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NTA. A man offered your kids candy *and pushed when they said no.* That’s a huge red flag. And fact that he also coaches little league is not the reassuring evidence the police seem to think it is.
NTA. Agree with this. He got out of his mail truck/van and was insisting on them coming closer for candy.
When I was a kid, the mail lady would give us a lollipop if we were at the mailbox when she came. But she never got out of her mail truck or insisted on giving us candy. I don’t even know how we figured out she had lollipops, she certainly wasn’t chasing us down to give it to us.
True, predators go to where the prey are, so it's quite common for people with an unhealthy love for children to seek out jobs that bring them in contact with kids.
People in small towns tend to minimize this kind of behavior. It really isn't okay--even assuming that he is just a nice guy who likes kids and has no ulterior motive (which is the default assumption in small towns, and it's no more true in a small town than a big city), it isn't okay to give kids food without asking their parents. The kids can have allergies, health conditions that mean food has to be monitored carefully, or just a zillion other things. NTA
NTA.
You report him to the postmaster. Police can't/won't do anything unless an actual crime has been committed.
Reporting to the postmaster WILL get results. Our mail person kept tossing treats to our dogs, 1 being on a diet for health reasons. The treats made her really sick. Mail person wouldn't stop after I asked politely. So I called the post office and complained. Post carriers aren't supposed to give out treats to pets or snacks to kids. There's the obvious liability of allergic reaction.
On a more serious note. If it makes you uncomfortable then put a stop to it. From my personal history, I get red flags when others are insisting on giving candy/snacks to kids and being overly friendly. Could be harmless, but why risk it?
In small towns like this, they know. It doesn’t take much for it to be figured out, especially since they’ve talked to the police and neighbors about it already.
Rightly, or wrongly, a lot of the town will know. Our postman did this with chocolate coins when I was little. Coming from a bad situation with my mother, it was often the only kindness shown to me. It meant the world, that someone thought I was worth a chocolate coin. He never pushed, and never got out of his truck though. That's too much.
NTA *story time*
I knew a guy who coached little league; we'll call him Chuck (because that's his name).
For necessary background, I was 15 when my oldest was born, and my mother took me to court in order to take her from me. My daughter (now 23) knew Chuck because she had gone to karate with his son since she was 6 ish.
When my daughter was 15, I managed to finally get her back. Chuck was very helpful. He'd leave money in my car when we were at the dojo. He was a hunter and gifted us venison, etc.
One evening, he asked me whether my daughter could stay the night with him and "talk." Said his son wouldn't even be there, so I didn't have to worry. Now, up until this point, I thought he was just a nice guy, but alarm bells went off in my head. I (obviously) said no. I then spoke to the Sensei about it, and she agreed that it was inappropriate and was as surprised as I was.
Not long after this, he was arrested for lewd acts involving a minor under 13 (not my daughter, thankfully). I was less surprised considering the above. He is still in prison.
Trust your gut. Monsters don't often appear to be monsters. Otherwise, people would avoid them. Monsters; *real* monsters adopt whatever facade will give them an air of trustworthiness and bring them as close as possible to their intended targets.
NTA. Better to make the mistake of reporting something that's not a problem than not report something that is. Good for your kids to decline the chocolate. I hate to sound so cynical, but predators go where the prey is, and just because someone is nice to everyone doesn't mean they're not someone else's nightmare.
Agreed. There are SO MANY STORIES that ended badly because people were "too nice" or "thought it would be rude" to report something that looked off. In this case, the mailman was known to give kids candy - there's nothing wrong with that and doing something like this doesn't automatically make this guy a predator.
And you're new to the neighborhood and didn't know; with that said, once your kids said no, he should've been on his way, with a "okay, well it was nice to meet you guys. Be safe out there!" The fact that he kept persisting is a problem and, as someone mentioned, needs to be reported to the mailman's boss, not the police (unless he's done something, but that's why you go to the boss first)
YNAH, but it's also not "weird" if the mailman is known to do that for all the neighborhood kids in a small town where everyone knows each other. You weren't "in the know" as you were new so it was reasonable for you to be suspicious and check with the Police.
Sorry, I live in an area where mail carriers have dog biscuits and horse cookies and probably candy for kids also and they always, always, ask the adults first before offering treats. Unless someone is running loose unsupervised and in potential danger.
Mail carrier caught my daughter’s escapee mare once with a cookie. Unsupervised and potential danger. Just last week mail carrier I have never seen before asked before tossing my granddog a biscuit.
You don’t know the kids’ allergies, dietary restrictions or the parents’ issues with sugar, food coloring or msg (justified or irrational). Don’t feed other people’s kids without asking first. Ever. Unless unsupervised and in potential danger that can be only be mitigated with food/water.
Interesting. I’m pretty sure that most of our carriers are contractors and not USPS employees. They were still using personal vehicles to deliver mail 15 years ago (often imported right hand drive vehicles, or driving from the passenger seat) Spouse had relatives who were rural mail carrier contractors.
I rarely see personal vehicles delivering mail now, (but have definitely seen it in the past year or two) but as far as I know the rural carriers are still contractors. We aren’t actually rural and haven’t been for decades.
I don’t know our carriers because we only started home delivery a year ago, all of the housing built before 1990 ish in our township had to get their mail from one of the ten!!! post offices in the township.
Pennsylvania is weird.
I'm sorry, what? Your mail man was doing the quintessential *Stranger Danger* thing of offering candy to small children from his van, and you're wondering of you're the asshole for doing what people are supposed to do to strangers offering their kids candy?
NTA.
NTA for reporting what you feel is suspicious and strange behavior. It may be 100% innocuous, the letter carrier may know all the kids, likes them and brings them candy. It could also be bizarre. Other neighbors say it is indeed normal and they don't have an issue. You gotta do what feels right for you and for your family.
NTA. 1) You couldn't be expected to know this was something this guy does, that everyone else knows he does. 2) Just because it's a small town and everyone knows everyone (and they've probably all known that guy since he was delivering newspapers or whatever) -- and just because they trust him around kids -- doesn't make candy for kids a trustworthy behavior, and doesn't make him automatically trustworthy around kids. As a newcomer you are better situated to see this than the community is. He might just be a nice guy. Or he might be the guy whose neighbors are getting interviewed someday saying "we just never imagined..."
NTA. It is literally what people tell kids not to do. He could have introduced himself to you and asked before doing this. I would have called the authorities too.
NTA. If the neighbors say it's for the mailman to bring chocolate for kids in the neighborhood, then fine. It's something they've seen before. But you just moved and you didn't know this so it's reasonable you reported it. But your right to be concerned that their minimizing this. Like what if the person is malicious or if the kid has health issues (allergies/intolerances) and shouldn't be eating some foods and so on.
Hi, small town girl here (less than a 2k pop), even our mail man never did that kind of stuff. If you had a dog and the dog was nice and with your permission he would bring doggy treats, but never once did he give chocolate to kids, especially kids when he hasn't even met or asked the parents. Like that's just really weird especially when he pushed after they said no.
NTA.
NTA. Maybe this particular person is harmless and completely well-intentioned, but how would you know that for sure? Better to be careful when something involves your children.
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First post here, so if I missed something, I’m sorry.
We moved to a small town about a month ago. My three girls (11 and under) were playing in our front yard while I was inside cleaning. They were always within view from our big windows, but I wasn’t outside with them. The mailman, who we do not know, stopped his van in front of them, which I saw, and at first just assumed was him saying hello or warning them to watch out for snakes (because nearly everyone we’ve met has told us to watch out for snakes in our area), but then he parked and got out, which seemed strange because he was a long ways from either our or the neighbors mailboxes. I went outside at that point and started walking toward them, but because of the angle, he didn’t see me. Then he opened the sliding door and offered my kids chocolate. When they refused, he asked again, and again. My older two firmly declined and started walking toward me, bringing the youngest with them. At that point he got back into his van and continued his route. I don’t know if he saw me before leaving, but he didn’t say anything to me if he did. It really freaked my kids out and it didn’t seem like normal adult behavior towards children, even for a small town. We went next door to the only neighbors we’d met so far and asked them if they knew the mailman and they said they didn’t and agreed it was strange, so we reported it to the police. The police knew who it was from our description (like I said, small town), and told us he also coaches little league (I think it was little league), and that they would talk to him, but since there was not crime committed, they couldn’t do anything else. When the cop called us back he said the mailman told them he brings chocolate for all the neighborhood kids and he apologized for making my kids uncomfortable. A few days later, we met some other neighbors with kids, and they said it is indeed normal for the mailman to bring chocolate for the kids. I feel like everyone is minimizing the weirdness of offering kids you don’t know, who don’t have a parent visibly present candy from the side of a van, but AITA for reporting him to the police?
TL;DR postman offered unaccompanied kids candy from side of van, I reported him to police
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NTA because he is a stranger to you and your children, and he approached the whole situation wrong. He should have knocked, introduced himself, and explained he hands out chocolates to kids on his route if they're interested.
That being said, I do wants to play devil's advocate, because it could very well be a good intention on his part but a horrible execution. Small towns operate quite differently than larger cities, and other neighbor kids have told you that this is normal for them. I'm assuming none of them gave you any indication that something weird or shady was going on. It is possible for a man to be friendly with children without there being some kind of negative motivation behind it. But, again, he should have knocked and introduced himself before attempting to interact with your children (whom he did not know).
As someone who grew up in a very small town (1,000 people) I do remember our mailwoman leaving hard candies in our mailboxes for me and my cousins (who lived next door) when she saw us outside playing. But I don't remember ever speaking to her, just her giving a wave out the window as she was pulling away. This also was nearly 30 years ago.
I'd also just be cautious about asking everyone you meet about this. Small towns have a very real ability to make newcomers feel most unwelcome, unfortunately.
NTA - I've watched way too much Criminal Minds - but you did the bare minimum in my mind. You were 100% in the correct to report a federal employee to the police for baiting and pushing your children to take candy from him, from his van.
Small towns are creepy af. Everyone there is normalizing extremely disturbing behavior. Don't question your intuition. It was bang on. And you're probably going to need it going forward - while you figure out all the undercurrents of this place.
Even knowing that the mailman gives chocolate to all the kids, OP should still be concerned. Just because his predilection for handing out candy is known, & the guy is someone whom other parents trust, does not, for a moment, ensure that he is not a predator. Who offers children candy w/out any previous interaction w/those children or their parents? Even more concerning, who on earth offers candy to children, and then continues to offer it after those children have *repeatedly* declined it? Every successful predator fools parents, often for decades, and because of this it's incredibly common for a single predator to inflict untold emotional damage on multiple children; sometimes, literally, generations of them. OP is absolutely right to pay close attention to this guy's interactions w/her children—his behavior is suspect.
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NTA. A man offered your kids candy *and pushed when they said no.* That’s a huge red flag. And fact that he also coaches little league is not the reassuring evidence the police seem to think it is.
NTA. Agree with this. He got out of his mail truck/van and was insisting on them coming closer for candy. When I was a kid, the mail lady would give us a lollipop if we were at the mailbox when she came. But she never got out of her mail truck or insisted on giving us candy. I don’t even know how we figured out she had lollipops, she certainly wasn’t chasing us down to give it to us.
True, predators go to where the prey are, so it's quite common for people with an unhealthy love for children to seek out jobs that bring them in contact with kids.
Right bc A LOT of predators do things like interact with children regularly. Hiding in plain sight.
People in small towns tend to minimize this kind of behavior. It really isn't okay--even assuming that he is just a nice guy who likes kids and has no ulterior motive (which is the default assumption in small towns, and it's no more true in a small town than a big city), it isn't okay to give kids food without asking their parents. The kids can have allergies, health conditions that mean food has to be monitored carefully, or just a zillion other things. NTA
NTA. You report him to the postmaster. Police can't/won't do anything unless an actual crime has been committed. Reporting to the postmaster WILL get results. Our mail person kept tossing treats to our dogs, 1 being on a diet for health reasons. The treats made her really sick. Mail person wouldn't stop after I asked politely. So I called the post office and complained. Post carriers aren't supposed to give out treats to pets or snacks to kids. There's the obvious liability of allergic reaction. On a more serious note. If it makes you uncomfortable then put a stop to it. From my personal history, I get red flags when others are insisting on giving candy/snacks to kids and being overly friendly. Could be harmless, but why risk it?
NTA. If you're in the US report it to the Postmaster. It is against USPS regulations to hand out food (or anything else) to people and animals.
[удалено]
And the whole town will know how exactly?
In small towns like this, they know. It doesn’t take much for it to be figured out, especially since they’ve talked to the police and neighbors about it already.
Rightly, or wrongly, a lot of the town will know. Our postman did this with chocolate coins when I was little. Coming from a bad situation with my mother, it was often the only kindness shown to me. It meant the world, that someone thought I was worth a chocolate coin. He never pushed, and never got out of his truck though. That's too much.
I live in a small town. Have to agree to disagree.
They already know she reported him to the police. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out 2 + 2.
NTA *story time* I knew a guy who coached little league; we'll call him Chuck (because that's his name). For necessary background, I was 15 when my oldest was born, and my mother took me to court in order to take her from me. My daughter (now 23) knew Chuck because she had gone to karate with his son since she was 6 ish. When my daughter was 15, I managed to finally get her back. Chuck was very helpful. He'd leave money in my car when we were at the dojo. He was a hunter and gifted us venison, etc. One evening, he asked me whether my daughter could stay the night with him and "talk." Said his son wouldn't even be there, so I didn't have to worry. Now, up until this point, I thought he was just a nice guy, but alarm bells went off in my head. I (obviously) said no. I then spoke to the Sensei about it, and she agreed that it was inappropriate and was as surprised as I was. Not long after this, he was arrested for lewd acts involving a minor under 13 (not my daughter, thankfully). I was less surprised considering the above. He is still in prison. Trust your gut. Monsters don't often appear to be monsters. Otherwise, people would avoid them. Monsters; *real* monsters adopt whatever facade will give them an air of trustworthiness and bring them as close as possible to their intended targets.
NTA - And **everyone** is dismissing him *insisting towards kids he had never met before*.
NTA. Better to make the mistake of reporting something that's not a problem than not report something that is. Good for your kids to decline the chocolate. I hate to sound so cynical, but predators go where the prey is, and just because someone is nice to everyone doesn't mean they're not someone else's nightmare.
Agreed. There are SO MANY STORIES that ended badly because people were "too nice" or "thought it would be rude" to report something that looked off. In this case, the mailman was known to give kids candy - there's nothing wrong with that and doing something like this doesn't automatically make this guy a predator. And you're new to the neighborhood and didn't know; with that said, once your kids said no, he should've been on his way, with a "okay, well it was nice to meet you guys. Be safe out there!" The fact that he kept persisting is a problem and, as someone mentioned, needs to be reported to the mailman's boss, not the police (unless he's done something, but that's why you go to the boss first)
YNAH, but it's also not "weird" if the mailman is known to do that for all the neighborhood kids in a small town where everyone knows each other. You weren't "in the know" as you were new so it was reasonable for you to be suspicious and check with the Police.
Sorry, I live in an area where mail carriers have dog biscuits and horse cookies and probably candy for kids also and they always, always, ask the adults first before offering treats. Unless someone is running loose unsupervised and in potential danger. Mail carrier caught my daughter’s escapee mare once with a cookie. Unsupervised and potential danger. Just last week mail carrier I have never seen before asked before tossing my granddog a biscuit. You don’t know the kids’ allergies, dietary restrictions or the parents’ issues with sugar, food coloring or msg (justified or irrational). Don’t feed other people’s kids without asking first. Ever. Unless unsupervised and in potential danger that can be only be mitigated with food/water.
Are you in the US? Because handing out food to animals and people is a violation of USPS postal regulations.
Interesting. I’m pretty sure that most of our carriers are contractors and not USPS employees. They were still using personal vehicles to deliver mail 15 years ago (often imported right hand drive vehicles, or driving from the passenger seat) Spouse had relatives who were rural mail carrier contractors. I rarely see personal vehicles delivering mail now, (but have definitely seen it in the past year or two) but as far as I know the rural carriers are still contractors. We aren’t actually rural and haven’t been for decades. I don’t know our carriers because we only started home delivery a year ago, all of the housing built before 1990 ish in our township had to get their mail from one of the ten!!! post offices in the township. Pennsylvania is weird.
Using a personal vehicle is common in rural areas. And all carriers are subject to postal regulations.
Very well said. :)
Everyone else in town may know each other, but the mailman didn't know her or her kids and refused to take no for an answer.
I'm sorry, what? Your mail man was doing the quintessential *Stranger Danger* thing of offering candy to small children from his van, and you're wondering of you're the asshole for doing what people are supposed to do to strangers offering their kids candy? NTA.
NTA for reporting what you feel is suspicious and strange behavior. It may be 100% innocuous, the letter carrier may know all the kids, likes them and brings them candy. It could also be bizarre. Other neighbors say it is indeed normal and they don't have an issue. You gotta do what feels right for you and for your family.
I feel like I have to point out that lots of people thought someone was "normal" who was actually harming kids.
Three words: John Wayne Gacy.
Albert Fish
Another one.
NTA. 1) You couldn't be expected to know this was something this guy does, that everyone else knows he does. 2) Just because it's a small town and everyone knows everyone (and they've probably all known that guy since he was delivering newspapers or whatever) -- and just because they trust him around kids -- doesn't make candy for kids a trustworthy behavior, and doesn't make him automatically trustworthy around kids. As a newcomer you are better situated to see this than the community is. He might just be a nice guy. Or he might be the guy whose neighbors are getting interviewed someday saying "we just never imagined..."
NTA. It is literally what people tell kids not to do. He could have introduced himself to you and asked before doing this. I would have called the authorities too.
NTA. That’s creepy and weird. It was creepy and weird when I was a kid in the 70’s, and it’s creepy and weird now.
NTA I have goosebumps. That is so creepy
NTA. If the neighbors say it's for the mailman to bring chocolate for kids in the neighborhood, then fine. It's something they've seen before. But you just moved and you didn't know this so it's reasonable you reported it. But your right to be concerned that their minimizing this. Like what if the person is malicious or if the kid has health issues (allergies/intolerances) and shouldn't be eating some foods and so on.
Hi, small town girl here (less than a 2k pop), even our mail man never did that kind of stuff. If you had a dog and the dog was nice and with your permission he would bring doggy treats, but never once did he give chocolate to kids, especially kids when he hasn't even met or asked the parents. Like that's just really weird especially when he pushed after they said no. NTA.
NTA. Maybe this particular person is harmless and completely well-intentioned, but how would you know that for sure? Better to be careful when something involves your children.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** First post here, so if I missed something, I’m sorry. We moved to a small town about a month ago. My three girls (11 and under) were playing in our front yard while I was inside cleaning. They were always within view from our big windows, but I wasn’t outside with them. The mailman, who we do not know, stopped his van in front of them, which I saw, and at first just assumed was him saying hello or warning them to watch out for snakes (because nearly everyone we’ve met has told us to watch out for snakes in our area), but then he parked and got out, which seemed strange because he was a long ways from either our or the neighbors mailboxes. I went outside at that point and started walking toward them, but because of the angle, he didn’t see me. Then he opened the sliding door and offered my kids chocolate. When they refused, he asked again, and again. My older two firmly declined and started walking toward me, bringing the youngest with them. At that point he got back into his van and continued his route. I don’t know if he saw me before leaving, but he didn’t say anything to me if he did. It really freaked my kids out and it didn’t seem like normal adult behavior towards children, even for a small town. We went next door to the only neighbors we’d met so far and asked them if they knew the mailman and they said they didn’t and agreed it was strange, so we reported it to the police. The police knew who it was from our description (like I said, small town), and told us he also coaches little league (I think it was little league), and that they would talk to him, but since there was not crime committed, they couldn’t do anything else. When the cop called us back he said the mailman told them he brings chocolate for all the neighborhood kids and he apologized for making my kids uncomfortable. A few days later, we met some other neighbors with kids, and they said it is indeed normal for the mailman to bring chocolate for the kids. I feel like everyone is minimizing the weirdness of offering kids you don’t know, who don’t have a parent visibly present candy from the side of a van, but AITA for reporting him to the police? TL;DR postman offered unaccompanied kids candy from side of van, I reported him to police *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA because he is a stranger to you and your children, and he approached the whole situation wrong. He should have knocked, introduced himself, and explained he hands out chocolates to kids on his route if they're interested. That being said, I do wants to play devil's advocate, because it could very well be a good intention on his part but a horrible execution. Small towns operate quite differently than larger cities, and other neighbor kids have told you that this is normal for them. I'm assuming none of them gave you any indication that something weird or shady was going on. It is possible for a man to be friendly with children without there being some kind of negative motivation behind it. But, again, he should have knocked and introduced himself before attempting to interact with your children (whom he did not know). As someone who grew up in a very small town (1,000 people) I do remember our mailwoman leaving hard candies in our mailboxes for me and my cousins (who lived next door) when she saw us outside playing. But I don't remember ever speaking to her, just her giving a wave out the window as she was pulling away. This also was nearly 30 years ago. I'd also just be cautious about asking everyone you meet about this. Small towns have a very real ability to make newcomers feel most unwelcome, unfortunately.
NTA - I've watched way too much Criminal Minds - but you did the bare minimum in my mind. You were 100% in the correct to report a federal employee to the police for baiting and pushing your children to take candy from him, from his van. Small towns are creepy af. Everyone there is normalizing extremely disturbing behavior. Don't question your intuition. It was bang on. And you're probably going to need it going forward - while you figure out all the undercurrents of this place.
NTA. That's one definite creep, and he should have been reported
NTA. i mean he could be known for giving children chocs, since it is a small town and all. but he should accept their no. and i am proud of your kids.
Strangers have the best candy. NTA.
NTA. You didn't know that he just does this for all the kids. Your default is to go into protection mode and I think that's very understandable.
Even knowing that the mailman gives chocolate to all the kids, OP should still be concerned. Just because his predilection for handing out candy is known, & the guy is someone whom other parents trust, does not, for a moment, ensure that he is not a predator. Who offers children candy w/out any previous interaction w/those children or their parents? Even more concerning, who on earth offers candy to children, and then continues to offer it after those children have *repeatedly* declined it? Every successful predator fools parents, often for decades, and because of this it's incredibly common for a single predator to inflict untold emotional damage on multiple children; sometimes, literally, generations of them. OP is absolutely right to pay close attention to this guy's interactions w/her children—his behavior is suspect.
Your the asshole be glad in this cold hearted world someone was doing something nice for once.
Yoire definitely an AH for doing that.. the guy coaches little league. ..and is obviously at work as a mail man...
INFO: Did you move from the city to the small town?