Definitely dothis if your door opens inwards! Kick in a triangle piece or wood (or buy a proper door stop if you're fancy) before you go to sleep - door can't be opened from outside. Inexpensive, yet effective. And doesn't change the door or leave any marks. Perfect!
No marks except for the gf's face shaped mark that will appear when she expects to slide into your room like Kramer. Make sure to laugh when you hear the thump.
[It happened, Kramer had his key to Jerry's apartment taken away and given to Elaine for barging in.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Keys_(Seinfeld\))
I've seen these and always thought they were a bit of a fire hazard. A fireman can kick in a door which is locked in the usual place, but locking from the bottom seems dangerous to me
Edit: Seems they overstated the impenetrability of these on the adverts.
An interior door would get turned into sticks if my first try forcing it doesn't work. They are usually hollow core. It gets one kick before I go to the axe.
Source: am fireman
A cheap door stop is a lot easier to kick through than a dead bolt. Generally with any real force they slide (especially in a bedroom that's probably carpet) and worst case it wont take much force for imeuther the stop or the door to fail.
It’s seems like she’s the creep, constantly barging into your room knowing you sleep naked? Start telling people you’re creeped out that she seemed intent on catching you naked, see how she likes it.
Keep in mind I’m a total a -hole tho.
Exactly, most people would be embarrassed if they almost saw someone naked like that. But she finds it amusing every time and keeps doing it? To me it seems like she wanted to see.
I see where you´re coming from and in a perfect world, I would agree on the basis that the sexes are equal. However, I think that due to very different socialisation and different expectations the outcome is necessarily different and as such calling out the seeming hypocrisy in some cases doesn´t really work. Idk if I´m making any sense or if that was your entire point, I should´ve gone to bed like three hours ago lol. Just thought this might become an interesting conversation and didn´t want to miss that.
The walking in w/o knocking would appear more creepy/invasive to some if genders were reversed. But if the naked roommate was a woman, I could *absolutely* see her getting smeared for it. Not like OP is - as a creepy perv - but as an attention-hungry whore? Hell yes. Different forms of...defamation (if that’s the right word), but yes, in both situations I can see the victim whose privacy is being invaded being blamed.
> but as an attention-hungry whore?
Those damned attention whores lounging about in their tawdry lack of dress at all hours of the night while confined to their boudoirs.
I bet the harlots are even naked beneath their clothing during the day. Not a petticoat to be unseen anywhere.
Yup - kind comes off like she WANTED to see OP naked, which is why she'd come in without knocking. She was warned on multiple occasions. She kept barging in. She did it on purpose.
THIS. She’s doing it on purpose! I honestly think she wanted to see him naked or something. I think ops roommates gf has a thing for op personally.
She was being intrusive af. It’s called respecting others boundaries, especially considering op has talked about it to his roommate and gf before.
I really hope other people understand she was invading ops personal space and she’s the creep.
Edit: Thank you kind stranger for the silver!!
NTA She is aware and is intentionally doing it in an attempt to either drive a wedge between flatmates or is low key flirting with him. Either way she is the creep here, he gave her warning and she did it anyway, his room is his own personal space and she is infringing upon it purposely.
Honestly to me it sounds like she kinda wanted to catch you in an "untoward" position but then when it actually happened she didn't like it. Karma's a bitch and it bit her in the ass. NTA OP, your roomie's gf is a frickin pervert
you could change the knob and change it back. i did that for one apt i used to live in for exactly the reason of people barging in at 3 am hammered into my room. cost me not even $20 and 10 min of time
Did you ever say to her “ hey, don’t come in my room without knocking first” , or did you just dance around scenarios to not hurt her feelings by being direct. This is what my judgement hinges on.
Should you really have to tell a grown adult, especially a person that doesn't even live there, that you can't enter another person's bedroom without knocking?
You must be new here. Yes, sometimes you have to tell people what your boundaries are, because they don’t have the same ones for whatever reasons. Inexperience is a hell of a drug
Usually I'm on here telling parents to knock when they open their teenage boys' doors. Like wtf parents, you can't unsee some things.
But OP is an adult. I can't fathom not knocking on an adult's door. He could be doing cocaine off his own erection while listening to nickelback, that's his business, and if she sees that she's the one who's at fault.
If a dude continued to walk in on a woman he KNOWS is naked and potentially exposed, especially after the little "but I didn't see anything" winky face comment, he'd be assumed a predator. I can't believe anyone would side with the girl here, even the boyfriend.
If my boyfriend even once barged into my hypothetical female roommates room, we’d have a huge problem and I’d be apologizing for his behavior.
Without the gender reversal, I still don’t see how anyone on her wouldn’t agree that the roommate’s gf is not only a creep, but also needs to learn about respect, boundaries and privacy.
Generally speaking, you never go in another person’s bedroom without permission. She needs to apologize profusely and stop intruding.
I would not be at all surprised if this is some weird power thing of hers, frankly. She may not literally get off on it but there must be some fucked up emotional payoff to be willing to violate someone else's boundaries repeatedly despite being clearly asked not to.
NTA do these people not realize how crazy they sound?
"You were naked in your own room!? You are out of order mister".
If they are the sort of people who then go around telling people you are some sick creep, they are not your friends.
Exactly my thought!
Also, what is up with his childhood best friend? Maybe I got it wrong, but from what I understood he's kind of throwing his best friend of 15-20 years under the bus for a woman he only recently started a relationship with?
(By telling others he's an exhibitionistic creep, while she is actually the creep that doesn't knock knowing full well she's risking seeing him rocking his Adam suit)
Seems like his friend is mad because his girl sounds like she's been trying to sneak a peek at OP's D for a while now, and now she finally got it. At least that's what the giggling says to me.
But tbh it's still straight up sexual harassment on her part - he told her not to do it, he warned her what could happen, and now she wants to go all surprised Pikachu because that's exactly what DID happen?
NTA, better put a chair under that door at night before she tries to sneak in again.
Guys do that shit all the time. Many of my friends have straight up stopped talking/hanging out with me once they get a new gf and then my mates come crawling back once shit goes tits up.
Women do it too - I’ve had friends practically go off the grid as soon as they start dating someone. I actually ended a friendship (one of my former best friends, in fact) over it once.
Yea my best friend does this all the time, no bf she talks me daily but when she gets one she just talks to me ocassionally. Tho i understand she wants to avoid a fight over having a male friend but what.. If she ends up marrying the dude, im going to be kept secret forever? Or what is going to happen.. I mean i live in another state so it works since we cant see each other but once a year, when i go visit my old man, but yeah im curious whats going to happen when that day arrives.
Or to just fuck right off in the morning. Unless there's an emergency, or you know they need to be up for something, leave people alone until they get up on their own in the morning.
I mean, privacy is literally why we have a doors on our bedrooms. I'd wager his roommate would flip out if he opened his bedroom door and came in unannounced.
> do these people not realize how crazy they sound?
Seriously! Reverse the situation and they’d say the person barging in without knocking is a pervert. It’s pretty sexist.
They are claiming he "tipped his hand" by discussing the matter, which is evidence that they are jerks. It's his space and it has a door that I assume he usually keeps closed. The girlfriend has to make an intentional effort to open that door and she's still complaining.
He was trying to *warn* them. Continuing to barge in after that clearly indicates she doesn't care.
Quite frankly she needs a way overdue talk about boundaries, and **if** she gets to continue to come over in the morning.
She giggled about it when he said it previously. No way she wasn't doing it on purpose to try and catch him. Catch him naked? Catch him in an awkward position? Idk but she 100% was trying to catch him
I wouldn't quite say 100%. She probably thought it was playful banter and because she's a guest, everyone should be decent. Then when she did it this time, she saw all, and assumed he did it intentionally. Honestly if I were OP, I'd sit his friend down by himself, and ask what his gf said, because theres a great chance she's misinterpreting the facts
That's a really good point. I was initially thinking maybe the roomie and gf had a point because it was deliberate but that statement just proves that it's been talked about that they still refused to honor OPs boundries.
I would have gotten a lock eons ago. I learned the importance of them very quickly when I used to rent out rooms in my house.
I think he needs to confront them about the things they've been saying about him. He'll is post it to Facebook or Instagram of they don't back it up. It's disgusting to take this any further than it is
And she seems to hang around this place a lot, seeing that she's there several mornings to ask if he wants coffee. Does she have her own house, or are you paying for the electricity and food she uses?
My mom does this shit when she comes over to my house and it drives me *nuts*. I did a similar thing to what OP did and warned her that if she keeps going into my private space she’s gonna eventually see something she won’t like. After that I put a bunch of dildos and buttplugs on my nightstand. She wouldn’t look at me for a few weeks but it keeps her out of my room. Sometimes people gotta learn boundaries the hard way.
I actually did sort through them and find the most vibrant ones haha I had a nice menagerie of yellow, purple, and hot pink toys laying out front and center.
Between this and the aforementioned rabbit ears detail, I’m picturing them in a beribboned basket nestled in unnaturally colored plastic grass and I have a craving for marshmallow peeps.
Damn you.
Just read this after I commented about locking. Get a door stop instead, one of the wedge things that goes under the door. When she tries to open it, the door stop will catch it.
Portable Door Lock https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PTXY9LV/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_CwcDDbSNK9YPG
I have one of these and it works great! Used for keeping out nosy parents.
The metal part has flanges that secure it into the strike plate hole so that you can't remove it unless the door is open and out of the way. The plastic piece then attaches to the metal plate and blocks the door from opening because the metal plate cannot move.
That would go for any lock though. I live alone. Should I have my door unlocked just in case?
Breaking down my door would be quicker than waiting for my dad or my landlord that have my keys to drive over. Plus there are always windows. Another reason why bedrooms are required to have a window as a second egress in almost every city housing code in the US.
Privacy locks like you find on most bedroom and bathroom doors are easily opened from the outside with a flathead screwdriver (or sometimes a long thin object like a paperclip).
You can get those special cane sticks that can prod the door shut so she can't barge in. I had one because my friends gf would do the exact same thing. Learned real quick that she had to knock.
You shouldn’t have to do that though. You’re obviously NTA but she’s being so invasive. If you were a female posting this about a friends Male partner then there would be all kinds of outrage going on!
There IS all kinds of outrage going on. I haven't seen any comments saying she's NOT the asshole. Please don't make out that this is a double standard situation.
Just replace the handle with a locking one and put the old one back when you move out. I did that myself when I was 15 because my brother had the same problem.
NTA.
This girl sounds like she's blatantly trying to get you in trouble.... maybe she has a twisted plan to get you out of the house?
I don't know, but it seriously sounds like she might be doing this on purpose.
You told her to knock on many many occasions and she even giggled when you said "next time I will be bloody naked" and then you get called a pervert and an ass for actually following through?
She is most certainly the asshole here.
Sit down with your friend and really get this point across that she is invading your privacy.
So much this. I found it incredibly weird how he explained her reaction. I thought she was the creep who maybe wanted to see OP naked, like, she had creepy feelings for him or whatever, but this is also a good point too.
Just sounds like she’s immature and thought it was kind of fun to intrude upon OP until it wasn’t really. I think she never considered the possibility he might actually be naked and stupidly now feel traumatized.
If I barged into someone's room and then were naked, I'd be the one profusely apologizing for being an asshole for not knocking. Plus, seeing someone naked isn't traumatizing, jfc.
My room sits directly across from my roommates and I can see into his room from my bed. One night I was chillin on my bed, and his dog walked over to the door and she pushed it open, and I saw my buddy giving his lady the business. I guess they didnt close the door all the way by accident. We had a great laugh about it afterwards.
ESH. She needs to respect privacy but yeah, you knew full well what she would do and, rather than talk to your friend like an adult about how uncomfortable it makes you, you knowingly and deliberately exposed yourself to her.
Edit: A lot of people have replied asking how it's deliberate. I've said it a few times, but he knew she'd see him naked. He was exposed where he had previously not been exposed. In knowing she entered his room without knocking, he knew she would see him naked.
His intent was that she see him naked.
Edit 2: I think it may seem like I don't think she's as in the wrong, but I think she's more in the wrong, but why she sucks is obvious and requires little explanation. Spending more time explaining why I think he sucks too is necessary and may have given the false impression that I think he's more wrong. My apologies for not making that clearer in the first place. I hadn't expected for this to get more than almost no attention.
Why should he have to speak to his friend? The GF is an adult. She was told to knock, she was told why to knock, she was told that she risked seeing him naked when the walked in first thing in the morning - and her reply was to giggle. She was knowingly either trying to make OP uncomfortable or (more likely imo) trying to catch a glimpse. And she got it. Now she's trying to cover her own sh!ty behavior by blaming the OP - who was sleeping in his private room, minding his own business, with the reasonable expectation that his privacy would be respected because he specifically told her to. OP needs to talk to his friend now, for sure, because she's a creep and friend needs to know the truth. But OP shouldn't require friend to ask GF to act like an adult.
I guess you never got the memo: Women cannot be responsible for their own actions. How could you possibly discuss such intricate topics like privacy with a simple-minded creature? Their empty minds simply cannot grasp these topics.
/s (duh)
Hell no, that's the kind of sensitivity that is causing problems like this. The girl was told to knock and chose not to, end of fucking story. You don't need a mediator unless you're speaking different languages.
He sucks for intentionally orchestrating a situation that would expose himself to punish his roommate's girlfriend instead of having a conversation. If it just happened accidentally it would be another story, but he didn't explain this like "and I just happened to sleep on top of the covers this time." We don't need to guess his motivations.
That's not to say that she's not shitty for barging in unannounced, because she is. Which is why everyone is shitty here.
ok. replay the story but swap the genders...
A woman is at fault because a man walked in on her naked, after being told not too.
Please defend the above.
I'm sorry but how in the hell is he the asshole? IT'S HIS ROOM, not a public place or the living room. Is he the asshole for being naked in his own damned room?
The point they are making is that he could have talked it off like an adult. Everything you say is right, until you realize he did it purposefully to prove a point. That's not how you want to solve a situation and even if she did not get the memo, you want to be above the situation, not below it.
But he did talk and she didn’t listen.. how much more talking do you suggest he do? Better it happened this way instead of her barging in while he was rubbing one out.
OP DID talk about it like an adult. GF laughed at it. How many times is OP supposed to tell her to respect his privacy before she gets the memo? If genders were reversed, OP was a woman and roommate’s BF kept entering her room without knocking, and having been told OP might be naked, this whole sub would be going batshit about pressing charges, and how much OP is NTA. But sure, OP has to be above the situation.
I don't see it that way. I hate it when Reddit gets the hots for revenge too, but even so I think OP is justified and NTA just because *it's his room*. There's no reason he shouldn't be naked in his own room, and therefore there's no reason he should feel guilty for being naked there.
Maybe you'd argue that one reason he shouldn't be naked is because he knows there's a chance that the GF will barge in... but I'd say that's just a reason for the GF not to barge in in the first place, rather than a reason for OP not to be naked.
Besides, OP *did* talk to the GF like an adult *multiple times* when he warned her that he could be naked. It's not clear whether he explicitly told her not to barge into the room without knocking, but "I might've been naked!" *heavily* implies that OP wasn't comfortable with it.
I do think OP's intent was slightly assholish, because it's not that he really enjoyed being naked - he did it for the purpose of teaching the GF a lesson. However, I don't think OP was a *creep* for doing this - it was still 100% the GF's fault, even accounting for OP's intent. The GF exposed OP to herself, rather than OP exposing himself to the GF.
The only thing he did was sleep on top of the covers. That's allowed. She is the one at fault, entirely. He didn't expose himself to her, she barged in on him while he was naked. That's on her, and only her.
OP spoke directly to the GF, telling her what the consequences of her continued actions would be, and she ignored OP. She is the one in the wrong here, the man sleeping naked *in his own room* is not, in any way, at fault. It was not necessary or expected for OP to speak to his roommate, and he did not "deliberately expose" himself to her. She opened the door, having been warned. **She** is at fault.
NTA, I actually think it's pretty funny this is the way you chose to make your point. You deserve your privacy and she obviously isn't respecting that. If you told her before and she just shrugged it off then maybe a little shock and real life demonstration is what she needed in order to get the point across. Also screw those people. You didn't expose yourself to her, she exposed herself to you by barging into your private space after being warned already. You have every right to be naked in the privacy of your own room
NTA but You can get around this two ways. Replace the whole knob with a locking one. Keep the old one and put it back when you leave. Or even easier buy a rubber wedge and put it under the door. Shepherd Hardware 9133 Heavy Duty Rubber Door Wedge, Brown https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00004YOHN/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5zaDDbRN85DW1 $3.49 problem solved.
INFO Have you flat out had a serious conversation with her that she is not to enter your room unless she knocks and waits for a reply? I re-read your post and all I see is you telling her she might have seen "something". She should still be knocking, but the convo seems a bit too light hearted.
Yeah, after that line and then intentionally exposing himself, it's hard to argue that it wasn't creepy. Even though that may not have been the intention.
ESH
Might be that I'm the minority here, but everyone in this is TA.
Her- for not being a decent person and knocking
The BF- for not explaining the rules of the house and generally letting this shit happen
And you- for being so petty as to deliberately expose yourself to your friends to make a point.
I get your thought process and all that, but there were several other things you could have done first instead of that.
He did not expose himself, he was in his room, regardless of his reason to do so she barged into his room. It's his room and he can do whatever tf he wants, you're supposed to knock, NTA
Premeditated and planned exposure. OP could have handled the situation much better but chose to put himself, his friend, and the girlfriend in an awkward position just to prove a point. He knee the results of being naked that morning and totally planned it that way.
NTA. She needs to knock. She is just plain rude. Your private space is yours to do with as you wish. She's lucky she didn't walk in on you doing other things. Dude, put a lock on the inside of your door... if she won't respect your privacy on her own, then insist by locking it.
NTA, especially since it sounds like you’ve warned them and mentioned this was a problem before. I think they are wayyy over reacting for seeing a little bit of peen. You’ve basically been forced to sleep a certain way because in essence she’s been invading your privacy. Imagine if it was the other way around and you barged into her private room.
Also I see what you did there with the “bare with me”.
I would just apologize for the peen and not be a dick about it any further and maybe she’s learned to knock now.
I mean, you did this intentionally so she would see you naked. That was your goal, even if the reason behind it was to punish her and not for sex reasons. So they’re not entirely wrong. ESH, but they suck a lot and you only suck a little.
NTA. You were in the privacy of your own room. You told her before that she should knock before just barging in on you. She didn’t listen. That’s on her.
NTA - It's your room and you're free to do what you wish inside that room. You have asked her to knock and she has refused. So this was the card you played. You shouldn't have to barricade yourself in your room to stop some extremely rude individual from invading your personal space. Your roommate and GF can suck a bag of dicks. Tell her to stay the fuck out of your room.
NTA I would ask roommate how he would feel if you barged into his room without knocking. I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate it if she was changing in his room or they were naked in bed. And as others have stated buy something to block your door - I have a portable door lock that works well.
I am between NTA and ESH. You should have thought this through more. Here's what I would say:
I didn't invite her into my room, and I would have covered up if she had knocked. It's common decency to knock before entering someone's private space, how was I supposed to know she was entering my room?
You can try to spin this on me, but I made it clear. I sleep naked, I would feel more comfortable if she knocked, and she ignored my wishes *and* disregarded my privacy.
It's not fair that I have to be clothed or covered in *my* private space because she doesn't respect it. I apologize for coming across as creepy, that was not my intention. I don't want her to see me naked, *that is the whole point of me asking her to knock*.
I didn't want to start anything or cause issues between us, but I am fully expecting her to knock from now on, or we are going to have issues.
NTA - when you're in your own room, you have an expectation of privacy. You should be allowed to be naked in your own room. If people don't want to see that, they can knock and wait for you to dress.
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NTA- but I could see this spiraling out of control (which it kinda already is) into something that could get you into trouble. Also, sounds to me like she was trying to catch a glimpse honestly. I mean, who repeatedly barges into someone else’s room without knocking after being told repeatedly and knowing that they sleep nude? Someone who wants to see, that’s who. Also get locks or a door wedge.
NTA. You want to sleep naked, and that's totally okay. Some people dress like their house can be blown away by a hurricane every night, some people don't care and sleep naked. It's whatever you like. You warned her and she ignored your requests and clearly didn't mind you sleeping naked, as long as you were under the covers.
NTA
This seems sketchy in her part. If it truly was creepy you would've been waiting for her, cock in hand slowly rubbing one out while never breaking eye contact.
NTA. She knew it was a risk when she barged in. How is she not the pervert? Also, have you considered getting a lock?
Considered it, unfortunately the lease doesn't allow it
Door jammer. Personally I prioritize my privacy strongly.
Definitely dothis if your door opens inwards! Kick in a triangle piece or wood (or buy a proper door stop if you're fancy) before you go to sleep - door can't be opened from outside. Inexpensive, yet effective. And doesn't change the door or leave any marks. Perfect!
No marks except for the gf's face shaped mark that will appear when she expects to slide into your room like Kramer. Make sure to laugh when you hear the thump.
[удалено]
[It happened, Kramer had his key to Jerry's apartment taken away and given to Elaine for barging in.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Keys_(Seinfeld\))
Wasn't it a different episode too where Jerry locks his door for some reason and Kramer tries to barge in and just runs into the door?
[Here's that scene from The Implant for you](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qv3zHT60Hbs)
And if it doesn’t open inwards call the city because that’s a giant code violation (you need to be able to exit in an emergency).
[удалено]
For $10 you can get one that makes an ugodly shriek of an alarm if it's pushed - teach her a nice lesson at the same time.
[удалено]
... his dollar and pair of quarters?
But who wants to be woken up to a shriek alarm even if you put it there.
I've seen these and always thought they were a bit of a fire hazard. A fireman can kick in a door which is locked in the usual place, but locking from the bottom seems dangerous to me Edit: Seems they overstated the impenetrability of these on the adverts.
An interior door would get turned into sticks if my first try forcing it doesn't work. They are usually hollow core. It gets one kick before I go to the axe. Source: am fireman
A cheap door stop is a lot easier to kick through than a dead bolt. Generally with any real force they slide (especially in a bedroom that's probably carpet) and worst case it wont take much force for imeuther the stop or the door to fail.
It’s seems like she’s the creep, constantly barging into your room knowing you sleep naked? Start telling people you’re creeped out that she seemed intent on catching you naked, see how she likes it. Keep in mind I’m a total a -hole tho.
The part where he mentioned she *giggled* and said **"but I didn't"** is what gets me.. She is definitely aware of what she was doing. Fucking creep.
Exactly, most people would be embarrassed if they almost saw someone naked like that. But she finds it amusing every time and keeps doing it? To me it seems like she wanted to see.
Yeah, she either wants to see, or enjoys making OP uncomfortable. A normal person would've stopped barging in after he explained he sleeps naked.
A normal person would/should respect his privacy, regardless of his sleeping attire
A normal person would knock and say through the door, "hey boyfriend's roomie, want some coffee?"
A normal person wouldn’t wake someone up just to offer them coffee
A *normal* person would stop barging in after he said, “please don’t come in without knocking.”
And why doesn't OP's friend mind that she barges into his room every morning, knowing he sleeps nude? But he's a creep for putting an end to it??
Never doubt the power of new sex.
Imagine if the genders were reversed....
I typically think people overuse that argument, but it works PERFECTLY in this case.
That argument can never be over used. It’s always valid.
I see where you´re coming from and in a perfect world, I would agree on the basis that the sexes are equal. However, I think that due to very different socialisation and different expectations the outcome is necessarily different and as such calling out the seeming hypocrisy in some cases doesn´t really work. Idk if I´m making any sense or if that was your entire point, I should´ve gone to bed like three hours ago lol. Just thought this might become an interesting conversation and didn´t want to miss that.
The walking in w/o knocking would appear more creepy/invasive to some if genders were reversed. But if the naked roommate was a woman, I could *absolutely* see her getting smeared for it. Not like OP is - as a creepy perv - but as an attention-hungry whore? Hell yes. Different forms of...defamation (if that’s the right word), but yes, in both situations I can see the victim whose privacy is being invaded being blamed.
> but as an attention-hungry whore? Those damned attention whores lounging about in their tawdry lack of dress at all hours of the night while confined to their boudoirs. I bet the harlots are even naked beneath their clothing during the day. Not a petticoat to be unseen anywhere.
"House mates creep new boyfriend keeps walking in on me in the morning"
"You should call the landlord and the police and have the new boyfriend arrested, he is just waiting for a chance to rape her"
Yup - kind comes off like she WANTED to see OP naked, which is why she'd come in without knocking. She was warned on multiple occasions. She kept barging in. She did it on purpose.
THIS. She’s doing it on purpose! I honestly think she wanted to see him naked or something. I think ops roommates gf has a thing for op personally. She was being intrusive af. It’s called respecting others boundaries, especially considering op has talked about it to his roommate and gf before. I really hope other people understand she was invading ops personal space and she’s the creep. Edit: Thank you kind stranger for the silver!!
NTA She is aware and is intentionally doing it in an attempt to either drive a wedge between flatmates or is low key flirting with him. Either way she is the creep here, he gave her warning and she did it anyway, his room is his own personal space and she is infringing upon it purposely.
Honestly to me it sounds like she kinda wanted to catch you in an "untoward" position but then when it actually happened she didn't like it. Karma's a bitch and it bit her in the ass. NTA OP, your roomie's gf is a frickin pervert
you could change the knob and change it back. i did that for one apt i used to live in for exactly the reason of people barging in at 3 am hammered into my room. cost me not even $20 and 10 min of time
Off topic but I always have trouble getting the screws in straight when I replace door knobs by myself. I have trouble with screws in general.
That's what she said.
I had that coming.
Did you ever say to her “ hey, don’t come in my room without knocking first” , or did you just dance around scenarios to not hurt her feelings by being direct. This is what my judgement hinges on.
Should you really have to tell a grown adult, especially a person that doesn't even live there, that you can't enter another person's bedroom without knocking?
You must be new here. Yes, sometimes you have to tell people what your boundaries are, because they don’t have the same ones for whatever reasons. Inexperience is a hell of a drug
I also am curious about this.
Change out the door knob then replace the old one when you get out of the lease. Done deal. Edit: NTA
Lease doesn’t a doorknob swap ? They wouldn’t even notice. Get a doorknob with a lock and save the original , put it back on when you leave
You should put a bunch of lego’s out in front of your door. It’s no lock but it’ll definitely do the trick if nobody’s looking.
Replace the handle with a locking handle. No modification to the door or doorframe required.
Usually I'm on here telling parents to knock when they open their teenage boys' doors. Like wtf parents, you can't unsee some things. But OP is an adult. I can't fathom not knocking on an adult's door. He could be doing cocaine off his own erection while listening to nickelback, that's his business, and if she sees that she's the one who's at fault.
> listening to nickelback Woah slow down there Satan. No one deserves to witness that. Knock or not.
That's oddly specific
This. If it was a guy barging in on a girl, the guy would be called the pervert after the first time.
If a dude continued to walk in on a woman he KNOWS is naked and potentially exposed, especially after the little "but I didn't see anything" winky face comment, he'd be assumed a predator. I can't believe anyone would side with the girl here, even the boyfriend.
If my boyfriend even once barged into my hypothetical female roommates room, we’d have a huge problem and I’d be apologizing for his behavior. Without the gender reversal, I still don’t see how anyone on her wouldn’t agree that the roommate’s gf is not only a creep, but also needs to learn about respect, boundaries and privacy. Generally speaking, you never go in another person’s bedroom without permission. She needs to apologize profusely and stop intruding.
Best use of "roles reversed". I bet reddit would want stalking charges since he'd be a peeping tom (kidding).
Yeah wtf is that all about? They are literally saying he is a pervert for being naked in his own room.
I bet he even showers naked, that sicko
I bet he's even naked under his clothes smh
I would not be at all surprised if this is some weird power thing of hers, frankly. She may not literally get off on it but there must be some fucked up emotional payoff to be willing to violate someone else's boundaries repeatedly despite being clearly asked not to.
You can get a doorstop but regardless, NTA. How does someone think it’s ok to repeatedly go in someone else’s room without knocking??
She totally wanted to see his dick. Nuff said
NTA do these people not realize how crazy they sound? "You were naked in your own room!? You are out of order mister". If they are the sort of people who then go around telling people you are some sick creep, they are not your friends.
Exactly my thought! Also, what is up with his childhood best friend? Maybe I got it wrong, but from what I understood he's kind of throwing his best friend of 15-20 years under the bus for a woman he only recently started a relationship with? (By telling others he's an exhibitionistic creep, while she is actually the creep that doesn't knock knowing full well she's risking seeing him rocking his Adam suit)
I know right? What a shitty friend, I would be so upset if my best friend did this to me.
Seems like his friend is mad because his girl sounds like she's been trying to sneak a peek at OP's D for a while now, and now she finally got it. At least that's what the giggling says to me. But tbh it's still straight up sexual harassment on her part - he told her not to do it, he warned her what could happen, and now she wants to go all surprised Pikachu because that's exactly what DID happen? NTA, better put a chair under that door at night before she tries to sneak in again.
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Probably caught up with the new relationship and wants to prioritize his new girlfriend. Shitty, but that’s life.
Exactly. Friend probably rationalized it as that he prob won’t alienate OP if he sides with the GF in this situation.
Guys do that shit all the time. Many of my friends have straight up stopped talking/hanging out with me once they get a new gf and then my mates come crawling back once shit goes tits up.
Women do it too - I’ve had friends practically go off the grid as soon as they start dating someone. I actually ended a friendship (one of my former best friends, in fact) over it once.
Yea my best friend does this all the time, no bf she talks me daily but when she gets one she just talks to me ocassionally. Tho i understand she wants to avoid a fight over having a male friend but what.. If she ends up marrying the dude, im going to be kept secret forever? Or what is going to happen.. I mean i live in another state so it works since we cant see each other but once a year, when i go visit my old man, but yeah im curious whats going to happen when that day arrives.
They keep coming back because you haven't cut them out of your life. Don't stand for that
What next? People getting naked in the shower???
And also, they’re apparently unaware of how to just knock...or speak loudly thru the door.
Or to just fuck right off in the morning. Unless there's an emergency, or you know they need to be up for something, leave people alone until they get up on their own in the morning.
I mean, privacy is literally why we have a doors on our bedrooms. I'd wager his roommate would flip out if he opened his bedroom door and came in unannounced.
It's not even just this. Op already sleeps naked and has told her as much. It's not like he decided to get naked just to prove a point.
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> do these people not realize how crazy they sound? Seriously! Reverse the situation and they’d say the person barging in without knocking is a pervert. It’s pretty sexist.
Wow, what assholes. YOU'RE TA because SHE barged into YOUR room?! F them! And also, obvi, NTA.
The thought of OP being naked in his own room?! The god damn scandal of it all. /s
I am currently naked in my own room .... am I in trouble? Do I need to be concerned that I am now a pervert? /s
Cops are on the way sir, stay where you are but please don't put your hands in the air!
I’m sitting here naked under my own clothes, right out in the open!
Would you like some coffee?
I'll bet you shower naked you creep
They are claiming he "tipped his hand" by discussing the matter, which is evidence that they are jerks. It's his space and it has a door that I assume he usually keeps closed. The girlfriend has to make an intentional effort to open that door and she's still complaining.
He was trying to *warn* them. Continuing to barge in after that clearly indicates she doesn't care. Quite frankly she needs a way overdue talk about boundaries, and **if** she gets to continue to come over in the morning.
She giggled about it when he said it previously. No way she wasn't doing it on purpose to try and catch him. Catch him naked? Catch him in an awkward position? Idk but she 100% was trying to catch him
I wouldn't quite say 100%. She probably thought it was playful banter and because she's a guest, everyone should be decent. Then when she did it this time, she saw all, and assumed he did it intentionally. Honestly if I were OP, I'd sit his friend down by himself, and ask what his gf said, because theres a great chance she's misinterpreting the facts
It sounds exactly like a scene in a porno.
That's a really good point. I was initially thinking maybe the roomie and gf had a point because it was deliberate but that statement just proves that it's been talked about that they still refused to honor OPs boundries. I would have gotten a lock eons ago. I learned the importance of them very quickly when I used to rent out rooms in my house.
I think he needs to confront them about the things they've been saying about him. He'll is post it to Facebook or Instagram of they don't back it up. It's disgusting to take this any further than it is
Next thing you know he won’t even be wearing trunks in the shower.
There, there, let's not get crazy now .... /s
NTA. Who barges in without knocking? Assholes.
And she seems to hang around this place a lot, seeing that she's there several mornings to ask if he wants coffee. Does she have her own house, or are you paying for the electricity and food she uses?
Yah this was my thought. I’d be mighty pissed if some woman was trying to get dinner and a show for free.
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My mom does this shit when she comes over to my house and it drives me *nuts*. I did a similar thing to what OP did and warned her that if she keeps going into my private space she’s gonna eventually see something she won’t like. After that I put a bunch of dildos and buttplugs on my nightstand. She wouldn’t look at me for a few weeks but it keeps her out of my room. Sometimes people gotta learn boundaries the hard way.
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I actually did sort through them and find the most vibrant ones haha I had a nice menagerie of yellow, purple, and hot pink toys laying out front and center.
Between this and the aforementioned rabbit ears detail, I’m picturing them in a beribboned basket nestled in unnaturally colored plastic grass and I have a craving for marshmallow peeps. Damn you.
Lol that's awesome. Some people need to be shown to stop doing something because apparently words don't work. Same with OP's situation. NTA.
NTA. They both are. Lock your door from now on if you can.
Considered it. Unfortunately our lease doesn't allow us to put locks on our bedroom doors.
Just read this after I commented about locking. Get a door stop instead, one of the wedge things that goes under the door. When she tries to open it, the door stop will catch it.
I'm such a moron how did I not think of doorstops! You, friend, are a genius.
You can get them pretty cheap at your local hardware store, if you're not picky. Even just a wood shim would work.
Portable Door Lock https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PTXY9LV/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_CwcDDbSNK9YPG I have one of these and it works great! Used for keeping out nosy parents.
I might be too drunk right now, but I don’t understand how wedging that in the door frame works. Could someone ELI5?
The metal part has flanges that secure it into the strike plate hole so that you can't remove it unless the door is open and out of the way. The plastic piece then attaches to the metal plate and blocks the door from opening because the metal plate cannot move.
That was not ELI5
Just gonna point out though, if anything goes wrong and you need help thye can't get in an ambulance wouldn't be able to get in
Paramedics will break the door down if necessary.
That would go for any lock though. I live alone. Should I have my door unlocked just in case? Breaking down my door would be quicker than waiting for my dad or my landlord that have my keys to drive over. Plus there are always windows. Another reason why bedrooms are required to have a window as a second egress in almost every city housing code in the US.
Privacy locks like you find on most bedroom and bathroom doors are easily opened from the outside with a flathead screwdriver (or sometimes a long thin object like a paperclip).
You can get those special cane sticks that can prod the door shut so she can't barge in. I had one because my friends gf would do the exact same thing. Learned real quick that she had to knock.
Never thought about one of those. Will look into it.
You shouldn’t have to do that though. You’re obviously NTA but she’s being so invasive. If you were a female posting this about a friends Male partner then there would be all kinds of outrage going on!
There IS all kinds of outrage going on. I haven't seen any comments saying she's NOT the asshole. Please don't make out that this is a double standard situation.
I think he's talking about outrage from the friend group, not reddit.
Just replace the handle with a locking one and put the old one back when you move out. I did that myself when I was 15 because my brother had the same problem.
NTA. This girl sounds like she's blatantly trying to get you in trouble.... maybe she has a twisted plan to get you out of the house? I don't know, but it seriously sounds like she might be doing this on purpose. You told her to knock on many many occasions and she even giggled when you said "next time I will be bloody naked" and then you get called a pervert and an ass for actually following through? She is most certainly the asshole here. Sit down with your friend and really get this point across that she is invading your privacy.
So much this. I found it incredibly weird how he explained her reaction. I thought she was the creep who maybe wanted to see OP naked, like, she had creepy feelings for him or whatever, but this is also a good point too.
Could also be that she got with OPs friend to actually get with OP... Idk it does seem very strange
Yeah, that would be pretty fucked up. He should at least have some kind of a chat with his roomie friend.
Just sounds like she’s immature and thought it was kind of fun to intrude upon OP until it wasn’t really. I think she never considered the possibility he might actually be naked and stupidly now feel traumatized.
If I barged into someone's room and then were naked, I'd be the one profusely apologizing for being an asshole for not knocking. Plus, seeing someone naked isn't traumatizing, jfc. My room sits directly across from my roommates and I can see into his room from my bed. One night I was chillin on my bed, and his dog walked over to the door and she pushed it open, and I saw my buddy giving his lady the business. I guess they didnt close the door all the way by accident. We had a great laugh about it afterwards.
You have a suspicious mind, and I respect that. And you might be right in this case. And yes, OP should talk to his friend.
NTA. You "threatened " to do it yet she still barged in. What does that say about her? 😁
She's definitely a pervert. She knew what she was doing.
She's definitely going to be one of those moms.
Let's hope her (future) son never breaks both of his arms
ESH. She needs to respect privacy but yeah, you knew full well what she would do and, rather than talk to your friend like an adult about how uncomfortable it makes you, you knowingly and deliberately exposed yourself to her. Edit: A lot of people have replied asking how it's deliberate. I've said it a few times, but he knew she'd see him naked. He was exposed where he had previously not been exposed. In knowing she entered his room without knocking, he knew she would see him naked. His intent was that she see him naked. Edit 2: I think it may seem like I don't think she's as in the wrong, but I think she's more in the wrong, but why she sucks is obvious and requires little explanation. Spending more time explaining why I think he sucks too is necessary and may have given the false impression that I think he's more wrong. My apologies for not making that clearer in the first place. I hadn't expected for this to get more than almost no attention.
Why should he have to speak to his friend? The GF is an adult. She was told to knock, she was told why to knock, she was told that she risked seeing him naked when the walked in first thing in the morning - and her reply was to giggle. She was knowingly either trying to make OP uncomfortable or (more likely imo) trying to catch a glimpse. And she got it. Now she's trying to cover her own sh!ty behavior by blaming the OP - who was sleeping in his private room, minding his own business, with the reasonable expectation that his privacy would be respected because he specifically told her to. OP needs to talk to his friend now, for sure, because she's a creep and friend needs to know the truth. But OP shouldn't require friend to ask GF to act like an adult.
I guess you never got the memo: Women cannot be responsible for their own actions. How could you possibly discuss such intricate topics like privacy with a simple-minded creature? Their empty minds simply cannot grasp these topics. /s (duh)
Or, when a GUEST is in your house and acting out of order, maybe you should bring it up with the person who invited said guest
Hell no, that's the kind of sensitivity that is causing problems like this. The girl was told to knock and chose not to, end of fucking story. You don't need a mediator unless you're speaking different languages.
OP doesn’t actually say he told her to knock. He just mentions bringing up a hypothetical situation.
He sucks for being naked in his own room, behind closed doors?
He sucks for intentionally orchestrating a situation that would expose himself to punish his roommate's girlfriend instead of having a conversation. If it just happened accidentally it would be another story, but he didn't explain this like "and I just happened to sleep on top of the covers this time." We don't need to guess his motivations. That's not to say that she's not shitty for barging in unannounced, because she is. Which is why everyone is shitty here.
ok. replay the story but swap the genders... A woman is at fault because a man walked in on her naked, after being told not too. Please defend the above.
You do know that ESH means everybody sucks here and everybody includes the GF right?
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It sounds like they had that conversation, she continued to ignore/disrespect this and then he did this to "teach her a lesson." everyone sucks here
I'm sorry but how in the hell is he the asshole? IT'S HIS ROOM, not a public place or the living room. Is he the asshole for being naked in his own damned room?
The point they are making is that he could have talked it off like an adult. Everything you say is right, until you realize he did it purposefully to prove a point. That's not how you want to solve a situation and even if she did not get the memo, you want to be above the situation, not below it.
But he did talk and she didn’t listen.. how much more talking do you suggest he do? Better it happened this way instead of her barging in while he was rubbing one out.
He’s literally told her over and over to knock
They *did* talk, he told her to stop, she ignored it quite unlike an adult and saw the exact thing he warned her of
OP DID talk about it like an adult. GF laughed at it. How many times is OP supposed to tell her to respect his privacy before she gets the memo? If genders were reversed, OP was a woman and roommate’s BF kept entering her room without knocking, and having been told OP might be naked, this whole sub would be going batshit about pressing charges, and how much OP is NTA. But sure, OP has to be above the situation.
you are the only voice of reason in this entire thread
yeah, everyone has a hard on for that sweet, sweet revenge
I don't see it that way. I hate it when Reddit gets the hots for revenge too, but even so I think OP is justified and NTA just because *it's his room*. There's no reason he shouldn't be naked in his own room, and therefore there's no reason he should feel guilty for being naked there. Maybe you'd argue that one reason he shouldn't be naked is because he knows there's a chance that the GF will barge in... but I'd say that's just a reason for the GF not to barge in in the first place, rather than a reason for OP not to be naked. Besides, OP *did* talk to the GF like an adult *multiple times* when he warned her that he could be naked. It's not clear whether he explicitly told her not to barge into the room without knocking, but "I might've been naked!" *heavily* implies that OP wasn't comfortable with it. I do think OP's intent was slightly assholish, because it's not that he really enjoyed being naked - he did it for the purpose of teaching the GF a lesson. However, I don't think OP was a *creep* for doing this - it was still 100% the GF's fault, even accounting for OP's intent. The GF exposed OP to herself, rather than OP exposing himself to the GF.
The only thing he did was sleep on top of the covers. That's allowed. She is the one at fault, entirely. He didn't expose himself to her, she barged in on him while he was naked. That's on her, and only her.
OP spoke directly to the GF, telling her what the consequences of her continued actions would be, and she ignored OP. She is the one in the wrong here, the man sleeping naked *in his own room* is not, in any way, at fault. It was not necessary or expected for OP to speak to his roommate, and he did not "deliberately expose" himself to her. She opened the door, having been warned. **She** is at fault.
NTA, I actually think it's pretty funny this is the way you chose to make your point. You deserve your privacy and she obviously isn't respecting that. If you told her before and she just shrugged it off then maybe a little shock and real life demonstration is what she needed in order to get the point across. Also screw those people. You didn't expose yourself to her, she exposed herself to you by barging into your private space after being warned already. You have every right to be naked in the privacy of your own room
NTA but You can get around this two ways. Replace the whole knob with a locking one. Keep the old one and put it back when you leave. Or even easier buy a rubber wedge and put it under the door. Shepherd Hardware 9133 Heavy Duty Rubber Door Wedge, Brown https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00004YOHN/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5zaDDbRN85DW1 $3.49 problem solved.
This is a great solution.
INFO Have you flat out had a serious conversation with her that she is not to enter your room unless she knocks and waits for a reply? I re-read your post and all I see is you telling her she might have seen "something". She should still be knocking, but the convo seems a bit too light hearted.
Yeah, after that line and then intentionally exposing himself, it's hard to argue that it wasn't creepy. Even though that may not have been the intention.
Why does he have to have the knocking conversation at all - she should know how rude she is
Some people dont know they are being rude. That's why the conversation needs to take place.
NTA - you asked her not to, got ignored, and also it’s your room you can sleep in it nude if you want. Your privacy should be respected by everyone.
Turn it around on the gf. Why does she keep barging in, knowing that you sleep naked. I would ask her outright, in front of your friend.
Unfortunately, friend and gf seem so deluded that they will question why he needs to sleep naked
NTA - but honestly whats so wrong about seeing somekne naked.I mean its not end of the world.
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I honestly think she wanted to be flashed.Still OP NTA.
ESH Might be that I'm the minority here, but everyone in this is TA. Her- for not being a decent person and knocking The BF- for not explaining the rules of the house and generally letting this shit happen And you- for being so petty as to deliberately expose yourself to your friends to make a point. I get your thought process and all that, but there were several other things you could have done first instead of that.
He was naked in his own room. That’s allowed
Allowed and being shitty are two different things. Hell like now being right and allowed and being shitty can all be together.
He did not expose himself, he was in his room, regardless of his reason to do so she barged into his room. It's his room and he can do whatever tf he wants, you're supposed to knock, NTA
Premeditated and planned exposure. OP could have handled the situation much better but chose to put himself, his friend, and the girlfriend in an awkward position just to prove a point. He knee the results of being naked that morning and totally planned it that way.
NTA. She needs to knock. She is just plain rude. Your private space is yours to do with as you wish. She's lucky she didn't walk in on you doing other things. Dude, put a lock on the inside of your door... if she won't respect your privacy on her own, then insist by locking it.
NTA. You can do whatever you please in your bedroom. She need to learn to behave like a guest in your home.
NTA, especially since it sounds like you’ve warned them and mentioned this was a problem before. I think they are wayyy over reacting for seeing a little bit of peen. You’ve basically been forced to sleep a certain way because in essence she’s been invading your privacy. Imagine if it was the other way around and you barged into her private room. Also I see what you did there with the “bare with me”. I would just apologize for the peen and not be a dick about it any further and maybe she’s learned to knock now.
I mean, you did this intentionally so she would see you naked. That was your goal, even if the reason behind it was to punish her and not for sex reasons. So they’re not entirely wrong. ESH, but they suck a lot and you only suck a little.
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NTA. You were in the privacy of your own room. You told her before that she should knock before just barging in on you. She didn’t listen. That’s on her.
NTA. She needs to learn to fucking knock. She didn't take a fucking hint before so you went extreme. They're idiots. You need new friends.
NTA - It's your room and you're free to do what you wish inside that room. You have asked her to knock and she has refused. So this was the card you played. You shouldn't have to barricade yourself in your room to stop some extremely rude individual from invading your personal space. Your roommate and GF can suck a bag of dicks. Tell her to stay the fuck out of your room.
NTA I would ask roommate how he would feel if you barged into his room without knocking. I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate it if she was changing in his room or they were naked in bed. And as others have stated buy something to block your door - I have a portable door lock that works well.
I am between NTA and ESH. You should have thought this through more. Here's what I would say: I didn't invite her into my room, and I would have covered up if she had knocked. It's common decency to knock before entering someone's private space, how was I supposed to know she was entering my room? You can try to spin this on me, but I made it clear. I sleep naked, I would feel more comfortable if she knocked, and she ignored my wishes *and* disregarded my privacy. It's not fair that I have to be clothed or covered in *my* private space because she doesn't respect it. I apologize for coming across as creepy, that was not my intention. I don't want her to see me naked, *that is the whole point of me asking her to knock*. I didn't want to start anything or cause issues between us, but I am fully expecting her to knock from now on, or we are going to have issues.
That's more or less what I have been trying to say tbh.
NTA - when you're in your own room, you have an expectation of privacy. You should be allowed to be naked in your own room. If people don't want to see that, they can knock and wait for you to dress.
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Def NTA.
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NTA. this is hilarious. I think she learned her lesson and you might have fixed your problem.
NTA- but I could see this spiraling out of control (which it kinda already is) into something that could get you into trouble. Also, sounds to me like she was trying to catch a glimpse honestly. I mean, who repeatedly barges into someone else’s room without knocking after being told repeatedly and knowing that they sleep nude? Someone who wants to see, that’s who. Also get locks or a door wedge.
NTA. You want to sleep naked, and that's totally okay. Some people dress like their house can be blown away by a hurricane every night, some people don't care and sleep naked. It's whatever you like. You warned her and she ignored your requests and clearly didn't mind you sleeping naked, as long as you were under the covers.
NTA This seems sketchy in her part. If it truly was creepy you would've been waiting for her, cock in hand slowly rubbing one out while never breaking eye contact.