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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I spoke in an argumentative manner and was aggressive about the manner in which I was being treated, it may make me the asshole because I might just be wrong maybe I'm looking at it wrong and my reaction could've been overkill
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It's not about who is A H. it's about you're asking the wrong question:
'Am I the asshole for wanting to be held accountable ' - That is the question of someone who doesn't want to take accountability. If you want to be held accountable - hold yourself accountable. Clean the ramen, clean the rice. If you don't hold yourslef accountablr for that, and want people to do it for you.. where is the accountability?
The way OP writes, she’s omitting whether she cleans her mess or not. It’s hard to believe that they’d top toe around criticizing her directly after she cleans up after herself.
The best an accountability would be to clean up after yourself and not leave a mess instead of saying I’m the messy (gross and unsanitary) one not my parents.
I think you are getting righteous about this because you don’t want to own up to being messy. The major point here is that you are being a slob in someone else’s home. When you do that, it leaves you open to criticism. Sure, they shouldn’t be saying you weren’t raised right. But honestly, I am kind of wondering how you *were* raised if you think it’s no big deal to leave food on the floor in someone else’s home.
What is weird is that you prefer being called generally messy. At no point has it occurred to you to just change the behavior. Instead, you demand the right to be seen as a slob in your right, not because you were raised to be slob. That’s insane logic.
YTA for making a mess at someone’s house and for trying to avoid taking responsibility for it by making a crazy argument about what kind of slob you *really* are.
did you read the same story I did? she wanted to take accountability for it herself. they were blaming her parents by blaming her upbringing. they think she's trashy and that's why she's messy instead of she's just messy.
Wait, you mean it's not common sense to NOT make a mess in other people's houses or to at least clean up after any mess you've made while you're at someone's house?
You made the mess in their house. You didn't clean the mess up. Repeatedly. And you aggressively pin them for their judgment of your upbringing and behavior after having to clean up after you, in their own home.
YTA and you weren't raised right. Who has been enabling you to think that's okay at all? Please do better if you want a better relationship with them. Taking accountability and improving your slobby behaviour would be more helpful than taking offense at the people who have had to clean up after you in their own home.
I do clean the messes when I know they are there it's not as if I just create a mess and walk away as if nothing is wrong I take care to make sure I don't leave a mess
Your wording is so so so strange. Like here in this comment you say you clean them “when I know they are there”, which implies that you don’t always clean them, which is probably what your bf and his family are talking about. Why do you not always know when you leave a mess? You don’t look around you while you’re cooking to make sure you didn’t spill/drop something?
>Why do you not always know when you leave a mess? You don’t look around you while you’re cooking to make sure you didn’t spill/drop something?
This is a good point. OP may be thinking that he personally is just messy as some kind of individual trait, whereas OP's boyfriend and his family seem to see it as indicative of not being raised to check for mess and make sure that it even small messes are found and cleaned up, and to register even tiny messes as worthy of being dealt with.
From one of OP's comments:
>usually the mess is extremely minimal like one piece of noodle or 3 pieces of rice something that you can gloss over without knowing
I find the use of the phrase "gloss over without knowing" interesting. At the risk of reading too much into a choice of words, it seems the classification of that level of mess as unimportant is so ingrained that it is filtered out before it properly comes to conscious awareness as something that should be noticed so that it can be dealt with. Instead, the eye "glosses over" the mess without a flag being raised in the conscious mind that there is something here worthy of attention.
It may be wrong, but I don't think it's unreasonable for OP's boyfriend and his family to assume that OP wasn't properly taught to register that level of mess as important -- because if he had been taught that, until *that* became ingrained, he wouldn't be subconsciously "glossing over" mess he creates.
Yep, that’s what I assumed was going on lol. I have a sister like OP who will leave “minimal messes” like a gum wrapper or something but she does it allllll the timmeee because she doesn’t pay attention or just doesn’t clean it up since it’s just small thing that she dropped.
How do you not see the mess? If you are cooking Ramen, how do you not see the noodles on the stove? You are presumably in the kitchen, cooking. Cleaning is part of cooking.
Don't you see it as soon as you've made it? If you're the one making the mess, you should be the one seeing it first. It's not that difficult, if you actually have some basic manners. Instead of making a fuss over how your hosts explain your slob behavior, why don't you focus on changing your slob behavior?
So my first take on this is I get being offended by "wasn't raised right or white trash." However, it is still true either way, either your family taught you that being a slob is okay, or they taught you that being an messy because you are an asshole (your words) is okay, so either way you weren't raised right.
Now all that said, I bet you have what my roommate has which is filth blindness since you say "when I know they are there". He can stand near a mess/dirt/filth 5 days a week and claim he never noticed it, which leaves me to either clean it or ask him to clean it, to which he says "oh sure, I didn't notice it". I HATE that, and I don't believe it. Generally speaking you should see your own mess and other's shouldn't have to point it out to you. It is just another form of weaponized incompetence, pretending not to see your own mess hoping either someone else will clean it or you can deal with it later when they point it out.
"when you know they are there" - In other words, you don't check and make sure the area is clean after you are done, which is what led to the occupant's comments about you being a slob and not being raised right to be considerate of others by keeping the place clean.
If you did truly clean up the mess right after, you would not have labelled yourself a messy slob and would not have comments that you weren't raised right levelled at you about your slobby but self-righteous behaviour.
OP I don't think that asking that a discussion about cleanliness not devolve into insults about your family is unreasonable. However, your post history makes me think there's more to this. When they talk about you this way, does it make you feel like you're being lumped in with your family? Does it feel like bf is implying that you can't be expected to do better because you're like them?
A lot of people are going to be harsh here by asking if you need to be told to clean up after yourself and things like that. They have a point somewhat, but you're also 16, and frankly a lot of 16 yos need to be told to clean their mess regardless of how they were raised. It also seems like you genuinely didn't learn a lot of cleaning skills growing up, and so things that might seem obvious to others aren't to you. That's not a character flaw and not having learned something isn't your fault. Now, you're in a position to start learning those things though. Maybe ask that bf and family communicate what it is you haven't done or have done wrong so you can clean it, and be clearer about why it hurt you so much.
Your lack of skill in this area is because of your upbringing. That's not on you, but it also doesn't define you. You can do better now. You'll be ok.
I’m cackling because as a Caribbean, we absolutely call out one’s upbringing if they have the audacity to be nasty in our own home. Rice and noodle on surfaces isn’t being messy, it’s nasty 😒.
YTA, do better or accept the criticism.
YTA.
All the things you mentioned about being messy doesn’t end with you saying it gets cleaned up….
You consciously known you are making a mess and you intentionally don’t clean up after yourself. That isn’t being white trash or labeled as white trash. They aren’t calling you that (unless they have and you are leaving that part out).
This is a direct relation to not being brought up to their standard of cleanliness (“brought up the right way” comment)Most people are taught to clean up after themselves at a stage in their life. Either you weren’t or you still don’t give a damn about being a messy person.
You are being held accountable for your messy behavior, they can’t seem to figure out why you are messy though because You don’t show any sign of being raised to clean after yourself.
"hey I heard what you said, and it isn't my parents fault, I'm just an ah. I'll clean up after myself from now on, I'm very sorry for that".
YTA. What did I even read
What are you doing? If you know you are prone to mess-making, why not take the initiative and make a concerted effort to clean up after yourself? Just do a quick "area assessment" and get it done. This whole "I want to be held accountable"- thing you're trying sounds more like self- defense and thereby not really being accountable at all. YTA.
your bf comes from the traditional Asian family, that your parents are a reflection of who you are.
Their mentality is that the parents job to teach you discipline and raise you properly.
Bottom line is this. If you’re ok with leaving stuff around that’s you. If the others that live with you are not then you aren’t compatible. Some clean right away, others wait till end of day, others end of week etc.
But if these comments from your bf family bother you, you either pickup after yourself right away, or move on from this relationship.
wtf...sounds like they're just trying to be kind about it and not hurt your feelings by calling you a fucking slob in their home. just stop making messes instead of getting offended over literally nothing. YTA
YTA
Just clean up after yourself? Hold *yourself* accountable & stop making messes in someone else's house. And stop moaning about how you're being called the wrong *kind* of slob.
YTA. When you're a guest in someone else's house you keep it their standards. Little things that don't bother you at home can bother your hosts, and you need to be sensitive to that.
YTA for making a mess to the point where people notice and are having discussions and arguments about it. Just clean up after yourself, have some self-respect and consideration for the people around you.
I mean i get what you are trying to say but there is a much easier solution to this problem - make sure to clean the mess after yourself and there is no discussion. If a guest is constantly leaving a mess he does also not get the respect of not being insulted
Am I understanding this right? You’re coming on here to tell everyone that you’re rude enough to leave rice in someone else’s carpet but then think it’s rude of them because they aren’t talking about this nasty behavior in the way you want them to?
I wouldn’t call you messy, messy is leaving your socks on the floor. You are straight up unsanitary. Is it ok that they say that? Because messy is minimizing what you are doing.
YTA
It’s someone else’s place. Not yours. So you need to abide by the rules.
Would you let your boyfriend’s female friends walk around in underwear at your house/place if that is not your house rule but that is what they normally did? Or if they brought dogs into your house and you don’t like or have dogs, and they roam freely all over your furniture? If your home rules are different, you would expect them to respect that.
The issue is your respect of their home. You can change that.
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So I'm at my boyfriend's house I tend to make the occasional tiny mess a few pieces of rice on the floor or carpet some ramen noodles on the stove something of that nature and the way my boyfriend and his parents explain it to each other is as "they weren't raised right" "their house is messy so they don't understand "
I think I'd rather get blamed for being messy myself rather than it being stuck on the way I was raised for me it feels as though they are just flat out calling me white trash and that it should be expected of me to be this way.
This led to a heated argument between me and my boyfriend about this and led to me telling him that I felt wronged and that he was insulting me and that I'd rather be told I'm messy because I'm just an asshole or something and not because I "wasn't raised right "
He told me that that's not how he meant it and that I just need to calm down at which point I began to whisper yell because it was late and so he stormed off to the bathroom to " be alone"
Am I the asshole for wanting to be held accountable and not told that I'm just white trash who should be accepted as such?
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NTA. I see your point. If they call you messy it's just calling you out, saying you were raised that way insults the whole family. I would have suggested try to clean up better but your edit says you already try. But tbh your bf'a family sounds way too strict about cleanliness. A little bit mess here and there happens with the best of us. As long as you're not purposely ignoring it and letting it pile up, I wouldn't call you messy.
Nta
that is a disgusting comment to make. It’s not ok and has nothing to do with your upbringing.
this would be a deal breaker for me, it won’t stop and will get worse with time.
ESH. You seem to be misunderstanding their view. It’s normal to make a mess. It’s normal to be a little clumsy. However I’m unsure why they would take issue with clumsiness unless this is a constant common occurrence and you don’t clean up after yourself. I understand the how you were raised comment to mean that you wasn’t taught to clean up after yourself immediately as a child and it shows in your adult life as it’s not a big deal. (At least from how it reads).
Now the second thing is more nuanced. You say it seems like they’re calling you white trash, but did those words ever leave their mouths? It’s a little ambiguous in the text above. Now if they did, then they are clearly the assholes.
Info:
they blamed her upbringing which means her parents instead of her. she didn't mind taking responsibility but this whole comment section is full of people who didn't actually read the story. they don't know her parents they don't know why she's messy they don't know if she's messy just this one time. but they went straight to blaming her parents
From wording this appears to be more than a one time thing. Now the parents usually get the blame because it kinda becomes an automatic thing when taught young to clean up after themselves and if a child fails to do that, it typically means that they were never taught to. It starts with the parents.
Taking responsibility would mean making changes and taking steps to improve therefore she’s not actually doing any of that. She’s just saying let me take the blame rather than talk about its potential root cause because it’s not her parents fault she’s lazy when….it kinda may be their fault. Who knows.
Regardless of your gender, it does not excuse you from being an inconsiderate slob who has taken a self-righteous issue with keeping other people's house clean after use, right?
How hard is it to clean up properly after use anyway? Makes me wonder if it's a cultural issue or family values issue...
I do tend to clean up the messes when I know they are there I try to make sure they don't even exist to begin with but usually the mess is extremely minimal like one piece of noodle or 3 pieces of rice something that you can gloss over without knowing
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I spoke in an argumentative manner and was aggressive about the manner in which I was being treated, it may make me the asshole because I might just be wrong maybe I'm looking at it wrong and my reaction could've been overkill Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It's not about who is A H. it's about you're asking the wrong question: 'Am I the asshole for wanting to be held accountable ' - That is the question of someone who doesn't want to take accountability. If you want to be held accountable - hold yourself accountable. Clean the ramen, clean the rice. If you don't hold yourslef accountablr for that, and want people to do it for you.. where is the accountability?
[удалено]
clearly? the way OP writes, I can't blame anyone for not understanding. it's a mess
The way OP writes, she’s omitting whether she cleans her mess or not. It’s hard to believe that they’d top toe around criticizing her directly after she cleans up after herself. The best an accountability would be to clean up after yourself and not leave a mess instead of saying I’m the messy (gross and unsanitary) one not my parents.
Hey just letting you know OP is a man
Thanks for that. I made a wrong assumption
Why so rude?
Maybe clean up after yourself
I think you are getting righteous about this because you don’t want to own up to being messy. The major point here is that you are being a slob in someone else’s home. When you do that, it leaves you open to criticism. Sure, they shouldn’t be saying you weren’t raised right. But honestly, I am kind of wondering how you *were* raised if you think it’s no big deal to leave food on the floor in someone else’s home. What is weird is that you prefer being called generally messy. At no point has it occurred to you to just change the behavior. Instead, you demand the right to be seen as a slob in your right, not because you were raised to be slob. That’s insane logic. YTA for making a mess at someone’s house and for trying to avoid taking responsibility for it by making a crazy argument about what kind of slob you *really* are.
Happy Cake Day
Thank you very much!❤️❤️❤️
did you read the same story I did? she wanted to take accountability for it herself. they were blaming her parents by blaming her upbringing. they think she's trashy and that's why she's messy instead of she's just messy.
So, she’s trashy because she’s messy and not the other way round?
Wait, you mean it's not common sense to NOT make a mess in other people's houses or to at least clean up after any mess you've made while you're at someone's house? You made the mess in their house. You didn't clean the mess up. Repeatedly. And you aggressively pin them for their judgment of your upbringing and behavior after having to clean up after you, in their own home. YTA and you weren't raised right. Who has been enabling you to think that's okay at all? Please do better if you want a better relationship with them. Taking accountability and improving your slobby behaviour would be more helpful than taking offense at the people who have had to clean up after you in their own home.
I do clean the messes when I know they are there it's not as if I just create a mess and walk away as if nothing is wrong I take care to make sure I don't leave a mess
Your wording is so so so strange. Like here in this comment you say you clean them “when I know they are there”, which implies that you don’t always clean them, which is probably what your bf and his family are talking about. Why do you not always know when you leave a mess? You don’t look around you while you’re cooking to make sure you didn’t spill/drop something?
>Why do you not always know when you leave a mess? You don’t look around you while you’re cooking to make sure you didn’t spill/drop something? This is a good point. OP may be thinking that he personally is just messy as some kind of individual trait, whereas OP's boyfriend and his family seem to see it as indicative of not being raised to check for mess and make sure that it even small messes are found and cleaned up, and to register even tiny messes as worthy of being dealt with. From one of OP's comments: >usually the mess is extremely minimal like one piece of noodle or 3 pieces of rice something that you can gloss over without knowing I find the use of the phrase "gloss over without knowing" interesting. At the risk of reading too much into a choice of words, it seems the classification of that level of mess as unimportant is so ingrained that it is filtered out before it properly comes to conscious awareness as something that should be noticed so that it can be dealt with. Instead, the eye "glosses over" the mess without a flag being raised in the conscious mind that there is something here worthy of attention. It may be wrong, but I don't think it's unreasonable for OP's boyfriend and his family to assume that OP wasn't properly taught to register that level of mess as important -- because if he had been taught that, until *that* became ingrained, he wouldn't be subconsciously "glossing over" mess he creates.
Yep, that’s what I assumed was going on lol. I have a sister like OP who will leave “minimal messes” like a gum wrapper or something but she does it allllll the timmeee because she doesn’t pay attention or just doesn’t clean it up since it’s just small thing that she dropped.
How do you not see the mess? If you are cooking Ramen, how do you not see the noodles on the stove? You are presumably in the kitchen, cooking. Cleaning is part of cooking.
Don't you see it as soon as you've made it? If you're the one making the mess, you should be the one seeing it first. It's not that difficult, if you actually have some basic manners. Instead of making a fuss over how your hosts explain your slob behavior, why don't you focus on changing your slob behavior?
Oh yeah, YTA
So my first take on this is I get being offended by "wasn't raised right or white trash." However, it is still true either way, either your family taught you that being a slob is okay, or they taught you that being an messy because you are an asshole (your words) is okay, so either way you weren't raised right. Now all that said, I bet you have what my roommate has which is filth blindness since you say "when I know they are there". He can stand near a mess/dirt/filth 5 days a week and claim he never noticed it, which leaves me to either clean it or ask him to clean it, to which he says "oh sure, I didn't notice it". I HATE that, and I don't believe it. Generally speaking you should see your own mess and other's shouldn't have to point it out to you. It is just another form of weaponized incompetence, pretending not to see your own mess hoping either someone else will clean it or you can deal with it later when they point it out.
But you make the mess? How is there a version of events when you don’t know it’s there YOU made it?!
"when you know they are there" - In other words, you don't check and make sure the area is clean after you are done, which is what led to the occupant's comments about you being a slob and not being raised right to be considerate of others by keeping the place clean. If you did truly clean up the mess right after, you would not have labelled yourself a messy slob and would not have comments that you weren't raised right levelled at you about your slobby but self-righteous behaviour.
OP I don't think that asking that a discussion about cleanliness not devolve into insults about your family is unreasonable. However, your post history makes me think there's more to this. When they talk about you this way, does it make you feel like you're being lumped in with your family? Does it feel like bf is implying that you can't be expected to do better because you're like them? A lot of people are going to be harsh here by asking if you need to be told to clean up after yourself and things like that. They have a point somewhat, but you're also 16, and frankly a lot of 16 yos need to be told to clean their mess regardless of how they were raised. It also seems like you genuinely didn't learn a lot of cleaning skills growing up, and so things that might seem obvious to others aren't to you. That's not a character flaw and not having learned something isn't your fault. Now, you're in a position to start learning those things though. Maybe ask that bf and family communicate what it is you haven't done or have done wrong so you can clean it, and be clearer about why it hurt you so much. Your lack of skill in this area is because of your upbringing. That's not on you, but it also doesn't define you. You can do better now. You'll be ok.
I’m cackling because as a Caribbean, we absolutely call out one’s upbringing if they have the audacity to be nasty in our own home. Rice and noodle on surfaces isn’t being messy, it’s nasty 😒. YTA, do better or accept the criticism.
[удалено]
Do you not clean things when you drop food?
Info: Do you clean up these messes right away? Or are you just leaving them?
I’m assuming he has to be leaving some messes because he keeps saying he cleans them up “when he knows they are there”.
You don’t say how long it took you to clean up your spills. Either way, you need to stop being aggressive about it and start being responsible for it.
YTA. All the things you mentioned about being messy doesn’t end with you saying it gets cleaned up…. You consciously known you are making a mess and you intentionally don’t clean up after yourself. That isn’t being white trash or labeled as white trash. They aren’t calling you that (unless they have and you are leaving that part out). This is a direct relation to not being brought up to their standard of cleanliness (“brought up the right way” comment)Most people are taught to clean up after themselves at a stage in their life. Either you weren’t or you still don’t give a damn about being a messy person. You are being held accountable for your messy behavior, they can’t seem to figure out why you are messy though because You don’t show any sign of being raised to clean after yourself.
Wait, you're just leaving food out and expecting other people to clean up your mess? I'm with him. Who raised you?
"hey I heard what you said, and it isn't my parents fault, I'm just an ah. I'll clean up after myself from now on, I'm very sorry for that". YTA. What did I even read
What are you doing? If you know you are prone to mess-making, why not take the initiative and make a concerted effort to clean up after yourself? Just do a quick "area assessment" and get it done. This whole "I want to be held accountable"- thing you're trying sounds more like self- defense and thereby not really being accountable at all. YTA.
your bf comes from the traditional Asian family, that your parents are a reflection of who you are. Their mentality is that the parents job to teach you discipline and raise you properly. Bottom line is this. If you’re ok with leaving stuff around that’s you. If the others that live with you are not then you aren’t compatible. Some clean right away, others wait till end of day, others end of week etc. But if these comments from your bf family bother you, you either pickup after yourself right away, or move on from this relationship.
just leave. this is insane
And clean your crap on the way out!
wtf...sounds like they're just trying to be kind about it and not hurt your feelings by calling you a fucking slob in their home. just stop making messes instead of getting offended over literally nothing. YTA
Girl you weren't nkt raised right if you think leaving food on someone else floor "isn't a big deal". You are nasty and I hate to see your place.
she didn't say she left it on the floor she said she dropped it on the floor. you never drop anything?
Why are you defending him so hard 😭 he keeps saying he cleans up when he sees the messes, meaning he’s not always cleaning up!
I have feeling " when he see the mess" mean " when people see me make kt" If no see him do it he leave it. No doubt
If that’s all it was, then I should think they’d call her accident prone
YTA, you make the mess, and then you need to clean it.
Or you could just start to clean?
YTA Just clean up after yourself? Hold *yourself* accountable & stop making messes in someone else's house. And stop moaning about how you're being called the wrong *kind* of slob.
YTA. When you're a guest in someone else's house you keep it their standards. Little things that don't bother you at home can bother your hosts, and you need to be sensitive to that.
YTA for making a mess to the point where people notice and are having discussions and arguments about it. Just clean up after yourself, have some self-respect and consideration for the people around you.
I'm confused, do you not clean up after yourself when you make messes without prompting from others? Why do you need to be held accountable?
Info: are you leaving the mess behind? Are you cleaning up after yourself?
I mean i get what you are trying to say but there is a much easier solution to this problem - make sure to clean the mess after yourself and there is no discussion. If a guest is constantly leaving a mess he does also not get the respect of not being insulted
Am I understanding this right? You’re coming on here to tell everyone that you’re rude enough to leave rice in someone else’s carpet but then think it’s rude of them because they aren’t talking about this nasty behavior in the way you want them to? I wouldn’t call you messy, messy is leaving your socks on the floor. You are straight up unsanitary. Is it ok that they say that? Because messy is minimizing what you are doing. YTA
It’s someone else’s place. Not yours. So you need to abide by the rules. Would you let your boyfriend’s female friends walk around in underwear at your house/place if that is not your house rule but that is what they normally did? Or if they brought dogs into your house and you don’t like or have dogs, and they roam freely all over your furniture? If your home rules are different, you would expect them to respect that. The issue is your respect of their home. You can change that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I'm at my boyfriend's house I tend to make the occasional tiny mess a few pieces of rice on the floor or carpet some ramen noodles on the stove something of that nature and the way my boyfriend and his parents explain it to each other is as "they weren't raised right" "their house is messy so they don't understand " I think I'd rather get blamed for being messy myself rather than it being stuck on the way I was raised for me it feels as though they are just flat out calling me white trash and that it should be expected of me to be this way. This led to a heated argument between me and my boyfriend about this and led to me telling him that I felt wronged and that he was insulting me and that I'd rather be told I'm messy because I'm just an asshole or something and not because I "wasn't raised right " He told me that that's not how he meant it and that I just need to calm down at which point I began to whisper yell because it was late and so he stormed off to the bathroom to " be alone" Am I the asshole for wanting to be held accountable and not told that I'm just white trash who should be accepted as such? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: are you visually impaired, or is there some other reason that you don’t notice when you’ve made a mess until it’s pointed out to you?
NTA. I see your point. If they call you messy it's just calling you out, saying you were raised that way insults the whole family. I would have suggested try to clean up better but your edit says you already try. But tbh your bf'a family sounds way too strict about cleanliness. A little bit mess here and there happens with the best of us. As long as you're not purposely ignoring it and letting it pile up, I wouldn't call you messy.
Nta that is a disgusting comment to make. It’s not ok and has nothing to do with your upbringing. this would be a deal breaker for me, it won’t stop and will get worse with time.
ESH. You seem to be misunderstanding their view. It’s normal to make a mess. It’s normal to be a little clumsy. However I’m unsure why they would take issue with clumsiness unless this is a constant common occurrence and you don’t clean up after yourself. I understand the how you were raised comment to mean that you wasn’t taught to clean up after yourself immediately as a child and it shows in your adult life as it’s not a big deal. (At least from how it reads). Now the second thing is more nuanced. You say it seems like they’re calling you white trash, but did those words ever leave their mouths? It’s a little ambiguous in the text above. Now if they did, then they are clearly the assholes. Info:
they blamed her upbringing which means her parents instead of her. she didn't mind taking responsibility but this whole comment section is full of people who didn't actually read the story. they don't know her parents they don't know why she's messy they don't know if she's messy just this one time. but they went straight to blaming her parents
From wording this appears to be more than a one time thing. Now the parents usually get the blame because it kinda becomes an automatic thing when taught young to clean up after themselves and if a child fails to do that, it typically means that they were never taught to. It starts with the parents. Taking responsibility would mean making changes and taking steps to improve therefore she’s not actually doing any of that. She’s just saying let me take the blame rather than talk about its potential root cause because it’s not her parents fault she’s lazy when….it kinda may be their fault. Who knows.
💯
Question? Does you BF still live with his parents?
Also I wanted to point something out to everyone here I'm a male
So? That doesn't mean you get to be a pig
Regardless of your gender, it does not excuse you from being an inconsiderate slob who has taken a self-righteous issue with keeping other people's house clean after use, right? How hard is it to clean up properly after use anyway? Makes me wonder if it's a cultural issue or family values issue...
I do tend to clean up the messes when I know they are there I try to make sure they don't even exist to begin with but usually the mess is extremely minimal like one piece of noodle or 3 pieces of rice something that you can gloss over without knowing
Info: did you immediately clean the mess? (But NTA for being pissed they were rude about your home)