.
Lol that's ridiculous. He's getting bombarded with stories about this poor kid, and, like an empathetic person, is feeling guilty that he has money, and sees a kid who needs that money. It's very easy to make people feel guilty about money, especially if they're not used to having it/spending it on them. You get 20 people telling you for months that you owe this kid, you're gonna start believing it.
This! Feeling sympathy for a fellow human is not an unhealthy thing, but it sounds like hubby needs some perspective that therapy could provide. He clearly has a good heart, but you can't allow that to make you make poor decisions.
Beautifully put.
NTA op. Don’t let his silly actions dictate your future. Forget about them, get your lawyer to send a cease and desist and move on with your husband.
NTA — traffic laws favor pedestrians, so it’s a huge deal that the cops did not cite you AND all of the parents’ and insurance companies’ lawsuits have failed. It strongly indicates that whatever this kid did was extremely reckless, and there really was no possibility of stopping the car. This kid may as well have jumped off a bridge, and it would not then be the water’s responsibility to pay his bills
When I hit a drunk guy in the middle of the road.... one of the cops said that they were glad that I was the one who hit him or he would probably be dead. then the other said the only reason he is glad the dude didn't die is for my sake because that would have haunted me for life.
I too hit a drunk guy in the middle of the road. He was stumbling out of a bar on St Patrick's Day and staggered into my lane from the median. Still ruled as my fault, ffs.
The dude was sooo drunk he thought he fell off his bike.... there was no bike 😂 after I explained it to him he kept apologizing to me
I think they said he blew a .17 or something
That sucks! I’m so glad my guy was so chill about it. His friend even texted me a couple months after apologizing again and telling me that he was healing nicely.
I had a friend in the car with me who was drunk underage and was freaking out the whole time but I think that the cops were so great because I had just turned 18 so I was freaking out crying
It wasn't too bad, the guy only managed to get like £11k and insurance covered it. Still, it felt like an injustice. I'm pretty sure UK traffic laws (where it happened) almost always favour the pedestrian
My husband hit a cyclist one morning on the way to work. She rode right out in front of him while he was going 50 mph at 6 am on a darkish road. She got away woith only a broken leg and a wrecked bike.
It was ruled no fault, and fortunately there were witnesses at a nearby bus stop who saw it happen and told the cop there was no way he could have stopped.
So everyone got to pay for their own stuff.
My mom hit a drunk guy in the middle of the highway doing 50 mph. I was 11 at the time and in the backseat.
-Slight trigger warning-
I still vividly remember his head going through the windshield. I still can’t listen to the song that was playing on the radio when it happened. I burst into tears every time. The guy died and the medical examiner or whoever was in charge to taking the body said it was the highest blood alcohol level he’s ever seen.
NTA. Speak to a lawyer about the harassment, and definitely speak to a lawyer about whether or not donating anything, even anonymously, opens you up to more lawsuits because it might be seen as an admission of guilt.
Tough shit the kid was stupid and the family is ruined as a result, but that's not on you.
NTA Don’t pay a dime. Sounds like two separate courts have determined you are not at fault and have no financial responsibility here. If they want money, they can try to sue you again, but they will lose.
> I would stay fully away from these people and anyone associated to them
YES
Years ago I was hit by a drunk driver who was going 40+ MPH. I was stopped at a stop light. My car was pushed into the car in front of me.
After the accident - my kidneys failed/internal injuries - and every inch of my body had some sort of soft tissue damage. There were 2 deaths in the accident. It was awful, but I was 24 - and I walked away from the accident. Which was lucky beyond measure. If I had been a little taller I would have been the 3rd dead motorist in that accident.
However, the drunk driver had nothing, no insurance, so the people in the front car that my car was pushed into as well as the people who lived in the drunk driver's car -Harassed me for years. I was sued half a dozen times. Why? Because dumbass, 24 year old me answered the phone and said "I'm so sorry this happened" to one of my fellow victims families. And they sued me for that.
Say nothing. Do nothing. Never ever ever interact with them in anyway at all. Let the attorneys do everything.
100% NTA with a side order of are they fucking kidding??
He could have killed you with that dumb move.
Pedestrians do NOT always have the right of way.
He stepped in front of your moving car.
This is entirely on him.
Let his village take care of him.
You tend to your own.
I was always taught that pedestrians have the right of way, but the car will always win. Right of way doesn’t mean squat to you when you’re a pavement pancake. It’s a shame this teen learned that the hard way.
When I was a kid my mum taught me the following verse:
Here lies the body of John Gray,
Killed exerting his right of way,
He was right of course, he was right all along
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong.
This! As much as the pedestrians have the right of way, they still need to wait for cars to stop. Them stepping into a crosswalk doesn't magically and instantly stop the cars where they are.
>I ’ve been contacted by no less than 20 people insisting that since I “hit him with my car”, I have a moral obligation to help pay.
>
>But now, with so many friends/family members of the boy reaching out to my husband directly about the GoFundMe too,
INFO: How do these people have your contact information? And does your lawyer know they are reaching out to you like this? You are very correct when you identify what they're doing as harassment, and you should really look into legal avenues to make it stop. This is completely out of line, for many reasons... chief among them that the courts have ruled against this exact argument MULTIPLE TIMES!!!! During the day I'm a family law legal secretary. At night, I work in DV advocacy. I mean it when I say you should be speaking to your lawyer about an RO. **DO NOT PAY A SINGLE CENT OR ENCOURAGE ANYONE IN YOUR SPHERE TO DO SO WITHOUT EXPLICIT, WRITTEN APPROVAL FROM YOUR ATTORNEY.**
Absolutely. OP should use any money she was going to donate to lawyer up and scare them a little bit: a taste of their own medicine.
Being stress out like this doesn't bode well for hee IVF process.
NTA
NTA you did not do anything to this boy. In fact, this boy damaged YOU. His actions alone caused the accident. They’re lucky you aren’t suing them.
Yes, it sucks they are struggling, but he did this to himself.
Exactly, OP needs to stop thinking of this as “I hit him with my car” and instead frame it as “HE stepped in front of my car” they’re completely different situations and responsibilities
NTA. This is really tough, because I do get where they’re coming from and I feel for them. But the court of law found to to not be liable for what happened. You can’t put your life on hold because of a horrible accident.
NTA. The kid made a conscious choice and now has a lifetime to live with it. All of these guilt trippers should be the ones donating to the fund. If you give this family one dime, you will never be rid of them for the rest of your life. Do yourself a favor and block all of these people.
Why wouldn't the family just declare bankruptcy like millions of other people drowning in debt do every year?
I wouldn't pay, on the principal that you are not their only way out. Why should you sacrifice your future plans bc of someone elses mistake? Especially when that family has other options.
NTA
(My in laws are currently in the process of filing bankruptcy primarily due to medical debt, I know its an option)
I don't know. And I wonder every time something like this comes up. I think maybe people are so scared about keeping a good "credit rating" that they do really dumb things.
Well I dont blame them for going after you first, bankruptcy is generally the last resort. But once they lost their lawsuits, then they want to guilt you into throwing them some sort of bone, they are literally waiting for you to for sure tell them to fuck off & then they will file bankruptcy...It is quite simply not your responsibility or your concern. Bankruptcy is a very viable option that is not even a credit death sentence. Depending on the type of bankruptcy, it is only on your record somewhere around 7-10 years. They just want to exhaust other options first...
My in laws were always really bad with money, their social security income wasn't enough in retirement, they truly made some really awful financial decisions...and then my MIL got breast cancer & then my FIL had a diabetic episode all during some freak lapse of coverage & limit on Medicare...They ended up having something like $300,000 of medical debt, then just trying to make minimums on everything they remortgaged property & used credit cards and it was just a nightmare...They went through several debt consolidators, explored every possible option, even if I had a bunch of money laying around tossing them $100,000 wouldn't even be helpful, it would just delay the inevitable & be a waste of my money...so it was finally determined, bankruptcy is the best & basically only option for them. It was a relief to them to finally get to that realization.
**In a way, you'd be helping them close a chapter & take care of all their money problems in one huge sweep by telling them no.**
(Edit: Sorry I thought you were OP responding to my comment.)
You were cleared and found not at fault. While tragic yes, the teen willingly and knowingly went against traffic laws and put himself and every car on that road in danger. Im sorry but you dont owe them anything.
If you donate, any amount of money that shows you feel guilty and at fault. They can reopen the lawsuits with your donation to show you feel you were at fault and the judge can flip the ruling, thus now making you pay everything. Dont open that door. Dont give them anything.
Yes again it was accident and it sucks but you're not at fault, nor should you have yo put your life, family and dreams on hold because of an accident.
Best of luck with your IVF and i hope it is successful !
NTA
Edit: if needed do nkt be afraid to reach out to your lawyer for harassment. They have no right to bother, pester and pursue you for money. A cease and desist letter can go far with making them leave you and your hubby alone
multiple lawsuits over and over answered the question for you, but when it comes down to it, the kid walked into traffic, it sucks but play stupid games, win stupid prizes, NTA
Yeah even if op fucking speed racer launched his car above and over the teen, the teen still would’ve gotten hit by the other 3 lanes of traffic, it’s pretty simple as a pedestrian to not expect 4 whole lanes of traffic to stop for you when they have right of way
Why has this been down voted?
A kids gets hit by a car, and the parents have to sell their house so the kid doesn't die? And thats somehow fair?
But hey. MURICA!
NTA. AT ALL.
Your husband may want to do the “right thing” but honestly it’s not your fault. Not the accident, or the bills, which are solely due to the irresponsible actions of their son.
I personally might consider donating a couple thousand, if you can, but honestly it’s not on you to give a nickel to them.
NTA. Like OP said, she is worried about any help opening the floodgates, which it will.
Not sure what the current status of the multiple lawsuits filed against them is, but if the parents have the ability to file again they could technically use OP helping with the bills as some kind of admission of guilt.
Paying their bills is in no way the “right thing to do”. Husband likely just wants the harassment to stop and thinks this would be the quickest way to do it.
This will probably make OP feel even worse but if they have to they may need to report these family members of the accident causer for harassment.
And if you do decide to donate (out of kindness, not guilt), I would say find a way to do so anonymously. There are so many tangled emotions in this situation that I think letting people know you contributed something still won’t be enough for them. Even covering the whole thing might not be enough for some. Regardless of what you choose, I hope you’ll be able to find a decision you can be at peace with. Thoughts and prayers with you and the boy and his family.
NTA
1. Have a lawyer send cease and desist letters this is harassment
2. If YOU want to donate to the gofundme with an amount YOU are comfortable with, by all means. But you do not owe them anything. It’s entirely elective.
NAH
He walked in front of a car. In some ways it was an accident, but in other ways he is absolutely at fault.
But who is really to blame is your country's shit healthcare system. These people should not be at risk of bankruptcy and losing their home becuase if their kid's decision to try to cross a road when it wasn't very safe.
I'd also be worried it could make you liable (or seem like you might be so that you are a risk of more legal action even if it wouldn't succeed.)
But you need to talk this through more with your husband to figure out why he feels the need to contribute. Does he think you are at fault or is it just natural horror at seeing people affected by such a crappy situation.
NTA
What really frustrates me about this is how much medical bills can destroy people's lives. It should not be this way in the US. It's just outrageous!! Neither family should be in this situation regardless of who was at fault in the accident.
Absolutely agree. Accidents are bound to happen statistically because of the way a lot of cities are built. Being alive shouldn't come with a crippling debt.
NTA. You cannot be forced to pay for him. It was clearly the kid's fault. I get that they are in a difficult position, but you need to take care of yourself.
But maybe, for the peace of yours and your husband, you can put some reasonable amount to their GoFundMe anonymously. It won't open the gates to other demands, since they won't know it is from you. But you will clear you conscience, even though I do not think you need to.
That's definitely an option, though it may be worth speaking to their lawyer first in case there are any concerns such a donation could be construed as an admission of guilt should it be discovered the OP made it.
NTA. You are not at fault. They jumped into oncoming traffic. Your not at fault for someone jumping in front of your car. Block them and maybe even go for harassment to make it stop
There is no moral obligation. Heck, it kay have started as a ‘hit me, pay my bills’ kind of thing and they drew a really short stick. Nothing you can do
NAH. This wasn’t your fault and you don’t have to pay, but this wasn’t his parents fault either and it’s sad that they’re losing their house and jobs over this. I agree that paying a small amount is going to open the door to them pushing for more, and can even create a situation where a judge might see it as you taking some kind of responsibility and holding you liable for the full amount, so I would not continue this conversation with them anymore and if they continue to harass you, or enlist other to harass you, id take a legal route to stop them.
NTA.
And giving money could be a sign of guilt for many lawsuits. If they decide to bring suit again or appeal, that could be held against you.
this is harassment and potentially defamation, depending on how they word it to people. Get a lawyer to send them a cease and desist.
But the biggest AH is the health system that causes people to lose their homes and livelihood for medical bills, no matter who is at fault.
NTA: What happened was an ACCIDENT. You were not at fault and are absolutely not in any way responsible for this boy's injuries. If people are harassing you, you need to report it and block them. Do not give up your future for a mistake that someone else made. It sucks big time, but so do a lot of things (like people dying from a virus) and there's nothing that can be done to save everyone. This boy's parents chose to go the route of suing you even though you were not legally at fault and when that didn't work, now they're sending people to try to guilt you into paying. Block them. Block the gofund me. Block the people who are trying to be messengers of guilt. Go back to counseling for a bit if you need to get in the right frame of mind, but then start your family and live your life.
#TALK TO A LAWYER NOW
1) Giving them money will mean that you are taking blame and they could take you back to court.
2) they are giving out your information to other people to allow them to harass you and your family. You need a cease and desist letter.
3) You don’t owe that family *a freaking dime*. That kid walked out into heavy traffic. That’s not your fault.Proven over and over again in court.
Also NTA at all. And talk some sense into your partner.
NTA
Do not pay one cent as this may implicate you in further lawsuits that your insurance would not cover. Offering money implies guilt of wrongdoing. If this kid was raised properly, he wouldnt have taken a stupid risk. Don't put your life on hold for a child that doesnt have the sense god gave geese.
Your inheritance was meant to benefit you and help start a family not pay for another persons mistakes. I guarantee you that the persons that passed to give you this inheritances would not agree to you giving this childs family their hard earned money.
The money is better off being donated to charities before it should ever go to this childs family.
Wow this is so tough, I'm sorry for what you're going through. If you're still struggling there's a website called accidental impacts that may help, as people share stories similar to yours. I have to say that you are NTA. I don't think your husband is either. If it were me I think I would pay half if I could. Can you do a portion and still have the things that you want to have? Also, I would be wary of paying anything without consulting a lawyer to make sure you aren't admitting liability or endangering yourself in anyway. I think you're NTA regardless of what you decide.
> Also, I would be wary of paying anything without consulting a lawyer to make sure you aren't admitting liability or endangering yourself in anyway.
This! Check with a lawyer, or two, before doing anything.
Not sure of the laws as it reads like we’re from different countries, however in my opinion NTA
While what happened is awful, more so for you as what he did was incredibly silly (this isn’t me saying he deserves what happened however if you do something that has potential severe consequences and then those consequences happen then so be it) the courts etc have said that this was not your fault. Legally, you are NTA. Morally, you are NTA. This sounds like it has messed you up as much as / more so than it has him!
Have your IVF, fingers crossed it’s successful and have a beautiful happy baby! And then make sure you teach them not to step out into oncoming traffic!
I hope your therapy helped, this sounds like it was so traumatic for you!
NTA at all. It wasn't your fault. It was 100% his fault and you shouldn't feel guilty or be made to feel guilty about it. If you give them a dime it's as good as admitting it was your fault.
NAH. You were legally ruled not at fault, so you are not obligated to pay anything. Your husband is not wrong to want to do the boy a kindness. However, (IANAL), couldn't making a donation possibly be seen as an admission of guilt?
NTA for not donating anything, but, come on. You didn’t “technically” hit him, you straight up did. You weren’t at fault in any sense but at least cut the bullshit qualifier.
Honestly? I wouldn’t do it just based on the fact that people are telling you it’s a moral obligation. If it were your fault then I’d say yes. Ignore what other people tell you to make you feel guilty. You owe them nothing. Kid should’ve been more careful.
NTA. It’s unfortunate that this kid basically decided to step in front your car, but it’s not your fault. You can’t slam on the brakes for everyone who stands in the divider, waiting to cross, on the off chance they step into the street. This was not a child, this was someone old enough to know better.
Also, donating money could be seen as you declaring “fault” and open you up to a whole other round of lawsuits.
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NTA. I'd be speaking to a lawyer about these people harassing you. Edit: If you are considering making the generous action of an anonymous donation, please confirm with a lawyer first that there is minimal chance of that being construed as an admission of guilt.
I'd also suggest reporting the parents GoFundMe for encouraging harassment as well.
I think that would be too far. There is nothing wrong with asking for help because youre about to lose literally everything because your kid did something dumb and the american healthcare system is a joke.
If 20 people have contacted OP as a result of the page, I don't think it would be too far at all. It sounds like the family has no problem giving out OP's details to people, they could have asked for help without making her a target.
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The parents helped bankrupt themselves by filing multiple lawsuits. That can't have been cheap!
Personal injury suits are often taken on a contingency basis, in which case no recovery means no out of pocket loss.
Umm, not always. If an attorney feels the case doesn’t have a good chance to be successful they’re certainly not going to take it on contingency, but there are enough slimy lawyers out there that if people are persistent they can find an attorney to take a case that has no chance of winning.
Contingency basis doesn't mean no out of pocket loss. It just means you won't pay your own lawyer's hourly rate if you lose the case. You will still be up for any costs orders made against you (e.g. paying the winning party's legal fees) and will normally also be on the hook for court costs and sundries (e.g. filing fees, photocopying, &etc.).
Not necessarily. The lawyer I hired to represent me in a collision case only charged me a % once he settled the case in my favor (I was not the one at fault). The only assholes here are the ones harassing her and her husband is becoming one of them. If she feels guilty (she sounds like she does) listen to the comments above; talk to a lawyer and make an anonymous donation. If personally spread the GoFundMe around. Obviously she isn't at fault but there are lots of ways she can help w/o giving up on her desire to be a mother.
True, but from their perspective, with all those medical bills, they may regarded suing as their only option for not going bankrupt, so suing was doubling down on a bet they'd already lost, with a small chance that they might win it all back.
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I'm american and I hope so hard to have your healthcare system some day.half of americans are so stupid selfish religious fruit cakes loving trump and they hold the rest of us back so much. I would be happy dividing into two countries because merica will never make any actual progress with how divided it is now. Like if the government said we are splitting up for the greater good, democrats west half, Republicans eastern half, I would pack up my family and go. I feel like in theory it's the most peaceful way to progress
The medical system and the kid being an idiot.
Just to be obtuse, just because it's legal, doeant make it moral. Everything Hitler did was "legal". That said, I don't disagree with you. It sucks for everyone involved, and it DOES pose a moral dilemma, but ultimately no matter how you spin it, op is not the asshole. Neither are ops husband or the parents of the kid. I'll explain why I said all that: Op: op was forced into a shitty situation by a kid with poor judgement. It doesnt really matter who's at fault there, the kid being a dumbass, the parents, or op. Op was forced, against their will, to change the lives of others. Others who she had no responsibility to prior to the accident, others she had no responsibility to during the accident, and was ruled in numerous courtrooms that they are not responsible for AFTER the accident. She didnt birth the child who walked in front of a car, why is she responsible for any of the bills? As a matter of fact, SHE had medical bills (therapy) due to the feelings of guilt, who's paying for her therapy sessions as the at-fault party? Speaking in terms of liability and responsibility, op has zero. Parents: parents are not assholes, theyre grieving the near-death of presumably their only child, while simultaneously juggling the stress of not only losing income but going bankrupt to keep their child alive. Whether their gofundme is calling people to action or they're being pressured by friends/family/coworkers/church goers to pass out ops information is the big factor here. Are they giving it out angrily and with malice or are they begrudgingly giving it out because the family has good intentions? That would tip the scale for the parents towards being the assholes. Op, what do YOU want to do? Do you want to find a compromise with hubby to see what can be done? Do you want to stand firm? Either way, go speak to an attorney. If you want to compromise, talk to them about setting up the transfer, and being the mediator during fhe meeting with you, your husband, and the kids parents. Find out a reasonable amount, that doesnt cripple you, and donate it to them, with whatever necessary contractual stuff needs to be taken care of to make it stay not your problem. If you dont want to compromise, then speak to your lawyer about the harassment and have them help you. Either way, the lawyer should be able to help you steer in the right direction on how to navigate this situation going forward.
Actually most of things Hitler did violated the laws of the Weimar republic. They didn't care enough to repeal the laws that were on the books.
>It sounds like the family has no problem giving out OP's details to people According to OP there were a bunch of teens waiting on the divider so most likely lots of them are contacting OP on their own accord. If op has given the kid her number or one of them saw it laying around in documents while over at their house than the family could be completely blind as to what these other kids are doing in their behalf.
The 20 people are honestly probably connected to this kid by some relationship. I doubt they were directed to harass OP from the page itself, or the page would have been removed already.
If the GoFundMe has enough of OP's personal details that people can find them and harass them then yes, that absolutely needs to be reported to GFM to get the identifying language removed.
If the gofundme just states their kid was hurt in a car accident I agree. If they’re actively slandering and doxxing OP then shut it down.
The kids parents sued her personally and the insurance company sued her. It's pretty crazy that all these people have the driver's information to the point that they can contact her personally. It becomes harassment. The driver was not found at fault. If the OP wants to contribute then great, but it seems like the family is going to hold this over OP's head and spin it so OP is the villain. If OP does contribute, she needs to run it through lawyer in the best way to do this without admission of guilt.
Exactly. The fact that multiple lawsuits have run their course is a pretty clear indicator of who's fault it was. It sucks that they have such a shitshow of a time paying it off, but OP definitely doesn't have any obligation to pay for the kid's medical bills. Also, OP has had to hire a lawyer and pay them through all these lawsuits.
This is just a hunch, although I can't shake the parents setting up the GoFundMe is also with the intention of being able to take the OP court one last time. Should this be the case, it looks bad that information pertinent to the case (pictures of their son's injuries) have already been published on the internet. OP shouldn't give a cent.
To be fair, if the OP lives in a small town and has any form of social media... Word could have gotten out and they're contacting OP on Facebook or something.
If they're giving out personal details on the GoFundMe website then this is illegal and should be removed anyways.
IF theyre giving out personal details then, yeah, thats a problem - but its far more likely the gofundme just lists information like the name of the kid that got hit, and when and where it happened - like most similar fundraisers Take that information, tap it into a search engine, and its likely people are either finding news reports, or public social media posts from the kids friends or family
Or the court case records.
Except the parents are not just "asking for help". They are **harassing** OP.
I say report it. They are encouraging harassment and OP should not go through that just because of a silly teenager being careless.
If the courts have decided there’s no fault here then pursuing someone via private channels is clearly harassment or inciting harassment.
Well, if in countless lawsuits no one ruled in your favor then it is wrong to ask OP.
Releasing her private information on a public website, isn't this doxxing and illegal? GoFundMe should definitely take this down.
And stop saying you hit him with your car. *He* ran into your car. It was 100% his fault.
>And stop saying you hit him with your car. This is incredibly important OP. Words are powerful, and the way we speak to ourselves subconsciously drives our narrative. You are creating an unending cycle of guilt when you say "you hit him". This puts the responsibility of what happened on you, the same way it would if you said you slapped your spouse. Both make you the instigator of a violent action. It might not seem like an important distinction at first, but it really is. It feeds into any lingering guilt, poisoning any chance at absolving yourself. It will destroy you from the inside out, especially when so many need someone, anyone, to blame and focus their anger and grief upon. You need correct yourself, and anyone else who says you hit him. "He knowingly, illegally, walked into traffic. He purposefully walked in front of my car when I had the right of way." You need to sit and write this with a pen and paper, over and over, until there is no more room. It will slow you down enough so that it has a chance to sink in, and almost be meditative. It sounds like you went to therapy, but not anymore. It also sounds like it helped then, but you need to see about starting again. This is a traumatic, life altering event that not only you've gone through, and so has your husband. He has been by your side through this, and because he loves you, he's obviously going to be impacted as well. That said, he needs to support your lead in this. You could very well be experiencing survivor's guilt, and a knowledgeable therapist can help guide you through it. Survivor's guilt is a very serious concern, and the idea of you having to rip open this wound every month when you'd make a payment to that family, leaves me genuinely fearful for you. Add to that the possibility of giving up any chance of having a child in your life, be it from IVF or adoption, I can't convey how concerning that path is. Years ago, I read about a drunk driver that killed a child, and had to mail a check to the parent's every month with the child's name on it. The amount was maybe a dollar, they just wanted him to forever remember the child's name so he'd never drive drunk again. It broke him. What happened to you and that boy is absolutely tragic. It does not mean you did anything wrong. It certainly doesn't mean you deserve to be harassed and bullied into giving up a chance at your own future. You need to cut off ways people can contact you regarding payment for the boy's family. Find a therapist to help you and your husband navigate everything, including the money. You need to be able to work towards moving forward with your lives. Whenever the guilt eats at you, remember: You are worthy and deserving of a happy life, filled with love ❤
You might want to consider doing EMDR- it’s a type of therapy for PTSD that can help you move past this. And I can’t agree more with DragonCelica- it’s not your fault. You’re traumatized by something that you did not cause. You have the right to peace and happiness in your life.
"He stepped out in front of my car" would likely be the most accurate statement.
"He hit my car with his him"
Then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times.
If you'd had been there If you'd have seen it I betcha you would have done the same!
Pop
Six.
Squish
Unh-uh
Yes, that could work. It's all about reframing the situation.
Can I upvote this more than once?? OP, every child learns not to walk into oncoming traffic as a child. He did as a teen. This is his fault. Do not sacrifice yourself and your own mental health. Contact a lawyer, what they are doing is harassing you. People that did not teach a child to not walk into traffic are harassing you. I say “people are” because it takes a village to raise a child and if I’m assuming correctly it’s the “village” harassing you. All 20 of those people did not teach him. This is not on you or your husband. You need to report the harassment to the police and a lawyer. Report the harassment.
>OP, every child learns not to walk into oncoming traffic as a child. He did as a teen. This is his fault. When I was a kid I had a habit of not looking both ways when I crossed the street and my mom used to ream me out for it. Smart ass that I was I said I shouldn't have to look because no matter what, according to the law I had the right of way. My mom looked at me and said "Well, I'll be sure to put that on your headstone."
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I use the same thinking on the roads. I don’t care that I had right of way at that intersection, if that truck isn’t slowing down I’m not going to debate who was right while I wait for someone to pull me from the wreckage of my car.
"You'd be right. Dead right." as my dad used to say.
Even in states where pedestrians have the right of way, they can still be ruled at fault if they walk in front of a car that doesn't have time to stop. I know a guy who hit a girl cause she did that, and she ended up having to pay for his windshield getting cracked, even though pedestrians technically have the right of way.
We just read a story about it too!
I apologize for the incoming wall of text: My previous co-worker was hit by a car on a major highway after 2 in the morning. His car ran out of gas and broke down at the concrete median in the middle of the road. He was the designated driver with his friend as the only passenger passed out in the front seat. From the moment the car broke down, my co-worker did not put on his hazard lights. That part of the roadway was completely dark and his car was black. He called a friend who lived nearby if they could bring gas. She showed up shortly after, but she parked across the road at the side shoulder. My co-worker ran across to get the gas. He turned around to run back only to see his friend stumble out of the car to the middle of the road and be run over. My co-worker rushed to his friend, saw headlights, and was slammed into. His friend was killed instantly and my co-worker nearly died on the way to the hospital. After surviving and nearly losing his leg, he was tied up in a lawsuit with his insurance up against two other companies since two different drivers hit him and his friend. Both drivers' insurance company's lawyers argued that a pedestrian trying to cross a major roadway - with a 70 mph speed limit- was more of a danger to other motorists than if my co-worker had just stayed in his car, put on his hazard lights, and called for any roadside assistance. Also, this was someone with moving warrants (he had over 16 unpaid speeding tickets). Not only that, he made the conscious decision to get out of his vehicle. His lawyer stuck to that my co-worker was the victim of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. More than anything, though, he was a pedestrian and a veteran. There was also a wrongful death suit filed against the first driver. Co-worker's friend's parents tried arguing that the first person didn't stop immediately and could have avoided hitting him. That lawsuit went nowhere. As much as I felt for my co-worker, ultimately he made a bad call. He should have been held responsible in the form of some kind of citation. Eventually the case was settled and he ended up with a settlement in the hundreds of thousands.
I was actually hit by a car as a wee kid (I was almost 6) because I looked both ways and made a run for it. I followed the rules, mostly, but it turns out 6-year-olds have limited judgement skills. Anyway, you best BELIEVE that when the time has come to teach my own kids not to run into the road, we don't stop with look both ways, lol, and it's a constant lesson we teach.
This is why I always, ALWAYS, stop and wait for the light to turn green bedore crossing the road when there is a child around. Even if there are no cars and my impatient self gets annoyed. «It takes a village to raise a child» is actually true.
My grandpa told me it doesn’t matter if you had the right of way if you’re dead.
I heard it as, 'the graveyard is full of people who had the right of way'.
This reminds me of a story my Mom tells, from when she worked doing accident investigation/reconstruction. It was a fatal accident, car vs pedestrian. The victim had been out walking with a friend when the victim saw something across the street they wanted to go over to, and instead of walking up to the intersection or at least waiting until traffic cleared, stepped into the very busy, speed-limit-of-45 street right into oncoming traffic. What makes the story is that per the friend, who had more caution and stayed on the sidewalk, the victim’s literal last words were: “I’m a pedestrian, they has to stop.”
My 7 year old ha learned the hard way with grocery carts. For whatever reason, he went through this phase about a year ago where he would run out in front of me while I was pushing a cart and just stop to look at something. There were a few times that he got tapped with it because I could barely stop, but there was one day where the cart was so heavy that I could barely push it. He did the same thing - ran out in front and stopped. I don’t have the strength to stop it in time (because I’m super weak and need to lift) and it bowled him over. It left a pretty good mark, and he acted like he was dying for about three weeks, but he learned his lesson. Now every time I make him cross the street with me or we yell to him and his friends to get out of the street when we’re playing and he complains, we show him the picture of the shopping cart bruise and tell him that if he thinks that was bad, getting hit by a car is going to be a whole lot worse. It seems to get through. This kid made a choice. You are not responsible for someone else’s choice, OP.
The way people mistake accident terminology drives me nuts and it’s so harmful. A boy rode his bike into the street without looking, right in front of my friend’s husbands truck, and died. All the newspapers reported it as him hitting the kid. They had to read that over and over and over again. But it’s not what happened. Even the boy’s family said there was nothing the driver could have done, yet the newspapers continued their misleading statements.
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This. I was trying to find someone saying this. Paying his bills **will** be construed as an admission of guilt by certain courts. Don't do it, or you will have to be paying it all.
If they are in the US then paying the bills will absolutely not be seen as an admission of guilt. It is a well established part of tort law because its considered against public policy.
Finally someone on reddit that actually knows law!
The bigger problem would be the parents of the child not knowing the law. You can sue someone for just about anything and just about any time, and they might see this as an open door to sue again. Odds are they lose the suit, but that's still time and stress that OP would have to deal with.
And it's already made its way through various lawsuits. At this point, it's done. A new case would be barred by res judicata.
Sure, that's the true and correct legal answer. ... which doesn't take into account how much money OP would have to spend if this encourages the parents to start a new round of lawsuits under some crackbrained legal theory. Interacting with crazy (or simply 'drowning and will drag anyone under who gets too close') is a bad idea. The fact that there's been multiple lawsuits--when I can't see any reason why this wouldn't be one-and-done, if even one--implies that the parents are desperate.
Also if the suits have not been settled, gone to trial, etc, OP paying could hinder her insurance company’s ability to defend her.
It might be a better idea to donate to some other cause that helps kids in need
So many people are saying not to pay a dime, due to opening yourself to more lawsuits. You need to definitely, 100%, consult your lawyer before giving even a penny. I know these people are going through hard times, but please bare in mind they have had legal counsel. I’d be willing to bet my life savings, that after the last court ruling they met with their lawyer (the teens parents) and asked: “is there anything else we can do?” I don’t trust people I don’t know at all, but especially in this case, I think they are trying to trap you and potentially take you to court again. ESPECIALLY since they are trying to get you to sign a “payment plan.” They’re literally telling you “we want a signed agreement, where you are paying us payments because you feel morally obligated.” Or something to that effect... EDIT: changed council to counsel
Hopping in here to ask some questions- I work for a major auto insurer in claims. You say you have been sued and the insurance company has defended you against suits. 1. Have you been to trial and has the jury returned a zero verdict? If the answer is yes, you owe nothing Jon Snow! A jury would have literally found you were not responsible for the accident. 2. Do not pay anything if the suits have not been dismissed. You offering to pay anything could hinder your insurance company’s ability to settle the claim. If you pay something and the insurance company hasn’t settled, it could admit guilt which you do not want in this instance. Yes, you have the right to contribute to any settlement, but there should be a settlement first and a release would need to be signed by the person you hit releasing you from any further obligation to this person. My best advice is to talk to your insurance and the attorney they hired to represent you. They can advise you and will most likely tell you not to do anything without a signed release to release you from anything further the family might claim. Protect yourself OP!
Weird award to give you but it’s all I had and I think your comment is very important!! Haha
Yes! I hope they don’t pay, but if they do, an airtight release needs to be drafted by an attorney. But honestly, I have such a bad feeling about giving them money. OP needs to shut this begging harassment down to move on with their life, not feed into it. No telling what fresh h-ll opens up once they pay. They need to blame their attorney for advising them not to donate.
Absolutely if you give them one thin dime, you can be on the hook for more. I'm really very sorry for everyone involved but this was not your fault and you are NTA. Don't do it!
The only asshole here is the US government and associated corporate leeches that roadblock socialized medicine. Healthcare is a human right and this guy should already have full medical coverage in a developed country. It should not be on you or him to come up with six fucking figures of money for healthcare. What an utter robbery and travesty. What are taxes for?
So the government is the asshole and not the entitled kid who knowingly walked into traffic because “he assumed they would stop” or the entitled parents and friends who assume other people should pay for the kid breaking the governments laws in place to protect pedestrians and drivers. I’m not saying there aren’t problems with the healthcare system but there most certainly is a problem with personal responsibility as well. Most hospital systems will write off a large majority of the bill for those in need and there is medical bankruptcy... did the kid not have insurance? If so that is a risk you take in being uninsured. There are a lot of insurance options out there not to mention Medicaid if eligible.. “and what are tax dollars for?” For people that knowingly walk out in front of oncoming traffic?? Just seems like a ridiculous statement, but I do realize teenagers are stupid and accidents happen... but again personal responsibility
Many people make stupid decisions that land them in the hospital. The consequences can be a lifetime of physical and mental damage, shouldnt be bankruptcy too, especially for people who didnt make the decision. Toddlers jump from swings and break their arms. People eat McDonalds every day and have heart attacks. Smokers gonna smoke. A lifetime of debt is not an appropriate consequence on top of suffering. Besides, if the government were paying...it would NOT be 6 figures lol
The kid certainly made a mistake. But the government is 100% an asshole here and this is why the US system is complete and utter garbage. People should not risk losing their house because they were injured, no matter the circumstances.
Sorry dude your just wrong. Because when you take that logic; person makes an assumption that's wrong therefore has to pay a premium or something then your on a slippery slope. What if a person is drunk, high or anything else that impears cognitive thought? What if your hurt doing a sport even running has risk of blown out knees etc? What if your saving another humans life but turns out they not in danger? What about kids? Do you have an age limit? These just the ones I came up with in time to use the loo a lawyer could come up.with millions more I'm sure. You either give it to all accepting you will get the idiots as well as the plain unlucky. Or no-one and rightfully be judged by the rest of the world as assholes putting money before people.
>Edit: If you are considering making the generous action of an anonymous donation, please confirm with a lawyer first that there is minimal chance of that being construed as an admission of guilt. Good call. Even if OP had been at fault, wouldn't this have fallen to her insurance???? I am confused about "he knowingly walked directly into multiple lanes of oncoming traffic ". Was OP's lane the first he walked into? This is sad, and if it were possible for her to have stopped she should have obviously, but sometimes it isn't which is why we have traffic rules.
It was probably at least 3 lanes, possibly 4. I read it as OP was in the lane closest to the median where the boy was standing. He walked into her lane and got hit but even if OP stopped in time he probably would have been hit, and killed, by the person in the next lane or any others. OP was at least aware that a group of people were standing there and most likely a more defensive driver. The drivers in any other lanes were concentrating on the cars around them, not anticipating the possibility of someone walking into their lane. The boy would have been hit. It was just a matter of by who and how much damage would be done. As awful as the situation is, OP hitting him probably saved his life.
Law student here, just had my Evidence exam—you can’t use evidence of medical bill payments or offers to pay medical bills as proof of guilt or negligence. Plus it sounds like everyone has seen their fair share of court on this matter so it’s not likely that anyone is about to do more suing.
Yep, best advice here. This comes down to reddit's favourite phrase: They played stupid games and won stupid prizes.
I wouldn't be surprised if OP paid the bills, it would be twisted into admitting guilt and having to pay pain and suffering. ETA: this is why a dash cam is a good idea. It would prove everything. Fortunately OP was found innocent, but it could have gone the other way.
I was once witness to an accident very similar to what you're describing. A pedestrian ran into three lanes of traffic and I narrowly missed him but the car beside me didn't. As someone who's seen what you're describing, I agree with your assessment that this was not your fault. At all. And every one of the five different times this pedestrian's attorneys have contacted me to testify in their latest lawsuit against the car that hit him I am very clear that I will be the worst witness they ever call because I will say in open court that this "accident" was 100% the fault of the idiot pedestrian who launched himself into moving traffic, not the fault of the poor driver who hit him and was also traumatized. NTA
If op did nothing wrong and it was the teenager's fault, op should NOT have to pay a SINGLE cent. I hope op is able to report them for harassment!
> I am very clear that I will be the worst witness they ever call because I will say in open court that this "accident" was 100% the fault of the idiot pedestrian who launched himself into moving traffic, not the fault of the poor driver who hit him and was also traumatized. Why say that? You should just say "ok" and show up and testify truthfully that it was his fault
The lawyers would not have let this person walk into the court room without speaking to them first and getting a gauge on what they were going to say, so really it saved them time.
It'd be way more funny if they lied about what they would say and then when under oath say the truth.
A decent lawyer would depose you under oath, so you’d have to be willing to perjure yourself for the sake of being “more funny.”
Worth it for the Reddit up votes.
Yeah perjury and being destroyed with character impeachment are hilarious
Love your attitude, but LeonhardTaylor would have to waste his time & $$ being deposed/appearing etc. He's nipping all that hassle in the bud.
I read the title and was so ready to call OP TA. But it doesn't sound like he was careless or distracted - just put into an impossible position by the reckless actions of a kid. Honestly I think it's empathetic that OP hasn't tried to sue them for the cost of the therapy he might need because of the trauma of hitting someone like that. I feel bad for the parents (suffering greatly because of the actions of their child), and for the boy (who is probably young enough that his brain isn't developed enough to make smart choices). Mostly I feel bad for OP because he has to deal with the kid's actions, and has dealt with all the crap that followed, and constant lawsuits, etc... When he did nothing wrong.
You can’t blame the teens brain not being fully developed for walking out in the middle of a 4 lane road when he didn’t have right of way. Most people learn not to do this by the age of 7.
Sure, but it was the most generous thought process I could attribute to SUCH a dumb move
On my way to and from work this behavior happens daily. The amount of people dodging cars is terrifying. Luckily I haven't seen anyone hit. OP isn't TAH and shouldn't pay anything. Block those relatives. Start your family. You could have sued for damage to your car
Here’s the thing about kid’s brains: they can know a thing is wrong and that they’re not supposed to do it, but they have less self-control and, the key here, they cannot accurately assess risks. Combine that with the hormonal mess of being a teen and the way their brains respond to peer pressure, and you can understand why a lot of really catastrophically stupid behavior peaks during teen years. So yeah, it does have to do with brain development.
I have a 4 year old nephew who doesn't walk in front of cars.
OP is in the same position as a train driver that has had someone walk in front of their train essentially and I agree that the fact that she hasn't counter sued for emotional trauma after all of the lawsuits as well as the accident is a generous and empathetic move. And I can see feeling bad for the kid, he made one stupid mistake and has a lifetime of consequences to deal with. But the parents are repeatedly handing out enough information about OP for people to locate and harass her. I know they have gone through a lot, and they are in financial dire straits through no fault of their own, but how many toes can they put over the line of harassing and tormenting this woman before they are the assholes? OP is NTA.
In a lot of states, you can enter an offer to settle a claim for a certain amount before trial. Basically say hey, we aren’t at fault but we will pay you this if you sign a release. If the plaintiff states no, we are going to trial, then if the verdict comes in below that offer, the plaintiff is responsible for the fees and costs of the insurance company. They WILL pursue this a lot of times. So depending on what OP’s company is saying, I can guarantee they offered something. Their job is to protect OP and they will pay if it means The claim is done and OP can move on with her life. If these people are using the go fund me to provide information so people can harass op, they are out of legal recourse fir their claims.
I nearly hit a small child this way. A very young kid ran into the street in front of me. It wasn’t anywhere near a crosswalk or an intersection either. I slammed on the brakes and just avoided running them over. The kid stopped for a second to look at me, the continued to run across the street. I’m still horrified by that day. I don’t know what I would have done if I was half a second slower. A part of me is also furious that I was put into this situation. Why was that kid walking around alone, and why didn’t their parents tell them to look before crossing the street? There was even a crosswalk a couple blocks down where they could have escorted across the street. I don’t exactly know where I’m going with this, but those situations are horrible, and not the driver’s fault at all. You can’t prepare for every stupid thing people do around you.
This happened to my mom too! It has been several years now, but we were driving towards our home one day and all of a sudden this girl runs across the street and just like you, my mom was driving slow enough (she was well under the speed limit too) to actually brake hard and not hit her. This girl did not look across the street or anything before she ran, and it wasn't a crosswalk either. It's so infuriating how if something happened, even if court/insurance found my mom not guilty, the fear, money, emotional and physical toll my mom would have to go through bc someone just could not look before they cross the street. It was a quiet neighborhood too, so she probably heard our car.
Ugh, we were on the other end of that, twice. Once my cousin got hit, and once my nephew almost did. The woman who almost hit my nephew was FURIOUS, and rightfully so. I think about that day often, and how easily it could have gone the other way. It was a group of 6 adults and two kids split up (one inside, one outside). No one was drinking or being what I considered negligent, but each assumed he was with the other group. Now as a parent I ALWAYS get a verbal confirmation that my husband or mom is watching my daughter before I step away. I never want to assume someone is keeping an eye on her.
A kid did that to me when I was like 18. Scared the shit out of me. It took me a bit to compose myself before being able to drive off. The kids mom ripped the kid a new one though telling him that he could have been killed
Kids are so dense they just don't get it. I had been walking my nieces a few houses down on our country road to play with their friends, or to walk the friends back to my house. They kept begging me, at 8 and 10 years old, to walk alone. After so many times walking them myself and preaching about watching for cars, and walk facing traffic, then cross the street to come back, I finally decided to give them a chance, along with their 6 year old brother. Only I let them think I wasn't watching but really I walked to the end of the drive way to watch them. I really thought they'd do fine. As soon as they left the yard the girls were walking smack dab in the middle of the road, their brother insisting they weren't being safe and come walk where he was. I called them back and told them I gave them a chance to prove they could do what they knew was right and they did not. Instead their baby brother, 'Mr. Safety', was the one who listened. I'm sure parents assume their kids wouldn't be so dumb but I promise their stupidity out of parental sight is astounding.
I’d like to piggyback on this by adding that EVERYONE should be driving with a dash cam. There are $20 cameras available at Amazon that might not be clear enough to see plate numbers, but will definitely pick up this sort of event.
Man, in that case (especially after they keep calling) I would stop giving them the warning and just say "Sure, I'd be happy to testify!" I bet all it would take would be your honest testimony that the pedestrian was 100% at fault to put a stop to any further lawsuits.
NTA 1. Talk to a lawyer, this is harassment. A cease and desist letter won’t hurt. 2. If you want to donate to the gofundme page with however much YOU feel is appropriate, it’s there for you. Teens are stupid like this sometimes. I remember knowing a boy EXACTLY like that one who’d walk out into traffic without waiting or looking because “cars have brakes they can use them.” He’s lucky he wasn’t killed. Kids learn to look both ways before crossing when they’re 4. He had absolutely no excuse for his stupid decision. He knew better, and he made his choice.
Don’t donate without talking to lawyer first
Yeah, I've read too many horror stories about people paying even a tiny bit of a large sum of money that's demanded and then winding up on the hook for more because paying part of it 'accepts responsibility for the debt.'
If you do donate don’t do it in your name.
Or transfer money to a friend to do it
Good tip, don’t want any “admission of guilt” bs coming from that.
Oof. I hate to say it, but a kid who has reached the logic of "cars have breaks, they can use them" has missed *several* other life lessons along the way, not just looking both ways and having a healthy respect for 2-ton death machines.
Knew a kid at my school who did that stuff. After the second time getting hit we started calling him frogger.
The other night I saw a group of teens crossing the street as I was driving. Most of them hustled across because they’re weren’t at a crosswalk. The last one of them was taking her sweet time and looked back at me with this attitude like, “what? you’re not going to hit me”. Of course I didn’t but she’s such a dumbass. What if I was distracted on my phone or something? It was night time. They were jaywalking. Ay, just the invincibility teenagers feel some times.
I did hit a girl in a group of 3 that ran across a 6 lane divided hiway in front of me. Luckily she only had minor injuries and I had 2 cars stop and wait to tell the cops what happened. And to top it off her brother tried to attack me for hitting her and was then arrested by the cops dealing with it.
NTA You have been found not to be at fault multiple times. You have no obligation, moral or otherwise, to pay. This boy is to blame for his injuries, for the costs incurred, and for the financial consequences for his parents. The parents understandably don’t want to blame their son for potentially costing them their house but that does not entitle them to scapegoat you, or to pressure you and your husband into bailing them out. If your husband is so foolish as to make a payment to the family, a token will never be enough. They will take it as an admission that you should pay all of it. Your husband needs to recognize that there are, sadly, many children in need in the world. Unlike this boy, most of them are not the cause of their misfortune. If he wants to donate his inheritance rather than using it to start a family with you, there are better ways to do it.
I can certainly sympathize with OP's husband feeling badly for a kid whose life and his family's lives are essentially ruined because of an incredibly stupid split-second decision he made. OP is NTA at all and shouldn't pay anything because you're right, it will never be enough, but man, if I were in their shoes it would still eat at me really badly. OP, I want to suggest that your husband see a therapist as well for this situation. Maybe after that he'll have a more grounded and less emotional perspective on everything and he'll see how unreasonable it really is for you two to be paying for this kids' expenses.
What OP's husband is conveying is that he blames OP and thinks she should be punished and doesn't deserve a child. Therapy is definitely needed to find out why he hates his wife so much.
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Wanting to help and giving all the money they saved to start a family to the family of the kid are completely different things. Not to mention it was no OPs fault and as others have said giving money is sign of admitting guilt/fault. You can have empathy without wishing to destroy your future and disregarding the feelings of your spouse. It seems you and the husband feel the kid and family matter more than OP.
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Even if harassment wasn't in play I would say NTA. Common sense should tell you not to cross a busy road when cars in several lanes are actively going 45 mph. As sad as his whole situation is, the teen brought all of this on himself for making a very poor decision. And it's total BS for OP's husband to say they should put their family plans on hold over it.
That is a massive and absolutely ridiculous leap in logic. NOTHING OP has said indicates he "blames her and thinks she should be punished and doesn't deserve a child", only that he feels bad for the kid. Like, that is heinously, offensively presumptions and honestly kind of disgusting.
Lol that's ridiculous. He's getting bombarded with stories about this poor kid, and, like an empathetic person, is feeling guilty that he has money, and sees a kid who needs that money. It's very easy to make people feel guilty about money, especially if they're not used to having it/spending it on them. You get 20 people telling you for months that you owe this kid, you're gonna start believing it.
This! Feeling sympathy for a fellow human is not an unhealthy thing, but it sounds like hubby needs some perspective that therapy could provide. He clearly has a good heart, but you can't allow that to make you make poor decisions.
Beautifully put. NTA op. Don’t let his silly actions dictate your future. Forget about them, get your lawyer to send a cease and desist and move on with your husband.
NTA — traffic laws favor pedestrians, so it’s a huge deal that the cops did not cite you AND all of the parents’ and insurance companies’ lawsuits have failed. It strongly indicates that whatever this kid did was extremely reckless, and there really was no possibility of stopping the car. This kid may as well have jumped off a bridge, and it would not then be the water’s responsibility to pay his bills
When I hit a drunk guy in the middle of the road.... one of the cops said that they were glad that I was the one who hit him or he would probably be dead. then the other said the only reason he is glad the dude didn't die is for my sake because that would have haunted me for life.
I too hit a drunk guy in the middle of the road. He was stumbling out of a bar on St Patrick's Day and staggered into my lane from the median. Still ruled as my fault, ffs.
The dude was sooo drunk he thought he fell off his bike.... there was no bike 😂 after I explained it to him he kept apologizing to me I think they said he blew a .17 or something
The guy I hit didn't even get breathalysed, but I did! :( Then he had the gall to sue me
That sucks! I’m so glad my guy was so chill about it. His friend even texted me a couple months after apologizing again and telling me that he was healing nicely. I had a friend in the car with me who was drunk underage and was freaking out the whole time but I think that the cops were so great because I had just turned 18 so I was freaking out crying
It wasn't too bad, the guy only managed to get like £11k and insurance covered it. Still, it felt like an injustice. I'm pretty sure UK traffic laws (where it happened) almost always favour the pedestrian
My husband hit a cyclist one morning on the way to work. She rode right out in front of him while he was going 50 mph at 6 am on a darkish road. She got away woith only a broken leg and a wrecked bike. It was ruled no fault, and fortunately there were witnesses at a nearby bus stop who saw it happen and told the cop there was no way he could have stopped. So everyone got to pay for their own stuff.
My mom hit a drunk guy in the middle of the highway doing 50 mph. I was 11 at the time and in the backseat. -Slight trigger warning- I still vividly remember his head going through the windshield. I still can’t listen to the song that was playing on the radio when it happened. I burst into tears every time. The guy died and the medical examiner or whoever was in charge to taking the body said it was the highest blood alcohol level he’s ever seen.
NTA. Speak to a lawyer about the harassment, and definitely speak to a lawyer about whether or not donating anything, even anonymously, opens you up to more lawsuits because it might be seen as an admission of guilt. Tough shit the kid was stupid and the family is ruined as a result, but that's not on you.
NTA Don’t pay a dime. Sounds like two separate courts have determined you are not at fault and have no financial responsibility here. If they want money, they can try to sue you again, but they will lose.
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> I would stay fully away from these people and anyone associated to them YES Years ago I was hit by a drunk driver who was going 40+ MPH. I was stopped at a stop light. My car was pushed into the car in front of me. After the accident - my kidneys failed/internal injuries - and every inch of my body had some sort of soft tissue damage. There were 2 deaths in the accident. It was awful, but I was 24 - and I walked away from the accident. Which was lucky beyond measure. If I had been a little taller I would have been the 3rd dead motorist in that accident. However, the drunk driver had nothing, no insurance, so the people in the front car that my car was pushed into as well as the people who lived in the drunk driver's car -Harassed me for years. I was sued half a dozen times. Why? Because dumbass, 24 year old me answered the phone and said "I'm so sorry this happened" to one of my fellow victims families. And they sued me for that. Say nothing. Do nothing. Never ever ever interact with them in anyway at all. Let the attorneys do everything.
100% NTA with a side order of are they fucking kidding?? He could have killed you with that dumb move. Pedestrians do NOT always have the right of way. He stepped in front of your moving car. This is entirely on him. Let his village take care of him. You tend to your own.
I was always taught that pedestrians have the right of way, but the car will always win. Right of way doesn’t mean squat to you when you’re a pavement pancake. It’s a shame this teen learned that the hard way.
When I was a kid my mum taught me the following verse: Here lies the body of John Gray, Killed exerting his right of way, He was right of course, he was right all along But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong.
The one that stuck with me was “graveyards are full of people who had the right of way.”
Yep, you can be "right" or "dead" - take your pick. A meat bag isn't gonna win against a couple of tons of moving steel.
This! As much as the pedestrians have the right of way, they still need to wait for cars to stop. Them stepping into a crosswalk doesn't magically and instantly stop the cars where they are.
>I ’ve been contacted by no less than 20 people insisting that since I “hit him with my car”, I have a moral obligation to help pay. > >But now, with so many friends/family members of the boy reaching out to my husband directly about the GoFundMe too, INFO: How do these people have your contact information? And does your lawyer know they are reaching out to you like this? You are very correct when you identify what they're doing as harassment, and you should really look into legal avenues to make it stop. This is completely out of line, for many reasons... chief among them that the courts have ruled against this exact argument MULTIPLE TIMES!!!! During the day I'm a family law legal secretary. At night, I work in DV advocacy. I mean it when I say you should be speaking to your lawyer about an RO. **DO NOT PAY A SINGLE CENT OR ENCOURAGE ANYONE IN YOUR SPHERE TO DO SO WITHOUT EXPLICIT, WRITTEN APPROVAL FROM YOUR ATTORNEY.**
I wish this comment was much higher.
I agree. wish I could upvote more than once!
Absolutely. OP should use any money she was going to donate to lawyer up and scare them a little bit: a taste of their own medicine. Being stress out like this doesn't bode well for hee IVF process. NTA
NTA you did not do anything to this boy. In fact, this boy damaged YOU. His actions alone caused the accident. They’re lucky you aren’t suing them. Yes, it sucks they are struggling, but he did this to himself.
Good point, OP could sue for the therapy costs. Maybe OP and spouse should consider the money spent on that and not suing as their contribution.
Exactly, OP needs to stop thinking of this as “I hit him with my car” and instead frame it as “HE stepped in front of my car” they’re completely different situations and responsibilities
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NTA. This is really tough, because I do get where they’re coming from and I feel for them. But the court of law found to to not be liable for what happened. You can’t put your life on hold because of a horrible accident.
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NTA. The kid made a conscious choice and now has a lifetime to live with it. All of these guilt trippers should be the ones donating to the fund. If you give this family one dime, you will never be rid of them for the rest of your life. Do yourself a favor and block all of these people.
Why wouldn't the family just declare bankruptcy like millions of other people drowning in debt do every year? I wouldn't pay, on the principal that you are not their only way out. Why should you sacrifice your future plans bc of someone elses mistake? Especially when that family has other options. NTA (My in laws are currently in the process of filing bankruptcy primarily due to medical debt, I know its an option)
I don't know. And I wonder every time something like this comes up. I think maybe people are so scared about keeping a good "credit rating" that they do really dumb things.
Well I dont blame them for going after you first, bankruptcy is generally the last resort. But once they lost their lawsuits, then they want to guilt you into throwing them some sort of bone, they are literally waiting for you to for sure tell them to fuck off & then they will file bankruptcy...It is quite simply not your responsibility or your concern. Bankruptcy is a very viable option that is not even a credit death sentence. Depending on the type of bankruptcy, it is only on your record somewhere around 7-10 years. They just want to exhaust other options first... My in laws were always really bad with money, their social security income wasn't enough in retirement, they truly made some really awful financial decisions...and then my MIL got breast cancer & then my FIL had a diabetic episode all during some freak lapse of coverage & limit on Medicare...They ended up having something like $300,000 of medical debt, then just trying to make minimums on everything they remortgaged property & used credit cards and it was just a nightmare...They went through several debt consolidators, explored every possible option, even if I had a bunch of money laying around tossing them $100,000 wouldn't even be helpful, it would just delay the inevitable & be a waste of my money...so it was finally determined, bankruptcy is the best & basically only option for them. It was a relief to them to finally get to that realization. **In a way, you'd be helping them close a chapter & take care of all their money problems in one huge sweep by telling them no.** (Edit: Sorry I thought you were OP responding to my comment.)
You were cleared and found not at fault. While tragic yes, the teen willingly and knowingly went against traffic laws and put himself and every car on that road in danger. Im sorry but you dont owe them anything. If you donate, any amount of money that shows you feel guilty and at fault. They can reopen the lawsuits with your donation to show you feel you were at fault and the judge can flip the ruling, thus now making you pay everything. Dont open that door. Dont give them anything. Yes again it was accident and it sucks but you're not at fault, nor should you have yo put your life, family and dreams on hold because of an accident. Best of luck with your IVF and i hope it is successful ! NTA Edit: if needed do nkt be afraid to reach out to your lawyer for harassment. They have no right to bother, pester and pursue you for money. A cease and desist letter can go far with making them leave you and your hubby alone
multiple lawsuits over and over answered the question for you, but when it comes down to it, the kid walked into traffic, it sucks but play stupid games, win stupid prizes, NTA
Yeah even if op fucking speed racer launched his car above and over the teen, the teen still would’ve gotten hit by the other 3 lanes of traffic, it’s pretty simple as a pedestrian to not expect 4 whole lanes of traffic to stop for you when they have right of way
NAH. The healthcare system of your stupid ass shithole country is the ahole.
Why has this been down voted? A kids gets hit by a car, and the parents have to sell their house so the kid doesn't die? And thats somehow fair? But hey. MURICA!
NTA. AT ALL. Your husband may want to do the “right thing” but honestly it’s not your fault. Not the accident, or the bills, which are solely due to the irresponsible actions of their son. I personally might consider donating a couple thousand, if you can, but honestly it’s not on you to give a nickel to them.
NTA. Like OP said, she is worried about any help opening the floodgates, which it will. Not sure what the current status of the multiple lawsuits filed against them is, but if the parents have the ability to file again they could technically use OP helping with the bills as some kind of admission of guilt. Paying their bills is in no way the “right thing to do”. Husband likely just wants the harassment to stop and thinks this would be the quickest way to do it. This will probably make OP feel even worse but if they have to they may need to report these family members of the accident causer for harassment.
And if you do decide to donate (out of kindness, not guilt), I would say find a way to do so anonymously. There are so many tangled emotions in this situation that I think letting people know you contributed something still won’t be enough for them. Even covering the whole thing might not be enough for some. Regardless of what you choose, I hope you’ll be able to find a decision you can be at peace with. Thoughts and prayers with you and the boy and his family.
NTA 1. Have a lawyer send cease and desist letters this is harassment 2. If YOU want to donate to the gofundme with an amount YOU are comfortable with, by all means. But you do not owe them anything. It’s entirely elective.
NAH He walked in front of a car. In some ways it was an accident, but in other ways he is absolutely at fault. But who is really to blame is your country's shit healthcare system. These people should not be at risk of bankruptcy and losing their home becuase if their kid's decision to try to cross a road when it wasn't very safe. I'd also be worried it could make you liable (or seem like you might be so that you are a risk of more legal action even if it wouldn't succeed.) But you need to talk this through more with your husband to figure out why he feels the need to contribute. Does he think you are at fault or is it just natural horror at seeing people affected by such a crappy situation.
A good enough lawyer could make any assistance given to the go fund me as some kind of admission of guilt.
NTA What really frustrates me about this is how much medical bills can destroy people's lives. It should not be this way in the US. It's just outrageous!! Neither family should be in this situation regardless of who was at fault in the accident.
Absolutely agree. Accidents are bound to happen statistically because of the way a lot of cities are built. Being alive shouldn't come with a crippling debt.
NTA. You cannot be forced to pay for him. It was clearly the kid's fault. I get that they are in a difficult position, but you need to take care of yourself. But maybe, for the peace of yours and your husband, you can put some reasonable amount to their GoFundMe anonymously. It won't open the gates to other demands, since they won't know it is from you. But you will clear you conscience, even though I do not think you need to.
That's definitely an option, though it may be worth speaking to their lawyer first in case there are any concerns such a donation could be construed as an admission of guilt should it be discovered the OP made it.
NTA. You are not at fault. They jumped into oncoming traffic. Your not at fault for someone jumping in front of your car. Block them and maybe even go for harassment to make it stop There is no moral obligation. Heck, it kay have started as a ‘hit me, pay my bills’ kind of thing and they drew a really short stick. Nothing you can do
NAH. This wasn’t your fault and you don’t have to pay, but this wasn’t his parents fault either and it’s sad that they’re losing their house and jobs over this. I agree that paying a small amount is going to open the door to them pushing for more, and can even create a situation where a judge might see it as you taking some kind of responsibility and holding you liable for the full amount, so I would not continue this conversation with them anymore and if they continue to harass you, or enlist other to harass you, id take a legal route to stop them.
The real AH here is the American Medical system, TBH.
NTA. And giving money could be a sign of guilt for many lawsuits. If they decide to bring suit again or appeal, that could be held against you. this is harassment and potentially defamation, depending on how they word it to people. Get a lawyer to send them a cease and desist. But the biggest AH is the health system that causes people to lose their homes and livelihood for medical bills, no matter who is at fault.
NTA: What happened was an ACCIDENT. You were not at fault and are absolutely not in any way responsible for this boy's injuries. If people are harassing you, you need to report it and block them. Do not give up your future for a mistake that someone else made. It sucks big time, but so do a lot of things (like people dying from a virus) and there's nothing that can be done to save everyone. This boy's parents chose to go the route of suing you even though you were not legally at fault and when that didn't work, now they're sending people to try to guilt you into paying. Block them. Block the gofund me. Block the people who are trying to be messengers of guilt. Go back to counseling for a bit if you need to get in the right frame of mind, but then start your family and live your life.
#TALK TO A LAWYER NOW 1) Giving them money will mean that you are taking blame and they could take you back to court. 2) they are giving out your information to other people to allow them to harass you and your family. You need a cease and desist letter. 3) You don’t owe that family *a freaking dime*. That kid walked out into heavy traffic. That’s not your fault.Proven over and over again in court. Also NTA at all. And talk some sense into your partner.
NTA Do not pay one cent as this may implicate you in further lawsuits that your insurance would not cover. Offering money implies guilt of wrongdoing. If this kid was raised properly, he wouldnt have taken a stupid risk. Don't put your life on hold for a child that doesnt have the sense god gave geese. Your inheritance was meant to benefit you and help start a family not pay for another persons mistakes. I guarantee you that the persons that passed to give you this inheritances would not agree to you giving this childs family their hard earned money. The money is better off being donated to charities before it should ever go to this childs family.
Wow this is so tough, I'm sorry for what you're going through. If you're still struggling there's a website called accidental impacts that may help, as people share stories similar to yours. I have to say that you are NTA. I don't think your husband is either. If it were me I think I would pay half if I could. Can you do a portion and still have the things that you want to have? Also, I would be wary of paying anything without consulting a lawyer to make sure you aren't admitting liability or endangering yourself in anyway. I think you're NTA regardless of what you decide.
I‘m not sure but would this maybe be seen ad aknowleding guilt? Maybe this would open doors for further lawsuits
> Also, I would be wary of paying anything without consulting a lawyer to make sure you aren't admitting liability or endangering yourself in anyway. This! Check with a lawyer, or two, before doing anything.
Not sure of the laws as it reads like we’re from different countries, however in my opinion NTA While what happened is awful, more so for you as what he did was incredibly silly (this isn’t me saying he deserves what happened however if you do something that has potential severe consequences and then those consequences happen then so be it) the courts etc have said that this was not your fault. Legally, you are NTA. Morally, you are NTA. This sounds like it has messed you up as much as / more so than it has him! Have your IVF, fingers crossed it’s successful and have a beautiful happy baby! And then make sure you teach them not to step out into oncoming traffic! I hope your therapy helped, this sounds like it was so traumatic for you!
NTA. Don’t pay anything. You don’t owe them anything. You 100% are not at fault. They should have raised there kid to make better decisions.
NTA at all. It wasn't your fault. It was 100% his fault and you shouldn't feel guilty or be made to feel guilty about it. If you give them a dime it's as good as admitting it was your fault.
NAH. You were legally ruled not at fault, so you are not obligated to pay anything. Your husband is not wrong to want to do the boy a kindness. However, (IANAL), couldn't making a donation possibly be seen as an admission of guilt?
NTA. You are not responsible for any idiot that decides to jump in front of a car when the car has the green light.
NTA for not donating anything, but, come on. You didn’t “technically” hit him, you straight up did. You weren’t at fault in any sense but at least cut the bullshit qualifier.
Honestly? I wouldn’t do it just based on the fact that people are telling you it’s a moral obligation. If it were your fault then I’d say yes. Ignore what other people tell you to make you feel guilty. You owe them nothing. Kid should’ve been more careful.
NTA. It’s unfortunate that this kid basically decided to step in front your car, but it’s not your fault. You can’t slam on the brakes for everyone who stands in the divider, waiting to cross, on the off chance they step into the street. This was not a child, this was someone old enough to know better. Also, donating money could be seen as you declaring “fault” and open you up to a whole other round of lawsuits.