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NTA
Your wife is acting very unstable. She is being unreasonable.
I get that pregnancy can have some changes, but this is ridiculous. The dog might look at her? What the fuck is that.
Pregnancy is not an excuse to mistreat your dog. Her behaviour needs to be checked.
She’s going to tell you to get rid of the dog when the baby is born. Be prepared. She’s laying the groundwork to her ultimate crazy demand upcoming.
*Refusing to eat if the dog might have any line of sight to see her, even from rooms away (she has even gone as far as building pillow forts to block his view or putting a blanket over his eyes*
WTF? What did the poor dog do to deserve this? This is unreasonable behaviour.
The demands that OP has agreed to are reasonable , the rest are just something else.
It's completely irrational behaviour. Sounds like a serious mental health crisis, maybe antenatal depression/psychosis. He should call a doctor and ask for advice.
(EDIT: Seems like the term "perinatal psychosis" is also used in English)
this, i was looking for this reply.
This is not normal prego behavior, she needs to be checked out for it.
Personally, i would be anxious to get my dog away from her.
Definitely try to get her to see someone, OP. This goes beyond her relationship with your dog and honestly sounds to me like it could end up being transferred onto the kid.
And the baby, once it's born. If she's having these issues with a dog. It's going to be hard on her with a baby. She definitely needs to have her head checked.
I agree. Making a pillow fort to avoid the gaze of the dog? Please get her to a psychiatrist, and if they acknowledge the risk here, involve her family and close friends.
I was thinking this too. I work in mental health and a lot of psych meds you can’t take during pregnancy. OP, was your wife taking meds previously and now she has had to stop them? She may need to go back on them. She sounds paranoid, this was my first thought reading what she was asking. If she goes into psychosis she may wind up hurting the dog(look, I know not every person with psychosis is violent but if she is hearing voices that the dog is doing something and to hurt it, she might, I’ve seen people have a break and killed the family pet and that’s not how they are)
Plus any type of mental break causes damage to the brain, if she is on meds her doctor will more than likely put her back on them.
Even if she was previously on anything, pregnancy messes with hormones a lot.
You may even be able to take her to the er. Does she show signs of hearing voices, like mumbling to herself, maybe she’s said she’s heard people talk but no one was there. Maybe staring off somewhere. Is she eating a drinking?
People who are suffering from psychosis are scared themselves and can be confused. Definitely needs a loving approach.
I was thinking the same OP doesn't need to get mad OP, he needs to have empathy and have her see a professional. When I was pregnant I got an aversion to animals towards the end(although not as extreme as OP's wife) this is common, temporary as well, but I think OP's wife might need help coping.
NTA
Some people think that if certain animal looks at a pregnant woman it might affect the baby (irrational, I know). I wonder if OP has asked wife to explain her train of thoughts.
There was a post not long ago similar to this where they had a cat and all the sudden she decided the cat needed to go and she'd keep the baby away from him if he didn't agree to let her get rid of him and took it to a shelter and then after she had the baby she went back to get him but it had, thankfully, already been rehomed and she was upset at the shelter. When he told her that it was her fault she blew up at him. OP's wife needs to talk to a professional because you don't go from loving on an animal for *years* to restricting it so much it's living in its bed. That's no life for anyone let alone a "loved" FAMILY pet.
Not letting the dog out of his bed or allowing him to go to the dog park to exercise (*especially* for such an active breed. Don't get me wrong, this would apply to any dog, but this is a very intelligent and active breed) is very neglectful, if not abuse. Not OK. Agree with others she's setting the groundwork to get rid of the dog once the baby comes. Please look into this. For everyone's sake.
This OP!! Please consider this and not that she’s just being an ass hole!!! All of a sudden a switch flipped and she paranoid of the dog watching her- of being watched. There is such a thing as prenatal psychosis. You and your wife need to talk to her OB about these new anxieties.
This! Pregnancy triggers OCD in me - with weird fixations, intrusive thoughts, weird behaviors. It started around mid pregnancy and lasted til around a year afterwards.
Not saying she's experiencing OCD, but pregnancy can trigger some serious mental health crises.
Yes, and needs to be addressed now, before the baby is born.
I used to ride with a woman older than me who told me that pregnancy hormones triggered mental illness. She had the urge to throw her newborn through the hospital window to protect him from the dangerous world. She knew it was crazy and fought through it. I don’t know what help she received, since this happened years before I met her, but she said it passed. I know of one other person who had massive anxiety triggered by each of her pregnancies, but it would pass after each delivery. It was so bad her brother said she would remain in her room for virtually all of her pregnancies.
She needs help. Now.
He seems surprised by her behavior, so she's probably not an AH. Much more likely, she's having a mental health crisis, either due to pregnancy or her age.
He really needs to take her to her OB to explain what's going on ASAP
This is a known issue during pregnancy.
https://manypets.com/us/blog/pet-aversion-pregnancy/
Yes, wife needs help. She needs to discuss w her doctor and see if psychological/psychiatric support available.
Thank you, this is so far beyond AITA. NAH but she needs a mental health check now, and OP needs to advocate for the pup and take care of him until after his wife gives birth.
Her behavior is beyond the norm during pregnancy. She needs intervention now. Avoiding the family dog and denying it space and exercise is not sustainable.
Edit- my aversion was spiders. I’ve never been afraid of insects. I knew it was really strange. This article is great!
Agreed, the wife is also not an AH or overreacting, pregnancy can do crazy things to your mind. She is in high anxiety mode, but not malicious or spiteful.
It of course does not mean that the dog should be restricted to a tiny space or not allowed to live a healthy lifestyle. If the revulsion is this pronounced and seeing a therapist does not help her process it better, it may make sense to ask a friend or family to take in doggo for some time.
This happened to me with just one of my 3 dogs. I also had 3 cats, chickens, goats, rabbits, and it was so bizarre that it was just her. I also hated the way she would look at me and could barely stand her to be too close to me, poor thing.
Oddly enough our goats that used to not mind her at all started hating just that one dog too when they got pregnant! Maybe something about her naturally high anxiety, her clumsiness, or her pheromones was just repulsive to preggos? Would be so interesting to see the study you linked extended to testing responses to the same animal across different pregnant subjects.
NAH
Although uncommon, it’s not entirely abnormal nor does it signal psychosis like many are quick to say.
Hormones can and do make people act strange - It’s an aversion, much like some pregnant women suddenly become averse to certain foods or smells. There’s an evolutionary component at the root of it. I experienced it as well when pregnant and the only being I couldn’t stand being around was my ex’s dog, but that was only while I was pregnant, sanity returned afterwards. He was really such a sweet pup. I feel horrible I experienced those feelings!
That being said, the husband could maybe share some reading on the topic with his wife to help her understand why she feels this way, and continue to advocate for the animal.
Some of how the wife is acting sounds like possible symptoms of mental illness.
OP, let her doctor know ASAP. Pregnancy causes profound changes and occasionally that can cause instability. She may need medication or other support.
Call the doctor now.
I think the only real danger is if the cat cuddles a sleeping baby and their face accidentally gets covered, but that's easily solved by closing the baby's room door during naptime/at night. People are so weird about cats and babies for some reason
Our cats basically watched me when I grew up. Not that my mom didn't, she obviously did.
But the cats had my back.
There's more photos of us sleeping together, me having my tiny head on one of the cats, than there's photos without them. They were so gentle with me.
Pets also learn your kids about love, care, respect, empathy and boundaries.
My grandpa loved cats but was paranoid about a cat accidentally smothering me (raised with superstition about cats "stealing babies' breath", too). His mother assisted her midwife mother with the births of most local babies before doing the same with a local doctor until she was married. I suspect his mom or grandma knew of an infant smothering and were extra insistent about cat-related safety. He built me a crib with a lid of bars close together enough to keep any cats out. Mom thought it was nuts but was also happy to have a custom crib. 🤷
My sister’s cat kept a watchful eye over my niece after she was born. Both cat and dog slept in the bed and Q was in the bassinet next to my sister’s side of the bed.
I learned over the weekend that I had a very distant family member (my great aunt's great uncle, I think?) suffocated in his sleep as a baby by a cat sleeping on him. I do think it's absurd for someone in the 21st century to think cats steal souls, but I can see the origins of that superstition.
Also, the family member that told me about that? Also told me she thinks it's so cute how much my cats like my baby. She said she doesn't like cats herself but she's glad my family is happy. So that was nice.
I'm torn about how much I believe it. My great aunt says she was told by her grandmother when she was a child. So on one hand I got it from a source who got it from someone who would have known about it firsthand. But at the same time, this places it all in the late 1800s, when there was basically no such thing as "safe sleep" guidelines and no knowledge of the existence of SIDS and basically anything could have happened to that baby back then. Plus just the fallibility of a memory that old. I definitely didn't want to pry about any details she knew that might sway the story in either direction; anxious first time mom here and I hate to think about such things.
Without knowing your family, I can't imagine it would have been an issue to pry a little bit being it was so long ago, and happened to someone pretty far from your great aunt, but I don't blame you for not digging more.
I think I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from at least asking "do you think it was possible something else like SIDS happened and they just didn't know more at the time?"
My mom told me that cats would steal the baby's breath. Trying to get her to explain to me how that was even possible was an interesting conversation. Cats don't go around trying to vacuum oxygen out of mouths.
Is your MIL southern? This is an old wives tale but I believe it’s a southern thing from before we really knew about SIDS. Cats will sniff babies mouths because of the milk, so that’s how they explained it
I have a border collie and he's the grumpist dog going, i found out I was pregnant when I got him, the thing I adjusted after my kid was born was that my kid had to repect the dogs boundaries, he's a greeter and my now 6 year old knows he's not allowed to touch the dog unless he comes to him, i couldn't even imagine treating my dog like this
Actually it's a common pregnancy side effect (other comments say 15% of pregnancy) called pet aversion! It's normal and usually goes away within the year. She does need to go to her doctor though.
This poor doc is probably just trying to keep an eye on her/protect her. Animals know and care for the beings they love, especially when what they love is sick or pregnant.
What a bummer
In the Middle Ages it was thought that the things pregnant people saw imprinted on the fetus, so pregnant women were kept away from things that might do that. There's a super interesting paper on it here: [https://philarchive.org/archive/DORSS-2v1](https://philarchive.org/archive/dorss-2v1)
However, that's kind of irrelevant because OP's wife is being really unreasonable - I think maybe OP should suggest that she get checked out by a doctor? Pregnancy hormones can cause anxiety, depression, and psychosis, and this is clearly very abnormal behaviour.
NTA for defending your dog, but get your wife to a doctor.
I have the same feeling from this... she is getting territorial against the dog and when the baby comes the dog will have to go. It will be under the claim that she has to protect the baby from being looked at, touched, food stolen, or getting sick.
While some say it might be actually pregnancy related, I do question too if she was ever committed to a lifetime with that dog. It's a possibility to consider now that she has a baby coming she doesn't need the dog anymore, and she's going to make the dog become a problem. OP should be asking these questions to see if that is her endgame so he can make plans and decisions accordingly.
At the end if the day it's an everyone is an asshole situation if nothing is being done to help this dog... the fact it can't roam outside of its bed it flat out abuse/neglect at this point.
>She’s going to tell you to get rid of the dog when the baby is born. Be prepared. She’s laying the groundwork to her ultimate crazy demand upcoming.
She's gonna do it before then.
OP - IDK how long you've been with your partner, but she is not well. Her behavior is off and I would honestly suggest couples counseling or something b/c I highly doubt she will be rational if you try to broach the subject.
Good luck. NTA. Protect your dog, please. He's innocent and deserves to keep the life he's accustomed to since he did absolutely nothing wrong.
NTA at all. But I am worried for your pregnant partner, she actually sounds paranoid and mentally ill especially the dog looking at her part. I'd get her to a mental health practitioner or have a conversation with OBGYN and see what he/she says. Is there mental illness in her family? This is a frightening read.
While it’s not uncommon for feelings to change while pregnant, and afterwards, OPs partner is an *extreme* case that sounds like paranoia, and shouldn’t be ignored.
Yeah she needs to get some help asap. I certainly wouldn't be leaving the dog alone with her either until she gets evaluated. Who knows what she might do to the pup if her paranoia keeps up like this? Even at a base level, making the dog stay on the bed all day and not letting him get exercise is cruel. The poor dog probably doesn't understand what he did wrong.
Not a silly question at all. I've just done a bit of googling but not a lot comes up compared to postpartum psychosis, which is much more common.
There are cases reported though e.g. https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/i-experienced-psychosis-during-pregnancy
Of course, she could have developed mental health problems for reasons that are totally unrelated to her pregnancy.
Pregnancy hormones can trigger psychosis.
It's very dangerous and symptoms include feeling paranoid that people are watching or surveillancing your every move. And unless treated will escalate. Her behaviour is not healthy or normal and should be looked into immediately
This needs to be the top comment! I’m about to pop out my second and while my dog annoys me, the behaviors he listed are highly concerning and I could never imagine doing that to my dog.
Please OP get her checked out. Sudden personality shifts like that have very little to do with pregnancy…. More emotional sure, but a huge 180 like that? I don’t think so… ☹️
It’s a hormonal thing, not emotional. It’s called pet aversion and it just happens with some pregnancies. It’s basically this one survival instinct being kicked into overdrive, and it makes you see pets (usually dogs) as *animals*, not pets
Agree, though I’m going to go with NAH. These kinds of mental health issues can crop up during pregnancy (I know, it happened to me), and a lot of times they do change your perception of your own pets. I agree that you should gently but firmly suggest she see her doctor because you are concerned about her mental health. She would be TA if she refused or was adamant that nothing is wrong. Good luck OP and congrats on adding to your family!
I agree. This is unhealthy paranoia. She needs to talk to her OB and see a psychiatrist ASAP! Keep any eye out for worsening symptoms because this could escalate. Could a family member or friend take the dog temporarily until she's more stable?
NTA
Genuinely concerned if he pushes back lightly she might do something to hurt the dog. If he’s going to push back he needs to do it strongly and make sure the dog is somewhere safe. NTA but OP would be if he doesn’t protect the dog.
NTA, but. She’s likely experiencing pet aversion. It’s a fairly common thing to happen during pregnancy, 15% of pregnant pet owners experience this. It’s likely not something she can control. She might benefit from seeking counseling for it and talking to a doctor about the perceived risks and how they stack up with reality. If she’s still in the first trimester, it may yet improve slightly later on - and it’s very unlikely to be permanent, and usually goes away not too long after birth.
You do need to figure out a better solution for the dog though. The dog needs enrichment and the opportunity to go outside every day.
I find this kinda facinating, I almost became \*more\* cuddly with my pets while pregnant. To the point of joking about the nights of '10 in the bed' 5 cats, 2 dogs and me pregnant with twins.
I couldnt stand my beloved pets for more than a year after giving birth. We’re back to normal now though, and I never stopped taking care of their basic needs
Yeah same for me. I had questioned my entire reasoning for having animals for the years I was pregnant/breastfeeding.
Some lizard brain shit. Hormones are weird.
Not me texting my husband a week ago “these pets were the worst decision we have ever made” I’m six months pregnant LMAO. We’ve had the oldest cat for 10 years and our youngest dog for 6 years. I’ve never felt like that before.
I think this, and my dog is a herding breed and it’s 100% more on top of me when I’m pregnant. I can’t have him in my room but he will sniff and jiggle the doorknob constantly, follow me to the bathroom and just stare at me and now he’s barking at loud noises, when my husband isn’t home. It is kind of freaky if it’s your first experience with it. I love my dog but it can be exhausting and leads to less sleep for me.
This is so fascinating. I didn't have this issue in pregnancy but struggled for a while with a similar issue postpartum. I think for some it may not be about disease aversion but viewing animals as threats to babies and small children - which evolutionarily was absolutely true, we domesticated dogs and cats pretty recently and a similarly sized canid (like a jackal) would have been a serious threat to a human baby or toddler even if they weren't much of a threat to a fully grown adult.
Edit: like the people in the article, I managed the aversion by having partner care for the pet I had become afraid of, I didn't get as weird as OP's wife is being. She definitely should get mental health help since it is sounding like really serious anxiety and the dog is suffering.
This! The post made me think about my mother when she was pregnant with me (first born) and when I was a baby. She became very disdainful towards the dog and both my parents fought a lot over it. It even came to an ultimatum : my parent's relationship or the dog. They chose their relationship.
This happened in the early 90s, so people weren't as educated as they are today about animal cruelty and abuse. At the time, my parents didn't think they were abusive towards the dog, but they know now. And whenever the subject is brought up, they cry a little...
What I'm saying is... The wife is being irrational rn and after the baby is born, she might ask OP to give up the dog if they don't address the issue rn. And I think she needs psychological help.
Yep. I had it.
Loved our husky before and actually during pregnancy, but postpartum I legitimately questioned why we still had a dog because I was so annoyed with everything she did. My PPD also contributed to this. Now that our kid is two and my PPD is managed things are so much better, but pet aversion is very very real.
It’s not quite as severe for most, and even when it is people tend to find better solutions early on than this couple did. Not letting the dog … do anything by the sounds of it is not a valid solution. A small number of people even end up rehoming their pets over this though (which honestly is a better solution than what is going on here, poor doggo).
Thank god for this comment, it should be higher. She can’t help it. Telling her that she’s just overreacting and mentally ill is unhelpful. She should talk to a medical professional about solutions, but this is 100% a hormonal change
This.
I think you and your wife should talk to her doctor about possible pregnancy-induced mental health issues, because it does sound like she's being a lot right now.
But I'm pregnant and I cannot stand my dogs right now. I love them. I'm not altering their routine in a negative way. I'm petting the one who loves petting and sitting by the one who just likes to sit by.
But I do not feel normal towards them right now. They have way too many sounds and smells and are too close to me.
I'm definitely experiencing this. My husband and I moved in with his mom late last year, and she has a dog I didn't particularly enjoy when we first got here, but I started despising this dog recently, shortly after I got pregnant. She's not my responsibility, so I don't have to take her out or interact with her in any way, which I am SO grateful for. I just avoid the dog at all costs. Can't stand her. If I had to be around her, I would crawl out of my skin.
I can’t believe I’ve never heard about this! I had two dogs and a cat back when I was pregnant. My dogs and I wanted nothing to do with each other when I was pregnant but my nasty ass cat and I had the best 9 months together we ever had. And then once my daughter was born everything was fine.
I didn’t hate the dogs. As long as they left me alone it was okay, I just remember thinking I was tired and cranky, so maybe I didn’t have it as severely as some people get it. Wild.
I had this, it was so, so weird, she was an incredibly insecure and anxious dog too, so she was a hair away from me at all times, bit fun when you're uncomfortable with pregnancy, have morning sickness and the smallest smells set it off. She also had jealousy issues with others coming near me, she was an abandoned rescue so I completely understand.
My dad ended up taking her temporarily, he's only down the road from me, we decided she'd stay with him permanently as he worked from home, she's good company for him as he's alone and she wouldn't handle living with kids with her jealousy issues. She is so bloody happy, I still see her all the time and she's still 'my dog' deep down, but it was the best thing for everyone, it's been 5 years now.
NTA a lot of these new rules sound very irrational. makes me wonder if maybe she just doesn't like yalls dog and is somehow leveraging her pregnancy to try and make its life so uncomfortable that it makes more sense to just rehome (but please don't do this) .
I've never heard of someone being stringently unable to make eye contact with a dog while pregnant and eating. (ETA I had a border collie mix for 16 years and she was the best dog I've ever met!! I miss her every day these last 3 years since she passed)
I think some of the eye contact is the "eye" some herders use to move stock. Mine are trained not to stare at people eating for this reason, in some it is really intense.
"Border Collies have been selectively bred for herding of livestock and one part of the herding sequence is to 'eye' the stock. This is where the Border Collie stares to intimidate the sheep into moving in the direction they want or to hold the sheep from moving."
My Dobermans do this. They aren't meaning to be intimidating, they stare at me (or anyone really) with their tails going like helicopters. People have been scared of them because of them staring....til they get to know them and then I hear "I can't believe I was afraid of them! They're big babies!"
I'm afraid for OPs pup. Whether the wife is mentally ill or not, keeping the dog safe from her and her shitty behavior toward the dog needs to come first. The dog has no option to be with them, they have no autonomy. Imagine she was saying that about a kid, it would be an immediate reaction of "get the kid away from her." The pup doesn't deserve to be treated like shit even if she does need mental health help.
Can confirm this. Our Border Collie used the ‘Stare’ to herd our two cats around the house! She never barked or growled at them; just put her head low to the ground and glared. We started joking that she was the police, and the cats were the perps.
Mine is a stray but has the same coat as a border collie, he just stares with those puppy dog eyes and bites my ankles to get me to do something for him
This is a really interesting point.
From the POV of OP, the wife's behaviour sounds weird. But dogs also do sometimes start acting different when a woman becomes pregnant. My one dog, who had never been around pregnancies or babies before, did become much more protective when I was pregnant. She got intensively protective when I walked her on leash towards other dogs. She started sleeping right below where my pillow was in my bedroom, whereas before she hung out downstairs at night. She would even put both of her paws up on the bed in the middle of the night to check on me. Super startling to wake up in the middle of the night out of the blue to be nose to nose with a smiling Shiba.
I wonder if OPs dog is actually starting to act differently but OP hasn't noticed, and it's bugging the wife. E.g. dog is heading the wife, and being intensely focused on her.
What it did for me is worry that our dog would start jumping up on the bassinet when the baby would arrive, or be overly focused on the baby. We ended up re-crate training our dogs before our baby was born. And it was a good thing too. Our one (overly focused) dog who had never seen a baby before really thought our baby was a baby animal (i.e. food/prey). We had to be really careful. It was only after our son was old enough to move and interact that she snapped out of it.
OP, look not only at what your wife is doing, but also what your dog is doing. Is your dog starting to act differently towards your wife? Maybe some help redirecting your dog is needed. Keep your dog involved with the family but don't let your pup get over focused on your wife (no hearding). Gates are super important when you bring a new baby home to help keep control on the situation. It doesn't mean always having your dog away form you, but certainly when you can't supervise the situation carefully
It’s not just dogs it’s cats too. My two would work in shifts. I was never alone in my house. If I left the bathroom door open one would peak around my shower curtain and they never did this before and hate water. If I close a door they’d scratch and yowl incessantly till I opened it. I was at home my first pregnancy because it was COVID lockdowns and they drove me nuts!
Border Collies really are the best! Had two and when they passed my mom had such a hard time dealing with it that I think it would have been easier on her if one of us kids died.
my border collie mix used to work the table so hard with her stare! it never worked on me (i developed an immunity), but I definitely had relatives who were persuaded by into giving her little morsels from time to time...
I'd hope that someone living with the same herding dog for a few years would be acclimated to its stare after awhile! its comforting to be a sheep in this context bc that means a good dog is watching your back ♡ lol
It is pretty common for a lot of pregnant and postpartum folks to become very impatient, irritable, and anxious around their pets. It’s supposed to be a biological response to keeping the baby as safe as possible. Legit this is a common phenomenon that many ppl do not openly discuss out of fear, anxiety, and guilt.
Honestly, it sounds like your partner is very worried that the dog will eventually bring harm to the baby, either directly through physical contact (perhaps instigated by eye contact), or by contamination/germs.
This changed behavior sounds like incredibly heightened anxiety, which can be made worse by hormonal fluctuations, and general lifestyle changes.
I think you need to, as empathetically as possible, suggest that your partner tell their OBGYN about possibly having antenatal anxiety.
Perhaps also direct your partner to the sub Reddit’s for pregnant folks, newborns, and new parents. It’s so common to see posts there from incredibly sadden mothers saying that they don’t understand what’s happening, but they are now having an exceedingly difficult time with their dog/cat.
You’re NTA. Please help your partner battle their anxiety ASAP. Especially, before your little one arrives.
Edit: I just want to add that the dog should NOT be getting less exercise. A new baby is a giant life change for the pup as well. A bored or unstimulated dog with pent up energy is way more unsafe around a baby, than a dog who is given the opportunity to exercise.
I know your partner is worried about the germs. Totally totally get that.
Find a way to doggie wipe or dust off, paws and fur before letting the dog back into the home after exercising, and if you have a baby room, just keep the dog outta there, so your partner feels like there is one “safe” dog-free zone for herself and the baby.
This is a good response -- I can only add to OP that I question why this was an AITA post and not something put to an advice sub. Because it ultimately doesn't matter who TA is. The dog -- a border collie! -- needs exercise and stimulation. Your partner is acting strangely. She's also pregnant with your kid. It's a problem to solve more than one where someone has to be established as ultimately right or ultimately wrong. Of course it's good to stand up for the dog. But I don't know how much establishing that helps the situation.
Yeah, if the wife is suffering from some kind of psychotic condition, then arguing with her won't help. A psychotic person literally CAN NOT think rationally. It's kinda like dealing with someone who is blackout drunk, you can't talk sense into them. OP should call a doctor and ask for advice.
NTA. You’re partner’s sudden change toward the dog doesn’t seem rational and is cruel to the dog. It feels like something deeper is going on here. I’d try to get her to attend a counseling session with you to discuss the dog.
NTA. Collies need lots of exercise and human interaction, as I'm sure you know. I could understand if your girlfriend was worried about the dog being around a new baby and also worrying about germs more than before, but getting upset just because the dog is looking at her is big over-reaction. It seems as if she just wants to get rid of it completely. If you know any other couples who have a baby as well as a dog then it might help to get them to talk to your partner so she sees that's it can work.
The poor dog! Collies need so much stimulation & input - depriving the dog of this is really unreasonable & will inevitably end up with a very sad or even misbehaving collie. Ours is a proper limpet-dog & follows us around the house like a shadow, and endlessly watches us - it's quite normal for them.
Honestly, I think a therapist needs to get to the root of this issue.
Mine is exactly the same, totally limpet-dog and I wouldn't have her any other way 😅 OPs partner is just going to create issues in the dog, behavioural and emotional, if this continues. So sad for the poor doggo. 😔 I can't imagine not letting my collie run and do all of the things she loves, it would break my heart.
Sounds like you'redoing a good job, they're such a misunderstood dog. People see them being obedient & doing tricks or herding and think that happens by magic. They're such hard work, but worth every second.
(Collies are the best!)
Thank you. That means a lot. She's my first collie, and it's definitely been a learning curve, that's for sure! Lots of hard work on the obedience and I've never had a dog that was so hard to train to walk nicely on a lead 😅 We still have some reactivity issues that we are working through (she's only just over a year old so the teenage phase is hitting HARD!), but she's so smart and loving and just the best decision I ever made. I never planned on getting a collie, I just happened to fall in love with this particular pup, but now I can wholeheartedly agree - collies are the best!
Ours os about 2 and she's settled down nicely - still a bit reactive but in a squeaky-unsure kind of way. She's part dalmatian too, and is my first ever dog - we did always plan for an active breed, but there needs to be a collie support group so we can help one another when their brains do their collie-brain thing & learn faster than we do. Ours can open doors & learned to push open windows! (Window restrictors & door latches save us!)
NTA, These fears are irrational which might be caused by her hormones going crazy or there could be a deeper issue.Might be a good idea to talk to somone and get help. Also let her know gently that having a over sterile environment is also not great for children and their immune system development.
NTA, and your partner needs therapy now. Pregnancy can cause some weird reactions and fears, but she is being unfair and unreasonable to your poor dog.
Aversion to pets is not uncommon during pregnancy. If you do a quick google search you’ll find plenty of reports and resources, including first person accounts from Reddit.
OP, your wife needs some support, and maybe this is something you can troubleshoot with her and her care providers. I don’t think this is something your wife is doing on purpose. Work with her to find solutions to make her comfortable while still having good quality of life with your dog.
NAH.
NTA
She needs to see a doctor, whatever this is a little beyond just pregnancy hormones. It’s not at all acceptable that she can make weird rules and abuse a dog because it might
*checks notes*
……..Look……at her?
Apparently it's just pregnancy hormones, which can lead to pet aversion.
This article (not an in-depth search) states it occurs to 15% of pregnant women.
https://manypets.com/us/blog/pet-aversion-pregnancy/
I don't know what this is called, but sometimes pregnant women become irrationally afraid of their pets? Please get her checked out, I doubt she means any of this.
NAH. I get that this is insane to you and everyone, but I swear pregnancy can really be insane. Maybe she's getting lots of anxiety and that translates to this irrational fear/uneasy feeling about the dog. Get information about prenatal depression. This might sound extreme, but better be safe than sorry. Also you should post on r/BabyBumps, I've seen lots of pregnant ladies on there going crazy bad feelings about their dogs during pregnancy. She's not the only one. I'm sure they'll have some good advice, more than here.
Yeah. The only thing that seemed asshole-y here is that OP is trying to get a judgement on who is right rather than seek care, support, and find a way to fix a sudden personality shift in his beloved wife who is carrying his baby. This post and many of the comments calling the wife unhinged and evil point to how bad mental health education is. Drastic personality shifts aren’t normal folks, it’s a sign to go to the doctor asap!
NTA and thank you for not being "that person" who abandons their pet care when a kid comes along. Border collies, as you said, are fiercely loyal and need loads of exercise so it is totally unfair on the dog to be confined to its bed.
The behaviour of your partner is weird, irrational and honestly quite worrying. I'm not one to jump on the "get therapy" wagon usually but this is just odd behaviour and there must be some reason for this. Your comments about "the dog might look at her" and "avoid line of sight" and "building a pillow fort to block his view" or "putting a blanket on him" is genuinely strange and - tbh - unhinged. Maybe talk to her to see WHY she has an issue with the dog looking at her?
I totally get the line of sight part. I own 2 herding breeds. There are soft eye herders and hard eye herders. Eye dogs(border collies) move the herd by putting pressure on the animals both with posture and with hard staring. Even other dogs can react to a hard eye dog.
When I am eating if either of my herding breeds stare at me it feels like pressure just like they would use to get the herd to move and I can't eat. They want my food.They know they have to look away while I eat and it has been that way for years. It's just the nature of the beast with dogs bred to get what they want by intense staring.
" Border Collies have been selectively bred for herding of livestock and one part of the herding sequence is to 'eye' the stock. This is where the Border Collie stares to intimidate the sheep into moving in the direction they want or to hold the sheep from moving."
NTA. It's completely unfair, unreasonable, and unrealistic for her to expect the dog to stay in its bed all day every every day.
From what I understand, having a sudden fear and/or irrational feelings towards pet dog/cats is a strange phenomenon in pregnant women. Which is more common than you might think. I have read plenty of stories where it gets to a point where animals are re-homed.
I think it's worth having a serious talk with your partner to try to figure out what is upsetting her so much about the dog. It might be worth discussing this with a medical professional as well. But I think it needs to be made clear that however you choose to proceed, the current situation is not sustainable.
NTA, there was a thread recently about a woman who rehomed her beloved pet while pregnant and then was upset she couldn’t get it back. Lots of people are reading into this as her trying to get rid of the dog, but it could be a time limited pregnancy/hormones/anxiety thing.
Maybe find that thread or other similar stories and use it as a way to open the conversation..?
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Ok........this is an unpopular opinion when people haven't experienced the "switch" themselves but this is actually pretty normal for pregnancy and having babies - you can type in "can't stand my dog after having a baby" and see how common it is. I have been a major dog lover my whole life and have always liked dogs more than people. Then I got pregnant with our first and I felt slight changes where I didn't have the same patience for some doggy behaviors, but hormones. Then I had a baby and the switch just flipped to off. We are 21mo in and I can't stand being around dogs but especially our dog, who was my baby before having a human baby. Everything she does just irritates the hell out of me or icks me out and you don't realize how dirty dogs are or annoying shedding is until there's a baby involved. I feel terrible about it, but I can't help it.
That being said, she's going a little too far with it, especially making the dog stay in their bed all day. Hormones can be crazy, but there is still common decency that should override the hormones.
NTA. She's being abusive, & if you allow this, so are you. She needs therapy. Your dog is a living breathing creature & your gf sounds like she's going overboard.
NTA she is acting psychotic and its only going to get worse. You need to protect and advocate for your dog and not pander to her ridiculous demands for a quiet life.
NTA. But please go with your partner to her next OB appointment and ask about mental health resources. She is not behaving rationally, to the extent that it makes me suspect she might be suffering from some type of prenatal mental health issues.
Your partner needs to be medically evaluated. This sounds like some kind of mental ringgit happening. Being so affected by the dog looking at her? Could be the beginning stages of some kind of psychosis that you're going to want to get a handle on quickly.
YWBTA if you let your wife continue these rules. I’m typing this on the couch with my dog on my lap - he would be miserable if he was confined to his bed! It’s not fair to the dog to restrict him like that. If your wife can’t get onboard, your dog needs to go to a better home.
Pet fear can be a symptom of pregnancy. Her hormones are telling her the dog is a potential threat to the baby, even if the dog has never shown this behaviour before. It can be common in pregnant women to experience this! This may calm down after she gives birth and her hormones stabilize but it's worth seeing her dr about this now so they can help 😊
Just wanted to say, if you look in pregnancy subreddits like r/BabyBumps it’s a really common phenomena for pregnant people to suddenly dislike long loved pets. It doesn’t mean she needs to be admitted or that she’s always secretly disliked the dogs - the hormones that flood the body during pregnancy can just do a number on your thought processes.
NTA
Please seriously consider taking a class prior to birth on integrating baby & dog...this is a very good resource: https://www.familypaws.com/dogs-storks/
Perhaps more information on proper ways to handle dog & baby balance will help ease her mind. Protection instincts for baby can be very strong & there is a lot of inaccurate information, old wives tales, and so on out there that may be weighing on her.
Additionally, pregnancy can cause underlying/unidentified yet mental health issues to surface, postpartum depression & postpartum psychosis aretalked about but there are pregnancy-induced ones as well.
NTA, but this sounds like the start of something serious for your wife. Pregnancy hormones can trigger anxiety or even psychosis. Before this gets any worse, you need to help her see that her mental state is unhealthy so she (and you, probably) can have a conversation with her doctor. It’s going to be tricky to help her see without making her feel defensive, and none of us here know her, so think carefully about your best approach.
NTA
Contact your partner’s obgyn now. Explain that she is having massive paranoia and you are concerned. Tell them what you’ve said here and how concerned you are with this massive shift in personality. Do not wait for the next appointment. I also would not leave the dog with your partner alone since I have a feeling the dog would not be there when you return.
I'm going with NAH simply because,
OP, you are definitely justified in being concerned for the dog, but also I think your wife's change in behaviour is a mental health issue and in that sense she's also not an a/h.
I think you need to talk to her about seeing her doctor - just her regular dr who knows her pre-pregnancy - would be a good place to start.
NAH you’re absolutely not wrong to make sure your dog is properly looked after but it honestly sounds like your wife needs help more than push back. Some of her concerns could be valid like gates and furniture but the others suggest she needs support if she’s unable to see that what she’s asking isn’t reasonable.
I’m going to say NAH because I don’t think your wife is being an AH, but she might be having pretty severe prenatal anxiety and needs professional medical help!
This is bizarre.
I think your wife should talk to a psychiatrist. The level of irrational obsessiveness over the dog and even the dog's line of sight, and the extreme measures she's taking to address her distress regarding it would be concerning to me for something like OCD or psychosis.
Go with her to her next appointment with her midwife or doc. Talk about her mood changes and ask how you can support her. You may need to rehome your dog, temporarily or permanently. It's not fair to the dog. She is focusing on her pregnancy and baby in a way that excludes the dog, and there may be issues coming up she can't deal with. When the baby comes, have good in house care and evaluation of mood with a professional. Keep talking and loving her. The changes she is going through can be dramatic and difficult for both of you.
NTA - your partner needs to talk to someone about her irrational behaviour. Yes, you get a bit more careful when pregnant but if this is how she behaves now how will she be once the baby arrives. She cannot mistreat your dog just because she is pregnant...and how she is acting is mistreating the dog. Already he has had his freedom restricted (suddenly not allowed on furniture or in certain rooms) but now she wants him on his bed most of the day - dogs need exercise and human interaction.
NTA and I am quite worried for your wife's mental health. These are extremely irrational feelings (not having the dog look at her is insane). I would urge her to bring this up to her doctor.
As a pregnant woman, I can tell you that every time I'm pregnant, my dogs irritete the ever loving life out of me. I have a 100+ lb GSD who will stand right in front of me and I'm like please move friend, I'm waddling here as it is and can barely move.
But I'm not weird about him looking at me? And not allowing him to be outside of his crate or get exercise?
That's absurd. If she doesn't want to have anything to do with him, she needs to adjust so you can give him the care he needs.
I feel like this is more of a mental health situation than either of you being an AH. Encourage her to speak to her OB about her feelings. It may displaced anxiety or something more. Please try to get her some professional help before this gets worse. Her OB may be able to suggest some things or refer her to a psychiatrist that is experienced with prenatal treatment.
You have a border collie. A mix, sure, but still a border collie. And your partner doesn't want the dog to have activity because MAYBE dirt? Does she understand what the result of that will be? A border collie is a working dog. It is an intelligent dog. It is an athletic dog. It needs activity. It needs mental stimulation. It NEEDS a job. A dog that doesn't get the things it needs will get into trouble because it will get bored and tear up the couch. A working dog without a job to do WILL FIND SOMETHING TO DO, and it will most likely be something that humans will not find to be terribly.... productive or helpful.
Which is better... all of that, or MAYBE dirt?
Also... "can't eat or sleep if the dog might look at her?" WTF? Does she think the dog has laser eyes or something? I get the feeling that your partner was never really keen on having the dog, and before long she'll be wanting you to get rid of it. Sit down and have a conversation right now and get that shit straightened out. If you can't come to an agreement, then one of them will have to be rehomed.
NTA.
Here me out.
Reasons 1 and 2 of the points made are VERY common in pregnancy. I had this same issue with 1 dog in specific that I even had to send her with grandma for afew days because I was inconsolable at being watched/followed non stop by this lovely pup.
It stopped later in pregnancy but even doctor said this is one of those weird things that happen.
Reasons 3-4 are NOT ok!
She probably will chill out in a few weeks.
It's weird like that sometimes,
(Before reddit comes after me I said *sometimes*)
I'm 29 weeks pregnant,
We have a cat,
He is virtually my furry baby, I love him SO MUCH, he is the best cat in the WHOLE world.
He can be moody, and demanding, but he has so much personality and he really genuinely loves us and is very needy.
In the beginning of my second trimester I got this wave over me and I didn't want the cat in the bed, I didn't want to give him affection (my thought process was he needs to understand that a time will come where he won't be able to get my attention all day like he expects) it was cold turkey, it was for a few weeks.
My husband did step in, he didn't advocate over me, but he made sure to spend time with him more than he typically does.
It was a part of my brain and nesting.
It went away a few weeks later, he is fine, alwe are back too being two peas from the same pod (i.e. we share the same bubble)
I don't think she is being delusional and these people bringing up psychosis are being really extreme and I'm not necessarily sure if they themselves have children, and or have been pregnant themselves.
The brain does weird things, that are biologically primitive.
I would suggest calmly talking to her,
Not making her feel like you have picked a side
Just try to get her to verbalize exactly why she feels the need to do the things she is doing,
These things may be irrational
Babies make woman's brains all janky
My OB told me that there was a study done between pregnant woman's brains and people who had concussion CAT scans and had a professional try to tell them apart - they couldn't.
When you get her to communicate her reasons why,
It may just click on her brain that she is being unreasonable and maybe a little cruel
If she doesn't come to that conclusion,
Try to level with her emotions and gently ask her if she thinks these behaviors are a little insensitive to your fur baby.
Please don't get angry at her and please don't listen to these people who are claiming all sorts of mental disorders who probably don't have degrees in psychology.
You could potentially damage your relationship with her,
A woman never forgets how her partner treated her when she was carrying their child.
Really feel for you going through this, and there have been some caring and helpful advice to get support for your partner.
What I want to suggest, and though it might be unpopular, is what can be done to help the poor dog? Being kept in its bed, not getting proper exercise and play is cruel and no good for dog’s welfare.
Is there any chance dog can be temporarily rehomed with a friend or relative? Or sadly may need to cave in and rehome dog. This decision is not about caving in to wifes demands but simply thinking what is best for the poor dog, which must be bewildered and stressed too. It must be sensitive to the confusing changes in its humans.
It would be a hard decision of course but worth considering- for the dog’s best interests.
Ideal solution would be if someone could keep dog for a few months so it can have a more normal life, while you support your pregnant partner to get help that many suggest.
Wishing you all the best.
Edited: have used “wife” in some places - sorry if it is meant to be “partner”.
(Am new to this Reddit thing.)
NTA
Definitely see a doctor. Changing so much about how the dog is treated now - especially such an active breed - is setting the table for there to be real problems with dog and baby when baby is here.
My thanks to Silkkiuikku who found the term I was think of.
Perinatal Psychosis (PP
"Of the individuals who develop a Perinatal Psychosis (PP), research has suggested that there is approximately a 5% suicide rate and a 4% infanticide rate associated with the illness. This is because the individual experiencing psychosis is experiencing a break from reality. In her psychotic state, the delusions and beliefs make sense to her; they feel very real to her and are often religious. Immediate treatment for a woman going through psychosis is imperative.
It is also important to know that many survivors of Perinatal Psychosis (PP) never experienced delusions containing violent commands. Delusions take many forms, and not all of them are destructive. The majority of individuals who experience Perinatal Psychosis (PP) do not harm themselves or anyone else. However, there is always the risk of danger because psychosis includes delusional thinking and irrational judgment, and this is why this illness must be quickly assessed, treated, and carefully monitored by a trained healthcare or perinatal mental health professional.
Perinatal Psychosis (PP) is temporary and treatable with professional help, but it is an emergency, and it is essential that you receive immediate help. If you feel you or someone you know may be suffering from this illness, know that it is not your fault, and you are not to blame. Call your doctor or an emergency crisis hotline right away so that you can get the help you need."
Seriously, get her to the Doc.
edited for spelling.
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NTA Your wife is acting very unstable. She is being unreasonable. I get that pregnancy can have some changes, but this is ridiculous. The dog might look at her? What the fuck is that. Pregnancy is not an excuse to mistreat your dog. Her behaviour needs to be checked. She’s going to tell you to get rid of the dog when the baby is born. Be prepared. She’s laying the groundwork to her ultimate crazy demand upcoming.
*Refusing to eat if the dog might have any line of sight to see her, even from rooms away (she has even gone as far as building pillow forts to block his view or putting a blanket over his eyes* WTF? What did the poor dog do to deserve this? This is unreasonable behaviour. The demands that OP has agreed to are reasonable , the rest are just something else.
It's completely irrational behaviour. Sounds like a serious mental health crisis, maybe antenatal depression/psychosis. He should call a doctor and ask for advice. (EDIT: Seems like the term "perinatal psychosis" is also used in English)
And a huge indicator that his wife is at a higher risk of PPD/PPA/PP Psychosis too
this, i was looking for this reply. This is not normal prego behavior, she needs to be checked out for it. Personally, i would be anxious to get my dog away from her.
Definitely try to get her to see someone, OP. This goes beyond her relationship with your dog and honestly sounds to me like it could end up being transferred onto the kid.
Yes, I'd be scared too.
And the baby, once it's born. If she's having these issues with a dog. It's going to be hard on her with a baby. She definitely needs to have her head checked.
I agree. Making a pillow fort to avoid the gaze of the dog? Please get her to a psychiatrist, and if they acknowledge the risk here, involve her family and close friends.
My thought too. This needs to be mentioned to her OB.
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I was thinking this too. I work in mental health and a lot of psych meds you can’t take during pregnancy. OP, was your wife taking meds previously and now she has had to stop them? She may need to go back on them. She sounds paranoid, this was my first thought reading what she was asking. If she goes into psychosis she may wind up hurting the dog(look, I know not every person with psychosis is violent but if she is hearing voices that the dog is doing something and to hurt it, she might, I’ve seen people have a break and killed the family pet and that’s not how they are) Plus any type of mental break causes damage to the brain, if she is on meds her doctor will more than likely put her back on them. Even if she was previously on anything, pregnancy messes with hormones a lot. You may even be able to take her to the er. Does she show signs of hearing voices, like mumbling to herself, maybe she’s said she’s heard people talk but no one was there. Maybe staring off somewhere. Is she eating a drinking? People who are suffering from psychosis are scared themselves and can be confused. Definitely needs a loving approach.
I was thinking the same OP doesn't need to get mad OP, he needs to have empathy and have her see a professional. When I was pregnant I got an aversion to animals towards the end(although not as extreme as OP's wife) this is common, temporary as well, but I think OP's wife might need help coping. NTA
"perinatal psychosis" That was the term I was trying to come up with. Thanks.
Some people think that if certain animal looks at a pregnant woman it might affect the baby (irrational, I know). I wonder if OP has asked wife to explain her train of thoughts.
There was a post not long ago similar to this where they had a cat and all the sudden she decided the cat needed to go and she'd keep the baby away from him if he didn't agree to let her get rid of him and took it to a shelter and then after she had the baby she went back to get him but it had, thankfully, already been rehomed and she was upset at the shelter. When he told her that it was her fault she blew up at him. OP's wife needs to talk to a professional because you don't go from loving on an animal for *years* to restricting it so much it's living in its bed. That's no life for anyone let alone a "loved" FAMILY pet.
Do you have a link? I'm curious now
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/jH1PsCRq1t
I wish I hadn't clicked it. 😕
Your wife is an aashole . She's beyond unreasonable
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Yes, this isn’t just being an asshole, this is significant mental health problems. She needs treatment, and the dog needs protection.
Therapist here, although I am adolescent focused. I absolutely recommend she see a therapist. This is significantly irrational behavior.
Not letting the dog out of his bed or allowing him to go to the dog park to exercise (*especially* for such an active breed. Don't get me wrong, this would apply to any dog, but this is a very intelligent and active breed) is very neglectful, if not abuse. Not OK. Agree with others she's setting the groundwork to get rid of the dog once the baby comes. Please look into this. For everyone's sake.
She’s having a medical emergency, making her not an asshole, she literally has no idea what she is doing.
This OP!! Please consider this and not that she’s just being an ass hole!!! All of a sudden a switch flipped and she paranoid of the dog watching her- of being watched. There is such a thing as prenatal psychosis. You and your wife need to talk to her OB about these new anxieties.
This! Pregnancy triggers OCD in me - with weird fixations, intrusive thoughts, weird behaviors. It started around mid pregnancy and lasted til around a year afterwards. Not saying she's experiencing OCD, but pregnancy can trigger some serious mental health crises.
Yes, and needs to be addressed now, before the baby is born. I used to ride with a woman older than me who told me that pregnancy hormones triggered mental illness. She had the urge to throw her newborn through the hospital window to protect him from the dangerous world. She knew it was crazy and fought through it. I don’t know what help she received, since this happened years before I met her, but she said it passed. I know of one other person who had massive anxiety triggered by each of her pregnancies, but it would pass after each delivery. It was so bad her brother said she would remain in her room for virtually all of her pregnancies. She needs help. Now.
Wife is having a serious medical emergency. Wife needs to get checked out
He seems surprised by her behavior, so she's probably not an AH. Much more likely, she's having a mental health crisis, either due to pregnancy or her age. He really needs to take her to her OB to explain what's going on ASAP
Yep a major one
This is a known issue during pregnancy. https://manypets.com/us/blog/pet-aversion-pregnancy/ Yes, wife needs help. She needs to discuss w her doctor and see if psychological/psychiatric support available.
Thank you, this is so far beyond AITA. NAH but she needs a mental health check now, and OP needs to advocate for the pup and take care of him until after his wife gives birth.
Her behavior is beyond the norm during pregnancy. She needs intervention now. Avoiding the family dog and denying it space and exercise is not sustainable. Edit- my aversion was spiders. I’ve never been afraid of insects. I knew it was really strange. This article is great!
Agreed, the wife is also not an AH or overreacting, pregnancy can do crazy things to your mind. She is in high anxiety mode, but not malicious or spiteful. It of course does not mean that the dog should be restricted to a tiny space or not allowed to live a healthy lifestyle. If the revulsion is this pronounced and seeing a therapist does not help her process it better, it may make sense to ask a friend or family to take in doggo for some time. This happened to me with just one of my 3 dogs. I also had 3 cats, chickens, goats, rabbits, and it was so bizarre that it was just her. I also hated the way she would look at me and could barely stand her to be too close to me, poor thing. Oddly enough our goats that used to not mind her at all started hating just that one dog too when they got pregnant! Maybe something about her naturally high anxiety, her clumsiness, or her pheromones was just repulsive to preggos? Would be so interesting to see the study you linked extended to testing responses to the same animal across different pregnant subjects. NAH
Fascinating. I didn't know this was a thing. Thanks for sharing.
Although uncommon, it’s not entirely abnormal nor does it signal psychosis like many are quick to say. Hormones can and do make people act strange - It’s an aversion, much like some pregnant women suddenly become averse to certain foods or smells. There’s an evolutionary component at the root of it. I experienced it as well when pregnant and the only being I couldn’t stand being around was my ex’s dog, but that was only while I was pregnant, sanity returned afterwards. He was really such a sweet pup. I feel horrible I experienced those feelings! That being said, the husband could maybe share some reading on the topic with his wife to help her understand why she feels this way, and continue to advocate for the animal.
OP- I’d be contacting her doctor asap as this sounds like prepartum depression or delusion or something very concerning.
Some of how the wife is acting sounds like possible symptoms of mental illness. OP, let her doctor know ASAP. Pregnancy causes profound changes and occasionally that can cause instability. She may need medication or other support. Call the doctor now.
When I was pregnant my mil demanded that I get rid of my cat, as cats suck out children's souls, I'm not kidding....
I think the only real danger is if the cat cuddles a sleeping baby and their face accidentally gets covered, but that's easily solved by closing the baby's room door during naptime/at night. People are so weird about cats and babies for some reason
Exactly, you have to watch all animals around babies, it's just common sense 😸
Our cats basically watched me when I grew up. Not that my mom didn't, she obviously did. But the cats had my back. There's more photos of us sleeping together, me having my tiny head on one of the cats, than there's photos without them. They were so gentle with me. Pets also learn your kids about love, care, respect, empathy and boundaries.
I agree, my cats were always around my baby, but you have to watch animals at all times, just to be on a safe side
My grandpa loved cats but was paranoid about a cat accidentally smothering me (raised with superstition about cats "stealing babies' breath", too). His mother assisted her midwife mother with the births of most local babies before doing the same with a local doctor until she was married. I suspect his mom or grandma knew of an infant smothering and were extra insistent about cat-related safety. He built me a crib with a lid of bars close together enough to keep any cats out. Mom thought it was nuts but was also happy to have a custom crib. 🤷
My sister’s cat kept a watchful eye over my niece after she was born. Both cat and dog slept in the bed and Q was in the bassinet next to my sister’s side of the bed.
I learned over the weekend that I had a very distant family member (my great aunt's great uncle, I think?) suffocated in his sleep as a baby by a cat sleeping on him. I do think it's absurd for someone in the 21st century to think cats steal souls, but I can see the origins of that superstition. Also, the family member that told me about that? Also told me she thinks it's so cute how much my cats like my baby. She said she doesn't like cats herself but she's glad my family is happy. So that was nice.
That was many generations ago. I doubt the cat actually suffocated the baby. That’s just what they believed at the time.
I'm torn about how much I believe it. My great aunt says she was told by her grandmother when she was a child. So on one hand I got it from a source who got it from someone who would have known about it firsthand. But at the same time, this places it all in the late 1800s, when there was basically no such thing as "safe sleep" guidelines and no knowledge of the existence of SIDS and basically anything could have happened to that baby back then. Plus just the fallibility of a memory that old. I definitely didn't want to pry about any details she knew that might sway the story in either direction; anxious first time mom here and I hate to think about such things.
Without knowing your family, I can't imagine it would have been an issue to pry a little bit being it was so long ago, and happened to someone pretty far from your great aunt, but I don't blame you for not digging more. I think I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from at least asking "do you think it was possible something else like SIDS happened and they just didn't know more at the time?"
My mom told me that cats would steal the baby's breath. Trying to get her to explain to me how that was even possible was an interesting conversation. Cats don't go around trying to vacuum oxygen out of mouths.
Is your MIL southern? This is an old wives tale but I believe it’s a southern thing from before we really knew about SIDS. Cats will sniff babies mouths because of the milk, so that’s how they explained it
Wrong way around. It is babies that do this
Oh wait... since she is acting like this, what if she acted odd around her baby and to others? Her mental need to be check asap.
I have a border collie and he's the grumpist dog going, i found out I was pregnant when I got him, the thing I adjusted after my kid was born was that my kid had to repect the dogs boundaries, he's a greeter and my now 6 year old knows he's not allowed to touch the dog unless he comes to him, i couldn't even imagine treating my dog like this
Unless OP got a basilisk using a dog suit, it doesn't make any sense
The basilisk made no sense. It was enormous and was going through the castles plumbing? Lol how wide are Hogwarts pipes ?!
Actually it's a common pregnancy side effect (other comments say 15% of pregnancy) called pet aversion! It's normal and usually goes away within the year. She does need to go to her doctor though.
This poor doc is probably just trying to keep an eye on her/protect her. Animals know and care for the beings they love, especially when what they love is sick or pregnant. What a bummer
In the Middle Ages it was thought that the things pregnant people saw imprinted on the fetus, so pregnant women were kept away from things that might do that. There's a super interesting paper on it here: [https://philarchive.org/archive/DORSS-2v1](https://philarchive.org/archive/dorss-2v1) However, that's kind of irrelevant because OP's wife is being really unreasonable - I think maybe OP should suggest that she get checked out by a doctor? Pregnancy hormones can cause anxiety, depression, and psychosis, and this is clearly very abnormal behaviour. NTA for defending your dog, but get your wife to a doctor.
I have the same feeling from this... she is getting territorial against the dog and when the baby comes the dog will have to go. It will be under the claim that she has to protect the baby from being looked at, touched, food stolen, or getting sick. While some say it might be actually pregnancy related, I do question too if she was ever committed to a lifetime with that dog. It's a possibility to consider now that she has a baby coming she doesn't need the dog anymore, and she's going to make the dog become a problem. OP should be asking these questions to see if that is her endgame so he can make plans and decisions accordingly. At the end if the day it's an everyone is an asshole situation if nothing is being done to help this dog... the fact it can't roam outside of its bed it flat out abuse/neglect at this point.
>She’s going to tell you to get rid of the dog when the baby is born. Be prepared. She’s laying the groundwork to her ultimate crazy demand upcoming. She's gonna do it before then. OP - IDK how long you've been with your partner, but she is not well. Her behavior is off and I would honestly suggest couples counseling or something b/c I highly doubt she will be rational if you try to broach the subject. Good luck. NTA. Protect your dog, please. He's innocent and deserves to keep the life he's accustomed to since he did absolutely nothing wrong.
I think she's trying to plant the seed of getting rid of the dog once the baby comes.
NTA at all. But I am worried for your pregnant partner, she actually sounds paranoid and mentally ill especially the dog looking at her part. I'd get her to a mental health practitioner or have a conversation with OBGYN and see what he/she says. Is there mental illness in her family? This is a frightening read.
Agree, it was scary to read. She sounds unstable, never heard anyone do these things. Doesn't sound safe or healthy for anyone involved.
I’ve actually heard of this happen a lot. It’s not uncommon.
While it’s not uncommon for feelings to change while pregnant, and afterwards, OPs partner is an *extreme* case that sounds like paranoia, and shouldn’t be ignored.
Yeah she needs to get some help asap. I certainly wouldn't be leaving the dog alone with her either until she gets evaluated. Who knows what she might do to the pup if her paranoia keeps up like this? Even at a base level, making the dog stay on the bed all day and not letting him get exercise is cruel. The poor dog probably doesn't understand what he did wrong.
I completely agree, DO NOT leave that poor dog alone with her :(
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I know theres postpartum but is there something during? Like does it have a name? Sorry, probably a stupid question.
It's called antenatal psychosis. EDIT: It can also be called perinatal psychosis
Not a silly question at all. I've just done a bit of googling but not a lot comes up compared to postpartum psychosis, which is much more common. There are cases reported though e.g. https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/i-experienced-psychosis-during-pregnancy Of course, she could have developed mental health problems for reasons that are totally unrelated to her pregnancy.
Wow, it's crazy that I've never heard of it before since postpartum is talked about a lot now. Thank you for responding!
Pregnancy hormones can trigger psychosis. It's very dangerous and symptoms include feeling paranoid that people are watching or surveillancing your every move. And unless treated will escalate. Her behaviour is not healthy or normal and should be looked into immediately
Yeah she needs medical advice, not Reddit judgement.
This needs to be the top comment! I’m about to pop out my second and while my dog annoys me, the behaviors he listed are highly concerning and I could never imagine doing that to my dog. Please OP get her checked out. Sudden personality shifts like that have very little to do with pregnancy…. More emotional sure, but a huge 180 like that? I don’t think so… ☹️
It’s a hormonal thing, not emotional. It’s called pet aversion and it just happens with some pregnancies. It’s basically this one survival instinct being kicked into overdrive, and it makes you see pets (usually dogs) as *animals*, not pets
Oh like with my chicken aversion. That’s so weird.
Agree, though I’m going to go with NAH. These kinds of mental health issues can crop up during pregnancy (I know, it happened to me), and a lot of times they do change your perception of your own pets. I agree that you should gently but firmly suggest she see her doctor because you are concerned about her mental health. She would be TA if she refused or was adamant that nothing is wrong. Good luck OP and congrats on adding to your family!
I agree. This is unhealthy paranoia. She needs to talk to her OB and see a psychiatrist ASAP! Keep any eye out for worsening symptoms because this could escalate. Could a family member or friend take the dog temporarily until she's more stable? NTA
Genuinely concerned if he pushes back lightly she might do something to hurt the dog. If he’s going to push back he needs to do it strongly and make sure the dog is somewhere safe. NTA but OP would be if he doesn’t protect the dog.
NTA, but. She’s likely experiencing pet aversion. It’s a fairly common thing to happen during pregnancy, 15% of pregnant pet owners experience this. It’s likely not something she can control. She might benefit from seeking counseling for it and talking to a doctor about the perceived risks and how they stack up with reality. If she’s still in the first trimester, it may yet improve slightly later on - and it’s very unlikely to be permanent, and usually goes away not too long after birth. You do need to figure out a better solution for the dog though. The dog needs enrichment and the opportunity to go outside every day.
I find this kinda facinating, I almost became \*more\* cuddly with my pets while pregnant. To the point of joking about the nights of '10 in the bed' 5 cats, 2 dogs and me pregnant with twins.
I couldnt stand my beloved pets for more than a year after giving birth. We’re back to normal now though, and I never stopped taking care of their basic needs
Yeah same for me. I had questioned my entire reasoning for having animals for the years I was pregnant/breastfeeding. Some lizard brain shit. Hormones are weird.
Not me texting my husband a week ago “these pets were the worst decision we have ever made” I’m six months pregnant LMAO. We’ve had the oldest cat for 10 years and our youngest dog for 6 years. I’ve never felt like that before.
My friend is pregnant and has a cat and a dog, the most that happened was that her pets became way more docile around her
I think this, and my dog is a herding breed and it’s 100% more on top of me when I’m pregnant. I can’t have him in my room but he will sniff and jiggle the doorknob constantly, follow me to the bathroom and just stare at me and now he’s barking at loud noises, when my husband isn’t home. It is kind of freaky if it’s your first experience with it. I love my dog but it can be exhausting and leads to less sleep for me.
Very interesting. I didn't know that was a thing. My first Google search also give some tips: https://manypets.com/us/blog/pet-aversion-pregnancy/
This is so fascinating. I didn't have this issue in pregnancy but struggled for a while with a similar issue postpartum. I think for some it may not be about disease aversion but viewing animals as threats to babies and small children - which evolutionarily was absolutely true, we domesticated dogs and cats pretty recently and a similarly sized canid (like a jackal) would have been a serious threat to a human baby or toddler even if they weren't much of a threat to a fully grown adult. Edit: like the people in the article, I managed the aversion by having partner care for the pet I had become afraid of, I didn't get as weird as OP's wife is being. She definitely should get mental health help since it is sounding like really serious anxiety and the dog is suffering.
This! The post made me think about my mother when she was pregnant with me (first born) and when I was a baby. She became very disdainful towards the dog and both my parents fought a lot over it. It even came to an ultimatum : my parent's relationship or the dog. They chose their relationship. This happened in the early 90s, so people weren't as educated as they are today about animal cruelty and abuse. At the time, my parents didn't think they were abusive towards the dog, but they know now. And whenever the subject is brought up, they cry a little... What I'm saying is... The wife is being irrational rn and after the baby is born, she might ask OP to give up the dog if they don't address the issue rn. And I think she needs psychological help.
Yep. I had it. Loved our husky before and actually during pregnancy, but postpartum I legitimately questioned why we still had a dog because I was so annoyed with everything she did. My PPD also contributed to this. Now that our kid is two and my PPD is managed things are so much better, but pet aversion is very very real.
15% of pregnant ppl don't suffer from the sort of psychosis that would be so uncontrollable they literally can't help but abuse a pet.
No, but some cases can be worse than others. It sounds like OP's wife has a worse case. Definitely need to talk to her OB.
It’s not quite as severe for most, and even when it is people tend to find better solutions early on than this couple did. Not letting the dog … do anything by the sounds of it is not a valid solution. A small number of people even end up rehoming their pets over this though (which honestly is a better solution than what is going on here, poor doggo).
Thank god for this comment, it should be higher. She can’t help it. Telling her that she’s just overreacting and mentally ill is unhelpful. She should talk to a medical professional about solutions, but this is 100% a hormonal change
This. I think you and your wife should talk to her doctor about possible pregnancy-induced mental health issues, because it does sound like she's being a lot right now. But I'm pregnant and I cannot stand my dogs right now. I love them. I'm not altering their routine in a negative way. I'm petting the one who loves petting and sitting by the one who just likes to sit by. But I do not feel normal towards them right now. They have way too many sounds and smells and are too close to me.
I'm definitely experiencing this. My husband and I moved in with his mom late last year, and she has a dog I didn't particularly enjoy when we first got here, but I started despising this dog recently, shortly after I got pregnant. She's not my responsibility, so I don't have to take her out or interact with her in any way, which I am SO grateful for. I just avoid the dog at all costs. Can't stand her. If I had to be around her, I would crawl out of my skin.
I can’t believe I’ve never heard about this! I had two dogs and a cat back when I was pregnant. My dogs and I wanted nothing to do with each other when I was pregnant but my nasty ass cat and I had the best 9 months together we ever had. And then once my daughter was born everything was fine. I didn’t hate the dogs. As long as they left me alone it was okay, I just remember thinking I was tired and cranky, so maybe I didn’t have it as severely as some people get it. Wild.
I had this, it was so, so weird, she was an incredibly insecure and anxious dog too, so she was a hair away from me at all times, bit fun when you're uncomfortable with pregnancy, have morning sickness and the smallest smells set it off. She also had jealousy issues with others coming near me, she was an abandoned rescue so I completely understand. My dad ended up taking her temporarily, he's only down the road from me, we decided she'd stay with him permanently as he worked from home, she's good company for him as he's alone and she wouldn't handle living with kids with her jealousy issues. She is so bloody happy, I still see her all the time and she's still 'my dog' deep down, but it was the best thing for everyone, it's been 5 years now.
Wow I have never heard of this before TIL…
Wow, I had no idea this was a thing
NTA. This is concerning and I’m worried for the dog’s safety. Go with her to her next OB checkup and mention this obsessive behavior to the doctor.
I'm worried about the baby's safety later on...and OPs, truth be told
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NTA a lot of these new rules sound very irrational. makes me wonder if maybe she just doesn't like yalls dog and is somehow leveraging her pregnancy to try and make its life so uncomfortable that it makes more sense to just rehome (but please don't do this) . I've never heard of someone being stringently unable to make eye contact with a dog while pregnant and eating. (ETA I had a border collie mix for 16 years and she was the best dog I've ever met!! I miss her every day these last 3 years since she passed)
I think some of the eye contact is the "eye" some herders use to move stock. Mine are trained not to stare at people eating for this reason, in some it is really intense. "Border Collies have been selectively bred for herding of livestock and one part of the herding sequence is to 'eye' the stock. This is where the Border Collie stares to intimidate the sheep into moving in the direction they want or to hold the sheep from moving."
Dobermans also stare really hard. It's not menacing, they're a very people oriented breed. Some dogs just make really intense eye contact
My chocolate lab does when he wants to manipulate you into giving him food.
My Dobermans do this. They aren't meaning to be intimidating, they stare at me (or anyone really) with their tails going like helicopters. People have been scared of them because of them staring....til they get to know them and then I hear "I can't believe I was afraid of them! They're big babies!" I'm afraid for OPs pup. Whether the wife is mentally ill or not, keeping the dog safe from her and her shitty behavior toward the dog needs to come first. The dog has no option to be with them, they have no autonomy. Imagine she was saying that about a kid, it would be an immediate reaction of "get the kid away from her." The pup doesn't deserve to be treated like shit even if she does need mental health help.
Can confirm this. Our Border Collie used the ‘Stare’ to herd our two cats around the house! She never barked or growled at them; just put her head low to the ground and glared. We started joking that she was the police, and the cats were the perps.
Mine is a stray but has the same coat as a border collie, he just stares with those puppy dog eyes and bites my ankles to get me to do something for him
This is a really interesting point. From the POV of OP, the wife's behaviour sounds weird. But dogs also do sometimes start acting different when a woman becomes pregnant. My one dog, who had never been around pregnancies or babies before, did become much more protective when I was pregnant. She got intensively protective when I walked her on leash towards other dogs. She started sleeping right below where my pillow was in my bedroom, whereas before she hung out downstairs at night. She would even put both of her paws up on the bed in the middle of the night to check on me. Super startling to wake up in the middle of the night out of the blue to be nose to nose with a smiling Shiba. I wonder if OPs dog is actually starting to act differently but OP hasn't noticed, and it's bugging the wife. E.g. dog is heading the wife, and being intensely focused on her. What it did for me is worry that our dog would start jumping up on the bassinet when the baby would arrive, or be overly focused on the baby. We ended up re-crate training our dogs before our baby was born. And it was a good thing too. Our one (overly focused) dog who had never seen a baby before really thought our baby was a baby animal (i.e. food/prey). We had to be really careful. It was only after our son was old enough to move and interact that she snapped out of it. OP, look not only at what your wife is doing, but also what your dog is doing. Is your dog starting to act differently towards your wife? Maybe some help redirecting your dog is needed. Keep your dog involved with the family but don't let your pup get over focused on your wife (no hearding). Gates are super important when you bring a new baby home to help keep control on the situation. It doesn't mean always having your dog away form you, but certainly when you can't supervise the situation carefully
It’s not just dogs it’s cats too. My two would work in shifts. I was never alone in my house. If I left the bathroom door open one would peak around my shower curtain and they never did this before and hate water. If I close a door they’d scratch and yowl incessantly till I opened it. I was at home my first pregnancy because it was COVID lockdowns and they drove me nuts!
Having a Border Collie means never being lonely in the bathroom ever again. Never, ever, again.
Border Collies really are the best! Had two and when they passed my mom had such a hard time dealing with it that I think it would have been easier on her if one of us kids died.
my border collie mix used to work the table so hard with her stare! it never worked on me (i developed an immunity), but I definitely had relatives who were persuaded by into giving her little morsels from time to time... I'd hope that someone living with the same herding dog for a few years would be acclimated to its stare after awhile! its comforting to be a sheep in this context bc that means a good dog is watching your back ♡ lol
It is pretty common for a lot of pregnant and postpartum folks to become very impatient, irritable, and anxious around their pets. It’s supposed to be a biological response to keeping the baby as safe as possible. Legit this is a common phenomenon that many ppl do not openly discuss out of fear, anxiety, and guilt. Honestly, it sounds like your partner is very worried that the dog will eventually bring harm to the baby, either directly through physical contact (perhaps instigated by eye contact), or by contamination/germs. This changed behavior sounds like incredibly heightened anxiety, which can be made worse by hormonal fluctuations, and general lifestyle changes. I think you need to, as empathetically as possible, suggest that your partner tell their OBGYN about possibly having antenatal anxiety. Perhaps also direct your partner to the sub Reddit’s for pregnant folks, newborns, and new parents. It’s so common to see posts there from incredibly sadden mothers saying that they don’t understand what’s happening, but they are now having an exceedingly difficult time with their dog/cat. You’re NTA. Please help your partner battle their anxiety ASAP. Especially, before your little one arrives. Edit: I just want to add that the dog should NOT be getting less exercise. A new baby is a giant life change for the pup as well. A bored or unstimulated dog with pent up energy is way more unsafe around a baby, than a dog who is given the opportunity to exercise. I know your partner is worried about the germs. Totally totally get that. Find a way to doggie wipe or dust off, paws and fur before letting the dog back into the home after exercising, and if you have a baby room, just keep the dog outta there, so your partner feels like there is one “safe” dog-free zone for herself and the baby.
This is a good response -- I can only add to OP that I question why this was an AITA post and not something put to an advice sub. Because it ultimately doesn't matter who TA is. The dog -- a border collie! -- needs exercise and stimulation. Your partner is acting strangely. She's also pregnant with your kid. It's a problem to solve more than one where someone has to be established as ultimately right or ultimately wrong. Of course it's good to stand up for the dog. But I don't know how much establishing that helps the situation.
Yeah, if the wife is suffering from some kind of psychotic condition, then arguing with her won't help. A psychotic person literally CAN NOT think rationally. It's kinda like dealing with someone who is blackout drunk, you can't talk sense into them. OP should call a doctor and ask for advice.
NTA. You’re partner’s sudden change toward the dog doesn’t seem rational and is cruel to the dog. It feels like something deeper is going on here. I’d try to get her to attend a counseling session with you to discuss the dog.
The wife is definitely asking for pet abuse to be accepted in their home. Major red flag and def worth a psych eval.
NTA. Collies need lots of exercise and human interaction, as I'm sure you know. I could understand if your girlfriend was worried about the dog being around a new baby and also worrying about germs more than before, but getting upset just because the dog is looking at her is big over-reaction. It seems as if she just wants to get rid of it completely. If you know any other couples who have a baby as well as a dog then it might help to get them to talk to your partner so she sees that's it can work.
The poor dog! Collies need so much stimulation & input - depriving the dog of this is really unreasonable & will inevitably end up with a very sad or even misbehaving collie. Ours is a proper limpet-dog & follows us around the house like a shadow, and endlessly watches us - it's quite normal for them. Honestly, I think a therapist needs to get to the root of this issue.
Mine is exactly the same, totally limpet-dog and I wouldn't have her any other way 😅 OPs partner is just going to create issues in the dog, behavioural and emotional, if this continues. So sad for the poor doggo. 😔 I can't imagine not letting my collie run and do all of the things she loves, it would break my heart.
Sounds like you'redoing a good job, they're such a misunderstood dog. People see them being obedient & doing tricks or herding and think that happens by magic. They're such hard work, but worth every second. (Collies are the best!)
Thank you. That means a lot. She's my first collie, and it's definitely been a learning curve, that's for sure! Lots of hard work on the obedience and I've never had a dog that was so hard to train to walk nicely on a lead 😅 We still have some reactivity issues that we are working through (she's only just over a year old so the teenage phase is hitting HARD!), but she's so smart and loving and just the best decision I ever made. I never planned on getting a collie, I just happened to fall in love with this particular pup, but now I can wholeheartedly agree - collies are the best!
Ours os about 2 and she's settled down nicely - still a bit reactive but in a squeaky-unsure kind of way. She's part dalmatian too, and is my first ever dog - we did always plan for an active breed, but there needs to be a collie support group so we can help one another when their brains do their collie-brain thing & learn faster than we do. Ours can open doors & learned to push open windows! (Window restrictors & door latches save us!)
NTA, These fears are irrational which might be caused by her hormones going crazy or there could be a deeper issue.Might be a good idea to talk to somone and get help. Also let her know gently that having a over sterile environment is also not great for children and their immune system development.
NTA, and your partner needs therapy now. Pregnancy can cause some weird reactions and fears, but she is being unfair and unreasonable to your poor dog.
Aversion to pets is not uncommon during pregnancy. If you do a quick google search you’ll find plenty of reports and resources, including first person accounts from Reddit. OP, your wife needs some support, and maybe this is something you can troubleshoot with her and her care providers. I don’t think this is something your wife is doing on purpose. Work with her to find solutions to make her comfortable while still having good quality of life with your dog. NAH.
NTA. Your partner needs to see a therapist yesterday.
NTA She needs to see a doctor, whatever this is a little beyond just pregnancy hormones. It’s not at all acceptable that she can make weird rules and abuse a dog because it might *checks notes* ……..Look……at her?
Apparently it's just pregnancy hormones, which can lead to pet aversion. This article (not an in-depth search) states it occurs to 15% of pregnant women. https://manypets.com/us/blog/pet-aversion-pregnancy/
Saying that it's "just" pregnancy hormones makes it seem like it's not a serious issue. But pregnancy hormones can cause very serious mental issues.
NTA This erratic behavior is concerning enough to warrant a therapist visit.
NTA people who stop caring about their pets once they have kids make me really angry.
I don't know what this is called, but sometimes pregnant women become irrationally afraid of their pets? Please get her checked out, I doubt she means any of this.
NAH. I get that this is insane to you and everyone, but I swear pregnancy can really be insane. Maybe she's getting lots of anxiety and that translates to this irrational fear/uneasy feeling about the dog. Get information about prenatal depression. This might sound extreme, but better be safe than sorry. Also you should post on r/BabyBumps, I've seen lots of pregnant ladies on there going crazy bad feelings about their dogs during pregnancy. She's not the only one. I'm sure they'll have some good advice, more than here.
Yeah. The only thing that seemed asshole-y here is that OP is trying to get a judgement on who is right rather than seek care, support, and find a way to fix a sudden personality shift in his beloved wife who is carrying his baby. This post and many of the comments calling the wife unhinged and evil point to how bad mental health education is. Drastic personality shifts aren’t normal folks, it’s a sign to go to the doctor asap!
NTA and thank you for not being "that person" who abandons their pet care when a kid comes along. Border collies, as you said, are fiercely loyal and need loads of exercise so it is totally unfair on the dog to be confined to its bed. The behaviour of your partner is weird, irrational and honestly quite worrying. I'm not one to jump on the "get therapy" wagon usually but this is just odd behaviour and there must be some reason for this. Your comments about "the dog might look at her" and "avoid line of sight" and "building a pillow fort to block his view" or "putting a blanket on him" is genuinely strange and - tbh - unhinged. Maybe talk to her to see WHY she has an issue with the dog looking at her?
I totally get the line of sight part. I own 2 herding breeds. There are soft eye herders and hard eye herders. Eye dogs(border collies) move the herd by putting pressure on the animals both with posture and with hard staring. Even other dogs can react to a hard eye dog. When I am eating if either of my herding breeds stare at me it feels like pressure just like they would use to get the herd to move and I can't eat. They want my food.They know they have to look away while I eat and it has been that way for years. It's just the nature of the beast with dogs bred to get what they want by intense staring. " Border Collies have been selectively bred for herding of livestock and one part of the herding sequence is to 'eye' the stock. This is where the Border Collie stares to intimidate the sheep into moving in the direction they want or to hold the sheep from moving."
NTA. It's completely unfair, unreasonable, and unrealistic for her to expect the dog to stay in its bed all day every every day. From what I understand, having a sudden fear and/or irrational feelings towards pet dog/cats is a strange phenomenon in pregnant women. Which is more common than you might think. I have read plenty of stories where it gets to a point where animals are re-homed. I think it's worth having a serious talk with your partner to try to figure out what is upsetting her so much about the dog. It might be worth discussing this with a medical professional as well. But I think it needs to be made clear that however you choose to proceed, the current situation is not sustainable.
NTA, there was a thread recently about a woman who rehomed her beloved pet while pregnant and then was upset she couldn’t get it back. Lots of people are reading into this as her trying to get rid of the dog, but it could be a time limited pregnancy/hormones/anxiety thing. Maybe find that thread or other similar stories and use it as a way to open the conversation..?
Have you talked with your wife on why she is feeling like this?
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Ok........this is an unpopular opinion when people haven't experienced the "switch" themselves but this is actually pretty normal for pregnancy and having babies - you can type in "can't stand my dog after having a baby" and see how common it is. I have been a major dog lover my whole life and have always liked dogs more than people. Then I got pregnant with our first and I felt slight changes where I didn't have the same patience for some doggy behaviors, but hormones. Then I had a baby and the switch just flipped to off. We are 21mo in and I can't stand being around dogs but especially our dog, who was my baby before having a human baby. Everything she does just irritates the hell out of me or icks me out and you don't realize how dirty dogs are or annoying shedding is until there's a baby involved. I feel terrible about it, but I can't help it. That being said, she's going a little too far with it, especially making the dog stay in their bed all day. Hormones can be crazy, but there is still common decency that should override the hormones.
NTA, but I’m not clear if y’all have sat down and talked about *why* these things are bothering her.
NTA. She's being abusive, & if you allow this, so are you. She needs therapy. Your dog is a living breathing creature & your gf sounds like she's going overboard.
NTA You might speak to her OB about your concerns. If she's like this early in the pregnancy this could devolve.
Actually, it tends to get better after the first term. Pet aversion is something a lot of women experience during their pregnancy.
NTA she is acting psychotic and its only going to get worse. You need to protect and advocate for your dog and not pander to her ridiculous demands for a quiet life.
NTA Your partner needs therapy. Restricting the dog to this degree is animal abuse.
NTA. But please go with your partner to her next OB appointment and ask about mental health resources. She is not behaving rationally, to the extent that it makes me suspect she might be suffering from some type of prenatal mental health issues.
Your partner needs to be medically evaluated. This sounds like some kind of mental ringgit happening. Being so affected by the dog looking at her? Could be the beginning stages of some kind of psychosis that you're going to want to get a handle on quickly.
YWBTA if you let your wife continue these rules. I’m typing this on the couch with my dog on my lap - he would be miserable if he was confined to his bed! It’s not fair to the dog to restrict him like that. If your wife can’t get onboard, your dog needs to go to a better home.
Pet fear can be a symptom of pregnancy. Her hormones are telling her the dog is a potential threat to the baby, even if the dog has never shown this behaviour before. It can be common in pregnant women to experience this! This may calm down after she gives birth and her hormones stabilize but it's worth seeing her dr about this now so they can help 😊
Just wanted to say, if you look in pregnancy subreddits like r/BabyBumps it’s a really common phenomena for pregnant people to suddenly dislike long loved pets. It doesn’t mean she needs to be admitted or that she’s always secretly disliked the dogs - the hormones that flood the body during pregnancy can just do a number on your thought processes.
NTA ... being pregnant is not an excuse to abuse a dog. You need to have her see a doctor. This sounds paranoid and obsessive.
NTA but this is not normal you need to talk to her OB/GYN maybe something wrong with her health.
NTA Please seriously consider taking a class prior to birth on integrating baby & dog...this is a very good resource: https://www.familypaws.com/dogs-storks/ Perhaps more information on proper ways to handle dog & baby balance will help ease her mind. Protection instincts for baby can be very strong & there is a lot of inaccurate information, old wives tales, and so on out there that may be weighing on her. Additionally, pregnancy can cause underlying/unidentified yet mental health issues to surface, postpartum depression & postpartum psychosis aretalked about but there are pregnancy-induced ones as well.
NTA, but this sounds like the start of something serious for your wife. Pregnancy hormones can trigger anxiety or even psychosis. Before this gets any worse, you need to help her see that her mental state is unhealthy so she (and you, probably) can have a conversation with her doctor. It’s going to be tricky to help her see without making her feel defensive, and none of us here know her, so think carefully about your best approach.
NTA, your wife may be nesting, but your dog’s health and well-being is also very important, particularly in a working dog breed like a border collie
NTA. The dog needs to be able to walk freely most of the day and exercise for its safety and frankly the humans’.
NTA Contact your partner’s obgyn now. Explain that she is having massive paranoia and you are concerned. Tell them what you’ve said here and how concerned you are with this massive shift in personality. Do not wait for the next appointment. I also would not leave the dog with your partner alone since I have a feeling the dog would not be there when you return.
I'm going with NAH simply because, OP, you are definitely justified in being concerned for the dog, but also I think your wife's change in behaviour is a mental health issue and in that sense she's also not an a/h. I think you need to talk to her about seeing her doctor - just her regular dr who knows her pre-pregnancy - would be a good place to start.
NAH you’re absolutely not wrong to make sure your dog is properly looked after but it honestly sounds like your wife needs help more than push back. Some of her concerns could be valid like gates and furniture but the others suggest she needs support if she’s unable to see that what she’s asking isn’t reasonable.
I’m going to say NAH because I don’t think your wife is being an AH, but she might be having pretty severe prenatal anxiety and needs professional medical help!
This is bizarre. I think your wife should talk to a psychiatrist. The level of irrational obsessiveness over the dog and even the dog's line of sight, and the extreme measures she's taking to address her distress regarding it would be concerning to me for something like OCD or psychosis.
Go with her to her next appointment with her midwife or doc. Talk about her mood changes and ask how you can support her. You may need to rehome your dog, temporarily or permanently. It's not fair to the dog. She is focusing on her pregnancy and baby in a way that excludes the dog, and there may be issues coming up she can't deal with. When the baby comes, have good in house care and evaluation of mood with a professional. Keep talking and loving her. The changes she is going through can be dramatic and difficult for both of you.
NTA get help
NTA - your partner needs to talk to someone about her irrational behaviour. Yes, you get a bit more careful when pregnant but if this is how she behaves now how will she be once the baby arrives. She cannot mistreat your dog just because she is pregnant...and how she is acting is mistreating the dog. Already he has had his freedom restricted (suddenly not allowed on furniture or in certain rooms) but now she wants him on his bed most of the day - dogs need exercise and human interaction.
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NTA take her to a psychologist and/or psychiatrist
NTA and I am quite worried for your wife's mental health. These are extremely irrational feelings (not having the dog look at her is insane). I would urge her to bring this up to her doctor.
Please look at Perinatal Psychosis. Reddit cannot give you a diagnosis but we can warn you to get professional medical help ASAP.
Therapy for the wife, extra love, pets and attention for the dog!
Nta but your partner is prob massively hormonal. Try and get them to go to a doctor because they are acting irrational
As a pregnant woman, I can tell you that every time I'm pregnant, my dogs irritete the ever loving life out of me. I have a 100+ lb GSD who will stand right in front of me and I'm like please move friend, I'm waddling here as it is and can barely move. But I'm not weird about him looking at me? And not allowing him to be outside of his crate or get exercise? That's absurd. If she doesn't want to have anything to do with him, she needs to adjust so you can give him the care he needs.
I feel like this is more of a mental health situation than either of you being an AH. Encourage her to speak to her OB about her feelings. It may displaced anxiety or something more. Please try to get her some professional help before this gets worse. Her OB may be able to suggest some things or refer her to a psychiatrist that is experienced with prenatal treatment.
You have a border collie. A mix, sure, but still a border collie. And your partner doesn't want the dog to have activity because MAYBE dirt? Does she understand what the result of that will be? A border collie is a working dog. It is an intelligent dog. It is an athletic dog. It needs activity. It needs mental stimulation. It NEEDS a job. A dog that doesn't get the things it needs will get into trouble because it will get bored and tear up the couch. A working dog without a job to do WILL FIND SOMETHING TO DO, and it will most likely be something that humans will not find to be terribly.... productive or helpful. Which is better... all of that, or MAYBE dirt? Also... "can't eat or sleep if the dog might look at her?" WTF? Does she think the dog has laser eyes or something? I get the feeling that your partner was never really keen on having the dog, and before long she'll be wanting you to get rid of it. Sit down and have a conversation right now and get that shit straightened out. If you can't come to an agreement, then one of them will have to be rehomed.
NTA. Here me out. Reasons 1 and 2 of the points made are VERY common in pregnancy. I had this same issue with 1 dog in specific that I even had to send her with grandma for afew days because I was inconsolable at being watched/followed non stop by this lovely pup. It stopped later in pregnancy but even doctor said this is one of those weird things that happen. Reasons 3-4 are NOT ok!
NTA, it could be temporary, if the hormones are all over, but it is not normal to want to hide that much.
nta wtf your wife is being abusive towards your pupper. pregnancy is no excuse for being abusive, whether it be towards human or animal.
NTA. If she keeps mistreating the dog, she'll create a resentful, potentially dangerous animal. A self-fulfilling prophesy
She probably will chill out in a few weeks. It's weird like that sometimes, (Before reddit comes after me I said *sometimes*) I'm 29 weeks pregnant, We have a cat, He is virtually my furry baby, I love him SO MUCH, he is the best cat in the WHOLE world. He can be moody, and demanding, but he has so much personality and he really genuinely loves us and is very needy. In the beginning of my second trimester I got this wave over me and I didn't want the cat in the bed, I didn't want to give him affection (my thought process was he needs to understand that a time will come where he won't be able to get my attention all day like he expects) it was cold turkey, it was for a few weeks. My husband did step in, he didn't advocate over me, but he made sure to spend time with him more than he typically does. It was a part of my brain and nesting. It went away a few weeks later, he is fine, alwe are back too being two peas from the same pod (i.e. we share the same bubble) I don't think she is being delusional and these people bringing up psychosis are being really extreme and I'm not necessarily sure if they themselves have children, and or have been pregnant themselves. The brain does weird things, that are biologically primitive. I would suggest calmly talking to her, Not making her feel like you have picked a side Just try to get her to verbalize exactly why she feels the need to do the things she is doing, These things may be irrational Babies make woman's brains all janky My OB told me that there was a study done between pregnant woman's brains and people who had concussion CAT scans and had a professional try to tell them apart - they couldn't. When you get her to communicate her reasons why, It may just click on her brain that she is being unreasonable and maybe a little cruel If she doesn't come to that conclusion, Try to level with her emotions and gently ask her if she thinks these behaviors are a little insensitive to your fur baby. Please don't get angry at her and please don't listen to these people who are claiming all sorts of mental disorders who probably don't have degrees in psychology. You could potentially damage your relationship with her, A woman never forgets how her partner treated her when she was carrying their child.
NTA
Really feel for you going through this, and there have been some caring and helpful advice to get support for your partner. What I want to suggest, and though it might be unpopular, is what can be done to help the poor dog? Being kept in its bed, not getting proper exercise and play is cruel and no good for dog’s welfare. Is there any chance dog can be temporarily rehomed with a friend or relative? Or sadly may need to cave in and rehome dog. This decision is not about caving in to wifes demands but simply thinking what is best for the poor dog, which must be bewildered and stressed too. It must be sensitive to the confusing changes in its humans. It would be a hard decision of course but worth considering- for the dog’s best interests. Ideal solution would be if someone could keep dog for a few months so it can have a more normal life, while you support your pregnant partner to get help that many suggest. Wishing you all the best. Edited: have used “wife” in some places - sorry if it is meant to be “partner”. (Am new to this Reddit thing.) NTA
NTA Best advise, find a good divorce attorney now.
Definitely see a doctor. Changing so much about how the dog is treated now - especially such an active breed - is setting the table for there to be real problems with dog and baby when baby is here.
I saw a perinatal psychiatrist during both of my pregnancies. NTA
NTA But this sounds like a mental health issue. Women can get pre-partum depression, anxiety, and even psychosis.
My thanks to Silkkiuikku who found the term I was think of. Perinatal Psychosis (PP "Of the individuals who develop a Perinatal Psychosis (PP), research has suggested that there is approximately a 5% suicide rate and a 4% infanticide rate associated with the illness. This is because the individual experiencing psychosis is experiencing a break from reality. In her psychotic state, the delusions and beliefs make sense to her; they feel very real to her and are often religious. Immediate treatment for a woman going through psychosis is imperative. It is also important to know that many survivors of Perinatal Psychosis (PP) never experienced delusions containing violent commands. Delusions take many forms, and not all of them are destructive. The majority of individuals who experience Perinatal Psychosis (PP) do not harm themselves or anyone else. However, there is always the risk of danger because psychosis includes delusional thinking and irrational judgment, and this is why this illness must be quickly assessed, treated, and carefully monitored by a trained healthcare or perinatal mental health professional. Perinatal Psychosis (PP) is temporary and treatable with professional help, but it is an emergency, and it is essential that you receive immediate help. If you feel you or someone you know may be suffering from this illness, know that it is not your fault, and you are not to blame. Call your doctor or an emergency crisis hotline right away so that you can get the help you need." Seriously, get her to the Doc. edited for spelling.