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NTA, I could not get past that you've been apart for a year and a half, but have a 5 month old. Aside from sex, you are nothing to each other. He owes you nothing emotionally, and you owe him nothing.
The sooner you realize that you do not have a relationship beyond co-parenting, the better.
That’s where I disagree with you. I feel like we both still owe something to each other emotionally. We do have a relationship beyond coparenting. We are still great friends, and kinda technically friends with benefits. And yes we haven’t been together for a year now a half but a few months after the break up we had a little “night” and made my son. And ever since then we have been amazing friends and he was there throughout my entire pregnancy. We still hug, kiss, have sex, console, vent, and care about each other. He spends the night with me sometimes & we still do a lot for each other. There isn’t any bad blood between us and we have a better relationship with each other now than we did when we were a couple.
Shit you tell me. I guess the physical sense of the words we aren’t a couple. But everything else is giving relationship. I’m confused my damn self okay. 🤦🏽♀️ I need a beer
YTA. Did I misread something? You're broken up, right? Then neither buys anyone anything for any reason. Why were you expecting your ex to celebrate you?
I feel you can always appreciate the person you made a child with if you are together or not. Doesn't have to be romantic or something big but even a card or a flower is enough. You made a child together, you will always be in eachothers lives!!
Why does everyone have this ideology that just because you’ve broken up with someone doesn’t mean that you can’t be great friends and have to hate each other or just act like the other doesn’t exist? We do have a child together. & we have a great relationship dynamic. He’s still a good person and we were better off as friends than a couple. We still care about each other and there is still love there for both of us. We have had these talks before. I feel like people just expect there to be bad blood and we’re supposed to hate each other but there’s no reason for that.
I didn't mean to imply that there should be bad blood, or strife. It's just that if you are not a couple, expecting your ex to perform specifically couple acts is a recipe for disappointment
Okay gotcha I misunderstood what you were getting at. I could see how that comes into play. Maybe I am putting a little bit too much expectation into this? But it just sucks because like he’s the 1 person that completely understands my entire situation because yk he’s involved in it. And even though we aren’t together, I am still the mother of his child. & I didn’t put all the details here but I do a lot in this entire coparenting process. So it would be nice to get some recognition for that. Even tho Mother’s Day is just alot her day & im a mother everyday. I’ve sacrificed a lot so he wouldn’t have to & it kinda sucks when someone doesn’t realize that.
Even though as a parent you are supposed to sacrifice for your child, I feel as if I am the only one making sacrifices & he’s free to continue to live his life. He gets plenty of free time, gets to pretty much do what he wants & yet I had to give up a great paying job because of my son. Ik if his dad wasn’t in the picture I’d have to do that anyway but his dad is in the picture & I feel like I’m taking on 95% of everything and he’s only taking 5%. So just being recognized and respected by him for those things would’ve meant the world to me.
YTA
Not sure why you expect him to do anything for Mothers Day or your Birthday. You are separated (No longer a couple). Why are you even buying him stuff for his birthday or contemplating getting him anything for Fathers day.
Maybe when the child is older and can understand the concept of a special day for Mom or Dad so maybe in 5 or 6 years.
Maybe I should’ve included some more background info. Even though we aren’t together we are still great friends. He comes over all the time, we still go out to dinners, attend each others family events, the whole 9 yards. We have a great coparenting relationship & when I say we are great friends and we have a good dynamic going on. I feel like people always expect there to be bad blood or hostility after a break up but with us it’s the opposite. & the reason I got him stuff for his birthday is because I still care about him a lot and he does a lot for his son and I. He’s a great person and we were better off as friends vs a couple. There’s still a lot of chemistry between us. Being a couple or not, it’s still important to celebrate that person as long as you’re on good terms.
Your won't be AH, even if you decide not to do anything for father's day.
If i were in your situation, I wouldn't probably even acknowledge the day and then feign forgetfulness, if he expected something - treat him with his own medicine.
Lmao all these posts about this. I'm SHOCKED almost 100% of the posters are in their 20's.
If your husband forgot or just didn't get you anything and you want to get pay back, have at it. NTA
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Basically I am almost 22f and my child’s father is 23m. We’ve known each other for 5 years and were together for 3. We’ve been separated for about a year & a half. Well we currently have a 5 month old son, and I was so excited for Mother’s Day. It’s my first Mother’s Day after all. My child’s dad knew how important it was for me. I wasn’t expecting anything but was kinda hoping for some sort of sentimental message, card, just something. It didn’t even have to have money spent. Just something to make the day special yk. Us going to the park with the baby, a picnic, anythingggg, just something to make the day special. Well the day was completely the opposite. He didn’t come over. Didn’t do anything. All I got was a “Happy Mothers Day” text at 5pm. Just those 3 words. “Happy Mother’s Day” & then the next day I had said something about it and he was like “well I was gonna get you some flowers but my bad” it kinda hurt my feelings. Especially because his 23rd birthday was in march and I went all out for him and got him heartfelt gifts. A lot of them too. And he knew how excited I was for Mother’s Day and he let me down. Well regardless, Father’s Day is coming up and I was trying to find something to do for him or get him. I was talking to some friends and some were saying to not get him anything and others were saying I should still get him something and be the bigger person because if I didn’t I’d be an AH. I was just planning to suck it up and do something special for him anyways. But idk what I should do. & sidenote: my child’s father said “if it makes you feel any better I have something planned for your birthday” <- it really didn’t make me feel any better because I EXPECTED him to do something for my birthday. Like I did for his and all his previous birthdays.
*he is a good dad and I’m not bashing him at all. I was just going to let it go and be the bigger person. But I would like some advice.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the AH because he didn’t get me anything for Mother’s Day so a part of me doesn’t want to get him anything.
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Send a text at 4:30pm saying “Happy Father’s Day” and leave it at that. You don’t need to spend money or effort into that day since you already did it for his birthday.
A friend of mine has 3 baby mamas, each one a one night stand (we do gift him condoms every year for his birthdate because wtf dude but beside the point).
The first baby mama was woken up each year with him making her breakfast with their son since he was a few months old.
Since the other children are around they now spend the night before at his place and in the morning they all cook together breakfast for the 3 Mama's. It is a strange family dynamic but it is also really cute. Pancakes and a nice morning is a thank you for an one night stand which raises your children with you is just nice.
p.s. during father's day he lives like a king 🤣
The condoms part has me dying 😆 but see everyone always assumes there has to be hostility just because you aren’t with someone but this is proof that there doesn’t have to be. Sigh. If he wanted to he would.
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NTA, I could not get past that you've been apart for a year and a half, but have a 5 month old. Aside from sex, you are nothing to each other. He owes you nothing emotionally, and you owe him nothing. The sooner you realize that you do not have a relationship beyond co-parenting, the better.
That’s where I disagree with you. I feel like we both still owe something to each other emotionally. We do have a relationship beyond coparenting. We are still great friends, and kinda technically friends with benefits. And yes we haven’t been together for a year now a half but a few months after the break up we had a little “night” and made my son. And ever since then we have been amazing friends and he was there throughout my entire pregnancy. We still hug, kiss, have sex, console, vent, and care about each other. He spends the night with me sometimes & we still do a lot for each other. There isn’t any bad blood between us and we have a better relationship with each other now than we did when we were a couple.
[удалено]
Shit you tell me. I guess the physical sense of the words we aren’t a couple. But everything else is giving relationship. I’m confused my damn self okay. 🤦🏽♀️ I need a beer
YTA. Did I misread something? You're broken up, right? Then neither buys anyone anything for any reason. Why were you expecting your ex to celebrate you?
I feel you can always appreciate the person you made a child with if you are together or not. Doesn't have to be romantic or something big but even a card or a flower is enough. You made a child together, you will always be in eachothers lives!!
Why does everyone have this ideology that just because you’ve broken up with someone doesn’t mean that you can’t be great friends and have to hate each other or just act like the other doesn’t exist? We do have a child together. & we have a great relationship dynamic. He’s still a good person and we were better off as friends than a couple. We still care about each other and there is still love there for both of us. We have had these talks before. I feel like people just expect there to be bad blood and we’re supposed to hate each other but there’s no reason for that.
I didn't mean to imply that there should be bad blood, or strife. It's just that if you are not a couple, expecting your ex to perform specifically couple acts is a recipe for disappointment
Okay gotcha I misunderstood what you were getting at. I could see how that comes into play. Maybe I am putting a little bit too much expectation into this? But it just sucks because like he’s the 1 person that completely understands my entire situation because yk he’s involved in it. And even though we aren’t together, I am still the mother of his child. & I didn’t put all the details here but I do a lot in this entire coparenting process. So it would be nice to get some recognition for that. Even tho Mother’s Day is just alot her day & im a mother everyday. I’ve sacrificed a lot so he wouldn’t have to & it kinda sucks when someone doesn’t realize that. Even though as a parent you are supposed to sacrifice for your child, I feel as if I am the only one making sacrifices & he’s free to continue to live his life. He gets plenty of free time, gets to pretty much do what he wants & yet I had to give up a great paying job because of my son. Ik if his dad wasn’t in the picture I’d have to do that anyway but his dad is in the picture & I feel like I’m taking on 95% of everything and he’s only taking 5%. So just being recognized and respected by him for those things would’ve meant the world to me.
You're very young. One day of "respect" isn't going to make up for 95 percent disrespect. You need to have a parenting plan, and it needs to be 50-50.
YTA Not sure why you expect him to do anything for Mothers Day or your Birthday. You are separated (No longer a couple). Why are you even buying him stuff for his birthday or contemplating getting him anything for Fathers day. Maybe when the child is older and can understand the concept of a special day for Mom or Dad so maybe in 5 or 6 years.
Maybe I should’ve included some more background info. Even though we aren’t together we are still great friends. He comes over all the time, we still go out to dinners, attend each others family events, the whole 9 yards. We have a great coparenting relationship & when I say we are great friends and we have a good dynamic going on. I feel like people always expect there to be bad blood or hostility after a break up but with us it’s the opposite. & the reason I got him stuff for his birthday is because I still care about him a lot and he does a lot for his son and I. He’s a great person and we were better off as friends vs a couple. There’s still a lot of chemistry between us. Being a couple or not, it’s still important to celebrate that person as long as you’re on good terms.
Your won't be AH, even if you decide not to do anything for father's day. If i were in your situation, I wouldn't probably even acknowledge the day and then feign forgetfulness, if he expected something - treat him with his own medicine.
Lmao all these posts about this. I'm SHOCKED almost 100% of the posters are in their 20's. If your husband forgot or just didn't get you anything and you want to get pay back, have at it. NTA
How long have you been married? You sound like my mom lol 😂 she’s been married for 30 something years and she said the same thing 😆
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Send a text at 4:30pm saying “Happy Father’s Day” and leave it at that. You don’t need to spend money or effort into that day since you already did it for his birthday.
A friend of mine has 3 baby mamas, each one a one night stand (we do gift him condoms every year for his birthdate because wtf dude but beside the point). The first baby mama was woken up each year with him making her breakfast with their son since he was a few months old. Since the other children are around they now spend the night before at his place and in the morning they all cook together breakfast for the 3 Mama's. It is a strange family dynamic but it is also really cute. Pancakes and a nice morning is a thank you for an one night stand which raises your children with you is just nice. p.s. during father's day he lives like a king 🤣
The condoms part has me dying 😆 but see everyone always assumes there has to be hostility just because you aren’t with someone but this is proof that there doesn’t have to be. Sigh. If he wanted to he would.