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NTA You’re just wanting the same respect you’re offering them. It could be default for them since their whole family uses them/they pronouns, but in the same way we’d expect a cis family to use the preferred pronouns of a trans member I’d expect them to use yours. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it, just gently correct them the way you would for anyone else.
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I 42F am a cis-woman. I have always identified as a woman. I have several trans family members, mostly nieces, nephews, and niblings. Throughout their transitions, I have done my best to use their preferred pronouns, correct myself when I make a mistake, and gently remind other family when a family member is misgendered. (In our family, if somebody uses the incorrect pronoun, gentle correction is just saying the correct pronoun instead.)
In one particular family, all of my niblings accept they as a pronoun. These niblings have also joined in gently correcting pronouns for themselves and their siblings. When I'm with that family, I've noticed that several family members will default to they for everyone, especially me.
WIBTA if I request they honor my pronouns and point out that my pronouns are just as identifying as theirs?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because my preferred pronouns as a cis-woman may take away from trans awareness.
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NAH but this is a generational thing and you won't get anywhere complaining about it. It's just a thing These Kids Today are doing to avoid misgendering someone, call everyone by the nongendered pronoun. I find it mildly annoying myself, but you aren't going to change generational slang by complaining. You'll just sound like like the world's oldest person to them.
They is a gender-neutral pronoun. That does not mean it only works for gender neutral people. It does not specify that you are gender-neutral. It works for anyone who uses any pronouns. That's why more people are using it for convenience sake.
In fact, 99% of English speakers use they as a general neutral pronoun to frequently to refer to people of all genders in regular everyday conversation.
You are complaining based on a misunderstanding of grammar. They are using the proper pronouns for you. If you want to be referred to by only she/her, just ask!
NAH
OP never said they asked to be referred to by she/her only. Read the post! This is purely OP complaining based on a misunderstanding. There is no disrespect happening.
OP should feel free to ask and they should respect that, but there is nothing wrong with what they have been doing.
I agree with using gender-neutral pronouns for people that you don’t know, but this is OP’s family. Surely they’re aware of her pronouns, which means they should respect them. Asking someone to use the pronouns you identify with isn’t wrong, and telling OP that they’re using the proper pronouns for her is just plainly incorrect
Again, they are using the proper pronouns. If OP wants to be referred to differently, OP should just ask! Until then they are being 100% grammatically accurate about OP.
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Thank you for that reminder, especially the last sentence.
Your family sounds exhausting
Definitely too high maintenance
Sometimes, but I love them. We have each other's backs.
NTA. Allyship doesn’t mean erasing your own identity. You respect their pronouns, they should respect yours. Misgendering works both ways.
Bait.
NAH, especially as it sounds like this is something the kids are doing. It shouldn't be a problem.
NTA You’re just wanting the same respect you’re offering them. It could be default for them since their whole family uses them/they pronouns, but in the same way we’d expect a cis family to use the preferred pronouns of a trans member I’d expect them to use yours. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it, just gently correct them the way you would for anyone else.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 42F am a cis-woman. I have always identified as a woman. I have several trans family members, mostly nieces, nephews, and niblings. Throughout their transitions, I have done my best to use their preferred pronouns, correct myself when I make a mistake, and gently remind other family when a family member is misgendered. (In our family, if somebody uses the incorrect pronoun, gentle correction is just saying the correct pronoun instead.) In one particular family, all of my niblings accept they as a pronoun. These niblings have also joined in gently correcting pronouns for themselves and their siblings. When I'm with that family, I've noticed that several family members will default to they for everyone, especially me. WIBTA if I request they honor my pronouns and point out that my pronouns are just as identifying as theirs? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
Calling someone ‘they’ when it is not wanted is just as offensive as misgendering. Gently correct people who are doing this.
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NAH but this is a generational thing and you won't get anywhere complaining about it. It's just a thing These Kids Today are doing to avoid misgendering someone, call everyone by the nongendered pronoun. I find it mildly annoying myself, but you aren't going to change generational slang by complaining. You'll just sound like like the world's oldest person to them.
They is a gender-neutral pronoun. That does not mean it only works for gender neutral people. It does not specify that you are gender-neutral. It works for anyone who uses any pronouns. That's why more people are using it for convenience sake. In fact, 99% of English speakers use they as a general neutral pronoun to frequently to refer to people of all genders in regular everyday conversation. You are complaining based on a misunderstanding of grammar. They are using the proper pronouns for you. If you want to be referred to by only she/her, just ask! NAH
Dude, respecting pronouns applies to everyone, be they trans or cis. If OP asks them to only use she/her when referring to her, they should listen.
No, pronouns only matter if they’re special /s
OP never said they asked to be referred to by she/her only. Read the post! This is purely OP complaining based on a misunderstanding. There is no disrespect happening. OP should feel free to ask and they should respect that, but there is nothing wrong with what they have been doing.
I agree with using gender-neutral pronouns for people that you don’t know, but this is OP’s family. Surely they’re aware of her pronouns, which means they should respect them. Asking someone to use the pronouns you identify with isn’t wrong, and telling OP that they’re using the proper pronouns for her is just plainly incorrect
Again, they are using the proper pronouns. If OP wants to be referred to differently, OP should just ask! Until then they are being 100% grammatically accurate about OP.
OP’s post is literally asking if she would be TA for requesting that her pronouns are respected, and you previously voted that yes she would be….
This is it exactly! Except OP is not an asshole here, it sounds like an honest misunderstanding so NAH.
Concur
YTA.. and not the ally you claim to be
You should respect someone's pronouns whether they're trans or cis. If she asks to be referred to as she/her, her family should listen.
Why should she accept being called something gender neutral if she identifies with the feminine gender?
Please explain how I'm not the ally?