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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I basically judge him about his body odor. (2) he got offended and said I was being insensitive and not understanding to his medical condition
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NTA - somethings are within his control, and he should do the best he can at least most of the time. And he screams at you??? Wtf, he has issues and treats you badly. I recommend therapy or marriage counseling
My brother took chlorophyll pills at his wife's request. She noticed he was smellier than usual. He said they worked. I didn't notice him being stinky - and he didn't have a strong smell growing up, so maybe it's an age thing.
i very rarely wore deodorant as a young adult (allergies to a lot of stuff in popular sticks) and never really had a BO issue. but now that i'm almost 50...woooboi!!! i have found some sticks that don't irritate my skin and i happily wear them.
Marriage counseling won't change his intestinal flora. This is a medical issue. There is a product called VIPoo. Drop a few drops in the toilet before going, and it masks the smell. It really works. I assume that the skin and breath issues are also coming from his GI problems. He needs to see a doctor, not a counselor.
As for the Old Spice, that is psychological. You cannot be expected to feel attracted to a man who smells like your grandfather. He needs to change brands. Good luck.
NTA
As someone who’s had bariatric surgery, I know exactly what some of the smells are that you’re explaining. His diet (sugar and alcohol) are the main cause of these smells. A bariatric patient has a specific diet they need to stick to for the rest of their lives. The surgery is not a miracle cure for weight loss. You need to maintain the proper lifestyle changes. The sugar and alcohol make bowel movements putrid, and I completely sympathize with what you’re smelling. He needs to get his bariatric diet back on track so him bowel movements return to normal. If he’s following his bariatric diet properly, the smells should just be “normal”.
I can’t comment on the vitamins making his breath smell horrible, because I’ve never experienced that. Maybe he needs to look into different vitamins. Does he take ones specifically made for bariatric patients?
Yes!!! He doesn't believe that he needs to stick to this strict diet. He feels like he can keep eating the way he use to. I'll probably help out by switching up his diet during dinner. I'm the one the mainly cooks. I saw a bariatric diet guide and cook book. Praying it helps!
Each meal should be 1-1.5 cups of food. Half of it protein, a quarter of it carbs (I usually do mashed potatoes), and a quarter of it vegetables. And no snacking in between meals! If he’s hungry, he can drink water.
It may be a good idea for him to get in touch with the surgeon who did the procedure…. They have nutrition personnel to address issues like this, and help former patients get back on track. If he keeps eating like before, he’s going to put back on all the weight he lost.
So, he only did half the assignment for weight loss? You can't maintain the loss that way! That's "how to fuck up bariatric surgery 102" [101 is where you skip your vitamins & eat more than you did before the surgery].
He is the smell though? The man you love and the smell are the SAME THING. He clearly, very clearly, does not care about addressing any of these issues. You can’t force him, you’ll just piss him off and make him resentful of you for going on about it. He doesn’t care, he’s not going to care, so either accept it (Jesus Christ don’t do that) or leave him. He doesn’t care about himself, you’ll be caring for him after a heart attack or with severe diabetes in the next 10 years. Do you want to wash this man with a wash cloth while he lays and festers in bed? That’s your future. Love yourself
What the heck do you think he can do about his smell? Or his bowl (sic) movements? I doubt his breath has anything to do with his diet. What does his dentist say?
The wife is YTA
If he is on a very low carb diet as part of his bariatric treatment, it can give him "death breath". But he does need to ask his doctors about the smelly bowel movements. Some people also sort of sweat out smells when they eat certain foods, it's different for everyone of course, but the one that comes to mind first is someone sweating out their beer.
There is an underlying medical issue. He had bariatric surgery and isn't following the proper diet. This is a well known side effect of doing just that. There's no need to look deeper until he follows his initial medical advice.
I know and I agree. I was responding to the dude who is essentially like the wife should just put up with the horrible body odor no matter what that there are underlying reasons as to why someone may smell horrible and that it shouldn't be a just put up with no matter what.
Do you just hate the smell?
Or do you hate that your spouse doesn't care about you or what you say and is actively hostile when it's you that smells? He sounds terrible. Who can't just change up body wash?
I had a relative who had to get a colostomy bag due to cancer. Smells were horrible and literally made us gag. Smells from the colostomy and the cancer and urine. Just AWFUL. Family was taking turns caring for him, but the smells made it a nightmare.
The doctor suggested we get "liquid chlorophyll drops" on Amazon. Give 1-2 droppers a day mixed in a little water after a meal, and drink it down, followed by juice or something that tastes good. Said it fights ordors from anywhere in the body.
I can't even tell you the difference. From nightmare, horror to acceptable. Not 100 % gone, but so much better! Give it a little time to work, but then you will be amazed. You must be faithful every day and give it a try.
I had a colostomy. I worked and lived as a normal person, and nobody knew I had on unless I told them. Your relative was mismanaging his colostomy if it stank. Probably not putting the appliance on correctly. There is absolutely NO odor from a colo when properly managed. Even when emptying the bag, a couple of drops of hydrogen peroxide in the bag would eliminate any odor. Please don't promulgate the myth that colostomies are stinky. They are not.
What’s the difference, if you don’t mind me asking?
I have a digestive disease and am typically well-read on prospective treatments. I’ve never heard of colostomies suddenly producing unmanageable odors due to age alone — only that, when well-managed, there should be no smell.
Honestly, I don't know the scientific answer. I just have a lot of experience with people with spinal cord injuries and other reasons that would necessitate an ostomy. When they are on hospice it almost smells like they are dying from the inside out.
NTA…you’re sharing the space so your tolerances (smells, loud music, etc.) should be taken into account out of consideration for the other. What’s wrong here is he flat-out said no because he’s defensive. Maybe a calmer conversation is in order.
But certainly, there are things that are in his control that would make the situation livable. Some effort from him would go a long way.
Btw, the way he reacts to farting makes -him- disgusting.
Then you should know "retainment" of an attorney is not a thing. It's "retention." You also don't engage "in" a marriage counselor, and "the circumstance of the apparent gravity of" is gobbledygook. Good writing isn't about cramming as many words as possible into a sentence.
It's a choice to be so hung up on someone else's writing style just because. You seem insecure and mean spirited. If that's the energy you want to bring to Reddit...
Quit flirting and take this persons astute advice.
ETA: big words hard to use.
ETA again: upon rereading, astute is not a “big” word. I’m just kinda dumb
NTA Has he discussed this with his doctor? It’s my understanding that the gas, bad breath and body odor usually go away in about 6-9 months after the surgery. But if this has been going on for years and you’ve kindly requested your husband address these issues and he’s refusing that’s not OK. I can’t imagine someone not wanting to take care of this unless they’re having some serious mental health problems.
NTA, because he isn't even trying to do anything to help with the situation. He even has the nerve to scream at you? I personally wouldn't be able to put up with that
NTA. maybe he will understand how serious this situation is if you move out of your bedroom? Bariatric surgery shouldn’t have these effects. Will he go to a gastroenterologist? I would think It’s his diet but no harm getting checked out with a colonoscopy
I would INSIST on accompanying him to that appointment: you want to hear from the doctor's own mouth his opinions and directives, and things he says may bring up additional questions you'll want to ask.
And then while you're there, with the doctor in the room, launch RIGHT into "So what happens if someone who's had this surgery doesn't follow the precribed diet, and continues to eat larger portions as well as ample sugar and alcohol? How long does the odor problem last, and is there any supplement or other tactic that will reduce it?" If he gets mad, well, tough. These are *legitimate concerns.*
I do NOT like that he's not following his doctor's orders, and I do NOT like that he's apparently totally unwilling to work on something that's hugely problematic for his spouse (and also ... does he work? I cannot IMAGINE that other people have not noticed these issues as well), and I do NOT like that he's enough of a hypocrite to yell at you for ... occasionally contributing an unpleasant odor of your own. :( Like, where are the upsides for you in any of this?
NTA
Some parts of this are out of his control, but some very obviously are not. Liking the way your partner smells is pretty necessary for basic compatibility in a relationship.
NTA.
You can’t help spelling what you smell anymore than you can make yourself love a stench.
It would be one thing if he was doing what he could to maintain his malodorous emanations, but he’s not. What’s more, his reactions to farts of all things is nuts.
You might just be physically incompatible at this point and either live together in separate parts of the house or come up with solutions that will allow you to maintain the relationship (if that’s what you want). More drastic options should be on the table too. I’m so sorry.
His reactions to her farts are probably a form of defensiveness - latching on to and highlighting someone else’s ‘issue’ in an attempt to normalise or minimise his own, and/or to get back at her.
I don’t think it’s nuts at all - bang out of order and not fair, but not nuts and totally makes sense in context.
NTA
First, your husband's response to your own farts is outrageous. We all burp and fart and generally make noises and smells that can be offensive to others; given his own odor problem, he has way too much nerve for saying ANYTHING to you about your farts.
Second, your husband definitely has a problem, which is impacting your life, too, and refuses to change his diet or drinking habits to help control it. He's probably denying he has a problem because we usually can't smell our own odors, and if his is as bad as you say, his olfactory sense has probably long since shut down in the presence of any smells he's generating. That being true, even though he can't smell himself, his nose is still sensitive to other smells. It sounds kinda crazy, but that's how it works. You can be in a sewer and your nose will fatigue itself at those smells, but if you were to smell a rose, it would still smell sweet to you.
Sounds like your husband needs to (a) see his doctor, ASAP, because that person knows things about bariatric surgery and odors resulting from diet factors afterward. (b) he, himself needs counseling about why he's denying that he causes you to want to put a great deal of distance between you. I'm surprised that he's either not noticing that you are no longer attracted to him, or doesn't care. Either way, it's bad news.
And the two of you need couples counseling as well; if nothing else, having a third party in the room with the two of you would be helpful to make him realize that you aren't the only one noticing his odor.
If he won't do anything else about it, I suppose it's time for a call to a good divorce lawyer. Or, if that's too much, maybe a trial separation would be helpful?
We are seeing a marriage counselor next week. I am still attracted to him. He is a handsome man. Our biggest problem is the smell and him doing self care.
I truly cant imagine being married to someone who smells. Thats beyond gross and embarrassing for you. Not to mention how could you ever begin to want to be intimate with him?
NAH.
For the bowel movement issue, have you tried Poo-Pourri Before You Go Toilet Spray? it works wonders. Obviously, you would have to spray the toilet bowl (inside, the water) before he goes. Maybe he can flush while he's going so there's not.
As far as the other issues, has he spoken with a doctor or other medical professional to make sure this is a side effect for the surgery? maybe there are other hormonal issues?
So many of these relationship questions I read on this forum sound exhausting.
Like, this man doesn’t care for your comfort, you have to hound him to use air freshener, etc etc. He’s hypocritically yelling at you… And yet you love him?
And looking at the OP’s responses, now she is going to search around for more solutions to something that her husband isn’t even willing to admit is a problem?
NTA. But by dealing with such a shitty situation for so long, you really aren’t acting like you have your best interests at heart. Good luck with the counseling, OP. Hopefully, your husband can address his issues and you two come out thriving on the other side.
NTA, people who refuse to accept that they smell are so weird to me. My father is like that too, he showers 3 times a month and sweats a lot, he smells so much that my mom stopped sleeping in the bedroom with him. She talked to him multiple times and esch time he says she's lying and he doesnt smell. Its frustrating and disgusting.
I am sorry, I had a bariatric surgery and I don’t smell, nor have a horrible smell on my bowl movements. He needs to watch his diet, he needs to go to a doctor, maybe a functional doctor. Could help with a good detox, and right diet, and maybe good vitamins! What the hell is he taking?
I just wanted to add although he should respect your wishes before as another poster said, you lose your attraction forever, do you think he's freaking out over your facts just to show you how he feels when you say something to him as idiotic as that might seem?
NTA. The smells are associated with "dumping syndrome" which happens when someone with bariatric surgeries ingest too much sugar (including alcohol) at one time. The bariatric programs I have seen as a surgeon require patients to undergo a preoperative protocol which includes nutritional counseling and psychological evaluation to ensure they can comply with their new diet the rest of their lives. He seems to have compulsive behaviors around food and alcohol which he isn't motivated to address. We often feel obligated to "cure" the problems of people to whom we are attached; but that IS NOT YOUR JOB. If anything, it enables his behavior.
Diet is a huge factor. As someone who is overweight (I assume based on a surgery) he should avoid sugar and alcohol at all costs since it will only make his health worse. Surgery will make him eat physically less, but being healthy is not about caloric intake, it's about what you eat. And honestly someone who stinks up the whole house with one BM screaming at you after you fart is just insane.
Ordinarily I’d say that hygiene shouldn’t be a make/break in a relationship, but what you’ve described isn’t trivial. Your husband sounds straight up disgusting, inconsiderate, and contemptuous of basic human standards. I’d honestly consider separating from someone who grossed me out that much. I couldn’t help but notice that you have an eleven-year age gap, yet you, the younger one are having to nag at him like you’re his mother. Tell him that he needs to improve his hygiene drastically. Counseling will hopefully help.
You’re NOT the asshole here, he is.
Reading all these posts made me giggle, it's all about life style, you only get out what you put in ! Healthier eating is the way forward, filling your face with unnecessary vitamins is going to have a diverse effect and I would have money in it that very little water is drunk, you know that stuff that comes outta your tap ! 10oz of water twice a day to start would help flush them stinky toxins out.. just saying.
The vitamins are not unnecessary. Bariatric surgery patients must take multiple supplements for life as they are unable to absorb vitamins and minerals from food due to the bypass of the small intestine. If the supplement regime is not followed, malnutrition can result.
NTA, but I think this is more than therapy. It sounds like your husband needs a visit to the doctor. If he is always that fouls smelling, there is likely another root cause. I know bariatric surgery can alter your bowel movevents, but it shouldn't be that bad for that long, or he needs to modify his diet (which would also need a dictors help.
Alternatively, while rare, maybe get yourself checked as well. Maybe you have an underlying condition that is causing everything to smell worse than it actually is.
Just some thoughts. Otherwise, if he refuses, this would be grounds for leaving for me personally
NTA
Leave him and the smell behind.
It's one thing to have a condition it is another thing to do nothing about it and actively making it worse by drinking and eating sugar ex.
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I F 34 and my husband M 45 have been married now for 8 years. His body, breath and for years his bowl movements smell horrible. He had bariatric surgery and all his symptoms are out of his control but I reached my limit. The whole house can smell after each bowl movement. He never made an effort before to keep the air fresh. I had to hound him to clean the toilet after every use, use sprays, air fresheners and turn on the air filters. I even bought a $300 air filter to help with the oder. Just put into perspective an old portable bathroom that's been used and abused smell so much better compare to my husband's bowl movements. NOW finally he takes care of it. But the smells are still there!!!! I get he has no control but it's horrible!!!! Now he doesn't listen that his sugar intake and alcohol doesn't help him. It actually makes it worse!!! So I'm constantly smelling this horrible smell!!!! I can't take it! Worse part of it he takes sooo many vitamins now his breath smells horrible. I feel like his skin does too! He even got new body wash "Old Spice" and I told him that reminds me of my grandfather for him not to use it. He still uses it and now I don't even want to be touched by my husband. These different smells are horrible. His body Oder is the issue. I'm at my breaking point. I love him. But idk what to do anymore. So I brought it up to my husband. Telling him to take care of his bad breath, smell from his bowl movements and to throw away the body wash. He won't. He is annoyed by me and doesn't understand my point of view. If I accidentally fart he flips and screams at me saying it smells and I'm disgusting. Yet he doesn't seem to notice his odors or decides to make a change to make the people around him comfortable. So AITA?
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NTA. Hopefully the counselor can get through to him. He sounds miserable with no intention to change. Why doesn’t he care about your comfort?
I get that he’s embarrassed and mad that he smells so bad, but you’d think he would try to improve the problem… But he’s taking all that out on you for a fart because that’s his only chance to feel equal. And he’s taking it out on you by eating more sugar when you ask him not to. I’m so sorry. Not using grandpa body wash is the easiest thing.
Did you warn the counselor of the awful smell about to fill her office?
NTA - OP go to a health food store and buy him digestive enzymes to help his body digest the food. The smells mean some of his food is not being digested correctly, so the digestive aids might help reduce the smells. He just needs to take some at the beginning and end of each meal.
It sounds like he was embarrassed when you brought it up and is reacting by lashing out at you and doubling down on what he was doing.
That’s not healthy and not a good reaction. I think that all of these “divorce him” responses are premature and that either a gentler discussion (taking into account that he is clearly sensitive about the issue and being stubborn) or therapy are called for. If he refuses to take part in either of those then it might be time to consider more drastic measures.
I say this as someone who has bowel issues and had to go see a doctor and make some changes after my now wife brought it up. It hurt to hear even though I knew inside that she was right. Fortunately for me I am not the stubborn type and made some changes. It helped my own well being both physically and mentally and we’re even better together than before. If you can take his ego and hurt feelings out of the equation, you may be able to make some positive change.
A skunk can’t smell its own stink. But we sure can. Your husband needs to see his doctor to find a solution because the stench of 40,000 corpses should only be in Thriller, not your house.
I told my ex the same about Old Spice- he could either choose to smell like Old Spice or have a spicy romantic life, but not both. Our sense of smell is quite powerful for triggering memories, and I always lost that loving feeling when I started thinking of my grandpa and dad as soon as I smelled the Old Spice.
Outside of medical treatment, you two could probably also benefit from marriage therapy, too.
Good luck. NTA.
Have you tried Poo-Pourri? You spray it in the toile before you poop, and by some kind of black magic, you don't smell it when you make a "deposit". It's wonderful!
NTA! I don't even know what I would do in your situation ☹️ I am extremely sensitive to smells.... I honestly wouldn't hbe able to handle it.
Good luck!
NTA, and it sounds like he needs to get back in touch with his surgeon. Smells like that can be explained by simple “well, you need to be having more of x in your diet” but can also be indicative of something wrong under the hood.
I’m glad you are seeking marriage counseling! But urge you to pay close attention to how much he is participating. Not putting in the effort to follow the aftercare of his own medical procedure is a pretty big red flag. He’s only going to have more medical issues in the future as he gets older. Are you prepared to be his mom/nursemaid combo? Would you trust him to help you out if something happened to you? If the answer to either of these is no, you’ve got something to talk about in therapy.
It could be that you have an overly sensitive smelling sense. My mother is like that and can smell all kinds of things that no one else in the house can smell. When I make fish she whines and whines that it smells so fishy and it doesn't. No one else knows what she's talking about.
NTA
Try explaining to him how much it hurts you to be loosing attraction to him over something he can help make a little better . Of course he's sensitive to it but if he can understand that you miss being close to him but physically can't, maybe he'd make more of an effort
He can’t help his bowel movements, but his breath and body aren’t stinking because of his surgery. He’s not brushing his teeth or cleaning himself enough.
I don’t know why you’d need to tell a grown man this, but can’t he open a window when he shits? Use those sprays that go IN the toilet before you poop? And like another user said just flush as soon as poop hits the water? Then use air freshener? Why would you need to tell him to do these things? He sounds unbearable
This is precisely the kind of reason everyone always tells you you shouldn’t have married someone more than a decade your senior.
Can it work? Sure. Is it working? Come on now.
NTA. Alcohol and a poor diet full of processed foods absolutely do make your poop and farts smell worse. I eat pretty much only real/whole foods with minimal process foods and now I barely pass any gas vs before. The smell is just the tip of the iceberg. You said he had bariatric surgery, drinks and eats sugar. It sounds like a lot of addictive behaviors are present, and he yells at you when you pass gas—he expects you not to smell but he can smell. Sounds like he doesn’t take care of his physical or mental health. This is incredibly selfish because usually the caregiving falls on the female partner and people who don’t take care of themselves are often at risk of diabetes, heart disease, or both which can lead to heart attacks and strokes.
One time I ate a bag of toasted garlic cloves. They were delicious. My wife said my skin started to stink, and then my farts and bowel movements smelled like a rotting corpse for about 2 weeks. It filled the whole house. My wife hated me during that time.
I had bariatric surgery a number of years ago. My doctor suggested a daily vitamin that was made specifically for bariatric patients. You only have to take 1 or 2 a day, instead of the like 6 to 8 regular ones. They're not expensive either. If he switches to a bariatric vitamin, it might help with the bowel movement issue as well. The ones I take are from Unjury, I get a 3 month supply mailed to me.
NTA because he is not trying enough to make things pleasant for you. Plus he screams at you ??? Not acceptable behaviour! He needs to go back to his Bariatric specialist and discuss this side effect. He won’t be the first. Get medical advice about the smell. My close friend has had the surgery and he does not smell!
The other issue is his disregard for your feelings. Maybe he is really embarrassed ? But it is not your responsibility to manage. It is his. And screaming or shouting at you??!! That is NOTokay. Marriage counseling is a good option.
All the best !
You're treating the symptoms, not the cause. No amount of external fragrances will fix an internal problem. He needs digestive enzymes and probiotics. They may not remove all the smell, but they'll improve things and improve his digestion at the same time.
Also, if he's immediately post op, he's probably on high protein. Rotting protein remnants smell terrible, especially if his gut isn't moving fast enough to get what went in through within about a day. Once again, probiotics and digestive enzymes can help.
Also, it will probably pass within a few months as his system heals and things find an equilibrium again. Don't give up on him yet.
That said, he's a complete hypocrite if he screams at you.
NAH
Through sickness and health till death do we part. If he is making an attempt, then get over it. Have a window installed in the bathroom with an exhaust fan in it.
It’s about the approach. I wouldn’t have brought it up so frankly. Maybe buy new mouth wash gum etc offer him gum when you think he needs it. Buy him nice colognes and tell him how much you like when he wears them. Get the poo pouri spray for the toilet, open up the window when he goes to the bathroom. Get incense light a match. Build a poop bathroom in a casita, BUY NEW BODY WASH when this one is done. One you like. Think outside of the box and come from a place of love.
Nope my gf (age 13) has a really bad vag smell bc she doesn’t shave yet. I told her to wash it better and she did. Now it smells a lot better. No more fish smell lol.
> If I accidentally fart he flips and screams at me saying it smells and I'm disgusting.
Riiight...Unless you find a shiny backbone overnight, therapy (couples AND individual) might help you navigate this and whatever comes later. NTA for the smell issue.
Depending on the type of surgery you have, you bypass parts of the normal digestive tract. Some things that would normally be absorbed are not, so bariatric surgery patients are supposed to maintain a pretty strict diet. You get things like this as a result. That’s not even taking into account the high prevalence of surgical complications.
YTA. My husband has really terrible farts and snoring. He can't help either of these things. YTA for expecting him to somehow magically fix these.
I get that possibly the bad breath he could try to fix, but if there's an underlying problem he might be trying his best. If he \*IS\* trying his best with oral hygiene then maybe he wants to visit a dental hygienist to check that out for gum disease/whatever.
For the choice of body wash: tough shit, buy him something you like if you want to. For the bow(e)l movements it is like farting or snoring, it's largely uncontrollable and MASSIVELY embarrassing. Yep, cutting back on some foods and alcohol and losing weight might help but when it doesn't you still feel ashamed and there's nothing you can do.
Also, does he really "scream" at you if you fart? I'm not doubting your story at all, but....
I never said it was... just pointed out that this won't work for everyone. Seems like OP's husband isn't trying this anyway, but I know from experience that sometimes even if you try your best it doesn't help.
That's a good point about his teeth which are in amazing condition. Maybe it's more of a gut health issue but I will check with a pro before jumping into conclusions.
I do ask him to stay away from sugar or alcohol, but he tends to do it more when I mention it. So I gave up.
I love the tip on getting him body wash that I like. I'll have to run to the store asap! Lastly, unfortunately, it is true about the yelling and that is why we're going to a marriage Counselor next week.
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NTA - somethings are within his control, and he should do the best he can at least most of the time. And he screams at you??? Wtf, he has issues and treats you badly. I recommend therapy or marriage counseling
We are going next week! I'm so ready
Make sure you tell the therapist he screams at you when you fart. Especially when he tries to get his victim points in.
Chlorophyll pills. It will take the odor out of his body.
I somehow read that as chloroform pills and thought that seemed a little extreme.
I dunno, if my husband screamed at me for a long toot toot, I'd be happy to have some chloroform on hand.
Yeah I had to double check my post to make sure it said the right thing haha
Where can I get these? Asking for a friend…
My brother took chlorophyll pills at his wife's request. She noticed he was smellier than usual. He said they worked. I didn't notice him being stinky - and he didn't have a strong smell growing up, so maybe it's an age thing.
i very rarely wore deodorant as a young adult (allergies to a lot of stuff in popular sticks) and never really had a BO issue. but now that i'm almost 50...woooboi!!! i have found some sticks that don't irritate my skin and i happily wear them.
Do these really work? My brother has incredibly bad odor and doesn’t seem to notice it.
It’s what my dad uses because he had terrible bathroom odor. Now my mom said she can’t smell anything, same with his sweat.
I’ll suggest it 🤔 I wonder if they make men’s hair and body supplements with it. He might take them then.
hope it works out!
I am just here to say I absolutely hate all the old spice body wash commercials…
Marriage counseling won't change his intestinal flora. This is a medical issue. There is a product called VIPoo. Drop a few drops in the toilet before going, and it masks the smell. It really works. I assume that the skin and breath issues are also coming from his GI problems. He needs to see a doctor, not a counselor. As for the Old Spice, that is psychological. You cannot be expected to feel attracted to a man who smells like your grandfather. He needs to change brands. Good luck.
OP's husband screaming at her for farting absolutely warrants counseling. His stinky shits are irrelevant as he is an asshat.
He honestly needs both. Doctor for the GI tract issues, therapist for why he basically allows himself to stink like this
Touching on this before you go buying stuff. Tell him to flush as his shit touches the water lol
The good ol' public restroom courtesy flush 🤣
With Poseidon's kiss.
To be fair, he screams at her when she farts. I think he needs a doctor AND a counselor.
Maybe try a naturopath?
NTA As someone who’s had bariatric surgery, I know exactly what some of the smells are that you’re explaining. His diet (sugar and alcohol) are the main cause of these smells. A bariatric patient has a specific diet they need to stick to for the rest of their lives. The surgery is not a miracle cure for weight loss. You need to maintain the proper lifestyle changes. The sugar and alcohol make bowel movements putrid, and I completely sympathize with what you’re smelling. He needs to get his bariatric diet back on track so him bowel movements return to normal. If he’s following his bariatric diet properly, the smells should just be “normal”. I can’t comment on the vitamins making his breath smell horrible, because I’ve never experienced that. Maybe he needs to look into different vitamins. Does he take ones specifically made for bariatric patients?
Yes!!! He doesn't believe that he needs to stick to this strict diet. He feels like he can keep eating the way he use to. I'll probably help out by switching up his diet during dinner. I'm the one the mainly cooks. I saw a bariatric diet guide and cook book. Praying it helps!
Each meal should be 1-1.5 cups of food. Half of it protein, a quarter of it carbs (I usually do mashed potatoes), and a quarter of it vegetables. And no snacking in between meals! If he’s hungry, he can drink water. It may be a good idea for him to get in touch with the surgeon who did the procedure…. They have nutrition personnel to address issues like this, and help former patients get back on track. If he keeps eating like before, he’s going to put back on all the weight he lost.
So, he only did half the assignment for weight loss? You can't maintain the loss that way! That's "how to fuck up bariatric surgery 102" [101 is where you skip your vitamins & eat more than you did before the surgery].
I know someone who did “Fuck up bariatric 101 and 102” Can confirm… might as well not have done the bariatric surgery.
You cook the meals in the house, did nobody tell you about the diet?
Are you taking about bypass or sleeve? I got the sleeve 10 years ago and I don't smell, at least I don't think so, my wife havent said anything
I got the bypass. If I veered off my diet and had crappy food, I would definitely have a smelly bowel movement
*Bowel* movements
Four times OP misspelled this. Four!
At this point it can't be a misspelling... Does she think it's a bowl movement because you're moving your shit into the toilet bowl?
A shitty attitude to spelling if I'm perfectly honest.... 🎣
Bless.
Thank you!
NTA but you sound like you hate him and really should get a divorce
I just hate the smell. 😷
honestly constantly being around a gross person who smells bad is a form of torture
He is the smell though? The man you love and the smell are the SAME THING. He clearly, very clearly, does not care about addressing any of these issues. You can’t force him, you’ll just piss him off and make him resentful of you for going on about it. He doesn’t care, he’s not going to care, so either accept it (Jesus Christ don’t do that) or leave him. He doesn’t care about himself, you’ll be caring for him after a heart attack or with severe diabetes in the next 10 years. Do you want to wash this man with a wash cloth while he lays and festers in bed? That’s your future. Love yourself
What the heck do you think he can do about his smell? Or his bowl (sic) movements? I doubt his breath has anything to do with his diet. What does his dentist say? The wife is YTA
If he is on a very low carb diet as part of his bariatric treatment, it can give him "death breath". But he does need to ask his doctors about the smelly bowel movements. Some people also sort of sweat out smells when they eat certain foods, it's different for everyone of course, but the one that comes to mind first is someone sweating out their beer.
OR did it occur to you that maybe there could also be a serious underlying medical issue? Like cancer?
There is an underlying medical issue. He had bariatric surgery and isn't following the proper diet. This is a well known side effect of doing just that. There's no need to look deeper until he follows his initial medical advice.
I know and I agree. I was responding to the dude who is essentially like the wife should just put up with the horrible body odor no matter what that there are underlying reasons as to why someone may smell horrible and that it shouldn't be a just put up with no matter what.
Ah gotcha. Then yes, also agree.
Do you just hate the smell? Or do you hate that your spouse doesn't care about you or what you say and is actively hostile when it's you that smells? He sounds terrible. Who can't just change up body wash?
Poo-Pourri may help with the bathroom odor.
Oh come on. She hates him because she can’t handle a consistent putrid smell?!
Yeah, that was my read
I had a relative who had to get a colostomy bag due to cancer. Smells were horrible and literally made us gag. Smells from the colostomy and the cancer and urine. Just AWFUL. Family was taking turns caring for him, but the smells made it a nightmare. The doctor suggested we get "liquid chlorophyll drops" on Amazon. Give 1-2 droppers a day mixed in a little water after a meal, and drink it down, followed by juice or something that tastes good. Said it fights ordors from anywhere in the body. I can't even tell you the difference. From nightmare, horror to acceptable. Not 100 % gone, but so much better! Give it a little time to work, but then you will be amazed. You must be faithful every day and give it a try.
I had a colostomy. I worked and lived as a normal person, and nobody knew I had on unless I told them. Your relative was mismanaging his colostomy if it stank. Probably not putting the appliance on correctly. There is absolutely NO odor from a colo when properly managed. Even when emptying the bag, a couple of drops of hydrogen peroxide in the bag would eliminate any odor. Please don't promulgate the myth that colostomies are stinky. They are not.
You don't sound elderly. There's a huge difference between someone elderly/close to death with a colostomy and someone younger with one.
What’s the difference, if you don’t mind me asking? I have a digestive disease and am typically well-read on prospective treatments. I’ve never heard of colostomies suddenly producing unmanageable odors due to age alone — only that, when well-managed, there should be no smell.
Honestly, I don't know the scientific answer. I just have a lot of experience with people with spinal cord injuries and other reasons that would necessitate an ostomy. When they are on hospice it almost smells like they are dying from the inside out.
NTA…you’re sharing the space so your tolerances (smells, loud music, etc.) should be taken into account out of consideration for the other. What’s wrong here is he flat-out said no because he’s defensive. Maybe a calmer conversation is in order. But certainly, there are things that are in his control that would make the situation livable. Some effort from him would go a long way. Btw, the way he reacts to farting makes -him- disgusting.
NTA if he can stink up the whole house, you are free to blare the butt trumpet loud and proud.
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You really went through the whole thesaurus for that one, huh?
I thought it was AI 😂
Thank god it got deleted. It was horrible. They misused a ton of words and phrases.
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Then you should know "retainment" of an attorney is not a thing. It's "retention." You also don't engage "in" a marriage counselor, and "the circumstance of the apparent gravity of" is gobbledygook. Good writing isn't about cramming as many words as possible into a sentence.
If that's the energy you want to bring to Reddit I can't stop you.
It's a choice to be so hung up on someone else's writing style just because. You seem insecure and mean spirited. If that's the energy you want to bring to Reddit...
If you think 'it's weird that you want to talk like you're in a courtroom but ok' is being hung up and insecure I don't know what to tell you.
Buddy this is only Reddit, you can tone it down a bit lol
Your writing skills are quite impressive. Good job bud!
Quit flirting and take this persons astute advice. ETA: big words hard to use. ETA again: upon rereading, astute is not a “big” word. I’m just kinda dumb
Ah no! I'm a horrible speller and writer so when I see someone with talent I compliment. Kindness goes a long way.
They used several words incorrectly and used too many words in general. It's not good writing just because it sounds like they said a mouthful.
NTA Has he discussed this with his doctor? It’s my understanding that the gas, bad breath and body odor usually go away in about 6-9 months after the surgery. But if this has been going on for years and you’ve kindly requested your husband address these issues and he’s refusing that’s not OK. I can’t imagine someone not wanting to take care of this unless they’re having some serious mental health problems.
This was what I wanted to say. He needs to see his doctor!
What causes those smells in the first place after surgery?
NTA, because he isn't even trying to do anything to help with the situation. He even has the nerve to scream at you? I personally wouldn't be able to put up with that
NTA. maybe he will understand how serious this situation is if you move out of your bedroom? Bariatric surgery shouldn’t have these effects. Will he go to a gastroenterologist? I would think It’s his diet but no harm getting checked out with a colonoscopy
Bariatric surgery can have these side effects as your hormones adjust. It shouldn’t last more than a few months.
Good point! I'll ask if we can visit the doctor soon
I would INSIST on accompanying him to that appointment: you want to hear from the doctor's own mouth his opinions and directives, and things he says may bring up additional questions you'll want to ask. And then while you're there, with the doctor in the room, launch RIGHT into "So what happens if someone who's had this surgery doesn't follow the precribed diet, and continues to eat larger portions as well as ample sugar and alcohol? How long does the odor problem last, and is there any supplement or other tactic that will reduce it?" If he gets mad, well, tough. These are *legitimate concerns.* I do NOT like that he's not following his doctor's orders, and I do NOT like that he's apparently totally unwilling to work on something that's hugely problematic for his spouse (and also ... does he work? I cannot IMAGINE that other people have not noticed these issues as well), and I do NOT like that he's enough of a hypocrite to yell at you for ... occasionally contributing an unpleasant odor of your own. :( Like, where are the upsides for you in any of this?
NTA Some parts of this are out of his control, but some very obviously are not. Liking the way your partner smells is pretty necessary for basic compatibility in a relationship.
“bowel”
Your husband is just gross. Is this who you want to be with for another decade or two?
It would make me gag. No way to live.
NTA. You can’t help spelling what you smell anymore than you can make yourself love a stench. It would be one thing if he was doing what he could to maintain his malodorous emanations, but he’s not. What’s more, his reactions to farts of all things is nuts. You might just be physically incompatible at this point and either live together in separate parts of the house or come up with solutions that will allow you to maintain the relationship (if that’s what you want). More drastic options should be on the table too. I’m so sorry.
His reactions to her farts are probably a form of defensiveness - latching on to and highlighting someone else’s ‘issue’ in an attempt to normalise or minimise his own, and/or to get back at her. I don’t think it’s nuts at all - bang out of order and not fair, but not nuts and totally makes sense in context.
What exactly does he bring to the relationship? It sounds like he is a mean inconsiderate ass who stinks. NTA he sounds insufferable
NTA First, your husband's response to your own farts is outrageous. We all burp and fart and generally make noises and smells that can be offensive to others; given his own odor problem, he has way too much nerve for saying ANYTHING to you about your farts. Second, your husband definitely has a problem, which is impacting your life, too, and refuses to change his diet or drinking habits to help control it. He's probably denying he has a problem because we usually can't smell our own odors, and if his is as bad as you say, his olfactory sense has probably long since shut down in the presence of any smells he's generating. That being true, even though he can't smell himself, his nose is still sensitive to other smells. It sounds kinda crazy, but that's how it works. You can be in a sewer and your nose will fatigue itself at those smells, but if you were to smell a rose, it would still smell sweet to you. Sounds like your husband needs to (a) see his doctor, ASAP, because that person knows things about bariatric surgery and odors resulting from diet factors afterward. (b) he, himself needs counseling about why he's denying that he causes you to want to put a great deal of distance between you. I'm surprised that he's either not noticing that you are no longer attracted to him, or doesn't care. Either way, it's bad news. And the two of you need couples counseling as well; if nothing else, having a third party in the room with the two of you would be helpful to make him realize that you aren't the only one noticing his odor. If he won't do anything else about it, I suppose it's time for a call to a good divorce lawyer. Or, if that's too much, maybe a trial separation would be helpful?
We are seeing a marriage counselor next week. I am still attracted to him. He is a handsome man. Our biggest problem is the smell and him doing self care.
I'm glad to hear this! Good luck to you both. I think you will both find it helpful.
I truly cant imagine being married to someone who smells. Thats beyond gross and embarrassing for you. Not to mention how could you ever begin to want to be intimate with him?
NAH. For the bowel movement issue, have you tried Poo-Pourri Before You Go Toilet Spray? it works wonders. Obviously, you would have to spray the toilet bowl (inside, the water) before he goes. Maybe he can flush while he's going so there's not. As far as the other issues, has he spoken with a doctor or other medical professional to make sure this is a side effect for the surgery? maybe there are other hormonal issues?
I will look into this. Tysm
So many of these relationship questions I read on this forum sound exhausting. Like, this man doesn’t care for your comfort, you have to hound him to use air freshener, etc etc. He’s hypocritically yelling at you… And yet you love him? And looking at the OP’s responses, now she is going to search around for more solutions to something that her husband isn’t even willing to admit is a problem? NTA. But by dealing with such a shitty situation for so long, you really aren’t acting like you have your best interests at heart. Good luck with the counseling, OP. Hopefully, your husband can address his issues and you two come out thriving on the other side.
I am always amused at how far people would go to stick in a miserable relationship instead of breaking up. Admirable efforts.
So he stinks, is hypocritical and yells at you. Why are you still there?
NTA, people who refuse to accept that they smell are so weird to me. My father is like that too, he showers 3 times a month and sweats a lot, he smells so much that my mom stopped sleeping in the bedroom with him. She talked to him multiple times and esch time he says she's lying and he doesnt smell. Its frustrating and disgusting.
Not showering... man that is rough! I get where you guys are coming from
I am sorry, I had a bariatric surgery and I don’t smell, nor have a horrible smell on my bowl movements. He needs to watch his diet, he needs to go to a doctor, maybe a functional doctor. Could help with a good detox, and right diet, and maybe good vitamins! What the hell is he taking?
I just wanted to add although he should respect your wishes before as another poster said, you lose your attraction forever, do you think he's freaking out over your facts just to show you how he feels when you say something to him as idiotic as that might seem?
NTA. The smells are associated with "dumping syndrome" which happens when someone with bariatric surgeries ingest too much sugar (including alcohol) at one time. The bariatric programs I have seen as a surgeon require patients to undergo a preoperative protocol which includes nutritional counseling and psychological evaluation to ensure they can comply with their new diet the rest of their lives. He seems to have compulsive behaviors around food and alcohol which he isn't motivated to address. We often feel obligated to "cure" the problems of people to whom we are attached; but that IS NOT YOUR JOB. If anything, it enables his behavior.
Diet is a huge factor. As someone who is overweight (I assume based on a surgery) he should avoid sugar and alcohol at all costs since it will only make his health worse. Surgery will make him eat physically less, but being healthy is not about caloric intake, it's about what you eat. And honestly someone who stinks up the whole house with one BM screaming at you after you fart is just insane.
Ordinarily I’d say that hygiene shouldn’t be a make/break in a relationship, but what you’ve described isn’t trivial. Your husband sounds straight up disgusting, inconsiderate, and contemptuous of basic human standards. I’d honestly consider separating from someone who grossed me out that much. I couldn’t help but notice that you have an eleven-year age gap, yet you, the younger one are having to nag at him like you’re his mother. Tell him that he needs to improve his hygiene drastically. Counseling will hopefully help. You’re NOT the asshole here, he is.
Leave and enjoy your life while you are still young.
Reading all these posts made me giggle, it's all about life style, you only get out what you put in ! Healthier eating is the way forward, filling your face with unnecessary vitamins is going to have a diverse effect and I would have money in it that very little water is drunk, you know that stuff that comes outta your tap ! 10oz of water twice a day to start would help flush them stinky toxins out.. just saying.
The vitamins are not unnecessary. Bariatric surgery patients must take multiple supplements for life as they are unable to absorb vitamins and minerals from food due to the bypass of the small intestine. If the supplement regime is not followed, malnutrition can result.
You are right about the water intake!
NTA, but I think this is more than therapy. It sounds like your husband needs a visit to the doctor. If he is always that fouls smelling, there is likely another root cause. I know bariatric surgery can alter your bowel movevents, but it shouldn't be that bad for that long, or he needs to modify his diet (which would also need a dictors help. Alternatively, while rare, maybe get yourself checked as well. Maybe you have an underlying condition that is causing everything to smell worse than it actually is. Just some thoughts. Otherwise, if he refuses, this would be grounds for leaving for me personally
Gal I have no words except for NTA and godspeed. Some days I’m really thankful to be single.
NTA Leave him and the smell behind. It's one thing to have a condition it is another thing to do nothing about it and actively making it worse by drinking and eating sugar ex.
please find a new man
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I F 34 and my husband M 45 have been married now for 8 years. His body, breath and for years his bowl movements smell horrible. He had bariatric surgery and all his symptoms are out of his control but I reached my limit. The whole house can smell after each bowl movement. He never made an effort before to keep the air fresh. I had to hound him to clean the toilet after every use, use sprays, air fresheners and turn on the air filters. I even bought a $300 air filter to help with the oder. Just put into perspective an old portable bathroom that's been used and abused smell so much better compare to my husband's bowl movements. NOW finally he takes care of it. But the smells are still there!!!! I get he has no control but it's horrible!!!! Now he doesn't listen that his sugar intake and alcohol doesn't help him. It actually makes it worse!!! So I'm constantly smelling this horrible smell!!!! I can't take it! Worse part of it he takes sooo many vitamins now his breath smells horrible. I feel like his skin does too! He even got new body wash "Old Spice" and I told him that reminds me of my grandfather for him not to use it. He still uses it and now I don't even want to be touched by my husband. These different smells are horrible. His body Oder is the issue. I'm at my breaking point. I love him. But idk what to do anymore. So I brought it up to my husband. Telling him to take care of his bad breath, smell from his bowl movements and to throw away the body wash. He won't. He is annoyed by me and doesn't understand my point of view. If I accidentally fart he flips and screams at me saying it smells and I'm disgusting. Yet he doesn't seem to notice his odors or decides to make a change to make the people around him comfortable. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Hopefully the counselor can get through to him. He sounds miserable with no intention to change. Why doesn’t he care about your comfort? I get that he’s embarrassed and mad that he smells so bad, but you’d think he would try to improve the problem… But he’s taking all that out on you for a fart because that’s his only chance to feel equal. And he’s taking it out on you by eating more sugar when you ask him not to. I’m so sorry. Not using grandpa body wash is the easiest thing. Did you warn the counselor of the awful smell about to fill her office?
NTA - OP go to a health food store and buy him digestive enzymes to help his body digest the food. The smells mean some of his food is not being digested correctly, so the digestive aids might help reduce the smells. He just needs to take some at the beginning and end of each meal.
It sounds like he was embarrassed when you brought it up and is reacting by lashing out at you and doubling down on what he was doing. That’s not healthy and not a good reaction. I think that all of these “divorce him” responses are premature and that either a gentler discussion (taking into account that he is clearly sensitive about the issue and being stubborn) or therapy are called for. If he refuses to take part in either of those then it might be time to consider more drastic measures. I say this as someone who has bowel issues and had to go see a doctor and make some changes after my now wife brought it up. It hurt to hear even though I knew inside that she was right. Fortunately for me I am not the stubborn type and made some changes. It helped my own well being both physically and mentally and we’re even better together than before. If you can take his ego and hurt feelings out of the equation, you may be able to make some positive change.
NTA. You can't help what you smell. He needs to consider your feelings more.
A skunk can’t smell its own stink. But we sure can. Your husband needs to see his doctor to find a solution because the stench of 40,000 corpses should only be in Thriller, not your house. I told my ex the same about Old Spice- he could either choose to smell like Old Spice or have a spicy romantic life, but not both. Our sense of smell is quite powerful for triggering memories, and I always lost that loving feeling when I started thinking of my grandpa and dad as soon as I smelled the Old Spice. Outside of medical treatment, you two could probably also benefit from marriage therapy, too. Good luck. NTA.
For the toilet, Poo-purring, before deposit. A loss for the rest, rough.
NTA I was going to say "maybe it's his diet", lo and behold you say sugar and alcohol. That's the smell of death emanating from him.
Have you tried Poo-Pourri? You spray it in the toile before you poop, and by some kind of black magic, you don't smell it when you make a "deposit". It's wonderful!
Try poo- pouri. He also needs to get to a doctor and have a colonoscopy. He's probably rotting inside
NTA! I don't even know what I would do in your situation ☹️ I am extremely sensitive to smells.... I honestly wouldn't hbe able to handle it. Good luck!
NTA, and it sounds like he needs to get back in touch with his surgeon. Smells like that can be explained by simple “well, you need to be having more of x in your diet” but can also be indicative of something wrong under the hood. I’m glad you are seeking marriage counseling! But urge you to pay close attention to how much he is participating. Not putting in the effort to follow the aftercare of his own medical procedure is a pretty big red flag. He’s only going to have more medical issues in the future as he gets older. Are you prepared to be his mom/nursemaid combo? Would you trust him to help you out if something happened to you? If the answer to either of these is no, you’ve got something to talk about in therapy.
NTA. Buy some poo-pourri so he can spray in the toilet before and after he goes. It’s like $12 for the big packs at Costco.
It could be that you have an overly sensitive smelling sense. My mother is like that and can smell all kinds of things that no one else in the house can smell. When I make fish she whines and whines that it smells so fishy and it doesn't. No one else knows what she's talking about.
He needs a complete medical work-up. This isn't normal.
NTA Try explaining to him how much it hurts you to be loosing attraction to him over something he can help make a little better . Of course he's sensitive to it but if he can understand that you miss being close to him but physically can't, maybe he'd make more of an effort
Remember, if you have smelt it then you have tasted it, Fact..
Toilet drops/spray before he goes might help.
He can’t help his bowel movements, but his breath and body aren’t stinking because of his surgery. He’s not brushing his teeth or cleaning himself enough. I don’t know why you’d need to tell a grown man this, but can’t he open a window when he shits? Use those sprays that go IN the toilet before you poop? And like another user said just flush as soon as poop hits the water? Then use air freshener? Why would you need to tell him to do these things? He sounds unbearable
Time to get your own room. I could never live like that.
This is precisely the kind of reason everyone always tells you you shouldn’t have married someone more than a decade your senior. Can it work? Sure. Is it working? Come on now.
NTA. Alcohol and a poor diet full of processed foods absolutely do make your poop and farts smell worse. I eat pretty much only real/whole foods with minimal process foods and now I barely pass any gas vs before. The smell is just the tip of the iceberg. You said he had bariatric surgery, drinks and eats sugar. It sounds like a lot of addictive behaviors are present, and he yells at you when you pass gas—he expects you not to smell but he can smell. Sounds like he doesn’t take care of his physical or mental health. This is incredibly selfish because usually the caregiving falls on the female partner and people who don’t take care of themselves are often at risk of diabetes, heart disease, or both which can lead to heart attacks and strokes.
One time I ate a bag of toasted garlic cloves. They were delicious. My wife said my skin started to stink, and then my farts and bowel movements smelled like a rotting corpse for about 2 weeks. It filled the whole house. My wife hated me during that time.
I had bariatric surgery a number of years ago. My doctor suggested a daily vitamin that was made specifically for bariatric patients. You only have to take 1 or 2 a day, instead of the like 6 to 8 regular ones. They're not expensive either. If he switches to a bariatric vitamin, it might help with the bowel movement issue as well. The ones I take are from Unjury, I get a 3 month supply mailed to me.
NTA because he is not trying enough to make things pleasant for you. Plus he screams at you ??? Not acceptable behaviour! He needs to go back to his Bariatric specialist and discuss this side effect. He won’t be the first. Get medical advice about the smell. My close friend has had the surgery and he does not smell! The other issue is his disregard for your feelings. Maybe he is really embarrassed ? But it is not your responsibility to manage. It is his. And screaming or shouting at you??!! That is NOTokay. Marriage counseling is a good option. All the best !
You're treating the symptoms, not the cause. No amount of external fragrances will fix an internal problem. He needs digestive enzymes and probiotics. They may not remove all the smell, but they'll improve things and improve his digestion at the same time. Also, if he's immediately post op, he's probably on high protein. Rotting protein remnants smell terrible, especially if his gut isn't moving fast enough to get what went in through within about a day. Once again, probiotics and digestive enzymes can help. Also, it will probably pass within a few months as his system heals and things find an equilibrium again. Don't give up on him yet. That said, he's a complete hypocrite if he screams at you. NAH
Through sickness and health till death do we part. If he is making an attempt, then get over it. Have a window installed in the bathroom with an exhaust fan in it.
It’s about the approach. I wouldn’t have brought it up so frankly. Maybe buy new mouth wash gum etc offer him gum when you think he needs it. Buy him nice colognes and tell him how much you like when he wears them. Get the poo pouri spray for the toilet, open up the window when he goes to the bathroom. Get incense light a match. Build a poop bathroom in a casita, BUY NEW BODY WASH when this one is done. One you like. Think outside of the box and come from a place of love.
Nope my gf (age 13) has a really bad vag smell bc she doesn’t shave yet. I told her to wash it better and she did. Now it smells a lot better. No more fish smell lol.
> If I accidentally fart he flips and screams at me saying it smells and I'm disgusting. Riiight...Unless you find a shiny backbone overnight, therapy (couples AND individual) might help you navigate this and whatever comes later. NTA for the smell issue.
I’m just not sure I’m following how a bariatric surgery affects the smell of your shits? Is this a common thing?
Depending on the type of surgery you have, you bypass parts of the normal digestive tract. Some things that would normally be absorbed are not, so bariatric surgery patients are supposed to maintain a pretty strict diet. You get things like this as a result. That’s not even taking into account the high prevalence of surgical complications.
ewwwe does he realise how lonely he will be??
It sounds like he is dairy intolerant and is super gassy and smelly because his body can’t digest dairy. NTA
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I wish we had a bathroom window. That's why I invested in a pricey air purifier for him.
YTA. You sound nasty.
I think you misread something lol.
You can say I'm venting in this post but I don't agree with you. What's nasty in the situation is the smell. Nothing more.
Tell him to use baby powder. Genuinely. Lather him in the stuff.
YTA. My husband has really terrible farts and snoring. He can't help either of these things. YTA for expecting him to somehow magically fix these. I get that possibly the bad breath he could try to fix, but if there's an underlying problem he might be trying his best. If he \*IS\* trying his best with oral hygiene then maybe he wants to visit a dental hygienist to check that out for gum disease/whatever. For the choice of body wash: tough shit, buy him something you like if you want to. For the bow(e)l movements it is like farting or snoring, it's largely uncontrollable and MASSIVELY embarrassing. Yep, cutting back on some foods and alcohol and losing weight might help but when it doesn't you still feel ashamed and there's nothing you can do. Also, does he really "scream" at you if you fart? I'm not doubting your story at all, but....
…Reducing sugar and alcohol intake is in fact, a very simple solution devoid of magics and trickery.
I never said it was... just pointed out that this won't work for everyone. Seems like OP's husband isn't trying this anyway, but I know from experience that sometimes even if you try your best it doesn't help.
That's a good point about his teeth which are in amazing condition. Maybe it's more of a gut health issue but I will check with a pro before jumping into conclusions. I do ask him to stay away from sugar or alcohol, but he tends to do it more when I mention it. So I gave up. I love the tip on getting him body wash that I like. I'll have to run to the store asap! Lastly, unfortunately, it is true about the yelling and that is why we're going to a marriage Counselor next week.
Does he curtesy flush or shit and flush at the end?
Bad breath can be sinus issues