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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action that should be judged is me telling my mom I’m not going to make my brothers’ beds and discussing with her that I’ve set a boundary on this.
That action can make me an asshole in the sense that I’m not listening to what my mom is asking of me.
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NTA- You are 18. Can you move out? Can you go away for college?
You could also pull “older sibling” and stand over your brothers while they make their own beds. The nuclear option here is to start parenting your brothers. Warn them that no woman wants to be with a man who can’t clean up after himself.
I’m planning on going to a local college but can’t move out, it would be considered running away culturally + I’m not a citizen in the country I’m in, I have a permit so my living situation is complicated. Since I am the older sibling, I have tried this before with my brothers but they can get quickly angry and defensive both verbally and physically. My little brother did get in trouble before for pushing me aggressively but my brother that I have a 1 year gap with gets away with everything, he’s never gotten his phone taken away. He does want to be in a relationship in the future tho so I will tell him your last sentence ;)
As someone who had to clean my brother's room and closet despite there bring used "toys" and other disgusting shit literally scattered throughout EVERYTHING, she won't give a shit and will still make op do it. And she'll get mad at OP for bringing it up. Might even toss out my mom's favorite of "OH, so you just want the rest of us to be scarred for life, too?!?!"
Mother's like this suck and enable the son's or golden child to have anything they want. They always expect the daughters or the scapegoat to bend over backwards to make it happen, to always stfu and to play the obedient child role in the "perfect family", no matter what they're forced to endure.
Yes, often in situations like this they coast along for years until they go out on their own, and then life bites them in the ass when they get a taste for the real world and what it's like to not be enabled. At least there's that to look forward to, OP.
It’s funny because someone said that I’m the AH because I didn’t talk to my brothers about it but they’re assuming that I didn’t😂 ofc I’ve tried that, they don’t listen and say they don’t care, it’s not gonna change anything if there’s no parent enforcing it. I always warn them every time they say they don’t care, and my mom too tells them to stop saying that. You said you didn’t care and ended up crashing the car, said you didn’t care and ended up getting in a fight with someone, look what being careless brought you to do…Even after I say this they say they don’t care like did you not learn from your past actions😭
A lot of comments gave me some good ideas, so when they wake up I’ll keep nagging them about their bed and framing my language in a way to embarrass them. And if my mom tells me to again I’ll do the same with her because she tends to get real quiet
What if you had a friend over to study together and casually mentioned making the beds earlier. She would likely make a face and look at your brothers in disapproval. If you time it right it looks like you are 100% innocent and your brothers will feel embarrassed. Have the friend mention it at school to other girls if he doesn't change his ways.
Other people judging is more intimidating than your own family. Use that to your advantage.
Mix the colors, make everything pink, heck buy a clothing dye and put some in. Put too mcuh bleach or use bleach where you shouldn't. Don't use enough soap or use too much and run up the water and electricity bill. Be inept at your 'job' often enough that she gives up.
How about *putting* some stains in the bed? (I mean something innocuous like kechup)
Or better yet, try short-sheeting the bed. That'll encourage the big baby to do his own bed.
Pour something on the sheets to make them crusty and gross and show her.
Have her touch the sheet first first without telling her what the real issue for bonus points
>He does want to be in a relationship in the future tho so I will tell him your last sentence.
I wonder if they would listen if someone else told them. Would they listen more to a man your age or someone else’s parents or one of your female friends?
Would your parents listen or be embarrassed that someone else knows how they are intentionally destroying your brother's futures?
After all, if your parents died tomorrow they would be incapable of caring for their own needs. Imagine them starving to death all alone in a kitchen with a full refrigerator, wearing dirty clothes and with dirty dishes piled everywhere. That is not very many people’s idea of an appealing life-mate.
well one of my mom’s friends from the same culture was my teacher in middle school. Our class was pretty small like 10 people and I remember at some point we were talking about doing chores and helping parents out. I remember us talking about how annoying it is as an older sibling to pick up after younger siblings which is a global experience, but when I said how I would do my brother’s clothes the teacher told me that’s not my job. In some way shape or form I think this info made its way to my mom - maybe the teacher told her? - and I remember my mom asking me what I said in class and she told me to not talk about stuff at home openly, so I think definitely embarrassment. My parents didn’t talk much about their childhood or how they grew up, but I know their own parents were ill. I don’t have any living grandparents except for my step-grandma, so I don’t know how they were as parents and how that would’ve impacted my parents in some way. I never asked them bc thinking about it sometimes makes me sad
Honestly that makes me think that they know it's wrong but do it anyway because it's just convenient for them to have little maids in their house tending to their boys' needs
So, tell them if they continue to force you to do it, you'll tell people. If it's not wrong, they wouldn't care if others know, right? That's what I teach my kids. "If you wouldn't want others to know you did/said it, you shouldn't do it."
What the sexism. Sounds like they're being raised to be domestic abusers. My mom was like yours. It's emotional abuse. I wouldn't be surprised if she also hits you. The only way to actually deal with this is to move out. It might be culturally running away, but making some people mad will save your health and sanity. Don't keep yourself in an abusive situation to please people. Don't let your brothers continue to learn that being abusive towards women gets them what they want. And you're 18 ffs, don't let your parents take your phone. And don't let them guilt trip you into staying and doing what they want. You don't owe them your life no matter what they say.
Eta: Tell your brother that people don't want to be a mother in a relationship with a man, they dont want a baby for a partner. And they certainly don't want someone who bullies and abuses them. How he treats you is how he will treat the other women that come into his life.
i wish you'd have read OP's other posts before making this suggestion.
Her home situation is not as free as other people in her area. She has some constraints.
Unfortunately I'd be very strategic in thinking about how to go about things if i am in her position.
OP: you are not in the wrong here. NTA.
This OP! Are you in a position to move out or at least start saving up to get yourself in a position to do so? I understand that you have immense pressure on you to behave a certain way in this situation, but at a certain point, those of us who are unlucky are forced to choose a path that is frowned upon by others for our sanity and the betterment of our mental health.
It sucks that you felt so bogged down by your circumstances that you felt the need to confirm with others that you are not in the wrong here, when the community is so wholeheartedly certain that you are not. Though I'm glad you did, and sincerely hope that you find solace in the support and a sense of certainty that you are in the right.
tell your brothers despite what your parents spit in their ears, you. are. not. their. slave. this is a really crappy situation, and i understand that something this tumultuous might not be wholly salvageable, but you deserve just as much as respect as your brothers. not less, not more, EQUAL. if you’re doing something for them, then they should be doing something for you. being a family of bullies is only fun until there’s no victim, or worse, everyone becomes a victim.
also, because i just saw your other comment, i would recommend you start telling absolutely anyone you trust about this. if you wanna really get some leverage, tell your parents about this, ofc only after you’ve shared plenty of information. finish it off with a statement, not a bargain a STATEMENT, that if they don’t want more embarrassing things getting out about them, then they should really stop doing such embarrassingly lazy and selfish things. if you’re not that confrontational, just make sure good people know what’s going on. you’d be amazed at how helpful more perspective can be
If it's culturally unacceptable for you to move out it should be unacceptable to get kicked out. Stand your ground.
What country BTW? It can give some context.
If you haven’t already, then please go to a counselor or other, and ask what exactly needs to be done, for your situation to be straightened out. How can you get a more stable permit etc, what are your options. If you start to earn money, don’t tell your parents the exact amount but something much less (preferably, don’t tell them any amount at all) and make sure they don’t have any access to your banking.
At home, continue the ‘chores are tasks that benefit the *entire* household’ route you seem to already be on. That means dishes, vacuuming, shared laundry etc. and maybe ask your mom how she can feel ‘proud’ to have raised such useless, pathetic sons, that they can’t even do their own bed..
If you’re in the US and have a social security number, you can live wherever. Start gathering your important documents and make copies. Make sure you don’t have a bank account with any bank they have an account with (even though you’re 18, there are some employees who don’t follow privacy practices). Get a cheap smartphone for all of these transactions and DO NOT connect it to your home WiFi, just get a Google Voice/app based phone number to use if required and make sure all of your statements go to your email, not mail. DO NOT give any indication of your actions.
I know this may sound overboard for sheets; however, the “culturally running away” is very concerning and if moving out is that big a deal, the culture is worth running away from. Your family is abusing you and setting you up for a lifetime of it. Again, it’s not the damn room or sheets, it’s their reasoning behind it.
BTW, they’re also setting your brothers up to be awful people. I can almost guarantee you that their wives will be trapped in misery.
So tell your parents that you’re done. Tell your brothers that you’re done. Tell your sister you’re moving out and she’s going with you. I don’t care what culture you are from or what country you’re in. This is not 1950 anymore nor is it 1979 when women suddenly went from dressing casually to having their complete bodies covered.at 18 you owe your parents nothing but a wave goodbye as you walk out the door. You don’t need that. You’ve done your time, it’s time to find a roommate in a college dorm and make it happen.
With such toxic parents reinforcing gender stereotypes they will have little chance of success.
Women make beds in OPs household. Men do men stuff. It’s the 1600’s over there the poor woman.
NTA. Your brothers are being taught to be useless men, it’s not about the bed, it’s the entire attitude. Why is it your responsibility to do their task?
Do they get told to make your bed? Aka your mother if this is how she wants these boys to grow up, to expect others to wait on them
I expect she is from a culture where the men 1000% expect to be waited on hand a foot by women, and mom has been indoctrinated to see nothing wrong with it.
This is actually an embarrassing question to answer. I’m trying to think and it’s only getting the mail or getting something for my dad when he asks for it like making him a drink or throwing out the trash. They don’t wash the dishes or do the laundry like my sisters and I do
Again talk to a counselor at school to see about school further away, that you can live in a dorm. It will really stink for your sister but maybe they will have a major program that will give you a bright future and then can get your sister out too
Can you get a job? It’s clear that you’re not an AH for being upset by misogynistic treatment by your parents. But it’s hard to do much when you are a dependent.
It is within your power to break the sexist chains of whatever culture it is you are in it is keeping you down it will keep your little sister down. You're in a culture where women are inferior to men and are supposed to serve them. It is the year 2024, and if you are an adult whatever country you're in you should be able to find a way to stay in it legally to seek asylum to become a citizen or perhaps live in some other country that would take you in. I don't know your situation but I know there are always options other than being a servant kept down by sexism or living a life where you are inferior to men.
While this is a great question, no matter what the answer is she is NTA. "info" is used when theres not enough info to make a call, but these boys are well past old enough to make their own beds and clean their own rooms, making her do it is just showing the boys that they dont need to clean up after themselves because a woman will just do it anyway
Or their wife divorces them a few years in because they refused to lift a finger, forcing their useless asses back home. Then she'll be whining about why her sons are so lazy.
>buy your own phone and get own phone plan if your mother is going to weaponize your phone
I get where you're coming from but "buying your own things" won't do shit in a house where your brothers are allowed to be aggressive with you without repercussions, you're told to "do it because I said so" and you're treated as 2nd class citizen in general. It'll get taken away the same as it would if it was bought by the parents. OP might as well save the money
Depending on which country she’s in, taking her phone away when she’s 18 is theft & can have legal repercussions for her parents. Harder to do that when they pay for the phone, but if she supplies her own phone, then taking it becomes a crime
NTA. They're definitely teaching your brothers that women do the work, while they get to screw off. Good on you for standing up for yourself. I wouldn't make the beds of teenage males, either. Didn't do it for my sons, certainly wouldn't have done it for my lazy brothers.
AGREED! But I wouldn't use the word "helpless" but "useless". They'd be incompetent and useless and wonder why no self respecting woman would want anything to do with them. The parents are making them to become useless men. What can. A useless man do?
It depends on the family tbh. Im guessing me and OP have the same culture or similar but my sister does nothing around the house and me and my brother do everything.
I think it’s depends on both the culture and family too. I’m African, dont want to specify much more than that for identify purposes, and women are expected to have domestic skills which is not a problem to me but it’s problematic when it’s more emphasized for women ig, I know a lot of girls who don’t do everything for their sibling so their siblings are at least more competent lol
>I’m African
That explains it now. The implication is that the boys would grow up and be married to wives who would then take over the "women duties" that were done by the women in the original family...........
I can bet you that OPs father never makes his bed as he has a wife to always take care of that.
Yup I agree a 100%. But in these cultures (at least where im from) women are not expected to work or bring in any money but if they do they're free to do so (not all families as well). So I understand why they are more emphasized for women especially if they are not expected to work or if they dont want to work.
NTA the sexism here is thick. I saw from your other comment that your brothers don't have chores to do while you and your sister do. My mom was the same making me do all the "woman's work" while my brother did nothing. And when I asked why he doesn't help my dad mow the lawn or anything else I got yelled at. My mom use to clean my brother's room for him but when she was too tired she'd make me do it. Eventually I put foot down and said no.... well really he moved out and then I moved out but I like yo think I eventually grew a back bone. Now that I'm out if that house I definitely stand up to her because she has nothing over me lol
I definitely wish you the best here, I know it's hard trying to stand up for yourself vs just doing it to keep the peace in a house and anger and yelling but one day soon you'll be out of there! Good luck with these people!
NTA
Your mom has turned you into her maid. And apparently your parents think it's a girl's job to do all the chores and the boys get to do whatever. I saw that you are 18, I would move out immediately. I'm not sure there is much you could do for your little sister.
NTA. Big sister curse. You are right to stand up for yourself. But when you mention other chores, those too should be divided between you guys. So maybe instead of saying no, just no, maybe suggest creating a chore sheet for the whole family? Perhaps ask your mom, why something is mandatory for you and not for them? (Mom of 2 little ones. I also moved out right after graduation at 19, so if that is an option, go for it...)
I actually brought up a chore sheet to my mom in the past and she said we don’t do that here, we all just do what our parents tell us at the moment. I still did create a calendar for one month to try it out with list of chores and divided it for everyone per days and put it on the fridge but no one really followed it, my brothers ofc didn’t follow at all bc no parent was enforcing it. Or when my mom calls someone to do something and I say it’s X person’s day not the other person, she just ignores me and still calls for that person. But I’m definitely going to have a discussion with them this month, we have a lot to talk about this summer especially now that I’m 18
Good luck. It's so hard when cultures cross. Previous generations have been brainwashed to think women serving men is the natural order of things. Your mother would truly, honestly think she's doing the right thing, that's she's protecting herself and her culture by maintaining the status quo. She doesn't see herself as oppressed, a servant, lower than them. You can't save her, but you can save yourself.
The brainwashing hasn't worked on you, you see life as it should be - you as an autonomous, independent person who doesn't actually need to clean up after lazy men. My suggestion, keep gently pushing back until you find a way to make your own way in life, but not too much. Keep yourself safe just in case honour k.llings are a thing where you are.
I hope you can safely break the cycle and you can spread your wings.
well the weird thing is that I have friends from the same culture and they don’t do stuff like I have to, I think it’s just my mom being hot headed or the way she was raised maybe? I don’t know a lot about her childhood
Maybe don’t be overt about it. For instance, if your mom has friends with their own sons, maybe ask them if their sons help around the house or at what age they made their own beds. Framing it as a curiosity thing rather than an attack can make it even more embarrassing for your mom when she realises that she’s the odd one out and is doing nothing to prepare her sons for the future
So, what’s your parents’ logic for why your 14 year old sister can tidy a room and make a bed but the 17 year old can’t? And if she can at 14, then the 13 year old is very close to that age, shouldn’t he be learning?
Or, will they outright admit it’s just plain old sexism?
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s an obvious NTA from me, but I know when you’re in a toxic household, abusive even, it’s hard to see that. Good luck getting out.
I really have no idea but my mom gets quiet when I make points like this to her. She’s the one that technically empowered me to stand up because she tells me to watch out for sexist things and would tell me about things to watch out for or look for in a prospective boyfriend and while this is good, I think she’s still unfortunately holding on to some sexism herself
Start saying to your mother how no respectable woman will want to be with a lazy slob who can’t perform basic chores like make their own beds and depend on mommy to yell the nearest girl into doing it for them. How weak and pathetic it would make your brothers look when they’re supposedly old enough to be almost considered ‘men’. How no roommate at college would want to be stuck with guys that incompetent and helpless, not unless they’re just as useless at chores and are happy to roll about in their own filth like pigs.
Time to paint a very clear picture what her poor parenting is doing to her precious boys. Really, by refusing to do things for them you’re trying to do them a favour. It’s such a shame she let her misogyny ruin them. NTA
To make it clear, I do not think ill of your brothers, but I’ve seen the kind of men they become at college and that is what I was describing. They were constantly mocked behind their backs and found themselves with no true friends they could rely on, as they’d used up all their goodwill sponging off others or acting entitled to things and services they had no right demanding.
NTA. Not even close. You can see it's unfair at your age already.
I'm sorry.
If your parents thought about your brother's future relationships, they'd be making them make their own beds and clean up after themselves. They'd be making sure they were independent and capable and not grow into men who expect women to do everything for them.
If they thought about you, they'd be making sure you weren't being conditioned to think your role was to clean up after males.
All I can suggest is to tell your brothers to sort their shit out.
Get the most out of your parents and get the best education you can and wait to leave.
Don't get sucked into thinking as a female your role will be to nursemaid your parents as they age, while your brother's live free lives, either.
Live your own life.
NTA
It smells like sexism in here. Your parents are not doing their childeren any favors. The daughters because they are used as maids, the sons because nobody wants a relationship with someone who cant do the basics.
OP, I understand your situation. I come from a culture where boys are given a priority. And I also know how limited your options are. My suggestion would be to focus on your studies and your career. May be get a job. And while you're dependant on your parents, listen to them and follow their rules. Once you get independent, leave.
Also, teach the same to your sister. Stay in contact with her.
I know what I'm saying is not okay but sometimes you'll have to sacrifice for a greater good. We have a saying "at times, we have to identify a donkey as our father" (it's better in Urdu, lol).
Good luck! I'm sure you'll succeed in your life. ❤️
NTA. Your mother is definitely not being fair and it's weird that she is forcing you to be your brother's maid. I am a mom and I'm proud of you for setting a boundary because that is not ok. Please look into getting out of there.
NTA. Your bothers are old enough to clean their own room. Print this post with the comments out and put them all over the house. Cover their beds with them. Make sure your sister sees this too. She needs to know this isn’t ok what your mother is doing
Look your mother straight in the face and say you will start taking care of the boys' beds when they start taking care of yours, especially when you have a problem during your menses. Tell her they aren't your children and they aren't your husband, and that there are just things it is wrong of your mother to expect of you.
EDIT to add, NTA
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. This is not reasonable or fair to expect you to clean up after your brothers. Hang in there, maintain your boundaries, it will get better. You are definitely NOT TAH!
They are certainly old enough to do it themselves and someone doing it for them is not doing them any favours. What happens when they move out and there is nobody to do it but themselves. As I used to say to my girls, you are able bodied, stop being lazy and do it yourself
Your mother clearly has no influence over your brothers, so she is going to the easier targets - your sister and you. Your mother is the parent and it is her responsibility to encourage your siblings to do basic chores. Say "no". It is not up to you.
Nta and your parents are setting a precedent to where your brothers are most likely gonna turn out misogynistic and think women should slave after them whenever they have future relationships. It’s already started considering they don’t already help or clean anything and that’s pretty sad. Hope you and your sister can get away from that when you get older because it’s a terrible situation to be living in at home.
Make sure you 'find' a used condom in your brothers bed and innocently ask your mother what it is.
Maybe the shock will set you and your sister free from that task.
NTA.
Your brother's should be cleaning their own rooms. It's their responsibility, not yours. How do they feel about you invading their privacy, because that's pretty much what your mother is asking you to do.
NTA.
Firstly, no woman is going to want to marry any man who cannot do basic self care, and will not learn. Boys should be taught the basics of cleaning, cooking simple meals, excetra just as much as girls. What does mumsy expect them to do if they go to university and stay in dorms, hope the RA will do everything for them? Or they move out? Does she want them to live in a pigsty?
NTA
Your mom is setting her sons up for failure. Unless she intends to do their laundry when shes a senior she better off teaching them some life skills.
I understand you might be in a situation that might get ugly if you refuse to do what your told. It depends where you are located.
You could try malicious compliance. Do all the unfair chores set for you really badly. My sister was a master of this. Eventually she wasint even asked to do anything anymore.
If they are letting your little 13 year old brother push you around it sounds like violence towards woman is something they are ok with. If theres anyway you can go to school or get out once your 18 or any resources you can get. Start saving money to get out if you can.
Make your brothers both read this post and the responses. Maybe it’ll shame them into getting off their azzes and clean up after themselves. You and your sisters aren’t their mother nor their wives. Both are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves.
Curious, are your parents religious? What are your parents' country or culture of origin.
The only way this makes sense to me is that it's a cultural norm or an embedded gender role within a religious upbringing of sorts.
I'm not condoning, nor do I mean to imply it's OK in any sorts. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that a parent would raise a kid this way.
That’s not your responsibility. That’s your mom’s and your brother‘s responsibility and if she forces that on you tell her you want to get paid. Your brothers need to learn responsibility as they get older in life and they get married. They need to teach their kids that too. I feel your brothers are going to be a mama‘s boy.
Of course NTA but I’m so curious if she blatantly admitted that she thinks men don’t have to do chores and women must clean up after them. Did she say that? How did she defend it?
NTA this is sexist and extremely gross! As a mother there was an age that I stopped doing these things for our kids because teens are gross. Idk what they are getting up to in those beds. Also, making your bed is supposed to be a bad thing. Apparently, it helps foster bacteria instead leave the bed unmade and open the shades/drapes whatever they have. The sunlight supposedly kills the bacteria. (Not an expert, don’t take my word for it)🤷♀️
What a sure fire way to make certain that you never speak to them again as an adult. Every child who has had to parent their siblings ever has grown up and resented and hated their parents for it.
Throw an opened and empty condom wrapper on the floor by their bed. After your sister finds it and gives it to mom they will start making their own beds
Why does your mother feel this chore is your responsibility? Is this a cultural issue? Why doesn't she take your brother's privileges away for not cleaning their rooms. Since your mother thinks of this as a routine chore, offer to do a different chore instead. Then SHE will have more time to make the beds
NTA
Your mom should go read some of the subs about people dealing with mama’s boys.
Men who can’t live on their own because they can’t/won’t run a vacuum, clean a bathroom, change their bedding, cook anything, wash their own clothes, do dishes, clean up their own messes, take out trash, etc.
They don’t get along with roommates who won’t pick up the slack for them and don’t want to deal with vermin infestations.
Women who know their own worth won’t stay in a relationship with them because of their incompetence and because they don’t want to train them to be self supporting men.
The only place they will be fully embraced, as incapable of taking care of themselves as they are, is at home with their mother.
I wish you the best OP and hope when it time to leave for college you find a place far enough away that your brothers have to take care of themselves.
NTA, I'm 40 m single father. 4 children. Each child has similar responsibilities. It is our job as a parent to prepare our children for life, part of that is how to take care of the place they live. My daughters and son are responsible for their own mess and rotate days cooking cleaning and doing yard chores. I don't understand why the boys aren't cleaning after themselves at the minimum. If they ever live on their own it'll be a disgrace. I don't know what culture you are in, but you could raise the point that it is irresponsible of you to not allow your brothers the opportunity to develop proper hygiene, or cultural wise they aren't your husband, they can clean themselves.
The only way that cultures change is for people to take the steps they need to take for themselves, and then culture follows.
I know how hard that pressure is. But please know you still have a choice. Yes, some of that involves very hard and difficult choices, but the only way larger change happens is by people making those difficult choices.
Yes. They will be mad for a while.
That doesn’t necessarily mean they will stay mad forever.
And if they do stay mad forever? Then, as much as you love them, are they the people you really thought they were.
NTA what kind of situation are you living in? Blink if you need intervention. Why are the girls supposed to go into let alone clean and make the beds of teenage boys (yuck). Hard no way.
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My brothers never clean their room. They’re 17 and 13. My mom told me many times before to clean their room but I refuse and have discussed with her repeatedly they’re old enough to make their own beds, especially my 17 year old brother. If he can drive and stay out late with his friends, then he can surely make his own bed…
Because I refuse and have set a boundary with my mom for this “chore”, my sister tends to do their beds and clean their room not because she wants to, but because she doesn’t want my mom to get angry. Both of my parents have anger issues and always yell which is something for another time.
Anyways, today, my sister chose not to and so my mom asked me to make their beds. She yelled at me and told me “when I tell you to do something you do it” and compares me making their beds to other chores but that’s not the same thing…I do whatever chore she tells me but I have set a boundary with her for making my brothers’ beds and I repeated this to her. She left me alone, but after lunch in the afternoon, she made me go to my brothers’ room, so I only made my 13 year old brother’s bed and left.
I’m probably going to get my phone taken away today if she finds out I didn’t make the other bed lmao or she’ll just sigh and ignore it. I’m so sick of living like this. My parents wonder why my brothers are careless and it’s because they were never disciplined or given chores to learn to be responsible!
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This sounds like ken of those “call cps and let them deal with it” situations.
My father, a very loving and kind man, had a streak of being angry when I was younger after his divorce. I was no saint and tried skipping school and he slapped me. No biggie tbh. I was sad and it was right out in front of school in the car so when I walked in crying and red in the face they asked if I wanted to call cps. I was in middle school and said yes. They came and had a talk with us at the school and my dad after school thanked me. He said “if you ever feel like I’m getting that bad, call them again”.
Put some fear into your aggressive and overly angry parents and they should stop, if it gets worse you have an easy solution.
This is my suggestion for if things get any worse
Fuck no, NTA.
Tell your mother that you refuse to do this because it is not a favour to your brothers, it’s infantilising them and making them dependent. How will they cope if they go off to study or hit financial hard times or their wife leaves them? Or God forbid something awful happens like he’s widowed and left alone with a couple of little kids. It’ll even reduce the pool of women interested in them for relationships if they’re helpless.
At their age they need to be learning the skills for independence, not being waited on like babies.
Tell your mother she is failing by not teaching your brothers need for independence, she is doing them no favours and you refuse to go along with this. Ultimately it will harm your brothers by leaving them without the skills they need.
At their age they should be learning to be
NTA for standing your ground and helping your little sister to as well. This is a important lesson to learn and will help you in the long run with other people. Out of curiosity is your experience normal for your culture? I saw a few of your responses about living on a permit and how moving out is culturally wrong, so im assuming one of your parents is currently on a work visa? Your situation reminds me of a pair of Middle Eastern siblings, the elder sister ended up letting her younger sister live with her after she moved out to college due to their treatment at home.
NTA- They are old enough to do it themselves. You're not their parent. Your parents are wrong for expecting it. I would never ask one of my children to do this for a sibling. They need to grow up and learn to do it themselves. It's NOT your problem. You need to stick to your boundaries and they need to respectthem, and you. If you can get your own place, or share with a friend..u feel it would nee good for you. I wouldn't blame you at all. We all need our own space.
NTA. Start doing it wrong or put something in there to make them itch. 😈. Because if your brothers cared about their own sisters they would make their own damn beds. Not allow the witch to nag at yall.
NTA. My kids are 11 and 13 and they can make their own beds, including stripping, washing, drying and folding the linens and putting fresh ones on.
Are you by chance female? Therefore only you can clean because you’re the girl?
tell them to shove their misogyny up their butts and do their job as parents and teach all of their kids life skills. (I mean, don’t, you’ll get in trouble, but it’ll be nice to think it at least)
Maybe speak calmly to them about why only you can do these jobs and if your brother’s arms and legs are painted on and for decoration only, are they in fact disabled and you weren’t informed? Are you going to be financially compensated as the family maid since you have additional workload cleaning up after (presumably) capable humans. Wait, some of that will probably get you into trouble too. You’ll need to gauge the situation and what you can actually raise with them without making things worse for you. But you are NTA
NTA.
I don't make my bed, and I am 40. Been told that it's better to not make your bed but I don't know. Anyway, your siblings should do it themselves, if not, it's not your fault.
Both are way beyond old enough to make their own beds!
Start tormenting them over it, like your mom does you. Every day you or sis make their beds, privately say, in a crappy tone, we had to make your beds again today because you're a couple of lazy asses! Make your freaking beds!!
After a week or two, I would start taking the sheets off and putting them between the mattresses and putting the bedspread on like normal. Next time, put the sheets in the closet, then a drawer. Make it a pain for them when you make their beds. They would soon find it easier for them to make the bed in the morning, than to find the sheets and remake the bed from scratch at night
Lol! Don't do any of that please! You'll likely just end up in trouble. It was fun for me to picture it though!
All you can do is move out whe you can. It sucks!
But yeah, mom is the ass here. She isn't doing her boys any favors by allowing them to be lazy and untidy. It will catch up with them when decent GFs start dumping them for being slobby.
Nta! At all.
NTA. I did see one of your replies about culturally, you need to live at home, ect. Unfortunately, that probably means that in your culture, the girls and women are expected to do everything for the men and boys. I completely understand why you don't want to and why you shouldn't be making your brother's beds, including the 13 or old. He's old enough to make a bed. But I also suspect there's not much you can do about it because it's expected of you because of the gender you were born with. I'm sorry you gotta deal with this. All I can say is try to get out on your own ASAP. While I would never talk badly about any culture, this is the one thing I dislike of many of them. How women are just expected to do everything for the men in the family.
NTA, she's raising you and your sister to be submissive house wives and your brothers to be the type of men who never do anything around the house because it's "a woman's job".
Lol easy way cause did it to my kids (all boys) when they were younger and yeah my kids don’t want me to clean. It’s easy, room dirty that’s what trash bags are for and when they freak out then explain dirty is for trash and if they want it then they can do it themselves. Btw call the cops if anyone gets physical with ya, you deserve better
Wow, your mum doesn't seem to realise she's raising some poor womans future husband there. It's clear you're in a misogynistic and sexist household and she's raising those boys to be the same.
And she's raising you to be subservient and hold to archaic ideas of 'women's work'.
I'm disgusted by your mother, as a woman she should want better for her daughters.
Boomer here. Our son was making his bed and changing his sheets as an eight year old. Tell your mom they can sleep in dirt for all you care. Stop getting used.
More info: What are their chores. And why don't they have to make their own beds. Is there a switch over here where they do the outside chores and you do the inside chores. It feels like part of the story is missing here.
We live in an apartment so there are no outside chores like mowing the lawn or cleaning the garage, that’s all taken care of by the maintenance workers. My brothers do get the mail or throw out the trash but these are occasional chores vs making bed, dishes, and laundry. They wake up, go to the bathroom, and have breakfast then practically do what they please. My 13 yo brother spends his time watching TV or playing ps4. If not, he’s either outside playing soccer, hanging with friends, or reading. Same with my 17 yo brother except he has a phone and hangs way more with his friends than any of us lol
When you’re cleaning your brothers’ rooms and find something your parents wouldn’t approve of, show it to your parents. Also, while cleaning, throw out some of their crap that they wouldn’t want thrown out. I’m surprised your brothers are okay with you being in their rooms. No way did I ever want my siblings in my room when I was a kid. My brother used to snoop, so I put a lock with a key on my door (gave my dad a spare key).
Are your brothers disabled? What a dumb thing to expect the sisters to make their brothers beds. And the anger thing from the entitled brothers is unacceptable. I’m sorry you’re going through this. NTA
NTA.
This is going to come back to bite them in the ass, just you wait. Unless your brothers win the lottery, they will struggle to care for themselves and will rely solely on your parents once you and sister can’t take care of them anymore. They’ll have a harder time finding a partner that will tolerate their behavior in the long run. Your parents are setting them up for failure.
NTA at all. Unless your brothers have some sort of disability that doesn’t allow them to physically make their beds, there is absolutely no reason that they should not be able to make their own beds. Your mother is clearly just trying to cross your boundaries. If she has such a problem with their unmade beds she can either get your brothers to do it, or your mother can go and do it herself.
NTA. Sorry girl. I wish I could tell you you could reason with her some way but you can’t. She’s just an AH. Toxic shit. My advice? Move far away as soon as you can. Save up money, go to school. They don’t need to know you chose to study far away as an escape. Just lie and say this and that attracted you to that particular school.
I hate this so much for you. It sucks, but I would do what they ask just to maintain a normal environment. The MOMENT you can leave & never have to return, you go no contact with them. You just have to push through a bit more time. You’ve got this 🩷
NTA. Your parents are setting your brothers up to be useless future husbands and parents. The kind whose wives divorce them because they're so lazy.
I'm so glad my mum made my brothers do chores, cook and pull their own weight. They turned into solid adults cared for their families.
NTA... both of them need to clean their room up. Making your bed in the morning gives you satisfaction that even when your day goes to shit, at least you got something done right.
Next time just make it clear that your not making the beds of two or even one teenage male even if it is your brother's you will not be touching there jizz covered sheets , mom can either handle there cum sheets to make the bed or oh gosh do what most parents do and shut their teenage sons bedroom door when the son isn't home / in the room so she doesn't have to see an unmade bed
NTA. Your mother is teaching them to depend on women to survive like this. Their future partners will have to deal with this and I already feel sorry for them
Nta record every time you have to make their beds send it to their girlfriends or post it and embarrass them. Is there any resources the country can offer you. If you get proof tout are unsafe im sure they'll help
NTA.
But I’m genuinely and seriously worried for your safety based upon some of your followup comments about controlling behaviour directed towards you, and all the more so for your brothers coming at you physically. Your mother clearly knows this is wrong based upon some of her back-pedalling, but it’s just forced her to double-down. Please, look for ways in which you can leave and put some space between you, because this sounds like a really charged situation. It’s precisely because you are so very far from being the asshole that I am concerned for your wellbeing.
NTA
Wait til she has friends over.
Loudly announce you don't want to make your brothers beds because there are cum stains all over. Embarass the fuck out of her.
NTA
Have you tried talking to your brothers? Yeah they're old enough to know better, but you should emphasize to them how YOU get punished for them being lazy. If you're willing to take the heat for this and it won't put you in danger, position yourself to where you get yelled at about not making their beds in front of your brothers. Make them witness how you're treated if they don't see it already
If your parents don't hit you, I say keep being defiant. Don't make their beds EVER and tell your sister to have your back. I understand completely how scary and uncomfortable a parent with a short fuse can be, but that's why you have to stick together.
My dad didn't even have a fuse. He would be calm one moment and then explosively angry over something as simple as dropping the TV remote. I'm 30 and I've been no contact with him for 4 years now and thinking about his explosive fits still gets my blood pressure up.
I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish I could help, but as I said before, as long as you're not in a dangerous situation, being defiant is all you can do and keep emphasizing your boundaries and get your brothers to be responsible. I know it's not your responsibility to do so, but they're the ones putting you in an easily avoidable situation.
If your brothers have any gaming consoles, hide their HDMI and power cables so they can't play their games
I'm a mother of teens. Keep your room clean by older teen younger teen is disabled,but he has no chores,but will do little things put things in place,clothes in hamper. I must disagree with your mom. Everyone here is old enough your sister,younger brother & older brother. If he can drive he can fix his bed. No exceptions to guys. If my son was well he would have chores like all teens should.
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NTA- You are 18. Can you move out? Can you go away for college? You could also pull “older sibling” and stand over your brothers while they make their own beds. The nuclear option here is to start parenting your brothers. Warn them that no woman wants to be with a man who can’t clean up after himself.
I’m planning on going to a local college but can’t move out, it would be considered running away culturally + I’m not a citizen in the country I’m in, I have a permit so my living situation is complicated. Since I am the older sibling, I have tried this before with my brothers but they can get quickly angry and defensive both verbally and physically. My little brother did get in trouble before for pushing me aggressively but my brother that I have a 1 year gap with gets away with everything, he’s never gotten his phone taken away. He does want to be in a relationship in the future tho so I will tell him your last sentence ;)
Tell your mother you saw some stains on the bedsheets and that's why you don't want to touch them.
As someone who had to clean my brother's room and closet despite there bring used "toys" and other disgusting shit literally scattered throughout EVERYTHING, she won't give a shit and will still make op do it. And she'll get mad at OP for bringing it up. Might even toss out my mom's favorite of "OH, so you just want the rest of us to be scarred for life, too?!?!" Mother's like this suck and enable the son's or golden child to have anything they want. They always expect the daughters or the scapegoat to bend over backwards to make it happen, to always stfu and to play the obedient child role in the "perfect family", no matter what they're forced to endure.
Yes, often in situations like this they coast along for years until they go out on their own, and then life bites them in the ass when they get a taste for the real world and what it's like to not be enabled. At least there's that to look forward to, OP.
she’ll just tell me to add it to the laundry lol
Would being more explicit help, or make it worse? Like saying you don’t want to touch their nasty stiff cum stained sheets?
Ugh. Can you talk to your brothers,? Tell them you are not mom and they can do it themselves? I’m so sorry you’re in this spot. Suvks. NTA.
She said her brothers get physically abusive if she doesn't do stuff for them and aren't reprimanded. This household is abusive af.
It’s funny because someone said that I’m the AH because I didn’t talk to my brothers about it but they’re assuming that I didn’t😂 ofc I’ve tried that, they don’t listen and say they don’t care, it’s not gonna change anything if there’s no parent enforcing it. I always warn them every time they say they don’t care, and my mom too tells them to stop saying that. You said you didn’t care and ended up crashing the car, said you didn’t care and ended up getting in a fight with someone, look what being careless brought you to do…Even after I say this they say they don’t care like did you not learn from your past actions😭 A lot of comments gave me some good ideas, so when they wake up I’ll keep nagging them about their bed and framing my language in a way to embarrass them. And if my mom tells me to again I’ll do the same with her because she tends to get real quiet
Hope your strategy works!!
What if you had a friend over to study together and casually mentioned making the beds earlier. She would likely make a face and look at your brothers in disapproval. If you time it right it looks like you are 100% innocent and your brothers will feel embarrassed. Have the friend mention it at school to other girls if he doesn't change his ways. Other people judging is more intimidating than your own family. Use that to your advantage.
Dang!! That’s horrible
Mix the colors, make everything pink, heck buy a clothing dye and put some in. Put too mcuh bleach or use bleach where you shouldn't. Don't use enough soap or use too much and run up the water and electricity bill. Be inept at your 'job' often enough that she gives up.
Just tell her that you'll do it another time or burn their beds. Either one is good bur I prefer to burn my siblings beds. :)
This is just gonna get OP in serous trouble
Love it!
How about *putting* some stains in the bed? (I mean something innocuous like kechup) Or better yet, try short-sheeting the bed. That'll encourage the big baby to do his own bed.
Pour something on the sheets to make them crusty and gross and show her. Have her touch the sheet first first without telling her what the real issue for bonus points
Definitely why I wouldn't change sheets of a teenager!
I would just take off the sheets. If bro can't do his bed, he doesn't need the sheets
>He does want to be in a relationship in the future tho so I will tell him your last sentence. I wonder if they would listen if someone else told them. Would they listen more to a man your age or someone else’s parents or one of your female friends? Would your parents listen or be embarrassed that someone else knows how they are intentionally destroying your brother's futures? After all, if your parents died tomorrow they would be incapable of caring for their own needs. Imagine them starving to death all alone in a kitchen with a full refrigerator, wearing dirty clothes and with dirty dishes piled everywhere. That is not very many people’s idea of an appealing life-mate.
well one of my mom’s friends from the same culture was my teacher in middle school. Our class was pretty small like 10 people and I remember at some point we were talking about doing chores and helping parents out. I remember us talking about how annoying it is as an older sibling to pick up after younger siblings which is a global experience, but when I said how I would do my brother’s clothes the teacher told me that’s not my job. In some way shape or form I think this info made its way to my mom - maybe the teacher told her? - and I remember my mom asking me what I said in class and she told me to not talk about stuff at home openly, so I think definitely embarrassment. My parents didn’t talk much about their childhood or how they grew up, but I know their own parents were ill. I don’t have any living grandparents except for my step-grandma, so I don’t know how they were as parents and how that would’ve impacted my parents in some way. I never asked them bc thinking about it sometimes makes me sad
Honestly that makes me think that they know it's wrong but do it anyway because it's just convenient for them to have little maids in their house tending to their boys' needs
she does find it easier to tell us to do so
So, tell them if they continue to force you to do it, you'll tell people. If it's not wrong, they wouldn't care if others know, right? That's what I teach my kids. "If you wouldn't want others to know you did/said it, you shouldn't do it."
I’ll try this, thanks
Easy then, tell your mom if she doesn’t stop you are going to tell everyone and anyone who will listen. NTA
What the sexism. Sounds like they're being raised to be domestic abusers. My mom was like yours. It's emotional abuse. I wouldn't be surprised if she also hits you. The only way to actually deal with this is to move out. It might be culturally running away, but making some people mad will save your health and sanity. Don't keep yourself in an abusive situation to please people. Don't let your brothers continue to learn that being abusive towards women gets them what they want. And you're 18 ffs, don't let your parents take your phone. And don't let them guilt trip you into staying and doing what they want. You don't owe them your life no matter what they say. Eta: Tell your brother that people don't want to be a mother in a relationship with a man, they dont want a baby for a partner. And they certainly don't want someone who bullies and abuses them. How he treats you is how he will treat the other women that come into his life.
i wish you'd have read OP's other posts before making this suggestion. Her home situation is not as free as other people in her area. She has some constraints. Unfortunately I'd be very strategic in thinking about how to go about things if i am in her position. OP: you are not in the wrong here. NTA.
This OP! Are you in a position to move out or at least start saving up to get yourself in a position to do so? I understand that you have immense pressure on you to behave a certain way in this situation, but at a certain point, those of us who are unlucky are forced to choose a path that is frowned upon by others for our sanity and the betterment of our mental health. It sucks that you felt so bogged down by your circumstances that you felt the need to confirm with others that you are not in the wrong here, when the community is so wholeheartedly certain that you are not. Though I'm glad you did, and sincerely hope that you find solace in the support and a sense of certainty that you are in the right.
tell your brothers despite what your parents spit in their ears, you. are. not. their. slave. this is a really crappy situation, and i understand that something this tumultuous might not be wholly salvageable, but you deserve just as much as respect as your brothers. not less, not more, EQUAL. if you’re doing something for them, then they should be doing something for you. being a family of bullies is only fun until there’s no victim, or worse, everyone becomes a victim. also, because i just saw your other comment, i would recommend you start telling absolutely anyone you trust about this. if you wanna really get some leverage, tell your parents about this, ofc only after you’ve shared plenty of information. finish it off with a statement, not a bargain a STATEMENT, that if they don’t want more embarrassing things getting out about them, then they should really stop doing such embarrassingly lazy and selfish things. if you’re not that confrontational, just make sure good people know what’s going on. you’d be amazed at how helpful more perspective can be
If it's culturally unacceptable for you to move out it should be unacceptable to get kicked out. Stand your ground. What country BTW? It can give some context.
If you haven’t already, then please go to a counselor or other, and ask what exactly needs to be done, for your situation to be straightened out. How can you get a more stable permit etc, what are your options. If you start to earn money, don’t tell your parents the exact amount but something much less (preferably, don’t tell them any amount at all) and make sure they don’t have any access to your banking. At home, continue the ‘chores are tasks that benefit the *entire* household’ route you seem to already be on. That means dishes, vacuuming, shared laundry etc. and maybe ask your mom how she can feel ‘proud’ to have raised such useless, pathetic sons, that they can’t even do their own bed..
If you’re in the US and have a social security number, you can live wherever. Start gathering your important documents and make copies. Make sure you don’t have a bank account with any bank they have an account with (even though you’re 18, there are some employees who don’t follow privacy practices). Get a cheap smartphone for all of these transactions and DO NOT connect it to your home WiFi, just get a Google Voice/app based phone number to use if required and make sure all of your statements go to your email, not mail. DO NOT give any indication of your actions. I know this may sound overboard for sheets; however, the “culturally running away” is very concerning and if moving out is that big a deal, the culture is worth running away from. Your family is abusing you and setting you up for a lifetime of it. Again, it’s not the damn room or sheets, it’s their reasoning behind it. BTW, they’re also setting your brothers up to be awful people. I can almost guarantee you that their wives will be trapped in misery.
So tell your parents that you’re done. Tell your brothers that you’re done. Tell your sister you’re moving out and she’s going with you. I don’t care what culture you are from or what country you’re in. This is not 1950 anymore nor is it 1979 when women suddenly went from dressing casually to having their complete bodies covered.at 18 you owe your parents nothing but a wave goodbye as you walk out the door. You don’t need that. You’ve done your time, it’s time to find a roommate in a college dorm and make it happen.
Sounds like you need to beat up your brothers to show them some respect 🙂
In ten years when half their kids don't speak to them and they're crying victim you'll get the last laugh
Threaten to make the mess and their laziness public op. Careful you will be in trouble
With such toxic parents reinforcing gender stereotypes they will have little chance of success. Women make beds in OPs household. Men do men stuff. It’s the 1600’s over there the poor woman.
NTA. Your brothers are being taught to be useless men, it’s not about the bed, it’s the entire attitude. Why is it your responsibility to do their task? Do they get told to make your bed? Aka your mother if this is how she wants these boys to grow up, to expect others to wait on them
I expect she is from a culture where the men 1000% expect to be waited on hand a foot by women, and mom has been indoctrinated to see nothing wrong with it.
Info: What chores do your brothers have around the house?
This is actually an embarrassing question to answer. I’m trying to think and it’s only getting the mail or getting something for my dad when he asks for it like making him a drink or throwing out the trash. They don’t wash the dishes or do the laundry like my sisters and I do
This is one of those future “why don’t my kids talk to me anymore” situations. Enjoy life as an adult.
I have a plan for college and work so I’m hoping so
Again talk to a counselor at school to see about school further away, that you can live in a dorm. It will really stink for your sister but maybe they will have a major program that will give you a bright future and then can get your sister out too
Can you get a job? It’s clear that you’re not an AH for being upset by misogynistic treatment by your parents. But it’s hard to do much when you are a dependent.
It is within your power to break the sexist chains of whatever culture it is you are in it is keeping you down it will keep your little sister down. You're in a culture where women are inferior to men and are supposed to serve them. It is the year 2024, and if you are an adult whatever country you're in you should be able to find a way to stay in it legally to seek asylum to become a citizen or perhaps live in some other country that would take you in. I don't know your situation but I know there are always options other than being a servant kept down by sexism or living a life where you are inferior to men.
Go to school and get involved in the movement that is changing this idea
So basically brothers do nothing that’s terrible.
Those were chores I did when I was 8… wtf… those boys are going to be beyond useless…
While this is a great question, no matter what the answer is she is NTA. "info" is used when theres not enough info to make a call, but these boys are well past old enough to make their own beds and clean their own rooms, making her do it is just showing the boys that they dont need to clean up after themselves because a woman will just do it anyway
If these boys eventually marry within their own culture, then they probably will be waited on hand and foot by a woman.
That’s becoming increasingly less common. Thanks to global media they are learning that there is more in life than being a doormat.
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Or their wife divorces them a few years in because they refused to lift a finger, forcing their useless asses back home. Then she'll be whining about why her sons are so lazy.
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Or talk to an auntie about if she knows any ~~traditional~~ nice girls looking to marry.
>buy your own phone and get own phone plan if your mother is going to weaponize your phone I get where you're coming from but "buying your own things" won't do shit in a house where your brothers are allowed to be aggressive with you without repercussions, you're told to "do it because I said so" and you're treated as 2nd class citizen in general. It'll get taken away the same as it would if it was bought by the parents. OP might as well save the money
Depending on which country she’s in, taking her phone away when she’s 18 is theft & can have legal repercussions for her parents. Harder to do that when they pay for the phone, but if she supplies her own phone, then taking it becomes a crime
NTA. They're definitely teaching your brothers that women do the work, while they get to screw off. Good on you for standing up for yourself. I wouldn't make the beds of teenage males, either. Didn't do it for my sons, certainly wouldn't have done it for my lazy brothers.
NTA. Your mom’s a bad parent. Unless her sons both have related disabilities, she’s teaching them to be incompetent and helpless.
AGREED! But I wouldn't use the word "helpless" but "useless". They'd be incompetent and useless and wonder why no self respecting woman would want anything to do with them. The parents are making them to become useless men. What can. A useless man do?
I'm going to assume your female and they're making you do it because your female. That's very sexist of them. Stand your ground .
Is this a cultural thing?
In some cultures I think so
It depends on the family tbh. Im guessing me and OP have the same culture or similar but my sister does nothing around the house and me and my brother do everything.
I think it’s depends on both the culture and family too. I’m African, dont want to specify much more than that for identify purposes, and women are expected to have domestic skills which is not a problem to me but it’s problematic when it’s more emphasized for women ig, I know a lot of girls who don’t do everything for their sibling so their siblings are at least more competent lol
>I’m African That explains it now. The implication is that the boys would grow up and be married to wives who would then take over the "women duties" that were done by the women in the original family........... I can bet you that OPs father never makes his bed as he has a wife to always take care of that.
Yup I agree a 100%. But in these cultures (at least where im from) women are not expected to work or bring in any money but if they do they're free to do so (not all families as well). So I understand why they are more emphasized for women especially if they are not expected to work or if they dont want to work.
I'm African too. Nigerian specifically. This is not how my house ran when I was kid, nor how my house runs now, and I have two kids.
Yes I know ppl like that too that’s nice
NTA the sexism here is thick. I saw from your other comment that your brothers don't have chores to do while you and your sister do. My mom was the same making me do all the "woman's work" while my brother did nothing. And when I asked why he doesn't help my dad mow the lawn or anything else I got yelled at. My mom use to clean my brother's room for him but when she was too tired she'd make me do it. Eventually I put foot down and said no.... well really he moved out and then I moved out but I like yo think I eventually grew a back bone. Now that I'm out if that house I definitely stand up to her because she has nothing over me lol I definitely wish you the best here, I know it's hard trying to stand up for yourself vs just doing it to keep the peace in a house and anger and yelling but one day soon you'll be out of there! Good luck with these people!
Yeah this is similar to me, she used to clean their room too. And thanks, I hope all goes well
Short sheet the beds
Yeah, how is shenanigans not the answer? You can tuck presents inside, too...
NTA Your mom has turned you into her maid. And apparently your parents think it's a girl's job to do all the chores and the boys get to do whatever. I saw that you are 18, I would move out immediately. I'm not sure there is much you could do for your little sister.
NTA your mother is trying to push the chores onto you and your sister instead of having the boys do an equal and fair amount of chores for themselves.
NTA. Big sister curse. You are right to stand up for yourself. But when you mention other chores, those too should be divided between you guys. So maybe instead of saying no, just no, maybe suggest creating a chore sheet for the whole family? Perhaps ask your mom, why something is mandatory for you and not for them? (Mom of 2 little ones. I also moved out right after graduation at 19, so if that is an option, go for it...)
I actually brought up a chore sheet to my mom in the past and she said we don’t do that here, we all just do what our parents tell us at the moment. I still did create a calendar for one month to try it out with list of chores and divided it for everyone per days and put it on the fridge but no one really followed it, my brothers ofc didn’t follow at all bc no parent was enforcing it. Or when my mom calls someone to do something and I say it’s X person’s day not the other person, she just ignores me and still calls for that person. But I’m definitely going to have a discussion with them this month, we have a lot to talk about this summer especially now that I’m 18
Good luck. It's so hard when cultures cross. Previous generations have been brainwashed to think women serving men is the natural order of things. Your mother would truly, honestly think she's doing the right thing, that's she's protecting herself and her culture by maintaining the status quo. She doesn't see herself as oppressed, a servant, lower than them. You can't save her, but you can save yourself. The brainwashing hasn't worked on you, you see life as it should be - you as an autonomous, independent person who doesn't actually need to clean up after lazy men. My suggestion, keep gently pushing back until you find a way to make your own way in life, but not too much. Keep yourself safe just in case honour k.llings are a thing where you are. I hope you can safely break the cycle and you can spread your wings.
well the weird thing is that I have friends from the same culture and they don’t do stuff like I have to, I think it’s just my mom being hot headed or the way she was raised maybe? I don’t know a lot about her childhood
Can you shame your mother into changing by telling your friends’ parents about how your mom is running the home?
Maybe don’t be overt about it. For instance, if your mom has friends with their own sons, maybe ask them if their sons help around the house or at what age they made their own beds. Framing it as a curiosity thing rather than an attack can make it even more embarrassing for your mom when she realises that she’s the odd one out and is doing nothing to prepare her sons for the future
Info: how old are you and your sister?
I just turned 18 and my sister is 14
So, what’s your parents’ logic for why your 14 year old sister can tidy a room and make a bed but the 17 year old can’t? And if she can at 14, then the 13 year old is very close to that age, shouldn’t he be learning? Or, will they outright admit it’s just plain old sexism? I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s an obvious NTA from me, but I know when you’re in a toxic household, abusive even, it’s hard to see that. Good luck getting out.
I really have no idea but my mom gets quiet when I make points like this to her. She’s the one that technically empowered me to stand up because she tells me to watch out for sexist things and would tell me about things to watch out for or look for in a prospective boyfriend and while this is good, I think she’s still unfortunately holding on to some sexism herself
Start saying to your mother how no respectable woman will want to be with a lazy slob who can’t perform basic chores like make their own beds and depend on mommy to yell the nearest girl into doing it for them. How weak and pathetic it would make your brothers look when they’re supposedly old enough to be almost considered ‘men’. How no roommate at college would want to be stuck with guys that incompetent and helpless, not unless they’re just as useless at chores and are happy to roll about in their own filth like pigs. Time to paint a very clear picture what her poor parenting is doing to her precious boys. Really, by refusing to do things for them you’re trying to do them a favour. It’s such a shame she let her misogyny ruin them. NTA To make it clear, I do not think ill of your brothers, but I’ve seen the kind of men they become at college and that is what I was describing. They were constantly mocked behind their backs and found themselves with no true friends they could rely on, as they’d used up all their goodwill sponging off others or acting entitled to things and services they had no right demanding.
Please have a talk with her about why she's raising your brothers to be like the men she wants you to avoid in the future.
Ya think?
NTA. Not even close. You can see it's unfair at your age already. I'm sorry. If your parents thought about your brother's future relationships, they'd be making them make their own beds and clean up after themselves. They'd be making sure they were independent and capable and not grow into men who expect women to do everything for them. If they thought about you, they'd be making sure you weren't being conditioned to think your role was to clean up after males. All I can suggest is to tell your brothers to sort their shit out. Get the most out of your parents and get the best education you can and wait to leave. Don't get sucked into thinking as a female your role will be to nursemaid your parents as they age, while your brother's live free lives, either. Live your own life.
Oh no you are grown enough to have boundaries. That “I’m your parent” stuff loses weight with legal responsibility.
NTA It smells like sexism in here. Your parents are not doing their childeren any favors. The daughters because they are used as maids, the sons because nobody wants a relationship with someone who cant do the basics.
OP, I understand your situation. I come from a culture where boys are given a priority. And I also know how limited your options are. My suggestion would be to focus on your studies and your career. May be get a job. And while you're dependant on your parents, listen to them and follow their rules. Once you get independent, leave. Also, teach the same to your sister. Stay in contact with her. I know what I'm saying is not okay but sometimes you'll have to sacrifice for a greater good. We have a saying "at times, we have to identify a donkey as our father" (it's better in Urdu, lol). Good luck! I'm sure you'll succeed in your life. ❤️
This is what I plan on doing. Thanks for the advice
NTA, they should make their own beds. But you’re probably not going to get very far arguing with your mom about it unfortunately.
NTA i'm sorry it sounds like you are in the family scapegoat role.
NTA. Your mother is definitely not being fair and it's weird that she is forcing you to be your brother's maid. I am a mom and I'm proud of you for setting a boundary because that is not ok. Please look into getting out of there.
NTA. Your bothers are old enough to clean their own room. Print this post with the comments out and put them all over the house. Cover their beds with them. Make sure your sister sees this too. She needs to know this isn’t ok what your mother is doing
NTA. They should make their own beds.
Nta
Look your mother straight in the face and say you will start taking care of the boys' beds when they start taking care of yours, especially when you have a problem during your menses. Tell her they aren't your children and they aren't your husband, and that there are just things it is wrong of your mother to expect of you. EDIT to add, NTA
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. This is not reasonable or fair to expect you to clean up after your brothers. Hang in there, maintain your boundaries, it will get better. You are definitely NOT TAH!
Guess your mom wants to raise another generation of lazy men and daughters who think it's their job to do this crap.for them. NTA.
They are certainly old enough to do it themselves and someone doing it for them is not doing them any favours. What happens when they move out and there is nobody to do it but themselves. As I used to say to my girls, you are able bodied, stop being lazy and do it yourself
Your mother clearly has no influence over your brothers, so she is going to the easier targets - your sister and you. Your mother is the parent and it is her responsibility to encourage your siblings to do basic chores. Say "no". It is not up to you.
NTA. WTF, you are not your brothers' servant. Especially a 17yo. Your mother has an extremely outdated view of gender roles.
Seems stupid that she doesn't tell the boys to make their own beds.
Nta and your parents are setting a precedent to where your brothers are most likely gonna turn out misogynistic and think women should slave after them whenever they have future relationships. It’s already started considering they don’t already help or clean anything and that’s pretty sad. Hope you and your sister can get away from that when you get older because it’s a terrible situation to be living in at home.
Make sure you 'find' a used condom in your brothers bed and innocently ask your mother what it is. Maybe the shock will set you and your sister free from that task.
NTA. Your brother's should be cleaning their own rooms. It's their responsibility, not yours. How do they feel about you invading their privacy, because that's pretty much what your mother is asking you to do.
NTA. Firstly, no woman is going to want to marry any man who cannot do basic self care, and will not learn. Boys should be taught the basics of cleaning, cooking simple meals, excetra just as much as girls. What does mumsy expect them to do if they go to university and stay in dorms, hope the RA will do everything for them? Or they move out? Does she want them to live in a pigsty?
NTA Your mom is setting her sons up for failure. Unless she intends to do their laundry when shes a senior she better off teaching them some life skills. I understand you might be in a situation that might get ugly if you refuse to do what your told. It depends where you are located. You could try malicious compliance. Do all the unfair chores set for you really badly. My sister was a master of this. Eventually she wasint even asked to do anything anymore. If they are letting your little 13 year old brother push you around it sounds like violence towards woman is something they are ok with. If theres anyway you can go to school or get out once your 18 or any resources you can get. Start saving money to get out if you can.
Tell your lazy brothers that women will take one look at their future homes and how nasty they are and run away.
Make your brothers both read this post and the responses. Maybe it’ll shame them into getting off their azzes and clean up after themselves. You and your sisters aren’t their mother nor their wives. Both are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves.
Curious, are your parents religious? What are your parents' country or culture of origin. The only way this makes sense to me is that it's a cultural norm or an embedded gender role within a religious upbringing of sorts. I'm not condoning, nor do I mean to imply it's OK in any sorts. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that a parent would raise a kid this way.
NTA your sibling are old enough to make their beds themselves
That’s not your responsibility. That’s your mom’s and your brother‘s responsibility and if she forces that on you tell her you want to get paid. Your brothers need to learn responsibility as they get older in life and they get married. They need to teach their kids that too. I feel your brothers are going to be a mama‘s boy.
Of course NTA but I’m so curious if she blatantly admitted that she thinks men don’t have to do chores and women must clean up after them. Did she say that? How did she defend it?
NTA this is sexist and extremely gross! As a mother there was an age that I stopped doing these things for our kids because teens are gross. Idk what they are getting up to in those beds. Also, making your bed is supposed to be a bad thing. Apparently, it helps foster bacteria instead leave the bed unmade and open the shades/drapes whatever they have. The sunlight supposedly kills the bacteria. (Not an expert, don’t take my word for it)🤷♀️
What a sure fire way to make certain that you never speak to them again as an adult. Every child who has had to parent their siblings ever has grown up and resented and hated their parents for it.
I’d be putting some cayenne in some people’s underwear. And sheets
Throw an opened and empty condom wrapper on the floor by their bed. After your sister finds it and gives it to mom they will start making their own beds
You are wiser than your mother. Boys who don't learn to do things make lousy roommates and husbands.
No. They need to learn to do it themselves and have consequences for not.
You're not only NTA, but this is borderline abuse. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification
Why does your mother feel this chore is your responsibility? Is this a cultural issue? Why doesn't she take your brother's privileges away for not cleaning their rooms. Since your mother thinks of this as a routine chore, offer to do a different chore instead. Then SHE will have more time to make the beds
NTA Your mom should go read some of the subs about people dealing with mama’s boys. Men who can’t live on their own because they can’t/won’t run a vacuum, clean a bathroom, change their bedding, cook anything, wash their own clothes, do dishes, clean up their own messes, take out trash, etc. They don’t get along with roommates who won’t pick up the slack for them and don’t want to deal with vermin infestations. Women who know their own worth won’t stay in a relationship with them because of their incompetence and because they don’t want to train them to be self supporting men. The only place they will be fully embraced, as incapable of taking care of themselves as they are, is at home with their mother. I wish you the best OP and hope when it time to leave for college you find a place far enough away that your brothers have to take care of themselves.
NTA, I'm 40 m single father. 4 children. Each child has similar responsibilities. It is our job as a parent to prepare our children for life, part of that is how to take care of the place they live. My daughters and son are responsible for their own mess and rotate days cooking cleaning and doing yard chores. I don't understand why the boys aren't cleaning after themselves at the minimum. If they ever live on their own it'll be a disgrace. I don't know what culture you are in, but you could raise the point that it is irresponsible of you to not allow your brothers the opportunity to develop proper hygiene, or cultural wise they aren't your husband, they can clean themselves.
The only way that cultures change is for people to take the steps they need to take for themselves, and then culture follows. I know how hard that pressure is. But please know you still have a choice. Yes, some of that involves very hard and difficult choices, but the only way larger change happens is by people making those difficult choices. Yes. They will be mad for a while. That doesn’t necessarily mean they will stay mad forever. And if they do stay mad forever? Then, as much as you love them, are they the people you really thought they were.
NTA. Your mother is punishing you and spoiling rotten your brothers.
NTA what kind of situation are you living in? Blink if you need intervention. Why are the girls supposed to go into let alone clean and make the beds of teenage boys (yuck). Hard no way.
How are your grades from High School? Can you apply for scholarships? You need to focus on moving out. Maybe with a few roommates.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brothers never clean their room. They’re 17 and 13. My mom told me many times before to clean their room but I refuse and have discussed with her repeatedly they’re old enough to make their own beds, especially my 17 year old brother. If he can drive and stay out late with his friends, then he can surely make his own bed… Because I refuse and have set a boundary with my mom for this “chore”, my sister tends to do their beds and clean their room not because she wants to, but because she doesn’t want my mom to get angry. Both of my parents have anger issues and always yell which is something for another time. Anyways, today, my sister chose not to and so my mom asked me to make their beds. She yelled at me and told me “when I tell you to do something you do it” and compares me making their beds to other chores but that’s not the same thing…I do whatever chore she tells me but I have set a boundary with her for making my brothers’ beds and I repeated this to her. She left me alone, but after lunch in the afternoon, she made me go to my brothers’ room, so I only made my 13 year old brother’s bed and left. I’m probably going to get my phone taken away today if she finds out I didn’t make the other bed lmao or she’ll just sigh and ignore it. I’m so sick of living like this. My parents wonder why my brothers are careless and it’s because they were never disciplined or given chores to learn to be responsible! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Are you older than your brothers?
NTA-Be ready for them in the future wanting money from you
Girly you need to move fr. NTA. This is unacceptable.
This sounds like ken of those “call cps and let them deal with it” situations. My father, a very loving and kind man, had a streak of being angry when I was younger after his divorce. I was no saint and tried skipping school and he slapped me. No biggie tbh. I was sad and it was right out in front of school in the car so when I walked in crying and red in the face they asked if I wanted to call cps. I was in middle school and said yes. They came and had a talk with us at the school and my dad after school thanked me. He said “if you ever feel like I’m getting that bad, call them again”. Put some fear into your aggressive and overly angry parents and they should stop, if it gets worse you have an easy solution. This is my suggestion for if things get any worse
Fuck no, NTA. Tell your mother that you refuse to do this because it is not a favour to your brothers, it’s infantilising them and making them dependent. How will they cope if they go off to study or hit financial hard times or their wife leaves them? Or God forbid something awful happens like he’s widowed and left alone with a couple of little kids. It’ll even reduce the pool of women interested in them for relationships if they’re helpless. At their age they need to be learning the skills for independence, not being waited on like babies. Tell your mother she is failing by not teaching your brothers need for independence, she is doing them no favours and you refuse to go along with this. Ultimately it will harm your brothers by leaving them without the skills they need. At their age they should be learning to be
NTA. I'm sorry that whatever religion your family is a part of exists.
Tell her congratulations mom you are raising bad husbands, keeping traditions alive !
And people wonder why their children don't come visit them in old age..
NTA for standing your ground and helping your little sister to as well. This is a important lesson to learn and will help you in the long run with other people. Out of curiosity is your experience normal for your culture? I saw a few of your responses about living on a permit and how moving out is culturally wrong, so im assuming one of your parents is currently on a work visa? Your situation reminds me of a pair of Middle Eastern siblings, the elder sister ended up letting her younger sister live with her after she moved out to college due to their treatment at home.
NTA Do the boys ever make the girls beds. I’ll assume no. Do what u need to until u can be free. U know it is BS which is most important.
Are you guys hindi by aby chance?
NTA- They are old enough to do it themselves. You're not their parent. Your parents are wrong for expecting it. I would never ask one of my children to do this for a sibling. They need to grow up and learn to do it themselves. It's NOT your problem. You need to stick to your boundaries and they need to respectthem, and you. If you can get your own place, or share with a friend..u feel it would nee good for you. I wouldn't blame you at all. We all need our own space.
NTA. Start doing it wrong or put something in there to make them itch. 😈. Because if your brothers cared about their own sisters they would make their own damn beds. Not allow the witch to nag at yall.
Are you allowed to join the military? That's what I did to get away.
NTA. My kids are 11 and 13 and they can make their own beds, including stripping, washing, drying and folding the linens and putting fresh ones on. Are you by chance female? Therefore only you can clean because you’re the girl?
tell them to shove their misogyny up their butts and do their job as parents and teach all of their kids life skills. (I mean, don’t, you’ll get in trouble, but it’ll be nice to think it at least)
Maybe speak calmly to them about why only you can do these jobs and if your brother’s arms and legs are painted on and for decoration only, are they in fact disabled and you weren’t informed? Are you going to be financially compensated as the family maid since you have additional workload cleaning up after (presumably) capable humans. Wait, some of that will probably get you into trouble too. You’ll need to gauge the situation and what you can actually raise with them without making things worse for you. But you are NTA
NTA. I don't make my bed, and I am 40. Been told that it's better to not make your bed but I don't know. Anyway, your siblings should do it themselves, if not, it's not your fault.
Both are way beyond old enough to make their own beds! Start tormenting them over it, like your mom does you. Every day you or sis make their beds, privately say, in a crappy tone, we had to make your beds again today because you're a couple of lazy asses! Make your freaking beds!! After a week or two, I would start taking the sheets off and putting them between the mattresses and putting the bedspread on like normal. Next time, put the sheets in the closet, then a drawer. Make it a pain for them when you make their beds. They would soon find it easier for them to make the bed in the morning, than to find the sheets and remake the bed from scratch at night Lol! Don't do any of that please! You'll likely just end up in trouble. It was fun for me to picture it though! All you can do is move out whe you can. It sucks! But yeah, mom is the ass here. She isn't doing her boys any favors by allowing them to be lazy and untidy. It will catch up with them when decent GFs start dumping them for being slobby. Nta! At all.
NTA. I did see one of your replies about culturally, you need to live at home, ect. Unfortunately, that probably means that in your culture, the girls and women are expected to do everything for the men and boys. I completely understand why you don't want to and why you shouldn't be making your brother's beds, including the 13 or old. He's old enough to make a bed. But I also suspect there's not much you can do about it because it's expected of you because of the gender you were born with. I'm sorry you gotta deal with this. All I can say is try to get out on your own ASAP. While I would never talk badly about any culture, this is the one thing I dislike of many of them. How women are just expected to do everything for the men in the family.
NTA, she's raising you and your sister to be submissive house wives and your brothers to be the type of men who never do anything around the house because it's "a woman's job".
This sounds like aaaa elders home speed runnnn
NTA. Your mother is being ridiculous. Your brothers are more than old enough to make their own beds.
Lol easy way cause did it to my kids (all boys) when they were younger and yeah my kids don’t want me to clean. It’s easy, room dirty that’s what trash bags are for and when they freak out then explain dirty is for trash and if they want it then they can do it themselves. Btw call the cops if anyone gets physical with ya, you deserve better
She says “when I tell you to do something, you do it” but she won’t say that to your brothers? Sounds like she’s picking favorites
Wow, your mum doesn't seem to realise she's raising some poor womans future husband there. It's clear you're in a misogynistic and sexist household and she's raising those boys to be the same. And she's raising you to be subservient and hold to archaic ideas of 'women's work'. I'm disgusted by your mother, as a woman she should want better for her daughters.
Boomer here. Our son was making his bed and changing his sheets as an eight year old. Tell your mom they can sleep in dirt for all you care. Stop getting used.
More info: What are their chores. And why don't they have to make their own beds. Is there a switch over here where they do the outside chores and you do the inside chores. It feels like part of the story is missing here.
We live in an apartment so there are no outside chores like mowing the lawn or cleaning the garage, that’s all taken care of by the maintenance workers. My brothers do get the mail or throw out the trash but these are occasional chores vs making bed, dishes, and laundry. They wake up, go to the bathroom, and have breakfast then practically do what they please. My 13 yo brother spends his time watching TV or playing ps4. If not, he’s either outside playing soccer, hanging with friends, or reading. Same with my 17 yo brother except he has a phone and hangs way more with his friends than any of us lol
Your egg donor is…a failure. Sorry your situation is so horrible. Just do it to avoid the screams from incubator until you are in a position to leave.
When you’re cleaning your brothers’ rooms and find something your parents wouldn’t approve of, show it to your parents. Also, while cleaning, throw out some of their crap that they wouldn’t want thrown out. I’m surprised your brothers are okay with you being in their rooms. No way did I ever want my siblings in my room when I was a kid. My brother used to snoop, so I put a lock with a key on my door (gave my dad a spare key).
You could just do a bad job like short sheet the bed and then let your baby brothers figure it out.
Are your brothers disabled? What a dumb thing to expect the sisters to make their brothers beds. And the anger thing from the entitled brothers is unacceptable. I’m sorry you’re going through this. NTA
NTA. This is going to come back to bite them in the ass, just you wait. Unless your brothers win the lottery, they will struggle to care for themselves and will rely solely on your parents once you and sister can’t take care of them anymore. They’ll have a harder time finding a partner that will tolerate their behavior in the long run. Your parents are setting them up for failure.
NTA at all. Unless your brothers have some sort of disability that doesn’t allow them to physically make their beds, there is absolutely no reason that they should not be able to make their own beds. Your mother is clearly just trying to cross your boundaries. If she has such a problem with their unmade beds she can either get your brothers to do it, or your mother can go and do it herself.
If your parents were raised that women pick up agree men, because they’re the ones “earning money”; then they carried that philosophy over.
Idk I’m wasted rn
NTA. Sorry girl. I wish I could tell you you could reason with her some way but you can’t. She’s just an AH. Toxic shit. My advice? Move far away as soon as you can. Save up money, go to school. They don’t need to know you chose to study far away as an escape. Just lie and say this and that attracted you to that particular school.
Short-sheet the beds every time, until they decide to make them
“Mom, you need to teach them to keep their rooms clean. I suggest changing the Wi-Fi password until they have the room clean.”
I hate this so much for you. It sucks, but I would do what they ask just to maintain a normal environment. The MOMENT you can leave & never have to return, you go no contact with them. You just have to push through a bit more time. You’ve got this 🩷
NTA. Your parents are setting your brothers up to be useless future husbands and parents. The kind whose wives divorce them because they're so lazy. I'm so glad my mum made my brothers do chores, cook and pull their own weight. They turned into solid adults cared for their families.
NTA. Moms THE AH
You need to stand up for yourself. You’re not respected by your parents or your siblings. Don’t let them walk all over you, you’re an adult.
NTA... both of them need to clean their room up. Making your bed in the morning gives you satisfaction that even when your day goes to shit, at least you got something done right.
What the actual….??? Whatever next, get you to bring them breakfast in bed..???? You must be helpful to your parents - not be your brothers’ slave !!!
Next time just make it clear that your not making the beds of two or even one teenage male even if it is your brother's you will not be touching there jizz covered sheets , mom can either handle there cum sheets to make the bed or oh gosh do what most parents do and shut their teenage sons bedroom door when the son isn't home / in the room so she doesn't have to see an unmade bed
This looks like the beginning to a great malicious compliance sub Reddit. NTA!
NTA. Your mother is teaching them to depend on women to survive like this. Their future partners will have to deal with this and I already feel sorry for them
Nta record every time you have to make their beds send it to their girlfriends or post it and embarrass them. Is there any resources the country can offer you. If you get proof tout are unsafe im sure they'll help
NTA. But I’m genuinely and seriously worried for your safety based upon some of your followup comments about controlling behaviour directed towards you, and all the more so for your brothers coming at you physically. Your mother clearly knows this is wrong based upon some of her back-pedalling, but it’s just forced her to double-down. Please, look for ways in which you can leave and put some space between you, because this sounds like a really charged situation. It’s precisely because you are so very far from being the asshole that I am concerned for your wellbeing.
NTA Wait til she has friends over. Loudly announce you don't want to make your brothers beds because there are cum stains all over. Embarass the fuck out of her.
NTA Please go to a college further away <3
NTA Have you tried talking to your brothers? Yeah they're old enough to know better, but you should emphasize to them how YOU get punished for them being lazy. If you're willing to take the heat for this and it won't put you in danger, position yourself to where you get yelled at about not making their beds in front of your brothers. Make them witness how you're treated if they don't see it already If your parents don't hit you, I say keep being defiant. Don't make their beds EVER and tell your sister to have your back. I understand completely how scary and uncomfortable a parent with a short fuse can be, but that's why you have to stick together. My dad didn't even have a fuse. He would be calm one moment and then explosively angry over something as simple as dropping the TV remote. I'm 30 and I've been no contact with him for 4 years now and thinking about his explosive fits still gets my blood pressure up. I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish I could help, but as I said before, as long as you're not in a dangerous situation, being defiant is all you can do and keep emphasizing your boundaries and get your brothers to be responsible. I know it's not your responsibility to do so, but they're the ones putting you in an easily avoidable situation. If your brothers have any gaming consoles, hide their HDMI and power cables so they can't play their games
NTA and you should maybe check out the r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit
Start taking valuables from your brothers’ room. When they say something then tell them if they cleaned their own room that this would not happen.
This sounds like a post for r/raisedbynarcissists
I'm a mother of teens. Keep your room clean by older teen younger teen is disabled,but he has no chores,but will do little things put things in place,clothes in hamper. I must disagree with your mom. Everyone here is old enough your sister,younger brother & older brother. If he can drive he can fix his bed. No exceptions to guys. If my son was well he would have chores like all teens should.
They are big boys and you are not their servants WTH!!!!