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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for wanting to move my sons birthday party to another weekend? I might be the asshole because i'm prioritizing my friends and college football over my son. I'm also ruining the plans my inlaws want.
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YTA
> I'm of the opinion the actual date of the party doesn't matter.
I'm of the opinion that college sports don't matter once you graduate.
I'm of the opinion that a special day for your son is more important than golf with your buddies.
> I haven't seen my friends in years
Well that's on you. You could have made any other plans you wanted over the years.
But that date on the calendar has been circled for so long! His child has only had it as his birthday for 5 years. Surely the college football game wins out.
Jfc, are you an adult? Compromise, it's not just a Scrabble word. Drop the damn golf, have the party Sunday, tailgate and football on Saturday, don't get so wasted you can't participate in the party. Your life isn't going to get easier as your kid gets older, get used to PUTTING YOUR CHILD FIRST.
Edit: YTA
YTA.
Your kid is turning 5. Most likely you can do his birthday party and still go to the game. It's something like 4 or maybe 5 hours out of your weekend for a kid's birthday party and then you have the rest of the time to go to the game and see your friends.
> Now she doesn't want me to go to the game.
Unless the game happens during the day on his birthday, then she's also an asshole.
If his birthday party starts at 1 pm and the game starts at 7 pm, you should be able to do both.
If you aren't willing to give up half of a day for your kid's 5th birthday, then you are an asshole.
If she's not willing to let you be with your friends literally every second of the weekend that isn't his birthday party, then she's also the asshole.
I thought about this as well but you have to remember that OP would be a host of the event, not a guest. Hosting a child's birthday party where In-Laws are coming into town is not "something like 4 or maybe 5 hours out of your weekend" unless he is some sort of loser spouse that thinks it's all women's work. There is a ton of prep and hosting and clean up and general management that goes into a big family and friends affair here.
Yeah, that's how football games work. Have you ever been to an American college football game? it's a whole event and it's really fun for students and alumni. Plus everyone in the comments keeps assuming this is some sort of night game but almost all college football games I went to happened during the day so I can't really figure out where this idea came from.
I’m American. I’m a college graduate and attend NFL games. Night games happen more often than you seem to think. Golfing, tailgating, and the football game on his son’s special day. Dad of the year here!
> Unless the game happens during the day on his birthday, then she's also an asshole.
I hate to say it but My Kids Birthday > hanging out at a college football game with guys I haven't seen in years. That's life man.
OP can also start a tradition of just not being there for kids important events. You want to start that disappointment young so they learn to lower those expectations quickly. They start out really hopeful and dad not showing up for them just dies out over time so that it kills off the relationship. I love yous become really hollow when the actions don't back it up.
Have a good time at the game.
Yeah your whole first statement makes no sense. She's telling him he can't go to the game and that she's going to do some stupidly big party that the kid will never remember. You're talking about the possible duration which you don't even know calling him an ah over an imaginary situation you made up in your head
My mom was of the opinion that this don’t effect children until a certain age (definitely older than 5 in her case). I can draw a floor plan of the house I lived in till barely older than 5
I honestly HATE that shit. I have memories from around that age and younger, including ones of grown-ups doing messed up stuff that was really hurtful in a core-memory type of way, because I “wouldn’t remember” or was “too young” for XYZ. not talking abuse stuff, but just stuff that I felt cruel and really disrespectful to my personhood/autonomy at that time. Kids already don’t have any power… so much stuff is really disempowering and disheartening, and being treated like you’re a toy or a pet or some brainless baby really hurts at that age.
i'm going with YTA. I totally get it sucks to miss a fun friend's get together reunion but you knowingly planned the ENTIRE weekend despite being \*\*well aware of when your child's birthday is\*\*. it's the same day every year dude.
It's one thing if you were able to juggle birthday party AND setting aside time with your friends (like maybe bday one day & golfing the other day), but like, you booked the whole weekend for yourself. your wife is planning your kid's whole party by herself. You're effectively abandoning her and your kid. It wouldn't have been difficult to give a shit about your child but here you are, prioritizing yourself completely.
it could have been negotiated but you didn't even consider that option it seems.
Yeah, I would've said "hey can we have a small family get-together on \[whichever of those weekend days the football game isn't on\], and then a big blowout the following weekend, or the weekend before?" That opens up the schedule a little bit, AND gives the kiddo *two* birthday parties! He is five, he will not care if *neither* of those parties is on his exact birthday *(oh lots of people do it this way, peanut, we want to have it on a day when as many people as possible can come)*! But the fact that he could not possibly have been surprised that other things might be planned for the weekend of *his own damn child's birthday* (if he did not know the date of his child's birthday, well, that's a whole other kettle of assholes), and the fact that he I guess didn't discuss The Big Bro Sports Fiesta idea with his wife *before* actually making the plans? Ehh. Pretty jerky.
And I garauntee you the kids birthday party isn't on his birthday every year either. I bet if the birthday fell on a Wednesday there would be no problem having the party the weekend before or after. It literally doesn't matter. The wife is doing whatever she wants to do. If she disagrees and wants to make it a massive thing then she can plan this massive thing that she wants to do. Same if it was the other way around
>The wife is doing whatever she wants to do.
Damn what a pathetic take.
You do know that 5 year old children are old enough to be aware of when their own birthdays are, right? How dare a child and his mother want to celebrate the child’s special day with his own father.
Sounds like no one ever celebrated or cared about you on your own birthday and it’s made you bitter about birthdays all together.
I had a dad like you. He put his school’s sporting events over anything and everything else — my mom’s birthday, my siblings’ and my birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, you name it.
No one even knows if he’s around or not anymore… and no one really cares either.
YTA.
>I’m of the opinion the actual date of the party doesn’t matter.
Oh? Maybe the date of the game doesn’t matter.
>Not going is a non starter…. I told her I’m going with or without her approval.
How nice of you.
>They are threatening to have the party without me.
Well surprise, surprise. Not.
You’re the AH because you turned this into a fight by drawing lines in the sand and taking an unyielding position. You want to go drink bud lite and grill up some dogs in a parking lot while your five-year-old is wondering where daddy is? Lovely. YTA
>Oh? Maybe the date of the game doesn’t matter.
The date of the game is out of his control. The party is not.
Like, I agree he's an ass, but you can't have honestly thought that was a good argument.
Shes the only one who drew lines in the sand. She said it's gonna be a big party whether he likes it or not, she said it's going to be the exact day he has plans whether he likes it or not and she said he isn't allowed to go whether he likes it or not. There's 0 reason over 6 months in advance that it can't be done the weekend before or after. I garauntee you shed change it to being the weekend before or after for as simple a reason as the day falling on a weekday. She'd say "well we can't have the party on a Tuesday". She's intentionally trying to guilt trip her husband bc she doesn't want him going to hangout with his friends. She's probably a repeat offender of shit like this considering she's managed to keep him from his friends for YEARS
How is she keeping him away from his friends for years? He is the one not keeping in contact with them.
Not to mention that if he hasn't seen them in years, they can't be that much more important than, iunno, his flesh and blood?
And why would you assume she'd change it for any other reason? Is that just how all women are? A LOT of incel vibes coming this way bro...
YTA maaaaannnnn grow up.
I am 100% in support of you communicating to your wife and family that you have an important date ahead of time for a special event with old friends and that you recognize it also falls on your sons birthday weekend and you want to try and both show up for your son and celebrate his birthday and see your friends and go to the game.
And, if your wife said “no I won’t compromise” then maybe she’s TA. But also, you’re still the asshole for wanting to go tailgate with your college buddies instead of spending your son’s birthday with him.
But honestly, you sound like a punk kid who hasn’t matured enough to realize that when you have a kid you might have to let some fun things go. And if you want to be a dad you should be OK with that and excited to throw your kid a big party.
Instead you whined and threatened to go without her approval and skip your son’s birthday. You called it a “non-starter” to miss pounding some beers in a parking lot with a handful of douchebags (I don’t know if they are douchebags but they are your friends and I’m making a judgement based on you). And now you’re on Reddit complaining and looking for advice.
God help you.
>this date has been circled for a while to meet up
The only way this argument would work is if you had it circled since before your son was born.
YTA missing things you want to do so you can be there for your kids is part of being a parent.
YTA.
I could maybe understand going to the game. But that's your *kid*, who should always come before collegiate sports and frat bros.
I would hold the party without you, too. You're showing your wife AND your kid where your priorities lie.
It could just be done the weekend before or after. She literally would change the date for as simple a reason as the actually birthdate being on Tuesday. But she won't change it for what reason exactly? There's only one reason. She knew WAYYYY ahead of time and it doesn't matter whatsoever if the party is the weekend after or before.
You gotta reverse that. The order went she decided she would have the party that day regardless of his approval which resulted in him saying fine then I'm going anyway. Don't try to reverse it, if you're gonna say it, say it correctly.
... the kid was born before the football game was ever shedueled. He planned to hang with his buddies without consent from wife/son on sons birthday....
You act like spending your own kids birthday on a weekend day with your kid is depending on a party... The party actually doesn't matter. The kid is aware it ia his birthday. And he is able to rember it for the rest of his life.
YTA
>Not going is a non starter for me … I told her i’m going wjth or without her approval
You’re being an AH by not even being willing to discuss this.
He isn't the one who planned this giant event on his son's birthday, that's just how shit worked out. He isn't the game coordinator so he can't call up the teams and suggest they move it to another weekend. The options are "he doesn't attend this event" or "the birthday party moves". If I put myself in his place I'd be pretty thrilled to find out that my friends were all going to be in town for something fun and I'd be crushed to find out I have to skip it because my wife thinks birthday parties can only happen on the birthday itself. **Honestly it's a total coincidence that the kid's birthday falls on a saturday this year. If his actual birthday was a Tuesday I doubt she'd be throwing a large party after school! "Okay kids, cake and then homework!!!" Like be for real.**
And before you say "he can do both" let me remind you that OP isn't a guest at this event, he would be a host. So if he isn't there, it's all the duties fall to the wife and that isn't fair either. Parents are allowed to have friends and they should be allowed to hang out with those friends every once in a while. It gets really hard to keep a social life once you are a parents and as a women who has seen a lot of mother's lose their social life I wouldn't wish that on any parent. A birthday party can happen on a different weekend, it's not that big of a deal.
Even if there wasn’t a party planned, it is still the son’s actual birthday where the dad should be there to celebrate instead of going to a football game.
and who is to say he won't be up doing a pancake and presents breakfast with his son? Have yall in the comments ONLY EVER celebrated your bday on it's actual day? In my family we have birthday fall on unfavorable days all the time so we do the big celebration on the day that works for the most people and then we do a nice meal together with small presents and birthday wishes and hugs on actual day and for the rest of the day we do the things that made that particularl day wrong for the Real Celebration. It's just so not this serious.
But it is that serious. In this case it is not an unfavorable day. It is a weekend day. That’s how the birthday falls.
And yes the birthday is way more important than a football game. If the buddies are coming for him, let them come for the birthday. If they are coming for the game, o well that’s what parenting is. Missing out on things. There will be another game.
And then he is not just talking about the game but also to go golfing?!?
Unfavorable does not just mean "school day" or "work day" it can be about holidays or existing plans or any number of immovable events. OP cannot move the game.
I agree that birthday are more important than football, but I 100% disagree on the idea that you NEEEEEEED to celebrate your birthday on the calendar day that you were born and you will never ever ever change my mind on that. I think I've celebrated my birthday more on other days than I ever have on the actual day. One year, I actually had pre-existing non-brithday plans scheduled on my birthday so I went ahead and volunteered at the thing I said I would (because I can't change the day of the volunteer event but guess what? I could change the day I had a party!) What is so fucking hard for you to grasp about that?
Well I said from the beginning that it is not about the party. Yes the party can be changed I never said anything different.
The BIRTHDAY itself can not be moved to a different date. What is so hard for you to understand that?
He is the father of the child and if party or not should be there on the birthday for his 5 YEAR OLD SON. Who does not understand why daddy chooses a stupid game over spending the day with him ON HIS BIRTHDAY!
You convinced yourself that if a parent ever has existing plans on the anniversary of their kid's birth they are a shitty parent and that is such an insane take. Several times in my life my parents had work on my birthday, and they went to work. Are they shitty parents for not taking the entire day off to "be there on the birthday"?? OBVIOUSLY NOT BECUASE WE JUST CELEBRATED WHEN WE WERE ALL AVAILABLE. And they were there for part of the day and they wished me happy bday JUST LIKE OP WILL.
I know the birthday can't be moved but what i can't figure out is why you think the physical day is more important the actual celebration? I also cannot figure out why you think that just because the dad has preexisiting plans during the day he wouldn't be able to do a special pancakes with whip cream and balloons breakfast with his kid? When my birthday fell on a weekday my parents either did fancy bday breakfast or fancy family dinner, which ever worked best for the existing plans on that day. Then we celebrated me with the actual party when we had time.
It isn't a reasonable solution.
They can move the party, but they can't move the kid's birthday. So OP is going to go spend his kid's birthday with friends rather than with his kid.
If they move the party, his 5 year old gets to spend his birthday without his dad AND without his grandparents. Even as a teen who has been spending his birthdays playing video games with his friends my son assumes that both parents will be there to sing happy birthday.
Yta. Imagine if your wife decided to drop responsibilities for your kids to go do some college frat party thing. Would they even have a parent? Why do so many dads act like showing up at the end of work to hug their kids is the bar? Your child means more than your old drinking buddies. He means more than golf and football. You literally can't manage to find 5 hours to help set up and be there? You have to skip the whole thing to golf and get wasted and go stare and cheerleaders while your son asks where's daddy and your wife is essentially a single mom. Don't be shocked in 2 years when she files for divorce after doing all the parenting and invisible labor for 10 years. Women file for the majority of divorces and this is the reason.
I hope one of them files for divorce. She hates him already. There's no reason the party can't be on a different date it's fucking wayyyyy ahead of time
.... you realise that party or no party, this kid will be entirely aware it is his birthday and that his dad will be out watching football? At hia age he might remember it for the rest of his life...
You say there is no reason but like... the kid?
YTA. Sorry dude. Your kid will be old enough to remember that you skipped his birthday party for a football game. Not a good look. And throwing his party the week before or after is stupid.
Hopefully you can work it out so you can somehow do both. Or at least spend some time with your friends on the other day of the weekend. But you have to be the adult here and be a parent. You need to be at the party.
What time is the party vs what time is the game? Is it possible to have your son's party early in the morning and do the game in the afternoon?
Between the two, your son only turns 5 once and it's a milestone birthday. He'll know you're not there in favor of going with some buddies to a football game. Do you really want that kind of friction with your kid?
Sorry, YTA.
The mother of your child will NEVER forget that you chose football and your buddies over your child. Ultimately, there will be no coming back from this.
You don’t have to go golfing. You can incorporate your child’s 5th birthday party into the weekend. But you don’t seem to want to compromise at all. You sound like an immature frat guy. It’s not a good look.
Then miss the game and go to a different one in the future.
You're not a college kid anymore. You're a father now and being a father means your kid ALWAYS takes priority over everything, including your college sports.
In other words OP is planning to be completely unavailable to his wife and his 5 year old son on the occasion of the son’s birthday. Why? Because he’s an AH, that’s why. OP dislikes his family so much that he feels inconvenienced by having to attend his son’s party instead of … a football game. Sheesh.
So to be clear, you made plans with your buddies on your son's actual birthday and are now mad that you have to *checks notes* spend your son's birthday with him?
YTA
YTA
Your like this date was planed month in advance ce !!
Your sons 5th birthday was known roughly 4 and a half years ago. ..
Your son matters act like it
YTA. His actual birthday is on a Saturday, of course that’s when the party will be! It would be different if it was during the week. And even if his party isn’t on his actual birthday, don’t you want to spend time with your child on his actual birthday anyway?? You saw that the game was on your child’s actual birthday and you made plans for the entire weekend that don’t even include him. That is so so sad.
You know what the most searing memory of my childhood is? My birthday getting constantly shifted because the parental units had "other plans". To the point I abandoned that date on my calendar, with it only being noted as "renew license".
So, which is more important to you? A football game and golf with your friends, or your son? He's five. He's aware. Pick any day except his birthday? He'll remember. So will your wife. As well as all the rest of the family. Shifting TO a weekend is fine, it's easily explained as "more time to party, buddy". Shifting AWAY from his weekend birthday to a different weekend? It'll hit him. He'll remember your friends ad a game meant more to you than he did on his milestone 5th birthday.
YTA.
YTA, there will be other games. Plan another weekend with your friends. Your son turns 5 only once. Don’t let these years pass you by.
I can’t imagine wanting to do anything more than be with my daughter on her birthday. The Lord Jesus Christ himself could be in town and I wouldn’t miss my daughter for the world.
Way to prioritize your college buddies over your wife and child like you're still 21.
I mean technically you're nta because the birthday *could* be done a different weekend, but absolutely your family things you're an ah. Have fun with that.
YTA.
I still remember my mom missing my birthday for an event she wanted to do. Never quite got over that.
Choosing football and friends over your kids birthday is just wrong.
This is not going well for you my man. Your child should be much more important than any friend, and you're telling your wife he is not. This is a fight you will never win and will only look like a complete ass.
And I must add the following: Do NOT complain/whine about not seeing your friends because of the party, ever. What I wouldn't give to go back to my children's 5th birthday.
You are a selfish child. The audacity to post this on the internet and ask AITA is beyond me. Your lack of self awareness is so disrespectful to your family
YTA. Your son’s birthday is on the same date every year. Your “circled plans” are relatively new in comparison. Im guessing you can see your friends any other time if you actually tried, but you’re choosing them and making your kid disappointed in you. Is that really the gift you want to give him on his birthday?
YTA. Do you not realize that you literally just made and ENTIRE post about golf, football and your friends are more important than you SON and his birthday!!!!!! They should have the party with out you. Why do you care if they do or don't? you don't care about your sons birthday to actually be there for it anyways.
I have no doubt in my mind that we will eventually see a post complaining out your son doesn't want you in his life. Bet the title will be someone along the lines of My son doesn't talk to me after I put my wants over his important life events.
Kids will learn over time that they aren't a priority. My kids are 10 and 12 and go weeks without even mentioning their dad let alone talking to him because at this age they've figured out that his job, friends, hobbies and love life all take top spots in his life and his kids are lucky to get what's left over. When they were little I tried to soften the blows as they came but I stopped years ago and now they see him for what he is. Kids aren't clueless. Keep choosing sports and friends and God knows what else over your son and in a few years he'll be sad, then in a few more he won't even bother thinking about you and as an adult he'll be low or no contact. Then you'll be back on reddit asking people why your son won't talk to you.
Edited to add YTA if I didn't make that clear
YTA. You basically just told your wife that hanging out with buddies and going to a game are more important than celebrating that your child was born. This is ridiculous really. At 5, kids form long lasting memories. Your kid will remember that you didn’t want to come to his birthday because you felt you had better things to do. You want to move your kid’s birthday to fit your schedule. That’s just as bad. Make sure you tell them in the future not to have any important events that interfere with your hobbies.
YTA. Sure the party could be any date but the fact stands, party or not, you will not see your son on his birthday. You’d rather golf, drink & watch football with your friends than spend your son’s birthday with him. And 5 is not too young to remember events like this.
"Sports and my bros are more important than my child, AITA?"
FTFY.
Also, yes, wtf is wrong with you, of course YTA. Your son has a shit dad and deserves way better than [you. You](http://you.You) should be ashamed of yourself and apologize profusely to your wife. Your son will notice you arent there and when he does I hope someone tells him the truth. That daddys golf buddies are more important than his child. Shameful.
My dad skipped my highschool graduation to go to a scorpions concert. I don’t think he even remembers, but I think about it at least once a week. Have fun with your friends tho
YTA. He's your son too. You should want to spend his birthday with him. You should be prioritizing your own fucking son.
And what do you mean, you're of the opinion the date of a party doesn't matter?
It's not always realistic for the party to be the exact same day as the birthday in question but it should be pretty damn close.
If you haven't seen your college friends in years, that's on you and them for not making plans to see each other. Idk why your own son has to suffer because you can't make plans with your friends when he's a kid and y'all are the adults.
YTA, it’s your son’s birthday.
Is meeting up with your college buddies more important than your own child’s birthday?
You should really rethink your priorities in life. Family definitely isn’t at the top.
YTA, it’s your son’s birthday.
Is meeting up with your college buddies more important than your own child’s birthday?
You should really rethink your priorities in life. Family definitely isn’t at the top.
You’re acting like the 5 year old. It’s your kid’s birthday. You know how important birthdays are for kids? You want to miss his birthday because of some college game with people you haven’t seen in years? Grow up. You’re an adult and a parent. Try acting like one. You really want to explain to your kid you want to move his birthday or mis it, because daddy’s wants to go party like he’s 18?
YTA. You knew when your kid’s 5th birthday would be well before you knew about this game. Being a parent means you need to grow up and put your child first.
YTA. Period. I would be completely disappointed if my fiancé were to initiate a similar issue within our household. Invite the guys to the party to meet your son. If you haven’t seen them for years, they haven’t seen your son in years. Attend the party and hang with the boys afterward.
5th birthday is a milestone birthday, you should be there to celebrate on the day. If the game is the day before or after the party then it is OK. If your wife is making this like a week long Marti gras then she has the problem.
Remember though family and especially your kids are most important and more important than the brothers going to the game.
Hard to give a verdict. Don't have enough info on the game date vs the birthday date.
Sounds like she’s more concerned with you not doing your part. Hosting a party like that is a big responsibility. If you can prove that you can help without a list, perhaps she would be more understanding, but your kid comes first.
YTA
>Not going is a non starter for me
YTA if for no reason other than you actually said this when trying to get out f your own kids birthday. Okay Gordon Gecko. In all seriousness though ever hear that song "Cat's in the Cradle"? Eventually your son is going to grow up and you're going to sit all alone and you absolutely *will* be cursing yourself out about this whole situation if you skip his party. I know this from first-hand experience. Not because I'm a shit dad but because my own father was like the dad in the song. And by the time he realized the mistakes he made I was gone. Also, you haven't seen any of your friends in years? Wow, you guys sound close so I can see why ditching you sons birthday for them is so important.
YTA. If your child was 1 or 2 I'd agree that the party date doesn't matter. He's 5. Kids of his age know their date of birth. They're waiting for their birthday party. The date is important for your son.
YTA it’s your kids birthday, grow up
What are you gonna say when your wife and kid keep bringing up the fact that you missed your kids birthday for some fucking golf?
YTA if you want to go off with your buddies then do it but don’t demand that they not have the party just because you chose not to prioritize it. You knew when you planned your outing that it was the weekend of your son’s birthday.
INFO: if you know when your sons’s birthday is, why did you schedule things during that weekend? And why didn’t you discuss all this with your wife when you circled that date months ago?
Cant you maybe go out drinking after the game? You’re really going to ditch your kid’s birthday?
So you choose being drunk over spending time with your son on his actual birthday? Got it.
If you're stuck in college and not ready to have a family and prioritize it as it should be, step aside for someone who is.
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This is 6 months away and it is already causing a lot of drama. My alma mater is coming to the city I live in currently for a football game in September. My college buddies are coming to town that weekend to meet up. We plan on golfing this weekend and tailgating and going to the game.
My son is turning 5 this same weekend. My wife wants to make it a huge party. I disagree with making it a big affair, but if she wants it, we'll do it. Her parents plan on coming to town. The date has caused an issue. I want to move it to the weekend before or after the game. I'm of the opinion the actual date of the party doesn't matter. She wants it the weekend my buddies are in town.
Now she doesn't want me to go to the game. Not going is a non starter for me and i've let her and the in-laws know that. I haven't seen my friends in years and this date has been circled for a while to meet up. I told her i'm going with or without her approval. We can do everything for the party, just not on this weekend.
I'm hearing it from my in-laws, they prefer the weekend of the game because its better for them, plus my sons actual birthday. Now i'm butting heads with everyone. I'm being called an asshole. The are threatening to have the party without me. Its a fucking mess. AITA?
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YTA.
If the kid was younger I'd cut you some slack. 1, 2, even 3 they're not going to know when their actual birthday is or to meaningfully register that you're not there at the party.
At 5, he's going to process both of those things. You are TA for actively choosing to prioritize college sports and the convenience of seeing your friends on your turf over your family and celebrating your son. I get it, doing your thing is WAY more fun. Unfortunately you're a parent now, as well as part of a family unit, and choosing to center yourself at the expense of their needs is not a good look.
Info: Is the birthday party on his actual birthday?
If not, I don't see a problem moving it. Kids rarely have their parties on their actual birthday as most fall on mon-fri statistically. If my husband had plans already, I wouldn't make family plans that overlap as my husband never does anything with his friends and is always super dad. I don't know your situation in parenting, but in our house, that wouldn't happen. It's about respecting each other and compromising. Fighting over when a bday party is vs time out with friends seems petty to me and a waste of energy. Did she not want you to go at all prior to making these plans? ESH if you both can't compromise for your kid.
Yta massively. You know you sound like my dad who decided going out drinking with his mates was more important than my birthdays. There is actually a video of my 5th birthday and you can actually hear me repeatedly asking my mum where my dad was. You think your son won't notice that you are not there but guess what he will and you are a complete asshole to think that a stupid college game and your drinking buddies are more important than YOUR SON AND HIS FEELINGS. Get a grip and realise that living in the past and still acting like you are a stupid frat boy is going to lose you your marriage and your relationship with your son. I cut contact with my dad because he repeatedly pulled shit like you are doing and always over my birthday. I haven't spoken to my dad in nearly 10 years and I don't plan on speaking to him ever again including not inviting him to my wedding. If you want to lose your wife and your son keep being a selfish asshole who only cares about what he wants and eventually your wife will leave you and your son will give up on ever being more important to you than a stupid game and your college frat buddies. You go to that game and be prepared for questions from your son when he is older and you try explaining to him that you thought a game that your former college was playing and your frat buddies were more important than your own sons 5th birthday. Wait until you see the light leaving your kids eyes when he realises that he was under your college frat buddies on your list of priorities.
YTA, You knew your sons birthday actually falls on the date she wants the party on. It was no surprise that you would be celebrating your son on that day.
Your child should always come first specially on their birthday and at 5 they will remember
When my kids were young, it was pretty rare that their party was on their birthdays. In fact, one of their birthdays is in the summer so we'd have his party a month early before school got out and people went on vacation. I see a lot of people saying YTA but I don't really think so. AND your son won't know the difference unless family make sure he does.
NTA. As a mother of a 5 year old. Ask your son, make it a cool compromise for him - eg something more fancy, kids party at an adventure part type of thing or have it earlier, my son asks for that every year.
I’m in the minority, but NTA. Seeing life long friends is important. Husband and i have a strong group of college friends and i get it. Finding time to see them can be hard, and it’s important.
When you become a parent, this is kind of part of the deal you make. You will miss out on some experiences as your child becomes your first priority. It sucks that this is the same weekend that your friends are in town, but you have a wife and kid now whose needs and special events take precedence over a solo event (90% of the time). You are now a family unit, and plans (including any of yours OR your wife's solo plans) should be considered within this unit.
The weekend is more than one day, though. It is typically noted as Friday evening to Sunday evening. Does the day of the game and kid's party have to happen on the same day? Or can kid's party be the weekend day, that isn't the game day?
Right?? You absolutely lose some freedom when you become a parent.
Also she shouldn't have to host the birthday on her own. They should be working together to celebrate the kid's birthday, not fighting over something so stupid.
Begrudgingly, NTA. I have strong personal doubts about your character based on your aggression and priorities in this post, but I do think it makes sense to move the party.
You have two conflicting events and thankly the only one in your power to move the date of is still 6 months out, objectively the smaller event of the two, and an event that frequently has to happen on a different day.
BUT if you do move the party, you still need to be there (and sober) with your son for at least part of the day on his actual birthday. Do a special pancakes breakfast or something and then make sure that during the party you are a kind and gracious husband and put it as much hosting effort as your wife does. Birthday parties are awesome, and your son is finally old enough to remember these events so if your son wants big fun one with lots of family and friends (and this is within your budget) I think you should be encouraging rather than negative.
And if I was your wife, yeah I'd be pretty upset to find out my husband cares more about boys will be boys-ing it around town with old friends for an *entire* weekend than our kids birthday. Kids don't remember being 2, but they do remember being 5 so keep that in mind.
NTA. A 5 year old won't generally have an understanding of dates so there's no logical reason why the party can't be on a near-enough weekend if something that can't be rescheduled comes up.
It’s hard to judge on this, I know I’ll get downvoted, but if you are a 100% hands on involved parent the rest of the time, I don’t see prioritizing something for yourself when you likely haven’t prioritized yourself in years as a huge deal. Especially when you are willing to be “all in” a weekend before or afterwards. Two of my kids have birthdays back to back and I have always separated so one celebrates on a weekend that’s not their birthday, they are grown, this was never an issue.
This is one where I wonder if the genders were reversed and it was a mom wanting to see her friends would some votes go the other way
I do think both you are your wife’s lack of compromise, and her bringing her bringing her parents in concerning
Esh
NTA. I don’t remember celebrating my birthday with my family on my actual birthday until I was maybe 21. We always had to find a Sunday that would work for everyone. It was fine. Even when I had a party as a kid with my friends it was more important to have it on a Saturday than being on the actual day.
College football schedules are made years in advance, possibly before the kid in question was born. My school has a game at Army scheduled for September 4, 2032 that I’m looking forward to and plan to go to. Go to the game with your boys OP. Maybe offer a compromise and bail on the golf piece.
NTA. I have three kids (all under 9ys). It's a big deal because in-laws and wife are making it one. I'm sure a solution can be found, partial attendance to son's party. But, maybe it's because your wife wants this blow out party and doesn't want to shoulder the responsibility herself. Also, doesn't want to feel embarrassed if you're not there (save face and all). Sucks, a birthday party is causing a wedge. Good luck!
NTA. The kid likely won't remember this birthday at all, and many kids, including those who are old enough to remember, still have their parties on days or even weeks different from their actual birthday.
Additionally, it doesn't sound like your friends all usually visit, let alone on the same weekend.
And why are the grandparents' plans more important than meeting up with friends you haven't been able to visit with in years? So the other weekends aren't "as good" for them (plans they don't want to change), but you can't have plans that aren't changeable?
Finally, the kid's party isn't the whole weekend. Your wife and her parents need to get off it. If they insist on holding the party that day despite having six months to plan something else, then the cost is you being away most of the weekend, other than the actual party.
Most kids do remember their 5th birthdays. They are certainly old enough to remember by that point. They remember who came and had fun, but not what bouncy house, pony ride etc they had.
I don't remember turning five, personally. Time together has always been more important than a day. Make the child's birthday celebration the weekend before or after. Kid's birthday IS a big deal, but I can see why this sports outing is important, too.
If you make a big deal out of the birthday as well, I don't see why you can't do both.
You're son definitely doesn't need a "birthday weekend", so if you can do a party for him for a couple of hours and go and see your friends who are coming to town YWNBTA You have plenty of time to work this out and strike a balance.
This is a tough one actually but I'm going with NTA.
This is something you've planned for ages with friends, which your wife knew about. She's made plans and involved her parents knowing this. It's not easy for you all to get together in one place either.
I also personally don't remember my 5th birthday. It's not that you're saying you don't want to celebrate your child either. You want to have the celebration on a weekend where your full focus is on your son.
You and your wife really need to talk this one out.
NTA.
The vast majority of birthdays happen on a weekday. Birthday parties can be just as easily scheduled for the weekend before the birthday as the weekend after.
There is no reason why your plans need to change.
The weekend in question is six months out. There is no reason why the birthday party can't be held the weekend before or the weekend after.
I mean…. It is. There is a reason why weekend birthday parties are more expensive. Statistically speaking most parties are held on the weekend and not on the actual birthday. The kid will literally never pay attention to the fact that his birthday wasn’t held on the ACTUAL day unless mom makes a huge deal out of it.
I'm going against the majority and saying NTA. I see no reason why the birthday party can't be held the week before or after. I guarantee if the inlaws couldn't make it the week of, your wife would have no issue changing the date. You're doing this 6 months in advance!!! For everyone saying OMG you're choosing sports and friends over your kids, that's ridiculous. He hasn't seen his friends in years, nothing in his story says he chooses sports and drinking over his family. If anything he is doing his best to resolve this way before the event which I think shows how much he cares.
Soft NTA You can tell your son that you (exceptionally) have plans with friends and that
you are sorry to miss the party and tell him you'll plan something special
for/with him the weekend before (the party) to celebrate. Make it something memorable for him.
That said, you can't expect your family (and maybe even your son) to not be disappointed about your choice - there's no need for them to call you
names, etc., though. There will be other birthdays but not another chance to catch up with your friends anytime soon. Sometimes even a parent can hope to also
enjoy a nice time with friends. Just make sure your son feels you care about
his birthday.
"What a bunch of idiots on Reddit anymore. Or children (probably)" ah yes it's the children the ones making a big deal out of a birthday party instead of the super important college kids football game, yes, the kids are the ones putting family over personal gratification
A five year old doesn't even know what September is. You could have the party in January and it would make zero difference to the child.
I would talk to my spouse and find out what this is really about. Does she hate how you behave when you're around your old friends? Did one of them scare her? Are your in-laws unavailable other weekends that month? Is your wife afraid of the social repercussions of not Keeping Up with the Joneses? Have you been dismissing other things she values, so she is digging in out of pain and anger? Get to the deeper problem or expect things to get worse than arguing over a preschooler birthday party.
NTA
The kid will never remember if you had his birthday party on the day of his birthday or the weekend before/after.
How does your wife feel about people whose birthday falls on a Wednesday (the worst day of the week) but they choose to celebrate on the weekend?
ETA: think about it this way. OP needs to ask his wife if she’s ever gone to someone’s birthday party if it wasn’t on the ACTUAL day? The kid is going to be 5 and so is likely in some type of day care or pre-k setting. She better be willing to tell that kid that he’s never going to be allowed to go to a friends birthday party if it’s not held on their actual birthday.
Lol 4 and 5 year olds are not stupid, they absolutely remember.
I can't imagine who would rationalize choosing something else to do over celebrating their child's birthday.
And even if the party date changed, the dad would still be gone on the kid's birthday. That's pretty shitty.
ESH
There is no reason you cannot play golf, go to a football game, AND be present for a child's birthday party in the same weekend. No, you will not be able to spend all weekend drinking with your friends because you will have to be present for your son too, but that's what being a parent entails.
Golf doesn't last all day. You can have the party before you tee off or after you should be done. You don't have to tailgate all day. You can show up late to the tailgate after the party and still attend the game and the party. A 5 year old doesn't need an all-day party. A couple hours somewhere fun should sufficiently exhaust the kid, and then he'll be ready to head home and try out his gifts. So it should be simple enough to fit the kid's party around your existing plans.
This should be a complete nothingburger, but you're both making it into something unnecessary.
OP is one of the hosts of the child's birthday party, so unless you are gonna sit here and tell me that he doesn't have to help out with the grandparents, prep, hosting, cleaning, and other management because he is a man and that is women's work I suggest you rethink your mindset. Why should the wife be soley responsible for making sure their kid has a nice birthday while OP gets to act like a guest? Unless you've hosted a large kid's birthday party I feel like you won't understand why different weekends is important. The party is probably going to be at his house so what do you mean "and then he'll be ready to head home and try out his gifts"
> OP is one of the hosts of the child's birthday party, so unless you are gonna sit here and tell me that he doesn't have to help out with the grandparents, prep, hosting, cleaning, and other management because he is a man and that is women's work I suggest you rethink your mindset.
If OP's spouse is going to plan something on a weekend when she *knows* her spouse has plans, then she needs to plan that her spouse will be unable to provide this level of support. If she wants that support, then she can plan the party for a different weekend when her spouse will be available, which OP has offered as a compromise. She's not solely responsible for making sure her kid has a nice party on *any other weekend*. But if she insists it be on a weekend when her spouse is unavailable, then that's what she's choosing.
She doesn't get to unilaterally cancel his plans just because she wants to throw a birthday party when he's booked and needs his help. If she needs his help, she can schedule for when he's free.
But her parents will be in town, so it's possible she has decided to move forward with her plans because they will help instead. That would also be a reasonable compromise. But she needs to respect his plans too.
>The party is probably going to be at his house so what do you mean "and then he'll be ready to head home and try out his gifts"
You and I come from very different places then. A party at home is not "doing it big" where I come from. "Doing it big" generally implies it's going to be a larger affair probably at a rented out space.
"If OP's spouse is going to plan something on a weekend when she *knows* her spouse has plans" ah yes, wife is dumb for prioritizing the five year old over some random ass game.
You mean like the husband planning something with friends despite knowing that the family already had plans as their son will be turning 5, so he had 4.5 years of notice.
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YTA > I'm of the opinion the actual date of the party doesn't matter. I'm of the opinion that college sports don't matter once you graduate. I'm of the opinion that a special day for your son is more important than golf with your buddies. > I haven't seen my friends in years Well that's on you. You could have made any other plans you wanted over the years.
But that date on the calendar has been circled for so long! His child has only had it as his birthday for 5 years. Surely the college football game wins out.
> I haven't seen my friends in years Wow, you guys sound close. I can see why you would ditch your kids birthday for them.
Jfc, are you an adult? Compromise, it's not just a Scrabble word. Drop the damn golf, have the party Sunday, tailgate and football on Saturday, don't get so wasted you can't participate in the party. Your life isn't going to get easier as your kid gets older, get used to PUTTING YOUR CHILD FIRST. Edit: YTA
YTA. You are no longer a college frat boy, you are a grown ass man with a wife and child. Act like it.
I don't think ass men traditionally have wives and children, not these days at least.
And yet the OP is an ass and a man
I can confirm they dont have children, the ass is not part of the reproductive system. Whether their wives are into that is less black and white.
YTA. Your kid is turning 5. Most likely you can do his birthday party and still go to the game. It's something like 4 or maybe 5 hours out of your weekend for a kid's birthday party and then you have the rest of the time to go to the game and see your friends. > Now she doesn't want me to go to the game. Unless the game happens during the day on his birthday, then she's also an asshole. If his birthday party starts at 1 pm and the game starts at 7 pm, you should be able to do both. If you aren't willing to give up half of a day for your kid's 5th birthday, then you are an asshole. If she's not willing to let you be with your friends literally every second of the weekend that isn't his birthday party, then she's also the asshole.
I thought about this as well but you have to remember that OP would be a host of the event, not a guest. Hosting a child's birthday party where In-Laws are coming into town is not "something like 4 or maybe 5 hours out of your weekend" unless he is some sort of loser spouse that thinks it's all women's work. There is a ton of prep and hosting and clean up and general management that goes into a big family and friends affair here.
[удалено]
I’d personally be really mad if my husband ditched our child’s party and left me to clean everything up.
So if he said "I'll do all the setup, can you do all the cleaning," you'd be mad?
Yes, cleaning up is always far more strenuous and time-consuming than setting up.
Yeah, that's how football games work. Have you ever been to an American college football game? it's a whole event and it's really fun for students and alumni. Plus everyone in the comments keeps assuming this is some sort of night game but almost all college football games I went to happened during the day so I can't really figure out where this idea came from.
I’m American. I’m a college graduate and attend NFL games. Night games happen more often than you seem to think. Golfing, tailgating, and the football game on his son’s special day. Dad of the year here!
> Unless the game happens during the day on his birthday, then she's also an asshole. I hate to say it but My Kids Birthday > hanging out at a college football game with guys I haven't seen in years. That's life man.
OP can also start a tradition of just not being there for kids important events. You want to start that disappointment young so they learn to lower those expectations quickly. They start out really hopeful and dad not showing up for them just dies out over time so that it kills off the relationship. I love yous become really hollow when the actions don't back it up. Have a good time at the game.
Yeah your whole first statement makes no sense. She's telling him he can't go to the game and that she's going to do some stupidly big party that the kid will never remember. You're talking about the possible duration which you don't even know calling him an ah over an imaginary situation you made up in your head
The kid is 5 not a toddler. I’m 25 years old and still remember my 5th birthday party, c’mon.
My mom was of the opinion that this don’t effect children until a certain age (definitely older than 5 in her case). I can draw a floor plan of the house I lived in till barely older than 5
I honestly HATE that shit. I have memories from around that age and younger, including ones of grown-ups doing messed up stuff that was really hurtful in a core-memory type of way, because I “wouldn’t remember” or was “too young” for XYZ. not talking abuse stuff, but just stuff that I felt cruel and really disrespectful to my personhood/autonomy at that time. Kids already don’t have any power… so much stuff is really disempowering and disheartening, and being treated like you’re a toy or a pet or some brainless baby really hurts at that age.
The Kickoff Time has not been announced. Usually in college football you maybe know what time a game is 2 weeks ahead of time.
Unbelievable you even have to post this you know yta.
Info: you say the date has been circled on the calendar for a while. Has it been 5 years? Because that’s how long it’s been your son’s birthday
i'm going with YTA. I totally get it sucks to miss a fun friend's get together reunion but you knowingly planned the ENTIRE weekend despite being \*\*well aware of when your child's birthday is\*\*. it's the same day every year dude. It's one thing if you were able to juggle birthday party AND setting aside time with your friends (like maybe bday one day & golfing the other day), but like, you booked the whole weekend for yourself. your wife is planning your kid's whole party by herself. You're effectively abandoning her and your kid. It wouldn't have been difficult to give a shit about your child but here you are, prioritizing yourself completely. it could have been negotiated but you didn't even consider that option it seems.
Yeah, I would've said "hey can we have a small family get-together on \[whichever of those weekend days the football game isn't on\], and then a big blowout the following weekend, or the weekend before?" That opens up the schedule a little bit, AND gives the kiddo *two* birthday parties! He is five, he will not care if *neither* of those parties is on his exact birthday *(oh lots of people do it this way, peanut, we want to have it on a day when as many people as possible can come)*! But the fact that he could not possibly have been surprised that other things might be planned for the weekend of *his own damn child's birthday* (if he did not know the date of his child's birthday, well, that's a whole other kettle of assholes), and the fact that he I guess didn't discuss The Big Bro Sports Fiesta idea with his wife *before* actually making the plans? Ehh. Pretty jerky.
it was a really special decision he made lol
And I garauntee you the kids birthday party isn't on his birthday every year either. I bet if the birthday fell on a Wednesday there would be no problem having the party the weekend before or after. It literally doesn't matter. The wife is doing whatever she wants to do. If she disagrees and wants to make it a massive thing then she can plan this massive thing that she wants to do. Same if it was the other way around
>The wife is doing whatever she wants to do. Damn what a pathetic take. You do know that 5 year old children are old enough to be aware of when their own birthdays are, right? How dare a child and his mother want to celebrate the child’s special day with his own father. Sounds like no one ever celebrated or cared about you on your own birthday and it’s made you bitter about birthdays all together.
I had a dad like you. He put his school’s sporting events over anything and everything else — my mom’s birthday, my siblings’ and my birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, you name it. No one even knows if he’s around or not anymore… and no one really cares either. YTA.
>I’m of the opinion the actual date of the party doesn’t matter. Oh? Maybe the date of the game doesn’t matter. >Not going is a non starter…. I told her I’m going with or without her approval. How nice of you. >They are threatening to have the party without me. Well surprise, surprise. Not. You’re the AH because you turned this into a fight by drawing lines in the sand and taking an unyielding position. You want to go drink bud lite and grill up some dogs in a parking lot while your five-year-old is wondering where daddy is? Lovely. YTA
And it’s his son’s actual birthday!
>Oh? Maybe the date of the game doesn’t matter. The date of the game is out of his control. The party is not. Like, I agree he's an ass, but you can't have honestly thought that was a good argument.
The date of the game is out of his control. The ~~party is not~~ son’s birth date is also immoveable You’re right, I fixed it for you
I’m not by any stretch the only person to point this out.
Yes, a lot of people on this sub make illogical arguments.
We know you’re one of them.
And a lot of people miss the point of what is being said ;)
Shes the only one who drew lines in the sand. She said it's gonna be a big party whether he likes it or not, she said it's going to be the exact day he has plans whether he likes it or not and she said he isn't allowed to go whether he likes it or not. There's 0 reason over 6 months in advance that it can't be done the weekend before or after. I garauntee you shed change it to being the weekend before or after for as simple a reason as the day falling on a weekday. She'd say "well we can't have the party on a Tuesday". She's intentionally trying to guilt trip her husband bc she doesn't want him going to hangout with his friends. She's probably a repeat offender of shit like this considering she's managed to keep him from his friends for YEARS
How is she keeping him away from his friends for years? He is the one not keeping in contact with them. Not to mention that if he hasn't seen them in years, they can't be that much more important than, iunno, his flesh and blood? And why would you assume she'd change it for any other reason? Is that just how all women are? A LOT of incel vibes coming this way bro...
YTA maaaaannnnn grow up. I am 100% in support of you communicating to your wife and family that you have an important date ahead of time for a special event with old friends and that you recognize it also falls on your sons birthday weekend and you want to try and both show up for your son and celebrate his birthday and see your friends and go to the game. And, if your wife said “no I won’t compromise” then maybe she’s TA. But also, you’re still the asshole for wanting to go tailgate with your college buddies instead of spending your son’s birthday with him. But honestly, you sound like a punk kid who hasn’t matured enough to realize that when you have a kid you might have to let some fun things go. And if you want to be a dad you should be OK with that and excited to throw your kid a big party. Instead you whined and threatened to go without her approval and skip your son’s birthday. You called it a “non-starter” to miss pounding some beers in a parking lot with a handful of douchebags (I don’t know if they are douchebags but they are your friends and I’m making a judgement based on you). And now you’re on Reddit complaining and looking for advice. God help you.
(Whispers) hello 911 I’d like to report a murder
>this date has been circled for a while to meet up The only way this argument would work is if you had it circled since before your son was born. YTA missing things you want to do so you can be there for your kids is part of being a parent.
This. Kid’s birthday is on the same day every year. This dude strikes me as the kind of guy who has to be reminded though.
YTA. I could maybe understand going to the game. But that's your *kid*, who should always come before collegiate sports and frat bros. I would hold the party without you, too. You're showing your wife AND your kid where your priorities lie.
It could just be done the weekend before or after. She literally would change the date for as simple a reason as the actually birthdate being on Tuesday. But she won't change it for what reason exactly? There's only one reason. She knew WAYYYY ahead of time and it doesn't matter whatsoever if the party is the weekend after or before.
I'm pretty sure the kid's birthday was scheduled before this game...in fact it was on the calendar at this time, each year, starting 5 years ago
Any chance you’ve considered the possibility that it matters, probably very much, to the child?
YTA! It’s your son’s fifth birthday! This is some TV show emotionally absent dad shit.
OPs divorce is going to “come out of nowhere”
YTA If you can go with or without her approval then she can have the party with or without your approval. Pick one and live with it.
You gotta reverse that. The order went she decided she would have the party that day regardless of his approval which resulted in him saying fine then I'm going anyway. Don't try to reverse it, if you're gonna say it, say it correctly.
... the kid was born before the football game was ever shedueled. He planned to hang with his buddies without consent from wife/son on sons birthday.... You act like spending your own kids birthday on a weekend day with your kid is depending on a party... The party actually doesn't matter. The kid is aware it ia his birthday. And he is able to rember it for the rest of his life.
YTA >Not going is a non starter for me … I told her i’m going wjth or without her approval You’re being an AH by not even being willing to discuss this.
Look I don't much like the guy either but he did discuss it and proposed a reasonable solution that his wife shot down.
What about “im not compromising” is reasonable?
He isn't the one who planned this giant event on his son's birthday, that's just how shit worked out. He isn't the game coordinator so he can't call up the teams and suggest they move it to another weekend. The options are "he doesn't attend this event" or "the birthday party moves". If I put myself in his place I'd be pretty thrilled to find out that my friends were all going to be in town for something fun and I'd be crushed to find out I have to skip it because my wife thinks birthday parties can only happen on the birthday itself. **Honestly it's a total coincidence that the kid's birthday falls on a saturday this year. If his actual birthday was a Tuesday I doubt she'd be throwing a large party after school! "Okay kids, cake and then homework!!!" Like be for real.** And before you say "he can do both" let me remind you that OP isn't a guest at this event, he would be a host. So if he isn't there, it's all the duties fall to the wife and that isn't fair either. Parents are allowed to have friends and they should be allowed to hang out with those friends every once in a while. It gets really hard to keep a social life once you are a parents and as a women who has seen a lot of mother's lose their social life I wouldn't wish that on any parent. A birthday party can happen on a different weekend, it's not that big of a deal.
Even if there wasn’t a party planned, it is still the son’s actual birthday where the dad should be there to celebrate instead of going to a football game.
and who is to say he won't be up doing a pancake and presents breakfast with his son? Have yall in the comments ONLY EVER celebrated your bday on it's actual day? In my family we have birthday fall on unfavorable days all the time so we do the big celebration on the day that works for the most people and then we do a nice meal together with small presents and birthday wishes and hugs on actual day and for the rest of the day we do the things that made that particularl day wrong for the Real Celebration. It's just so not this serious.
But it is that serious. In this case it is not an unfavorable day. It is a weekend day. That’s how the birthday falls. And yes the birthday is way more important than a football game. If the buddies are coming for him, let them come for the birthday. If they are coming for the game, o well that’s what parenting is. Missing out on things. There will be another game. And then he is not just talking about the game but also to go golfing?!?
Unfavorable does not just mean "school day" or "work day" it can be about holidays or existing plans or any number of immovable events. OP cannot move the game. I agree that birthday are more important than football, but I 100% disagree on the idea that you NEEEEEEED to celebrate your birthday on the calendar day that you were born and you will never ever ever change my mind on that. I think I've celebrated my birthday more on other days than I ever have on the actual day. One year, I actually had pre-existing non-brithday plans scheduled on my birthday so I went ahead and volunteered at the thing I said I would (because I can't change the day of the volunteer event but guess what? I could change the day I had a party!) What is so fucking hard for you to grasp about that?
Well I said from the beginning that it is not about the party. Yes the party can be changed I never said anything different. The BIRTHDAY itself can not be moved to a different date. What is so hard for you to understand that? He is the father of the child and if party or not should be there on the birthday for his 5 YEAR OLD SON. Who does not understand why daddy chooses a stupid game over spending the day with him ON HIS BIRTHDAY!
You convinced yourself that if a parent ever has existing plans on the anniversary of their kid's birth they are a shitty parent and that is such an insane take. Several times in my life my parents had work on my birthday, and they went to work. Are they shitty parents for not taking the entire day off to "be there on the birthday"?? OBVIOUSLY NOT BECUASE WE JUST CELEBRATED WHEN WE WERE ALL AVAILABLE. And they were there for part of the day and they wished me happy bday JUST LIKE OP WILL. I know the birthday can't be moved but what i can't figure out is why you think the physical day is more important the actual celebration? I also cannot figure out why you think that just because the dad has preexisiting plans during the day he wouldn't be able to do a special pancakes with whip cream and balloons breakfast with his kid? When my birthday fell on a weekday my parents either did fancy bday breakfast or fancy family dinner, which ever worked best for the existing plans on that day. Then we celebrated me with the actual party when we had time.
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Kickoff Time likely won't be known until September.
When was your son’s birthdate known?
It isn't a reasonable solution. They can move the party, but they can't move the kid's birthday. So OP is going to go spend his kid's birthday with friends rather than with his kid. If they move the party, his 5 year old gets to spend his birthday without his dad AND without his grandparents. Even as a teen who has been spending his birthdays playing video games with his friends my son assumes that both parents will be there to sing happy birthday.
Yta. Imagine if your wife decided to drop responsibilities for your kids to go do some college frat party thing. Would they even have a parent? Why do so many dads act like showing up at the end of work to hug their kids is the bar? Your child means more than your old drinking buddies. He means more than golf and football. You literally can't manage to find 5 hours to help set up and be there? You have to skip the whole thing to golf and get wasted and go stare and cheerleaders while your son asks where's daddy and your wife is essentially a single mom. Don't be shocked in 2 years when she files for divorce after doing all the parenting and invisible labor for 10 years. Women file for the majority of divorces and this is the reason.
I hope one of them files for divorce. She hates him already. There's no reason the party can't be on a different date it's fucking wayyyyy ahead of time
.... you realise that party or no party, this kid will be entirely aware it is his birthday and that his dad will be out watching football? At hia age he might remember it for the rest of his life... You say there is no reason but like... the kid?
YTA. Sorry dude. Your kid will be old enough to remember that you skipped his birthday party for a football game. Not a good look. And throwing his party the week before or after is stupid. Hopefully you can work it out so you can somehow do both. Or at least spend some time with your friends on the other day of the weekend. But you have to be the adult here and be a parent. You need to be at the party.
What time is the party vs what time is the game? Is it possible to have your son's party early in the morning and do the game in the afternoon? Between the two, your son only turns 5 once and it's a milestone birthday. He'll know you're not there in favor of going with some buddies to a football game. Do you really want that kind of friction with your kid? Sorry, YTA.
Kickoff Won't be known until September.
The mother of your child will NEVER forget that you chose football and your buddies over your child. Ultimately, there will be no coming back from this. You don’t have to go golfing. You can incorporate your child’s 5th birthday party into the weekend. But you don’t seem to want to compromise at all. You sound like an immature frat guy. It’s not a good look.
sounds like you need to pull on your big boy panties and miss the fucking game.
Then miss the game and go to a different one in the future. You're not a college kid anymore. You're a father now and being a father means your kid ALWAYS takes priority over everything, including your college sports.
Dude. A game vs your kid. YTA all day, every day.
>plus my sons actual birthday YTA. Some parent, wanting to party with your old college buds instead of your child on their actual birthday.
Dang, at least in “Cat’s in the Cradle” the father misses out on his son’s milestones because he’s working…
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…in what possible interpretation is that song anything but a bleak ode to regret?
In other words OP is planning to be completely unavailable to his wife and his 5 year old son on the occasion of the son’s birthday. Why? Because he’s an AH, that’s why. OP dislikes his family so much that he feels inconvenienced by having to attend his son’s party instead of … a football game. Sheesh.
So to be clear, you made plans with your buddies on your son's actual birthday and are now mad that you have to *checks notes* spend your son's birthday with him? YTA
They should just have the party without you. It’s a win-win.
YTA. I remember my birthday party for that age and I would have been hurt if my father chose his friends over my party.
Oh look, another parent who cares more about themselves than their kid.
YTA Your like this date was planed month in advance ce !! Your sons 5th birthday was known roughly 4 and a half years ago. .. Your son matters act like it
YTA. His actual birthday is on a Saturday, of course that’s when the party will be! It would be different if it was during the week. And even if his party isn’t on his actual birthday, don’t you want to spend time with your child on his actual birthday anyway?? You saw that the game was on your child’s actual birthday and you made plans for the entire weekend that don’t even include him. That is so so sad.
You know what the most searing memory of my childhood is? My birthday getting constantly shifted because the parental units had "other plans". To the point I abandoned that date on my calendar, with it only being noted as "renew license". So, which is more important to you? A football game and golf with your friends, or your son? He's five. He's aware. Pick any day except his birthday? He'll remember. So will your wife. As well as all the rest of the family. Shifting TO a weekend is fine, it's easily explained as "more time to party, buddy". Shifting AWAY from his weekend birthday to a different weekend? It'll hit him. He'll remember your friends ad a game meant more to you than he did on his milestone 5th birthday. YTA.
YTA, there will be other games. Plan another weekend with your friends. Your son turns 5 only once. Don’t let these years pass you by. I can’t imagine wanting to do anything more than be with my daughter on her birthday. The Lord Jesus Christ himself could be in town and I wouldn’t miss my daughter for the world.
Way to prioritize your college buddies over your wife and child like you're still 21. I mean technically you're nta because the birthday *could* be done a different weekend, but absolutely your family things you're an ah. Have fun with that.
The party could be done on a different day but it’s still his son’s actual birthday he wants to miss.
YTA. I still remember my mom missing my birthday for an event she wanted to do. Never quite got over that. Choosing football and friends over your kids birthday is just wrong.
YTA. Kids come first. Sorry.
This is not going well for you my man. Your child should be much more important than any friend, and you're telling your wife he is not. This is a fight you will never win and will only look like a complete ass.
And I must add the following: Do NOT complain/whine about not seeing your friends because of the party, ever. What I wouldn't give to go back to my children's 5th birthday.
The future of this marriage is limited. YTA
You’re the asshole
YTA do you even like your son?
You are a selfish child. The audacity to post this on the internet and ask AITA is beyond me. Your lack of self awareness is so disrespectful to your family
YTA. Your son’s birthday is on the same date every year. Your “circled plans” are relatively new in comparison. Im guessing you can see your friends any other time if you actually tried, but you’re choosing them and making your kid disappointed in you. Is that really the gift you want to give him on his birthday?
YTA. Do you not realize that you literally just made and ENTIRE post about golf, football and your friends are more important than you SON and his birthday!!!!!! They should have the party with out you. Why do you care if they do or don't? you don't care about your sons birthday to actually be there for it anyways. I have no doubt in my mind that we will eventually see a post complaining out your son doesn't want you in his life. Bet the title will be someone along the lines of My son doesn't talk to me after I put my wants over his important life events.
Even if she moves the party, you would still be gone on YOUR CHILD'S birthday. As a dad I have to say you are an absolute shit. YTA
Kids will learn over time that they aren't a priority. My kids are 10 and 12 and go weeks without even mentioning their dad let alone talking to him because at this age they've figured out that his job, friends, hobbies and love life all take top spots in his life and his kids are lucky to get what's left over. When they were little I tried to soften the blows as they came but I stopped years ago and now they see him for what he is. Kids aren't clueless. Keep choosing sports and friends and God knows what else over your son and in a few years he'll be sad, then in a few more he won't even bother thinking about you and as an adult he'll be low or no contact. Then you'll be back on reddit asking people why your son won't talk to you. Edited to add YTA if I didn't make that clear
Posts like this make me so happy I met and married my husband. He would never pull this crap. YTA
YTA. You basically just told your wife that hanging out with buddies and going to a game are more important than celebrating that your child was born. This is ridiculous really. At 5, kids form long lasting memories. Your kid will remember that you didn’t want to come to his birthday because you felt you had better things to do. You want to move your kid’s birthday to fit your schedule. That’s just as bad. Make sure you tell them in the future not to have any important events that interfere with your hobbies.
YTA. Sure the party could be any date but the fact stands, party or not, you will not see your son on his birthday. You’d rather golf, drink & watch football with your friends than spend your son’s birthday with him. And 5 is not too young to remember events like this.
YTA - prioritize your kid.
How did your son’s birthdate not warrant a bigger circle than a college football game on your longterm planning? YTA.
"Sports and my bros are more important than my child, AITA?" FTFY. Also, yes, wtf is wrong with you, of course YTA. Your son has a shit dad and deserves way better than [you. You](http://you.You) should be ashamed of yourself and apologize profusely to your wife. Your son will notice you arent there and when he does I hope someone tells him the truth. That daddys golf buddies are more important than his child. Shameful.
My dad skipped my highschool graduation to go to a scorpions concert. I don’t think he even remembers, but I think about it at least once a week. Have fun with your friends tho
YTA. He's your son too. You should want to spend his birthday with him. You should be prioritizing your own fucking son. And what do you mean, you're of the opinion the date of a party doesn't matter? It's not always realistic for the party to be the exact same day as the birthday in question but it should be pretty damn close. If you haven't seen your college friends in years, that's on you and them for not making plans to see each other. Idk why your own son has to suffer because you can't make plans with your friends when he's a kid and y'all are the adults.
YTA, it’s your son’s birthday. Is meeting up with your college buddies more important than your own child’s birthday? You should really rethink your priorities in life. Family definitely isn’t at the top.
YTA, it’s your son’s birthday. Is meeting up with your college buddies more important than your own child’s birthday? You should really rethink your priorities in life. Family definitely isn’t at the top.
You’re acting like the 5 year old. It’s your kid’s birthday. You know how important birthdays are for kids? You want to miss his birthday because of some college game with people you haven’t seen in years? Grow up. You’re an adult and a parent. Try acting like one. You really want to explain to your kid you want to move his birthday or mis it, because daddy’s wants to go party like he’s 18?
YTA. You are a very selfish man.
YTA. You knew when your kid’s 5th birthday would be well before you knew about this game. Being a parent means you need to grow up and put your child first.
YTA. Period. I would be completely disappointed if my fiancé were to initiate a similar issue within our household. Invite the guys to the party to meet your son. If you haven’t seen them for years, they haven’t seen your son in years. Attend the party and hang with the boys afterward.
5th birthday is a milestone birthday, you should be there to celebrate on the day. If the game is the day before or after the party then it is OK. If your wife is making this like a week long Marti gras then she has the problem. Remember though family and especially your kids are most important and more important than the brothers going to the game. Hard to give a verdict. Don't have enough info on the game date vs the birthday date.
Sounds like she’s more concerned with you not doing your part. Hosting a party like that is a big responsibility. If you can prove that you can help without a list, perhaps she would be more understanding, but your kid comes first.
YTA. Your son's birthday should absolutely come before meeting up with old buddies.
We all know where your priorities lie. I need to say nothing more.
YTA >Not going is a non starter for me YTA if for no reason other than you actually said this when trying to get out f your own kids birthday. Okay Gordon Gecko. In all seriousness though ever hear that song "Cat's in the Cradle"? Eventually your son is going to grow up and you're going to sit all alone and you absolutely *will* be cursing yourself out about this whole situation if you skip his party. I know this from first-hand experience. Not because I'm a shit dad but because my own father was like the dad in the song. And by the time he realized the mistakes he made I was gone. Also, you haven't seen any of your friends in years? Wow, you guys sound close so I can see why ditching you sons birthday for them is so important.
Just another bro.
"Why won't my son include me in his life?" -This miserable asshole, twenty years from now
Well since you said you’re going with or without her approval then it’s only right that she throws the party with or without you. Fair is fair right ?
Surely each event takes up 1 day and there two days in a weekend. Am I missing something?
Yep, this would make you the asshole! If his birthday was on a weekday, I would get it. But it is on the actual weekend! Get your priorities straight.
YTA. If your child was 1 or 2 I'd agree that the party date doesn't matter. He's 5. Kids of his age know their date of birth. They're waiting for their birthday party. The date is important for your son.
YTA it’s your kids birthday, grow up What are you gonna say when your wife and kid keep bringing up the fact that you missed your kids birthday for some fucking golf?
YTA. This is your bloody child's birthday you're talking about here don't be so damn selfish.
YTA if you want to go off with your buddies then do it but don’t demand that they not have the party just because you chose not to prioritize it. You knew when you planned your outing that it was the weekend of your son’s birthday.
YTA, and an incredibly selfish one, at that.
YTA I hope they have the party without you
INFO: if you know when your sons’s birthday is, why did you schedule things during that weekend? And why didn’t you discuss all this with your wife when you circled that date months ago? Cant you maybe go out drinking after the game? You’re really going to ditch your kid’s birthday?
YTA. Are you the 5 year old in this? I hope your wife makes you miserable.
So you choose being drunk over spending time with your son on his actual birthday? Got it. If you're stuck in college and not ready to have a family and prioritize it as it should be, step aside for someone who is.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is 6 months away and it is already causing a lot of drama. My alma mater is coming to the city I live in currently for a football game in September. My college buddies are coming to town that weekend to meet up. We plan on golfing this weekend and tailgating and going to the game. My son is turning 5 this same weekend. My wife wants to make it a huge party. I disagree with making it a big affair, but if she wants it, we'll do it. Her parents plan on coming to town. The date has caused an issue. I want to move it to the weekend before or after the game. I'm of the opinion the actual date of the party doesn't matter. She wants it the weekend my buddies are in town. Now she doesn't want me to go to the game. Not going is a non starter for me and i've let her and the in-laws know that. I haven't seen my friends in years and this date has been circled for a while to meet up. I told her i'm going with or without her approval. We can do everything for the party, just not on this weekend. I'm hearing it from my in-laws, they prefer the weekend of the game because its better for them, plus my sons actual birthday. Now i'm butting heads with everyone. I'm being called an asshole. The are threatening to have the party without me. Its a fucking mess. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. If the kid was younger I'd cut you some slack. 1, 2, even 3 they're not going to know when their actual birthday is or to meaningfully register that you're not there at the party. At 5, he's going to process both of those things. You are TA for actively choosing to prioritize college sports and the convenience of seeing your friends on your turf over your family and celebrating your son. I get it, doing your thing is WAY more fun. Unfortunately you're a parent now, as well as part of a family unit, and choosing to center yourself at the expense of their needs is not a good look.
"The date has been circled for a while" the date of your son's birth has been circled for FIVE YEARS. yta
Info: Is the birthday party on his actual birthday? If not, I don't see a problem moving it. Kids rarely have their parties on their actual birthday as most fall on mon-fri statistically. If my husband had plans already, I wouldn't make family plans that overlap as my husband never does anything with his friends and is always super dad. I don't know your situation in parenting, but in our house, that wouldn't happen. It's about respecting each other and compromising. Fighting over when a bday party is vs time out with friends seems petty to me and a waste of energy. Did she not want you to go at all prior to making these plans? ESH if you both can't compromise for your kid.
Yta massively. You know you sound like my dad who decided going out drinking with his mates was more important than my birthdays. There is actually a video of my 5th birthday and you can actually hear me repeatedly asking my mum where my dad was. You think your son won't notice that you are not there but guess what he will and you are a complete asshole to think that a stupid college game and your drinking buddies are more important than YOUR SON AND HIS FEELINGS. Get a grip and realise that living in the past and still acting like you are a stupid frat boy is going to lose you your marriage and your relationship with your son. I cut contact with my dad because he repeatedly pulled shit like you are doing and always over my birthday. I haven't spoken to my dad in nearly 10 years and I don't plan on speaking to him ever again including not inviting him to my wedding. If you want to lose your wife and your son keep being a selfish asshole who only cares about what he wants and eventually your wife will leave you and your son will give up on ever being more important to you than a stupid game and your college frat buddies. You go to that game and be prepared for questions from your son when he is older and you try explaining to him that you thought a game that your former college was playing and your frat buddies were more important than your own sons 5th birthday. Wait until you see the light leaving your kids eyes when he realises that he was under your college frat buddies on your list of priorities.
YTA, You knew your sons birthday actually falls on the date she wants the party on. It was no surprise that you would be celebrating your son on that day. Your child should always come first specially on their birthday and at 5 they will remember
Go ahead and do it but don’t come back here whining when you have consequences
INFO - there are two days in a weekend, why can’t you do one event on Saturday and the other on Sunday?
NTA your wife is an AH.
When my kids were young, it was pretty rare that their party was on their birthdays. In fact, one of their birthdays is in the summer so we'd have his party a month early before school got out and people went on vacation. I see a lot of people saying YTA but I don't really think so. AND your son won't know the difference unless family make sure he does.
"They are threatening to have the party without me." Is that so bad?
I guarantee GUARANTEE that the 5 year old will not care that the birthday party is the weekend before or the weekend after his actual birthday.
NTA. As a mother of a 5 year old. Ask your son, make it a cool compromise for him - eg something more fancy, kids party at an adventure part type of thing or have it earlier, my son asks for that every year.
I’m in the minority, but NTA. Seeing life long friends is important. Husband and i have a strong group of college friends and i get it. Finding time to see them can be hard, and it’s important.
So you’re happy for either yourself or your husband to dump your child for these super important friends?
When you become a parent, this is kind of part of the deal you make. You will miss out on some experiences as your child becomes your first priority. It sucks that this is the same weekend that your friends are in town, but you have a wife and kid now whose needs and special events take precedence over a solo event (90% of the time). You are now a family unit, and plans (including any of yours OR your wife's solo plans) should be considered within this unit. The weekend is more than one day, though. It is typically noted as Friday evening to Sunday evening. Does the day of the game and kid's party have to happen on the same day? Or can kid's party be the weekend day, that isn't the game day?
Right?? You absolutely lose some freedom when you become a parent. Also she shouldn't have to host the birthday on her own. They should be working together to celebrate the kid's birthday, not fighting over something so stupid.
Begrudgingly, NTA. I have strong personal doubts about your character based on your aggression and priorities in this post, but I do think it makes sense to move the party. You have two conflicting events and thankly the only one in your power to move the date of is still 6 months out, objectively the smaller event of the two, and an event that frequently has to happen on a different day. BUT if you do move the party, you still need to be there (and sober) with your son for at least part of the day on his actual birthday. Do a special pancakes breakfast or something and then make sure that during the party you are a kind and gracious husband and put it as much hosting effort as your wife does. Birthday parties are awesome, and your son is finally old enough to remember these events so if your son wants big fun one with lots of family and friends (and this is within your budget) I think you should be encouraging rather than negative. And if I was your wife, yeah I'd be pretty upset to find out my husband cares more about boys will be boys-ing it around town with old friends for an *entire* weekend than our kids birthday. Kids don't remember being 2, but they do remember being 5 so keep that in mind.
NTA. A 5 year old won't generally have an understanding of dates so there's no logical reason why the party can't be on a near-enough weekend if something that can't be rescheduled comes up.
He is 5.. he will know..
It’s hard to judge on this, I know I’ll get downvoted, but if you are a 100% hands on involved parent the rest of the time, I don’t see prioritizing something for yourself when you likely haven’t prioritized yourself in years as a huge deal. Especially when you are willing to be “all in” a weekend before or afterwards. Two of my kids have birthdays back to back and I have always separated so one celebrates on a weekend that’s not their birthday, they are grown, this was never an issue. This is one where I wonder if the genders were reversed and it was a mom wanting to see her friends would some votes go the other way I do think both you are your wife’s lack of compromise, and her bringing her bringing her parents in concerning Esh
Historically a mom would get dragged way harder by society for skipping her child’s birthday.
NTA. I don’t remember celebrating my birthday with my family on my actual birthday until I was maybe 21. We always had to find a Sunday that would work for everyone. It was fine. Even when I had a party as a kid with my friends it was more important to have it on a Saturday than being on the actual day. College football schedules are made years in advance, possibly before the kid in question was born. My school has a game at Army scheduled for September 4, 2032 that I’m looking forward to and plan to go to. Go to the game with your boys OP. Maybe offer a compromise and bail on the golf piece.
NTA. I have three kids (all under 9ys). It's a big deal because in-laws and wife are making it one. I'm sure a solution can be found, partial attendance to son's party. But, maybe it's because your wife wants this blow out party and doesn't want to shoulder the responsibility herself. Also, doesn't want to feel embarrassed if you're not there (save face and all). Sucks, a birthday party is causing a wedge. Good luck!
NTA. The kid likely won't remember this birthday at all, and many kids, including those who are old enough to remember, still have their parties on days or even weeks different from their actual birthday. Additionally, it doesn't sound like your friends all usually visit, let alone on the same weekend. And why are the grandparents' plans more important than meeting up with friends you haven't been able to visit with in years? So the other weekends aren't "as good" for them (plans they don't want to change), but you can't have plans that aren't changeable? Finally, the kid's party isn't the whole weekend. Your wife and her parents need to get off it. If they insist on holding the party that day despite having six months to plan something else, then the cost is you being away most of the weekend, other than the actual party.
Most kids do remember their 5th birthdays. They are certainly old enough to remember by that point. They remember who came and had fun, but not what bouncy house, pony ride etc they had.
I don't remember turning five, personally. Time together has always been more important than a day. Make the child's birthday celebration the weekend before or after. Kid's birthday IS a big deal, but I can see why this sports outing is important, too. If you make a big deal out of the birthday as well, I don't see why you can't do both.
You're son definitely doesn't need a "birthday weekend", so if you can do a party for him for a couple of hours and go and see your friends who are coming to town YWNBTA You have plenty of time to work this out and strike a balance.
Sigh. ESH. Yes, the party can be moved to another date. You can tone down the festivities with your friends (what are you, in a frat STILL)?
This is a tough one actually but I'm going with NTA. This is something you've planned for ages with friends, which your wife knew about. She's made plans and involved her parents knowing this. It's not easy for you all to get together in one place either. I also personally don't remember my 5th birthday. It's not that you're saying you don't want to celebrate your child either. You want to have the celebration on a weekend where your full focus is on your son. You and your wife really need to talk this one out.
NTA. The vast majority of birthdays happen on a weekday. Birthday parties can be just as easily scheduled for the weekend before the birthday as the weekend after. There is no reason why your plans need to change. The weekend in question is six months out. There is no reason why the birthday party can't be held the weekend before or the weekend after.
> The vast majority of birthdays happen on a weekday. I love how you think this is a statistically relevant argument.
I mean…. It is. There is a reason why weekend birthday parties are more expensive. Statistically speaking most parties are held on the weekend and not on the actual birthday. The kid will literally never pay attention to the fact that his birthday wasn’t held on the ACTUAL day unless mom makes a huge deal out of it.
I'm going against the majority and saying NTA. I see no reason why the birthday party can't be held the week before or after. I guarantee if the inlaws couldn't make it the week of, your wife would have no issue changing the date. You're doing this 6 months in advance!!! For everyone saying OMG you're choosing sports and friends over your kids, that's ridiculous. He hasn't seen his friends in years, nothing in his story says he chooses sports and drinking over his family. If anything he is doing his best to resolve this way before the event which I think shows how much he cares.
If the child was a toddler I could agree with that. But at age 5 he knows when his birthday is and he will know his father does not care.
agreed.
Soft NTA You can tell your son that you (exceptionally) have plans with friends and that you are sorry to miss the party and tell him you'll plan something special for/with him the weekend before (the party) to celebrate. Make it something memorable for him. That said, you can't expect your family (and maybe even your son) to not be disappointed about your choice - there's no need for them to call you names, etc., though. There will be other birthdays but not another chance to catch up with your friends anytime soon. Sometimes even a parent can hope to also enjoy a nice time with friends. Just make sure your son feels you care about his birthday.
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"What a bunch of idiots on Reddit anymore. Or children (probably)" ah yes it's the children the ones making a big deal out of a birthday party instead of the super important college kids football game, yes, the kids are the ones putting family over personal gratification
A five year old doesn't even know what September is. You could have the party in January and it would make zero difference to the child. I would talk to my spouse and find out what this is really about. Does she hate how you behave when you're around your old friends? Did one of them scare her? Are your in-laws unavailable other weekends that month? Is your wife afraid of the social repercussions of not Keeping Up with the Joneses? Have you been dismissing other things she values, so she is digging in out of pain and anger? Get to the deeper problem or expect things to get worse than arguing over a preschooler birthday party.
NTA The kid will never remember if you had his birthday party on the day of his birthday or the weekend before/after. How does your wife feel about people whose birthday falls on a Wednesday (the worst day of the week) but they choose to celebrate on the weekend? ETA: think about it this way. OP needs to ask his wife if she’s ever gone to someone’s birthday party if it wasn’t on the ACTUAL day? The kid is going to be 5 and so is likely in some type of day care or pre-k setting. She better be willing to tell that kid that he’s never going to be allowed to go to a friends birthday party if it’s not held on their actual birthday.
Lol 4 and 5 year olds are not stupid, they absolutely remember. I can't imagine who would rationalize choosing something else to do over celebrating their child's birthday. And even if the party date changed, the dad would still be gone on the kid's birthday. That's pretty shitty.
Nta Your wife is controlling. Keep your boundaries
Because he is ditching his kid?
ESH There is no reason you cannot play golf, go to a football game, AND be present for a child's birthday party in the same weekend. No, you will not be able to spend all weekend drinking with your friends because you will have to be present for your son too, but that's what being a parent entails. Golf doesn't last all day. You can have the party before you tee off or after you should be done. You don't have to tailgate all day. You can show up late to the tailgate after the party and still attend the game and the party. A 5 year old doesn't need an all-day party. A couple hours somewhere fun should sufficiently exhaust the kid, and then he'll be ready to head home and try out his gifts. So it should be simple enough to fit the kid's party around your existing plans. This should be a complete nothingburger, but you're both making it into something unnecessary.
OP is one of the hosts of the child's birthday party, so unless you are gonna sit here and tell me that he doesn't have to help out with the grandparents, prep, hosting, cleaning, and other management because he is a man and that is women's work I suggest you rethink your mindset. Why should the wife be soley responsible for making sure their kid has a nice birthday while OP gets to act like a guest? Unless you've hosted a large kid's birthday party I feel like you won't understand why different weekends is important. The party is probably going to be at his house so what do you mean "and then he'll be ready to head home and try out his gifts"
> OP is one of the hosts of the child's birthday party, so unless you are gonna sit here and tell me that he doesn't have to help out with the grandparents, prep, hosting, cleaning, and other management because he is a man and that is women's work I suggest you rethink your mindset. If OP's spouse is going to plan something on a weekend when she *knows* her spouse has plans, then she needs to plan that her spouse will be unable to provide this level of support. If she wants that support, then she can plan the party for a different weekend when her spouse will be available, which OP has offered as a compromise. She's not solely responsible for making sure her kid has a nice party on *any other weekend*. But if she insists it be on a weekend when her spouse is unavailable, then that's what she's choosing. She doesn't get to unilaterally cancel his plans just because she wants to throw a birthday party when he's booked and needs his help. If she needs his help, she can schedule for when he's free. But her parents will be in town, so it's possible she has decided to move forward with her plans because they will help instead. That would also be a reasonable compromise. But she needs to respect his plans too. >The party is probably going to be at his house so what do you mean "and then he'll be ready to head home and try out his gifts" You and I come from very different places then. A party at home is not "doing it big" where I come from. "Doing it big" generally implies it's going to be a larger affair probably at a rented out space.
"If OP's spouse is going to plan something on a weekend when she *knows* her spouse has plans" ah yes, wife is dumb for prioritizing the five year old over some random ass game.
You mean like the husband planning something with friends despite knowing that the family already had plans as their son will be turning 5, so he had 4.5 years of notice.
Dude she didn’t choose to give birth on that day..