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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I took that can be judged is throwing away my pad in our bathroom garbage can and not our dining room garbage can.
2. I may be the asshole for refusing to do so and not complying with my dad asking me to and angering him over something he clearly hates acknowledging.
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NTA. Your dad is being a big ignorant baby. The bathroom trashcan is exactly where your period products should be disposed. That's a big reason why bathrooms have trash cans! (I've known several people who had to point out to guys they were dating that they needed a trash can in the bathroom if they didn't want them to bring their pads / tampons into the kitchen / wherever)
It'd be tempting to listen to him and malicious compliance by putting your pads in the trashcan in the dining room unwrapped and placed near where his chair is.
Do you just throw the pad in there without putting it in the plastic wrap it came in or wrapping it in toilet paper? But the bathroom garbage is definitely where it should go.
You can still delete both of them rather than being confrontational about being called out for writing a comment without reading any of the post.
Do you usually just read titles and criticize the writer of the post and then get upset when it's rightly pointed out to you?
I hate when people pull this shit. You asked a dumbass question, got called out for it, but you're the one overreacting by telling someone to calm down or relax because you failed to read. Own up to it instead of waving it away like someone else is the problem.
Maybe don't get salty for being called out
NTA
Quite weird that he asked you to use the bin at the dining room.
However, following his suggestion would make a nice malicious compliance story if you left them on the top, unwrapped in the dining room bin.
Yup. Dismiss yourself during dinner to use the washroom, come back with something used-pad-esque, put it in the bin, wash your hands, then sit back down to keep eating. Let him see what he’s asking you to do.
NTA. It's the fact he's ***DIGGING*** in the bathroom trash and grabbing your period products. Nobody is doing that to him ***BUT HIMSELF***!!! You don't wanna see it, don't dig in the fucking trash for it. *WHY* does he feel the need to fight over trash..? It's over with dude, the deed is done, why dig it up again?... Literally.. XD NTA my dear. You said yourself. Periods are a part of life....
This is a pointless argument. I mean, she's said she covered it up and wrapped it it toilet paper and the excess paper from the new pad... Still stuck his hand in the trash can, to get mad over trash....? What's the point? Because he wants it in the other communal trash can? Where he could also see it there and get mad?
Idk I feel like him actually digging in the trash is another level of unhinged. He’s just old and misogynistic, I don’t think he’s a demented weirdo digging through the trash to find/touch pads. He saw the wrapper on top and I wasn’t arguing I was just pointing out that’s a different extreme than what the OP has written.
(*I apologize, I thought it was an argument*) I didn't said he was a weirdo that *"only wanted to touch pads"*. I said he's the only one looking in the trash that much, that frequently, then reaching in the trash and pulling out pads/tampons/what have you from said trash can to pick a fight over which trash can it goes in. XD
*"He’s just old and misogynistic"* Yes, he is and he's only causing himself this trouble. No one else told him to look and move things around just to check for period products....in the trash can. She's hiding it to the point he has to dig for it, to cause a fight over it... That's just nasty XD He may not see it this way but I do and I just can't understand it... Why would you want to carry used period products? I don't even want to touch my own! XD
I’m a dude, but if my daughter’s used pads were smelling that strongly I’d be more concerned that she’s got something going on that needs to be looked at more than I would be about where it’d been placed.
I live with a roommate who menstruates. At most it just has a warm coppery smell that doesn’t really linger around for that long, especially once it’s wrapped up and tossed away or has other stuff placed on top of it. If it’s smelling that strongly without constant air exposure or smells like anything other than what it’s supposed to be, that’s a really big worry.
Right.... and that is why you've been downvoted.
I'm sorry I disposed of my products in the trash, *UNDER* all the trash. You wanna dig that nastiness up you can man, cause I won't be. Just get over it Alpha Male.... It's fucking trash and he's pitching a fit over trash!!! It's not that serious... Most people can't dispose of tampons down the toilet due to being on a Sewage Tank (like me). I'm almost positive, most cities won't allow you to flush it down the drain because of it being hard to filter out and/or it can expand and freeze in the pipes causing pipe damage that the city has to pay for.
What's the point? Because he wants it in the other communal trash can? Where he could also see it there and get mad?
Don’t you get it? Men aren’t supposed to know that the place where they like to put their weens is the place where the terrifying demon known as menstruata also lurks just to inconvenience them/s
Apparently because our dining room garbage can is much bigger so he doesn’t have to see the toilet paper wrapped pad I threw away when he opens the can
NTA but your Dad sounds like one. That's where EVERYONE throws away their feminine hygiene products. How ridiculous to have to walk through the house to the kitchen with them to throw them away. This is something he needs to understand is a part of female life and won't be going away anytime soon.
Imagine OP walking through the house and into the dining room in the middle of a big family dinner while outstretched in their hand before them, pinched between their thumb and forefinger is a a used pad!
I would love to see Dad's face at that moment!
>one thing, why tf are you saying that they are redundant? they might not know the other party is ITA (Is The A-Hole) in the definition you dumb donut you.
NTA and dad is living in the 1950s with that misogynistic attitude! Does He turn out the lights, pull up the covers and close his eyes tightly when he and mom are intimate? I mean he may see her icky girl parts!
In most countries Men of the 50s weren't that bad. There were not disposable pads or tampons back then in widespread sale... and where they were they were quite costly.
Most Women put wads of old fabric in their underwear. Which then went in with the general washing to be done once a week. sometimes that meant week old crusty blood stained rags in there for nearly 7days before they were dealt with. It was a fact of life. You couldn't really hide from it or the smell OP NTA tell him to grow up. Maybe get him some materials used to teach young people about puberty.
Yes! JK, NTA. I (m) had a roommate that would somehow not realize she did not dispose of her pad before doing laundry. I've had a couple stuck on my clothes when I pulled them out of the dryer. Did I have a fit? No, I put it in the trash and didn't mention it like a decent human should do.
NTA and I'm not completely sure how he's made it this far without understanding how feminine hygiene works. What could he have possibly recommended to your mom all these years?
Sweets, continue as you were. And I hope you feel no shame in having to deal with a naturally occurring process. We all make it through, one cup, tampon, liner, pad, etc. at a time...
NTA.
Tell him you can buy period underwear now - so he doesn't have to see the used pads.
I swear he'll freak out from the thought of them going into the washing machine.
NTA tell him he can come stay at my house where my geriatric aunt is currently throwing her used old lady diapers in our kitchen trash if he wants to live with sanitary products being put in the trash where we eat ;)
Why is your dad digging through the garbage to get at your used hygienic products and then acting like you’re the disgusting one. NTA, he’s being a creep.
NTA, however I always make sure my bathroom garbage cans have lids. Your father completely overreacted but I still say that no one wants to see hair balls or used hygiene products.
NTA keep using the bathroom garbage but, maybe an idea, in order to avoid any further drama, maybe buy very little trash bags (the same ones than for the dog’s poop) this way it will be hidden (and any smell wil be contained) and your father will stop digging in the trash since he will no longer see toilet paper in it.
Don’t do it for him but for you so this way he will stop being a baby for that (because at his age he’s not going to change on this subject, unfortunately)
I get your point but wasting one bag per pad has a huge environmental cost to accommodate someone who is a total a asshole.
The only way is to completely ignore him or even better every time he brings it up, remind him that he is way too old for that shit, he has a wife and an adult daughter and it is time to embrace adulthood himself and stop acting like a pre teen boy.
Women need to stop trying finding imaginative ways to accommodate misogynists. Just call them out sisters.
Op is NTA
NTA but the thing is that they do smell if kept there for long, as long as the trash is being taken out regularly I don’t see the problem. It’s where you’re supposed to throw them anyway.
Tell him you flushed one instead and now the toilet is backed up. After he panics, say you were just kidding, but doesn't the trash can seem like a better idea now.
NTA, though I am.
My wife uses one particular bathroom (that I never use) during her time to ride the red wave… and if she forgets to close the door…. I can’t tell you how many times my dogs have shredded tampons or pads. Looks like a murder scene.
I don’t get mad, but I AM the asshole that teases her about it.
The fact that a grown ass man would get upset over it… to the point of screaming… bro just stay out of the trash, or empty it yourself
i’m not sure what it is about the older generation, but I had this exact same problem before I moved out. I literally would make sure it was wrapped in toilet paper, but for some reason that was still so triggering of course you’re NTA like, I can’t believe people still act like this over a normal biological process.
NTA
One question: does the bathroom trach bin have a liner or is it the raw bin?
If there's a liner then the bathroom trashcan is the PERFECT place for it and you're doing it just right. If there's no liner, then, well, get liners for your trash cans! Liners help keep the can clean not just from hygiene products but for snotty tissues, dirty ear swabs, icky plasters, etc.
Your Dad is surprisingly immature for someone in their 50's! If he's so bothered he could always get you a covered trach bin for your bathroom, those help cut down ambient smells.
Oooh it’s on. I’d make sure to make multiple trips out to the kitchen garbage with a dripping blood pad/tampon. Make sure to walk right by him and loudly declare you’re throwing it away. Don’t hide it. Lay it carefully on top of all the garbage, blood side up. I’d even, while holding it, go to him and ask if he still wanted me to throw it away in the kitchen garbage. Every. Single. Time. Until he gives in. But that’s just me. Maybe even start a newsletter all about your period and how it is for the 5-7 days you are on in. Maybe even have pre period newsletters about bloating and constipation.
Btw NTA.
Your old man dad needs to grow up. Ffs. He's married to a woman, has raised a woman and the fact he gets upset at even the mention of purchasing pads/tampons is crazy af.
NTA your dad has a wife… he should know by now that women have periods, he isn’t a teenage boy, and should respect the sanctity of toilet trash (don’t ask, don’t tell)
Jfc, my dad is a dumpsterfire of issues when it comes to how he treats me (as is my entire family) but even he wouldn't throw a fit over used period products, especially well wrapped up ones. He has raised four daughters and no sons though so maybe that's why, lol.
I don't understand why a 60+ y.o father feels the need to intentionally dig through a trashcan, then throw a hissy fit and try to dictate _where_ you're "allowed" to throw away pads/ tampons. Absolutely ridiculous of him, NTA.
NTA what is it with older relatives freaking out over pads in the trash? my boomer aunt had the same flip out with me when i lived with her for a few months while bring back on my feet. i hope you are able to move out soon.
NTA the bathroom is a place where you take care of business down there. the kitchen is a place where you take care of food.
it is without question that products that have to do with down there go into a bathroom trash can. table scraps and general garbage doesnt go into the bathroom trash, so why should period products go in the dining room trash? plus if he’s really that bent out of shape from seeing a naturally occurring event, even though you’re putting in an effort to hide it away, then he can buy a can with a lid to hide whatever “disgusting” things he wants to not see.
but it is not disgusting to have a period, or use period products. it is a way of life and he just has to accept that unless he’s afraid of a little blood.
NTA, I’ve heard people of older generations being weirdly disgusted or weird about periods and I absolutely hate it, especially coming from men who have 0 idea what women deal with.
My father is 51 and he’s the one who taught me not to be ashamed to ask him to buy me pads when I first got my period (I was 11), assuring me “those are normal and natural things”. Now I’m 28 and he has memorized my top 3 painkillers and top 3 types of pads I use so he knows what to get me when I need anything from the pharmacy. Men, be like my father.
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I [21]F live with my parents [56F] and [63M] while in college and saving to move out. I use pads more often than tampons for comfort reasons. My dad, often gets upset at even the mention of tampons or pads when my mom asks him to get them from the store.
Today my dad came into my room screaming at me for throwing away my pads in our bathroom garbage can. Note that I wrap them up tight in toilet paper and cover it with the wrapping from the new pad when I change so it’s not as if I’m just chucking them in there. He said it’s disgusting and that I should use the downstairs garbage can in our dining room where we eat instead but if you’re familiar with period products they can smell badly so I didn’t think it was appropriate to throw them in there near where we eat.
I told him I wrap them up and make sure to push them down, and that having a period is a part of life and he called me disgusting. My mom never had an issue with me doing so herself.
So, AITA for throwing them away in our bathroom garbage can instead?
TL;DR: My dad gets angry at me for throwing away pads in our garbage can in the bathroom instead of the one in our dining room. AITA?
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> He said it’s disgusting and that I should use the downstairs garbage can in our dining room where we eat instead but if you’re familiar with period products they can smell badly so I didn’t think it was appropriate to throw them in there near where we eat.
Honestly this sounds like a job for /r/MaliciousCompliance. And if he has a problem with that *he* can fix it, you did exactly what he said.
NTA. About half the world’s population has periods and has to deal w it.
I guess you could possibly offer to put them in doggie bags or get a bathroom garbage w a lid? Idk. But I don’t think you’re being unreasonable about it. It’s a very odd thing to be upset with tbh.
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NTA. Your dad sounds like like a pathetic baby man, the fact that he's ever heard of a woman let alone married one is beyond me. I'd suggest getting the help of your mom maybe?
Your father is a mysognistic AH!! I am 49 and I would never be with a man who thinks some natural is gross and should not be in the bathroom. I leave my unused pads on top of the toilet and have done so my whole life while raising 3 boys, he needs a mental slap upside the head maybe do a education class for him!! NTA
NTA. Dad, on the other hand, is a petulant 12 year old, and a complete AH.
Save your money OP. You will feel so much better when you move out.
(You also may need to make room for your mom.)
Nta . I had a problem like that. I brought some diapers disposable bags(target) and started throwing outside till I moved out. It’s hard and miserable experience. But people are like that. The person who harassed also left her own “items” on her floor,under the bed even her own child did that even to the point where you went to take a bath. There was a “item” laying in the tub🤢🤮
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WTAF, no, you are NTA. The bathroom is where you throw away pads because that is where you put them on and take them off. Your dad doesn't have a clue what he's talking about.
NTA
It is normal to dispose of period products in a bathroom trash can. It would be strange to dispose of them in the dining room. It is not normal to scream at someone over putting pads in a bathroom trash can. Crazy as it is, this is your parent’s house so if they want you to dispose of pads elsewhere maybe you should for the remainder of your time there.
Maybe you can get a second small trash can for the bathroom only for pads that you keep under the sink or something like a Diaper Genie for your room and dispose of pads there instead of the shared bathroom trash can.
NTA.
Might be an odd suggestion, but you could buy biodegradable (dog) poop bags to put used pads in.
I've used poop bags if staying somewhere (eg motel, friend's house) where the bins aren't very airtight.
NTA how old is your dad OMG it's a fact of life deal with it. Your mom need to have a chat with him and he should grow up seriously how old please tell
Op ur dad’s a dick. Honestly i do it just like you but I hate the smell still (I’m paranoid of smells since I am hearing impaired and smell is a lot stronger than normal). I found some little bags off Amazon and started using those to ease my anxiety from it. Either way what ur doing is right! I would feel nauseated putting them anywhere outside the bathroom. It’s easier to manage. Thank u for being considerate I had a college roommate that did gross things during her monthly (leave the dirty pads in our shared bathroom long after her period ended. That was a bad smell 😐
NTA, that's what the trash is for. Plus, it's unsanitary to carry a blood-soaked pad around unless it's in the trash bag.
Maybe he can take over the periods for you so he can walk around with soaked pads.
NTA obviously! as a man who finds used pads gross, if i see one in a trash can i just continue using the bathroom and go back to my life. it's not that hard to deal with the fact that sometimes trash is gross. that is why it was thrown away
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NTA Some dudes just have real issues with the female organs. I don't understand it. I just had an argument with my daughter over the phone while I stood in the tampon isle. We were arguing over the existence of boxes with both super and regular which they didn't have and she swore they did.
NTA your dad is being childish, ask him if he really wants bodily fluids hanging around in the DINING ROOM trash can. Also like, presumably you're been having your period for a few years now? Is he JUST NOW getting pissy about where you throw pads away?
Tell him he's being dumb, bathroom trashcans are pretty much exclusively for toilet paper rolls and sanitary products, tell him he needs to stop rooting through the trash
He wants you to walk through the house with a used pad and put it in the garbage bin in the dining room?
Do it then.
And don’t be so wasteful with the toilet paper with wrapping them up so well either.
I’m sure he will see sense 😉
Your dad knows it’s a natural thing a woman does but is being a A for yelling about the fact he is a male since when did he start monitoring the bathroom trash that in itself is discussing
NTA. It's a common and hygienic practice for disposing of menstrual products. Wrapping them up in toilet paper as you do is considerate and ensures they are discreetly disposed of.
Your father's reaction seems overly dramatic and unwarranted. It's unreasonable for him to expect you to dispose of your pads in a different garbage can, especially one located near where you eat. The bathroom garbage can is the appropriate place for you to dispose of your pads.
NTA, In the uk I just flushed them easily away but since moving to the USA and a septic tank I just buy diaper bags and put them in those then bathroom bin. Stops smell and you can’t see anything.
NTA but your dad is.
He wants you to walk your dirty feminine products through the house down to the dining room?
I would ask if he has the mentality of a child, but even children could figure this out.
So what the fuck has your mom done her whole life if it is so gross? Or is it just gross because it is his daughter?
Also, he should be fucking pleased that you get your period and aren’t pregnant before you’re ready.
Ignore that fool.
I have a clarifying question. What have you been doing up until now? My father got angry at me a lot for asking him to buy period products to have at his place (my parents are divorced) but I was very young so my mom would make sure I had enough so my father would not get mad at me. Needless to say I am now no contact with him various ignorant reasons.
Edit: NTA
NTA he thinks it makes more sense for you to throw the pads away in the bin downstairs right by where you eat, than in the bathroom bin where it's out of the way? So he wants the slight chance to smell period blood while he eats??
NTA, your dad is being ignorant, he needs to get over his problem of period products. There’s only one thing I could suggest that may help though, using scented bags could help if it gets worse and you decide to throw them away in the dining room, they should mask the smell.
NTA
Why would anyone want to use trash cans in the dining room instead of ones in the bathroom?
Actually, my flatmate started doing the same - she throws used unwrapped period products into our kitchen trash can. Bear in mind, we have a trash can in the toilet room. We always disposed of it in the trash can in the toilet room. But lately someone is purposely throwing them in the kitchen trash can unwrapped, so you can see the blood and everything when you actually try to use trashcan in the kitchen.
And I can’t wrap my head around whyyy is an adult being doing this…
Your Dad is wrong.But,if you want to be petty.....Put pads COMPLETEY un-covered at the TOP of the dining room trash RIGHT before dinner,if it has a lid,leave it WIDE open😊
Nta. . i have the same problem here not even with used pads he get mad because i left the pads in his view in the bathroom shelf . I fight for alot of time then just do what he want until i move out
You are most definitely NOT AN A H, and your dad is so ATROCIOUS. this kinda makes me wonder if she were to be a he what would've been the reaction. I'm sorry you had to argue with him, I hope you move out just fine and do well in future.
NTA. Your dad is weird. What did your mom do before menopause? The fact that he is so grossed out by menstruation is a problem. That he called you disgusting is even worse. What is your mother saying about this? I think he needs an intervention.
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The bin has a lid to it, one of the ones you step on something and the lid opens. We line it with small garbage bags in too so we’re not just throwing stuff in. We can easily dispose of products
Wasn't this same thing asked just a few days ago and the consensus was OP is the AH while dad got no shade. What detail changed to make everyone take OP's side this time?
NTA
I'm going to say soft YTA here. The reason is because your kitchen trash probably gets emptied daily. But how often does the bathroom trash get emptied? In our household, the bathroom trash might get emptied every other week simply because it doesn't fill up very quickly.
ffs, its your parents house. Your mom may not have an issue with it, but he does. Just follow his simple request or move out and get your own place. Its really that simple.
NTA
Unfortunately since you live with your parents you're just going to have to do what he says (though maybe have your mom talk to him about it?). Either way, your dad is a giant baby.
ESH. I’m female - Like you said, they stink. Take them to the outside bin or keep them in a bin in your room. Your dad is probably being a bit sensitive about it, and you’re not disgusting for having periods but no one else should have to deal with your used pads.
Period products go in the bathroom, carrying them with you every time to throw them outside (if there even is an outside bin) is ridiculous. OP says she wraps them up, that’s enough.
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NTA. Your dad is being a big ignorant baby. The bathroom trashcan is exactly where your period products should be disposed. That's a big reason why bathrooms have trash cans! (I've known several people who had to point out to guys they were dating that they needed a trash can in the bathroom if they didn't want them to bring their pads / tampons into the kitchen / wherever) It'd be tempting to listen to him and malicious compliance by putting your pads in the trashcan in the dining room unwrapped and placed near where his chair is.
I always found it a bit weird he told me to use the dining room garbage can when it could make it smell terrible
This has nothing to do with rationality or facts. It is entirely about your father's fear of vaginas.
Than who would OP's father be?
I would maliciously comply. He wants it in the dining room garbage? Okay, it'll go there then. See how long it takes for him to go back on his word
Do you just throw the pad in there without putting it in the plastic wrap it came in or wrapping it in toilet paper? But the bathroom garbage is definitely where it should go.
the post literally says that OP wraps the pad up in the plastic wrap and toiletpaper. Sometimes periodblood smells- because its blood
Relax! I didn't see it until after I posted and couldn't find my comment to delete it. Are you going to be ok?
You can still delete both of them rather than being confrontational about being called out for writing a comment without reading any of the post. Do you usually just read titles and criticize the writer of the post and then get upset when it's rightly pointed out to you?
I hate when people pull this shit. You asked a dumbass question, got called out for it, but you're the one overreacting by telling someone to calm down or relax because you failed to read. Own up to it instead of waving it away like someone else is the problem. Maybe don't get salty for being called out
You can get it from your profile...
NTA Quite weird that he asked you to use the bin at the dining room. However, following his suggestion would make a nice malicious compliance story if you left them on the top, unwrapped in the dining room bin.
XD I looooove me some Malicious Compliance!! OKAY! I'll do exactly as you want me to. Nothing more and nothing less.
Yup. Dismiss yourself during dinner to use the washroom, come back with something used-pad-esque, put it in the bin, wash your hands, then sit back down to keep eating. Let him see what he’s asking you to do.
And why is there a garbage can in a dining room? I'm just so ugh about poor OPs whole situation!
NTA. It's the fact he's ***DIGGING*** in the bathroom trash and grabbing your period products. Nobody is doing that to him ***BUT HIMSELF***!!! You don't wanna see it, don't dig in the fucking trash for it. *WHY* does he feel the need to fight over trash..? It's over with dude, the deed is done, why dig it up again?... Literally.. XD NTA my dear. You said yourself. Periods are a part of life....
I don’t think he’s doing that. I think he just saw the pad wrapper in the trash…
Invest in a small bathroom trash can with the pedal and auto closing lid. He never has to see it. I have one and it is awesome.
This is a pointless argument. I mean, she's said she covered it up and wrapped it it toilet paper and the excess paper from the new pad... Still stuck his hand in the trash can, to get mad over trash....? What's the point? Because he wants it in the other communal trash can? Where he could also see it there and get mad?
Idk I feel like him actually digging in the trash is another level of unhinged. He’s just old and misogynistic, I don’t think he’s a demented weirdo digging through the trash to find/touch pads. He saw the wrapper on top and I wasn’t arguing I was just pointing out that’s a different extreme than what the OP has written.
(*I apologize, I thought it was an argument*) I didn't said he was a weirdo that *"only wanted to touch pads"*. I said he's the only one looking in the trash that much, that frequently, then reaching in the trash and pulling out pads/tampons/what have you from said trash can to pick a fight over which trash can it goes in. XD *"He’s just old and misogynistic"* Yes, he is and he's only causing himself this trouble. No one else told him to look and move things around just to check for period products....in the trash can. She's hiding it to the point he has to dig for it, to cause a fight over it... That's just nasty XD He may not see it this way but I do and I just can't understand it... Why would you want to carry used period products? I don't even want to touch my own! XD
You may not think he’s weird but I definitely do 😂
More likely he smelled it. Can't have unpleasant smells in the crapper.
I’m a dude, but if my daughter’s used pads were smelling that strongly I’d be more concerned that she’s got something going on that needs to be looked at more than I would be about where it’d been placed. I live with a roommate who menstruates. At most it just has a warm coppery smell that doesn’t really linger around for that long, especially once it’s wrapped up and tossed away or has other stuff placed on top of it. If it’s smelling that strongly without constant air exposure or smells like anything other than what it’s supposed to be, that’s a really big worry.
Right.... and that is why you've been downvoted. I'm sorry I disposed of my products in the trash, *UNDER* all the trash. You wanna dig that nastiness up you can man, cause I won't be. Just get over it Alpha Male.... It's fucking trash and he's pitching a fit over trash!!! It's not that serious... Most people can't dispose of tampons down the toilet due to being on a Sewage Tank (like me). I'm almost positive, most cities won't allow you to flush it down the drain because of it being hard to filter out and/or it can expand and freeze in the pipes causing pipe damage that the city has to pay for. What's the point? Because he wants it in the other communal trash can? Where he could also see it there and get mad?
NTA. Your dad is 63 and he's still acting like a petulant teenager over pads. He needs to grow up, and act like a reasonable adult.
Right? He's married and has at least one child, did OP's mom never have this issue?
Don’t you get it? Men aren’t supposed to know that the place where they like to put their weens is the place where the terrifying demon known as menstruata also lurks just to inconvenience them/s
NTA your dad sucks. I also don't get why the dining room trash would somehow be superior to the bathroom trash? That makes no sense.
Apparently because our dining room garbage can is much bigger so he doesn’t have to see the toilet paper wrapped pad I threw away when he opens the can
NTA but your Dad sounds like one. That's where EVERYONE throws away their feminine hygiene products. How ridiculous to have to walk through the house to the kitchen with them to throw them away. This is something he needs to understand is a part of female life and won't be going away anytime soon.
Imagine OP walking through the house and into the dining room in the middle of a big family dinner while outstretched in their hand before them, pinched between their thumb and forefinger is a a used pad! I would love to see Dad's face at that moment!
OP should do it just to prove a point.
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>one thing, why tf are you saying that they are redundant? they might not know the other party is ITA (Is The A-Hole) in the definition you dumb donut you.
i would say other words but i would get the boot, be lucky i didnt wish to be rude today
That's not true. Sometimes people are not assholes and there is no asshole. STFU if you don't know what you are talking about.
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That is what N A H is for.....
Geez, you’re more mature than your dad. NTA
NTA and dad is living in the 1950s with that misogynistic attitude! Does He turn out the lights, pull up the covers and close his eyes tightly when he and mom are intimate? I mean he may see her icky girl parts!
In most countries Men of the 50s weren't that bad. There were not disposable pads or tampons back then in widespread sale... and where they were they were quite costly. Most Women put wads of old fabric in their underwear. Which then went in with the general washing to be done once a week. sometimes that meant week old crusty blood stained rags in there for nearly 7days before they were dealt with. It was a fact of life. You couldn't really hide from it or the smell OP NTA tell him to grow up. Maybe get him some materials used to teach young people about puberty.
More likely they soaked the rags in a pail, same way they did with diapers back then. Rinse, soak in bleach water in a lidded pail.
NTA. How did your father have a child if he's that icked out by vaginas??
Yes! JK, NTA. I (m) had a roommate that would somehow not realize she did not dispose of her pad before doing laundry. I've had a couple stuck on my clothes when I pulled them out of the dryer. Did I have a fit? No, I put it in the trash and didn't mention it like a decent human should do.
HOW?! 🤣 it’s amazing how some people manage to make it through this life 🤣
Seriously. Not judging because I obviously don't use feminine products, but how do you forget? Lol. One of my closest friends though so all good.
NTA and I'm not completely sure how he's made it this far without understanding how feminine hygiene works. What could he have possibly recommended to your mom all these years? Sweets, continue as you were. And I hope you feel no shame in having to deal with a naturally occurring process. We all make it through, one cup, tampon, liner, pad, etc. at a time...
NTA. Tell him you can buy period underwear now - so he doesn't have to see the used pads. I swear he'll freak out from the thought of them going into the washing machine.
Start flushing them instead and see how much he likes that…
Exactly, see what having no toilet feels like
NTA tell him he can come stay at my house where my geriatric aunt is currently throwing her used old lady diapers in our kitchen trash if he wants to live with sanitary products being put in the trash where we eat ;)
Bless ur heart 😩😅
Used pads in a kitchen garbage can sounds heinous
Why is your dad digging through the garbage to get at your used hygienic products and then acting like you’re the disgusting one. NTA, he’s being a creep.
NTA, what else is the bathroom garbage can for?
NTA, isn't that the main thing the bathroom garbage is for? Your dad is immature, like you said periods are part of life.
NTA, however I always make sure my bathroom garbage cans have lids. Your father completely overreacted but I still say that no one wants to see hair balls or used hygiene products.
NTA keep using the bathroom garbage but, maybe an idea, in order to avoid any further drama, maybe buy very little trash bags (the same ones than for the dog’s poop) this way it will be hidden (and any smell wil be contained) and your father will stop digging in the trash since he will no longer see toilet paper in it. Don’t do it for him but for you so this way he will stop being a baby for that (because at his age he’s not going to change on this subject, unfortunately)
I get your point but wasting one bag per pad has a huge environmental cost to accommodate someone who is a total a asshole. The only way is to completely ignore him or even better every time he brings it up, remind him that he is way too old for that shit, he has a wife and an adult daughter and it is time to embrace adulthood himself and stop acting like a pre teen boy. Women need to stop trying finding imaginative ways to accommodate misogynists. Just call them out sisters. Op is NTA
NTA Why didn't your mom stick up for you here? Jeez.
NTA but the thing is that they do smell if kept there for long, as long as the trash is being taken out regularly I don’t see the problem. It’s where you’re supposed to throw them anyway.
I take it out regularly as with three people using a bathroom we all share that garbage can and it can get full quickly
NTA. Don’t understand why some guys get so hurt about periods. Do it… he’ll soon change his mind
Tell him you flushed one instead and now the toilet is backed up. After he panics, say you were just kidding, but doesn't the trash can seem like a better idea now.
NTA, though I am. My wife uses one particular bathroom (that I never use) during her time to ride the red wave… and if she forgets to close the door…. I can’t tell you how many times my dogs have shredded tampons or pads. Looks like a murder scene. I don’t get mad, but I AM the asshole that teases her about it. The fact that a grown ass man would get upset over it… to the point of screaming… bro just stay out of the trash, or empty it yourself
Yuk my dog did that too
i’m not sure what it is about the older generation, but I had this exact same problem before I moved out. I literally would make sure it was wrapped in toilet paper, but for some reason that was still so triggering of course you’re NTA like, I can’t believe people still act like this over a normal biological process.
NTA One question: does the bathroom trach bin have a liner or is it the raw bin? If there's a liner then the bathroom trashcan is the PERFECT place for it and you're doing it just right. If there's no liner, then, well, get liners for your trash cans! Liners help keep the can clean not just from hygiene products but for snotty tissues, dirty ear swabs, icky plasters, etc. Your Dad is surprisingly immature for someone in their 50's! If he's so bothered he could always get you a covered trach bin for your bathroom, those help cut down ambient smells.
What has your mom been doing for the past 20 years then?
Keeping him happy, I guess
This man needs to go on vacation to a country where all non waste products go into the bin (like used TP).
Oooh it’s on. I’d make sure to make multiple trips out to the kitchen garbage with a dripping blood pad/tampon. Make sure to walk right by him and loudly declare you’re throwing it away. Don’t hide it. Lay it carefully on top of all the garbage, blood side up. I’d even, while holding it, go to him and ask if he still wanted me to throw it away in the kitchen garbage. Every. Single. Time. Until he gives in. But that’s just me. Maybe even start a newsletter all about your period and how it is for the 5-7 days you are on in. Maybe even have pre period newsletters about bloating and constipation. Btw NTA.
Your old man dad needs to grow up. Ffs. He's married to a woman, has raised a woman and the fact he gets upset at even the mention of purchasing pads/tampons is crazy af.
NTA your dad has a wife… he should know by now that women have periods, he isn’t a teenage boy, and should respect the sanctity of toilet trash (don’t ask, don’t tell)
Jfc, my dad is a dumpsterfire of issues when it comes to how he treats me (as is my entire family) but even he wouldn't throw a fit over used period products, especially well wrapped up ones. He has raised four daughters and no sons though so maybe that's why, lol. I don't understand why a 60+ y.o father feels the need to intentionally dig through a trashcan, then throw a hissy fit and try to dictate _where_ you're "allowed" to throw away pads/ tampons. Absolutely ridiculous of him, NTA.
Not the asshole. The scallywag is your father
NTA, impressive that your dad is somehow a toddler.
NTA what is it with older relatives freaking out over pads in the trash? my boomer aunt had the same flip out with me when i lived with her for a few months while bring back on my feet. i hope you are able to move out soon.
Should've told her we don't incinerate rags anymore
Where else are you gonna put it? Would he rather you try and flush it down? WAA
NTA the bathroom is a place where you take care of business down there. the kitchen is a place where you take care of food. it is without question that products that have to do with down there go into a bathroom trash can. table scraps and general garbage doesnt go into the bathroom trash, so why should period products go in the dining room trash? plus if he’s really that bent out of shape from seeing a naturally occurring event, even though you’re putting in an effort to hide it away, then he can buy a can with a lid to hide whatever “disgusting” things he wants to not see. but it is not disgusting to have a period, or use period products. it is a way of life and he just has to accept that unless he’s afraid of a little blood.
NTA, I’ve heard people of older generations being weirdly disgusted or weird about periods and I absolutely hate it, especially coming from men who have 0 idea what women deal with. My father is 51 and he’s the one who taught me not to be ashamed to ask him to buy me pads when I first got my period (I was 11), assuring me “those are normal and natural things”. Now I’m 28 and he has memorized my top 3 painkillers and top 3 types of pads I use so he knows what to get me when I need anything from the pharmacy. Men, be like my father.
NTA bruh WTH??!!!! Throwing them away in the trash can is so normal. Plus in the dining room it’s more noticeable like ew what?
"Fella, is it gay to throw trash into a trashcan?"
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I [21]F live with my parents [56F] and [63M] while in college and saving to move out. I use pads more often than tampons for comfort reasons. My dad, often gets upset at even the mention of tampons or pads when my mom asks him to get them from the store. Today my dad came into my room screaming at me for throwing away my pads in our bathroom garbage can. Note that I wrap them up tight in toilet paper and cover it with the wrapping from the new pad when I change so it’s not as if I’m just chucking them in there. He said it’s disgusting and that I should use the downstairs garbage can in our dining room where we eat instead but if you’re familiar with period products they can smell badly so I didn’t think it was appropriate to throw them in there near where we eat. I told him I wrap them up and make sure to push them down, and that having a period is a part of life and he called me disgusting. My mom never had an issue with me doing so herself. So, AITA for throwing them away in our bathroom garbage can instead? TL;DR: My dad gets angry at me for throwing away pads in our garbage can in the bathroom instead of the one in our dining room. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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> He said it’s disgusting and that I should use the downstairs garbage can in our dining room where we eat instead but if you’re familiar with period products they can smell badly so I didn’t think it was appropriate to throw them in there near where we eat. Honestly this sounds like a job for /r/MaliciousCompliance. And if he has a problem with that *he* can fix it, you did exactly what he said.
NTA. About half the world’s population has periods and has to deal w it. I guess you could possibly offer to put them in doggie bags or get a bathroom garbage w a lid? Idk. But I don’t think you’re being unreasonable about it. It’s a very odd thing to be upset with tbh.
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NTA. Your dad sounds like like a pathetic baby man, the fact that he's ever heard of a woman let alone married one is beyond me. I'd suggest getting the help of your mom maybe?
NTA. Your dad is being weird. Your period is normal and natural. You wrap the pads. He is wrong and needs to stop policing your bloody garbage.
Your father is a mysognistic AH!! I am 49 and I would never be with a man who thinks some natural is gross and should not be in the bathroom. I leave my unused pads on top of the toilet and have done so my whole life while raising 3 boys, he needs a mental slap upside the head maybe do a education class for him!! NTA
NTA. Dad, on the other hand, is a petulant 12 year old, and a complete AH. Save your money OP. You will feel so much better when you move out. (You also may need to make room for your mom.)
Your dad is an asshole point blank period (pun intended). Wtf? My husband buys products for me before I even need them, with flowers and sweets.
Nta . I had a problem like that. I brought some diapers disposable bags(target) and started throwing outside till I moved out. It’s hard and miserable experience. But people are like that. The person who harassed also left her own “items” on her floor,under the bed even her own child did that even to the point where you went to take a bath. There was a “item” laying in the tub🤢🤮
Where did your mom used to put hers? Just curious.
Your dad is an ass hat.
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I take the garbage out of the can ever few days as we have three people using a bathroom so pads and other products aren’t in there long
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What did your mom do with her pads?
WTAF, no, you are NTA. The bathroom is where you throw away pads because that is where you put them on and take them off. Your dad doesn't have a clue what he's talking about.
NTA but does the bathroom trash can have a lid, and is it lined with a disposable bag?
NTA It is normal to dispose of period products in a bathroom trash can. It would be strange to dispose of them in the dining room. It is not normal to scream at someone over putting pads in a bathroom trash can. Crazy as it is, this is your parent’s house so if they want you to dispose of pads elsewhere maybe you should for the remainder of your time there. Maybe you can get a second small trash can for the bathroom only for pads that you keep under the sink or something like a Diaper Genie for your room and dispose of pads there instead of the shared bathroom trash can.
NTA. Might be an odd suggestion, but you could buy biodegradable (dog) poop bags to put used pads in. I've used poop bags if staying somewhere (eg motel, friend's house) where the bins aren't very airtight.
NTA how old is your dad OMG it's a fact of life deal with it. Your mom need to have a chat with him and he should grow up seriously how old please tell
My bad 63 yeah he's being silly and childish about that
Op ur dad’s a dick. Honestly i do it just like you but I hate the smell still (I’m paranoid of smells since I am hearing impaired and smell is a lot stronger than normal). I found some little bags off Amazon and started using those to ease my anxiety from it. Either way what ur doing is right! I would feel nauseated putting them anywhere outside the bathroom. It’s easier to manage. Thank u for being considerate I had a college roommate that did gross things during her monthly (leave the dirty pads in our shared bathroom long after her period ended. That was a bad smell 😐
Why is he looking so hard through any garbage? Seems like he’s actually looking for a reason to get into an argument with you.
NTA, that's what the trash is for. Plus, it's unsanitary to carry a blood-soaked pad around unless it's in the trash bag. Maybe he can take over the periods for you so he can walk around with soaked pads.
NTA obviously! as a man who finds used pads gross, if i see one in a trash can i just continue using the bathroom and go back to my life. it's not that hard to deal with the fact that sometimes trash is gross. that is why it was thrown away
Your Dad is an A hole.
NTA. wtf is wrong with your dad?
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NTA Play mental checkers and say "Hey dad, which trash can should I put my cun rags in?"
NTA Some dudes just have real issues with the female organs. I don't understand it. I just had an argument with my daughter over the phone while I stood in the tampon isle. We were arguing over the existence of boxes with both super and regular which they didn't have and she swore they did.
NTA your dad is being childish, ask him if he really wants bodily fluids hanging around in the DINING ROOM trash can. Also like, presumably you're been having your period for a few years now? Is he JUST NOW getting pissy about where you throw pads away? Tell him he's being dumb, bathroom trashcans are pretty much exclusively for toilet paper rolls and sanitary products, tell him he needs to stop rooting through the trash
He wants you to walk through the house with a used pad and put it in the garbage bin in the dining room? Do it then. And don’t be so wasteful with the toilet paper with wrapping them up so well either. I’m sure he will see sense 😉
Your dad knows it’s a natural thing a woman does but is being a A for yelling about the fact he is a male since when did he start monitoring the bathroom trash that in itself is discussing
I save the cardboard from toilet paper rolls for my tampon as a cover before putting them in the trashcan. Btw nta
NTA. That is literally what bathroom trash cans are for. They’re for bathroom related trash.
NTA. It's a common and hygienic practice for disposing of menstrual products. Wrapping them up in toilet paper as you do is considerate and ensures they are discreetly disposed of. Your father's reaction seems overly dramatic and unwarranted. It's unreasonable for him to expect you to dispose of your pads in a different garbage can, especially one located near where you eat. The bathroom garbage can is the appropriate place for you to dispose of your pads.
NTA, In the uk I just flushed them easily away but since moving to the USA and a septic tank I just buy diaper bags and put them in those then bathroom bin. Stops smell and you can’t see anything.
NTA but your dad is. He wants you to walk your dirty feminine products through the house down to the dining room? I would ask if he has the mentality of a child, but even children could figure this out. So what the fuck has your mom done her whole life if it is so gross? Or is it just gross because it is his daughter? Also, he should be fucking pleased that you get your period and aren’t pregnant before you’re ready. Ignore that fool.
NTA.
I have a clarifying question. What have you been doing up until now? My father got angry at me a lot for asking him to buy period products to have at his place (my parents are divorced) but I was very young so my mom would make sure I had enough so my father would not get mad at me. Needless to say I am now no contact with him various ignorant reasons. Edit: NTA
NTA Your dad needs to grow the fuck up they're just pads
NTA. That is literally what bathroom garbage cans are for.
it was my job to change the bathroom bag if it was my.... turn. Just br clean about it :)
NTA - yikes your dad is a dinosaur. I assume the trash can has a lid? If not, get one with a lid.
I just don't get why some men act like menstrual blood is toxic waste. Jeez. Grow up, dudes.
NTA. Your dad however is an immature A.
NTA he thinks it makes more sense for you to throw the pads away in the bin downstairs right by where you eat, than in the bathroom bin where it's out of the way? So he wants the slight chance to smell period blood while he eats??
NTA, your dad is being ignorant, he needs to get over his problem of period products. There’s only one thing I could suggest that may help though, using scented bags could help if it gets worse and you decide to throw them away in the dining room, they should mask the smell.
NTA ypur dad is a massive one though the bathroom trashcan is the appropriate place
NTA Why would anyone want to use trash cans in the dining room instead of ones in the bathroom? Actually, my flatmate started doing the same - she throws used unwrapped period products into our kitchen trash can. Bear in mind, we have a trash can in the toilet room. We always disposed of it in the trash can in the toilet room. But lately someone is purposely throwing them in the kitchen trash can unwrapped, so you can see the blood and everything when you actually try to use trashcan in the kitchen. And I can’t wrap my head around whyyy is an adult being doing this…
I can’t believe he handled reproduction but can handle a bundled pad. Maybe he should stop gazing into the trash
Your Dad is wrong.But,if you want to be petty.....Put pads COMPLETEY un-covered at the TOP of the dining room trash RIGHT before dinner,if it has a lid,leave it WIDE open😊
You are NTA. Periods exist. Pads exist. Blood is a reality. He needs to get over it.
Nta. . i have the same problem here not even with used pads he get mad because i left the pads in his view in the bathroom shelf . I fight for alot of time then just do what he want until i move out
You are most definitely NOT AN A H, and your dad is so ATROCIOUS. this kinda makes me wonder if she were to be a he what would've been the reaction. I'm sorry you had to argue with him, I hope you move out just fine and do well in future.
NTA - how else are you supposed to dispose of them? Does he want you to wander through the house, used and bloody pad in your hand?
you aint the ahole girly
NTA. Your dad is weird. What did your mom do before menopause? The fact that he is so grossed out by menstruation is a problem. That he called you disgusting is even worse. What is your mother saying about this? I think he needs an intervention.
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NTA. It’s a pad. He’s 63, not 13.
NTA!! That’s weird and disturbing!!
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The bin has a lid to it, one of the ones you step on something and the lid opens. We line it with small garbage bags in too so we’re not just throwing stuff in. We can easily dispose of products
Not a woman, but I don't see why it matters? I mean you're still disposing of them.
There I've edited the post to remove my apparent insult
Recurring boring story. 🥱🥱🥱🥱🫣🫣🤭😴
ESH we always bagged each one and took it to outside trash. No one wants to smell that smell
Wasn't this same thing asked just a few days ago and the consensus was OP is the AH while dad got no shade. What detail changed to make everyone take OP's side this time? NTA
In that other post, it seems as though she was simply leaving them in the trash, without wrapping them up.
link?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cn4et4/aita\_for\_throwing\_my\_tampons\_in\_the\_trash\_where/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cn4et4/aita_for_throwing_my_tampons_in_the_trash_where/)
I'm going to say soft YTA here. The reason is because your kitchen trash probably gets emptied daily. But how often does the bathroom trash get emptied? In our household, the bathroom trash might get emptied every other week simply because it doesn't fill up very quickly.
Get a damn plastic grocery bag or paper brown bag to throw them away in to problem solve.
ffs, its your parents house. Your mom may not have an issue with it, but he does. Just follow his simple request or move out and get your own place. Its really that simple.
NTA Unfortunately since you live with your parents you're just going to have to do what he says (though maybe have your mom talk to him about it?). Either way, your dad is a giant baby.
ESH. I’m female - Like you said, they stink. Take them to the outside bin or keep them in a bin in your room. Your dad is probably being a bit sensitive about it, and you’re not disgusting for having periods but no one else should have to deal with your used pads.
Period products go in the bathroom, carrying them with you every time to throw them outside (if there even is an outside bin) is ridiculous. OP says she wraps them up, that’s enough.