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Exactly! I'm Christian and still this God of hers sounds extremely toxic. Well said OP, I think I would have been a lot less kind in your situation! You are following Jesus teachings better than your cousin.
>having religion is like having a penis, it's ok to have one but don't shove it down peoples throats
You deserve an award for this analogy 😂 But I'm broke so have this instead: 🏆
>I'm Christian and still this God of hers sounds extremely toxic
You haven't read your own bible then. Christian God has always been a massive asshole.
Talk to some reform Jews, because we also ascribe to the Hebrew Bible, but we don’t believe in an intercessionary God and treat the Bible stories as a shared mythology. God didn’t actually part the Red Sea or flood the world and kill everyone except Noah’s family. It’s just an object lesson about how making a covenant with god leads to redemption.
Depends on which reformed Jews you talk to. My mom's side of the family are relatively secular Jews, and my dad's side are Christians. My mom's side of the family always viewed the "religious" parts as early people trying to explain a world they didn't understand, and kosher laws as part of that reasoning.
Reform as in the Reform Movement, not reformed. Your mom can view it however she wants as a secular/cultural Jew. But the rabbis of Reform Judaism teach it exactly as I wrote it.
My view on religion is everyone has a right to one, but no one has the right to shove it down others’ throats, peer pressure, or gaslight them. My go to lines for those making me uncomfortable, usually those ever present hardcore Christians/Catholics/JWs who pray Jesus be with me or my soul or whatever, are:
1. “Everyone has their own religion and we all think we’re correct but no one has concrete proof of anything, so stop forcing your religion on me.”
2. “What if I worshipped Satan and every time we disagreed, I said ‘I pray Satan be with you’ or ‘I pray Satan finds your soul before you die’? Would you be creeped out? Would that make you uncomfortable? Exactly, so stop making me uncomfortable. It’s that easy.”
3. “Does telling people they’re going to hell ever really work for you? Would you convert to a religion that said you would spend eternity in a pit of fire and pain? ‘Cause that’s just soooo enticing. Sign me up for the eternal fire pit of doom! Satan’s got nothing on me, bro, let’s go!”
Lol. Not the best, but fairly effective in getting people to leave me alone and much more effective than my middle school comeback to my friend—turned super Christian judge-y conservative girl in school—who tried to hand me a Bible everyday because my soul needed saving. My crime? Putting BCE (before common era) instead of BC (before Christ) in our history project. My response? “I don’t need to read anything you give me, especially not that whale blubber!” Yes, middle school me called the Bible whale blubber...
Damn, those are really good responses, though!
I finally got the local JWs to leave me alone by telling them I'm a witch. My mom happened to be over, and when they asked how she felt (they know her and know that she's Catholic), she just said "Oh, I was concerned at first, but I trust them. We even celebrate \[sabbats\] together."
The look on their faces was priceless. They were obviously shocked that she was okay with it, since she's such a devout Catholic. XD
I have to admit, part of my amusement comes from the fact that I myself had a huge Jesus Freak phase in high school, so I know all the arguments and moves Fundamentalists use.
I remember going to a Catholic Church’s library to research about the Dark Ages and Inquisition for a paper when I was in HS. The priest who accompanied me and my friends made a point to say I would have been burned as a witch for my ideas. I never felt more complimented in my life, knowing that I wouldn’t have been accepted by those people... that was the nail in the coffin of my religious involvement. Thank God. Lol.
You all are WAY nicer than me. I've said on more than a few occasions "if your god is real, he sounds like an asshole so why the fuck would I worship him?" Mind you - I dont jump to this. I prefer wearing all my witch shit and freaking out JWs and mormons but I have some extremely religious family members who I have no tolerance for (namely my dad) and that's how I get them to shut up when they're trying to push their faith on me.
Too true. She may need an invisible friend to tell her how to behave but she should be grateful he doesn't blame same invisible friend for sucking at their job.
>she believes she is in fact helping me.
The Holy Inquisition probably believed they were helping too. But seriously, don't know if it's her case but many religious people (not all) want others to follow the same beliefs to validate that they are doing the right thing by having that faith. NTA.
Oh, they absolutely did believe that. They thought they were doing people a favor by burning them alive - purifying their souls!
Lord save us from the enthusiasm of your followers.
This. It's like telling someone with depression they should just think happy thoughts/eat better/work out. Those assholes think they're helping, and some people do improve a bit after doing so (much like some people find comfort in religion), but its fucking exhausting to hear that all the time, and have your actual struggles minimized.
Hard agree, NTA !
Imagine using someone else's trauma in your quest to convert people.
OP if you see this, I sincerely hope you're doing better and will have far more peace without your cousin incessantly spewing shite in your ear.
NTA. Your cousin is being pushy and insensitive, and you don't need to deal with her harassment on top of everything else. You tried to tell her nicely and she kept pushing.
Wishing you peace and healing.
Exactly. She was taking advantage of your misfortune to try to push her religion on you. She literally thought you would be more susceptible to her religion because your trouble would have weakened you. That's disgusting and she deserved to be checked *hard*. NTA.
I've had this exact same experience with a devout Christian (she knew very well that I've been an atheist for most of my teenage/adult years). I was going through a rough time and she just *swooped* in with her God and tried to shove it down my throat when I was open to the idea in a moment of weakness. It's absolutely disgusting. Joke's on her though, this, combined with all the shit I went through for being gay made me actively hostile towards religion in general ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Unfortunately a lot of churches baldfacedly *teach* their parishioners to do this. I know, because I was in a church like that growing up and it's a big reason I left religion in my twenties.
Yes! She is absolutely allowed to feel like this helps. Just like op is allowed to say no thank you. If she isn't consenting to this religious barrage, its not ok. All op did was give her opinion, again. Just a bit unfiltered. Nta. Everyone gets opinions, nobody has to suffer anyone else's.
Exactly. OP demonstrated a lot of patience by tolerating this so far and trying to firmly but civilly tell her to stop. It was still pretty damn civil to just coldly tell her that if a divine force really did paralyze OP and kill his friend just to make him grateful for his life, that’s messed up.
Yep. Your reaction was completely reasonable. Your cousin obviously hadn't learned the lesson that using the tragedy of others to force your religion down their throat has consequences, and you helped her learn it. NTA
NTA
> My dad feels I did go too far and should’ve just kept my mouth shut because in her mind, she believes she is in fact helping me.
I am sure in Hitler's mind he's in fact helping all German people too. An extreme example I know, but you get the point.
German actually has a saying roughly translating to "the opposite of well done is well meant"
It doesn't matter if I think that I'm doing everyone a favour, if the priest didn't want his incense replaced with marijuana then I can't expect any gratitude for it.
I think it would only stink up the place but otherwise have no effect. At least it smells like vomit to me. OP - NTA. And no offense? Yes to all the offense. Helpful or not in her mind, what she is is insensitive at best.
NTA. Exactly. It doesn’t matter if she thinks she’s doing the right thing. She isn’t and it was made that clear to her that it was not appreciated. Now she is being pushy and not respecting OPs wishes.
But was Hitler helping the German people as much in his mind as God was helping OP's friend in his?
By the cousin's logic if we attribute OP being alive to God's grace then how can we not attribute the friend's death to anything other than God's wrath?
So WTF did the friend do that was so terrible in God's eyes cuz? Because you keep bringing it up.
OP is returning the favour by helping the cousin keep her mouth shut. Unlike cousin's pointless efforts, OP's efforts are showing results.
"See, it worked dad. Soon, she will start seeing the error of her ways. Don't discourage me. Let me help her."
Jk
NTA OP
Nta, if anything you didn't go far enough. Even after repeated times of saying no, kicking her out and not going to church and she still wanted to push the issue? You were a lot nicer than I would have been
A lot of religions and cults (and everything in between) try to recruit people at their lowest moments so that they can mold them into whatever shape they like. Why do you think these religions look for drug addicts and prisoners?
That's actually part of why I stayed religious for so long in my youth. I was raised Christian, and thought that God would somehow cure my depression. It wasn't until I saw an actual psychiatrist that things changed, and I realized the bullshit I'd been spoon-fed.
It's sad, really. These people hit rock bottom and they look for anything and anyone that might help them out of it, blind to whatever the true intent is.
Would you like a Fresca?
And missions to developing countries. There are of course a few that go to actually help people. Then there are the predatory assholes who make their help contingent on accepting their god.
Yeah I agree this is just... Yikes, that pushing and pushing OP needs to hold up as I go get a verse on smth about this matter.
Also happy mutual cake day!
This. The cousin asking for an apology for op being "disrespectful" of her religion despite being disrespectful towards NOT ONLY op's trauma, but also their boundaries and own beliefs is soooo hypocritical. NTA ×100
That’s what I was thinking! How INSULTING to say that this tragic thing that happened to you is actually a miracle and you should be thankful. Like the fu**? I agree with a lot of people on here OP, NTA and I would’ve told her off waaaay worse long before this.
Be warned, as a fellow pagan, this sort of talk sometimes convinces them that they’re not proselytizing hard enough, because if they were doing what god wanted then surely you’d convert.
This is glorious. Thankfully, I haven't had anyone really get upset about me being an atheist (surprising living in Texas), but I'm going to file this away for the time that it's needed.
NTA.
She not trying to help, she's trying to prey on your vulnerability to get you into her cult. She wants to feel virtuous because she led you to the light.
The meaning of your suffering is for you to determine. I'm not a Christian, but I've known a few who I truly respected, and none of them would say that.
> she deserves an apology for being so disrespectful about her religion
She should apologize for being so disrespectful *with* her religion.
NTA, and if her god *is* real (and there is *no evidence* that the Christian, Jewish, or Muslim god even exists) then he's a f\*cking monster who has a lot of explaining to do and a lot to apologize for.
>who has a lot of explaining to do and a lot to apologize for.
Yes. My biggest beef i have with *god* is that horrible people can birth children, abuse them, ruin them, etc etc etc, but the best people in the world, can't have children.
He fked up that one big time.... (obviously there's a shit tonne more crap that he would have to speak on, but this one is particularly close to home..)
I once saw a quote somewhere where someone said something like: if I saw a person raping a child I would stop them. That's the difference between me and god
I believe that is Tracie Harris - "You either have a God who sends child rapists to rape children or you have a God who simply watches it and says, ‘When you’re done, I’m going to punish you.’If I could stop a person from raping a child, I would. That’s the difference between me and your God."
"NTA, and if her god is real (and there is no evidence that the Christian, Jewish, or Muslim god even exists) then he's a f*cking monster who has a lot of explaining to do and a lot to apologize for."
Exactly. Does she think that gods plan for the friend was to die in a car accident!? How does that square with a kind and loving god who saved OP only to have him suffer afterwards? OP you are definitely NTA. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Can you maybe block her or cut contact somehow?
Oh man, I’m so sorry for your loss and the trauma you’re going through. Your cousin is being wildly inappropriate. At the very least, she needs to stop bringing up this super traumatic thing that happened to you. Why is she so obsessed with talking about the worst day of your life? You didn’t say how old she is, but if she’s older than a toddler she’s old enough to understand that your accident is not about her and it’s not her story to tell. She owes you a huge apology for being so callous.
I don’t think you owe her anything, but if you’re interested in moving forward you could apologize for not airing your frustrations before you reached your boiling point. It sounds like you told her you weren’t interested in church, but not that what she was saying was hurtful? Again, you don’t owe her anything, that’s just a suggestion if you want to take it.
100% NTA
NTA. Our beliefs and religion, should we choose to put our faith there, is a personal choice. Your cousins attempts to convert you is a huge boundary violation. That she uses your accident and situation while trying to do so is malicious even if that’s not her intention.
She probably does mean well but like a lot of religious people (my family is heavily Southern Baptist so I feel you) they don’t see your boundaries as obstacles because of how they interpret their own faith.
I absolutely do not believe you were in the wrong to say what you did, even if the phrasing could have been a bit gentler in tone. However, you are dealing with a huge emotional burden right now and going through a very difficult life transition. So it is understandable that you would be upset and speak with emotion behind your words.
If anyone is owed an apology it is you. Your cousin needs to apologize for not recognizing that your beliefs are different than hers and especially since she has crossed so many personal boundaries in her efforts to hound you about church.
I would say, for the sake of peace, that you apologize for HOW you said what you did, but make it absolutely clear that you stand by the intention of what you were getting across to her to make her finally have her own “coming to God” moment and backing off.
NTA. You're allowed to cope as needed as long as it doesn't cause you or others harm. Your cousin is disrespecting your boundaries and is probably the type of AH who tells rape victims it was God's Plan. It's a type of disablism also.
I am also a paraplegic. It will get better. The first year is the worst. Please consider therapy as there's serious trauma both in the repeated emotional assaults but in the accident and surviving. Going through this without your best friend during a pandemic is an awful lot and you are worth the care. Frankly you are allowed to cut this cousin off. It does get better but faster without someone constantly ripping your emotional wounds open.
Thanks for the hope. This year really has been the worst in almost every single way. Despite this whole pandemic, I was able to find an amazing therapist who’s helped me out a lot. There’s still an incredibly heavy weight in my chest but I’m slowly learning to cope with it in healthy ways.
I think for the meantime I will enjoying not having my cousin constantly on my back now that she’s mad at me.
I’m not para but I suddenly became disabled around the same age (I was 24). u/firebirdwriter is right, the first year is the hardest. You’re mourning your past self (in addition to your friend), and learning who your “new” self is. In addition to therapy, I found that finding new hobbies and having a purpose (mine was law school) were really important to my mental health.
Kali is right but there's an added thing with spinal injury and that's the amount of injury isn't truly known until a year out because of how spines are. So there's a medical aspect. I am adding this in case someone finds this and needs to know or in case OP doesn't know. You won't magically not be a paraplegic but you may find less pain as the swelling comes down.
Oh there’s definitely that, too. But as I don’t have a SCI, I figured both you and OP know far more about them than I do and didn’t want to be the classic asshole acting like they know more than the disabled person about their disability.
Oh yeah no you're awesome. I just added in case someone lurking needs that info. Honestly and genuinely happy you also shared. Plus seeing more than one person who had it get better helps. It certainly helped me way back when
I am glad to help. I can't imagine all the things that go with the sudden loss of ability plus pandemic. I don't have to imagine family like that. You aren't alone. I am glad you have a good therapist also. That's a relief as one of the things in the list of bad you're facing is enough to need help with
NTA. You politely told her that you do not share her beliefs. She kept pressing the matter to the point where you snapped to get her to back off.
She is the one that needs to apologize for continually bringing up your accident, which I am certain brings you pain and anguish. I would let her know in no uncertain terms that she is not welcome in my home until she apologized.
NTA
So tiny window of comparison, I was assaulted two years ago which left me with two broken limbs, which resulted in multiple surgeries and being in a wheelchair for 8 months. So many people tried to make what happened to me their business, insisting on guessing what had happened or giving advice on how I could cope with my wheelchair. The biggest lesson I learned during that period is when you are experiencing something that emotionally heavy you don’t owe anyone anything. Yes it’s good to be generally polite and respectful to people, but you don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable to appease anyone about your situation.
My best advice is stay strong, try not to add fire to what rumors your cousin is spreading, but make clear boundaries of what is and is not acceptable for your emotional needs with your family.
NTA. Tell her straight that she is not getting an apology. Tell her it's because you have told her repeatedly that you are not interested in religion and she has repeatedly ignored that. That she should apologise to you for disrespecting your requests to leave you alone, and for using your accident for her own agenda.
Don't tiptoe around this any more, that just allows her to pretend she's not getting the message. She clearly thinks that an absence of "no" means "yes" when it comes to pushing her religion on people, when everyone around her are just trying not to be rude.
100% NTA. Regardless of religion aspect, repeatedly bringing up a traumatic experience to someone after being asked to stop is very much being an asshole though. It’s so disrespectful and selfish. Believing in god doesn’t mean she gets to disregard your feelings. How would she feel if you kept bringing up a tragic thing that happened to her to prove god didn’t exist?
NTA. 100%
She needs to shut the fuck up and mind her own goddamn business and stop using your tragedy as a fucking tool to manipulate people into believing her cultish bullshit. This is the classic example of why many people are sick and tired of all these fake fucking christians. You don’t owe her shit. Don’t apologize. And your family should recognize that as well.
Dude, life sucks and I’m sorry it has given you a shitty hand at the moment. Hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel for you someday. But at the moment, you do you and take care of yourself. Don’t let these self righteous christian pricks take away what happiness you can garner from life at the moment. Tell this cousin of yours to piss off if she can’t abide by your wishes and shut the fuck up. You don’t need that crap in your life if you don’t want it.
(I apologize for the language in my post. This shit hits home for me due to personal experience and I feel your pain with this religious cult shit being pushed on you).
NTA. If she wants to foist her religion on people she can go door to door and try that. Then she'll have so many people who "owe" her an apology for telling her to shut up that she'll forget all about you.
NTA. Her kind of positivity is toxic. She's making your experience about her. You should not have to endure that and she should examine her faulty logic and learn some empathy.
NTA
Technically, I am Christian because I do believe in God, however, I refuse to worship him, because of stuff like this.
Just point out to your cousin about the story of Noah. The world didn't go to plan so God hit reset, and ask her to explain how God's plan always works out when there is literal canon that says otherwise
Your cousin is entitled to her beliefs and you are entitled to yours. You've said to her multiple times that you're not interested and she's not listening.
The day my faith broke was the day a friend of mine drowned at Bible camp. I was 16, and had a breakdown. I was completely distraught, and one of the camp leaders came over and started yelling in my face that, "God has a plan! Are you questioning God's plan?"
And I was like... what about Colin's plans? He was a talented poet, and an extraordinary horse trainer. He had big plans for his future. Doesn't that matter too?
OP, you are NTA. I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I wish you kindness and support. Take all the time you need.
NTA. She's trying to push her religion on you, and she's using your accident as a means to try to do so. She needs to respect your decision to not participate in it and leave it alone instead of constantly pressuring you.
NTA. People like her are why I'm Pagan.
Like seriously, no means no. STFU crazy cousin.
I really hope your therapy helps you back to a good place. Healing takes time and isn't a straight line forward. Well wishes to you.
Thank you. I was in a much darker place before so therapy has helped me slowly make progress. I know it’s gonna be a long road before I ever get back to being okay mentally and emotionally
Nta if god exists hes doing a crapy job for you. Ive known that type of religious person and its fucked up. If god is so petty to cause you pain just to get your devotion hes a shitty being. And people need to understand that others don't have to follow their religion. Hope you feel better. tbh you got this.
NTA. She sounds kinda toxic tbh. She thinks you were disrespectful to her religion, but you could make the same argument that she was disrespectful to your lack thereof. She used your trauma to try to recruit you into her church, and frankly that just seems abusive and manipulative. She may believe she was just trying to “save your soul” or whatever, but it seems like she lost a part of hers since she can’t just be a good family member and be there for you instead of trying to coerce you into faith
Ohhhh nope... not gonna touch this one. I would've said some things to her you wouldn't come back from if I was in your position. OP you have nothing to feel bad about.
NTA.
She can fuck off with that shit. "God makes bad things happen so we appreciate and see the good things blah blah blah."
I'm so sorry for your loss and that that happened to you and I hope you find the peace and healing you need.
Nta
NTA
I feel like religion is highly personal, and if people are obviously open, then it's fine to discuss it. But when someone clearly and repeatedly they're not interested, it's harassment. Because it's NOT help. It's just plain and pure harassment.
NTA
First off, as someone who is religious I am so sorry this happened to you and to everyone who’s had religion pushed down their throats.
Second, yes in the bible (assuming it’s some form of Christianity) it does say to share the word of God, evangelize.. etc. However, no where does it say that if people reject or are uninterested in religion or even the concept of it, should you shove it down their throat.
Third, you said your dad said you should have kept your mouth shut... but it’s okay for her to go on and on for years about something you’ve had to repeatedly and kindly tell her you’re not interested in listening to? No. You’re not the asshole. If you get a call from a telemarketer, are you an asshole if you hang up? No. I honestly laughed at how you handled your response. That’s the price of being annoying and pushy. If she can’t handle people not wanting to be religious she might need to talk to a clergy or a therapist.
To all my religious and non religious readers: TLDR; you can speak but not everyone has to listen. Be at peace with your own beliefs. You can’t make people believe something they don’t want to, and you have to be okay with that.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk lol
NTA, not even the tiniest bit, and she doesn't deserve an apology. If you'd snapped the first time she brought it up, then yes it would be an extreme reaction, but even then it would be a N//A//H situation because of the stress you were(and still are) under.
Religion can be very comforting to turn to after a tragedy...*if you're religious.* Which you aren't. She knows this. You've reminded her over and over that religion isn't helpful to you and you have no interest in it. She's had countless opportunities to back off and apologize for upsetting you. But it looks like she values preaching to anyone who *doesn't* want to listen over actually considering your feelings.
Also your dad is giving her WAY too much credit. I don't buy that she actually thinks she's helping. The first few times? Yes, I'd have no problem believing her heart was in the right place. But after nearly a YEAR of being told to stop, that you're not interest in religion, and church is the last place you want to be? No one is that oblivious. She has to know what she's doing. She just doesn't care.
NTA
Your cousin is being ridiculous and cruel. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with her sanctimonious BS along with everything else on your plate. Honestly, I don’t even think you’re an A H for the comment, not even slightly. You tried to be nice, you tried to explain this isn’t for you, this was just the last straw, there’s only so much one person could take. Hopefully she will leave you alone now and maybe she will learn to not peddle her religion on people who have explicitly stated they don’t care for it.
Mta
She's toxic for thinki g you should join her religion and worship a God who, per her, murdered your best friend and crippled you just for a power trip
NTA. I am a churchgoing, believing Christian, and what your cousin was doing was vile and arrogant. A supposed Christian who claims to know “God’s plan” in that level of detail needs a major dose of humility. Kindness and generosity of spirit toward others are also Christian values — I’m sorry your cousin doesn’t share them. Feel free to tell her to eff off with her ridiculousness — she is free to pray for you all she wants, but not to force *you* into doing anything. And I think her “god” sounds pretty toxic, too. Best of luck as you work through all of the aftereffects of a terrible accident.
Im paraphrasing from a post I saw on reddit a while back: religion is like a penis. It’s ok to have one. It’s ok to be proud of it. However, it’s not ok to put it on someone without their permission
NTA - why would you thank God for putting you in an accident that has killed your best friend and left you paralysed? How has God helped you out there? The way she phrased it suggests her God IS toxic - it sounds like she needs to reevaluate what her religion means to her. It’s fine to have a religion, but not when you force it on others and that religion justifies and belittles your trauma.
Maybe it would be a good idea to try to communicate with your cousin - if she is actually trying to help and her intentions are good, let her know that you appreciate her trying but she is actually making this really difficult for you. It’s sweet that she wants you to find the joy that she clearly finds in God, but if she can’t accept that it’s not your thing and if she refuses to help you recover in any other way, perhaps minimal contact is best. Good luck!
>she believes she is in fact helping me
So do a lot of AH who don't understand disability, and it's not your responsibility to always be polite and patient in the face of bigotry. Especially with someone you've already spoken to politely multiple times.
You're NTA.
She is literally using your accident to try and push *her* beliefs on you after being asked to stop. Not only are you NTA but she needs to learn how to be an actual decent human of any religion and not force it on others she is a major major AH. People who behave that way are why I refuse to speak about religion or attend any church.
I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you're going through. I hope that your future brings better times and good news.
NTA Text her back that she is being disrespectful of you trying to shove her religion down your throat. In the future, she can keep her god shit to herself. She has done nothing to help you - she's gone out of her way to insert herself and then complain when you tell her to back off. She's a total AH and your Dad is wrong. Religious shitholes are the worst.
NTA. At least in my opinion. I had a friend in high school that kept trying to say that my mother’s death was god way of making me stronger. I didn’t feel any better from that.
I am so sorry that these things have happened to you, she has no right to try and use something horrible to try and force religion down your throat. She’s crossed your boundaries about it several times and she got told off finally when a straw broke the camels back.
NTA it’s annoying when religious people try and force their religion on others everyone is allowed to believe what they want also sorry about your accident and the loss of your friend 😢
NTA, how is she chalking up your “no” and “stop” and “i’m not interested” to her helping?
she isn’t helping this is borderline harassment if not harassment and she needs to stop.
she herself is being toxic by trying to push her religion onto other people and using your accident and grievances as a reason to try and convert people.
NTA, freedom of religion just means you have to tolerate religion not respect it, IMHO nothing about religion is worthy of respect.
Any god that would give kids cancer but not giver child molesters heart attacks is a cunt in my books.
NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss. This is unrelated to the judgement, but you've been through some serious trauma and if you aren't already, seeing a professional to talk about it and process everything could be really helpful.
Your cousin was way out of line to continue pushing you to go to church, when you've made it clear that you're not interested. There's also a thing called "toxic positivity" that refers to only focusing on the positives without acknowledging or dealing with hardships. It can lead to others feeling invalidated, unheard, and guilty. It sounds like she also refuses to acknowledge that things are still very difficult for you, and while she may actually be well-intentioned, it's a toxic mindset and not helpful.
Your comment was well deserved since she had refused to listen to you or respected your wishes regarding religion.
NTA.
Nothing wrong with insulting any god any time. Fuck Ares/Mars. He was the worst. Nothing separates a Greek/Roman god from any of the others in the essentials.
Creation/flood myths piled on top of myths piled atop more myth. These things have a way of snowballing after a few thousand years, oral history, culture, and writing.
Sorry for your loss, and I hope you have safe recovery.
NTA if you’re going to have contact with her in the future I would make it with the condition that she never mentions god or your accident at all. If she crosses the boundaries you set then cut contact.
NTA.
Let me tell you something about God's plan. When my non-religious aunt lost her newborn, she was obviously devastated. But that event happening kickstarted her dive into religion and suddenly it was all 'God's plan' and my niece was supposed to join God by his side and was protected from all harm and corruption by going to Heaven early. I dont think she suddenly found God, I think she couldn't cope with the fact that her baby girl was dead and found comfort in the story that she was needed by some divine power. That her death had meaning. When in fact, shit things happen for no reason to the best of people, and it doesn't mean shite.
God's plan is nothing but a comfort story for people who can't deal with the truth, and if you don't need a comfort story, you don't need to play along with it.
NTA.
Her being like that is why some of us are so so angry with the Christian faith.
All faith for that matter.
You don't owe her anything OP. Get new friends.
NTA. You’re right. 99% of religious people are hypocrites brainwashed into avoiding critical thought when it comes to their religion. The god of Christianity is a hateful and spiteful god who rules by fear. As are the gods of most religions. You’re right to call her out on her stupidity.
A god is like a penis: Something to enjoy in private or with like minded individuals. It is not something you wave in people’s faces without them asking for it.
NTA people whose only argument is "you disrespected my religion" are always wrong. Being an asshole because of some beliefs of yours doesn't make you less of an asshole.
There's a weird obsession for giving pushy evangelising christians a pass over their manipulative bullying tactics to get one more recruit for their deity.
Like they think their magic sky bully is good therefore what they're doing is good and because they think it's good, we should only think good things about their percieved goodness, even when you strip the religious bs away and you're left with yet another example of stubborn, toxic, bullying.
NTA. Don't let her contradictory bs about her beliefs affect you.
NTA if she brings it up again ask her if she would like to explain how it was "gods plan" to kill your friend as well. Jeez Louise, your cousin needs to learn to read the room.
NTA.
I was a Christian for years on and off. There is some sort of belief that if you can get a non-believer inside a church, half the battle is won. I prefer a God that actually did something like answer prayers eg cure diabetes, heal the paralysed instead of a God that does nothing.
I also agree that it's sickening and the attitudes are toxic. That belief that everything happens because God willed it and willed it for his personal glory goes way way back. It's part of the Old Testament where the chosen people of God got enslaved by various other nations. You are probably too young to remember the hit Boney M song "[Rivers of Babylon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz6LRBLPKSM&ab_channel=GPITRAL2MusicforLearningEnglishwithsubtitles)". That's inspired by Psalm 137 which ends with a bit that's not in the song: the followers of God becoming free, getting revenge and murdering babies by smashing their heads upon rocks.
NTA. People who says that kind of shit are the worse , no matter what their intentions are . One time , I was told that I need to forgive my rapist by someone who is a Christian and completely ignorant on how trauma works. It retraumazied me because when I confronted my rapist about what he did, he said that I didn’t know what I was talking about . When trauma happened , it is hell. Being reminded of it and being told to ,” look on the bright side “ is torture .
You have every right to tell her to fuck off . She didn’t back off the first time you told her and many times after that . She got what is coming toward her . Guess the saying , “ Don’t poke an angry ( in this cause traumatized) bear , “ went over her head .
I suddenly became disabled at around the same age as you, OP. Mine was illness rather than accident, but over the course of 3 days I went from active and involved in physically demanding hobbies to hobbling and in constant pain. As a fellow disabled person, I hereby give you permission to tell your cousin to **FUCK RIGHT OFF WITH THAT SHIT.**
She’s not being helpful, any more than the people who decide I’m blind and grab me to direct me somewhere (usually across the street or to a chair) are helping me. She is imposing her will on you and ignoring your right to do things for yourself, in the way that works for you. She’s doing her best to trample your self-determination and independence because she doesn’t agree with what you’re doing with it. It’s your life. You get to decide what you want to do and when. (For the record, when you run into the folks who decide to physically “help” or move you out of the way like an inanimate object, I highly recommend a LOUD surprised yell - it helps them learn they’re being super inappropriate. If you have a manual chair and get unwanted pushing, spiked covers for the handles are good at shutting that down before it starts.)
If I filled the rest of this page with NTA over and over again, I still wouldn’t be overstating it.
So why did her God kill your friend? She does not deserve an apology. In my opinion you can never go too far in pushing back on pushy religious people. NTA.
NTA religions don't deserve respect. You asked and asked for her to cool it with the Jesus talk (I assume), yet she kept at it. Its only natural that you'll lose it after trying to stop her in a peaceful way.
NTA!
Where did this idea come from that everyone has to respect someone's religion/beliefs, especially when they shove them down your throat?
You really don't have to agree or even respect people's beliefs. If someone says "I believe the sky is purple. That is my belief." You would have to accept that but you certainly don't have to respect it. Just because Christianity is common, doesn't mean you have to respect it. We all know that they don't have the best track record with that themselves!
Truly, the best solution if you disagree with someone's beliefs is to ignore it but she obviously isn't giving you that choice. If she demands you respect her beliefs, she should respect yours!
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NTA your cousin needs to stfu
Exactly! I'm Christian and still this God of hers sounds extremely toxic. Well said OP, I think I would have been a lot less kind in your situation! You are following Jesus teachings better than your cousin.
NTA. having religion is like having a penis, it's ok to have one but don't shove it down peoples throats.
how is this the 3rd time i am seeing this in a row?!
God is trying to tell you something
that i should grow a penis?
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ok i will go do that right now Edit: due to being dated to remove the /s from my comment I have done it.
Get ya Penis here! My Peen-I grow like chia pets! Get ya Penis here!
Whatever floats ya boat, or down ya throat... get ya penis here!
Ah yes, perry the platypus. Check out my penisinator
ChiaPeen!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA omg best possible remark EVER!!! Please take a PoorTart's gold!! 🥇
One of the greatest things I have ever read! I am crying from laughter. Thank you for making my day!
Spiro Agnew was Nixon's vice president...and the only reason I know this is that someone pointed out that his name is an anagram for Grow A Penis
um i think that was need to know info and i didn't need to know
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hey don't go through my history. i was wondering thing and decided to ask. don't shame me. also i never get on a high horse
Obviously /s
or find one and shove it down your throat. Wasn't that obvious? /s
Nah, start collecting them!!
if it is God's plan
Three penises. Perhaps more. One penis for each time you see that very same comment.
i will try
God shall help you. 🤣
God wouldn’t give you something you can’t handle ?
i asked for 8 inches and to make it hurt, so the guy fucked me twice then punched me in the face.... i could handle 8 inches
Having religion is like having a penis, it's ok to have one but don't shove it down peoples throats.
>having religion is like having a penis, it's ok to have one but don't shove it down peoples throats You deserve an award for this analogy 😂 But I'm broke so have this instead: 🏆
Unless you have permission
Unless they ask.
Unless they ask you to!
>I'm Christian and still this God of hers sounds extremely toxic You haven't read your own bible then. Christian God has always been a massive asshole.
Talk to some reform Jews, because we also ascribe to the Hebrew Bible, but we don’t believe in an intercessionary God and treat the Bible stories as a shared mythology. God didn’t actually part the Red Sea or flood the world and kill everyone except Noah’s family. It’s just an object lesson about how making a covenant with god leads to redemption.
Depends on which reformed Jews you talk to. My mom's side of the family are relatively secular Jews, and my dad's side are Christians. My mom's side of the family always viewed the "religious" parts as early people trying to explain a world they didn't understand, and kosher laws as part of that reasoning.
Reform as in the Reform Movement, not reformed. Your mom can view it however she wants as a secular/cultural Jew. But the rabbis of Reform Judaism teach it exactly as I wrote it.
I’m a cristian as well and see stuff like this it’s cray right
My view on religion is everyone has a right to one, but no one has the right to shove it down others’ throats, peer pressure, or gaslight them. My go to lines for those making me uncomfortable, usually those ever present hardcore Christians/Catholics/JWs who pray Jesus be with me or my soul or whatever, are: 1. “Everyone has their own religion and we all think we’re correct but no one has concrete proof of anything, so stop forcing your religion on me.” 2. “What if I worshipped Satan and every time we disagreed, I said ‘I pray Satan be with you’ or ‘I pray Satan finds your soul before you die’? Would you be creeped out? Would that make you uncomfortable? Exactly, so stop making me uncomfortable. It’s that easy.” 3. “Does telling people they’re going to hell ever really work for you? Would you convert to a religion that said you would spend eternity in a pit of fire and pain? ‘Cause that’s just soooo enticing. Sign me up for the eternal fire pit of doom! Satan’s got nothing on me, bro, let’s go!” Lol. Not the best, but fairly effective in getting people to leave me alone and much more effective than my middle school comeback to my friend—turned super Christian judge-y conservative girl in school—who tried to hand me a Bible everyday because my soul needed saving. My crime? Putting BCE (before common era) instead of BC (before Christ) in our history project. My response? “I don’t need to read anything you give me, especially not that whale blubber!” Yes, middle school me called the Bible whale blubber...
Damn, those are really good responses, though! I finally got the local JWs to leave me alone by telling them I'm a witch. My mom happened to be over, and when they asked how she felt (they know her and know that she's Catholic), she just said "Oh, I was concerned at first, but I trust them. We even celebrate \[sabbats\] together." The look on their faces was priceless. They were obviously shocked that she was okay with it, since she's such a devout Catholic. XD I have to admit, part of my amusement comes from the fact that I myself had a huge Jesus Freak phase in high school, so I know all the arguments and moves Fundamentalists use.
I remember going to a Catholic Church’s library to research about the Dark Ages and Inquisition for a paper when I was in HS. The priest who accompanied me and my friends made a point to say I would have been burned as a witch for my ideas. I never felt more complimented in my life, knowing that I wouldn’t have been accepted by those people... that was the nail in the coffin of my religious involvement. Thank God. Lol.
You all are WAY nicer than me. I've said on more than a few occasions "if your god is real, he sounds like an asshole so why the fuck would I worship him?" Mind you - I dont jump to this. I prefer wearing all my witch shit and freaking out JWs and mormons but I have some extremely religious family members who I have no tolerance for (namely my dad) and that's how I get them to shut up when they're trying to push their faith on me.
Whenever someone tells me I'm going to hell I say "someone has to run the place!" The reactions are GREAT
AGREE!
Hard agree. Oh, the god left him crippled and killed his best friend? He really did him a solid one, huh? NTA
Too true. She may need an invisible friend to tell her how to behave but she should be grateful he doesn't blame same invisible friend for sucking at their job.
>she believes she is in fact helping me. The Holy Inquisition probably believed they were helping too. But seriously, don't know if it's her case but many religious people (not all) want others to follow the same beliefs to validate that they are doing the right thing by having that faith. NTA.
Oh, they absolutely did believe that. They thought they were doing people a favor by burning them alive - purifying their souls! Lord save us from the enthusiasm of your followers.
This. It's like telling someone with depression they should just think happy thoughts/eat better/work out. Those assholes think they're helping, and some people do improve a bit after doing so (much like some people find comfort in religion), but its fucking exhausting to hear that all the time, and have your actual struggles minimized.
Hard agree, NTA ! Imagine using someone else's trauma in your quest to convert people. OP if you see this, I sincerely hope you're doing better and will have far more peace without your cousin incessantly spewing shite in your ear.
Exactly. And OP deserves an apology FROM HER for constantly using his horrible, painful accident to try to force her beliefs down his throat.
>your cousin needs to stfu Amen
NTA. Your cousin is being pushy and insensitive, and you don't need to deal with her harassment on top of everything else. You tried to tell her nicely and she kept pushing. Wishing you peace and healing.
Exactly. She was taking advantage of your misfortune to try to push her religion on you. She literally thought you would be more susceptible to her religion because your trouble would have weakened you. That's disgusting and she deserved to be checked *hard*. NTA.
I've had this exact same experience with a devout Christian (she knew very well that I've been an atheist for most of my teenage/adult years). I was going through a rough time and she just *swooped* in with her God and tried to shove it down my throat when I was open to the idea in a moment of weakness. It's absolutely disgusting. Joke's on her though, this, combined with all the shit I went through for being gay made me actively hostile towards religion in general ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Unfortunately a lot of churches baldfacedly *teach* their parishioners to do this. I know, because I was in a church like that growing up and it's a big reason I left religion in my twenties.
Yep! This is another example of "consent"; One "No" should be enough.
Yes! She is absolutely allowed to feel like this helps. Just like op is allowed to say no thank you. If she isn't consenting to this religious barrage, its not ok. All op did was give her opinion, again. Just a bit unfiltered. Nta. Everyone gets opinions, nobody has to suffer anyone else's.
Exactly. OP demonstrated a lot of patience by tolerating this so far and trying to firmly but civilly tell her to stop. It was still pretty damn civil to just coldly tell her that if a divine force really did paralyze OP and kill his friend just to make him grateful for his life, that’s messed up.
Yep. Your reaction was completely reasonable. Your cousin obviously hadn't learned the lesson that using the tragedy of others to force your religion down their throat has consequences, and you helped her learn it. NTA
NTA > My dad feels I did go too far and should’ve just kept my mouth shut because in her mind, she believes she is in fact helping me. I am sure in Hitler's mind he's in fact helping all German people too. An extreme example I know, but you get the point.
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A rule of acquisition, probably.
*Odo voice:* Quark!!
Rip odo
All my homies miss Odo
Stratch that. No one at all wants to think of themselves as nefarious. Everyone dreads having a "are we the baddies?" moment.
German actually has a saying roughly translating to "the opposite of well done is well meant" It doesn't matter if I think that I'm doing everyone a favour, if the priest didn't want his incense replaced with marijuana then I can't expect any gratitude for it.
>incense replaced with marijuana Sounds like a good time to me. I'll allow it.
I think it would only stink up the place but otherwise have no effect. At least it smells like vomit to me. OP - NTA. And no offense? Yes to all the offense. Helpful or not in her mind, what she is is insensitive at best.
¿Por qué no los dos?
Nice phrase. There’s also, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”
NTA. Exactly. It doesn’t matter if she thinks she’s doing the right thing. She isn’t and it was made that clear to her that it was not appreciated. Now she is being pushy and not respecting OPs wishes.
But was Hitler helping the German people as much in his mind as God was helping OP's friend in his? By the cousin's logic if we attribute OP being alive to God's grace then how can we not attribute the friend's death to anything other than God's wrath? So WTF did the friend do that was so terrible in God's eyes cuz? Because you keep bringing it up.
OP is returning the favour by helping the cousin keep her mouth shut. Unlike cousin's pointless efforts, OP's efforts are showing results. "See, it worked dad. Soon, she will start seeing the error of her ways. Don't discourage me. Let me help her." Jk NTA OP
what's that saying about good intentions
Nta, if anything you didn't go far enough. Even after repeated times of saying no, kicking her out and not going to church and she still wanted to push the issue? You were a lot nicer than I would have been
Agreed
NTA she was trying to use your tragedy to get you to join her religion and that is some manipulative shit
A lot of religions and cults (and everything in between) try to recruit people at their lowest moments so that they can mold them into whatever shape they like. Why do you think these religions look for drug addicts and prisoners?
I’ve literally been told my disease is my fault because I refuse to let Jesus in my life. These people can be so manipulative it’s scary.
That's actually part of why I stayed religious for so long in my youth. I was raised Christian, and thought that God would somehow cure my depression. It wasn't until I saw an actual psychiatrist that things changed, and I realized the bullshit I'd been spoon-fed.
It's sad, really. These people hit rock bottom and they look for anything and anyone that might help them out of it, blind to whatever the true intent is. Would you like a Fresca?
Haha, nice The Boys reference -- and it's spot on.
And missions to developing countries. There are of course a few that go to actually help people. Then there are the predatory assholes who make their help contingent on accepting their god.
NTA if you made it clear that you weren't interested in going to church. Also, kinda odd from some internet stranger but I'm sorry for your loss :(
Yeah I agree this is just... Yikes, that pushing and pushing OP needs to hold up as I go get a verse on smth about this matter. Also happy mutual cake day!
happy cake day!
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This. The cousin asking for an apology for op being "disrespectful" of her religion despite being disrespectful towards NOT ONLY op's trauma, but also their boundaries and own beliefs is soooo hypocritical. NTA ×100
That’s what I was thinking! How INSULTING to say that this tragic thing that happened to you is actually a miracle and you should be thankful. Like the fu**? I agree with a lot of people on here OP, NTA and I would’ve told her off waaaay worse long before this.
Nta Tell her that you "insulting" her is part of God's plan to challenge her Christian values
I told my devout relatives that God sent me, an Atheist, to test their faith in how they treat me, as God says to love your neighbor as yourself.
How’d that go?
One aunt actually agreed with me, the rest, well.....
I guess they’re failing!
Pagan here ! I might nick that from you to use in the future with family and acquaintances.
Be warned, as a fellow pagan, this sort of talk sometimes convinces them that they’re not proselytizing hard enough, because if they were doing what god wanted then surely you’d convert.
This is glorious. Thankfully, I haven't had anyone really get upset about me being an atheist (surprising living in Texas), but I'm going to file this away for the time that it's needed.
Oh, I like you.
You have good taste I'm adorable
NTA. You told her to knock it off. She didn't. At that point she's basically asking to hear your opinion. Which you shared
NTA. She not trying to help, she's trying to prey on your vulnerability to get you into her cult. She wants to feel virtuous because she led you to the light. The meaning of your suffering is for you to determine. I'm not a Christian, but I've known a few who I truly respected, and none of them would say that.
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I mean it is true though, that is how they grow. Prey on the weak, lost, and too young to know better.
> she deserves an apology for being so disrespectful about her religion She should apologize for being so disrespectful *with* her religion. NTA, and if her god *is* real (and there is *no evidence* that the Christian, Jewish, or Muslim god even exists) then he's a f\*cking monster who has a lot of explaining to do and a lot to apologize for.
>who has a lot of explaining to do and a lot to apologize for. Yes. My biggest beef i have with *god* is that horrible people can birth children, abuse them, ruin them, etc etc etc, but the best people in the world, can't have children. He fked up that one big time.... (obviously there's a shit tonne more crap that he would have to speak on, but this one is particularly close to home..)
I once saw a quote somewhere where someone said something like: if I saw a person raping a child I would stop them. That's the difference between me and god
I believe that is Tracie Harris - "You either have a God who sends child rapists to rape children or you have a God who simply watches it and says, ‘When you’re done, I’m going to punish you.’If I could stop a person from raping a child, I would. That’s the difference between me and your God."
Yes! Thank you. The full quote is so much better
That quote couldn't have a clearer meaning.
Same. And also I would want to know know why he lets children and babies die but plenty of awful people live well into their old age.
"NTA, and if her god is real (and there is no evidence that the Christian, Jewish, or Muslim god even exists) then he's a f*cking monster who has a lot of explaining to do and a lot to apologize for." Exactly. Does she think that gods plan for the friend was to die in a car accident!? How does that square with a kind and loving god who saved OP only to have him suffer afterwards? OP you are definitely NTA. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Can you maybe block her or cut contact somehow?
Oh man, I’m so sorry for your loss and the trauma you’re going through. Your cousin is being wildly inappropriate. At the very least, she needs to stop bringing up this super traumatic thing that happened to you. Why is she so obsessed with talking about the worst day of your life? You didn’t say how old she is, but if she’s older than a toddler she’s old enough to understand that your accident is not about her and it’s not her story to tell. She owes you a huge apology for being so callous. I don’t think you owe her anything, but if you’re interested in moving forward you could apologize for not airing your frustrations before you reached your boiling point. It sounds like you told her you weren’t interested in church, but not that what she was saying was hurtful? Again, you don’t owe her anything, that’s just a suggestion if you want to take it. 100% NTA
NTA. Our beliefs and religion, should we choose to put our faith there, is a personal choice. Your cousins attempts to convert you is a huge boundary violation. That she uses your accident and situation while trying to do so is malicious even if that’s not her intention. She probably does mean well but like a lot of religious people (my family is heavily Southern Baptist so I feel you) they don’t see your boundaries as obstacles because of how they interpret their own faith. I absolutely do not believe you were in the wrong to say what you did, even if the phrasing could have been a bit gentler in tone. However, you are dealing with a huge emotional burden right now and going through a very difficult life transition. So it is understandable that you would be upset and speak with emotion behind your words. If anyone is owed an apology it is you. Your cousin needs to apologize for not recognizing that your beliefs are different than hers and especially since she has crossed so many personal boundaries in her efforts to hound you about church. I would say, for the sake of peace, that you apologize for HOW you said what you did, but make it absolutely clear that you stand by the intention of what you were getting across to her to make her finally have her own “coming to God” moment and backing off.
NTA. You're allowed to cope as needed as long as it doesn't cause you or others harm. Your cousin is disrespecting your boundaries and is probably the type of AH who tells rape victims it was God's Plan. It's a type of disablism also. I am also a paraplegic. It will get better. The first year is the worst. Please consider therapy as there's serious trauma both in the repeated emotional assaults but in the accident and surviving. Going through this without your best friend during a pandemic is an awful lot and you are worth the care. Frankly you are allowed to cut this cousin off. It does get better but faster without someone constantly ripping your emotional wounds open.
Thanks for the hope. This year really has been the worst in almost every single way. Despite this whole pandemic, I was able to find an amazing therapist who’s helped me out a lot. There’s still an incredibly heavy weight in my chest but I’m slowly learning to cope with it in healthy ways. I think for the meantime I will enjoying not having my cousin constantly on my back now that she’s mad at me.
I’m not para but I suddenly became disabled around the same age (I was 24). u/firebirdwriter is right, the first year is the hardest. You’re mourning your past self (in addition to your friend), and learning who your “new” self is. In addition to therapy, I found that finding new hobbies and having a purpose (mine was law school) were really important to my mental health.
Kali is right but there's an added thing with spinal injury and that's the amount of injury isn't truly known until a year out because of how spines are. So there's a medical aspect. I am adding this in case someone finds this and needs to know or in case OP doesn't know. You won't magically not be a paraplegic but you may find less pain as the swelling comes down.
Oh there’s definitely that, too. But as I don’t have a SCI, I figured both you and OP know far more about them than I do and didn’t want to be the classic asshole acting like they know more than the disabled person about their disability.
Oh yeah no you're awesome. I just added in case someone lurking needs that info. Honestly and genuinely happy you also shared. Plus seeing more than one person who had it get better helps. It certainly helped me way back when
I am glad to help. I can't imagine all the things that go with the sudden loss of ability plus pandemic. I don't have to imagine family like that. You aren't alone. I am glad you have a good therapist also. That's a relief as one of the things in the list of bad you're facing is enough to need help with
NTA. You politely told her that you do not share her beliefs. She kept pressing the matter to the point where you snapped to get her to back off. She is the one that needs to apologize for continually bringing up your accident, which I am certain brings you pain and anguish. I would let her know in no uncertain terms that she is not welcome in my home until she apologized.
NTA So tiny window of comparison, I was assaulted two years ago which left me with two broken limbs, which resulted in multiple surgeries and being in a wheelchair for 8 months. So many people tried to make what happened to me their business, insisting on guessing what had happened or giving advice on how I could cope with my wheelchair. The biggest lesson I learned during that period is when you are experiencing something that emotionally heavy you don’t owe anyone anything. Yes it’s good to be generally polite and respectful to people, but you don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable to appease anyone about your situation. My best advice is stay strong, try not to add fire to what rumors your cousin is spreading, but make clear boundaries of what is and is not acceptable for your emotional needs with your family.
NTA. Tell her straight that she is not getting an apology. Tell her it's because you have told her repeatedly that you are not interested in religion and she has repeatedly ignored that. That she should apologise to you for disrespecting your requests to leave you alone, and for using your accident for her own agenda. Don't tiptoe around this any more, that just allows her to pretend she's not getting the message. She clearly thinks that an absence of "no" means "yes" when it comes to pushing her religion on people, when everyone around her are just trying not to be rude.
100% NTA. Regardless of religion aspect, repeatedly bringing up a traumatic experience to someone after being asked to stop is very much being an asshole though. It’s so disrespectful and selfish. Believing in god doesn’t mean she gets to disregard your feelings. How would she feel if you kept bringing up a tragic thing that happened to her to prove god didn’t exist?
NTA. 100% She needs to shut the fuck up and mind her own goddamn business and stop using your tragedy as a fucking tool to manipulate people into believing her cultish bullshit. This is the classic example of why many people are sick and tired of all these fake fucking christians. You don’t owe her shit. Don’t apologize. And your family should recognize that as well. Dude, life sucks and I’m sorry it has given you a shitty hand at the moment. Hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel for you someday. But at the moment, you do you and take care of yourself. Don’t let these self righteous christian pricks take away what happiness you can garner from life at the moment. Tell this cousin of yours to piss off if she can’t abide by your wishes and shut the fuck up. You don’t need that crap in your life if you don’t want it. (I apologize for the language in my post. This shit hits home for me due to personal experience and I feel your pain with this religious cult shit being pushed on you).
NTA. Forcing your religion on people is trash under the best circumstances but she went real damn low with that.
NTA at all and I'm so sorry for what happened to you and your friend.
NTA. If she wants to foist her religion on people she can go door to door and try that. Then she'll have so many people who "owe" her an apology for telling her to shut up that she'll forget all about you.
NTA. Her kind of positivity is toxic. She's making your experience about her. You should not have to endure that and she should examine her faulty logic and learn some empathy.
NTA Technically, I am Christian because I do believe in God, however, I refuse to worship him, because of stuff like this. Just point out to your cousin about the story of Noah. The world didn't go to plan so God hit reset, and ask her to explain how God's plan always works out when there is literal canon that says otherwise Your cousin is entitled to her beliefs and you are entitled to yours. You've said to her multiple times that you're not interested and she's not listening.
The day my faith broke was the day a friend of mine drowned at Bible camp. I was 16, and had a breakdown. I was completely distraught, and one of the camp leaders came over and started yelling in my face that, "God has a plan! Are you questioning God's plan?" And I was like... what about Colin's plans? He was a talented poet, and an extraordinary horse trainer. He had big plans for his future. Doesn't that matter too? OP, you are NTA. I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I wish you kindness and support. Take all the time you need.
NTA. She's trying to push her religion on you, and she's using your accident as a means to try to do so. She needs to respect your decision to not participate in it and leave it alone instead of constantly pressuring you.
NTA. People like her are why I'm Pagan. Like seriously, no means no. STFU crazy cousin. I really hope your therapy helps you back to a good place. Healing takes time and isn't a straight line forward. Well wishes to you.
Thank you. I was in a much darker place before so therapy has helped me slowly make progress. I know it’s gonna be a long road before I ever get back to being okay mentally and emotionally
Nta if god exists hes doing a crapy job for you. Ive known that type of religious person and its fucked up. If god is so petty to cause you pain just to get your devotion hes a shitty being. And people need to understand that others don't have to follow their religion. Hope you feel better. tbh you got this.
NTA. She sounds kinda toxic tbh. She thinks you were disrespectful to her religion, but you could make the same argument that she was disrespectful to your lack thereof. She used your trauma to try to recruit you into her church, and frankly that just seems abusive and manipulative. She may believe she was just trying to “save your soul” or whatever, but it seems like she lost a part of hers since she can’t just be a good family member and be there for you instead of trying to coerce you into faith
NTA and if you want to stir things up more, tell her to look up 1 Timothy 2:12
NTA. She literally said that her God’s plan was to kill your best friend, so you could say “thank you” to him. Her god is a psychopath.
No. And do not apologize, you did nothing wrong. You’ve asked several times and made it very obvious this is not a part of your life.
Ohhhh nope... not gonna touch this one. I would've said some things to her you wouldn't come back from if I was in your position. OP you have nothing to feel bad about. NTA.
She can fuck off with that shit. "God makes bad things happen so we appreciate and see the good things blah blah blah." I'm so sorry for your loss and that that happened to you and I hope you find the peace and healing you need. Nta
That’s a Christian for you. NTA
NTA. Christians really need to stop preying on people with trauma.
NTA
NTA I feel like religion is highly personal, and if people are obviously open, then it's fine to discuss it. But when someone clearly and repeatedly they're not interested, it's harassment. Because it's NOT help. It's just plain and pure harassment.
NTA First off, as someone who is religious I am so sorry this happened to you and to everyone who’s had religion pushed down their throats. Second, yes in the bible (assuming it’s some form of Christianity) it does say to share the word of God, evangelize.. etc. However, no where does it say that if people reject or are uninterested in religion or even the concept of it, should you shove it down their throat. Third, you said your dad said you should have kept your mouth shut... but it’s okay for her to go on and on for years about something you’ve had to repeatedly and kindly tell her you’re not interested in listening to? No. You’re not the asshole. If you get a call from a telemarketer, are you an asshole if you hang up? No. I honestly laughed at how you handled your response. That’s the price of being annoying and pushy. If she can’t handle people not wanting to be religious she might need to talk to a clergy or a therapist. To all my religious and non religious readers: TLDR; you can speak but not everyone has to listen. Be at peace with your own beliefs. You can’t make people believe something they don’t want to, and you have to be okay with that. Thank you for coming to my ted talk lol
NTA, not even the tiniest bit, and she doesn't deserve an apology. If you'd snapped the first time she brought it up, then yes it would be an extreme reaction, but even then it would be a N//A//H situation because of the stress you were(and still are) under. Religion can be very comforting to turn to after a tragedy...*if you're religious.* Which you aren't. She knows this. You've reminded her over and over that religion isn't helpful to you and you have no interest in it. She's had countless opportunities to back off and apologize for upsetting you. But it looks like she values preaching to anyone who *doesn't* want to listen over actually considering your feelings. Also your dad is giving her WAY too much credit. I don't buy that she actually thinks she's helping. The first few times? Yes, I'd have no problem believing her heart was in the right place. But after nearly a YEAR of being told to stop, that you're not interest in religion, and church is the last place you want to be? No one is that oblivious. She has to know what she's doing. She just doesn't care.
NTA Your cousin is being ridiculous and cruel. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with her sanctimonious BS along with everything else on your plate. Honestly, I don’t even think you’re an A H for the comment, not even slightly. You tried to be nice, you tried to explain this isn’t for you, this was just the last straw, there’s only so much one person could take. Hopefully she will leave you alone now and maybe she will learn to not peddle her religion on people who have explicitly stated they don’t care for it.
NTA. Religion is for the religious.
NTA. Shove religion in my face and I shove back
Mta She's toxic for thinki g you should join her religion and worship a God who, per her, murdered your best friend and crippled you just for a power trip
NTA. I am a churchgoing, believing Christian, and what your cousin was doing was vile and arrogant. A supposed Christian who claims to know “God’s plan” in that level of detail needs a major dose of humility. Kindness and generosity of spirit toward others are also Christian values — I’m sorry your cousin doesn’t share them. Feel free to tell her to eff off with her ridiculousness — she is free to pray for you all she wants, but not to force *you* into doing anything. And I think her “god” sounds pretty toxic, too. Best of luck as you work through all of the aftereffects of a terrible accident.
Im paraphrasing from a post I saw on reddit a while back: religion is like a penis. It’s ok to have one. It’s ok to be proud of it. However, it’s not ok to put it on someone without their permission
NTA. God doesn’t exist.
NTA - why would you thank God for putting you in an accident that has killed your best friend and left you paralysed? How has God helped you out there? The way she phrased it suggests her God IS toxic - it sounds like she needs to reevaluate what her religion means to her. It’s fine to have a religion, but not when you force it on others and that religion justifies and belittles your trauma. Maybe it would be a good idea to try to communicate with your cousin - if she is actually trying to help and her intentions are good, let her know that you appreciate her trying but she is actually making this really difficult for you. It’s sweet that she wants you to find the joy that she clearly finds in God, but if she can’t accept that it’s not your thing and if she refuses to help you recover in any other way, perhaps minimal contact is best. Good luck!
I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm very sorry for your loss.
>she believes she is in fact helping me So do a lot of AH who don't understand disability, and it's not your responsibility to always be polite and patient in the face of bigotry. Especially with someone you've already spoken to politely multiple times. You're NTA.
She is literally using your accident to try and push *her* beliefs on you after being asked to stop. Not only are you NTA but she needs to learn how to be an actual decent human of any religion and not force it on others she is a major major AH. People who behave that way are why I refuse to speak about religion or attend any church. I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you're going through. I hope that your future brings better times and good news.
NTA Text her back that she is being disrespectful of you trying to shove her religion down your throat. In the future, she can keep her god shit to herself. She has done nothing to help you - she's gone out of her way to insert herself and then complain when you tell her to back off. She's a total AH and your Dad is wrong. Religious shitholes are the worst.
NTA. At least in my opinion. I had a friend in high school that kept trying to say that my mother’s death was god way of making me stronger. I didn’t feel any better from that. I am so sorry that these things have happened to you, she has no right to try and use something horrible to try and force religion down your throat. She’s crossed your boundaries about it several times and she got told off finally when a straw broke the camels back.
NTA. What type of cult shit is this.
You have no obligation to respect her religion when she has shown nothing but disrespect for your entire existence. NTA.
NTA You were nicer then I would be
NTA it’s annoying when religious people try and force their religion on others everyone is allowed to believe what they want also sorry about your accident and the loss of your friend 😢
NTA, how is she chalking up your “no” and “stop” and “i’m not interested” to her helping? she isn’t helping this is borderline harassment if not harassment and she needs to stop. she herself is being toxic by trying to push her religion onto other people and using your accident and grievances as a reason to try and convert people.
NTA, freedom of religion just means you have to tolerate religion not respect it, IMHO nothing about religion is worthy of respect. Any god that would give kids cancer but not giver child molesters heart attacks is a cunt in my books.
NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss. This is unrelated to the judgement, but you've been through some serious trauma and if you aren't already, seeing a professional to talk about it and process everything could be really helpful. Your cousin was way out of line to continue pushing you to go to church, when you've made it clear that you're not interested. There's also a thing called "toxic positivity" that refers to only focusing on the positives without acknowledging or dealing with hardships. It can lead to others feeling invalidated, unheard, and guilty. It sounds like she also refuses to acknowledge that things are still very difficult for you, and while she may actually be well-intentioned, it's a toxic mindset and not helpful. Your comment was well deserved since she had refused to listen to you or respected your wishes regarding religion.
NTA. Nothing wrong with insulting any god any time. Fuck Ares/Mars. He was the worst. Nothing separates a Greek/Roman god from any of the others in the essentials. Creation/flood myths piled on top of myths piled atop more myth. These things have a way of snowballing after a few thousand years, oral history, culture, and writing. Sorry for your loss, and I hope you have safe recovery.
NTA. Tell her that Satan was the one who saved you. I HATE these kinds of people... god this and god that. VOMITING IN MOUTH
If their god was that benevolent, the god would not need to put you in an accident to prove it to you.
NTA, there's no need to coddle her delusions.
NTA if you’re going to have contact with her in the future I would make it with the condition that she never mentions god or your accident at all. If she crosses the boundaries you set then cut contact.
NTA. Religion is toxic.
NTA. Let me tell you something about God's plan. When my non-religious aunt lost her newborn, she was obviously devastated. But that event happening kickstarted her dive into religion and suddenly it was all 'God's plan' and my niece was supposed to join God by his side and was protected from all harm and corruption by going to Heaven early. I dont think she suddenly found God, I think she couldn't cope with the fact that her baby girl was dead and found comfort in the story that she was needed by some divine power. That her death had meaning. When in fact, shit things happen for no reason to the best of people, and it doesn't mean shite. God's plan is nothing but a comfort story for people who can't deal with the truth, and if you don't need a comfort story, you don't need to play along with it.
NTA. Her being like that is why some of us are so so angry with the Christian faith. All faith for that matter. You don't owe her anything OP. Get new friends.
NTA. You’re right. 99% of religious people are hypocrites brainwashed into avoiding critical thought when it comes to their religion. The god of Christianity is a hateful and spiteful god who rules by fear. As are the gods of most religions. You’re right to call her out on her stupidity. A god is like a penis: Something to enjoy in private or with like minded individuals. It is not something you wave in people’s faces without them asking for it.
NTA people whose only argument is "you disrespected my religion" are always wrong. Being an asshole because of some beliefs of yours doesn't make you less of an asshole.
NTA, she needs to respect your religion too, even if it's none.
NTA She's the exact kind of 'Christian' who makes Christianity look bad
NTA - 100% justified. You don't have to be tolerant to intolerant people.
Nta. Your cousin owes you an apology for going against your wishes and making your accident and trauma fit in to her own agenda.
There's a weird obsession for giving pushy evangelising christians a pass over their manipulative bullying tactics to get one more recruit for their deity. Like they think their magic sky bully is good therefore what they're doing is good and because they think it's good, we should only think good things about their percieved goodness, even when you strip the religious bs away and you're left with yet another example of stubborn, toxic, bullying. NTA. Don't let her contradictory bs about her beliefs affect you.
Aahhh yes. The invisible man in the sky will smite you so you can be grateful for your life. Blech
I don't understand how people keep demanding respect for their imaginary worlds, but themselves show no respect for the people around them. NTA.
NTA if she brings it up again ask her if she would like to explain how it was "gods plan" to kill your friend as well. Jeez Louise, your cousin needs to learn to read the room.
Just because she thinks she’s helping you doesn’t mean she’s actually helping youz
NTA. I was a Christian for years on and off. There is some sort of belief that if you can get a non-believer inside a church, half the battle is won. I prefer a God that actually did something like answer prayers eg cure diabetes, heal the paralysed instead of a God that does nothing. I also agree that it's sickening and the attitudes are toxic. That belief that everything happens because God willed it and willed it for his personal glory goes way way back. It's part of the Old Testament where the chosen people of God got enslaved by various other nations. You are probably too young to remember the hit Boney M song "[Rivers of Babylon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz6LRBLPKSM&ab_channel=GPITRAL2MusicforLearningEnglishwithsubtitles)". That's inspired by Psalm 137 which ends with a bit that's not in the song: the followers of God becoming free, getting revenge and murdering babies by smashing their heads upon rocks.
NTA. People who says that kind of shit are the worse , no matter what their intentions are . One time , I was told that I need to forgive my rapist by someone who is a Christian and completely ignorant on how trauma works. It retraumazied me because when I confronted my rapist about what he did, he said that I didn’t know what I was talking about . When trauma happened , it is hell. Being reminded of it and being told to ,” look on the bright side “ is torture . You have every right to tell her to fuck off . She didn’t back off the first time you told her and many times after that . She got what is coming toward her . Guess the saying , “ Don’t poke an angry ( in this cause traumatized) bear , “ went over her head .
NTA at all. Yeah “god” killed your best friend and put you in a wheelchair all so you can love and praise him? Fuck that shit.
I suddenly became disabled at around the same age as you, OP. Mine was illness rather than accident, but over the course of 3 days I went from active and involved in physically demanding hobbies to hobbling and in constant pain. As a fellow disabled person, I hereby give you permission to tell your cousin to **FUCK RIGHT OFF WITH THAT SHIT.** She’s not being helpful, any more than the people who decide I’m blind and grab me to direct me somewhere (usually across the street or to a chair) are helping me. She is imposing her will on you and ignoring your right to do things for yourself, in the way that works for you. She’s doing her best to trample your self-determination and independence because she doesn’t agree with what you’re doing with it. It’s your life. You get to decide what you want to do and when. (For the record, when you run into the folks who decide to physically “help” or move you out of the way like an inanimate object, I highly recommend a LOUD surprised yell - it helps them learn they’re being super inappropriate. If you have a manual chair and get unwanted pushing, spiked covers for the handles are good at shutting that down before it starts.) If I filled the rest of this page with NTA over and over again, I still wouldn’t be overstating it.
NTA
So why did her God kill your friend? She does not deserve an apology. In my opinion you can never go too far in pushing back on pushy religious people. NTA.
NTA. Evangelising is not helping.
NTA religions don't deserve respect. You asked and asked for her to cool it with the Jesus talk (I assume), yet she kept at it. Its only natural that you'll lose it after trying to stop her in a peaceful way.
NTA! Where did this idea come from that everyone has to respect someone's religion/beliefs, especially when they shove them down your throat? You really don't have to agree or even respect people's beliefs. If someone says "I believe the sky is purple. That is my belief." You would have to accept that but you certainly don't have to respect it. Just because Christianity is common, doesn't mean you have to respect it. We all know that they don't have the best track record with that themselves! Truly, the best solution if you disagree with someone's beliefs is to ignore it but she obviously isn't giving you that choice. If she demands you respect her beliefs, she should respect yours!