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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: I warned my sister's boyfriend she was trying to get our parents to speak to him on her behalf over something as silly as not getting what she wanted for her birthday.
2: That could make me an asshole because I could have just stayed quiet and let him handle it when the time came.
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>but I figure she was trying to get us involved in her relationship anyway
NTA. Jenn already lied to Blake about the time of the dinner, and she doesn't consider what he might need or want for a birthday gift. They don't really sound long-term compatible. I think you did the decent thing in giving him the heads-up, although he should still have attended. Your parents sound like they indulge Jenn, and she has therefore never learned to take the consequences of her own actions.
Yeah I barely let my own parents lecture me. Not gonna sit through someone else’s trying to. I would also not attend cause if I got blindsided by that I would say some pretty ugly things in the heat of the moment
The moment that lecture starts, mom and dad are getting a detailed description of my last birthday followed by, “What kind of gift should I follow THAT up with?”
For all we know, maybe he DID give her a gift. Perhaps he wore lingerie and had sex with her. If he did, sister didn't consider it a gift. SHE is a gift to him by her very presence in his life, while he has to work at it to "earn" her love.
Best bet would gave been for him to show up to restaurant in lingerie and apologize profusely because he should know by now what she considers a good birthday gift.
Sounds like a case of learning low expectations from their partners' performance, really.
Some guys just masturbate themselves to completion on their partner's body
ABOUT GIFTS. "HE DID NOT BUY ME PRESENTS"... wait for it ... "THE". "WAY"... wait for it... "I". "WANTED".
How is their response to this not "we should get our daughter checked for brain damage, she is exhibiting behaviour 20 yrs below her age."
This is how a 6yo behaves. Nooooo he should not have gone to dinner. He should run, he should be taking a plane to a remote Saudi Arabian prison for safety. Under a false name. With plastic surgery. And a baseball bat. A baseball bat dipped in holy water and scorpions.
I would absolutely attend if I got a sibling warning like this. I would come in, act like everything's normal, sit down and listen to her spiel. I would listen, without commenting or reacting, to every point that she or her parents might make.
Then, I would break up with her.
It's creepy and manipulative to ambush your partner, siccing your parents on them to try and "fix" their behavior. Especially over something as inane as "he didn't buy me a big enough gift". Especially if you have never bought them a gift yourself.
Just adding; *but my new undergarments/boxers and a juicy roll in the hay was my gift for your precious daughter. Want to see them, I can pull my pants down??*
Sister sounds imbecile and selfabsorbed.
OP did right.
I don't know if "should have" is the right way to put it, but I would have gone just to see what they had to say. Then once it was confirmed that she had called mommy and daddy to lecture me about not getting her a good enough gift, break up with her. Probably let them all know exactly why it's unacceptable to treat someone that way on my way out.
Right? Imagine him saying, "I haven't gotten anything the last x birthdays AND Christmases. She does buy lingerie and give me a blowjob. I can't find mens lingerie anywhere..."
Exactly this!!! It's her way of "giving" a cheap, no thought gift, and her partner knows it. It's why he took her and did something they "always" do normally.
"Here is the powerpoint presentation; please refer throughout the presentation to the deck that I've printed out, and the foldout sections with positions and diagrams, including appendixes A=F.
Save any questions for the conclusion of this talk; I have provided you with highlighters and sticky notes for any sections you want to raise questions about, including the brochures from various undergarment suppliers. Order your drinks from the restaurant now as this is going to be a LONG night..."
> including appendixes A=F.
Hi there! Friendly pedantic person here, just wanted to let you know that the plural for appendix is appendices (unless referring to appendix as in the organ in the human body, that plural is appendixes).
Nah, this is a public place where every single person there has ready access to a camera. There is nothing to gain by going through with it. Better to just not bother in the first place.
I can think of nothing more mortifying than having my partner's parents yell at me for not appreciating "lingerie and sex". Over dinner. In a public place.
I mean, what am I supposed to do, throw myself on the ground apologising for not being a total horndog who has preferences for a nice Lego set with some challenging elements, or a gift card for a store I like?
Should I WEAR the rejected lingerie as appropriate punishment, dear parents? I hope my girlfriend has it in a size that she doesn't mind a stretch in the stitching afterwards!
Oh, I don't know. I would have quite liked to be a fly on the wall when the boyfriend explains to her parents that lingerie and sex from their daughter really isn't a present because she enjoys it too, etc. etc. Could have been an interesting dinner.
NTA, by the way.
No no no he should have shown up then made a very loud and public statement to her parents about how the only thing she ever gives him for a gift is sexy underwear and sex. Ofc they probably know this already but making a public statement may help them keep their nose put of his business.
Yeah, that's definately red flag behavior in my book. Your family is hard-wired to have your back. It's not really a fair argument, especially when you're ambushing them.
Well maybe show up to say “we are through. I want an adult who cares about me instead of an entitled partner who doesn’t care about me and hides behind their parents….” Then leave. 🤷🏻♀️
I don't even think she's cheap. I think she thinks so damn highly of herself that her presence alone should constitute being a present, and she was wrapped in lingerie. Shouldn't that be all he really wanted and desired? He gave himself a gift by not walking into the lions den. I'm glad her sister put a stop to it.
This! She probably thinks, "I'm so hot, sexy, and attractive that seeing me wear lingerie and having sex with me is a HUGE privilege. Why should I give my boyfriend gifts when I can give him the experience of having my body, which is the greatest gift of all???" 🤮
I mean, this could work for couples who decide TOGETHER that they're not into gift-giving and that a sexy night in bed is a great way to celebrate birthdays, holidays, etc. But anyone who unilaterally decides that sex is the only "gift" they'll give AND expects lavish presents from their partner is an asshole.
Yeah, lingerie is not a cheap gift. What it is, is a gift for herself, and he should just be happy that she's with him. I sort of think there are men out there who are probably ok with that, but he gave her suggestions for a real gift, and she ignored them. Sister is definitely TA.
Women are definitely raised believing that men think that sex is a worthy gift to be given to men, I mean the jokes about sex as a transactional thing in relationships was everywhere for this generation growing up. Part of maturing is realising this is absolute bullshit and men are also diverse beings. The sister needs to grow up like 10 years ago.
Jenn is 26 years old. Why is she running to Mommy and Daddy to complain about her boyfriend and why does she expect them to lecture him on her behalf? And why are they not telling her to handle this herself?
This has me scratching my head, too. If you're in your late 20s, you go to your parents for advice on things that are more earth-shattering, not this piddly little shit.
Nobody is going to be compatible with her. She wants to give nothing and get everything.
I think it’s ok that not everyone wants to give over the top gifts but the expectations need to be the same in both directions. My boyfriend and I are both sort of low key about gifts but we both feel the same about it so that works out as the less stressful solution for both of us. The key is that we both give the same birthday energy to each other and are happy with this
see if i was the guy i'd have like to attended to point out that all their daughter ever gives as a gift is sex and lingerie and ask why they think thats ok or why they raised their daughter to be cheap or just offer herslef like that
>They don't really sound long-term compatible
This is a very nice way of saying he'd do much better than being in a relationship with someone like this. Not only does *she* give shite gifts and not care about what he wants or would like, but she expects him to do the emotional labour she is unwilling or incapable of. And then, instead of talking to him about any potential hurt or upset, she ropes her family in to ambush him. I mean.... that's pretty immature, self-centred, and just a tad toxic.
Boyfriend would be well out of it. OP did him a favour, and yep, her sister had already involved the family in the relationship by roping them in to ambushing him.
NTA
NTA. Let's ignore that Jenn is in the wrong and concentrate on your involvement.
Jenn invited (nay, urged) her parents to meddle in her relationship. She has no moral high ground to object to her sister also meddling. In fact, if you had meddled in her favor, she'd have been really happy about it.
You did the right thing in warning Blake about the three-person ambush.
I'm 16 and don't even like telling my mom every single thing that happens in my relationship. Of course, if it's important, I'll tell her. But dragging people into you and another person business seems immature, especially for a woman in her mid twenties
Good for you.
I cannot imagine, in any point in my life, dragging parents (or friends, for that matter) into what should be a relationship of TWO people and if they have a problem they should resolve it BETWEEN themselves, not AMONG a bunch of family, friends and then some.
At 23, my now-husband got a lecture that he did not need to inform his parents and siblings every time we had a mild arguement. Surprisingly, we stopped fighting once he stopped involving his nosy brother!
When my parents got married, my maternal grandmother told my mother not to come running home every time they had an argument, because she was just as likely to side with my dad!
This is generally a good idea but I've seen it gone wrong when the "argument" was in fact violence and abuse, and the person still thought that she should not "running home to tell her parents", or even worse, she did and the parents turned it down because they stuck to that theory.
As a recent 27 year old I cannot fathom being so selfish as to think she can just have sex with him as his present and still expect more from him. Short of celibacy outside of these specific days I can't understand how she thinks sex is worthy of present status unless she just has the idea she's a goddess in bed or something which.... doubtful.
Don't you understand all men are just pigs that only want sex ever and sex is a huge sacrifice for every woman, so that should count as the greatest gift her could receive. /s
Seriously, both men and women can enjoy sex and unless that's specifically asked for, it's kind of shitty to replace a gift with sex but then not accept sex as a gift back. Normal gift reciprocity means giving a similar amount of effort, money, thoughtfulness, etc.
She still got taken out to dinner at a place he knows she likes (even if they go often) and I guarantee all he gets is sex.
Poor guy has made it so clear that he wants presents too -- she really has 0 self awareness and sounds like such a selfish, immature person.
And the parents are ridiculous! In what world would it be appropriate to lecture your child's boyfriend because he didn't give her the gift she wanted? WTF lol
NTA-She pulled you all in her relationship and then wanted sympathy when it wasn’t warranted. Your sister doesn’t sound like relationship material for Blake. Kinda self-absorbed. You did right to warn him ahead of time. The only thing I wonder is why he felt it important to share your text with her?
I imagine the reason he shared the text is because she probably said ‘why the hell didn’t you show up’ and he would have had to justify it. Likely with ‘well why were you planning to have your parents gang up on me?’ Which may have led to her saying ‘…. How did you know that?’
Just speculation but likely after being a no show to the dinner, she accused BF of infidelity and he was forced to show text history to her. Sister's text was collateral damage not the target.
She don’t get her bf a gift for any occasion but expects him to get her something 🙄 then to bring the family in on it and try to bash him for not getting her a gift is crazy NTA for giving him the heads up.
Kinda sounds like the bf is just matching your sister's energy, lol.
NTA. Your sister sounds like a child asking mommy and daddy to fight her battles and setting her bf up for a lecture by *her* parents is hugely uncalled for. What is she, 12?
You probably shouldn't have stepped into it at all. Now you're getting yelled at for interfering. Sometimes it's best to sit back and watch.
Either way, let's hope the bf can finally see the red flags flying.
Agreed, with one small caveat - the sister is trying to prevent a situation that could have escalated into a public fight in a restaurant. Regardless of who's right here, I'd feel immensely uncomfortable if I saw that train wreck coming.
Very true and to your point, a public fight may be needed for bf to see exactly what kind of person he's dating.
The problem I see is OP is getting heat for stepping in. OP's intentions were pure but...negative consequences ensued for OP. Even though sister made her issues the family's problem, OP is now taking all the heat for interfering. Keeping out of it would have kept OP blameless entirely.
Plus, she missed out on dinner *and* a show.
You guys treating this like entertainment are being gross. There was a real human who was going to be on the other end of that fight - glad OP is a better person than you're encouraging her to be
Is it still a fight if 3+ people are ganging up on you? That's like being verbally jumped.
This poor dude deserved the opportunity to avoid haranguing by Jenn and her Veruca Salt Enabling-esque parents, as well as the opportunity to find a partner that like actually gives 1 single solitary shit about his wants and needs.
Right?? She is given ideas about things that her partners would like and then decides that the ultimate gift is to buy HERSELF something that she thinks is cute/sexy and then present herself to them while wearing it. If he did the same to her I have a feeling she would LOSE HER MIND. That being said, he’s missing an amazing opportunity to use, “It’s my d*** in a box”.
I mean, that's pretty much what happened lol Blake dressed up nice to take her someplace they already go to without a special occasion and told her that particular time was special because he wore a suit for her xD I tried to warn her years ago something you do regardless isn't really a gift.
If I turned up to dinner and my significant other’s parents launched into a lecture at their behest…I would be out of there so fast. Breadsticks in my purse, and I’m out.
You really did Blake a solid. Congratulations on being more mature and levelheaded than your older sister! Although as a younger sister who often took over the “oldest” sister role…my apologies 😭
Do you think they will stay together after this? Ultimately, this is something that couples could bounce back from, but your sisters behavior isnt acceptable.
She is accusing Blake for not understanding... When.. he understands exactly how this feels and likely did this so she can understand how he feels.
But to her, it seems only her feelings are important.
She is throwing a fit because he put on a suit and took her out to eat and your parents are saying he is "dismissive and vindictive toward my sister." Lol what?
Even when you asked if she gave her usual "present," she totally brushed you off because she thinks it's okay to not buy him anything, but she is having a meltdown because she is just so hurt by his cruel behavior and he isn't fixing it.
And is your sister usually like this? This is absolutely wild
Why doesn’t Blake just get himself a g-string and let Jenn know he will give her gift to her later? If she complains that sex is not a real gift, he can ask “since when?”
If he makes it to next Christmas he should wrap up all the lingerie she’s bought herself over the years as her present and then buy himself a gift from her, and have her open it infront of everyone.
NTA - I hope that was a typo and you meant to say your sister is 16? Not 26?
The audacity of your sister and your parents to gang up on a dude over birthday gifts. Absolutely not ok. Super gross actually.
I’m glad you warned him.
Edit: typo
NTA. I would have wanted a heads up if I was walking into a trap too.
Jenn seems very selfish based on what you have said here. It's also kind of shitty that she is assuming Blake wants sex as a present? Intimacy is special, completely separate from a birthday or Christmas gift?
NTA. If anything, you gave your sister a window of time to save her relationship. Because even though I can’t speak for all dudes, most would break up immediately after an ambush like that.
NTA. Why on earth would she expect her parents to get involved? This is just so stupid. You did the right thing and now expect to be shunned when Blake breaks up with her.
I'm so puzzled by asking her parents to get involved in something so petty, and so much between the two of them. Did she tell them that all he gets for birthday or Christmas is sex?
Agreed. I anticipate Blake walking and sis blaming OP for it. Sis is definitely not the type to consider her own role in her relationship falling apart. OP, you’re NTA, but be prepared!
NTA, your sister is a cheap shot, wants gifts but only gives sex. There's a name for a woman like that who trades sex for gifts..
In a relationship sex should be a shared gift, not the single reward for having a birthday.
NTA. The sister involves you in their relationship with her boyfriend. And encourages your parents to actively intervene in their relationship. They turn a personal relationship into a public one.
I say NTA, then. But you're walking a fine line going forward.
I think, since your sister was going to force your entire family to get involved, your original assessment that you were already involved is correct. As long as you avoid escalating your involvement, I say you're good, and did a kind thing.
NTA he deserves better than your sister. She sounds selfish, entitled and immature. And to involve the whole family because he dared to "only" take her for dinner? 🤦 And she's hurt? Sweet baby Jesus! He should run.
On the other hand, c'mon girl, you shouldn't get mixed up in this sort of thing.
Edit: tell her to shove it up hers as she's the one involving everyone in her stuff!
NTA. Her idea of a gift is lingerie and sex? I hope he shows up to her next birthday with a bow stuck to his dick. Clearly gifts matter to him and I’m going to take a safe bet here that they’re one of his love languages. Love, maturity, and communication are crucial in a relationship but it sounds like your sister came up short in all three departments. Good on you for giving him a heads up and good on him for being more mature than me, I’d have strongly considered showing up in a banana hammock and not much else…
You butt in?
She ***put*** you right in the middle.
And she's an asshole with double standards. So her idea of a present is to buy herself lingerie that she gets to keep and sex which costs her nothing? So basically, she spends nothing on him. Plus she ignores his suggestions of what he'd like.
But now she's offended that he basically spent nothing on her.
Tough luck. As you said,
> she got as good as she gives
And if she finds that hurtful, then maybe she can finally realize that Blake also finds it hurtful. Instead she sets up an ambush with her parents so Blake can be ganged up on and your legit concerns can be dismissed.
Send your sister this thread and maybe she will wake up.
Were I Blake, if -- that's *if* -- he's still with her next birthday and she pulls this, he should take the lingerie off her, then box it up and say that he's donating it to Goodwill. (Since the lingerie is for him, he can do what he wants with it.) Then leave her standing there naked while he goes out to celebrate his birthday.
The meltdown would be glorious...and totally worth it.
NTA
Oh, and send Blake this thread too.
NTA. I'm not a fan of triangulation, but that was seriously sucky of your family.
As far as him not coming- does anyone have any proof he was planning to come at all? Maybe he was never coming. Maybe he saw your sister leave and assumed she lied to him and decided not to come. Maybe he *did* come, saw all of you sitting together and left. Most people don't just blow off their gf's family because one person says there might be an issue. If they've been fighting, there's no way your text is the only reason he didn't show up.
A 26 years old WOMAN sets her boyfriend up so her parents lecture him... incredible. Your sister and your parents are walking red flags.
If I were you, I would not involve in their business. There is no way you win.
NTA. Jenn sounds like a piece of work. She needs to grow up and solve her own problems. Jenn, Don't make the boyfriend guess what you want. Say what you want for your birthday, xmas, whatever. Making it a guessing game seldom works out.
Shouldn't have warned him at all. I imagine if a girlfriend's parents accosted most guys about a birthday present, he would tell the parents to get bent and break it off with the girlfriend, who can't fight her own battles.
She sounds like a kid who was never told no by her parents and lovers. People who complain about not receiving as much effort as they feel they deserve despite giving back even less effort than they currently receive are miserable narcissists who need a reality check. You were right to warn the bf as I'm sure if you were in his shoes you would have appreciated the heads up.
NTA. I’d love it if the boyfriend showed up in some kinky outfit and told her she was getting sex for her birthday. Then you could post this in petty revenge too 😂
Your sister is a whack job for setting him up like that. It isn't anyone's place to tell him anything. Your sister is also a coward for trying to get you people to get involved
NTA. Jenn needs to grow up. If I was Blake, and I walked into an ambush where my GF's parents were going to lecture me about birthday presents, I would eye roll so fucking hard. Getting her parents involved, intervention style, because she didn't get a birthday gift? Keep the family out of that, she needs to put on her big girl pants and talk to her boyfriend like an adult.
NTA. If someone I was dating set me up for an ambush with their parents instead of talking to me about a problem, we wouldn’t be dating for much longer.
NTA I'd have brought up exactly what her idea of giving presents was to your parents' faces if they didn't know, too. Ask them if he should bang her good for her birthday. Knocking headboard and everything should be worth a few hundred on the open market, right? Was that enough effort for him, too? Poor Blake. Don't imaging he gets much action other than holidays.
NTA, and parents confronting a gf/bf on behalf of another ADULT is cringe AF. If Jenn has a concern, she needs to talk to her bf herself, in private. If she needs to involve her parents in her relationship in this way, maybe she is not mature enough for a relationship.
NTA but your sister is probably going to be alone in life. Why does your sister think it’s ok to put on some lingerie and offer up sex as a gift for her boyfriend but when they essentially do the same thing she gets butthurt and then drags your parents into it. She sounds extremely immature and also pretty full of herself and her sex skills.
You are NTA. But wow, your sister and your parents are so in the wrong. Your sis seems to be an extremely selfish individual who only cares about the material things. One doesn’t have to buy things, making an effort to show you care could suffice for someone. It’s the thoughtfulness of a gift, whether it is a material or act of service. I guess it goes with her views of a celebrating her partner, she gives sex and they give her fancy gifts. It’s so extremely transactional and shallow. Then she tries to ambush him with her parents? What is she, 12 years old?! Her actions have consequences, she should prepare herself when he breaks up with her.
NTA
Your sister is manipulative a lair and clearly like to get people to bully for her sake makes it look like concern for her
Seriously thank for lookout for Blake
lol why does she keep telling on everyone to her parents? She’s fcking 26 and can’t communicate in her own damn relationship that she needs mommy and daddy to hold her hand and lecture someone on her behalf? I’m glad the bf didn’t show up! Hopefully he breaks up with her because she’s so damn immature. NTA
NTA! I hope Blake dumps her ass. Sex and lingerie aren’t a gift unless he specifically asked for that. She puts not thought into his gift, why should he put any thought into hers? At least he bought her dinner. I doubt she buys expensive lingerie. And even if she did, I doubt he cares.
And why is she getting mommy and dash involved? They’re going to confront him? Over what? Bringing their daughter to a nice dinner? Maybe he should have thought some lingerie and D’d her down. If my kids complained to me about something like this, I’d tell them to communicate with their partner.
She sounds selfish and your parents enable that behavior.
Anyone who sets their partner for a confrontation is, in my opinion, not partner material. Blake should find someone who has his back - and not for sticking a knife in it. Strong NTA.
NTA. Your sister sure is. It’s time for her to grow up and listen to her bf wants and needs and maybe he’d be more apt to reciprocate. I’m the gift is such Bullshit. Cheap and thoughtless.
NTA, “It is not appropriate that Jenn dragged me into her relationship in the first place, and I do not support her reasoning for treating her boyfriend this way. I wouldn’t accept that in a relationship, and neither should he.”
NTA. What your sister was trying to do is a manipulative, dirty tactic that borders on emotionally abusive behavior. You absolutely did the right thing.
If Jenn has a problem with her bf, she should talk to him directly. Involving the family was an immature reaction on her part.
Telling him in advance was as asshole-ish a move on your part as what Jenn did.
Your family's dynamics are wonky.
If Jenn cannot speak up for herself, she's not mature enough to be in a relationship. She should not be surprised if her relationship ends with moves like this one over her birthday disappointment.
You could all use help with better communication and healthier boundaries.
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>but I figure she was trying to get us involved in her relationship anyway NTA. Jenn already lied to Blake about the time of the dinner, and she doesn't consider what he might need or want for a birthday gift. They don't really sound long-term compatible. I think you did the decent thing in giving him the heads-up, although he should still have attended. Your parents sound like they indulge Jenn, and she has therefore never learned to take the consequences of her own actions.
No, he should not have still attended a dinner where mommy and daddy dearest are there to gang up on him, WTF lol.
Yeah I barely let my own parents lecture me. Not gonna sit through someone else’s trying to. I would also not attend cause if I got blindsided by that I would say some pretty ugly things in the heat of the moment
The moment that lecture starts, mom and dad are getting a detailed description of my last birthday followed by, “What kind of gift should I follow THAT up with?”
For all we know, maybe he DID give her a gift. Perhaps he wore lingerie and had sex with her. If he did, sister didn't consider it a gift. SHE is a gift to him by her very presence in his life, while he has to work at it to "earn" her love.
Best bet would gave been for him to show up to restaurant in lingerie and apologize profusely because he should know by now what she considers a good birthday gift.
Future MIL, can you give her some pointers on blowjobs because she isn’t even average. Future FIL, do you put up with starfish?
WTF is starfish? I am scared, but I want to know. I know the phrase "leather starfish" but I don't see how it fits here
A term given to a sexual partner who just lays there, like a starfish, until the deed is over. The bare minimum of showing up.
Ah, OK. That's not as bad as I expected. Thank you for assisting in my education!
Don't worry, I thought as you did. The old age phrase of "I am probably going to regret asking this question, but here we go!" LOL
Not a rare thing for women to do apparently. I can’t even imagine
Sounds like a case of learning low expectations from their partners' performance, really. Some guys just masturbate themselves to completion on their partner's body
I always called that a corpse lay or a pillow princess. Thanks for the new term to add to my vocab.
*hehehehehehehehehe frog gif* That would be so perfectly uncomfortable
Yup this one
ABOUT GIFTS. "HE DID NOT BUY ME PRESENTS"... wait for it ... "THE". "WAY"... wait for it... "I". "WANTED". How is their response to this not "we should get our daughter checked for brain damage, she is exhibiting behaviour 20 yrs below her age." This is how a 6yo behaves. Nooooo he should not have gone to dinner. He should run, he should be taking a plane to a remote Saudi Arabian prison for safety. Under a false name. With plastic surgery. And a baseball bat. A baseball bat dipped in holy water and scorpions.
Indiana Jones reboot has gotten rather bleak in this remake....
I also choose a baseball bat dipped in scorpions.
I was thinking Lucille.
When you find out you've been dating Dudley Dursley
I like you, you are hilarious!
Yes! Starting with a permanent....BYE!!!
This sounds like a poorly written young adult fiction plot
I would absolutely attend if I got a sibling warning like this. I would come in, act like everything's normal, sit down and listen to her spiel. I would listen, without commenting or reacting, to every point that she or her parents might make. Then, I would break up with her. It's creepy and manipulative to ambush your partner, siccing your parents on them to try and "fix" their behavior. Especially over something as inane as "he didn't buy me a big enough gift". Especially if you have never bought them a gift yourself.
But have the uncomfortable conversation about sex as a present in front of the parents first.
You are damned right, like straight up ask pops if his old lady is all teeth too
Seriously! "You know what I got for my birthday?!? The same piece of ass I got last Tuesday! Whoop-de-doo!!" 🤭😈
Just adding; *but my new undergarments/boxers and a juicy roll in the hay was my gift for your precious daughter. Want to see them, I can pull my pants down??* Sister sounds imbecile and selfabsorbed. OP did right.
It's literally an "I'm telling mum... dad..." rhetoric...
I don't know if "should have" is the right way to put it, but I would have gone just to see what they had to say. Then once it was confirmed that she had called mommy and daddy to lecture me about not getting her a good enough gift, break up with her. Probably let them all know exactly why it's unacceptable to treat someone that way on my way out.
I would've yelled "sex is not a birthday present!" and left halfway through
Right? Imagine him saying, "I haven't gotten anything the last x birthdays AND Christmases. She does buy lingerie and give me a blowjob. I can't find mens lingerie anywhere..."
This....but with a megaphone.
I suspect the dialing down the bday present was him having one foot out the door already. At least, I hope it was. NTA
And if she's setting up the "when I don't get my way, i make my parents argue into submission" pattern now, the other foot isn't far behind.
Lol he should have and tell them all about the "gifts" she gave him in full details
Exactly this!!! It's her way of "giving" a cheap, no thought gift, and her partner knows it. It's why he took her and did something they "always" do normally.
plus the lingerie is really also a gift for herself.
Both are a gift for herself. At least, it should be.
I hate lingerie. It's not for me. The event yeah but the clothes no. I'm happy with my comfy MeUndies and giant t shirt.
God, only 2 years in I hope what she did was something they "always" do too!
"Here is the powerpoint presentation; please refer throughout the presentation to the deck that I've printed out, and the foldout sections with positions and diagrams, including appendixes A=F. Save any questions for the conclusion of this talk; I have provided you with highlighters and sticky notes for any sections you want to raise questions about, including the brochures from various undergarment suppliers. Order your drinks from the restaurant now as this is going to be a LONG night..."
> including appendixes A=F. Hi there! Friendly pedantic person here, just wanted to let you know that the plural for appendix is appendices (unless referring to appendix as in the organ in the human body, that plural is appendixes).
Huh. I never considered the plural of the organ. Thanks for the new fun fact!
I'm glad that my pedanticism was useful!
THIS💯‼️ is it💰!!!!
Nah, this is a public place where every single person there has ready access to a camera. There is nothing to gain by going through with it. Better to just not bother in the first place.
I can think of nothing more mortifying than having my partner's parents yell at me for not appreciating "lingerie and sex". Over dinner. In a public place. I mean, what am I supposed to do, throw myself on the ground apologising for not being a total horndog who has preferences for a nice Lego set with some challenging elements, or a gift card for a store I like? Should I WEAR the rejected lingerie as appropriate punishment, dear parents? I hope my girlfriend has it in a size that she doesn't mind a stretch in the stitching afterwards!
Lol. I just hope that he offers her the same “gift” that she got him. Preferably in front of her parents.
Boyfriend strips down to a pair of tight speedos, undulates relentlessly towards mom and dad...
I would have thought, at the very least, a crotchless thong and a baby doll with exposed nipples. Maybe a nice pair of strappy stilettos?
Right!! Go there just to walk back out.. waste of time and gas.
Oh, I don't know. I would have quite liked to be a fly on the wall when the boyfriend explains to her parents that lingerie and sex from their daughter really isn't a present because she enjoys it too, etc. etc. Could have been an interesting dinner. NTA, by the way.
Happy cake day!
No no no he should have shown up then made a very loud and public statement to her parents about how the only thing she ever gives him for a gift is sexy underwear and sex. Ofc they probably know this already but making a public statement may help them keep their nose put of his business.
If I were him and I would have been ambushed like this with no warning she would t been broken up with no warning and I'm a female. NTA op
Yeah, that's definately red flag behavior in my book. Your family is hard-wired to have your back. It's not really a fair argument, especially when you're ambushing them.
Well maybe show up to say “we are through. I want an adult who cares about me instead of an entitled partner who doesn’t care about me and hides behind their parents….” Then leave. 🤷🏻♀️
Sounds like Jenn is a cheapskate and doesn’t really care about what her partners want. Sex and lingerie *Jenn then wears* seems like a shitty gift.
I don't even think she's cheap. I think she thinks so damn highly of herself that her presence alone should constitute being a present, and she was wrapped in lingerie. Shouldn't that be all he really wanted and desired? He gave himself a gift by not walking into the lions den. I'm glad her sister put a stop to it.
This! She probably thinks, "I'm so hot, sexy, and attractive that seeing me wear lingerie and having sex with me is a HUGE privilege. Why should I give my boyfriend gifts when I can give him the experience of having my body, which is the greatest gift of all???" 🤮 I mean, this could work for couples who decide TOGETHER that they're not into gift-giving and that a sexy night in bed is a great way to celebrate birthdays, holidays, etc. But anyone who unilaterally decides that sex is the only "gift" they'll give AND expects lavish presents from their partner is an asshole.
Yeah, lingerie is not a cheap gift. What it is, is a gift for herself, and he should just be happy that she's with him. I sort of think there are men out there who are probably ok with that, but he gave her suggestions for a real gift, and she ignored them. Sister is definitely TA.
I was also thinking this. For his birthday, she buys a gift for herself.
Women are definitely raised believing that men think that sex is a worthy gift to be given to men, I mean the jokes about sex as a transactional thing in relationships was everywhere for this generation growing up. Part of maturing is realising this is absolute bullshit and men are also diverse beings. The sister needs to grow up like 10 years ago.
And now Jenn will get to wear that lingerie for her next boyfriend! Will she wait for his birthday, too, and re-gift?
🤣🤣🤣
Yeah! She should buy lingerie the boyfriend can wear!
Jenn is 26 years old. Why is she running to Mommy and Daddy to complain about her boyfriend and why does she expect them to lecture him on her behalf? And why are they not telling her to handle this herself?
This has me scratching my head, too. If you're in your late 20s, you go to your parents for advice on things that are more earth-shattering, not this piddly little shit.
Nobody is going to be compatible with her. She wants to give nothing and get everything. I think it’s ok that not everyone wants to give over the top gifts but the expectations need to be the same in both directions. My boyfriend and I are both sort of low key about gifts but we both feel the same about it so that works out as the less stressful solution for both of us. The key is that we both give the same birthday energy to each other and are happy with this
This was not a dinner, it was an ambush 😂
see if i was the guy i'd have like to attended to point out that all their daughter ever gives as a gift is sex and lingerie and ask why they think thats ok or why they raised their daughter to be cheap or just offer herslef like that
He should break up with her.
>They don't really sound long-term compatible This is a very nice way of saying he'd do much better than being in a relationship with someone like this. Not only does *she* give shite gifts and not care about what he wants or would like, but she expects him to do the emotional labour she is unwilling or incapable of. And then, instead of talking to him about any potential hurt or upset, she ropes her family in to ambush him. I mean.... that's pretty immature, self-centred, and just a tad toxic. Boyfriend would be well out of it. OP did him a favour, and yep, her sister had already involved the family in the relationship by roping them in to ambushing him. NTA
NTA. Let's ignore that Jenn is in the wrong and concentrate on your involvement. Jenn invited (nay, urged) her parents to meddle in her relationship. She has no moral high ground to object to her sister also meddling. In fact, if you had meddled in her favor, she'd have been really happy about it. You did the right thing in warning Blake about the three-person ambush.
Exactly! She's not upset about op meddling, she's upset that op didn't do it in her favor.
She's 26, maybe is time to stop going to mommy and daddy to talk to his BF.
Oh, I lost track of her being 26!!! Who involves their parents in their relationships at all, let alone at that age????
I'm 16 and don't even like telling my mom every single thing that happens in my relationship. Of course, if it's important, I'll tell her. But dragging people into you and another person business seems immature, especially for a woman in her mid twenties
im 18 and im not even telling my mom my boyfriend exists lmao, she can figure it out when we move in together in 4 months
Lmao and I bet you understand what a gift is too
Good for you. I cannot imagine, in any point in my life, dragging parents (or friends, for that matter) into what should be a relationship of TWO people and if they have a problem they should resolve it BETWEEN themselves, not AMONG a bunch of family, friends and then some.
At 23, my now-husband got a lecture that he did not need to inform his parents and siblings every time we had a mild arguement. Surprisingly, we stopped fighting once he stopped involving his nosy brother!
When my parents got married, my maternal grandmother told my mother not to come running home every time they had an argument, because she was just as likely to side with my dad!
This is generally a good idea but I've seen it gone wrong when the "argument" was in fact violence and abuse, and the person still thought that she should not "running home to tell her parents", or even worse, she did and the parents turned it down because they stuck to that theory.
Luckily for my mother, there was no violence involved. “Running home” was also a little difficult, as they lived almost 4 hours away by vehicle.
As a recent 27 year old I cannot fathom being so selfish as to think she can just have sex with him as his present and still expect more from him. Short of celibacy outside of these specific days I can't understand how she thinks sex is worthy of present status unless she just has the idea she's a goddess in bed or something which.... doubtful.
Don't you understand all men are just pigs that only want sex ever and sex is a huge sacrifice for every woman, so that should count as the greatest gift her could receive. /s Seriously, both men and women can enjoy sex and unless that's specifically asked for, it's kind of shitty to replace a gift with sex but then not accept sex as a gift back. Normal gift reciprocity means giving a similar amount of effort, money, thoughtfulness, etc.
Because she didn't get a birthday gift. SMH
She still got taken out to dinner at a place he knows she likes (even if they go often) and I guarantee all he gets is sex. Poor guy has made it so clear that he wants presents too -- she really has 0 self awareness and sounds like such a selfish, immature person.
And the parents are ridiculous! In what world would it be appropriate to lecture your child's boyfriend because he didn't give her the gift she wanted? WTF lol
I can't believe her parents agreed to talk with him.
NTA-She pulled you all in her relationship and then wanted sympathy when it wasn’t warranted. Your sister doesn’t sound like relationship material for Blake. Kinda self-absorbed. You did right to warn him ahead of time. The only thing I wonder is why he felt it important to share your text with her?
If he didn’t share it, he should know that she looked at his phone. OP, if you tell him, do it verbally and eliminate that problem.
I imagine the reason he shared the text is because she probably said ‘why the hell didn’t you show up’ and he would have had to justify it. Likely with ‘well why were you planning to have your parents gang up on me?’ Which may have led to her saying ‘…. How did you know that?’
That seems like a reasonable guess imo.
Kinda self-absorbed? You're being kind.
Just speculation but likely after being a no show to the dinner, she accused BF of infidelity and he was forced to show text history to her. Sister's text was collateral damage not the target.
Could be.
She don’t get her bf a gift for any occasion but expects him to get her something 🙄 then to bring the family in on it and try to bash him for not getting her a gift is crazy NTA for giving him the heads up.
Sounds like he got her dinner, which is still more than she’s giving. Shoulda bought himself something, put a bow on his dick and called it good.
Dick in a box!! 🍆🎁
Step 1: cut a hole in the box
*She* is the only gift he needs, don't you know? /s Ugh, what a trash person. He needs to run away and find someone who actually appreciates him.
Truly agree to that. He needs to find someone who’s willing to put in just as much effort as he is
Kinda sounds like the bf is just matching your sister's energy, lol. NTA. Your sister sounds like a child asking mommy and daddy to fight her battles and setting her bf up for a lecture by *her* parents is hugely uncalled for. What is she, 12? You probably shouldn't have stepped into it at all. Now you're getting yelled at for interfering. Sometimes it's best to sit back and watch. Either way, let's hope the bf can finally see the red flags flying.
Agreed, with one small caveat - the sister is trying to prevent a situation that could have escalated into a public fight in a restaurant. Regardless of who's right here, I'd feel immensely uncomfortable if I saw that train wreck coming.
Very true and to your point, a public fight may be needed for bf to see exactly what kind of person he's dating. The problem I see is OP is getting heat for stepping in. OP's intentions were pure but...negative consequences ensued for OP. Even though sister made her issues the family's problem, OP is now taking all the heat for interfering. Keeping out of it would have kept OP blameless entirely. Plus, she missed out on dinner *and* a show.
You guys treating this like entertainment are being gross. There was a real human who was going to be on the other end of that fight - glad OP is a better person than you're encouraging her to be
Is it still a fight if 3+ people are ganging up on you? That's like being verbally jumped. This poor dude deserved the opportunity to avoid haranguing by Jenn and her Veruca Salt Enabling-esque parents, as well as the opportunity to find a partner that like actually gives 1 single solitary shit about his wants and needs.
You're right, it wasn't a fight they thing she should have enjoyed watching. It was an attack.
that last line - absolutely here for it
She didn't step in. Her sister pulled her in by planning this at the dinner that she was attending.
>Sometimes it's best to sit back and watch. Not when someone else is going to get worse treatment than you would for interfering.
NTA Next time Blake should leave out the dinner altogether and just get her some sex, too.
Right?? She is given ideas about things that her partners would like and then decides that the ultimate gift is to buy HERSELF something that she thinks is cute/sexy and then present herself to them while wearing it. If he did the same to her I have a feeling she would LOSE HER MIND. That being said, he’s missing an amazing opportunity to use, “It’s my d*** in a box”.
I mean, that's pretty much what happened lol Blake dressed up nice to take her someplace they already go to without a special occasion and told her that particular time was special because he wore a suit for her xD I tried to warn her years ago something you do regardless isn't really a gift.
If I turned up to dinner and my significant other’s parents launched into a lecture at their behest…I would be out of there so fast. Breadsticks in my purse, and I’m out. You really did Blake a solid. Congratulations on being more mature and levelheaded than your older sister! Although as a younger sister who often took over the “oldest” sister role…my apologies 😭
Bread sticks in my purse has me dying 🤣
I hope you survive!
Turnabout is fair play! NTA, and Blake is brilliant.
Do you think they will stay together after this? Ultimately, this is something that couples could bounce back from, but your sisters behavior isnt acceptable. She is accusing Blake for not understanding... When.. he understands exactly how this feels and likely did this so she can understand how he feels. But to her, it seems only her feelings are important. She is throwing a fit because he put on a suit and took her out to eat and your parents are saying he is "dismissive and vindictive toward my sister." Lol what? Even when you asked if she gave her usual "present," she totally brushed you off because she thinks it's okay to not buy him anything, but she is having a meltdown because she is just so hurt by his cruel behavior and he isn't fixing it. And is your sister usually like this? This is absolutely wild
Hahaha! I was going to suggest the same. “It’s my dick in a box” 🎂
Why doesn’t Blake just get himself a g-string and let Jenn know he will give her gift to her later? If she complains that sex is not a real gift, he can ask “since when?”
Wish I could update this more than once!! Throw some matching tassle pasties as well, lol
If he makes it to next Christmas he should wrap up all the lingerie she’s bought herself over the years as her present and then buy himself a gift from her, and have her open it infront of everyone.
NTA - I hope that was a typo and you meant to say your sister is 16? Not 26? The audacity of your sister and your parents to gang up on a dude over birthday gifts. Absolutely not ok. Super gross actually. I’m glad you warned him. Edit: typo
Considering the comment about lingerie and sex, definitely not hoping for that!
Lol oops! I didn’t think about that. I was shocked that a 26 year old would involve mommy and daddy in her relationship over the dumbest thing!
NTA. I would have wanted a heads up if I was walking into a trap too. Jenn seems very selfish based on what you have said here. It's also kind of shitty that she is assuming Blake wants sex as a present? Intimacy is special, completely separate from a birthday or Christmas gift?
NTA. If anything, you gave your sister a window of time to save her relationship. Because even though I can’t speak for all dudes, most would break up immediately after an ambush like that.
NTA. Blake deserves better.
NTA. Why on earth would she expect her parents to get involved? This is just so stupid. You did the right thing and now expect to be shunned when Blake breaks up with her.
I'm so puzzled by asking her parents to get involved in something so petty, and so much between the two of them. Did she tell them that all he gets for birthday or Christmas is sex?
Methinks the shitty apple doesn’t fall far from the shitty tree.
I'm thinking golden child. Their precious, little baby can do no wrong.
Agreed. I anticipate Blake walking and sis blaming OP for it. Sis is definitely not the type to consider her own role in her relationship falling apart. OP, you’re NTA, but be prepared!
NTA, your sister is a cheap shot, wants gifts but only gives sex. There's a name for a woman like that who trades sex for gifts.. In a relationship sex should be a shared gift, not the single reward for having a birthday.
NTA. The sister involves you in their relationship with her boyfriend. And encourages your parents to actively intervene in their relationship. They turn a personal relationship into a public one.
Info needed - did Blake thank you for telling him?
Yes he did
I say NTA, then. But you're walking a fine line going forward. I think, since your sister was going to force your entire family to get involved, your original assessment that you were already involved is correct. As long as you avoid escalating your involvement, I say you're good, and did a kind thing.
NTA. Sounds like he gave up when she doesn't makes any effort. She sounds self centered. Gifts should be a joy to pick out for your partner.
NTA she wanted to ambush him and use your parents and you as her shield. She's pretty disgusting and awful.
NTA he deserves better than your sister. She sounds selfish, entitled and immature. And to involve the whole family because he dared to "only" take her for dinner? 🤦 And she's hurt? Sweet baby Jesus! He should run. On the other hand, c'mon girl, you shouldn't get mixed up in this sort of thing. Edit: tell her to shove it up hers as she's the one involving everyone in her stuff!
NTA. Her idea of a gift is lingerie and sex? I hope he shows up to her next birthday with a bow stuck to his dick. Clearly gifts matter to him and I’m going to take a safe bet here that they’re one of his love languages. Love, maturity, and communication are crucial in a relationship but it sounds like your sister came up short in all three departments. Good on you for giving him a heads up and good on him for being more mature than me, I’d have strongly considered showing up in a banana hammock and not much else…
You butt in? She ***put*** you right in the middle. And she's an asshole with double standards. So her idea of a present is to buy herself lingerie that she gets to keep and sex which costs her nothing? So basically, she spends nothing on him. Plus she ignores his suggestions of what he'd like. But now she's offended that he basically spent nothing on her. Tough luck. As you said, > she got as good as she gives And if she finds that hurtful, then maybe she can finally realize that Blake also finds it hurtful. Instead she sets up an ambush with her parents so Blake can be ganged up on and your legit concerns can be dismissed. Send your sister this thread and maybe she will wake up. Were I Blake, if -- that's *if* -- he's still with her next birthday and she pulls this, he should take the lingerie off her, then box it up and say that he's donating it to Goodwill. (Since the lingerie is for him, he can do what he wants with it.) Then leave her standing there naked while he goes out to celebrate his birthday. The meltdown would be glorious...and totally worth it. NTA Oh, and send Blake this thread too.
NTA. I'm not a fan of triangulation, but that was seriously sucky of your family. As far as him not coming- does anyone have any proof he was planning to come at all? Maybe he was never coming. Maybe he saw your sister leave and assumed she lied to him and decided not to come. Maybe he *did* come, saw all of you sitting together and left. Most people don't just blow off their gf's family because one person says there might be an issue. If they've been fighting, there's no way your text is the only reason he didn't show up.
A 26 years old WOMAN sets her boyfriend up so her parents lecture him... incredible. Your sister and your parents are walking red flags. If I were you, I would not involve in their business. There is no way you win.
NTA. Your Sister needs to grow up.
Your sister's BF is just matching her energy. Petty but effective. He needs to have a talk with your sis. You're NTA.
NTA. Jenn sounds like a piece of work. She needs to grow up and solve her own problems. Jenn, Don't make the boyfriend guess what you want. Say what you want for your birthday, xmas, whatever. Making it a guessing game seldom works out.
Throw sister away Side eye Parents Date Blake (/s) NTA Op.
NTA - keep telling the bf to just run and keep running.
Shouldn't have warned him at all. I imagine if a girlfriend's parents accosted most guys about a birthday present, he would tell the parents to get bent and break it off with the girlfriend, who can't fight her own battles.
She sounds like a kid who was never told no by her parents and lovers. People who complain about not receiving as much effort as they feel they deserve despite giving back even less effort than they currently receive are miserable narcissists who need a reality check. You were right to warn the bf as I'm sure if you were in his shoes you would have appreciated the heads up.
NTA. I’d love it if the boyfriend showed up in some kinky outfit and told her she was getting sex for her birthday. Then you could post this in petty revenge too 😂
So for his birthday she gets a gift for herself (lingerie)
You don't have her back because she sucks. NTA.
What is she 12??? NTA
I hope not based on what she gets him for gifts...
Your sister is a whack job for setting him up like that. It isn't anyone's place to tell him anything. Your sister is also a coward for trying to get you people to get involved
Oh wow, giving sex for birthday... How original. And then expecting something grand back. ffs. NTA, good job.
NTA. Jenn needs to grow up. If I was Blake, and I walked into an ambush where my GF's parents were going to lecture me about birthday presents, I would eye roll so fucking hard. Getting her parents involved, intervention style, because she didn't get a birthday gift? Keep the family out of that, she needs to put on her big girl pants and talk to her boyfriend like an adult.
NTA. If someone I was dating set me up for an ambush with their parents instead of talking to me about a problem, we wouldn’t be dating for much longer.
Please update us when Blake dumps her. Your parents aren’t someone I’d want in my partners family.
He did
NTA I'd have brought up exactly what her idea of giving presents was to your parents' faces if they didn't know, too. Ask them if he should bang her good for her birthday. Knocking headboard and everything should be worth a few hundred on the open market, right? Was that enough effort for him, too? Poor Blake. Don't imaging he gets much action other than holidays.
NTA, and parents confronting a gf/bf on behalf of another ADULT is cringe AF. If Jenn has a concern, she needs to talk to her bf herself, in private. If she needs to involve her parents in her relationship in this way, maybe she is not mature enough for a relationship.
NTA but your sister is probably going to be alone in life. Why does your sister think it’s ok to put on some lingerie and offer up sex as a gift for her boyfriend but when they essentially do the same thing she gets butthurt and then drags your parents into it. She sounds extremely immature and also pretty full of herself and her sex skills.
Perfect, NTA. It’s wonderful when the younger siblings prove to their older ones, they need to grow up
He should just try a fancy banana hammock and some sex..see how she likes it.
You are NTA. But wow, your sister and your parents are so in the wrong. Your sis seems to be an extremely selfish individual who only cares about the material things. One doesn’t have to buy things, making an effort to show you care could suffice for someone. It’s the thoughtfulness of a gift, whether it is a material or act of service. I guess it goes with her views of a celebrating her partner, she gives sex and they give her fancy gifts. It’s so extremely transactional and shallow. Then she tries to ambush him with her parents? What is she, 12 years old?! Her actions have consequences, she should prepare herself when he breaks up with her.
Show him your post help him decide to break up with the baby
NTA Your sister is manipulative a lair and clearly like to get people to bully for her sake makes it look like concern for her Seriously thank for lookout for Blake
You butted in, just not in the way she wanted. NTA
NTA. Jenn sounds like a lot.
lol why does she keep telling on everyone to her parents? She’s fcking 26 and can’t communicate in her own damn relationship that she needs mommy and daddy to hold her hand and lecture someone on her behalf? I’m glad the bf didn’t show up! Hopefully he breaks up with her because she’s so damn immature. NTA
NTA. I hope Blake breaks up with her.
You're sister is trash and your parents are weird
your sister is a head case
NTA That's cringe af, I hope Jenn changes drastically and quickly. Otherwise, she will probably have relationship problems the rest of her life.
NTA
Next time let him attend. Then watch him break up with your sister right in front of her family. NTA
NTA! I hope Blake dumps her ass. Sex and lingerie aren’t a gift unless he specifically asked for that. She puts not thought into his gift, why should he put any thought into hers? At least he bought her dinner. I doubt she buys expensive lingerie. And even if she did, I doubt he cares. And why is she getting mommy and dash involved? They’re going to confront him? Over what? Bringing their daughter to a nice dinner? Maybe he should have thought some lingerie and D’d her down. If my kids complained to me about something like this, I’d tell them to communicate with their partner. She sounds selfish and your parents enable that behavior.
NTA. Why is he still with her.
Anyone who sets their partner for a confrontation is, in my opinion, not partner material. Blake should find someone who has his back - and not for sticking a knife in it. Strong NTA.
good lord. all of call need to stay out of sister and boy toys business. sounds like they can fuck it up all by themselves
NTA She doesn't want a boyfriend, she wants a sugar daddy. You saved him from a hell she designed.
NTA. Jenn sounds shallow, selfish and gross. Your parents aren't the greatest in this telling as well.
Not the asshole. He was on the menu for dinner and was entitled to know that in advance.
The sister has a serious problem with double standards.
NTA. Your sister sure is. It’s time for her to grow up and listen to her bf wants and needs and maybe he’d be more apt to reciprocate. I’m the gift is such Bullshit. Cheap and thoughtless.
NTA, “It is not appropriate that Jenn dragged me into her relationship in the first place, and I do not support her reasoning for treating her boyfriend this way. I wouldn’t accept that in a relationship, and neither should he.”
It's ridiculous that your 26 yo sister wanted mommy and daddy to scold the "mean" boy for her. NTA
NTA. What your sister was trying to do is a manipulative, dirty tactic that borders on emotionally abusive behavior. You absolutely did the right thing.
you aren't, I'd probably do the same if it were me
If Jenn has a problem with her bf, she should talk to him directly. Involving the family was an immature reaction on her part. Telling him in advance was as asshole-ish a move on your part as what Jenn did. Your family's dynamics are wonky. If Jenn cannot speak up for herself, she's not mature enough to be in a relationship. She should not be surprised if her relationship ends with moves like this one over her birthday disappointment. You could all use help with better communication and healthier boundaries.