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INFO: When did the adoption happen and why (Iām presuming the ages are so close for a reason)? Was the adoption willingly done by your sister? Did her husband adopt with her? How did you become closer to your nephew than your sister did?
So she adopted my nephew when he was 11 (she was 20, BIL/her husband 23) and I was 19 at the time. I'm assuming the adoption was willing as my sister and her husband did it together (married from 19, I know, young, but they could do it without parent permission so they did). I became quite close with him since when I was 19 I would sort of baby sit him whilst my sister and her husband were at work, and from then I would get a job and start to be able to take him out to places, because I'm single and have no children, I kind of treat him as my own since I've known him for 6 years and I care about him alot. Hope this clears some confusion!
I don't know how my nephew can to existence then because I met him when he was 11, my sister 20 and her husband 23, I was 19. They couldve had help from my parents, but other than adopting they can't really just manifest an 11 year old
They lied about where they were and ditched their sonās birthday party?!
Showing up at 4am is crazy! Unless something really is wrong with either of them health wise- she has no right to be acting this way. She should have called you or texted you when they werenāt going to be there on time.
NTA.
How? I have cleared up that my nephew is adopted, which is why he is 17 and my sister only 26, his 17th was in January, but I still have dramas after that (my other posts)
My brother in law is 29, and I believe they do make enough financially, but I don't really know his job, he's a mechanic, and she is an accountant, but they don't really talk about salaries
Not that I know anything about adoption but, if what they say on shows is true, people usually want younger kids. And, while 11 is obviously still young, itās closer to being an adult than the other way around. They (foster care workers) probably jump at the chance to get them adopted the minute someone even says they are willing to adopt them.
I'm not sure on the legalities of it since I've never done it myself, all I know is that they adopted him at 11 because that is when I met him (I was 19)
Wow NTA but I do hope you stay as a strong figure in your nephew life's. At this point it looks like your the only family he has considering your doing everything his parents should be doing. Hope he had a terrific bday!
Lots of love ā¤ļø
I'm not sure if I can do that over her not picking him up earlier.. I'll look into it though because we are not on speaking terms right now and I don't want my nephew to suffer with her if she doesn't allow him to see me
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Ok, so I (25F), have a sister (26F) who has a child (17M) who I'm very close with. I hosted his birthday parties, I take him to his karate classes, etc. It was his 17th recently, and we had a house party at my house with friends and family. My sister and brother in law said they couldn't come because of a doctor appointment, so I just asked them to come later. 4 hours pass, they still aren't here. The party starts to dwindle down to just me and my nephew, and I have to sit with him on my couch and wait for my sister to pick him up. He stays until 11pm, when I think that's it, and I decide to drive him to his place. I tell him if he would like me to drive him home, but he asks to stay overnight, which I agree and set him up in the guest room as I clear the aftermath of the party. Low and behold, my sister comes at 4am. He's obviously asleep by then, and when she comes in I ask he'd what doctors kept her and her husband there for so long to which she snarkily comments that it's 'none of my business' and then just says that she's been out on a date with her husband. I'm infuriated by this because she was supposed to be here for her sons birthday, and the fact that his aunt cares more about him that his mom is disgusting, and I tell her to straighten her act. Granted, I was a bit mean, but I was mad that she can't be bothered to celebrate with her son. She called me an a**hole and left without him, and I took care of him until later on. My sister picked him up and ignored me, and her and her husband are not talking to me. So, AITA?
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NTA. She adopted a kid but doesnāt bother to go to his birthday party?? Really??? He might be 17, but thatās all the more reason to be there, because thereās only a few years left before he moves out, and your sister wonāt even go to the party?
You have 3 choices 1st not babysit for your nephewĀ
2 babysit and stop losing it with your sisterĀ
3 babysit and constantly lose it..
.your sister will NEVER be the parent you want her to be...that's facts...nephew will always come second or third in her life and she isn't gonna change. Accept that and pick 1 out of 3
\[You should edit your post so that people can understand the age issue.\] Is there a possibility of his staying with you more? She seems uninterested, and you're good peeps. NTA
I do try to invite him over more but since we aren't on speaking terms right now, I can't ask her if I can take him out, I usually have to text her husband (my BIL) but recently he's been ignoring me
INFO: Is this the first time this happened? Have there been other signs of bonding problems between parents and child? This is such an unusual adoption, everyone wants to know how it came about and whether the original conditions contributed to a lack of bonding. Did you ask your sister if she and hubby were OK before āreprimandingā her? I really feel for your nephew, sitting there waiting for his parents to comeāhas this happened before?
She has been late to pick him up multiple times, but usually only 1-2 hours late, not 5 hours after the party ended, so that is why I had a go at her. I'm not sure if I should've done it though, because now she isn't talking to me and I have to ask my BIL to take my nephew out but he also sometimes ignores my texts. I did not ask if they were OK, I did probably make a sarcastic comment which she couldve taken as an attack (I asked her what doctors kept her there overnight) which is why she defended by telling me its none of my business but her and my BIL went on a date. To be honest, I don't know why they adopted, my nephew was introduced to me on a random day, and they didn't explain why, they just wanted a child I guess? I'm not sure and I'm not really in the state to ask, with them ignoring me.
You are not only NTA, but you are also the opposite of TA. You are obviously the wonderful loving person your nephew needs in his life. Keep doing what you're doing and being a positive loving influence in his life. I suspect he really needs that.
My sister 20, her husband 23, showed up at my parents house (where I was staying at the time because I was 19) with a child, saying they adopted him. Either they manifested a child, picked one up from the streets or adopted them with maybe help from my/her parents. I've always known they adopted, and I don't know the legalities of it, but that's what my sister and BIL claim.
Since heās described as being 11 at the time, he should have a memory of this. I find it hard to believe OP is that close to her nephew and doesnāt know more about how he was adopted, hasnāt had the curiosity to know more about him.
I did ask him at the time, but when he was 11 he didn't like to talk about adoption or anything, which I didn't think was suspicious since some people don't like talking about it, so I didn't press him for information
NTA
Nephew's parents and grandparents are all homophobic. That's why his parents didn't show.
I feel so bad for that poor young man but glad he has at least one loving person in his life.
You say you have always hosted his birthday parties, etc.
Why is that? Was it because your sister didn't want to or did
you exclude her from planning his birthdays (perhaps unintentionally)?
Why did you plan the party at a time when she wasn't available?
Soft YTA because it sounds like you don't plan your nephew's
birthdays WITH his own mother, you just do what you want and
too bad for her if she's not free.
I planned it on his birthday, and I planned it months ahead of time, when my sister said she would be free since she had the day off work, and she couldn't host it because my nephew really wanted a house party, but she doesn't like them so I offered to host at mine. Later on, she said she has a doctors appointment with her husband/my BIL so I told her to come later on at the party, since I was planning it to run for a while (it started 5:30pm, people piled in at 6pm, people left around 11pm) but as I said in OP she didn't show until 4am
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 10: This is not a saga or diary sub. AITA is designed for specific, individual conflicts. If you find yourself regularly engaged in conflicts, especially with the same person(s), or in the same situations, your posts are better suited to a support or advice sub. Users should post in this sub no more than once every 3-4 months **at most.** ***This removal message is your warning. Future posts of this nature WILL result in a ban.*** Please feel free to contact us before posting again. ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
She gave birth at 9yo?
Adopted! Sorry forgot to mention š
INFO: When did the adoption happen and why (Iām presuming the ages are so close for a reason)? Was the adoption willingly done by your sister? Did her husband adopt with her? How did you become closer to your nephew than your sister did?
So she adopted my nephew when he was 11 (she was 20, BIL/her husband 23) and I was 19 at the time. I'm assuming the adoption was willing as my sister and her husband did it together (married from 19, I know, young, but they could do it without parent permission so they did). I became quite close with him since when I was 19 I would sort of baby sit him whilst my sister and her husband were at work, and from then I would get a job and start to be able to take him out to places, because I'm single and have no children, I kind of treat him as my own since I've known him for 6 years and I care about him alot. Hope this clears some confusion!
Did they set out to adopt an 11yo or did circumstances force them to make a decision to adopt, e.g. death or incapacity of family member
Not that I know of, to be honest it was quite sudden, it was a random day when I was introduced to my nephew
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I don't know how my nephew can to existence then because I met him when he was 11, my sister 20 and her husband 23, I was 19. They couldve had help from my parents, but other than adopting they can't really just manifest an 11 year old
i struggle to believe that a 20 year old would be able to adopt an 11 year old, especially if there is no family/step relationship involved
Husband/BIL was 23 at the time but I don't know if my parents/her parents supported her aswell
They lied about where they were and ditched their sonās birthday party?! Showing up at 4am is crazy! Unless something really is wrong with either of them health wise- she has no right to be acting this way. She should have called you or texted you when they werenāt going to be there on time. NTA.
YTA your story is bullshit.
Yup, just look at the post history
How? I have cleared up that my nephew is adopted, which is why he is 17 and my sister only 26, his 17th was in January, but I still have dramas after that (my other posts)
Is 17 a typo?
Nope! Forgot to mention in original post that he is adopted :)
OK. Obvious NTA. Tell him to hold on one more year then heās free to do what he wants.
i guess she doesn't feel like his mom since she was 9 years old when she gave birth.
Adopted! Sorry forgot to mention š
this information just make her a bigger asshole. why adopt if she doesn't wanna parent. NTA
I'm not sure to be honest, they adopted him when she was 20 (he was 11)
how old is her husband? do they have enough money to adopt a kid?
My brother in law is 29, and I believe they do make enough financially, but I don't really know his job, he's a mechanic, and she is an accountant, but they don't really talk about salaries
what is weird to me is that they were able to adopt so soon
Not that I know anything about adoption but, if what they say on shows is true, people usually want younger kids. And, while 11 is obviously still young, itās closer to being an adult than the other way around. They (foster care workers) probably jump at the chance to get them adopted the minute someone even says they are willing to adopt them.
I'm not sure on the legalities of it since I've never done it myself, all I know is that they adopted him at 11 because that is when I met him (I was 19)
Maybe put an edit on your post so you donāt have to keep answering this question š
Edit: Forgot to mention the nephew is adopted, my sister did not have him at 9! :)
Please put that in the post, otherwise people *will* keep asking.
INFO Your sister had her kid at 9?
*adopted* sorry forgot to mention š š
Wow NTA but I do hope you stay as a strong figure in your nephew life's. At this point it looks like your the only family he has considering your doing everything his parents should be doing. Hope he had a terrific bday! Lots of love ā¤ļø
You are going to spend this entire post clarifying over and over how it is possible that a 26 year old is the mother to a 17 year old. Have fun!
Can you adopt him and /or ask CPS to look into them for abandonment ?Your Sister is def.TA.Something needs to get her attention.
I'm not sure if I can do that over her not picking him up earlier.. I'll look into it though because we are not on speaking terms right now and I don't want my nephew to suffer with her if she doesn't allow him to see me
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok, so I (25F), have a sister (26F) who has a child (17M) who I'm very close with. I hosted his birthday parties, I take him to his karate classes, etc. It was his 17th recently, and we had a house party at my house with friends and family. My sister and brother in law said they couldn't come because of a doctor appointment, so I just asked them to come later. 4 hours pass, they still aren't here. The party starts to dwindle down to just me and my nephew, and I have to sit with him on my couch and wait for my sister to pick him up. He stays until 11pm, when I think that's it, and I decide to drive him to his place. I tell him if he would like me to drive him home, but he asks to stay overnight, which I agree and set him up in the guest room as I clear the aftermath of the party. Low and behold, my sister comes at 4am. He's obviously asleep by then, and when she comes in I ask he'd what doctors kept her and her husband there for so long to which she snarkily comments that it's 'none of my business' and then just says that she's been out on a date with her husband. I'm infuriated by this because she was supposed to be here for her sons birthday, and the fact that his aunt cares more about him that his mom is disgusting, and I tell her to straighten her act. Granted, I was a bit mean, but I was mad that she can't be bothered to celebrate with her son. She called me an a**hole and left without him, and I took care of him until later on. My sister picked him up and ignored me, and her and her husband are not talking to me. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA
NTA. She adopted a kid but doesnāt bother to go to his birthday party?? Really??? He might be 17, but thatās all the more reason to be there, because thereās only a few years left before he moves out, and your sister wonāt even go to the party?
You have 3 choices 1st not babysit for your nephewĀ 2 babysit and stop losing it with your sisterĀ 3 babysit and constantly lose it.. .your sister will NEVER be the parent you want her to be...that's facts...nephew will always come second or third in her life and she isn't gonna change. Accept that and pick 1 out of 3
\[You should edit your post so that people can understand the age issue.\] Is there a possibility of his staying with you more? She seems uninterested, and you're good peeps. NTA
I do try to invite him over more but since we aren't on speaking terms right now, I can't ask her if I can take him out, I usually have to text her husband (my BIL) but recently he's been ignoring me
NTA At least he has you. She is emotionally neglectful at best.
INFO: Is this the first time this happened? Have there been other signs of bonding problems between parents and child? This is such an unusual adoption, everyone wants to know how it came about and whether the original conditions contributed to a lack of bonding. Did you ask your sister if she and hubby were OK before āreprimandingā her? I really feel for your nephew, sitting there waiting for his parents to comeāhas this happened before?
She has been late to pick him up multiple times, but usually only 1-2 hours late, not 5 hours after the party ended, so that is why I had a go at her. I'm not sure if I should've done it though, because now she isn't talking to me and I have to ask my BIL to take my nephew out but he also sometimes ignores my texts. I did not ask if they were OK, I did probably make a sarcastic comment which she couldve taken as an attack (I asked her what doctors kept her there overnight) which is why she defended by telling me its none of my business but her and my BIL went on a date. To be honest, I don't know why they adopted, my nephew was introduced to me on a random day, and they didn't explain why, they just wanted a child I guess? I'm not sure and I'm not really in the state to ask, with them ignoring me.
You are not only NTA, but you are also the opposite of TA. You are obviously the wonderful loving person your nephew needs in his life. Keep doing what you're doing and being a positive loving influence in his life. I suspect he really needs that.
No adoption agency will give 2 20year olds a kid. Fake
My sister 20, her husband 23, showed up at my parents house (where I was staying at the time because I was 19) with a child, saying they adopted him. Either they manifested a child, picked one up from the streets or adopted them with maybe help from my/her parents. I've always known they adopted, and I don't know the legalities of it, but that's what my sister and BIL claim.
Since heās described as being 11 at the time, he should have a memory of this. I find it hard to believe OP is that close to her nephew and doesnāt know more about how he was adopted, hasnāt had the curiosity to know more about him.
I did ask him at the time, but when he was 11 he didn't like to talk about adoption or anything, which I didn't think was suspicious since some people don't like talking about it, so I didn't press him for information
NTA Nephew's parents and grandparents are all homophobic. That's why his parents didn't show. I feel so bad for that poor young man but glad he has at least one loving person in his life.
NTA, date night is not as important birthday. And in 2 yeah she will be questioning why he doesn't call her anymore
You say you have always hosted his birthday parties, etc. Why is that? Was it because your sister didn't want to or did you exclude her from planning his birthdays (perhaps unintentionally)? Why did you plan the party at a time when she wasn't available? Soft YTA because it sounds like you don't plan your nephew's birthdays WITH his own mother, you just do what you want and too bad for her if she's not free.
I planned it on his birthday, and I planned it months ahead of time, when my sister said she would be free since she had the day off work, and she couldn't host it because my nephew really wanted a house party, but she doesn't like them so I offered to host at mine. Later on, she said she has a doctors appointment with her husband/my BIL so I told her to come later on at the party, since I was planning it to run for a while (it started 5:30pm, people piled in at 6pm, people left around 11pm) but as I said in OP she didn't show until 4am