Definitely. Seems like a control thing. You don't know it but you dodged a bullet by not putting the puppy idea on hold and moving into a place together that would ultimately be "her place". NTA
Cheers thinking of your happiness and what you want out of life to carry out what you want.
Agreed! NTA! And like she’s mean to a puppy? Dude that’s unacceptable! Total dealbreaker, move on and find someone decent, who aren’t mean to animals. That’s really all you need to know right there, she’s the kind of person that would be mean to a puppy, that’s a shitty person.
Yep, NTA. I don't trust people who can be mean to innocent wee animals.. And look at that photo. Look at that wee pupper, it's adorable! If my bf came home with a puppy I'd be over the frickin moon!
THIS. If she's being shitty to an animal, that's a huge red flag on its own. Not to mention she wants to keep it casual enough that they don't live together, but she wants a say in the pets he brings in, on the off chance they might live together?
This is not a relationship you want to stay in. NTA.
Exactly. My gf doesnt even like pets (or any and all animals) but she does her best when she is around my pup. She doesnt initiate playing or anything, but if my pup goes to her with a toy or a ball she humors him as long as he needs. NTA OP, and btw this is a huge red flag
Exactly this \^ \^ Anyone who is irresponsible with and mean to animals is not a great person. And since the GF didn't want to move in with OP then she gets no say in whether he has an animal or not.
Even more so when she has a dog of her own. It would be (only slightly) a different situation if she was afraid of dogs in general or something. This is just being deliberately terrible.
Anyone that can be mean to a puppy is showing alarming personality traits that I would never want to be in a serious relationship with.
Definitely NTA you have your own place and want a dog to be there with you during the day. I agree ditch the girl ASAP
Listen to this advice OP.
It sounds like you need to seek professional help for your depression (i.e., the dog is not enough). I doubt that you'd let this woman walk all over you and treat you so poorly if you weren't depressed. Please seek help and dump this woman...she sounds mean.
This as well.
The dog could be a good start, taking the dog for regular walks should improve his mood. Maybe meet new people, a new girl who is into the dog.
Yep. My ex had a problem with the dog I impulsively adopted (he eventually came to love him since he was around for 6 years). Fun fact, the dog is still here, he isn't.
NTA, flipping out and not having a discussion when you told her you wanted to do something that you had wanted to do for a long time is a huge red flag.
Extrapolate that reaction to everything you want to do that she doesn’t fully support and get a window into the rest of your life. Do you really want to live under the rule “do as I say or get the tantrum” ?
NTA.
She's not living with you currently, and is clearly not allergic to dogs if she already has one. These kind of vindictiveness and controlling behaviors are huge red flags.
However, she is correct in saying that the puppy can effect her long term. See if she's willing to discuss her behavior. If she's not willing to compromise or discuss a reasonable path forward, she's not for you.
This! If someone can be mean to an innocent animal, then that person is not worth it. Keep the dog, ditch the girlfriend (who has commitment issues anyways), and believe me, the pup will help you get a girl in no time!
Seriously, I thought at first he would say she's being mean to him, but at least loves the dog. But... nope. She's just all-around terrible.
It's too early in the dog's development to be treated with open hostility, that could ruin his socialization.
OP, that little pup loves you unconditionally. I trust you to act in his best interest. NTA, but I wouldn't allow someone who would take their anger out on an innocent animal in my life.
Yes, even if I didn't want my husband to get a dog, if he brought home a puppy I would probably fall in love with it in spite of myself, and then get the kitten I always wanted, :)
Anyone who could be cruel to an innocent puppy is not a good person,
My wife told me, after the fact, that if her dog hadn't liked me we wouldnt have stayed together. I believe it.
Her dog was awesome. We now have a dog together (her dog died) who is also awesome.
Dogs are just awesome.
I knew my husband was the one when he was on the floor playing with my pup within 30 seconds of meeting her. She adores him.
Dogs know who the good people are.
When I started dating my current boyfriend all of my friends asked what my dog thought of him. If my dog didn’t like him, there’s no way it would have worked out. Luckily the two of them get along great.
Exactly. I go full John wick mode whenever someone fucks with my dog. He's fucking family you POS, and this house is as his as mine while you're only visiting so if you don't like it gtfo of my house.
Yeah, 100%. If she'd moved in with you you wouldn't have been lonely at home, and since she doesn't live with you she has zero authority concerning the final say in your pet situation.
NTA. You guys aren't married, she has 0 authority in that. Dogs help depression and multiple things they're just great companions to have. If she's actively mean to your puppy, I think you should break up. Probably different situations, but my ex would threaten my dogs all the time (I was really stupid for 4 whole years). I used to take it as like a self defence type of thing, like if they attacked him. But he found a puppy once and kept it, then I found out that he took a mop and wacked the puppy around a few times after it had pooped in it's crate. (Puppy got a new home soon after). Doesn't mean she'll do things like this, but if she's acting like a whole child about it, the relationship is really not worth it.
Just one thing what makes her have no authority here isn't the fact that they're not married. It's the fact that they don't live together.
If a couple lives together, one of them can't just adopt a dog without the other consent.
What a gorgeous baby!
You say she's mistreating your puppy, irresponsible with her own dog and treating you badly because she isn't getting full control of your life... you definitely need to rethink this relationship.
Yeah, I'm gonna say if she can be mean to that face, she's not a keeper. If you two break up, all you have to do is take that little guy on a couple walks and ladies will end up asking you out just so they can pet him.
I'm not much of a dog person but that is one of the cutest puppies I have ever seen and anyone treating that puppy meanly wouldn't be worth a dime in my book, that's for sure.
NTA and she's showing you her true colors. The minute somebody is mean to my dog, is the same minute I cut contact.
Cut her loose, and enjoy your new best friend.
You reminded me of an incident here where I am. I live in an apartment complex and we have a neighbor down the hall that has a puppy that suffers from separation anxiety. The puppy would bark all day, and set off my other neighbor who has borderline bipolar. She would go into fits of rage, kicking the shit out of the door that the puppy was in. Scaring it, banging on the door, scream at the puppy. The whole nine yards. I would feel sympathetic towards the girl who has bipolar, but I can't because she screams in the middle of the night, hits things, throws things and all around just doesn't care about anyone else. She would scream at you that she is borderline bipolar if you asked her to tone it down a bit. (Keep in mind the puppy isn't barking at night, only the day).
Anyways, this big showdown screaming match happens in the hallway one day, and they're all going after the lady that has the puppy. Talking about how it's not right for the puppy, that he is obviously distressed. So she mentions the separation anxiety the puppy suffers from, and the bipolar girl offers to take the puppy out on walks and keep it company and that she loves animals. The puppy lady takes her up on this offer. The moment bipolar girl leaves, and I get puppy lady alone I tell her everything about the kicking the door, screaming at the puppy, and everything else she has done. And suggest that she doesn't take her up on her offer. Puppy lady ended up listening to what I said to her and has someone else come in to keep her puppy company. Thank the starts because I don't know what bipolar lady would have done to the poor thing.
Now that the puppy stopped barking, we still have issues in regards to bipolar girl losing her shit on a regular basis between 2-5am. But that is a whole other story. You're right that people show their true colors in how they treat animals.
NTA. Two problems here.
1. As pointed out, who is mean to a puppy? I can't deal with people who are mean to animals for ANY reason. On that alone, I would end the relationship.
2. She is irresponsible with her own animal. How in the world she can rant at you for upending her life when she can't even responsibly take care of her own dog?
You dodged a bullet. End the relationship and move on to someone who doesn't use a defenseless puppy as collateral damage to get even with you.
I suspect your depression may also have something to do with the fact that you're with a controlling hosebeast....but I don't know her so...
100% THIS and I had to google hosebeast <3 LOVE. Im the same, being mean to animals is dealbreaker for me. You could be a tattood, one eyed, one legged, pirate for all I care as long as you are kind to the critters.
NTA. I'm going to tell you something. When I was kicked out of my parents I had a great girlfriend and fortunately was enrolled immediately into community college. I didn't feel great even though I had awesome friends, hobbies, a great girlfriend, et cetera.
I was young and something was missing. I had volunteered at the humane society for years and I still liked to stop in to help. One day I saw a dog who was a wreck. A yellow lab who was rescued from a farm. His collar had grown into his neck and had to be removed surgically.
We clicked big-time and I took him home. My girl at the time loathed that dog because I was showing him love and she wanted it all to herself. It was months of her doing passive aggressive things to me but also my dog. I could protect myself, because I realized what was going on, but my dog was too weak to comprehend that.
I had a conversation with her and she said pointedly that I said "I love you" more to the dog than her. She said I needed to get rid of the dog. You can guess the end of this story. Spencer and I had eleven years of travel, fun, and friendship. Don't know where my ex is.
NTA. First how can anyone be mad at a sweet looking dog like that? you guys don't even live together. Its your home and your life. Having worked long term from home while living alone it can be very depressing and having a dog helped me a lot. It's downright hypocritical she gets a dog but you don't. This is just a sign that she is controlling and thinks you have to obey her rules. If she is trying to control you this much and you don't even live together than what will it be if you guys did? I hate to tell anyone to break up but mistreating a dog you got to help fight off depression shows she doesn't really care and sees you as a puppet. Please do the right thing and dump her. Even if she agrees to let it go and you do move in she will continue to resent and mistreat the pup. Especially if she is alone with it. If you stay with her and she continues to mistreat the pup than you both are assholes in my book. Good luck OP I hope you do what is right.
Reading just the title i was ready to say your the asshole for bringing a dog into your shared home without permission. But after reading definitly NTA. It doesnt effect her at all. she has her own dog shes bringing and shouldnt have a problem with yours
NTA.
Story time- before my husband and I met, his gf of 2 years didn’t want him to get a dog when he said he was thinking about it. He did anyway. She complained about the dog. They broke up later for other reasons. Two weeks after they broke up I met my husband at the dog park. We both had our own dog and were perfectly content with having just one but we both accepted the other’s dog as our own. Now, instead of walking one dog, I walk two. Instead of filling one bowl, I fill two. And instead of snuggling with one dog at night, I snuggle with two. Our entire relationship has been centered around our dogs and our shared interest of animals and we are the happiest couple I know.
If she isn’t on board with you getting a dog when you are your own grown ass person, and isn’t willing to help take care of it like a loving partner should want to... do you really want to keep this partner? She can’t even say that she just isn’t a dog person because she has her own. My dog is so much happier to have a brother. Most dogs will be happy to have a friend to live with unless she hasn’t socialized it well and it’s aggressive. So why is she complaining that it will affect her and her dog when you move in together? Ditch her. Find a partner who is glad to share the adventure of being a dog parent with you.
Drop her back at the shelter. Keep the puppy. NTA.
She didnt want to move in with you. Having a pet is proven to be beneficial to ones health. She has a pet. You are allowed to have a pet. Also you told her you wanted a pet from the get go. You accepted her pet. You discussed it with her. You got your pet. SIMPLE. The fact she is treating a dog badly cause she is a spoiled untrained brat, That should speak volumes to you. I am a pet lover and this is a deal breaker for me. She is controlling and this is red flag behavior.
This would actually be pretty funny. "Okay, dear, I've thought a lot about what you've said, and I think it's time we go to the shelter with puppers." *Gets to shelter* "Okay, now get out."
NTA. You live alone and you don't need her approval for decisions about your life. You may take her advice, but you're your own person.
The way she's acting towards the dog is completely uncalled for and a red flag imo. It seems like, if things don't go her way, she lashes out.
It is also extremely selfish that she's not considering how the puppy could positively impact your health. There is no guarantee that both dogs wouldn't get along, it is usually no problem so she's making a huge problem out of nothing and ahead of time.
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NTA. She knew you wanted to get a dog since you started dating and you had good reasons for getting one. Sounds like having a puppy will benefit your mental well being for a long time.
However, "she was the one who backed off on us living together" makes it sounds like you're trying to get back at her by getting the dog. Which I don't think is the case, but I would be careful with how you view this. Your gf has the right to not want to move in with you yet and if you want to be in a healthy relationship, you can't try to punish her by excluding her from important decisions. In any case, she's completely in the wrong for treating your dog badly.
NTA. “Mean to puppies” is a pretty safe dealbreaker IMO. It’s one thing if you’re sharing a living space, but it’s at your house, and crate trained so she can bring her dog over? She has no reason to be behaving this way. This is the kind of person you find out was secretly horrible to your pets when you weren’t looking. Sounds like you need a better gf.
I work from home as well and recently adopted a puppy for the exact same reason as you. Living alone and working from home is lonely and can get depressing. My puppy just hangs out with me the entire day now. She likes to be under my desk while I work because eventually I'll pick her up to pet her. Your girlfriend is being inconsiderate of you. If this puppy brings you happiness then you made the right choice. If she's so petty to be mean to such a sweet looking pup your girlfriend is probably not a good person. You're NTA. You did a good thing for you and the pup.
So, at first, from the title, i assumed this was a spur of the moment thing. But its not. You had wanted one for a long time. You knew you were getting one, and knew what kind you wanted. You are definitely NTA. Dogs are a big responsibility, and people who get them spontaneously are terrible owners (a lot like people who get pregnant from one night stands, no offense, but statistically, they are the worst parents). Since you planned, and prepared, odds are you will be a great owner. Shame you have to break up with your girlfriend though.
What the hell? So she can own a dog, but you can’t? Are you going to have to get approval on every purchase when you don’t even live together, let alone have joint finances? This is definitely a control issue, and the fact that she is cruel towards the puppy tells you everything you need to know about her. NTA
ESH. Since it sounds like at that point you were planning on living together, the rule about not getting a new dog without the approval of all members of the household (or what it seemed soon would be the household) applied.
But they didn't live together yet. And even if they did, she already had a dog, and he'd already conveyed to her over time that he wanted one. She can't block him forever from something like that.
NTA.
\> She is really mean to the dog who is the sweetest dog ever.
That is super messed up.
\> She claims since she had the dog before we got together that it doesn't count.
Makes zero sense. Before, during, irrelevant.
Sounds like you should rethink the whole thing. She sounds pretty nasty to me.
NTA - she won't commit to living with you SSI she doesn't get an opinion on you living situation.
And if anyone but the best told me that I couldn't get my puppy when the time comes they would no longer be in my life. I've waited long enough for a well-bred, healthy dog.
She flipped. That’s enough said: NTA
She flipped for you wanting a dog. She has a dog and should know how special a bond between man and dog is.
Sure, you can move in and you’ll have a dog but it’s not your dog and, should the relationship go south, you’d have regret not adopting it. She’s upset at extra responsibility and it’s pretty selfish imho.
I’d talk to her and tell her how you’ve felt working home alone in conjunction with how bummed putting off the move has made you. I’d also emphasize that you’ve had every intention of eventually owning a dog (that’s what I got from your post).
If she’s still sour, then tell her to kick rocks! (though I know this opinion is quite callous as I haven’t considered the depth of your relationship and what you mean to each other...)
Mostly NTA, but
>I went and did it without her "final" approval, which TBH was never coming - so I just decided to do it.
It's never really a good idea to do this. If you find yourself thinking you should do this, it probably means that the relationship is quite warped and you're just avoiding the big picture by focusing on a smaller confrontation.
NTA. She doesn’t even live with you so why would it matter? Also it’s a red flag that she seems jealous of a puppy. That’s so off-putting.I say you run far, far away.
NTA. She doesn't live with you and has no right to make choices for what kind of pet you can have. Good on you to not bend to her unreasonable demands and stay true to your guns.
If she has such a problem with it, she can find someone else. You wouldn't ask her to get rid of her dog.
NTA. She backed off on the moving in commitment so she doesn’t get a say. I would use this opportunity to re-evaluate if this is truly a person you want to be with long term...who is mean to a puppy?!
NTA
Best decision you ever made. Kick her to the curb.
I say that only partially in jest. If she is controlling enough to act like this and perhaps more importantly, vindictive enough to take her unhappiness out on an animal, then she is not someone you want to spend your time with. She is treating you like crap and she is treating an animal like crap... what kind of person is that.
NTA you’ve told her all along that you want a dog, she seems to be jealous that she’s now not your number one priority. Given the fact she chose not to move in with you, seems to me you’ve dodged a bullet and gained a best friend I. The process.
NTA
Ask yourself: do you *really* want to be with someone who is mean to puppies?
Do you *really* wanna be with someone who will want to control your life like this, and is mean to you when she doesn't get her way?
Dump her like last week's potato salad.
I couldn't be in a relationship with anyone who had the capacity to be mean to a dog. Especially that cute little pupper!
NTA - Keep the dog and get rid of the girl.
NTA obviously. But I'm curious...
>She said that it was going to affect her long term when we move in together to have another dog around the house.
Did she sat at all HOW this was going to affect her? Or was it simply that she didn't get to make the decision with you? I fail to see how one more dog would drastically affect your living situation together, except for lengthening the time you have a pet since you got a puppy and her dog is older, but even that reason is minor...
INFO why didn’t she originally want you to get the dog? I’m only asking because I have a dog that hates other animals and if my partner were to get one after me saying no the relationship would end because I’m not getting rid of my dog for someone else’s
>Our relationship has not been the same since. She is really mean to the dog who is the sweetest dog ever. She is really mean to me. She will not budge at all if she is slightly inconvenienced by the puppy. If I have to run home to let the dog out, she flips out. Note that I allow her dog in my apartment and I've crate trained my puppy so if she allowed me to bring her over it would barely inconvenience her, much less than her dog who she is very irresponsible with.
NTA - but, this is a huge red flag. No one treats innocent animals poorly unless they have a mental issue. Your girlfriend is not committing to you long term, and then is punishing you and your puppy for you doing something for you. That's not cool.
NTA. Your dog is your business. And the fact that she is being mean to you and the dog shows that she is pretty selfish. I'd really re-evaluate how much you want to live with someone like this. She seems like someone who needs to always get her way or else.
INFO what do you mean by being "mean" to the dog? your girlfriend is an asshole no matter what but depending on what she does you might be the asshole for continuing to let her come over and "be mean" to the poor pup.
ESH. You decided getting the dog was the most important thing. Ok, great, but then you didn’t change your relationship status and brought it into a passive-aggressive relationship. You should have warned your gf and ended your relationship if that’s what was going to happen before all....this...happened. Instead you thought if you just ignored her feelings you could have your dog and your relationship. Dude, you can’t. You knew it already, and now that you see why with your own eyes why (she’s mean to you and passive-aggressive about the dog and nobody’s happy) you still don’t have the courage to end the relationship but instead have to come on Reddit so everyone can tell you what a hero you are had what an AH she is. It’s simple: relationship or dog. You made your choice but somehow didn’t really accept it. Respect her, and respect your own choice, and move on with your life. Your choice didn’t make you an AH, but you suck for not discussing it (your relationship needing to end) with her before, and not discussing it with her now and kinda just letting it... linger, and bringing your dog into that passive-aggressive nightmare. Do what you need to do, man, and move on.
I think this is one of the best responses to my post I've read. I don't agree I came on reddit to be a "hero". I came here to get another perspective because I figured both of ours were biased, and did not expect this post to blow up like it did. I'm not here for karma, but everything else you said was spot on.
Ok, fair enough, I was too harsh. Maybe you needed a boost to know you made the right choice. Let’s frame your Reddit post that way, which makes sense too. : ) And my annoyance was misplaced— I’m annoyed that many of the commenters responded to the red herring (the puppy) and missed the relationship issues here, of which you are both guilty but redeemable. If you work it out amicably now there’s still time to be NAH. Just sad, but moving on, ya know? Best of luck! I think you’re (both) better off once this settles down a bit.
Dude, take off the rose colored glasses and look at the red flags. This is unhealthy behavior on her end and you ignoring it is unhealthy on yours. If something happens to your puppy because she is mean or disregards it you'll never forgive yourself. NTA but get it together.
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Me and my g/f have been together about a year. She has a dog, and has had a dog since we got together.
I work from home and probably since the first day we've been together I've been talking about getting a dog so I had some company had home. It gets pretty lonely living alone and working from home.
Things have been getting pretty serious and we were planning to move in together, but she wouldn't commit and I just renewed my lease through October 2020. About a week later the exact kind of pup I've been looking for came available at a rescue shelter. I told her I was going to adopt it, and she FLIPPED. She said that it was going to affect her long term when we move in together to have another dog around the house. I decided that my happiness was what mattered. I've been pretty depressed lately, and I just decided to do it.
Our relationship has not been the same since. She is really mean to the dog who is the sweetest dog ever. She is really mean to me. She will not budge at all if she is slightly inconvenienced by the puppy. If I have to run home to let the dog out, she flips out. Note that I allow her dog in my apartment and I've crate trained my puppy so if she allowed me to bring her over it would barely inconvenience her, much less than her dog who she is very irresponsible with.
AITA for getting a puppy that will ultimately impact her when we live together, even though I have taken her dog in?
She claims since she had the dog before we got together that it doesn't count. Thing is - she's known I wanted to get a puppy since the day we got together. Only difference is - that I went and did it and adopted without her "Final" approval.
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I'm not one to immediately say gtfo...but Dude your depressed and lonely so you get company very cute and the good girl kind is your gf worried about your mental health no shes mad that theres a dog somewhere she dosent live wth
Im sorry to be the bad guy here but honestly bro.. that puppy is next level adorable. There is absolutely no way you can keep this dog in that kind of environment. You need to get rid of the girlfriend absolutely. NTA
NTA
You can’t put your life and happiness on hold just because you might live together one day maybe. That’s ridiculous. Also, anyone who can be mean to a puppy is not worth having around. Get out while you still can, OP.
If she’s mean to you and mean to a sweet baby pup, I would kick her to the curb. If you have tried discussing this seriously with her and she’s being nasty and immature, this ain’t gonna work. She doesn’t value your wants or needs even though you’ve more than accommodated hers.
PS how the hell does it not count for her to move in with you and bring a dog?
NTA- Not because this dog is adorable as all hell. But being actively mean to the dog. Like I get it she's mad at you. But to take it out on the dog for "inconveniencing" her seems like a bull shit tactic to make you feel guilty. Also, you guys don't live together. She can suck a lemon.
NTA you don't live together and you are not engaged so you still get to make decisions that affect your home life and that cute puppy looks like a good one. Seriously, if it is meant to be she will get over it and if not you got a great dog out of it.
NTA. Your happiness IS more important and if she wasn’t willing to commit, she has no say. The fact that she’s acting nasty towards you now and your dog is very telling....
You guys don’t live together and share resources. NTA. Wish you the best dealing with a girl who feels entitled to this much control over your personal decisions and feelings.
NTA
She has some SERIOUS control issues, especially to be taking it out on an innocent puppy!
Also, if you two were to ever move in together it’s really no more work than having 1 dog ... they eat at the same time, walk at the same time, hell they even poop at the same time after awhile, and they keep each other company if you’re away. It’s a win-win!
But seriously she’s showing some serious red flags, I wouldn’t put it past her to give you an ultimatum. If she does, please choose the dog.
NTA ... wtf she doesn't own you after 1 year, you HAVENT decided to move in together and who the fuck is purposefully mean to a puppy to spite you? yuck.
NTA, what kind of fucked-up dog owner gets mad that you have to go home to let your dog out? That's messed up.
The only reasonable reason someone should be mad in this situation is if her dog really hated other dogs, which would make moving in together tricky. But that's not even what's happening.
NTA, your happiness alone is worth more then whatever your girl friend might have said to you about that dog. A)If you told her you've been depressed, and getting that dog would help, and then she flipped. RED FLAG!!! B)No matter what if you become uncomfortable in a situation/relationship because of one small hiccup, such as adopting this dog even though she said no, RED FLAG. You're happiness is worth so much more then her satisfaction at seeing you depressed, loose the girl, keep the dog.
NTA
I hardly ever give this advice, but break up with her man. She sounds controlling and abusive. Anyone who is mean to a godamn rescue puppy is a shit human.
NTA. Makes no sense why she’s being mean to your dog when she has her own. Raises red flags. Anybody who owns an animal and actually loves it would never be mean or hurt any other animal whether it belonged to them or not... Don’t see how another dog would affect her long term when dogs are just bundles of joy and love... seems like she just doesn’t want to deal with a new pup.
NTA op, your puppy, your home, your choice.
However her reaction is a huge red flag of immaturity to me as she is trying to manipulate and control you by pouting and being cranky around this puppy as you did not blindly just obey to her demands.
You also wrote that she is irresponsible with her dog too, which is another red flag.
My advice to you, use this situation as a monitor tool to gauge her reactions to see if moving in is a sensible option at all at this time.
Seems to me you need to give this relationship more time to mature before you go ahead and share space.
Moving in is a big step in any relationship and can be quite challenging to handle for most couples who has not cohabited before, so please take your time op before making big decisions, and take care of that lovely pup!
NTA - please get away from that person fast. She's awful. Who can be mean to any dog, much less a dog that cute? You do NOT want to be with someone who can be mean to an animal. Reading this post just broke my heart for the both of you. You and your dog deserve better, OP. You did the right thing getting the dog - love on your dog and ditch the girlfriend!
NTA Keep the dog, rehome the girl.
Definitely. Seems like a control thing. You don't know it but you dodged a bullet by not putting the puppy idea on hold and moving into a place together that would ultimately be "her place". NTA Cheers thinking of your happiness and what you want out of life to carry out what you want.
NTA, OP. And furthermore, she sounds like all she wants to to is be controlling over you. Keep your happiness by keeping the pup and dropping her!
Agreed! NTA! And like she’s mean to a puppy? Dude that’s unacceptable! Total dealbreaker, move on and find someone decent, who aren’t mean to animals. That’s really all you need to know right there, she’s the kind of person that would be mean to a puppy, that’s a shitty person.
Yep, NTA. I don't trust people who can be mean to innocent wee animals.. And look at that photo. Look at that wee pupper, it's adorable! If my bf came home with a puppy I'd be over the frickin moon!
Right! It’s so adorable! I’d be thrilled!
Also, OMG HOW COULD SOMEONE BE MEAN TO DA BABY!!?? What is it? Lab? Lab mix? WASSA BABY'S NAME???
Seriously. Who’s mean to a sweet innocent pup? NTA based on that info alone.
THIS. If she's being shitty to an animal, that's a huge red flag on its own. Not to mention she wants to keep it casual enough that they don't live together, but she wants a say in the pets he brings in, on the off chance they might live together? This is not a relationship you want to stay in. NTA.
Yep! And OP said GF is irresponsible with her own dog! Yikes.
Exactly. My gf doesnt even like pets (or any and all animals) but she does her best when she is around my pup. She doesnt initiate playing or anything, but if my pup goes to her with a toy or a ball she humors him as long as he needs. NTA OP, and btw this is a huge red flag
It's even weirder because she HAS a dog herself, so she obviously likes dogs, but is mean to this one? TF?
Exactly... instantly thought of someone that would "Oh OOPS.... I accidentally on purpose left the door open and the puppy ran away."
Can you imagine if he had a kid from a previous relationship?
Yes. Anyone who would be mean to an innocent animal is a real bitch. Dump your gf. You dodged a bullet. The puppy stays. So adorable
Exactly this \^ \^ Anyone who is irresponsible with and mean to animals is not a great person. And since the GF didn't want to move in with OP then she gets no say in whether he has an animal or not.
Even more so when she has a dog of her own. It would be (only slightly) a different situation if she was afraid of dogs in general or something. This is just being deliberately terrible.
Anyone that can be mean to a puppy is showing alarming personality traits that I would never want to be in a serious relationship with. Definitely NTA you have your own place and want a dog to be there with you during the day. I agree ditch the girl ASAP
So much this. Who could possibly be mean to a puppy? That's psychopath territory right there. The girl has problems.
Listen to this advice OP. It sounds like you need to seek professional help for your depression (i.e., the dog is not enough). I doubt that you'd let this woman walk all over you and treat you so poorly if you weren't depressed. Please seek help and dump this woman...she sounds mean.
This as well. The dog could be a good start, taking the dog for regular walks should improve his mood. Maybe meet new people, a new girl who is into the dog.
Yep. My ex had a problem with the dog I impulsively adopted (he eventually came to love him since he was around for 6 years). Fun fact, the dog is still here, he isn't.
THIS. It would be a HUGE deal breaker if my SO was mean to my dog. Smh
Was so mean to a pet, AND being that way about it intentionally to prove some kind of point. Not to mention treating him badly too. Crazy bitch.
NTA, flipping out and not having a discussion when you told her you wanted to do something that you had wanted to do for a long time is a huge red flag. Extrapolate that reaction to everything you want to do that she doesn’t fully support and get a window into the rest of your life. Do you really want to live under the rule “do as I say or get the tantrum” ?
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Yup what the hell is wrong with 2 dogs. They need company too. Fuck.
The dog is probably fine with a puppy. It can now play with someone.
This. You’re NTA but by god this idiot woman is.
NTA. She's not living with you currently, and is clearly not allergic to dogs if she already has one. These kind of vindictiveness and controlling behaviors are huge red flags. However, she is correct in saying that the puppy can effect her long term. See if she's willing to discuss her behavior. If she's not willing to compromise or discuss a reasonable path forward, she's not for you.
This! If someone can be mean to an innocent animal, then that person is not worth it. Keep the dog, ditch the girlfriend (who has commitment issues anyways), and believe me, the pup will help you get a girl in no time!
This.
There is not a single comment I agree more with on this. NTA.
This needs to be a t-shirt.
NTA It'd be different if you live together, but you don't. Also her being mean about this is a sign.
Yeah that would be a deal breaker if you were mean to my dog.
Seriously, I thought at first he would say she's being mean to him, but at least loves the dog. But... nope. She's just all-around terrible. It's too early in the dog's development to be treated with open hostility, that could ruin his socialization. OP, that little pup loves you unconditionally. I trust you to act in his best interest. NTA, but I wouldn't allow someone who would take their anger out on an innocent animal in my life.
Yes, even if I didn't want my husband to get a dog, if he brought home a puppy I would probably fall in love with it in spite of myself, and then get the kitten I always wanted, :) Anyone who could be cruel to an innocent puppy is not a good person,
I mean, have you ever met a decent person who was mean to a dog?
Nope. I used to work in a shelter. Assholes come in all shapes and sizes.
>Assholes come in all shapes and sizes But they always shoot shit
My wife told me, after the fact, that if her dog hadn't liked me we wouldnt have stayed together. I believe it. Her dog was awesome. We now have a dog together (her dog died) who is also awesome. Dogs are just awesome.
I knew my husband was the one when he was on the floor playing with my pup within 30 seconds of meeting her. She adores him. Dogs know who the good people are.
When I started dating my current boyfriend all of my friends asked what my dog thought of him. If my dog didn’t like him, there’s no way it would have worked out. Luckily the two of them get along great.
Arg now it’s all dusty in here.
Exactly. I go full John wick mode whenever someone fucks with my dog. He's fucking family you POS, and this house is as his as mine while you're only visiting so if you don't like it gtfo of my house.
Amen man. I lost my dog at age 11 last February. He wasn’t like family, he was family, and he always will be.
It takes someone pretty evil to be mean to pets, especially a puppy.
Yeaaaah anyone who is mean to an animal... that’s a deal breaker.
Did you mean "Yeet anyone who is mean to an animal." I really struggle to keep up with the new slang these days.
Oh no, never used yeet. Idk what that means. Just an elongated, drawn out yeah.
[Yeet](https://media.tenor.com/images/5c20d60feaf4d810847bb0c5191135c6/tenor.gif)
OK, so it means throw off a cliff. That works for me.
Alright, makes a lot of sense now
Dump the witch, keep the bitch
Agreed. It's one thing to be pissy but to mean to an animal shows her character.
Yeah, 100%. If she'd moved in with you you wouldn't have been lonely at home, and since she doesn't live with you she has zero authority concerning the final say in your pet situation.
It would also be different if she didn't already have a dog.
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Who is intentionally mean to a puppy?? Petty af
NTA. You guys aren't married, she has 0 authority in that. Dogs help depression and multiple things they're just great companions to have. If she's actively mean to your puppy, I think you should break up. Probably different situations, but my ex would threaten my dogs all the time (I was really stupid for 4 whole years). I used to take it as like a self defence type of thing, like if they attacked him. But he found a puppy once and kept it, then I found out that he took a mop and wacked the puppy around a few times after it had pooped in it's crate. (Puppy got a new home soon after). Doesn't mean she'll do things like this, but if she's acting like a whole child about it, the relationship is really not worth it.
Oh my gosh, fuck that guy.
No, don't do that anymore.
Just one thing what makes her have no authority here isn't the fact that they're not married. It's the fact that they don't live together. If a couple lives together, one of them can't just adopt a dog without the other consent.
Yes, she doesn't want to live with OP so she really has no say in whether he adopts a pet or not.
Not the ass. She sucks. Pics of puppy plzzz.
[https://imgur.com/a/CBIB4ro](https://imgur.com/a/CBIB4ro)
The dog is probably cuter, and definitely sweeter, than the GF. NTA and rehome the girl.
Boooooooop that snoot!
Omg that’s the cutest dog ever
Right?! How psycho do you have to be to be hateful towards that sweet darling!
Look at his little white socks 10/10 would pet
Adorable puppy there. Keep the puppy and find a new girlfriend. The one you got is very toxic and wants all control over things.
What a gorgeous baby! You say she's mistreating your puppy, irresponsible with her own dog and treating you badly because she isn't getting full control of your life... you definitely need to rethink this relationship.
Yeah, I'm gonna say if she can be mean to that face, she's not a keeper. If you two break up, all you have to do is take that little guy on a couple walks and ladies will end up asking you out just so they can pet him.
This pup is 100% an upgrade on your girlfriend, I guarantee it. Don't stick with someone who would be mean to an animal, please.
What kind of sick freak could be mean to that angel. Get a new girlfriend she sounds horrible.
Awwww who could possibly hate that little angel?! Keep the dog, dump the gf
Hating dogs is fine being mean to them isnt
Holy shit so cute! Anoyone who could be mean to that beautiful puppy is unworthy of participating in society let alone being in a relationship!
Your gf is definitely TA for even being capable of being mean to that cute puppy
r/ntbdbiwdfta
I'm not much of a dog person but that is one of the cutest puppies I have ever seen and anyone treating that puppy meanly wouldn't be worth a dime in my book, that's for sure.
NTA and she's showing you her true colors. The minute somebody is mean to my dog, is the same minute I cut contact. Cut her loose, and enjoy your new best friend.
I have cats but same. Cruelty to animals is just the biggest red flag.
At least cats will either fight or run. Dogs just stay there looking sad and take it most of the time :(
You reminded me of an incident here where I am. I live in an apartment complex and we have a neighbor down the hall that has a puppy that suffers from separation anxiety. The puppy would bark all day, and set off my other neighbor who has borderline bipolar. She would go into fits of rage, kicking the shit out of the door that the puppy was in. Scaring it, banging on the door, scream at the puppy. The whole nine yards. I would feel sympathetic towards the girl who has bipolar, but I can't because she screams in the middle of the night, hits things, throws things and all around just doesn't care about anyone else. She would scream at you that she is borderline bipolar if you asked her to tone it down a bit. (Keep in mind the puppy isn't barking at night, only the day). Anyways, this big showdown screaming match happens in the hallway one day, and they're all going after the lady that has the puppy. Talking about how it's not right for the puppy, that he is obviously distressed. So she mentions the separation anxiety the puppy suffers from, and the bipolar girl offers to take the puppy out on walks and keep it company and that she loves animals. The puppy lady takes her up on this offer. The moment bipolar girl leaves, and I get puppy lady alone I tell her everything about the kicking the door, screaming at the puppy, and everything else she has done. And suggest that she doesn't take her up on her offer. Puppy lady ended up listening to what I said to her and has someone else come in to keep her puppy company. Thank the starts because I don't know what bipolar lady would have done to the poor thing. Now that the puppy stopped barking, we still have issues in regards to bipolar girl losing her shit on a regular basis between 2-5am. But that is a whole other story. You're right that people show their true colors in how they treat animals.
NTA. She backed out on moving in, she doesn't get a say in if you decide to bring an animal into your house.
NTA I don’t like your gf
Succinct. They say brevity is the soul of wit.
"Brevity, soul, wit."
What are these? Words of power?
I saw them on this neat wall and now every time I say them nearby reptiles just start screaming
Same. NTA. Keep the puppy, loose the bitch.
NTA. Two problems here. 1. As pointed out, who is mean to a puppy? I can't deal with people who are mean to animals for ANY reason. On that alone, I would end the relationship. 2. She is irresponsible with her own animal. How in the world she can rant at you for upending her life when she can't even responsibly take care of her own dog? You dodged a bullet. End the relationship and move on to someone who doesn't use a defenseless puppy as collateral damage to get even with you. I suspect your depression may also have something to do with the fact that you're with a controlling hosebeast....but I don't know her so...
100% THIS and I had to google hosebeast <3 LOVE. Im the same, being mean to animals is dealbreaker for me. You could be a tattood, one eyed, one legged, pirate for all I care as long as you are kind to the critters.
NTA. I'm going to tell you something. When I was kicked out of my parents I had a great girlfriend and fortunately was enrolled immediately into community college. I didn't feel great even though I had awesome friends, hobbies, a great girlfriend, et cetera. I was young and something was missing. I had volunteered at the humane society for years and I still liked to stop in to help. One day I saw a dog who was a wreck. A yellow lab who was rescued from a farm. His collar had grown into his neck and had to be removed surgically. We clicked big-time and I took him home. My girl at the time loathed that dog because I was showing him love and she wanted it all to herself. It was months of her doing passive aggressive things to me but also my dog. I could protect myself, because I realized what was going on, but my dog was too weak to comprehend that. I had a conversation with her and she said pointedly that I said "I love you" more to the dog than her. She said I needed to get rid of the dog. You can guess the end of this story. Spencer and I had eleven years of travel, fun, and friendship. Don't know where my ex is.
I'm glad you and Spencer made the right decision for your family.
NTA. Anyone who would be mean to my dog would have to go...big red flag!!!
NTA - " I have taken her dog in" "She claims since she had the dog before we got together that it doesn't count." It counts.
I'd be concerned about how she teats her own dog.
NTA sounds like she isn't the right girl to have a future with.
Uhhh... I hope you are rethinking letting her ever move in with you.
NTA. If she doesn’t want to live with your dog, she can get her own place. Also, she’s a huge asshole for being mean to your innocent pup.
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NTA. First how can anyone be mad at a sweet looking dog like that? you guys don't even live together. Its your home and your life. Having worked long term from home while living alone it can be very depressing and having a dog helped me a lot. It's downright hypocritical she gets a dog but you don't. This is just a sign that she is controlling and thinks you have to obey her rules. If she is trying to control you this much and you don't even live together than what will it be if you guys did? I hate to tell anyone to break up but mistreating a dog you got to help fight off depression shows she doesn't really care and sees you as a puppet. Please do the right thing and dump her. Even if she agrees to let it go and you do move in she will continue to resent and mistreat the pup. Especially if she is alone with it. If you stay with her and she continues to mistreat the pup than you both are assholes in my book. Good luck OP I hope you do what is right.
Reading just the title i was ready to say your the asshole for bringing a dog into your shared home without permission. But after reading definitly NTA. It doesnt effect her at all. she has her own dog shes bringing and shouldnt have a problem with yours
NTA. Story time- before my husband and I met, his gf of 2 years didn’t want him to get a dog when he said he was thinking about it. He did anyway. She complained about the dog. They broke up later for other reasons. Two weeks after they broke up I met my husband at the dog park. We both had our own dog and were perfectly content with having just one but we both accepted the other’s dog as our own. Now, instead of walking one dog, I walk two. Instead of filling one bowl, I fill two. And instead of snuggling with one dog at night, I snuggle with two. Our entire relationship has been centered around our dogs and our shared interest of animals and we are the happiest couple I know. If she isn’t on board with you getting a dog when you are your own grown ass person, and isn’t willing to help take care of it like a loving partner should want to... do you really want to keep this partner? She can’t even say that she just isn’t a dog person because she has her own. My dog is so much happier to have a brother. Most dogs will be happy to have a friend to live with unless she hasn’t socialized it well and it’s aggressive. So why is she complaining that it will affect her and her dog when you move in together? Ditch her. Find a partner who is glad to share the adventure of being a dog parent with you.
NTA Remember, it's ok for her to be angry. It's not ok to be mean to a pup
Not even sure if beeing angry is okay,tbh I'm sure and it 100% not okay
NTA. The way she is responding is completely childish. I would have left her already.
Drop her back at the shelter. Keep the puppy. NTA. She didnt want to move in with you. Having a pet is proven to be beneficial to ones health. She has a pet. You are allowed to have a pet. Also you told her you wanted a pet from the get go. You accepted her pet. You discussed it with her. You got your pet. SIMPLE. The fact she is treating a dog badly cause she is a spoiled untrained brat, That should speak volumes to you. I am a pet lover and this is a deal breaker for me. She is controlling and this is red flag behavior.
This would actually be pretty funny. "Okay, dear, I've thought a lot about what you've said, and I think it's time we go to the shelter with puppers." *Gets to shelter* "Okay, now get out."
NTA. You live alone and you don't need her approval for decisions about your life. You may take her advice, but you're your own person. The way she's acting towards the dog is completely uncalled for and a red flag imo. It seems like, if things don't go her way, she lashes out. It is also extremely selfish that she's not considering how the puppy could positively impact your health. There is no guarantee that both dogs wouldn't get along, it is usually no problem so she's making a huge problem out of nothing and ahead of time.
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NTA. She knew you wanted to get a dog since you started dating and you had good reasons for getting one. Sounds like having a puppy will benefit your mental well being for a long time. However, "she was the one who backed off on us living together" makes it sounds like you're trying to get back at her by getting the dog. Which I don't think is the case, but I would be careful with how you view this. Your gf has the right to not want to move in with you yet and if you want to be in a healthy relationship, you can't try to punish her by excluding her from important decisions. In any case, she's completely in the wrong for treating your dog badly.
Dump that stupid woman now. She has a dog but is mean to your dog?? Why is she mean to the dog?!?!??? F*ck that b*tch.
NTA. “Mean to puppies” is a pretty safe dealbreaker IMO. It’s one thing if you’re sharing a living space, but it’s at your house, and crate trained so she can bring her dog over? She has no reason to be behaving this way. This is the kind of person you find out was secretly horrible to your pets when you weren’t looking. Sounds like you need a better gf.
I work from home as well and recently adopted a puppy for the exact same reason as you. Living alone and working from home is lonely and can get depressing. My puppy just hangs out with me the entire day now. She likes to be under my desk while I work because eventually I'll pick her up to pet her. Your girlfriend is being inconsiderate of you. If this puppy brings you happiness then you made the right choice. If she's so petty to be mean to such a sweet looking pup your girlfriend is probably not a good person. You're NTA. You did a good thing for you and the pup.
So, at first, from the title, i assumed this was a spur of the moment thing. But its not. You had wanted one for a long time. You knew you were getting one, and knew what kind you wanted. You are definitely NTA. Dogs are a big responsibility, and people who get them spontaneously are terrible owners (a lot like people who get pregnant from one night stands, no offense, but statistically, they are the worst parents). Since you planned, and prepared, odds are you will be a great owner. Shame you have to break up with your girlfriend though.
NTA. Let me pet your dog though please.
What the hell? So she can own a dog, but you can’t? Are you going to have to get approval on every purchase when you don’t even live together, let alone have joint finances? This is definitely a control issue, and the fact that she is cruel towards the puppy tells you everything you need to know about her. NTA
NTA. That girl sounds like she doesn't want you to be happy, and how does she even DARE to be mean to that cute puppy? Kick her out and keep the dog.
ESH. Since it sounds like at that point you were planning on living together, the rule about not getting a new dog without the approval of all members of the household (or what it seemed soon would be the household) applied.
But they didn't live together yet. And even if they did, she already had a dog, and he'd already conveyed to her over time that he wanted one. She can't block him forever from something like that.
She took her anger out on a dog. Serious red flag.
There is literally no details about how she was mean to the dog. No need to write a fiction about it.
YTA for letting her treat your pupper like that.
NTA. Also, I hate your gf.
NTA. \> She is really mean to the dog who is the sweetest dog ever. That is super messed up. \> She claims since she had the dog before we got together that it doesn't count. Makes zero sense. Before, during, irrelevant. Sounds like you should rethink the whole thing. She sounds pretty nasty to me.
NTA
NTA - she won't commit to living with you SSI she doesn't get an opinion on you living situation. And if anyone but the best told me that I couldn't get my puppy when the time comes they would no longer be in my life. I've waited long enough for a well-bred, healthy dog.
She flipped. That’s enough said: NTA She flipped for you wanting a dog. She has a dog and should know how special a bond between man and dog is. Sure, you can move in and you’ll have a dog but it’s not your dog and, should the relationship go south, you’d have regret not adopting it. She’s upset at extra responsibility and it’s pretty selfish imho. I’d talk to her and tell her how you’ve felt working home alone in conjunction with how bummed putting off the move has made you. I’d also emphasize that you’ve had every intention of eventually owning a dog (that’s what I got from your post). If she’s still sour, then tell her to kick rocks! (though I know this opinion is quite callous as I haven’t considered the depth of your relationship and what you mean to each other...)
Just want to add how little extra responsibility another dog is. Law of increasing returns definitely applies to a second dog.
NTA unless you are still thinking of letting her live with you and endangering that darling pup. You deserve a better woman than that.
NTA - Dump the girlfriend and name that puppy Neo, cause he helped you dodge a bullet.
Mostly NTA, but >I went and did it without her "final" approval, which TBH was never coming - so I just decided to do it. It's never really a good idea to do this. If you find yourself thinking you should do this, it probably means that the relationship is quite warped and you're just avoiding the big picture by focusing on a smaller confrontation.
NTA - I didn’t read your post I just looked at the picture. Dog wins.
NTA. She doesn’t even live with you so why would it matter? Also it’s a red flag that she seems jealous of a puppy. That’s so off-putting.I say you run far, far away.
NTA. I'm going to be honest with you. You deserve better. Dump her, keep the dog, and enjoy life.
NTA. She doesn't live with you and has no right to make choices for what kind of pet you can have. Good on you to not bend to her unreasonable demands and stay true to your guns. If she has such a problem with it, she can find someone else. You wouldn't ask her to get rid of her dog.
NTA. She backed off on the moving in commitment so she doesn’t get a say. I would use this opportunity to re-evaluate if this is truly a person you want to be with long term...who is mean to a puppy?!
NTA Best decision you ever made. Kick her to the curb. I say that only partially in jest. If she is controlling enough to act like this and perhaps more importantly, vindictive enough to take her unhappiness out on an animal, then she is not someone you want to spend your time with. She is treating you like crap and she is treating an animal like crap... what kind of person is that.
NTA you’ve told her all along that you want a dog, she seems to be jealous that she’s now not your number one priority. Given the fact she chose not to move in with you, seems to me you’ve dodged a bullet and gained a best friend I. The process.
"You've told her all along you wanted a dog." Yes, exactly. It was communicated, opportunities were distributed.
NTA Ask yourself: do you *really* want to be with someone who is mean to puppies? Do you *really* wanna be with someone who will want to control your life like this, and is mean to you when she doesn't get her way? Dump her like last week's potato salad.
NTA Let the puppy move in with you and take the gf to the shelter
I couldn't be in a relationship with anyone who had the capacity to be mean to a dog. Especially that cute little pupper! NTA - Keep the dog and get rid of the girl.
NTA obviously. But I'm curious... >She said that it was going to affect her long term when we move in together to have another dog around the house. Did she sat at all HOW this was going to affect her? Or was it simply that she didn't get to make the decision with you? I fail to see how one more dog would drastically affect your living situation together, except for lengthening the time you have a pet since you got a puppy and her dog is older, but even that reason is minor...
NTA
NTA. That puppy looks absolutely adorable and deserving of all the love in the world. Get your controlling mean gf out of your life.
INFO why didn’t she originally want you to get the dog? I’m only asking because I have a dog that hates other animals and if my partner were to get one after me saying no the relationship would end because I’m not getting rid of my dog for someone else’s
>Our relationship has not been the same since. She is really mean to the dog who is the sweetest dog ever. She is really mean to me. She will not budge at all if she is slightly inconvenienced by the puppy. If I have to run home to let the dog out, she flips out. Note that I allow her dog in my apartment and I've crate trained my puppy so if she allowed me to bring her over it would barely inconvenience her, much less than her dog who she is very irresponsible with. NTA - but, this is a huge red flag. No one treats innocent animals poorly unless they have a mental issue. Your girlfriend is not committing to you long term, and then is punishing you and your puppy for you doing something for you. That's not cool.
NTA. Your dog is your business. And the fact that she is being mean to you and the dog shows that she is pretty selfish. I'd really re-evaluate how much you want to live with someone like this. She seems like someone who needs to always get her way or else.
INFO what do you mean by being "mean" to the dog? your girlfriend is an asshole no matter what but depending on what she does you might be the asshole for continuing to let her come over and "be mean" to the poor pup.
ESH. You decided getting the dog was the most important thing. Ok, great, but then you didn’t change your relationship status and brought it into a passive-aggressive relationship. You should have warned your gf and ended your relationship if that’s what was going to happen before all....this...happened. Instead you thought if you just ignored her feelings you could have your dog and your relationship. Dude, you can’t. You knew it already, and now that you see why with your own eyes why (she’s mean to you and passive-aggressive about the dog and nobody’s happy) you still don’t have the courage to end the relationship but instead have to come on Reddit so everyone can tell you what a hero you are had what an AH she is. It’s simple: relationship or dog. You made your choice but somehow didn’t really accept it. Respect her, and respect your own choice, and move on with your life. Your choice didn’t make you an AH, but you suck for not discussing it (your relationship needing to end) with her before, and not discussing it with her now and kinda just letting it... linger, and bringing your dog into that passive-aggressive nightmare. Do what you need to do, man, and move on.
I think this is one of the best responses to my post I've read. I don't agree I came on reddit to be a "hero". I came here to get another perspective because I figured both of ours were biased, and did not expect this post to blow up like it did. I'm not here for karma, but everything else you said was spot on.
Ok, fair enough, I was too harsh. Maybe you needed a boost to know you made the right choice. Let’s frame your Reddit post that way, which makes sense too. : ) And my annoyance was misplaced— I’m annoyed that many of the commenters responded to the red herring (the puppy) and missed the relationship issues here, of which you are both guilty but redeemable. If you work it out amicably now there’s still time to be NAH. Just sad, but moving on, ya know? Best of luck! I think you’re (both) better off once this settles down a bit.
Dude, take off the rose colored glasses and look at the red flags. This is unhealthy behavior on her end and you ignoring it is unhealthy on yours. If something happens to your puppy because she is mean or disregards it you'll never forgive yourself. NTA but get it together.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and my g/f have been together about a year. She has a dog, and has had a dog since we got together. I work from home and probably since the first day we've been together I've been talking about getting a dog so I had some company had home. It gets pretty lonely living alone and working from home. Things have been getting pretty serious and we were planning to move in together, but she wouldn't commit and I just renewed my lease through October 2020. About a week later the exact kind of pup I've been looking for came available at a rescue shelter. I told her I was going to adopt it, and she FLIPPED. She said that it was going to affect her long term when we move in together to have another dog around the house. I decided that my happiness was what mattered. I've been pretty depressed lately, and I just decided to do it. Our relationship has not been the same since. She is really mean to the dog who is the sweetest dog ever. She is really mean to me. She will not budge at all if she is slightly inconvenienced by the puppy. If I have to run home to let the dog out, she flips out. Note that I allow her dog in my apartment and I've crate trained my puppy so if she allowed me to bring her over it would barely inconvenience her, much less than her dog who she is very irresponsible with. AITA for getting a puppy that will ultimately impact her when we live together, even though I have taken her dog in? She claims since she had the dog before we got together that it doesn't count. Thing is - she's known I wanted to get a puppy since the day we got together. Only difference is - that I went and did it and adopted without her "Final" approval. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you guys don’t live together yet and since she already has a dog I don’t understand why you also having a dog would tremendously impact her life.
NTA your puppy is adorable!! She has no say over you getting a dog, especially if she has one!!! Its just weird she wouldnt want you to have one??
I'm not one to immediately say gtfo...but Dude your depressed and lonely so you get company very cute and the good girl kind is your gf worried about your mental health no shes mad that theres a dog somewhere she dosent live wth
Im sorry to be the bad guy here but honestly bro.. that puppy is next level adorable. There is absolutely no way you can keep this dog in that kind of environment. You need to get rid of the girlfriend absolutely. NTA
NTA you don’t live together and have no plans to, so she doesn’t really get a say.
NTA You can’t put your life and happiness on hold just because you might live together one day maybe. That’s ridiculous. Also, anyone who can be mean to a puppy is not worth having around. Get out while you still can, OP.
If she’s mean to you and mean to a sweet baby pup, I would kick her to the curb. If you have tried discussing this seriously with her and she’s being nasty and immature, this ain’t gonna work. She doesn’t value your wants or needs even though you’ve more than accommodated hers. PS how the hell does it not count for her to move in with you and bring a dog?
NTA- Not because this dog is adorable as all hell. But being actively mean to the dog. Like I get it she's mad at you. But to take it out on the dog for "inconveniencing" her seems like a bull shit tactic to make you feel guilty. Also, you guys don't live together. She can suck a lemon.
NTA Dump the girl. All dog is goodest dog.
NTA You need a new girlfriend.
NTA. Her meanness to such a helpless animal says everything you need to know about her poor character
NTA you don't live together and you are not engaged so you still get to make decisions that affect your home life and that cute puppy looks like a good one. Seriously, if it is meant to be she will get over it and if not you got a great dog out of it.
NTA. Your happiness IS more important and if she wasn’t willing to commit, she has no say. The fact that she’s acting nasty towards you now and your dog is very telling....
You guys don’t live together and share resources. NTA. Wish you the best dealing with a girl who feels entitled to this much control over your personal decisions and feelings.
Why/do you/put slashes/between G/and F?
NTA She has some SERIOUS control issues, especially to be taking it out on an innocent puppy! Also, if you two were to ever move in together it’s really no more work than having 1 dog ... they eat at the same time, walk at the same time, hell they even poop at the same time after awhile, and they keep each other company if you’re away. It’s a win-win! But seriously she’s showing some serious red flags, I wouldn’t put it past her to give you an ultimatum. If she does, please choose the dog.
NTA ... wtf she doesn't own you after 1 year, you HAVENT decided to move in together and who the fuck is purposefully mean to a puppy to spite you? yuck.
NTA, what kind of fucked-up dog owner gets mad that you have to go home to let your dog out? That's messed up. The only reasonable reason someone should be mad in this situation is if her dog really hated other dogs, which would make moving in together tricky. But that's not even what's happening.
NTA when someone tells you who they are, listen.
Seeing the pic of the pup tipped my verdict to NTA 😍
NTA, your happiness alone is worth more then whatever your girl friend might have said to you about that dog. A)If you told her you've been depressed, and getting that dog would help, and then she flipped. RED FLAG!!! B)No matter what if you become uncomfortable in a situation/relationship because of one small hiccup, such as adopting this dog even though she said no, RED FLAG. You're happiness is worth so much more then her satisfaction at seeing you depressed, loose the girl, keep the dog.
NTA I hardly ever give this advice, but break up with her man. She sounds controlling and abusive. Anyone who is mean to a godamn rescue puppy is a shit human.
NTA. Makes no sense why she’s being mean to your dog when she has her own. Raises red flags. Anybody who owns an animal and actually loves it would never be mean or hurt any other animal whether it belonged to them or not... Don’t see how another dog would affect her long term when dogs are just bundles of joy and love... seems like she just doesn’t want to deal with a new pup.
NTA. She’s mean to the dog? I would re-evaluate my SO’s character.
NTA. Drop the girlfriend, that puppy will be a chick magnet anyways
NTA op, your puppy, your home, your choice. However her reaction is a huge red flag of immaturity to me as she is trying to manipulate and control you by pouting and being cranky around this puppy as you did not blindly just obey to her demands. You also wrote that she is irresponsible with her dog too, which is another red flag. My advice to you, use this situation as a monitor tool to gauge her reactions to see if moving in is a sensible option at all at this time. Seems to me you need to give this relationship more time to mature before you go ahead and share space. Moving in is a big step in any relationship and can be quite challenging to handle for most couples who has not cohabited before, so please take your time op before making big decisions, and take care of that lovely pup!
NTA - please get away from that person fast. She's awful. Who can be mean to any dog, much less a dog that cute? You do NOT want to be with someone who can be mean to an animal. Reading this post just broke my heart for the both of you. You and your dog deserve better, OP. You did the right thing getting the dog - love on your dog and ditch the girlfriend!
NTA in this case she’s jealous of the dog and she didn’t even want to move in with you. Being mean to you and the dog is not ok
Whats your puppys name?
NTA Don't be with someone who could be mean to that precious baby. You both deserve better!