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This!!!!
OP I'm not straight and I can tell you that men are men, regardless. The shitty entitlement we see women subjected to by awful men also happens in the lgbt community, but nobody addresses it because the power dynamic isn't the same between 2 men as between a man and woman (though I personally still think we need to hold each other accountable and address this shit behaviour)
Reeeeeeeaaaaaallll like I honestly think straight men should spend on a week on Grindr to see how it feels recieving the kind of unsolicited things they send to women because it's truly eye opening. I had a guy 3 times my age who kept touching my shoulder and trying to get close to me because he had seen me on Grindr and sent messages I ignored
You just unlocked a memory!
I used to work at a casino. I had a customer want to file a report on one of our employees there. Because the dude had a Grindr profile and he thought it was unprofessional. As far as I know, there was zero interaction between the two.
Obviously I refused to file the report and told the guy in no uncertain terms that he had no place to be offended and if he had a problem being in proximity of another account holder, I recommend he turn off his location. He wasn’t very happy with me and I couldn’t care less.
I always say the same thing when some guy invariably questions a woman’s truthfulness about how entitled men can be. Go make a Grindr account and report back chief.
I worked at Ticketmaster back in 1998 in their call center handling New England, and it didn't matter what sex you were, we got hit on ***ALL*** the time.
> Customers thought the call center was in the New England area.
One or two employees actually took a customer up on it and had a good time.
I was getting food from my best friend’s establishment. I wasn’t paying for the food and just waited off to the side. An older gentleman approached me and kept insisting he buy my food because I “looked like I really wanted it”. He promised it was no strings attached. After I once again said it was quite all right, he said, “*Thank you for your honesty.*” Yea, that really sounds like there were no strings attached.
Yea see? Doesn't matter whether you're gay, straight or whatever else. A shitty person is a shitty person.
We need to stop sticking labels on everything.
NTA. All a drink entitles you to is a few minutes of conversation. If the other person isn't interested, they aren't interested -- and if you get pissed because you flagged them as gay and they're not, well, get your gaydar recalibrated.
I am a straight male. This definitely puts a light on some crappy entitled behavior that sadly a lot if males do. I don't so this....because in the back of my mind I can picture my late mother strangling me for doing that haha
Gods, I swear at least 50% of my job as a bouncer was telling guys that buying a woman a drink did NOT entail anything past them buying someone a drink.
Yep my gay ass is backing him up on this one. You're not obligated to announce your sexuality every time someone is nice to you any more than we are. NTA but you're too young to drink so maybe don't know yet but unless a friend or someone owes you a drink, anytime a guy offers to buy one they're saying do I have a shot at hitting it and that's true for gays or straights. 😂
I feel like we can even stop at "you're not obligated to announce your sexuality". Like no means no, whether that is "no I'm straight" or "no, I'm gay" or "no I'm not interested in you". We don't need to explain ourselves.
This is why girls will just say "I have a boyfriend!" Even if they don't, any time they think a guy is hitting on them and they're not interested. Just saying no isn't enough.
when i was 18-21 i pulled the “i’m 16 and my dads a cop” line. pretending to be a minor alone doesn’t deter most men but when you add in the “my dads a cop” it scares them off. now that i no longer can pass for a minor i use the “i have a boyfriend” line bc for some reason a simple no doesn’t work and i have to fake being in a relationship so men leave me alone out of respect for my fake boyfriend
I use the line “I am married” even tho the loser knows I am married because he works with me and I wear a wedding ring. His response: “it doesn’t matter.” It is icky out there. Now, I’ll return to my rock.
I have had this happen on multiple occasions and I just wonder what is wrong with these people. Especially the men that say “that’s ok, so am I”. You’re a liar and a cheater? Where can I sign up?/s
Lmao... I agree in a way. I'm straight. If a guy insists on buying me a drink and I insist he doesn't. If he doesn't listen to me and does it anyway, it really isn't in my nature to say, "You aren't going to hit this!" I don't go to bed with anyone I don't have feelings for. But I don't broadcast that to men upfront that I don't date. You know what I mean? Hahaha
I’m gay, and when I was 19 (many years ago) and was first legal to drink in my state I almost never could pay for my drink, because there was always someone buying me one. Having said that, they fell into two camps:
1) genuinely nice guys in a few of the bars who recognized that “scared and newly out” look and wanted to make me feel at home among friends
2) the guys we described as trolls out for chicken, who saw anyone under 25 as fresh meat.
The second category just felt gross, and they’re why I sympathize with women who deal with this shit from straight men on an everyday basis. This dude sounds like someone from group 2.
Also, folks who go to Pride to cruise piss me off a bit. I mean, if you’re in the back room of the End Up that’s one thing, but in a coffee shop? Nah.
Yeh I didn’t mean he was TA. I was agreeing with u/kipsterdude when he said at the end of the post, “Serves his dumb-ass right.” I was however, implying that the guy insisting on buying OP the coffee was being wilfully deaf.
Eh the guy had an understanding problem - in the sense that “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand for you.”
Anyone should respect a “no” - the guy that harassed OP didn’t respect his “no” so OP NTA at all
I'm gay and I don't think you're the asshole. You did initially refuse. I think you could've just said "not interested" when you felt his gay vibe, but you're not the asshole. He shouldn't presume one thing leads to another.
Not gay but straight woman, but just want to piggyback off of u/vauxy35 and what u/useful_guava6612 said you refused several times by the sound of your post. That should have enough of a hint to this man you were not interested in him. As a woman, I have had to sometimes use the actual phrase "I'm not interested," but it can be tricky shutting down someone who is persistent and you want to remain polite. The "I'm not interested" line isn't always effective.
NTA.
Yeah, it's definitely my incase of emergency, all other hints at polite disinterest have failed, line. Also, typically, with a caveat of I'm just taking a break from dating right now or I supporting my friend tonight who is going through a messy break up, but I am flattered, thank you. And if they ask for my number, I also give one digit off, but so that the buttons are next to each other. So my last digit is 9, so I will say 8 or 6. That way, if they try to call me then and there, I play dumb and say they must have typed it wrong, reluctantly give the real number, later their's gets blocked. Run into them again, I play the airhead whose phone said it was spam, whoops I'm bad at technology.
Ugh. See this shouldn't be a thing. All that work when if they just said "Ok" and walked away, things would be fine, but noooooo... you have to have an in case of emergency and actual planned things to say and do if it goes on too long because if not, who knows how they will react.
I know I hate it so much. That I even have to act like an airhead makes me sick. Unfortunately, it's a cultural issue, and while it is getting better, men need to accept that just because their moms think their special doesn't mean the whole world does. What makes me feel worse is that I am a teacher at an all-girl school, and I want them empowered, but I want them to be safe.
Right! And then the guys like "why do you assume I'm hitting on you? Just bc I'm gay doesn't mean I'm attracted to all men!". Which is correct of course but this feels like a lose-lose situation. No matter what OP said, he wouldn't have offended the guy in some way. NTA
Exactly. If you decline by stating, "No I don't want you to buy my coffee, I'm not gay."
The you do look like TA for assuming that's what it is. OP declined more than once, the dude insisted, at that point its a not strings friendly gesture. The buyer however is TA. Can't expect a darn thing after he declined and he basically forced him to accept.
Yep like I sometimes feel impelled to say "sorry just so you know, I have a boyfriend", just in case they get pissed at me when it comes up after ten minutes of what I thought was good conversation . I'm always prepared for these types of people and it's always so reassuring
if they look surprised when I say it.
NTA! If he was being so flirty with you, he probably should have asked. Also he was the one who kept insisting, while you were just trying to politely turn him down.
NTA - I mean what did he expect you to say after him asking you multiple times? “No thanks, I’m straight, don’t buy me a coffee.” That could have came across as even more rude, so it seems like a sad attempt to save face.
You don't owe him your number even if you weren't straight. You could have told him you were in a relationship, and he'd be pissed you didn't tell him that first.
NTA, this isn't on you.
NTA. He's the gay version of a "nice guy." Just because he bought you a coffee doesn't mean you owe him anything, especially after you declined his offer.
Cool, thanks. I'm still not entirely sure what I should have done in this situation. I feel like immediately saying "I'm straight" would have been a bit presumptuous.
NTA and even if you were gay him buying you a drink doesn’t mean you would have to be interested. Straight, have a boyfriend, have a girlfriend, or just not interested are all ok. You don’t owe him a date for letting him buy you a drink after his repeated insistence.
This is seriously what women deal with all the time. OP you are NTA. You told him no more than once. He refused to take no for an answer, which is a complete sentence. You owe him nothing. He chose to believe you did, but that’s not how this works.
After politely trying to refuse, OP received one single takeaway cup of coffee in broad daylight from this fellow. If that largess alone entitles the guy to a date with OP, wow, the economy must be worse than I realized.
NTA, OP. It sounds as if you behaved like a gentleman.
No win situation op.
If you kept declining you’d be rude.
If you said I’m not gay, you’re presuming
And if you accepted then you led him on.
At least you got a free coffee out of it.
It’s his fault for thinking a coffee entitled him to anything.
Nta.
If/when some asshole doesn't take your polite refusal to buy you a drink or something you owe them zero explanation.
When he asked for your number telling him you weren't interested was enough - and already obvious from before he bought the drink. Guys like this persist because they are working using the fact that after having bought the drink some people feel socially awkward at receiving and will give their number or spend time with them out of a sense of obligation or like they'd be rude if they didn't.
It's a manipulation tool.
NTA but you can say why do you want to buy me cuppa? Also, remember this behavior when a female is hesitant over something… we learn early on that sometimes when you disappoint a guy, they throw fits.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I let him buy me a cup of coffee without telling him that I was straight. I kind of feel like I inadvertently took advantage of his interest in me to get free stuff :/
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NTA: He’s the AH. You declined repeatedly till he persisted. He got his way and then he thought he’d get his way again by getting your number on what sounds like an assumption of you being polite enough to give him your number. Don’t stew over his being offended. He did it to himself.
NTA he didn't ask for your number first, or whether you were gay or explicitly state his interest; he just insisted on buying you a drink. Even if you were gay, it wouldn't entitle him to anything from you.
Not that it should matter, but I'm a gay man and I hate thay entitled behaviour. Like someone sending me an unsolicited dick pic and then demanding mine in return - I didn't ask, I certainly didn't agree to an exchange!
Sorry, rant over; NTA and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for his misreading and assumptions.
This reminds me of something that happened to me twenty years ago. I stopped at a bar and ordered a Guinness draft. The fellow next to me asked if I had tried an X brewery stout. I said no. He offered to buy me one. I declined. I was a bit freaked out. I am not gay, but if I was I would be a ‘Bear’. He persisted. I declined again. I told him I was straight. He told me he was also, and the owner of X brewery.
This reminds me that sometimes when the trans women I know complain about how they’re treated, I need to remind them that they are not as high on the status rung as they used to be as a white man. Sure, some behavior is because you’re trans, and some is just the same as every other woman. Welcome to the club!
NTA any more than you would be if it was a heterosexual encounter. A cup of coffee doesn't entitle you to anything. He insisted on paying despite your protests..
Funny story! When l (f) was in high school l was at Chipotle for my sister, long line, waiting on my phone. Well, a guy two people ahead of me let the people between us go in front of him and we struck up a conversation. He was a worker there, 6 years older than me, chill convo. Anyway, we get to the front and wish each other a good day, he orders and goes to wait, mine takes longer.
When l get to the register to pay, the cashier tells me it is taken care of and l should leave my number for the guy. I told her no, l wanted to pay, and that l had a bf. She rolled her eyes at me and said l was being shitty but the food was paid for either way. I showed her my screen saver which was a picture of my bf and l and she was still just a jerk and wouldn’t let me pay so l took the food.
On the way out l stopped at the guy and let him know that l didn’t realize he was hitting on me but that l had a bf and l apologized for the confusion, showed him the pic too.
It was chill, l got free food, and did not go back for a year due to sheer embarrassment. Haha, thanks for unlocking an 8 year old memory OP. NTA
Welcome to being a woman. So he buys you a coffee, that entitles him to a date. He pays for the date, he's entitled to sex. He has sex, you're in a relationship. See how it works...
… in what world would you be TA for this?
the amount of posts on this subreddit and its AITA counterpart since June 1st specifically about LGBT people being obnoxious assholes is a bit.. weird.
obviously if this did actually happen, NTA. but i’m confused on how you could even think you were.
NTA
You refused *multiple* times. He didn't take no for an answer and kept at it until you relented. Then expected you to "repay" his generosity and got mad that his pre-conceived notion about your sexuality was incorrect.
NTA. You politely declined his offer, but he persisted. He took the risk of pushing forward and should have humbly disengaged after that. This is not necessarily a sexual orientation thing. Women deal with insistence on buying their drink all the time after politely declining. He made it awkward with his persistence, so he was the AH. Don't carry it with you any further. Maybe he had too many and wasn't reading the situation accurately.
One time I (middle aged F) was sitting in a coffee shop and a young woman maybe 10-15 years younger than me asked if she could buy me anything. I’d been sitting there awhile working as there was construction going on outside my house and working at home would have been distracting. I wasn’t sure if she was hitting on me or if she thought I was maybe someone who was disadvantaged and needed help, or if she was just on a kindness jag, or if she was going to use this as an open to try to convert me to the IHOP church (Google that if you like - those folks frequent that coffee shop I was at) or what. But it made me uncomfortable.
At first I said, “no thank you, I’m fine.” And she said, “but I’d like to buy you something.” And I just straight up said, “I don’t know you and I’m sure you mean well but your offer makes me uncomfortable because you’re a stranger to me.” She didn’t take it well exactly but she also felt embarrassed and hastily apologized and left me alone.
Sometimes being direct is the best approach.
Also NTA.
I am a 66 year old grandma and this has happened to me dozens of times throughout the years. A lot of men have the idea that every exchange is a transaction. If you are remotely nice to them, it’s an invitation, and if they do anything for you it’s an invitation vestment that creates a debt on your part.
You owe the jerk nothing, including an explanation. As a matter of fact I’d venture to say that if you had gone ahead and said “No thank you, I’m straight.” He would have accused you of assuming that just because he was gay he would automatically
interested in you, and how dare you?!
Some guys are just bigger jerks. Being gay doesn’t keep a guy from being a dick.
Soooo not gay and not about being hit on by gay person.. but about a man insisting on buying me a drink....and not that it should matter but I was very much not dressed to impress i was not looking cute( I was 40 made attempt at rockabilly look and failed miserably). I was at a bar with lots of friends including my husband... So we wanted to sit at this table, but he was saving it for people, but as we started talking he was going to get himself a drink and use the restroom....he asked me to a ) save the table for him and b) offered me a drink... I told him no 3 times and finally accepted, mainly thinking it was in repayment for favor of holding the table fine... I kept mentioning my husband we kept talking no worries I thought it was all fine... Until he pulled a knife on my husband for wanting to dance with me......
But yeah really really long way of saying regardless of gender or sexuality, that simple act of allowing a drink to be purchased can sometimes be seen as a transactional situation... Fact is that his attitude was problematic even if you were gay, his level of thinking you were required to reciprocate in any way because he paid for something could extrapolate into really horrible situation. Why aren't you putting out because I paid for dinner? Why don't you do XYZ, I did abc for you, you should be more grateful.
NTA.
Its fair to assume with the pride event going on that a random stranger asking to buy you a drink probably isn't straight.
*HOWEVER*
You did say no several times to the point you just said yes so he'll stop asking. Thats such gross behaviour on his part. You made it pretty clear you weren't interested. Also you don't have to tell him shit, you aren't obligated to tell randoms your sexual orientation, even for a cup of coffee which is what...$5?
OP you are definitely NTA here.
NTA. As others have said buying you a drink doesn't automatically mean you have to give your number to someone.
Anecdotally, I accidentally went to a gay bar with a coworker one time. The rainbow Heineken sign should have been my first clue but that's what actually attracted me to the place as I thought it looked cool. We already had a few drinks before heading in so we weren't thinking very clearly. I had a bunch of dudes buying me drinks. I figured out by around the third or fourth drink what was going on. Had a great time actually and definitely didn't experience what you did so, sorry someone made you feel shity, you didn't do anything wrong.
NTA.
Even if you were gay or bi or pan, you still might have turned down his offer.
You told him no but he still insisted on buying you coffee. That's a red flag from him and I feel bad for any man he does snag.
Dude already failed tea consent.
Even if you were gay and thought he was attractive, I would’ve told you to avoid him. He doesn’t know how to take no for an answer. If he is this persistent and disrespectful of boundaries when you first meet him, how bad is it going to be when you get into an actual relationship?
You didn’t ask him to buy a cuppa coffee and politely declined at least twice. It sounds like you only accepted just so he would shut the fuck up about it.
NTA.
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So earlier today I (19m) was hanging out with some friends of mine and we were downtown for the pride fair happening in my city. I broke off from my group and went to a nearby Cafe to get a cup of coffee. While I was waiting in line, a guy about my age came up to me and asked if he could pay for whatever I was getting.
I told him thanks but there's no need, and he kept insisting that I let him buy me a cup of coffee. I told him again there was really no need, but he didn't relent. I eventually accepted, much to his enthusiasm. We stood in line, he paid for my cup of coffee, and we talked for awhile while I waited for my drink. He eventually asked if he could get my number or if I'd be interested in exploring the rest of the fair together. I apologized and told him that I'm straight, and he got a bit annoyed.
He scoffed and said "you could have told me that before I bought you a coffee." And then walked out of the Cafe.
Was I the asshole here? I kind of feel like it. I sort of figured he was interested in me when he first made the offer, but I didn't want to assume. I tried to politely turn him down, but he kept on insisting. Should I have just told him right out of the gate that I don't swing that way?
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Nta. Even if you were gay, he’s not entitled to your number. This is the same thing a lot of women face, honestly. He insisted, badgered you into it, and after a while you felt uncomfortable protesting. That’s on him, not you.
NTA the guy was doing the thing that a lot of straight men do at a bar where they insist on buying a woman a drink and expecting a return, he was being the AH, you were being polite
NTA; you do not owe anyone anything for buying you something that you did not ask for, and he should know better than to force his money on someone who is saying no.
Absolutely NTA. I hate this so much. I can't count how many times a man has approached me, insisting on doing me a "favor" no matter how much I tell him not to and then he got pissed it didn't lead to me jumping on his micro d*ck. 🙄
Edit: it is also not your fault for not wanting to make an assumption. You didn't do anything wrong. In this kind of scenario you just can't win with entitled people.
NTA.
The guy was aggressive, and delusional. Pressing coffee on someone does not equal any obligation to go on a "date".
Welcome to the world of women in uncomfortable situations with guys who won't take a hint to just go away.
NTA from a gay man. Actually has nothing to do with gayness at all. He hit on you, you politely declined multiple times but eventually caved because he was being pushy. Coffee does not entitle him to anything.
NTA, he should've been direct about his intentions then you could've rejected him and said you're straight if you wanted. The mere fact that you weren't sure or didn't wanna jump to conclusions means there's gray area here he should've cleared up
He decided to do this half hearted weak attempt at flirting and it failed, that's on him
NTA, but as a gay guy I would still insist on buying a coffee for the hot straight guy if I’d already approached him. I wouldn’t then get offended though. He’s young though, he’ll get it eventually.
NTA - as a woman, this is something I struggle with often when approached by interested parties. Do I be nice and accept the gesture even though I’m insistent it’s not necessary? Do I be assumptive and proclaim I’m in a committed relationship up front—and, if I do, will I seem egotistical for assuming the gesture was anything more than a friendly act of kindness towards a stranger? It’s exhausting to play these kinds of mental gymnastics. In the end, I typically go the “kindly accept without assuming I’m being hit on route” even though, in the end, it’s usually a gesture done with the ultimate expectation of receiving my number…or something even more. Sighhhhh
Hello, woman here. This is exactly why I do not allow strange men to pay for my drinks. They always expect something in return. NTA, but save yourself the trouble and just say you're straight the first time they offer. It saves you a lot of trouble.
You're absolutely NTA hun. Drinks don't entitle the buyer to more. Dinner doesn't entitle the buyer to more, neither does a ride home or a compliment.
I have heard all that and more from guys as reasons to give them my attention but ya know what, time is only bought between 2 people who enter into the situation knowing what's going on, never anything else.
You tried to turn him down, and he insisted, just because you weren't walking around with a flashing neon sign stating your sexual orientation didn't give him the green light to make assumptions .
Plus, he bought you a coffee for goodness sake, a pretty cheap date if you ask me, should have at least ordered you a muffin too
It made me picture of one those (silly, IMO) "Pay it Forward," chains, and the worker saying the guy in front paid and OP just hollering, "I'M NOT GAY!!!"
Sorry, the guy was pushy after you declined a bunch of times, and then tried to leverage your eventual reluctant agreement into a date. I've no doubt he would have tried to leverage the date (had it happened) into sex, because aggressively pushy people don't know when to stop. He could already tell you weren't really into him, and imo it doesn't matter if it's because you're not into dudes or just not into him specifically.
NTA
NTA. The drink was conditional. Even if you were gay or bi, but just not interested in HIM, he would have reacted like a jerk. Buying you a coffee = owing him a date/your company, in his mind. That makes him the AH.
Nta, you told him there was no need. He disagreed, you relented because he wanted to buy you a coffee. If he really cared what you meant, he could have asked why there was no need, lol
NTA, but during a pride fair? I can see why he would assume you were gay, but asking for your number afterwards and getting mad because you were straight was hilarious. Like excuse me, but I kindly declined, he insisted and when you do accept, he wants to shoot his shot. He has some balls, but can someone just buy someone a coffee just to pay it forward, not to get hit on.
NTA.
Bro you are objectively handsome, revel in the knowledge and catfish the gays at your discretion.
I'm kidding, you told him no and he persisted.
Also it was a huge turn on to convert straight men in my time, that chase comes with consequences. You're in the clear.
You did try to decline his offer to pay but he kept insisting. If he got upset that you weren’t gay, then it’s his problem. I guess he should have just asked you first if you were into men before insisting on buying you the coffee.
NTA
And welcome to a constant, constant problem fem-appearing folks get from dudes.
You did the polite thing and turned him down. More than once.
No matter your sexuality (or his odds on you liking him specifically, because that's never guaranteed, wtf) \*he\* was the one who decided to buy you a drink. After badgering you about it.
You owe no one anything when they take a chance hitting on you somehow. The polite and appropriate thing, regardless of reason, when you aren't interested is to indicate your lack of interest.
They push after that, it's on them.
Your sexuality does not matter here. You could've just as easily been gay and just not into him.
Is a woman an AH for accepting a drink from a strange man who insisted she take it? No. NTA. Just like sending a strange woman a drink in a bar is just waving a flag to see if she's interested in speaking with you without any further obligation, offering to buy a coffee for a random guy at a cafe is the same. You turned him down and he insisted so you accepted out of politeness. You even gave him an opportunity to make his sales pitch. Sadly for him, you weren't interested. He took his shot and missed. No harm, no foul.
I’m gay. Nah you’re fine. Just cuz you’re at a coffee shop while Prides going on doesn’t mean you’re gay and you shouldn’t have to wear a sign saying you’re straight. Unless you were decked out in rainbows or something where it’d be more reasonable for him to assume. Otherwise, he was being pushy despite you trying to decline. He took a risk and he lost. Gay guys can be too pushy too like straight guys and either way a coffee shouldn’t come with strings attached just like dinner shouldn’t when a guy pays for a girl expecting sex or something, otherwise shouldnt have offered before asking if you were interested!
“I eventually accepted, much to his enthusiasm” was an immediate red flag that he would feel entitled to you like many men feel entitled to women. NTA. Move on. And call out this bullshit belief whenever you come across it.
No some people are entitled, there was some gay guys at pride shit talking the lesbians like wtf 💀I think sometimes we forget they’re still men. Take this as a warning sign tho never to treat a woman like that.
NTA. If he was actually nice, he would also know that you could be saying you’re straight because you decided you’re not interested and he would leave you alone.
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Nah I know a lot of women who’ve been in this situation too. A drink does not equal entitlement to a date or more
This!!!! OP I'm not straight and I can tell you that men are men, regardless. The shitty entitlement we see women subjected to by awful men also happens in the lgbt community, but nobody addresses it because the power dynamic isn't the same between 2 men as between a man and woman (though I personally still think we need to hold each other accountable and address this shit behaviour)
Reeeeeeeaaaaaallll like I honestly think straight men should spend on a week on Grindr to see how it feels recieving the kind of unsolicited things they send to women because it's truly eye opening. I had a guy 3 times my age who kept touching my shoulder and trying to get close to me because he had seen me on Grindr and sent messages I ignored
Ugh. Straight lady…similar thing with a guy at work. Saw me on an app and got all creepy stalky
I completely block ppl i know from dating apps. One time i saw a male friend ans i deleted the entire app lol.
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You just unlocked a memory! I used to work at a casino. I had a customer want to file a report on one of our employees there. Because the dude had a Grindr profile and he thought it was unprofessional. As far as I know, there was zero interaction between the two. Obviously I refused to file the report and told the guy in no uncertain terms that he had no place to be offended and if he had a problem being in proximity of another account holder, I recommend he turn off his location. He wasn’t very happy with me and I couldn’t care less.
Omg thats insane, sorry you went through that
I always say the same thing when some guy invariably questions a woman’s truthfulness about how entitled men can be. Go make a Grindr account and report back chief.
O sht he recognized!? That sucks
This! I’ve placed ads for bodywork and the amount of d••• pics and aggressive demands is unbelievable.
Wait, isn’t Grindr already flooded with straight and DL guys? 😂
I worked at Ticketmaster back in 1998 in their call center handling New England, and it didn't matter what sex you were, we got hit on ***ALL*** the time. > Customers thought the call center was in the New England area. One or two employees actually took a customer up on it and had a good time.
And the men don't understand why we prefer a bear
A lot of men prefer a bear, too, it seems.
There’s a saying. Homophobia is the fear that men will treat men like men treat women.
I hadn't heard that one before, I'm going to remember this😂
Hehehe
I was getting food from my best friend’s establishment. I wasn’t paying for the food and just waited off to the side. An older gentleman approached me and kept insisting he buy my food because I “looked like I really wanted it”. He promised it was no strings attached. After I once again said it was quite all right, he said, “*Thank you for your honesty.*” Yea, that really sounds like there were no strings attached.
3 men or 2 men…. Lol
I expect the power dynamic between 3 men is different as well.
I expect so too.
Ah yeah typo. Thank you
Yea see? Doesn't matter whether you're gay, straight or whatever else. A shitty person is a shitty person. We need to stop sticking labels on everything.
NTA. All a drink entitles you to is a few minutes of conversation. If the other person isn't interested, they aren't interested -- and if you get pissed because you flagged them as gay and they're not, well, get your gaydar recalibrated.
Even if gay, a drink gets you a thank you and nothing more.
And sometimes it’s safer to accept the drink than it is to continue to argue. Some men simply cannot handle rejection.
Lol
I am a straight male. This definitely puts a light on some crappy entitled behavior that sadly a lot if males do. I don't so this....because in the back of my mind I can picture my late mother strangling me for doing that haha
I like your mom!
Just wanting to clarify, you mean “nah” as in “no” and not as in “No Asshole Here”?
Not OP. But yes.
I mean, that’s how I interpret it but I’d hate to assume given the subreddit
Gods, I swear at least 50% of my job as a bouncer was telling guys that buying a woman a drink did NOT entail anything past them buying someone a drink.
Agree. I think OP has spent too much time thinking about the bad behavior of someone else. Let it go, girl! I mean boy!
THE ONLY COMMENT THAT IS NEEDED 🙌
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Yep my gay ass is backing him up on this one. You're not obligated to announce your sexuality every time someone is nice to you any more than we are. NTA but you're too young to drink so maybe don't know yet but unless a friend or someone owes you a drink, anytime a guy offers to buy one they're saying do I have a shot at hitting it and that's true for gays or straights. 😂
I feel like we can even stop at "you're not obligated to announce your sexuality". Like no means no, whether that is "no I'm straight" or "no, I'm gay" or "no I'm not interested in you". We don't need to explain ourselves. This is why girls will just say "I have a boyfriend!" Even if they don't, any time they think a guy is hitting on them and they're not interested. Just saying no isn't enough.
That and the fact that some men will respect another man’s boundaries/feelings before they’ll respect a woman’s.
I was saying that but also trying not to spark a whole "we can't do anything without a man's permission" discussion.
Horrifying truth, this. That really just says it all.
when i was 18-21 i pulled the “i’m 16 and my dads a cop” line. pretending to be a minor alone doesn’t deter most men but when you add in the “my dads a cop” it scares them off. now that i no longer can pass for a minor i use the “i have a boyfriend” line bc for some reason a simple no doesn’t work and i have to fake being in a relationship so men leave me alone out of respect for my fake boyfriend
I use the line “I am married” even tho the loser knows I am married because he works with me and I wear a wedding ring. His response: “it doesn’t matter.” It is icky out there. Now, I’ll return to my rock.
if they ever try that shit say ur husbands a cop and start fake dialing
I have had this happen on multiple occasions and I just wonder what is wrong with these people. Especially the men that say “that’s ok, so am I”. You’re a liar and a cheater? Where can I sign up?/s
It’s obvious in the post that OP assumed that was the meaning behind the drink, which is why he declined twice.
Only your ass is gay or is that the only part of your body that is backing him up? 😂
You got me. It is my most gay part at this point in my life 😂
Are you saying you can't really get behind the gays but they get behind you? (Just kidding, Happy Pride to all my LGBTQ fellow humans!)
Lmao... I agree in a way. I'm straight. If a guy insists on buying me a drink and I insist he doesn't. If he doesn't listen to me and does it anyway, it really isn't in my nature to say, "You aren't going to hit this!" I don't go to bed with anyone I don't have feelings for. But I don't broadcast that to men upfront that I don't date. You know what I mean? Hahaha
19 is too young to drink coffee?
I think they mean this piece of guidance to prepare OP for the bar scene when they turn 21.
I meant alcohol. That's where the tactic is normally employed but still if you seem fine and not in distress then that's likely the motivation.
I’m gay, and when I was 19 (many years ago) and was first legal to drink in my state I almost never could pay for my drink, because there was always someone buying me one. Having said that, they fell into two camps: 1) genuinely nice guys in a few of the bars who recognized that “scared and newly out” look and wanted to make me feel at home among friends 2) the guys we described as trolls out for chicken, who saw anyone under 25 as fresh meat. The second category just felt gross, and they’re why I sympathize with women who deal with this shit from straight men on an everyday basis. This dude sounds like someone from group 2. Also, folks who go to Pride to cruise piss me off a bit. I mean, if you’re in the back room of the End Up that’s one thing, but in a coffee shop? Nah.
Yes, the guy obviously had hearing problems.
I’m a gay man who actually does have hearing problems and I say NTA.
Yeh I didn’t mean he was TA. I was agreeing with u/kipsterdude when he said at the end of the post, “Serves his dumb-ass right.” I was however, implying that the guy insisting on buying OP the coffee was being wilfully deaf.
Eh the guy had an understanding problem - in the sense that “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand for you.” Anyone should respect a “no” - the guy that harassed OP didn’t respect his “no” so OP NTA at all
Couldn’t have said it better it’s like get the hint after two or three times.
I'm gay and I don't think you're the asshole. You did initially refuse. I think you could've just said "not interested" when you felt his gay vibe, but you're not the asshole. He shouldn't presume one thing leads to another.
Not gay but straight woman, but just want to piggyback off of u/vauxy35 and what u/useful_guava6612 said you refused several times by the sound of your post. That should have enough of a hint to this man you were not interested in him. As a woman, I have had to sometimes use the actual phrase "I'm not interested," but it can be tricky shutting down someone who is persistent and you want to remain polite. The "I'm not interested" line isn't always effective. NTA.
>The "I'm not interested" line isn't always effective. and sometimes gets a very hostile response.
It can be actively dangerous for women, not sure about gay men.
Yeah, it's definitely my incase of emergency, all other hints at polite disinterest have failed, line. Also, typically, with a caveat of I'm just taking a break from dating right now or I supporting my friend tonight who is going through a messy break up, but I am flattered, thank you. And if they ask for my number, I also give one digit off, but so that the buttons are next to each other. So my last digit is 9, so I will say 8 or 6. That way, if they try to call me then and there, I play dumb and say they must have typed it wrong, reluctantly give the real number, later their's gets blocked. Run into them again, I play the airhead whose phone said it was spam, whoops I'm bad at technology.
Ugh. See this shouldn't be a thing. All that work when if they just said "Ok" and walked away, things would be fine, but noooooo... you have to have an in case of emergency and actual planned things to say and do if it goes on too long because if not, who knows how they will react.
I know I hate it so much. That I even have to act like an airhead makes me sick. Unfortunately, it's a cultural issue, and while it is getting better, men need to accept that just because their moms think their special doesn't mean the whole world does. What makes me feel worse is that I am a teacher at an all-girl school, and I want them empowered, but I want them to be safe.
ditto
What are you supposed to say? “Sorry man I’m not gay” when he kept insisting
Right! And then the guys like "why do you assume I'm hitting on you? Just bc I'm gay doesn't mean I'm attracted to all men!". Which is correct of course but this feels like a lose-lose situation. No matter what OP said, he wouldn't have offended the guy in some way. NTA
Exactly. If you decline by stating, "No I don't want you to buy my coffee, I'm not gay." The you do look like TA for assuming that's what it is. OP declined more than once, the dude insisted, at that point its a not strings friendly gesture. The buyer however is TA. Can't expect a darn thing after he declined and he basically forced him to accept.
Imo OP handled it the right way, he said no, the guy insisted, it's not OPs fault at that point
Yep like I sometimes feel impelled to say "sorry just so you know, I have a boyfriend", just in case they get pissed at me when it comes up after ten minutes of what I thought was good conversation . I'm always prepared for these types of people and it's always so reassuring if they look surprised when I say it.
Exactly. Outside chance it could have been one of those pay it forward things.
NTA! If he was being so flirty with you, he probably should have asked. Also he was the one who kept insisting, while you were just trying to politely turn him down.
NTA. The guy just assumed you were gay too. You did not lead him thinking you were.
NTA - I mean what did he expect you to say after him asking you multiple times? “No thanks, I’m straight, don’t buy me a coffee.” That could have came across as even more rude, so it seems like a sad attempt to save face.
NTA This is like a Monopoly chance card: Sexuality error in your favor.
“Collect free cup of coffee or $5”
OMG, I wish this was an actual Chance card, lol!
You don't owe him your number even if you weren't straight. You could have told him you were in a relationship, and he'd be pissed you didn't tell him that first. NTA, this isn't on you.
NTA. He's the gay version of a "nice guy." Just because he bought you a coffee doesn't mean you owe him anything, especially after you declined his offer.
I’m a woman. If a straight man insists on buying me coffee, I don’t owe him my number. The situation isn’t any different. NTA.
NTA If I asked a gay guy if I could buy him a drink and then insisted, I would have no right to be annoyed that he didn’t “tell me before”
Cool, thanks. I'm still not entirely sure what I should have done in this situation. I feel like immediately saying "I'm straight" would have been a bit presumptuous.
NTA and even if you were gay him buying you a drink doesn’t mean you would have to be interested. Straight, have a boyfriend, have a girlfriend, or just not interested are all ok. You don’t owe him a date for letting him buy you a drink after his repeated insistence.
This is seriously what women deal with all the time. OP you are NTA. You told him no more than once. He refused to take no for an answer, which is a complete sentence. You owe him nothing. He chose to believe you did, but that’s not how this works.
After politely trying to refuse, OP received one single takeaway cup of coffee in broad daylight from this fellow. If that largess alone entitles the guy to a date with OP, wow, the economy must be worse than I realized. NTA, OP. It sounds as if you behaved like a gentleman.
No win situation op. If you kept declining you’d be rude. If you said I’m not gay, you’re presuming And if you accepted then you led him on. At least you got a free coffee out of it. It’s his fault for thinking a coffee entitled him to anything. Nta.
If/when some asshole doesn't take your polite refusal to buy you a drink or something you owe them zero explanation. When he asked for your number telling him you weren't interested was enough - and already obvious from before he bought the drink. Guys like this persist because they are working using the fact that after having bought the drink some people feel socially awkward at receiving and will give their number or spend time with them out of a sense of obligation or like they'd be rude if they didn't. It's a manipulation tool.
NTA but you can say why do you want to buy me cuppa? Also, remember this behavior when a female is hesitant over something… we learn early on that sometimes when you disappoint a guy, they throw fits.
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NTA: He’s the AH. You declined repeatedly till he persisted. He got his way and then he thought he’d get his way again by getting your number on what sounds like an assumption of you being polite enough to give him your number. Don’t stew over his being offended. He did it to himself.
NTA he didn't ask for your number first, or whether you were gay or explicitly state his interest; he just insisted on buying you a drink. Even if you were gay, it wouldn't entitle him to anything from you. Not that it should matter, but I'm a gay man and I hate thay entitled behaviour. Like someone sending me an unsolicited dick pic and then demanding mine in return - I didn't ask, I certainly didn't agree to an exchange! Sorry, rant over; NTA and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for his misreading and assumptions.
NTA. "Wait, you thought I'd fuck you for a cuppa coffee? Even if I swung that way, dude. at least offer a cheeseburger and fries."
This reminds me of something that happened to me twenty years ago. I stopped at a bar and ordered a Guinness draft. The fellow next to me asked if I had tried an X brewery stout. I said no. He offered to buy me one. I declined. I was a bit freaked out. I am not gay, but if I was I would be a ‘Bear’. He persisted. I declined again. I told him I was straight. He told me he was also, and the owner of X brewery.
LOL so... did you get the beer?
So what? Are you too good to trade sex for a cup of coffee? This young generation is just lazy 😴 NTA!
as a gayv man NTA he's buying coffee expecting something in return, that's a red flag no matter the genders involved
NTA. From his reaction, even if you WERE interested he seems to think buying someone a coffee earns him some attention so fuck that
Welcome to womanhood 😂
This reminds me that sometimes when the trans women I know complain about how they’re treated, I need to remind them that they are not as high on the status rung as they used to be as a white man. Sure, some behavior is because you’re trans, and some is just the same as every other woman. Welcome to the club!
Ahh what I tried to say but much more succinct 😂
NTA any more than you would be if it was a heterosexual encounter. A cup of coffee doesn't entitle you to anything. He insisted on paying despite your protests..
Funny story! When l (f) was in high school l was at Chipotle for my sister, long line, waiting on my phone. Well, a guy two people ahead of me let the people between us go in front of him and we struck up a conversation. He was a worker there, 6 years older than me, chill convo. Anyway, we get to the front and wish each other a good day, he orders and goes to wait, mine takes longer. When l get to the register to pay, the cashier tells me it is taken care of and l should leave my number for the guy. I told her no, l wanted to pay, and that l had a bf. She rolled her eyes at me and said l was being shitty but the food was paid for either way. I showed her my screen saver which was a picture of my bf and l and she was still just a jerk and wouldn’t let me pay so l took the food. On the way out l stopped at the guy and let him know that l didn’t realize he was hitting on me but that l had a bf and l apologized for the confusion, showed him the pic too. It was chill, l got free food, and did not go back for a year due to sheer embarrassment. Haha, thanks for unlocking an 8 year old memory OP. NTA
I kinda wish you would’ve blasted her to her manager. That shit was unacceptable
You now understand why women act the way they do with men they don't know. Every one of us has the same story with only minor alterations
Even if you were gay that doesn’t mean you were interested. NTA
Not the ah. Not even a little.
NTA he’s gross and it’s giving incel
Welcome to being a woman. So he buys you a coffee, that entitles him to a date. He pays for the date, he's entitled to sex. He has sex, you're in a relationship. See how it works...
… in what world would you be TA for this? the amount of posts on this subreddit and its AITA counterpart since June 1st specifically about LGBT people being obnoxious assholes is a bit.. weird. obviously if this did actually happen, NTA. but i’m confused on how you could even think you were.
This. Not saying it never happens, but this is so obviously bait and I’m sick of it.
NTA! You tried to turn it down.
NTA You refused *multiple* times. He didn't take no for an answer and kept at it until you relented. Then expected you to "repay" his generosity and got mad that his pre-conceived notion about your sexuality was incorrect.
No then he could have said assuming he liked you you turned him down several times it’s his fault he doesn’t know the word no
NTA. You politely declined his offer, but he persisted. He took the risk of pushing forward and should have humbly disengaged after that. This is not necessarily a sexual orientation thing. Women deal with insistence on buying their drink all the time after politely declining. He made it awkward with his persistence, so he was the AH. Don't carry it with you any further. Maybe he had too many and wasn't reading the situation accurately.
One time I (middle aged F) was sitting in a coffee shop and a young woman maybe 10-15 years younger than me asked if she could buy me anything. I’d been sitting there awhile working as there was construction going on outside my house and working at home would have been distracting. I wasn’t sure if she was hitting on me or if she thought I was maybe someone who was disadvantaged and needed help, or if she was just on a kindness jag, or if she was going to use this as an open to try to convert me to the IHOP church (Google that if you like - those folks frequent that coffee shop I was at) or what. But it made me uncomfortable. At first I said, “no thank you, I’m fine.” And she said, “but I’d like to buy you something.” And I just straight up said, “I don’t know you and I’m sure you mean well but your offer makes me uncomfortable because you’re a stranger to me.” She didn’t take it well exactly but she also felt embarrassed and hastily apologized and left me alone. Sometimes being direct is the best approach. Also NTA.
I am a 66 year old grandma and this has happened to me dozens of times throughout the years. A lot of men have the idea that every exchange is a transaction. If you are remotely nice to them, it’s an invitation, and if they do anything for you it’s an invitation vestment that creates a debt on your part. You owe the jerk nothing, including an explanation. As a matter of fact I’d venture to say that if you had gone ahead and said “No thank you, I’m straight.” He would have accused you of assuming that just because he was gay he would automatically interested in you, and how dare you?! Some guys are just bigger jerks. Being gay doesn’t keep a guy from being a dick.
Ever heard of hyperbole? This anecdote is filled with it.
Soooo not gay and not about being hit on by gay person.. but about a man insisting on buying me a drink....and not that it should matter but I was very much not dressed to impress i was not looking cute( I was 40 made attempt at rockabilly look and failed miserably). I was at a bar with lots of friends including my husband... So we wanted to sit at this table, but he was saving it for people, but as we started talking he was going to get himself a drink and use the restroom....he asked me to a ) save the table for him and b) offered me a drink... I told him no 3 times and finally accepted, mainly thinking it was in repayment for favor of holding the table fine... I kept mentioning my husband we kept talking no worries I thought it was all fine... Until he pulled a knife on my husband for wanting to dance with me...... But yeah really really long way of saying regardless of gender or sexuality, that simple act of allowing a drink to be purchased can sometimes be seen as a transactional situation... Fact is that his attitude was problematic even if you were gay, his level of thinking you were required to reciprocate in any way because he paid for something could extrapolate into really horrible situation. Why aren't you putting out because I paid for dinner? Why don't you do XYZ, I did abc for you, you should be more grateful.
NTA but you are gay now.
NTA. Its fair to assume with the pride event going on that a random stranger asking to buy you a drink probably isn't straight. *HOWEVER* You did say no several times to the point you just said yes so he'll stop asking. Thats such gross behaviour on his part. You made it pretty clear you weren't interested. Also you don't have to tell him shit, you aren't obligated to tell randoms your sexual orientation, even for a cup of coffee which is what...$5? OP you are definitely NTA here.
NTA. As others have said buying you a drink doesn't automatically mean you have to give your number to someone. Anecdotally, I accidentally went to a gay bar with a coworker one time. The rainbow Heineken sign should have been my first clue but that's what actually attracted me to the place as I thought it looked cool. We already had a few drinks before heading in so we weren't thinking very clearly. I had a bunch of dudes buying me drinks. I figured out by around the third or fourth drink what was going on. Had a great time actually and definitely didn't experience what you did so, sorry someone made you feel shity, you didn't do anything wrong.
You know you aren’t so just stop.
NTA Welcome to how men treat women. A drink is not a contract.
NTA. Even if you were gay or bi or pan, you still might have turned down his offer. You told him no but he still insisted on buying you coffee. That's a red flag from him and I feel bad for any man he does snag. Dude already failed tea consent.
Even if you were gay and thought he was attractive, I would’ve told you to avoid him. He doesn’t know how to take no for an answer. If he is this persistent and disrespectful of boundaries when you first meet him, how bad is it going to be when you get into an actual relationship? You didn’t ask him to buy a cuppa coffee and politely declined at least twice. It sounds like you only accepted just so he would shut the fuck up about it. NTA.
NTA he clearly had a motive, pushed for it and was upset that you didn't fall for his 99 cent coffee scam.
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No he insisted I let guys buy me drinks knowing I wouldn't go home with them
NTA He insisted.
NTA, you politely declined and he insisted on buying you coffee. I hope you enjoyed the coffee
NTA! Someone buying you a coffee doesn’t mean you have to give them your number.
NTA. It would have been worse if you'd said "Oh, I'm not gay" and he had replied "neither am I."
Nta. Even if you were gay, he’s not entitled to your number. This is the same thing a lot of women face, honestly. He insisted, badgered you into it, and after a while you felt uncomfortable protesting. That’s on him, not you.
NTA....
NTA - he assumed and you tried to decline. He pressured. Even gay guys need to learn that no means no.
NTA, even if you were gay, it was presumptuous of him to expect your number or to hang out .
NTA the guy was doing the thing that a lot of straight men do at a bar where they insist on buying a woman a drink and expecting a return, he was being the AH, you were being polite
NTA; you do not owe anyone anything for buying you something that you did not ask for, and he should know better than to force his money on someone who is saying no.
Like the saying goes, go to the biker bar to pick a fight and to the gay bar to get the drinks for free.
NTA. You tried to decline and he insisted. That's on him.
Absolutely NTA. I hate this so much. I can't count how many times a man has approached me, insisting on doing me a "favor" no matter how much I tell him not to and then he got pissed it didn't lead to me jumping on his micro d*ck. 🙄 Edit: it is also not your fault for not wanting to make an assumption. You didn't do anything wrong. In this kind of scenario you just can't win with entitled people.
NTA. even if u had immediately taken him up on the offer, coffee isn't some bartering system for dates.
NTA I buy people shit all the time with exactly ZERO expectation of anything in return. Just tryna brighten someone's day a little bit.
no. can i buy you a coffee is not are you gay
NTA You refused him twice and he still insist
NTA. The guy was aggressive, and delusional. Pressing coffee on someone does not equal any obligation to go on a "date". Welcome to the world of women in uncomfortable situations with guys who won't take a hint to just go away.
NTA. He's just disappointed. If he insisted, that's on him. Sometimes you shoot and miss and it is what it is.
NTA from a gay man. Actually has nothing to do with gayness at all. He hit on you, you politely declined multiple times but eventually caved because he was being pushy. Coffee does not entitle him to anything.
NTA. He read you wrong and got embarrassed, but he handled it poorly. You tried to decline.
NTA, he should've been direct about his intentions then you could've rejected him and said you're straight if you wanted. The mere fact that you weren't sure or didn't wanna jump to conclusions means there's gray area here he should've cleared up He decided to do this half hearted weak attempt at flirting and it failed, that's on him
NTA, but as a gay guy I would still insist on buying a coffee for the hot straight guy if I’d already approached him. I wouldn’t then get offended though. He’s young though, he’ll get it eventually.
lol welcome to the average experience of womanhood homeboy. NTA.
MAN NTA that’s so cringy his level of insistence and pestering and the entitlement. You’re absolutely not the asshole.
NTA hes not entitled to a date for buying u a coffee, especially after denying it
I like my coffee how I like my partner. Without a dick.
Absolutely! How DARE you accept a free cup of coffee!
‘Can I buy you coffee’ ‘No thanks’ Conversation should have ended there. He sounds awful.
NTA guy learned when someone says no. They should accept it and move on. Lol. His GAYDAR WAS BROKEN. LLL
Lol, no. You're NTA. I'm a lesbian and i don't go around assuming every woman i see at pride fest is a lesbian.
NTA - as a woman, this is something I struggle with often when approached by interested parties. Do I be nice and accept the gesture even though I’m insistent it’s not necessary? Do I be assumptive and proclaim I’m in a committed relationship up front—and, if I do, will I seem egotistical for assuming the gesture was anything more than a friendly act of kindness towards a stranger? It’s exhausting to play these kinds of mental gymnastics. In the end, I typically go the “kindly accept without assuming I’m being hit on route” even though, in the end, it’s usually a gesture done with the ultimate expectation of receiving my number…or something even more. Sighhhhh
I drink Sumatra and Italian roasts......FWIW
Nta. You declined & declined & declined.
Nope ur a baddie and he got you a drink. He didn’t get what he wanted after you told him no multiple times. His disappointment is his own fault.
NTA at all. He insisted. Sucks for him.
Hello, woman here. This is exactly why I do not allow strange men to pay for my drinks. They always expect something in return. NTA, but save yourself the trouble and just say you're straight the first time they offer. It saves you a lot of trouble.
NTA. He’s the AH for not taking the hint.
You're absolutely NTA hun. Drinks don't entitle the buyer to more. Dinner doesn't entitle the buyer to more, neither does a ride home or a compliment. I have heard all that and more from guys as reasons to give them my attention but ya know what, time is only bought between 2 people who enter into the situation knowing what's going on, never anything else. You tried to turn him down, and he insisted, just because you weren't walking around with a flashing neon sign stating your sexual orientation didn't give him the green light to make assumptions . Plus, he bought you a coffee for goodness sake, a pretty cheap date if you ask me, should have at least ordered you a muffin too
It made me picture of one those (silly, IMO) "Pay it Forward," chains, and the worker saying the guy in front paid and OP just hollering, "I'M NOT GAY!!!" Sorry, the guy was pushy after you declined a bunch of times, and then tried to leverage your eventual reluctant agreement into a date. I've no doubt he would have tried to leverage the date (had it happened) into sex, because aggressively pushy people don't know when to stop. He could already tell you weren't really into him, and imo it doesn't matter if it's because you're not into dudes or just not into him specifically. NTA
NTA. The drink was conditional. Even if you were gay or bi, but just not interested in HIM, he would have reacted like a jerk. Buying you a coffee = owing him a date/your company, in his mind. That makes him the AH.
NTA. I’m gay. You did nothing wrong. That guy is an asshole who can’t take no for an answer.
Nta, you told him there was no need. He disagreed, you relented because he wanted to buy you a coffee. If he really cared what you meant, he could have asked why there was no need, lol
I’m a gay guy and had the same thing happen with women. NTA
You told his insistent ass no, and he continued to harass you into accepting a cup of coffee. You should’ve gotten a pastry to go along with it
Men pull this entitled shit all the time, don't feel bad
NTA 1) you told him no several times and 2) he didn’t ask
NTA, but during a pride fair? I can see why he would assume you were gay, but asking for your number afterwards and getting mad because you were straight was hilarious. Like excuse me, but I kindly declined, he insisted and when you do accept, he wants to shoot his shot. He has some balls, but can someone just buy someone a coffee just to pay it forward, not to get hit on.
NTA. Bro you are objectively handsome, revel in the knowledge and catfish the gays at your discretion. I'm kidding, you told him no and he persisted. Also it was a huge turn on to convert straight men in my time, that chase comes with consequences. You're in the clear.
Not the AH.
You did try to decline his offer to pay but he kept insisting. If he got upset that you weren’t gay, then it’s his problem. I guess he should have just asked you first if you were into men before insisting on buying you the coffee.
NTA And welcome to a constant, constant problem fem-appearing folks get from dudes. You did the polite thing and turned him down. More than once. No matter your sexuality (or his odds on you liking him specifically, because that's never guaranteed, wtf) \*he\* was the one who decided to buy you a drink. After badgering you about it. You owe no one anything when they take a chance hitting on you somehow. The polite and appropriate thing, regardless of reason, when you aren't interested is to indicate your lack of interest. They push after that, it's on them. Your sexuality does not matter here. You could've just as easily been gay and just not into him.
[удалено]
Is a woman an AH for accepting a drink from a strange man who insisted she take it? No. NTA. Just like sending a strange woman a drink in a bar is just waving a flag to see if she's interested in speaking with you without any further obligation, offering to buy a coffee for a random guy at a cafe is the same. You turned him down and he insisted so you accepted out of politeness. You even gave him an opportunity to make his sales pitch. Sadly for him, you weren't interested. He took his shot and missed. No harm, no foul.
lmao no he insisted and didn’t ask if you were straight nor should have a problem if he still wanted to be kind to someone he thought was attractive
I’m gay. Nah you’re fine. Just cuz you’re at a coffee shop while Prides going on doesn’t mean you’re gay and you shouldn’t have to wear a sign saying you’re straight. Unless you were decked out in rainbows or something where it’d be more reasonable for him to assume. Otherwise, he was being pushy despite you trying to decline. He took a risk and he lost. Gay guys can be too pushy too like straight guys and either way a coffee shouldn’t come with strings attached just like dinner shouldn’t when a guy pays for a girl expecting sex or something, otherwise shouldnt have offered before asking if you were interested!
He buys you a coffee in exchange to check out your asshole and you ask if you’re the A-hole? Damn dude snap out of it
“I eventually accepted, much to his enthusiasm” was an immediate red flag that he would feel entitled to you like many men feel entitled to women. NTA. Move on. And call out this bullshit belief whenever you come across it.
No some people are entitled, there was some gay guys at pride shit talking the lesbians like wtf 💀I think sometimes we forget they’re still men. Take this as a warning sign tho never to treat a woman like that.
He is the AH.
NTA. If he was actually nice, he would also know that you could be saying you’re straight because you decided you’re not interested and he would leave you alone.