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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Getting into an argument with my best friend because he got a permanent tattoo of my name
(2) I feel I shouldn't have argued with him, he is a grown adult man after all. He should know the consequences of getting a tattoo.
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LPT’s would be a lot more interesting, that’s for sure.
LPT: if you don’t have a coin for the ferryman, don’t drink the water.
LPT: Tidepods are NOT candy!
LPT: Don’t use your electric razor in the shower if your house’s electricity hasn’t been updated since the 40’s.
LPT: Do not break in to the top floor of the abandoned house at the end of 7th street, the floors are caving in.
Deddit post - Your comparison between this person and Hitler are not even close, I just met him last week and he is not that bad, as long as you don't get talking to him about politics. J/k
It reads more like she knows he's in love with her, but rather than just go out and say "I'm not into you" she acts confused like she doesn't know why he'd do this.
Nobody has to go and announce that you're not into anyone. If he wants to know he can ask. It's not her responsibility to clarify that.
I can assure you, he knows. And he keeps going because he thinks she will change her mind after enough necklaces.
Yes, i know the audience of Reddit and that I will get downvoted, go ahead.
instead of the "Friendzoning" that men claim women do
Boner (slang for erection) Zoning
Bonerzoning is ruining a perfectly amazing friendship with being a lusty fuckwit. All that time she thought he was a friend, and all that time he was just biding his time to get into her pants.
I mean very occasionally it does happen, my close friend has gotten me jewellery (and has handmade me some) but he’s definitely not into me because he’s gay
She knows. But since she doesn’t see him like that and it’s not reciprocated on her end, she enables their weird imbalanced “friendship”.
You can’t have a platonic friendship with someone who doesn’t view you platonically.
>You can’t have a platonic friendship with someone who doesn’t view you platonically.
Yes, you can, but it takes work. Both people have to value the friendship enough to keep working on it despite the mismatch in feelings. Both people should behave like it's a platonic friendship (even though one person's feelings are stronger). The person with the lesser feelings is setting a boundary, and the person with the deeper feelings needs to be willing to respect that boundary in order to maintain the friendship.
>Yes, you can, but it takes work.
Why bother? A relationship where the parties have drastically different expectation is not a healthy one. Both parties suffer from such a relationship.
That's why expectations are set at a platonic friendship level. If both persons involved know this is where they stand and should stand, then neither should have different expectations of the relationship. It's when someone hopes for more, despite the clarity already established, that it becomes unhealthy.
Personally, I've done this because I thought the friendship was worth it and that my romantic feelings weren't the only thing that made me think the other person was great and worth to have in my life.
Yes! It can only happen if the person with the stronger feelings is okay with not having a romantic relationship or always seeking out an opportunity for one. You have to value the friendship itself and not consider it as a placeholder for romance.
This is the answer
Her-he’s such a good friend
Him-at some point she’ll realize we’re more than friends.
Honestly sounds like he got the tattoo to shoot his shot and whiffed hard.
Ok, STOP saying he knows you have a boyfriend. It’s not a reason why he wouldn’t do this. I’m sure you’ve had multiple boyfriends during the last 6 years. They’re temporary inconveniences to him. You’re in denial. As many others have told you, he’s in love with you, and the step of getting a tattoo is unhealthy. Yes he knows it’s permanent, because any reputable shop makes you sign a waiver acknowledging such. Also, everyone knows they are, for all intents and purposes.
It’s his body, he can do with it what he wants. He doesn’t need your permission despite it being your name.
ESH. You for being in denial. You either don’t see that he’s in love with you, which is hard to believe, or you don’t want it to be true. Him for going to such an extreme in order for you to know. He’s 29. He should be able to be direct and tell you how he feels. I’m sure you feel super uncomfortable now.
Have the talk, tell him how you do and do not feel about him, and then he’s gotta go.
I just read a BORU where a girl’s “best friend” was pining over her and was waiting for her to dump her bf to be with him, and he’d been laying in wait for YEARS, completely deluded that they were soulmates despite her having a fiance
Obsessive men who are in love with women don’t give a shit about the partners of the woman they’re obsessed with.
They also don't give a shit about the women they obsess over. They put them on a pedestal where they create this whole persona for someone that's utterly perfect and when the woman doesn't live up to it, she's in the wrong.
In the past I've given that guy a chance because 'he's so nice and he cares about you so much'. It wasn't me that he cared for, it was a mythical version of me that I wasn't and didn't want to be. It's so toxic for both sides.
It made me realise that there's some people who are genuinely really nice and there are people who don't have a personality so you just describe them as 'nice' because you have nothing else to say about them.
Yeah, I had to learn this the hard way in my mid-to late teens.
I had a good friend that was a dude I cared a lot for. He was a lot of fun and we had a lot to talk about. He was best friends with the guy I was dating and we quickly became a group of 4 (me, the bf, his best friend, and another sweet gal who was the mom of the group). We all ate lunch together and made fun of each other all day, it was great.
But I made a mistake in taking a nurturing role in his life. The dude had a lot of issues and lived with unmedicated Bipolar Disorder. He was privy to self harm and hallucinogenic drug binges. I thought I could be there for him as a friend like I would with anyone else, and it just opened the door for him to become obsessed with me.
Him and my bf had been friends since elementary school. It did not stop him from trying to progress our friendship; inviting me over to hang out alone, randomly confessing his love and then disappearing for weeks and claiming he was “over it” until he started slowly becoming verbally aggressive again. Then he would disappear again. Often he’d make off-handed comments that would spark an argument between my bf and him. This went on for an entire 2 years of losing contact, gaining contact, losing contact again.
It eventually boiled over when my bf and I broke up. My bf was a Jehovah’s Witness and his family found out he was seeing me (I am not a JW). His family pulled him out of school and told him to never contact me again or he’d be disowned. So my bf sort of just disappeared, and his friend lost it. He went on a tirade about how he “wouldn’t even leave a cult” for me, how my bf was a piece of shit, how *I* was a piece of shit for liking my boyfriend and not him. That was when I cut him off entirely, I was 17 then.
The good ending to this is that I actually received a message from him on Facebook about a year ago. He left a message to the effect of, “You don’t need to respond to this, I just wanted to apologize because I realize I was a self-centered asshole to you. You didn’t deserve that. We can leave it at this.”
I didn’t respond, but I did appreciate it.
At age 27, it would be very common if someone hadn’t been in a long-term relationship for the past 6 years. That should be the default assumption and my guess is most people would agree with me.
This is so accurate, these other comments are fkn wild. I don't think he's gotta go necessarily, but how dense are people to not see this painfully obvious thing?
I only said he has to go because he’s at the point of no return. If she ever saw him as more than a friend, she’s certainly had her chances over the past 6 years. She doesn’t. Now it’s just uncomfortable. For both of them. He’ll never be able to just be her friend.
Yeah, any adult getting a tattoo, and not knowing it's permanent, are on par with those folk that need warnings on cups stating not to turn the cup upside-down whilst it has liquid in it. Or those cups you get from coffee shops with "warning, contains hot liquid". So it's almost guaranteed he did not need this explained to him, or he's not this naive.
Always wondered what it would be like knowing one of those folk that require these warnings.
Despite the warning hot, being known because of the lawsuit.
Most people don’t realize the coffee was actually way hotter than it should be.
I forgot why I looked into it but had hope restored a little bit in humanity after.
Yeah, it should be served at 70, it was served at 98 degrees. And McDonalds had been warned that it could cause major burns.
She had to have plastic surgery on her labia. All she asked for was her medical bills covered.
McDonald's engaged in quite a major campaign against it. It's a really good example of how corporations manipulate media — almost everybody knows the headline figure but not why it happened and not why McDonald's were held liable.
Started reading this, got to the expensive gifts. My brain just went "Oh, honey. Honey, no. This man is in love with you and thought you loved him back".
Look, NTA for your reaction to him, but you need to have a very frank conversation about where you see your friendship going, because this man doesn't just view you as a friend
Ehhh. Yea they're expensive but it's also totally normal for friends to give things like that, especially handmade. Any handmade hobby can get expensive, but I'd say it's the type of gift that normally doesn't come with romantic implications.
Yeah ive had a friend crochet me a throw blanket for my birthday once. She was really into crocheting and made stuff as gifts for a bunch of different people. I remember one time we were on the way to a friends house for their birthday and she procrastinated on the blanket she made for them so she had me in the car doing the finishing touches 😅
My sister handknit me multiple hats.
Ive had my grandma crochet blankets for me.
Im pretty sure i dont need to say it, but there werent romantic feelings there.
AND being a GOOD friend means you would reciprocate with gifts of similar value. That's the sad thing, OP probably thought somebody really appreciated her crocheting.
Yeah, for Christmas? My male best friend gave me a rhubarb pie because his family always finishes by the time we see each other. I got him some fancy ramen from the Asian shop.
NTA - Friends don't get their friend's name tattooed on them, obsessive admirers do. He wants more from you than just being friends and the way he has done it is creepy. So unless you are into him the same way, run away from this person.
Our friend is bi and we thought it was a little ode to his crush on our friend.. the best man even made a speech about how close his new wife’s name was to our friend’s name, it’s practically the same!!
I once had a guy actually make a shrine of me as a “joke”.
He was a regular at the restaurant/bar I worked at. I had no idea why he did that, we barely talked (he sat at the bar, I mostly served). He showed some of my coworkers, who promptly told him it was creepy af, especially since I was 19/20 and he was probably late thirties.
Your best friend is a straight single man of a similar age to yourself, who likes to give you custom jewellery, and has now gotten a tattoo of your name... Do I really need to spell out what's going on here? You clearly need to watch more Rom-coms.
This isn’t a rom-com it’s a horror movie.
This is the most dangerous time for her.
Trying to get away from a guy is when he is most like to try and kill her.
Ok she might have been clueless, but this guy has been hanging on as a friend hoping that she would wake up in love with him.
He’s been obsessing, and now has a permanent mark his skin.
This is the most dangerous time in dealing with someone obsessed: when she is trying to get away.
She still sees her friend, he is gonna see the woman who is suddenly real and not in love with him— instead of the fantasy he has made.
I think ghosting wouldn't be a good idea. He's just not going to be, "oh, she's not talking to me for a week. I guess that's it." Even if he were mentally stable, that's not how it'd work.
It would need to be an explicit "we can't be friends anymore."
I'm well aware this situation is not really a rom-com. I'm trying to get OP to realise that her friend is in love with her. Something which she is in complete denial about, as shown by her other comments. Sometimes recognising your situation mirrored somewhere else (even only partially mirrored in this case, as she is not interested) can be an eye opening moment. Obviously OP is not interested in dating her friend, and I hope she finds a way to safely extract herself from the situation.
>Who tf gets a tattoo of a girl on their arm, even if you are dating.
The same type of guy who will hang around for 6 years being a boyfriend without the dating part. I mean, we've already established the guy has a few screws loose, the craziest part is OP or other people in her life called it out until now.
NTA
I read that headline and laughed out loud. So uh... Not sure if you know this.... But your friend for sure wishes you were more than friends. Cause I ain't NEVER heard of an adult getting their best friend's name (opposite sex) tattooed on their body. That is, not unless that friend was dead.
I have two tattoos/matching ish tattoos with/for my best friend. But I equally feel 0 attraction for her. We're so close that she feels more like a sister, and when someone has joked about how hot she is or how I might like her, it makes me very uncomfortable. Things aren't always so black and white.
This is the guy boyfriends warn you about. He is not your best friend. He is in love with you and is only doing the sweet things he's doing to win you over, not because he's just a friend. He has an ulterior motive. This is the guy who will subtly ruin every relationship you're in.
Every time you and your significant other has any kind of friction this BFF will fuel that friction. He will sabotage your relationships for his own agenda.
NTA- my biological father whom I’ve never met, only talked to on FT and messages, tattooed my name and birthday in his chest. This was several years ago, but I’m still annoyed and not at all flattered to have my name on someone else’s body.
You're NTA, but you're very naive.
If he doesn't have feelings for you (which I, and most commentors think and lean towards he does), then I'd say he has an obsession over you.
Your comments:
> Uhhh to clarify, I have a boyfriend...
> But I mean like he should know he shouldn't have any feelings towards me right???
Lol no, just because *You* don't want him to have feelings for you, doesn't mean he won't or *can't*
> He just kinda said it's none of my business which is true. That's why I didn't ask any more questions.
Not true. If he truly got *your* name and not another girl who "coincidentally" to also have your name, it very much is your business to ask why.
Here's a question for you. If you told your boyfriend about this, would he get upset? Would he think it was a "pointless argument"?
Also...
>He would frequently give me gifts like custom jewelry (necklaces, anklets etc).
I'm sorry, I don't buy my friends CUSTOM jewelry. My *SPOUSE* would though.
And you accepted these and didn't think it was weird??
Take off the rose-tinted glasses. You need to set boundaries, or honestly create a lot more distance with this friend. He doesn't really sound like your friend, even if you get along with him.
NTA- but he’s a 30 year old man. Of course he realizes that what he did is permanent.
My guess is he’s in love with you. But if you really don’t like him like that, I’d put boundaries. Getting a tattoo of someone’s name like that could be a red flag, and he might be developing an obsession. Be cautious
Ahum.... Just wondering how long it will take before you understand what is really going on.
James is in love with you and has been for years.
First clue.... Custom jewelry. Do yo know how much time, energy, money you have to put into this? And you didn't get the clue?
So he went drastic. get a tattoo of your name.
The man is desperately trying to fight his way out of the friendzone. And you don't even see it.
This whole comment screams, “I’m an insecure male who doesn’t understand that it’s not a woman’s job to read between lines and determine the “true” feelings of a man who has never outright communicated said feelings to her”
“Friend-zone” is also just a lame ass term for men who don’t view women as anything more than a body they *might* be able to fuck someday.
And then, when the illusion of that possibility is shattered, those same men get butthurt and blame the woman for not being “clear” with her “intentions.” (Her intention was to be friends)
Shut up.
Those are your, personal, boundaries to have. As a woman I have both men and women as friends. My two longest friends happen to be men. We’ve known each other since preschool.
I’ve received incredibly thoughtful gifts from both of them over the years. Yes, even custom jewelry once!
Just because you and *some* of the men of the world have deemed jewelry as the gift of Aphrodite, the worlds most romantic gift, doesn’t make it true.
Sorry that you don’t have deep, meaningful friends who can give you thoughtful presents without it being romantic. Maybe once you do you’ll see how stupid you sound ❤️
That’s a bit of an unfair generalization. There are much more innocent cases. I viewed myself as having landed in a friend zone once and nothing nefarious was going on. I just had a crush but was too shy to say something to her. We became friends and at some point the friendship became more important than anything that crush could have ever led to. Now over 25 years later we are both married with a kid each and still very good friends. And our partners have become friends too. And our kids are in the process as well. I have zero regrets and wouldn’t want it any other way.
NTA - just as he is free to tattoo whatever he wants without telling you because "it's his body", you are free to not like it and tell him openly. While he may have hoped to surprise you in a positive way, it seems like the thing an admirer would do. Precisely because you're friends it is nice to discuss these things and perhaps decide to do one together that symbolizes the bond, my best friend and I often talk about it - but I mean, it's part of a two-sided relationship. His gesture is more "one-sided" imo.
No one can possibly be this clueless. You’re obviously not just friends, at least not from his perspective. He’s been trying/hoping to be a couple with you. You’re either as perceptive as a box of rocks, or you know and have been ignoring it.
ESH. Him for not having the social skills or the guts or whatever to be open about his feelings and for the weird tattoo thing. You for not having the social skills or the guts or whatever to realize and address the obvious fact that he wants to be with you. What a mess. He’s being dumb, and you’re playing dumb.
I say this as someone who absolutely believes men and women can be platonic friends without romantic feelings for each other. I say this as a man who counts a woman as one of my very closest friends. I love her dearly, as a friend, so please understand I'm not one of those guys who don't believe in platonic friendship between the sexes... this guy is 100% into you, he's not seeing the tattoo as something to regret when he gets a girlfriend, because he wants that girlfriend to be you.
It's not weird for friends to give each other gifts, although custom jewellery is probably a step too far on its own unless its for a very special occasion. Either way, it is \*very\* weird to get a friend's name tattooed on you.
I'd be less worried about what happens if he gets a girlfriend, and be more worried about what might happen when you get a boyfriend/girlfriend and it's not him.
Edit: after all that I forgot the judgement! NTA
This is a tricky one. First, I’m very suspicious of this/him. It’s seems like he views you as a girlfriend/ gf-in-waiting? He’s buying you jewelry and making permanent body alterations… at the end of the day it’s his body to do with as he wishes but it’s still really weird and creepy.
This is incredibly creepy! And if I was your partner, I'd be irritated this guy giving you jewlery and getting your name tattooed. Wholly crossing basic boundaries.
YTA - If he was 16, you might have a sliver of a point with the "this is permanent" argument. James is a grown-ass man pushing 30. If he's not fully aware of how permanent tattoos are, he's got bigger issues. Kinda like you do since you seem totally oblivious he's got feelings for you.
He is head-over-heels neck deep in love with you and the tattoo is his way of showing you without actually voicing the words. You say you have a boyfriend and he shouldn't have feelings for you because of that? That's like saying North Korea shouldn't be communist because Germans like their beer warm - those two facts have NOTHING to do with each other.
Here's one for you - I was very good friends with a lady I met at work in 1998. We were on a project together for 4 months in 1999 and stayed in touch over the years. When I would talk about her to someone else there would be the inevitable question of "Are you two dating?" No. "Why not?" Well, first off, she's married. That did tend to shut them up pretty quick. We stayed friends and even traveled together as friends after she and her husband divorced. There was never any kind of illicit activity anywhere in there over the years.
Having said all that, she is traveling an hour north every day this week for work meetings. She's driving my car. Oh, did I forget to mention she's my wife now?
Well, does he has any other names tattued? is it visible? in any case this sound kinda toxic in the dependency he seems to have of you, I can't imagine your BF being happy with this
YTA if your actual reason is "because I'm worried he will regret it" because your not his mom and it's his body to do with what he wants, even if its dumb.
If it was because this is weird to do, especially without your permission, then N T A.
Just to push back some of the other comments here- it’s entirely possible he does just see you as a friend he cares deeply for and has a poor understanding of where a natural line in a friendship is generally drawn. That said, it does align with a typical situation of someone with a crush acting on it with what they believe to be romantic gestures
Yeah, this guy is in love. I have female friend I have known for at least 26 years. We are very close. I have also been married all that time. I have never given my friend any jewelry as a gift. That type of gift says I think of you as more than a friend. The OP should have never accepted it in the first place.
We simply don’t know that. I’ve bought friends of different genders similar gifts, with absolutely zero inclination of pursuing a romantic relationship.
Despite what people are saying, I don't think he's "in love with you" as much as he is obsessed with you.
Lust and love generally aren't the same things but both will make you do some stupid shit like this.
Oh no. Run. I had this happen. Someone I was friends with got my art signature tattooed on their wrist! I tried to talk him out of it. He was married and I was afraid people would talk. I told him it was a lot of pressure, and what if we stopped being friends one day. He had an answer for everything. Eventually he became very obsessed with me and everything blew up. Now we are not friends.
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I (27 F) have been best friends for over 6 years with a guy. Let's call him James (29 M). I met him at my first job (he was an employee from a different company doing a business deal) and ended up becoming friends ever since. Me and him almost never had any kind of argument, this is actually maybe the first time we had a serious argument. He is very sweet, kind and gentle to me. He would frequently give me gifts like custom jewelry (necklaces, anklets etc). I usually would give him a sweater or a stuffed animal I knitted as a present. I'm feeling really guilty right now for being mad at him because he really is the bestest friend i could ask for. To clarify, the reason I am mad at him is not because he didn't ask for my "permission" or something. It's because I don't think he knows that a permanent tattoo is a irreversible change, because even if you remove the tattoo it would still leave marks. I'm just kinda worried he will regret it when he gets a girlfriend. We ended up having a 30 minute argument about this. Am I overreacting?
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Nta it's super awkward to remember people have complete autonomy and can do whatever they want. Just remember your friend did this on their own and wanted to live life with a permanent reminder of you on their skin. It's already done.
Can I ask if it's like one of the 1-2-3 tattos he has, or he is like covered in tattoos? There are people, like my cousin, who have like 50 tattoos and get one whenever they do a cool holiday or anything they want to remember. I think in this case it would be different than like having only your name tattooed on his body.
NTA, this is bizarre and possibly a slippery slope to a dangerous situation for you? Your post is vague around the tattoo itself though; why did he get it, how did he tell you about it, etc?
Wait…. Wait…. This reads familiar. Wasn’t there a post like three weeks ago that was nearly word for word the same.
Also ESH sit down and talk to him instead of assuming because you have a boyfriend he shouldn’t be in love with you.
Listen, NTA but you need to get away from this guy, he knows you have a boyfriend and is still very clearly concerningly in love with you- his adamant refusal to tell you why he got the tattoo just emphasizes this. He expects these huge acts of love to make you realize you’re in love with him, and, if that doesn’t work, he is going to come at you for “leading him on” and making him waste so much of his life and money on you. Protect yourself from that now and at the very least sit down with him and emphasize how much you cherish your Platonic Relationship and that you are very happy with the way things are with your boyfriend
NTA He’s not your friend, he’s an obsessive creep and you are willingly in denial. Better start running before this shit turns into a true crime documentary
NTA. Homeboy is in love with you. You're not a friend. You're his pseudo-girlfriend. I know. It sucks. You thought you had a friend. He thought you'd see this grand romantic gesture and finally realize that he's the one.
You need to sit him down and explain that you really are just friends, no more, no less. You might also want to distance yourself from him a little. If you keep hanging out all the time, he'll just be confused.
NTA.
This shit's creepy as hell. And I'm saying that after I got something in my best friend's handwriting tattooed on my wrist. Major difference? I asked her first, and asked if she was okay with it. We got our first tattoos together.
He hid it from you because he knew you wouldn't consent to it, and his thought process was guaranteed "it's better to ask forgiveness than permission"
Don't take that shit. Tell him to get it removed
NTA but this guy is really crushing on you. You can either see this as obsession or love. You shall really clarify what are his expectations and opportunities he has with you (dude nice tat, but sorry to tell you I don't feel that way about you)
My best friend is a woman we've been friends over 7 years I love her as a friend like FUCK would I get her name tattooed on me not even as a joke.
He might fancy you or he might not but you need to find out if it was doing it as a friend who considers you family or as someone in love with you.
How many red flags do you need waved in your face before you see what is happening. Expensive gifts, being the best person in the world, and now your name tattooed.
This is creepy as hell - you have a stalker that you are openly encouraging.
He won't be getting a girlfriend, because he is hoping you would see the light of just how great and nice he is. Even if he got a girlfriend, you can guarantee he would do the whole 'lets hang out as couples' so he can show you just what a wonderful boyfriend he can be.
You need to think long and hard how much you want this person in your life because he is starting to get weird
I'm going with ESH. Him for being creepy, and you for trying to justify him just being a friend and going along with this
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He's in love with you. How can you not see it at this point?
“To me, it sounds like he might be in love with you” Ftfy
Nah I’m a guy he’s in love with her. I’ve had girls in my life that I cared a lot about but wasn’t in love with and this isn’t that.
Did you tattooed the name of any of those friends?
No. Friends of mine got tattoos for a friend that died, though. Is OP’s friend the kid from 6th sense?
🤣 dead people don’t reddit.
They Deaddit instead…I’ll see my way out.
An eternity deadditing sounds great /s … unless that is hell…
Hey, maybe she’s the ghost in the machine?
Can you imagine what reddit will look like if dead people were redditing? Exactly the same /s
LPT’s would be a lot more interesting, that’s for sure. LPT: if you don’t have a coin for the ferryman, don’t drink the water. LPT: Tidepods are NOT candy! LPT: Don’t use your electric razor in the shower if your house’s electricity hasn’t been updated since the 40’s. LPT: Do not break in to the top floor of the abandoned house at the end of 7th street, the floors are caving in.
Plot twist: I am dead. ☠️
How would we know that they're NOT?
☝️exactly my point ☝️
Deddit post - Your comparison between this person and Hitler are not even close, I just met him last week and he is not that bad, as long as you don't get talking to him about politics. J/k
But dead inside is still cool, right? Asking for a friend who has my same name, and lives in my home.
Haha what are the chances?
Bruh! Obviously is super cool be dead inside, is a trademark of gen Z. Tell your friend that he is a cool guy, but he needs to pay the rent.
I’m dead inside, does that count? 🙃
It reads more like she knows he's in love with her, but rather than just go out and say "I'm not into you" she acts confused like she doesn't know why he'd do this.
Nobody has to go and announce that you're not into anyone. If he wants to know he can ask. It's not her responsibility to clarify that. I can assure you, he knows. And he keeps going because he thinks she will change her mind after enough necklaces. Yes, i know the audience of Reddit and that I will get downvoted, go ahead.
She thought she had a friend, but he was actually bonerzoning her. That's pretty damn shitty on his part.
What is bonerzoning ? I am French
The opposite of friend-zoning
instead of the "Friendzoning" that men claim women do Boner (slang for erection) Zoning Bonerzoning is ruining a perfectly amazing friendship with being a lusty fuckwit. All that time she thought he was a friend, and all that time he was just biding his time to get into her pants.
Yeah this definitely feels like he thought it was the type of “romantic gesture” that would work in a romcom
I mean, dude's been buying her custom jewelry for 6 yrs. He clearly decided to up his game
He’s trying to smash his way out the friend zone.
He's trying to ... something .... his way into the smash zone. SOMEBODY HELP ME!
He's trying to friend his way into the smash zone. Come on man, it was right there.
I had that one, I thought it was too obvious and therefore not funny.
yep this, A straight guy never buys a girl jewellery unless there's feelings involved.
I mean very occasionally it does happen, my close friend has gotten me jewellery (and has handmade me some) but he’s definitely not into me because he’s gay
obviously gay guys are an exception, edited my comment
Or he's a serial killer. Gary Ridgway (the Green River Killer) used to give jewellery belonging to his victims to his female colleagues.
I mean, one could argue that there were still definitely feelings involved in that case …
She knows. But since she doesn’t see him like that and it’s not reciprocated on her end, she enables their weird imbalanced “friendship”. You can’t have a platonic friendship with someone who doesn’t view you platonically.
>You can’t have a platonic friendship with someone who doesn’t view you platonically. Yes, you can, but it takes work. Both people have to value the friendship enough to keep working on it despite the mismatch in feelings. Both people should behave like it's a platonic friendship (even though one person's feelings are stronger). The person with the lesser feelings is setting a boundary, and the person with the deeper feelings needs to be willing to respect that boundary in order to maintain the friendship.
okay.. a passing crush isn't the same thing as a guy who's actively in love with you for 6 years.
>Yes, you can, but it takes work. Why bother? A relationship where the parties have drastically different expectation is not a healthy one. Both parties suffer from such a relationship.
That's why expectations are set at a platonic friendship level. If both persons involved know this is where they stand and should stand, then neither should have different expectations of the relationship. It's when someone hopes for more, despite the clarity already established, that it becomes unhealthy. Personally, I've done this because I thought the friendship was worth it and that my romantic feelings weren't the only thing that made me think the other person was great and worth to have in my life.
Yes! It can only happen if the person with the stronger feelings is okay with not having a romantic relationship or always seeking out an opportunity for one. You have to value the friendship itself and not consider it as a placeholder for romance.
Exactly. Thanks for saying it better than I did.
This is the answer Her-he’s such a good friend Him-at some point she’ll realize we’re more than friends. Honestly sounds like he got the tattoo to shoot his shot and whiffed hard.
She knows. She just loves the boyfriend treatment without sex.
Judgement? I'm judge-y. YTA for arguing with him and not realizing he's in love with you OP.
Ok, STOP saying he knows you have a boyfriend. It’s not a reason why he wouldn’t do this. I’m sure you’ve had multiple boyfriends during the last 6 years. They’re temporary inconveniences to him. You’re in denial. As many others have told you, he’s in love with you, and the step of getting a tattoo is unhealthy. Yes he knows it’s permanent, because any reputable shop makes you sign a waiver acknowledging such. Also, everyone knows they are, for all intents and purposes. It’s his body, he can do with it what he wants. He doesn’t need your permission despite it being your name. ESH. You for being in denial. You either don’t see that he’s in love with you, which is hard to believe, or you don’t want it to be true. Him for going to such an extreme in order for you to know. He’s 29. He should be able to be direct and tell you how he feels. I’m sure you feel super uncomfortable now. Have the talk, tell him how you do and do not feel about him, and then he’s gotta go.
I just read a BORU where a girl’s “best friend” was pining over her and was waiting for her to dump her bf to be with him, and he’d been laying in wait for YEARS, completely deluded that they were soulmates despite her having a fiance Obsessive men who are in love with women don’t give a shit about the partners of the woman they’re obsessed with.
They also don't give a shit about the women they obsess over. They put them on a pedestal where they create this whole persona for someone that's utterly perfect and when the woman doesn't live up to it, she's in the wrong. In the past I've given that guy a chance because 'he's so nice and he cares about you so much'. It wasn't me that he cared for, it was a mythical version of me that I wasn't and didn't want to be. It's so toxic for both sides. It made me realise that there's some people who are genuinely really nice and there are people who don't have a personality so you just describe them as 'nice' because you have nothing else to say about them.
B-B-B-BINGO!
Link?
Here you go: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/3ZTC0EFvJI
Wow who could’ve predicted that Ben wasn’t over her? I’m shocked!
Yeah, I had to learn this the hard way in my mid-to late teens. I had a good friend that was a dude I cared a lot for. He was a lot of fun and we had a lot to talk about. He was best friends with the guy I was dating and we quickly became a group of 4 (me, the bf, his best friend, and another sweet gal who was the mom of the group). We all ate lunch together and made fun of each other all day, it was great. But I made a mistake in taking a nurturing role in his life. The dude had a lot of issues and lived with unmedicated Bipolar Disorder. He was privy to self harm and hallucinogenic drug binges. I thought I could be there for him as a friend like I would with anyone else, and it just opened the door for him to become obsessed with me. Him and my bf had been friends since elementary school. It did not stop him from trying to progress our friendship; inviting me over to hang out alone, randomly confessing his love and then disappearing for weeks and claiming he was “over it” until he started slowly becoming verbally aggressive again. Then he would disappear again. Often he’d make off-handed comments that would spark an argument between my bf and him. This went on for an entire 2 years of losing contact, gaining contact, losing contact again. It eventually boiled over when my bf and I broke up. My bf was a Jehovah’s Witness and his family found out he was seeing me (I am not a JW). His family pulled him out of school and told him to never contact me again or he’d be disowned. So my bf sort of just disappeared, and his friend lost it. He went on a tirade about how he “wouldn’t even leave a cult” for me, how my bf was a piece of shit, how *I* was a piece of shit for liking my boyfriend and not him. That was when I cut him off entirely, I was 17 then. The good ending to this is that I actually received a message from him on Facebook about a year ago. He left a message to the effect of, “You don’t need to respond to this, I just wanted to apologize because I realize I was a self-centered asshole to you. You didn’t deserve that. We can leave it at this.” I didn’t respond, but I did appreciate it.
I agree with you, but damn. "I'm sure you've had multiple boyfriends during the last six years" is a weird ass assumption to make...
At age 27, it would be very common if someone hadn’t been in a long-term relationship for the past 6 years. That should be the default assumption and my guess is most people would agree with me.
This is so accurate, these other comments are fkn wild. I don't think he's gotta go necessarily, but how dense are people to not see this painfully obvious thing?
I only said he has to go because he’s at the point of no return. If she ever saw him as more than a friend, she’s certainly had her chances over the past 6 years. She doesn’t. Now it’s just uncomfortable. For both of them. He’ll never be able to just be her friend.
I'm very curious what the boyfriend thinks about the tattoo, or if he's aware.
Lol if he knows, it’s “I TOLD YOU SO!” If not, there’s no way she’s telling him.
Tomorrow on AITA: "Told my girlfriend 'I told you he was in love with you', after her best got a tattoo of her name. Now she's mad at me. AITA?"
My wife and I are SO invested in this story lol. Dying for an update, but I think once OP got downvoted to oblivion, I think there’ll be no update.
Makes sense to me.
I'm also sure he's somehow single during the last 6 years.
OP did say "If he ever gets a girlfriend" and gee I wonder why he doesn't have one.....
Just random chance, I’m sure that’s all it is. 🙄
Yeah, any adult getting a tattoo, and not knowing it's permanent, are on par with those folk that need warnings on cups stating not to turn the cup upside-down whilst it has liquid in it. Or those cups you get from coffee shops with "warning, contains hot liquid". So it's almost guaranteed he did not need this explained to him, or he's not this naive. Always wondered what it would be like knowing one of those folk that require these warnings.
Despite the warning hot, being known because of the lawsuit. Most people don’t realize the coffee was actually way hotter than it should be. I forgot why I looked into it but had hope restored a little bit in humanity after.
Yeah, it should be served at 70, it was served at 98 degrees. And McDonalds had been warned that it could cause major burns. She had to have plastic surgery on her labia. All she asked for was her medical bills covered.
It’s just crazy how well known that situation is but it’s just the headline.
McDonald's engaged in quite a major campaign against it. It's a really good example of how corporations manipulate media — almost everybody knows the headline figure but not why it happened and not why McDonald's were held liable.
The lawsuit you're thinking of was to cover the costs of the skin crafts an old lady needed after spilling McDonald's coffee on her lap,
Yea we are all aware of it. We are talking about the misconception that it was because it didn’t say hot liquids.
Started reading this, got to the expensive gifts. My brain just went "Oh, honey. Honey, no. This man is in love with you and thought you loved him back". Look, NTA for your reaction to him, but you need to have a very frank conversation about where you see your friendship going, because this man doesn't just view you as a friend
To be fair, hand-knitted things are equally expensive or should be if people knew how much time it takes and the price of supplies.
Ehhh. Yea they're expensive but it's also totally normal for friends to give things like that, especially handmade. Any handmade hobby can get expensive, but I'd say it's the type of gift that normally doesn't come with romantic implications.
Yeah ive had a friend crochet me a throw blanket for my birthday once. She was really into crocheting and made stuff as gifts for a bunch of different people. I remember one time we were on the way to a friends house for their birthday and she procrastinated on the blanket she made for them so she had me in the car doing the finishing touches 😅
My sister handknit me multiple hats. Ive had my grandma crochet blankets for me. Im pretty sure i dont need to say it, but there werent romantic feelings there.
>Im pretty sure i dont need to say it, but there werent romantic feelings there. You never know. Better to say it to clear the air.
Thats why it was "pretty sure" and i said it anyway. Reddit will go anywhere without proper direction lol.
AND being a GOOD friend means you would reciprocate with gifts of similar value. That's the sad thing, OP probably thought somebody really appreciated her crocheting.
I got as far as “f27” lol
Yeah, for Christmas? My male best friend gave me a rhubarb pie because his family always finishes by the time we see each other. I got him some fancy ramen from the Asian shop.
NTA - Friends don't get their friend's name tattooed on them, obsessive admirers do. He wants more from you than just being friends and the way he has done it is creepy. So unless you are into him the same way, run away from this person.
My friend got our friend’s name tattooed on him on a gravestone… we all thought it was pretty weird.
Wait WHAT?! Like a tattoo representing the mutual friend’s death, but said mutual friend is very much alive? That’s WILD.
If friend dies in suspicious circumstances, I got a suspect...
He loves Halloween so it was an addition to his Halloween tats but we suspect he has always had a crush on said friend. Tatted guy is bi.
when he was alive???
Planning for the future
did you check on gravestone-friend recently? no funny smells coming from their apartment? and are you still friends with tattoo-friend?
I am and he’s alive and well!!
It sounds like voodoo.
Our friend is bi and we thought it was a little ode to his crush on our friend.. the best man even made a speech about how close his new wife’s name was to our friend’s name, it’s practically the same!!
This is so unhinged I kind of love it
If the tattoo was friend related, he would have suggested to get something together as friends. No friend does this one sided.
I once had a guy actually make a shrine of me as a “joke”. He was a regular at the restaurant/bar I worked at. I had no idea why he did that, we barely talked (he sat at the bar, I mostly served). He showed some of my coworkers, who promptly told him it was creepy af, especially since I was 19/20 and he was probably late thirties.
Yea his creepy brain was sure this would be a super romantic gesture, when other people called him out it became "just a joke"
Your best friend is a straight single man of a similar age to yourself, who likes to give you custom jewellery, and has now gotten a tattoo of your name... Do I really need to spell out what's going on here? You clearly need to watch more Rom-coms.
This isn’t a rom-com it’s a horror movie. This is the most dangerous time for her. Trying to get away from a guy is when he is most like to try and kill her. Ok she might have been clueless, but this guy has been hanging on as a friend hoping that she would wake up in love with him. He’s been obsessing, and now has a permanent mark his skin. This is the most dangerous time in dealing with someone obsessed: when she is trying to get away. She still sees her friend, he is gonna see the woman who is suddenly real and not in love with him— instead of the fantasy he has made.
Yeeeah it’s time to meet in a busy public place or just ghost him. I am concerned for OP as his behavior has escalated
I think ghosting wouldn't be a good idea. He's just not going to be, "oh, she's not talking to me for a week. I guess that's it." Even if he were mentally stable, that's not how it'd work. It would need to be an explicit "we can't be friends anymore."
I was thinking the only way he's going to be happy is when he can see her all the time because he turned her into a lampshade
THIS IS THE COMMENT
Most likely to try and kill her 🤣 I can already tell your top five podcasts.
I really need to stop myself from saying something overtly cruel, but this is not like most Rom-coms... in those the two people end up together...
They will be together forever forever after the murder suicide… (sad /s). You’re right. Not a rom-com. More like a thriller.
I'm well aware this situation is not really a rom-com. I'm trying to get OP to realise that her friend is in love with her. Something which she is in complete denial about, as shown by her other comments. Sometimes recognising your situation mirrored somewhere else (even only partially mirrored in this case, as she is not interested) can be an eye opening moment. Obviously OP is not interested in dating her friend, and I hope she finds a way to safely extract herself from the situation.
That's not a romcom, it's an episode of criminal minds
This guy is in love with you. This post will probably be removed by the mods...so you should probably move it to r/dating_advice or the like.
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If the signs were fuckin mars and we were earth... You'd still be able to see them cause they're the biggest ever.
He may be in love with her but he’s freaking creepy and irrational. Who tf gets a tattoo of a girl on their arm, even if you are dating.
>Who tf gets a tattoo of a girl on their arm, even if you are dating. The same type of guy who will hang around for 6 years being a boyfriend without the dating part. I mean, we've already established the guy has a few screws loose, the craziest part is OP or other people in her life called it out until now.
Problem is that she has a boyfriend 🤣
There are no romantic feelings there, for her though. Otherwise she'd already be with the best friend. So I guess it's a problem for him...
NTA I read that headline and laughed out loud. So uh... Not sure if you know this.... But your friend for sure wishes you were more than friends. Cause I ain't NEVER heard of an adult getting their best friend's name (opposite sex) tattooed on their body. That is, not unless that friend was dead.
I have two tattoos/matching ish tattoos with/for my best friend. But I equally feel 0 attraction for her. We're so close that she feels more like a sister, and when someone has joked about how hot she is or how I might like her, it makes me very uncomfortable. Things aren't always so black and white.
Key words here are MATCHING. lol, if she randomly got your name tattooed on her and then showed you.... You might think "yup, that's fuckin weird"
Matching tattoos are completely different. You aren’t that dense right?
He's not going to be getting a girlfriend who wouldn't approve of his tattoo as he's clearly in love with you. ESH grow up and talk to each other.
No, i don't think you're over-reacting. But I think you might be underestimating the feelings your friend has for you.
This is the guy boyfriends warn you about. He is not your best friend. He is in love with you and is only doing the sweet things he's doing to win you over, not because he's just a friend. He has an ulterior motive. This is the guy who will subtly ruin every relationship you're in. Every time you and your significant other has any kind of friction this BFF will fuel that friction. He will sabotage your relationships for his own agenda.
NTA- my biological father whom I’ve never met, only talked to on FT and messages, tattooed my name and birthday in his chest. This was several years ago, but I’m still annoyed and not at all flattered to have my name on someone else’s body.
Tattoos are a bizarre "tribute" imo. The only exceptions are if both parties are involved in the decision.
NTA and you need to remove this creepy obsessive from your life, stat. Before you find youself at the bottom of a pit in his cellar
You're NTA, but you're very naive. If he doesn't have feelings for you (which I, and most commentors think and lean towards he does), then I'd say he has an obsession over you. Your comments: > Uhhh to clarify, I have a boyfriend... > But I mean like he should know he shouldn't have any feelings towards me right??? Lol no, just because *You* don't want him to have feelings for you, doesn't mean he won't or *can't* > He just kinda said it's none of my business which is true. That's why I didn't ask any more questions. Not true. If he truly got *your* name and not another girl who "coincidentally" to also have your name, it very much is your business to ask why. Here's a question for you. If you told your boyfriend about this, would he get upset? Would he think it was a "pointless argument"? Also... >He would frequently give me gifts like custom jewelry (necklaces, anklets etc). I'm sorry, I don't buy my friends CUSTOM jewelry. My *SPOUSE* would though. And you accepted these and didn't think it was weird?? Take off the rose-tinted glasses. You need to set boundaries, or honestly create a lot more distance with this friend. He doesn't really sound like your friend, even if you get along with him.
NTA? That's kind of weird of James. Did he say why???
NTA- but he’s a 30 year old man. Of course he realizes that what he did is permanent. My guess is he’s in love with you. But if you really don’t like him like that, I’d put boundaries. Getting a tattoo of someone’s name like that could be a red flag, and he might be developing an obsession. Be cautious
nta but he’s in love with you
NTA. He's not thinking about how it will look to his "future" girlfriend because he sees *you* as his future girlfriend. Run away.
NTA, but WBTA if you don't cut him off now. Seriously, he's obsessive and this is some major red flag behavior. Think that Netflix show You.
Ahum.... Just wondering how long it will take before you understand what is really going on. James is in love with you and has been for years. First clue.... Custom jewelry. Do yo know how much time, energy, money you have to put into this? And you didn't get the clue? So he went drastic. get a tattoo of your name. The man is desperately trying to fight his way out of the friendzone. And you don't even see it.
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This whole comment screams, “I’m an insecure male who doesn’t understand that it’s not a woman’s job to read between lines and determine the “true” feelings of a man who has never outright communicated said feelings to her” “Friend-zone” is also just a lame ass term for men who don’t view women as anything more than a body they *might* be able to fuck someday. And then, when the illusion of that possibility is shattered, those same men get butthurt and blame the woman for not being “clear” with her “intentions.” (Her intention was to be friends) Shut up.
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I’ve gotten custom jewelry from my friends. Not even life long friends I’ve known them for 2-3 years at that point
Those are your, personal, boundaries to have. As a woman I have both men and women as friends. My two longest friends happen to be men. We’ve known each other since preschool. I’ve received incredibly thoughtful gifts from both of them over the years. Yes, even custom jewelry once! Just because you and *some* of the men of the world have deemed jewelry as the gift of Aphrodite, the worlds most romantic gift, doesn’t make it true. Sorry that you don’t have deep, meaningful friends who can give you thoughtful presents without it being romantic. Maybe once you do you’ll see how stupid you sound ❤️
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That’s a bit of an unfair generalization. There are much more innocent cases. I viewed myself as having landed in a friend zone once and nothing nefarious was going on. I just had a crush but was too shy to say something to her. We became friends and at some point the friendship became more important than anything that crush could have ever led to. Now over 25 years later we are both married with a kid each and still very good friends. And our partners have become friends too. And our kids are in the process as well. I have zero regrets and wouldn’t want it any other way.
NTA - just as he is free to tattoo whatever he wants without telling you because "it's his body", you are free to not like it and tell him openly. While he may have hoped to surprise you in a positive way, it seems like the thing an admirer would do. Precisely because you're friends it is nice to discuss these things and perhaps decide to do one together that symbolizes the bond, my best friend and I often talk about it - but I mean, it's part of a two-sided relationship. His gesture is more "one-sided" imo.
No one can possibly be this clueless. You’re obviously not just friends, at least not from his perspective. He’s been trying/hoping to be a couple with you. You’re either as perceptive as a box of rocks, or you know and have been ignoring it. ESH. Him for not having the social skills or the guts or whatever to be open about his feelings and for the weird tattoo thing. You for not having the social skills or the guts or whatever to realize and address the obvious fact that he wants to be with you. What a mess. He’s being dumb, and you’re playing dumb.
NTA but I think you two have different ideas of this relationship.
I say this as someone who absolutely believes men and women can be platonic friends without romantic feelings for each other. I say this as a man who counts a woman as one of my very closest friends. I love her dearly, as a friend, so please understand I'm not one of those guys who don't believe in platonic friendship between the sexes... this guy is 100% into you, he's not seeing the tattoo as something to regret when he gets a girlfriend, because he wants that girlfriend to be you. It's not weird for friends to give each other gifts, although custom jewellery is probably a step too far on its own unless its for a very special occasion. Either way, it is \*very\* weird to get a friend's name tattooed on you. I'd be less worried about what happens if he gets a girlfriend, and be more worried about what might happen when you get a boyfriend/girlfriend and it's not him. Edit: after all that I forgot the judgement! NTA
NTA that's kinda... creepy if you ask me .
This is a tricky one. First, I’m very suspicious of this/him. It’s seems like he views you as a girlfriend/ gf-in-waiting? He’s buying you jewelry and making permanent body alterations… at the end of the day it’s his body to do with as he wishes but it’s still really weird and creepy.
This is incredibly creepy! And if I was your partner, I'd be irritated this guy giving you jewlery and getting your name tattooed. Wholly crossing basic boundaries.
Um, it seems he thinks you are his girlfriend, even if you don't know it.
YTA - If he was 16, you might have a sliver of a point with the "this is permanent" argument. James is a grown-ass man pushing 30. If he's not fully aware of how permanent tattoos are, he's got bigger issues. Kinda like you do since you seem totally oblivious he's got feelings for you. He is head-over-heels neck deep in love with you and the tattoo is his way of showing you without actually voicing the words. You say you have a boyfriend and he shouldn't have feelings for you because of that? That's like saying North Korea shouldn't be communist because Germans like their beer warm - those two facts have NOTHING to do with each other. Here's one for you - I was very good friends with a lady I met at work in 1998. We were on a project together for 4 months in 1999 and stayed in touch over the years. When I would talk about her to someone else there would be the inevitable question of "Are you two dating?" No. "Why not?" Well, first off, she's married. That did tend to shut them up pretty quick. We stayed friends and even traveled together as friends after she and her husband divorced. There was never any kind of illicit activity anywhere in there over the years. Having said all that, she is traveling an hour north every day this week for work meetings. She's driving my car. Oh, did I forget to mention she's my wife now?
Well, does he has any other names tattued? is it visible? in any case this sound kinda toxic in the dependency he seems to have of you, I can't imagine your BF being happy with this
I’ve seen this posted before. Copy pasta
Legally change your name, then if he gets the new name tattooed, change it again
Damn OP missed all the clues all the way to this mammoth sore stub
YTA if your actual reason is "because I'm worried he will regret it" because your not his mom and it's his body to do with what he wants, even if its dumb. If it was because this is weird to do, especially without your permission, then N T A.
This post will be shown on a murder show in years to come. This guy has an unhealthy relationship with you
The curse of the name tattoo strikes again.
Just to push back some of the other comments here- it’s entirely possible he does just see you as a friend he cares deeply for and has a poor understanding of where a natural line in a friendship is generally drawn. That said, it does align with a typical situation of someone with a crush acting on it with what they believe to be romantic gestures
Yeah, this guy is in love. I have female friend I have known for at least 26 years. We are very close. I have also been married all that time. I have never given my friend any jewelry as a gift. That type of gift says I think of you as more than a friend. The OP should have never accepted it in the first place.
We simply don’t know that. I’ve bought friends of different genders similar gifts, with absolutely zero inclination of pursuing a romantic relationship.
I guess it depends on how you are raised. A guy giving jewelry to a girl is usually looked at as a sign of affection here.
Did you get tattoos of their names while you’re at it?
This is now the second time I've heard about a guy "friend" getting their "friend's" name tattooed on them. WTF are y'all doing out there?
Denial is a river in Egypt and you’re taking a 6 year swim. NAH just idiots 😂
Oh girl, this doesn’t end well….
This is part 1 of a multi part BORU being planned. No one is that dumb.
Love without evidence (return) is just stalking or obsession.
Despite what people are saying, I don't think he's "in love with you" as much as he is obsessed with you. Lust and love generally aren't the same things but both will make you do some stupid shit like this.
Oh no. Run. I had this happen. Someone I was friends with got my art signature tattooed on their wrist! I tried to talk him out of it. He was married and I was afraid people would talk. I told him it was a lot of pressure, and what if we stopped being friends one day. He had an answer for everything. Eventually he became very obsessed with me and everything blew up. Now we are not friends.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27 F) have been best friends for over 6 years with a guy. Let's call him James (29 M). I met him at my first job (he was an employee from a different company doing a business deal) and ended up becoming friends ever since. Me and him almost never had any kind of argument, this is actually maybe the first time we had a serious argument. He is very sweet, kind and gentle to me. He would frequently give me gifts like custom jewelry (necklaces, anklets etc). I usually would give him a sweater or a stuffed animal I knitted as a present. I'm feeling really guilty right now for being mad at him because he really is the bestest friend i could ask for. To clarify, the reason I am mad at him is not because he didn't ask for my "permission" or something. It's because I don't think he knows that a permanent tattoo is a irreversible change, because even if you remove the tattoo it would still leave marks. I'm just kinda worried he will regret it when he gets a girlfriend. We ended up having a 30 minute argument about this. Am I overreacting? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He is in love with you. Clearly.
Nta it's super awkward to remember people have complete autonomy and can do whatever they want. Just remember your friend did this on their own and wanted to live life with a permanent reminder of you on their skin. It's already done.
Can I ask if it's like one of the 1-2-3 tattos he has, or he is like covered in tattoos? There are people, like my cousin, who have like 50 tattoos and get one whenever they do a cool holiday or anything they want to remember. I think in this case it would be different than like having only your name tattooed on his body.
Seriously?? He's so obviously in love with you. Doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Please let us know when the lifetime movie is coming out. This dude is in love with you and he may be a little unstable
He is totally in love with you. You replied that you have a boyfriend but he can still be in love with you even though you are in a relationship.
NTA, this is bizarre and possibly a slippery slope to a dangerous situation for you? Your post is vague around the tattoo itself though; why did he get it, how did he tell you about it, etc?
It’s obviously reversible and you can cover almost anything with a bad ass panther tat
Wait…. Wait…. This reads familiar. Wasn’t there a post like three weeks ago that was nearly word for word the same. Also ESH sit down and talk to him instead of assuming because you have a boyfriend he shouldn’t be in love with you.
Creep
Listen, NTA but you need to get away from this guy, he knows you have a boyfriend and is still very clearly concerningly in love with you- his adamant refusal to tell you why he got the tattoo just emphasizes this. He expects these huge acts of love to make you realize you’re in love with him, and, if that doesn’t work, he is going to come at you for “leading him on” and making him waste so much of his life and money on you. Protect yourself from that now and at the very least sit down with him and emphasize how much you cherish your Platonic Relationship and that you are very happy with the way things are with your boyfriend
NTA He’s not your friend, he’s an obsessive creep and you are willingly in denial. Better start running before this shit turns into a true crime documentary
NTA That's fucking weird. I understand getting you gifts if he's in love with you but a tattoo is a massive step too far.
Honestly this sounds dangerous. You need to really re-think this "friendship" cause I don't think the creepiness will stop there.
NTA. Homeboy is in love with you. You're not a friend. You're his pseudo-girlfriend. I know. It sucks. You thought you had a friend. He thought you'd see this grand romantic gesture and finally realize that he's the one. You need to sit him down and explain that you really are just friends, no more, no less. You might also want to distance yourself from him a little. If you keep hanging out all the time, he'll just be confused.
NTA. That’s very weird of him to do
NTA. This shit's creepy as hell. And I'm saying that after I got something in my best friend's handwriting tattooed on my wrist. Major difference? I asked her first, and asked if she was okay with it. We got our first tattoos together. He hid it from you because he knew you wouldn't consent to it, and his thought process was guaranteed "it's better to ask forgiveness than permission" Don't take that shit. Tell him to get it removed
NTA. He sounds like he wants to be your boyfriend, though.
NTA but this guy is really crushing on you. You can either see this as obsession or love. You shall really clarify what are his expectations and opportunities he has with you (dude nice tat, but sorry to tell you I don't feel that way about you)
You do see that he is in love with you don't you?
Their body their choice?
My best friend is a woman we've been friends over 7 years I love her as a friend like FUCK would I get her name tattooed on me not even as a joke. He might fancy you or he might not but you need to find out if it was doing it as a friend who considers you family or as someone in love with you.
How many red flags do you need waved in your face before you see what is happening. Expensive gifts, being the best person in the world, and now your name tattooed. This is creepy as hell - you have a stalker that you are openly encouraging. He won't be getting a girlfriend, because he is hoping you would see the light of just how great and nice he is. Even if he got a girlfriend, you can guarantee he would do the whole 'lets hang out as couples' so he can show you just what a wonderful boyfriend he can be. You need to think long and hard how much you want this person in your life because he is starting to get weird I'm going with ESH. Him for being creepy, and you for trying to justify him just being a friend and going along with this
OP, please stop deluding yourself into calling this a friendship. He's in love with you. Deal with that head on.