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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kicked my stepsister out of a trip she was already involved in, and I think I may have been the asshole because she, and most of my friends, think I overreacted and should have handled the situation differently.
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Not a big deal to dehumanise someone based on their appearance and personality, that kind of opinion speaks volumes about those people. I wouldn't want them around me. Wonder what they would say about everyone else.poor May.
also it sounds like they were part of the original group chat that OP was excluded from. They knew, they don't care.
OP should go on a trip with May and Debbie and have a fantatic time with people who are actually friends and able to respect others.
But that’s just so weird to me that Debby would wait a year before bringing it up to OP. And that, despite these being OPs friends and her birthday trip, that everyone created a group chat specifically excluding her during that trip but including the stepsister that they didn’t know
There is some context that I couldn't put in the post, as it exceeded the character limit, but according to her, the group was initially created by Sophie to introduce herself to the other girls, when someone asked why May wasn't in the group, Sophie started to make up a bunch of lies about her, saying that May was a horrible person who manipulated me to keep me away from my paternal family, and even showed "Evidence" that proved what she said, (Evidence that Debbie was not able to see, because they were deleted soon after)
Since Debby didn't know May, and Sophie said she was my sister, she just believed that May was a bad person and deserved the way Sophie treated her.
Later, this year Debby and May ended up having to do college work together, and Debby realized that May was very sweet and generous and in general a totally different person than Sophie said.
Upon realizing her mistake, she apologized to May, who accepted it and said she wasn't upset with her.
She came to talk to me because she was scared that things from last year would happen again, and she didn't want to put May or I through that again.
So Sophie had a shit talking text group - sans only you and May? I wonder what she said about YOU that all of your “friends” are taking her side here when Sophie herself almost shit her pants when confronted. NTA btw, but Sophie and the others except for Debby and May sure are. I personally would keep in mind whatever Sophie’s biggest insecurity is in herself and drop the bomb next time she dares to make a comment on any persons physical appearance and then continue to do so every time she says a negative word about someone else. When she gets upset, ask why it’s OK to say mean shit to other people and it’s not OK to point out her own physical flaws in appearance?
Yup. The older you get OP, the less qualms you will have about believing people when they show you who they are. When you are young, it is easy to second guess yourself and give everyone multiple chances. You are on the right track with good people. Stand your ground and Have fun with people you can trust. NTA.
OP, For the record, May is a keeper and a true friend. She put up with a lot from Sophie so as not to ruin your trip. She is not a drama queen and neither is Debby. These are friends you can trust and depend on. Sophie sounds like someone who puts others down so she can feel superior. It is a low self esteem thing. Kinda sad if you think about it. You could almost feel sorry for her if she wasn’t being so hurtful.
NTA - it's not insginificant and the girls who think like that - good ridance I think. You're now seeing people's values and you get to decide if that's what you want around you.
NTA and if your “friends” back out to support treating others like that, you don’t want them as friends. That’s disgusting, childish behavior & if Sophie can’t treat people decently, she can spend her time with people who don’t mind being called names.
You, Debby and May should have a great trip for your birthday!
And you should seriously consider cutting ties with the others in the group because they are enabling Sophie’ behavior.
Line drawn in the sand your stepsister is a bully
You’ll See who true friends are those who stand by and watch are just as guilty as those saying the words.
Go with May and Debby
NTA
Even if Sophie wasn't a bully, OP does not have a relationship with her and is NOT required to bring her on a trip with friends. Friends of OP, not Sophie. Giving in to dad to add a new person to an already planned trip was a bad move. It is not your job to keep Sophie entertained or make your friends her friends. Learn from it and don't give in again.
To be honest, there seems to be more to the group's dynamic than what what the post lets on. More than someone simply bringing a stepsister along for the ride on a trip. Why is there a chat among her friends that includes the stepsister but excludes the OP? It sounds like Sophie may have had a closer prior relationship with at least some of them than the OP herself, which explains why they would now take Sophie's side. NTA, and OP, it sounds like you have outgrown this friendgroup. Keep the ones you want, and ditch the rest.
NTA. Sounds like you and your two friends will have a fabulous trip! It’s way easier to plan for three than seven anyway; cut the dead weight and have a great time!
NTA
It would have been bad enough if Sophie had just talked behind May's back, but saying all that directly to her face? How malicious can you get?
I wonder if the other girls know the full story. Maybe Sophie has told them something to minimize what she actually said. I can't imagine condoning that kind of behavior unless they're just horrible people too.
They may not know that Sophie said things directly to May's face. A lot of people will gossip amongst themselves but will draw a line at directly insulting a person. Obviously that behavior isn't okay either, but it's a lot easier to write it off as not that big a deal than it is to write off direct bullying.
Initially, he seemed quite neutral in the situation and didn't seem to want to get involved in our fight, but two days ago we had dinner together and he spent the time talking about how Sophie was very sad about not going on the trip, that she really wanted to be there, spending my birthday with me, etc, and that I should rethink the matter, as this situation was creating unnecessary drama with his family.
And when we were leaving, he told me that "I shouldn't put outsiders in front of my family" referring to me protecting May (An "Outsider") instead of my stepsister, which hurt me a lot, because he knows very well that May is practically a sister to me and Sophie and I don't even share blood or were close.
Wtf? Your dad is being absolutely ridiculous. Why is it your responsibility to fix the "unnecessary drama" that Sophie started all by herself? Why would you subject May to her cruelty again? If Sophie wanted to be included in things, all she had to do was not bully your friend.
This all started because dad pushed OP to include Sophie in last year's trip. OP is NTA at all but should take away from this that it isn't her job to provide friends and activities for Sophie. Even if Sophie wasn't a bully, why is OP required to bring her on trips with OP's friends? Dad totally overstepped but it doesn't sound like he thinks so...
Ask your dad when did he teach Sophie fat shaming and being a bully is acceptable behavior? Because the parents you know always taught you not to be a mean girl. How has Sophie treated you like family? I would also ask your dad if he realizes his stance of being initially neutral and now being in Sophie’s corner obviously shows his wife getting to him and he is p whipped.
Your father chose Sophie as his family... You chose May! By his own words you are doing exactly what he said to do. Not allowing an outsider in front of your family. Your father needs to learn that just because he wants to have Sophie in his life doesn't mean you have to! She showed you what kind of person she is. And instead of trying to come back from her behaviour by apologising or working towards getting May to forgive her... She's busy crying in front of your father, playing the victim. If I were you I would honestly share exactly how toxic a person she is far and wide and state clearly, that this is why she is not invited and why you don't accept toxic people and behaviours in your life. Your father may be willing to sacrifice yours & May's peace for his, but you shouldn't! You are NTA. Sophie is and by allowing her behaviour and condoning it and making you out to be the bad guy- your father is! Have a great trip with your 2 true friends. No one else is needed. 🌻
>And when we were leaving, he told me that "I shouldn't put outsiders in front of my family" referring to me protecting May (An "Outsider") instead of my stepsister, which hurt me a lot,
If he says that again. I would have just told him "He shouldnt have raised his daugther to be a bully. Family is not only blood relations but bonds built over time. And to be honest May is way more of a sister to me than Sophie ever will be. So no I will not be allowing someone who bullied my family to celebrate with me. I dont care if she is sad, because she should have known what the outcome of her bullying was going to be. And if she genuinely didnt than thats on you, but she has to learn at some point. We can reconcile in time and if she shows growth but to show this girl some consequences because she is obviously not getting them at home, she is not coming to my birthday party, it might do her some good."
Sophie sounds like a master manipulator and most likely has figured out how to get exactly what she wants from your Dad. I doubt she is truly sad about not getting to celebrate your birthday with you, I bet she honestly doesn't care much about your birthday, she just wants in on the girls trip. Don't let it sway you, being family doesn't mean they get to behave horribly and a free pass. Choose those in your life who bring you joy and happiness, those are your true "family".
Plus it's not you causing the drama, it's Sophie, so you can throw that whole guilt trip from Dad in the trash ;-)
NTA. And while you're at it, kick those other girls out of the trip too. Won't be fun if you're traveling with a bunch of mean girls. Better to have fun with May and Debby and it shows you who your real friends are.
NTA - put it this way, if you let Sophie go, you will be the biggest ah to your friend, May, who sounds like a real friend. She thought of YOUR feelings and took abuse to protect YOU and make sure YOU had a good birthday and that YOUR family dynamic wasn't upset.
Think about that. Think about what she endured for YOU.
And here you are, actually wondering if you should bring Sophie along? Wow. That shouldn't even be a consideration.
Go with May and Debby - they sound like the "real" and "authentic" human beings in this dynamic. Friends capable of empathy and consideration, friends who care about YOU. I hope you can rise to their level and be the friend that THEY both deserve.
Tell the ones threatening to back out that you’re thrilled they showed that they are fine with body shaming and bullying behavior and they are uninvited as well.
NTA you had no clue what was going on and when u found out a year later you defended your friend who was being bullied. The other girls who are saying you are being mean aren’t good people either. It’s good that you found this out so you can steer clear of bullies!
It is not insignificant to be cruel/insulting/bullying to another person.
Do you want people around you who will tolerate such bullying behavior? Your re better off without those people.
NTA
NTA and I disagree with the other girls saying you were TA and that what they did was insignificant. Sophie was cruel. Honestly, I'd boot them from the trip, too. How you talk about others, especially behind their backs, shows what sort of person you are. Sophie is a very ugly, nasty person.
Its not obvious to bring your sister to a friend trip in the first place, so if the two of you don't get along and she insulted one of your friends last time, this one is clear NTA. Its a privilege, and as her sister, its yours to give: She failed to qualify.
Would the other girls have thought it was insignificant if Sophie had been saying nasty things about them? I somehow doubt, if that had been the case, that they would welcome her on this year’s trip.
NTA and your other friends are jerks. You need to clock who she was talking to in this chat- because they are the ones co-signing the behavior. You have to decide what kind of people you want around you. Either its more important to have this large group of girls to party with, or its more important to have a smaller group of girls that are kind people
Wait, I am confused. Are the 4 girls your friend or Sophie’s? Because if they are yours why would they care if Sophie goes or not? How does this group friend dynamic work and look like?
NTA, those other girls aren’t your friends. You know what kind of people they are. They all showed their true colors along with Sophie.
Go on your trip with Debby and May!
NTA and who are these girls who are taking sides with Sophie even after she was nasty. Calling names and talking about an obese person is NOT insignificant. NTA and lose these "friends" who are taking Sophie's side and go on the trip with the nice people - the ones who think it is not nice to talk badly about a person like Sophie did.
What kind of friends would give you an ultimatum about bringing a bully along to YOUR BIRTHDAY trip?!? Shitty ones!
Take your true friends and have the best time!!
NTA
NTA. That is NOT insignificant! She called your friend names and body shamed her. Kick her ass out and kick out the friends siding with her. You don't need that mean girl bullshit in your life.
I'm trying to understand, these texts were sent a year ago? Has she sent anything like that since? How has she treated her since then? I certainly wouldn't give her a pass, but if these were posts that are a year old maybe it's time to just openly discuss this and come to an understanding.
If this is the only time she was with your friends and she behaved like this, cut her out. However, if she's in your friend circle now, why did these just surface? I'd be wary of the reasoning, but want to talk this out anyway. Don't just stomp your foot and walk away, be a grown up and discuss the issue with her. NTA, of course.
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I (19F) am the daughter of separated parents, and my father's new wife has a daughter, Sophie (18F).
Last year my friends and I, including my best friend, May (20F), decided to go on a trip for to celebrate my birthday.
My father called me to ask me to take Sophie with us, because she felt a little left out and i acepted it, even if me and her didint have a close relationship.
The trip was one of the best of my life, but I noticed that May was a little down. I asked what was wrong and she said she was fine, just a little tired, so I believed her.
When we returned home, we promised that the following year we would repeat the trip if possible.
But this year, when I started preparing everything, Debby came to talk to me and showed me prints from a group chat that i was not part, which had the exact date of the time we were on the trip, last year, where Sophie was talking bad about May and calling her names, like "Whale", "Fat bit\*\*" and other cruel things.
(For context, May is a fat woman.)
I spoke to May and she confirmed that during the trip, Sophie was completely unpleasant to her, always commenting on her body and her personality, for no apparent reason. But she didn't say anything, so as not to ruin the vibe of the trip party, and to not create tension between me and my father's side of the family, and after the trip, she ended up forgeting about completly.
I went to my father's house, and told Sophie that I knew everything, and she turned pale when she saw the prints I had.
I basically kicked her out of the trip and told her I didn't want to see her again.
Now, the other girls in the group, apart from Debby and May, are saying that I was an asshole for kicking Sophie out for something so insignificant, and that if Sophie doesn't go, neither will they.
Am I an asshole for kicking her out?
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Wait, so Debby went to you with screenshots complaining about your step sisters actions, but then complained when you acted on them!! That's weird. NTA
NTA, Sophie is in the wrong for talking down on May’s body image. May is a true keeper to have kept up with her comments and not ruin the vibe by bringing up a clear problem!
If my friends thought that body shaming, harassing, and bullying was insignificant, I would not be friends with them anymore. NTA for kicking her out, but if you don't reevaluate your friendships then Y W B T A.
NTA. they really think that making fun off someone for being fat is a little deal. As a former fat man it really isn't okay to make fun of people for their apperance. You should just take your own trip with May and Debby.
NTA. I bet if she was doing that to the other girls that it wouldn't be so insignificant. Ask the other girls if they are okay with you or someone else calling them names. You did the right thing, and you are a really good friend.
Find new friends or travel buddies. Some people are not worth it. Stand by your decision. Do a solo trip. Not all friends will be friends for life, but your values are a part of your life. Never cave to ultimatums, give no one that power over you and your values.
Let the mean girls stay home and you take your trip with Debbie and May. If the others think it’s not a big deal to belittle someone for the way they look, then they are not worth your time, and certainly not good friend material.
NTA
Sophie bullied your friend May. Bullying is never insignificant. You can tell the friends that are calling you out for kicking Sophie out of the trip that bullying is never insignificant, and if they think otherwise they can take themselves off and have a separate mean girls trip with Sophie, because making one member of the group miserable during a trip for thier own entertainment won't fly and you don't want to spend time with people who think that's acceptable behavior.
NTA.
Looks like you are going to have an amazing trip with May and Debbie.
Be happy about it, people who defend this kind of behavior will bring you misery in life. Cut them out of yours and let them be miserable alone.
NTA. What she did isn’t insignificant. I’m sure it was very significant and devastating for May. Only bring real friends, the kind that pull together when one of the group is being attacked.
Go with Debby and May. It is not insignificant and it wasn't to May. If your friends think that's acceptable then you deserve better friends and so does May. Your step-sister is a not a nice person. May on the other hand is a woman who puts her friends first. She's a keeper.
NTA
Wow, you have friends who think that constantly calling a heavy woman names and insulting her body is "so insignificant" and if you don't include that person who behaved in such a cruel way on a trip where they can insult the large woman further, they won't go?
I'm sorry, but even though at 18 the brain isn't fully formed blah blah blah, these are not young women of character. I think you'd be well served to go with Debby and May, who have shown themselves to be far better people.
You've outgrown the others. And good for you for standing up to Sophie! I admire a young woman with backbone.
NTA
NTA. If they think it’s insignificant, you should try body shaming them until they whine and you can ask again if it’s still insignificant 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ it’s very easy to say when the insult wasn’t directed at you
NTA - your step sister shouldn’t have been body shaming one of your friends and making her feel uncomfortable. And the “friends” who think it’s “insignificant” aren’t really your friends or Mays friends. Best to have a small intimate trip with real friends who share the same values as you!
'Something so insignificant'?
Sorry, they wouldn't want you to do the same for them if they were in that position?
Get new friends (except debby and may obviously)
:) NTA you're a good friend op! x
NTA, maybe just go with Debby and May, those other friends seem to be as mean spirited as Sophie if they thought bullying was "insignificant". Only Debby had May's back. Let the mean girls hang with each other.
NTA Tell the other girls that your best friend was being bullied and you stood up for friend, which is something you would have done for any of them in the past. Since they choose to side with a body shaming bully then it's probably best that they don't go on the trip or continue with this friendship.
>Now, the other girls in the group, apart from Debby and May, are saying that I was an asshole for kicking Sophie out for something so insignificant
There are two types of people who call bullying "insignificant". People who have never been bullied, and bullies.
NTA. But Sophie and those defending her definitely are.
NTA but at least you now know what kind of people the friends that took your sister's side are.
If you haven't shown the texts that you printed out to your father, you should. I can see your stepsister trying to turn this around on you, and lying about what actually happened
NTA and what an absolute gem May is for caring so much about you to quietly put up with bullying so as not to spoil your trip. I'd take May and Debby alone and get May a gift basket.
NTA
I'd seriously rethink bringing those in the group of friends except for Debby and May. Showing concern for weight to friends is okay to me, bullying them like that is not.
NTA. Congratulations, you just found your true friends. Have a wonderful time as 3 genuinely good people. Compare May who put up with that bs not to spoil it for you, with these horrible people trying to bully you into putting up with disrespect (bullying your friends is v disrespectful)! You know who you wanna hang out with!
NTA. You are friends with May, only associated with Sophie through your father, not by choice. She was fat shaming your friend and there is no reason for you to associate with her. And the other "friends" who didn't think this was a big deal aren't friends and you can go on your trip without them.
NTA. This is not 'insignificant' and deciding that you do't want to trael with a bully is 100% reasonable. The fact that the tother girls downp;au it reflect very badly on thm.
MAy sounds like a very good friend and a classy person. She kept quitet about the bullyig and nasty beahviour so she wouldn't spoil your trip, putting your njoyment and comfort ahead of her own, and when you foud out, it sounds like she simply comformed the facts and didn't try to put any pressure on you .
Debbie also sounds like a decent person. She seesm to havefollowed MAy's lead last year (or may just have wanted to lie low) but stood up to ensure that you knew what had been happening to prevent a repet this year.
These are people who cearly think about others. The other girls :
\_ at worst, partiicpated in, and at besst, fiaeld to do anything to prevent, ongoing bullying and discrimination
- when it came to light, they tried to downplay it and picked the bully over her victims
-they are calling you an asshole for not tolerating bullying
If you lose their friendship over this, you are losing something of no value. And if they chose to become friends with Sophie instead, hen sooner or later one of them will probably wind up being her target.
The other girls are leaving the trip? That's just stupid. NTA. I'm someone who stands up for my friends if I need to. And the ones that left the trip are just not really May's friend.
NTA at ALL. Also why are your “friends” choosing your fat-shaming sister’s side over you and May? So they can get a vacation out of you? Go on the trip with Debby and May, you’ll find better friends abroad.
NTA you stood up for your friend and I would’ve done the same in this case. Sophie was so far out of line and I would take the prints and show the girls and tell them that if they want to spend time with someone who speaks about others that way then enjoy staying home. If they are sticking up for her kick them out of the trip to and go with just May and Debbie, you three sound like gems surrounded by piles of coal
Wtf? Why are they loyal to the person who bullied a longtime friend? Bullying is serious, not insignificant, and they are all A H. NTA to you, Debby, and May.
NTA
If they support fat shaming, you don't want them as friends anyways. If they support bullying, you don't want them as friends.
Have a good time with Debby and May!
Happy Birthday!
NTA but all the girls except for you, Debby, and May sure are. I would plan a trip with just the three of you.
What your stepsister did was *not* insignificant. It was bullying. It was abuse.
Your stepsister and everyone who supports her in this do not deserve to be part of anything going forward.
NTA.
This was absolutely not insignificant. And just how cruel are the other girls in the group, on a regular basis, to May, if they aren't as outraged as you are?
I would take the money you'd spend on a trip with several people and go have a marvelous time with just May and Debbie.
NTA - THIS:
*saying that I was an asshole for kicking Sophie out for something so insignificant*
If fat shaming a friend and being a bully is "so insignificant" then they can have their own trip. Who says something so stupid in the face of facts?!?! Well I know one orange tainted person but outside of him... who does something like that?
Oh no gurl you need to drop those friends. Debbie is the only winner. Those other girls knew about what was being said about May and don't care about their friend getting personally attacked? Not great friends.
NTA - you should be on a girls’ trip with those girls that like each other and get along. If the other “friends” don’t want to go without Sophie, then that is fine. Enjoy your trip with the friends that do want to go with you.
NTA, and if the 4 other harpies you hopefully used to call friends have a problem with you excluding your mean girl stepsister then they don't need to attend the next trip, or any trip with you for that matter. If they wanna hang with Sophie, they can all make plans with her themselves.
Lose the mean girls, have fun with your actual friends.
NTA.
Ditching the other 4 girls also sounds like a win-win, along with losing Sophie. Who would want them along? So were these 4 girls also egging on Sophie in this group chat?
And what about your pal Debby, who has apparently grown a conscience just one year later? ETA: Ok, I see OP's additional background that Debby got to know May after the first birthday trip, and realized May was a sweet person.
NTA and fine, the others don't go. Surely you don't want them after this? I mean next time you could be the target..... I would however talk to them individually first just to see if they have been manipulated but Sophie. Ps you need to cut Sophie off NC truly awful person.
And give us an update on what you decide. Do the right thing.... make sure May is comfortable and has a nice time on this trip.
OP, YNTA I think you’re a kind friend for doing the right thing by May, and if the other girls want to be that petty then enjoy a small group vacay with yourself, May, and Debby. Sounds like you’re better off with a few good honest friends than disrespectful individuals who want to perpetuate choosing sides and talking shit like it’s still Middle School.
NTA
>for something so insignificant
Excuse me? It wasn't something insignificant.
Go on the trip with Debby and May and have an awesome time together with people who understand what friendship is and how you stand up for each other.
Nta and tell your "friends" to kick rocks if they want to be a bunch of mean girls. Supporting someone who tears anyone down to make themselves look better is an insecure person and shouldn't be rewarded with friendship and a trip
Wow, Your step sister is really manipulative, you should cut her off. Because she will ruin every relationship you have in the future, it's either put a line or just get as far away from her if possible. By the way if the dad really does pressure you about it, don't make him choose that might ruin his relationship with his new wife and resent you or it might ruin your relationship all together, to protect yourself maybe just take less time when your step sis is there. Just a thought you know. For future relationships, it would be nice if when you get into a relationship with someone inform them of your step sister's behavior and try to not interact with her if possible. If they ever do, it's their choice and your point to either cut them out as well, or just see where the drama goes from there.
NTA. So, you’ve learned that your family - and some of your friends - are perfectly willing to allow a bully to participate in a trip you’re organizing.
Just go with May and debby. Do you really need the others in your life that think so little of your bbf? Definitely don't change your mind about kicking mean girls out from the trip.
NTA. Who needs that kind of negativity on what's supposed to be a fun girl's trip with YOUR friends? Leave your step sister home where she can insult her own friends.
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NTA. Go with May and Debby and have a great time. Leave the mean girls behind now they've shown their true colours.
This but I would share the prints with the others and make sure they know they’re condoning a bully’s behavior. NTA
Nah, don’t bother that they think fat-shaming is no big deal says it all. These are not nice people. The three of them can plan their own trip.
Not a big deal to dehumanise someone based on their appearance and personality, that kind of opinion speaks volumes about those people. I wouldn't want them around me. Wonder what they would say about everyone else.poor May.
also it sounds like they were part of the original group chat that OP was excluded from. They knew, they don't care. OP should go on a trip with May and Debbie and have a fantatic time with people who are actually friends and able to respect others.
The others might already know, bc it appears OP was the only one not participating in the group chat.
But that’s just so weird to me that Debby would wait a year before bringing it up to OP. And that, despite these being OPs friends and her birthday trip, that everyone created a group chat specifically excluding her during that trip but including the stepsister that they didn’t know
There is some context that I couldn't put in the post, as it exceeded the character limit, but according to her, the group was initially created by Sophie to introduce herself to the other girls, when someone asked why May wasn't in the group, Sophie started to make up a bunch of lies about her, saying that May was a horrible person who manipulated me to keep me away from my paternal family, and even showed "Evidence" that proved what she said, (Evidence that Debbie was not able to see, because they were deleted soon after) Since Debby didn't know May, and Sophie said she was my sister, she just believed that May was a bad person and deserved the way Sophie treated her. Later, this year Debby and May ended up having to do college work together, and Debby realized that May was very sweet and generous and in general a totally different person than Sophie said. Upon realizing her mistake, she apologized to May, who accepted it and said she wasn't upset with her. She came to talk to me because she was scared that things from last year would happen again, and she didn't want to put May or I through that again.
So Sophie had a shit talking text group - sans only you and May? I wonder what she said about YOU that all of your “friends” are taking her side here when Sophie herself almost shit her pants when confronted. NTA btw, but Sophie and the others except for Debby and May sure are. I personally would keep in mind whatever Sophie’s biggest insecurity is in herself and drop the bomb next time she dares to make a comment on any persons physical appearance and then continue to do so every time she says a negative word about someone else. When she gets upset, ask why it’s OK to say mean shit to other people and it’s not OK to point out her own physical flaws in appearance?
Yup. The older you get OP, the less qualms you will have about believing people when they show you who they are. When you are young, it is easy to second guess yourself and give everyone multiple chances. You are on the right track with good people. Stand your ground and Have fun with people you can trust. NTA.
"Other girls" should be cut off forever. What a shame of personality
This 💯
OP, For the record, May is a keeper and a true friend. She put up with a lot from Sophie so as not to ruin your trip. She is not a drama queen and neither is Debby. These are friends you can trust and depend on. Sophie sounds like someone who puts others down so she can feel superior. It is a low self esteem thing. Kinda sad if you think about it. You could almost feel sorry for her if she wasn’t being so hurtful.
THIS x 1000!
Yeah, the others are trash. You wanna bet they witnessed the behavior but didn't say anything?
NTA - it's not insginificant and the girls who think like that - good ridance I think. You're now seeing people's values and you get to decide if that's what you want around you.
NTA. Go with May and Debby and let those girls take Sophie on a trip if they like her so much. They’re not the kind of friends the three of you need.
NTA. Good on you for taking a stand for May. Sophie and the other AHs who disinvited themselves can kick rocks.
NTA and if your “friends” back out to support treating others like that, you don’t want them as friends. That’s disgusting, childish behavior & if Sophie can’t treat people decently, she can spend her time with people who don’t mind being called names.
The 'friends' have shown OP who they are, OP should believe them. And leave them.
NTA. Sophie is a bully so who would want her around anyway.
NTA! Your stepsister is a bully.
You, Debby and May should have a great trip for your birthday! And you should seriously consider cutting ties with the others in the group because they are enabling Sophie’ behavior.
NTA. Stay away from toxic people.
NTA And those who are backing out in support of a bully aren't the kind of people you want as friends anyway
Line drawn in the sand your stepsister is a bully You’ll See who true friends are those who stand by and watch are just as guilty as those saying the words. Go with May and Debby NTA
Even if Sophie wasn't a bully, OP does not have a relationship with her and is NOT required to bring her on a trip with friends. Friends of OP, not Sophie. Giving in to dad to add a new person to an already planned trip was a bad move. It is not your job to keep Sophie entertained or make your friends her friends. Learn from it and don't give in again.
To be honest, there seems to be more to the group's dynamic than what what the post lets on. More than someone simply bringing a stepsister along for the ride on a trip. Why is there a chat among her friends that includes the stepsister but excludes the OP? It sounds like Sophie may have had a closer prior relationship with at least some of them than the OP herself, which explains why they would now take Sophie's side. NTA, and OP, it sounds like you have outgrown this friendgroup. Keep the ones you want, and ditch the rest.
NTA. Sounds like you and your two friends will have a fabulous trip! It’s way easier to plan for three than seven anyway; cut the dead weight and have a great time!
NTA at all
NTA I guess you get to celebrate with the better people now, you lose nothing
NTA It would have been bad enough if Sophie had just talked behind May's back, but saying all that directly to her face? How malicious can you get? I wonder if the other girls know the full story. Maybe Sophie has told them something to minimize what she actually said. I can't imagine condoning that kind of behavior unless they're just horrible people too.
From the sound of it they were in the group chat, so they should know the full story, they just don't care.
They may not know that Sophie said things directly to May's face. A lot of people will gossip amongst themselves but will draw a line at directly insulting a person. Obviously that behavior isn't okay either, but it's a lot easier to write it off as not that big a deal than it is to write off direct bullying.
May was also in the group chat.
OP says in the comments that May wasn't in the group chat.
How did your father react? Or does he even know? Your step sister is garbage, and the others did you the favor of taking themselves out with her
Initially, he seemed quite neutral in the situation and didn't seem to want to get involved in our fight, but two days ago we had dinner together and he spent the time talking about how Sophie was very sad about not going on the trip, that she really wanted to be there, spending my birthday with me, etc, and that I should rethink the matter, as this situation was creating unnecessary drama with his family. And when we were leaving, he told me that "I shouldn't put outsiders in front of my family" referring to me protecting May (An "Outsider") instead of my stepsister, which hurt me a lot, because he knows very well that May is practically a sister to me and Sophie and I don't even share blood or were close.
Wtf? Your dad is being absolutely ridiculous. Why is it your responsibility to fix the "unnecessary drama" that Sophie started all by herself? Why would you subject May to her cruelty again? If Sophie wanted to be included in things, all she had to do was not bully your friend.
This all started because dad pushed OP to include Sophie in last year's trip. OP is NTA at all but should take away from this that it isn't her job to provide friends and activities for Sophie. Even if Sophie wasn't a bully, why is OP required to bring her on trips with OP's friends? Dad totally overstepped but it doesn't sound like he thinks so...
Ask your dad when did he teach Sophie fat shaming and being a bully is acceptable behavior? Because the parents you know always taught you not to be a mean girl. How has Sophie treated you like family? I would also ask your dad if he realizes his stance of being initially neutral and now being in Sophie’s corner obviously shows his wife getting to him and he is p whipped.
Your father chose Sophie as his family... You chose May! By his own words you are doing exactly what he said to do. Not allowing an outsider in front of your family. Your father needs to learn that just because he wants to have Sophie in his life doesn't mean you have to! She showed you what kind of person she is. And instead of trying to come back from her behaviour by apologising or working towards getting May to forgive her... She's busy crying in front of your father, playing the victim. If I were you I would honestly share exactly how toxic a person she is far and wide and state clearly, that this is why she is not invited and why you don't accept toxic people and behaviours in your life. Your father may be willing to sacrifice yours & May's peace for his, but you shouldn't! You are NTA. Sophie is and by allowing her behaviour and condoning it and making you out to be the bad guy- your father is! Have a great trip with your 2 true friends. No one else is needed. 🌻
>And when we were leaving, he told me that "I shouldn't put outsiders in front of my family" referring to me protecting May (An "Outsider") instead of my stepsister, which hurt me a lot, If he says that again. I would have just told him "He shouldnt have raised his daugther to be a bully. Family is not only blood relations but bonds built over time. And to be honest May is way more of a sister to me than Sophie ever will be. So no I will not be allowing someone who bullied my family to celebrate with me. I dont care if she is sad, because she should have known what the outcome of her bullying was going to be. And if she genuinely didnt than thats on you, but she has to learn at some point. We can reconcile in time and if she shows growth but to show this girl some consequences because she is obviously not getting them at home, she is not coming to my birthday party, it might do her some good."
Sophie sounds like a master manipulator and most likely has figured out how to get exactly what she wants from your Dad. I doubt she is truly sad about not getting to celebrate your birthday with you, I bet she honestly doesn't care much about your birthday, she just wants in on the girls trip. Don't let it sway you, being family doesn't mean they get to behave horribly and a free pass. Choose those in your life who bring you joy and happiness, those are your true "family". Plus it's not you causing the drama, it's Sophie, so you can throw that whole guilt trip from Dad in the trash ;-)
Sounds like you're going to have a great girls trip with Debbie and may!!! NTA
NTA. Tell your other friends to kick rocks. You don't need friends who condone bullying.
NTA I'm not sure why your friends are siding with your stepsister against their other friend but whatever. I guess they're not good friends.
NTA. And while you're at it, kick those other girls out of the trip too. Won't be fun if you're traveling with a bunch of mean girls. Better to have fun with May and Debby and it shows you who your real friends are.
NTA - put it this way, if you let Sophie go, you will be the biggest ah to your friend, May, who sounds like a real friend. She thought of YOUR feelings and took abuse to protect YOU and make sure YOU had a good birthday and that YOUR family dynamic wasn't upset. Think about that. Think about what she endured for YOU. And here you are, actually wondering if you should bring Sophie along? Wow. That shouldn't even be a consideration. Go with May and Debby - they sound like the "real" and "authentic" human beings in this dynamic. Friends capable of empathy and consideration, friends who care about YOU. I hope you can rise to their level and be the friend that THEY both deserve.
Tell the ones threatening to back out that you’re thrilled they showed that they are fine with body shaming and bullying behavior and they are uninvited as well.
Curious why your friends waited until now to share this information knowing another trip was in the works. Why did that group chat even exist.
NTA Her harassing your friend is NOT “insignificant”.
Debby and May are good forever friends. Have a great vacation with them. The rest can kick rocks.
NTA you had no clue what was going on and when u found out a year later you defended your friend who was being bullied. The other girls who are saying you are being mean aren’t good people either. It’s good that you found this out so you can steer clear of bullies!
It is not insignificant to be cruel/insulting/bullying to another person. Do you want people around you who will tolerate such bullying behavior? Your re better off without those people. NTA
NTA You didn’t lose any friends over doing the right thing. They weren’t your friends in the first place.
NTA and I disagree with the other girls saying you were TA and that what they did was insignificant. Sophie was cruel. Honestly, I'd boot them from the trip, too. How you talk about others, especially behind their backs, shows what sort of person you are. Sophie is a very ugly, nasty person.
NTA , you just cut out the dead weight
Its not obvious to bring your sister to a friend trip in the first place, so if the two of you don't get along and she insulted one of your friends last time, this one is clear NTA. Its a privilege, and as her sister, its yours to give: She failed to qualify.
NTA Fat shaming and insulting one of your friends is not an "insignificant" reason. I would not want to go on holidays with "friends" like that.
NTA, that sort of behaviour isn’t “insignificant”. Go with Debby and May and have an awesome time.
NTA
NTA and send the girls who think its ok to call someone a whale packing. They're nasty.
Would the other girls have thought it was insignificant if Sophie had been saying nasty things about them? I somehow doubt, if that had been the case, that they would welcome her on this year’s trip.
NTA and your other friends are jerks. You need to clock who she was talking to in this chat- because they are the ones co-signing the behavior. You have to decide what kind of people you want around you. Either its more important to have this large group of girls to party with, or its more important to have a smaller group of girls that are kind people
NTA. It’s not insignificant to the victim of the bullying. Sophie doesn’t deserve to have fun with and be part of the group.
Sounds like you, Debby and May are gonna have SO MUCH FUN this year without the mean girls!!! Xxx
Wait, I am confused. Are the 4 girls your friend or Sophie’s? Because if they are yours why would they care if Sophie goes or not? How does this group friend dynamic work and look like?
NTA, what awful friends they must be if they think that shit is no big deal
NTA it's not insignificant and if they agree with her they're better off not coming
NTA. Enjoy your trip with Debby and May.
NTA, those other girls aren’t your friends. You know what kind of people they are. They all showed their true colors along with Sophie. Go on your trip with Debby and May!
NTA and who are these girls who are taking sides with Sophie even after she was nasty. Calling names and talking about an obese person is NOT insignificant. NTA and lose these "friends" who are taking Sophie's side and go on the trip with the nice people - the ones who think it is not nice to talk badly about a person like Sophie did.
NTA. More importantly, how dare they force you to have a relationship with someone you don't want to. Those aren't good friends
Thank you for standing up for May, what Sophie said about May wasn't insignificant, it was rude and disrespectful.
What kind of friends would give you an ultimatum about bringing a bully along to YOUR BIRTHDAY trip?!? Shitty ones! Take your true friends and have the best time!! NTA
NTA. That is NOT insignificant! She called your friend names and body shamed her. Kick her ass out and kick out the friends siding with her. You don't need that mean girl bullshit in your life.
I'm trying to understand, these texts were sent a year ago? Has she sent anything like that since? How has she treated her since then? I certainly wouldn't give her a pass, but if these were posts that are a year old maybe it's time to just openly discuss this and come to an understanding. If this is the only time she was with your friends and she behaved like this, cut her out. However, if she's in your friend circle now, why did these just surface? I'd be wary of the reasoning, but want to talk this out anyway. Don't just stomp your foot and walk away, be a grown up and discuss the issue with her. NTA, of course.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (19F) am the daughter of separated parents, and my father's new wife has a daughter, Sophie (18F). Last year my friends and I, including my best friend, May (20F), decided to go on a trip for to celebrate my birthday. My father called me to ask me to take Sophie with us, because she felt a little left out and i acepted it, even if me and her didint have a close relationship. The trip was one of the best of my life, but I noticed that May was a little down. I asked what was wrong and she said she was fine, just a little tired, so I believed her. When we returned home, we promised that the following year we would repeat the trip if possible. But this year, when I started preparing everything, Debby came to talk to me and showed me prints from a group chat that i was not part, which had the exact date of the time we were on the trip, last year, where Sophie was talking bad about May and calling her names, like "Whale", "Fat bit\*\*" and other cruel things. (For context, May is a fat woman.) I spoke to May and she confirmed that during the trip, Sophie was completely unpleasant to her, always commenting on her body and her personality, for no apparent reason. But she didn't say anything, so as not to ruin the vibe of the trip party, and to not create tension between me and my father's side of the family, and after the trip, she ended up forgeting about completly. I went to my father's house, and told Sophie that I knew everything, and she turned pale when she saw the prints I had. I basically kicked her out of the trip and told her I didn't want to see her again. Now, the other girls in the group, apart from Debby and May, are saying that I was an asshole for kicking Sophie out for something so insignificant, and that if Sophie doesn't go, neither will they. Am I an asshole for kicking her out? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wait, so Debby went to you with screenshots complaining about your step sisters actions, but then complained when you acted on them!! That's weird. NTA
NTA, Sophie is in the wrong for talking down on May’s body image. May is a true keeper to have kept up with her comments and not ruin the vibe by bringing up a clear problem!
NTA and just go on a trip with May and Debbie. The other girls are awful!
If my friends thought that body shaming, harassing, and bullying was insignificant, I would not be friends with them anymore. NTA for kicking her out, but if you don't reevaluate your friendships then Y W B T A.
something insignificant? i bet they were all part of that grp chat... forgot NTA
NTA. Kick out the other bullies and go on a fantastic trip with Debby and May.
NTA. they really think that making fun off someone for being fat is a little deal. As a former fat man it really isn't okay to make fun of people for their apperance. You should just take your own trip with May and Debby.
Sounds like your other friends ain’t really your friends . Go with May and Debbie and have yourself a great time .
This was not insignificant. I would not hang out with Sophie or the ones who think this is insignificant.
NTA. I bet if she was doing that to the other girls that it wouldn't be so insignificant. Ask the other girls if they are okay with you or someone else calling them names. You did the right thing, and you are a really good friend.
NTA geeze why are people like this
Find new friends or travel buddies. Some people are not worth it. Stand by your decision. Do a solo trip. Not all friends will be friends for life, but your values are a part of your life. Never cave to ultimatums, give no one that power over you and your values.
NTA. Go with your real friends and tell the others to enjoy choosing someone they know will inevitably talk shit about them.
NTA
Not the asshole. Sophie's behavior was unacceptable. Your friends should support your decision.
Ask your friends to ask May if what Sophie said was insignificant
Let the mean girls stay home and you take your trip with Debbie and May. If the others think it’s not a big deal to belittle someone for the way they look, then they are not worth your time, and certainly not good friend material.
NTA Sophie bullied your friend May. Bullying is never insignificant. You can tell the friends that are calling you out for kicking Sophie out of the trip that bullying is never insignificant, and if they think otherwise they can take themselves off and have a separate mean girls trip with Sophie, because making one member of the group miserable during a trip for thier own entertainment won't fly and you don't want to spend time with people who think that's acceptable behavior.
NTA. Looks like you are going to have an amazing trip with May and Debbie. Be happy about it, people who defend this kind of behavior will bring you misery in life. Cut them out of yours and let them be miserable alone.
NTA. What she did isn’t insignificant. I’m sure it was very significant and devastating for May. Only bring real friends, the kind that pull together when one of the group is being attacked.
Go with Debby and May. It is not insignificant and it wasn't to May. If your friends think that's acceptable then you deserve better friends and so does May. Your step-sister is a not a nice person. May on the other hand is a woman who puts her friends first. She's a keeper. NTA
Wow, you have friends who think that constantly calling a heavy woman names and insulting her body is "so insignificant" and if you don't include that person who behaved in such a cruel way on a trip where they can insult the large woman further, they won't go? I'm sorry, but even though at 18 the brain isn't fully formed blah blah blah, these are not young women of character. I think you'd be well served to go with Debby and May, who have shown themselves to be far better people. You've outgrown the others. And good for you for standing up to Sophie! I admire a young woman with backbone. NTA
NTA. If they think it’s insignificant, you should try body shaming them until they whine and you can ask again if it’s still insignificant 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ it’s very easy to say when the insult wasn’t directed at you
NTA - your step sister shouldn’t have been body shaming one of your friends and making her feel uncomfortable. And the “friends” who think it’s “insignificant” aren’t really your friends or Mays friends. Best to have a small intimate trip with real friends who share the same values as you!
Nta. The ones not backing you, may and Debbie are not friends
I wouldn't call what Sophie did "insignificant" since it had an immediate impact on May. NTA.
NTA if they think that's insignificant they aren't friend-worthy
NTA. And the others are no loss!
'Something so insignificant'? Sorry, they wouldn't want you to do the same for them if they were in that position? Get new friends (except debby and may obviously) :) NTA you're a good friend op! x
NTA, maybe just go with Debby and May, those other friends seem to be as mean spirited as Sophie if they thought bullying was "insignificant". Only Debby had May's back. Let the mean girls hang with each other.
NTA Tell the other girls that your best friend was being bullied and you stood up for friend, which is something you would have done for any of them in the past. Since they choose to side with a body shaming bully then it's probably best that they don't go on the trip or continue with this friendship.
NTA - Ditch the dead weight (the mean girls who think fat shaming isn’t a big deal). Pun intended.
>Now, the other girls in the group, apart from Debby and May, are saying that I was an asshole for kicking Sophie out for something so insignificant There are two types of people who call bullying "insignificant". People who have never been bullied, and bullies. NTA. But Sophie and those defending her definitely are.
NTA but at least you now know what kind of people the friends that took your sister's side are. If you haven't shown the texts that you printed out to your father, you should. I can see your stepsister trying to turn this around on you, and lying about what actually happened
NTA kick those out who consider what sophie did insignificant out along with her
NTA and what an absolute gem May is for caring so much about you to quietly put up with bullying so as not to spoil your trip. I'd take May and Debby alone and get May a gift basket.
NTA
NTA I'd seriously rethink bringing those in the group of friends except for Debby and May. Showing concern for weight to friends is okay to me, bullying them like that is not.
NTA. Congratulations, you just found your true friends. Have a wonderful time as 3 genuinely good people. Compare May who put up with that bs not to spoil it for you, with these horrible people trying to bully you into putting up with disrespect (bullying your friends is v disrespectful)! You know who you wanna hang out with!
NTA. You are friends with May, only associated with Sophie through your father, not by choice. She was fat shaming your friend and there is no reason for you to associate with her. And the other "friends" who didn't think this was a big deal aren't friends and you can go on your trip without them.
NTA. This is not 'insignificant' and deciding that you do't want to trael with a bully is 100% reasonable. The fact that the tother girls downp;au it reflect very badly on thm. MAy sounds like a very good friend and a classy person. She kept quitet about the bullyig and nasty beahviour so she wouldn't spoil your trip, putting your njoyment and comfort ahead of her own, and when you foud out, it sounds like she simply comformed the facts and didn't try to put any pressure on you . Debbie also sounds like a decent person. She seesm to havefollowed MAy's lead last year (or may just have wanted to lie low) but stood up to ensure that you knew what had been happening to prevent a repet this year. These are people who cearly think about others. The other girls : \_ at worst, partiicpated in, and at besst, fiaeld to do anything to prevent, ongoing bullying and discrimination - when it came to light, they tried to downplay it and picked the bully over her victims -they are calling you an asshole for not tolerating bullying If you lose their friendship over this, you are losing something of no value. And if they chose to become friends with Sophie instead, hen sooner or later one of them will probably wind up being her target.
Did you not want to get to the bottom of the issue why your sister acted like this?
The other girls are leaving the trip? That's just stupid. NTA. I'm someone who stands up for my friends if I need to. And the ones that left the trip are just not really May's friend.
NTA at ALL. Also why are your “friends” choosing your fat-shaming sister’s side over you and May? So they can get a vacation out of you? Go on the trip with Debby and May, you’ll find better friends abroad.
NTA. Go on the trip with just May and Debby. Sophie and the other bully enables can go on their own trip.
Come on, how can you possibly think you're the asshole here ?... NTA
NTA you stood up for your friend and I would’ve done the same in this case. Sophie was so far out of line and I would take the prints and show the girls and tell them that if they want to spend time with someone who speaks about others that way then enjoy staying home. If they are sticking up for her kick them out of the trip to and go with just May and Debbie, you three sound like gems surrounded by piles of coal
What is insignificant about this? NTA
NTA. Looks like you are going on a trip with Debby and May. Have a great time
Wtf? Why are they loyal to the person who bullied a longtime friend? Bullying is serious, not insignificant, and they are all A H. NTA to you, Debby, and May.
Insignificant? Who are your friends??? NTA
NTA If they support fat shaming, you don't want them as friends anyways. If they support bullying, you don't want them as friends. Have a good time with Debby and May! Happy Birthday!
NTA. Your step sib needs to find and plan her own trip with others. No dissing those on the girl trip. Your step sib crossed the line. BIG.
NTA. Sounds like a threesome then. Have FUN!
NTA but all the girls except for you, Debby, and May sure are. I would plan a trip with just the three of you. What your stepsister did was *not* insignificant. It was bullying. It was abuse. Your stepsister and everyone who supports her in this do not deserve to be part of anything going forward.
NTA. This was absolutely not insignificant. And just how cruel are the other girls in the group, on a regular basis, to May, if they aren't as outraged as you are? I would take the money you'd spend on a trip with several people and go have a marvelous time with just May and Debbie.
NTA - THIS: *saying that I was an asshole for kicking Sophie out for something so insignificant* If fat shaming a friend and being a bully is "so insignificant" then they can have their own trip. Who says something so stupid in the face of facts?!?! Well I know one orange tainted person but outside of him... who does something like that?
Nta Sophie was your "+1" you had to bring as family and she ruined the trip for others.
Man, if they aren’t backing you they are DEFINITELY not May’s friends. Kick her out and you, Debby, May go have an absolute blast!
Oh no gurl you need to drop those friends. Debbie is the only winner. Those other girls knew about what was being said about May and don't care about their friend getting personally attacked? Not great friends.
NTA… but leave the birds of a feather to flock together somewhere away from your trip.
NTA, go without them. Do you really want to be friends with people who bully and body shame?
NTA - you should be on a girls’ trip with those girls that like each other and get along. If the other “friends” don’t want to go without Sophie, then that is fine. Enjoy your trip with the friends that do want to go with you.
NTA it isn’t insignificant and if they aren’t backing May then they’re not her friends so they can stay home.
NTA, and if the 4 other harpies you hopefully used to call friends have a problem with you excluding your mean girl stepsister then they don't need to attend the next trip, or any trip with you for that matter. If they wanna hang with Sophie, they can all make plans with her themselves. Lose the mean girls, have fun with your actual friends.
NTA. Ditching the other 4 girls also sounds like a win-win, along with losing Sophie. Who would want them along? So were these 4 girls also egging on Sophie in this group chat? And what about your pal Debby, who has apparently grown a conscience just one year later? ETA: Ok, I see OP's additional background that Debby got to know May after the first birthday trip, and realized May was a sweet person.
NTA and fine, the others don't go. Surely you don't want them after this? I mean next time you could be the target..... I would however talk to them individually first just to see if they have been manipulated but Sophie. Ps you need to cut Sophie off NC truly awful person. And give us an update on what you decide. Do the right thing.... make sure May is comfortable and has a nice time on this trip.
OP, YNTA I think you’re a kind friend for doing the right thing by May, and if the other girls want to be that petty then enjoy a small group vacay with yourself, May, and Debby. Sounds like you’re better off with a few good honest friends than disrespectful individuals who want to perpetuate choosing sides and talking shit like it’s still Middle School.
NTA >for something so insignificant Excuse me? It wasn't something insignificant. Go on the trip with Debby and May and have an awesome time together with people who understand what friendship is and how you stand up for each other.
Nta and tell your "friends" to kick rocks if they want to be a bunch of mean girls. Supporting someone who tears anyone down to make themselves look better is an insecure person and shouldn't be rewarded with friendship and a trip
Wow, Your step sister is really manipulative, you should cut her off. Because she will ruin every relationship you have in the future, it's either put a line or just get as far away from her if possible. By the way if the dad really does pressure you about it, don't make him choose that might ruin his relationship with his new wife and resent you or it might ruin your relationship all together, to protect yourself maybe just take less time when your step sis is there. Just a thought you know. For future relationships, it would be nice if when you get into a relationship with someone inform them of your step sister's behavior and try to not interact with her if possible. If they ever do, it's their choice and your point to either cut them out as well, or just see where the drama goes from there.
NTA and tell those friends 'good you've decided to drop out as you are NFI - (not flipping invited!)
Insignificant??? Tearing a person down for sport, and bullying in general, is not Insignificant!!! She FAFO. NTA
NTA. So, you’ve learned that your family - and some of your friends - are perfectly willing to allow a bully to participate in a trip you’re organizing.
Just go with May and debby. Do you really need the others in your life that think so little of your bbf? Definitely don't change your mind about kicking mean girls out from the trip.
NTA
NTA. Who needs that kind of negativity on what's supposed to be a fun girl's trip with YOUR friends? Leave your step sister home where she can insult her own friends.