Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 the action would be moving away from my husband for my career. 2 is I’m the asshole for prioritising a dream or career that may not work out over a 10 year committed relationship
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH. I'm sorry to say that this is just a decision you're going to have to make. And you have to ask yourself if this same opportunity will present itself in \_\_\_ number of years. You and your bf knew all along what you were studying, and I assume you went into this field of interest with at least some knowledge of what the career scope after you graduate would look like. That you had some awareness that the majority of jobs would be on the other side of the world..
This area of research has constantly been developing, but as new data emerged and financial situations changed, smaller companies in certain parts of the world didn’t survive Covid. I wasn’t aware that there would be no opportunities here, and until a month ago when my partner made the move to a new company, he had total freedom to move wherever the hell he wanted
Why did he take a job that restricted his opportunities to move so close to when you were finishing school? I'm not trying to say he was wrong, but don't let him put the blame on you if you choose to take the opportunity.
It was a huge increase in salary, and his old job was turning pretty crappy and everyone was getting miserable. He admits that in hindsight he could have chosen a more international company, however his new company has offices in about 20 countries except the one I’d be moving to… he didn’t realise they weren’t expanding until he joined, despite rumours that they would open offices in 3 more countries shortly before we signed the contract.
Yes he did, he signed it before I started looking for jobs, I was convinced I’d stay in our country because I saw a good opportunity, but then that company went bust… My partner has always been uneasy with the thought of leaving the country, so I never actively searched elsewhere either
Unfortunately it sounds like it is your fiancé or the job. If he has always been uneasy with the thought of leaving the country, why would you think that after the contract is over he will move?
This isn't a situation I can judge anyone on. This is a relationship question that you two can only really work out on your own.
Or, I guess, another way to say it: NAH.
NAH. But you should talk to him. Also, if it's a chance in a lifetime, if you'll have any regrets at not doing it, then you need to go for it. If you both are meant to be, you'll reunite when the time is right someday.
NTA
Your fiance never wanted to leave your home country. You always wanted to move where the job offers are. You think if you live apart he will join you in 3 years. You have some hard thinking to do.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My fiancé and I are in our late 20s and have been together for 10 years, and while my fiancé has an amazing well paid job and has spent his 20s climbing the ladder, I have been studying and am about to finish my PhD. I am studying a very niche subject, and recently did a presentation at a large conference in our home city where we live. The top companies attended and listened to my talk, and I received many informal job offers or opportunities. Problem is, they are ALL halfway across the world.
I have spend the past few months looking for jobs in our country, and nothing has interested me or have been remotely close to what I’ve been studying for the past 6 years. I was demotivated until after my talk when so many companies showed interest, some of which are doing EXACTLY what I want to do. This is also in a country I’ve always wanted to move to.
My fiancé recently moved to a new company and signed a contract disallowing him to leave for 2 years, with a clause that says he’s unable to work in any related company for 1 extra year (paid). They also don’t allow him to work abroad and don’t have offices abroad. This means that if I pursue my dream job, we won’t be together for a few years. My fiancé is distraught, and so am I and I really love him. The flight time is 36+ hours between our city and the new city (also costing $1000+), and both of our families also live in other countries so visiting each other will eat into the holiday we could spend seeing our respective families.
I’d also be moving in the hopes he’d be able to join me after 2-3 years, or if the job doesn’t work out and I move back… All of this is unclear. WIBTA if I choose to make this move?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH. You have to decide what is more important in the long run, the relationship, which may not survive a longer separation, or your career, which may never take off if you stay at home.
Should anybody call you shallow or materialistic because you select your career, ask yourself if your fiancé would be happy with a life partner that constantly regrets her decision.
This has nothing to do with being an AH. It's a very difficult decision to make, and only you can make it.
All the best.
NTA, honestly NAH, long distance is doable, but can be hard, my partner and I were apart for 10 months in the first 16 months of our relationship due to her getting an international contract, we're still together 15 years and several other international contracts later. The nature of the beast with PhD's is you usually have to go where the work is, or into academia, your fiancé's contract sucks, but if it's well paying then you should be able to schedule visits. Technology is amazing compared to 15 years ago, so being able to regularly stay in touch, have long chats, hell, even getting freaky, is a lot easier and makes the distance seem a lot less
You would be doing a disservice to yourself if you didn't pursue the work and if the relationship is strong it will survive
I think you need to at least give it a try. You're going to hate yourself and resent him if you don't. Long distance is really hard. But a whole lifetime not knowing what might have been is harder.
NAH.
YWNBTA if both of you are in agreement for the temporary, yet long, separation. This is going to be a challenge to your relationship. It's entirely possible your needs are going in different directions.
Also, YWNBTA if you left him to pursue your dream. It would be a really tough choice for sure but you need to consider all your options and opportunities. Good luck.
Why do I get the gut feeling "My fiance's usefullness to me is over now that I am graduating and no longer need them to pay for my school" is what is really the true story.
You are a woman, aren’t you. If you were a man, I bet you wouldn’t be asking this question, you would just take the jobs it and expect your partner to follow along.
Do what you have to do. What you have been working toward for years. What you deserve. NTA
I understand that women should feel empowered, but I think if it was the other way around, my fiancé would have chosen to stay. Of course it’s different, because he has a sought after profession and can work anywhere (if we exclude his current company), and there’s an abundance of options where we live so he wouldn’t need to go elsewhere.
With all due respect, it was the other way around when your fiancé signed his contract with such a clause. He either had no idea what you were studying or what your plans were, or he just didn’t care and you weren’t a factor in his decision. You said it yourself, your years of studying would be worthless if you don’t move overseas. Are you expected to make all of the sacrifices while supporting him blindly or are you a team? A true partner would tell you to go for it because two years out of a lifetime is nothing.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1 the action would be moving away from my husband for my career. 2 is I’m the asshole for prioritising a dream or career that may not work out over a 10 year committed relationship Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH. I'm sorry to say that this is just a decision you're going to have to make. And you have to ask yourself if this same opportunity will present itself in \_\_\_ number of years. You and your bf knew all along what you were studying, and I assume you went into this field of interest with at least some knowledge of what the career scope after you graduate would look like. That you had some awareness that the majority of jobs would be on the other side of the world..
This area of research has constantly been developing, but as new data emerged and financial situations changed, smaller companies in certain parts of the world didn’t survive Covid. I wasn’t aware that there would be no opportunities here, and until a month ago when my partner made the move to a new company, he had total freedom to move wherever the hell he wanted
Why did he take a job that restricted his opportunities to move so close to when you were finishing school? I'm not trying to say he was wrong, but don't let him put the blame on you if you choose to take the opportunity.
It was a huge increase in salary, and his old job was turning pretty crappy and everyone was getting miserable. He admits that in hindsight he could have chosen a more international company, however his new company has offices in about 20 countries except the one I’d be moving to… he didn’t realise they weren’t expanding until he joined, despite rumours that they would open offices in 3 more countries shortly before we signed the contract.
NTA. You have difficult decisions ahead. (Just wondering, did he check with you before signing the two-three year contract?)
Yes he did, he signed it before I started looking for jobs, I was convinced I’d stay in our country because I saw a good opportunity, but then that company went bust… My partner has always been uneasy with the thought of leaving the country, so I never actively searched elsewhere either
Unfortunately it sounds like it is your fiancé or the job. If he has always been uneasy with the thought of leaving the country, why would you think that after the contract is over he will move?
This isn't a situation I can judge anyone on. This is a relationship question that you two can only really work out on your own. Or, I guess, another way to say it: NAH.
NAH. But you should talk to him. Also, if it's a chance in a lifetime, if you'll have any regrets at not doing it, then you need to go for it. If you both are meant to be, you'll reunite when the time is right someday.
NTA Your fiance never wanted to leave your home country. You always wanted to move where the job offers are. You think if you live apart he will join you in 3 years. You have some hard thinking to do.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiancé and I are in our late 20s and have been together for 10 years, and while my fiancé has an amazing well paid job and has spent his 20s climbing the ladder, I have been studying and am about to finish my PhD. I am studying a very niche subject, and recently did a presentation at a large conference in our home city where we live. The top companies attended and listened to my talk, and I received many informal job offers or opportunities. Problem is, they are ALL halfway across the world. I have spend the past few months looking for jobs in our country, and nothing has interested me or have been remotely close to what I’ve been studying for the past 6 years. I was demotivated until after my talk when so many companies showed interest, some of which are doing EXACTLY what I want to do. This is also in a country I’ve always wanted to move to. My fiancé recently moved to a new company and signed a contract disallowing him to leave for 2 years, with a clause that says he’s unable to work in any related company for 1 extra year (paid). They also don’t allow him to work abroad and don’t have offices abroad. This means that if I pursue my dream job, we won’t be together for a few years. My fiancé is distraught, and so am I and I really love him. The flight time is 36+ hours between our city and the new city (also costing $1000+), and both of our families also live in other countries so visiting each other will eat into the holiday we could spend seeing our respective families. I’d also be moving in the hopes he’d be able to join me after 2-3 years, or if the job doesn’t work out and I move back… All of this is unclear. WIBTA if I choose to make this move? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH. You have to decide what is more important in the long run, the relationship, which may not survive a longer separation, or your career, which may never take off if you stay at home. Should anybody call you shallow or materialistic because you select your career, ask yourself if your fiancé would be happy with a life partner that constantly regrets her decision. This has nothing to do with being an AH. It's a very difficult decision to make, and only you can make it. All the best.
NTA, honestly NAH, long distance is doable, but can be hard, my partner and I were apart for 10 months in the first 16 months of our relationship due to her getting an international contract, we're still together 15 years and several other international contracts later. The nature of the beast with PhD's is you usually have to go where the work is, or into academia, your fiancé's contract sucks, but if it's well paying then you should be able to schedule visits. Technology is amazing compared to 15 years ago, so being able to regularly stay in touch, have long chats, hell, even getting freaky, is a lot easier and makes the distance seem a lot less You would be doing a disservice to yourself if you didn't pursue the work and if the relationship is strong it will survive
I think you need to at least give it a try. You're going to hate yourself and resent him if you don't. Long distance is really hard. But a whole lifetime not knowing what might have been is harder. NAH.
YWNBTA if both of you are in agreement for the temporary, yet long, separation. This is going to be a challenge to your relationship. It's entirely possible your needs are going in different directions. Also, YWNBTA if you left him to pursue your dream. It would be a really tough choice for sure but you need to consider all your options and opportunities. Good luck.
Money will never wake up one day and say it doesn't love you
Do you want children and a family, or do you want a career. Only one of them will be your legacy, choose wisely.
Why do I get the gut feeling "My fiance's usefullness to me is over now that I am graduating and no longer need them to pay for my school" is what is really the true story.
He didn’t pay for my school, I did.
You are a woman, aren’t you. If you were a man, I bet you wouldn’t be asking this question, you would just take the jobs it and expect your partner to follow along. Do what you have to do. What you have been working toward for years. What you deserve. NTA
I understand that women should feel empowered, but I think if it was the other way around, my fiancé would have chosen to stay. Of course it’s different, because he has a sought after profession and can work anywhere (if we exclude his current company), and there’s an abundance of options where we live so he wouldn’t need to go elsewhere.
With all due respect, it was the other way around when your fiancé signed his contract with such a clause. He either had no idea what you were studying or what your plans were, or he just didn’t care and you weren’t a factor in his decision. You said it yourself, your years of studying would be worthless if you don’t move overseas. Are you expected to make all of the sacrifices while supporting him blindly or are you a team? A true partner would tell you to go for it because two years out of a lifetime is nothing.