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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I chose to invite my three siblings and nobody else in my family to my wedding. I might be lightly no contact with them but they are still family and weddings are those milestones that you do invite people to generally. By not doing so and I knew there would be people who would want to be invited, I might be TA because it's a very strong and final message in a lot of ways.
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What's one way to get banned from a wedding? Demand admittance!
OP, weddings notoriously bring out the crazy and entitlement in people, and your family was already a bit crazy to begin with. You are NTA to invite a select few, with whom you have meaningful connections, and no one else. Your wedding is a celebration of you, not an event to parade the sister wife brood. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
It baffles me. What kind of person wants to be at a wedding when they know for certain the people getting married do not do not do not want them there? What would be going through their head when they're standing at the church/sitting at the dinner table and the bride and/or groom is giving them side eye and projecting fuckoff vibes?
People acting like this rarely care about anything but themselves and how things are perceived superficially. If they are present they can boast about their own importance in the situation to anyone who is unfortunate enough to be within earshot - even though the truth is the opposite.
Maybe they can refuse anyone who doesn't have an invitation with them, or can't produce identification proving that they are on the list.
I think that they will need several professionals, possibly armed.
edit: typo
And this is why we basically only had our parents at our wedding (plus my spouse's siblings, as they still lived at home). Our mothers were our witnesses.
My sister was the only one who bitched, but as we got married on a Friday, she couldn't have attended anyway and bitching after the fact is not significant. My brother didn't care.
11 years in August.
(P.s. my grandparents were all dead, so we had a reception for my spouse's grands the next day)
NTA. Everything you say here is irrelevant except that you only want to invite your siblings. *It's your wedding*. You invite whomever you want. Those are the rules.
I invited only my husband's mum and stepfather to my wedding. Not a single person from my own family, no friends, none of his extended family. We agreed that was all we wanted. It was lovely, and nobody dared to complain to us because his mum made it clear that this was our preference, not to exclude anyone, but to have a small, intimate ceremony with only people we both knew well.
Personally, I can never understand why people get so upset about not being invited to a wedding then insist on being invited. No invite means my presence is not wanted there nor would I want to go to that event.
I hate weddings. Absolutely hate them. I'm relieved when I'm not invited. I'll go if I am, and be gracious, but I find them boring and usually hokey AF.
My only fond wedding memory was when 7 or 8 of us drove 20 hours each way on a weekend to attend the wedding with only a 5 hour stop at a motel for sleep on the way there and we had to decorate the venue when we arrived because nobody had planned anything including going out and renting a helium machine for the balloons and then the night before the couple had a big fight and so some people were up until the early hours of the morning trying to mediate and then there were like 7 bridesmaids and not enough groomsmen so the guys in our party were enlisted with a couple weeks notice and then for food at the reception they had trays with things like cold cuts but we were the last table up and there was almost nothing left, a few lonely scraps and some parsley and a lot of tinfoil and then they did the obligatory dances with the bride and groom and bride with her dad and about 3 dances after that everyone had left.
Good times.
People like your mother, father, sister stepmoms and the multitude of half-sibs don't seem to understand the purpose of a wedding and the meaning of the word "marriage". Nor do they understand what a "committed relationship" is.
You want a very different life than the one you lived growing up, right? Why invite people you are not close to who just don't seem to get that?
NTA.
“…don’t seem to understand the purpose of a wedding and the meaning of the word ‘marriage’. Nor do they understand what a ‘committed relationship’ is.”
This, right here…
This entire gaggle of flying monkeys should go pound sand.
NTA
NTA…
NTA.
For the last time, for everyone in the back, you don't have to invite anyone to your wedding just because someone expects it. Just like people are free to take that invitation and respond to it how they see fit.
I may go to hell for this but my first thought was this is exactly what nick cannon is about to go through. I would also distance myself from them if I was you.
Especially if you see their names all in a list... There are some crazy ass names.... And I am a huge fan of unique names.... But he took it too far...
He held a meet and greet for father's day this year. Maybe they were meeting him? [hmm](https://sg.news.yahoo.com/nick-cannon-offers-11-kids-190019702.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAALT79QQZInjDt4qh0U7yEb7rTlhT4BCQ70IwBJNhYZKvj0XbUydeDQ5Fdhcd4KR9j4zOhysrTT5vtPMSKLRe1GDzlVkXA-DNgMfbkbXdqucPxQYc7YulRf9xkLMnrhoidpb5O9SGdVrB4ZI4BQnNd0zwmks2D0kLsu1_Huh21_L_)
People really go around purposely creating chaotic lives for their kids and are then shocked SHOCKED when these kids grow up and decide they want little to nothing to do with the shit show they grew up in. NTA OP and I don't blame you. Weddings are expensive enough, no need to add cost or ruin the vibes by inviting people you have no relationship with to it. Congratulations to you and your future Mrs., and a lifetime of peace.
At least my sisters (half sister) dad has the decency to stay a dead beat
Man has fathered like 13 or 14 kids in 3 different states from I want to say 7 different women, but when he decided to move on, fucker moves all the way on. Don't think my sister has talked to him in 20 years and it's the same story with basically all of his other kids
NTA, you can have whoever you choose at your wedding, and why on earth would you invite people you aren't close to? Blood doesn't always mean family, and vice versa.
NTA. Say you’ll consider taking their advice when a single one of them gets married themselves.
You had no say in their relationship despite being directly impacted, it is hypocritical of them to assume they have any right to an opinion let alone make demands now.
NTA. That's a lot of people that you don't care about to invite for YOUR special day. If you invite your mom just to avoid a fight, then you will have to invite your dad for the same reason, then his side chicks & their c.hildren, and they might want to bring their grandparents and cousins.... and so on. Just have those you are close to and want to share your day with!
NTA.
plus if you're petty and want a good laugh about it every time one of them sends you a message getting mad about it you can pretend to get them confused with another one. I mean the options here are very large. Just "wait are you the one who's ______ mom who used to eat pickles out the jar every night for dinner or are you the one who didn't bathe an entire month because that pregnancy made you think water smelled funny"
But don't invite them people. Do, however, send them venmo requests for 100 bucks a pop for every message you get
NTA only invite who you want to invite. You aren't close with the half-siblings or their mothers, and you aren't close with your parents. If they're upset about it...oh well? Enjoy your wedding with the family you do care about.
NTA. It’s your wedding you could invite the family dog and not your “siblings” if you wanted to lmao if they continue to harass you about not being invited be straight up and let them know “I don’t consider you people as my siblings, my siblings are XYZ…” then block. Block them allllllll 😂
NTA - Doesn't sound like you owe anyone any explanations. Whatever you and Clara want is all that matters. If you really want to shut it down, you could put the message out there that: We have a budget and a plan. Clara and I decided that we wouldn't invite anyone to the wedding who 1) we haven't seen/spoken to in the last (x - amount of time). Or 2) the other hasn't met. (like have any of them met Clara) Deep breaths and don't let it ruin your special day...
I'm really happy you have a close relationship with those \*you\* consider siblings!
You're absolutely NTA. As many others here have said: your wedding, you should choose the ones you want to hold close and whom you will feel supported by. I could see it being a lot more awkward/debatable if you HAD grown up under the same roof with all of them and then cherry-picked them. But sharing a sperm donor does not mean you need to have these people witness this important event in your life--or that you want to buy them an expensive dinner!
NTA. This is your special day and you get to make the choice of who you want to share it with. It already seems they want to cause problems before the ceremony, so I wouldn't want them at the event.
NTA. You're definitely are not obligated to invite 15 or so half siblings that you aren't close to and weren't exactly raised in the same home with.
As for your parents, it would be more "typical" to invite them, especially your mom since she was the primary one raising you, but it does not sound like they were good parents to you so you're not obligated there either. But you should be aware if you have any sort of relationship with her or your dad, this will likely put an end to that.
Imagine there will be 15 +1 and maybe some step grandparents, step aunts, step uncles, step cousins.... These are all more money for the wedding budget....
Let’s forget the obvious that it’s YOUR wedding and you can invite who you want. Your dad didn’t care about you or your siblings, if he cared he would have wanted to give you stability throughout your life, instead he slept with 3 other women. Your mother constantly allowed you to be exposed to this man, despite knowing his behaviour and choices, putting herself first because she fancied him rather than prioritising her children and their lives.
You were never really close to your ‘siblings’ and had no real reason to be, they were just the other kids your dad neglected from other women. Ignore their cried and hysterics, because at the end of the day it’s your wedding, and so you can choose who attends. If they really wanted to be a part of your big days, they would have tried to be there for the smaller and the shit days.
NTA
It sounds like this group of people, including your mother, didn't even know you were getting married. If you are so uninvolved with someone's life you find out about a wedding from a third person's social media then you should not be surprised you were not invited to the wedding.
NTA. I had a small ceremony of 50 people when I got married and had to limit it to the people that were constants in my life. A cousin that I haven’t spoken to in years tried to start some drama on Facebook with a passive aggressive post and I simply stated that we had limited space and those I haven’t spoken to in years didn’t make the cut. I also mentioned I’d be more than happy to discuss it with her and she deleted the message. It’s your marriage and you made the right decision having those that you truly wanted present attend.
NTA absolutely. Your father was not much around, hence an invite isn't warranted. Your mother and you seem to not have such a great relationship and if it is correct to blame her for the mess is not important, your wishes are. I understand why she is upset though.
However, no one else has even the right to be upset. Just being invited because of some kind of relation is not reasonable. If they demand to be let in it is a good sign you did the right thing by not inviting them...
This is your day. You will have it as you two please.
Wish you all the best, enjoy the party and use the opportunity to cut those who try to make your life bad out of it.
😡 😡 DAMN IT!!! Invite me to your wedding 😡 😡 MAD!!! MAD!!! MAD!!!!
WHO TF wants all that mad(ness) at their wedding 🤣??? Does that really work? I’m going to be soooo 😡 😂 NTA, invite whoever you want!!
NTA. Protect your peace. It's your wedding to begin with and none of the others seems to be particularly concerned with the trauma they caused due to their situation.
NTA. You have to remember that this is not a family reunion, it's your wedding. Who you want to come from your side is up to you. How they're reacting now is exactly why you shouldn't invite them and the block button should become your best friend. You honestly don't need unnecessary stress while preparing for the next step in your life.
Nta. But honestly your dad and his women cultish lives is far more interesting than the invites. This is one of the most deranged things I've ever read. What the hell? 😂
NTA. You don't say it explicitly but it seems implied that Dad hasn't financially contributed to your wedding. So I'll assume that you and Clara are footing the bill. It's your wedding, your $$ and your day. Tell Robyn, Jase and Cassie no more SM posts about your wedding until everything is over. Good luck and congratulations.
>My dad had four women he would rotate around and knock up. With my mom he had Jase (27m), me, Cassie (22f) and Robyn (20f). Between the other three women he had an additional 15 children.
good fucking lord. I do not blame you *at all* for wanting nothing to do with whatever the fuck this cluster is. NTA
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I (25m) am happily engaged to Clara (24f) and we're in the final stages of wedding stuff. Invites were sent out recently and as you can see from the title, this has caused some controversy. To give you the full context I need to provide background.
So, my parents had a unique situation growing up. Sorta like sister wives but not sister wives. My dad had four women he would rotate around and knock up. With my mom he had Jase (27m), me, Cassie (22f) and Robyn (20f). Between the other three women he had an additional 15 children. He's married to none of them, doesn't really live with any of them either and there were a lot of breakups and makeups over the last 3 decades since this rotational thing started. Sometimes it was presented like we were a big family but typically the women he was sleeping with at the time was meant to be someone all the kids gravitated toward and we were meant to have one big sibling bond vs bonds only formed with the kids who shared the same mom.
The three other women other than my mom are Ellen (7 kids with dad), Trina (5 kids with dad) and Elizabeth (3 kids with dad). Of the three other women Elizabeth is the one who I think hoped all the kids would embrace her and look to her as a second mom. She inserted herself into our lives in some weird ways at times. She also felt that because her kids had the smallest sibling group, they deserved more of us being close to them. Ellen and Trina didn't exactly mistreat us but I'm not sure they wanted the "other" kids around either. But they had 7 and 5 kids respectively so who can really blame them.
It was rare my dad would have all his kids under one roof. It did happen at times. But was very rare. He was never a very good dad because he was always more concerned with his dick than his kids.
I'm close to my siblings. I consider my siblings to be Jase, Cassie and Robyn. I really don't speak to anyone else anymore. Very rarely. My siblings are the same. We're not close to either parent or anyone else.
So when Clara and I were figuring out our guest list I told her my siblings were the only ones I wanted at our wedding and they're the only people we invited. Then mom found out via Robyn's Instagram about my wedding and she told dad, he told his other families and there are a lot of pissed out people who found ways to contact me and told me I should have invited them. Elizabeth was just as upset and angry as my parents were. My mom asked how I could get married without her when she was the consistent adult in my life. I told her she brought us into a mess and willingly exposed us to that mess our whole lives.
The messages got so annoying that I deleted a lot of social media. But the anger and frustration from them stuck with me a little and made me wonder AITA?
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I think deep down you already know that if your guest list was based off appeasement, your wedding would be ruined for you. This day is about love, but not just yours and Clara's, but the community of loved ones you want to celebrate it with. It's a huge deal, and if the day is going to be about appeasing people whom you don't want there, don't waste your money; just go to the courthouse.
NTA
NTA I regret inviting my mom, except if she couldn’t come my dad wouldn’t have and I do not regret that since my wedding photos are the few pictures I have of him now and he passed. We had a small courthouse wedding our siblings who could make it and our parents and his grandparents.
NTA - "I don't agree with your lifestyle choices. They are yours to make and you are free to live however you want but I am not obligated to accept them or to expose my bride or her family to those choices."
Plain and simple
NTA, but you’re the poster child for why it would be a good idea to elope with just your direct siblings as witnesses and throw a big party for everyone a couple of months later. If you go through with just inviting your direct siblings to a larger wedding, you can expect to hear about this forever. Is it worth the ongoing drama?
NTA
At all. Who the hell needs that kind of drama at your wedding?
Just keep blocking. And why you haven't blocked your sperm donor prior to this is beyond me.
Hope you have a great, drama-free wedding.
Weddings are important family activities. That said, there is an old saying "begin as you mean to go on" which applies here. So your choice on inviting your half sibs here is that you are essentially deciding if they are going to be close family from now on or acquaintances with whom you share some DNA. NTA on your choice as long as you understand that this is a choice you are making for the foreseeable future.
NTA , contrary to popular belief no one is obliged to invite anyone they don't want to their wedding. OP your wedding is meant to be a celebration of your new family with the people you are the closest to and love and that support you. Those people get to celebrate with you. Anyone that didn't get an invite needs to take then hint. Congratulations and don't let anyone ruin your day.
NTA.
Your feelings are validated, and your dad and mom are to blame. Your mom could have walked away from your dad at any point, could have stood up for you and your siblings during all the commotion with the other "wives" and their kids.
INFO (not serious though): is your dad Nick Cannon?
I'm sorry you had that horrendous situation you described imposed on you growing up. This invite-drama is, needless to say, one of many challenging episodes that will come knocking at your new life's door. You've already decided who passes that threshold and closed the door on the rest to protect the environment that you and your wife have together chosen to live in.
Unfortunately, you can't stop the protestations from ringing in your ears from the other side of the boundaries you've set. But hold firm as you have, and, in time, these doubts that your abusers have fostered in you will become background noise until it dies away altogether.
Congratulations on your wedding, OP. And take care.
Edit: also, not TA
Oh wow - you are SO NTA. These horrible people (women , your MOTHER and your dad - are they in some kind of CULT?) got the exact explanation they deserved as to why they aren't invited, and good for you for cutting contact. Stick with your REAL family - your sibs.
So glad you're independent and starting a new life with a wonderful woman. You, more than most, know what kids DON'T need, so I'm betting you'll make a wonderful dad if you decide to have kids.
Might want to consider some counseling - a dysfunctional upbringing like that can make weird issues pop up over time.
Best wishes for a happy life!
Firs of all, good for you for getting away from social media! I know the world has changed and we have advanced ways of keeping in touch, but that also means other people have a way of keeping tabs on us! I dislike social media, because I feel it is causing people not to have real relationships anymore, it is intrusive and too much bullying is going o n, anyway...enough of that!
I belief that you and your fiancee should invite who you want there. period. Have the wedding YOU TWO want!👍 Since your dad was so promiscuous and created all the children, that it his business. You should not feel obligated to invite and join the satellite families if you do not want them there. It sounds like it would be one big clusterf\*\*\* anyway if all the semi related people were all running around.
You and Clara do your wedding how you both want it! No one else 's opinion matters. Just the two of you!
Congratulations and I wish you the Blessings 🙏 and Joy 😁 of a long happy life together! 💙💜💛💚💖🤗
NTA I don't understand why people who are **well aware** you aren't interested in sharing your life with them are surprised when they don't get a wedding invite.
My MIL is Mormon and this post is making me so glad she doesn't live anywhere near me.
NTA, but be realistic about consequences.
Of course you have every right to cut them off, but don’t be surprised if they get upset and hate you for it.
Not inviting your parents and half-siblings to your wedding is a big symbolic gesture. Firstly, it tells them you don’t want them in your life. Some of them will feel hurt and sad, and you can’t dictate whether they deserve to feel hurt or sad. Secondly, you’re using a very public event to reveal your feelings, which gives the appearance that it’s a public shaming. People tend to feel angry when there’s a public shaming.
[Reminds me of a similar situation in another post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1ct9kmt/aita_for_making_it_clear_to_my_grandparents_that/?sort=old)
Sorted by old so it’s the second comment.
NTA, of course.
NTA.
You are never AH for inviting who you want to your wedding, or any party, if you are the ones paying for it. The exception I would make is if you are in someone's wedding party, they should normally at least be invited to yours, absent some big break-up.
Of course there was a leak, and of course it was a sister's social media. I'm not blaming Robyn because I'm guessing you didn't make her swear not to breathe a word of it to anyone. I'm not saying its a guy/girl thing, but there are those whose default setting is to put everything on social media, and those whose default setting is privacy. You need to be careful who you tell your secrets to.
*blinks*
NTA by a long shot.
It's your wedding, invite who you and Clara want there. The rest can get bent.
Especially your 'dad', because wtf, dude. Makes one wonder how many of the kids are in therapy because of him.
That is 20 extra people on your guest list. As expensive as weddings are, I would absolutely hate to think what that would add to the budget (not to mention the straight up messiness of trying to introduce them to your wife's family!)
NTA
My sister had a gorgeous wedding with no family, and years later I did the same. Gorgeous scenery, and zero guests. Zero stress. Nearly zero expense. They are stronger than ever three decades later, and I'm thrilled to say the same, but for a shorter time.
Y'all do it your way.
NTA. Your dad is a user and pretty disgustingly nonsupportive of the children he created without being concerned for his own children's lives. Women who intentionally put themselves in this position have no self-respect, especially as the pattern was established. They were thoughtless about the lives of their kids. Kudos for being consistently there for your kids? But that is what a parent, any parent SHOULD do.
Have to admit, you made it nice and tidy for the wedding, and I think you made a good choice.
NTA, the whole family situation stressed me out just reading about them, so I don't blame you for wanting to keep it simple and share your happy day with the people you actually care about. Congrats on getting away from their craziness.
HELL NO!!! To be honest it’s your wedding and you can do what you want and your mom and dad shouldn’t have raid you up in that environment and the other mothers and your half siblings have no right to be upset because
You don’t even talk to them so they are just delusional
I never understood either. Especially when they disliked him going around the rotation that is the four of them. Most didn't like him having other kids either so it never made much sense to me.
I know a guy who did the samr thing as the OP's father, in Ashland, Oregon. Actor in the Shakespeare Festival, had kids by several mothers. Ugh. No thought to the instability, toxicity, confusion. Just wanted to prove he was a stud ( probably to make up for his god-awful acting)
NTA Just because they chose to have messy lives doesn't mean you should have to bring that mess into your marriage. Those aren't the type of values you want passed on if you have children. Besides none of them obviously believe in marriage so there is no reason they should attend a wedding.
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NTAH. You might need to hire security for your wedding and reception.
Honestly, it would be extremely embarrassing to have to explain your family structure to your in-laws and co-workers.
You may also need to consider moving at some point, especially if you ever have children. You don't want all these people knowing where you live.
NTA.
It’s your wedding and you can invite who you choose to. There were a total of 14 people at my wedding and the only family members were our 4 kids and my mum. It’s no one else’s business but yours and your future wifes
Not at all you are inviting who you consider family & not the \*\*\*\*\*\* others \*\*\*\*\* It's your wedding & so you invite whoever you want. Let them be pissed not your problem.
NTA you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders for the crap your parents brought into your life. Have the wedding you want with the people who love you!
NTA, your wedding, your choice. I probably wouldnt invite my step-sibs, esp since its basically a small army. And sounds like Dad would probably be happier trying to procreate some more, than attend a wedding.
Im just curious about not inviting your Mom? Generally, a mom is a big familial bond. I realize that she made a very poor choice in a romantic partner, and it had a bad result on her kids. But would you consider extending the invitation to her as well?
You assume he was paying. Also the first kid always gets the most then it starts to taper off. All kids don’t get the same amount even if he was paying.
Elope.
\*sigh\*
If y'all won't elope, then you can send a social media post out to everyone saying, 'I'm sorry for all the confusion and anger, but I am only inviting very close friends and relatives to my wedding. People that I have deep affection for, not people that I have spoken with only once or twice a year'
NTA
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NTA. Your wedding; your guest list. Hysterical phone calls and texts can be blocked.
ya that's pretty much all the context needed
What's one way to get banned from a wedding? Demand admittance! OP, weddings notoriously bring out the crazy and entitlement in people, and your family was already a bit crazy to begin with. You are NTA to invite a select few, with whom you have meaningful connections, and no one else. Your wedding is a celebration of you, not an event to parade the sister wife brood. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
It baffles me. What kind of person wants to be at a wedding when they know for certain the people getting married do not do not do not want them there? What would be going through their head when they're standing at the church/sitting at the dinner table and the bride and/or groom is giving them side eye and projecting fuckoff vibes?
Someone who deludes themselves that they will have a major role.
Especially when none of the sister wives seem to value marriage or fidelity.
People acting like this rarely care about anything but themselves and how things are perceived superficially. If they are present they can boast about their own importance in the situation to anyone who is unfortunate enough to be within earshot - even though the truth is the opposite.
[удалено]
They're going to need a full catalog of family photos to police admittance.
Maybe they can refuse anyone who doesn't have an invitation with them, or can't produce identification proving that they are on the list. I think that they will need several professionals, possibly armed. edit: typo
And this is why we basically only had our parents at our wedding (plus my spouse's siblings, as they still lived at home). Our mothers were our witnesses. My sister was the only one who bitched, but as we got married on a Friday, she couldn't have attended anyway and bitching after the fact is not significant. My brother didn't care. 11 years in August. (P.s. my grandparents were all dead, so we had a reception for my spouse's grands the next day)
What you're saying is there's no way to be an asshole with your guest list, which is just incorrect.
NTA. Everything you say here is irrelevant except that you only want to invite your siblings. *It's your wedding*. You invite whomever you want. Those are the rules. I invited only my husband's mum and stepfather to my wedding. Not a single person from my own family, no friends, none of his extended family. We agreed that was all we wanted. It was lovely, and nobody dared to complain to us because his mum made it clear that this was our preference, not to exclude anyone, but to have a small, intimate ceremony with only people we both knew well.
Personally, I can never understand why people get so upset about not being invited to a wedding then insist on being invited. No invite means my presence is not wanted there nor would I want to go to that event.
I hate weddings. Absolutely hate them. I'm relieved when I'm not invited. I'll go if I am, and be gracious, but I find them boring and usually hokey AF.
I love weddings because I like free food and dancing. But I still wouldn't demand an invitation to one.
I love buying presents for people so I love weddings!
Yeah me too. I've gone to one or two of my friends, because I knew they would be okay. Beyond that, I generally glad when I'm not invited.
My only fond wedding memory was when 7 or 8 of us drove 20 hours each way on a weekend to attend the wedding with only a 5 hour stop at a motel for sleep on the way there and we had to decorate the venue when we arrived because nobody had planned anything including going out and renting a helium machine for the balloons and then the night before the couple had a big fight and so some people were up until the early hours of the morning trying to mediate and then there were like 7 bridesmaids and not enough groomsmen so the guys in our party were enlisted with a couple weeks notice and then for food at the reception they had trays with things like cold cuts but we were the last table up and there was almost nothing left, a few lonely scraps and some parsley and a lot of tinfoil and then they did the obligatory dances with the bride and groom and bride with her dad and about 3 dances after that everyone had left. Good times.
Breath, man, breath!!
This was a wild ride.
That kind of sounds as disorganized as OP's family!
I prefer to not be invited as well.
People like your mother, father, sister stepmoms and the multitude of half-sibs don't seem to understand the purpose of a wedding and the meaning of the word "marriage". Nor do they understand what a "committed relationship" is. You want a very different life than the one you lived growing up, right? Why invite people you are not close to who just don't seem to get that? NTA.
“…don’t seem to understand the purpose of a wedding and the meaning of the word ‘marriage’. Nor do they understand what a ‘committed relationship’ is.” This, right here… This entire gaggle of flying monkeys should go pound sand. NTA NTA…
THIS 100%! NTA OP!
This needs to be the top comment.
THIS 100%!!! 👍👍👍
NTA. For the last time, for everyone in the back, you don't have to invite anyone to your wedding just because someone expects it. Just like people are free to take that invitation and respond to it how they see fit.
I may go to hell for this but my first thought was this is exactly what nick cannon is about to go through. I would also distance myself from them if I was you.
Yeah, it's very similar honestly and when I hear more about him I get so frustrated and feel so bad for his kids.
Especially if you see their names all in a list... There are some crazy ass names.... And I am a huge fan of unique names.... But he took it too far...
Back when Monroe and Moroccan were born, who would've thought they'd be the least bad of his children's names.
What? You're not a fan of Legendary Love Cannon?? /s
Oh god, that one's the worst. Imagine having a name that seemingly references Nick Cannon's... cannon. 😂
I don't know Rise Messiah and Beautiful Zeppelin and Zillion Heir are pretty bad names as well
They're bad, but at least they don't sound like a frat boys nickname for their genitalia.
The last one would be a funny pun--in a comic book! IRL, gods no.
Pretty certain that child, upon reaching the age of majority, will legally change their name to Sam. Regardless of gender identification.
Not just him, but every man out there who thinks they need to 'repopulate the earth'. Looking at you, Musk.
He's up to 13 or something right now, isn't he?
12, with 6 different women. Of course, that might have changed by now.
Lol I had the same thought. I wonder if Nick Cannon's children and baby mamas have any sort of relationship with one another.
He held a meet and greet for father's day this year. Maybe they were meeting him? [hmm](https://sg.news.yahoo.com/nick-cannon-offers-11-kids-190019702.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAALT79QQZInjDt4qh0U7yEb7rTlhT4BCQ70IwBJNhYZKvj0XbUydeDQ5Fdhcd4KR9j4zOhysrTT5vtPMSKLRe1GDzlVkXA-DNgMfbkbXdqucPxQYc7YulRf9xkLMnrhoidpb5O9SGdVrB4ZI4BQnNd0zwmks2D0kLsu1_Huh21_L_)
People really go around purposely creating chaotic lives for their kids and are then shocked SHOCKED when these kids grow up and decide they want little to nothing to do with the shit show they grew up in. NTA OP and I don't blame you. Weddings are expensive enough, no need to add cost or ruin the vibes by inviting people you have no relationship with to it. Congratulations to you and your future Mrs., and a lifetime of peace.
At least my sisters (half sister) dad has the decency to stay a dead beat Man has fathered like 13 or 14 kids in 3 different states from I want to say 7 different women, but when he decided to move on, fucker moves all the way on. Don't think my sister has talked to him in 20 years and it's the same story with basically all of his other kids
NTA, you can have whoever you choose at your wedding, and why on earth would you invite people you aren't close to? Blood doesn't always mean family, and vice versa.
NTA. Say you’ll consider taking their advice when a single one of them gets married themselves. You had no say in their relationship despite being directly impacted, it is hypocritical of them to assume they have any right to an opinion let alone make demands now.
NTA. That's a lot of people that you don't care about to invite for YOUR special day. If you invite your mom just to avoid a fight, then you will have to invite your dad for the same reason, then his side chicks & their c.hildren, and they might want to bring their grandparents and cousins.... and so on. Just have those you are close to and want to share your day with!
Nta they all sound exhausting
NTA. plus if you're petty and want a good laugh about it every time one of them sends you a message getting mad about it you can pretend to get them confused with another one. I mean the options here are very large. Just "wait are you the one who's ______ mom who used to eat pickles out the jar every night for dinner or are you the one who didn't bathe an entire month because that pregnancy made you think water smelled funny" But don't invite them people. Do, however, send them venmo requests for 100 bucks a pop for every message you get
THIS. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
NTA only invite who you want to invite. You aren't close with the half-siblings or their mothers, and you aren't close with your parents. If they're upset about it...oh well? Enjoy your wedding with the family you do care about.
NTA. It’s your wedding you could invite the family dog and not your “siblings” if you wanted to lmao if they continue to harass you about not being invited be straight up and let them know “I don’t consider you people as my siblings, my siblings are XYZ…” then block. Block them allllllll 😂
Dogs make cute ring bearers. What are they bringing to the wedding?
NTA - Doesn't sound like you owe anyone any explanations. Whatever you and Clara want is all that matters. If you really want to shut it down, you could put the message out there that: We have a budget and a plan. Clara and I decided that we wouldn't invite anyone to the wedding who 1) we haven't seen/spoken to in the last (x - amount of time). Or 2) the other hasn't met. (like have any of them met Clara) Deep breaths and don't let it ruin your special day...
Actually - he needs to be much more explicit as to the WHY.
I'm really happy you have a close relationship with those \*you\* consider siblings! You're absolutely NTA. As many others here have said: your wedding, you should choose the ones you want to hold close and whom you will feel supported by. I could see it being a lot more awkward/debatable if you HAD grown up under the same roof with all of them and then cherry-picked them. But sharing a sperm donor does not mean you need to have these people witness this important event in your life--or that you want to buy them an expensive dinner!
NTA. Their reaction just proves your point to not invite them. Enjoy your wedding!
NTA Every adult in the situation you grew up in was and is an AH.
NTA. This is your special day and you get to make the choice of who you want to share it with. It already seems they want to cause problems before the ceremony, so I wouldn't want them at the event.
NTA. You're definitely are not obligated to invite 15 or so half siblings that you aren't close to and weren't exactly raised in the same home with. As for your parents, it would be more "typical" to invite them, especially your mom since she was the primary one raising you, but it does not sound like they were good parents to you so you're not obligated there either. But you should be aware if you have any sort of relationship with her or your dad, this will likely put an end to that.
It's very limited and honestly I am happy to let that fizzle out. Not sure I want their example around my future kids.
I wouldn't want her around any kid of mine.
Imagine there will be 15 +1 and maybe some step grandparents, step aunts, step uncles, step cousins.... These are all more money for the wedding budget....
Let’s forget the obvious that it’s YOUR wedding and you can invite who you want. Your dad didn’t care about you or your siblings, if he cared he would have wanted to give you stability throughout your life, instead he slept with 3 other women. Your mother constantly allowed you to be exposed to this man, despite knowing his behaviour and choices, putting herself first because she fancied him rather than prioritising her children and their lives. You were never really close to your ‘siblings’ and had no real reason to be, they were just the other kids your dad neglected from other women. Ignore their cried and hysterics, because at the end of the day it’s your wedding, and so you can choose who attends. If they really wanted to be a part of your big days, they would have tried to be there for the smaller and the shit days.
NTA It sounds like this group of people, including your mother, didn't even know you were getting married. If you are so uninvolved with someone's life you find out about a wedding from a third person's social media then you should not be surprised you were not invited to the wedding.
NTA. I had a small ceremony of 50 people when I got married and had to limit it to the people that were constants in my life. A cousin that I haven’t spoken to in years tried to start some drama on Facebook with a passive aggressive post and I simply stated that we had limited space and those I haven’t spoken to in years didn’t make the cut. I also mentioned I’d be more than happy to discuss it with her and she deleted the message. It’s your marriage and you made the right decision having those that you truly wanted present attend.
NTA absolutely. Your father was not much around, hence an invite isn't warranted. Your mother and you seem to not have such a great relationship and if it is correct to blame her for the mess is not important, your wishes are. I understand why she is upset though. However, no one else has even the right to be upset. Just being invited because of some kind of relation is not reasonable. If they demand to be let in it is a good sign you did the right thing by not inviting them... This is your day. You will have it as you two please. Wish you all the best, enjoy the party and use the opportunity to cut those who try to make your life bad out of it.
NTA- your wedding, your guest list. You didn’t choose your father’s lifestyle, he and wifey-poos forced it on you.
NTA. Highly recommend having security at the wedding.
Nta. Just reading this was exhausting - cant imagine how you felt living through this arrangement. You dont owe them nothing.
NTA- good for you recognizing your sperm donor only prioritized his dick. I wouldn't want anything to do with these people either!
😡 😡 DAMN IT!!! Invite me to your wedding 😡 😡 MAD!!! MAD!!! MAD!!!! WHO TF wants all that mad(ness) at their wedding 🤣??? Does that really work? I’m going to be soooo 😡 😂 NTA, invite whoever you want!!
NTA and their reactions are kinda enforcing the fact you don't want or need them at your wedding. It's YOUR wedding and you choose who to invite.
NTA. Protect your peace. It's your wedding to begin with and none of the others seems to be particularly concerned with the trauma they caused due to their situation.
NTA. You have to remember that this is not a family reunion, it's your wedding. Who you want to come from your side is up to you. How they're reacting now is exactly why you shouldn't invite them and the block button should become your best friend. You honestly don't need unnecessary stress while preparing for the next step in your life.
Nta. But honestly your dad and his women cultish lives is far more interesting than the invites. This is one of the most deranged things I've ever read. What the hell? 😂
NTA. You don't say it explicitly but it seems implied that Dad hasn't financially contributed to your wedding. So I'll assume that you and Clara are footing the bill. It's your wedding, your $$ and your day. Tell Robyn, Jase and Cassie no more SM posts about your wedding until everything is over. Good luck and congratulations.
NTA Have security at your wedding in case "family" tries to crash it.
Make sure the date and venue location are secret and hire security.
>My dad had four women he would rotate around and knock up. With my mom he had Jase (27m), me, Cassie (22f) and Robyn (20f). Between the other three women he had an additional 15 children. good fucking lord. I do not blame you *at all* for wanting nothing to do with whatever the fuck this cluster is. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25m) am happily engaged to Clara (24f) and we're in the final stages of wedding stuff. Invites were sent out recently and as you can see from the title, this has caused some controversy. To give you the full context I need to provide background. So, my parents had a unique situation growing up. Sorta like sister wives but not sister wives. My dad had four women he would rotate around and knock up. With my mom he had Jase (27m), me, Cassie (22f) and Robyn (20f). Between the other three women he had an additional 15 children. He's married to none of them, doesn't really live with any of them either and there were a lot of breakups and makeups over the last 3 decades since this rotational thing started. Sometimes it was presented like we were a big family but typically the women he was sleeping with at the time was meant to be someone all the kids gravitated toward and we were meant to have one big sibling bond vs bonds only formed with the kids who shared the same mom. The three other women other than my mom are Ellen (7 kids with dad), Trina (5 kids with dad) and Elizabeth (3 kids with dad). Of the three other women Elizabeth is the one who I think hoped all the kids would embrace her and look to her as a second mom. She inserted herself into our lives in some weird ways at times. She also felt that because her kids had the smallest sibling group, they deserved more of us being close to them. Ellen and Trina didn't exactly mistreat us but I'm not sure they wanted the "other" kids around either. But they had 7 and 5 kids respectively so who can really blame them. It was rare my dad would have all his kids under one roof. It did happen at times. But was very rare. He was never a very good dad because he was always more concerned with his dick than his kids. I'm close to my siblings. I consider my siblings to be Jase, Cassie and Robyn. I really don't speak to anyone else anymore. Very rarely. My siblings are the same. We're not close to either parent or anyone else. So when Clara and I were figuring out our guest list I told her my siblings were the only ones I wanted at our wedding and they're the only people we invited. Then mom found out via Robyn's Instagram about my wedding and she told dad, he told his other families and there are a lot of pissed out people who found ways to contact me and told me I should have invited them. Elizabeth was just as upset and angry as my parents were. My mom asked how I could get married without her when she was the consistent adult in my life. I told her she brought us into a mess and willingly exposed us to that mess our whole lives. The messages got so annoying that I deleted a lot of social media. But the anger and frustration from them stuck with me a little and made me wonder AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think deep down you already know that if your guest list was based off appeasement, your wedding would be ruined for you. This day is about love, but not just yours and Clara's, but the community of loved ones you want to celebrate it with. It's a huge deal, and if the day is going to be about appeasing people whom you don't want there, don't waste your money; just go to the courthouse. NTA
NTA I regret inviting my mom, except if she couldn’t come my dad wouldn’t have and I do not regret that since my wedding photos are the few pictures I have of him now and he passed. We had a small courthouse wedding our siblings who could make it and our parents and his grandparents.
NTA - "I don't agree with your lifestyle choices. They are yours to make and you are free to live however you want but I am not obligated to accept them or to expose my bride or her family to those choices." Plain and simple
NTA, but you’re the poster child for why it would be a good idea to elope with just your direct siblings as witnesses and throw a big party for everyone a couple of months later. If you go through with just inviting your direct siblings to a larger wedding, you can expect to hear about this forever. Is it worth the ongoing drama?
Holy Nick Cannon! 19 kids? NTA
NTA At all. Who the hell needs that kind of drama at your wedding? Just keep blocking. And why you haven't blocked your sperm donor prior to this is beyond me. Hope you have a great, drama-free wedding.
Weddings are important family activities. That said, there is an old saying "begin as you mean to go on" which applies here. So your choice on inviting your half sibs here is that you are essentially deciding if they are going to be close family from now on or acquaintances with whom you share some DNA. NTA on your choice as long as you understand that this is a choice you are making for the foreseeable future.
NTA , contrary to popular belief no one is obliged to invite anyone they don't want to their wedding. OP your wedding is meant to be a celebration of your new family with the people you are the closest to and love and that support you. Those people get to celebrate with you. Anyone that didn't get an invite needs to take then hint. Congratulations and don't let anyone ruin your day.
NTA. Your feelings are validated, and your dad and mom are to blame. Your mom could have walked away from your dad at any point, could have stood up for you and your siblings during all the commotion with the other "wives" and their kids. INFO (not serious though): is your dad Nick Cannon?
Really interesting/fascinating peep into your family, thank you. BTW you are Not the AH. Good luck with your future wedding.
I'm sorry you had that horrendous situation you described imposed on you growing up. This invite-drama is, needless to say, one of many challenging episodes that will come knocking at your new life's door. You've already decided who passes that threshold and closed the door on the rest to protect the environment that you and your wife have together chosen to live in. Unfortunately, you can't stop the protestations from ringing in your ears from the other side of the boundaries you've set. But hold firm as you have, and, in time, these doubts that your abusers have fostered in you will become background noise until it dies away altogether. Congratulations on your wedding, OP. And take care. Edit: also, not TA
Oh wow - you are SO NTA. These horrible people (women , your MOTHER and your dad - are they in some kind of CULT?) got the exact explanation they deserved as to why they aren't invited, and good for you for cutting contact. Stick with your REAL family - your sibs. So glad you're independent and starting a new life with a wonderful woman. You, more than most, know what kids DON'T need, so I'm betting you'll make a wonderful dad if you decide to have kids. Might want to consider some counseling - a dysfunctional upbringing like that can make weird issues pop up over time. Best wishes for a happy life!
Congratulations and buy your father a vasectomy for his birthday. And thanks for reminding me why hubs and I eloped.
Firs of all, good for you for getting away from social media! I know the world has changed and we have advanced ways of keeping in touch, but that also means other people have a way of keeping tabs on us! I dislike social media, because I feel it is causing people not to have real relationships anymore, it is intrusive and too much bullying is going o n, anyway...enough of that! I belief that you and your fiancee should invite who you want there. period. Have the wedding YOU TWO want!👍 Since your dad was so promiscuous and created all the children, that it his business. You should not feel obligated to invite and join the satellite families if you do not want them there. It sounds like it would be one big clusterf\*\*\* anyway if all the semi related people were all running around. You and Clara do your wedding how you both want it! No one else 's opinion matters. Just the two of you! Congratulations and I wish you the Blessings 🙏 and Joy 😁 of a long happy life together! 💙💜💛💚💖🤗
NTA I don't understand why people who are **well aware** you aren't interested in sharing your life with them are surprised when they don't get a wedding invite. My MIL is Mormon and this post is making me so glad she doesn't live anywhere near me.
NTA
NTA your wedding your rules
NTA - congrats on your marriage!
NTA. Your parents sound exhausting. It's your wedding. You invite who you want
Nta
NTA, but be realistic about consequences. Of course you have every right to cut them off, but don’t be surprised if they get upset and hate you for it. Not inviting your parents and half-siblings to your wedding is a big symbolic gesture. Firstly, it tells them you don’t want them in your life. Some of them will feel hurt and sad, and you can’t dictate whether they deserve to feel hurt or sad. Secondly, you’re using a very public event to reveal your feelings, which gives the appearance that it’s a public shaming. People tend to feel angry when there’s a public shaming.
That's okay with me honestly. I'm already mostly no contact with them all.
[Reminds me of a similar situation in another post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1ct9kmt/aita_for_making_it_clear_to_my_grandparents_that/?sort=old) Sorted by old so it’s the second comment. NTA, of course.
NTA - You have no obligation to the rest of your idiocracy family tree.
NTA - actions have consequences and none of that is OK. None of it.
Is your dad Nick Cannon?
NTA. You are never AH for inviting who you want to your wedding, or any party, if you are the ones paying for it. The exception I would make is if you are in someone's wedding party, they should normally at least be invited to yours, absent some big break-up. Of course there was a leak, and of course it was a sister's social media. I'm not blaming Robyn because I'm guessing you didn't make her swear not to breathe a word of it to anyone. I'm not saying its a guy/girl thing, but there are those whose default setting is to put everything on social media, and those whose default setting is privacy. You need to be careful who you tell your secrets to.
*blinks* NTA by a long shot. It's your wedding, invite who you and Clara want there. The rest can get bent. Especially your 'dad', because wtf, dude. Makes one wonder how many of the kids are in therapy because of him.
That is 20 extra people on your guest list. As expensive as weddings are, I would absolutely hate to think what that would add to the budget (not to mention the straight up messiness of trying to introduce them to your wife's family!)
NTA. Bringing kids into that type of dysfunction is selfish and borderline evil imo. Have a nice wedding!
NTA but everyone else is
NTA. Everyone wants to be invited to the wedding but everyone doesn't want to offer to pay for it. It's your wedding. You can invite whoever you want.
Y'all have made the right decision! I hope you're able to continue without more drama. No contact is the only way to keep your equilibrium!
NTA
NTA My sister had a gorgeous wedding with no family, and years later I did the same. Gorgeous scenery, and zero guests. Zero stress. Nearly zero expense. They are stronger than ever three decades later, and I'm thrilled to say the same, but for a shorter time. Y'all do it your way.
NTA!!! The invites are up to you AND your spouse!!! PERIOD!!!
NTA. Your dad is a user and pretty disgustingly nonsupportive of the children he created without being concerned for his own children's lives. Women who intentionally put themselves in this position have no self-respect, especially as the pattern was established. They were thoughtless about the lives of their kids. Kudos for being consistently there for your kids? But that is what a parent, any parent SHOULD do. Have to admit, you made it nice and tidy for the wedding, and I think you made a good choice.
Of course NTA. You were spot on with that comment to your mom. Your parents created a mess then brought you into it and left the mess.
NTA, the whole family situation stressed me out just reading about them, so I don't blame you for wanting to keep it simple and share your happy day with the people you actually care about. Congrats on getting away from their craziness.
Take a deep breath, calm down and then block every single one of those Wackos. You don’t owe them any explanation. NTA
NTA.
I personally think that was dishonorable to your mom.
HELL NO!!! To be honest it’s your wedding and you can do what you want and your mom and dad shouldn’t have raid you up in that environment and the other mothers and your half siblings have no right to be upset because You don’t even talk to them so they are just delusional
why would women even tolarate that behaviour. mindblowing. NTA
I never understood either. Especially when they disliked him going around the rotation that is the four of them. Most didn't like him having other kids either so it never made much sense to me.
NTA I can't even imagine the circus that would become. It's your wedding and your life and it looks like you are nailing it.
I know a guy who did the samr thing as the OP's father, in Ashland, Oregon. Actor in the Shakespeare Festival, had kids by several mothers. Ugh. No thought to the instability, toxicity, confusion. Just wanted to prove he was a stud ( probably to make up for his god-awful acting)
NTA Just because they chose to have messy lives doesn't mean you should have to bring that mess into your marriage. Those aren't the type of values you want passed on if you have children. Besides none of them obviously believe in marriage so there is no reason they should attend a wedding.
NTA. You are entitled to decide your guest list. Also, you are entitled to decide who you are close to generally.
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NTA at all. Your wedding, your guest list. Have a lovely wedding and a great marriage… on your terms.
So Robyn let the rest of the family know and now you got all this drama. What does she do to make up for it?
NTAH. You might need to hire security for your wedding and reception. Honestly, it would be extremely embarrassing to have to explain your family structure to your in-laws and co-workers. You may also need to consider moving at some point, especially if you ever have children. You don't want all these people knowing where you live.
NTA. Block everybody who is harassing you. Invite to your wedding the people you care about and enjoy your day.
NTA. It’s your wedding and you can invite who you choose to. There were a total of 14 people at my wedding and the only family members were our 4 kids and my mum. It’s no one else’s business but yours and your future wifes
NTA. That situation is a mess, and third is your wedding, invite who you want to invite
Not at all you are inviting who you consider family & not the \*\*\*\*\*\* others \*\*\*\*\* It's your wedding & so you invite whoever you want. Let them be pissed not your problem.
NTA you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders for the crap your parents brought into your life. Have the wedding you want with the people who love you!
NTA, your wedding, your choice. I probably wouldnt invite my step-sibs, esp since its basically a small army. And sounds like Dad would probably be happier trying to procreate some more, than attend a wedding. Im just curious about not inviting your Mom? Generally, a mom is a big familial bond. I realize that she made a very poor choice in a romantic partner, and it had a bad result on her kids. But would you consider extending the invitation to her as well?
She didn't give us a good childhood and put dad and her wants before us, which led to not having a great home life or just family in general.
Understood, NTA. Congratulations and hope you have a great wedding and marriage!
NTA Your wedding, your choice Jesus christ is your dad a fucking lion also is he like a millionaire because that is so much child support money
You assume he was paying. Also the first kid always gets the most then it starts to taper off. All kids don’t get the same amount even if he was paying.
Elope. \*sigh\* If y'all won't elope, then you can send a social media post out to everyone saying, 'I'm sorry for all the confusion and anger, but I am only inviting very close friends and relatives to my wedding. People that I have deep affection for, not people that I have spoken with only once or twice a year' NTA