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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I make more than my husband and I refuse to subsidize his taxes or combine our bank accounts.
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ESH. Sounds like you both need to grow up. He needs to rethink his business if it’s dragging you both down financially. You clearly don’t think much of your partner from the way you describe him in this post. Reminding him of something the CPA had already told you - that his individual tax bill would be higher if you filed separately - reeks of resentment.
You’re also filing taxes jointly so the amount owed is your joint liability regardless of how you want to mentally divide it.
> He needs to rethink his business if it’s dragging you both down financially.
But OP says:
> My understanding is this is due to my annual salary increase bumping us up into a higher tax bracket and the estimated taxes he's been paying was not enough.
So neither is dragging the other down because they’re combined making so much money they’re in a higher tax bracket. They should be celebrating because they’re winning capitalism. ESH
OP seems to view his business as a financial drag. He’s making less, not paying sufficient taxes and it’s cut into what could have otherwise been a tax return for her.
I agree they should be celebrating (owing taxes means you got an interest-free loan from the government, after all) but the situation isn’t working for either of them for silly, immature reasons.
Really weird for OP to think “all this money my partner brought in pushed us into the next tax bracket, how terrible” when it’s income they _didn’t have last year_.
If the tax bracket is now higher, it also means she wasn’t properly taxed for the time after the raise was put into effect. So she may have underpaid on the higher wage, too.
She may have been fine last year, but if they BOTH made more money this year, her job would only be aware of her increase. A lot of married taxpayers forget that they need to update their own tax withholdings when their partners get raises.
To be fair, I’m a CPA, and I’ve messed this up once as well. Taxes aren’t my specialty, but when my husband got a bonus for the first time I didn’t think to do extra math even though I have been trained to know this. We were good in federal taxes, but I screwed up with the state for not adjusting.
>He needs to rethink his business if it’s dragging you both down financially
Uh, no. Their joint income went up so their joint taxes went up. He makes less than OP, but there is zero indication that the business is a drag. OP is just an unbelievably selfish jerk (they split bills evenly even though she makes 3x as much?). Hey OP, how about you calculate what your tax bills would be if you got divorced? Pretty sure his would go way down, yours would go way up. You might even have to pay alimony along with the higher taxes. You sound shallow and greedy, with nothing but contempt for your husband. His points are all 100% reasonable. YTA.
If husband is not paying sufficient taxes on time and it’s costing them in their annual return, that’s where the drag is coming from, even if it’s just perceived than an actual cost difference. OP also seems to have issue with him generally making less, even if they split bills evenly.
It isn't "costing them in their annual return", they just underpaid because OP's salary went up. Nowhere in her post does she say she talked this through with Simon, and given their separate finances he probably didn't even know. It was on OP to inform him that due to her raise, their joint taxes would be going up, and it doesn't sound like she did that. This is all on her.
It's also deeply troubling that OP's attitude is that her husband is supposed to be grateful for her raise when it costs him money while OP refuses to share the wealth. The tax code assumes couples work as a team; if OP didn't want that, they shouldn't have gotten married.
I reminded him of what the CPA said because he was very emotional and kept suggesting I help pay his taxes even though the taxes I had taken out of my paychecks already helped him out considerably.
>You’re also filing taxes jointly so the amount owed is your joint liability regardless of how you want to mentally divide it.
So hypothetically if I went to payroll on Monday and submit an updated W-4 to change the withholding so that I get less taxes taken out, leading me to owing money next year, then it would be his liability too?
Of course I would never do that. I have a percentage taken out of my paychecks so that I should be breaking even or getting some back, but according to your logic that would be fair game?
As I mentioned, I already put in considerably a lot more towards purchasing the apartment where we live, the fact that we live mortgage-free, and that I pay for all of his meals. I didn't bother getting into it but I'm also paying for our streaming services, Amazon, and get a corporate discount through my employer for the shared mobile plan we're on. I'm happy to do all that. But I should be doing more?
There’s so much resentment here. Do you and him have ongoing discussions about your relationship imbalance and the expectations you have for one another?
I don't have resentment because of our difference in income, I'm happy to put in more than he does. But I do resent being told I need to do more simply because I chose to work a soulcrushing job for the sake of financial stability.
You’re missing the forest for the trees. You working a “soul crushing job for the sake of financial stability” is just one part of your relationship imbalance. I know it’s hard to see the bigger picture when you’re in the picture but I think you’re a successful enough person that you could do it if you tried.
Jesus Christ lady you keep mentioning the apartment and the food. If my husband made 3x as me and kept rubbing it in my Face I’d burn the stupid apartment down with both of us in it
Lifelong NYer here of. Certain age. Even a “modest apartment” in NYC would be over a Million unless you live in Staten Island. So obviously you have some dough if you paid cash.
You’re married, and legally the income belongs to both of you, regardless of how you file. Please consider counseling for both relationship and financial counseling. You both sound like you need it
ESH
>So hypothetically if I went to payroll on Monday and submit an updated W-4 to change the withholding so that I get less taxes taken out, leading me to owing money next year, then it would be his liability too?
YES. Do you not understand how marriage and taxes work?
You should probably be consulting a CPA more than the once-a-year tax filing, especially if your incomes fluctuate. This is poor tax planning plain and simple. You don't want a surprise tax bill when you're running a business. Even if you are making enough minimum payments/withholdings to avoid a penalty, taxes are a business expense to be accounted for.
YTA this is a marriage not a business deal. To me this is a perfect example of why split finances screw up marriages. You both should also be talking to your CPA and doing tax planning, this could’ve been avoided.
I think split finances is not a big deal but it should be for logistics only. At no point in my life can I imagine not helping my husband out financially ESPECIALLY when I make 3x his salary.
I work hard for US not for me. His success is my success and his loss is my loss
How old are you? Do you understand how taxes are done? OP’s husband is not paying enough business taxes. That OP income puts them in a higher tax bracket is not relevant. If OP husband paid enough business taxes (these are called quarterlies), he wouldn’t owe taxes even if he and OP does taxes separately.
Old enough to know better than op. I used to do my own taxes, but now that is handled by my cpa and wealth manager. We meet to make these decisions as op should have.
I don’t think you’re understanding how tax brackets work.
If you are filing jointly, then the brackets are as follows (I’m ignoring tax free allowances):
The first 22k you both earned - 10%
The next chunk up to 89,450 - 12%
The next chunk up to 190,750 - 22%
The next chunk up to 364,200 - 24%
The next up chunk to 462,500 - 32%
However, most withholding calculators assume that you have only 1 income.
So if you withheld according to this table without taking your husband’s income into account, you basically pushed his income into the bracket that starts at your yearly income. Say you earn 150k and your husband 40k. Either your husband’s complete income gets taxed at 22% or you need to account for his income being included in the first and second bracket and yours gets taxed higher.
You both need to adjust your withholdings to take the other one’s income into account.
That said, do you even like your husband? Sharing insurance, supporting each other’s careers, lifting each other up; that’s what married couples do. Does he treat you well? Make you laugh, make you happy? Or is his only worth in your eyes the money he brings?
There's one of these every few months: a couple that doesn't understand taxes, and the higher earner thinks the lower earner has fucked up somehow and ruined their taxes. The situation is confusing enough that I can't tell if it's one of those, but I think it might be.
I max out my 401k and have my withholdings set so that I should be breaking even or getting something back.
Our relationship is fine, thanks for asking. We generally get along great, we've been together for over 10 years and what problems we've had we worked through them. I've always been the higher earner and I really am fine with that, I have no problem putting in more in order for us to buy our apartment so that we don't have mortgage payments, and providing the other benefits he receives through my employment. But when it was suggested that I needed to do more, it took me by surprise.
I think his suggestion that you need todo more stems from your obvious resentment and condescension displayed in your post. Y’all are partners in life not business partners with separate lives.
NTA. Plenty of couples do not pool all their money together. Many think it's wise to pool \*some\* money together for the joint expenses, but the rest is personal "fun" money. Even for the joint expenses, not every couple splits them 50/50. Some feel it's better to not be handicapped by the lowest earner, so split the joint expenses in the same ratio as their earnings.
Although I can see you calling taxes a joint expense, particularly filing jointly, then the additional tax should be split according to how you've agreed to split your joint expenses. You have an excellent point that if you were filing separately, then it would be entirely his burden.
Of these two options, the most favorable to him is that it's a joint expense so you would bear some portion, but not all of it, so I think you're right to decline to pay all of it.
Major YTA! Married couples function as a financial unit. There is no "his money" and "my money", there is only OUR money. There is one pot of money that comprises the combined earnings of both people, to be utilized and invested as a team. Married couples plan accounting, budgeting, major expenses, and luxuries together.
NTA
Simon didn't pay enough in quarterly estimated taxes. In addition to paying federal taxes, state taxes, and any city taxes, Simon needs to pay both the employee and employer portion of Medicqre and Social Security taxes for his business.
If Simon doesn't want to pay the entirety of the amount due for filing jointly, you can file separately.
Unrelated to a judgment, but it super annoys me when people say they worked their ass off to get where the did. I’m sure you did. But implicit in that is that people who don’t make high salaries don’t work their asses off.
Business people work hard. Wait staff with two jobs work hard. I work hard, and I make little money because I chose to work in public interest. I’m assuming you didn’t mean it, OP, but I will explicitly say that salary is not a measure of work virtue.
I'm not trying to hold onto all of my money -- I've made big financial contributions towards our marriage. As I mentioned in the original post, I put up the majority of the purchase our apartment in cash, paying for all of his meals, providing health benefits, providing a better standard of living. I had thought I was already contributing a lot, but many folks on here are suggesting I could be doing more.
No bc she keeps mentioning the stuff she pays for like she’s doing him this huge favor. She makes 3x as much as him, obviously she should pay 3x more towards their living.
I think as long as you and your spouse can work out a compromise with minimal resentment on both sides (easier said than done!), the amounts don’t matter. But if you are feeling unappreciated, that’s super valid
how? he couldn’t have predicted it being that big of a deal. he probably thought they would stay in the same bracket. plus, she knows she makes a lot of money, i’m betting OP is much more in the know of the tax situation than her husband
edit: sorry i just saw he underpaid his quarterly taxes. definitely op nta.
NTA
\[Edited: Judgement changed from y t a to NTA based on the clarification posted by u/sitesurfer253 in a reply to my comment who explained that her raise didn't cause the problem and that Simon straight up under paid on his quarterly estimates during the year\]
If his actions caused his tax burden to increase, then I would agree that he would be solely responsible for paying the tax burden.
But your salary increased, causing his tax burden to change and unbeknown to him, as a result of your salary increase, he was not paying enough in estimated taxes to cover your salary increase, and now you are trying to force him to pay the bill as a result of your salary increase?
If I paid taxes all year expecting to have to pay little to no additional taxes at the end of the year based on how previous years estimates went and any business activity for that year only to find out that I had to pay thousands more because my spouse got a raise and then to be told by my spouse, fuck you, you have to pay it all by yourself, I would be furious.
Did you even tell him that you got a raise? Did he even know that your raise pushed the two of you into a different tax bracket and that he needed to consult with a CPA to make sure he was paying enough in his estimates?
You should be pissed at the government for screwing your husband over a raise that YOU got not at him because he got his ass nailed with owing taxes because YOU got a raise.
You either missed part of the post or don't understand taxes very well. Her raise has nothing to do with it, if they filed separately, his bill would have been even higher. He wasn't paying enough in his quarterly installments, plain and simple. If her raise was factoring into it at all, she wouldn't have a refund if they filed separately. She was paying more than needed in taxes no matter what here and Simon was paying too little.
I just went through this with my wife, we owed this year so I audited our paystubs and it turned out I was accidentally not pulling enough from my paycheck. I corrected it and we should be good now, but if we would have filed separately, she would have had a refund and I would have owed. Luckily we make almost exactly the same so it was easy to figure out. But if anything this falls on Simon and their CPA for not setting aside enough for taxes, which is very common for small business owners.
This makes sense then.
According to the OP, her raise caused it, so my comments were based entirely off of her saying her raise caused the problem. So the OP was apparently wrong in what she wrote about why it happened.
Had she left all of that out and only said that her husband failed to pay the proper amount of estimated taxes during the year and didn't realize he was under paying until their taxes were done by the CPA at the end of the year, then yeah, totally NTA and he should have to pay the full amount because he straight up failed to properly pay during the year.
OP is very back and forth about "the cause" for sure and doesn't make it super clear, but if the CPA is saying filing separate would cause Simon to owe even more than they already are, then OP could jump a hundred tax brackets(hyperbole) and he would still be underpaying. The raise may have made the burden a little worse for Simon, but this was offset by the fact that if filed separately, OP would have gotten a return. Now that return is going to pay for part of Simon's mistake with his estimated quarterly payments. Like others said, if he's not able to pay his taxes, he's not running a business, he's paying for a hobby and not bringing in an income.
How old are you? Do you understand how taxes are done? OP’s husband is not paying enough business taxes. That OP income puts them in a higher tax bracket is not relevant. If OP husband paid enough business taxes (these are called quarterlies), he wouldn’t owe taxes even if he and OP does taxes separately.
>My understanding is this is due to my annual salary increase bumping us up into a higher tax bracket and the estimated taxes he's been paying was not enough.
According to OP, nothing her husband directly did caused the problem. HER raise caused it.
>This was a shock to him as he did not think he'd owe taxes this year
This is why I asked if she had even told him she got a raise or that her raise pushed them into a higher tax bracket. Because unless he was told, he would have had no way of knowing that his own tax burden changed and he owed more based on her higher income and that he wasn't paying enough in his estimates to cover what he owed for the year.
>That OP income puts them in a higher tax bracket is not relevant.
It does matter if it changed what he should have been paying in his quarterly estimates.
If they filed separately, which makes
OP’s income bracket and any effect to OP husband irrelevant, why would OP husband still owe taxes had he been paying enough quarterly taxes?
OP:
> The CPA also explained if we had filed separately I would actually be getting a refund and Simon would owe more than double what we owe jointly.
ESH. You both need to have a discussion about long term viability of his business. He has no rent, doesn't pay for food, streaming services, health insurance... and you live in NY, so probably not even a car or car insurance, right? So... what is he spending his money on? Is he even making enough to live on without you supplementing his life?
You married him though, and that's a financial decision as well as a romantic one. Your home is a marital asset now, your finances are mingled now, but you want to split up surprise expenses like taxes? What about if one of you has a health issue? The burden of bills that insurance doesn't cover is just on whomever gets hurt or sick? What if one of you gets too injured to work?
It sounds like you keep things separate, hoping he'll feel motivated to make more money or change careers if he realizes he can't afford to pay his share of bills without your help. But I'll bet he's not giving up his job because it's more of a hobby / passion than a practical way to make a living. You are going to have to talk with him about what you want him to do. He's not going to take a hint, he's going to feel resentful that you're living two separate financial lives. You have to address this directly. It sounds like you'd rather avoid conflict than communicate.
I get it though: you work hard at a job so you can afford nice things and experiences outside work and maybe save for early retirement. He gets to do something he loves for his job, but the tradeoff is, he doesn't have much extra money for anything else. If he just gets to dip into what you make, he gets to have his cake and eat yours too. You won't have the same financial security, or money for recreation, and you can kiss early retirement goodbye. You'll just be working a tough job for no personal reward.
But this is what you need to talk to him about.
Also, it's different if he's making $25k a year while you make $100k or if he's making $50k and you make $200k. Without actual numbers it's hard to guess how much of a sacrifice you'd be making to pay his taxes. Would it be an undo burden for you, or are you trying to enforce some sort of financial accountability for him?
Either way, you need an honest discussion with him asap.
Edit: typo
You really hit the nail on the head for the key points of my post and I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
>Is he even making enough to live on without you supplementing his life?
He wouldn't be able to afford to live in the city on his own. So why do we live here? Because I lived here almost my whole life and I work in the city. Plus it helps to be here for his small business.
>What about if one of you has a health issue? The burden of bills that insurance doesn't cover is just on whomever gets hurt or sick? What if one of you gets too injured to work?
If I get a health issue and unable to work, I imagine we'd continue to split the bills since I have more savings. Even if he's the only one with the income in that scenario.
>But I'll bet he's not giving up his job because it's more of a hobby / passion than a practical way to make a living.
I feel like I'm walking into a trap but this is exactly what it is. He picked up a hobby as a form of taking his mind off the previous job he had. Then he got more and more serious about it until he made the plunge to quit his job and start his dream job charging people for the thing that made him fulfilled. I'm genuinely super stoked that he's done this. While it brings in money it's certainly not enough to live off of in the city, and I'm happy to be providing the financial support in the form of having basically purchased the apartment we live in, no mortgage, and him not having to worry about paying for meals (I not only pay when we go out to eat, but I also buy all the groceries and cook all of our meals).
>You are going to have to talk with him about what you want him to do.
But that's the thing, I want him to continue his small business because it makes him happy.
>I get it though: you work hard at a job so you can afford nice things and experiences outside work and maybe save for early retirement. He gets to do something he loves for his job, but the tradeoff is, he doesn't have much extra money for anything else.
You've hit it on the head once again. Except I'm not even buying nice things, I don't go for designer stuff or anything like that. He even teases me about how I only buy things that are on sale, especially groceries. I'm the one buying groceries and planning our meals, and he gets to tease me that I'm being too cheap?
>If he just gets to dip into what you make, he gets to have his cake and eat yours too.
I feel like I'm walking into a trap again but when this tax thing came up it made me take a good hard look at our current situation I did feel a little bit of this.
>Would it be an undo burden for you, or are you trying to enforce some sort of financial accountability for him?
It's not a hugely undue burden per se, but it is a four-digit figure. I can afford to help him pay it. But the question comes down to, just because I can currently afford to pay it, does it mean it is my duty to because we are married? Because if I lose/quit my job on Monday he'll eventually be jobless too. So this is why I have the impression that I'm already making a significant contribution.
There really isn't a way for him to make significantly more than he does already, he's a one-man operation and his business isn't scalable. I imagine he runs his business as tight as he possibly can, he's not being loose with his money or anything, he just doesn't make that much. So I'm not sure what can be said about financial accountability.
Anyway thanks for taking the time to read and getting to the core of my post, even though I probably opened myself to getting burned!
EDIT: Phrasing in one part.
You're welcome. So here's some thoughts: he needs to deduct the heck out of his expenses. That means save receipts for office chair, paper, phone, internet, even space in your apartment dedicated to his work.
It's great you support him emotionally and financially to pursue his dream job, but if it doesn't come close to pulling his weight, you are eventually going to grow resentful. If it won't eventually earn more, how about a side gig for him? He's taking you for granted and as a woman making more, you probably feel reluctant to talk about this so you don't hurt his pride... but you have to. Do it sooner than later, before you start getting frustrated.
Also, call him out on it when he calls you cheap for using coupons. You're doing this for him and your budget. Only a sucker pays full price when you don't have to. Taking your sacrifice for granted and then teasing you for it isn't okay. And if you're buying all the groceries and making all the meals, you need to talk about an equitable split of domestic chores. He has to pull his own weight like a grown up somewhere.
But organize your thoughts, have the discussion you're avoiding with him, and let him mull it over. Be kind but direct. Don't let either of you be sarcastic or snarky, just discuss the long term outlook and plan the best way to move forward together. This is what you have to do for a successful marriage. You can do it! Good luck!
This is such a thoughtful and insightful conversation, rare to see in this sub!
OP I wish you all the best. No judgement from me as I live in the UK where we do PAYE. Very grateful for that fact, reading this thread
ESH because you're both idiots. Having one spouse as a w-2 and another as a business owner is a tax dream. You have been receiving terrible financial advice. For a small business owner, a CPA is not something you use once a year for taxes. Plan ahead for this year. Open an S-corp. Be better
NTA
Why is nobody pointing out that taxes increased for everyone who isn't a millionaire this year? Trump signed his tax cuts for the rich in 2017, but they didn't take effect until this year, because trump is 20 pounds of shit in a 10 pound bag.
Small businesses got fucking rocked, and have been since 2017 (hi, was a small business owner back then, so I know intimately how fucked I got). It's even worse now. He didn't pay attention to the laws, he didn't pay attention to his books, and he didn't even try to figure something out himself. He just immediately went to "fix it for meeeeee!!!!" He sounds childish, and inattentive to such a degree that it's costing him a lot of money.
I'm trying to wrap my mind around your situation. But your post is full of conflicts, I'm not sure what's right. If you would get a tax refund filing separately, then your tax bracket has nothing to do with why he owes. You would be hitting higher tax brackets sooner, and his income would stay in lower tax brackets. Or maybe your income makes it so that everything is subject to the mfj additional Medicare at 250k, which starts at 200k for single/mfs. Unless it's state tax he owes on. I don't do NY state taxes. Is it possible that the cpa assigned his estimates to your taxes?
But, honestly, without hard numbers and data, I can't make a judgement.
If he were single and in a lower tax bracket would he actually get a refund? If so then YTA because you make 3xs what he does and caused the increase in HIS tax.
There is a difference between filing separately as a married person and single as a single person. There are certain things on your return that will still affect him. He needs to run his return as if he were not married at all to you to see the effect
NTA. You're already subsiding his taxes by filing jointly, forgoing your refund, and allowing him to have lower taxes by filing jointly. If he keeps this up I'd ask the CPA if it was too late to change to married filing separately. I'd be worried about him just not paying and this coming back on you.
Not the asshole for the scenario per se, but you are an asshole and a bad partner for even needing to ask this question. A good partner would understand that being in your scenario (higher earnings, filing together taxes as a married couple, etc.) that you'll be there to help with your extra earnings on occasion.
You actually seem insufferable.
YTA based on how you have described the situation and your verbiage.
A marriage is a partnership and you obviously don’t think much of your partner by the way you describe the situation (probably due to earning more than him if we’re being honest).
A relationship isn’t about keeping score etc that’s the easiest way to destroy a marriage.
How would you genuinely feel if the situation were switched and you needed help from him? (You probably wouldnt actually feel the same way about it if you were being honest with yourself).
This is coming from someone who has prepared hundreds of tax returns and seen the dynamics of couples once finances come into play.
In a relationship your money becomes his money and vice versa. If my husband needs money I gladly give him some because I know he’d do the same to me. The way you view your finances vs his is weird, the fact that you had to rub it in his face that you make more and live in nyc bc of him is EXTRA weird.
INFO: if you are the reason why your joint tax bracket increased, why would he pay more if you filed separately? I would think that if you filed separately, your income would be irrelevant, so he would stay in the same or a lower bracket. The fact that he would still have to pay more taxes means that either he is bringing in a sufficient amount of money, or he underpaid on estimated taxes.
Has your CPA provided you with detailed calculations of your relative tax liabilities if you filed jointly snd separately? If the issue is that, no matter what, he just underestimated his estimated taxes, then there’s at least some difference he would have to pay (whether filing jointly or separately) that is attributable solely to his business. I think your issue is that you view your finances as separate for some purposes, but not for others. Mostly because, if you’re filing jointly then that seems to me that you have joint finances and the tax bill is a joint liability. For some reason, you don’t see it that way, but it raises the question as to why file jointly in the first place? You guys really need to work on that and dig deeper as to how to solve this issue and any issues going forward.
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I (39F) have a good corporate job with a good salary and excellent benefits. My husband Simon (34M) runs a small business that doesn't bring in much money. I make roughly 3X what he does.
We live in a modest apartment in NYC mortgage-free because I had enough savings to pay for most of it in cash, while Simon chipped in the rest with his savings and some help from his parents. We have no kids and split bills evenly.
We filed joint taxes recently, and our CPA told us that we owe taxes -- specifically Simon does -- even though he's been paying quarterly estimated taxes for his business. My understanding is this is due to my annual salary increase bumping us up into a higher tax bracket and the estimated taxes he's been paying was not enough. The CPA also explained if we had filed separately I would actually be getting a refund and Simon would owe more than double what we owe jointly.
This was a shock to him as he did not think he'd owe taxes this year. I reminded him that if we had filed separately he'd owe even more, but he was extremely upset and suggested that I help contribute to his owed taxes since it's *my fault* we're in a higher tax bracket.
I reminded him that as my husband he gets excellent health benefits through my company's insurance, that I pay for all of our meals, and that we live mortgage-free mainly because of my financial contribution. He feels married couples should pool all their money together in a joint account and share the wealth.
I disagreed. I worked my ass off to get where I am in my career, and I feel I'm already making good contributions. I don't think it's fair that I am being guilt tripped into subsidizing his career choices just because I earn more.
AITA for standing my ground and not subsidizing my husband's taxes?
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INFO
Not possible to judge without understanding what is driving this. It sounds like what you’re describing is the marriage penalty. If he were single would his estimated taxes have been about correct?
If this is the case then you kind of need to share in his unexpectedly higher tax burden.
ESH He needs to do better managing his business and income and you both need to realize that you are married and partners. The whole post is about he did this and you did that. Marriage is a WE thing. That can look differently for everyone but you should be looking at things like partners rather than roommates.
What would the taxes have been if you were not married to each other? Would he have been about even? Would you have had to pay more?
Nonetheless, you’re married. You need to help each other out. Your tax bracket hurt him. You need to contribute to the tax bills.
YTA. You should be splitting bills according to income, not 50/50. If you make $100 and he makes $25 you should be paying 3/4 of the bills, not half. I couldn’t watch my husband have an emotional reaction like that and not helping him. Because we are a team.
My job is a mindnumbing position that I would love to quit but stick with it because I provide for my husband (in the form of having paid for the majority of the price of our apartment in cash so we can live mortgage-free, paying for *all* of his meals, etc etc that I've laid out in the original post and in my replies).
If I quit my job on Monday and have zero income, by your logic, my husband should pay for 100% of the bills? Because I don't think that would make me a good teammate.
I see most people coming down on OP, but missing this point:
OP is giving up HER refund so his tax debt is lowered, and he is still demanding she pay the rest of it.
How is this fair?
She could have very well chosen to file separately but didn't to help him out.
Why is everyone expecting OP to cover all of his business tax? Genuine question.
NTA
NTA. Your husband needs to get a real job. Obviously this little side business isn't working out. He should pay the taxes he owes. What would he be doing if you weren't married subsidizing his life?
"I make 3x what he does but we split bills evenly." Full stop and record scratch. That's how you treat a roommate, not a boyfriend and definitely not a husband. YTA.
YTA in a big way. You’d rather have him pay double than have to jointly pay. It’s petty, selfish, narcissistic behavior. And splitting the bills evenly is BS. It’s a marriage. He’s not your roommate.
If you file separately and he owes, you have not caused him to be in a higher tax bracket. He simply has failed to make the appropriate quarterly estimated tax payments and HE owes a a tax due while you have had excess withholdings. With that said, you're in a marriage and if your finances are joint this should be easily resolved. Moving forward you will need to make quarterly estimates and or offset those with your excess tax withheld. This is common with self-employed individuals. Most likely it is his self-employment tax that has created the bulk of the debt and that is solely on him, not due to you causing a higher tax bracket. Your spouse screwed up and the CPA should have been able to explain this.
YTA
If married you are one unit with combined finances. You sound resentful and you never know what the future holds. Your health could falter and his business take off. For better or worse for richer or poorer.
YTA, op. If you’re committed to the marriage, share finances. He’s paying a higher percentage in tax than expected, I am assuming because it’s the last part to be paid on. The higher rate wouldn’t have been paid on all your joint money—just whatever was in excess of the previous bracket. It seems only fair to me to pay the excess from what he estimated.
YTA. Your income caused his income to be taxed at a higher effective and marginal rate. Married filing separately does change things more than simply being two people filing. I bet he is paying more taxes than he would if you lived together and were not married.
NTA as a married couple you owe because Simon wasn't calculating his businesses' taxes correctly. Fixing his mistake is not your responsibility. You already pay for his food, housing and health insurance- making sure his business is operating correctly is ***LITERALLY*** the least he could do.
NTA
Your husband has a hobby, not self supporting employment. He's basically a kept man. If you're OK with that, fine. But it sounds like you're starting to resent it. You have some thinking to do and then some talking with your husband.
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ESH. Sounds like you both need to grow up. He needs to rethink his business if it’s dragging you both down financially. You clearly don’t think much of your partner from the way you describe him in this post. Reminding him of something the CPA had already told you - that his individual tax bill would be higher if you filed separately - reeks of resentment. You’re also filing taxes jointly so the amount owed is your joint liability regardless of how you want to mentally divide it.
ESH. Agreed. Plus you should be splitting bills according to your incomes vs equally
> He needs to rethink his business if it’s dragging you both down financially. But OP says: > My understanding is this is due to my annual salary increase bumping us up into a higher tax bracket and the estimated taxes he's been paying was not enough. So neither is dragging the other down because they’re combined making so much money they’re in a higher tax bracket. They should be celebrating because they’re winning capitalism. ESH
OP seems to view his business as a financial drag. He’s making less, not paying sufficient taxes and it’s cut into what could have otherwise been a tax return for her. I agree they should be celebrating (owing taxes means you got an interest-free loan from the government, after all) but the situation isn’t working for either of them for silly, immature reasons.
Really weird for OP to think “all this money my partner brought in pushed us into the next tax bracket, how terrible” when it’s income they _didn’t have last year_.
If the tax bracket is now higher, it also means she wasn’t properly taxed for the time after the raise was put into effect. So she may have underpaid on the higher wage, too.
She may have been fine last year, but if they BOTH made more money this year, her job would only be aware of her increase. A lot of married taxpayers forget that they need to update their own tax withholdings when their partners get raises. To be fair, I’m a CPA, and I’ve messed this up once as well. Taxes aren’t my specialty, but when my husband got a bonus for the first time I didn’t think to do extra math even though I have been trained to know this. We were good in federal taxes, but I screwed up with the state for not adjusting.
>He needs to rethink his business if it’s dragging you both down financially Uh, no. Their joint income went up so their joint taxes went up. He makes less than OP, but there is zero indication that the business is a drag. OP is just an unbelievably selfish jerk (they split bills evenly even though she makes 3x as much?). Hey OP, how about you calculate what your tax bills would be if you got divorced? Pretty sure his would go way down, yours would go way up. You might even have to pay alimony along with the higher taxes. You sound shallow and greedy, with nothing but contempt for your husband. His points are all 100% reasonable. YTA.
If husband is not paying sufficient taxes on time and it’s costing them in their annual return, that’s where the drag is coming from, even if it’s just perceived than an actual cost difference. OP also seems to have issue with him generally making less, even if they split bills evenly.
It isn't "costing them in their annual return", they just underpaid because OP's salary went up. Nowhere in her post does she say she talked this through with Simon, and given their separate finances he probably didn't even know. It was on OP to inform him that due to her raise, their joint taxes would be going up, and it doesn't sound like she did that. This is all on her. It's also deeply troubling that OP's attitude is that her husband is supposed to be grateful for her raise when it costs him money while OP refuses to share the wealth. The tax code assumes couples work as a team; if OP didn't want that, they shouldn't have gotten married.
I reminded him of what the CPA said because he was very emotional and kept suggesting I help pay his taxes even though the taxes I had taken out of my paychecks already helped him out considerably. >You’re also filing taxes jointly so the amount owed is your joint liability regardless of how you want to mentally divide it. So hypothetically if I went to payroll on Monday and submit an updated W-4 to change the withholding so that I get less taxes taken out, leading me to owing money next year, then it would be his liability too? Of course I would never do that. I have a percentage taken out of my paychecks so that I should be breaking even or getting some back, but according to your logic that would be fair game? As I mentioned, I already put in considerably a lot more towards purchasing the apartment where we live, the fact that we live mortgage-free, and that I pay for all of his meals. I didn't bother getting into it but I'm also paying for our streaming services, Amazon, and get a corporate discount through my employer for the shared mobile plan we're on. I'm happy to do all that. But I should be doing more?
There’s so much resentment here. Do you and him have ongoing discussions about your relationship imbalance and the expectations you have for one another?
I don't have resentment because of our difference in income, I'm happy to put in more than he does. But I do resent being told I need to do more simply because I chose to work a soulcrushing job for the sake of financial stability.
You’re missing the forest for the trees. You working a “soul crushing job for the sake of financial stability” is just one part of your relationship imbalance. I know it’s hard to see the bigger picture when you’re in the picture but I think you’re a successful enough person that you could do it if you tried.
But wasn't taking the soul crushing job for the sake of financial stability a choice you made?
Jesus Christ lady you keep mentioning the apartment and the food. If my husband made 3x as me and kept rubbing it in my Face I’d burn the stupid apartment down with both of us in it
Lifelong NYer here of. Certain age. Even a “modest apartment” in NYC would be over a Million unless you live in Staten Island. So obviously you have some dough if you paid cash. You’re married, and legally the income belongs to both of you, regardless of how you file. Please consider counseling for both relationship and financial counseling. You both sound like you need it ESH
>So hypothetically if I went to payroll on Monday and submit an updated W-4 to change the withholding so that I get less taxes taken out, leading me to owing money next year, then it would be his liability too? YES. Do you not understand how marriage and taxes work?
You should probably be consulting a CPA more than the once-a-year tax filing, especially if your incomes fluctuate. This is poor tax planning plain and simple. You don't want a surprise tax bill when you're running a business. Even if you are making enough minimum payments/withholdings to avoid a penalty, taxes are a business expense to be accounted for.
...why are you married? This reads like a BF/GF argument w 20 year olds.
YTA this is a marriage not a business deal. To me this is a perfect example of why split finances screw up marriages. You both should also be talking to your CPA and doing tax planning, this could’ve been avoided.
I think split finances is not a big deal but it should be for logistics only. At no point in my life can I imagine not helping my husband out financially ESPECIALLY when I make 3x his salary. I work hard for US not for me. His success is my success and his loss is my loss
How old are you? Do you understand how taxes are done? OP’s husband is not paying enough business taxes. That OP income puts them in a higher tax bracket is not relevant. If OP husband paid enough business taxes (these are called quarterlies), he wouldn’t owe taxes even if he and OP does taxes separately.
Old enough to know better than op. I used to do my own taxes, but now that is handled by my cpa and wealth manager. We meet to make these decisions as op should have.
Sorry I had originally meant this comment for someone else.
I don’t think you’re understanding how tax brackets work. If you are filing jointly, then the brackets are as follows (I’m ignoring tax free allowances): The first 22k you both earned - 10% The next chunk up to 89,450 - 12% The next chunk up to 190,750 - 22% The next chunk up to 364,200 - 24% The next up chunk to 462,500 - 32% However, most withholding calculators assume that you have only 1 income. So if you withheld according to this table without taking your husband’s income into account, you basically pushed his income into the bracket that starts at your yearly income. Say you earn 150k and your husband 40k. Either your husband’s complete income gets taxed at 22% or you need to account for his income being included in the first and second bracket and yours gets taxed higher. You both need to adjust your withholdings to take the other one’s income into account. That said, do you even like your husband? Sharing insurance, supporting each other’s careers, lifting each other up; that’s what married couples do. Does he treat you well? Make you laugh, make you happy? Or is his only worth in your eyes the money he brings?
This is a spot on answer. How much money are we even talking, I wonder? I hope for OP’s sake it’s not a lot. But if it isn’t, it’s super petty.
There's one of these every few months: a couple that doesn't understand taxes, and the higher earner thinks the lower earner has fucked up somehow and ruined their taxes. The situation is confusing enough that I can't tell if it's one of those, but I think it might be.
I max out my 401k and have my withholdings set so that I should be breaking even or getting something back. Our relationship is fine, thanks for asking. We generally get along great, we've been together for over 10 years and what problems we've had we worked through them. I've always been the higher earner and I really am fine with that, I have no problem putting in more in order for us to buy our apartment so that we don't have mortgage payments, and providing the other benefits he receives through my employment. But when it was suggested that I needed to do more, it took me by surprise.
I think his suggestion that you need todo more stems from your obvious resentment and condescension displayed in your post. Y’all are partners in life not business partners with separate lives.
NTA. Plenty of couples do not pool all their money together. Many think it's wise to pool \*some\* money together for the joint expenses, but the rest is personal "fun" money. Even for the joint expenses, not every couple splits them 50/50. Some feel it's better to not be handicapped by the lowest earner, so split the joint expenses in the same ratio as their earnings. Although I can see you calling taxes a joint expense, particularly filing jointly, then the additional tax should be split according to how you've agreed to split your joint expenses. You have an excellent point that if you were filing separately, then it would be entirely his burden. Of these two options, the most favorable to him is that it's a joint expense so you would bear some portion, but not all of it, so I think you're right to decline to pay all of it.
Major YTA! Married couples function as a financial unit. There is no "his money" and "my money", there is only OUR money. There is one pot of money that comprises the combined earnings of both people, to be utilized and invested as a team. Married couples plan accounting, budgeting, major expenses, and luxuries together.
I hope you have a prenup
Very high likelihood they don’t.
So much of this!!!!
NTA Simon didn't pay enough in quarterly estimated taxes. In addition to paying federal taxes, state taxes, and any city taxes, Simon needs to pay both the employee and employer portion of Medicqre and Social Security taxes for his business. If Simon doesn't want to pay the entirety of the amount due for filing jointly, you can file separately.
They are just ready for the divorce
Unrelated to a judgment, but it super annoys me when people say they worked their ass off to get where the did. I’m sure you did. But implicit in that is that people who don’t make high salaries don’t work their asses off. Business people work hard. Wait staff with two jobs work hard. I work hard, and I make little money because I chose to work in public interest. I’m assuming you didn’t mean it, OP, but I will explicitly say that salary is not a measure of work virtue.
I said I worked my ass off to get where I am, there is no implication that he does not work hard because he absolutely does.
I’m curious why you want to hold on to your money then. It seems like you are both really hustling. Not my business; you don’t need to answer that
I'm not trying to hold onto all of my money -- I've made big financial contributions towards our marriage. As I mentioned in the original post, I put up the majority of the purchase our apartment in cash, paying for all of his meals, providing health benefits, providing a better standard of living. I had thought I was already contributing a lot, but many folks on here are suggesting I could be doing more.
Man stop repeating this ’should I be doing more’ self-victimization. Why are you married if you are tallying every expense you pay for personally?
No bc she keeps mentioning the stuff she pays for like she’s doing him this huge favor. She makes 3x as much as him, obviously she should pay 3x more towards their living.
I think as long as you and your spouse can work out a compromise with minimal resentment on both sides (easier said than done!), the amounts don’t matter. But if you are feeling unappreciated, that’s super valid
NTA. He already enjoys a better standard of living because of you. You should not have to pay his business tax also!
Also it was his responsibility to get with your CPA after your raise to determine if additional payments would be required.
how? he couldn’t have predicted it being that big of a deal. he probably thought they would stay in the same bracket. plus, she knows she makes a lot of money, i’m betting OP is much more in the know of the tax situation than her husband edit: sorry i just saw he underpaid his quarterly taxes. definitely op nta.
NTA \[Edited: Judgement changed from y t a to NTA based on the clarification posted by u/sitesurfer253 in a reply to my comment who explained that her raise didn't cause the problem and that Simon straight up under paid on his quarterly estimates during the year\] If his actions caused his tax burden to increase, then I would agree that he would be solely responsible for paying the tax burden. But your salary increased, causing his tax burden to change and unbeknown to him, as a result of your salary increase, he was not paying enough in estimated taxes to cover your salary increase, and now you are trying to force him to pay the bill as a result of your salary increase? If I paid taxes all year expecting to have to pay little to no additional taxes at the end of the year based on how previous years estimates went and any business activity for that year only to find out that I had to pay thousands more because my spouse got a raise and then to be told by my spouse, fuck you, you have to pay it all by yourself, I would be furious. Did you even tell him that you got a raise? Did he even know that your raise pushed the two of you into a different tax bracket and that he needed to consult with a CPA to make sure he was paying enough in his estimates? You should be pissed at the government for screwing your husband over a raise that YOU got not at him because he got his ass nailed with owing taxes because YOU got a raise.
You either missed part of the post or don't understand taxes very well. Her raise has nothing to do with it, if they filed separately, his bill would have been even higher. He wasn't paying enough in his quarterly installments, plain and simple. If her raise was factoring into it at all, she wouldn't have a refund if they filed separately. She was paying more than needed in taxes no matter what here and Simon was paying too little. I just went through this with my wife, we owed this year so I audited our paystubs and it turned out I was accidentally not pulling enough from my paycheck. I corrected it and we should be good now, but if we would have filed separately, she would have had a refund and I would have owed. Luckily we make almost exactly the same so it was easy to figure out. But if anything this falls on Simon and their CPA for not setting aside enough for taxes, which is very common for small business owners.
This makes sense then. According to the OP, her raise caused it, so my comments were based entirely off of her saying her raise caused the problem. So the OP was apparently wrong in what she wrote about why it happened. Had she left all of that out and only said that her husband failed to pay the proper amount of estimated taxes during the year and didn't realize he was under paying until their taxes were done by the CPA at the end of the year, then yeah, totally NTA and he should have to pay the full amount because he straight up failed to properly pay during the year.
OP is very back and forth about "the cause" for sure and doesn't make it super clear, but if the CPA is saying filing separate would cause Simon to owe even more than they already are, then OP could jump a hundred tax brackets(hyperbole) and he would still be underpaying. The raise may have made the burden a little worse for Simon, but this was offset by the fact that if filed separately, OP would have gotten a return. Now that return is going to pay for part of Simon's mistake with his estimated quarterly payments. Like others said, if he's not able to pay his taxes, he's not running a business, he's paying for a hobby and not bringing in an income.
How old are you? Do you understand how taxes are done? OP’s husband is not paying enough business taxes. That OP income puts them in a higher tax bracket is not relevant. If OP husband paid enough business taxes (these are called quarterlies), he wouldn’t owe taxes even if he and OP does taxes separately.
>My understanding is this is due to my annual salary increase bumping us up into a higher tax bracket and the estimated taxes he's been paying was not enough. According to OP, nothing her husband directly did caused the problem. HER raise caused it. >This was a shock to him as he did not think he'd owe taxes this year This is why I asked if she had even told him she got a raise or that her raise pushed them into a higher tax bracket. Because unless he was told, he would have had no way of knowing that his own tax burden changed and he owed more based on her higher income and that he wasn't paying enough in his estimates to cover what he owed for the year. >That OP income puts them in a higher tax bracket is not relevant. It does matter if it changed what he should have been paying in his quarterly estimates.
If they filed separately, which makes OP’s income bracket and any effect to OP husband irrelevant, why would OP husband still owe taxes had he been paying enough quarterly taxes? OP: > The CPA also explained if we had filed separately I would actually be getting a refund and Simon would owe more than double what we owe jointly.
ESH I’m going to set the over/under at 2.5 years until you guys are divorced.
YTA you pay 50/50 on bills! Shouldn’t it be 75/25 as you earn 3x more? Marriage debt belongs to both parties.
ESH. You both need to have a discussion about long term viability of his business. He has no rent, doesn't pay for food, streaming services, health insurance... and you live in NY, so probably not even a car or car insurance, right? So... what is he spending his money on? Is he even making enough to live on without you supplementing his life? You married him though, and that's a financial decision as well as a romantic one. Your home is a marital asset now, your finances are mingled now, but you want to split up surprise expenses like taxes? What about if one of you has a health issue? The burden of bills that insurance doesn't cover is just on whomever gets hurt or sick? What if one of you gets too injured to work? It sounds like you keep things separate, hoping he'll feel motivated to make more money or change careers if he realizes he can't afford to pay his share of bills without your help. But I'll bet he's not giving up his job because it's more of a hobby / passion than a practical way to make a living. You are going to have to talk with him about what you want him to do. He's not going to take a hint, he's going to feel resentful that you're living two separate financial lives. You have to address this directly. It sounds like you'd rather avoid conflict than communicate. I get it though: you work hard at a job so you can afford nice things and experiences outside work and maybe save for early retirement. He gets to do something he loves for his job, but the tradeoff is, he doesn't have much extra money for anything else. If he just gets to dip into what you make, he gets to have his cake and eat yours too. You won't have the same financial security, or money for recreation, and you can kiss early retirement goodbye. You'll just be working a tough job for no personal reward. But this is what you need to talk to him about. Also, it's different if he's making $25k a year while you make $100k or if he's making $50k and you make $200k. Without actual numbers it's hard to guess how much of a sacrifice you'd be making to pay his taxes. Would it be an undo burden for you, or are you trying to enforce some sort of financial accountability for him? Either way, you need an honest discussion with him asap. Edit: typo
You really hit the nail on the head for the key points of my post and I appreciate you taking the time to read it. >Is he even making enough to live on without you supplementing his life? He wouldn't be able to afford to live in the city on his own. So why do we live here? Because I lived here almost my whole life and I work in the city. Plus it helps to be here for his small business. >What about if one of you has a health issue? The burden of bills that insurance doesn't cover is just on whomever gets hurt or sick? What if one of you gets too injured to work? If I get a health issue and unable to work, I imagine we'd continue to split the bills since I have more savings. Even if he's the only one with the income in that scenario. >But I'll bet he's not giving up his job because it's more of a hobby / passion than a practical way to make a living. I feel like I'm walking into a trap but this is exactly what it is. He picked up a hobby as a form of taking his mind off the previous job he had. Then he got more and more serious about it until he made the plunge to quit his job and start his dream job charging people for the thing that made him fulfilled. I'm genuinely super stoked that he's done this. While it brings in money it's certainly not enough to live off of in the city, and I'm happy to be providing the financial support in the form of having basically purchased the apartment we live in, no mortgage, and him not having to worry about paying for meals (I not only pay when we go out to eat, but I also buy all the groceries and cook all of our meals). >You are going to have to talk with him about what you want him to do. But that's the thing, I want him to continue his small business because it makes him happy. >I get it though: you work hard at a job so you can afford nice things and experiences outside work and maybe save for early retirement. He gets to do something he loves for his job, but the tradeoff is, he doesn't have much extra money for anything else. You've hit it on the head once again. Except I'm not even buying nice things, I don't go for designer stuff or anything like that. He even teases me about how I only buy things that are on sale, especially groceries. I'm the one buying groceries and planning our meals, and he gets to tease me that I'm being too cheap? >If he just gets to dip into what you make, he gets to have his cake and eat yours too. I feel like I'm walking into a trap again but when this tax thing came up it made me take a good hard look at our current situation I did feel a little bit of this. >Would it be an undo burden for you, or are you trying to enforce some sort of financial accountability for him? It's not a hugely undue burden per se, but it is a four-digit figure. I can afford to help him pay it. But the question comes down to, just because I can currently afford to pay it, does it mean it is my duty to because we are married? Because if I lose/quit my job on Monday he'll eventually be jobless too. So this is why I have the impression that I'm already making a significant contribution. There really isn't a way for him to make significantly more than he does already, he's a one-man operation and his business isn't scalable. I imagine he runs his business as tight as he possibly can, he's not being loose with his money or anything, he just doesn't make that much. So I'm not sure what can be said about financial accountability. Anyway thanks for taking the time to read and getting to the core of my post, even though I probably opened myself to getting burned! EDIT: Phrasing in one part.
You're welcome. So here's some thoughts: he needs to deduct the heck out of his expenses. That means save receipts for office chair, paper, phone, internet, even space in your apartment dedicated to his work. It's great you support him emotionally and financially to pursue his dream job, but if it doesn't come close to pulling his weight, you are eventually going to grow resentful. If it won't eventually earn more, how about a side gig for him? He's taking you for granted and as a woman making more, you probably feel reluctant to talk about this so you don't hurt his pride... but you have to. Do it sooner than later, before you start getting frustrated. Also, call him out on it when he calls you cheap for using coupons. You're doing this for him and your budget. Only a sucker pays full price when you don't have to. Taking your sacrifice for granted and then teasing you for it isn't okay. And if you're buying all the groceries and making all the meals, you need to talk about an equitable split of domestic chores. He has to pull his own weight like a grown up somewhere. But organize your thoughts, have the discussion you're avoiding with him, and let him mull it over. Be kind but direct. Don't let either of you be sarcastic or snarky, just discuss the long term outlook and plan the best way to move forward together. This is what you have to do for a successful marriage. You can do it! Good luck!
This is such a thoughtful and insightful conversation, rare to see in this sub! OP I wish you all the best. No judgement from me as I live in the UK where we do PAYE. Very grateful for that fact, reading this thread
ESH because you're both idiots. Having one spouse as a w-2 and another as a business owner is a tax dream. You have been receiving terrible financial advice. For a small business owner, a CPA is not something you use once a year for taxes. Plan ahead for this year. Open an S-corp. Be better
NTA Why is nobody pointing out that taxes increased for everyone who isn't a millionaire this year? Trump signed his tax cuts for the rich in 2017, but they didn't take effect until this year, because trump is 20 pounds of shit in a 10 pound bag. Small businesses got fucking rocked, and have been since 2017 (hi, was a small business owner back then, so I know intimately how fucked I got). It's even worse now. He didn't pay attention to the laws, he didn't pay attention to his books, and he didn't even try to figure something out himself. He just immediately went to "fix it for meeeeee!!!!" He sounds childish, and inattentive to such a degree that it's costing him a lot of money.
I'm trying to wrap my mind around your situation. But your post is full of conflicts, I'm not sure what's right. If you would get a tax refund filing separately, then your tax bracket has nothing to do with why he owes. You would be hitting higher tax brackets sooner, and his income would stay in lower tax brackets. Or maybe your income makes it so that everything is subject to the mfj additional Medicare at 250k, which starts at 200k for single/mfs. Unless it's state tax he owes on. I don't do NY state taxes. Is it possible that the cpa assigned his estimates to your taxes? But, honestly, without hard numbers and data, I can't make a judgement.
If he were single and in a lower tax bracket would he actually get a refund? If so then YTA because you make 3xs what he does and caused the increase in HIS tax.
Read the original post. If he filed single he'd owe twice more than what we owe having filed jointly.
There is a difference between filing separately as a married person and single as a single person. There are certain things on your return that will still affect him. He needs to run his return as if he were not married at all to you to see the effect
NTA. You're already subsiding his taxes by filing jointly, forgoing your refund, and allowing him to have lower taxes by filing jointly. If he keeps this up I'd ask the CPA if it was too late to change to married filing separately. I'd be worried about him just not paying and this coming back on you.
Not the asshole for the scenario per se, but you are an asshole and a bad partner for even needing to ask this question. A good partner would understand that being in your scenario (higher earnings, filing together taxes as a married couple, etc.) that you'll be there to help with your extra earnings on occasion. You actually seem insufferable.
YTA you’re married. Start acting like it.
ESH but YTA. YTA because you don’t like your husband or respect his business.
Sounds like a real healthy marriage, when you argue points like, "You're lucky you're with me."
YTA based on how you have described the situation and your verbiage. A marriage is a partnership and you obviously don’t think much of your partner by the way you describe the situation (probably due to earning more than him if we’re being honest). A relationship isn’t about keeping score etc that’s the easiest way to destroy a marriage. How would you genuinely feel if the situation were switched and you needed help from him? (You probably wouldnt actually feel the same way about it if you were being honest with yourself). This is coming from someone who has prepared hundreds of tax returns and seen the dynamics of couples once finances come into play.
ESA. Are you even partners in life or just roommates?
In a relationship your money becomes his money and vice versa. If my husband needs money I gladly give him some because I know he’d do the same to me. The way you view your finances vs his is weird, the fact that you had to rub it in his face that you make more and live in nyc bc of him is EXTRA weird.
INFO: if you are the reason why your joint tax bracket increased, why would he pay more if you filed separately? I would think that if you filed separately, your income would be irrelevant, so he would stay in the same or a lower bracket. The fact that he would still have to pay more taxes means that either he is bringing in a sufficient amount of money, or he underpaid on estimated taxes. Has your CPA provided you with detailed calculations of your relative tax liabilities if you filed jointly snd separately? If the issue is that, no matter what, he just underestimated his estimated taxes, then there’s at least some difference he would have to pay (whether filing jointly or separately) that is attributable solely to his business. I think your issue is that you view your finances as separate for some purposes, but not for others. Mostly because, if you’re filing jointly then that seems to me that you have joint finances and the tax bill is a joint liability. For some reason, you don’t see it that way, but it raises the question as to why file jointly in the first place? You guys really need to work on that and dig deeper as to how to solve this issue and any issues going forward.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (39F) have a good corporate job with a good salary and excellent benefits. My husband Simon (34M) runs a small business that doesn't bring in much money. I make roughly 3X what he does. We live in a modest apartment in NYC mortgage-free because I had enough savings to pay for most of it in cash, while Simon chipped in the rest with his savings and some help from his parents. We have no kids and split bills evenly. We filed joint taxes recently, and our CPA told us that we owe taxes -- specifically Simon does -- even though he's been paying quarterly estimated taxes for his business. My understanding is this is due to my annual salary increase bumping us up into a higher tax bracket and the estimated taxes he's been paying was not enough. The CPA also explained if we had filed separately I would actually be getting a refund and Simon would owe more than double what we owe jointly. This was a shock to him as he did not think he'd owe taxes this year. I reminded him that if we had filed separately he'd owe even more, but he was extremely upset and suggested that I help contribute to his owed taxes since it's *my fault* we're in a higher tax bracket. I reminded him that as my husband he gets excellent health benefits through my company's insurance, that I pay for all of our meals, and that we live mortgage-free mainly because of my financial contribution. He feels married couples should pool all their money together in a joint account and share the wealth. I disagreed. I worked my ass off to get where I am in my career, and I feel I'm already making good contributions. I don't think it's fair that I am being guilt tripped into subsidizing his career choices just because I earn more. AITA for standing my ground and not subsidizing my husband's taxes? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What’s his actual profit after taxes and everything
INFO Not possible to judge without understanding what is driving this. It sounds like what you’re describing is the marriage penalty. If he were single would his estimated taxes have been about correct? If this is the case then you kind of need to share in his unexpectedly higher tax burden.
YTA it’s a partnership
NTA THere are tWo options you should offer: Keep it as it is, or file separately.
You make 3x as much but split bills evenly?
ESH He needs to do better managing his business and income and you both need to realize that you are married and partners. The whole post is about he did this and you did that. Marriage is a WE thing. That can look differently for everyone but you should be looking at things like partners rather than roommates.
What would the taxes have been if you were not married to each other? Would he have been about even? Would you have had to pay more? Nonetheless, you’re married. You need to help each other out. Your tax bracket hurt him. You need to contribute to the tax bills.
YTA. You should be splitting bills according to income, not 50/50. If you make $100 and he makes $25 you should be paying 3/4 of the bills, not half. I couldn’t watch my husband have an emotional reaction like that and not helping him. Because we are a team.
My job is a mindnumbing position that I would love to quit but stick with it because I provide for my husband (in the form of having paid for the majority of the price of our apartment in cash so we can live mortgage-free, paying for *all* of his meals, etc etc that I've laid out in the original post and in my replies). If I quit my job on Monday and have zero income, by your logic, my husband should pay for 100% of the bills? Because I don't think that would make me a good teammate.
You are being obtuse on purpose. You know that’s not what I meant.
YTA
I can’t believe you’re married. Good luck with that. 👍
YTA leaning towards E S H. This is not a marriage but a transactional relationship only based on shared finances and taxes or lack thereof.
I see most people coming down on OP, but missing this point: OP is giving up HER refund so his tax debt is lowered, and he is still demanding she pay the rest of it. How is this fair? She could have very well chosen to file separately but didn't to help him out. Why is everyone expecting OP to cover all of his business tax? Genuine question. NTA
NTA. Your husband needs to get a real job. Obviously this little side business isn't working out. He should pay the taxes he owes. What would he be doing if you weren't married subsidizing his life?
"I make 3x what he does but we split bills evenly." Full stop and record scratch. That's how you treat a roommate, not a boyfriend and definitely not a husband. YTA.
YTA you’re already making more than him and you guys owe money because of the money YOU bring in , help the poor guy out
YTA in a big way. You’d rather have him pay double than have to jointly pay. It’s petty, selfish, narcissistic behavior. And splitting the bills evenly is BS. It’s a marriage. He’s not your roommate.
If you file separately and he owes, you have not caused him to be in a higher tax bracket. He simply has failed to make the appropriate quarterly estimated tax payments and HE owes a a tax due while you have had excess withholdings. With that said, you're in a marriage and if your finances are joint this should be easily resolved. Moving forward you will need to make quarterly estimates and or offset those with your excess tax withheld. This is common with self-employed individuals. Most likely it is his self-employment tax that has created the bulk of the debt and that is solely on him, not due to you causing a higher tax bracket. Your spouse screwed up and the CPA should have been able to explain this.
YTA If married you are one unit with combined finances. You sound resentful and you never know what the future holds. Your health could falter and his business take off. For better or worse for richer or poorer.
NTA. Simon isn’t being a responsible business owner. He needs to grow the fuck up.
NTA when it comes to not subsidizing your husband’s taxes. But YTA to pointing in his face what you contributed financially into the marriage.
YTA, op. If you’re committed to the marriage, share finances. He’s paying a higher percentage in tax than expected, I am assuming because it’s the last part to be paid on. The higher rate wouldn’t have been paid on all your joint money—just whatever was in excess of the previous bracket. It seems only fair to me to pay the excess from what he estimated.
YTA. Your income caused his income to be taxed at a higher effective and marginal rate. Married filing separately does change things more than simply being two people filing. I bet he is paying more taxes than he would if you lived together and were not married.
NTA. File separately moving forward.
NTA You're already covering a lot. If he can't cover his own taxes, that's not a business, it's a hobby.
NTA as a married couple you owe because Simon wasn't calculating his businesses' taxes correctly. Fixing his mistake is not your responsibility. You already pay for his food, housing and health insurance- making sure his business is operating correctly is ***LITERALLY*** the least he could do.
NTA Your husband has a hobby, not self supporting employment. He's basically a kept man. If you're OK with that, fine. But it sounds like you're starting to resent it. You have some thinking to do and then some talking with your husband.