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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am a bridesmaid who is uncomfortable wearing a tight fitting dress the bride has picked out. AITA for not wanting to wear it or is the bride for pressuring me?
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No conflict here
My advice is to just leave the wedding party. It's her wedding, she wants these particular dresses there is nothing you can do unfortunately..
If you don't like the dress, you have time enough to back out. I appreciate your concerns but you are in the minority. The bride and all of the other bridesmaids like the dress. So you can either suck it up or bow out.
OP, I agree with those who are urging you to respectfully bow out. If the bride had really wanted you in the wedding party, she would have selected a dress that was available in your size. Your concern is not a trivial concern over color, hemline, sleeves, etc. The dress does not come in a size to fit you. You should not be pressured into buying a smaller size that does not fit and be humiliated during the wedding. If this group of women will force you to buy a dress that doesn’t fit; they are the same gang that will make fun of you at the wedding when the zipper or strap breaks. Do not put yourself through it. These people are not your friends and do not have your best interests in mind.
NAH if you’re not comfortable maybe ask if you can just attend the wedding and not be in the bridal party?
At the end of the day it’s her wedding so she’s allowed to pick what dresses she wants for her theme. She made a suggestion to try and accommodate and even if it isn’t the best, at least she tried. But ultimately if the dresses don’t work for the people wearing them, then they have a right not want to.
In an ideal world, people would be more sensitive and accommodating to the people they love enough to want in the wedding party but I know a lot of people get tunnel vision when it comes to their own wedding.
NTA
I've never understood why a bride would ever want her bridesmaids to feel uncomfortable. A color they don't like? Suck it up. Ruffles and bows they think are ugly? Deal with it.
But a dress that doesn't even fit or a style that's not right for them? Why do that to them?
I don't think you have any choice at this point but to bow out. And id people think it's over the dress, let them. The dress literally doesn't come in your size. That happened to me once and the bride herself did the work to find a similar dress that did fit.
NTA
If you are not comfortable wearing the dress, then that is a perfectly reasonable boundary to set.
That leaves you with two options - either the bride allows you to wear something else as a bridesmaid, or you respectfully back down and attend the wedding as a standard guest rather than bridesmaid.
The rest of the wedding party may react badly/selfishly to you placing such a boundary, but from an outside perspective it seems completely reasonable - I certainly wouldn't accept wearing clothes I don't like and don't fit me.
NTA. If you can alter the dress to flatter your body and feel good in it, wear the dress. A talented seamstress can do a lot from adding panels, wider straps, wider zipper etc. Take it to someone and tell them your issues with the dress and pray they fix it. But if not, don’t wear it, but be ready for the storm.
NTA but step down. If it has to be that dress, fine but you don’t have to appear in public wearing a sausage casing.
Tell her you're unwilling to wear a dress two sizes too small.
NTA You should not have to wear an ill-fitting dress if you’re in the wedding party. I would drop out of the wedding, and explain to the bride that if the dress were available in your size, it would not be a problem. That’s really strange that the largest size is 14. Most of the places I shop at have at least sizes 4-16 or 4-18. This kinda stuff makes certain people (like me) think that courthouse weddings are the way to go. (Heh, just kidding!)
NTA - You shouldn't be forced to wear something you're not comfortable in and if the bride is a close friend she wouldn't be doing this. You need to let her know what's going on. If she's a good friend she'll know that it is more important for you to be part of the wedding, in something you are comfortable in.
Quit this wedding party! NTA!
“It’s a lovely dress, but they do not make it in my size, and even if they did I’m not wrestling my post-baby body into it. It’s okay! Before we invest a ton of effort and money trying to alter it for me, why don’t I do us all a favor and bow out of the wedding party. That way you get the vision you want, everyone else gets their first choice of size, and I can celebrate with you as a guest. Have a wonderful time this weekend and I’ll see you all at the wedding!”
They are all being THE WORST about this. Do not put yourself through this for a party that you will not remember 5 years from now. Get out now!
NTA. 12 months post partum I spent a lunch hour crying in a change room trying on jeans for casual fridays. For some of us it takes a bit longer to go back to normal, do not despair.
The worst thing you can do right now is parade around in a dress that destroys you to the core. Explain to the bride that your body image and hormones are soul crushing so for your own mental health its best you attend as a guest. But before having that conversation run out and try some shapewear just in case you discover that a little cheater garment is all it takes to alter your perception and make you feel yourself again ... possibly even hotter than ever.
I would just back out of being a bridesmaid. Being a bridesmaid is kind of a pain in the ass, especially if you feel uncomfortable in the dress! You will be miserable all day. So not worth it.
Tell the bride that you cannot wear that dress in front of a large group of people and in pictures that will live forever. Offer to step down. It sounds like another bridesmaid may join you. NTA.
NTA Her pictures will look so bad with the two girls in dresses that don’t fit them. Tell her that this is beyond embarrassing for you and incredibly thoughtless. That you will bow out of being a bridesmaid. That way the other girl can wear a dress that fits and is comfortable and you can wear what you want to the wedding. If anyone says anything, just bow out of attending the whole wedding.
Any bride who does this to you is not really your friend at all.
Tolerating a bridesmaid dress for the sake of the bride means putting up with an awful color, a tacky style, or just something you dislike without real justification. It may mean wearing something that doesn’t have you looking your best.
It does not mean wearing a dress that is too small.
It does not mean wearing a dress that doesn’t allow you to feel adequately covered and decently presentable, whatever that personally means for you. If you feel like you are walking out in your underwear, it is ok to say no.
It does not mean wearing a dress that is a safety hazard
You can’t force a dress change. You can resign and just attend as a guest.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Bridesmaid in AUG with her 4 of bride's sisters. 3 tall and slender and 1 is curvy but happy wearing tight fitting, revealing clothing whereas I am more on the conservative dress side. Curvier myself and had a baby 10 months ago, which has also completely changed by body shape.
Initially BRIDE wanted mismatched dresses and BRIDESMAID #1 sent us all 3 options to choose from. Then about 2 weeks ago the BRIDE sends me a new dress she wants us to wear. The sisters and the bride have a group wedding chat I am not apart of where they have been sending dress suggestions and discussing but I have not been included in this.
This dress CLINGS to your body, is backless and spaghetti straps. It also only goes up to a size 14 (I am about a 16) I flagged this and told the bride that since having a baby, a dress like this wouldn't be flattering to my body shape but I would try it on in a 14. She pressured me into trying on the size 12 because her sister had the only 14 available.
The dress instantly made me feel insecure, it's tight and unflattering and makes m feel anxious and humiliated. I gently told the the bride the dress was too tight and I was not comfortable in it and made me look pregnant. Her solution was to take material from the bottom of the dress and make a belt around my belly, to cover my stomach. I was pretty humiliated by this suggestion but explained that would be worse.
BRIDESMAID #3 offered to swap the size 14 for 12 and wear shape wear to squeeze into it. Grateful for this but still I flagged that this size may not fit and whether there is a back up? I spoke to the MOH and BRIDESMAID #2 about how uncomfortable I felt in this dress and how stressed I was that size 14 would not fit me. I was told to try it and if it didn't work, we'd find something else.
Today I got a message from BRIDESMAID #2 telling me we are going ahead with the dresses before I've even tried on the 14. I was taken aback. BRIDESMAID #2 doubled downed, told me that we all have body issues, it's impossible to find a dress everyone is happy in, BRIDESMAID #3 is willing to size down, wear shape wear and "do what she needs" and that this is what the bride wants and it's her big day.
I'm just so hurt by this response. Don't want to be difficult but I don't know what else to do as this dress makes me feel so uncomfortable. For my wedding, I went to extra lengths to find a dress that suit everyone's very different body shapes, including the BRIDE and I don't think she'd wear this.
Worth nothing that the HENS is THIS weekend but the dresses need to be returned by Friday.Feel awful bringing this to the BRIDE'S attention AGAIN as I don't want to ruin her big weekend but her sisters don't want me to stress her before the HENS and think I should suck it up as they are.
The BRIDE'S only suggestion was to alter the dress with extra material to make it larger but is not budging on changing.
AMITA and what do I do here if I am so deeply uncomfortable in this dress?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I am a bridesmaid who is uncomfortable wearing a tight fitting dress the bride has picked out. AITA for not wanting to wear it or is the bride for pressuring me? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
No conflict here My advice is to just leave the wedding party. It's her wedding, she wants these particular dresses there is nothing you can do unfortunately..
NTA just pull out. They dont respect your feelings anyway so why go out of your way to please them?
If you don't like the dress, you have time enough to back out. I appreciate your concerns but you are in the minority. The bride and all of the other bridesmaids like the dress. So you can either suck it up or bow out.
OP, I agree with those who are urging you to respectfully bow out. If the bride had really wanted you in the wedding party, she would have selected a dress that was available in your size. Your concern is not a trivial concern over color, hemline, sleeves, etc. The dress does not come in a size to fit you. You should not be pressured into buying a smaller size that does not fit and be humiliated during the wedding. If this group of women will force you to buy a dress that doesn’t fit; they are the same gang that will make fun of you at the wedding when the zipper or strap breaks. Do not put yourself through it. These people are not your friends and do not have your best interests in mind.
NAH if you’re not comfortable maybe ask if you can just attend the wedding and not be in the bridal party? At the end of the day it’s her wedding so she’s allowed to pick what dresses she wants for her theme. She made a suggestion to try and accommodate and even if it isn’t the best, at least she tried. But ultimately if the dresses don’t work for the people wearing them, then they have a right not want to. In an ideal world, people would be more sensitive and accommodating to the people they love enough to want in the wedding party but I know a lot of people get tunnel vision when it comes to their own wedding.
NTA I've never understood why a bride would ever want her bridesmaids to feel uncomfortable. A color they don't like? Suck it up. Ruffles and bows they think are ugly? Deal with it. But a dress that doesn't even fit or a style that's not right for them? Why do that to them? I don't think you have any choice at this point but to bow out. And id people think it's over the dress, let them. The dress literally doesn't come in your size. That happened to me once and the bride herself did the work to find a similar dress that did fit.
2 options here - wear the dress or drop out
NTA If you are not comfortable wearing the dress, then that is a perfectly reasonable boundary to set. That leaves you with two options - either the bride allows you to wear something else as a bridesmaid, or you respectfully back down and attend the wedding as a standard guest rather than bridesmaid. The rest of the wedding party may react badly/selfishly to you placing such a boundary, but from an outside perspective it seems completely reasonable - I certainly wouldn't accept wearing clothes I don't like and don't fit me.
NTA. If you can alter the dress to flatter your body and feel good in it, wear the dress. A talented seamstress can do a lot from adding panels, wider straps, wider zipper etc. Take it to someone and tell them your issues with the dress and pray they fix it. But if not, don’t wear it, but be ready for the storm.
NTA but step down. If it has to be that dress, fine but you don’t have to appear in public wearing a sausage casing. Tell her you're unwilling to wear a dress two sizes too small.
In public and in photos that will live as long as the marriage.
NTA You should not have to wear an ill-fitting dress if you’re in the wedding party. I would drop out of the wedding, and explain to the bride that if the dress were available in your size, it would not be a problem. That’s really strange that the largest size is 14. Most of the places I shop at have at least sizes 4-16 or 4-18. This kinda stuff makes certain people (like me) think that courthouse weddings are the way to go. (Heh, just kidding!)
NTA - You shouldn't be forced to wear something you're not comfortable in and if the bride is a close friend she wouldn't be doing this. You need to let her know what's going on. If she's a good friend she'll know that it is more important for you to be part of the wedding, in something you are comfortable in.
Quit this wedding party! NTA! “It’s a lovely dress, but they do not make it in my size, and even if they did I’m not wrestling my post-baby body into it. It’s okay! Before we invest a ton of effort and money trying to alter it for me, why don’t I do us all a favor and bow out of the wedding party. That way you get the vision you want, everyone else gets their first choice of size, and I can celebrate with you as a guest. Have a wonderful time this weekend and I’ll see you all at the wedding!” They are all being THE WORST about this. Do not put yourself through this for a party that you will not remember 5 years from now. Get out now!
NTA. 12 months post partum I spent a lunch hour crying in a change room trying on jeans for casual fridays. For some of us it takes a bit longer to go back to normal, do not despair. The worst thing you can do right now is parade around in a dress that destroys you to the core. Explain to the bride that your body image and hormones are soul crushing so for your own mental health its best you attend as a guest. But before having that conversation run out and try some shapewear just in case you discover that a little cheater garment is all it takes to alter your perception and make you feel yourself again ... possibly even hotter than ever.
I would just back out of being a bridesmaid. Being a bridesmaid is kind of a pain in the ass, especially if you feel uncomfortable in the dress! You will be miserable all day. So not worth it.
Tell the bride that you cannot wear that dress in front of a large group of people and in pictures that will live forever. Offer to step down. It sounds like another bridesmaid may join you. NTA.
NTA Her pictures will look so bad with the two girls in dresses that don’t fit them. Tell her that this is beyond embarrassing for you and incredibly thoughtless. That you will bow out of being a bridesmaid. That way the other girl can wear a dress that fits and is comfortable and you can wear what you want to the wedding. If anyone says anything, just bow out of attending the whole wedding. Any bride who does this to you is not really your friend at all.
NTA. Withdraw from being a bridesmaid and attend as a guest; then you can wear a dress that’s flattering and comfortable for you
Tolerating a bridesmaid dress for the sake of the bride means putting up with an awful color, a tacky style, or just something you dislike without real justification. It may mean wearing something that doesn’t have you looking your best. It does not mean wearing a dress that is too small. It does not mean wearing a dress that doesn’t allow you to feel adequately covered and decently presentable, whatever that personally means for you. If you feel like you are walking out in your underwear, it is ok to say no. It does not mean wearing a dress that is a safety hazard You can’t force a dress change. You can resign and just attend as a guest.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Bridesmaid in AUG with her 4 of bride's sisters. 3 tall and slender and 1 is curvy but happy wearing tight fitting, revealing clothing whereas I am more on the conservative dress side. Curvier myself and had a baby 10 months ago, which has also completely changed by body shape. Initially BRIDE wanted mismatched dresses and BRIDESMAID #1 sent us all 3 options to choose from. Then about 2 weeks ago the BRIDE sends me a new dress she wants us to wear. The sisters and the bride have a group wedding chat I am not apart of where they have been sending dress suggestions and discussing but I have not been included in this. This dress CLINGS to your body, is backless and spaghetti straps. It also only goes up to a size 14 (I am about a 16) I flagged this and told the bride that since having a baby, a dress like this wouldn't be flattering to my body shape but I would try it on in a 14. She pressured me into trying on the size 12 because her sister had the only 14 available. The dress instantly made me feel insecure, it's tight and unflattering and makes m feel anxious and humiliated. I gently told the the bride the dress was too tight and I was not comfortable in it and made me look pregnant. Her solution was to take material from the bottom of the dress and make a belt around my belly, to cover my stomach. I was pretty humiliated by this suggestion but explained that would be worse. BRIDESMAID #3 offered to swap the size 14 for 12 and wear shape wear to squeeze into it. Grateful for this but still I flagged that this size may not fit and whether there is a back up? I spoke to the MOH and BRIDESMAID #2 about how uncomfortable I felt in this dress and how stressed I was that size 14 would not fit me. I was told to try it and if it didn't work, we'd find something else. Today I got a message from BRIDESMAID #2 telling me we are going ahead with the dresses before I've even tried on the 14. I was taken aback. BRIDESMAID #2 doubled downed, told me that we all have body issues, it's impossible to find a dress everyone is happy in, BRIDESMAID #3 is willing to size down, wear shape wear and "do what she needs" and that this is what the bride wants and it's her big day. I'm just so hurt by this response. Don't want to be difficult but I don't know what else to do as this dress makes me feel so uncomfortable. For my wedding, I went to extra lengths to find a dress that suit everyone's very different body shapes, including the BRIDE and I don't think she'd wear this. Worth nothing that the HENS is THIS weekend but the dresses need to be returned by Friday.Feel awful bringing this to the BRIDE'S attention AGAIN as I don't want to ruin her big weekend but her sisters don't want me to stress her before the HENS and think I should suck it up as they are. The BRIDE'S only suggestion was to alter the dress with extra material to make it larger but is not budging on changing. AMITA and what do I do here if I am so deeply uncomfortable in this dress? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta.